11/17/1990, Monday
Saint Elisabeth
Nuccio came for the lesson today because I couldn't meet him on Saturday. We had the lesson for about an hour and half, and then I noticed he was tired so we stopped. I asked him if he wanted to rest for a while. He put his arms on the table and rested his head on them. I caressed him very lightly. He took my hand and fiddled my fingers with his.
So I said to him, "come here..." I was sitting near him, so he bent down and crouched with his head on my lap. I caressed his chest through his sweater for a while, then on his cheek. He raised his head, and I bent and kissed him. He responded enthusiastically to my kiss. He liked it, and faintly moaned. I was terribly aroused, so I slowly lowered my hand. He didn't stop me. I arrived at the bulge between his legs and caressed his strong erection. He moaned happily, and pushed himself against me. Thus, while caressing, kissing and groping him, I opened his trousers and caressed his small (but how nice) member, his balls, the furrow between his little but firm butts, and he was more and more excited.
I bent down to suck him, and he became crazy with pleasure. So I gradually undressed him and he helped me. Once naked, he came to sit on my lap, on my bare member (the rest of my body was just dressed). Again, we deeply kissed and caressed each other, and he squeezed against me. He seemed happy. He searched for my hard pole with his small and firm buttocks. He clearly wanted to be taken. I moved so that my hard rod slipped between his firm buttocks, and he cooperated by moving his pelvis until he received me inside himself. He was tossing on my lap to feel me completely inside him, and smiled at me with sweet pleasure. He kissed me with his eyes closed, lightly panting, with an expression of intense pleasure on his beautiful face. He moaned softly, rocking on my lap, and he suckled my tongue. I was so happy.
But then...
All of a sudden, I saw him become sad, I felt he was on the verge of crying. I asked him what's wrong while embracing him, and he cuddled between my arms. Then I asked him, "Did I do something I shouldn't?" "No, it's me who did something wrong." "And what?" "I have a boyfriend, I shouldn't..." "I'm sorry. I knew it, but I didn't think about it because I am so fond of you." "I am really fond of you too, but I have a boyfriend." "So then, let's stop here."
"Yes, thank you." He said, but he remained naked, sitting on my lap, without letting my member slip out. We talked. "Nuccio, I like you so very much. I feel I can fall in love with you. When your boyfriend goes abroad in March, maybe we can..." "I don't know, possibly... but I am in love with him and maybe I still can't." "That's not a problem. I would like you to understand one thing -- I don't want to just fuck you. I would like to really make love with you. It is different, can you understand it? But my friendship and affection towards you do not depend on the fact that you go to bed with me. If one day you would love me, I would be happy, but this is not essential. I am fond of you. I like you. Can you allow me to give you just some small pecks, some caresses from time to time?" "Yes, I'd like that..." "Then, it's all right this way," I said to him. Meanwhile, my member withdrew and slipped out of him. He remained sitting on my lap while we were talking, and lightly caressed my back.
The seven o'clock bells chimed. He got dressed, after promising to come for the lesson on next Saturday. Then, just before going out, he embraced me tightly, kissed me on my lips, and with a broad smile said, "Thank you, Gian." And then he went away...
Nuccio has a personality that I like, a body that I like... and a boyfriend! I am really not lucky, it seems. But I cannot stop hoping!
Orlando? Nuccio? Or neither of them? What a complicated story.
11/21/1990, Friday
Presentation of the Virgin Mary
Nuccio called me to tell me that he can't come to the lesson tomorrow because he has to go out of town with his family. He said he would come next Tuesday. >From his voice, I could tell it was not just an excuse -- he was nice as usual. I hope his scheduling change was not because of what happened the last time, but I don't think it was. Well, we will see what happens the next time.
Dad talked to me about Nuccio and about that time when they started making love. He really was confused. He felt attracted to both boys, although after all, I think he would have preferred Orlando.
This situation made me recall the time when he told me how Mom "conquered" him. I don't know how it really went, but I know how he felt. He was confused also, at least in the beginning.
