Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2022 21:14:08 -0600
From: Keith Yates <keith.96@att.net>
Subject: Devyn's Struggle 48

This is a fictional story involving sexual acts between two or more men.
If this offends you, why are you here?  If you are under the legal age to
read sexually explicit material then do not read any further.  This story
in no way represents any person living or dead.  Any resemblance to any
real person is purely coincidental. This story is the property of the
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To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and
whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like
administering medicine to the dead, or endeavoring to convert an atheist by
scripture. Thomas Paine

I hope you enjoy this latest chapter and look forward to your
comments. Please send them to me at keith.96@att.net.

Devyn's Struggle
Chapter 48

Charlie could sense he was not alone. His lips curved up in a smile as he
remembered last night. He could feel Devyn's warm body still pressed
against him. It felt so good lying there next to the other boy. Their naked
bodies were still tangled together on Devyn's bed.

Charlie wished he could stay right there. He wished he could spend the rest
of his life with this feeling of acceptance. He knew that the feeling would
be shattered as soon as he went home. He had heard all too often, the slurs
and degrading comments his brother and dad have made with others. Although
as Charlie thought about it, he realized his dad had never actually made
the comments, he had just been present when someone else had made
them. Charlie was wondering just how long he could hide his feelings and
true relationship with Devyn. He knew he needed to keep it a secret, but he
felt so good that he also wanted to share it with someone. He wondered if
maybe it was time to tell Sam. He had started to do it, but each time he
had chickened out. Charlie thought Sam might understand. He was not sure
about his parents. He hoped he would never find out just how his folks
would react to having a gay son.

Devyn began to slowly wake up. Charlie moved closer and lightly kissed
Devyn's lips. "Good morning."

"Oh, it wasn't a dream. You are real. My little golden haired sex toy."

Charlie laughed at the comment. "Oh, is that all I am a sex toy?"

"No, you are much more." Devyn's eyes were meeting Charlie's. "You are so
much more but the sex was great."

"I, um, thought it was awesome." Charlie could feel his neck burn but it
was true. The physical part with Devyn had been fantastic last night.

Leaning in, Devyn kissed Charlie's inviting lips. He started caressing
Charlie's chest and then belly. Devyn's fingers slid lower into Charlie's
blonde pubic hair. He spread his fingers making a "V" around the base of
Charlie's cock. "You are already hard."

"I can't help it," Charlie said, as his cock was tingling with the
excitement of Devyn's touch. "I'm in bed with you. I'm naked and in bed
with you."

"Is that all it takes?" Devyn was slowly wrapping his fingers around
Charlie's cock. He was slowly stroking the other boy.

"Yes." Charlie bit his lip with the pleasure Devyn's touch was giving
him. When Devyn ran his thumb across the head of Charlie's cock, the boy
thought he was going to cum.

"Well, being in bed naked with you makes me hard, too." Devyn turned onto
his side and pressed his erect teenage cock against Charlie. He moved in
and found Charlie's lips and kissed the blonde hard and deep.

"It makes me want to do things to you."

"Oh shit." Charlie's cock was throbbing. He thought he was going to cum and
then Devyn stopped stroking him. He released Charlie's erection.

Devyn moved onto Charlie. He ground his stiff cock against Charlie's
hard-on and then kissed the boy's lips. "I'm so glad you spent the night. I
wish you could spend tonight and the next night and the one after that."

Charlie enjoyed the feeling of Devyn's naked body on top of him. He ran his
hands up Devyn's sides and around to caress Devyn's back. They slid lower
to feel Devyn's bare ass. "Me too. I could stay like this forever."

"Me too." It was then that Charlie's stomach rumbled. "Of course, it sounds
like we might need some food."

"Um, maybe a little."

Devyn kissed Charlie again, then moved off the blonde. He tossed back the
light covers and got out of bed. His lips curved up into a sensual smile as
he stood next to the bed looking down at his naked friend. Charlie's
teenage erection was jutting out from the nest of blonde pubic hair. It had
teenage juice on the head and was pointing at a forty-five-degree angle up
towards Charlie's head.

Like Charlie, Devyn's cock was erect and had pre-cum on the head. It was
sticking out from his short brown pubic patch. The shaft curving slightly
as it jumped with Devyn's excitement.

