Date: Sun, 14 Apr 2013 10:36:17 -0400 (EDT) From: ErastesTouch@aol.com Subject: Different Points of View, chapter 29 Different Points of View - by Erastes Copyright 2012 by Erastes Chapter 29 – The Various Perspectives. I was shocked to find Sherry at my door, but even more so by her request, so I didn't respond right away. "Bob, I'm not going to bite," she informed me when I hesitated. "I just think we should talk." This comment brought me back to reality. "I'm sorry, Sherry. Come in, please," I urged. She entered and I guided her into the living room. I expected I was about to get the tongue-lashing of my life, if not worse, but I was prepared to take it. "Bob, I think there are a great many things we need to discuss," she began, so I decided to beat her to the punch and steal some of her thunder. "Sherry, I don't know what to say," I began. "I know a simple 'I'm sorry' won't suffice and I wish there was some way I could erase the past and make things better." I was trying my best to make amends, even though I was sure there was nothing I could do or say that would set things right or make the situation better. "Bob, I'm not here to blame you," she interrupted, surprising me with her comment. "Yes, Jared and Josh have been hurt greatly by this whole episode, but it wasn't because of anything you did." I was in total shock now and sat dumbstruck. "When I first learned about everything and was told what had happened between you and my son, I was furious," she admitted, "but that only lasted until I talked to Jared about what had happened. He confirmed that you two had been intimate, and at first it disgusted me, but then Jared explained how he had kept pestering you to do those things with him and how you had put him off for such a long time. All at once I began to realize that you hadn't forced Jared into doing anything and that he had been the aggressor, not you. Suddenly, I began to realize that my son was... well, you know... gay... and he had fallen in love with you. I never realized that before, but once I did, it was only too obvious how much he actually cared about you. "I understand that in the eyes of the law he was a minor at that time," she continued, "so legally it was wrong, no matter who instigated the contact, but I also realized that you only treated him with love and tenderness. I wish I could say the same thing about those bastards he dealt with later. I'm sorry about the language, Bob, but that is the least offensive term I could think of to describe how I feel about them. If anyone harmed my sons, it was them, not you." She paused here and took a deep breath, stared off into the distance for a few seconds and then resumed with what she wanted to say. "It all began when that aide overheard something Josh had said to his friend," she finally continued. "He wasn't judging you or his brother, but I think he wanted his friend to try something similar with him. However, once the aide reported it, that's when the real abuse began. Jared tried to explain that you'd never forced him to do anything and both he and Josh had said they wouldn't sign any statements or testify against you. That's when the police and social workers began to make their threats and when the actual abuse began." At this point she paused again, so she could wipe away the tears that were forming in her eyes. I felt really badly for her now, but I wasn't sure what to do or say. After a brief pause, she began again. "Those pricks all teamed up and began to tell both boys that they HAD to sign those statements and testify against you, because you were bad and needed to be stopped," she added. "Of course, neither boy believed that for even one second, so the threats began to escalate. Next, those same people told the boys that if they didn't sign statements and testify against you, then all their friends would conclude, and possibly even be informed, that they had voluntarily participated in those acts. "Jared wasn't about to back down and told them that's exactly what had happened and he didn't care who knew it," she went on, "but these so called 'public servants' then told my sons that once their friends knew they were gay and participating in gay sex with an adult, then they'd turn on them and probably beat them up or worse. Those threats still failed to shake the boys' resolve as well, so they added even more pressure. "This was when the boys were told that if they didn't sign the statements and agree to testify against you that they would go to court and file PINS petitions against both of them," she explained. "If you haven't heard of that term before, the acronym PINS stands for 'Persons In Need of Supervision,' and the authorities were threatening to take the boys away from me. They stated they would tell the court that the boys weren't properly supervised and that I wasn't a fit parent, because I had allowed this to happen. They said if I had been more diligent in my duties as a mother, I would never have allowed them to spend so much time at your house or go on trips with you." She started to breakdown at this point and was sobbing. I reached over to comfort her and she merely