They were in the mountains, with a group of friends, boys and girls. His friends didn't know he liked boys. They were in an alpine shelter, and Mom and he were alone. They were sitting on the lower bed of a bunk bed, half stretched, and they were chatting. Mom told him about her previous relationship, which just ended, and about her disappointment. Dad had just recovered from the disappointment he got from Sergio, so without telling her "in my case it was a man," he told her that he could understand her perfectly. So, a kind of unity and understanding was born between them, for the shared feeling of hurting due to recent disappointments, in some ways pushed them towards one another. At first, it was just a feeling of friendship, of sharing some common ground, but soon it became something different -- affection, bitter sweetness, and the need to feel less lonely. So they embraced, and their bodies became aroused, and probably without themselves even knowing how and why, they found themselves united and making love.
Afterwards, Dad was neither repentant nor overjoyed -- it had been good, it happened, and that was all. But to Mom, it had been something special. So later, she managed to get him to make love with her again. Dad could feel her desires and her affection, and accepted them. And besides answering to her physical desires, he gave her his friendship, until, as I said, I was conceived.
.
11/26/1990, Wednesday
Saint Maxim
I found a message from Orlando on the answer machine when I got back. He excused himself for the long silence (it has been exactly ten days since I last heard from him), and he said he needed to talk to me about using the gym at my high school. Then, with his usual sweet tone, he told me that he wanted to come to see me soon, if that's okay with me. From what I know about him, this means that he wants to come and make love with me. I'm longing for it! Making love with Orlando is one of the most beautiful things there is -- he becomes so aroused when I kiss, embrace and take him! He has a body that drives me crazy, a smile that makes me melt. Just thinking about him arouses me.
He said he would call me again soon. Unfortunately I promised to Silvio that I would spend all day tomorrow with him. This "unfortunately" is certainly not because of Silvio, because I am really happy to be with him. I'll be glad to spend a whole day with Silvio, but I desire Orlando.... I would like it very much if he decides to become my lover - so I can spend a whole night with him, making love with him, having him fall asleep between my arms and legs, waking him up in the morning, kissing him, and make love all over again. If he accepts being my boyfriend, I would not look at another boy. I would be faithful to him one hundred percent, because I know he would fill up my life, he would give my life some flavor, and some value.
I would like to take a picture of him while he languidly sleeps, completely nude -- he is so beautiful! Between Orlando and Nuccio (both are very hot and passionate when making love, both are very sweet. I really like them both) I think that Orlando is more suitable for me, more mature, and manlier...
11/29/1990, Saturday
Saint Saturninus
Nuccio came for the lesson. He is really handsome. We embraced and gave each other a peck. While he was drawing, I lightly caressed his thigh and he let me do it. I prepared a cake and some orange juice beforehand, and he was thankful for that. While we were chatting near the end of the lesson, he told me that he really loves soccer. I promised him to get him a complimentary season ticket for the soccer championship matches. He was incredibly happy, embraced me tightly and kissed me (regrettably, it was an absolutely chaste kiss) on my lips. He said that he would only be able to take one hour of lesson next week. He thinks drawing is very difficult, but he is learning quite well. And he is incredibly desirable.
Around 10:30 p.m., I called Orlando. I heard another voice. He might have had some guests at home, possibly Gianni. He was of few words. When I asked him if he had found a new job, he said yes. "What's it?" I asked him. He answered that he didn't feel like talking about it. "And what about basketball practice?" I then asked him. I was wrong -- he was talking about handball. He said that nothing had been decided. Then I said: "With your new job, you probably don't have much free time..." "No, why? I have free time." "I would like to meet you." "Ah yes, me too." "When?" "I'll call you," He said. So I understood that he didn't feel like to talk, or he couldn't talk. So I apologized for bothering him and hung up. Truthfully, I was somewhat disappointed. I had hoped for some more warmth. I felt that Orlando was embarrassed. Who knows? I'll wait for him to call me. Or instead, would it be better if I call him again tomorrow?
12/6/1990, Saturday
Saint Nicholas
Orlando hasn't called. Who can understand him?
Today, Nuccio came to return the art book that I lent him, and stayed for just thirty minutes. Therefore, we just chatted and ate some choux a la crème. As usual, I lightly caressed his leg. A little before leaving, he came to sit on my lap without me asking him. He embraced me and we exchanged some pecks. How sweet and nice he was! He will come next Tuesday because he is busy on Monday. He was tired, and he hurt himself again playing soccer. I felt so much desire to embrace him and kiss him, to make love with him, but I didn't want to force him. I could be wrong, but I have the feeling that he is fond of me as well and feels attracted to me. Let's wait and see -- maybe just three more months.