"You are so damn sexy." Charlie's eyes were drinking in every inch of
Devyn's body. He loved how Devyn had filled out over the last year. His
chest and arms had added enough muscle to make them defined without being
bulky. Charlie bet those muscles would just get bigger as Devyn
matured. His eyes traveled down from Devyn's chest down to look at Devyn's
cock. He ran his tongue across his lips as he looked at the throbbing
member that was only a little ways from him.

"So are you." Devyn reached down and took Charlie's hardness in his
hand. He gives Charlie's cock several strokes.

"Oh shit!"

Devyn could feel that Charlie was already at the edge of orgasm. "We have
to work on your control." Devyn had stopped stroking just before Charlie
would have shot. Devyn leaned down and kissed Charlie again. "Come on
blondie, let's get cleaned up. We both smell like sweat and cum."

"It smells good on you."

Devyn chuckled before pulling Charlie from the bed. "Joe and Ethan won't be
up yet, so let's shower and then find some breakfast."

"Sure, um, you mean, um, shower together?"

"Sure, we can save water that way." Devyn moves in again and kisses
Charlie's lips. "Plus, I want to make sure we get all this dried cum off
your sexy body. Besides, it can be a lot of fun."

The two boys pulled on shorts and then quietly headed downstairs. They
slipped silently into the bathroom. Devyn moved to the shower turning on
the multiple shower heads. Then he turns back to Charlie while they wait
for the water to get hot.

"I've, um, never showered with anyone before." Charlie was watching Devyn
as the other boy pushed down the shorts and took them off.

"This way we can make sure to get rid of all those traces of cum." Devyn
moved to Charlie and slipped his fingers into the elastic waistband of the
shorts. He pushes them down. "Let's get these off. I like it when you are
naked." Devyn's hands glide along Charlie's skin as he pushes the shorts
down. Charlie's teenage cock jumps free. He is still erect and his
excitement is evident by the moisture forming on the head of his cock.

"That's better," Devyn said, as he placed the shorts with his in the
hamper. "This is much better." He moved and pulled Charlie's naked body
against him. Their two teenage cocks rubbing against each other. Devyn and
Charlie's lips meet and the two boys kiss.

"Wow," Charlie breathed after the kiss broke. "This is going to be the most
fun shower I've ever had."

Devyn's arms were around Charlie and he was squeezing the blonde's firm
butt. Their bare chests were pressed to each other. Their two erect cocks
were pressed up between their bodies as they stood there holding each
other. Devyn pulled one of his hands from Charlie's ass and touched the
blonde hair over Charlie's right ear. "I think you have dried cum in your
hair."

"I think it's your cum."

"My cum looks good on you."

"Good, because I like having your cum on me." Charlie kissed Devyn again.

"Come on." Devyn pulled Charlie into the shower and the warm spray from the
multiple shower heads began cascading over their naked bodies.

Devyn started by lathering up Charlie's hair. "I know you like my cum but
we probably need to get it out of your hair." With his soapy hands on
either side of Charlie's face, he leaned in and kissed him. Charlie pulled
Devyn tighter to him. He held the boy tight as the water was running over
them.

After the kiss broke, Devyn set to work washing the rest of Charlie's
body. Devyn's hands explored every inch of Charlie's chest, arms and
back. He then dropped down on his knees to wash Charlie's legs and then
Charlie's cock and balls.

"Oh shit." Charlie moaned as Devyn was stroking him and massaging his
balls. Charlie was fighting hard not to cum. It felt so good and he was not
ready for the good feelings to end.

Devyn leaned in and kissed Charlie's belly and then the head of Charlie's
cock. He flicked his tongue over the head and could taste Charlie's
pre-cum.

Charlie thought he was going to cum again but Devyn stopped just short of
him blowing his load. "Shit I was close."

"I know but I'm not ready yet." Devyn's own cock was throbbing and leaking
his pre-cum. He knew when he shot, it was going to be a big load.

"You are so mean." Charlie's hand started running all over Devyn's body. "I
think it's my turn."

"I don't mind being your shower toy."

"Mmm, you're the best shower toy there is." Charlie started washing Devyn's
thick brown hair. He could not believe how good it felt to run his hands
through that chocolate hair. He then started running his soapy hands all
over Devyn's body. He did not think he would ever get tired of touching
this boy's body. Every time he touched Devyn, he found something new for
his fingers to explore. There was some undiscovered muscle or some newfound
smooth skin for his fingers to glide over. With every touch and every
caress Charlie's desire for Devyn grew hotter.

