Max’s Freudian Slip #35

by craigpnifty@protonmail.com & J

Authors notes:

At the end of the last chapter, Craig had spent the weekend with his three favorite boys.  The weekend concluded with him and Cam naked in the hot tub, where Craig passed Cam’s test.

This chapter focuses on Cam’s week at Craig’s house.

Please remember to donate to Nifty!

Chapter 35

Kim doted on Cam as much as she does Max.  It makes me wonder if she feels like she missed something not having a son of her own to raise.  Seeing her excited to be around the boys gives me hope she doesn’t think it’s odd I enjoy it so much. 

Cam joined us on the couch and watched some Masterpiece, before excusing himself to go to bed.  Kim is an Anglophile, so while I’m sure Cam was bored to tears, he handled it well.  Of course, he paid as much attention to his phone as the TV.

“Goodnight Mr. Peters, goodnight Mrs. Peters,” he said in his most polite voice before turning.  Kim stopped him before he could leave the room. 

“Come give me a hug,” she insisted.  Maybe she feels like he needed a surrogate mom with his own AWOL.  “And none of this Mrs. Peters stuff.  It’s just Kim.”

Honestly, he didn’t seem to mind the affection.  He smiled, uttered a “yes ma’am,” and ambled toward her.  She patted his back and held him there for a good five seconds, which is a long hug for a middle schooler.

“Do you want me to tuck you in?”  Kim asked.  I recognized the hope in her voice.  She was digging Cam staying with us, too.  “Or get you a bottle of water or anything?” 

“Thank you for the offer, but I’m okay,” Cam responded in his pitch-perfect courteous way.  He glanced at me.  “I’m just going to floss, brush my teeth, and read for a few minutes.”

He gave her a final squeeze before retreating upstairs.

***

Cam called someone, as I could hear muffled talking.  I assume he was checking in with his father, or perhaps saying goodnight to Max. 

“Mr. Peters,” I heard him call from the top of the stairs a few minutes after his conversation ended.  “Can you please come here for a moment?”

I made my way up.  The door was open and lamp still on.  Cam was laying atop the covers, holding his phone.  He was wearing Under Armor shorts, but was shirtless. 

“Need something?”  I asked.

He nodded.  “I want to make sure I’m up on time.  You are taking me to school in the morning, right sir?”

“Yes.  And Mrs. Burrow is bringing you back, after.  Kim or I will be home by five, probably earlier, and one of us will get you to gymnastics.”

“School starts at 8:30, but I like to be a few minutes early.  Can we please leave here by eight, or is that too early?” 

“Works for me.  There are leftover waffles in the fridge.  A few seconds in the microwave and they’ll be an easy breakfast,” I suggested.  “When you get home, snack on whatever you want.  Our house is your house.  I meant to take you to the store and let you pick out a couple things, but between the diorama and hot tub, it just got too late.  Maybe we can do that tomorrow before gymnastics or something.” 

“Thank you, sir.  I appreciate it…”  he replied, pausing at the end.  He seemed to want to say more.

“You’re welcome.  Anything else?”

He pulled the cover back and crawled under the sheet.  He gave me a distressed look.  “Mr. Peters…” he started, hesitantly.  Him suddenly calling me ‘Mr. Peters’ and ‘sir’ again was so weird.  I’ve been ‘Craig’ for months.

Something was on his mind.  I stepped into the room and pulled the door almost closed.  I made my way to the side of the bed.  “What is it, Cam?  Is everything okay?”

“I just wanted to tell you sorry, again, for what happened earlier, you know…  in the hot tub.”

I patted his leg reassuringly.  “It’s water under the bridge, Cam.  Don’t let it bother you,” I directed.  “I was taken aback at first, but in a way, I’m actually kind of glad you went there.”

Cam looked totally baffled.  “Really?  Why?”

“It’s a good reminder to keep myself in check.  Like someone else is keeping tabs on me, reminding me I can’t get complacent.  I don’t want to let you, Max, or your father down.”

Cam looked at me, then down at his stomach.  “Well, I still think it was mean.  It didn’t start that way, but it was like I really wanted to see if you were telling the truth and I took it too far,” he confessed.  “Daddy says you should just say what’s on your mind and not be manipulative or passive-aggressive.  You were right when you said it was cruel and I was raised better and deserved a whooping.  He’d be so angry and disappointed.”

I sighed.  I wasn’t trying to guilt or shame the poor kid. 

“First, I was just laying it on thick to mess with you.  Pretending I was going to spank you was my version of a lame joke.  I told Max the same thing earlier, too.  He just gave me shit right back,” I tried to reassure him.  “Second, your father doesn’t need to know.  We took care of it.”

He perked up a little, but still seemed unsure.  “Maybe, but I HAVE to tell Max, and he’ll be mad.  We don’t have any secrets.”

I hadn’t thought about that, but he’s right:  Max may not react kindly to him “testing” me.

“Just be honest.  If he gets upset, I’ll talk to him.  Or we could do it together, if it makes you more comfortable.”  I wasn’t exactly looking forward to that prospect, but am certain Max is much less likely to react badly if he sees I’m not upset.

Cam finally started to relax.  I knew I needed to make him laugh.  “Besides, it wasn’t all bad,” I teased, grinning.

“Huh?” he asked, confused.

“I DID get to see your boner,” I admitted.  “It’s very nice.  Max is a lucky boy.”

Cam blushed.  “It’s not that nice.  I hope it keeps growing.  Dad is still so much bigger.”  Bob is the biggest dick I’ve ever touched, but it was interesting to me Cam seemed to lack confidence in comparison. 

“It will, I’m sure.  Your voice hasn’t even changed yet, Cam.  You’ve got a lot of growing left to do.”  

They’re so needlessly insecure.  I know adolescence can be brutal on your psyche, but if ever there were boys who had no reason to worry about their appearance, it’s Max and Cam.  I guess it just goes to show that the perils of puberty come for everyone, even if they glow in everyone else’s eyes. 

“Yeah…” he sighed, not at all convinced. 

Cam suddenly seemed so small and insecure, not unlike Max in some of his weaker moments.  It occurred to me this might be hard for him.  Under normal circumstances, his father leaving on a business trip would be no big deal, even routine. 

Having to stay away from his own home has to be a reminder of his mother’s absence - and rejection.  It’s no wonder he tested me earlier; maybe he’s seeing who else will push him away.  Dad traveling is like removing his security blanket when he’s already on edge. 

“Goodnight hug?”  I asked.

He nodded and sat up to give me a giant hug.  “Thanks again…  for everything.”  He embraced me for at least 15 or 20 seconds.  For as put together as Cam always seems, he’s clearly carrying around some baggage. 

“Sleep well.  See you in the morning.”  I gave him a kiss on the top of the head.

***

I was cleaning the kitchen about 20 minutes later when I heard the sound of soft footsteps descending.  I turned around to see Cam.

“I need some water,” he whispered, ascertaining correctly that Kim had gone to bed.  I thought it was interesting he declined Kim’s offer, only to corner me in the kitchen a half hour later.  He could have easily refilled in the bathroom sink, or gotten a new bottle when he went up initially. 

“I thought you’d be asleep by now,” I played along. 

“I’m not really tired,” he replied as he filled his Hydroflask.

“I have some melatonin if you think it would help.”

“Nah, I’ll be fine.  My sleep cycle just got off this weekend,” Cam rationalized.  “Maybe you could come and talk with me for a while?  Until I get sleepy, I mean.”

Adorable.  And he thinks he’s playing it so cool, which makes it even more endearing.  For whatever pitfalls there are being a boy lover - and God knows there are plenty - being able to read and connect with boys so intuitively is not among them.

Cam needed reassurance.  What else could I do?

“Sure bud, I’ll be right up.”

***

Cam was already nestled back in bed, the sheet only up to his waist.  It was silent, save for the subtle whir of the ceiling fan.  His chiseled, smooth torso seemed smaller than I remembered.  I turned off the lamp.

“I run hot at night,” he explained.  “You can lay down, if you want.  Promise I’m not up to anything.”  His tone was different than before.  He seemed mildly despondent, as if he were lonely.

The bed is a queen, so there’s room to spread out.  Max would have insisted we cuddle, but I don't think Cam is so demonstrative.  Maybe with his father, or Max, but I’ve never seen it with anyone else.

“So, what’s on your mind?”  I asked as I laid down.  “Anything I can help with?”

Cam sighed.  “I hope so,” he began.  “It’s just this Chad situation.  Daddy is adamant it’s too risky for me to be involved, but I’m not a little kid anymore!  I can help!”

His body tensed.  He’s definitely well-intended, I’ll give him that.  I don’t blame him, but also understand Bob is just trying to be a responsible adult and good parent.

“It’s not fair.  He always says to protect those you care about, and the vulnerable, that it’s our ‘Christian duty‘, but then he won’t let me do anything!  He says one thing and does the other!”  Cam complained.  “I know he just wants to keep me safe, but it would be a controlled situation.  It’s not like Chad’s going to do anything to me with other people around.”

I saw his point.  “I get your anger, but this is a very delicate situation.  I know you don’t want to hear it, but I’ll tell you the same thing I told Max: please let the grown-ups worry about it.”

He turned to face me.  I couldn’t see much of his expression, but his voice broke, like he was trying to hold back tears.

“I don’t want to be defiant, but I’m not wrong and I’m going to help,” Cam stated matter of factly.  “I might get punished, but Max is mine and it’s my responsibility to defend him and, like, protect his honor.”

I resisted the urge to laugh.  It was so weird, hearing a boyish voice speaking like that, about his middle school lover.  But it was also incredibly sweet.  He’s been raised right, that’s for sure. 

“I understand your passion.  It’s admirable.  But your father is strong-willed, and when he makes up his mind -”

“He’ll listen to you!  He respects you and values your opinion,” Cam interrupted.  “Please?  Talk to him.  I need your help, to help Max.  There’s no one else.”

It occurred to me, if we didn’t include the boys in whatever plan we hatch, they might go off on some half-cocked mission of their own - which could end very badly.  At least with Bob and I, and whoever else we enlist, they’ll be protected.  If I approach it as net risk-mitigation, Bob might be convinced. 

“You make some good points,” I conceded.  “Look, I can’t make any guarantees.  He’s your father and it’s his decision - and you need to respect it if he still says no.”

“Does that mean you’ll speak with him?”  Cam's tone changed.  He sounded truly excited for the first time since Friday night.

“I will make an appeal on your behalf and see what I can do, but we don’t even know what we’re going to do yet,” I explained.  “I doubt Bob will agree, but I will speak with him.”

Cam reached to hug me.  “Thank you.  I know he’ll listen to you!”

I returned his hug, and he flipped back around, grabbing his shoulder.

“You okay?”  I asked.

“Yeah, just a little achy.  I think all the stress and tension has made me sore.”

I wasn’t sure if this was him trying to be subtle or if I was just eager, but I went for it.  “I could give you a little massage to help you relax.  You worked on my knots earlier, so fair is fair.  You’ll sleep better.”

“Yes please, that would be nice.”

Jesus, the kid’s shoulders and neck were so tight.  His skin was soft and inviting, but I felt bad.  He’s clearly shouldering a heavier burden than he lets on, none of which he should have to.

“Max told me you said he could come over anytime this week,” Cam broached.  “I just wanted to confirm.”

I laughed.  “Yes, I did.  Keep things contained to this room, be aware that Kim could be around anytime, and don’t advertise or make it obvious.”

“Yes sir, of course,” he agreed.  “Kim is really nice.  I mean she always has been, but I’ve never spent much time around her, and never without Max or Noah.”

“She’s a good woman who likes you a lot.  However, she’s also female and a mother who would not react well if she walked in on the two of you.”

“Yeah, that would be so awkward,” Cam groaned.  “We’ll be careful.  I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.”

“Thanks.  She’s usually pretty laid back, and she’s happy you’re here, but no way I can run interference if she sees it herself.”  I shuddered at the thought.  Maybe inviting Max over was a mistake.

“Are there any rules or pet peeves she or you have?  I’d like to avoid inadvertently disrespecting either of you or your home.”  

God, who is this kid?  I mean all three boys are polite, but what 13-year-old thinks like that?  One with Bob as a father, I guess.

“Not really.  Just pick up after yourself, be ready to go on time, and keep being the kind, considerate, and respectful kid you already always are.  We’re going to have a great week!”

“I hope so.  I’m glad I get to stay with you.  Max and Noah were so jealous.”

That made me smile.  I mean, how could it not?

Cam had finally loosened up.  He grabbed his neck and got three good cracks, then popped his own back.  Jesus, he wasn’t lying, he is good at that.  Sounded like a damn machine gun.

“Thanks for the massage, it really helped,” he uttered through a yawn.  “Stay with me until I fall asleep?”  

His request surprised me.  Cam usually seems so strong and self-sufficient.  It’s rare to see him this vulnerable, at least not without some major emotional trigger, like the sleepover blow-up, or when he was outed to mom.  I would never have suspected he would want me to lay with him to go to sleep.  Is this something Bob does?  Or Jeanine?  Maybe he’s just missing his parents.  It does have to be stressful to have your mom run away and pray you change something you can’t, for your ‘eternal salvation’.  Whatever it was, I wasn’t going to deny him this simple request.

I just patted his back, and he curled up against me, my right arm now over his bare chest.  He wanted to be cuddled after all.  I had a feeling something would shift this week, between Cam and I.  He’s clearly hurting and looking for someone besides his father or a teenager to talk to. 

Jesus, how did I get so lucky?

***

True to his word, Cam was ass-in-seat at 7:58.  He got himself up and ready, complimented the leftover waffle, and refilled my coffee before we left.  It made me realize I need a house boy. 

My work day was dull.  Nothing out of the ordinary for a Monday.  Kim offered to tackle gymnastics if I would take care of dinner. 

