Max’s Freudian Slip #29
Author’s notes:
For those of you reading Max’s side of this saga (Max’s Awakening), this chapter of Craig’s is mostly catching up with the events already described in the last chapter of Awakening…though as usual, Craig’s insights are unique.
We’ll be back to Max’s side soon.
Chapter 29
I watched Bob and Cam drive off and returned inside to see what was left of the donuts. It dawned on me that I should have ordered one for Kim. While she would admonish me for bringing her a treat - as it would ‘go straight to her thighs’ - I knew I would get ‘the look’ if I came home empty handed and told her I took Noah all the way to Yo-Yo’s. As it often is with women, I was damned either way. You can’t win.
Fortunately, there were still five donuts remaining. Even a starving Jackson didn’t need that many. I was considering my options when Noah came into the kitchen. “Does Jackson have a favorite?” I asked, not wanting to take what Noah earmarked for his brother. “If I don’t take something to Kim, I’ll be in the dog house for sure.”
“Leave the one with Oreo crumbles, please. That’s his favorite,” Noah replied.
I wrapped a paper towel around a chocolate Long John as Noah looked on. It was as if he wanted to say something but was hesitating. I looked up at him. “You okay? We’re good right?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he nodded. “It was just a long few hours. I feel like I grew up two years in the past week. I think I’m going to go back to sleep until this afternoon.”
I laughed. “You and me both. The last couple of weeks have been rough. But It seems like everything is about to improve, for everyone.”
“God, I hope,” he replied. “Thanks again for being cool with everything, and helping with our plan for S.N.O. You’re the best.” I couldn’t believe it. I should be bowing at his feet. Noah had been nothing short of remarkable. I owed him deeply.
I set the donut down and walked around the island. I put my hand on his shoulder, attracting his gaze. “You have this all backwards. I should be thanking you. You might feel like you’ve aged, but that doesn’t surprise me. You are acting more mature than a lot of adults. You certainly aren’t the little boy I moved in next to who used to ride his tricycle in just his super hero briefs,” I told him, smiling as the image of my memory filled my head. “I’m really proud to call you my friend.”
A smile cracked across his face as he leaned in and hugged me. I returned his embrace. “Thanks Craig,” he commented. “I’m glad we moved in next to you. It really is like I have two dads.”
“You’re very important to me as well, Noah. It’s hard to imagine not having you, and your family, in my life,” I answered. “Besides, who else can I tease about their crusty garmuc who would take it so well?” I added, trying to add back some levity.
“Grrrrr!” he groaned, giving me a dirty look before laughing. “Hey, I knew there was something else I wanted to ask you. I know my mom talked to you about chaperoning the Europe trip. Have you thought about it? I figure you really owe me now, right?”
While Noah did have a point that I ‘owed’ him, this was twice he’d mentioned it this morning. The first was when he asked me to deliver Cam to S.N.O., though that time he almost seemed to mention it in jest. This time was quite serious. Was he going to continue to asking me favors, constantly reminding me that I was in his debt? I hoped he wouldn’t take advantage every time he needed a favor. While it doesn’t seem like something Noah would take abuse, it was still worrisome to think he was even remotely inclined to use my secrets as blackmail material.
“I do, and believe me, I would love to. I just don’t want to commit to anything until this… situation sorts itself out.”
“Yeah. That makes sense,” he replied. “But if we get everything back to normal, you’d really come? It would be so much more fun if you went,” he added, a smirk appearing on his face. “Provided you didn’t try to do me in the butt in Paris or something,” he said, laughing.
“Noah!” I reacted. “I would never.” I couldn’t believe he was bringing that up, even as a joke.
“I know. I was joking,” he replied. He shook his head. “I know, too soon. Sometimes I can’t resist.”
“I don’t mind the teasing,” I replied. “It confirms how comfortable you are with everything we talked about. But dude, you have to be careful. You can’t make a crack like that around Kim, or your parents, or anyone else for that matter.”
“Right, sorry,” he concurred, with a twinge of guilt. “And don’t worry, if I get too horny in Europe, Max can always give me a BJ.”
I let out a belly laugh. His suggestion conjured an erotic image. “You better be careful joking about that with him, he would probably take you up on it.”
He looked at me, confused. “Um... you didn’t know?”
“Know what?”
“He kind of already has… done that.”
My initial thought was Noah was alluding to the fact that Max had given many blow jobs over the past few months since his first oral encounter with Cam. But then I noticed the look on his face. He was stoic. He was telling me Max had repeatedly blown him.
“Seriously?” I asked. “I had no idea. I’m surprised you were willing.”
“It just kind of happened. After I learned he was gay, I was asking him what it was like and … I dunno, I just wondered what it felt like getting sucked. He offered and I couldn’t resist. And well, I let him a couple more times after that,” he explained. “I’m always horny, and I trust Max. It feels so freaking awesome.” He paused and seemed unsure of himself. “It’s harmless, right? A mouth is a mouth isn’t it?”
Noah’s revelation was surprising. The day after he discovered Max was gay by walking in on he and Cam having sex, AND having a second wet dream about his best friend, I recalled how worried he was that he might be gay too. He talked to me about it the next morning. I wondered then if he and Max had done ‘stuff’ previously, perhaps well before puberty. But, given how distraught he seemed at the time, I would have never guessed he might fool around with another boy and be so nonchalant about it.
Now that he’s so cavalier about it, I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d accept a blow job from me. He did mention that a mouth was a mouth, right? I wouldn’t try it, obviously, but I still couldn’t push the thought from my mind. One thing was clear though: for these boys, sex clearly begets more sex. Once the cork is out of the bottle, you can’t put it back.
I also immediately began to wonder if more happened at Max’s birthday sleepover than either shared. Was Noah’s ‘wet dream’ all a cover? “Wait! Did that start at Max’s birthday party? When you walked in on him and Cam, did something else happen then? Is that actually why you were worried you might be gay?”
“Nah, it was a couple weeks later.”
It dawned on me had I not talked to Noah and assured him he was straight, he might have been a lot more hesitant to allow Max’s mouth onto his cock. Shit! It seemed like one way or the other, I was responsible for all these boys’ sexual escapades. A wave of guilt overcame me. “I guess you’re not worried about being gay anymore then?”
“Not even. I usually close my eyes and imagine it’s a girl… while I am licking her. Though… sometimes I feel like I enjoy it a little too much,” he confided.
I laughed and smiled. “Noah, getting sucked feels the same, and good, no matter who does it.” I realized it does make it a little more fun, in my case, if whomever is doing the sucking has a cock to play with, but I thought better than to mention it.
“Yeah, I get that - now. I’m one hundred percent sure I’m straight. It just feels so good. If I get with Ashley, maybe I won’t need Max or Cam’s services much longer.”
What? Did he just say Cam? Cam blows him too? No wonder he was so desperate to get them back together. I couldn’t believe the amount of sex Max had been keeping from me. It gave me pause. Why would he hold back so much? “Cam too?!” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“Oh shit!” Noah replied, covering his mouth with his hand. Maybe Max’s tendency to say things aloud without thinking was rubbing off on his friends. Noah’s face reddened, clearly realizing he revealed more than intended. “Please don’t tell him I told you. He’d kill me.”
“I won’t, don’t worry. It’s no big deal anyway,” I assured him. He seemed insecure about it and I didn’t want him fretting over what was really nothing.
“Yeah, but still,” he muttered. “Max really didn’t tell you he and I … you know?”
“Nope. He didn’t mention it at all.”
“Huh,” he commented, clearly surprised. “I mean I begged him not to tell, but…” he said shrugging, “with what all you guys did, I figured he probably told you everything.”
It was comforting to know Noah had begged for secrecy. It explained why Max hadn’t shared with me. “No. He kept your secret, just like a good friend should. I’m surprised you would ever suspect Max would violate your trust.”
“Yeah, that was stupid, huh?” he replied. I could tell he was a little angry with himself for assuming Max would tell. I couldn’t help but smile. It was the same reaction Max had when he assumed the worst about Noah. These two really should trust each other even more than they do.
“Don’t worry, I won’t mention it.”
