Date: Wed, 13 Apr 2011 11:37:18 -0700 (PDT)
From: G. Mindo <mindo_g@yahoo.com>
Subject: He's waiting

Everything about the lap I'm finishing is usual. The burning sensation in
my chest, the lack of breath, the relief the moment I reach the starting
point. Just as usual is the pain in my legs as I walk, trying to ease the
muscles into a halt. The accumulated saliva in my mouth. The sweat on my
forehead, the heat in my face. Those are all familiar elements from my
daily work-out routine. What isn't an everyday occurrence is that strange
awareness of my own penis I'm feeling; swaying inside my sweatpants,
jumping at the touch of the cloth around it, fuller tonight than it usually
is when I'm exercising. When I run, the last thing on my mind is sex, and
yet here I am, trying to mentally suppress an erection, knowing it's wrong
of me to have it.

Because I know he's inside, waiting.

I'm in the country. In a tourist resort filled with huts. I'm sharing one
with Max. I told him I was going out to do my daily routine. I might have
as well run out the door.

We arrived this morning. I drove here with M, D and Max in M's car. It
started out as a long, boring drive, with D asleep in the passenger's seat
and M singing along to the terrible songs he played at full volume on his
stereo. Max and I sat on the back.

I didn't know him. He was one of D's racquetball students at the country
club where I also worked. His sister had recently become D's girlfriend,
and she, along with some of her friends, would come to join us on the
resort the next day. When she heard us men would be coming one day earlier
by ourselves, she suggested we bring her little brother along. 15 years
old, long-ish straw-colored hair, freckles exclusively on his nose and a
complexion so delicate you felt like you're hurting him just by looking his
way.

I needed our first gas stop to realize this was not the case at all. He was
a plucky, high-energy kid who laughed at all our jokes and made us feel
funnier as a result. There was nothing remotely comical we could say that
didn't crack him up to silly extents. Sometimes a simple comment would draw
from him bouts of silent laughter that he tried to contain without anyone
noticing. By the time we got back in the car, he was more than ready to
quit looking through the window and actually talk to us. Soon enough we
started playing car games, which developed into question games, which ended
up putting him at our mercy. By reading between the lines, we surmised he
was a guy of few male friends and many friends who were girls; but no
girlfriend. No crush. Very little experience by our standards. A cub.
Someone you should treat with more care than usual.

About an hour before we arrived, he pulled out a pack of gum he had bought
at the gas station and offered us some. I accepted one; D and M didn't.

"It's hot as hell in here, isn't it?"

"Sure is", I said. "Take off your t-shirt if you want. It's all men in
here."

He sat with his back to the door, spread throughout his side of the car,
his right leg lifted onto the seat. Comfortable. Excited to be there.

"Nah", he answered after considering it. He chewed on his gum with no
discretion at all, making loud, wet sounds, showing his teeth with each
chew as if he were smiling.

"So, what's there to do at the resort?", he asked.

"Plenty. You'll see once we get there. It's a fun place, from what I
remember."

"Is there a pool?"

"Uh, no. There's a lake though. But what do you want to swim for? This
clown here will be training you all weekend long."

"Hell yeah", said D from the front. "We wake up tomorrow at five, do twenty
laps around the lake."

Max snickered.

"You won't be doing anything with my sister there. She won't let you do
anything, more like."

The car roared with Whoa's, Hey's and laughter. The kid's first joke. I
gave him a high-five, which he accepted with a chewy smile.

Moments later, we arrived at the resort. Other than us there was only a
family with two young kids. We got out of the car and stretched noisily.

"Should we register right away?"

"No. What for? Let's play some soccer."

And so we did. We played for over one hour. I had Max on my team, who tried
really hard, but was no good at all. M and D beat us by seven to two.

We pulled some beers from the cooler and drank. Out of the corner of my eye
I saw Max's expression of mischievous surprise at having us give him a beer
without any questions. He drank fast and confidently, as if wanting to earn
that treatment. Soon enough, the effects were showing.

We went inside to register, where they told us all the huts of four and
over were taken for later that day. We accepted two with two beds each. D
asked me if I would mind sharing with Max. I answered no while he stared
embarrassedly at the floor.

Once outside again, we played American football. This time Max went to play
with M. Neither D nor I dared tackle him in fear we would break him in
half. At some point, however, he did tackle me Ð or tried to. He grabbed a
hold of me from behind, and when it did nothing to hinder me, jumped on my
back, trying uselessly to pry the ball from my hand. All the while laughing
into my neck. We changed the rules so that we had to play riding the other
one's shoulders. Since D was too heavy for me, we exchanged teams again.
Max jumped onto my shoulders with speed as big as his enthusiasm.

