Max’s Freudian Slip #46

by craigpwriter888@tutanota.com & J

Authors’ Note: Sorry it’s taken a while to get this chapter out. The holidays were busy for us. Happy New Year to our readers!

Chapter 46

Part I—

One of the small pleasures of Max staying over is waking him in the morning. He always looks so cute that I hate to disturb his slumber. Indeed, today I admired Max quietly for nearly a minute before reluctantly rousing my boy. I wish I could slip under the covers and cuddle him awake.

I gently nudged his bare shoulder. “Hey kiddo, it’s time to get up.”

He mumbled something incomprehensible and pulled the blanket up around him. 

“Bud,” I said slightly louder, poking him again. “You must have forgotten to set your alarm. Breakfast is almost ready and you need to eat before the bus comes. Noah should be here in about five minutes, so put on some deodorant, brush your teeth, and throw on your clothes.” 

Thankfully, he’s coming to. 

“You don’t have time to primp your hair. Or jerk. Come on Max, it’s time to get moving,” I instructed, playfully patting the side of his rump.

The little shit rolled over to ignore me!

“Go away,” he groaned. A few seconds later, the reality of his rude tone must have set in, because his eyes shot open.

I know how to handle insolence! I tore the comforter away and launched a massive tickle attack. He succumbed to a fit of giggles and swung from side to side, but didn’t really resist. I stopped as soon as I realized his morning stiffy is staring me in the face, neatly outlined by his bright blue underwear. I know I’m trying to be honorable, but damn if it isn’t a beautiful sight. 

If I’m being honest, I’d love nothing more than to rip down his trunks and slurp his cock right into my mouth. Or, flip him over in one swift motion and bury my face between his perfect little mounds, making him moan as my stubble grazes his most intimate parts. 

Frankly, I’m not sure which I loved more.

But… that’s not an appropriate or healthy thought. So, I drank in the display for another second before diverting my eyes elsewhere.

“See, I have ways of dealing with you when you aren’t being cooperative.” Unfortunately, my erotic thoughts left me with a twinge of guilt, marring what was an otherwise fun and innocent moment. 

“That was a cheap move, old man — even for you,” he said, sitting up and yawning. “Can I get my good morning hug?” He outstretched his arms.

“After you deal with that,” I replied, pointing to his boner. I kissed the top of his head instead and told him to move it, double time.

***

Kim really outdid herself, making breakfast sandwiches with a spread of fresh fruit. She’s getting more and more into having Noah and Max over, and relishes stuffing them to the brim. Our girls ate like birds growing up, so I think having kids around with actual appetites who appreciate her cooking is soul-nourishing. 

And to think, most mornings I make myself a bowl of cereal.

“Where are they?” she fretted, as I greeted her with a peck. “They won’t make the bus if they don’t hurry.” I know she’s afraid the food will go to waste, forgetting how voracious teenage boys can be when they’re hungry.

Noah let himself in and quickly grabbed a plate after bidding us both good morning. He has a bounce in his step and must be eager for the weekend. But then, who isn’t?

Kim gave him a hug before yelling for Max.

“Right here!” he replied happily from the stairs. “Smells good.”

Kim is on edge. “Relax. I’ll drive them if I have to,” I whispered. “These look incredible.”

They met at the end of the island and exchanged fist bumps. “Morning bro,” Noah said before climbing onto the bar stool and digging in. 

Max leaned into his best friend and gently wrapped his arm around his back. “Damn, did you leave any for the rest of us?”

I swear, they inhaled their food. Noah slammed three sandwiches before I finished half of mine, and Max downed two before adding several slices of fruit. I know I’m taking time to enjoy my coffee, but damn. I looked at them in amazement. 

“What? I’m in a growf purt,” Noah said as he chewed. Max and I both shook our heads.

Max, now fully awake, is chatty. I know he isn’t a morning person, so I’m chalking up his great mood to getting ample Craig Time. That’s not conceited, is it? The difference from last night is pronounced.

Or, perhaps it’s because he’s going to tap Spencer’s squishy little bottom tomorrow night.

Speaking of, Max shared his plan to visit Spencer at school. He hopes it will both build up Spence for tomorrow’s meet — and help deflect the social pressures he’s under. Kim’s ovaries may be near exploding.

Noah nodded. “I’m down,” he said between bites. “I bet Ashley and Liam would help too.”

Max looked at him funny, but didn’t respond. I told them I thought that was a nice idea, but they’d better not get into trouble for being in a part of the school they aren’t allowed.

Noah asked to take the last sandwich to Ashley, which Kim thought was “darling.” It’s high praise for her cooking, and very considerate. 

As they walked out the door, Noah wrapped his arm around Max’s shoulder. 