“Thanks,” he replied, before a long pause. “So… about the trip, you’ll come to Europe then? After Friday and everything is cool again?” he asked, before becoming solemn. “I mean it won’t be too hard on you right, being on vacation with a group of middle school boys, and not being able to do what you did in Mexico?”
While I was slightly wounded by the presumption that I was some sort of sex addict who couldn’t manage traveling with a group of boys without engaging in illicit fucks, he wasn’t completely wrong. I was shocked a 13-year-old boy was so able to understand my personal challenges, but then again, this was Noah. “I’ll manage,” I assured him. “Like I told you before, none of that is ever going to happen again.”
“What’s not going to happen again?” Jackson asked, bounding into the kitchen, wearing just a pair of black Calvin Klein boxer briefs, his muscular upper body nicely on display. It must have been a while since I had seen Jackson shirtless, because it was the first time I noticed the beginnings of a treasure trail below his navel. His nipples seemed larger as well, but perhaps that was just because I’d seen so much of Max’s undersized nubs recently.
Noah glanced at me, slightly alarmed. “Um… Max and Cam blowing up. We have a plan to smooth it all out,” he responded to his brother.
“Cool, because last night was shit,” Jackson replied.
“I’m out of here fellas,” I said. “I better get home before Kim starts wondering where I am.” I exchanged a fist bump with Noah and headed out.
***
I slowly ambled home, my heart aflutter with the feelings of intimacy and affection the morning’s events had wrought – mostly with Noah, but also with Cam and Bob. Noah and I have always had a special connection, but this was a whole new level of closeness. It was similar with Cam. Sometimes weathering a storm has a way of bringing people together. It occurred to me, assuming we manage to rectify this whole fucked-up situation, the bond forged between the four of us may be damn near unbreakable.
I’ve never told anyone about my underage attractions, and now these three are completely aware and accept me. I felt on top of the world. I knew the link between us might last a lifetime. How much more could a boy-loving man want, than to be admired by three amazing boys like Noah, Max, and Cam?
***
I pulled my car back into the garage and stopped in the laundry room on the way inside. I started a load just before Noah texted and needed to move it into the dryer. Kim was waiting for me in the kitchen, sipping coffee and reading a magazine.
“There you are,” she said, glancing up. “Did you run to the hardware store or something?” She was clearly confused as to where I would go so early on a Sunday morning.
“No. Noah texted and asked me to take him to get donuts. We went to Yo-Yo’s.”
She frowned. “And you didn’t bring me one?”
“Hold on,” I replied, holding up a finger. I set her Long John down when I moved the load of clothes and forgot to grab it. I retreated to the laundry room and returned with it in hand. “Of course I didn’t forget,” I informed her, smiling.
“Hmmm. Looks great, but it’s huge. Maybe you can eat half. This will go straight to my hips.” I looked away and rolled my eyes. Hips, thighs, same thing. I knew she would eat the whole thing, eventually. “So, did you learn anything from Noah?” she asked.
“Tons,” I replied. She raised her eyebrows. I tried my best to recap all I learned about last night’s blow-up, and the aftermath with Cam’s dad. She listened intently, now completely engrossed by Cam and Max’s ongoing saga. By the time I got around to explaining the plan Cam and Noah concocted, she was nearly giddy with excitement. After keeping so many details from Kim for so long, I was enjoying having someone else to discuss them with. Her enthusiasm for the boys’ love affair was endearing.
“That’s marvelous,” she said gushing. “You are such a selfless man,” she said as she climbed from the barstool and pulled me into an embrace. “I love how willing you are to do anything for these boys. You’re amazing, honey,” she added, kissing me. I felt a twinge of guilt. None of this was entirely selfless. I didn’t mind helping, but there was certainly a measure of self-preservation involved.
“There’s just one problem,” she continued, backing away.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“We’re supposed to be going to dinner with the Reeds and Stacy on Friday, remember? How are you going to do that AND chauffeur Cam to S.N.O.?”
“Shit!” I exclaimed. “That’s this Friday?” Kim had briefly mentioned the engagement a few days ago, but I’d completely forgotten.
“Yeah. Is there someone else who can drive Cam?” she asked. “Or maybe we just need to make up a good excuse for you to meet us at the restaurant?”
“I’m not sure anyone else could drive him. Cam’s dad knows of the plan, but will be out of town until later that night, and his mom is just not an option. We’ll think of some reason for me to drive separately. There has to be something nobody would think twice about.”
“Maybe you can say you sold something on Craigslist and have to meet someone across town?” she suggested.
“Oh, yes! That’s perfect,” I answered. It was a brilliant idea; simple but plausible.
“See, aren’t you glad you let me in on this?”
“Yeah,” I replied, laughing. “It is nice to have another adult to bounce things off. I’m kind of surprised you didn’t freak out about Cam sneaking into S.N.O.”
She waved her hand at me and shook her head. “Who cares? Nobody will have a clue he doesn’t belong. I helped chaperone a couple of those, remember? Trust me, nothing exciting ever happens. They all stand around and stare at each other, trying to work up the guts to go flirt, all while chugging soda and stuffing their acne-riddled faces with pizza. It will be fine.”
I smiled at Kim, happy to have been reassured. “Have you checked in on Max this morning?” she inquired.
***
With all the happenings at Noah’s, I hadn’t had a chance to call Max. As exhausted as he was, I didn’t want to risk waking him prematurely. I hung up the laundry and putzed around the house, before I texted to see if he was awake. He called right away.
“Hey,” I said, answering. “Feeling better?”
“Yeah, lots. I slept really well. Thanks for the bear,” he replied.
I’d already forgotten about the stuffed animal, but was glad he wasn’t insulted. I relayed how he instinctively cuddled it when I set it beside him. He told me it was what he always slept with when he was little. Then he asked if I talked with Bob yet. I could tell by his voice he was worried.
“Everything’s fine,” I reassured him. “Cam is in loads of trouble, but Mr. Rice doesn’t know about us. Though…” I replied before stopping. I was about to add that I didn’t think he would mind, given he’d been dreaming about the boys himself.
“Though what?” he asked, concerned.
“Never mind. It’s nothing,” I lied. “You sure you’re okay?”
Max reiterated that he was fine and no longer needed, or even wanted, Cam. He even mentioned that he would find another boyfriend someday. “I can hang out with Noah and Spencer and my other friends,” he said. It seemed he truly had moved on. I wasn’t sure how he might react to his ex-boyfriend showing up at S.N.O. I knew I needed to try to soften him up.
I reminded him that he always had me and his mother, and was far from ‘going it alone.’ I suggested he call Noah. I told Max his best friend was concerned about him, and still worried he was angry. He wanted to know if I had talked with Noah and when I told him I took him for donuts, he immediately asked a litany of questions about what happened after he left. I think he was hoping for details about Cam getting laid into by his father, but I withheld the details and suggested he ask Noah. It would give them something to talk about.
He seemed put off I wasn’t more forthcoming. I decided I needed to grease the wheels a little regarding Friday. “Listen, Max,” I began. “I know you’re trying to put Cam behind you and all, but I wouldn’t be shocked if he ends up trying to apologize. Noah and his dad both let him have it.”
“Good! So effing what?” he asked. “I don’t care! He can apologize but it won’t mean shit!” I was beginning to wonder if Noah was all wrong about how Max would receive Cam’s surprise appearance. Maybe the S.N.O. wasn’t a good idea after all.
“Max, I know he deserved it,” I replied, trying to tone down his edge. “Noah told me some of what he said. But… well… there are things you don’t know.” I wished I could tell him about Cam’s predicament, but it was something he needed to hear directly. I thought I would try the gymnastics angle. “For the sake of gymnastics and the team, you should be open to the idea of an apology. You don’t have to be friends, but maybe you can get along at the gym.”
“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know,” he replied, clearly unconvinced.
“Please. Just have an open mind,” I pleaded.
“Yeah – fine, I’ll think about it,” he offered.
I realized I reached the limit on what I could do as far as pleading for leniency with Cam, at least for the moment. I would need to approach the matter again. I suggested we have dinner on Wednesday night. It would give him a few days to process and calm down. I hoped he would be more open, or I might have to tell Noah to abort their plan.
