Date: Sun, 22 Jan 2006 07:48:50 -0800 From: fritz@nehalemtel.net Subject: I Love Corey, Chapter Seventy-four I haven't decided which of us is the greater glutton for punishment, you for reading this story, or me for writing it. Perhaps both of us need a long series of visits to the nearest psychiatrist's office. Since no one has been sending me large bags of money for this story, I'll have to forego the pleasure of the psychiatrist. That is unless one of them is willing to treat me pro-bono. That brings up the question of, would I accept treatment from someone that didn't charge for it? Experience has taught me that you generally get about what you pay for, and I think I would always worry about any treatment that I didn't pay for being worth about what I was paying for it. Aren't you glad you aren't me, trapped in my mind? Anyhow, if you are under the age of your majority, leave before you get caught lurking here, reading this story. After all, what would your parents or guardians say if they caught you? Unless you have thought up a really good excuse to be reading this, leaving is the wise choice. You won't have to put up with all those sighs, and of course the question, "What am I going to do with you?" Don't you just love rhetorical questions? Take my word for it; attempting to answer that question will only get you in more trouble. However, if you have reached the age of your majority, you are free to continue reading. On to the next subject, and that is, if you find descriptions of gay sexual acts offensive, you had better leave. You never can tell when I might put such descriptions in, and I wouldn't want to offend your delicate sensibilities. Aren't you glad I worry about things like this? I only do so to save you from yourself. However, if you don't find such descriptions offensive, you are free to continue reading. We are now down to those of you who happen to live where Big Brother is watching you. Not only that, he is trying to protect you from evil people like me. After all, why else would he pass laws restricting what a person can read? Don't you realize just how happy you will be if you only think pure thoughts? That is what Big Brother wants for you, to make you into mindless people, full of happy thoughts. That assures him that you will never think for yourselves, and overthrow him. By the way, if you haven't read Mr. Orwell's "1984", I recommend it. If you are fortunate enough not to live in such an area, you may continue reading. Now we're down to the nitty gritty. This story is mine. Therefore, please attribute any quotes used from the story to me. Also, please don't post it on any other site without requesting and receiving permission from me. Here is the part I like best. If you think of a way to gain monetary rewards from the use of this story, please share them with me. Then maybe I can afford the psychiatrist. This story is pure fiction. Okay, so there is nothing pure about this story. None-the-less, it is still fiction. That means the characters don't exist, and the events described never happened. If you think otherwise, you live in a fantasy world. Don has once again contributed greatly to this story. He deserves your thanks for his efforts in editing. Please face Don, bow three times, and thank him. I'm sure he will appreciate it. Lastly, feel free to write and bitch about the story. You can even ask questions, make suggestions, or just offer comments. Be warned, I normally answer all such emails. To make sure I receive such emails, be sure to put "I Love Corey" in the subject line of your email. Then just send it to fritz@nehalemtel.net and with that, I hope you enjoy the following chapter. Fritz ************************************************************************** I Love Corey, Chapter Seventy-four Something wasn't right. The hair didn't smell right and the body under my arm didn't feel right. As I struggled back to consciousness, my mind tried to figure out just what was wrong. It took a while, but I finally figured it out. Kevin wasn't Corey. About the time that percolated through my mind, my mind also thought duh, of course he isn't Corey. I finally staggered off to the bathroom, wondering why it took so long for my mind to start working in the morning. It's a good thing my life didn't depend on my ability to think before my morning cup of coffee. I was the first one up, so I plugged the coffee pot in and retrieved the morning paper. By the time I made sense of the funnies, the coffee was done. After that, things started to pick up. The oven was now pre-heated to 450 degrees and I put the roast in. Corey showed up and we shared the paper while the roast was searing. When the roast was seared, I turned it down to 180 degrees. It should be ready about anytime after we got home. Bruno showed up and joined us in drinking coffee. As more people trickled in, I finally started breakfast. I was going to serve blueberry pancakes, along with sausage and eggs. I didn't bother to get everyone at the table at the same time because it was easier to cook for them in small batches. It worked out just about perfect. As soon as some people were filled up, more showed up and I just kept cooking. Put a bunch of pancakes on the grill, sprinkle some blueberries on them, turn them over when the first side was browned, and then serve when done. I even managed to make sure the eggs were just finished when each person was ready to eat. Dog had figured out that by standing close to Lisa and Candy, he got what they spilled. Well, he also got what they gave him. Of course he had to make a bunch of trips over to Kevin and Kristen, but he didn't seem to mind. The morning was going smoother than I had thought it would. However, we were done with breakfast sooner than I expected. That meant that we had some time to kill. No one had much to say, so the conversation was somewhat less than interesting. Finally it was time to start getting ready. Everyone seemed almost relieved that it was now time to get ready. Don't you just love it? If you are crowded for time, then nothing