We spent more time on this game than we did on soccer. We were winning
right from the start, watching in stitches as M kept tumbling from D's
back. Max was very light, and after a while I got used to having him up
there. More than once though I found myself forced to grab him by the legs
to keep him from falling. He was wearing shorts, which made his skin
available for touch. It unsettled me how smooth they were. Uncommonly soft
for a boy's. I avoided doing it as much as I could.

Near the end of the game, we got to a point where we lost track of the
score, but kept at it for the fun. At one moment, the next touchdown was
taking so long that we implicitly accepted that the team that got to it
first had the victory. M and D had the ball, but M fumbled and dropped
it. I scooped it at great cost without dropping Max, and we ran. I passed
it up to him, but he dropped it too. The other guys charged at us. I
kneeled, picked it up and ran like the devil... until I tripped. Max and I
fell like a tower. M and D picked the ball and ran in the opposite
direction, and before they reached their extreme, they tripped a second
time.

Max was laughing hysterically on top of me. I turned around on the floor
and met his face, one leg on each side of my waist. I kept trying to get
up, but the light agony wouldn't let me, so I remained there for a while,
under him. His hands were on my chest, as was his face, guffawing into my
t-shirt, tickling me. His hand went to my leg and ran its length, going to
the upper thigh and into the insides before he quickly removed it. A
movement worth less than a second's time. I gently got up.

The other guys came up to us, grass on their hair, and suggested we take a
swim. With the family of four on the other bank, we took hold of the pier
and spent the rest of the afternoon there. Max didn't get in. He sat on the
pier with one foot in the water and hugging his knee as he watched and
laughed at what we did. A couple of hours later he left with D to get some
snacks.

I wasn't spending too much time feeling bad about what I had felt him
do. It wasn't like I was going to avoid him now. I'm good at letting things
pass, especially things like these. I understood. Arousal will come and go
at a moment's notice when one's that age. For all intents and purposes Ð if
it really was what I was assuming Ð it flattered me just as much as if a
girl had done it. A person attracted to me. How could that offend me?

A little past six, D and Max arrived. When I laid eyes on him again, I felt
as if I was seeing him for the first time, and realized I had been thinking
about him since he left. It was a strange feeling, and I felt a light
version of some of that kind of joy that is also a nuisance. Like when you
fall for a girl you know you won't get with; or an aunt suddenly and out of
nothing seems sexy.

I took a deep breath and slowly felt those sensations go away. Like
something that could be brushed off, or scrubbed away. And up until then, I
think that's all it was. I submerged my head underwater, and when I came
back out, I was a new person. Someone clean who had never had those
thoughts.

* * *

Dinner in the car. More beer. Music. Some light debate about whether to go
to a nightclub. Then the recollection: the place had a Jacuzzi. Nah. Pool?
Yes! The umpteenth game of the day. This time I won. D had no money to pay
off the bet. What could he do, then?

"Go jump in the lake."

"What? Fuck you."

"No, fuck yourself. In the lake!"

"Yeah", interjected M. "You got no spare money on hand, you jump in the
lake. Simple, bitch. Go."

"Aw, come on! I'll do it tomorrow. First thing in the morning."

"No. Okay, what does Max say?"

We looked at him. He smiled, then nodded. It was decided.

I felt like I was throwing the kid a bone. During the game, I had caught
him throwing glances at me repeatedly. He was being weird, laughing at
everybody's jokes but mine. With all the force of character I could muster,
I insisted on treating him as if nothing had happened, or were
happening. "It's your turn, Max". "Oooh, close one". "Use a bit more
strength this time". But no reciprocity on my behalf. No game with me, no
playing along.

D stripped down to his boxers; then, without giving him a chance, we pushed
him. He yelped from the cold.

"All right, you bastards. Help me out of here. Help me out, or I'm really
getting pissed."

Max obeyed. He gave me no time to warn him. SPLASH! D pulled him in as he
gave him his hand.

"Haha! Take that, traitor!"

Max spluttered and gasped as he tried to get out. He wasn't laughing. M and
I helped him out, and as soon as he was back on his feet, M pushed me from
behind and I fell in too. Fuck, was it cold. D had been a real trooper by
not punching us in the face for making him jump. Moments later, M manned up
and he, too, jumped in. We fought and splashed around as our bodies grew
acclimated to the cold water.

