Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2001 23:38:47 -0700 From: Robert Just Robert Subject: Lost in fear-Chapter two Lost in fear Chapter two "I never knew anyone could love me." I awoke with that married feeling and the events of the preceeding night flashed back to me. I looked down and saw Jimmy snuggled against my side, his small arm draped across my chest. I had an urgent need to pee, but I didn't want to disturb my little cherub's sleep. I waited and presently his green eyes slowly opened and he smiled up at me. "Good morning, buddy." I said tosseling his hair. "Hi." He said yawning lazily and stretching. "I needa go pee." "Me too." I said remembering my need. We hopped up and took our turns at the toliet. I knew Jimmy would be hungry and I decided we should go out for breakfast. I didn't have any real breakfast type food in the house, except cereal and I wanted my boy to have a good hot meal. I had forgotten to wash Jimmy's clothes befoe we went to bed and that presented me with a new problem. I wanted him to have some new things but, I didn't want to leave him while I went to get them. We toyed with idea of him wearing his old clothes but, when we both got a whiff of them we dropped that idea. I looked for sizes in his old stuff but, the labels were long ago worn out. I decided the safest way to go was to buy some sweats, I figured a boy's size medium would be about right. He needed socks and undies too, and his shoes were just rags as well. His shoes were size five but were about a size too small so I needed to get a larger size. He was a bit nervous at being left alone, but I settled him down in front of the tv and gave him my cell phone number so he could call me if he needed to. I figured I shouldn't be gone more than an hour tops and I assured him I would hurry. I hadn't gotten more than a mile away before my phone rang. I knew it was him..just checking to make sure the phone worked. I told him I was almost to the highway and would be at the store in about fifteen minutes. He seemed fine when he hung up and I stepped on the gas. I bought navy sweats , a package of socks and briefs and headed back in record time. He called once more while I was on the way back and I told him I was just heading up the street to the house. He hung up and was anxiously waiting for me at the kitchen door. He took the new things with wide eyes and thanked me repeatedly as he danced around. He slipped on the new breifs, exposing his frail body unashamedly. He marved at the softness and cleanliness of the new clothes and I saw tears in his big greeen eyes. I put my hand on his shouder as he finished dressing and told him how good he looked. "I never had any nice stuff like this before." He said looking up at me. "Thanks.....I love you." And with that he grabbed me and hugged me tight. I hugged him back and the words flowed from me without thinking..."I love you too little buddy." And the words felt perfectly right. "I never knew anyone could love me." He said sadly. I was teary eyed myself by now, and I decided if we didn't get going soon I would break down completely. "You must be hungry, let's get going now that you are all fresh and clean." He smiled at me and pulled away taking my hand and leading me out to the car. We piled into my car and I drove us to Denny's. I had hotcakes and bacon and Jimmy had the works. He was quite a little eater. He drank two glasses of milk and cleaned his plate. Nothing tugs at my heart more than feeding a hungry kid. I paid the check and left a nice tip for the waitress who had been expecially sweet to Jimmy. I decided to take Jimmy to the clothing store with me and get him some more clothes now that I had him along to try them on. He seemed absolutely amazed that he actually got to choose his clothes and couldn't believe he could take them with him. I bought him a couple of pair of jeans and two shirts and even a ball cap. He just kept thanking me over and over to the point where I was getting embarassed. Then when I suggested we go to the toy department I thought he would bounce out of his skin. He was so excited but I had to convince him that it was all real and I would buy him anything within reason. He kept looking at little things and I kept moving him up until finally he chose a remote control car. It wasn't all that expensive, but I guessed to him it was the most fabulous gift anyone could ever give him. But it paled to the gift he had given me, the gift of his love. We drove back to my house around noon and of course my little buddy was hungry again. I fixed him a sandwich and soup and I had a salad. He savored every bite like it was a feast and I chuckled to myself as he smiled sweetly. He seemed like a different boy today, and I had to keep reminding myself that yesterday he was a frightened and hurting so bad. I waited until he had finished eating, and over cookies and milk I began to try to get some more information from him. "Jimmy...buddy, it's been really great having you here, but I have to know more. I have to know what I'm up against and how I can help you. Do you understand what I mean?" I began. Tears welled up in his eyes and he looked at me sadly. "Can't I just stay here with you? I love you and you said you love me. I don't ever want to leave here." "Oh, buddy. I do love you but, I can't just keep you. I could be in big trouble for what I have already done. It's called kidnapping. Even though you came cause you wanted to, if your parents wanted to they could put me in jail for a long time." I wanted him to understand the seriousness of the situation. "I don't want you to get into any trouble...but I just can't go back to them." He wailed...when he said the word "them" it was as if he was talking about some vile creature. "Okay, I need you to trust me little buddy. First tell me about yesterday, what happened before I picked you up downtown. It's okay, you can tell me anything. Can you do that buddy?" I asked softly. He stared straight ahead and as if detaching himself from his emotions he began speaking so softly I could barely make out the words. "SHE was there, and SHE hates me. SHE told me to go help my step dad. He hates me too, but not as much as SHE does." I wondered what horror I was unleashing. "SHE", I assumed was his mom. I squirmed in my seat as he continued. "He was in his room...my step dad. He was drinking like always. He was mean. He told me to get him his cigarettes. I couldn't find em'...I ask him where they were. He told me I was so stupid...I was worthless and he grabbed my arm and shook me and dragged me till he found his cigarettes. They fell down beside the couch, I couldn't see em'...I told him I was sorry." Jimmy said in a dreamlike monotone. "He held me and for a minute I thought he was gonna be nice. Then he lit a cigarette and stuck it on my arm. I tried to get away but He just did it again and told me to stop squirming. He told me I was a pussy. He said he hated me and I was no good. I was crying really hard now, and He was telling me I was a cry baby. SHE came in and started yelling at me. SHE said I should try to be a better boy, to not be so useless. Then SHE grabbed me and threw me down on the floor. My step dad laughed.. they both laughed. Then my step dad grabbed me and pulled me back into his chair with him. I was sorta on his lap. He smelled like beer and cigarettes and he looked really mad. He took his beer can and scraped it against my forehead. I guess that is how I got cut. I don't remember what He said....just that He got really mad again. I was really scared....I thought He was gonna kill me. He pulled down my pants and spanked me really hard, I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I begged him to stop...I begged HER to help me. SHE just laughed." I tried not to show the disgust and hate for his folks that I felt at that moment, I wanted him to continue. I had to know everything. "Then He did something....I don't wanna say." Jimmy suddenly looked sad and scared. "Don't make me tell you what He did...please." He begged. "I won't make you tell me little buddy, but if you trust me...it might help to tell someone. You know I love you and nothing you tell me will change that." I said reaching over and patting his small hand. "You wont' hate me for doing that stuff with him. I didn't like it... He made me." Jimmy said sadly. "I promise, I will still love you buddy. And if I know everything maybe I can help...maybe I can make sure it never happens again." I said trying to re-assure him. "He pulled off my pants and did bad things to my butt." He said looking at me fearfully. "He put things inside me. It hurt a lot. Then......He.. put...his.....penis....in....... there. It hurt so bad...I cried and cried but He wouldn't stop. Then when He was done he left and took HER with him. I ran and ran and then you found me. I prayed that someone nice would help me. You came and I knew it was you I prayed for. Don't let them do that to me ....please." He again dissolved into the tearfull, tragic little boy I had first met just a day before. I rose and took him in my arms. I didn't yet know what I would do but, now I knew that no matter what, he would never have to see those people who hurt him again.