I don't know if I should give up on Orlando at this point. I can't understand him, and I really don't know what to think. I will just wait. However, I would give up on Orlando if Nuccio tells me yes.
12/9/1990, Tuesday
Saint Valeria
Orlando still hasn't called. I always hope to find the answer machine flashing when I come back home. But even if somebody does call, it is never Orlando.
Today, during the class at my high school, Livio and I were alone in the classroom. The other students were preparing for the year-end festival so they didn't come. Students in nearby classrooms had also gone back home. Therefore, while at Livio's back giving him drawing directions, I started to caress his shoulders. Then I lowered my hands to caress his chest through his sweater. I felt he was shuddering, so I dared lowering my hand even more to the bulge between his legs, and I could feel he was fully aroused. After a while, he gently asked me to stop. But he didn't change his attitude towards me at all -- he continued to be nice, gentle, and smiling. Anyway, I think that there is nothing more to do with him. Therefore I can just have my hopes in Orlando or Nuccio, although at the moment, the most likely and the most desirable one seems to be Nuccio.
What should I do? Starting to go to the gay pubs again? I feel that I would just waste time and money at those places, and I get bored. Besides, I don't know if it's really worthwhile -- it seems that I can find no one at those places. And anyway, I like Nuccio very much. I am thinking about Christmas presents for Nuccio. For the moment I think I'll buy two boxes of "Ferrero" chocolates, and one of them will be "Kisses" -- a message to remind him of my desire and my love for him. But I also want to buy him something else. We will see.
The "Ferrero" chocolates make me think of Livio... Who knows why he didn't react right away, why he let me do it at first? Didn't he have the courage to tell me to stop? And yet, he did tell me to stop after a while. He liked it but he was unsure? He was fully aroused for sure. Should I try again with him, or better not? "Don't touch me so, please..." he said, but only after several minutes of my fondling him. He said that while looking at me straight in my eyes, but with such a sweet smile. His look disarmed me more than his words... and made me feel even stronger desires towards him. Livio probably has the most athletic and well-shaped body among the three of them, in spite of the fact that he is the youngest. Yes, Livio certainly also attracts me very much, and I also like his character.
I went to see Dad that day and he said, "At school today, I did something which I have never done in my thirty years of teaching, and which I would never have dreamed of doing -- I felt between the legs of one of my students of the senior class!" "Who is he, Livio?" "Yes, him. And I know he has a girlfriend, and he is one of my students. What's happening to me?" "You like him very much." "Yes, but..." "And the other two don't give you much hope. But, how did the boy react?" "In a weird way. He asked me to stop, but only after several minutes of me caressing and fondling him there. And he told me to stop with such a sweet smile that I would have liked to kiss him, instead of stopping." "But you did stop." "Of course. But in your opinion, why did he let me do it at first?" "Perhaps because he liked it, perhaps he was also unsure, perhaps it was a new experience for him, so he felt excited and worried at the same time. Don't you think so? If it really annoyed him, I think he would have reacted in a more abrupt and harsh way. Don't you agree?"
Dad asked me with a smile if I was encouraging him to try again. Then he added, "But I would like to get some love, not just sex." "You are asking for the most difficult thing for a person to give." I said with a smile. "Why? It is the most beautiful thing, it should be the most easy, not the most difficult to give." "Because one hour of sex doesn't involve as much as just one minute of love. One hour of sex could be an end in itself, but it is not so with love, never." Dad looked at me as if what I had said was an outrage, then said, "Unfortunately, you are probably right." And he seemed pained.
Dad seemed really naïve sometimes. Then he asked me, "At least, you two, do you love each other?" "Yes, Dad. And I followed your advice, and you were right." "My advice?" "Yes, I made him feel that I desired him, and he cooled down. Now we make love just two or three times a day." "Well... you lucky youths, who consider doing it three times a day as cooling down!" he said with an amused smile. "We don't cum each time, Dad. It is also great doing it without cuming." "Yes, you are right. And are you happy?" "Yes, I am. But you?"
"I still don't know," he answered, lightly shrugging his shoulders.