It was about 3:15 when I had a Ring alert on my phone showing Max let himself in.  I smiled, surreptitiously seeing my boy.  My mood improved, knowing I’d be with him soon. 

My commute went faster than usual.  En route, Kim called saying she was just leaving work.  She would only be a few minutes behind me.

When I walked in the door, I was met by Cam.  He wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing, save for his boxer briefs.  Max ran down the stairs behind him, also only in trunks. 

Now, I love seeing cute boys in their undies, but they were both sweaty, still partially chubbed, and there was an unmistakable odor.  That eye watering puberty funk that sets in after a long day of school, mixed with semen and anal sex, was nostril flaring.  They had just finished, that much was obvious.

“Hey Craig.  How was your day?”  Cam asked.  Max launched himself into hugging me.  I couldn’t help but return it.  His back was clammy. 

“It was okay, I’m glad to be home to spend time with you,” I began.  “But guys, this is not discrete.  Kim will be home any minute and it could have very easily been her instead of me.”

The boys exchanged looks. 

“I doubt Kim will care about seeing us in our underwear,” Max responded a little defiantly.  Was he really contradicting me?

“Max, don’t talk back to an adult!”  Cam chided.  “Don’t make me discipline you again.”  He gave Max a swat, harder than something playful.  What the fuck were they just doing? 

“Maybe not, but women are weirder about that than most men.  Besides, she might not mind if it was one of you, but both of you together, clearly still with a half-stiffie?  Besides, it smells of cum and like you both forgot to put on deodorant.  You guys reek of BO and sex.”

They exchanged looks again, this time showing more contrition and embarrassment.

“Sorry, sir.  I knew you wouldn’t care, but didn’t think about her,” Cam offered.  “We’ll go get dressed.”

“No, you both need to shower first.  Right now.  And separately,” I directed.  “Cam, use the bathroom upstairs.  Max, you can use the master.  I’ll bring down your clothes.  With any luck, you’ll be finished before she walks in the door.”  

It’s true there are two full baths upstairs, but I was irritated.  Cam and I just spoke last night - fewer than 18 hours ago - about the need to be careful with Kim around, and Max knows better, too.  They were either completely self-absorbed and oblivious or intentionally disrespectful, and Max arguing with me didn’t sit well with me.  Frankly, I didn’t want to give them the opportunity to sneak off to the same shower for another quickie.  I remember how fast the refractory period wanes at their age. 

Alas, Kim walked in about three minutes later.

“They stank after school and I didn’t want you to be subjected to that, being confined in a car,” I explained.  That was true, right?  “Don’t worry, I made them use separate bathrooms.”

Kim rolled her eyes as she kissed my cheek.  “Look at you being a responsible chaperone.  But they’re still little boys, they aren’t going to try anything.”  

I just shook my head at her naiveté and returned her hug.  Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

***

Before Kim took the boys to gymnastics, I pulled Max aside.

“I hope I smell better,” he offered.  “We normally shower right before and after, but Cam was possessed.” 

He was back to his normal, pleasant scent.  “That’s not what I want to talk about.”  He still didn’t seem to get it. 

“Oh, what’s up?”  Max asked cheerfully. 

“I’m not very happy with the tone you took earlier, arguing with me about Kim not caring you were both mostly naked,” I began.  “We’ve been married over 30 years; you’ve only known her for eight or nine months.  It would unnerve her, especially with that smell and you both still boned.  And I was right, she walked in the door less than five minutes after me.”

Max looked crestfallen.  He crossed his arms.  I hoped he didn’t blow, but it needed to be said. 

“We’ve talked about you being reckless with sex several times, even before Chad.  I want you to have fun, and I’m not a prude, but you will not treat my home like a bath house or speak to me rudely when I correct you,” I asserted.  “If you can’t respect that, you won’t be allowed to come over to see Cam for the rest of the week.”

“That’s not -” he tried to interject.  He looked like I had just punched him in the gut.

“I'm not done, Max.  Please do not interrupt me,” I stated calmly.  “If Kim walks in on you, she would freak and might not allow either of you over at the same time ever again, besides being mortified and grossed out.  And I know she would call your mother.  There would be nothing I could do to help, and nothing good would come from you getting caught in the act under my watch.”

Max just stood there, shocked I was coming down on him.

“I'm finished now, if you want to reply.”  I was afraid he would be defensive, escalating the situation and making a scene, like when I had to spank him.  I braced myself for his reaction. 

“You’re right, we - I - didn’t mean to be disrespectful,” Max responded, his voice quivering.  He was trying his best not to cry.  “We’ll be more careful and won’t disappoint you again.  I'm sorry I was rude.”

I reached out and pulled him into a hug.

“It’s okay.  I’m not angry,” I reassured him.  “Part of being a dad is having some uncomfortable conversations and correcting your kids.  If you’re going to be my son, I am going to discipline you when you need it so you learn from your mistakes.  I’m not just your friend or mentor anymore.  Got it?”

He squeezed me harder.  “Yes sir.”

We held each other for a good 30 seconds, before Kim called for them to leave.

“Have a good workout.  Keep your hands to yourself in the locker room.”  I gave him a loving swat as I broke our hug.  He just grinned and rubbed his backside.  I know I didn’t do it that hard.  Weird.

***

A few minutes after Kim left, I started dinner.  Shrimp scampi was on the menu for the evening.  I was starving, and I knew Cam would be too by the time they came home.  Kim mentioned she was going to run an errand while the boys practiced and would probably grab something while she was out.  It didn’t matter, there would be plenty.  I always make enough for leftovers.

I was starting on the sauce when my phone chimed.  The message was from Adam, Noah’s father.

Adam:  Hey Craig, but can we talk, alone?  I need some perspective from a fellow dad and husband.

Me:  Sure.  Anytime.

Adam:  Thanks, I’ll be right over. 

A minute later, I heard the garage door go up, and Adam appeared in my kitchen. 

“Something smells good,” he commented.  His face was red, his expression serious.  “I’m sorry to interrupt.  I didn’t realize you were making dinner.”

“It’s okay.  What are friends for?”  I asked, turning off the sauce pan so it wouldn’t scald.  “Let’s get a drink.”  I rummaged through the fridge and found two bottles of Sweet Child of Vine IPA.

He chugged half of his in one gulp.

“So, what’s going on?”  I asked.

I was totally taken aback by his story.  Noah flaked on doing the dishes the night before, and when Lisa got on him this morning, he was argumentative.  He told her he would miss the bus if he had to do them right then, and she responded by telling him he could walk, be late, and suffer the consequences.  That didn’t go over well, and Noah told her to stop ‘bitching’ at him and do them herself.

“She called me, totally incensed, telling me I needed to ‘take care of my son’,” Adam explained.  “I texted Jackson to tell him to pick up Noah from school and bring him straight home.  Then I messaged Noah and turned off his phone remotely.”

“Wow, that doesn’t sound like Noah at all.  I wonder what got into him,” I replied.

“Fucking testosterone.  I’m getting sick of this puberty shit.  First, he gets suspended for fighting, now this.  It’s like having a girlfriend suddenly has him thinking he’s ten feet tall.  But I won’t have him being defiant or disrespecting his mother,” Adam fumed.

“So, how did you handle it?”

Adam took another swig of his beer.  “Yelled for a few minutes.  He’s grounded, no phone, no fishing trip.  Sorry.”

Well shit, that sucks, but I get it.  “Max and Cam will be bummed, but I understand.  He has to learn,” I agreed.

“Yes, he does, which is why I also lit up his ass.  I haven’t had to spank him since he was 10 and almost burnt down the kitchen making a damn grilled cheese after we specifically told him not to.”

I vaguely remembered that.  Lisa had to take Max home early from their sleepover.

“Oh boy, I bet he didn’t like that.”

“No, he did not.  I ripped his shorts and boxers down right there on the couch.  He didn’t fit so well over my knee anymore, and resisted when I used my hand the first few swats, so I took off my belt.”

Oh shit.  I remember that from my own childhood.  It sucked and I never forgave my father. 

“Adam, you didn’t!”

He was pacing now.  “I know, I shouldn’t have, but he wouldn’t stay still and screamed at me that he was ‘too old to be spanked’ and he’d ‘fight back’, and I don’t know, I snapped.  Like who the fuck is this little boy to talk to me this way?  I needed to make an impression.”  He was trying to sound tough and in control, but I could sense he had serious doubts.

This was uncomfortable.  I’ve never known Noah, or Adam, to be like that. 

“So, what happened?”

“He just cried harder.  Stopped talking back after the second lash.  I was five or six in when Jackson barged into the living room and stood between us.  Said it was enough and had Lisa on the phone.  She was already on her way home from work,” Adam explained.  “I threw down my belt and told Noah to get dressed.”

I didn’t say anything. 

“Lisa told me to take care of it and then he got an attitude with me.  I lost it, and I’m not proud of that,” Adam admitted.

“So, what now?”

“I’m actually very pleased with Jackson.  He didn’t know how I’d react, and he put himself in harm's way to protect his brother,” Adam beamed.  “And called his mom.  We’ve always taught them to call us or get an adult if they were in a situation they didn’t know how to handle.”

I was grateful Jackson had that much poise and gumption, too.  It couldn’t have been easy.  “Sounds like he knew just how to handle it, thankfully before you went way too far.”

“Yeah.  But Lisa and I had a big fight.  Noah started sobbing, saying it was all his fault if we got a divorce, wherever he got that idea from,” Adam vented.  “At least I think that’s what he was saying.  He was chewing on his shirt, so it was hard to understand.  I haven’t seen him do that in years.”

“Is he okay?”

Adam sighed.  “Physically, he’s fine.  It isn’t like he’s missing any skin or bleeding.  He’ll be sore, but I wasn’t sadistic.  Emotionally, he’s still pretty upset.  I tried to check on him while he was laying in bed, and he turned away from me.  I guess I can’t blame him.”

“And you?”

“I shouldn’t have used my belt.  That was a mistake, and done in anger.  I love my son more than anything, and would never want to hurt him.  I came close and that scares me,” Adam confessed.  “But do I feel bad about spanking him?  Hell no.  We never spanked much because we never had to, but when he earns it, he’s going to get one.  He’s only 13 and needed a reminder that he’s still a child and not in charge.  He’s been acting like he’s grown and can do whatever he wants, and I’m over it.”

I nodded my head.  “I get it.  I don’t think you were wrong to spank him, but agree the way you did it was inappropriate.  I’m not sure I’d have done it in your place, but I agree 13 isn’t too old.”

“Yeah, that’s what Lisa said, too.  I got defensive with her, since I did it because she asked, and then criticized me and ran to coddle him,” Adam responded with a hint of bitterness.

If there were ever a time to commiserate, this was it.  “Can I tell you a secret?  Please keep it between us,” I requested. 

Adam looked up at me.  “Sure.  I could use the distraction.”

“I never really spanked Emma or Rachel.  Once when they were little, but never again,” I began.  “But I did spank Max a couple of weeks ago.”

His eyes widened.

“It was after they got in trouble at the dance.  Max was repeatedly nasty to Stacy, just vicious over and over, and then extremely rude to me.  Nothing else was getting through to him, so I did it right there in his living room.”

“Wow.  I’d have never known.  Everything seems so normal between you, but I’m surprised Stacy gave you permission to do that.”

Now it was my time to hang my head.  “She didn't.  It just sort of happened, and Max begged me not to tell her.  I told him we needed to, but he was humiliated by his actions and was adamant.”

Adam looked at me.  I’m not sure if he didn’t believe me or just didn’t agree, but he didn’t press the matter.  “So, did it work?”

“Absolutely.  Sure, first he screamed that he hated me and I was a ‘fucking asshole’, but a few minutes later he was crying in my arms, apologizing.  And I apologized, too,” I admitted.  “It might have actually brought us closer.  He’s been calling me “Dad” more and more since.”

“I didn’t realize he felt that way.  I mean, I know you’re close,”

I shrugged.  “He was embarrassed when I saw he changed me to ‘Dad’ in his contacts, but it doesn’t bother me.  He even called me ‘Daddy’ this weekend.  He’s like the son I never had, and I love him dearly.”

“Well, you’re sure as hell more of a father than Rick ever was.”

“Yeah, I’m just trying to give him what he needs.  Twenty minutes ago, that was a verbal reprimand.  But when I put him over my knee, he did a total reset.  He wrote his mom a very heartfelt apology letter and insisted on making her dinner from scratch to make up.”

Adam looked dejected.  “I think Noah is too angry and hurt.  He looked at me like he would never trust me again.  It made my stomach churn.”

I grabbed his shoulder.  “Just give him some time.  And go in with an open heart.  Tell him you know you went too far, apologize, and promise it won’t ever happen again.  Check to make sure there’s no injury and offer to get some ice,” I suggested.  “But also be clear his consequences still stand, and as you said, you will still spank him if he earns it, but you promise never to use anything but your hand and always do it in private, when you aren’t angry.  Remind him how much you love him.”

Adam nodded.  “Thanks.  That all makes sense.  It was so much easier when he was younger.”

“He’s a great kid, Adam, even if he lost his mind temporarily.  And you’re a good husband and father,” I added.  “Talk with him.  You have always had good lines of communication, which is a big part why you didn’t have to spank him for, what, 3.5 years?”

“You’re right.  He is, and we can normally talk through things.”

“Right.  Now, go back to your boy, swallow your pride, and show him how much you care.  Then thank Jackson and make up with your wife.  End the night on a positive note.”

With that, Adam finished his beer, expressed his gratitude to me, and said he’d check in later.

***

I was relaxing on the couch when Cam and Kim returned.  Cam darted upstairs immediately to shower.