goes right, and you just keep getting further behind. Then there are days like today. We started getting ready plenty early, so of course it didn't take as long as we'd allowed. The giggle boxes cooperated and it didn't take long to get them ready; even Lisa and Candy didn't present any problems. So there we were, ready with no reason to leave yet. We sat around, stalling for a few minutes, and then just gave up and left for the church. Maybe there would be something we needed to do or know about. Of course no such things came up and all we ended up doing was sitting in the small room reserved for the family. And we sat, and we sat, and we sat. At least we weren't late. The room was in the basement and off the kitchen so we had no idea what was going on. Fr. George checked in with us several times, as did both of the Rowlings, who kept assuring us that everything was going well and to just relax, the service would start when scheduled. Of course that did nothing to calm me down. I kept hoping that at least a few people would show up for Corey's sake. I was really worried about that because so few people in our area had ever gotten to know her. The giggle boxes were restless, as were Candy and Lisa. We all managed to keep them somewhat calmed down, but the whole waiting thing was a real drag. I swear I was about ready to come unglued by the time it was finally time for the service. I shouldn't have worried about the crowd. In fact I was shocked. The whole church was jammed with people. Also, there were enough flowers to stock a florist shop. I couldn't believe it. Sure a lot of people had called, asking when the funeral was, but I never dreamed that many of them would actually attend. As my eyes drifted over the crowd, I saw many students and their parents. I also spotted some of my colleagues and some of my friends. The crowd was too big and I didn't really have time to look it over that well before the service started. Fr. George did his usual excellent service and when he talked about Mrs. Babcock, he really seemed like he had known her. Soon it was over and it was time to head to the cemetery for the interment. At least it wasn't raining. There is something about a rainy interment that just makes the whole thing more depressing. While the day wasn't sunny, there was no rain and it wasn't very cold. Corey had made it through the service pretty well, only breaking down when Trevor and Jamall sang. Their voices blended nicely and I was sure that they had practiced with Mr. Besslor. However, the graveside part of the services didn't go as well and when the casket was finally lowered, he totally lost it. All I could do was clasp him to my chest and hold him while he quietly sobbed. Then there was the dropping of the boutonnières. He stumbled and almost fell as we all filed past the grave and did that. Finally the services were over and it was time to return to the church for refreshments. I couldn't tell you how the refreshments were because Corey and I spent our time thanking people for attending. I still couldn't believe the size of the crowd. Most of the football team was there, along with their parents. Much to my surprise, not only were Kirk Chambers and Dick Thompson, along with Derrick from the Castro restaurant there, some of the people we had met at their party were also in attendance. The Springers, from the Springer House were in attendance and Martha hugged Corey and told him how sorry she was. I think the whole faculty of the school was there, along with most of the other teachers in the area. After a while I lost track of who was there and who wasn't. The crowd was just huge. I also lost track of the people that we invited to stop at the house. It's a good thing that Uncle Matt and Bruno had both driven their cars because it took all three vehicles to hold all the potted plants that we needed to take home. Even so, the boys had to hold part of them because there just wasn't enough room in the trunks and the back of the Gator. I should have driven the pickup. On the way home Corey asked why all the people had attended because he knew a lot of them had never met his mother. "Well Corey, funerals are for the survivors, not the person being buried. Those people were there to support you. Most of them have lost loved ones, and they know that it helps to have friends and supporters at the funeral. Most of the football team was there and that was to show you that they care and they want to help you. It's the same with the other people. Almost all of them know you and they just wanted you to know that they feel badly for you and that they're your friends. By attending, they were showing their support for you and trying to tell you that they want to help you. You should be thankful you have so many friends, and that they want to help you." "Oh," was all he said to my explanation. Yet I could see him thinking about what I'd said, and even the other boys seemed to be thinking about it. It took a while to get all the flowers packed in, and by the time we finished that, people started showing up. Bob Asher and Carl Benson were among the first and they pitched right in and helped. Soon the house was full of people and Dog finally gave up and went outside. There were so many people he couldn't figure out where to lay. The sun had finally broken through the clouds and the patio warmed up to where some of them were out there. Sara and Aunt Sandy had fixed a couple of humongous salads, both potato and fruit, and there were also a bunch of those casseroles we hadn't touched. We stuffed the second oven full of them and started them cooking. All the boys, except Corey, were busy serving people coffee and soft drinks. I was chased out of the kitchen and told to go be with Corey, to try to support him. We ended up in the family room and a steady stream of people kept coming in and telling him how sorry they were for him and that they would like to help him in any way they could. Nancy Garvin, Sara, and Aunt Sandy took over the kitchen and were busy getting things ready for the buffet. I felt kind