***
Instead of taking Max out to eat, I thought it would be a nice change to cook a meal together. I have a great spaghetti and meatball recipe - everything made completely from scratch - that I hadn’t made in a long time. Having a helping hand would make it go faster and could be fun.
I picked Max up on the way home from work. He seemed unusually quiet. “How you feeling?” I asked.
“Fine,” he replied sharply, almost bitter. “I’m over it. All of it.” He seemed annoyed, but I couldn’t figure out why. It certainly didn’t seem like he was ‘over it,’ but I didn’t press the issue. I sensed it would be ill-advised.
“So how is school?” I asked instead, switching to a safer topic. He stared off into the distance. “Your teachers okay?” I asked.
He remained silent, gaze locked onto the passing houses, almost as if he was in a daze. I finally waved my hand in front of him to get his attention. “Earth to Max,” I said. “I asked how school was so far. Do you like your teachers?”
“Sorry,” he replied. “It’s good. My teachers are pretty cool, except for Mrs. Hickman. She’s the strictest teacher I’ve ever met.” Mrs. Hickman was the matriarch of the school. She was well past-due to retire when my girls went through Olympia. She had the reputation for being a mean old hag.
“Ah yes, good old Mrs. Hickman. She’s STILL there?” I asked surprised. “Emma and Rachel both dodged having her, but I still heard all about her from some of their friends. I can’t believe she’s still teaching.”
“Yeah, well, me either. It’s going to be a long effing year with her,” he complained.
I could tell she was already under his skin. As I recalled, some of our daughter’s friends upgraded Mrs. Hickman to ‘not so bad’ by the end of the year. I think she makes a bad first impression, or perhaps she’s intentionally harsh out of the gate to keep control of her students.
“Give her a chance,” I suggested. “One thing I learned is that sometimes the mean teachers are not nearly as bad as advertised. They might even surprise you.”
“Fat chance,” he answered defiantly. I wanted to ask him what transpired to make him loathe her already. It wasn’t like him at all. He is typically easy going and gets along with everyone, kid and adult alike. It was unusual for him to be so negative about anyone. I was clearly walking on egg shells and needed to tread lightly.
Something was wrong, but I wasn’t sure what and it’s unlike Max to withhold anything from me when something is bothering him. It was obvious – he was very cranky.
***
I changed clothes quickly and we went to work in the kitchen. “I’ve never shared this top-secret recipe with anyone outside my family. I was going to say you should be honored, but I guess you are an honorary Peters now,” I told him. Whatever was causing his irritability, I wanted to improve his mood. I hoped reminding him he’s like the son I never had might help.
We started with the sauce, as it needs to simmer a good while to seal in the spices. I was casually watching Max as he added the herbs to the pot of tomato sauce while I gathered the ingredients for the meatballs. He seemed aloof, as if his mind were a million miles away. He was about to overdo oregano when I stopped him. “Whoa!” I yelled.
“What?” he asked, perplexed. He looked at me, aggravated.
“That’s supposed to be a teaspoon, not a tablespoon. Pay attention, dude. I can’t have you ruining the reputation of my famous sauce.” I was trying to be sarcastic, but my facetiousness seemed to escape him.
“Sorry,” he muttered. Damn, he was really in a funk.
I had to stop him again not a minute later. “I think you already added pepper,” I said gently, trying not to sound overly bothered.
“Oh yeah,” he answered. “Sorry.”
“What’s with you?” I asked. I decided it was time to get to the bottom of what was bothering him. “You seem distracted. Are you sure everything is okay? Is Saturday still weighing on you?”
“I’m fine!” he practically yelled. “I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night,” he added.
“Well after a big plate of spaghetti you’ll sleep great,” I suggested, trying to ease the tension.
***
While the sauce cooked, we moved onto mixing meatballs. I dumped the meat - two pounds of ground beef and one of Italian sausage - into a large bowl and added the herbs along with some bread crumbs and eggs. I found plastic gloves so we could dig in to mix it all. This was the part I welcomed help doing. Mixing is gross, plus your hands get cold fast. I thought Max might think it was fun. While he helped, he wasn’t nearly as enthused about it as I hoped. I was beginning to think going out to eat would have been a better plan.
We started making the meatballs and putting them into a large pan to cook. The trick is to make them just the right size. If they are too large, they won’t cook through. Too small and they will be over cooked and tough. Max’s first few attempts were too large. I suggested he make them smaller. He then made them too little.
I decided to try to be funny, but it backfired. “Your balls are too small,” I said in jest.
He didn’t take my double-entendre as intended. “Forget it,” he yelled, ripping off the gloves and slamming them into the trash.
“Max! C’mon, I was teasing.”
“What?!” he asked, glaring at me. I could tell he was about to lose it. “Why are you making fun of my small junk? Huh? Maybe I should have just stayed home tonight,” he blubbered. I was flabbergasted. I never considered his genitals small. It was a joke.
“Calm down, it’s just food. I was trying to be funny. Your balls are fine Max! Something’s bothering you,” I said sternly, crossing my arms. “What is it?” I demanded.
“You’re damn right something’s wrong. I shouldn’t have come tonight. I’m not even sure we should have ever become friends!”
I knew something was up, but his comment stunned me into silence. “What?” I finally managed to asked.
“Nothing,” he barked, and ran upstairs.
***
I could hear him above me in the spare bedroom. As much as I felt like I should rush to comfort, or confront him, I decided to give Max time to calm himself and finished cooking the meatballs. I had a feeling a long talk was forthcoming and it would be a good idea to have them done and off the stove so they wouldn’t overcook. I was thankful Kim decided to do some shopping after work. It left Max and I alone.
I dropped the last of the meatballs into the sauce and made my way upstairs. I expected to see Max atop the bed, but he wasn’t there. I was briefly worried he might have slipped out quietly. I tapped gently on the open door. “You in here?” I asked softly.
“Over here,” he called out, his voice muffled and sad. He was on the floor on the other side of the bed.
I crawled onto the bed and leaned over the side, reaching down to gently stroke his back. “Sorry. I had to finish the meatballs,” I explained. “You want to tell me what this is all about?”
He rolled over and sat, glancing up at me. He’d clearly been crying. “Well,” he began, looking down at the floor between his feet. He nervously scratched his wrist. I’d noticed him doing that a few times before when he was uncomfortable. Noah bites his shirt. Max scratches his wrist. Do all teenage boys have a nervous tic? “Remember how you said someday I might not think what we did was okay anymore?”
My heart sank. I thought we were in a good place, but it seemed Max was already changing his mind for some reason. “Oh fuck,” I thought to myself. I did talk to him about that. I just never expected his thinking to change so soon, or so suddenly. Something must have happened. “Yes, I remember,” I replied. “But I expected that might be when you were ten years older, not ten days. Is this all about what happened on Saturday? With Cam? Or maybe something to do with when I put you to bed?” I was desperately searching for what might cause such a monumental shift in his attitude. He couldn’t get enough of me on Saturday, now he’s pushing me away. Was he that upset because I wouldn’t have sex with him again?
“I don’t know,” he replied, barely audible.
“Well, something has clearly altered your thinking. What got into your head?”
He was silent, before finally mumbling a reply. “Mrs. Hickman.”
“Mrs. Hickman? You’ve been in her class for two days. How could she make you change how you feel about me?” Max looked lost. His wrist-scratching was even more pronounced.
“She made us write about our summer. I wrote about the things I did… we did. Not those things. Just the trip and all that. I wrote about you in general, too. It made me realize that so many of the good things that happened this year would never have happened without you. But…” he answered.
“But what?” I asked. I was perplexed. If he was remembering our good times, why was he regretting our relationship?
“Then I thought of all the bad things that happened. Cam dumping me. Getting caught on the beach with Eduardo. Being worried about you getting in trouble.”
“Okay, and?” I asked, confused. I wasn’t sure what he was getting at.
“None of those would have happened if I hadn’t met you. The more I thought the more I realized: I would probably be happier now if we never became friends. I wouldn’t be addicted to sex and doing stupid shit, that’s for damn sure.”