“So,” Kim said with a gruff tone, “what’s this about a fishing trip this weekend that Noah isn’t allowed to go on?”  She had her hand on her hip, giving me ‘the look’. 

Crap!  With Kim’s excitement over the newly painted room and my focus on Cam, I’d totally forgotten to ask for her blessing for next weekend’s trip. 

I stood.  “Oh shit, I can’t believe I forgot to bring that up.  Between painting and Cam being here, it slipped my mind,” I began.  “Bob’s boss - the big boss - has been pestering him to use his boundary waters cabin all summer.  Bob finally thought the timing was right with Jeanine being on the run.  The plan kind of came together Friday, at the sleepover.  I was so busy this weekend it got pushed to the back of my mind.”  

Of course, the Chad incident and the hot tub encounter with Cam were more to blame, but I couldn’t share either of those things with her.

I put my arms around her.  “Please forgive me.  I wasn’t trying to hide it.  You won’t mind, will you?”

“It’s fine,” she said, ruffling my hair, much like I do to the boys.  “I’m just giving you shit… sorta.”  I know what ‘sorta’ means.  She was annoyed, but only slightly.  “Noah is really out?”

I was surprised Lisa hadn’t already texted her the gory details.  “Yeah, appears so.  Adam really let him have it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Lisa really hasn’t filled you in already?”

“Filled me in about what?”

I took a few minutes and explained everything that happened.  Kim looked disheartened. 

“Adam?  Did that?” she asked, rubbing her temples.  “Lord.  I didn’t think he’d take it that far.  Not at Noah’s age.”

“Yeah, I thought it was a little over the top, but I also understand.  Adam is very protective of Lisa, and Noah copped an attitude.  I think it’s been building for a while.”

Kim shook her head.  “I don’t get why it was such a big deal to take care of the dishes that very minute.  She could have let him do it when he got home from school and added another chore or something.”

Adam and Lisa can be stricter than Kim and I ever were, that’s for sure.  Most of the time they are low key, but every once in a great while they get adamant about something minor.  I’m surprised Jackson and Noah tolerate it as well as they do, but I guess it does happen pretty rarely.

“That’s what I thought too, but it sounds like she was trying to teach him a lesson about being irresponsible and natural consequences.  Then when he got argumentative and disrespectful, it escalated.  Adam says Noah’s attitude has sucked, so I think he’s trying to nip it.  He basically said Noah has gotten too big for his britches and needed to be knocked down a peg or two.”

“I’ve never seen that side of Noah, but I guess kids do reserve their worst behavior for their parents,” she replied.  “I guess when the girls were that age they could be bratty, too.”

I remembered that.  It was never terrible, but there were moments they were hard to be around.

“You’re right.  Kids test boundaries with and blow off steam on their parents because they know they’re loved unconditionally, and it’s safe,” I replied.  I needed to remember that with Max, and Cam, if they ever forget themselves. 

***

Cam came down as our conversation was winding down.  His hair was damp and he was wearing the same shorts he wore to bed yesterday.  They must be his makeshift PJs for the week.  He had also thrown on a t-shirt.

Kim warmed up some pasta for Cam, before heading to our room to get herself ready for bed.  She seemed tired.  It had been a long time since she had to run kids around.  I joined Cam as he ate at the table. 

“How was school?”  I asked.

“It was okay, I guess,” he answered.  “I do have some homework to finish before bed.”

“I guess you two were too busy after school to take care of that?”  I snorted.  I had talked to Max earlier, but needed to address it with Cam, too. 

He looked down.  “Yes, sorry sir,” he mumbled into his plate.  “Max said you weren’t happy.”  He looked over his shoulder to make sure we were still alone.  “We got kind of carried away, I guess.  That was my fault.  I hadn’t cummed since Saturday afternoon, and you know the effect he can have.”

Yes, yes I did.  I just nodded.  A boy his age going two days without getting off had to have him going stir crazy. 

“It was neat though - coming home, alone, to a different house.  It was like Max and I were living together… you know, like we were grown and married or something.  It just kind of happened.”

It was cute that they were playing house, and I really didn’t mind amorous activities, I just wanted them to be careful and not traipse around flaunting it for Kim to discover.

“Well, I’m sure Max told you to be more careful.  Kim would faint if she realized you two were having sex in her house,” I explained.  “Do you understand me, young man?”  I asked sternly.  I wasn’t really that annoyed, but Cam assuming I am will cause him to conduct himself more appropriately in the future. 

“Yes, sir.  I already told Max he can’t come over tomorrow.”  He quickly finished the rest of his plate.  “May I be excused, so I can finish my homework?”  

“Of course.  Let me know if you need any help,” I offered. 

Cam stopped at the bottom of the stairs.  “Mr. Peters…” he started, hesitantly.

“Yes?”

“When I’m done with my homework and ready for bed, do you think you could come up and talk… like we did last night?”

Did he have something on his mind?  Or did he just like spending quiet time with me as much as I do with him?  “Sure.  Let me know when you’re ready.”

***

It was silent upstairs for about a half an hour, until I heard the toilet flush.  Cam soon appeared on the stairs, now shirtless.  “I’m done with my homework and ready for bed, if you’re still willing to come up.”

I love how sweetly he asks.  As I followed him, I wondered what was on tonight’s agenda.

We talked for a few minutes about practice and Bob’s trip.  Apparently, he had talked to his father on the way home.  I was surprised Bob hadn’t texted me to see how things were going, but I could also understand how he would trust Cam to fill him in.  Though in the car, with Kim, I am sure he didn’t bring up my displeasure with him and Max. 

He didn’t seem to have anything else on his mind, so I decided to probe.  I recalled his comment the day before about not loving his ritzy private school.  I was curious what, specifically, he didn’t like.  “How was school?  Really?” I asked.

“Good.  The usual,” he replied.

“I’m curious,” I said, “what is it about Widmer that you have issues with?  I’m sure you have lots of friends.”

“Some, but no one I’m near as close to as Noah or Max or even hang out with outside of school,” he shared.  “And there are a few jerks.  Word got out that I was kissing a boy at Olympia.  The homophobes know I have a boyfriend.”

“How is that?  I hope most people are cool.  Are you getting bullied at all?”

“Not really bullied, but some guys make snide comments.”

“Like what?” I asked.

“Like last week at lunch, I mentioned I had a sore throat, and Stephen Richman asked if it was because I’d been sucking too much dick.  Everyone laughed.  I can’t tell if they are just trying to be funny or mean.  Sometimes they still seem chill.”

“Well, they are still having lunch with you, right?  I get it, though.  Sometimes it’s hard to read the room.”

“Yeah.  I have doubts they’re cool with me being gay.  I wish there were other gay kids at my school.  We all assume Seb is, but they were so brutal to him that he left.  It would be easier if I wasn’t the token ‘fag’.”

“Well, I’m sure there are plenty of other gay kids at Widmer, just closeted.  I doubt there are many more in a public middle school.”

“But I’d have Max.  And there ARE more gay kids at Olympia who Max knows.”

“Who?”  I asked.

“Spencer.  You know, from gymnastics.”

“Right.  I knew about Spencer.  But he’s just one person.”

“Well, Seb goes to Olympia now, too.  You know all about that, right?”

I confirmed that I knew about Seb and the teacher, and the subsequent fallout. 

“Okay, so that’s two.  Maybe.  Seb isn’t even for certain, right?”

“No, but we’re pretty sure,” Cam replied.  “Max also thinks his friend Jamie is at least bi.  He’s got a crush on Seb.  And then there is this mystery kid, Oly Guy.”

Max hadn’t mentioned Jamie, or if he did, it was one of those details I’d forgotten immediately.  That shit happens when you get older.

I was more curious about the mystery boy.  What the fuck is Oly Guy?  Some mascot?  “‘Oly Guy’?” I asked.

Cam explained.  Apparently, someone at school made a SnapChat account - OlyGuy88 - and began texting Max.  At first, he asked about meeting in the bathroom for a BJ, but he apologized for that and they’ve been talking. 

“Sounds like someone trying to be funny to me.  Or some asshole having a good time yanking his chain.”  I didn’t want to see Max drawn into some trap.

“That’s what I thought too, at first,” Cam said, his eyes lighting up.  Apparently, he liked that we’re on the same wavelength.  “But I saw the texts after that, at the sleepover.  They seem sincere and honest.  He said his family is super religious and his parents would freak out, but that he’s had a crush on Max for a long time.  He actually seems really nice.  Almost too nice.” 

“Cam!”  I exclaimed, admonishing him.  “Are you jealous?  You are one of the nicest and most gracious people I’ve ever known, child or adult.  Are you really resentful of someone you don’t even know?  Who may not even be real?”

“A little,” he admitted.  “Max is obsessed with him.  It’s about all he talked about after school and at practice.”  Cam sounded dejected. 

“Really?  While the two of you were having sex, he was talking about Oly Guy?”  I answered, questioningly.

“Well, no, not then,” he acknowledged, laughing.  “I made sure Max gave me his full attention.” 

I had no idea what he meant by that, and didn’t ask.  I’m not sure I want to know.  Well, that’s a lie.  Of course I do, but now isn’t the time to ask. 

“Max still needs to be careful.  I sure as hell wouldn’t start swapping pics with him or anything like that.  It could still be a scheme to humiliate or blackmail him.”  It hurt my heart to wonder if someone was trying to do that to my sweet boy.  He’s been through enough already. 

“I know.  So does Max.  Today, he told Max exactly what he was wearing with 100 percent accuracy, and saw him leave school with Noah.  It’s like a game to him.  He even gave Max a couple hints and let him guess his identity.”

I thought for a minute.  It seems like whomever it is actually wants to be discovered.  Which, if I were a gay kid trying to make a connection with the only ‘out’ boy at school (especially my crush), seems entirely plausible.  He wants to connect… but isn’t quite comfortable to do it directly.  Frankly, I was surprised Max hadn’t mentioned anything about Oly Guy to me.  Although, I guess he had other things on his mind over the weekend, and I spent most of our time together before gymnastics on his ass about Cam being in his ass.

I need to remind him to be careful, but know Cam will deliver the same message.  “Please make sure he is cautious.”

“I will.  Trust me, he is on high alert.  But think, with Jamie, Seb, Spencer, and this kid, that’s FIVE gay kids at school that Max will know.  There’s no way I’ll know five gay kids at Widmer before I graduate.  Max is so lucky.”

“You seem kind of envious.”

“I guess I am… a little.  Max always seems to find the other gays… and do stuff.”

“‘Stuff’?” I asked. 

“You know… sex.” 

I was taken aback.  Was he talking about me?  “What do you mean by that?”  I asked. 

He shrugged.  “It’s like he always is finding other gays.  There’s Jamie who is eager to do stuff, and Seb practically fell into his lap.  Spencer always wants dick, he sucked that Mexican kid, and he taught the boy he met scuba diving how to jerk and play with his butt.  Even Noah eagerly accepts blowjobs, and the two of you…” Cam explained before trailing off.  I don’t think he meant to allude to Max and I.  “What other gay kid has so many options?  I remember when he was nervous to suck and thought anal was gross.”

He had a point.  Max’s sex life the last few months is like he’s the protagonist in a Nifty story or something.

“You both know Spencer… Biblically, from what I gather.”

Cam blushed.  “Okay, I guess we are both pretty good friends with Spencer.  Max really tells you everything, doesn’t he?”

“Not everything.  I knew nothing about Oly Guy or even Jamie.  But about everyone else, yeah, he told me.  I guess Ian doesn’t count because he’s straight and not that into it?”

Cam seemed surprised I knew about Ian, too.  “I get why he trusts you, but see what I mean?  He keeps discovering more people.  He even found Chad.”  I was surprised he brought Chad up as if it were something pleasant, but I guess his point was Max is a magnet for sodomy.  When you’re as attractive as Max is, and in that horniest time of life, sex comes easily.

“You know, if you want Max to not do stuff with other people, all you have to do is ask.  It’s not an unreasonable request,” I broached.  “You know I won’t do anything with him again, and I don’t think you have to worry about Chad.”

“I don’t mind really, but I just wish it was… more even, or something.  I can’t explain it.”  I can.  Cam is jealous and might even want exclusivity, and doesn’t even realize it. 

“Well, outside of Noah and Spencer - who I think you’ve both gotten to sample - it’s not like he’s done much with anyone else, right?”  It amused me, since Max was upset on Saturday because it was Cam who Noah fucked.  These insecure boys, I swear to God.  Maybe middle schoolers shouldn’t be sexually active not because it somehow harms them in the long term, but because of the fucking drama and hurt feelings. 

“Not all the way, anyway,” he answered.

“Jamie?  Seb?”

“No, nothing with them.  Yet.”

“And he doesn’t even know Oly Guy.  You know, you can always ask to meet these people.  Or insist you guys only do things with other boys if you’re there, too,” I suggested.  “You need to tell him how you feel, Cam.  Don’t let it fester.  He’s not going to dismiss your feelings.”

“Maybe,” he mumbled, obviously unconvinced.

“Cam.  Tell him.  You’ll feel better.  Heck, maybe he will invite them all over for a sleepover or something.” 

“That’s funny,” he commented, laughing.  “Noah pointed out that with all the gay kids Max knows, we could totally have a boy orgy!”

That conjured a nice image, but seemed like a sure way to get charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor. 

“Well, don’t tell your mother I had anything to do with that particular idea,” I warned.  “Or, maybe you and Max should just focus on making each other happy.”

“I really don’t mind either of us playing with other people, but maybe there should be some ground rules, like we always do it together and only with people our age we both know or have at least met,” Cam suggested.

“That’s probably smart.  As you get older and the circle widens, you need to start using protection or become exclusive.  That’s a health issue and shouldn’t be negotiable.”