of like a third wheel in my own house. People were wandering all over and I had no control over what was going on. All I could do was kind of hover in the same area as Corey, trying to make sure it didn't overpower him. Kyle, bless his heart, brought Corey a Coke and me a cup of coffee. I felt like kissing him but he was gone before I could. After what seemed like forever, people started wandering around with paper plates full of food. I finally dragged Corey in and made him get a plate and fill it. He hadn't eaten much breakfast and it was getting late in the afternoon. He really needed to eat something. Corey got his plate filled, and then Aunt Sandy insisted I do the same. I suddenly realized I was hungry. I'd been so worried about how the funeral would go that I hadn't eaten much breakfast either. When I got my plate filled, I looked around and couldn't see anywhere to sit and eat. I finally went out on the patio and found a place to sit down and eat. It wasn't a chair, just the wall of a planter that ran along the side of the house, but it was better than nothing. The roast was a good idea except for one thing. How do you cut a bite of roast with those stupid plastic knives? Obviously you can't. I worried the slice of roast around for a while and finally gave up. Corey appeared to be having the same problem. Having no better ideas, I just stabbed the slice of roast and raised the whole thing to my mouth and gnawed a bite off. Corey watched me and started giggling about my table manners. "You got any better ideas?" I asked him. About that time, Bob Asher stabbed his slice of roast and did as I had done. Carl Benson started giggling and soon everyone on the patio was giggling and stabbing their slices of roast, then gnawing bites off. That seemed to break the somber mood that had hung over the whole gathering. "Mother would be horrified if she could see me now," I quipped. "She was always after me about my table manners." "You're not the only one," Carl followed up. Mrs. Downie looked over at me and said, "It's a good thing you're not my son or I'd have to box your ears." She followed that by gnawing a bite off her slice of roast and then grinning at me. There were probably forty people on the patio and they all burst out laughing over that. The conversation suddenly turned to disasters at the table. However, no one could top Judy Smelling's story about when she managed to stick her tit, well she actually referred to it as breast, in the gravy at Art's parent's home the first time she had been invited there for dinner. As she went through all the circumstances leading up to that accident, she had us all in stitches. In the end, she blamed it all on Art's younger brother. Had Chuck not dropped the milk jug, it would never have happened, at least according to her. The way she told about how embarrassing it was had us all "in stitches" the whole time she was telling it. Well everyone except her daughter Debbie, who just looked at her with that expression that all kids use when they would rather their parents just shut their mouths and quit embarrassing said child. You know that expression, the one with the eyes rolled up and a look of disgust, mixed with resignation, on the child's face. All parents have seen it many times. The day was brighter after that; people quit being so afraid of saying something that might upset Corey or me, and actually started visiting with us, and each other. I gathered up a bunch of empty plates and took them into the kitchen to throw them in the trash. There I found Nancy, Sara, and Aunt Sandy looking for something more to cook, especially something in the meat line. That humongous roast was about history, and there were still people that hadn't eaten. I grabbed a ham out of the fridge in the garage and started it cooking. I cheated a little by starting it in the microwave, but that couldn't be helped. I had planned on slicing some of it for breakfast tomorrow, but it looked like it could be put to better use today. We also found a meatloaf that someone had brought and threw that in the oven also. There were still people arriving so I had no idea how many more would eat. Once the ham was pretty well warmed up, I added some cider to the pan, covered it and put it in the regular oven. I had the oven pretty hot and would rather have cooked the ham slower, but the roast would be completely gone before it was ready so all I could do was hurry it as best I could. At least all those casseroles that people had brought wouldn't go to waste. The crowd that had showed up was really thinning them down. Being inside meant that I was now able to visit with a different bunch of people. As I wandered through the crowd, thanking people for coming, I saw Kyle say something to Mark. The next thing I knew, Mark had a coffee carafe and was offering to refill cups. I looked around some more and saw Kyle talking with LT and JJ and soon they were picking stuff up and putting it in the garbage. I finally worked my way back to the kitchen and checked on the ham. It wasn't as well cooked as I would have liked, but I took it out and sliced it up. At least it was a good ham, not one of those boneless things you find at most supermarkets. By the time everyone left, it was late. The little ones were tired and more than ready to go to bed. Once they were down, we sat around and talked a little. The boys started yawning and headed for bed and so did the rest of the adults. I was still wound up and emptied the dishwasher. Then I decided to check and see if everything had been picked up. I found a couple of glasses and a coffee cup so headed back to the kitchen to put them in the dishwasher. Kyle was standing in front of the fridge in his boxers, peering intently in it. That was a pretty normal sight, seeing one of the boys scoping out the leftovers. I just put the glasses and cup in the dishwasher, which was right next to the fridge. About then Kyle sighed and closed the door. "What's the matter? Couldn't see anything you liked?" I asked. "Nah, I'm not that hungry anyway." Kyle was