His words cut me like a knife. I sat upright. I could feel my body shaking. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and it clearly wasn’t something he was saying impulsively out of anger. It was deliberate. He’d clearly been ruminating about our relationship. My eyes began to well up. I never expected Max to reject me like this. “What stupid things?” I finally managed to ask.
“Things like asking you to spank me,” he replied.
That’s what was bothering him? It was strange, but minor.
“That wasn’t a big deal, Max. You only want to be loved by a father figure and you just aren’t sure how that should feel. I thought I was giving you the love you were missing, though maybe not always in the most appropriate way.”
“I know. But I wish I’d never started having sex, and I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for you,” he replied, adopting an accusatory tone. He clearly regretted the adult things he’d taken on. “You eagerly talked me into giving Cam a BJ,” he continued, “and then you were getting off on hearing about what Cam and I were doing. Being a naive virgin sounds pretty good right about now. It’s better than longing for things I can’t have.”
Damn. Max apparently felt like I’d gotten him hooked on sex, and now he’s miserable without it, like a junkie in withdrawal. He also thought I was getting off on his retelling of his sexual encounters with Cam. Perhaps that’s why he also kept it a secret that he was giving blow jobs to Noah?
“You have a point,” I answered. I did nudge him towards doing things when I should have been telling him to proceed carefully. His words shamed me. “I should have urged you to be more cautious. You don’t have any idea how exciting it was for me to watch a gay boy being true to himself. I didn’t have the guts to be myself when I was your age. Hell, I still don’t. It’s true – I did enjoy hearing about you and Cam, but not just because it was arousing. It made me happy to see you being brave enough to be yourself.”
Max seemed to relax. “Oh,” he replied. He seemed shocked. I think he pictured me jerking off to his tales, not reveling in their open gayness. Granted, I did both, but most of my enjoyment came from seeing them have an adolescence I could only dream of.
“I was so caught up in watching you explore your sexuality, I didn’t want you to miss out on some of the best parts of being gay,” I told him.
“Like giving blow jobs,” he answered, with a slight laugh.
“Yes, for sure. And getting to know your prostate. It might have taken a little longer had I not eased your concerns, but I am pretty sure you and Cam would have gotten there on your own, don’t you think?” It was unfathomable to me that Cam wouldn’t have gotten him past his nervousness.
“Maybe, but I would never have been with Cam if you hadn’t softened up his mom. Then I’d never have been dumped,” he said. That was nuts. It was almost like he was trying to invent reasons to be angry with me.
“Max... I’m sure you’ve heard this saying: ‘it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.’ I certainly feel that way about you and I,” I said, trying to remind him of how much I’ve enjoyed our friendship. “I’ll never regret our time together, even if I wished we hadn’t done some things. I hope you feel that way too - if not now, eventually. And you and Cam had some great times too. Maybe you will again once you aren’t as hurt.”
“I’m already not as pissed at him,” he whispered, sniffling.
“Oh?” I replied. “That’s good to hear.” It meant the S.N.O. plan might not be a bust after all. I sensed he was coming around. I just needed to reinforce how much he means to me.
“I can’t begin to describe how much I care about you,” I said. “You are every bit as dear to me as my own wife and kids. You’re the son I never had, and I’m sorry I messed it all up.” I thought if I took some of the blame he would feel better.
He was silent for a long time. I could tell his wheels were turning. When he finally spoke, his question seemed from left field. “Can you swear you didn’t take me to Mexico just to do stuff?”
I was stunned. We’d been over all of this. What could have made him doubt my intentions? “Max! You know that isn’t true. I’ve been as honest as I can about everything,” I answered, a lump forming in my throat. I wiped my eyes. “I loved what we did at the time. I felt so close to you when we made love,” I confessed. “But I know now it was wrong and I’ll live with knowing I fucked up until my dying days. But I promise you, it was never planned. I’d never do that,” I said, my voice beginning to crack. I felt like complete shit. “It kills me to know you think of me like that,” I added, almost in tears.
“I’m sorry. You’re right,” he replied, apologetic. “I’m just so confused right now. Nothing makes sense any more. Everything’s twisted.” I’m not sure why things were so confusing, but he’s 14. It was a good reminder of why adults and kids shouldn’t have sex.
He seemed to be looking for acceptance, and perhaps even affection, but seemed timid. I casually opened my arms, indicating a hug was available if he wanted it. He practically jumped into my embrace. I stroked his back as he lay his head on my shoulder.
I held him quietly for a couple minutes. “So, what’s really going on? Are you truly having second thoughts about me, and Mexico? I feel like there’s something important you’re holding back.” I needed to identify what happened since we talked on Sunday.
Hesitantly, he finally spoke. “Remember what I said about stupid things?”
“Yes. I assume you did something you regret,” I replied. Aha! We were finally getting somewhere.
“You know Grindr?” he asked.
Oh shit. I didn’t like where this was going. “The app you mean?” I asked.
“Yeah. I tried it,” he confessed.
I assumed the worst. He not only tried the app, but managed to find someone to hook-up with. “Noooo!” I groaned. “Max! You didn’t?”
“I met someone,” he said apprehensively. “Another older guy.”
As much as I wanted to grab him and shake him for being so dumb, I knew it wasn’t the right approach. I hugged him tightly again. I had to hear the entire story. “You want to tell me about it?”
“I never meant to. I was just goofing around. I talked to a couple guys, just for fun. It was kinda hot, you know? This one guy, Chad, told me he wanted to be my daddy and spank me and fuck me. It was funny. But…” he explained.
“The idea kind of wormed into your brain and festered?” I asked. “Is that where you got the idea for me to spank you?” Since I too have a submissive streak, I completely understood how a dominant guy could smooth talk his way into your pants.
“Sort of. You know I like to get fucked, and suck, and I’d been missing that ever since we got back. And the whole idea of doing what someone else wants was kinda hot. And I’ve been bad and messing up. I deserved to be disciplined and you wouldn’t do it.” Ouch. That hurt. I couldn’t believe it, but he managed to make me feel guilty for not giving in and spanking him.
“I understand. It’s called being submissive,” I explained. “I have a bit of that in me too. Are you telling me you actually met up with this Chet?”
“Chad,” he said, correcting me. “And yeah, Monday afternoon.”
I knew the answer before I even asked, but it still caused me to cringe. I couldn’t believe an adult would be so bold as to go through with meeting someone so obviously underage. It seems like it would be a sting operation more often than not. “Did he know you are barely 14?”
“Not until I met him, at the Speedway by my house,” he explained. “Before that, I lied and told him I was 19, and when he pushed it, I said 16. I didn’t tell him the truth until I got in his car.”
“And he didn’t tell you to get lost?” I would have thought that Max revealing his true age would bring an abrupt end to the encounter. It’s very obvious Max is still a boy. Yet, could I really sit in judgement of Chad? It would be hypocritical of me not to understand how a boy as beautiful as Max could fan the flames of desire. But still, this situation was completely different, right?
“No. I think it turned him on ever more. When I told him, I swear his crotch expanded.” Jesus. This Chad and I might have a lot in common. Except I’m not nearly as selfish or reckless.
“Jesus Christ!” I exclaimed. Max had to be frightened, or at least nervous. “Where did he take you? His house?”
“No, a cheap hotel.”
I sighed. It kept me from saying my immediate thought aloud. Ugh. What a classless motherfucker. “I’m guessing the encounter didn’t meet with your expectations?”
“It started out okay but turned awful. I got to play with his big dick, and holy shit it was huge, and suck on it. I liked that part. It was exciting to have one that large in my hand. It was as thick as a soda can. But then he started forcing it down my throat and making me gag,” he said. I could tell he was becoming uncomfortable. I could feel him tensing up and he was starting to wiggle. I could tell from his movements he was picking at his wrists. It was probably good that his head was still rested on my shoulder. It allowed him to talk without having to look at me.
“Then he spanked me,” he continued. “It wasn’t so bad until he got carried away and did it way too hard. I just kept thinking it was punishment for things I’ve done wrong, like asking you to do stuff again. But when he fucked me, it hurt so bad,” he said. I could tell he was starting to cry from just talking about it. “It was nothing like with you. He wasn’t gentle, or caring, and he made fun of my dick for being little.” I squeezed him tighter to reassure him. I couldn’t believe it. Once he got Max alone, he wasn’t taking no for an answer. It was sounding more like he sexually assaulted Max, not had sex with him. It was sure as hell not the love-making we shared in Cozumel.
