Max’s Freudian Slip #28

by craigpnifty@protonmail.com

Author’s notes:

For those of you reading both versions of this story (Max’s Freudian Slip and Max’s Awakening), Chapter #29 of Max’s Awakening was posted on Dec 20th and it should be read before this chapter of Freudian slip.  (This chapter of Freudian slip contains ‘spoilers’ for chapter 29 of Awakening). 

If you are only reading this side of the story, well… then enjoy.

Also, at the end of this chapter is an ‘extra’ section.  An explanation precedes this bonus addendum… it will make sense when you get to it.

Please remember to support Nifty!! https://donate.nifty.org/donate.html

Chapter 28

Two days had passed since Max and I enjoyed dinner and he called me upset about the letter from his father.   I checked-in on him Friday afternoon and surprisingly, found him in good spirits.   I was relieved.  He was despondent the night before and I was glad to see him bounce back quickly.       

It had been a very leisurely Saturday.   Kim and I both slept in and went downtown to one of our favorite spots overlooking the river for lunch.   It was a beautiful day and we were able to eat on the patio, enjoying the slight breeze and the majestic views.   We stopped at a couple of car dealerships on the way home.  Kim’s CRV is due to be replaced and we casually browsed a few options, leaving each place before a salesman could sink his teeth into us.

I’d been meaning to get the garage organized since returning from Mexico, but lacked the motivation with everything in turmoil.   With the temperatures being cooler than normal, it seemed like a perfect opportunity to finally tackle the task.  I backed my car out onto the street and flipped on the garage TV.   The Twins were playing in New York and the pregame was beginning.   A baseball game is the perfect backdrop for menial labor.

I just finished straightening my tools and workbench when the slam of a car door got my attention.  I turned to see an unexpected visitor.   Bob, Cam’s dad, was walking up the driveway.  My heart raced.   I immediately assumed the worst: Cam told him I was a child molester, and he drove over to my house to confront me!

“Hey stranger,” he said smiling, raising his hand in a subtle wave.   I was perplexed.  He certainly didn’t seem to have a confrontational demeanor.  Why else would he be at my house?

“Bob,” I replied, as I tried to moisten my suddenly dry throat.   “What are… eh em... you doing here?”

 “I was just in the neighborhood and saw you out here.  Thought I’d say hi.”

I looked at him, perplexed.  Why would he be driving by my place?  We live on a cul-de-sac!  He must have recognized my confusion.   “I just dropped Cam off next door at Noah’s,” he explained.   “He’s spending the night.  Those two have become pretty good friends.”

“Oh, I see,” I answered, my panic dissipating.   “Beer?”

“Sure.  I’d love one,” he answered. 

I grabbed a brew out of the garage fridge and handed it to Bob.   “So, have you been behaving yourself?” I asked, trying to guide the topic away from the boys. 

“Unfortunately, yes,” he answered.  “I haven’t gotten any since we hooked up before you took Max to Mexico,” he whispered, after glancing around to confirm we were alone.   “We really need to repeat that encounter,” he added, smirking.

I glanced over my shoulder to ensure it was safe to speak aloud.  “Yes, that was hot,” I replied.

“So how was Mexico?  It sadly seems to have brought an end to Max and Cam’s budding romance.”

“Um, yeah.  I heard,” I replied.  My nervousness returned.  Just how much did he know?  “The trip was great.  We had a good time.   I was bummed to hear about the boys.”

“Well, I wasn’t happy about it.  I thought they were good for each other.  They pushed each other in the gym.  But they are young, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Maybe once they get back to the gym it will all work out,” I suggested.  “Provided Max doesn’t go through with his talk of quitting, anyway.”

“Quitting?” Bob replied, stunned.  “He really said that?  Oh shit!”

“Yeah, but I hope it’s only idle talk.  He thinks being around Cam will be uncomfortable.”

 “My god!  That would be horrible.  Max is way too good.  I didn’t realize things were that bad.   I thought it was just Cam who was down.   I’ve been gone a lot, but Jeanine says Cam hasn’t been himself the past couple of weeks.   Of course, she has no clue as to why.  He finally told me last weekend about the break up.”

As much as I wanted to ask exactly what it was Cam told him, I didn’t dare.   Instead I told him Max has been having a rough time also.  “Max has been really down too.  Maybe they miss each other more than they know.  He received a letter from his dad this week that sent him into a funk.  I think he was already upset about Cam, but the letter really threw him for a loop.  It affected him more than I would have anticipated.”  

“I never got to meet his dad,” Bob commented.  

“Me neither.  But from what I can gather, he was never much of a father figure.  He didn’t give Max a lot of attention when he was around, and then this letter,’ I continued, shaking my head in disgust.  “He doesn’t initiate contact for months, and when he does reach out, he made it all about himself and drops a bunch of homophobic slurs about other inmates.  Max felt totally rejected.  I had to explain to him that sometimes even close family can be toxic and that he might be better off without him.”

“Jesus!  He sounds like a real piece of work.  It’s a shame Max even cares what he thinks.”

“Agree, but I guess that’s how biology works.”

“Can I ask you about what happened with his dad?  I’ve heard the gist of the story, but never gotten the details.  Did he really get caught touching their best friend’s kids?”

I unfolded a couple of chairs.  As we sat in front of the TV, I told him as much as I could remember about Rick and the charges against him as we watched the game.  I had forgotten a lot of the details because I simply didn’t find them very interesting.  Had he abused boys instead of girls, I might have remembered more, since it would have been somewhat relatable.  When I finished telling as much as I could recall, Bob commented.  “Wow, what a fucking mess.  I feel bad for Max, and Stacy.  I can’t imagine how embarrassing that was to endure.” 

“Yeah,” I agreed.  One thing was clear.  Bob had no idea what happened with Max and I in Mexico.  He would have certainly brought it up as part of the conversation about Rick.   “I need another beer,” I said as I rose.  “Need another?”

“Nah, I’m good.  I can’t stay too long anyway.  And you probably want to get back to work,” he replied.

I had just closed the door to the fridge, when I heard my name being called.  I turned and was shocked to see a very distraught Max standing in the driveway with a backpack over his shoulder.   His face was red and puffy and his eyes were filled with tears.  I knew that look all too well, especially lately.  He had been crying again.  “I need … you,” he bawled.

“Max!  What are you doing here?” I was so alarmed by his presence that I dropped the can of beer I was holding.  “What the…?” 

He didn’t answer, instead running to bury his face into my chest as tears erupted.  I glanced over at Bob.  He looked horrified.

I held him against me.  His arms wrapped around my chest and squeezed me tight, almost as if he was afraid to let go.  I felt his tears soaking through my t-shirt.  I pondered what might have happened for him to show up on my doorstep, unannounced, a complete blubbering mess.  Did he have a blow up with his mom of some sort and walk all the way to my house?  Did she discover he was gay and react badly?  His house was far, but not unwalkable.   Had he tried to call, and unable to reach me, set out on foot in desperation?  When Kim and I arrived home, I plugged my phone in to charge and hadn’t looked at it now for a couple of hours.

I held him quietly, trying to calm his meltdown.  His chest was heaving as he cried.  “Relax Max, relax,” I whispered, stroking his back.  I glanced over at Bob.   He was watching, a mix of concern and confusion showing on his face.  “What happened?” I asked, retuning my attention to Max.  “Are you hurt?”

He shook his head, but was still weeping too much to talk.   “Take some deep breaths and try to relax,” I instructed.  “Then try to tell me what happened.”

It took him several seconds, but he eventually managed to slow his cries down enough to get some words out, but his babbling was still mostly incoherent.  “Was at Noah’s… Cam there… FUCKING… ASSHOLE…,” he blurted out between tearful sobs.   The circumstances became clearer.   Max was also at Noah’s and he and Cam must have had an intense quarrel.  “Dumped all over again,” he continued.  “And he broke the present,” he added before hiding his face in my chest.   I wasn’t sure what he meant by that.  After some moments of silence, his tear-filled eyes stared up at me.  He wiped them on his sleeve.  “I wish I was never born!” he declared, before adding “Can you please take me home?”

“What?  You were at Noah’s too?” Bob interjected.

Max’s head spun in an instant.  I don’t think he realized anyone else was in the garage with us.  His eyes opened wide and I heard him groan.  “Oh God!” he mouthed silently as his body sunk.  He nodded and answered Bob’s question with a mumbled “Yes sir,” before turning away from him.

Bob seemed alarmed.  “I don’t know what the hell is going on,” he commented, confused.  “I thought it was just Cam who Noah invited.  He didn’t say anything about you coming.”

“Let’s give him a chance to calm down, huh?” I suggested.  

Nobody spoke for several minutes.  It was an awkward silence, the only sound coming from the game on TV.  

I realized that if I was going to get many details from Max, I was going to have to do some of the talking for him.  “So, you were at Noah’s?” I eventually asked.  He nodded.  Bob watched on captively, clearly anxious to get the scoop as well.

“And Cam was there too, obviously?” I continued.

“Yes,” he answered, managing to speak clearly.

“Did you know he was going to be there?”

“Nuh uh,” he replied as he shook his head.   “Can you just take me home,” he pleaded.  I sensed Bob being present was making him very uncomfortable. 

“In a bit.  And Cam didn’t know you were coming?”

“No,” he answered.  “He didn’t know.”

I had a pretty good hunch at what transpired.  Noah had invited them both, unbeknownst to each other, probably in an attempt to patch up their relationship.  “I’m guessing Noah was trying to get you guys back together?” I asked.

“Yes, but it blew up.   Really bad.  Please, can we go?” he pleaded.

 “Well, shit!” Bob interjected.  “I was hoping you would change your mind and get back with Cam myself.”

Max immediately turned and corrected Bob.  “MY mind?” he asked.   I looked at Bob and shook my head.  “Wasn’t his mind to change,” I added immediately.

“Wait!  Didn’t YOU break up with Cam?” Bob asked.  “I hated to hear that.  You two were so good together.”

“Um, it was Cam who dumped Max, Bob,” I explained.

“What?!” he replied.  “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” I answered.  I gave Bob a look that made it clear that I knew what I was talking about.

“Son of a bitch!  Cam lied to me,” Bob complained, stomping his foot.  He squeezed his beer can tightly.  I don’t think he liked being misled.   “He said you found a new boyfriend on vacation.  He’s been moping around for two weeks and I thought it was because YOU dumped HIM.”

Max surprised me by regaining his composure.  He finally managed to speak clearly for the first time since arriving.  “Well, after tonight, I probably WOULD dump him,” he spat, followed by a sniffle to clear his nose.  “He’s being a complete jerk.  I bought him this cool ceramic sign and a Texans blanket.  He broke the ceramic thing and claims he hates the Texans.  And then he asked Noah to be his new boyfriend right in front of me, just to piss me off.  Noah isn’t even remotely gay.” 

Bob’s anger was on the rise.  “He doesn’t freaking hate the Texans.  He just asked me to order him a Deshaun Watson jersey.  That little shit!”

Max added more fuel to the fire.  “Cam dumped me the day after you got back from the funeral in Texas.  He kicked me out of your house and I had to walk home on my bad ankle.  It put me out of gymnastics for another week and a half.”

“Jesus Christ!  I’m going to go have a talk with my son,” Bob declared.   

The thought of Bob marching next door to confront Cam was terrifying.  That is exactly the type of scenario where Cam might divulge our secret.   If Bob reads him the riot act, would he try to defend himself with some shocking truths?  I tried to intervene.   “Maybe we should let the boys sort out their own issues,” I suggested.

“Oh, they can, but they can do that without my boy being a cruel, lying douche bag!”  He finished his beer, crushed the can in his fist, and slammed it forcefully into to the recycle bin.  “I sure as hell didn’t raise him to act like this.  Max, I’m sorry.  Craig, I’ll catch up with you later,” he added and stormed out the door.   I was filled with dread.   We had been dodging a bullet, and I was sure our luck was about to run out. 

Max immediately looked up at me, his mood clearly improved.  I think turning Bob against Cam gave him a little boost.  “Can you take me home now?  Please?”

I couldn’t do anything about Bob, but I could at least comfort Max.  “Sure.  Let me get my car keys,” I answered as I let him slide from my arms.  Max stepped back and a surprised look came over him.   I turned and saw Kim standing in the doorway to the house.  Oh God, how much of that scene did she see?

“Maybe you should stay here tonight Max,” she suggested.  “I wouldn’t want your mother to worry if you were supposed to be at Noah’s.”   Apparently, she heard most everything.

 “Thanks, but I really want to go home,” Max replied.  “My mom is out on a date anyway.  It will be okay.”

“I’ll take him home,” I told her.   “I’ll get my keys.”

As I walked inside, Kim gave me a look that indicated she wasn’t happy.   She clearly didn’t like that I kept several things a secret from her.  I put on a clean shirt, grabbed my keys, wallet, and phone and returned to the garage.  

Kim gave me a brief hug.   “Make sure Max is okay.  But when you get back, I think it’s time you shared a few things,” she whispered before going back inside. 

***

Max was silent until we exited the subdivision, then he asked “What did Kim whisper to you?”

“Just to take care of you,” I answered, leaving out the part about her wanting to talk when I returned.   “She is worried about you,” I added.  I wanted Max to realize a lot of people care about him.  “She heard your comment about wishing you were never born.  I think it alarmed her.”  I might have been embellishing.  Kim didn’t make mention of that, though I am pretty sure she heard it all.

“Oh,” he replied solemnly.  I think he was expecting there to be more to it.  “Does she know?  That I’m gay?” It was obvious he was uneasy.   His voice was shaky and he was jittery, his legs bouncing up and down.

“Before tonight she didn’t,” I answered.  “I never told her.  But I think she heard an earful back in the garage.  I’m not sure how much she understood, but I’m pretty sure she figured it out.”

“Noooo!” he practically yelled, clinching his fists.  “She’ll tell Lisa!”

“No, she won’t,” I assured him.  “I can text her or talk with her when I get home, I promise.”

“But you’ll have to tell her about me though, right?”

“I might have to tell her about you being gay, Cam, and the break up.  I’ll come up with a story to explain why Cam dumped you.   I can say you cheated on Cam in Mexico with Eduardo or something like that.  She will keep your secret if I ask her.  I’ll be sure to remind her that coming out is something that you are supposed to be in complete control of.”

“Okay,” he replied, before falling silent.  “One more question.  Why didn’t you want Bob to go over and tear Cam a new one?  I was kind of enjoying the thought of that.”

I took a deep breath and sighed.  “Think about it, Max.  What will Cam do to avoid getting his ass chewed?”

“I dunno.  Run away?” he answered.  That was a very 14-year-old answer.  He clearly didn’t give my question much thought.

I shook my head.  “That’s possible, I guess, but I think he’s more likely to defend his behavior by telling his dad why you really broke up.”

“Oh,” he answered as his head dropped.  He must have felt like he screwed up again, because he let out a whimper.  “Sorry Craig,” he said, looking up at me with panic as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“Nothing we can do about it now, bud.  Let’s just get you home so you can relax,” I replied.  “I’ll deal with Bob if I have to.”  I’m not sure if I truly had any leverage over Bob, but I did at least know some of his secrets.   Having buried his cock in my ass, perhaps he would give me the courtesy of explaining before he ran to the authorities.

***

I pulled into Max’s driveway, turned off the car, and began to get out.  Max must have assumed I was just going to drop him off and leave, because he was clearly surprised.  “You’re staying?” he asked.  

There was no way I was leaving Max alone as upset as he was.  “At least for a while,” I replied.  “If that’s all right with you.”

“Yeah.  Sure!  Thanks,” he answered, showing the slightest of smiles.  It was the first hint of happiness I’d seen since he came into my garage, bawling.

We found our way to the living room.  I turned on the TV and changed the channel to the game.  Max glanced at it for a few seconds and then curled up against me, his head on my chest, looking away from the TV.   I pulled him into me and gently stroked his back as I casually watched the game.  While it had been a rough night for Max, cuddling with him on the couch like this was pure bliss for me.  Having a sweet boy want to be close and affectionate was fulfilling many of my needs as a boy lover, even if there wasn’t even a hint of arousal.  In many ways, this was better than sex.   To hold and love him felt so wonderful and natural that thoughts of sex never even entered my mind.

Neither of us spoke.  I think Max was just enjoying being comforted.  I tried to imagine what could be going on at the Reed’s.  Was Cam revealing everything to Bob, or did his dad even allow him to get a word in?  Bob seemed so angry I could see Cam cowering as Bob’s harsh words rained down on him.  Alternatively, Cam may be so surprised that he might be stunned into silence.  At least that’s what I hoped.  If Cam did start to disclose the truth, would Noah still try to stick up for us?  Could my 13-year-old neighbor keep saving the day?

I also wondered what exactly happened at Noah’s before Max sought refuge.  Max managed only a few words between sobs when he tried to explain.   Cam had clearly been an asshole again.  Max mentioned disparaging his father.   But I was missing most of the details.  Finally, as the closing bars of “Take me out to the ball game” were wrapping up, I decided to see if he was ready to talk.  “You want to tell me exactly what happened tonight, now that you’ve calmed down?” I asked.

He was still for a few moments and then looked up at me.  “Not really much more to tell,” he said before pressing his head back into my chest.  “Cam and I argued and then Noah and I argued.  Everyone hates me.”