still standing there in front of the fridge and I reached out and pulled him into a hug. As usual, there was a stiffness that none of the other boys had when I hugged them, kind of a reserve that I had not yet broken through. I always tried to hug each boy at least once a day. With the others, they just sort of leaned into that hug, but Kyle never had. It was like he was afraid to let me get too close to him. He never pulled away, but he never leaned into it either. "I don't know how to thank you for all your help today. In fact, all your help this week has made things so much better. I doubt that Corey noticed, but I sure did. I think he's still too upset to notice anything. Anyhow, I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate it and that I'm so... proud of you." Kyle didn't say anything, but he didn't pull away either. I continued, "I saw you telling Mark and the other boys what to do and believe me, everyone appreciated the help. I know you still don't really trust me, but I'd like you to know I'd be proud to call you son and just wish you were." I was just about to release him when for the first time his arms went around me and he hugged back. In fact he about crushed me he hugged so hard. His head sort of dropped to my shoulder and we just stood there, hugging each other. I didn't really know what to say so I just hugged back. I could feel his shoulders start to shake and suddenly realized he was crying. I just squeezed him a little tighter and let him cry. After a few minutes he released me. "How about a dish of ice cream? I think there's a new carton in the freezer," I asked him. I got a little sniffle and a nod of his head, so I went and got the ice cream. A little dish for me and a huge dish for Kyle seemed to be in order. So there we sat, eating ice cream. Kyle kept looking up at me, almost like he wanted to say something. Finally I couldn't stand it and looked at him and said, "What?" "Did you mean it when you said you'd be proud if, uhh, err, like I was your son?" he asked. His voice had an almost frightened quality in it. I slid my chair a little closer to him, put my arm across his shoulder, and answered. "Of course I meant it. Don't you realize what a nice person you are? Any parent would be proud to have you for a son. You watched out for your brother. Now you watch out for all your brothers. I know, Mark's you only real brother, but you threat the other boys like brothers. I've seen you helping them. Why wouldn't I want you for a son?" "My real Dad didn't." I wasn't quite sure how to answer him but knew this was important. I'd finally cracked his reserve and needed to let him know I would help him and be there for him. Yet I needed to let him know, without demonizing his father, that most parents weren't the way his had been. "Kyle, most parents are good parents. Some aren't. Your Dad was one that wasn't a good parent. I don't know why. Maybe it's because his parents weren't good parents, or maybe it's for some other reason. Anyhow, you had the misfortune of not having a good father. I know I can never take the place of a real father, but I'd like to try. When I look at you I see an attractive young man who is thoughtful and considerate of other people. When you let yourself go, you've got a good sense of humor. You do pretty well in school and are getting better. I've never seen you be cruel to anyone. In other words, I see a nice young man I'd like to help if I can. I know it was upsetting to be sent to live with me, but so far I have no regrets and only hope you get to stay as long as you want." I was kind of out of words and needed more time to think. However, it turned out that more words weren't really necessary. Kyle just leaned into me and there we sat, our half eaten dishes of ice cream slowly melting. It was almost like he was trying to soak up enough affection to make up for all that he had missed in his life. Before it was done, we sat and talked for a couple of hours. I learned more about him than ever before. For the first time I learned what some of his dreams were, and some of his fears. Of course he was afraid of being gay, but I pointed out that a bunch of people, some of whom had been here today, and some of whom he'd met on our trip to San Francisco, were gay and they seemed to get along all right and were happy. I also pointed out that Corey, LT, and JJ were gay and that wasn't stopping them from being happy. I even ended up going over the hatred some religious people held for gays and how most of it was based on misinformation and lack of knowledge of what their religious books actually said. Two hours later we finished our melted ice cream and finally went to bed. I managed to get one last hug as he headed for his bedroom. I could only hope he was finally coming to terms with what had happened to him, and was now willing to get on with his life and try to make the best out of it that he could. After all, that's all any of us can do. I had to shove Kevin back towards the middle to get enough room in the bed, but as soon as my head hit the pillow, lights out. I was exhausted. However, if I had finally made some progress with Kyle, it was worth it. There was something radically wrong. Something was coming out of the bed, trying to grab me, and there was some high-pitched noises accompanying it. What awful kind of dream was I having? Sudden shock brought me out of it enough to start to figure out what was happening. The high-pitched sound returned again, accompanied by the thing from the bed grabbing me, but this time I could actually hear the high-pitched sound. It was saying, "Wake up Uncle Sammy, were hungry." The thing from the bed grabbed my shoulder again and that sound almost repeated itself with, "Wake up Uncle Sammy, were really hungry." A few more seconds and it finally percolated through my mind. Kevin was hungry, that much I could figure out from the sound, but that still didn't account for the thing, trying to get me from the bed. About then I heard another voice saying, "Maybe I can wake up Uncle Corey." That voice was a