Charlie's hands slid lower and was working soap into Devyn's short brown
pubic hair. He slid his soapy fingers up and down the shaft of Devyn's cock
and then took Devyn's smooth balls into the palm of his hand. He massaged
those twin eggs.

"Oh Charlie." Devyn closed his eyes and allowed the guy to have his way
with Devyn's teenage equipment. The more Charlie fondled Devyn; the more
juice Devyn's cock produced. Devyn knew he would cum if Charlie kept up so
he turned and faced the tile wall so Charlie could wash his back

Charlie looked over the tan skin of Devyn's back down to the boy's firm
ass. Charlie ran his hands all over Devyn's shoulders and back. Then
Charlie's hands traveled down to the cheeks of Devyn's butt. He felt the
smooth skin of Devyn's firm ass.

Devyn felt Charlie tentatively part the cheeks of his ass and then Devyn
felt the soapy fingers exploring that crevasse. Up and down Devyn's crack
Charlie ran his fingers. Devyn bent a bit at the waist and pushed his butt
back at Charlie. Charlie's fingers grazed Devyn's pucker causing new
sensations to flow through Devyn's body.

Reaching around Devyn's body, Charlie found Devyn's stiff teenage cock and
began stroking the boy. His fist was pumping up and down the length of
Devyn's cock. With his other hand, Charlie was teasing Devyn's little
pucker. He was trying to copy what Devyn had done to him last night. He
pressed his soapy finger against Devyn's pucker and heard Devyn moan.

"You, um, alright?" Charlie had stopped pressing against Devyn's anal
opening. He wanted to be sure that Devyn was enjoying it and that the moan
was pleasure and not pain.

"Oh definitely," Devyn said. "You know exactly how to get my juices
flowing." Devyn's cock was leaking a constant stream of pre-cum that was
being washed down the shower drain by the running water.

"Well, I do love your juices." Charlie had continued to stroke Devyn's cock
and now that he knew Devyn was all right, he pressed his finger harder and
felt Devyn's pucker open to him. Charlie pressed deeper inside Devyn's
tight tunnel. He moved his finger around and rubbed it across Devyn's
nub. Charlie felt the cock in his hand jump and then heard the moan of
pleasure as Devyn began shooting. Jet after jet of Devyn's boy juice
blasting out and onto the shower wall.

Moving in, Charlie kissed Devyn's neck as the boy came down from the high
of his orgasm. "That is so hot."

"Oh, wow Charlie." Devyn could not believe how good that had felt. There
was something about being there with Charlie that had quickly pushed Devyn
over the edge of climax.

Charlie kissed Devyn's shoulder again. He was milking the last of Devyn's
load from the boy's cock. He pulled the tip of his finger from Devyn's
little pucker. Charlie's own cock was dripping with the boy's desire to
cum.

Devyn turned in Charlie's arms so that he was facing the boy. He kisses him
and pulls their naked bodies tightly together. "That felt so good."

"I'm glad." Charlie could feel Devyn's hands on his ass. Devyn was holding
one of Charlie's buns in each of his hands. He gave them a squeeze as he
was leaning in and kissing Charlie again. "I think it is your turn."
Without another word, Devyn dropped down to his knees on the shower
floor. The hot water was cascading over their naked bodies. He was looking
right at Charlie's erection. There was water and pre-cum dripping from the
head. Devyn leaned in and swiped his tongue across the head.

"Oh Devyn." Charlie closed his eyes and leaned his head back enjoying the
feeling. He then felt Devyn's lips on the head of his cock. He felt Devyn's
fingers massaging his balls. Then the head of Charlie's cock was in Devyn's
mouth. He felt the warmth of Devyn's mouth as Devyn sucked him.

Devyn swirled his tongue around the head and then went about halfway down
on Charlie. He heard the boy moan. He felt Charlie's balls pulling
up. Devyn knew that Charlie was past the point of no return. The cock
between Devyn's lips swelled and his teenage juice began shooting. Jet
after jet of Charlie's load filled Devyn's mouth. The boy swallowed down
his friend's spunk. He drank it down and it kept coming. Some of Charlie's
massive load escaped the corners of Devyn's lips and trickled down over his
chin.