“I bet,” I replied as I stroked his back. “Max, your penis is completely normal and plenty big,” I reassured him. No wonder he was so sensitive to my bad joke about his small meatballs. “Even if it stopped growing now, you’re already bigger than many adults.”
“Really?” he asked in surprise.
“Yes. Really.”
“It was nothing like Chad’s though. It was this big around,” he replied, backing away and showing his hand formed into an open circle. “I couldn’t even get my hand around it.”
“Well, that’s abnormally big. A cock that thick would be more than I can take, and I’m much bigger than you. Didn’t you ask him to stop once you realized it was too much?”
“Not really. I didn’t want to be a quitter or let him down. When I complained, he shoved my underwear in my mouth and told me to bite down and take it. He added more lube and it wasn’t as bad, and he did rub against my prostate so hard that I came… eventually.”
“Jesus!” I exclaimed. He was practically raped. While he didn’t overtly tell him to stop, his crying out in pain would have been enough to make most decent men back off. I was fucking furious that someone would do something so brash to my sweet boy. It took every bit of self-control to hide my rage. I wanted to hear the rest of the story, and I was fearful that he would assume I was angry with him. “And then it was over? He took you home?” I asked as calmly as possible, hoping the experience didn’t get any worse.
Sadly, it did. “No. After he took off his rubber, he made me lick the cum off his dick. I hesitated, but he told me I would have to walk home if I didn’t listen,” he explained. I was enraged. That was going too far. Chad needed a beat down.
Max continued. “And then he made me lick up my own cum from the bed, and…”
This fuckhead wasn’t just dominant, he clearly took pleasure in humiliating his subs and was utterly sadistic. It was something I never went for. Being told what to do can be fun, but it stops being enjoyable when it starts to be degrading. “And what?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he replied, shifting away. I knew he didn’t want to tell the rest, but I HAD to know.
“Max… C’mon. You’ve told me this much. You might as well share it all.”
He took a deep breath. “When he was fucking me, I really had to piss… BAD. And when I came, I think I peed some too. It tasted awful when I licked the bed.”
“Mother Fucker!” I screamed. I was pissed and couldn’t contain my frustrations any longer. Max had been used, debased, and completely denigrated. “That’s mean, and gross.”
“Yeah, it was. But it’s what I agreed to when I said I would meet him.”
“Agreed to?” What the hell could a 14-year-old boy agree to?
“I said I would do what he told me to. I thought it would be hot. But it wasn’t and now my butt will never be the same,” he whined.
I hadn’t thought of how a rough fuck with a thick cock might have damaged his backside. Part of me hoped he was exaggerating the girth of Chad’s cock. “I take it he left you hurting?”
“Very. I couldn’t even sit still in school yesterday. My cheeks were sore and my hole ached and itched. Cam warned me doing it with a grown up would mess up my butt, but I was too dumb to listen,” he replied. What happened was bad enough, but I hated that Max was making it worse by blaming himself further. He was desperate for love and intimacy, and it made him foolishly impulsive.
“Mrs. Hickman completely humiliated me for not sitting still,” he continued. “She asked me if I had ‘ants in my pants’ and the whole class laughed at me.” At least I knew why he already loathed Mrs. Hickman.
“I’m sorry you had to go through all that,” I told him, trying to be empathetic and nonjudgmental. “Have you tried warm baths?”
“Yes sir,” he replied. The addition of ‘sir’ was a sign that normal, respectful Max was reappearing. “They help. And I found some ointment that makes it better for a little while. It’s not as bad, but it still doesn’t feel normal. It hurts when I go number two.”
I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to, but knew I needed to ask. “You want me to take a look?” I offered. Honestly, I was almost afraid to, but I was worried some real damage had been done. Part of a father’s job is to check on their son’s privates when issues arise, right? There was certainly nothing erotic about it.
He shrugged. I’m not sure he wanted me to inspect it either.
“It’s up to you, but I’d like to make sure it’s nothing serious,” I told him. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take a quick peek? I have seen that part of you before after all.” It was true, I’d rimmed that sweet, tight hole many times in Mexico. I shuddered to think it might have been permanently altered by that fuckwit.
He stood up and pushed his shorts and trunks down and leaned over the dresser. I gently spread his white cheeks and examined his pucker. When I first saw it, I failed to stifle a gasp. It wasn’t gaped open or ripped, but there was bruising all around the hole. That piece of shit clearly wasn’t gentle. He’s just a boy, what was that prick thinking? “Is it bad?” he asked.
“I can tell you got a good fucking. It’s red and a little puffy. I see some bruising. But your hole isn’t gaping or ruined. I honestly think a couple more days and you will be back to normal.”
“Really? Are you sure?” he asked excitedly. He must have been relieved.
“Well, I’m no doctor, but it doesn’t look that bad,” I said, gently slapping his butt. Even though I wasn’t aroused, it was still a reminder of how smooth and soft his supple cheeks are. I was trying to signal he could get dressed in a playful manner, but when he winced I felt bad. I forgot Chad spanked him as well. He must have smacked him hard if it was still sore. Or perhaps it was just the embarrassing memory and trauma of it all.
“Sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” I said.
“It’s okay,” he replied as he dressed. “Thanks. I’m sorry about the constant drama,” he added, his voice cracking in shame.
I stood and pulled him back into a tight embrace. “That’s what dads are for,” I whispered. “You ready to experience the best spaghetti and meatballs in Minnesota?”
***
We were just beginning to eat when Kim arrived, shopping bags in hand. “It’s so good to see you, Max,” she said, in her usual upbeat tone. Honestly, it was almost too bubbly. I was afraid it might put Max off after our serious conversation.
I was pleased he responded warmly. “Thanks. We made dinner,” he replied, smiling.
“Yes! I see that! Do you like Craig’s special sauce,” she asked. I almost choked on my noodles. Max had many samples of my ‘special sauce’ in Mexico, but it had nothing to do with pasta.
“Yes, ma’am,” Max replied courteously. I half expected him to shoot me a sly grin, but apparently, I was the only one whose mind went immediately to the gutter.
“Knock off that ma’am stuff. You make me feel old,” Kim answered. “I hope Craig didn’t bore you to death with too many tales of people raving about his famous sauce,” she said rolling her eyes at me. She approached Max and gave him a brief hug. “You doing okay? she asked him. “I was shopping and picked you up something.”
“Oh,” he replied, “I’m good, thanks, but you didn’t have to do that.”
“Don’t worry, it was in the bargain bin. It reminded me of you and I just couldn’t resist,” she explained as she reached into a bag and removed a small teddy bear dressed like a gymnast. I panicked. I didn’t want Max to know I mentioned anything about the bear to Kim. He would be angry.
I expected him to give me the evil eye, but he didn’t. “Wow, that’s awesome! Thanks,” he replied, as if getting a stuffed animal as a gift were still perfectly normal at 14.
***
When it came time to go home, Max immediately asked how much Kim knew. I talked with her so much since Saturday night that it hadn’t dawned on me I never told Max just how much she understood.
“I told her you were gay and that you and Cam were boyfriends. Don’t worry, you have her full support,” I assured him. “She will keep it quiet, I promise.”
“Does Kim know you tucked me in with a stuffed animal?” he asked suspiciously. Crap! He did sniff that out, but before I could answer, he exclaimed “Oh shit! I forgot the bear!”
I pulled into a driveway and turned around to return home. “I told Kim I tucked you in, but I didn’t tell her about the bear,” I lied. I didn’t think it was important and after all that transpired earlier, didn’t want to do anything to damage his trust in me.
***
I pulled into my driveway and offered to get the bear.
“You’re back fast,” Kim commented as I walked in.
“Max forgot the bear,” I explained. It was still sitting on the table.
“I noticed. I hope he doesn’t think I’m babying him by buying that. It was just so cute, and it was only four dollars, I couldn’t resist.”
“It’s fine. I think he liked it. Except now he asked me if I told you about tucking him in with the bear. I lied and said I didn’t. So, don’t rat me out.”