“I love how strong their friendship is,” Kim commented, appearing to be near her melting point. “They’re such good kids, and so cute together.”

“They’d cringe if they heard you say that.” 

Kim scoffed. “Didn’t you see the way they embrace each other? I love it,” she said, getting up to refill her coffee. “The bond they have is so real and strong. I don’t think either Emma or Rachel had someone like that, not even one another.”

“They truly are the best of friends. Brothers, almost.”

“Unfortunately, now I can’t help but wonder if part of the reason they’re so close is because their time together isn’t always so innocent.” She looks pained.

Great, we’re back to discussing Max’s sex life. 

“Hey, you asked. I told you at the time you couldn’t unknow the answer,” I replied. “But they’ve been thick as thieves since they were little boys. Even if Max were straight, chances are decent they would have still experimented at this age.”

“It’s still crazy to me how common that is. Boys are so weird.”

I laughed nervously. Normally I enjoy thinking about cuties engaging in sex play, but I don’t love discussing this with her. 

“‘Common’ might be too strong of a term, but like I said before, I don’t think it’s rare or abnormal,” I said. “You might be confusing the cause and effect, though. I don’t think they’re so close because they’ve done stuff; I suspect their willingness to fool around is because they were already so close.”

I’ll spare her from bringing up their never ending, intense horniness.

“I guess that’s true. Intimacy does require trust,” she said. What a female perspective. “You don’t think they’ve, you know, gone all the way?”

I stared at her blankly. I just wanted to eat breakfast, now I need to jack off.

“Yeah, sorry. You’re right, I don’t want to know.”

Part II — 

Saturday turned out to be very busy, at least compared to our normal lazy routine. Kim decided on a whim to make caramel brownies to send home with Emma. They’re her favorite dessert, so it’s a thoughtful gesture, but I get frustrated with Kim’s pattern of procrastination. We could have stopped last night on our way home from dinner.

I was dispatched on an early morning grocery run to pick up ingredients. I don’t know how we manage it, but I swear one of us dashes to the store every couple of days. You’d think we could plan ahead better.

It was one more task to accomplish before heading to the gymnastics meet. Plus, Kim is in cleaning mode, as if our daughters have never seen the house with a little clutter. So much for sleeping in! 

Despite this, we managed to be among the first spectators. The mat is littered with gymnasts, but the bleachers are still largely empty. Stacy saved us a seat by her and Spencer’s mom, who I introduced to Kim.

I should have briefed Kim on Spencer’s current home situation so that she doesn’t ask questions that could dredge up sensitive topics. When Mrs. Schwab excused herself to make a phone call, I quickly gave her the rundown, with Stacy supplementing additional details.

“It must be so hard for a child to watch their father walk out the door, especially a boy at such a tender age,” Kim said sadly.

“Yes, yes it is,” Stacy agreed. Her tone is completely flat, her body language stoic.

Kim covered her mouth and turned three shades of red. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking…”

Stacy sighed. “It’s okay. I mean, it’s not when it happens, but I know you aren’t being judgmental. Unlike some people,” she said, nodding toward Jeanine and Bob. They’re walking across the gym, toward us. “It's a big part of why Craig has been such a godsend. I’m completely out of my depth dealing with a teenage boy solo.”

Kim patted my leg. “Craig was always a devoted father, and it’s incredibly endearing watching him with Max and Noah. He would have been an amazing boy dad.”

Their compliments make me uncomfortable. No one would describe me so positively if they knew the scope of everything I’ve done, of what I am. And the truth is, all this talk about divorce and Spencer’s father leaving hits close to home.

Yes, I came of age at a different time when homosexuality was not as widely accepted. I wanted a ‘normal’ life, even if it wasn’t particularly authentic, because that’s what men did: graduate, secure a decent job, find a good woman, settle down, raise a family — and pray no one ever discovered the truth. 

I don’t regret my life, but even after all these years of practice, it can still be exhausting. You can’t help but be on constant guard and wonder ‘what if.’

I never seriously considered leaving, though. I made a commitment, both to my wife and our daughters. For whatever else I may have missed out on, fatherhood has been fulfilling. I try not to be judgmental, but damn… I’ve never understood how a man can justify abrogating their responsibilities and be a complete deadbeat. Fuck those losers.

I’m incredibly fortunate to have Max and Noah (and Cam) in my life, but our contact is so intermittent. If I had a son, I would have a boy to take care of and love on, full-time. Complications of my attractions aside, could there be anything better?

“Craig, are you with us?” Kim asked, elbowing my side. “You seemed distant there for a minute. You completely ignored Bob when he greeted you.”

I jolted back to the conversation. “Yeah, sorry, I was lost in thought.” I reached out to shake Bob’s hand. I know that’s a strangely formal greeting for someone who has been 7.5 inches inside me, but there are appearances to maintain.