"Let's go once back and forth. Come on, who's a bitch?"

None of us three was. We raced. D beat both M and me. Then, having
forgotten almost completely about poor Max, we devised a game to reach the
other bank, leave a piece of clothing there, then, swim back; so on and so
forth until everything we had on was there. Then we would swim back, put
one piece of clothing back on, until we were all dressed again. See who
finished first.

I went first. By the end I was exhausted. When I came back for good, I saw
Max there, pale, trembling, but in the water. I touched the pier and away D
went. I stayed there, gasping, looking sideways at Max, knowing he was
doing the same. The feeling I had washed off earlier in the same water
seemed to have crawled over me again. A tickling in the stomach. A sense of
unplanned opportunity.

D arrived with his tongue outside.

"I just can't do it, guys. I won the race earlier, don't..."

But we did. We pulled him under, then turned on each other, took each
other's clothes off, such had been the rules of the game. D jumped on Max,
aiming for his underwear. He pulled it out and threw it onto the pier. Then
they turned on me, not caring that I had been the only one who had gotten
the whole task done. Weak, hesitant hands handled my briefs. Any and all
doubts I may have had about Max's intentions vanished. It was his hands on
my thighs, his the fingers that rubbed against my penis.

The cold reached an unbearable degree. We got out, got dressed and ran like
maniacs to our cabins. As the door closed on mine, I was left alone with
Max. My penis exuded small throbs as I tried to apply my command on it. I
tried not to stare as he took his clothes off. My eyes darted, however, and
landed on his thighs, shiny from the water and the dim light of the bedside
lamp.

I went straight to the bathroom and closed the door. The clothes splashed
as I dropped them on the ground, and when I finished, I looked at my erect
cock on the mirror. Rock-hard as it hadn't been in fucking ages. It hurt to
touch. I started masturbating silently, and wound up finishing much sooner
than usual. I let out a very deep breath, all that unbearable tension
literally expelled from me.

I showered, then exited the bathroom with a towel around my waist. Once
outside, I got dressed in my usual training gear. Everything seemed much
easier to handle now. Max had put on a set of tight yellow boxers and a
light-blue t-shirt. He was combing his long hair backwards. Once more from
the corner of my eye, I saw him lay back on the bed, his left leg raised in
an angle.

"You guys always do this?"

The timbre of his voice let me know his laid-back-ness was faked. I was
sure of it, so clear was my head now.

"No. Sometimes, with a couple of beers. Like today."

He chuckled. He ran his hand along his chest, in a gesture of sloth, and
into his waist and below. He raised both legs into an angle, put his arm
behind his head. He looked at me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going outside to jog."

"To jog?"

"It's this routine I have. I haven't missed a day for two months."

"Oh."

He kept looking at me as I put on my socks. Silence you could taste.

"Wanna go to the Jacuzzi later?"

"You're not going to shower?", I asked.

"Sure. Right now. But afterwards? I actually wanted to do that instead of
pool, but you guys..."

"Oh. Why don't you ask D and M?"

"Nah." He laid on his back again. There was a long period of silence as I
put on my shoes. I kept waiting for his next movement, knowing there was no
reason for there to be another one.

Then he got up, walked around my bed and sat down in front of me.

"Well... let me know if you need some help."

"Haha. Will do."

He kneeled on the bed, his legs somewhat spread.

"I'm gonna be waiting up. We can still play something. Like cards and
such."

I looked up at him for the first time since we entered the cabin. Our eyes
met for no less than a second; then he looked down.

"Sure. Have the cards ready."

Then I walked to the door. As I closed it, I heard "I'll be showering."

* * *

I realize I was too nice. I left the door open, I didn't burn the bridge,
like I know I should have. And I also know that's exactly the reason my
penis keeps throbbing whenever I think of walking through that door.

I contemplate the prospect of running my last set of laps around the
resort. Two more and that's it. I get to go back.

I don't know at what point things become a certainty; at what point one
reaches the level of instinct that allows to discard all doubt and clear
the way for blind belief. I close my eyes and take a step, knowing that I
won't plummet into an abyss.

Knowing. To know. I know that when I'm done with this last effort, I'll
feel good, because I will have completed my work-out for the day. I know
that tomorrow I will be right back at the starting point, ready to go
again. I know that when I enter cabin number four, I won't be entering
somebody else's, because it's the one I rented. I know because it's the
number on the key in my pocket.

And I know that the second I let my guard down, the boy inside will jump on
me and let me have sex with him.