looked up at me, forced out a weak smile and nodded slightly. "You are so amazing and caring," she began anew, "but I hate each of those other motherfu..." She stopped before she completed the word and looked at me in horror, shocked that she'd almost said that. Once she got over her initial horror about her near slip, she began to laugh. "I'm sorry, but that's what they are," she acknowledged. "They actually told the boys that if the courts agreed with them, then they would be taken away from me and placed in foster homes. That's when the boys began to show signs of breaking, but they still didn't give in. They continued to hold their ground, but then one of the people from the D.A.'s office, the detective in charge and the caseworker from D.S.S. threatened that if they didn't agree to their demands, they'd go directly to the courthouse and have the judge sign the orders. Then they'd have them picked up, taken away and held at a group facility, so that's when both boys relented and told the authorities they'd do what they wanted. I think they only gave in to keep me from being alone though. "Later, after they were returned to me, I watched how they both began to suffer for what they had been forced to do or were about to do," she continued. "Jared would come home from school every night, go straight to his room and shut himself in for the night. He only came out to eat, but even then he wouldn't eat very much and getting him to say anything was like pulling teeth. It broke my heart to stand outside his door nearly every night and listen as he cried himself to sleep, because he knew how much harm his agreeing to cooperate had done to you. Josh wasn't quite that bad, but he also felt extremely bad about the problems he had caused for you after he'd let that slip and how badly it had all hurt his brother. "I've never seen my boys as depressed and unhappy as they were after this all began to happen," she admitted, "but as the time approached when they'd have to testify against you, with you sitting in the same room, they became totally inconsolable. The night before the court date, I had my hands full trying to keep them from totally losing it. Neither of them wanted to do this and they even asked me what would happen if they refused to talk or if they claimed nothing had ever happened when they were put on the stand. They even talked about running away. I explained that the authorities would probably hold good to their threat then, if they did anything like that, and they'd be taken from me. That's when they tried to talk me into just packing up and leaving here. They said we could come back after this was all over, and if they had suggested this earlier, I might have gone along with their request, but by this time, I felt it was too late to do anything like that. "Even as we left the house that morning, I still didn't know what the boys were going to do once we got there," she confessed. "There was a lot of whispering going on in the back seat of my car and I was really afraid to ask them what they were planning." She took another brief pause at this point, to wipe her eyes once more and clear her throat. Finally, I came to my senses and asked her if she'd like a drink and she said a glass of water would be nice. I ran out to the kitchen, grabbed a big glass, filled it with ice cubes and water and then brought it back to the living room to give to her. She thanked me, took a big drink and then continued her story. "That morning at the courthouse, I was told I couldn't stay with the boys and the lady from D.S.S. led them away, but none of us realized that you were going to be on the elevator when they stepped inside. The boys told me later that when they saw you, they began to feel even worse than they had before. They said they couldn't even lift their heads to look at you or acknowledge your presence and it was obvious how badly this was eating at them. Once you and your lawyer disappeared from sight, both boys began to cry and were nearly hysterical as they waited outside to be called in to testify. "I had come up to sit in the courtroom that day, but when I heard the boys crying, I went to see the D.A. and begged him not to make them do this," she admitted. "I explained how much emotional pain this was causing them, but I was soon informed that they would either testify or they'd be taken away from me before we had a chance to go home. At that point, I lost it and called the D.A. a few choice names. I'm sure I was about to get a lecture from him, but that was when he was called into the courtroom. I tried to follow him inside, but a police officer prevented me from entering and made me wait outside. I guess they were afraid I'd cause a scene in there." After saying this, she paused again and took another drink of water. "About a half-hour later the D.A. came back out and brusquely informed me that the boys wouldn't be needed and I could take them home," she explained. "The boys were brought back to be with me again and the three of us just stood there, speechless, totally bewildered and confused. The situation was cleared up for us a few minutes later, when we learned