We made small talk for a few minutes while the bleachers filled in. Noah, Ashley, and Aron were the first of Max’s friends to arrive. You could hear them as soon as they entered, as Aron — Ashley’s little brother — is amped. 

“Where’s Max? Where’s Cam?” Aron asked loudly, looking all around. He repetitively flapped his hands, which I know from a coworker is called stimming. Max mentioned Aron has a disability, but wasn’t sure what in particular. He’s definitely on the autism spectrum.

Aron made a crudely drawn sign for Max and Cam. Max might think it’s too much, but c’mon, that’s such a gift. The little dude’s excitement is infectious, like he’s at some major event.

He is laser focused on finding Cam and Max amongst the few dozen gymnasts warming up. When he finally spotted Max, he started jumping up and down and yelling. 

Ashley is really good with him, getting him to calm by taking his hand. Noah grabbed the other, and they guided him up the stairs.

“Oh, that is precious,” Kim gushed, pointing toward them. “Noah is such a good boy.”

***

For whatever reason, they stopped a few rows short of the ‘parent zone.’

Noah acknowledged my presence, so I motioned for them to come say hello. Aron struggled to take his eyes off the mats but briefly gazed at me before looking away.

“Aron,” Noah began, redirecting the little dude toward me, “this is my friend Craig. He’s one of Max’s best friends. Mine too.”

“Bestest friends?” he asked, staring at me. Either Noah’s characterization confused him, or me being connected to both of them makes me vastly more interesting. 

“More like a second dad, or uncle,” I clarified, “but Noah is right. Max and I are close.”

“Like Uncle Chad? That’s Mommy’s big brother. He always gives me tickles.”

Noah’s eyes met mine and widened. That motherfucker had better never have touched this kid impurely, or I swear to God…

I have to pry. I have to.

Bless him, Noah beat me to it. “How does Uncle Chad tickle you?”

Aron looked up eagerly. “I can show you! It feels good.”

Oh shit.

“O-okay,” Noah answered, looking at me nervously.

He grabbed Noah’s hand and placed it on his neck, just below where his hair stops. “Feather touch!”

We both exhaled. “I bet it’s like when you get a haircut and they shave your neck,” Noah suggested.

“Kinda, but I don’t like those,” Aron rambled. “Uncle Chad says Grandma tickled him like that when he was little. Mommy does it at bedtime when I have wiggles.” He moved Noah’s hand slightly higher. “Ash could show you how to do it better since you aren’t very good.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “All that experience Noah, you should be better with your hands.”

Noah grinned. “I’ll ask her to show me, so I can learn.” He ruffled Aron’s hair.

I rolled my eyes. I’m sure he’d love for her to tickle him all over. 

At the very least, I’m relieved. Although, it isn’t lost on me that the piece of shit might start out with innocent tickling, getting Aron accustomed to his touch, before progressing to other things.

Aron surveyed the stands. “I’m nine and in fourth grade. How old are you?”

“53.”

He looks shocked. “That’s old! You’re old.”

Noah turned his head to laugh, but Ashley snapped at him. “Aron, don’t be rude!”

“But Mommy and Daddy are only 35. That’s the opposite of 53!”

Damn, they must have had Ashley right out of college. And also, I could be their grandfather… which definitely makes me feel old.

Ashley patted his hand. “Yes, but remember, we only say nice things. It’s impolite to call someone old.”

He stomped his foot. “Daddy says I always hafta be honest. Remember, you got in trouble for lying about Noah.”

Ashley blushed. I swooped in for the rescue.

“It’s okay. He’s not wrong,” I said, winking. “Some days I feel older than others.”

“Where are they?” Aron asked abruptly, a hint of frustration encroaching into his tone. Bored with Noah’s subpar tickles and banter about my advanced age, he’s returned his attention to finding Max and Cam on the floor. I guess he lost track of them when he focused on me. 

“They’re over there,” I explained, pointing toward the parallel bars. “Cam is about to warm up.”

“Where? I don’t see them.”

I pointed over his shoulder, towards the back corner of the gym. I’m trying to be careful and give Aron space. I’m no expert, but I’ve heard people with autism don’t usually like being touched by strangers. “See, he’s swinging back and forth.”

Aron giggled. “Like a monkey!”

“Yep, just like that,” I confirmed. I’m trying to speak softly, hoping it will help keep him calm. “I love the sign you made. I know Max and Cam will appreciate it.”

“Cool!” he exclaimed, as Cam did a simple dismount.

“Max is climbing up now,” I said, pointing again. I didn’t intend for it to happen, but Aron ended up leaning back and eventually settled onto my lap. So much for my theory, although maybe my familiarity with Noah and Max put him at ease?