Cam sighed.  “Yeah, that’s probably true.  Max is who I care about most anyway, so if the choice is to breed him and not have any sex with anyone else, or use condoms with everyone, it’s an obvious decision.”

“I know you guys go bare, but as an adult, I’d feel remiss not to suggest you use condoms.  Especially if you’re having anal sex with other people who are also having sex with other people outside of your circle,” I lectured.  “That might not be an issue right now, but it will be, and the longer you go without using them the harder it will be to put them back on.”

“Yes sir, those are fair points I hadn’t considered,” he acquiesced, through a yawn.  “Thanks for talking with me and giving such good advice.  It makes me feel better, but I better get to sleep.”

“Okay.  Sleep well.”  I kissed him again atop his head, just like last night.  

“Goodnight, Craig,” he offered, as he hugged my neck. 

He settled into bed.  I pulled the covers up over him and ruffled his hair.  Just before I turned the light out, I took in the sight of him cocooned, his eyes already closed.  Despite the perils of my attractions, I know I’m fortunate to have so many wonderful boys in my life. 

***

The next day was slow at work, so I ducked out early.  Or, perhaps it was because I knew there was an ideal specimen of a 13-year-old boy waiting for me at home.  Yeah, that probably had something to do with it.  Honestly, is there anything better?  Okay, maybe a 12-year-old boy.  Their beauty and charm is so wasted on girls.

Cam was sitting at the kitchen table, doing homework, when I entered.  He smiled immediately.  “Hey Mr. Craig,” he said.  “You’re home early.”  I could certainly get used to being greeted by an affable, adorable lad every day.  Coming home to Cam and Max running around in their underwear yesterday was awesome, but they were more interested in each other.  Today, Cam was happy to see me.

I offered help, which he politely declined.  I asked whether he needed something to eat before we left for gymnastics, but he said he already made himself peanut butter toast and an apple.  He really is quite self-sufficient.  I realized he could very easily have managed at home alone, other than needing someone to drive him places.  Of course, child protective services might have frowned on that.

I resisted the urge to ask him about any Oly Guy developments.  For one, I didn’t want him dwelling, plus we would be picking Max up in less than an hour.  I could get the scoop straight from the source.  It might give us something to talk about over dinner.  I planned to take Cam to Max and I’s favorite local restaurant.

***

Max jumped in the back seat as soon as I pulled up.  He was ready and waiting at the door, clearly anxious for our arrival.

I let him and Cam enjoy some banter before I brought up Oly Guy.  “So, what’s new with your stalker?” I asked.

“‘Stalker’?” Max asked, his tone a mix of confusion and potential alarm.  Considering how Chad leered at him, my joke might have been in bad taste. 

“He means Oly Guy,” Cam chimed in.  “We talked about him last night.”

“Oh,” Max answered.  “Not much.  He told me what I had on again, and gave me another guess.  But I was wrong.  He thought my suspect was hilarious.”

“Who DID you guess today?” Cam asked.  I was surprised they hadn’t already hashed this out.  Surely they spoke after school.

“I thought about guessing one of the homophobes.  You know, because they say sometimes they’re hateful because they are self-loathing and trying to hide their own sexuality.  But I went with this quiet kid in my art class, Henry.  Oly Guy didn’t even know who he was.”

“Did he give you any more clues about himself?” Cam asked. 

“Only that he’s NOT Asian.  I told him Henry was a quiet Korean boy and that was his response.”

***

It had been a while since I’d waited at gymnastics.  I forgot how much I enjoyed watching young boys with chiseled bodies work out shirtless and get all sweaty.  Ian seemed to have grown since I saw him last.  He looked older.  There was a new boy practicing who I didn’t recognize.  He looked to be about Spencer’s age, but talent-wise he was clearly at a lower level.  Still, he had a cute face, framed by short brown hair and displaying a broad smile.  He seemed exceedingly cheerful, even as he struggled with his workout. 

I learned on the way home his name is Jakey.  Not Jacob, or Jake, but Jakey.  My first thought was to comment on how stereotypical gay that sounded, but I didn’t want to offend the two gays in the back seat.  Maybe he’s just younger than I realize.  Perhaps it’s more juvenile than effeminate. 

“Did you see Noah today?”  Max asked once we sat down at the restaurant.

“No,” I answered.  I chided myself.  I should have.  It would have been considerate to check on him.  I was even home early.  I could have easily circumvented his grounding and snuck him to the convenience store for a milkshake or squishy.  I was so entranced by Cam that I spaced it, but that’s no excuse.  Noah is important to me, and I’m disappointed in myself for not seeing how he’s doing when he’s clearly going through something.  That’s just the type of thing I’ve always prided myself on doing.  I know it makes a huge difference in how I’m perceived.  It made me remember his insecurity when I started spending more time with Max.

“Why?”  

“He was pissy all day,” Max answered.  “Jackson texted me that his dad really went off on him… and that he didn’t have his phone.  He was super quiet and wouldn’t talk about what happened.  I think it was bad.”  Ugh.  Max didn’t know the half of it.

I wasn’t sure it was my place to share the details.  Noah could do that when he’s ready, if he chooses to.  “He’s probably upset about missing the fishing trip,” was the only thing I could think to say.

Mentioning the trip gave the boys something new to discuss, rather than their dejected friend.  While they rambled, I made plans to come home early tomorrow and get Noah out of the house.  I’m sure he’s technically grounded, but under the circumstances, I think Adam (or Lisa) will grant me visitation.

I was almost back to Max’s house when I heard the boys whispering, elbowing each other.  “You,” one prodded.  “No you,” the other answered.  Max sighed, before speaking.  “Craig, may I please, come home with Noah tomorrow… to your house?”  I loved that they were both anxious about asking.  It meant my speech on Monday got through.  I looked at them in the backseat.  They seemed nervous but optimistic. 

I will admit - and I’m not proud of it - that for a split second I considered denying the request.  Not because I don’t want to see Max (I always want to spend time with him), or object to their amorous dalliances, or am even that worried, at this point, that Kim will catch them.  They seem to be heeding my warning. 

If I’m being honest, it was a momentary pang of jealousy.  Not even about them having sex, but when they’re together the other person is the most important thing and anyone else is a third wheel.  That’s how it should be, of course, but I liked that Cam was excited to see me when I walked in the door, and I value our talks.  It’s the same with Max and Noah, too.  I need one on one time with my boys.  When they’re with each other, I’m more of an afterthought or the adult in the room.

It isn’t intentional, and maybe it’s even human nature, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t have a brief, selfish desire to compartmentalize their access and keep it all for myself.  How petty and ridiculous is that?  I suppose that’s one of the downfalls of being a boy lover, you can have dumb impulses. 

Still, I wanted to make them think and drive home my point about discretion.

“Hmmm…” I answered, pretending to ruminate on their request.  “You both promise to be more careful, should you engage in any carnal activities?”

“Yes sir,” they both answered eagerly.

“Fine,” I replied.  “However, if we have a recurrence of Monday, don’t ever expect to have the opportunity under my roof again.  Understand?”  Actually, I realized it would give me an excuse to leave them alone and check on Noah.

I received two more immediate “yes sirs.”  It was cute, their faces lit up and Cam reached for Max’s hand and squeezed.  Max reciprocated by rubbing the back of Cam’s with his thumb. 

***

Cam headed for the shower while I caught up with Kim.  She was already in her nightgown, in bed and watching The Bachelorette.  I don’t know how she stands it - women and their trashy TV!  I prefer when they are doing The Bachelor, since so many handsome men trying to woo the lady leaves her feeling amorous.  Thankfully, she didn’t ask me to hurry back after tucking in Cam.  She noticed I’d been putting him to bed, and I was glad she wasn’t trying to intrude on my personal time with him.

***

I was putting some things away in the kitchen when Cam appeared on the stairs in just a pair of shorts.  “I’m ready, Craig,” he pined, getting my attention.  Talking before bed is now, apparently, understood to be part of our nightly routine.  He assumed I would be coming up.  That made me smile.  Of course, he wasn’t wrong.

“I know it’s against the rules, but can we check on Noah tomorrow, after school?  Please?” he asked when I joined him in bed.  “It sucks he doesn’t have his phone.  I don’t go to school with him, so I can’t even check in.”

“Sure, if you and Max aren’t too busy getting off.”

“We’ll be fast,” he responded quickly.  His reassurance was so sudden and matter of fact, it struck me as funny.  I started to laugh, but attempted to stifle it.  I didn’t want him to misinterpret, as if I was poking fun at their relationship.  Somehow, my muffled laugh came out as a groan that he must have interpreted it as expressing displeasure.  “Or maybe we’ll just skip it.  Being there for Noah is more important.”  

“Noah will be fine,” I assured him.  “He just got in more trouble than he has in a long time.  Just like you would if you had accused your mom of ‘bitching’ at you.” 

“Yeah.  Even when she’s being difficult, Dad would never allow that,” he answered as he instinctively rubbed his behind.  Just the idea of his father whooping him must make it sting. 

“So, did you tell Max about your concerns regarding Oly Guy?” I asked.

He nodded.  “We talked after school.  I told him I felt a little weirded out.  I didn’t get into it being a strange mix of jealousy, insecurity, or anxiety he’s being played.”

“And?”

“He told me not to worry about it.  He explained something Mr. Tim told him.  How, now that he’s out, he could be a positive role model for other kids who are struggling with their sexuality.  He told me he’s not trying to find another boyfriend, or someone to do stuff with.  He just wants to be a friend, if Oly Guy needs one.”

“I told you there was nothing to worry about.”  I remembered how much I liked Tim, and how proud I am of Max. 

“Yeah,” he acquiesced.  “You were right.  It was no big deal.  I just needed to tell him how I felt, just like you said.”

“See Cam, when in doubt, trust Uncle Craig.”

He laughed.  “You do give good advice, Uncle Craig.”

As much as I didn’t want to end our conversation, he does have school in the morning.  “It’s getting late.  Sleep well, kiddo,” I answered, stroking his hair before standing.

I started to walk out.  “Craig!” he said sharply.

“Yeah bud?” I answered. 

“I, um, kind of like when you give me a goodnight hug.”

How rude of me to forget!  I sat back down on the bed and Cam wrapped his arms around me, squeezing tighter than ever before.  I kissed him atop his head.  “That part’s my favorite,” he whispered.  “Thanks Uncle Craig.”

“Anytime, little man.”  Any fucking time.

***

I assume Cam and Max have planned their play, no doubt teasing how they intend to pleasure each other.  Talking about it ahead of time builds anticipation and desire, which is part of the fun. 

I’m sure part of their… ambitions included having the house to themselves.  But that wasn’t in the cards.  A water main break near my office left the entire office without running water.  Everyone was dispatched to finish the workday from home.

Cam was surprised when he came whistling into the kitchen after letting himself in through the garage.  “Craig?” he quipped, surprised.  His whistling stopped and I could sense his dismay.  His face drooped in an instant.  I tried not to take it personally, since it was such a contrast to how he normally reacts when he sees me. 

They surely know that I don’t mind if they have a little fun.  I all but blessed it yesterday when I gave Max permission to come over after school.  But I get it - there is something awkward about having sex when you know someone else is home who knows exactly what you are doing - especially at their age.

I gave him the rundown on why I was home already.  “Oh!  Cool,” he said.  I think he was trying to cover his frustration and sound excited for my good fortune.  He poured himself a glass of chocolate milk and sat down next to me at the table.  “I have a little homework to do while I wait for Max.”  

***

“Hey Craig,” Max said, coming in the front door.  He clearly knew I was home.  Cam had obviously given him a heads up, probably so he wouldn’t strip naked as soon as he walked in the door.  I assumed it was Max he was texting when he was on his phone.  He greeted me with a hug.

“Hey sport,” I said, hugging him back.  “Sorry to be home and barge into your alone time.”

“It’s okay,” he said.  He tried to sound unfazed.  “It’s your house, we’re just guests.  Thanks for letting me come over today.  I promise we won’t mess up again.”

He sure sounded courteous, but I wasn’t sure I bought it.  It didn’t matter.  I had my own plans, anyway.  “Noah any better today?” I asked.

“A little, maybe,” he answered, not at all convincingly.

“Well, now that I know he’s home, I’m going to go say hello and run him to the gas station or something for a treat.  I should be gone for at least, oh… 37 minutes.”

Max’s face lit up.  “37 minutes?” he asked.

“Yes.  Kim is working late.  Carpe Diem, Max!”

“Carp what?”

“It’s Latin for ‘seize the day’,” I explained, adding a wink.

He cracked a smile, before dropping his backpack on the floor and bolting up the stairs.

***

I had to ring the bell twice before Noah finally came to the door.  “I’m coming,” he yelled, just as I was about to push it a third time.  He bounded down the stairs.  I could sense his annoyance.  He probably thought I was one of those damn pest control salesmen.

“Oh… hi Craig,” he said once he realized it was me.  “Sorry it took so long.  I’ve been upstairs working on my chore list and figured it was some dumb salesman at the door.  What’s up?”

“Ice cream.”

“Ice cream?”

“Yes, ice cream.  Milkshake.  Whatever.  As in, you’re coming with me.”

He hesitated.  “Max or Cam didn’t tell you?” he asked, clearly surprised.  “I’m grounded.  Again.”  He seemed more embarrassed, or ashamed, than I expected. 

“I know.  I don’t count.  Put on your shoes, I’m furloughing you for a half hour.”

Noah looked at me, perplexed.  “Did they put you up to this, to test me?”

Now I was confused.  That was paranoid.  “What?  No.  I just thought you might want to talk and have a change of scenery from school or your room.”

“I don’t want to get into any more trouble,” he responded, clearly not believing it was worth the risk.  “Mom and Dad are mad enough as it is; they’ll skin me alive if I sneak out.”

I decided to be more assertive and play the adult card. 

