Date: Tue, 5 May 2020 13:24:24 -0500 From: Keith Yates Subject: Devyn's Struggle V2 - 15 This is a fictional story involving sexual acts between two or more men. If this offends you, why are you here? If you are under the legal age to read sexually explicit material then do not read any further. This story in no way represents any person living or dead. Any resemblance to any real person is purely coincidental. This story is the property of the author and no copying or posting to any other website is permitted without the author's written consent. Please help keep Nifty going by donating to the awesome service. http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html I am looking forward to reading your comments. Please send them to me at keith.96@att.net. You can also check out these other stories: Brent's Struggle https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/brents-struggle/ Jake's tale https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/college/jakes-tale/ Devyn's Struggle V2 Chapter 15 Devyn slowly opened his eyes. His head felt full of cotton. His eyes felt like someone had poured sand into them. His mouth felt like there must be a dead skunk in it. He did not know where he was. His blurry eyes would not focus. He looked around and there was someone next to him. He wondered again where he was. His eyes slowly focused and he realized he was still in the barn. Mindy was next to him. Her breasts bare. "Shit!" Devyn breathed. He slowly sat up. His head could not handle quick movements. Mindy moaned as Devyn moved. He wondered what time it was. There was light coming in the cracks in the boards, so he knew it was morning. He also knew that Joe was going to be so pissed. Devyn stood on shaky legs and climbed the ladder back to the ground floor. He looked around and there were still a few people around. He did not spot Terry. He wondered who he might be able to get a ride with this time. As Devyn's feet touched the floor, he felt his head spin. His stomach lurched. He scrambled to the barn door and barely made it outside before last night's beer re-appeared. After emptying the contents of his stomach, he leaned against the side of the barn and took in deep lung full's of air. The sun was too bright for his eyes, so he closed them and leaned his head against the barn. The pain was extreme inside his head. He felt sick again and quickly moved to heave up yesterday's dinner. "Fucking awesome huh dude," Wally DeWayne's brother said. "Sure," Devyn said straightening back up. "You look like shit dude," Wally said. Devyn felt worse than shit. "Is Terry still around?" "Nah, he left hours ago...I think," Wally said. "Fuck," Devyn breathed. "He gave me a ride." "Ah, I can take you home," Wally said. "that would be good," Devyn said. "here," Wally said as they got into the car. He was handing Devyn a beer. "Um, no, I don't think..." Devyn said waving away the offered beer. "Yeah man you need it. It will make you feel better," Wally said. "No, I don't think I could keep it down," Devyn said. "Oh, well here, have a smoke then," Wally passed Devyn a joint. "Oh, um," Devyn said looking at the offered smoke. "Go on man," Wally encouraged. "Don't be a pussy. It will make you feel better in no time." Devyn took the joint and took a drag. He passed it back to Wally. By the time they were turning onto Devyn's road, his stomach was feeling better and the headache had subsided a bit. Wally turned into the drive and drove up the hill. Devyn was dreading this part of the morning. "Um, thanks for the lift dude," Devyn said getting out of the car. "No problem man," Wally said and drove off. Devyn started for the house. He was hoping Joe would have already headed to the field. He knew Joe was going to be pissed, but there was not much he could do about that. As he walked up the steps, Barkley came tearing from the house to greet him. The dog stopped about two feet in front of Devyn and sniffed the air. He then barked several times at Devyn. "What the hell is your problem," Devyn said. The dog barked again and even growled low in his throat. "Knock it off," Devyn ordered as he moved past the dog. "I think he is telling you that you stink," Joe said. Devyn's blurry eyes had not even seen Joe sitting on the porch in the deep shadows. "Oh, um, hi," Devyn said. Joe stood up and Devyn took a step back. There was no hiding the anger on Joe's face. Devyn swallowed. The last time he had seen a look like that had been on his father's face. "I hope you have a good explanation," Joe said. "I, um, well," Devyn stammered out. "I fell asleep." Devyn knew the answer was lame, but it was the truth. He knew a better or more accurate term would be passed out instead of falling asleep. Joe moved passed Devyn into the house. "Why are you doing this?" Joe asked. "Doing what?" Devyn said moving into the house with Joe. "Are you trying to hurt yourself?" Joe asked. His voice somber as he was walking thru the kitchen to sit his coffee cup by the coffee maker. "It