I wasn’t sure if he truly felt unloved, or just wanted affection.  I pulled him to me.  “I don’t hate you.  I’m sure Noah doesn’t either.  Cam might be another story.”

“I don’t even care about Cam anymore,” he muttered.  As sad as I was to see Max giving up, I couldn’t help but think it might be for the best.    The sooner Max accepts that their relationship is over, the sooner he can move on.  I hoped he might share additional details, but he fell back into silence and I didn’t badger him.

Max’s phone buzzed a few times.  He eventually pulled it from his pocket and checked the alerts.  He let out a subtle groan and set his phone down on the coffee table.   A few minutes later his phone rang – the Shawn Mendes ring tone blaring so loud it shocked me.   He picked up his phone but immediately silenced the call without answering.  “Who was that?” I asked.

“Noah,” he answered.  “But I don’t feel like talking.”  I was surprised he declined talking to him.  I thought he would be the one person he might want to speak with.  Five minutes later, his phone erupted again.  I could see the name on the screen when he picked it up.  It was Noah, again.  I secretly hoped he would answer.  I thought Noah could help cheer him up.

When the phone rang a third time a few minutes later, I grabbed it before Max could silence it.  As I suspected, it was Noah calling again.  He must really want to talk to Max.  “Let me get it,” I said. 

“Hey Noah,” I answered.

“Craig?” Noah replied, clearly surprised I was answering Max’s phone.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Where’s Max?” Before I had a chance to reply, Noah continued excitedly.  “Is he still at your house?  He did come over there right?”  Noah was speaking a mile a minute.   I could tell he was worked up about something.   His voice was full of energy and enthusiasm.

 “No, I took him home,” I answered. 

“Oh,” Noah said, dejected.

I hated to be the bearer of bad news, but Noah had to understand Max needed some alone time.  “Listen, Noah,” I began.  “I think it might be best to give Max some space right now.”

Noah was quiet.  I don’t know why he wanted to talk to Max so badly, but he was clearly disappointed.  You could hear it in his voice.   “Sure, talk to you later,” he eventually said after sighing.  “Hey Craig.  Tell Max I’m sorry, please?” he added.

“Okay, I will.  Talk to you later bud,” I replied.  I wasn’t sure how excited I was to talk to Noah.  On one hand, since Max wouldn’t share the details of what happened earlier, Noah could fill in the gaps.  But on the other hand, it would be awkward.  I had not talked with him since he found out I had fucked his best friend.

“Yeah, sure,” he answered before hanging up.

“What did he say?” Max asked immediately.

“He wanted to know if you were still at my house.”

“Why?”

“Not sure.  I didn’t ask.  For you to come back maybe?  That’s just a guess.”

“Why?  Did Cam leave?” he asked.

“I don’t know Max!” I answered, mildly frustrated.  If he wanted to talk to Noah he could have answered.  “You heard the conversation.   I didn’t ask details.  I just told him you needed some time to collect your thoughts, which I think you do.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, though he seemed disappointed.

“He also said to tell you sorry,” I added.  I almost forgot.

“Really?” he asked, perking up.  He must have been really worried about the status of his friendship with Noah.  He quickly grabbed his phone and opened his text messages.  Looking over his shoulder, I couldn’t help by read his screen. It was Noah who texted him earlier.   I only got a glance before he placed his phone on his chest, but they were a text version of our brief phone call.   Noah just wanted to know where Max was, and to talk.  

“Whew,” Max commented.  “I was afraid he was really mad at me.”   

I was surprised, after all that transpired over the previous two weeks, how could Max still question Noah’s dedication or integrity?  I couldn’t see Noah letting a small argument destroy a long-standing friendship.  At least I assumed it was a small argument.  “One thing we’ve learned though the past couple weeks is that we can trust Noah,” I told him. 

Max picked his phone up to return it to his pocket.  I wasn’t trying to look at his screen, which was still on his list of texts, but I couldn’t help notice the name on the second conversation.  It simply said: ‘Dad.’   I was perplexed.  I didn’t think inmates got to have cell phones.   It also seemed strange that he would have texted Rick and not even mention it to me.  After our long talk two nights earlier when he received the letter, it sure seemed like something he would mention.  “Wait,” I said, reaching for his arm.  “You got a text from your dad?”

“Huh?  No,” he replied as if I were crazy.

“But your phone.  The message below Noah’s said it was from dad.”  A look of dread came over him.  He closed his eyes and his body slumped.  He reluctantly clicked on ‘Dad’ to open the messages and handed me his phone before rolling into the back of the couch and burying his face.  I wasn’t sure what I was about to read, but it was obvious Max was mortified about something.

As I looked at the messages, I realized that those were OUR text messages.  “Hey!  That’s our…” I started to say before the significance of Max changing my name in his phone to ‘dad’ hit me.   I was surprised, and touched.  I set his phone down on the table and wrapped my arms around his small frame, turning him to face me.   His eyes were wet again.  I wasn’t sure if he was just incredibly embarrassed or if he thought I might be angry for some reason. 

I realized my own eyes had begun to water.  “Max, that’s the nicest compliment I’ve ever received.   Don’t be embarrassed.  I’m honored.”  He must have been relieved by my reaction because he wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me tightly.

“I’m sorry I’m so much trouble,” he whispered.

“You’re not,” I answered.  “You are one of the best things to ever happen to me.”  We were having a moment, but a good one.   We were both filled with emotion and shedding happy tears.

We maintained our embrace while the last out of the game was recorded.  The Twins hung on for a 7-6 win to help their bid for post-season play, but baseball suddenly seemed completely irrelevant.  I felt that Max had calmed down enough that he could manage being alone.  I needed to get back home and talk to Kim.  As wonderful as it was having Max prostrated on my chest, and content as I could have been all night sleeping with this special boy curled in my lap, I knew Stacy might not interpret our cuddling as innocent as it was.

“I probably need to go before much longer,” I told him as I sat up.   “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yes,” he replied.  I could tell just by his tone he was coming around.  “I’m a little better.  I just want to go to bed,” he answered, before pausing.  “Hey, can you come upstairs with me, and kinda like, say good night?” he asked sheepishly.

So, my ‘son’ wanted to be tucked in?  It was endearing and adorable.  He must know I’m a sucker for the sweet helpless act.  How could I say no?  “Sure,” I answered.

***

I wrapped my arm around his shoulder as we made our way upstairs.   Max veered into his bathroom to take a leak and I sat on his bed.  I’d only been in his room a few times and never looked around very closely.  It was still very much a kid’s room.  There were stuffed animals on the window sill and a stack of board games on his closet shelf, including Sorry! and Guess Who.  He couldn’t have played either of those games in years.

Taking in the sight of Max’s room made it apparent how much of a child he still is.  After everything that happened tonight, it was also apparent he’s still a scared and insecure little boy just looking for the love his father never gave him.   I swung my feet up onto the bed and lay my head on Max’s pillow.  I pondered just how fragile my young friend is.  The slightly sweaty scent of his pillow was intoxicating.  It reminded me of waking up next to him in Mexico. 

My phone going off pulled me from my thoughts.  I removed it from my pocket and when I saw it was a call from Bob, I immediately became nervous.  “Hello,” I answered.

“Hey,” he replied.  “Has Max recovered?”

“He’s better, yeah.  What about Cam?”

“We got him straightened out.  Man, that Noah is amazing.  He had already done a number on him, and then I piled on,” he replied.  “Cam was a blubbering mess and I am sure he won’t be cruel to Max after tonight.  It turns out the situation is more complicated than I realized.   It’s too much to explain over the phone.  Any chance we can get together tomorrow sometime?  Just to talk I mean.”  He suddenly sounded quite serious, as if he knew.

I heard Max shut off the faucet.   I knew he would be coming out.  “Yeah, sure Bob.  I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said and hung up as Max came and sat next to me.  “That was Mr. Rice,” I told him.

“Oh?  Good or bad?”

“Don’t know.  He said he ‘straightened Cam out,’ whatever that means.  But he also said he wants to meet tomorrow, and I’m not sure what to make of that.”

 “I’m sorry Craig.  I screwed up again, didn’t I?”  he said, almost whining, his voice even higher pitched than usual.   He hid his face in his hands.

“Just get some sleep,” I answered and rubbed his shoulder.  There was no sense in Max worrying until we knew for sure what happened at Noah’s.   He slowly removed his shirt and pushed off his athletic shorts.  He was wearing his blue Calvin Klein’s that I’d seen him in many times.  I’d always been at least mildly aroused seeing him in those before, but tonight it had no effect.  He climbed into bed and immediately curled into a ball.  He looked cold and sad.  I pulled the blankets up over him and tried to tuck them under his body.  

I leaned over and kissed him on the forehead.  I was ready to say good night and get out the door before Stacy returned, but Max must not have wanted me to go yet.  He started whimpering.  He wasn’t crying, but just making subtle noises.  He was starving for attention, but I wasn’t sure what more I could do for him.  I pulled the blankets up further and tried to tuck them in tighter.  I rubbed his back through the comforter. 

“I wish I could do something to make you feel better,” I told him.   “If you were littler, I could read you a story.”

What Max did next completely shocked me.  He sat up and pushed the blankets off him.  “There is something,” he said, looking up at me with a serious expression.  He lay on his stomach and pushed his underwear down past his knees.   He spread his legs and pulled apart those perfectly round, pale globes, giving me a look at that glorious pink pucker for the first time in weeks.  I gasped at its sight.  My mouth went dry and I had to force myself to swallow.   He glanced up at me.   “Please,” he begged.  “Just one more time.”

I’m ashamed to admit, but for a moment, I wanted nothing more than to bury my face in Max’s rear, worshiping his most sacred of spots.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.   A part of me desperately wanted to give him what he desired.  He craved love, but that wasn’t the kind of love he needed from me.  It all became clear how this evolved.  A gay boy, desperate to finally receive fatherly love that was always withheld, adopts me as his surrogate, but his raging hormones caused all the wires to get crossed.  He’s confused fatherly love with sexual love.   That’s why he instigated sex in Mexico. 

And perhaps it was my own wires being crossed that set me up to succumb to his advances.  No matter how magical it was in Mexico, for both of us, seeing the reality so clearly now filled me with shame.  The line between what was healthy and appropriate was blurred and I had to help him put things back in their proper contexts.

“Max,” I said, adopting an assertive tone.  “We CAN’T do that anymore.  As much as I might want to, we can’t.”  I pulled his underwear back up and over his muscular ass.   I patted him affectionately on his blue cotton covered mound.  “Dads don’t those things with their sons.  Right?”  I thought alluding to him referring to me as his father might make things clear for him.

I didn’t expect him to take the rejection so hard.  He started crying.  “I’m sorry, that was dumb,” he commented before wiping a tear away.  What he said next was completely bizarre.  “I am always messing things up and hurting other people.  Dads do spank their sons when they are bad, right?”  Max was almost pleading.  I was dumbfounded, but what he said next appalled me.  “You can use your belt if you want, you know, if touching me is too much temptation.  God knows I deserve it,” he said before burying his head into the pillow.

Where the hell did that come from?  He wanted me to spank him?  Max was truly all turned around.   Is he that desperate for contact?  Was his self-esteem so low that he was willing to endure pain just to have a man show that he cares?  My father whooped me many times, and I know it was a big factor in why we drifted apart when I became an adult.

 I had only spanked our kids once, and it terrified me.  Emma was 5 and she intentionally disobeyed me and I swatted her three times, hard.  The look of sadness and disappointment on her face is one I’ll never forget.  I shattered her impression of her father the protector who would never do anything to hurt her.

“Max, I can’t do that, either,” I finally responded.  “I can’t do either of those things.  I was whooped a lot as a boy, and I did it to Emma once and it was horrible.  I could never do that to you - because I love and care about you, understand?” He looked at me, mystified and shook his head.

I sat next to him and rubbed his back.  He slowly calmed down and closed his eyes.   I got up to turn off his light.  He raised up and said, “Stay.  Please.  Just a little longer.”  

“Okay,” I replied sitting back down.  “I was just going to turn off your light.”

“You can turn it off when you leave, after I fall asleep,” he answered.

He succumbed to sleep quicker than I expected.   I stroked his back and five minutes later, he was out.  The night’s drama must have left him exhausted.  I got up and started to leave before I had a thought.  I grabbed a teddy bear from his window sill and placed it up against his torso.  I was surprised when he, almost instinctively, pulled it up next to him.  It was cute, but also a little sad.  Here was 14-year-old Max, almost a man in some ways, but still very much a little boy.  

I snapped a picture of Max with his bear.  He looked so innocent and sweet as he slept, clutching his teddy.  It dawned on me as I examined the picture that Max might not have gotten the bear he wanted, but he has the bear he needs.

***

Before I left Max’s, I straightened up the living room and turned off the lights.  I also texted Stacy to let her know that Max was home so she wasn’t caught off guard.  I told her he didn’t feel well but added that he might have eaten too much junk at Noah’s.  I didn’t want her thinking it was anything serious and ending her date prematurely.  

I drove home knowing Kim would be waiting up, expecting an explanation for why I kept Max’s sexuality a secret.   I know how she thinks, and in her mind, married couples don’t keep ANY secrets.  In our case, that’s not true of course.  I’d kept plenty of secrets from her: my occasional hookups with other married men and obviously, my attraction to boys.   But not telling her about Max’s sexuality will be the first thing of substance that I’ve hidden from her that she’s found out about.  While it’s not a deep, dark secret, like my own same-sex attractions, I knew from the look she gave me in the garage that she felt like it was something I should have shared.

She was sitting on the couch with a glass of wine, watching one of those sappy Hallmark movies when I entered the hearth room.   “Hey,” I said softly as I kicked off my shoes and set my keys on the counter.

“That took a while,” she commented, showing little emotion.   She sipped her wine.  “How’s Max?” She didn’t sound annoyed, thankfully.

“He’s a little better, I guess.”

“I’ve never seen him so upset.   He was a mess.”

“Yeah.  It took me a while to get him calmed down.  He’s having a tough time dealing with some complicated adult situations,” I answered, before pausing.  “So, I guess you heard most of the conversation with Bob and Max?”

“Yes, I did.  You know, that was all quite a shock.  I hear a commotion in the garage, come out to find a strange man, a distraught Max, and then hear the three of you talking about Max and his boyfriend like it was common knowledge.  I had so many questions but didn’t want to interrupt,” she explained.   I could picture her there in the doorway, taking in the scene and trying to make sense of it all.  “So, just how long have you known Max likes boys?”

I sat down next to her.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t know you were there.  I’ve known about Max since the Reed’s New Year’s party.”   I could tell by her reaction she was surprised I had known for so long.  “It’s honestly a big reason why I ended up spending time with him.” 

She raised her eyebrows.  It was her way of saying she wanted the whole story.  So, I gave it to her.  “You remember when the boys spilled some soda and Noah came barreling up the stairs, frantic to get a towel?  And I grabbed the paper towels and went to help him clean up the spill?”

“It rings a bell.   Go on,” she said.

“Well, while Noah and I were soaking up the Coke from the carpet, Aidan nonchalantly asked Max if he had a girlfriend.  He answered no, rather emphatically, and then he added ‘I’d rather have a boyfriend.’  I was shocked.  I looked up at him and I could see a panicked look on his face.  He quickly added ‘I’m joking.’  But it was obvious, as least to me, that he had spoken truthfully without thinking.   I don’t think the other boys even noticed.  Jackson and Caleb’s noses were in their phones and Noah was freaking out about the spill on their new carpet.

“So, a Freudian slip?” Kim commented.

“Exactly.  Max excused himself and ran up the stairs.  After I finished helping Noah, I went to check on him.  I could tell he was freaking out at outing himself, and found him alone in the garage.  He was pretending to get a drink, but I knew he was actually hiding, trying to regain his composure.   I gave him a little speech, telling him it was okay to have a boyfriend if that’s what he wanted.  I don’t even remember all I said, but I do recall telling him that I’ve always thought he was a cool kid, and I would still think he was awesome, even if he was gay.”

“Perfect,” she replied smiling.  “How did he respond to that?”

“He tried to lie and say he was truly joking.  I think it made him nervous that I knew and was talking so bluntly about it.  He didn’t stick around very long.  But he must have decided I could be trusted and was looking for a way for us to talk in private, because he offered to help me carry the meatballs home, remember?”

“Yes,” she said, her eyes lighting up.  “I remember thinking it was strange he offered to help.  He’s always been polite, but that seemed a little over the top.”

“I had a feeling when he offered that he wanted to talk more, and I was correct.  He was petrified that I was going to say something to Adam and Lisa.   He begged me to keep his secret.  I assured him I would.”

“I see,” she responded.  “And I guess you did.  But you could have told me, Craig.  I am your wife.   I wouldn’t have told anyone.”

“I know,” I answered, though I wasn’t positive she could have managed to keep it from Lisa.  Their favorite past time is to have a drink and talk about the kids.  “But it wasn’t my secret to tell.  His therapist contacted me in part based of how positively I reacted when Max confided in me.  And because Max suggested me as a mentor, of course.  One of the things she reminded me of was that coming out is a very personal thing and that it’s crucially important for the person to be in total control of their coming out experience.  I didn’t think it was that important, and more importantly, I didn’t want to do anything to break his trust.   His father has let him down in that area repeatedly.”