She zipped her lips. “I won’t. You know, maybe you should spritz some of your cologne on it. It might bring him comfort,” she suggested. She clearly understands Max. “He wanted you to stay with him, right? Maybe your scent will be comforting.”
It seemed a bit crazy, but what the hell? Kim’s intuition on such things tends to be good. I ran into my bathroom with the bear and misted it.
***
“Here you go,” I said as I handed him the bear.
“It smells like you,” he observed, smiling, looking up at me.
“I sprayed it with my cologne. If you’re going to sleep with a bear, I thought you might like to be reminded of someone special.”
“Thanks,” he replied without emotion. I was unsure what he thought about the idea.
I still hadn’t helped grease the wheels for Noah’s plan. Hearing about Chad and comforting Max took precedence. “Are you going to S.N.O. on Friday?” I asked, trying to be casual.
“Yeah, I guess,” he shrugged. “Noah wants me to, but I’m not that into it.” It was no surprise he wouldn’t be in the mood with everything that occurred over the past few days.
“I saw Noah outside yesterday. He was rambling on about some girl he plans to meet there,” I said, trying to keep the conversation going.
“Ashley Richardson. He’s nuts about her. I’m supposed to be his wingman and keep him from doing anything stupid.”
“That sounds like a noble thing for a friend to do,” I answered, trying to encourage him.
“Yeah, I don’t know. After the last few days, I could really get into chilling alone at home.”
I totally understood where he was coming from. When I am down, I loathe being around people where I’m supposed to have fun. It’s a struggle to pretend to be ‘on’ when you don’t really feel it. But I also know from experience it’s often just what I need to snap me out of a sour mood. “You really should go,” I encouraged him. “It might be more fun than you expect, and the social interaction could help improve your mood. Besides, Noah really does need a wingman, don’t you think?”
“Probably,” he replied with a laugh.
***
I was about to turn onto Max’s street when he surprised me. “Keep going, don’t turn,” he shouted urgently just as I was beginning to brake.
I turned off my blinker and continued straight. “What is it Max?” Something was still clearly bothering him.
“I have to tell you something important,” he answered, before pausing. “About Chad.”
“Yeah?” I asked. Max seemed bothered. What didn’t he tell me? I shuddered to think what else might have occurred.
“He has a son who is a sixth grader at my school. His name is Brett. He wanted to fix me up with him, because he thinks he might be gay,” he explained.
It was obvious this was really bothering him, but I wasn’t sure why. It didn’t seem so awful to me. It showed some compassion. Assuming Brett truly isn’t straight, knowing another gay boy could be a positive. “Wow, okay. That’s a little odd for sure. But if his son does prefer boys, having a peer as a positive role model wouldn’t be all bad.”
“No, that’s not it! You don’t get it!” he yelled. “He wanted me to fuck him, to ‘break him in’ and show him it can be fun, so then he could do it to him too. He even suggested a three way. He wants to do his own fucking son!”
Whoa! Now that’s completely fucked up. I was already angry with Chad for what he did to Max, but now I was fuming. “What?! Are you sure?” I asked. My mind immediately starting running through options of dealing with Chad. The top prospect involved a baseball bat.
“Yes. He showed me a picture of him and everything,” he said. “I can’t let him do that Craig. It hurt so bad and he was so mean. I can’t let a much smaller boy get ripped apart by his huge dick.”
There is a small park in the back of Max’s neighborhood. I pulled into it and stopped the car. I was fucking furious. Who the fuck is this guy? It was bad enough he practically raped Max, but then he wanted to enlist him into helping molest his own son? No matter how bad my actions were, it was nothing compared to the depraved shit this fuckhead was willing to pursue.
It took me a minute to gain some composure. Clearly something had to be done to protect Brett. But I wasn’t sure what. “I’m glad you shared this. Telling me was the right thing to do,” I said, running my fingers through my hair. “I’m honestly not sure what to do, but I will think of something. Did you get the impression he was going to try something soon, or was he trying to plan for down the road?” I needed to know if Brett was in imminent danger.
“Down the road, I think. He wanted someone closer to his age to show him stuff, then he was going to do it himself once he knew he liked it,” he explained. Should I be relieved he wanted to know he liked it first?
Max continued. “He said I was ‘so tight’ and he couldn’t wait to find out if Brett would be even tighter.” Jesus! “He also told me he had to use Brett’s butt because his mouth is full of braces.”
I shook my head in disgust. It got worse. “He also said Brett would do what he was told whether he liked it or not. The way he said it Craig, it seemed real. I don’t think he was just fantasizing.”
“Fuck,” I exclaimed, slamming my hands against the wheel. “This guy sounds like a true piece of shit. But it sounds like we have some time. Give me a few days and I’ll come up with some ideas and we can talk,” I answered. “This is not something you should be trying to manage. Maybe keep an eye out for him at school if you can, but you have enough to deal with already. Let me handle this one, okay?” I wasn’t sure what to do, yet, but I would think of something.
Max leaned across the front seat and hugged me. I embraced him. “I’m glad I told you. I’m really worried for him.” he said.
“Me too. I’m proud of you for caring about someone you don’t even know. No one, especially a child, should ever be forced to have sex,” I said in a huff. “I’m not proud about what I did in Mexico, but I never would have coerced you into having sex.”
“I know,” he replied confidently.
I quietly held him for a while, before eventually dropping him at home. Thankfully there was nobody at the park to see us and wonder why a grown man and teen boy were hugging it out.
***
On my way home, I racked my brain trying to figure out ways to set Chad straight, without getting myself in trouble. I failed to come up with anything that didn’t risk jail time. I still enjoyed fantasizing about castrating him and beating him senseless.
I briefly wondered if I might enlist Bob’s help in dealing with the problem. He’d be just as irate by someone being cruel to Max, or any boy, as I was.
***
Friday night was here before I knew it. Kim’s idea of having me go to the restaurant separately because I was supposedly meeting someone to complete a Craigslist transaction was accepted without question. By the time she filled in Lisa and Stacy on the slight change of plans, they were both finishing their second margarita and feeling carefree. My temporary absence was completely unimportant. She sent me a text confirming things were on track.
It was great having Kim act as an informant. She even reported-in when Adam left to take Noah and Max to school. “Max seems content,” she added.
***
While Kim, Stacy, Lisa, and Adam were enjoying drinks, I left to meet my ‘Craigslist customer.’ I sent Cam a note to let him know I was on my way. “Cool,” he replied. “My mom left 30 minutes ago. Coast is clear.”
He was out his front door before I put the car in park. I could tell he was bubbling with excitement. There was a bounce in his step as he practically ran to the driveway. He looked nice. He was wearing a pair of tan joggers – the ones that can almost pass for khakis - and a white, light-weight Nike pullover. His hair was neat, gelled into a short spike. I sensed a hint of some sort of cologne or body spray.
“Hi,” he said, breathing rapidly. “Thanks again for taking me.”
“No problem. Glad to help. Excited?” I already knew the answer. His enthusiasm was clearly obvious by his quickened breathing and how fast he dashed to my car.
“Yeah… and nervous,” he answered as I backed onto the street.
“You’ll be fine. Have you practiced what you’ll say?”
“Only about a thousand times,” he said anxiously. “I’m still worried he’ll tell me to fuck off.” Cam always seemed supremely confident. When he and Noah pitched the idea to me, they both were certain of their plan’s success. Some doubt must have creeped in since Sunday. Brooding on something has a way of eroding self-confidence.
“Then at least you will have tried and know you did all you could. But I have a feeling it will go well.” After the week Max had, I think he will be desperate for an opportunity to be happy.
“I hope so.”
We filled much of the drive with small talk. Cam told me about his boring week at home, sans phone, and about the classes he was going to be taking this year. He was excited to be starting Spanish and even mentioned coming to Mexico with Max and I on our next dive trip. As we neared the school, I told him I was pleased he was following through with trying to set things right with Max.
“You’re not too worried this will be the beginning of your coming out?” I asked. It seemed like a prudent topic to broach.
“A little. I’m still scared about how mom will react, but I can’t hide forever, right?” He seemed unsure, as if he was being bold because he knew he needed to be. He needed reassurance.