“Noah Andrew!” I exclaimed.  He immediately tensed.  I’m not sure I’ve middle named him since he was seven and playing chicken in the road.  I almost hit him coming home from work.  Come to think of it, I think he was spanked after that, too.  “Your parents also expect you to do as adults say.  Didn’t you learn your lesson about that on Monday?”  I let that hang in the air for a moment.  “Now put on your damn shoes and get your ass in my car.”

***

He complied, and sulked his way to the front seat.  He really is down.

“Cr… Mr. Peters,” Noah began, his voice breaking.  Oh man.  I don’t think he’s called me ‘mister’ anything for years.  Adam must have really rattled his cage.  “I wasn’t trying to be defiant, I just don’t want to get into any more trouble.  My parents are already so disappointed.”  Yep, there it is.  His shirt was in his mouth.  Damn. 

I squeezed his arm.  “Noah, little dude, it’s me:  your favorite uncle, Craig.  Not Mr. Peters.  Relax.  I’m not upset with you.  Please don’t make a meal out of your shirt.  You’ll spoil your appetite.”  That was always what we told him when he was little and would start.  It would usually make him giggle and he’d stop. 

“Yeah.  Sorry… Craig.”  To his credit, he did immediately stop chewing.

“You don’t have anything to apologize to me for, but I know you need to talk to someone,” I reassured.  “Your father told me everything, including…  how he disciplined you.  Are you okay?”

Noah didn’t respond right away.  He looked at me, definitely holding back tears.

“I know I was bad and shouldn’t have talked to Mom like I did.  The dishes just didn’t seem like a big deal and I didn’t want to be late for school, and when she started yelling, I lost it.  That was wrong and I should have listened, and I understand why Dad punished me…” he trailed off.

“But?”

“I dunno.  I expected to be lectured, lose my phone, and be grounded, but when he put me over his knee, I lost it.  Like I’m not a fucking little kid anymore.  It’s like, I’m too old to be spanked.  And then he took off his belt… if Jackson hadn’t run in…”

I patted his leg.  “I’m sure that was embarrassing and kind of scary, and now you aren’t sure if you can trust your father?”

“Exactly.  Like I know it isn’t a big deal, that other kids have it a lot worse, but then my parents had a really big fight and everything is still so tense and it’s all my fault.”

I was surprised that things were still awkward.  After Adam and I spoke, I assumed he would clear the air. 

“I tried to take it like a man, but the belt hurt.  I ended up crying like a little bitch.  It was so humiliating, being 13, naked across my dad’s lap like I was six or something, sobbing like a little boy.”  I could tell he was getting emotional, just from telling me about it.

“I’m sure that was difficult,” I empathized.  “It sounds like it really affected you.  What have your parents said?”

“Mom and I are mostly okay.  I apologized and so did she.  I’m a little irritated that she made it into a big thing, but I get it’s mostly my fault for not listening and being rude.”

I nodded.  “And Adam?”

Noah sighed.  “We aren’t talking.”

That surprised me.  I thought Adam left my place with plans to reassure Noah.  “Oh?”

“He tried a couple of times, but I just can’t.  He came to my room twice that night to check on me, and I know it’s disrespectful, but I turned my back.  I’ve made myself scarce in the house, staying in my room.  Not that I have anything to do but read.  I’ve lost everything but books,” Noah explained.  “I don’t want to face him.  I’m mad and sad and I’m pretty sure he hates me now.  He hasn’t even tried talking to me since Monday night.”  

I’m absolutely positive Noah knows his father doesn’t hate him.  But dwelling on extreme emotions is so middle school, even for stable, well-adjusted kids like Noah.  I swear their minds always assume the worst and get stuck in a feedback-loop. 

“Noah, what you’re feeling is valid and I understand your conflicting emotions, but you’re totally off base about your dad.  That isn’t true at all.  He loves you more than anything, which is why he responded so strongly.”

Noah didn’t say anything.  How awful he must be feeling, not having made up with his father.  I guess Adam is trying to respect Noah’s boundaries, but this has festered for too long, and it’s clearly affecting Noah’s mental well-being.  I bet Adam is a mess himself.  Maybe that’s why he never checked back in like he said he would.

“Noah, bud, look at me,” I instructed as we pulled into the Speedmart.  “One of the first things he did was come talk to me because he was upset with himself for taking it too far and worried about you.  I told him he needed to talk to you, but it sounds like you weren’t ready to hear him when he tried, and he’s probably trying to give you space.”

“You didn’t hear him yelling about how disappointed they are in my attitude and behavior lately,” Noah said.  He was breaking my heart, because he really is a very good boy the vast majority of the time.  “It’s obvious he doesn’t like being around me anymore.  I guess I can’t blame him, being such a jerk.”

I turned off the ignition and grabbed him from across the seat, pulling him into a hug. 

“Noah Andrew, I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that again.  Not ever, do you understand me?” I was on a roll.  He started weeping.  “You’re going to feel what you’re going to feel, but I’m telling you, you’re dead wrong.  Parents are sometimes disappointed when their kids make mistakes, but we don’t expect perfection, just that you learn your lesson and don’t do it again.  We never stop loving or caring about our kids.  I think your dad is ashamed about what happened and is having a hard time facing you.  The two of you need to hug it out and move on.  You’re both good people who made mistakes but love each other immensely.” 

Noah cried as I held him.  “Let it out.  I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so down and alone, holding all this in.  You need to talk to your father,” I encouraged.  “He disciplined you because he cares about you and wants you to be a good person.  How could anyone ever dislike someone as awesome as you, Noah?”

He didn’t respond, but I could tell he was starting to come down.

“Maybe you don’t remember because of your age, but Jackson put your parents through their paces when he was in middle school.  He was in trouble way more often, always getting detention or grounded for something.  He never got suspended or cussed at your mom, but it was always something.  Adam was about to pull his hair out,” I relayed.  That might have been slightly exaggerated, but it was mostly true.  Jackson pushed boundaries more regularly than Noah ever has.  He was kind of a cocky, self-absorbed brat at 13, not nearly as likable as Noah, but he’s also mostly outgrown that.  “They still have a positive relationship, and he’s survived and even trusted to drive.”

We sat there for a minute, me rubbing his shoulders.  His cries slowed and softened.

“Would you have?” Noah asked.

I wasn’t sure what he meant.  “Would I have what?”

“You know, if I were your kid, and you were my dad, would you have done the same thing?”

That was a loaded question.  I knew I needed to proceed with caution. 

“Are you sure you want to discuss this?”  I inquired.

“Yeah.  I mean, if you would have handled it the same way, maybe I’m wrong.”  

How the fuck do I respond to this?  I guess it’s endearing that he respects my opinion.  I thought for a moment.  I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.  I guess I should just be honest and tell him the same thing I told Adam.

“Honestly?  I’m not sure.  I know it sounds like a cop out, but it’s hard to say unless you’re in the situation yourself.  From your dad’s perspective, this is a pattern of you getting in trouble and having a defiant attitude recently, not an isolated incident.  I think that’s why he reacted so strongly.  I don’t necessarily agree with that, and I think he knows like I do that you’re a good seed, but he’s concerned.  Maybe you being suspended rattled your parents more than you realized,” I suggested.  “You’ll see when you’re a father yourself, it isn’t always simple.”

“I guess,” he said, sighing.  “But what would you have done?”

“I probably wouldn’t have made you be late to school for forgetting to do the dishes the night before.  That being said, if you were my son and you called your mom a bitch and were being defiant, you’d definitely have consequences.  No phone, no friends, no fishing trip.”

“I get that.  But what about the other thing?”

It was my turn to sigh.  He wasn’t letting this go, and he deserves honesty. 

“You really want to know?  I guess I’ll tell you what I told your father,” I began.  “I never really spanked Emma and Rachel, but if the situation had required it, I might have.  I told your father that I didn't think you’re too old to be spanked, if you earn it.  I’m not certain if I’d have done it for this particular transgression, but you’re 13, not 30.  I think he was trying to remind you of that, that you aren’t grown and shouldn’t act like you are.” 

“Oh.  I guess that makes sense.  I mean, Max is a little older than me and you spanked him a couple of weeks ago,” Noah replied.  “I’m bigger than him, though.  Like he still looks a lot like a kid, so maybe it isn’t as demeaning for him to get spanked.”

I was a little surprised Max shared that particular tidbit.  Maybe I shouldn’t be, as close as they are.  He told him about Chad, after all. 

I thought his last statement was grasping at straws and trying to make himself seem older.  I wondered if that proved some of Adam’s point, that he was getting a little full of himself and being insufferable.  It struck me as funny, because while Noah is definitely more developed than either Cam or Max, no one would mistake him for an adult - or even a high schooler.  The physical differences between Noah and Jackson are far greater than between Noah and his friends, so it’s amusing he has such an inflated sense of comparative maturity. 

“I, uh, didn’t realize he told you.  He was adamant we keep it private.” I explained.  “I would never use a belt or anything other than my hand, if that’s what you’re wondering.  A parent spanking their child is no more physical abuse than talking something out is emotional manipulation.  But always, we would talk about it after.  I’d have loved on you, so you didn’t get some crazy idea about me disliking you.”  There, I think I handled that deftly.  “Of course, as you know, I tend to be a little more affectionate with boys than most people,” I added. 

That did it: he laughed.  Hard.  Maybe for the first time this week.

“There you go.  That’s the sound I wanted to hear.”

***

Upon our return, I instructed Noah to come inside and say hello to Max and Cam.  I sure as hell hoped they were done with their ‘special time’.  Noah and I were gone much longer than the stated 37 minutes, as our conversation became more involved than expected.  If they still haven’t wrapped things up, Noah might get to see his best friends earn a spanking themselves.

Noah was hesitant.  He glanced towards his house, presumably looking for evidence that his parents had come home.  I assured him I would deal with them, if necessary.  “I’ll walk back with you.  Even if they aren’t there, I’ll let your parents know I took you for a drive.”  I hope they’ll be happy to know we had a heart to heart.  Even if they think I overstepped, they won’t be angry.  Honestly, I should probably check in with Adam again, anyway, as upset as Noah was. 

***

Max and Cam didn’t disappoint.  Not only were they already downstairs, they were dressed for gymnastics and exuded no offensive odors.  They both reacted even more excitedly at seeing Noah than I expected - especially Cam.  They both ran to him immediately, Cam giving him a huge hug.  If that didn’t bolster Noah’s mood, nothing would.

I let them chat for a few minutes before reminding Noah he couldn’t stay long.  I didn’t want to push our luck.

***

As we trundled towards his house, Noah seemed uneasy.  “So, what do I do now?  About Dad?”

I stopped him at his garage door.  “Well, one of you needs to make the first move.  A peace offering.  I think it would be incredibly mature if it came from you.” 

“Yeah,” he replied.  “I guess I could have his favorite drink ready for him when he gets home or something.” I could tell he was hesitant.  “What do I even say?”

I put my arm around him.  “It won’t be hard.  Just say you’re sorry about what happened, that you know you're the child and he’s the parent and you shouldn't have been rude or defiant, but being angry at each other is making it worse and you want it to be over with.  Tell him you want your dad back.”  I’m sure that last part will melt Adam. 

He nodded.  “That’s it?”

“You’ll make up easily.”  Some parents might continue to be harsh, but Adam won’t.  He’s feeling guilty himself, and he will be eager to bury the hatchet.  Hell, I even wondered whether he’d reconsider letting Noah come fishing.

“I hope you’re right,” he responded, wrapping his arms around me for a vintage Noah Hug.  “It was really nice of you to break me out.  Thanks for the advice and talk and stuff.  I feel better than I have in days.”

***

The boys were chattering away about Oly Guy on the drive to gymnastics.  Max followed through on the idea to name someone he thought was homophobic with his third guess.  Apparently, that was a swing and a miss, and caused some minor offense.

I tuned out most of their conversation.  It was so middle school, and there’s only so much bandwidth I have for inane, obsessive speculation.  Whoever he is, I hope Max figures it out soon, because it’s driving him crazy. 

One thing I did find interesting was how increasingly brazen this kid is being.  Max found a cryptic but playful note on his locker signed ‘OG’.  That might have unnerved me, but he seemed excited.  I had a sneaking suspicion OG was quickly becoming comfortable enough to reveal himself.  What would be the point of all this if he never unmasks his true identity?  I still think he wants Max to figure it out.  It’s much easier to confirm a correct guess than walk up and admit you’ve been crushing on someone.

***

I wasn’t in the bleachers long before my phone lit up.  It was Adam.  Crap, I hadn’t had time to let him know I sprung Noah.  I made my way outside where it would be quieter before answering.

“Hey Craig.  Sorry I didn’t reach out sooner with an update, but I guess you know why.”

“I hope you don’t mind.  I didn’t think you would, but I also don’t want to step on any toes.  Although, I am his favorite uncle, and that comes with certain privileges,” I responded.  I was trying to keep the mood light, just in case he disapproved.

“No, it’s fine.  If anyone else had taken him out I might have been annoyed, but you always know just what he needs.  I’m glad he’s comfortable talking to you, because I sure as shit wasn’t making any headway.”

“He was hurting.  He wanted to connect, but didn’t know how to face you.”

Adam sighed.  “I know.  I should have insisted we talk, but I didn’t want to come on too strong when he needed space and make things worse.”

“I get it.  Parenting is such a fine line, but sometimes you just have to rip off the BandAid, as much as it might hurt in the moment.  Especially with kids,” I replied.  “I’ll say this, Noah was very upset having disappointed you and Lisa.  He actually thought I was testing whether he would break his grounding and was insistent on not upsetting either of you or getting into more trouble.”