He’s transfixed on Max and didn’t react, so neither did I. I’m not complaining. Any sort of boy affection gives me a warm feeling. And no, NOT arousal. Aron is too young to think about like that, not to mention him having special needs makes it even further off limits.

I don’t have much experience around fourth grade boys, but Aron seems incredibly skinny. I can feel his hip digging into my thigh, while his hand is gripping my knee to steady himself. He’s mesmerized. I wonder if he even realizes he climbed onto the lap of a stranger.

Ashley noticed his proximity to me, mouthed ‘sorry,’ and started to grab for him. “It’s fine,” I replied, waving her off. I get the feeling she’s accustomed to intervening, and looks relieved I’m not bothered.

Thankfully, she relaxed. Noah introduced her to the Rices while I chatted with Aron.

When Max finally dismounted, Aron clapped excitedly. “I wish I could do that!”

“Max is great, isn’t he?”

“He’s my bestest friend too,” Aron proclaimed proudly, smiling back at me. “And Cam and Noah!”

I felt Kim’s hand on my shoulder. She’s grinning and shaking her head. 

“C’mon Aron,” Ashley said, having now greeted Bob and Jeanine. “Let’s get back to our seats.”

“Can’t we sit up here? I can see better and I like Mr. Craig!” Aron pleaded.

“Sure,” Noah agreed, “but let's give Craig a little space.” He patted the bleacher below me and to the left. “I’ll get your sign.”

As they made their way down a row, Kim nudged me. “I don’t know how you do it, Boy Whisperer. It’s like you’re a magnet.”

I shrugged. “It just happens. I don’t even know how.”

“Well, it might be because you’re basically an overgrown 10-year-old at heart.” 

“Haha, very funny,” I replied. “You know damn well I’m at least 12, maybe even 13 these days.” 

“Yes, you have matured slightly over the last three decades, plus Max and Noah are good influences on you,” she teased. “You aren’t too much of a man-child. I know I found a good one.” 

“You got that right,” Stacy piped up. I had no idea she was listening. “Craig is like a boy savant.”

***

I spotted Liam at the bottom of the stands. We’ve never met, but I recognize him from a picture Max showed me. 

Liam, a.k.a OlyGuy88, anonymously messaged Max after he was outed at the dance, and it was driving Max absolutely crazy not knowing who it was. Which meant Max was driving me absolutely crazy.

Anyway, he finally identified himself to Max the afternoon we headed to the lake cabin for Labor Day weekend, and Max snuck a picture in PE to show Cam (and me).

I never understood why Max seemed so intrigued, but in person, I see the appeal more. Liam is a little more developed than I’m usually attracted to, but he’s cute in a thick sort of way. I can see him being described as ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ when he’s older. He’s basically white, I think, but tanned and dark hair? He has really pretty eyes. Max mentioned he plays tight end, and he definitely has the requisite sturdy build you would expect. And that ass is plump.

He rushed in right before the festivities began and is definitely flustered. “Sorry I’m late,” he said to Ashley and Noah. “My little brothers were being pills this morning and wouldn't get ready, so we ran late.”

Damn, I should have offered to pick him up, although our morning was pretty frenzied. Still, I always enjoy meeting Max’s friends.

“It’s fine, bro. Chill,” Noah replied. “You didn’t miss anything.”

I swear, kids are suddenly calling everyone ‘bro.’ It seemed to have started out of nowhere, and now it’s like an annoying contagion that can’t be contained.

Liam looked around and relaxed. He noticed Cam’s parents and went over to shake Bob’s hand — something he will think highly of. I vaguely recall Liam visiting the Rices before the boys were grounded for texting Chad, when Jeanine was still in Texas. Bob promptly introduced him.

I can’t help but wonder if Liam and Jeanine will get along famously, as I’m sure he meets Jeanine’s standards for politeness and piety. Though, now that I think about it, conservative Southern Baptists like Jeanine usually think Mormons are apostates and in a cult, so maybe not.

Once Jeanine finished talking with Liam, she turned toward us. “Hello Craig, it’s so nice to see you, as always. This must be that lovely wife you’ve told me about.”

Oh jeez. I’m pretty sure I’ve never mentioned Kim, other than to point out I was married back when I thought she was flirting with me.

“Uh, yeah, this is Kim. Kim, Jeanine.”

“Nice to finally meet you,” Kim replied. “Cameron is such a kind, polite child. You must be so proud of him.”

I’ve told Kim all about Jeanine, so she knows about the phoniness. I’m amused Kim is giving Jeanine a heavy dose of her own syrupy sweetness. Using Cam’s full name was subtle, I’ll have to commend her later. I’m struggling to contain my laughter.