“Well, that’s certainly true,” she agreed.  “I can see how you would want to be careful, I guess.”  I could tell I scored by bringing up his father’s shortcomings.  “How many people know about Max, and Cam?”

“Only a few.  Noah and a few gymnastics kids.  Cam’s dad figured it out, but his mom has no idea.  Jeanine also makes a lot homophobic comments, sadly, so Cam is dreading the day he tells her.  I think that’s it.  Stacy doesn’t know.  Max was worried tonight when he realized you were in the doorway.  He thinks if you know, you’ll tell Lisa and Lisa will tell Stacy.”

“Well,” she replied.  “Stacy may not know, but I don’t think it’s going to be a total surprise.  We went for drinks while you were in Cozumel.  She mentioned she had a suspicion and, silly me, I told her she was nuts.  I guess mothers are the first to know.”

“Really?  And you didn’t tell me about that?” I replied, teasingly.

“Honestly, I’d forgotten all about it.  Until tonight.  She didn’t seem bothered by the prospect at least.  I assume Max never told Rick either?”

“God no!” I replied.  “That was one reason Max was so upset by the letter he received from him a few days ago.   He included several homophobic slurs as he referenced other inmates.   Max fears being rejected by him when he comes out.”

“It’s a shame he cares one iota what that disgusting excuse of a man thinks,” she replied. 

“I agree.  And I tried to tell him as much.  But that biology is hard to overcome.”

“Poor kid.  I had no idea he was bearing so much weight on his shoulders.   And then he gets dumped,” she added.  I could tell she truly felt sorry for him.   “So, Cam dumped Max and that’s why he was bawling like a baby in our garage?  How long had they been a thing anyway?”

“Since March.  Remember when I took Cam to the scary movie right after spring break with Noah and Max, when Jackson came up sick at the last minute?  I noticed them holding hands underneath their coats.”  Kim cracked a smile.  I could tell she thought it was cute.  “Max was crushing on Cam for months but was too afraid to say anything and ruin their friendship.  You remember they hated each other for a longest time, right?”

“Sort of.  I know you told me bits and pieces of the story.   Tell me again.”

I told her much of the background months ago when I first starting taking Max to practice on Thursdays, but it probably wasn’t interesting enough that she committed it to memory.   I think most of what I relayed then was stories about “crazy” Jeanine, but I also told her about Max and Cam being friendly behind their parent’s backs.  I ran through the story again, rehashing how Cam moved to Minnesota and came in with a chip on his shoulder and how he and Max butted heads immediately, largely because they were both so talented.  I reminded her it was about the same time the news of Rick’s arrest became public and Max’s family got the cold shoulder, and were especially shunned by Jeanine.   Max and Cam already disliked each other, so it served as a good excuse to avoid each other.

“Last fall, when they started back at the gym, Bob, Cam’s dad, suggested to Cam that it might be a good idea to bury the hatchet.  Cam offered an olive branch and Max took it, and their friendship budded, only in secret.  Cam knew his mom wouldn’t approve.”

“Bob seems like a good guy.  Maybe next time he stops over you can even introduce me,” she said sarcastically.

“Sorry about that.  Had I known you were there, I would have.”

“I was kidding.  So, they became boyfriends the night of the movie?”

“Yes.  Max told me they both were up until 4 a.m., texting.   Turns out they had both been crushing on each other for months, but both were afraid to say anything.   They were content to just be friends and didn’t want to ruin what they had.  They feared the other would reject them if they made their true feelings known.”

“Oh my god, that’s so sweet,” she said, smiling.   She picked up the remote and turned off the TV.  “The Max and Cam story is sweeter than any Hallmark movie.  Go on.”  I loved that she was being taken in by the story of Max and Cam’s romance.  And she was right.  It was sappier than many a Hallmark movie, and it’s not easy for a story to be that sweet. 

“There really isn’t that much else to tell.  They were both bouncing off the walls when it worked out that Cam was able to come to Madison with Max and I.  Other than a team sleepover at Cam’s, they had not spent any time together outside the gym.  Their parents were still hesitant about the other.   In Madison, they got to be themselves, and together, for a whole weekend.  It was cute to see them together.  They were almost giddy at times, though I did have to make sure to leave the door open to the living room where they were sleeping.” 

“Oh Craig, they were only 13.  It’s not like they’d do anything with you right around the corner.   And how would they even know what to do anyway?”

“Um… yeah… right,” I answered, not wanting to shatter her fantasy about the innocence of young teen boys.  “I didn’t want anything happening on my watch.”  Wow that was a lie.  She would be mortified if she ever found out how much exploration they did in Madison.  Not only that, I practically sanctioned it by intentionally leaving them alone in the room and encouraging Max to give oral sex a try.   I had completely forgotten how innocent Max was, merely three months ago.

I continued.  “The trip to Madison seemed to ease tensions between the parents and Cam and Max finally started seeing each other regularly, though nobody knew it was more than a budding friendship except for me and two younger gymnasts who figured it out in Madison.  Max told Noah a couple weeks later.”

“And Noah was okay with it?”

“Yeah, thankfully.  Though I wouldn’t expect anything less from Noah.”  She nodded in agreement.  “He and Cam became good friends almost instantly.  The three of them started hanging out, a lot.   I teased them they had morphed into the Three Amigos.”

“Wait.  Noah, isn’t… is he?”

“Not a chance.   He’s just a good guy who isn’t going to betray a lifelong friendship.  That’s what lead to tonight.  He invited them both over to try to get the amigos all back together.”

“It obviously didn’t go well?” she surmised.

“Correct.  I’m not sure what happened exactly.  Max still didn’t want to talk about it at his house.  All he said in the garage was that it was like Cam dumped him all over again.  I am hoping maybe to talk to Noah tomorrow and find out more.”

“Why did Cam dump Max in the first place?” she asked.

I took a deep breath and concentrated.  I knew I needed to make this part convincing.  “Max met another boy in Mexico.  This Mexican kid named Eduardo.  They spent a lot of time hanging out together.  I didn’t realize it, but I guess they were doing a little more than hanging out.” Her ears perked up.   I’m not sure what she imagined, but I am sure it wasn’t them getting caught having oral sex on the beach.   “I guess it was one of those vacation romances.  Remember when Rachel met that boy at the resort when she was 16 or 17?”

“Yeah, she was gaga for him.  I think she forgot all about him a week after we returned.” 

“Exactly.  I think it’s the same with Eduardo.  Max claims he is a distant memory.  When Max returned, he came clean to Cam thinking it was no big deal, but Cam didn’t see it that way.   They were at Cam’s house at the time and he kicked him out and Max walked all the way home.   I guess he said a lot of mean things as well.  It was right after Max hurt his ankle and the long walk home aggravated it.   Cam wouldn’t even talk to Max after that.  Blocked him on everything.  Max has been really down for the past two weeks.”

“Poor kid.  But it can’t be that bad can it?  It’s just puppy love, right?”

“Kim, come on,” I said, giving her a serious look.  “They might have behaved in Madison with me, but their relationship became much more serious once, um… in a lot of ways since that trip.  They haven’t exactly been innocent little boys.  There are details you probably don’t want to know.”

“You mean, they’re… having… sex?  Already?”  I could that revelation ruined some of the allure of their ‘cute little love story.’

“Some,” I answered, being vague.  “Let’s just say I had a talk with them about being safe.”

“Oh my!” she exclaimed covering her mouth.  “That’s all I need to hear.  No wonder Max took it so hard then.”

“Right.  It was two weeks ago when Cam dumped him and he’s struggling, still.  He was starting to finally get it over it, and then tonight happened.   Noah invited them both over so Max could say he was sorry and hopefully get them back together.  Cam apparently was having none of it.  Then Max blew up at Noah for not warning him that Cam was going to be there.  He was worried about their friendship, but thankfully, Noah has already texted him and they are good.”

I thought about the time at Max’s house, seeing him so fragile.  “Max isn’t as strong as he appears.   It’s a façade.   He still has a lot of unresolved issues from his father.  I’m seeing that more all the time.  Tonight, he lay next to me on the couch for an hour while we watched the game and hardly said a word, and then do you know what he asked me to do?”

She shook her head.  “What?”

“He wanted me to take him upstairs and tuck him in.  Fourteen…  and he wanted to be tucked in nighty night.”

“Did you do it?”

“Of course.  If that’s what he needed, I couldn’t say no, could I?  I figure maybe Rick never did that for him.  Maybe it was like making up for lost time.”  Of course, he also begged me to fuck him and spank him, but I didn’t figure she would understand that part.  “Look,” I said, pulling my phone from my pocket.  “Once I got him to sleep, I took this picture.”

I showed her the picture of Max asleep with his bear nestled beside him.  “Oh my, that’s adorable.  He still sleeps with a bear?”

“No.  After he dozed off, I pulled it off a shelf and put it next to him.  He did cuddle up with it immediately though.  I thought it was cute, so I took a picture.” I scrolled through my pictures until I found one I took of Max and Cam at the Thai place with their arms around each other.  I showed her that one as well.

“They really were a cute couple,” she commented as she moved closer to me and put her arm around me.  “There’s going to be a whole lot of disappointed young ladies in their class.”

“For sure.  You should have seen how flirty the girls were with him in Mexico.  He was oblivious.  Anyway, I figured maybe I can torture him with the bear picture at his graduation or something.”

“Or maybe when he gets married,” she suggested.  “Can I ask?  Does he like girls at all?”

“I think he’s all gay, honey.”

She snuggled up to me and pulled me to her and planted a kiss on my cheek.  “You’re an amazing man, you know that?  I almost feel guilty we never had a son.  You’d been the best boy dad ever.” 

“Thanks.  That reminds me of something else.  Do you know what Max did in his phone, with my contact info?”

“What?”

“He changed my name to ‘Dad.’  I saw his text messages and thought he got a text from Rick.  He was embarrassed as can be, but eventually showed me that they were my messages.  It almost made me cry.”

“Awww.  That’s sweet of him.  You really have become more of a father than he’s ever had.  You didn’t say anything negative, did you?”

“I told him it was the nicest compliment I’ve ever received,” I replied with a smile.

“I think maybe we should go to bed,” she said seductively.  “So, I can reward you for being so incredible.”  She starting planting wet kisses up and down my neck.  “Do you know how sexy a compassionate, caring man is?  Huh?  C’mon stud,” she said standing up.  

She pulled me to my feet and we retired to our bedroom.   I turned down Max’s advances.  I didn’t think I could refuse Kim’s.  What irony that my reward for turning down hot boy sex was mediocre straight sex with the old lady.

***

I was enjoying my second cup of coffee the next morning when I received a text from Noah.  “you up?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“donut run?” he asked, in his typical abbreviated form.

As anxious as I was about finally being alone with Noah, being in the car was at least guaranteed to be private.  I hoped he could tell me what happened at his house the night before, both before and after Max left.

“Sure.  Meet me out front,” I replied.

***

I quietly retrieved my keys and wallet from our bedroom.  Kim was still sound asleep.  I must have exhausted her with my ‘passionate love making.’  I’m kidding.  It was the usual brief, perfunctory act.

Noah was waiting for me in the driveway as I backed out.  He jumped in and quickly fastened his seatbelt.  He seemed eager, and maybe even a little hyper.  I wasn’t sure what to make of it.  It put me on edge.  “Morning,” I said as my heart raced.  I was suddenly petrified being alone with Noah, completely embarrassed that he knew of my transgressions.  

“Should we go to YoYo’s?” I asked.  YoYo Donuts were the best in town and Noah’s favorite.  For his seventh birthday, I bought him a special birthday cake made from a mountain of YoYo donuts and he’s been crazy about the place ever since.   Going someplace special was the least I could do to stay in Noah’s good graces.  Plus, assuming I could get over being terrified enough to converse, the drive across town would give us more time to talk. 

“Sweet!  I was hoping you would suggest YoYo’s, but wasn’t sure you’d be up for driving that far.  Thanks for doing this.  Mom gave me some money for pizza last night, but with the total cluster in my basement, we never got around to it,” he replied.  “So, is Max okay or what?”

“I think he will be.  He was asleep when I left,” I replied.

Noah didn’t respond right away.  When he did, he changed the topic.   “You know I know what happened in Mexico, right?  With you and Max?”  I was taken aback, but I shouldn’t have been.  Noah has always been blunt.  It was just like him to rip off the Band-Aid.  It’s honestly one of the things about him that I’ve always found endearing.

As desperate as I was to find out about last night, I realized it was probably better to address the elephant in the room first and clear the air.  “Um, yeah, listen,” I began, prepared to try to explain, somehow.   

He interrupted before I could start.  “Do you think I’m ugly?” he asked, looking at me nervously.   I noticed he was biting the collar of his t-shirt.  It was an old nervous tic of his that I hadn’t seen in many years.

“What?  You’re not ugly Noah.  Why would you even ask that?”

“I dunno.  I mean you’ve known me forever and we’ve been alone - a lot.  You never tried to do stuff with me and Max said you like boys.  So why not me?”

My thoughts were racing and I was at a loss for what to say.  These boys keep throwing me for a loop.  “Noah, bud,” I reacted.  “I love you.  You’ve always been my favorite little dude.  You are definitely NOT ugly.”

“I know, but…” he replied before hesitating and never finishing his thought. 

“You can’t possibly be telling me you would have wanted to do that kind of stuff with me?”

“Well, no,” he answered.

“And that’s exactly why I didn’t.  I’m not a predator, Noah.  I never planned on anything happening with Max, I swear.”

“I know,” he answered sharply.  “It’s just, I dunno.  It’s stupid, I’m glad Max has you and all.  You’ve helped him a ton, but when I found out you did that with Max, I felt kind of rejected, like maybe I wasn’t good enough for you or something.  I know it seems silly, but I felt like you cared more about Max than me.”

I was shocked.  I recalled Noah being jealous and disappointed when I took Max to the new superhero movie months ago, but it never crossed my mind that he might be envious of Max and I having sex.  

Noah continued before I could respond.  “I wish I was ripped like Max.  Everyone thinks he is fucking gorgeous,” he said, raising the tone of his voice for ‘gorgeous,’ presumably imitating his female classmates.  It made me chuckle.  I glanced at him and he rolled his eyes.  I got it.  It was tiresome for him to hear everyone continually tell him how beautiful his friend is.  “But it’s not just girls,” he continued.  In the locker room during gym class, even other boys are checking out his body.  Max doesn’t even seem to notice.”

I think people generally underestimate how complex middle school boys can be, and it’s one of the things I find appealing about them.  As confident as Noah can be in so many aspects – school work, sports, in his relationships - it seems there was at least one area where he was incredibly self-conscious and vulnerable:  his looks.  That is hardly uncommon for early adolescents, but as well-adjusted as Noah is with everything else, it surprised me.   He is somewhat average in the looks department, but isn’t unattractive, and his personality makes up for any shortcomings.   

I knew I needed to give him a boost.  “I wouldn’t have made a pass at you even if you were ripped.  That has nothing to do with it.  Being attracted to you feels even more wrong than usual since I’ve known you since you were in diapers.  Besides, I think you look great Noah.  Stop worrying about your looks.  Most guys are not going to have the physique of an elite gymnast.  Comparing yourself to Max is insane, right?”

“I guess,” he replied with a heavy sigh.  He didn’t seem convinced.  “It’s not just his body though.  He’s so… attractive.”  I could tell that referring to his best friend as cute was difficult.  “I swear his face glows or something.  If I walk in to a store with him, everyone looks at him immediately – every single time.  And I’m not only talking about girls our age, either.   Women do it for sure, and often even men and other boys, too.”

Noah did have a point.  “I know what you mean,” I replied.  “I’ve seen similar reactions when I’ve taken Max places.   But, looks aren’t everything.  Personality, integrity, loyalty, and sincerity matter too.” 

He didn’t seem to react.   My comment seemed to go in one ear and out the other.  I knew I needed to be more direct with my praise.  “I’m not saying this lightly, Noah.  I mean this.  You are one of the most awesome people I’ve ever met.  You’re caring, compassionate, and funny.  You look out for other people.  Look at what you tried to do for Max.  You’re reliable and trustworthy.  Thinks about all the kids you know at school who have girlfriends.  They aren’t all amazingly hot, are they?  I bet most of them are pretty darn average, right?”

He glanced up at me, displaying a reluctant smile.   “True, I guess.”

“Trust me, some girl is going to skip over the arrogant boys and find you and realize she discovered a pot of gold.  She will be content while she watches all her friends who keep going for the alpha-males be continually disappointed because they are, mostly, shallow assholes.”

“You really think so?” he asked.

“I know so,” I answered confidently.  I almost added that having a nice fat cock like his wouldn’t hurt either, but decided that might make him uncomfortable.

“Thanks.  I always thought you were cool too.  You always talk to me like an equal, not some dumb kid,” he replied.  “It’s why I was so surprised when Cam told me, about… you know… Mexico.  I didn’t believe him at first.  I was shocked, and confused.  I was worried that maybe I really didn’t know you like I thought.”

I felt sick.  It was not a good feeling to know I let Noah down.  I could tell he was disappointed in me and I needed to explain.  I just hoped he would understand.  “Can I be completely honest with you about all this?"

“Sure.”