The waves of pleasure seemed to last and last but were also over all too
soon for Charlie. The last of the orgasm washing through him. Then he felt
his cock slipping from between Devyn's lips. Charlie could not believe he
had just had the first blow job of his life. It was the most fantastic
feeling.

Devyn climbed to his feet and pulled Charlie's wet body against his own. He
found Charlie's lips and kissed the boy. He pushed his cum coated tongue
into Charlie's mouth.

"I taste better on your lips and tongue."

"You taste good all the time." Devyn kissed Charlie again and then turned
their bodies into the spray. They let the shower rinse the last traces of
cum from their bodies. Devyn kissed Charlie's lips one last time before
turning off the water. "We had better be done before we run out of hot
water.

# # #

They dried each other off and then with towels around their waists they
stepped from the bathroom. They were headed for the stairs when they
realized they were not alone.

"Morning guys," Joe said. "I'll have breakfast ready in a few."

"Um, morning," Devyn said.

"That was quite the shower," Ethan said. "Just how dirty were the two of
you?"

Charlie could feel his face burning. He wished he could drop through the
floor.

"I had to go outside to pee," Travis signed.

"Ugh," Devyn groaned.

"I hope you left me some hot water," Ethan said. "Or did you even need hot
water for that hot shower?"

"We, um, will go get dressed." Devyn headed for the stairs. "I, um, didn't
realize we were in there that, um, long."

Charlie could feel the heat in his face. He held his towel tighter around
his narrow waist. He had forgotten all about Joe and Ethan being there. He
knew that his face had to be a bright pink. He kept his eyes down and
followed Devyn to the stairs. Charlie wanted to run up those stairs and
hide. He was sure that Ethan was going to tease him relentlessly.

"I'd say they were having some good clean fun." Ethan was looking at Joe
and smiling. "If there was any hot water left, I'd say we should do that."

Devyn tried to just ignore Ethan. He knew the guy was going to give them
some crap about the shower. The thing was that Devyn did not mind. He could
take the teasing. He just hoped Charlie could.

The two teenagers hurried up the stairs before anything else could be said.

"Those two look really clean," Ethan said. "And Charlie is damn cute when
he blushes."

"He is," Joe agreed. "Just don't tease him too much. He's still, um,
figuring things out."

"Oh, I think he's got it figured out," Ethan said and chuckled.

# # #

"Sorry about that," Devyn said. "I didn't mean to, um, embarrass you."

Charlie felt a little less exposed now that they were back in Devyn's
bedroom. "Um, not a big deal."

"Ethan's going to tease you some now." Devyn dropped his towel and moved to
the dresser to find clothes.

"I'm sure he will." Charlie's eyes were glued to the naked boy. He could
not believe he had just been in the shower with that boy. From the angle
Charlie could see both Devyn's hot ass and the boy's front in the
mirror. It was sending new blood surging into Charlie's teenage cock.

Devyn was looking at Charlie in the mirror. It was hard to believe how sexy
the blonde boy was. Devyn's lips curved up into a smile as he saw that
Charlie was already growing hard under the towel. "Are you getting a
boner?"

"No," Charlie said and turned.

Devyn moved quickly, grabbing Charlie's towel and pulling it off. "You are
boned up again dude." Devyn pulled Charlie to him and slid his hands down
over Charlie's chest and stomach to the boy's boner. "You are a horn dog."

Charlie could feel his ears burning. "I'm sorry. I just can't help it."

"Don't be sorry. I like it that I get you hard." Devyn kissed Charlie's
neck and shoulder. Devyn's own cock was starting to stir and press harder
against the crack of Charlie's ass. Devyn's hand slid over Charlie's chest,
down over his flat belly and into the damp blond hair around Charlie's
cock. Devyn wrapped his fingers around Charlie and slowly began stroking
him.

"Oh Devyn." Charlie leaned his head back against Devyn and enjoyed the
feeling of Devyn's fist stroking him.

Both boys jumped when they heard Joe's voice. "BREAKFAST!"

"Crap I thought he was right there." Charlie's heart rate was racing.

"It was loud," Devyn agreed.

"Don't take too long," Joe's voice said from downstairs. "The food will be
cold."

"I guess we had better go eat." Devyn squeezed Charlie tight before
releasing the other boy. The two quickly dressed and headed downstairs to
eat with the other guys.