“Thank you. Of course he has occasional moments, but is usually a very good boy — just like Max. I certainly see Craig’s positive influence bearing fruit.”

“He’s a keeper all right,” Kim replied, slapping my knee and leaning her head against my shoulder. She’s laying it on thick and I know she’s just dying inside.

“Craig has been an absolute gift,” Stacy said.

“You all are going to give me a big head if you keep this up,” I quipped. “They are just a good group of kids, so it’s easy. It’s as simple as that.”

“Indeed. Cameron is so looking forward to his Halloween party, and I can’t wait to become acquainted with more of their friends. If they are anything like Noah, or that boy Liam I just met, it will be a fantastic gathering.”

I wonder if she would still say that if she knew her baby was having sex with Noah and lusting after Liam. 

“I know Max is really excited as well,” Stacy added. “Let us know if we can help. Max considers himself a co-host, so I should do something.”

“Of course,” Jeanine answered. “Let’s talk logistics after. I better get settled in.”

I turned to Kim and gave her a dramatic eye roll. She frowned. 

“She seems very kind,” Kim whispered. “Be nice, Craigory.”

I am so confused. I thought Kim was overdoing the pleasantries to amuse me. Was she being genuine? Did I just interpret that whole exchange incorrectly? For all my ease at reading and relating to lads, sometimes women confound me.

***

After they finished the national anthem and general announcements, the nervous energy in the arena heightened. 

It’s hard to tell for sure from afar, but Max looks tense. I know he’s anxious about his friends being in attendance, and sure enough, he has his hood up and is sticking close to Cam and Spencer. 

Cam, though? He appears to be at ease, laughing and almost strutting around the mats. Damn, that boy really does have swag.

They’re similar in so many ways, but when you really juxtapose their personalities, the differences are pronounced. Today is a perfect example: Max is reserved and anxious while Cam is gregarious and supremely confident. 

It isn’t cockiness, though — he’s just having fun. I love how genuinely encouraging he is to everyone, even those on other teams.

I’m still figuring out the gymnastics universe. Besides the meet in Madison and observing practice, I’ve only ever watched the sport on TV, during the Olympics. So, it’s challenging to judge the performance of middle schoolers. I’ll take my cues from Stacy and Bob. 

Our boys began with floor exercises, with Ian up first. I still love watching him: I just adore his little red mop. It’s too bad he and Max aren’t better friends. 

Maybe I’ll get lucky and there will be another away meet this year, so I can chaperone and offer to drive some of the other boys. A guy can dream, right?

Ian’s mom, Jill (who I hung out with in Madison last spring), is on edge as usual. At that meet, she was a nervous wreck until Ian finished — and seems even worse today. Maybe she’s especially anxious because it’s the first match of the season? 

Her husband, who is obviously the source of Ian’s red hair, is trying in vain to help her relax. I don’t think I’ve seen him before. It’s always Jill who takes Ian to practice on the nights I’m there.

Her nerves were unwarranted, because Ian did great. He took an extra step after an aerial, which I didn’t even notice until Stacy pointed it out, but it’s still a great start. The parents are pumped.

Their excitement only intensified as Spencer also delivered an excellent routine. He made a small mistake, but Cam and Max were nearly flawless.

As our team moved off the floor, I took the opportunity to converse with Jill and her husband, Sean. “Ian did awesome,” I told them. “I see you still get nervous for him.”

Jill introduced us, reminding Sean that I drew the short straw in Madison, trying to keep her in check. 

“That’s no easy task,” Sean said, laughing. “Thanks for tolerating her neuroses. I’m glad Ian tunes it out.”

“Sometimes too well. His hearing is awfully selective these days,” Jill said tersely. 

Spencer’s mother, Meg, snorted. “I hear that, pun fully intended. It’s like once they start middle school, they lose their damn minds.”

Jill nodded. “Yeah, I haven’t loved Ian’s attitude the last few months. He’s suddenly too cool for me now that he’s getting noticed by girls, and surly to boot.”

“Well, I haven’t seen that yet, but I know what you mean about bad behavior,” Meg shared. I stifled a laugh. Her son is never gonna start liking girls. “Spencer has had such a rough adjustment to sixth grade, I’m worried about him.”

“It’s too bad they’ve drifted apart. I know that happens when they aren’t at the same school anymore, but they used to have so much fun together,” Jill lamented. I had to look away. She doesn’t know the half of it!

Stacy nodded along. “Something must be in the water, because it’s been a tough fall for Max, too.”

“Cam’s gotten in more trouble the last couple of months than since before we moved,” Bob added. “But it’s important to keep perspective, too. They’re all still good kids, it’s just a tough time of life.”

“Boy puberty is no joke,” Stacy stated. “If it weren’t for Craig, I’d be drowning in testosterone.”