was just a party," Devyn said. "I was having a good time." "Were you really having a good time?" Joe asked. "Sure," Devyn said. "You know I was worried," Joe said. "Did you consider that?" "Um, I can take care of myself," Devyn said. "You don't need to worry about me." "You can?" Joe asked raising an eyebrow at the teenager. "I've been doing it for a while," Devyn said. "You have?" Joe said his eyebrow going up in surprise. "When you were sick and puking your guts up this summer, were you taking care of yourself?" "That isn't fair," Devyn said his voice growing louder. "I can handle it this time." "You smell like a bar," Joe said. "How many beers did you have?" "None," Devyn lied. "Bull Shit! Don't fucking stand there in front of me and lie to my face. Do you think I am fucking stupid? I can smell the beer and the smoke." "My friends smoke," Devyn said. "They also drink." "That doesn't mean you have to do either," Joe said. "I am not..." "Devyn!" Joe snapped cutting off Devyn's words. "I know you had alcohol last night. I am also betting you had something to smoke and I am betting it was pot." "Well since you know so fucking much, just believe what you want." Devyn started for the stairs. "We are not done," Joe said. "I'm done," Devyn said not stopping. Devyn had his foot on the first step when Joe stopped him. Joe's strong hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. "I SAID WE ARE NOT DONE!" "Let go," Devyn said pulling away from Joe. "There is nothing left to talk about. You believe what you want." "I said we need to talk," Joe said. "We need to work this out." "Fuck that," Devyn said. "I don't need to talk about shit. I'm doing great!" Devyn's voice was getting louder and louder. He did not know why he was yelling at Joe. He did not understand why he was angry all the time these days. He just knew he wanted away. He wanted away from the disappointed look on joe's face. Devyn started up the stairs again. Reaching out Joe grabbed the teenager by the belt loop and forcefully pulled him back into the kitchen. Using his larger body, he pushed Devyn against the wall. "We are going to talk," Joe said his face set. "Just let me go," Devyn said. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" Joe asked. His eyes were staring into Devyn's. He was going to force the teenager to confront this problem right now. "I'm not doing anything," Devyn said. "I'm just having fun." "You are drinking and doing drugs," joe said. "I'm not," Devyn started and was cut off by the loud thud of Joe's hand slamming against the wall next to Devyn's head. "Don't you fucking lie to my face," Joe said. "I can smell the alcohol and pot on you. Don't destroy the trust we have by lying to me." Devyn looked into Joe's eyes. His mind spun as he started to repeat the lie. He opened his mouth to speak. "I did not..." "This is your last chance to build the trust between us," Joe said. His voice calm as he looked into Devyn's eyes. "I hope after this summer you would know you can trust me. Be honest with me." There was a pleading tone in Joe's voice. The man wanted so much for Devyn to trust him. Joe wanted the boy to be that little brother that he had spent the summer with. "Does it matter what I did?" Devyn asked. "yes," Joe said. "Devyn you are too young to be drinking and smoking pot. You have been going to those drug counseling sessions, so you know this isn't a good path for you." "You don't really fucking care," Devyn said. "Just leave me alone and let me do what I want." Devyn tried to push Joe away, but Devyn would have had an easier time moving a brick wall. "How can you say that," Joe said. "You know I care about you. Damn Devyn. This summer of working on the farm with you was great. You are like the little brother I always wanted or maybe even a son that I didn't know I wanted until you. I, I don't say it often enough probably but I love you." "No, you don't," Devyn said. He said it but he could see the truth in joe's unwavering gaze. The man's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Did Joe really mean what he was saying. Did he really love Devyn? The teenager wondered if it was all true. "You never show me. Show me you love me." "I do love you Devyn," Joe said. "I thought I was showing you that. I thought you understood that from our time together this summer." "Show me," Devyn said again. Leaning forward he kissed Joe's mouth. His lips pressing firmly to the older man's. Devyn's hand found Joe's basket and began rubbing it thru the warn denim of the man's jeans. "Devyn, that is not love," Joe began. "I mean sex is not love. Love is so much more than just sex." "Sure," Devyn said. "You don't like this do you. It doesn't turn you on at all." "Devyn, stop it," Joe said and pulled the teenager's hand from his basket. His jeans were now pushed out in front by the erect manhood pushing against the material. Whether that turns me on or not is not important. The important thing here is you and what you have been doing. I sometimes