# # #

The day flew by for Charlie. He did not want the time with Devyn to end but
all too soon he was getting into Joe's truck and Devyn was driving him back
into town. All Charlie really wanted to do was just stay at the farm.

Devyn could not believe that the weekend was over and he was already
driving Charlie back into town. He would have liked to have had more time
with Charlie. They had gone through the regular teasing from Ethan and
Devyn was surprised it had not been worse. Devyn suspected that Joe had
told Ethan to tamp it down for Charlie's benefit. The surprising thing was
that Ethan had.

Charlie's mom was in the yard when Devyn and Charlie pulled into the
driveway. "Hello Devyn," She greeted.

"Hi Mrs. Atwood," Devyn said.

"Thank you for bringing him home," she said. "You could have kept him."

"Mom," Charlie moaned.

"Oh, I was just teasing honey," she said. "I wouldn't wish you on anyone
else for longer than a couple days."

"She thinks she is funny," Charlie said.

"Why don't you come in for a while," she invited. "I made a peach cobbler
this afternoon and need someone to taste test it."

"I should probably get back," Devyn began.

"She makes a great cobbler," Charlie said. "You should try it."

Devyn looked at Charlie and with a question in his eyes. He saw the
briefest of nods. "It does sound good," Devyn finally said.

"Then come on in," she said.

Devyn followed them into the house and to the kitchen. "Your Dad is still
at the store," Charlie's mom said. "Did you already drop Sam off?" she
asked.

Devyn glanced at Charlie. He already knew that Charlie had told his parents
that it was going to be the three of them this weekend. Devyn wished
Charlie were ready to be out about being gay. It would make it easier. Of
course, it might not be easier for Charlie. Devyn silently vowed to be
there for Charlie when he came out to his parents.

"Um, Sam couldn't go," Charlie said. "Something came up."

Devyn glanced at Charlie and was glad that Charlie had been honest about
Sam not being there during the weekend. To Devyn it made it feel like
Charlie was making the first small steps to being all right with their
relationship.

"Oh, so did you have a good time anyway?" she asked.

"I'm not sure Charlie did," Devyn said. "I put him to work feeding
calves. I have twenty-five for my F.F.A. project."

"Wow," she said. "That is quite the project. Excellent job though getting
free labor. He needs to work more. We baby him too much around here."

"Mom!" Charlie cried. She smiled at him. "She likes to pick on me," Charlie
told Devyn.

"How is Joe these days?" she asked Devyn.

"About the same," Devyn said. "He is working too hard and for too many
hours."

"Is he about done with harvest?" she asked.

"Just about," Devyn said.

"How is his nephew adjusting," she asked.

"Mom," Charlie interrupted. "You don't need to grill him.

"It's ok," Devyn said. "Travis is doing great. He has adjusted for the most
part. I still hear him crying sometimes at night from bad dreams."

"That must be so hard talking to him when he can't hear," she said, her
voice somber.

"They sign everything to him," Charlie said. "Devyn and Joe are amazing at
it. I, well, I am learning it."

"Honey, that is great," she said. "It is amazing how you sign everything
for Travis and that you are teaching Charlie. You're a special young man."

Devyn felt his ears burn at the praise. He looked down at the plate that
just held a few crumbs from the cobbler. "I, um, took a class. It really is
not that big a deal."

"Don't downplay it," she said. "It is impressive that you learned it and
you are even teaching Charlie."

"Geez Mom, it isn't like I'm a retard or something."

"Watch it," she said. "You know I do not like that word."

"Sorry," Charlie said.

"I know you are smart," she added. "I am just surprised. It takes a lot of
effort to learn... at least that is what I thought."

"It does," Charlie said. "I am nowhere as fast as Devyn and Joe. They can
sign as fast as they talk."

Devyn blushed again at the praise coming from Charlie this time. "I took a
class. It was important to me to fit in with Joe and his family. Joe is
fantastic at it. I'm just passable."

"I bet that is not true," she said. "Don't be so modest."

They talked more with Charlie's Mom asking question after question. She
seemed to be genuinely interested in Devyn.

"You know you should just take the rest of this home," she said, putting
foil over the cobbler. "I made a second one and we won't eat it all."

"Um, thanks," Devyn said, accepting the cobbler.

"Tell Joe we say hi," she said.