“Hey, girl puberty was no picnic,” Kim chirped.

“Well, our girls weren’t too bad, but I recall moments when we were ready to send them to a convent,” I interjected. Time to leverage my age and offer some sage advice. “Bob’s right, though. Adolescence is rough, all those hormones battering their brains.” I took a swig from my water bottle. “All you can do as a parent is love them through the crazy mood swings and tears, and batten the hatches when they’re cranky and throwing a tantrum.”

“Agreed, but there are times you gotta whoop that ass if he’s being a ridiculous little prick and won’t stop,” Sean said flatly. “I refuse to coddle a shitty attitude.” Bob gave him a fist bump. They definitely read the same parenting handbook.

Jeanine, who has been listening intently, finally joined the fray. “A disrespectful tone is completely unacceptable. Sometimes little boys need a firm hand to guide them. Or at least a stern talking to from their father.”

Stacy rolled her eyes. I don’t think Jeanine intended anything passive-aggressively, but considering their history, I can see how Stacy might interpret her remark as sniping.

Meg winced. “Well, it helps if their dad is ACTUALLY present for that to be an option. The look on Spencer’s face this morning when I told him his father couldn’t make it today was heartbreaking.”

Stacy rubbed her shoulder. “That gets easier, but I know it’s hard. Just reassure Spence that he hasn’t done anything wrong.”

Meg looked down at her phone, now buzzing on her lap. “Speak of the devil. Excuse me, I have an asshole to rip.” She walked toward the door and plugged her available ear.

“It’s nice Max has a whole entourage today. I’m so impressed his friends showed up, plus you two. I know it means a lot to him,” Stacy said. “For a lot of years, it was usually just me cheering him on. Rick never missed a meet, but wasn’t exactly engaged and caused Max a lot of undo stress.”

Of course Rick always came. He probably spent more time watching the girls compete than his own son. I wonder if Max has ever pondered that. I hope not.

I’ve never pried, but I’ve always been curious how Rick was about gymnastics. Unsurprisingly, it sounds like he wasn’t very into it, but nonetheless found ways to be critical of Max. What kind of parent tepidly accepts their child’s passion, yet still manages to nitpick their performance? Usually it’s the crazy parents who get in their kid’s heads.

“I’m just happy we were invited. We love Max and want to support him,” Kim replied cheerfully.

“Max would never say it, but I know he’d be upset if you guys weren’t able to make it,” Stacy said, before her face contorted. “I’m sorry, I hope that doesn’t put you on the spot. Of course he understands there are times you will be busy or it’s too far. I just mean he really appreciates the support.”

I put up my hand, motioning her to stop. She has no idea how much I enjoy watching him compete (and not just for the eye candy). I plan to see as many meets as I can this season. The dynamics have changed so much since their season wrapped in the spring.

***

While the action can be interesting, something I’ve noticed about gymnastics is there is a lot of downtime. There are multiple teams, different events, various ages, both boys and girls. There can be wide gaps of time until someone whose performance I’m actually invested in is up.

I texted Noah. “Were you ever going to introduce us to your friend?”

He turned around sheepishly, before nudging Liam and motioning toward us.

“Hey Liam, this is my next-door neighbor, Craig Peters. He’s also Max’s mentor,” Noah explained. “And this is Stacy, Max’s mother, who is bffs with my mom. And that’s Craig’s wife, Kim. They’re basically my aunts and uncle.”

Liam shifted to face us, smiling. His teeth are so white and straight. “Hi, I’m Liam. Max and I are friends at school.”

Kim waved. I extended my hand, which he took and pumped several times. Good eye contact, firm squeeze… this kid is well-trained.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” I said. “Max speaks very highly of you. It’s quite a tale how you two became friends,” I added with a wink. He looks like a deer caught in headlights.

“Um, you too Mr. Peters,” he replied, blushing. Damn, I discombobulated the poor guy. “Thanks for talking to my dad so I could come.”

“You’re welcome. But Mr. Peters was my father, I’m just Craig.”

I quickly scanned his body. His joggers seem tight, probably because of his rounder-than-average behind. Damn, I swear there’s a hint of a bulge in front. It could just be the way the material is folding… but maybe not.

I redirected my eyes upward, focusing on his golden complexion. I’m not trying to creep on the kid, but I can’t help my active imagination.

“And please, call me Stacy,” she replied. “You’re the Mormon boy, right?”

Liam looks surprised. “Uh, yeah… I mean yes ma’am, that’s true, I’m LDS. Why do you ask?” 

“Oh, no reason. I just remember Max mentioning it, and he seemed curious.”

“He did?” Liam’s ears perked.