I was nervous.  Coming out as gay is hard enough, but as a pedarast.. it’s all new for me.  I could relate to how Cam and Max would feel when they finally decide to share the truth about their own sexuality with more people.  “I’m trusting you with some very sensitive information,” I began.  “This may be really stupid of me, but after the past week, I think you’ve proven you can be trusted.”  He nodded, indicating I could have faith in him.  “I AM absolutely attracted to boys, and at times that has included YOU.”  His eyebrows raised.   “You remember when you had that wet dream in Colorado?”

He immediately blushed and looked away.  “Yeah,” he muttered.

“It was pretty arousing for me to have a cute boy humping the bed right next to me, moaning.  It took more self-control than you know not to sneak a peek.”  I realized being this honest with Noah might come back to bite me, but I also knew he needed to be built up.  Plus, as I told Max last night, being completely honest with him would hopefully keep him solidly in our corner.

“Really?” he asked, looking back to me.

“Yes.  Noah, I’ve been attracted to younger boys since I was a teenager myself.  I’ve lived with that my entire adult life, successfully, until Mexico.  I never, ever, intended to act on those attractions.  I’m not sure if Max and I being together in Mexico was some sort of twist of fate or what, but I feel like it was almost a one in a million situation.”

“Huh?  What do you mean?”

“Well, last night, with Max so despondent, I was able to learn a lot of things about him.  What I learned really helped explain what happened in Mexico.”

“Like what?”

“Well, I knew he didn’t have the best of dads, obviously, but I never quite realized just how starved Max is for fatherly love.  When he started getting that kind of attention from me, he latched onto it.   At the same time, he’s was figuring out his physical attractions and falling in love with Cam.  I don’t think he could distinguish between the type of love I was giving him and the type he shared with Cam.  Understand?”

“So, he thought it would be okay to start sex stuff with you?” Noah asked hesitantly.  You could tell he was trying to sort it all out.

“Exactly.  And unfortunately, he happened to start it with someone who’d been attracted to boys his whole life.  Just like Max confuses romantic and fatherly love, maybe my own wires are crossed.  Perhaps I confuse paternalistic love and romantic love.”

Noah looked at me, perplexed. 

“See?  For Max and I to end up alone in Mexico, it was a bit like the stars aligned.  I told him some things before he interpreted differently than intended, and that gave him the impression I would be okay with it.  And once it got started, I couldn’t help myself.   That was my fault.  I should have stopped it, but at the time it felt perfect, and almost meant to be,” I explained.  I looked over.  Noah was listening intently, hanging on my every word.  “I can see now how wrong it was, and not what Max needed, but at the time, nothing seemed more right, for either of us.”  Noah gave me the slightest of nods, as if it made sense to him.

“Noah, I assure you,” I continued.  “It won’t happen again.  Max and I both realize now it was a horrible idea.   I feel like I let you down too since you’ve been dragged into this mess.  That has only made me feel worse, and more determined not to slip up again.”

“That’s what Max said.  I believe you,” he said, looking at me solemnly.  “I guess I always knew you were different for some reason.  Your attraction… it’s what makes you so fun to be around, isn’t it?  I mean there aren’t any other adults I know who are cool like you.” 

I couldn’t help but smile.  I’m not sure a 13-year-old boy could pay someone my age a more substantial compliment.  Most men wouldn’t give two shits what a kid thinks of them.  But to a boy lover, it means the world.  “Thanks Noah.   I suppose it has something to do with it.   It isn’t just the physical thing.   I like just being around boys.  It gives me energy and makes me happy.  It’s why I enjoyed teaching Jackson how to drive, and why I look forward to doing the same with you.  I care deeply about you, and Jackson.  And Max of course, and even Cam, despite the fact he’s been acting like a jerk lately.”

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore,” Noah replied emphatically.

“Oh?  I want to know all about Cam, but first, can I just ask you one thing?”

“Sure.”

“I really need to know.  When Mr. Rice came over, did Cam, or you, tell him the secret – about Max and I in Mexico?”

“No.  He doesn’t know.”

“Oh, thank god,” I answered, letting out a sigh.  “Now about last night.  I’m dying to know exactly what happened.”

***

Noah began summarizing the prior night as I drove.  “I thought I had this great idea to get Cam and Max back together,” he began.  “They were both so miserable without each other.   I was sure if I just got them together in the same room, they would magically get over it and make up.  Max wanted a chance to apologize, so it seemed like the perfect set-up to invite them both for a sleepover.   I made sure Cam arrived first, before Jackson left to go get Max.”

“So, Jackson was in on your plan?”

“Not really.  I just asked him to do me a favor to pick up Max.  I didn’t really tell him what I was planning.”

“I see.  So, Cam comes over and then Max shows up.  And ka-boom?”

“Not right away.  They were both a little pissed the other was there, but I told them to sit down and shut the eff up.”

“You did?” I asked, surprised.  While Noah has always been direct, he wasn’t typically confrontational.  I took it as an indication of how seriously he was taking his role as peacemaker.

“Yeah.  I had this whole speech planned in my head.  I told them they were both clearly miserable and acting completely stupid.  I mean, did you know they both were talking about quitting gymnastics?”

“Both?” I asked.  “Max mentioned it, but I had no idea Cam was saying it as well.   I told Max he was crazy to give it up.”

“Exactly.  I told them both the same thing.”

“So how did your speech go?”

“Not well.  Cam was being a dick from the start.  He was all ‘I can be your friend without being his.’  I tried to explain how things were so much more fun when we all hung out together.  I told them it was getting old, really fast, to have to take turns doing stuff with them.  I said I felt like a kid whose time is being split between divorcing parents.”

“Good analogy,” I replied.  “I can see how it would be uncomfortable to be in the middle, trying to be friends with everyone.”

“Exactly.  So, anyway, I asked Cam to just listen while Max apologized.  He was resistant, but finally shut up long enough for Max to speak.   And man, I thought Max killed it.   It was a great apology.  He was incredibly sincere and took all the blame.  He basically told Cam he would do anything to win him back.  It was so heartfelt and honest that I was sure it would do the trick.”

“But Cam wasn’t in a forgiving mood?”

“No, not at all.  He was a complete ass!  He went off again about what you and Max did and said he didn’t care about Max.   I knew he was lying though.   He cared about Max enough to keep your secret when he could tell and destroy Max.”

“And me.”

“Right.  I tried to call him out.  I had the presents from Cozumel that Max bought for Cam.  I was supposed to take them to him but forgot.  I told Cam that Max still cared or else he would have just thrown them away, but instead still wanted to give them to him.  He took one look at the Texans blanket and claimed he doesn’t like them, which was a total lie.  Then he threw the ceramic sign aside like it was trash.  It bounced off the couch and landed on the floor, breaking in two.  And for the icing on the cake, he asked ME to be his boyfriend,” he finished, shaking his head.

“Wow.  He was really cold hearted, huh?”

“Yeah.  Max stormed upstairs in tears.  I ran after him.  I was going to tell him to chill up in my room and get Jackson to take Cam home.   I was pretty much done with Cam at that point.”

“But…?”

“Max went off on me for setting him up, even though I thought it was what he wanted.   I kind of yelled back, pointing out he basically asked me to try to get Cam to meet him so he could apologize.  I thought I was doing what he wanted.”

“I see,” I replied.  “The surprise aspect of it probably wasn’t a good idea, in hindsight.”

“Probably.  I just had this vision for how it would go and…  I was just so wrong,” he replied, looking sad.  “I’ve never seen Max so upset.   I’ve seen him cry more in the last week than I have my entire life.  It’s hard to see him like that.”

“Noah, I don’t think there’s any doubt your heart was in the right place.  Then what happened?” I asked as I pulled into the parking lot at YoYo’s.

“He pushed me aside and stormed out the door and went to your house.  I was stunned.  Max and I have always gotten along perfectly.  We never fight, or even argue.  I am closer to Max than I am Jackson.  For him to yell at me, and push me out the away, was… I don’t know,” he said shrugging.

“Devastating?” I suggested.

“Yeah!  I mean I was freaking out.  I was afraid he would never want to be friends again.”

“And Max was worried YOU wouldn’t want to be friends.  I guess that’s a sign you two are meant to be friends forever.”

“I sure hope so,” he replied, before changing the subject.  “So, I guess Cam’s dad was at your place?”

“Yeah.  He saw me out in the garage when he dropped Cam off.  He stopped in for a beer and to watch the game for a while… and then Max came in, a total wreck.”

“Man, Mr. Rice was pissed,” he said as he climbed out of the car.  “He was so intense, it was scary!”

“Oh yeah.  Tell me about it on the way home, okay?” I replied as we walked into the shop.

***

For a Sunday morning, the line wasn’t too long and moved swiftly.   Noah was ahead of me and quickly ordered a dozen various donuts.   “Damn Noah!  Have your parents stopped feeding you and your brother?”  I asked.   “There’s no way you two can possibly eat all those.”

He looked at me, puzzled.  “I’m sure Cam will put away two or three, at least.  I’m not sure what he likes so I got some options.”

I was shocked.  I was certain Cam’s ass had been hauled home by his enraged father and belted until it was bright red.  Considering what Noah told me, I couldn’t believe he was even welcome to stay.   “Wait!  Cam is still there?” I asked.

“Yes.  I’ll explain on the way home.  Do you want a donut?”

“Um… yeah… Cheesecake roll, please,” I told the worker.

***

We made our way to Betty, the cashier.  Betty was an icon.  She was almost as renowned as the delicious donuts.  She was the owner’s mother and had worked the cash register on weekends ever since the store first opened.  Everyone quips that she is sweeter than the donuts, and it’s true.  She is the prototypical sappy grandmother.    “Just the dozen young man?” she asked Noah with a broad smile.

“No ma’am, I’m buying his too,” he replied nodding towards me and pointing at the small bag next to his box.

“Aw, aren’t you a sweetie,” she replied.  “Buying your father a donut, huh?  What a nice boy!  I hope he remembers that come Christmas,” she added, winking at Noah.

Noah glanced at me and grinned.   I returned his smile but neither of us bothered to correct Betty. 

“Thanks for the donut, son,” I said sarcastically as we left the store.

“You’re welcome, Dad,” he replied laughing.  He was quiet as we walked to the car.   When I climbed in and closed the door, he looked over at me.  “You know, I never really thought about it, but it IS like I’ve had two dads my whole life.   It doesn’t seem fair.   Some kids have none, or they are like Max - they have shitty ones.”

For the second time that morning, Noah left me speechless.  “That’s um… a nice compliment,” I finally replied, trying not to choke up.   These boys make me so damn emotional.  I had to look away so I didn’t crack.  Betty was right though.  Noah is a genuinely sweet kid and doesn’t even realize how special he is.  If he knew, he wouldn’t be nearly as concerned about his looks.

“So, Cam is still at your house?” I asked, changing the topic.  “Given how he acted, I assumed you sent him home.  I guess I need the rest of the story.”

“Oh yeah, it got interesting.  Verrrrry interesting.”

“Do tell,” I encouraged.

“Well, I was fuming!  I’ve honestly never been so mad at anyone in my life.  Cam was standing up when I returned to the basement.  I came at him and shoved him back onto the couch and then totally went off.”  

I’ve never seen Noah be physically aggressive, even when he and Jackson would have brotherly spats.   It was a sign of just how angry he must have been.   “What did you say?” I asked.

“Honestly, I was raging so hard I am not sure I even remember.  I know I called him out for being an asshole: for not giving Max a chance, for bringing up Max’s dad, and also for asking me to be his boyfriend.  I remember telling him he was a fucking bully.  I don’t recall what else exactly, but whatever I said, it must have worked.”

“Why do you think it worked?”

“I didn’t know I could have such an effect on people, but by the time I stopped yelling, he was sobbing.  I almost felt bad.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.  It’s a sign Cam respects you,” I explained.  “When someone you respect calls you out, it means something.  Like I told you before, you’re a good person Noah.  People see that and admire you for it.  Your opinion matters.”

“You really think so?” he asked, somewhat in disbelief.

“Yeah, I do.  So then what?  Did Cam change his tune?”

“He did when his dad showed up,” Noah replied.  “Oh man.  Mr. Rice came in yelling for him.  Cameron Brendan Rice, where the hell are you boy?” Noah said, imitating Bob’s deeper, angry voice and Texas drawl.  “He came downstairs and tore Cam a new asshole.  I swear to god, for a minute I thought he might pull off his belt and start wailing on him.”

“I’m not surprised,” I answered.  “He was pretty livid when he left my garage.”

Noah continued.  “I just stepped back and watched.  First, he ripped him for lying.  Evidently, Cam told his dad that Max was the one who dumped him.  Then he went off about some of the mean things he said to Max.”

“How did Cam react?  Something must have happened to change the mood.”

“Oh yeah.  Cam was quiet and then finally blurted out ‘I can’t have a boyfriend.’  And that’s when it got interesting.   Cam overheard his parents having a conversation a few days after the break up.  I guess some friend of his mom found out her son was gay and they were sending him to some therapy thing to get cured.   I guess his parents got in a huge argument about whether that was appropriate.   Mr. Rice told his wife if she ever tried something like that with Cam, they would get divorced.”

“Ahhhh, so Cam was suddenly worried about being gay and coming out?” I asked.

“Yes.  Cam said he was already regretting dumping Max.  He missed him and wanted him back.  But when he heard his parent’s argument, he was scared.  He was sure if his mom found out he was gay his parents would get divorced.  Since his dad travels all the time, he assumed he would have to move with his mom back to Texas and she would send him to that camp to fix his gayness.  He was pushing Max away to stay in the closet so his family didn’t bust up.”

“Whoa,” I replied.  “Holy shit!” That certainly changed my perspective of Cam.   He was dealing with some complex issues of his own that I never suspected.  Everything suddenly seemed to make more sense.  While Cam’s anger was justified, I would have expected him to come around after a few days.   Now I see why he continued to behave the way he did.   Pushing Max away allowed him to build a wall and protect himself and his family.

“Yeah, I know right?  I suddenly felt sorry for him.  I was very harsh, but I had no idea he was dealing with all that.  I knew he was worried about his mom’s reaction, but he never seemed that worried because he knew his dad already knew he was gay and figured it would be okay.  It’s funny, I went from hating the kid to never feeling tighter with him in the matter of a few hours.  After Mr. Rice let him stay, we stayed up late and talked about all sorts of things.”

“I assume Mr. Rice became a little more sympathetic?”

“Yeah.  They hugged it out.   Mr. Rice told Cam to let him deal with the adult stuff.  He was still angry for the mean things Cam had said and done, and for lying, and is still going to punish him for that, but let him stay.  He took his phone and said we had to go to bed early and when he gets home, I think he is really going to get it.  His dad is going to make him do chores all day and he even thinks he might get spanked.  But his dad told him he had his back when it came to his sexuality and that he should do right by Max.”

“So that’s why you were trying to get ahold of Max so badly last night?”

“Yeah.  We wanted him to come back over so Cam could apologize and maybe, you know, set things straight,” Noah replied.  “Or, I guess in this case, set things gay,” he added, grimacing at his own bad joke.

I realized there was a new wrinkle and let out a sigh.  “There is a new problem now, I’m afraid.  Max is so angry with Cam, I’m not sure he has any interest in reconciling.   I think last night forced him to move on.”

“We were worried about that,” Noah replied.  “We came up with a plan we think will work, and might need your help.   Cam and I can explain.  You can come over for a while, right?”

Facing Cam would be uncomfortable, but necessary.  Knowing he has been going through struggles of his own makes it easier.  My anger towards him has been largely replaced by pity and compassion.   I am certain facing me will be awkward for him, too.   “Sure,” I answered.  “I owe Cam an apology anyway.”

“Yeah, and he knows he owes you one too.”

***

We drove the next few miles in silence, before Noah hit me with another one of his direct questions.  “So, does Kim, or your girls, know?  That you are bi… or whatever?”

“No, they don’t,” I answered.  “And bisexual is a good way to put it, I guess.  I just have a wider range of ages I’m attracted to when it comes to guys.  I am attracted to grown men, but the appeal just isn’t the same as it is with teenagers.  And that’s as young as my attraction goes, by the way.  Little boys who even hit puberty do nothing for me.”

“Oh,” he replied.  I could tell he was still trying to sort it out in his mind.

“Things were more complicated 30 years ago.  I liked women too, and wanted a family.  I don’t feel great about denying such an important part of me, but I wouldn’t trade Emma and Rachel for anything.”

“They never had a hunch you liked guys, or boys, too?” he asked.

“Not that I know of.  The only people who know are you, Max, and Cam.   And I’d like to keep it that way.”  Noah would be shocked to know that Bob was aware as well – at least about my ‘bi’ side, especially if he knew why.

“That’s it?” he replied.  I could tell he was taken aback that hardly anyone knew.   “Sure.  I won’t tell anyone.  Promise,” he added.   After a few moments of quiet, he continued.  “Craig, thanks for being honest… and trusting me.   Most people wouldn’t trust a kid with this stuff, you know?”

“I know.  But you’re not just any kid, Noah.  I meant what I said earlier.  You really are special.”

“Thanks,” he muttered.  I think my effusive praise was embarrassing him.