think you are trying to injure yourself. I know in your head you know better than to do drugs. Yet you have been drinking and now you are starting to do drugs. Why? Why Devyn?" "Because that is what the kids do," Devyn said. His voice growing louder. "That is how you fit in with them. If I don't do it, then I am labeled a pussy. I am doing it so they won't figure me out. I can drink and smoke that shit and then it doesn't matter as much that I am fucking a girl. I can have sex with chicks and not have any problems performing. I hate being gay. I hate myself. I hate...I hate..." Devyn slumped against Joe and began sobbing. His tears streaming from his eyes and wetting Joe's shirt. "I hate my life. I hate my Dad; I hate my Mom...I hate everyone...I especially hate Brent for what he did dumping me. I, I'm, I..." Joe pulled Devyn against him. He held the crying teen tight to his chest. "Get it out," Joe whispered. "Let all of those tears flow. "I don't deserve you," Devyn said into Joe's shoulder. He felt the strong arms holding him. He felt the warmth of the man's embrace. The anger subsided and all Devyn could feel was Joe holding him. "You probably deserve better than me," Joe said holding the boy tight. "I'm sorry for everything," Devyn said. "I wish, I wish..." In one quick movement, Joe swept Devyn up in his arms and carried the slender teen to the living room. There he sat down on the sofa pulling Devyn down on his lap. His hand was rubbing up and down Devyn's back. His heart was aching for the teen. "I'm sorry," Devyn sobbed into Joe's neck. "I am sorry." "For what?" Joe asked. "for being alive," Devyn said. Joe pushed Devyn back so his face could look into Devyn's. "Never say that again," joe said his voice commanding. "Don't you realize what you have done for me? Haven't you figured it out that you have helped make my life better than it was? I was all alone here before you came. It was just me and Barkley in this house. Devyn, I was lonely. I needed someone and having you here has been great. I could do without our fights, but I never want to do without you. I love you and I hope you will grow to love me too." Devyn's brown eyes were looking into Joe's blue ones. The man's warm hands touching Devyn's face. Joe released the boy and let his head rest once again against his shoulder. Devyn murmured something against Joe's neck. His breath warm on Joe's flesh. "What was that?" Joe asked. "I do, I do love you," Devyn said into Joe's neck. His words were at least understandable. "I have been in love with you for a long time. You just won't let me show you." Joe hugged Devyn tight and then spoke his voice smooth and his words careful. "I don't need you to show me you love me by providing me with sex. I just need you to be the young man I know is inside you. The drugs and alcohol are just hurting yourself and that hurts me." "It is the only way I can forget," Devyn said. "It is the only way I can fit in with the guys." "forgetting the past is not going to help you deal with it," Joe said. His arms were still around the youth holding him tight. "If we forget the past, then we don't learn from it. It is better to accept it and grow from the mistakes and pain." "It just hurts," Devyn said. "What happened hurts so much." "Why don't you tell me about the pain," Joe said. "Let me share it with you." "I'm not sure I'm ready for that," Devyn said. He trusted Joe and he felt safe sitting there in Joe's embrace. "I did so much stuff wrong. I am such a screw-up." "You are not a screw-upJoe said. "You made mistakes, but hell we all make mistakes." "I, I, sometimes think it would have been better if I..." Devyn's voice trailed off. Joe looked into the deep chocolate brown of Devyn's eyes. The room was dark so he could not see the golden flecks that were floating in the brown but Joe knew they were there. "if you had what?" Joe asked. "If, I had not been born," Devyn said. "I only cause people pain. I cause the people I love pain." "You do not," Joe said. "I do," Devyn said. He looked into the blue of Joe's eyes. "I caused my parents pain. The fact that I am gay hurt them. I hurt Brent by having sex with him. He would have been better if I hadn't been around. I hurt my grandmother by being a whore. I hurt you." "Your parents hurt themselves by not loving you," Joe said. "that is on them and not you. You and Brent had a consensual loving relationship so any pain he felt from the two of you being together is on him. As far as Roberta is concerned, she loves you. Her pain is from how you were hurt by Tom and your folks." "But, you..." Devyn began but was stopped by a finger on his lips. "You have hurt me," Joe said. "Because you are hurting yourself. I know you know better than to drink and use drugs." "They make me feel better," Devyn said. "They let me be normal." "They don't make you normal," Joe said. "They allow you to lie to yourself and the people around you. The kid that I worked with all summer was normal. He was the kind of guy that was