you had accepted a plea agreement and pled guilty." She stopped again and looked me squarely in the eyes, before she spoke again. "Bob, we all know that you did that to prevent the boys from having to take the stand and do something they didn't want to do," she confirmed. "The boys felt badly that you were going to have to go to jail, but I think it hurt them a little less, since they didn't feel that what they'd said had sent you there." She now got up and walked toward me, so she could give me a hug. As soon as she released me again, she continued to tell me what she'd come here to say. "Out of all of those people, especially the ones who were supposedly doing this to help my sons, you were the only one who put my boys' welfare above your own situation and career," she stated. "No matter what you and Jared did, I know it was done out of love and that you alone would never do anything to harm him. The boys and I talked this over later, at home, and we all agreed that we would be forever in your debt. Rather than put the boys in that horrendous position of testifying against you, you took them off the hook and went to jail, sacrificing yourself to save them. Bob, we all love you dearly and the boys miss you and want things to go back to the way they were." Her eyes seemed to be pleading with me at this moment and I could tell that everything she had said was sincere. Now, I understood the drift of her visit and knew she wasn't here to rip me a new asshole for what I had done to her sons, but unfortunately I had to face something far worse. I could have understood and taken her abuse and anger, but this was a bombshell I had never even considered. No matter how much I might want to resume the life we had before all of this had taken place, I knew nothing like that could happen now. While I was in jail, I'd conceded that I wouldn't dare to even approach the boys again, at least until both of them had reached the legal age. Now, I had to inform Sherry of that same fact. "Sherry, I'm afraid that I don't see how anything like that can happen, at least not right away," I pointed out. I think this stunned Sherry more than anything else that had happened and she looked at me blankly, somewhat confused and disappointed. "It's not that I wouldn't like things to go back to the way they were," I continued, "but that would open up a whole new can of legal worms for me." I could see the wheels spinning in her head. "I don't think it has to be that way," she countered. "My boss has a very good friend who is a lawyer and he worked it so I could get some legal advice without having to pay for it. The lawyer told me that as soon as Jared celebrated his next birthday he'll have reached the legal age of consent in this state and then the two of you could do whatever you wanted. If you remember, his birthday is in just a few weeks." Now, I was the one who was speechless, as I tried to rationalize the things Sherry had just told me. I don't know how long I sat there before I was able to respond, but eventually I came back to my senses and broke the silence. "Sherry, I don't want to argue with you, but I know my lawyer told me that a restraining order had been issued to keep me away from you and the boys," I explained. "If I ignore that, I could be sent to jail again. I'm sorry, but that's not a place I want to ever see again." "I understand," she replied, sympathetically, "but I've also done some checking on that. The restraining order had a six-month time limit on it and was only meant to keep you from swaying our testimony or threatening us. It is invalid now." Suddenly, I had to take a few moments to be able to digest this information. I sat silently in my chair once more and had no idea about how much time had passed before I looked over at Sherry again. I could see she was hopeful that I would accept her logic, yet dreading the possibility that I might reject her argument. Finally, I broke the silence. "Sherry, I don't know what to say," I confessed. "Before I can make any decisions, I'll have to consult both of my attorneys, to see what advice they have for me. All I can tell you is that I'll consider everything you've said, but I can't make any promises. I still love you and the boys, and although I already suspected much of what you told me, I now know for sure that the boys only did what they felt they had to, in order to protect their own welfare. I will never hold that against them, but I'm also not sure whether or not anything like that can ever happen between us again. I do want to thank you for coming here to explain this to me, because at least now I know that you and the boys don't hate me and I understand the reason why things happened as they did." I was going to say more, but Sherry interrupted me yet again. "Bob, I'm certain you wouldn't hesitate if you could see how much Jared wants to be with you," she admitted. "I'm not sure I'll ever understand why he's attracted to guys, instead of girls, but I do know he couldn't have made a better choice for a lover." She smiled at me, while I blushed. "I know there is no one in this world, or any other, who would love him