“No, Thank YOU,” I answered looking at him and smiling.   Silence resumed.   After all we shared, there wasn’t much left to say.  It gave me time to think.  I’ve never felt closer to Noah than I did at that moment.   Sharing intimate secrets, especially potentially damaging ones, with someone has a way of bringing you together.  It’s a bond of secrecy. 

***

After parking in Noah’s driveway, I followed him into their garage.  Just before he opened the door to the kitchen, he turned, looking at me seriously.   “Craig,” he said, solemnly.  “Thanks.  I… um… was really dreading talking about that stuff.   You made it easy.”

“I understand.  I was afraid too, which is why I’ve avoided you all week.  I hated knowing that I let you down,” I said taking a deep breath and placing my hand upon his shoulder.  “I’m really glad we talked and cleared the air.  I feel better.”

“Me too,” he said softly, smiling.

It felt like a perfect moment.  “Hug?” I asked.  “If you don’t think I’m being too creepy,” I added, only half joking.

He laughed.  He set the donuts down on the step and embraced me.  I squeezed him tight.  Noah has always been more affectionate and liberal with hugs than Jackson, but this time seemed different.  He held me longer and tighter.  It felt more meaningful.  It reminded me of Max’s more heartfelt embraces from recent days.  It was clear Noah felt closer to me, just as I did with him.   It was one of those special moments a guy like me lives for.  

***

We quietly entered the kitchen and placed the box of donuts on the island.  The house was dead silent.   “Jackson and Cam still sleeping?” I whispered.

“They were when I left.   Jackson probably won’t be up for hours, but Cam should be stirring.  We went to bed super early, for a sleepover anyway.  His dad took his phone away as punishment and I had to pretend it was 1998 and leave him an actual handwritten note that I went for donuts.  How the hell did you ever live without texting anyway?”

“Life was rough, I tell you,” I replied jokingly, shaking my head.  1998 doesn’t seem that long ago to me.   I still can’t get used to the fact these boys were born years after Y2K.

“I bet.” Noah walked to the top of the stairs leading to the basement.  “Hey Cam!  Donuts are here,” he announced.

“Oh yeah!  Sweet!” I heard Cam reply instantly.  A few seconds later he was bounding up the stairs.  “Thank god, I’m starving,” he said happily as he reached the kitchen, shirtless, wearing just a pair of athletic shorts.  It was striking just how similar his physique was to Max’s.  Between the waist and neck, the two were nearly identical chiseled.  Both have small innie belly buttons.  Even Cam’s nipples seemed to be about the same size as Max’s.

Cam’s good spirits didn’t last long.  As soon as he saw me leaning against the kitchen counter, he froze and dropped his head.  He clearly didn’t expect me.

“Hi, Craig…er…I mean Mr. Peters,” he said somberly, still looking away.

“Good morning, Cam,” I said.  “Don’t be so glum, we went all the way to YoYo’s.  And please, enough with the Mr. Peters crap, okay?”

“YoYo’s?” he asked, scrunching up his nose and forehead.  Apparently, nobody had introduced him to the Midwest’s finest donut establishment.  I sometimes forget Cam has only lived in Minneapolis for just over 18 months.

“You don’t know about YoYo’s?” Noah asked.  “Best donuts ever dude.  But before we eat, um… I think…”

“Yeah, I know,” Cam said gloomily.  He took a deep breath before looking up at me.  “I’m sorry Craig,” he began.  “For those messages I sent you.  I was upset and I… uh… well, I shouldn’t have threatened you like that.  My dad would kill me if he knew I was so rude and disrespectful to an adult.”  Cam seemed close to crying.  It was obvious disappointing his father was something that affected him greatly.

“I get it Cam.  I’m sorry, too.  You had every right to be mad for what happened in Cozumel.   It wasn’t right and I take responsibility for not stopping it,” I confessed, looking at him directly so he would know I meant what I said.  “I only wish you had directed you anger towards me entirely, instead of Max.  I know I violated your trust and want to do whatever I can to earn it back.” 

Cam seemed pleasantly surprised, as if he didn’t expect an apology in return.  It still felt awkward and I wasn’t sure what to say next.   As uncomfortable as it would be to talk about, I felt like still I owed him a deeper explanation.  “Is there anything you want to know?” I asked.  “About what happened in Mexico or maybe an explanation about how it happened?” 

I wasn’t eager to delve deep in to my attractions again, having just gone through the details with Noah.  It was uncomfortable enough with him and it would be even more so with Cam.  But if doing so would help him understand things more clearly, I would.   Thankfully, he declined.  “That’s okay,” he said.  “It doesn’t really matter to me anymore what exactly happened.  I just want to move on and get things back to normal.”

“I get that,” I replied.  “If you ever change your mind and want to talk about it, or anything for that matter, don’t be afraid to ask.  You deserve to understand what happened and why.  I trust you completely, just like I do Noah, to keep this a private matter.”

 “Thank you,” he answered.  “I haven’t told anyone, except Noah.  And won’t, I promise.  I was certain you would despise me forever.   As much as you mean to Max, it would have been hard to be with him if you hated my guts.” 

“I never hated you,” I told him.  “The only person I’m even angry with now is myself, for letting this happen in the first place.  It wasn’t fair to any of you boys, but especially you Cam.  I was the one who failed at being the responsible adult.”

Cam smiled at me.  “I really appreciate you talking about all this straight up.   My dad always says it better to get things out on the table so you can iron the issues out.  I was worried you would be like a lot of grown-ups though, and think I am too young to understand things, or just try to ignore what happened, you know?”

“Craig wouldn’t do that,” Noah immediately commented.  “I keep telling you he’s different.  He never treats us like little kids.”

“That you both respect me so much means a lot,” I told them.  “You guys have kept a huge secret that could have been ruinous for me, and Max.  I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that you’ve kept it to yourself.”

“I felt bad about my messages to you,” Cam replied.  “I didn’t want to do anything else to make it worse.  There’s this kid at my school,” he continued, before pausing.  “Nevermind, that’s too long of a story, but I did want to apologize to you.  I was just too scared.”

“I heard about that your friend through the grapevine.  You’re a good man for standing up for him, Cam.  It shows character.”

“Yeah, thanks, I guess,” he replied, hanging his head.  “But I showed NO character when it came to how I treated Max,” he continued, cringing.   I think recalling the hurtful things he said to Max bother him immensely.

“Well, it seems you were getting pulled in lots of directions.   Noah filled me in - about overhearing your parents and being worried they would split up and you might have to move if you came out.  That’s a lot for a kid your age to deal with.”  I looked him square in the eye and told him seriously, “I forgive you.”

Cam looked surprised.  He shot Noah a what-the-heck glance.

Noah had slipped into the bathroom to give us some privacy and just returned to the kitchen.  “Hey, he’s on our side.  He has to know what’s going on so he can help us, remember?”

“That’s right,” I said, approaching Cam.  I put a hand on his shoulder and looked at him.  “Cam, I know your dad will have your back, but if it helps at all, know I will always be behind you 100% as well.  I’ll always support you being true to yourself.   I didn’t get that chance.  It’s one of the reasons I loved watching you and Max together.”

“Thanks,” he replied.  He leaned into me and wrapped his arms around me, giving me an unexpected hug.  He felt so vulnerable, still very much a little boy needing reassurance.  It was the first time I’d given Cam a proper hug.  Compared to Noah’s larger frame, Cam seemed small in comparison, but I could still feel the dense muscles across his back.  I pulled his head against my chest and ruffled his hair.  “We’ve all had a rough couple of weeks.  Hopefully things are about to get better – for all of us.”

“Okay then, now that we got that over with, can we dive into the donuts?” Noah asked, placing some paper plates down next to us.

“Yeah,” I answered as I broke our embrace.  “The smell of them has been making my mouth water.”   Having a helpless, sexy, shirtless boy did as well.

***

We each pulled a barstool to the counter and started eating.  My cheesecake roll was even better than I remembered.  (A cheesecake roll is a cinnamon bun with a fluffy cheesecake topping piled on top.)  I was half done with it when I realized I could use some coffee to go with the donut.   I loaded a pod into the Keurig.  “So, Noah says you two came up with a plan to set things right with Max?”

“Uh uh,” Cam replied.   “What’s the dance thing called again?” he asked, addressing Noah.

“Spartan Night Out.  S.N.O.  The first one is Friday.”

“That’s the thing they do at school, right?” I asked.  “Kind of like a dance and game night thing, where kids hang out, and sometimes they have dodgeball and volleyball tournaments?”

“Yeah, those,” Noah answered.  “They had them when Emma and Rachel went, right?”

“I think so.   What does S.N.O. have to do with your plan?”

Cam spoke up.  “Max and I, when we were together, always talked about going to school dances together this year – as a way of coming out.   I thought if I showed up at the dance, as a surprise, it would be a good way to ask him to get back together.”

“You know,” Noah interjected.  “It’s like I see in those stupid Hallmark movies mom watches.  The guy always shows up unexpected with flowers or something and sweeps the girl off her feet.  It’s corny, but it always seems to work.”

“I don’t know that I would suggest flowers,” I replied as I considered their plan.  Several concerns came to me almost immediately.  First, I am certain outside students are not allowed.   How would Cam get in?   What if he was caught?  Would Max even want to go to S.N.O.?  If he’s still as down as he was last night, I can see him avoiding social things. 

Those were just the logistical issues.  There were also emotional impacts to consider.  What if Max’s anger towards Cam hasn’t subsided and he blows up?   But my biggest concern was Max potentially being outed without any say in the matter.   Max was so upset last night with Kim discovering his sexuality.  I had to reiterate that he is control of who finds out, and when.   This plan of theirs goes against all of that.

“We have something else that’s better than flowers,” Cam replied as he stood.  “Hold on, I’ll get it.”   He ran down to the basement and came back with the colorful ceramic Cozumel sign Max purchased for him in Mexico.   “This got broken last night, because of me,” he continued, holding it up and pointing out a crack right through the heart in the middle of the ‘o’.   “Noah and I superglued it back together.   We thought I could take it and give it to him, kind of like a symbol or something.”

“Hmmm.  You might look kind of funny carrying that around at a school dance.  Plus, it might break again easily.   What if you took a picture and made it into a card instead?  You could write something meaningful on the inside.”

“Yeah!” Noah concurred.  “Something like, I glued this heart back together now let’s mend our broken hearts too.”

Cam give Noah a look of horror.  “That’s… a little too much,” Cam replied, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

“How about, I put this back together, now let’s put us back together,” I suggested.  “You could put the picture of the ceramic on the cover with the first line, and then a picture of the two of you on the inside.”

“That’s good.  That’s really good!  I love it!  I can create a card on my Mac no problem,” Cam replied.   “Can I get a piece of paper so I don’t forget?” It was endearing to see how excited these two were about their plans.

“Before you guys get too gung-ho,” I interrupted.  “I have some concerns.  Let’s start with the most obvious one.  Don’t you have to be a student at Olympia to attend a S.N.O.?”

“Yes,” Noah replied.  “After the first S.N.O., they check a list to make sure your grades are good and you haven’t been in trouble.  But this first one is too early, so you just need a ticket.  You might have to flash a school ID, but I can give Cam mine from last year.  They look practically the same and they don’t actually look at it closely.   I mean who is going to bust their way into a S.N.O.?”

“It makes me nervous,” I responded.  “But you’re right, it seems like you’d get away with it as long as you don’t cause a ruckus.”  

Cam not getting in, or kicked out, seemed minor in comparison to the more complex issues.  “Now, for the dicier problems,” I continued.  “Max was very angry and upset last night.  I’m not sure he will be up for going.   And if he did, I’m not sure how he would react to another surprise appearance by Cam.  If he goes off, it will be a bad scene, and that would be a good way for someone who isn’t supposed to be there to get caught.”

“He was really mad, huh?” Cam asked, deflated.

“Yes.  You hurt him.  Even more deeply than when you broke up two weeks ago.”

Cam was dejected.  He looked down and then glanced back up at me.  I could tell he was fighting back tears.  “But we have to try!  Once he understands what was going on with my parents, he’ll give me another shot, won’t he?”

“I don’t know,” I replied.  I honestly didn’t know.  “He seemed pretty hellbent on cutting you out of his life, but I think after a few days, his attitude will soften.  Perhaps I can figure out a way to let him know what you were dealing with, so it lays the foundation for him to be forgiving.”

“Would you?” Cam asked, hopefully.

“Sure.  I won’t say too much.   It will mean a lot more coming from you personally and I think it will be better if he hears the details from you.  But I can give him some hints.  I just hope he is receptive.”

“Jesus guys!  Stop with the negativity!” Noah interjected.  “I know Max better than anyone and I’m telling you both, this will totally work.  It’s just the kind of big surprise that Max will appreciate and fall for.  We need to let him calm down a little, but by Friday he’ll be different.  You’ll see.  We just have to get him there.”

“But what if he doesn’t want to go?” I asked.

“That’s where we might need your help,” Noah replied.  “I am going to beg him to come, to be my wingman for this girl I am after.   But if he doesn’t want to, I was hoping you could help talk him into it.”

“A girl huh?” I asked.   I was glad to see Noah was putting himself into the game.  I suspected he had some indication she was interested in him.  After our talk about his appearance, I doubted Noah would pursue someone he wasn’t already friendly with.

“Ashley Richardson.  She’s so nice, and really good looking, but doesn’t think she’s all that,” Noah answered.  It sounded like the type of girl Noah should go for.   A sweet girl who would appreciate his personality.

“Okay, so I can help talk him into it.  I think we can probably get him there.   But my biggest concern is: what if Max isn’t ready to announce to the whole school that he has a boyfriend?  I don’t like the idea of someone being forced out of the closet like that.  Wouldn’t it be safer if I just talked to Max and arranged a private meeting with Cam to apologize?”

Noah and Cam looked at each other, discouraged.  Clearly, outing Max wasn’t something they considered.  I had thrown a wrench into their grand scheme. 

“Just meeting seems lame,” Cam replied.  “I really want to make a big statement, so he knows how sorry I am and I how badly I need him to forgive me.  After all I put him through, it needs to be something special.”

“Right,” Noah added.  “If it isn’t a surprise, it won’t have the impact on Max that it needs to have.  Trust me, it will work.  Besides,” he continued after pausing, “you wouldn’t have to do anything at the S.N.O. that would make it obvious, right?  You don’t have to dance together or hug and make out.  I mean making out will get you in big trouble anyway, so definitely skip that.  If it goes well, you can give each other a bro hug and then we can leave.  We can all come back here and then you guys can do… whatever,” he finished, blushing.  Noah must have been thinking of Cam bending Max over their ping-pong table and drilling him.  Well, that’s the image that entered my mind anyway.

“I guess that could work,” I replied.  “If Max responds well, the first thing you have to tell him is that he doesn’t have to do anything that would make the situation obvious if he doesn’t want to.”

“Phhhffftt,” Noah replied.  “He will be so freaking happy when he opens that card you will have to stop him from sticking his tongue down your throat in the middle of the gym.  You’ll have to be the one stopping him from getting carried away.  Trust me, he won’t even be thinking about trying to stay in the closet.  You guys said it was time to tell everyone this year anyway, right?”

“Yes,” Cam confirmed.  “That was our plan.”

“There’s still one problem,” I replied.  “Two actually.  Will your parents even let you go?  It sounds like your dad was grounding you until Halloween.    And even if he allows it, how will you get there?  You can’t come with Noah and Max.  It would ruin the surprise.”

Noah grinned at me.  He reached over and patted me on the back.  “You see, I have this really cool neighbor who kind of owes me a favor.  I was hoping he would be our taxi service on Friday and get Cam to the S.N.O. about 45 minutes after it starts.”

He was right.  I did owe him.  “Okay,” I reluctantly agreed, sighing.  “Just leave my name out if everything crashes.”

“No problem,” Cam replied.  “If I get in trouble, I will just tell them I Ubered.”

“There’s still the issue of your being grounded thought, right?  Do you really want to cross your father?  I wouldn’t want to be on his bad side.”  I also knew Cam wouldn’t want to further disappoint his dad by sneaking out.

“I think if I tell him what we are doing, and why, he will allow it,” Cam answered.  “Especially if I do extra chores or something.  He told me I had to make things right by Max.” 

“Perhaps I could put in a good word,” I added.

“Would you?” Cam replied, looking up at the clock.  “Crap, he’ll be here in 15 minutes.  I didn’t realize it was so late.”

“Great!  I’ll stick around and we can talk to him about it together.”

***

Perhaps the donuts had an effect, but Bob barely bristled when the boys went over their scheme.   I added a few comments along the way to help sell the plan.  I’m sure having my support helped soften him.  He did deliberate on it for several moments.  You could tell he was giving it careful consideration.  Noah and Cam looked back and forth, anxiously awaiting his reply. 

“Okay, I’ll allow it,” he finally announced.  “But just for one night.  You can even spend the night here again, hopefully to celebrate, but then you are back to being grounded the next day, understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Cam answered immediately.  “Thank you, Daddy,” he added as he moved to him and hugged him.

“I’ll be just getting back into town Friday night about 7:00.   Your mother has church meetings, so she’ll not know anything is up.  In fact, I don’t really have a good way to explain why you’re grounded.  It doesn’t mean you aren’t, but we need to keep it between us.  I’ll tell her I took your phone away because you didn’t answer me fast enough or something.”

“Okay,” Cam agreed. 