little higher pitched than the first. Then I heard Corey groan, followed by that higher pitched voice saying, "Wake up Uncle Corey." My mind was starting to spin up to speed, well at least part way up to speed, and suddenly it dawned on me that Kevin and Kristen were trying to wake me up. I got one eye open and glared at the clock. Jeez, ten after five. It had been about one-thirty when I made it to bed. I think I groaned, although I'm not sure, but Kevin and Kristen must have thought I did something because they renewed their attack on me. The thing from the bed was their little fingers, shaking my shoulder. "Go back to sleep," I mumbled. "But were hungry." I laboriously got myself rolled over to where I was facing them and threw my arm across them. "Its too early, go back to sleep," I muttered. "But we want some pancakes," I heard Kristen tell me, followed by her brother's, "And some of those little sausages." The best I could do was grunt over that. Well needless to say, a few minutes later I had my bathrobe on and was stumbling towards the kitchen. Once there, I soon discovered that I didn't have any of those little sausages. In fact, with the use of the ham yesterday, all there was in the fridge was some bacon. "I don't have any of those little sausages Kevin. Maybe you could have some bacon instead." "I don't want bacon, couldn't you find some of those little sausages, please," Kevin whined. "The store isn't open yet." "Oh." There was a long pause. "When's it open so you can get some?" Now it was no longer a case of would I get some link sausages, merely when. Somewhere along the way I had lost the first part of the battle, and hadn't even realized I was fighting it. "About two and a half hours," I answered. Another, "Oh," followed by another pause. "But were hungry now." "How about some cereal?" I offered. "Euuu, I don't want no cereal," I heard Kristen say. "I don't want any cereal," I automatically corrected her. It had to be automatically, because my mind still wasn't up to doing much. It was still asleep. I just wished my body still was. After quite a bit of negotiation I finally talked them into eating a banana and then I would read to them until I could go buy some links. So, bananas in hand, they led me to the family room and got out some of their books. Now my recliner is fairly big, but having both of them in it, along with me, really filled it up. Actually they were more on me than in the chair. When they seemed comfy, I started in reading. I started with "The Duel," by Eugene Field. After telling them all about how the Gingham Dog and the Calico Cat had eaten each other up, we moved on to "Seeing Things." Kevin really liked that one but Kristen was rather indignant. "Wynken, Blynken, and Nod" followed, along with "Little Boy Blue." I finished up Eugene Field with "The Sugar Plum Tree" before moving on to Dr. Seuss. Kristen lasted through most of "I Can Lick Thirty Tigers Today" before nodding off. Kevin was made of sterner stuff and he lasted till I was almost done with "Horton Hatches An Egg." Of course that doesn't count "The Cat In The Hat," or "On Beyond Zebra," which they both made it through with no problems. They were so peaceful sleeping, mostly on me, that I just pulled them a little tighter, then gave up and joined them. I really needed more sleep. The next thing I knew it was daylight outside and Aunt Sandy was standing there, snickering at me. "And just why are you sitting there sleeping with my kids draped across you?" she asked. "Kevin and Kristen were hungry so they woke me up," I answered. "I didn't see any dirty dishes." "Kevin wanted link sausage and I didn't have any. I promised to get him some when the store opened." The snickering turned into snorting. "I sure hope you have better government in your classrooms than you do with your niece and nephew," she managed to snort out. All I could do was hang my head. She was right. The giggle boxes could worm about anything out of me. "Well, someone has to spoil them," I whined. "Yeah, but you don't need to do such a good job of it." With that she turned and left, still snorting and snickering. Uncle Matt stuck his head in, shook it, and left. I finally wiggled my way out from under the sleeping Kevin and Kristen and went to get dressed. I envied Dog; he had curled up next to Corey and merely raised his head while I dressed. Then it was off to get some sausage for the giggle boxes. Aunt Sandy was right; I did spoil them and always had. Their sleeping with me had started a long time ago and I wondered when they would no longer want to do so. They never slept together except when they could sleep with me. By the time I returned with the links, everyone was up and soon breakfast was being cooked. I could have cheerfully wrung Kristen's neck. She complained she didn't want those "little stick sausages," but instead wanted a big round one. So I patiently removed the sausage from three of the links and made her a patty, most of which she promptly fed to Dog. At least Dog was happy, even if I wasn't. The one bite she ate could have just as well been from a link. Oh well, she was cute when sneaking Dog his bites. She knew she wasn't supposed to feed Dog at the table, but somehow that rule sort of got overlooked. Aunt Sandy just looked at me and glared. At least Dog got his morning exercise. Kristen was on one side of me, and Kevin on the other, so Dog had to run back and forth between them. I told them they shouldn't feed Dog at the table, but all I got were some giggles, and they kept right on feeding him. Like I told Aunt Sandy, someone needed to spoil them and it might just as well be me. They were both so cute. One of the funny things was, they seemed to know when I was really serious and then just followed orders. The rest of the time they ignored any orders I gave. I had told Fr. George that we wouldn't make it to church today because Sara and Bruno had to leave at what would be the middle of the service. So after breakfast was over, and the dirty dishes picked up, we sat around and visited a little. Things