And I know I will enjoy it. Until it's over, at least. I know I will get a
thrill out of caressing those thighs. Out of having that body tighten
around my cock. Out of having that freckled face so close to mine; letting
his lips run all over my body, being aware that a thing of such beauty
wants only me and nothing else.

I run and stop right away, because my penis is erect against my sweatpants
and it hurts. I readjust it and keep running. I go as fast as I can. It's
the last effort, so it's the hardest. I finally finish. I spit, catch my
breath. Then I remember. Yes. I will do it. It's barely an option anymore.

I walk taking my time. Amazing how all that exists for me right now is that
little lit-up cabin, and nothing else around it. There's no past and no
future either. Just a straight line.

I reach a closeness to the hut that tells me it's a real thing. It's seems
palpable, so it has consequences. But I don't care about them. I care about
the now.

I step into the porch. I know he can listen to my steps. I stick the key
in, and something inside me feels like it's exploding.

The door opens. It's not a dream. He's there, standing next to his bed,
folding his clothes on top of his bag. I close the door. My hands shake so
hard that the keys fall to the floor. Every step counts. I don't even care
that my bulge is noticeable from a mile away. I reach him. He's focused on
his clothes; but I happen to stare at him long enough to see him turn his
head sideways to get a glimpse at me. His legs are perfectly at my reach,
as is his butt, clad in flimsy yellow fabric. I place my hands on both
sides. He stays still Ð the only line of events that I could possibly
conceive of right now Ð and I press my crotch against it. His buttocks come
into full contact against my groin. His back against my chest, his hair
against my chin. His hands are laid on mine. Certainty has paid off. I let
them wander. One goes to his thigh, as smooth and supple as I remember, the
other to his chest, under his t-shirt.

I pull down his boxers as far down as I can, mid-thigh. He turns around.
His cock clashes with mine as we kiss. I lay him down on his bed. There's a
very unique flavor to his mouth. It's a taste without a taste, but one I
know I am now addicted to. He does these little moans that say thank you,
and give me more, and another thousand things at a time. We push ourselves
further up the bed. The kiss breaks. He spreads his legs. His anus peeks at
me from under his testicles. I pull down my pants, grab both his legs and
get ready to enter him.

"Wait", he says. "I think you're supposed to do this..."

He licks on his hand and rubs it on my cock. It's not enough the first time
around. He shifts his position. It's something we have to do first.

"Lay down", he whispers with a smile.

I lay like I'm going to sleep. My head on the pillow, my hands behind my
head as I watch him take off my pants entirely. He throws them aside and
jumps for my cock. His tongue tickles me on that spot at the back precisely
where the head meets the log, then shoves it all into his mouth, gagging at
first, maybe unaware of the tremendous pleasure he's giving me. I try my
best not to get used to this. I could spend on it all night, but I know he
wants to try that other thing too.

"It's ready now", I say.

We go back to how we were before, both still bare only from the waist
down. I grunt as I enter him while he pulls the sexiest expression
imaginable Ð mouth open, eyes closed, frown furrowed. Pain and pleasure
combined into a quasi-lethal dose. I lean down to kiss him. He gives it a
slow welcome, as he's still getting acclimated to his first penetration. I
take that into consideration. Small kisses only, in his lips and freckled
face; rubbing of noses. Soon enough, he learns to manage the pain. I thrust
harder, drawing squishy sounds with each movement. He kisses me, luring my
head towards his with both forearms. I caress him all over. His skin,
slippery from the sweat, is to my hands as candy is to the tongue. But this
position becomes too uncomfortable for me.

"I'm gonna finish", he groans. "I'm gonna finish..."

I carry his whole body with my arms and take him with two knee strides onto
the head of the bed. Against the wall. He wraps his arms around me. I'm
thrusting so fast I feel like I'm going to spasm any second. His fingers
clutch my back so hard I can feel his nails. I grab his hands and put them
against the wall, spreading his arms. Then he flat-out screams as his cum
jet collides into his own face. Two big discharges, followed by smaller
ones; but his painful pleasure his so great he doesn't even notice.

When I finish, I do it with violence. I hold him again, and as I handle the
orgasm, I might be crushing him in my grip. He hugs me back just as
strongly.

I rest on the bed and he does the same beside me, both our penises still
straight as masts. I don't know what to say, so I just wait for him to talk
and play off that. As the minutes go by, I feel the lust building back
inside me. I know this will last well into the night. And since this is
only the first night of two, I can already foresee the first fault in my
two-month work-out streak. That's certainty for you. Funny how that works.