more than you do, so I'm willing to give you both my blessing. All I ask is that you come back into his life and heal his pain. Even Josh needs you, although not in the same way, and we'll all be better off with you in our lives again." What in the hell could I say to that? I appreciated her deep understanding and acceptance of the situation, but there were still a bunch of legal issues I'd have to consider first. I failed to do that once and look what it did to me, so I wasn't about to make that same mistake again. "Sherry, I don't know if you could ever understand how much your visit has helped and how much it means to me, but the best I can tell you is I'll take this under advisement," I told her, in all sincerity. "I'll contact my lawyers and get their opinions on the legal aspects of what you've told me and then we'll go from there. I don't know what more I can do." Sherry studied me for a few seconds, but I wasn't sure what she was sizing me up for. Finally, she ended my curiosity and let me know what she was thinking. "You could end both Jared and Josh's misery, as well as make Jared the happiest kid in the world again, if you would do this for us," she countered. "I have watched them both suffer and seen Jared withdraw from the world during the past few months. I'd like to have my boys back and I think you are the only one who can do that for me. He blossomed under your guidance and love and that's the kid I want back now. You, and only you, can do that for us again." I didn't immediately respond and merely attempted to digest what she had just told me, but I knew she was waiting for my answer. I had to say something or she might not leave. "Sherry, I told you the best I can do is consider your proposal and talk things over with my lawyers," I confirmed. "If and when I make a decision, you will be the first to know." She looked slightly disappointed, but I think she realized this was the best response she was going to get for now. Finally accepting that fact, she reluctantly decided it was time for her to leave. "Bob, just don't forget how much that boy loves you," she reminded me. "In fact, if you hadn't made that plea agreement, I'm afraid Jared would have risked the chance of being taken away from me, before he would have testified against you. He was deeply hurt and extremely sad knowing you were going to jail, but I think he was relieved that he didn't have to feel like he was the one who had sent you there. I'll always love you for doing that for him." After I had digested what she had just said, I thanked her for coming once more and then escorted her to the door, as she left to go home. Once she was gone, I sat down and began to analyze everything she had told me. Later, when I glanced over to see what time it was, it was already 2:00 a.m. and I'd have to get up at again 7:00, so I'd be there to pick Darren up at 7:30. However, getting up would be the easy part, because after that Darren would be dragging me off to begin our exercise regimen. I wasn't sure if this would be a good time to start this routine with him, but I didn't want to disappoint him either, seeing I knew how much he was counting on this happening. I hustled to bed, but my mind was still reeling from everything that had happened tonight. I'm not sure what time I actually fell asleep, but it seemed as if I had just dozed off when the alarm began to buzz. Wearily, I turned it off, rolled out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom, to relieve myself. Then, I brushed my teeth, but I seemed to only have as much strength as an eighty-year old paraplegic. Somehow, I managed to get dressed, drag myself downstairs and get into the S.U.V. so I could drive to Walmart to pick up Darren. I could see him talking to his girlfriend as I drove up and then he raced over to join me. As he entered the vehicle, he took one look at me and his mouth dropped open. "Dad, you look awful!" he exclaimed. What's wrong with you?" He had this extremely worried expression on his face, so I knew I would have to try to reassure him. "It's nothing," I replied. "It's just that I had a visitor last night, after I dropped you off at work, so I didn't get very much sleep." He continued to stare at me. "We don't have to start exercising today," he offered, showing his concern. "No, I'll be fine," I replied, not knowing if it was actually the truth or a lie. "If I need a little nap later, then I can always take one while you're sleeping, but now we have to begin working out. The quicker we start doing this, then the sooner I'll be able to whip your butt." Darren took this as a challenge, so I knew I was going to get one hell of a workout now. "Ok, but remember you asked for it," he informed me, with a smirk. We drove home, went inside and put on our swimsuits, so we could take a little dip in the pool first. We swam a bunch of laps before we got out and then we changed into our jogging gear and went for a very brisk walk, rather than a jog. Due to the fact that I was afraid of running into Jared, we didn't walk anywhere near the house, and since I didn't want to run into any younger kids either, we also didn't