had been so hectic while getting ready for the funeral that we hadn't really had time for much of that. Even Corey joined in. He seemed somewhat sad, but looked to be starting to adjust. I knew there would be many sad times ahead for him, but there was no way to prevent that, so I could only go on with life and hope he would try to do that same. So far, it looked like he was trying. When everyone was gone, then maybe I could talk with him some more and help him. It really wasn't long before Sara and Bruno had to leave to catch their flight. I got sloppy kisses from Lisa and Candy, and a big hug from Sara. So did the boys. I snickered silently to myself when I saw them wiping their faces after their kisses from Lisa and Candy. Little ones tend to be a little sloppy with their kisses. Bruno shook hands with everyone except Corey, and with him, he just grabbed him and hugged him. Then they were off to catch their flight back to Texas. I really hadn't expected them to come to the funeral and I hoped that Corey appreciated it. The rest of the boys wandered off while Corey and I sat and visited with Uncle Matt and Aunt Sandy. Actually Aunt Sandy didn't say much. Mainly it was about the property in the Castro district. I couldn't remember ever seeing Uncle Matt this fired up except for the births of Kevin and Kristen. He was really excited about it, to the extent that he was considering moving to San Francisco to be closer to it. Most of his business he could just as easily run from there and I suspect he could even increase it. There was no real reason to stay in Medford, so that didn't enter into it. They had decided to live there because it had just been a place they both liked. However he said he wasn't going to do anything along that line right away. There was one problem though, and that was the papers would be ready to be signed late in the week and he wondered where we could meet and sign them. Boy, I hadn't expected the deal to go through so quickly. That brought up the problem of Disneyland, since we had been going to leave Saturday morning, but that would make it extremely difficult to arrange for the signing. Uncle Matt wondered if we could delay that until Sunday so we could have the signing on Saturday. Since the passes weren't good until Monday, that seemed reasonable. A little more talking and it was even better. The signing would take place on Saturday morning, and we could leave in the afternoon. Aunt Sandy and the giggle boxes weren't coming so he would just drive down, sign and head back home. While it was still quite a drive to Los Angeles, I had originally figured on two days and I was only loosing part of one. By driving it in two days, I didn't have to drive such long hours. Sure, by leaving early, we could have driven it in one day, but I knew that my butt would be tired if we did so, and I was pretty sure the boy's butts would be also. This would just make it a little later start. While I had toyed with the idea of leaving Friday night after school, I figured that a good night's sleep would be beneficial. The boys were going to be hyper enough, so I didn't need them tired at the same time. Sometimes they could get a little testy when tired and hyper. It was lunchtime so I fixed some lunch. Actually I opened some cans of soup and put some sandwich makings on the table, however the boys dove right in like they were starved. Then we visited a little more and it was time for Uncle Matt and Aunt Sandy to head home. The kisses from the giggle boxes weren't as sloppy as Lisa's and Candy's, and Aunt Sandy gave Corey a long hug while the rest of the boys got much shorter ones. Finally it was just us in the house and everyone just sort of collapsed in the family room. I think we were all tired from having our routines upset. I know I was. It didn't take me long to doze off, the sounds from the television didn't bother me at all. When I woke up, the only one still left in the room, besides me, was Kyle. He was slouched on the sofa, snoring lightly. I glanced at the clock and saw it was getting close to dinnertime, but really didn't feel like cooking. Going out to dinner seemed like a good idea. Anyhow, I went over and sat down beside Kyle and gently shook his shoulder. As usual, he once again proved that he didn't wake up very easily. He finally gave somewhat of a gasp, and wildly looked around. When he saw it was me, he just melted against me. My arm seemed to find itself around him, holding him against me. "Have a good nap?" "Uhh," was the best he could do for an answer. We sat there for a couple more minutes and then he asked me a question. "Did you really mean it when you said you were proud of me?" he asked sleepily. I reached over with my left hand and tousled his hair. "Of course I meant it." If anything, he leaned into me even harder. Then we just sat there for a while, enjoying ourselves. We had no place we had to be, or anything we had to do. In fact, I though he had dozed back off he was so still. "What's going to happen to me?" The question startled me. There was also a longing and sadness in his voice. "Well, I guess you'll stay here as long as Children's Services lets you. If it was up to me, that would be until you wanted to leave, like to go to college, or when you decided to move out and be on your own." Nothing was said over the next couple of minutes. Kyle just continued to lean against me, apparently thinking. "I hope I get to stay here, I like it. Do, I mean is there any way, uhh, maybe..." he trailed off. Occasionally my mind truly works. It just burst into my mind what Kyle wanted and why he wanted it. He needed assurance that he could stay here because he needed the security that it would bring to him. He had managed to survive in his home environment, not because he liked the abusive treatment, but because he felt secure there. He knew his place and was secure in that knowledge. He could tolerate the abuse because of that security. When he was uprooted, suddenly that security was gone and he had nothing to cling to. He'd been aloof, and failed to