I had to come up with a way to give him a boost without it seeming odd coming from me, given I had essentially run from my identity my entire life. “No, you can’t. And remember, you have lots of people in your corner. It might not always be easy, but it will all work out. I’m proud of you, and Max, for being willing to be yourselves. I know your father will always be proud of you as well, even when you do get into trouble.”
“Thanks. I hope you’re right,” he replied with uncertainty. He glanced at me, clearly seeking more encouragement.
“Trust me,” I said. “I’ve lived my entire life hiding a big part of who I am. I know coming out can be hard. Hell, I’ve never had the guts to do it. It must seem weird coming from a guy who never managed to really accept his own sexuality, but I think you’ll ultimately be happier.” We were stopped at a light, so I was able to look at Cam as I spoke. He was clearly focused on my words, taking them to heart.
“It won’t be easy,” I continued. “Some people will react badly. Some might need more time to accept it. But in the end, they will hopefully realize how good of a person you are and that you are exactly who God created you to be.” I specifically mentioned God with his mom in mind, though I also realized Cam is more religious, probably because of his upbringing, than Max or Noah.
He glanced at me and flashed a subtle smile. I patted him on the leg. “You are going to do great. Everything will work out with Max and you mom. And… you are destined to go on to do great things. I just sense it,” I told him. His smile widened to the point it was nearly beaming. Damn I’m good at building up these little dudes.
***
I pulled up to the school entrance. With S.N.O. already underway, there weren’t many people outside. Two kids ducked inside just as I came to a stop. A few cars dotted the parking lot – probably the teachers and parents who were chaperoning. “Wow, this school is big,” Cam commented. “It’s bigger than Widmer and we have seven grades,” he added.
“How will you know your way around?” I asked, fearing such minutiae may have been inadvertently overlooked.
“Don’t worry,” he replied before taking a deep breath. I could tell he was becoming increasingly anxious. He was rubbing his hands on his pants to dry them. “Noah filmed a tour for me earlier. That part’s a piece of cake.” I was impressed that Noah thought of such a small detail in advance.
“I am going to park for a couple minutes. Text when you’ve made it in. I don’t want to leave you stranded if you run into trouble.”
“Got it,” he replied. I offered him a fist bump for good luck. He looked at me nervously as my hand hung in the air. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” he sighed, his knees bouncing. “I’m worried. What if this all goes wrong?”
I shook my head. “It won’t. But you can call if you need me. I can be here in just a few minutes. Now relax before you give away that you aren’t allowed to be here.”
He took a couple of deep breaths. “Okay, I think I’m ready,” he said. I offered my fist to him again, but instead of reciprocating, he reached across and hugged me instead. I squeezed him to me. It was a ‘moment’ I’d never had with Cam and I relished it.
“You’ll do great,” I told him as I gave him a few pats on the back. “Go get your boy back.”
He opened his door and scurried to the entrance, offering me a final wave before going inside.
I parked and was scanning emails when his snap came through. He was in. I couldn’t help but slap the steering wheel in celebration. I think I was almost as excited as he was. I looked forward to catching up with them all later and hearing about their reunion.
***
The appetizers were just arriving when I joined the group at the restaurant. I sat between Kim and Adam, who looked happy to have another male present. The women were talking about where they could find ‘great deals’ on expensive hand bags. By bargain, they meant only $350 instead of $1000. I’ll never understand how women can justify that much money for a damn purse. My ten-year-old wallet was maybe $20.
I noticed the women were all drinking water, which I was glad for. I mentioned to Adam they already seemed buzzed. They were all talking louder than necessary. He told me they planned to go back to their place after dinner and open another bottle of wine, so they were taking a break at the restaurant. I liked that idea. Perhaps we would all still be there when the boys arrived from S.N.O. and I could hear how everything went. Kim leaned over and whispered to me, inquiring if everything went okay with escorting Cam. I gave her a brief nod and she turned her attention back to Kate Spade.
Adam and I had our own conversation about the Twins’ playoff run while the ladies gabbed. The game was on in the restaurant bar and we could see just enough to keep up with the action.
***
About halfway through our main course, Adam’s phone began buzzing. He pulled it from his pocket. “Olympia Middle School?” he asked, confused, when he saw the caller ID. “Hello?” he answered.
Kim shot me a look of concern. I put down my fork to better focus on Adam’s call, trying to glean what I could from Adam’s side of the conversation. “Yes, this is him… Trouble?... Suspended?! For what?” we all heard.
My heart sunk. Clearly there had been trouble. Kim gripped my hand tight under the table, sharing my fear.
Adam’s conversation continued. “Are you sure you have the right kid? Noah has never been in a fight in his life… uh huh… uh huh… I see,” he said, his face becoming increasingly sullen and pale.
“What?!” he exclaimed, before pausing to hear the woman on the other end speak. “Sure, sure… we’ll be there as soon as we can.”
Adam hung up and looked at us in disbelief. “That was Noah’s school,” he began as we all stared intently. “He’s been in a fight of some sort. They say he’s being suspended… for that and something to do with bringing an outside guest.”
I looked down, rubbing my brow. Crap! It all went horribly, and I helped facilitate the entire thing! Is contributing to the delinquency of a minor a felony?
“Is he hurt?” Lisa asked immediately.
“They didn’t say anything about that,” Adam replied. “So, I don’t think so. She moved on so fast to the part about the outside guest I didn’t even think to ask.”
“How can that be?” Lisa asked. “You drove him yourself. It was just he and Max, right?”
“Yeah,” Adam replied shrugging. “But it gets worse. They also said he was also engaging in excessive displays of affection. With who?”
We sat in a stunned silence. Kim waved down our waitress and asked for some to-go boxes and the check.
Then Stacy’s phone erupted. I had no doubt it was the school calling her as well. “Oh God,” she said, seeing who it was. “It’s Olympia.”
Her call was very brief. She barely said anything beyond a few uh-huh and okays. She seemed completely bewildered when she hung up.
“Max was in a fight too?” Adam asked.
“No,” Stacy answered blankly, in a daze. “We better go,” she said, clearly not wanting to disclose any details.
***
“I think Craig and I have some explaining to do,” Kim said solemnly. “Everyone sit for a moment,” she instructed. Adam and Stacy had started to rise from their chairs. I was never so glad as to have included Kim in these plans. Turns out it was me who needed a wingman tonight. “Craig wasn’t selling anything earlier…” she began and then stopped, biting her lip briefly. “He was taking Cam to S.N.O.”
“Cam?” Lisa asked. “He doesn’t even go to Olympia.”
“I know,” Kim answered. “Noah was trying to patch up Cam and Max’s… friendship. It was supposed to be a surprise. They asked Craig to help. We never thought anything like this would happen,” she continued, “Right, honey?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry guys. It’s my fault. I should come with you to Olympia. I can take some of the blame.”
“You go with them,” Kim suggested. “I’ll drive your car home. You can explain more on the way. And,” she added, looking up at our friends, “I’ll take care of the bill.”
Kim was sitting next to Stacy. She pulled Stacy’s arm and spoke quietly to her. “Remember that thing you told me you had a hunch about when we had drinks while the boys were in Cozumel?” I heard her whisper. Stacy pulled back, looking at Kim. The look on her face told me she understood. Kim just nodded. I was glad, at least it wouldn’t be a surprise to her when I told Adam and Lisa en route to the school.
Kim hugged me before we left, whispering to me “Stacy knows.” I nodded.
***
I felt like I was marching to the gallows. This was going to be so awkward. I climbed into the back seat of Adam and Lisa’s SUV. I knew it would be better if I were in the back. Everyone would be able to hear me without having to turn around. And at least two of the three wouldn’t be glaring at me.
I took a deep breath as Adam backed out. “Well, here goes,” I began. “There’s a lot to unpack, but the first thing everyone needs to understand is… Max is gay.”
“Gay?! Max? Our Max? What?” Lisa responded in shock.
“He’s right,” Stacy interjected. “Max hadn’t told me yet. But I knew. I just knew.”