“Yes, he asked me about it,” she answered. “I have a good friend at work who is LDS, so I know a little, but couldn't really answer his questions.”

Liam smiled. “Well, if he ever wants to tag along, he’s welcome. We go every Sunday for two hours.”

“If he wants, that’s fine, although he’s never shown an interest in church before,” Stacy said.

“Two hours is quite the commitment,” I teased. “I doubt Max has the attention span for that.”

He laughed. “It used to be three hours until pretty recently. And at least this year, our ward gets to sleep in. 9 a.m. sacrament can be rough, especially when you have to be there early to help set up.”

“I bet,” Stacy said. “If you can get him up and moving that early on a Sunday, I’ll be impressed.”

Liam grinned. “I like a challenge. I’m pretty competitive.” 

“I hear you’re quite the football player. What’s your position?” I asked. Sure I already know, but we’re making small talk. 

“Tight end on offense, linebacker on defense,” he said. “I also wrestle, which is starting back up soon.”

“Oooh, we should totally come to one of your wrestling meets!” Ashley suggested.

Noah snorted. “I’m sure Max would love that.”

Ashley smacked him. So did Kim. I’m trying to maintain my composure, but failing miserably. 

Liam’s dark complexion turned a deep shade of red. I think he’s totally thrown off by our casual reaction to Noah being crass. I suspect his parents are much more conservative and would not have taken Noah’s joke in stride. Or, maybe it was the allusion to Max enjoying checking him out. 

“It was nice meeting you Liam,” I said, finally arresting my laughter. “It looks like they’re back up.”

“Yes, sir. It was nice meeting you too. Thanks again for talking to my dad and giving him all the information. I’m really enjoying it so far.”

I bet he is. I always do.

*** 

The next event was rings. Cam started off and was amazing, with Spencer on his heels. Meg isn’t back yet, but I spied her down on the floor, watching from afar with the phone still glued to her ear. I can tell by her body language that she is displeased with the conversation and is barking at whomever she’s speaking with (I presume it’s still Spencer’s father).

Spencer’s routine was solid! Meg finished the call just in time to yell accolades across the gym before climbing back to her seat. Spencer heard her voice and smiled. 

Meg sat down, frustrated, and Stacy patted her arm. “Spencer was great. Everything okay?”

“It’s fine. His father volunteered for an extra shift this morning instead of making the drive up for the meet, but expected me to give him a running commentary via text.” 

“Ugh,” Stacy groaned. “Typical.”

It's starting to feel a little man-hatey.

Meg held her tongue long enough to watch Ian throw down, before turning back to Stacy. “I told him he could call Spencer later if he wants details.” 

Max was the last to get on rings and was superb. He’s been working on a new finish, but last I heard, he was several weeks away from using it in competition. I was not expecting him to finish with it. 

Stacy stood up so fast to cheer that her foot almost slipped between the bleachers. Thankfully, Kim caught her before she could hurt herself. 

“Holy crap!” she exclaimed, looking back at us. “That wasn’t supposed to be ready for prime time for a couple more months!”

I nodded. “He must have felt comfortable. He has been working hard.”

Kim is confused. “At what?”

“That dismount. It’s new… and he totally stuck it!” I’m beaming. I love playing the role of proud dad.

***

The rest of the events went in similar fashion. Max’s gym is in a different league.

A lot of gymnastics, I’m learning, is doing better than you have previously and improving on personal bests. Sometimes that is more important than outdoing the competition. The meets are just a formal way to test your progress.

Max made so few mistakes. It doesn’t take an expert to recognize he’s been on fire and having an incredible day. It’s really gratifying to watch his confidence build, especially knowing how nervous he was a couple of nights ago. Maybe he should invite his friends to every meet.

At one point, I noticed Liam shifting uncomfortably in his seat. I glanced down and noticed quite the bulge. Wow.

He’s definitely hard. I can sympathize. All these fit, young, smooth bodies? Copious amounts of shirtlessness? It’s activating.

He looks uncomfortable, even mildly panicked. He’s trying to hide his lump, but it isn’t small. I wish I could help, but acknowledging it would completely mortify him. I already caught him off guard, referencing how he and Max became friends.

***

Once everything wrapped, we trudged to the floor to greet everyone.

On their way over, Max and Cam were stopped by a man I noticed earlier was scribbling furiously. They look ecstatic.

Stacy greeted Max with a double high five and quick hug.

“Do you know who that was?” Max asked, nodding towards the man who now has his arm around a much younger female gymnast.

“No, who?” Stacy replied.

“Just Blake, a coach for the Minnesota Men’s team,” Cam chattered excitedly. 

“He said he was impressed and suggested we come watch a meet sometime,” Max added, beaming. “He offered to show us around their facility.”