really fit in because he was afraid to open up and take a chance, fearing that he would again be uprooted. In other words, he needed a place where he truly felt he belonged. The somewhat open-ended placement of him by Children's Services wasn't enough for him. I felt so guilty that I hadn't figured that out before. He was rootless and he needed those roots, that feeling of knowing his place and being in it. Now that I knew what he needed, the only question was how to assure him of his place, that is if it was even possible. The only way I knew to assure him that he could stay was to adopt him, and I wasn't even sure I could. A young single man trying to adopt a boy, well I had no idea if it was even legal, much less if I could do it. It wasn't because I didn't have the resources, only if the courts would allow it, and on that I had no idea. It would depend on the particular judge, and I really didn't know much about the judge. In fact, I wasn't even sure it would be the same judge that had Okayed Corey's guardianship. So many thoughts were racing through my mind that it took a minute or so before I could figure out how to try and answer. That time was too much for Kyle, and he started to stiffen up and slightly pull away from me. "Kyle," I said softly, "There are all kinds of problems." I shouldn't have started that way because he really tensed up. I hurried on, "It's not that I don't want you here, I'm just not sure of how to make it happen. As you know, you're still not a ward of the court, only in temporary custody. By that I mean that the court has not ruled that there is no chance of returning you to your family. Until that happens, there's nothing I can do." I sure wasn't gaining any, he was really trying to pull away, and the only reason he wasn't succeeding was I had a tight hold of his shoulder with my hand. "Kyle, please wait a minute and give me a chance to explain." Suddenly he just slumped down, no longer trying to get away. It was like he was suddenly defeated. "Look, I don't know what it will take, but I'd like to adopt you if possible. I don't know that it's possible, but I'd like to try, that is if you would like me to? But before that can happen we need to talk with Judy and see if it's even a possibility. She'll know what it takes and if it is possible. If I can't do that, maybe we can get an assurance from her that you get to stay here. I promise to try to make it happen, but only if that's what you want. I can't guarantee success, but I'll try. Is that what you want? To have me adopt you and Mark?" Well, it didn't take any brains on my part to figure out that he wanted it. It also didn't take any words on his part. All it really took was when he jerked his shoulder out of my hand, spun around, wrapped his arms around me, and about crushed my ribs; well that and the fact that tears were running down his cheeks despite the wide smile he wore. At least I think it was a wide smile, I only got to get a glimpse of it before his head was buried on my shoulder. Sadly, it was not the most comfortable position I'd ever been in. We'd been sitting side by side, with our legs almost touching, and now the upper part of my body had been pulled around to where I was facing him. Since our knees were now jammed together, that meant that both our bodies were twisted about ninety degrees. It wouldn't have been bad for a few seconds, but Kyle showed no signs of letting go. However, I just patted his back and waited for him to let go, knowing that this was very important to him. Finally he let go of me and we settled back. I again grabbed his shoulder and pulled him against me. "I take it you want me to try?" I said, chuckling softly. He apparently didn't trust his voice, because all he did was nod. However, it was a very vigorous nod, and it lasted far longer than was necessary. The wide smile was still plastered on his face. "Tell you what, I really hate to bother Judy when she's home. She gets called out at all hours of the day and night and has little enough free time for her family. Would it be okay if I called her tomorrow, and got her started thinking about it? Then maybe we could have her stop by and tell us what's possible and how to do it." I got another very vigorous nod for an answer. "Also, I think you better not mention it until I've had a chance to talk with the other boys. I'll do that right after dinner, okay?" More nodding. After that, we just sat there for about fifteen minutes; Kyle snuggled under my shoulder and me rubbing his shoulder with my thumb. Kyle didn't say a word the whole time, he just sat there grinning. I just hoped things turned out to where his happiness was warranted. I could faintly hear the sound of a bouncing basketball from the driveway and wondered if the rest of the boys were out there, or only some of them. I finally figured it was time to go to dinner. "Kyle, why don't you go wash your face and we'll go have dinner. Does that sound good?" It must have sounded good to him, because he bounced up and started to head for his bathroom. Suddenly he stopped, turned around and gave me another hug, and then took off to wash his face. He still hadn't said a word, but perhaps he couldn't with the way his lips were stretched from the grin on his face. As I watched his butt bounce its way out of the room, I was struck by the fact I'd never seen him bounce like that. Mark, JJ, and LT were playing horse. On the face of it, that should have been a real mismatch for Mark, but he didn't seem to think so and so he held his own. Just because JJ and LT were four years older than he was didn't make any difference to him and he even won once in a while. I sent them to get washed and started looking for Corey. I had a pretty good idea of where to look and sure enough, I found him asleep on my bed, or should I refer to it as our bed. He looked so young and innocent, sleeping there, that I really hated to wake him, but I figured he would really be upset to miss dinner. The boys decided on Italian, so it was off to Italian Surprise. I could hear Kyle talking about