“If you two are planning to let classmates know, I better be planning how to handle your mother.  You are going to have to be the one to tell her, Cam, but I will be there with you and have your back.  Then you might want to leave the two of us alone for a while.  It will be a long night.”

“Thanks Dad,” Cam said as he leaned into his father for another hug. 

“I’m proud of you, son.  I always will be as long as you treat others well and do your best.  I’m glad to hear you came up with a plan to make this right.  I don’t know if it will work, but you will be able to say you tried.”

“Noah is sure it will work,” Cam whispered into his father’s chest.

“I hope he’s right,” Bob replied as he gently pushed Cam away.  “I’m going to have a word with Mr. Peters outside.  Get your stuff rounded up.   I’ll call for you once Craig and I are finished and we can head home.  I have a long list of work for you to help with.”

“Yes, sir,” Cam replied obediently.  

***

“How is Max?” Bob asked immediately as he turned and leaned against his SUV.

“I still need to check on him today.  I did manage to get him calmed down last night, eventually, but it took some effort.  He was really a mess.”

“Glad to hear that.  I was worried about him,” Bob replied, appearing relieved.  “I still can’t believe the way Cameron treated him.   I don’t think he will repeat that mistake,” Bob continued, shaking his head.  I could tell he was still angry with Cam.

“Noah gave me a recap of what happened after Max left.  Seems like Cam was dealing with a lot of internal conflict.   It was a tough position for a 13-year-old.  I can kind of understand some of the things he did.”  

“I can’t,” he replied emphatically.  “I get why he was panicked.  But that’s still no excuse for acting awful.  And it was no excuse to lie to me about the break-up.  He could have come talk to me about it instead of brooding and shitting all over Max.  He needs to learn from this.”

I felt Bob was almost being too harsh.  “I think he already has, Bob.  We were talking before you arrived.  Cam is absolutely devastated having disappointed you and for upsetting Max.” 

Bob was listening intently.  “He clearly looks up to and respects you.  You are a lucky man to have such a devoted son,” I continued.  “Frankly, I’m jealous.  Our daughters are great, but it’s just not the same as a father-son relationship.  That’s something I began to realize once I started spending time with Max.  It still dumbfounds me how Max’s dad never appreciated what he had.”

“That is a shame.  But it sounds like the man had a lot of issues and no respect for boundaries.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.  “It’s a miracle Max turned out as well as he has.  I’m seeing more issues caused by his dad’s lack of attention and love all the time, but he truly is a great kid,” I commented, before steering the conversation back to Cam.  “But so is Cam.   His heart IS in the right place.  Even pushing Max away was to avoid issues at home.  I think you can always count on him to ultimately do the right thing.  Just look what he’s done for Sebastian.”

“Sebastian?”  Bob asked, confused.  “Who the hell is Sebastian?”  Cam clearly hadn’t told his father about his classmate.

“You know, the kid at Widmer who was molested by the teacher.  You surely heard about that?”

“Of course.  I knew about the teacher.  The school sent out a communication when the news broke.   Cam was in his class last year and really liked him,” Bob explained.  “But I wasn’t aware anyone knew the identity of the boy.”

“Cam might kill me for mentioning it, but he shared with Noah, who told Max and I.  Apparently, not only does everyone know it was Sebastian, but they are coming down hard on him.   He’s getting hated on severely across social media.   The teacher was popular and nobody likes that he got canned.  They are blaming the boy, bullying him, and calling him ‘faggot’ and worse.  Seems like there is only one person was willing to stick out his neck and stand up for him.”

“Who?” Bob asked, clearly not clueing it that it was Cam I was referring to.

“Your son!  That’s who!  Apparently, he’s called out other students for their bullying and reached out to Seb and has tried to have his back.”

“No shit?” Bob replied, a look of pride coming across his face.

“Ask him about it.  He has more character than you realize.  He’s your kid and you should discipline him however you see fit.  I know from talking with him that he expects to be punished.  To be honest, I think he truly longs for it, as it will make him feel like he has atoned for what he did wrong.”  My comment reminded me of the prior night at Max’s, when he desperately wanted to be spanked for coming onto me.  “Max’s self-loathing was so serious last night that he actually wanted me to spank him for something trivial,” I added, omitting the true circumstances.  “Sometimes I think you have to be a psychologist to understand these middle school boys.”

Bob was clearly thinking about the points I was making.  “What I am getting at is that I don’t think you have to take it very far to get your message across.  He’s already there.”

Bob sighed.  “I suppose you have a point.  I’ll ease up, especially if what you say about this Sebastian boy is true.  I’m surprised he didn’t tell me more about the situation.  Hell, I’m surprised Jeanine hasn’t been all over it.  That’s just the kind of gossip she thrives on.  When Cam comes out, it wouldn’t surprise me if she somehow tries to blame Mr. Jenkins.”  

“Perhaps his mother is exactly why he hasn’t talked about it,” I suggested.

“Maybe,” Bob answered before switching topics.  “What do you really think of this plan of theirs?  Are we crazy to let them try this?  If it turns into another spectacle like last night, that would be horrific.  Max freaking out in front of his entire school would be devastating.  He might never recover.”

“I was worried too.  I suggested I talk to Max and arrange a meeting, but they are adamant about making a grand romantic gesture.   They are both so excited about their plan that I couldn’t rain on their parade,” I explained.  “Noah is sure it will work, and I trust his judgement.  He and Max are closer than brothers.  If he thinks it will work, I’m inclined to trust his instincts.”

“His ‘instincts’ weren’t so hot last night though, were they?” Bob pointed out.  I didn’t get that he was trying to be difficult or rude.  He was just making an astute observation.  

Noah’s plan last night did blow up spectacularly.  But that was because Noah didn’t have all the facts.  “I’m not so certain about that.  He was missing a key piece of information.   Had he known what Cam was dealing with, I am sure he would have formulated a different plan.  If Cam had confided in him, I bet Noah would have told Cam he needs to talk to you.   He might have even tried to call you himself, or gone through me.  He has a very level head.”

“I suppose.  It still makes me a little nervous, Cam going somewhere he isn’t allowed.”

I shrugged.  “It’s not like they are breaking into a house or something.  It seems harmless and I’m willing to give it a shot if it might bring Max out of his funk.  It’s so obvious he needs Cam, and it sounds like Cam needs Max back just as desperately.”

“Agreed.  They were so good for each other.  I saw how well they pushed each other at the gym.  And they were so damn happy together.  You could just feel it.”

“I know what you mean.  There was something in the air when they were together.  The intensity of their feelings for one another is palpable.”

Bob nodded in agreement.  “I just wish Jeanine would be more understanding.  She was raised in very conservative, religious family and her feelings about homosexuality being aberrant are entrenched.   I’m still not sure how to approach it with her,” he said, before taking a deep breath.  “I don’t know if it will be better to try to coddle her until she comes around or be stern and tell her how it’s going to be.   I can see either approach working… or backfiring.”

“Perhaps she will quickly realize either she adapts her thinking or risks losing her family,” I offered.

“Maybe,” he answered.  “Her upbringing also engrained in her that the husband is the head of the household and should be the ultimate decision maker.  She also likes to be taken care of.  However, I’m just not sure if playing the ‘I am the man of the house’ card will work in this situation.”

“Maybe the ‘he’s a boy and dealing with sex is the father’s realm’ card would be a better one to play,” I suggested.

“Good idea,” he answered.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out when the time comes,” I replied.  “You might have to choose your reaction based upon hers.  You will select the right response in the moment.”

“Probably.  It will be a whole lot easier if she doesn’t realize they are already having sex.  I need to be sure to tell Cam to leave that part out.”  Bob and I had discussed the fact the boys were sexually active when we hooked up just before the trip.  He overheard them having oral sex in the sauna so he was aware they weren’t abstinent, but was still surprised when I told him Cam gave up his cherry for Max’s birthday.

“Good plan.  The mental image of your sweet little angel having anal might not go over well with her,” I quipped, grinning.

Bob shook his head.  “I wish I could get that image out of my head.  Ever since you told me about them going all the way, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it,” he said followed by a heavy sigh.  “I know the idea of your own child becoming sexually active is supposed to be disturbing, especially when he is still shy of his 14^th birthday, but dammit, all I can think about is how I was at that age.   I would have had sex with any willing hole back then.  I swear to god, I think I was jacking off four times a day.”

“So was I,” I answered.  “People never want to acknowledge just how young some kids become sexual.  I was masturbating and thinking about sex by age 10.  It’s very naive to assume kids aren’t sexual beings.  I think by 13, hormones are raging for most boys.”

“Yeah, understanding that is one thing.  But as a parent, thinking about Cam and Max going at it should bother me, instead it…” he trailed off, shaking his head as if he were trying to make an idea go away.

“It kind of turns you on,” I said, finishing his thought.  Bob looked uncomfortable.  A sweat broke across his brow, but he didn’t refute my suggestion.  “Relax.  I totally understand.  Max tells me about their encounters, often with all the details.  Their sex sounds intense and trust me, it can be arousing for me too, especially if I picture the scene in my head.”

Bob nodded in understanding.  “It also makes me feel like I missed out on something when I was a boy,” I continued.  “My few encounters with other boys in junior high were very awkward.  We would rub our boners together and suck each other for brief flashes.  If only…”

“You got that right.  Jesus!  If I had managed to find a boy as good looking as either of those two when I was 13 who was willing to give up his ass, I don’t think I would have ever pursued women.”

I totally understood what he was saying, but Bob being so emphatic about it caused me to laugh.  “Especially if it was 2019 and not 1979, right?”

“Maybe 1979 for you, old man,” he replied teasingly.  “More like 1989 for me,” Bob added before hesitating.  “So, if Max tells you everything,” he said, sheepishly.  “Can I ask… is one of them more of a top than the other?  I shouldn’t be so damn curious, but I am.  You said Cam let Max fuck him for his birthday, but is that the usual arrangement?”

“Nah.  Like father, like son.  While they both have enjoyed either side, Max has made it clear he prefers to be the catcher while Cam definitely favors pitching.”

Bob grinned.  “That’s my boy.” 

I shook my head, laughing.  “Maybe we need to get together again so you can show me those famous Rice men fucking abilities?” I glanced down at his bulging shorts.  “Seems like you could use a little relief.  Maybe it will take some of your attention away from the boys.”

“Shit!  Sorry,” he answered, trying to shift his hard-on.  “I didn’t even notice.”  Sweat continued to drip from his forehead, even though it was a cooler morning.  “Maybe we should get together.  It might redirect my thoughts and… uh… prevent another disturbing wet dream.”

“You still have those?” I asked, surprised.

“Not usually.  That’s part of what makes this one so bizarre,” he answered, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably.  “It’s embarrassing.  I wouldn’t share this with anyone else, but I had a god damn wet dream a few weeks ago and it was all about them,” he said, glancing towards the house.  “It was the first one I’ve had in years and it was easily the most intense.   It really rattled me.”

“Do you remember the details?” I asked.

“Remember?  Shit, man, I can’t forget them!  In the dream, I walked in on them, fucking like rabbits on the floor.  Max was on his knees with Cam behind him.  They looked up at me, but didn’t stop.  In fact, Cam grabbed Max’s hips and started pounding him harder.   “Just like you daddy,” he said to me.

I was amazed at how much detail was burned into Bob’s memory.  My dreams, even the best of them, seem to fade quickly.  This one clearly left an impression.  “Wait.  Cam doesn’t know you like…?”

“No, no way,” he answered.

“I didn’t think so.  How did they dream end?”

“They just kept fucking and watching me as I dropped my shorts and jerked off, telling them how hot they were.  I woke up in a cold sweat right after Max asked me if I wanted a turn once Cam was done with him.”  He stopped and hesitated, as if he was unsure about continuing.

“The dream is still so vivid in my mind,” he finally resumed.  “Max said something like ‘I’m good and stretched out now’ and then Cam followed that up with ‘Yeah, daddy, I’ll lube him up for you with my cum’,” he said, sweat now beading across his face.

“Jesus.  I never remember than much of my dreams,” I commented.

“Me either.  Normally.  I had blown a massive load in my underwear and my adrenaline was pumping.  I was completely alert, sweating profusely.  It was obvious the orgasm I had in my sleep was beyond intense.  My body was still twitching.”

“Whoa!  That sounds incredible,” I commented.  “I don’t think any of mine were ever like that.”

“I felt guilty as hell while I cleaned up.  Who gets off dreaming about their own boy having sex?   They are barely teenagers.  Their voices haven’t even dropped yet.”

When Bob stopped talking, he adjusted himself again.  Telling me about his dream had only managed to get him worked up more.  As I glanced up, I could tell his nipples had hardened as well and were visible through his polo shirt.

“Wet dreams are weird,” I replied.  “I wouldn’t get too worked up.  I’ve dreamed about some pretty bizarre shit myself.   Doesn’t mean you’d really do it.”

“I know, but still, it shows what was on my mind, right?” he answered suggestively.  What was Bob hinting at?  Was he admitting that he was fantasizing about having sex with Max, or perhaps even Cam?  Or was he merely aroused by the thought of what his son and his boyfriend do in private?  I decided to probe.   I’ve never been able to have a conversation with someone else who has acknowledged similar attractions and I simply couldn’t help myself.

“You mean like the idea of sliding your hard cock into a tight, smooth, young boy ass?” Bob’s eyes bulged in shock as he gasped.  Obviously, that was exactly the idea filling his thoughts.   He wiped his brow and swallowed.  “Don’t feel too guilty.  I’m not even much of a top and I’ve entertained that daydream a few times.  It’s not like you could find more idyllic specimens of boyhood beauty than Cam or Max either,” I stated, smirking.  “You know I mostly bottom, but when I have topped a guy, it’s way more arousing than bringing a woman off.  It’s thrilling watching his cock harden, pulse, and spew his seed as you press against his prostate.”

“Heh, exactly,” Bob laughed in agreement.

“I imagine it would be even hotter to watch a boyish face wracked with pleasure, screaming out sopranic moans of ecstasy,” I suggested before cutting myself off.  I was getting carried away and if I didn’t shut up, I would give too much away.

“Seriously?  Oh, thank god.  It’s not just me then.  I was beginning to worry I had issues.  I’ve never been attracted to anyone that wasn’t my age, but I just keep thinking about it and it seems like it would be the best of both worlds.   Their ass would be so tight, being small and unused, but it would be so soft and smooth and almost feminine,” he continued, almost lustfully.  I couldn’t believe Bob was romanticizing the feel of a boy’s ass.  “You’d have the delicate touches of a lady combined with all the raunchiness of man-to-man sex.”

“Plus the exuberance of a horny-as-fuck boy in the throes of puberty,” I added.  I was really laying it on.

“Jesus Craig, enough!” he replied.  He wasn’t angry.  It was more of plea to stop because he knew it was true and it was adding to his arousal.

I couldn’t resist just one more comment.  “And none of the emotional neediness of women to deal with,” I joked.   “No wonder the Greeks were such pederasts.”

“True, but still…” he replied, still concerned with his deviant thoughts.

I wasn’t sure what to make of Bob’s admission.  It made me wonder if perhaps my attractions weren’t as rare as I’ve always assumed.  Maybe humans are capable of being attracted to a wide range of things, if they allow their minds free reign.   One thing is for sure, if Bob were to find out about Max and I, he would at least be able to relate to the desire, even if he couldn’t excuse the act.

“Relax.  I’m not judging you,” I said, looking him straight in the eye with a serious expression.  “Trust me, I understand,” I said slowly to emphasize my point.  

Cam must have grown impatient because he came out the front door, his bag over his shoulder.   He paused and glanced at us, but didn’t speak. 

“We’re wrapping up,” Bob yelled to him.  “Let’s get together sooner rather than later,” he whispered to me with a smirk.

*** End of Chapter 28 ***

Now: A little something extra… you are surely curious what happened at Noah’s house between him and Cam after Max stormed off.  If not, you should be!

Read on to find out.  (This was also posted in Max’s Awakening as ‘Sleepover Interlude’, after chapter 29 of that tale).

Behind the scenes at Noah’s house

Noah angrily made his way to the basement.  None of this had gone as envisioned, and in his mind, Cam was to blame.  Max delivered a sincere apology and Cam callously brushed it aside and responded with snide, malicious comments.  He’d never seen Cam be such a prick.  He did and said things purely to hurt Max, pushing him further away.  Noah - always loyal to a fault - was enraged.

Cam was standing by the couch, looking at his phone, when Noah burst into the room.

“What the fuck was that?” Noah yelled, as he marched around the sectional to approach Cam, his hands thrown into the air.

“What did you expect?” Cam asked nonchalantly. 

This only caused Noah’s rage to intensify.  His eyes flickered.  He faced Cam, pushing him - hard - onto the couch.  “I never expected you to be the world’s biggest asshole.  What the hell were you thinking?”

Cam was taken aback by Noah’s forceful reaction.  “Dude, what the hell?  I didn’t do or say anything I haven’t before.”

“You were a complete FUCKHEAD!” Noah bellowed, his face bright red with fury.  “Max gave you a heartfelt apology, taking total responsibility.  He was in tears and you not only blew him off, you said a bunch of mean shit just to make him feel worse!  What the fuck is your problem?”

Noah’s profane ranting stunned Cam, who was almost inaudible.