“Like you said, he really is a good boy the vast majority of the time.  I can’t believe, in my anger, I lost sight of that,” Adam said, with a hint of shame.  “I’m not sure whether his initial reaction to you sneaking him out is sad, funny, or validating.”

I saw his point.  It was paranoid, but from a parent’s perspective, his initial trepidation demonstrated integrity and a desire to please.  That’s high praise for any parent. 

“I walked in the door and he had a Jameson on the rocks waiting for me on the island with a handwritten note saying he was sorry he misbehaved and asked if I’d be his dad again.  I lost it right there in the kitchen,” Adam shared, choking up again.  “He peeked around the corner.  I grabbed him and we hugged for at least a full minute.”

That warmed my heart.  “That’s awesome, Adam.  I’m glad you guys made up.”

“I took your advice and apologized for being so rough and promised never to use a belt again, that I scared myself and it wasn’t fair to him that I did it when I was so angry,” he stated confidently.  “But, I reminded him it was my responsibility as his father to instill discipline - because I love him - and that could include corporal punishment if he does something to warrant it.  I added that because he’s usually so well-behaved, I sincerely hoped it was the last time.”

“How did he react?”

“He promised it would be, that he learned his lesson and wouldn’t disappoint his mother or I again.  We both know that’s naive, but I appreciate his sentiment,” Adam explained.  “Then he told me, completely seriously, ‘Craig said I wasn’t too old to be spanked and even whooped Max recently, so I guess I was wrong.’  I just shook my head and acknowledged you’re wise.  It’s as if he views you as the final authority, and once you ruled, the question was settled.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.  “I'm glad I could be of assistance.  I know I’m fortunate to have Noah in my life, and love that he respects my opinion,” I replied.  Seriously, how does that not make you smile and feel special?  “Spending so much time with the boys these last few months makes me realize how much I missed out on not having a son.  I wouldn’t trade my girls for the world, but I always regretted not having a boy to raise.  I guess it’s why I lean so heavily into building a relationship with Max.”

“I’ve wondered the same thing about not having daughters.  You’d have been a great boy dad.  You connect with them so well,” Adam declared.  “Max beams when he’s around you.  Hell, so does Noah.  I guess it’s good I’m not the jealous type.”

That… is probably true.  There aren’t many men who would handle their son being so close with another guy.  Adam and Lisa are good people.  Thank God they have no idea how many times I’ve thought of Noah (and Jackson) in less than innocent ways. 

“Shit, I’ve got to go.  Jackson just called Lisa.  He was in a fender bender.  Says it’s minor, but he sounds shook up.”

Man, they can’t catch a break this week.  “Damn, I hope he’s okay.  Talk later.”

***

After I got off the phone with Adam, I noticed a text from Bob.  It was the first I’ve heard from him since he left Sunday. 

“How’s my boy?”  he asked as soon as he answered.

“Fine, but you already knew that,” I replied.  “I know you’ve been checking in with him.  How’s your trip?”

“Good.  I’ll wrap up and be home very late tomorrow night.  I’ll have all day Friday to get things packed and organized for the trip.  I understand we're down one for the trip.”

“Yeah, sadly.  Noah crossed a line.”

“I understand.  Cam filled me in.  That’s too bad, but we’ll make sure he comes next time.  The boss says I can use the cabin anytime.  I think the damn place hardly gets used.”

“He’ll appreciate knowing he’ll have opportunities in the future, assuming he can avoid being flayed,” I answered.

“Good, good,” he said, before pausing.  “Craig, I need your help with something.”

“Something with Chad?” I guessed.

“No, not that.  It’s Jeanine.”  

The way he said it made it seem like something had happened to her.  “Jeanine?  Is she okay?”

“Yeah, fine.  It’s just that she wants to call and talk to Cam.  Tonight, after practice.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem.  They are finished by 8:00.”

“I know,” he answered, sounding uneasy.  “I’m just nervous about not being there.  She assured me she just wants to see how is doing, but who knows what she might say.”

“Don’t worry,” I assured him.  “I can be in the room while they talk if you want, and I’ll be around after, in case she does upset him.”

“Thanks.  I’ll be back to the hotel by then too, so he can call me.  But I know sometimes having a sympathetic shoulder beside you can help.  I hope you don’t mind playing dad to him, while I’m gone.”

“Of course, Bob.  It’s no problem.”  Not only was it not a problem, it was something I enjoyed.

“Great.  I’m going to find some dinner.  I’ll call you later.”

***

Max and Cam were walking across the gym at the end of practice.  Cam pulled his phone out of his bag midway to the door and froze.  He looked mildly alarmed. 

Max stopped and walked back to him.  Their body language was suddenly serious.  Either Bob had texted Cam about Jeanine calling later, or she reached out herself.

“Everything okay?”  I asked as they neared me. 

“Yeah, I guess,” Cam answered with a shrug.  “Mom wants to talk.  I guess I’m a little nervous.”

I put my arm around him.  “Understandable.  She probably just misses you and wants to catch up.  She has been gone for a while.”

“I hope that's all,” he answered.  “I swear to God, if she starts ranting about me going to hell or needing to pray harder, I’m going to hang up and block her number.  Daddy might be mad, but I’ll take the whoopin’ if I have to.”

I was taken aback by how assertive his response was.  I guess it’s a logical defense mechanism, bracing yourself for a negative experience and then being pleasantly surprised when it isn’t the worst-case scenario.  Still, it was a more forceful reaction than I anticipated.  When we talked about his mother Sunday, he seemed more ambivalent about the situation.  It’s clear he’s bitter, and justifiably so.

“You have every right to be on guard, but try to go into it with an open mind and give her a chance,” I encouraged.  “You’ve only been staying with me a few days and I know I’ll miss you when you go back home, so I’m sure she’s in withdrawal.”

Cam gave a weak smile, but seemed unconvinced.  He leaned into me, clearly seeking reassurance.  I just squeezed him tighter.  “Would it be okay if, like, I talked with her in the kitchen or living room?”

It was sweet - and a little sad - that he wanted me nearby, but didn’t want to ask outright.

“Sure.  I can be in the same room, if that makes you more comfortable.  Whatever you need.”

He exhaled.  I guess I was bolstering his confidence.  Bob knows his son and what he would need.

“Thanks, Craig,” he offered meekly.

***

The boys were uncharacteristically quiet on the ride to Max’s.  Whenever I glanced in the rearview mirror, they were holding hands, Cam leaning his head against Max’s shoulder.  It seemed a little dramatic to be so anxious about talking with his mother.  But then, middle school emotions are heightened, so from his perspective this must be terribly awkward and nerve wracking.  It was interesting to see the roles reversed, with Max consoling Cam.

They shared a long hug and kiss in the driveway, before Stacy stepped out onto the porch.  She waved.  “Thanks for driving him,” she yelled.  “Max, your dinner is getting cold.” 

I have no idea if she had been watching them be affectionate and was trying to hurry them along, or was just taking a moment to thank me and say hello.  I hope she wasn’t judging me for allowing them to kiss.  Surely she realizes they could have done (and did) much more at my house.  Perhaps I should check in with her later.

Cam moved to the front seat.  I patted his leg.  Our drive back to my house was silent.

***

I thought Cam might want to shower and calm himself before calling Jeanine, but I was wrong.  He dialed as we backed out of Max’s driveway.  Apparently, he wanted to be done with it. 

At least I didn’t have to worry about her thinking it was strange I was listening in.  Not much choice with me driving.  One of the first things he said was that he was on the way back to my house after gymnastics.  “Mom says to tell you hello,” he said to me a few seconds later.

For all the concern, their conversation was completely inane.  Jeanine asked about school and gymnastics.  He told her all about his Battle of Gettysburg diorama and what he was working on at the gym.

She must have talked about her father, because Cam said “tell grandpa I love and miss him.”

And just like that, it was over.

“Well, that sounded drama-free,” I commented once I was sure he was disconnected.

“Yeah,” he replied with a heavy sigh.

“I’m glad it went okay.  I know you were nervous.”

“Thanks,” he answered.  “I was.”

“We can talk about it later, if you want.  I assume you still want me to come up for bedtime?”

He smiled.  “Of course.  I told Max we’ve been talking at night and he seemed envious.”

“I’m sure he’ll spend the night at my place soon enough.”

“He knows,” Cam said, smiling.  “When he found out I was staying with you this week, he suggested we talk in bed, especially if I was stressed about something.  Said you always know just what to say to make him feel better.  He was right.”

That… is about as high praise you can receive, especially for someone with my predilections. 

***

I joined Cam in his room, without being summoned.  We covered a lot of ground.

Cam brought up Noah.  “Max is really worried about him.  Said he’s still in a funk at school.  I guess he hardly talks to anyone at lunch or in the halls.”

“I think you might get a different report tomorrow.”

“Oh?  Why?”

I told him I talked to Adam earlier and explained how he and Noah worked through their problems.  “He’s still out for this fishing trip, but at least he made up with his father.”

“Good,” Cam said, before becoming sullen.  “I don’t know if I will ever completely make up with Mom.” 

I worry he may be right.  Jeanine may never get over her only son being gay.  That is a long held, sacred value and may be insurmountable in their relationship.  But I didn’t want to be negative. 

“You never know.  Time heals all wounds and all that.  The ball is in her court.  You’ve done nothing wrong, Cameron.  She’s who needs to come around, to change and accept you, without reservation.”

“That’s what Dad says,” he answered.  “I just don’t know if I can ever see them back together.  Now that I think about it, I realize they hardly spend time together, anyway.  Mom always had her church charity things and Dad is so busy with work.  It’s like the only reason that stayed together was for me…  and now they might not, because of me.  I’m not sure how much they even like one another anymore.”

Cam was more right than he knew.  Bob has shared, in the midst of our sexual encounters, that he and Jeanine rarely have sex any more.  I remember thinking how lucky he was (I love Kim dearly, even though the sex is forced and she can drive me crazy)! 

Bob and Jeanine probably have stayed together for Cam, and perhaps because getting a divorce is an unpleasant pain-in-the-ass.  They don’t hate each other, but are they still in love?  Hell, were they ever?  At best, Bob tolerates his wife.  Jeanine is addicted to the quality of life and leisure Bob’s hefty paycheck provides.  Cam is too bright, and old, not to see it.  In fact, I’m a little surprised it took recent events for him to recognize it.  I guess no one wants to think about their parents splitting, even if things are dysfunctional. 

“Cam, whatever happens with your parents has nothing to do with you.  If they were to split up, it isn’t your fault.  Nor can you take responsibility for keeping them together.  Your coming out might be the incident that forces them to realize things aren’t working well, or maybe it brings them closer together.  Either way, you owe it to yourself to do what makes you happy, so long as you aren’t hurting anyone else.  Their relationship is their responsibility, understand?”

“Yeah,” he answered, pulling me into a hug.  “Thanks.”

“You’ve always seemed closer to your dad.  Or is that just because whenever I’m around, he usually is, too?”

Cam nodded.  “I am.  I’ve always been Daddy’s Boy.  I mean, I love Mom, but she always cares more about what other people think than her own family.  She can be extra and it’s annoying and embarrassing,” he vented.  “I get mad every time I think about how she used to talk about Max and his family and that it cost me months of friendship with him.”

I had forgotten about that.  Initially, Cam and Max despised each other, in large part because their parents sniped at one another.  Or, Jeanine was a gossipy bitch about Max’s father, and Stacy had no patience for her petty bullshit.

“Yeah, she has a strong personality and can be a caricature of the stereotypical, phony Church Lady.  But everyone has redeeming qualities.  She does do a lot of charity work.”

Cam scoffed.  “That’s just so she can look good, network, and gossip.  She doesn’t care about poor people,” Cam said, sounding disgusted.  “But I guess she is pretty good at organizing things and recruiting others to help - so long as she can take the credit - and that does do some good.”

“And she’s been kinder to Max and accepted your friendship when she thought it was platonic.  See, she can change - or at least grow.”

“A little, maybe.  More before I came out.  She totally blames Max and his ‘pervert family’ for ‘recruiting’ me ‘into a life of sin’.  She’d flip if I told her it was me who had to convince Max to suck my dick and let me fuck his ass.  He was scared and grossed out, remember?”

“I do.  I had to explain it didn’t have to be either, but he also shouldn’t be pressured into doing anything he wasn’t ready for,” I regaled.  “I’m not shocked she’s projecting her own discomfort onto Max.  I am a little surprised, in anger, you didn’t blurt that out.”

Cam laughed.  “I kind of wanted to, but Daddy said it was too crass and not to speak to my mother about such things, and it was best she assume Max and I aren’t sexually active, yet.”

I saw Bob’s point.  I can’t imagine how much she’d freak if she realized her boy was an unrepentant sodomite.

“Bob is wise.  You’re lucky to have him in your corner,” I encouraged.  It’s good he maintains some perspective.

Cam didn’t respond right away, but eventually offered a muted “Yeah.”  I know they’re close, so his response felt odd.  It reminded me he’s been more assertive with his father recently, and seems to be gearing up to rebel.  I needed to choose my words carefully.

“You seem to have some… unresolved bitterness toward your dad.”

Cam turned to look at me, mystified.  The wheels were turning, but he seemed uneasy.  I decided to give him an out.  “We don't have to talk about it, if you don’t want to.  I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable.”

“Is it obvious?”  Cam finally asked, sighing.  He seemed genuinely surprised I noticed. 

“It wasn't, until recently.  It’s just been little things,” I said, trying to reassure him.  “It’s clear you love and are devoted to him, and he to you, but I have picked up on some festering… annoyance?”

“I feel bad.  Like, I’m being disloyal.  He’s such a good dad and does so much for me, and I love spending time with him, but sometimes…”  He trailed off.

“He can be a little intense?”