12/19/1990, Friday
Saint Gratianus
Back home at 9:40 p.m. I found Orlando's message. He apologized for the long silence (this time it has been twenty days!) and he said he was sorry that I wasn't at home, but he would call me soon. At first I felt a strong urge to call him back right away, but then I decided against it. "Wait for him to call you," I said to myself. I thought he would never call again but instead... Each time I hear his voice, I feel upset. What kind of game is he playing with me? Does he simply want to have a good fuck with me again? I would like to have a different relationship with him, and not just sex (although I like having sex with him a lot, I must admit it. And afterwards, we always chat for a long time while embracing each other...). I would like to talk with him, to go out with him, to think of each other more. I would like to make plans with him. It is a good sign if he hasn't erased me from his thoughts, that's true, but... It doesn't seem to me that I'm asking too much. Maybe I just have to tell him, to talk with him about that. But I don't know if I would be able to tell him in the right way. I continue to feel a strong urge to call him now, as I heard his sweet and sensual voice. But maybe I will call him tomorrow. Yes, it will be better, even if it makes me uneasy...
Oh, Orlando, Orlando...
12/20/1990, Saturday
Saint Liberatus
What a busy day today!
At 10 a.m. Nuccio came for the usual drawing lesson. He was slightly late because he went to meet his boyfriend. We had the lesson until 11:50, and then as he felt tired, he lay down to rest for while, curling against me. I caressed the nape of his neck, then I gave light pecks on his face. I felt he was aroused, so I caressed him in a more intimate way and he pushed against me. I slipped a hand under his sweater and his shirt and caressed him on his bare chest, on his side, and on his back. Then I bent down and French-kissed him. He caressed my body through my clothes and clung to me happily. Then, while kissing him deeply, I slipped my hand under his trousers and slowly lowered it until I caressed his erection. He was pleased. He held me tight, and moaned. I asked him, "Is it all right?" and he whispered with a wonderful smile, "Oh, yes..."
He unfastened his belt and unbuttoned his trousers. Then I pushed them down along with his underpants. He opened my fly and caressed me intimately. After a short while we were both naked on the sofa. He was moaning softly, pushing his body against mine, and then he gently guided me inside himself, spreading his legs and offering himself to me. While I was slowly sinking inside him, he moaned in a low husky voice, and pushed against me, shuddering. Then I started to take him with long and slow strokes, and he moaned with happiness at each of my thrusts. He started panting loudly, clinging to me with vigour. And suddenly and convulsively, he came, moaning aloud. The intensity of his orgasm triggered mine also.
Afterwards, we remained intertwined with me still inside him. We didn't talk, just smiled at each other and our tongues played together, until 12:10. He is different from Orlando, less passionate, more tender, but just as joyful to receive me inside him. I was happy to see how much he liked making love with me this time.
He was getting ready to leave when the telephone rang. It was Orlando! He told me he was at home because he didn't feel good, and asked me whether I would felt like going to visit him if I had free time. I told him yes.
After I hang up the phone, Nuccio asked me if it was a call from my boyfriend. I told him half a lie -- "No, he is just a friend whom I haven't heard from for a month." Then Nuccio asked me, "Don't you have a boyfriend?" "No I don't." "Don't you go to the gay bar any more?" "No, it has been almost two months since I went there." I would have liked to tell him it was because of him... But I didn't. Nuccio left, but at the doorstep he embraced me tightly and French-kissed me again.
He will come again next Saturday at 12:00, so we will have lunch together here, then we will have the usual lesson, and he will stay until 3 p.m. I think we will probably make love again, if I feel he is ready to give himself to me again, like today. I really desire so much to take him again, to make love with him, to feel his desire to welcome me inside him.
I got ready and left for Orlando's place at once. On the way there, I was telling myself "You are like a dumb ass. As soon as he calls you, you run!" But I was happy to go.
It was 3:25 when I arrived at Orlando's apartment. He came to open the door, wearing just a tank top and pyjama pants. He apologized for having asked me to come, thanked me, and embraced and kissed me. We squeezed against each other in the little entrance room, both terribly excited, and I was still completely dressed. Then I pulled off my jacket and pushed him to his bedroom, onto his bed. I undressed him, caressing and kissing all over his body, and gradually undressed myself. We lay on his bed and started to make love -- how wonderful it was! In spite of the fact that I had just made love with Nuccio, just holding Orlando in my arms made my desires inflame again in an incredibly strong way. I gave him head (how much I liked it!) and I suckled his nipples (how much he liked it!) I teased his love hole with my finger, and we kissed with growing passion. He was terribly aroused (but not just him) and after a short while he begged me to take him.