“I said I didn’t want to talk to him, and I told you repeatedly I wasn’t going to get back with him,” Cam offered.  “You shouldn’t have tricked me into coming here.”

“Okay, fine.  Maybe it was a mistake to get you in the same room tonight.  But you didn’t have to be a complete dick about it, either.  You shouldn’t have dumped on him with all the extra shit about his dad or ask me to be your boyfriend.  I can’t fucking believe you!” Noah’s voice was rising.  Jackson would surely hear something.  “And since when don’t you like the Texans?  This is all such bullshit.”

Noah barely took a breath, and a knot was quickly forming in Cam’s stomach.

“You know, Max told me how much of a shithead you were when you first moved here, but after I met you, I couldn’t see it.  Now I do.”

Cam didn’t know what to say.  Noah had always been so chill.  He knew Max was Noah’s best friend, but he never expected to be verbally bitchslapped like this.

“I just don't get you, Cam.  You go out of your way to help that Seb kid at your school who is getting bullied and now YOU ARE THE FUCKING BULLY.  What a hypocrite you are!” Noah blustered.

The words hung in the air, cutting Cam.

“I’ve known Max since we were 2.  He has never been so distraught, not even when his dad was arrested or when his parents divorced.  I swear to God if he hurts himself, I’m going to rip off your head and shit down your neck,” Noah said sternly, looking Cam straight in the eye.

“Come on, Noah.  He’s not that upset.  He’s known we’re finished.  This wasn’t news,” Cam responded, not sounding at all confident in his words.  “It’s not like he would ever go that far.”

“How do you know?  Jackson had a friend shoot himself last year over a whole lot less.  I’ve never seen him like this, so yeah, I’m worried about that,” Noah said, his own eyes beginning to water.  “You have no fucking idea how deeply you wounded him, do you?  How can you hurt him like that and not care?”

Cam felt like he had been punched in the gut.  He hung his head, realizing how much worse he made everything, and started to weep.  Cam was confident he had every right to feel betrayed by and angry toward Max, but he never intended to emotionally maim him.  He knew the comment about Max’s father and asking his best friend to be his boyfriend in front of him was below the belt.

***

Suddenly, footsteps were heard overhead.  Cam recognized a deep voice.

“Cameron Brendan Rice!  Boy, where the hell are you?” Cam’s father, Bob, sounded as irate as Noah.  Cam knew that tone - the one where his father’s normally muted Texas drawl manifested - and it meant he was about to get it.

“Down here sir,” Cam managed to squeak, through tears.

Bob stormed down the basement stairs.  Cam sat on the couch, his face red and wet.  Noah towered over him, looking furious. 

“Cameron, I can’t even believe all I just heard.  I was next door enjoying a beer with Mr.  Peters when Max stumbled in, a total sobbing mess.  It was awful!  I’ve never seen a kid so upset,” Bob began.  “I find out YOU dumped HIM?  Why did you lie to me?  Huh?”

Cam knew he had a trump card, and could tell his dad the real reason he ended things with Max.  But, he already hurt Max more than enough and his father would be pissed at being lied to, regardless of the reason.

Bob barely took a breath, a vein in his neck throbbing.  “Then, tonight, you pile on by making fun of his incarcerated father and breaking gifts he brought you from Mexico?  You know better than that!”

Cam sat stoically, his eyes set firmly upon the floor, trying desperately to count the number of fibers in the carpet to maintain his composure.  “Noah just finished ripping me apart for the same thing.”

“Look at me when you speak!” Bob demanded.  “You were not raised to lie or be cruel.  Frankly, I’ve never been so ashamed as I am right now.”

The room fell silent.  Noah knew he should give the father and son privacy, but frankly, he was grateful Mr. Rice was piling on.  Even at 13, Noah understood Cam needed to hit rock bottom to reset.  Cam quietly cried.  Tension suffocated the temporary quiet.

“So?  What do you have to say for yourself, young man?” Bob asked.

Cam looked up to his father.  He had to respond, but despite everything, he couldn’t destroy Max.  Besides, at this point, would his father even believe him, or just get more upset and assume he was lying?

“I can’t have a boyfriend, that’s why,” Cam finally offered, in the small, broken, voice of a sad child.

Noah looked confused but knew to keep his mouth shut.  Mr.  Rice looked like he was about to take off his belt.

“What are you talking about?” Bob asked, bewildered.  “You know I like Max and have no problem with you being gay.”

It was all too much.  Cam finally - completely - broke down, for the first time since the breakup.

“Because, if I have a boyfriend and Mom finds out, you’ll get divorced and I’ll have to move back to Texas with her and get sent to the perv patrol!” Cam screamed through sobs.

Bob’s tone softened.  “Son, what are you talking about?”

“I HEARD YOU!” Cam yelled.  His RVCA shirt was tear-soaked.

“Huh?  I don’t…” Bob began to say, before being interrupted. 

“I was in the fucking hot tub!” Cam yelled, before calming slightly.  Cussing toward his father was not a prudent idea.  “A couple nights after we broke up.  The timer on the jets had run out and I was just relaxing.  I was about to dry off and come in when you and mom came out on the deck.  You didn’t know I was down below and I heard it all!  Your argument about Mom’s friend from church and her ‘homosexual child.’  You said you would kick her out if she ever tried to send me to, what was it, ‘reparative therapy?’  She talked about how pedophiles groom kids to recruit them into homosexuality and they have to be deprogramed away from sin.”

Bob was taken aback, and could tell his son was hurting, brooding for weeks over a conversation he never should have heard.  “She doesn’t know you’re gay, I know it isn’t a choice, and there’s nothing wrong with who you are.  What you overheard was hypothetical.  I was just making a point, that it’s wrong to put a kid through that.”

“She’ll find out sooner or later and hate me!” Cam roared.  “I stopped being mad at Max a few days after our fight, but was too afraid to have a boyfriend again.  I love him, but I won’t let my ‘aberrant lifestyle,’ as Mom puts it, destroy all our lives,” Cam said, bawling.  “Now you hate me too!”

“Oh shit,” Noah said.  In his anger, Bob forgot they were not alone.

“Noah, let’s go upstairs and give them some privacy,” Jackson said from the doorway.  No one knew he was there, as he came to investigate the commotion, not realizing he walked into a family crisis.

Bob sighed.  Always authoritative and confident, he didn’t know what to say.  He knew his son repeatedly lied and was being needlessly vicious, and that warranted swift consequences, but seeing him wracked with sobs changed the calculus.  Cam was clearly hurting, battling his own self-loathing demons and being crushed by misguided anxiety.

“I appreciate that, but it’s okay.  You’ve heard everything anyway,” Bob responded.  “We’ve imposed long enough.  Cam, grab your stuff and let’s go.  We have more to talk about.”

Cam sat, non-responsive, trembling slightly between wails.  For the first time in weeks, he was processing all of his stress and hurt.  Toward Max who cheated on him, Craig who took advantage, his homophobic mother, and a God he was raised to believe in who made him gay but would damn him for it?  Then, to be screamed at by a close friend and his own father?  It was all so unfair, Cam thought. 

“Uh, I’ll get some tissues,” Noah said, walking toward the basement bathroom.

“I’ll grab a bottle of water,” Jackson offered before heading up the stairs.

Bob sat on the couch beside Cam, wrapping his arm around his son.

“Come here,” Bob gently instructed as he pulled Cam into a hug.  “You know I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you.  I am very disappointed in your behavior, and you will have consequences, but that isn’t important right now.” Cam buried his face in his father’s chest.  Neither could remember the last time that happened.

Noah handed Mr.  Rice the tissues just as Jackson was heading down the stairs with the water.  Cam’s cries started to stifle.

“Here, take a drink,” Jackson said, offering Cam the water bottle.  “I’ll be upstairs if you need anything else.  Noah, follow me.  Now.”

“No!  I want him to stay,” Cam said forcefully.  Noah wasn’t sure why Cam would want him around in such a vulnerable moment, after he was so brutal to him, but Mr.  Rice nodded his assent.

“Look, son, I’m not sure what will happen when your mother finds out.  I’m not going to lie and pretend it will be pleasant, but none of that is your fault,” Bob said, trying to be reassuring.  “I promise that I’ll never let anyone try to ‘fix’ you, because there’s nothing needing repair.”

Cam sniffled and closed his eyes.

“I don’t want to be the cause of our family splitting up.  It’s not like I ever wanted to like other boys.  If I could be normal, I would,” Cam said, his voice quivering. 

“That isn’t going to happen.  Even if it did, you wouldn’t be the cause,” Bob said.  “Listen to me: you are fine just how you are.  We both know you can’t change your sexuality, but even if you could, there’s nothing wrong or abnormal with being gay.  I don’t ever want to hear you talk like that again, do you understand?”

“Okay,” Cam mumbled meekly.  He regained enough composure to stop crying. 

“Good.  Let the grown ups worry about the adult stuff,” Bob said, stroking his son’s hair.  “I shouldn’t have yelled.  I don’t abide being lied to or you being so rude, but I can see now how stressed you’ve been.”

“I’m sorry I let you down.  I didn’t know what to do, I just wanted things to stay  normal and thought if I pushed Max away it would be best for everyone,” Cam said as a solitary tear escaped.  “I know I made all this worse.  I don’t think Max will ever forgive me.”

“You won’t know if you don’t try,” Bob said, smiling for the first time.  “Not that you have to get back together with him.  I only expect you to be honest and kind.”

“I do miss him, but I was so mean,” Cam said as he hung his head again in shame.

“Yes, you were, and you’ll answer for that.  But you’re also just starting to figure this stuff out, and we all make mistakes.  That doesn’t make you a bad person,” Bob said.  “You always seemed so happy together, like you made each other whole.  And you’ve been so miserable the last couple of weeks.”

“Noah said the same thing.  I thought I was hiding it better,” Cam said.  “I guess not.”

“Uh, no,” Bob declared.  “But if the only reason keeping you from making up with Max is worrying about your mother, well, don’t let that stop you.  Everyone deserves to be happy and I’ll deal with her when the time comes.”

Bob squeezed Cam’s arm reassuringly.  Cam could instantly feel his chest loosening, as if a great weight had been lifted.  For the first time since the break-up, he could breathe normally.  “I’m surprised you weren’t more excited to have a reason to move back to Houston.  I guess you’ve really settled in here, huh?” Bob said.

Cam nodded.  “My friends in Texas were fun and all, but they’re nothing like the friends I made here,” Cam replied, glancing appreciatively at Noah.  “My friends here really care.  It’s...different.”  

Bob smiled, proud that his son had grown to understand the value of deeper friendships.  “Anyway, let’s get home,” Bob said.  “We still need to...”

“I know I’m in trouble, but can I please stay?  Maybe Noah and I can figure out a way to make this better?” Cam pleaded.  “Daddy, please?”

Bob mulled over the request.  This time, it was he who glanced at Noah, who smiled and nodded approval.

“Fine.  I’ll postpone sentencing until I pick you up tomorrow, but this isn’t going to be a regular sleepover.  No electronics and lights out and in bed by 10.  You’re going to have a busy, tiring day tomorrow.  Understood?  Noah?”

“Yes sir,” the boys chorused.

“Good.  Cameron, give me your phone, and don’t ask when you’ll get it back because I haven’t decided,” Bob ordered.  “I’ll be back here at 11 to pick you up.  You can tell me your plan for atonement then.  It better be good.”

Cam immediately stood, reached into his pocket, and handed over his iPhone, and went in for a hug.

“I love you too,” Bob said surprised, kissing the top of Cam’s head.  “You’ve done wrong.  Make it right.”

***

After Mr.  Rice left, the boys sat in awkward silence.

“So,” Noah smirked.  “Your dad seems nice.”  Cam couldn't help himself and burst out laughing.

“He can be a little intense when he’s upset,” Cam finally managed to say.  “We don’t dare play video games or stay up past 10 because he’ll know.  He always knows, somehow.”

“Bro, ‘a little intense’ is an understatement,” Noah said grinning.  “I don’t think my asshole will ever be the same after clenching so hard.  There’s no way I could be fucked now even if I wanted to.  I thought you were going to spontaneously combust when he glared at you.”

Cam laughed again.  He was starting to relax.

“Well, he’s usually cool, but he hates being lied to and always reminds me that I represent our family ‘at all times’ and if I’m bad, it ‘reflects poorly upon all of us,’” Cam explained.  “I let him down.  I hate that he’s so disappointed in me and that I cried like that.”

While Cam had calmed, Noah could tell he was embarrassed and needed to be reassured. 

“Yeah man, disappointing your parents is the worst,” Noah said cringing.  “They know how to drop a guilt bomb like no other.  It sucks.  My mom told me that a few months back after I did something stupid, and I cried myself to sleep and couldn’t look her in the eye for at least a week.”

Cam nodded, appreciating Noah’s empathy and that he wasn’t judging him for losing it.  Eighth grade guys don’t cry like that, and certainly not in front of each other.

“So, um, what’s going to happen when you get home?” Noah asked.

Cam took a deep breath.  “Well, you already saw my phone get taken away, get restricted from electronics, and given a bed time which I don’t normally have in the summer.  So, I’m grounded for sure.  I’ll definitely have extra chores and an exhausting workout.  I might have to write an apology letter to you and Max,” Cam said before pausing for a moment.  “I haven’t gotten spanked since we moved here, but as upset as he was, it wouldn’t surprise me if I’m told to ‘assume the position.’ I half expected him to put me over his knee in front of you.”

“Wow.  I thought my parents were strict,” Noah said.  “He doesn’t play around, does he?”

“No, but honestly, he’s a really good dad and is always supportive.  He’s never abusive or anything like that.  Even when he disciplines me, he takes time to explain why, so I know he’s doing it for my own good and to help me learn from my mistakes.” Cam said.

“Look, I’m sorry I roasted you so hard.  I didn’t know your pops was going to come over and mangle your corpse,” Noah said sheepishly.

“It’s okay.  I needed a kick in the ass and you were a good enough friend to give it,” Cam responded.  “Max is lucky to have you.”

“He’s like my brother.  I’m closer to him than I am Jackson,” Noah said, almost choking up.  “That’s why I was so adamant about getting you back together.  You make him so happy, and with everything he’s been through, he deserves to be happy.”

“Yeah.  I know it’s corny as fuck, but he made me really happy too.  I think that’s why it hurt so much when I found out he did...stuff with Craig and thought it was no big deal,” Cam said.  “I know Craig isn’t a bad guy, I guess I was jealous and freaked out he was going to replace me.  Like, how can I compete with a grown-up who has money and can drive and has a bigger dick and stuff?”

Now it was Noah’s turn to laugh.  Cam was confused

“What’s so funny?” Cam asked defensively.

“It’s just not like that.  Sure, Max loves Craig, but as like the dad he never really had.  And from what he says, Craig totally regrets letting it go so far,” Noah explained.  “Dude, Max is completely in love with you, which is why he’s been so upset and miserable about your break up, and hurt by what you said.”

Cam looked down at the floor again, disgusted anew by his own behavior. 

“I don’t know how to undo what I did.  He’s never going to take me back,” Cam whined as he picked up the broken pieces of the ceramic, noticing for the first time the small heart his carelessness put a crack through. 

“Let me call him.  I texted earlier but he didn’t respond.  Maybe he’s still at Craig’s and can come back over?” Noah suggested. 

Noah called, several times, only to be sent to voicemail.  Max was clearly screening his calls.  Finally, there was an answer, but it was Craig.  They spoke briefly.

“What did he say?” Cam asked.

“Craig took him home and said Max needs some space and alone time.  I guess he’s still really upset,” Noah relayed.

“Fuck.  I guess I can’t blame him,” Cam said.  “I’m going to have to do something big, aren’t I?  I’m not even sure I can face him after tonight.”

“Maybe a grand romantic gesture, like something from a ridiculous chick flick?” Noah suggested.

“I don’t know what it could be,” Cam responded.  “Although...we did fantasize about coming out and going to each other’s dances sometime this year, but it’s still summer.”

“Wait!” Noah exclaimed.  “We go back to school earlier than you do.  Next Friday is the first S.N.O.”

“S.N.O.?” Cam asked.

“Spartan Night Out,” Noah explained.  “Spartan is our school mascot.  They do them every month for kids who haven’t gotten in trouble and aren’t failing any classes.  Sometimes they’re lame, but the first one is always a back-to-school dance everyone can attend, and it’s in less than a week!”

Cam’s spirits rose.  Was it conceivable?

“The problem is, only students from our school can go and they usually check school IDs, to make sure a kid isn’t on the suspension or bad grades list,” Noah spoke confidently.  “But, since it’s the first one and anyone can come, I might be able to sneak you in and you could surprise him.  He’ll shit himself!” Noah was almost giddy. 

“It’s a good idea, but if you get caught smuggling me in you’ll get in a bunch of trouble, and I can’t ask you to do that,” Cam said.

“Relax.  It’s the first week of school.  There will be hundreds of people there, including a bunch of new kids no one knows.  You’ll be just another face.  No one will bat an eye,” Noah said, his enthusiasm increasing by the moment.

“Maybe I can fix this and show him,” Cam handed Noah the ceramic pieces.  “Do you have any super glue?”

“Let me see if I can find something,” Noah said, bounding up the stairs.

Noah returned a couple of minutes later, adhesive in hand, and they managed to repair the ceramic, leaving it on the ping pong table to cure.