use the track at the local school. Instead, I took us over to the college and we walked around the perimeter of the campus. It wasn't a nice leisurely stroll, as you might take with a lover, but instead we set out at a rather energetic pace, which got our heart rates up quickly. We finished our walk by doing another two laps around the track and then we moved onto the football field to do our exercises. Darren was like a drill sergeant, as he called out which exercises we were going to do and then counted off each repetition as we did it. After participating in a variety of calisthenics and completing this vigorous workout, we took a more relaxing walk around the track and then finished up with some stretches, to work the toxins out of our muscles. Once we had completed doing all of this, we returned home. When we got there, I helped Darren assemble some of the equipment we had purchased for our weight training, including a weight bench and a couple of training stations. Putting those items together and lifting all the various parts turned out to be workout enough for me today, so we stopped after doing that and called an end to our first morning session. We then both went up to shower, but Darren went to bed once he had cleaned up, and I went back down to my office to get a little writing done. All in all, I felt pretty good after that first go at our new morning routine and pleased that I had actually held up better than I might have expected. The rest of my day seemed to go by fairly slowly, because I just couldn't get into writing. I ended up spending most of my time thinking about what Sherry had told me earlier. Even though I had concluded that Jared and Josh would probably never have reported me on their own, I never imagined the extent to which the authorities had gone to secure my conviction. I thought about Sherry's comment that both boys had been harmed, but not by me, and then I began to appreciate what she had meant by that comment. Sure, Jared and I had enjoyed some sexual activities together and the little shit had made me feel alive again, but I don't think Sherry OR Jared felt I had harmed him in any way. However, the contempt she felt for the authorities was obvious and very deep-seated. Not only had they threatened that sweet kid into making a statement about what we had done, but they were also going to force him to testify against someone he loved. It hadn't been easy to get him to cooperate and the authorities even had to threaten to take both boys away from their mother. When the boys still balked, the authorities even went as far as to promise they would make good on their threat to get what THEY wanted. I found it ironic that they claimed I had harmed the boys by my actions, but did they actually think that what they did hadn't harmed them even worse? Did this show any concern for the boys' welfare or did they scar them far more than I could ever have done, even if what we did was as bad as the legal system claimed? Were they really protecting the boys or just making a name for themselves and possibly furthering their own private agendas and careers? In the long run, who really harmed these boys more? I guess those were the same sort of questions Sherry had been asking and she made it crystal clear that she had already made up her mind on those points. Now, she was asking me back into her sons' lives and pretty much giving me a green light as far as Jared was concerned, but I still had the law to consider. To this end, I sat down and called Bruno next, so I could explain the situation and discuss my concerns. I also questioned him about some of the things Sherry had told me just a few hours before. Bruno was very patient and went over everything in great detail. He very thoroughly brought me up to speed on all of the laws that pertained to this situation and explained how each one might be interpreted. He then offered suggestions about how he perceived everything I had told him. Before I concluded my conversation with him, I asked about the restraining order, and he said he'd have to read it again, to see what it said and what legal ramifications it might still hold for me. He then told me he'd call back to relay his honest opinion, after he had a chance to do that. Bruno also told me he had talked to Sherry and the boys that day after court. Although I didn't realize it at the time, after I had been led to jail, he went back upstairs to see if he could find them, so he could explain why I had taken the plea bargain. He stated that he could tell each of them still considered me a friend and felt terrible about what had happened. He said it was easy for him to see how crushed they all were, because they had inadvertently, goaded on by some over overzealous public servants, caused me to go to jail. Before he concluded the call, he wished me well, but then remembered he was going to check on the restraining order for me, so he told me he'd be back in touch shortly. I thanked him one final time and then we concluded our conversation. After I finished talking to Bruno, I called Jack, so I could get his take on this situation as well. I think he