“Yeah!  It’s like, we both know Mom is extra, but sometimes he is, too, just in a different way.  I’m all for being respectful to adults, and having good manners, but I don’t think I should get grounded or afraid I’ll get a swat if I forget to do something petty, like forgetting to say ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am.’  It’s a lot of pressure, always representing our family and trying to be perfect all the time.”

‘Pressure’ seems like a good way to describe it.  Cam feels tremendously compelled to be the idealized only-child of (relatively) affluent, successful parents.  It manifests in varied ways - like different sides of the same coin - but the expectation is, ultimately, perfection.  At gymnastics, in his attitude and behavior, academically at his expensive, prestigious school; it’s always about the optics and how he presents to everyone else.

“I'm sure that’s exhausting.  I can understand why you’re frustrated, and tired.” 

“I don’t want to let anyone down.  And it’s important to do the right thing, but I’m not a little kid anymore.  Adults aren’t always right and it isn’t wrong to have a difference of opinion.”

“I get it.  You’re right, and it isn’t always fair.  It’s such a fine line, as an adult, but also for youth your age.  Everyone expects you to act like an adult and a child simultaneously, while you’re neither.”

“Right!  Grown-ups, like everyone, should be treated politely, and rules are important, but I don’t think you should blindly listen just because of someone’s age or because it’s the law,” Cam explained.  “Like, gay sex used to be illegal and that’s not wrong.  It wasn’t wrong then, either, even if most people thought it was.”

Cam was exploring some heavy philosophical topics.  It was fascinating, observing his abstract thought process blossom as he begins to develop his own value system, influenced by - but not wholly adopted from - his parents.  He’s a smart boy, and has a strong moral compass.  It made me crave a more intellectual conversation with Max.

“It’s just, he’s so old-fashioned about a lot of things.  Except me being gay, go figure,” Cam continued.  Little did he know why!  “He’s so conservative.  Not as much Mom, and I guess so am I, at least compared to most kids my age.  That isn’t bad or wrong, but sometimes they make a big deal out of nothing and I get in trouble for no reason.  Or would, if I talked back to give my own opinion.”

I put my hand on his shoulder.  “I agree with what you’re saying, and totally understand why it’s frustrating.  But, I think as close as you are with your dad, you should tell him how you feel,” I suggested.  “He isn’t an ogre and won’t come at you with a whip if you have an honest disagreement.  He may not give you your way, but he’ll hear you out.  Even with the Chad stuff, I’m sure you talked about it plenty before he said you couldn’t help.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.  I love him so much.  I just don’t want to disappoint or let him down.”

“He’s said several times recently that he knows you’re growing up and handling things more and more maturely.  You can have this conversation, if it’s weighing on you,” I suggested.  I knew I needed to provide him with plausible deniability if things did get tense.  Besides, I wanted to make him laugh.  “I don’t think it will happen, but if he does get upset, you can blame my hippy, yankee ways for adversely influencing you.”

Cam giggled.  “He does say you’re his favorite liberal.”  And here I’ve always thought of myself as moderate, but I suppose it depends on your frame of reference.  He is a Texan transplanted to a blue state known for its progressive politics.  I roll my eyes at some of that excess too, but he must really feel like a fish out of water. 

“What high praise!  But, I’m not hyper-partisan, and he isn’t either.”

“Yes sir.  He doesn’t like Trump.  Says he is a ‘quasi-fascist demagogue who isn’t conservative’, but Mom thinks he’s great.”  Cam rolled his eyes.  “I follow the news and politics more than most kids.  I guess that’s another thing Daddy thinks is important, but I actually like it.  Noah and Max don’t pay much attention to that stuff.”

That’s true.  I’m not sure I’ve ever heard either of them share a political view.  But then, they are eighth graders.  That isn’t abnormal.

Cam yawned.  “I’m getting sleepy.  You’re right, I should talk to him, especially with Mom gone,” he agreed.  “Thanks for giving me confidence, just like you do for Max.”

I kissed him on the head, as he expects and I’ve come to revel.  I’m going to miss our nightly ritual.

“I love you, Cam.  Sleep well.”

***

I returned downstairs after bidding Cam goodnight.  Kim was still awake, reading.  She smiled at me.  “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?”

“These boys… they just adore you.  It’s like they are drawn to you.  I can’t figure it out.”

“They think you’re pretty great, too.”  That was, perhaps, an exaggeration.  Still, they all speak highly of Kim, and I doubt that’s for my benefit.

“Maybe, but it’s not the same.  It’s like you’re their best friend, older brother, father, and therapist all rolled into one.  You have a gift.”

“I dunno,” I shrugged.  “I think being a guy I just understand boys a little better, and they’re at a weird age where they crave being treated more grownup but also understand they still need adults to guide them, even when they don’t always like to admit it.  I’m just honest and don’t condescend, validate their feelings but also push back if they’re off-base.  You were like that with the girls.”

She made a face.  “I’m not so sure you weren’t better with them, too.  Not that I’m complaining.  A lot of men can’t stand children and don’t relate well to them.  I’m glad I found a good one.”  She pulled me to her and into a kiss.  Oh boy, sexy time ahead.  I love Kim, but I wish she wasn’t turned on when I’m paternal.  Why can’t she appreciate my boy whispering abilities without feeling motivated to provide me with a ‘reward’?

“Thanks dear,” I mustered between kisses, “but with a kid upstairs, I don’t think we should take this any further.  It feels…  irresponsible.”  I made sure to give her a hug, so she didn’t feel rejected.

Kim sighed.  “Yeah, you’re probably right.  I’m bushed, anyway,” she acknowledged.  “I forgot how exhausting it was with a kid in the house again, and you’re taking care of most of it!  I don’t know how you aren’t totally exhausted.”

I gave her a final kiss on the top of the head.  “I could use some sleep, but honestly, at their age they’re easy,” I began.  “I guess even when you’re fatigued - just like when you have babies and toddlers, and you’re sick - you make it work because you have to.”  I’m not sure how she would react if I told her the truth, that I find being around boys to be completely invigorating and actually gain energy when I spend time with them.  It scares me sometimes.  She clearly senses my unique connections and realizes I’m different.  I often feel like she is so close to figuring it all out, but she never seems to.  Or, at least, she never says anything.

“Maybe you missed your calling and should have been a middle school counselor,” she responded.  Honestly, I’ve wondered the same thing.  Boys at that tender age can be sublime, I can’t explain it. 

I laughed.  “Speaking of counseling, I furloughed Noah this afternoon and talked to Adam.  I guess they hadn’t spoken since Noah was punished Monday afternoon.  They took my advice and finally made up.”

“I heard.  Lisa called, after they got Jackson home, and said things felt back to normal for the first time in days.  She expressed her gratitude that your magic works on all three of her teenagers,” Kim fawned, laughing at Lisa’s allusion that Adam had been behaving childishly.  “By the way, Jackson is fine.  He wasn’t at-fault, and there was no real damage, thankfully, but it was his first accident so he freaked out.”

“Good.  They needed something to go their way this week,” I said through a yawn.  “Sorry, I’m fading.”

She patted my arm and turned off her lamp.  “Goodnight, dear.”

***

Thursday was a blur.  My workday was busier than normal, and Kim called about 2:30 saying she would be home early and wanted to get Cam out of the house, as he didn’t have gymnastics and Max wouldn’t be coming over. 

“I thought he might need some ‘Mom Time’ for a couple of hours,” she suggested.  “It’ll be good for us.  And it gives you a break.”

Bewilderingly, I wasn’t jealous.  After a hellacious day, and almost a week of being ‘on’, I reveled in the idea of some alone time to recharge my batteries.  I just hoped Cam would be into the idea as much as Kim was - and that she wouldn’t overdo it.

“I hope you guys have fun.  Just remember, he’s a 13-year-old boy and won’t be into the same stuff our girls were.”

***

Kim seemed to heed my advice.  Cam waltzed in, smiling, his hands full of multiple bags.  Of course, she took him shopping.

“Hey Craig!“  Cam greeted, putting down his haul before coming over to hug me.  “Kim spoiled me.  We also brought home dinner.”

“That was all Cam.  I asked what he wanted to eat, and he said we should get carry out so you wouldn’t have to cook,” Kim explained.  “Like a perfect gentleman, he insisted on paying as a ‘thank you’ for staying with us this week.”

“Aww, that’s so nice, but you didn’t have to do that,” I said, ruffling his hair.  “We’ve loved having you.  You’re welcome any time.  Right, dear?” 

“Of course!”  Kim agreed.

“If Daddy goes on another business trip, I definitely want to come back,” Cam eagerly agreed.  “You know…  if Mom isn’t back yet, I mean.” 

His voice totally shifted.  Kim and I exchanged a concerned look.

“Well, even when she’s back, you can still visit whenever you like,” I reassured him before pivoting.  “It looks like you brought home Chipotle.  What did you get me?”

“Burrito bowl,” Cam explained, returning to his chipper tone.  “I hope you like barbacoa.  It’s my favorite.  Max prefers carnitas, but no one is perfect.”  He grinned.

***

About 9:15, I heard Cam take his shower.  Kim had already gone to bed, and I made my way to the guest room.  Why wait for an invitation?

I laid down in bed to wait, scrolling through Facebook and catching up on my RSS feed.  It wasn’t long before Cam waltzed in, in all his glory.  I assumed he took his shorts with him to the shower, but I was mistaken.

“Er, sorry.  I figured you’d be ready for bed when you came back,” I explained.  I couldn’t help but glance.  I mean, a beautiful, naked boy in that sweet spot comes in and you aren’t going to be able to avert your eyes.  While I tried not to stare, it must have been obvious.

“It's okay, I don’t care,” Cam tried to reassure me.  Whether it was intentional or not I’m not certain, but he bent over right in front of me to grab his shorts (apparently, he sleeps commando) and I saw a glimmer of his glorious pink slit.  I could feel a stirring in my groin and tried to adjust myself.  Cam noticed.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you’d already be here or I would have taken my shorts with me.  I don’t mind being naked around you, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

I moved to get up.  “Yeah, sorry.  My dick has a mind of its own.  I’ll leave and come back in a couple of minutes.”

Cam scoffed and plopped down on the bed.  “Don’t worry about it.  I get boners all the time.  I take it as a compliment.  I know you aren’t going to try anything.”

I looked at him.  He seemed nonplussed.  I was upright in the bed, but laid back down.

We talked a little about the trip and how nice it would be to have a long weekend, and he expressed again how much he enjoyed staying with Kim and I.

We lay next to each other in silence for a few moments.  Thankfully, my erection was short lived and I didn’t need to worry about it being awkward.

“Craig,” he began tentatively.  “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’m curious…”  He trailed off.

“About what?”

“Never mind.  Forget I said anything,” he answered as he rolled away from me. 

I flipped him around to face me.  “Spill it.”

He stared at me.  I could tell he was concerned he was going to offend or upset me.

“It’s just, I’ve wondered and have some questions… about your attractions, I mean.”

That was not what I was expecting.  “Oh.”  I must not have masked my surprise.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up,” Cam apologized before trying to pivot.  “I wonder if Max will be grossed out by fishing bait.  He doesn’t like anything that creeps or crawls.”

“It’s okay.  I don’t blame you for having questions.  What do you want to know?”

Cam still seemed unsure, but also eager, as if he’s been trying to build up the confidence to broach the topic.

“How did you know?  Like I started noticing other guys in the locker room when I was 10 or 11, but didn’t really realize I was gay until 12.”

“Well, I noticed I thought some boys were cute at about 12, but also thought I liked girls and older women, so I hoped it was just a phase,” I explained.  “I experimented with a few friends when I was around your age and realized I wished their younger brothers would join in, but that never happened.”

“But how did you know it was more than just being gay or bi?”

“I was more concerned about the homosexuality at that age.  When you’re 12 or 13, being attracted to another 12 or 13-year-old is expected,” I responded.  “Like I said, I started noticing younger brothers, and crushing on my friends.  I always liked being around their little brothers even if it wasn’t sexual.  I was pretty oblivious to what that might mean at that age.”

“So how did you know it was something different?”

“I guess, after a while, I was getting more and more developed, but my attraction to other guys didn’t age much.  Even as an upperclassman, I always noticed the smallest freshman boys in high school, or would pay a lot of attention to the younger brothers of my friends or girlfriends.  I just felt happier and more energized if I got to be around boys.  It wasn’t just finding them sexually attractive, but also wanting to connect emotionally and be around them.”

“Were you worried?”

“Kind of.  I was in denial for a long time, but part of that was the gay piece.  Part of me wondered if I was just eager to be a dad, and I obviously settled down and got married to a woman.  It wasn’t until my mid-20s when I really started to realize it was boys, not men, I was attracted to and it wasn’t going away.  I just tried to bury it.  I was so busy then it was easy.”

“So, like, what ages are you most attracted to?  Obviously, you like boys my age, but where does it start or stop?”

I thought for a moment.  This conversation was a little surreal.  Even Max hasn’t asked this much.  Cam is more mature and a deeper thinker, though.  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised he’s spent time wondering about me.

“It isn’t always about age per se, but development.  I find boys who haven’t started puberty interesting and cute and enjoy spending time with them, but the sexual attraction mostly starts when they’re just starting puberty and becoming more sexually awakened themselves.  Sometimes that’s 10, sometimes it’s 14,” I described.  “If I had to graph it on a bell curve, I’d say 10 or 11 on the low end and 14 or 15 on the upper end.  The sweet spot is about 12 or 13, or maybe Tanner II or III, but IV isn’t unattractive.”

“Tanner?” he asked.

He must not have paid close attention during health class.  “It’s just different levels or stages of puberty development.  Stages two and three are just when pubes sprout and your penis starts to grow.  At stage four, a boy’s voice deepens and armpit hair comes in.  Five is the final phase, when everything is basically adult-like, including body hair and secondary sex characteristics.”