"I'll do that," Devyn said, carrying the pan and walking to the door.

"I'll, um, walk out with you." Charlie got up from the table and went
outside with Devyn.

"I'm sorry about that," Charlie said softly, as they were standing next to
Devyn's truck. "I never thought she would give you the third degree like
that."

"It is fine. She is just trying to get to know me. She's gotta protect her
little baby after all."

"SHUT UP!"

Devyn laughed at Charlie's outrage. "It is cool."

"It was a great weekend," Charlie said much more softly.

"It was," Devyn said. He reached over and squeezed Charlie's arm. He wanted
to lean in and kiss Charlie's inviting lips but Devyn knew that they could
not do that.

Charlie had an impulse to throw his arms around Devyn but pushed it
down. He wanted to kiss the guy goodbye. He wanted to get back in the truck
and go back out to the farm with Devyn. Joe's farm had become like a haven
for Charlie. He could be himself and not worry about what sort of gay thing
he might do. Well, he had to worry about getting teased by Ethan but even
that was easy compared to the stress of hiding. "I'll see you in school
tomorrow." Charlie gave Devyn's hand a quick squeeze and then stepped back.

"Definitely." Devyn said moving to the truck door.

Charlie went back inside and Devyn placed the cobbler on the seat next to
him. He was fastening the seat belt when he saw movement. He saw someone
come from the garage and step up to the truck window. Devyn could see the
similarities to Charlie but there was also something unpleasant about the
guy. "Um, you must be Howard."

"You fag," Howard said. "You need to stay away from here. You need to stay
away from my brother."

Devyn wondered just what Howard might have seen or heard. They had not
really said anything that might bring Charlie out of the closet. They had
only touched for a moment. Devyn knew they would need to be more careful
about that. "We're friends."

"He don't need a fag for a friend," Howard said.

"I think that is up to Charlie," Devyn said.

"Just keep away from him and us," Howard growled. "We don't need your kind
around here."

Devyn looked into Howard's eyes. They were so similar to Charlie's but
there was something missing. The kindness and caring was not there. They
were cold. "I need to get going," Devyn said, his voice taking on the
coldness that he saw in Howards eyes.

"Good go and don't fucking come back here," Howard ordered. "Take your
queer ass home. Go suck that old faggot's cock.

Devyn wanted to jump out and punch Howard's face. He so wanted to beat the
crap out of him. "Say what you like about me," Devyn said. "But leave
everyone else out of it." Devyn's voice was low and cold.

"Is something wrong?" Charlie's mom asked coming outside. "I thought you
left."

"Was just about to," Devyn said. "Thanks again for the cobbler. I'll bring
your pan back sometime this week." Devyn smiled at Howard as he said it. He
could tell from the way Howard furrowed his brow that he had gotten under
the guy's skin.

"Well, you should come back after school this week," she said. "You and
Charlie can hang out, do homework or whatever and have dinner."

"That would be great," Devyn said. "I would really like that." He could
almost see the steam coming from Howard. "I'll just check with Joe and I'll
let Charlie know what works."

"Any night is good for us," she said. "You are welcome here anytime."

"Thank you, ma'am," Devyn said.

Devyn pulled out of the driveway grinning. He could feel Howard glaring at
him as he drove down the street. He would go for dinner if only to rub it
in Howard's face. Devyn understood a little better now why Charlie did not
want anyone to know. It was going to be so hard on Charlie to manage
Howard's homophobic issues. It made Devyn think of how his dad had
reacted. Devyn wondered if Charlie's parents would be just as closed minded
as Howard. Devyn vowed again to be there for Charlie when the guy did come
out. It looked like Charlie was going to need a lot of support if his mom
and dad had opinions like Howard.

Devyn wanted Charlie to have it easier than he did. Did everyone have such
a tough time being gay. Devyn could not help but wonder. His and Joe's
experiences were both traumatic. He did not want that for his friend. He
reminded himself that Ethan had it easy. His parents were surprised but had
been supportive. Devyn hoped for Charlie's sake that Charlie's parents
would be like Ethan's.


# # #
Copyright 2022 by Keith yates (keith.96@att.net) all rights reserved.

Character is much easier kept than recovered. Thomas Paine

A long habit of not thinking a thing wrong gives it a superficial
appearance of being right.
Thomas Paine