trustable. He was the guy Hannah saw. He is the guy I care about." "No one liked him," Devyn said. "Did you give them a chance?" Joe asked. "I know I liked how you were this summer. I believed that was the real Devyn." "I'm not sure who I am anymore," Devyn said. "Drinking and using drugs won't let you discover who you really are," Joe said. "Am I worth all of this?" Devyn said. "Definitely," Joe said. "I'll say it again. I love you and having you here has made this feel more like a home than it has in an exceptionally long time. We are family now and forever" "Do you really mean that?" Devyn asked looking into the man's eyes. "With everything that I am," joe said. "I know you have been hurt by family before but no matter what I am here for you. I want you to be the good upstanding man that I saw this summer. The drugs only kill him and that hurts me." "I, I'll try and do better," Devyn said. "Okay, go get cleaned up," Joe said. "You do stink." Devyn was a little hesitant to get up. It felt safe in Joe's embrace. Plus, he could feel his erect teenage cock pressing against the zipper of his jeans. He wished he had more control of the sexual surges he had concerning Joe. Devyn's face turned red as he stood up. His bulging basket at Joe's eye level. "Sorry," Devyn said again. "No big deal," Joe said and he stood up as well. Devyn's mouth dropped open as he saw the big bulge in Joe's pants. "Looks like you have the same problem I do," Devyn said. "You rubbed my crotch with your hand in the kitchen and then you were rubbing against me as I held you here on the couch. It is hard to not become aroused when being touch by someone you love." "Then why not let me..." Devyn began. Joe stopped Devyn's words with an upraised palm. "Because I love you is why I wouldn't let that happen. I love you too much for that. I want you to understand the difference between love and sex." "I do," Devyn said. "I do understand that, but I can..." "Devyn," Joe said placing a hand on the teenager's shoulder. "I think you should be with a boy your own age. I think you should have a relationship with a partner that is like you and that means in age. We have different backgrounds and experiences. I am sure the sex between us would be hot and wonderful and fantastic but I want more than just hot sex. I want a partnership built on more than just hot sex." "You said you love me," Devyn said. In protest. "And I do love you," Joe said. He placed his other hand on Devyn's shoulder and pulled the teenager in tight. He held the young man close for several long minutes. "I love you more than I thought I could. I had no idea that my heart would grow so big just by having you in my life." Devyn's arms slid around Joe. He hugged the man back. His face buried in the warmth of Joe's neck and shoulder. His breath warm against Joe's skin. "I do love you too Joe. I love you and just want you to be a part of me," Devyn said. "I already am," Joe said. " And you are a part of me. That will never ever change. For as long as I live, I will always love you." "even if I am a screw up," Devyn asked. "You might screw up from time to time," Joe said, "but you are not a screw up. You had it hard and got mixed up with a real dirt bag. Just don't make the same mistakes twice. Don't get messed up with another dirt bag. I think the guys you are hanging out with are dirt bags. I think if they were true friends, that they would not try talking you into doing something you don't want to do. You are only a pussy if you give into that kind of pressure. Show me and them how strong Devyn is by not giving into their pressure." "I'll try," Devyn said. "Do or do not," Joe said grinning. "There is no try," Devyn finished smiling into Joe's eyes. "You got it," Joe said. "Now go get cleaned up. You really do stink." "Thanks," Devyn said. "I am sorry about...well about everything." "Just learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them," joe said. "I will," Devyn said and then added, "Master." Devyn released Joe who then released Devyn. Then Joe pulled Devyn back and kissed him briefly on the lips. "Now hurry up," Joe said. "We have a lot of work to get done." "Yes sir," Devyn said and saluted as he hurried upstairs. Devyn's head still hurt, and his stomach felt queasy but he also felt better than he had in months. He felt as though a weight had been lifted off him. He would do his best to never screw up again, but he now knew that no matter what he did Joe would not stop caring about him or even loving him. It was more than Devyn had ever expected to have again. He had thought that his parents loved him unconditionally, but it was not. As long as he was a straight boy, he had their love. The instant he had shown them his gay side that love had disappeared. He knew from Joe's voice, eyes and body language that he would never stop loving Devyn. Copyright 2020 by Keith yates (keith.96@att.net) all rights reserved. No copying, reposting, or distributing is permitted without the author's written consent.