was not only surprised by this new revelation, but he was also concerned about me resuming relations with any of them. Sensing his reluctance, I went into great detail about our past experiences and about the things Sherry had told me. After listening to all of this new information, I think he changed his perspective too, so now he just warned me to be careful. He did mention a few things that I thought were relevant and highly significant before we concluded our discussion, so I thanked him for his input. Once I finished speaking to Jack, I began thinking things over once more, while I waited for Bruno's return call. I wasn't sure when that would be, but for now I couldn't concentrate on anything else. I was actually surprised when Bruno called me back later in the day, because I thought it would take him longer to complete his investigation. First, he told me he had read over the order of protection and had determined that it was no longer valid. He said it had been a temporary order, to protect the boys before the trial, and he had found no other documents that extended it or set any new parameters limiting my contact with them. He said the only restriction I would have would be that I was a registered sex offender and had to honor the stipulations that entailed. I thanked him once more, although I realized I'd be getting a bill for this service, but I was happy to have a better understanding about how things stood for now. I was still mulling all of this over when Darren woke up and he was ready and raring to get going again. He told me to put my swimsuit on, so we could go for a swim, and I actually thought this distraction would be good for me right now. We swam some more laps and actually did a few aerobic type exercises in the water as well, and then we got out, dried off and changed into our jogging outfits again. Once we were ready, we drove back to the campus and duplicated our earlier walk. The only difference was, this time we didn't do the exercises after we finished our walk. Once we got back to the house, we both showered and then I worked on fixing us a meal, while he got ready for work. I also fixed something he could take with him for lunch, and when we sat down to eat, he asked me a question. "What's up, Dad? You've seemed distracted ever since I woke up," he observed. I quickly explained to him about Sherry's visit, some of the things she'd said and the implications of her requests. He listened very carefully and then offered his own advice. "It sounds like that kid loves you even more than I do," he stated, "so I think his mother might be right." I was somewhat surprised by his comment, so I looked up to study his expression. I could see that he was being serious and this wasn't meant as a joke, but before I had a chance to respond, he decided to continue his train of thought. "Look, I'm not gay, so I don't love you in the same way," he clarified, "but I can sure see how someone could. I think this boy wants and needs you, as much as you want and need him, so I'd suggest you go for it, just as soon as he's legal. Once he's old enough to make those decisions for himself, you two should be very happy together." I appreciated his comments, but wasn't sure I understood his true feelings about this. "You mean you approve of my having a sexual relationship with this boy?" I asked, just to be sure. "Absolutely. I enjoyed the things you did with me at the time," he assured me, "so I can see how someone else might enjoy that too." "And it wouldn't keep you from coming back to see me or change your opinion of me?" I persisted. "Hell, no. Not at all," he confirmed. "In fact, I'd probably just consider him to be a little brother, and a very lucky little brother at that." "And what do you mean by that?" I wondered. "I mean he'd be very lucky to have such a loving, caring and gentle lover as you," he explained, and then he gave me one of his special grins. "Are you sure about this?" I asked, since I still wasn't convinced. "I mean, are you sure something like that wouldn't bother you? What if you came back to visit and he wanted to sleep with me that night?" "It wouldn't be a problem, as long as you don't mind if Julie does the same with me," he added, with a wink. "Hmmm, I should have known there was a method behind your madness," I teased, and then I winked back at him. "But really, that's not why I said it wouldn't bother me," he added. "Of course, I also didn't think it would hurt for me to take advantage of this situation either." He was grinning again. "Well, you're definitely old enough to make your own choices, so I won't try to make your decisions for you," I assured him. "The only thing I ask is that you go slowly and proceed very carefully." "Yes, Dad, I will," he promised, but he had this huge grin on his face now. "It sure is nice to know that someone cares so much about me." Later, after I had dropped Darren off at work, I had only been home for a few minutes when the doorbell rang. This time, however, I suspected who it was, so I went over to answer it and let her in. "Good evening, Bob. I hope you don't mind me stopping by on my way home from