“Oh.  So, does that mean we are already past your main attractions?”

“You and Max are still in my prime range, but slightly past what I’d probably consider the perfect point, I guess.  When a boy’s voice changes, it seems to be a big marker for me.  It isn’t a deal breaker, and while Noah is a little further removed from my ideal age, all three of you are still attractive to me physically,” I stated.  “Don’t worry.  I’m not going to try anything with any of you.”

“I know that,” he answered.

“Honestly, it isn’t just about lust.  I enjoy your personalities more than anything, and that intensifies whatever sexual attraction I might experience.  I care deeply for all three of you, and love spending time with each of you individually and together.  Does that make sense?”  It occurred to me I might be throwing way more at him than he expected or wanted to know.

Cam nodded.  “So you weren’t ever attracted to older teens?  Or men?”

I shook my head.  “It isn’t the same.  Older adolescents and young men can be too cocky and insufferable.  Sometimes middle aged guys my own age can be of interest.  They’ve usually outgrown being obnoxious and know what they want, but it pales in comparison to how I feel about boys.”

“What about women?  You’ve been married a long time.  And had kids.”

Jesus, was I really having this conversation with a 13-year-old?

“I was more attracted to women when I was younger, but like with older men, it’s minor compared to boys.  Don’t tell Kim, but I honestly don’t really enjoy sex with women, but I’m not sure I’d say I’m totally gay, either.  On the Kinsey Scale, I’m probably a five.”

“‘Kinsey Scale’?” He asked.  I explained what it was, realizing most kids wouldn’t be familiar with it.  “Oh.  Max and I are both sixes.  Girls are gross.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.  “Yeah, I figured.”

Cam shifted uneasily.

“What is it?  Is talking about this weirding you out?”  I asked.

“No, it’s just, it seems hard… never being able to act on it or have a boyfriend.  Always being worried about being discovered.  It must be frustrating.”

“Yeah, it can be tough.  I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but there are positives, too.  It helps me be more in tune with and connect to boys, which can help them and I enjoy you guys in a way most adults can’t.  It can be a curse, but it also comes with gifts, I guess.”

Cam still seemed uneasy.  “What is it?  Talk to your Uncle Craig.”

“It’s just, I’ve wondered if I might… be the same way.”

That was not what I expected him to say.  It reminded me of when I had a moment worrying about Max going down the same path.

“Oh?  Like I said, it’s totally normal for you to be attracted to other boys around your age.  That doesn’t make you a boy lover.”

“I know, but…”

“But what?” I probed.

“I dunno, I’ve been noticing younger boys and getting excited.  Max is my everything, but like, I think Spencer is so hot and he’s still really small and not developed.  I really dig that.  But older guys don’t really do anything for me.  No offense.”

I laughed.  “None taken.  Most boys aren’t attracted to older guys.  Max is, but I think he’s the exception and there’s circumstances that have flipped on those attractions.  Or maybe he’s just wired to find older men attractive.”

“I’m just worried I won’t be attracted to Max as we get older.  Like he’ll age out.”

That was a heavy thought.  “I suppose anything is possible, but your relationship is special, and not just for kids your age.  It’s the real deal, and that can’t be said for most people, much less middle schoolers.”

“Yeah, I know, but I still worry.  I don’t want to be a pedo.”  I saw him cringe at his own words.  “No offense.”

“Hey, I get it.  But, I’m not really a pedo.  Technically I’m more of a hebephile, but I guess my range of attraction does technically go from slightly pre-pubescent, which is pedophilia, to ephebophilia, which is liking older adolescents, like Jackson’s age.  But society just lumps that all under the pedo umbrella.”

“I haven’t heard those other terms.  Seems like everyone just screams about pedos if someone is ever underage, but it makes sense there are other labels.  It doesn’t seem as creepy to be attracted to teenagers as it does real little kids.”

I wanted to reassure him.  “Cam, I can’t guarantee anything, and I won’t lie to you, it sucks always craving something you can never have.  It’s possible you will be, but honestly, it doesn’t seem likely.  My advice to you would be to steer your desires to people your own age as much as possible, especially as you get older.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” he muttered.  “But, that isn’t the only reason.  I enjoy controlling other boys during sex.  Like disciplining Max excites me.”

Oh boy.  I wanted to laugh, but knew I needed to be sensitive.  I remembered when he gave Max a hard swat earlier in the week and made a remark.  I also knew he probably gets that from his father, but wasn’t sure how to thread that particular needle without telling him how I knew intimately his father is similar.

“That doesn’t mean anything.  I’m more submissive and I like boys.  Max is naturally more submissive, too,” I explained.  “Maybe you’re just more dominant, sexually.  Your father is pretty assertive in general and you’re just like him in many ways.  Besides, I know you prefer topping, and that often coincides with wanting to control things in the bedroom.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

“Plus, like we talked about last night, sometimes when someone is raised in a strict environment or with stern discipline, they want to blow off some steam.  Or emulate what’s happened to them.  Honestly, it doesn’t surprise me.  It isn’t evidence of anything.”  I did note that Max probably enjoys that particular dynamic, and found it interesting he hasn’t chosen to share.  But then, we also haven’t had any alone time together this week.

“I just don’t want to become one of those sadistic motherfuckers like Chad who has to hurt a kid to get off.”

Ah, Chad.  Now this was making more sense.  Max’s experience clearly is affecting Cam more than he’s let on.  “That won’t happen.  Even if you do remain attracted to boys as you become a man, you’re too good of a person to ever enjoy hurting anyone, especially a child,” I asserted.  “I presume Max enjoys that kind of rougher play?”

“He seemed to, and said he did when we talked about it, but I couldn’t tell if he was just saying that because I liked it or if he actually got off on it.”

I saw Cam’s point and had wondered the same thing when we first had sex, but I also know Max enjoys being submissive.  I saw it myself in Mexico, though I thought better of bringing it up to Cam.

“He didn’t like it with Chad.  He thought he would, but it went too far.  Max would tell you if he didn’t want to do it.  It might be easier because it’s you, but he and I have talked about him liking being told what to do, so I’m not surprised he’d get off on it,” I responded, “as long as it doesn’t get too intense.”

“Like with Chad?”

“Exactly.  I think he was turned on by Chad’s demeanor and aggressive chats, but didn’t realize how far it could go.  And see, the fact that you’re worried about it and checked on him shows you aren’t a selfish monster.  You would never force anyone to do something they didn’t want to do.”

“That’s true.  You’re probably right.”

Cam didn’t seem convinced.  I wonder how long this has been weighing on him.

“And, hey, worst case scenario:  if it does happen, and you stay attracted to younger boys, at least you’ll have a friend to talk to who understands and won’t judge you.  That’s more than I’ve ever had.”  I ruffled his hair.

“Thanks Craig.  I’m glad we talked about this stuff.  I hope it wasn’t too awkward.”

“A couple months ago I would have been terrified,” I admitted.  “But with all that has happened, it’s easier to talk about.  Honestly, it’s almost a relief to be able to.  Just remember, few people know, or would understand.  This isn’t really something you should talk about with anyone other than Max or Noah.  Right?”  I realized that Cam would have a hard time not talking with his father.  I may need to roll the dice and figure out a way to tell Bob about Mexico.  It’s a small miracle he’s kept my secret as long as he has.

“Thank you for trusting me.  I know it’s a sensitive topic,” Cam offered.  “By the way, I think I forgot to tell you, but I did tell Max about me testing you.”

Honestly, with everything this week, I forgot to follow up.  But things seemed normal between them, so it must have gone okay.

“How did that go?”  I asked.

“Um, he punched my arm and demanded to know what I was thinking,” Cam said with a hint of embarrassment.  “I explained what happened, how we worked through it, and your offer to discuss it with him if he needed reassurance.”

“He never said anything, so that must have satisfied him.”

“Well,” he said sheepishly.  “I might have timed it so I could put my tongue and, um, other things in his mouth.  So he was distracted.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed.  I had to give him credit, that was smart. 

“Goodnight,” Cam said, practically launching himself into me for a hug.  “I can’t wait to go to the cabin this weekend.”

I squeezed him tight and gave him his now-routine kiss atop his head, and another to his forehead.  He just smiled.  “Goodnight Cam.  I’m really glad you stayed here for a few days.  I don’t know about you, but I feel like we’ve gotten so much closer.”

“Yes sir,” he answered.  You just can’t take the politeness out of the kid.  “For sure.”

I was just about to open the door when Cam spoke again.

“Craig?” he asked.

“Yeah?”

“You know how you said I’d always have a friend to talk to who wouldn’t judge me, which you never had?”

“Yes.”  Jesus, I must have sounded bitter or emo if he was bringing it up.

“That’s not true.  I’m your friend and you can talk to me about it and I won’t think you’re a bad person.  I know you aren’t.  Noah and Max too.  We all love you just how you are.”

I felt like the wind was knocked out of me.  That might have been one of the most meaningful things anyone has ever told me.  Out of the mouths of babes.

“Thank you,” I managed to squeak.  I could feel my eyes welling.

“Good night, Uncle Craig.”  Hearing those words in his sweet boyish tone was about more than I could handle.

***

Somehow, I kept it together.  I knew I would toss and turn and didn’t want to disturb Kim (or have her wonder why I was so restless), so I headed for my recliner to process before trying to get to sleep.

When I told Cam something had shifted between us, I wasn’t exaggerating.  To think, earlier this summer no one knew about my proclivities, and now I had three wonderful boys offer unconditional love and acceptance made me almost deliriously happy.

But, it also occurred to me that I might have shared too much, or put too much on Cam, as much as he’s already dealing with.  My role is to support and advise, not draw emotional support from them. 

Plus, if anything were to change, Cam knows many more details now he could stipulate to.  Specifics would give any allegation much more credibility, especially from a kid.  It felt good to vent, but it may have been a mistake to be so open.

I pondered how Bob would react.  For some reason, it feels inevitable he’ll find out.  He’s alluded to some of his own struggles with being aroused thinking about what Cam and Max might be up to, but that doesn’t mean he’d be okay with it, or me acting on anything with an actual boy.  Of course, he didn’t initially object to Chad because of the age difference so much as how he treated Max.

There’s theory and the abstract, and concrete actions, and Bob is not a moral relativist.  He might not understand how you can let yourself cross that line.  Hell, I’m still not entirely sure, either.  It might blow up in my face, but I wonder if it would be prudent to get out in front of it and frame the conversation myself rather than risk him finding out from his son.

***

I woke up early Friday, slightly sad it was Cam’s final morning.  I really have enjoyed bonding with him this week.  I decided to mark the occasion by preparing a special breakfast.  He needed something substantial, so I rummaged around the fridge and scrounged up the ingredients to prepare a Denver omelet, complemented with fresh fruit and hash browns.

I know he didn’t need it, but I couldn’t resist the urge to wake him up.  I was enamored with how sweet and innocent he looked while he’s sleeping.  It occurred to me I could happily watch him all night.  Thankfully I’m not so far gone that I can’t recognize how creepy that would be. 

I sat on the edge of the bed and slowly pulled back the covers.  I avoided the desire to glance at his morning wood.  He whimpered slightly when the cool air from the fan hit his bare torso.  I gently stroked his hair.

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” I said, reenacting how I used to wake up my girls.  He began to stir and grumbled.  “Time to get up, kiddo.  How did you sleep?”

“Fine,” Cam responded, groggily rubbing his eyes.  “Do I get a good morning hug today?”

I smiled.  “Absolutely, if you want one!”  He grinned and reached his arms out, not unlike a little kid might when they ask to be picked up.  I really am starting to feel a strong paternalism toward Cam, and I’m digging it.  Bob is a lucky man. 

“Now that’s the proper way to start one’s morning,” I noted.  I felt a pang of sadness, not having my own boy to love on and hug every day.  For as non-demonstrative as Cam has always been toward me, it was truly a marked change to see how giving and even enthusiastic he is about receiving affection.  I think he may be mirroring my own intensifying feelings, and it made me happy to think the connection I’m experiencing is mutual and reciprocal. 

 “When you’re ready, I have prepared you a proper breakfast.  I hope you like omelets.  I’ll wait for you downstairs while you get ready.”

***

Cam eagerly scarfed down his breakfast, noting he rarely gets something beyond cereal or toast he makes himself.  True to form, he was complimentary and appreciative.  He even stripped the guest room bedding and put it in the washer (seriously, who is this kid?) without being prompted. 

He bid Kim a final thanks you and goodbye before she left for work.  Kim was taking advantage of us leaving for the cabin and meeting Stacy and Lisa for Happy Hour, so she wouldn’t see Cam again.  Stacy offered to be the designated driver, which meant she was taking seriously her commitment to Max to curtail her drinking.  He will be pleased.

Our drive to school was uneventful, although Cam was chattier than other mornings.

“Remember, your dad is picking you up early.  I’m grabbing Max after his lunch and we’re going to meet at your house,” I explained.  “We want to get on the road since the drive north can take so long.”

“Yes sir, I remember.  I put it in my calendar and Dad texted me a reminder to pick up my early release pass from the office first thing,” Cam responded.  “I can’t wait to have a romantic weekend in the woods.  And to see Daddy, of course.”

Hearing a kid talk like that is such a trip.  The contrast is jarring, but I totally get it.  I’m stoked to spend another weekend with Max (and Cam), and I sure as hell hope to have a little romance, myself.

*** End of Chapter 35 ***

Hopefully you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as we did writing it.  We really tried to have a fast turnaround and give you all an early Christmas gift.

We intended to just catch-up Craig with Max’s side, and then focus on Max’s next chapter, but the writing flow was so steady we decided to keep going.  Our hope was to really focus on developing Craig and Cam’s relationship while also exploring their characters and personalities more.

web counter