I grasped Stacy’s hand to reassure her. “Max and Cam weren’t just friends. They were a thing for several months, until we got back from Mexico. They had an ugly break-up.” It felt odd just laying it all out there in such a matter-of-fact fashion, but we didn’t have much of a drive and I needed to get everyone up to speed quickly.
I observed Stacy for a reaction. I could tell something clicked for her. “That’s why he’s been so moody. I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out. I thought it was because he injured his ankle and… his father,” she added as her voice trailed off.
There was so much more to his moodiness, but those weren’t things I could speak of. “Noah, Cam, and Max became very close. When they broke up, it left Noah stuck in the middle,” I continued.
“Whoaaaa! Wait,” Lisa interjected. “Noah isn’t… too… is he? It wasn’t Max he was kissing at school was it, Adam?”
Adam shrugged. Apparently, the school didn’t mention who he was showing affection with.
“No, not at all,” I assured her. “He’s hot for a girl named Ashley.”
“I know her!” Lisa answered. “But how the hell do YOU know all this?”
“Um… Max tells me things. Listen, I need to explain the rest before we get to school,” I said, steering the conversation back to what was most important.
“Unbeknownst to the other, Noah invited Cam and Max over to your house last weekend to spend the night, while you were celebrating your anniversary downtown. He thought he could magically get them back together with an impassioned speech. It didn’t work and got nasty. Max stormed off upset and I had to take him home,” I relayed. As an aside to Stacy, I added, “He wasn’t sick. Just completely dejected.”
I took a moment to catch my breath and check the temperature of the car. I’d just quickly unloaded a lot of information. Lisa was turned, listening with rapt attention. Stacy looked surprisingly at ease. Perhaps having Max’s recent sadness explained was a relief to her? It was hard to gauge Adam as his attention was on driving.
“After Max stormed off, Noah had it out with Cam, calling him out for how he acted. I guess he was brutal to Max, bringing up his dad and even breaking the souvenirs Max purchased for him in Mexico.” I noticed Stacy wince when I mentioned Rick. She looked at me, her eyes pleading for me to continue.
“Turns out, Cam had good reason for pushing Max away – he was afraid his parents would break up if they found out he was gay and he was sure he would have to move back to Texas with his mom where he would be sent to one of those gay conversion camps. His dad knows already and is cool with it, but his mom is super religious and homophobic.”
“Poor kid,” Lisa commented. “What a shitty spot to be in.”
“Right,” I agreed. “He thought the safest thing was to break it off and delay his coming out. Cam’s dad, Bob, stopped at my house for a beer and saw Max distraught. He lit-up Cam as well and told him to make it right.”
“What the hell does this all have to do with what happened tonight?” Adam asked. He seemed confused, but also annoyed.
“Noah and Cam came up with a plan to surprise Max by having Cam show up at S.N.O. and apologize. Apparently, Max and Cam planned on coming out sometime this year by going to each other’s dances. Cam thought such a big, romantic gesture would win Max back,” I explained. “I’m not sure what happened tonight, but I’m guessing things didn’t go as designed. I hope it isn’t what happened, but maybe Max was angry with Noah for plotting behind his back again and they ended up fighting,” I suggested. The thought made me cringe. I’m not sure Max could bear losing Noah and hoped I was mistaken.
“I don’t think so,” Stacy said, interrupting. “The assistant principal told me Max was making out with another… boy.” She seemed uncomfortable, as if merely telling us Max was kissing a boy was difficult for her to say aloud. “It has to be Cam, right? I think that part worked.”
“I don’t get it,” Adam commented. “Who did Noah get in a fight with then?”
I thought for a minute. “I don’t know. Maybe people were giving Max crap for dancing with Cam and Noah was defending his best friend? It’s something he would do. And you know what, if that’s what it turns out to be, we should all be proud of him.”
Lisa sighed. “I can see that. But he’s never been in any sort of trouble. And now THIS…”
“I’ll try to take the heat for Cam being there. When they told me of their intentions, I was worried about him not going to school at Olympia, but I didn’t figure anyone would notice,” I explained. I felt awful. Here I was, an adult and confidant, abetting a scheme that landed all their kids in trouble. “But I also didn’t expect they would start making out in public,” I continued. “I’m sorry. I blew it. I was trying to help Max and I think I made everything worse.”
***
We drove in silence for a few minutes. I couldn’t tell if they were worried or angry with me. I’d told them as much as I could. Now we just needed to get to school and hear the details of what unfolded.
“How long?” Stacy asked softly, glancing at me.
“Huh?” I replied.
“How long have you known?”
We had just enough time for me to tell everyone about the New Year’s Eve party, and how Max’s Freudian slip led to him discussing me with his therapist, and ultimately to my mentoring him. Stacy sat quietly as I told the story. I couldn’t tell if she was hurt that I’d known for so long. I could certainly understand if she was. If Emma or Rachel kept such a big secret from me, but trusted another adult with it, I would certainly feel slighted.
“He’s been very close to telling you,” I reassured her. “I know he wanted to. He’s just scared. I wish I could have warned you, but I knew it was his secret to share.” She closed her eyes, nodding. “He’s going to need your support now more than ever.”
“I know,” she answered, confidently.
“Kim said you had a feeling Max might be gay,” I commented, hoping to hear what clues she might have picked-up on.
“Yes. And she told me I was crazy,” she replied. She seemed bitter, as if Kim tried to intentionally mislead her.
“She didn’t know until last weekend when Max showed up a total mess. I swear,” I answered. “She was genuine surprised when she found out.”
“You didn’t even tell your own wife?” she asked, perplexed. At least Stacy realized I had truly kept Max’s secret from everyone.
“Nope. Like I said, it wasn’t my secret to share,” I told her adamantly, before switching topics. “Can I ask what you noticed that gave you the feeling he was gay? I always thought he disguised it well.”
“Just little things,” she said, hesitating. “I know it’s bad to stereotype, but he keeps his room impeccably neat. He never cared for traditional sports. He’s always seemed to have more of an affinity towards boys, but recently I’ve really noticed it. I kept expecting him to start noticing girls, but he never seems to. We can be out shopping and the prettiest girl can walk by and he seems oblivious.”
That was something I hadn’t noticed. Probably because a cute teenage girl was of no interest to me. “I guess there are always signs,” I commented.
“I’ve also noticed that whenever we have a waiter who seems gay, or if we are at a store and the cashier is a little flamboyant, they always seem to smile at him. At first, I thought it was just because he’s handsome, but it almost seems like they know somehow.”
“Well, that’s creepy,” Lisa interjected. “Not sure I’d like an adult hitting on my kid.”
“It’s not like that,” Stacy replied. “It’s more like they smile just to acknowledge what they sense. It’s like they are encouraging, telling him it’s okay. I can’t really explain, but it was like they were subtly welcoming him into their circle.” Her experience made me wonder if I had a similar intuition. Did I give Max a similar smile when we talked in the Reed’s garage on New Year’s Eve?
“You never caught on about him and Cam though?” I asked.
“I honestly wasn’t around them that much when they were together. But I did sense their friendship was special, just like it has always been with Noah. I just thought it was because they had so much in common, being gymnasts.”
“I hope you aren’t too angry with me. I’ve tried to do what I thought was best for Max,” I told her as we pulled into the school drive.
“I don’t mind really. It’s the fact he didn’t think he could trust me that bothers me more than anything.” She slumped slightly and looked away. Her voice seemed despondent.
I gripped her hand and squeezed. “Well, after tonight, I hope he will be ready to talk to you about it. I remember what his therapist told me. She said my reaction was crucial – being the first person he told, having me react supportively shaped how he will feel each time he tells someone else. He’ll be watching how you react. You need to make it clear, that at least when it comes to his sexuality, you have his back unequivocally,” I said, trying to remember the specifics Max’s therapist had mentioned. “Coming out to a parent is the hardest thing. It’s natural to fear rejection from someone who means so much to you. It was easy coming out to me. He hardly knew me at the time. There wasn’t much risk if I reacted badly.” I thought reminding her why it was so easy for him to come out to me would soothe some of the sting.
She gave my hand a squeeze. “I understand. I won’t blow it,” she assured me.
*** End of Chapter 29 ***
Author’s Notes:
Continued feedback appreciated as always – craigpnifty@protonmail.com.