work again," she began. "No, Sherry. I was still up and just got home myself," I replied. "Have you considered the things I asked you last night?" she pressed, looking hopeful. "I've hardly done anything else," I confessed. She looked pleased when she heard my response. "So, what have you decided?" she persisted. "I haven't yet, but I was able to check out some of the things you told me," I stated. "I hope you're leaning in the right direction then," she urged, "because I can't overstate how much my son needs you. He has withdrawn back into his shell since this happened, his grades plummeted during the last school year and he's been so unhappy and depressed that it's made me cry many times. I'm convinced that only you can bring the old Jared back to me again." "But how do you feel about all of this?" I challenged, and she looked puzzled. "What do you mean? I've told you I want you back in his life," she clarified. "I know, but how do you feel knowing about the types of things we've done?" I stated, directly. "Oh, that," she replied, in a very casual way. "Well, I've always known that sooner or later my boys would be getting into sex, but I just didn't expect either of them would be doing it with another male." "So what do you think about him doing it now, especially with a male my age?" I continued. "Bob, I trust Jared's judgment and I know he's chosen a sweet, gentle lover," she agreed. "If you're the one Jared wants, then I definitely won't stand in his way." "So you have no problems with this?" I persisted. "I always thought I'd have a daughter-in-law, not a son-in-law, especially one my age," she teased, while releasing a nervous little giggle, "but I guess I can live with that." "Possibly even older than you," I corrected. "I still don't mind, because I know how much you mean to him," she confirmed, "and how much you've done for him. He was a completely different kid after you came into his life and the changes in him were all positive. He was very fortunate to have found you in the first place, so I don't want him to lose you now, because of what he was forced to do." "I don't hold that against him, Sherry, nor do I hold it against Josh either," I admitted. "I totally understand why they did what they did." "Then you'll come back into his life?" she asked, looking hopeful again. "I didn't exactly say that, because I haven't reached a conclusion yet," I explained. "The lawyer says there is nothing to stop me, once he reaches the legal age, but then there's still the issues concerning Josh." "With Josh? Did you plan on doing things with him too?" she asked, looking shocked and maybe a little panicked. "No, Sherry, but how will I be able to allow Jared to come down and spend time at my house, but tell Josh he isn't welcome?" I reasoned. "That would be very hard on him, as well as being difficult for Jared and me too." "But why couldn't he come down too?" she wanted to know. "He has in the past, unless you don't want him there while you and Jared are having sex." "That's not it, Sherry," I quickly stated. "The problem is that Josh is still a minor, and now that I'm a registered sex offender, I'm prohibited from being around anyone below the legal age. If anyone were to find out he was coming down here, then I could be charged with failure to comply with the stipulations I need to comply with, even if I am allowed to be around and able to do things with Jared." "Ah, I hadn't thought about that, but I don't think it would be a problem," she stated. "There's no way Josh would ever say anything like that in public again and he has missed you nearly as much as Jared has." "That may be true, but Josh presents a whole new set of problems for me," I informed her. "I'll have to do some more research and think about this a little further, before I can give you an answer." "I understand, but please don't close them out of your life without giving them one more chance," she urged. "They both love you so much, even though it is in totally different ways." "I know that, Sherry, and I love them too," I agreed, "but I'm just not sure that's enough right now. Until I'm satisfied that I can continue to protect myself, as well as both of them, I won't be able to make any firm commitments. Can you understand that?" "Perfectly," she concurred, "and I appreciate your honesty and caution. I also realize that you not only want what is best for you, but what is best for the boys too, and that's why I trust you implicitly." She smiled, thanked me for my time and then said good-bye. As she drove home, I felt she had applied a bit more pressure for me to make a decision in their favor, but I still wasn't sure what I was going to do. There was no way I wanted to go back to jail, let alone get sent to prison, so I had to weigh the options and do what was best for me, first and foremost. I would contact Bruno again, to further investigate some of my other concerns, especially where they concerned Josh. When I checked the time, I noticed it was late, so I went upstairs to get ready for bed, but once again, I was not able to quickly fall asleep. 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