“The biggest problem might be convincing Max to go,” Noah said.  “He’s been so down I’m not sure he’s going to be up for it after a long first week back to school.  But, maybe I can guilt him into being my wingman for a girl I really like.”

“Noah! You have a crush?  What’s the lucky lady’s name?” Cam asked with a snicker.

Noah blushed.  “Ashley.  She’s smokin’ and not stuck up at all.  I think she has a thing for Max, though.”

“I can’t fault her for that.  He is hot,” Cam replied, almost giggling.  “But if you get a girlfriend, does that mean you won’t need us to blow you anymore?”

Noah groaned.  “You’re hilarious.  And yeah, ‘Max is so hot,’ that’s what I keep hearing.  You may have to fight her for his affection.”

“I’ll stab a bitch if I have to,” Cam said laughing.  “But seriously, if I get him back, I’m not letting go again.”

“You’ll get him back.  We just have to plan it out,” Noah said.

“Maybe, but it has to be a surprise to work and if he won’t go, we’re fucked,” Cam said.  “I wonder if Craig could help convince him?”

“Yeah!  I’ll text Craig and ask if he can take me on a donut run or come over before your dad picks you up or something,” Noah suggested.  “I don’t think Max will tell us both no.”

Cam sighed.  “That might be awkward.  I sent Craig a really nasty message right when I found out.  Called him a pedo and threatened to report him.”

Noah grimaced, but didn’t say anything.

“I know I owe him an apology, too,” Cam said.

“Maybe it’s a good thing your dad took your phone, young man,” Noah teased, parroting Mr. Rice.

“I’d get whooped for sure if he knew I disrespected an adult,” Cam said, shuddering.  “That pisses him off more than being lied to.  That’s actually one reason he approves of Max, because he’s always so polite and appreciative.”

“Yeah, Max has always had a way with adults.  Obviously,” Noah joked.  “Too soon?”

It took Cam a moment to process what Noah was alluding to, but then he grinned.

“I’m not happy about what they did, but I can’t really blame Craig.  I know you’re straight and don’t understand, but Max is…” Cam trailed off.

“Gorgeous?” Noah finished Cam’s sentence sarcastically, rolling his eyes. 

“Well, yeah, he’s fucking hot.  And the sex is amazing,” Cam shared as Noah pretended to wretch.  “But it’s more than that.  He’s just...special?  He has this energy and intensity.  I can’t explain it.  I guess I can see how Craig could be tempted into doing things.”

Noah nodded.  “I may not get the physical stuff, but I know what you mean.  Max has always just had a way, but it isn’t phony.  He never tries to manipulate or hurt anyone.”

Noah’s phone suddenly went off.  He set an alarm right after Mr.  Rice left.

“It’s 9:45,” Noah said as he stood.  “We better get ready for bed.”

“‘We’?” Cam asked, “You’re not going to stay up later?  You aren’t grounded.”

“No, but I’m not going to rub it in your face.  That wouldn’t be fair.  I’m your friend,” Noah said emphatically.  “Besides, your dad kind of terrifies me.”

With that, Cam let out a huge belly laugh and gave Noah a fist bump.  What he told his dad was true: his friends here really were different, in the best possible way. 

***

True to their word, the boys were “in bed” with the lights off by 10 PM.  They decided to stay in the basement for the night, sprawled out on the sectional, feet to feet.  They both stripped to their underwear, and Cam slipped into his sleeping bag while Noah grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch.

Sleep was elusive.  Neither had been to bed this early since school let out in May, and whether the result of the adrenaline from the earlier drama or the excitement of their scheme to surprise Max, neither boy was tired.

They both stared at the ceiling in silence, not wanting to disturb the other.  The only noise was the whirl of the ceiling fan and hum of the A/C kicking on.

“Noah, are you still awake?” Cam asked softly, not wanting to wake him if he was already asleep.

“Yeah.  I slept in until noon.  My parents told me I have to get back on a normal sleep schedule before school starts, but it’s hard after staying up all night for three months,” Noah responded.  “No way I’m going to get to sleep this early.”

“Same,” Cam said.  “When is your normal bedtime during the school year, anyway?”

“Ten on a school night, eleven on the weekend or a holiday.  You?” Noah responded.

“Nine on a school night when I have to work-out early in the morning, otherwise ten,” Cam shared.  “It sucks sometimes, but I have to be up at 5:30 to get to the gym to sneak a workout in before school.  Dad says I have to be willing to sacrifice for something I love if I want to be the best.”

“You really look up to your dad, don’t you?” Noah asked.

“Well, yeah.  Don’t you?” Cam retorted.

“Sure, but mine doesn’t push me as hard as yours does,” Noah said.  “I guess it’s better than Max.  Even before his dad was locked up, he usually ignored or told Max he was a dumbass.”

Bringing up Max’s father was uncomfortable, and reminded Cam of his harsh words from earlier.

“I still can’t believe I brought him up.  I should have known better.  Max hardly ever mentioned him, and we talked about everything,” Cam said wistfully.

“He’s never really talked about him much.  We usually had play dates when we were little and then sleepovers here because Rick didn’t let him have friends over much,” Noah said.

“Was it true what you said, that Max never even cried when his dad went away?” Cam asked.

“Yeah.  At least, not ever around me.  He was angry, and worried about his mom, but he never wanted to talk about it much.  Even when Stacy made him go to therapy, he said he just told the therapist what she wanted to hear,” Noah said.  “I think that’s why he always clicked so well with Craig.  He could really talk with him about stuff.  Craig’s always been good about that.  He doesn’t judge or lecture like most grownups.”

“He always seemed cool, until...” Cam stopped mid-sentence.  “But you said Craig never tried anything with you, right?  Do you ever wonder why that is?  He would have had plenty of chances.  Your parents trust him, and there’s plenty of motive since he, you know, likes boys like that.”

Until that moment, Noah had never really wondered why Craig never made a move on him.  It was true he had plenty of opportunity over the years.

“I dunno.  Everyone has always commented about how handsome and ripped Max is.  Maybe I’m too ugly,” Noah said flatly, almost wincing. 

“You aren’t ugly!” Cam exclaimed.  “Do I have to suck your dick right now to prove it?” Cam laughed and playfully kicked Noah’s leg. 

“You’d probably want one back like last time,” Noah groaned. 

“Nah, I know you aren’t into that,” Cam responded.  “I’m serious though.  If you want a BJ, it seems like the least I can do.”

Noah thought for a moment.  As stereotypically horned up as 13-year-old boys are supposed to be, he just wasn’t in the mood.

“No, I’m good,” Noah said.  “Unless you need to.”

Cam was surprised.  Noah had never before turned down a blowjob.  He was relieved, though.  He wasn’t feeling like it, but thought it would be polite to offer.

“Really? I’m fine,” Cam said.  “I just wanted to be a good guest.  I don’t need you telling my father I was ungracious.”

Noah laughed.  “Honestly, I cammed after waking up and jerked off twice.  Omegle is awesome.”

Cam was alarmed.  He knew some kids would stream themselves masturbating, but never realized Noah did.

“Dude, isn’t that kind of risky?” Cam emphasized.  “You could be jackin’ for anyone, even creepy old guys!  And you show your face?  What’s to stop them from recording you and sharing it?”

Noah remembered having a similar conversation with Max months ago.  He must not have ever told Cam.  “You sound like Max.  He said some of the same things.”

“But you’re still doing it?” Cam asked incredulously.

“Why not?  It isn’t like I have girls hanging off me like you guys do.  I don’t get laid.  So, if a girl in Ohio or Colorado or wherever gets off watching me jerk, it makes me feel...sexy?  And they do it along with me, so I know it isn’t a creeper,” Noah tried to justify.

Cam shook his head.

“Last year, my school brought in detectives from the crimes against children unit and had an assembly on digital safety.  They were pretty blunt about kids who have been charged for sending pics of videos of themselves or their exes, which seems crazy to me,” Cam said.  “But they also said there’s technology creepers use to spoof videos and record your stream, which can then be posted wherever.  So, it might look like it’s a girl but it could be anyone.”

Noah shrugged.  “I guess.  The girls have always been cool.  They’ve never asked me to do anything too weird.  A couple have asked me to finger my butt and pretend it’s their pussy, but that’s it.  I wouldn’t do that, and they dropped it.”

Cam knew better than to push the matter, but made a mental note to bring it up later.  Girls don’t want to see a boy’s asshole or junk.

Noah didn’t want to be lectured about how he preferred to get off.  Was it really so different from watching porn? It wasn’t anyone else’s business, and he wanted to change the subject before getting annoyed with Cam.

“So, when did you know you were gay?” Noah asked.  “I know it isn’t a choice, but it’s just so weird to me, that someone can like another guy like that and be grossed out by girls.”

Cam pondered Noah’s inquiry for a moment.  He always knew he wasn’t interested in girls, but when he was younger, it was easy to dismiss that they had cooties or he cared about sports more.  Why does no one ever ask when someone knew they were hetero? 

“Hmm.  11 or 12 was when I first started to recognize I liked other boys, and wanted to touch them, when all of my friends were getting girl obsessed,” Cam responded.  “But now that I think about it, I remember when I was 8 or 9 seeing some of the older kids on the gymnastics team in the locker room, and being fascinated by their muscles and body hair.  I’d get really embarrassed and hide when I’d get a boner, but never really made the connection until now.”

“I bet being a locker room is hard, seeing a bunch of mostly naked guys and wanting to check them out but not wanting to get caught,” Noah suggested.

“It can be, I guess.  I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or out myself, but I’m also curious, especially if I think they’re hot.  It’s like a kid in a candy store; I want to taste everything but know I could get sick,” Cam admitted.  “It’s gotten easier.  I think being at the gym so much has helped, always around a bunch of firm bodies.  You get more used to it, so the school locker room isn’t as big of a deal.”

“I’m not sure how I’d handle it if I could go into the girls’ locker room,” Noah said.  “I’d be chubbed out the entire time.”

Cam laughed.  “With that thick dick of yours, it sure would be hard to hide.  No pun intended.”

Speaking about penis size and his own relatively impressive girth was a good segue to a topic that confounded Noah.

“Doesn’t it hurt?” Noah asked.

“Does what hurt?” Cam responded.

“You know, getting fucked.  Like, your ass is usually an exit, right?” Noah said, instinctively clenching.

“It can, at first.  That’s why you use lube and go slow.  But then it feels really nice.  But, I usually preferred doing the fucking than getting fucked,” Cam explained.  “It never really hurt with Max, though.  Maybe I was used to him or his dick just isn’t that big, but it always fit fine and felt good.”

“If you say so.  I’d be too big of a wuss to ever try it,” Noah said.  “Good thing I’m not gay or bi, I guess.”

“I imagine a bigger dick, like an adult’s, would hurt more,” Cam offered.

“Right?  Max didn’t seem to think so, though,” Noah said.  “I still can’t believe my best friend and neighbor who is more like an second dad did it together.” As soon as he finished his sentence, Noah knew it probably wasn’t the smartest thing to say.

Cam exhaled.  “I would think so.  Maybe Craig isn’t that well endowed?”

“Still, he’s fully grown.  He has to be bigger than either of us,” Noah said.

“Probably.  But if Max was super into it, he could really loosen up and pull you inside,” Cam explained.  “Sometimes when we would be in the middle of fucking, my dick would get slicker as we’d go.  Like his juices got flowing.”

Noah groaned, playfully throwing a pillow.  “Jesus.  That’s fucking disgusting.”

“Like you would be grossed out by a wet, dripping pussy.  It’s the same thing!” Cam defended himself.  “You should try it sometime.  An ass is hot, wet, and tight.  What’s not to like?”

“Getting shit all over?” Noah immediately retorted.

“That’s never happened to me or Max,” Cam said proudly.  “And stinky clit juice is what’s disgusting.”

They both laughed.  True, they may not understand the other’s proclivities, but they appreciated the ability to frankly discuss them without judgment.  Boy talk is vital to male bonding and navigating the perils of puberty. 

“So, would you ever let Craig fuck you?  Or fuck him?” Noah asked.

Cam thought for a moment.  He wasn’t expecting that question. 

“I’m not sure,” Cam said honestly.  “I always liked Craig, and he isn’t bad looking for an older guy, but I don’t think of him like that and usually am attracted to other boys, not men.”

“I get that.  I mean, I like girls our age mostly too, but I’d totally rip up the pussy of a MILF or hot singer or actress or whatever,” Noah shared.

“I get the feeling you’d pound away on any vagina,” Cam teased.

“Hey!  I have some standards,” Noah defended himself.  “Like, it has to belong to a human.”

Cam laughed.  “Yeah, that’s a good requirement.”

The lighter tone of their conversation wasn’t lost on either boy.  A few hours early, this would have not seemed possible.  There’s comfort in darkness, when the adolescent veil of insecurity and bravado can be dropped and greater intimacy achievable. 

***

Cam remembered how upset he was when he was forced to move to Minneapolis.  Leaving everything, and everyone, behind made him bitter for so long.  He knew he was cocky and insufferable when he arrived.  But, he never would have met Max - or Noah - if it hadn’t happened, and they help him to be a better person.  It was fortunate for Cam there was no light, as a tear of happiness rolled down his cheek.  He had such an emotional few hours, feeling so close to Noah and the prospect of finally reconciling with Max gave him a warm, tingly feeling.

“I know tomorrow is going to suck, but I’m really glad my dad let me stay tonight,” Cam said.  “It’s nice having someone to talk with like this.”

“I’m glad, too,” Noah agreed.  “Max will always be my best friend, but it’s even better when you’re here.”

Noah wasn’t sure if he should ask, but there was a question gnawing at him and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to broach it. 

“Cam, can I ask you something kind of personal?”

“I mean, you’ve cummed in my mouth before.  What’s more personal than that?” Cam joked. 

“I knew you were upset about Max cheating and the breakup, but we hung out several times since then.  Why didn’t you tell me when you overheard what your parents said?” Noah asked.  “It obviously freaked you out.  We could have talked about it and maybe you would have felt better.”

Cam didn’t want to rehash this matter, but knew it was a fair question  

“I’m not sure.  Part of me wanted to.  I mean, I thought about it,” Cam started.  “I was stressed and ashamed.  Plus, you’re Max’s long time best friend and have only known me for a few months.  I didn’t want to be a burden.  I was already afraid you were going to take his side, and I didn’t want you to tell him or feel sorry for me.”

“‘Friendship is never a burden’, that’s what my dad always says,” Noah responded.  “I would have been there for you like I’ve tried to be there for Max.”

“I believe that.  I just...I don’t know.  It felt like my issue to figure out,” Cam said.  “Can we please talk about something else?”

Neither boy said anything for a few minutes.  The silence was only broken by the sound of Jackson’s footsteps in the kitchen above, but it was enough to reset the conversation. 

“Do you really think our plan will work?” Cam asked pensively. 

Noah took a moment to formulate his response. 

“Cam, I know Max as well as anyone can know another person,” Noah began.  “He’s always been kind and forgiving.  I’ve never known him to hold a grudge against anyone, except for maybe his father.”

“I know, but still,” Cam grunted.

“I think the reason he reacted so strongly about the break up and then you being a douche to him was because he cares about you so much.  When you explain you were freaking out about your mom being a homophobe, blaming yourself if your parents split, afraid of having to move away, and maybe even having to pray the gay away, he’ll understand.”

“You think?” Cam asked, still unconvinced.

“Max is going to be so relieved and beside himself with joy, it’s going to be amazing,” Noah said.  “When you walk into the dance and apologize, it’ll be epic.  But we’ll talk with Craig about it more in the morning.  He’ll help us, you’ll see.”

“I need to figure out what I’m going to say to Craig.  He must hate me for threatening him,” Cam said ruefully.

“I doubt he hates you.  Max says Craig blames himself for everything.  I’m sure if it’s heartfelt he’ll accept it,” Noah reassured.  “Who knows, he might try to make amends with you, too.”

The prospect of Craig apologizing to him hadn’t occurred to Cam.  “I think I’m ready to forgive.  I have to.”

“I’m glad,” Noah said, yawning.  “But I’m about to conk out.  Get some sleep.” 

Noah rolled over.  Max and Cam both told him he wasn’t ugly, and the Omegle girls didn’t seem to think he was, either.  But maybe Cam was right and they weren’t actually girls his own age.  He wondered if he was more attractive to guys for some reason.  But, it still seemed odd Craig never would have tried anything, and there has to be a reason.  He had to know, and would ask tomorrow, even if the truth hurt. 

After a few minutes, Noah’s breathing became shallow.  Cam silently prayed for strength and out of gratitude.

With his concerns alleviated by his father and Noah, finally allowing himself to forgive Max and Craig, and a plan in place to reunite with the boy he loved so deeply, Cam slept more soundly than he had since Max was last in his arms.

*** End of Behind the Scenes at Noah’s House Extra edition ***

Author’s Notes:

Don’t you just adore Noah and Cam even more now?  ;)

This ‘behind the scenes’ chapter is being published as ‘sleepover interlude’ after chapter 29 in Max’s Awakening for the readers who are only reading that version of this tale.  Just a heads up so you don’t read it twice, though, it’s such a fun chapter, maybe you would want to.

As always, feedback is appreciated – craigpnifty@protonmail.com