how he was going to eat a whole pizza, and all I could do was snicker to myself. Those pizzas really were plenty big enough for two people, and even though he might be hungry, Kyle was not two people. I'd be surprised if he managed to get two-thirds of it down. After we had parked, the boys got a little ahead of Corey and I, and that's when Corey asked me what was going on with Kyle. I could hear Kyle chattering away about thirty feet in front of us, and told Corey that Kyle was having a happiness attack. Corey looked at me somewhat strangely and asked why. I grinned and told him we'd discuss it later. Kyle never shut up the whole time we were there. All that talking must have used a lot of energy, because he managed to eat almost two-thirds of his pizza, not quite, but almost. However, it looked like he had to swallow several times for the last couple of bites he took. He was finally forced to admit defeat though, the pizza had won. We gathered up our doggy bags and headed home. Dog would get the rest of my Seafood Fettuccine, but I figured the boys would probably polish off the rest of their dinners before they made it to bed. If I started eating like they did, I would soon be so fat that I wouldn't be able to get through a door, even a double door. It was kind of funny to watch Dog try to eat those long strips of pasta. He'd grab a mouthful, and then just keep bobbing his head until he got the last of it in his mouth. It didn't take him long to polish off the last of the Seafood Fettuccine, and then he ate a few bites out of his dish. After that he bounced off just like Kyle had done. At least I'd made two living things happy for the evening. Now it was time to see if I could do the same for the rest of the boys. It didn't take long with Corey. He had figured that he was going to be adopted right after we'd talked about it. The only thing was, he hadn't told me he wanted it. While we had discussed that possibility, we had never finished the discussion, but in his mind, Corey had assumed that my bringing it up meant that it was a done deal. Since he had been upset and had a lot on his mind, I didn't bother to point out that we had never finished the discussion. Mark took even less time than Corey. I had barely explained what I wanted to know and he yelled, "Yea," gave me a big kiss on the cheek, and went charging out of my office, off to find his brother. While I didn't really get an answer, I didn't have any problems figuring out where he stood on the question. LT was handy, so I grabbed him next and into my office we went. He listened patiently while I explained what was going on and what I wanted to know. Then he got a stricken look on his face. It took a little coaxing, but I finally learned the problem. He was afraid he would hurt my feelings by saying no. He still had visions of returning to his family, but after I managed to assure him I wouldn't be upset, he leveled with me and told me no. We talked a little more, with me telling him that should he ever change his mind, the offer would remain open, and that I hoped his father would eventually change his attitude and the offer not be necessary. I think I finally convinced him that I only wanted for him what he wanted, because when we finished talking, he gave me a big hug and left with a smile on his face. That left JJ to talk to, and as soon as I started in he was once again the sad boy that had first lived with me. So I once again went through all the arguments I had used to convince him that he wasn't a bad boy, and that I loved him; that his parents had made a terrible mistake, and he wasn't responsible for that mistake. For the next hour I kept trying to make him see what a nice young man he was and how much I admired him. It was a case of trying to build up his ego all over again, and in the end I think I accomplished part of it. He finally calmed down and told me yes. I gave him a big hug and a kiss on the forehead. As he walked out of my office, I was left with the thought that he was such a fragile child. I could only hope I would be able to help him overcome that. Until yesterday, he and Kyle had been the two I worried most about. Corey had been doing well, but Kyle and JJ just seemed to have such a low opinion of themselves. As for Mark and LT, well nothing much seemed to upset them. They had an optimistic outlook on life, and just seemed to enjoy being alive. I had tried to explain that I might not be able to adopt them, but was only going to try. I hoped that if it weren't possible, they wouldn't be too upset. Had it not been for Kyle, I would have waited until I had talked with Judy, and then talked with them. However, the change in his attitude had forced me to act. He had gone from rather withdrawn, to bouncing around. There was no way he could keep his mouth shut for a day or two, and the other boys were bound to ask him why he was so happy. Still, maybe it was for the best. This way the cards were on the table and we could only wait and find out how they turned out. Before, well we hadn't even talked about the future in these terms. About then it dawned on me that if this went through, I would be a father. I'd even have a family. I just sat there and grinned to myself. For some reason I suddenly felt warm inside. I just wanted to grab someone and hug them. About then Dog stuck his head in my office. What the heck, he needed a good hug, and maybe a good belly rub. I scooped him up, and was busy rubbing his belly when I realized tears were running down my cheeks I was so happy. It looked like there was a chance that the hole in my life, that hole I hadn't even known existed until recently, might be filled. I just hoped that Judy wouldn't say it was impossible. I really didn't want to face my boys with news like that, and maybe more importantly, didn't want to face that news myself. To be continued... Note: In stitches is an expression. It is defined as, "To make someone laugh a lot," i.e. "She told a couple of jokes that had us all in stitches," according to the Cambridge International Dictionary of Idioms.