First I rimmed his hole for a long time to get him ready, then I tried to take him from the front with his legs on my shoulders, but I was hurting him. And yet he absolutely wanted me inside him. So he made me lie on my back and tried to impale himself on my pole, but it still hurt him too much. My dick softened because I didn't like giving him pain. But he was really very aroused, and wanted me inside him at all cost. So he made me get a strong hard-on again, and finally, while lying on our sides in a spooning position with me behind him, I succeeded in penetrating him, and he urged me, moaning softly and murmuring "Yes... oh yes... go on... take me, Gian... take me... yeeees..." Then he turned onto his stomach with me on top of him, and I could at last sink completely inside him and take him with vigor and reciprocal pleasure. I then started to pound inside him. "Oh, fuck me, Gian... harder..." he urged me, pushing up his nice ass against my groin at each of my thrusts.
After a good while, I came inside him. Then he turned onto his back and started to masturbate. I wanted to give him head, but he asked me to suck his nipples (he is extremely sensitive there) and to kiss him. I did as he asked and teased his love hole until he came, moaning wildly. How beautiful his expression was during his orgasm! Then we embraced and I cuddled him, and he kissed me happily all over my face. "Thank you, Gian. It was wonderful!" he whispered.
I gave him some small "Condorelli" nougats that I received from Raffaele, and a magazine with my interview about the restoration of Masaccio's "Creation". We chatted. Then I said to him, "I would also like to have walks with you, and to go out have fun together, like to the movies, and not just to make love with you. Making love with you is really wonderful, but I would like to have a different relationship with you. I like your body, and a lot, of course, but I like you above all as a person." He embraced and kissed me and he told me, "Thank you, Gian. I would like all that too."
Then, having already warmed the water, he asked me if I wanted to take a bath. I said yes. Then afterwards, he took a bath as well. While coming out of the bathroom, I slipped and bruised my right knee and ankle. They are still hurting now. Then he fell asleep. It seems that he always fall asleep after making love. I watched him for a while, and then I lay near him and dozed off. After he got up, he woke me up by gently caressing me, and invited me under his blanket. He cuddled against me like a purring kitten, while I was caressing his beautiful naked body. Then I went out to buy two choux a la crème and four puddings, a pack of orange juice and we ate and drank together. Then he invited me under his blanket again. Our desires awakened again, and we gently but enthusiastically made love again. If we lived together, I think we would make love even more than three times a day! We made love until 5:15, when I had to leave because I had a private lesson. He thanked me repeatedly for having gone to see him....
While he was bathing, I noticed that he had the two little squirrels that I gave him on his TV set, and in the shelf there was the greeting card I gave him for his birthday. Later he told me that he had decided to take lessons from me, and we needed to arrange a schedule. He found a job at a publicity agency not far from his home, and he is doing quite well. He likes his new job, and he works from Monday till Friday. He said that unfortunately he has to help a friend moving during Christmas time, and on New Year's Day, he has to go back home to his family (and also to his boyfriend...)
I like him. I like him so much! And evidently he likes me too. If he doesn't, he would have found tenths of other people who would be more than ready to make love with him. And yet, I am afraid I will never be able to have him all for myself. I have to accept him as he is... or to lose him. For the moment, I can't bear to lose him at all! Maybe deep inside I still have some hope that he will become closer to me in the long run.
Will I disappoint myself?
Anyway, at least for the moment, I am determined to carry on with both Nuccio and Orlando, hoping that one of them will become my lover in the end. Of course, if one of them decides to be my lover, I will have to leave the other, but I would do that willingly. At this moment, I feel attracted to and love them both. But what a mess! I never felt this way -- strongly attracted to two people.
The fact that he was carrying on two relationships at once was what troubled him the most, and yet he didn't feel like making a choice, fearing that the one he chose would sooner or later tell him "No, it was just an adventure." He feared of being alone again. During this period of time, once he told me, "This is my last chance. I will never have another chance later. Therefore I must try not to waste it, not to shut any door, even though I feel weird telling both of them 'I love you.' And yet, believe me, Raffaele, I was not lying when I told then so. I really love them both, or rather, the three of them. But sometimes I feel like an old slut."
"But you are not trying to take advantage of them, right? You are just waiting for one of them to answer to your love, aren't you? Therefore, in my opinion, you are everything but an old slut, Dad!" "You are kind. You say that only because you love me." "Of course I love you, Dad! But I say so because I am sure it is so. Go on without worrying, Dad, don't cause too much trouble for yourself."