Damn. To be noticed by a division one coach is quite a coup for an eighth grader. He definitely made a point to seek them out! 

“Nice work, boys. You both looked incredible,” Bob said, pulling Cam into a hug.

“Bravo! Bravo!” Jeanine added. Her tone is always so damn formal. I can tell it annoyed her son. “You boys put on a clinic. Clearly the cream of the crop!” Cam gave her the briefest of hugs.

Kim shoved her way to Max and gave him a huge hug. “Why didn’t you ever invite me before? You were beyond impressive!”

I hung back, letting the females get the giddiness out of their systems. Seeing Kim and Jeanine fawn makes me appreciate Stacy’s more subtle support. I was always a proponent of letting our daughters’ sports experiences be their own and never overdid accolades or sugar-coated things. Some outings are good, others are bad. Young athletes need their parents to be steady and even-keeled.

When I finally gained Cam and Max’s attention, I gave them my own compliment, minus the estrogen-amplified histrionics. “Wow, I can’t believe how much you’ve progressed since last spring. All that hard work is paying off. I’m so proud of both of you.” 

“Thanks,” they replied in unison, smiling first at me, then each other. Max leaned in for a squeeze, as did Cam once Max backed away. 

I caught Jeanine out of the corner of my eye. She appears surprised, and possibly perturbed, that Cam hugged me. Come to think of it, his embrace of me was more enthusiastic than what he gave her. She must have noticed my glance, as she quickly turned her RBF into a smile.

Spencer joined us and I gave him an atta boy as well.

***

Max’s friends waited patiently for the parent circuit to finish. Well, sort of. Aron could barely be contained.

“Max! Max!” he exclaimed, running through the crowd before launching into him. “That was so cool. I loved it when you did those ring thingies!”

“Who’s this?” Spencer asked cheerfully.

“This is Aron,” Max said. “Ashley’s little bro.”

“I saw you too!” Aron announced, pointing to Spencer. “How can you do splits like that?”

“Aron, this is my friend Spencer.”

Spencer gave Aron a fist bump. “I heard you rooting for Max and Cam.”

“I can cheer for you next time,” Aron replied. 

Spencer smiled. “Thanks! Would you make a cool sign for me, too?”

This is a side of Spencer I’ve never seen. He’s really in tune with Aron and relating to him well. I glanced at Ashley, whose expression is that of gratitude.

Cam finally broke free from his parents and joined Max and his friends, greeting Aron with a high five. He’s like their little mascot.

“I love the sign. Would you take a picture with us, holding it?” he asked. 

Man, Aron is going to be talking about today for a long time. All these older kids are giving him attention and being so kind. 

“Sure!” Aron agreed. “Sis, please take my picture with Max and Cam.”

Kim elbowed me and pointed toward them. “Middle schoolers get such a bad reputation, but just look at that.”

She’s right, it’s adorable.

Noah pulled his best friends into a headlock, both at the same time. It made me laugh. That’s public affection for a middle school boy, I suppose.

Bob approached from behind and put his hand on my shoulder. “Those three have become quite the crew. I’m so grateful Cam has made such good friends.”

“Definitely. I even like Noah’s girlfriend. She’s nice, but spunky.”

“I noticed. She’s great with her little brother and doesn’t seem bothered at all to be in charge of him.”

Max and Cam peeled off with Spencer to talk with Liam. I may have misunderstood, but I swear I heard Liam call Spencer ‘Spenny,’ which I think is cute but also unexpected. At least it’s better than ‘bro’! Still, it’s not the kind of thing you expect to come from the mouth of a stout jock. Of course, you wouldn’t have guessed him to be attracted to boys, either.

***

Ashley’s phone buzzed and she politely excused herself. I know Bob was impressed. “We gotta go,” she announced, tapping Noah on the shoulder. “Mom’s here. Ready Aron?”

“I have to say bye to my friends,” Aron replied adamantly.

“Sure,” Noah replied, guiding him over to Cam and Max. There's just something so endearing about Noah holding his hand. Aron gave Max and Cam big hugs before reaching for Spencer.

Just as they were departing, I heard Liam’s name being called. A tall man with dark hair was standing by the door, small boys on either side of him.

I made my way to introduce myself to Mr. Masteler, but was almost run over by Spencer, with Max and Cam close behind.

“Luke!” Spencer exclaimed, high-fiving the older of the two boys. I approached just in time to hear Luke explain that he knew Spencer from the after-school chess club. I hung back, eavesdropping, quickly learning that Luke is a little chess master and Spencer only went because his mother made him so he wouldn’t be home alone after school. It’s obvious Luke and Spencer are glad to see each other again. 

“Well, what a nice surprise for you two to run into each other,” the dad said.

“I wish I knew you were here,” Luke said. “We could have left the party sooner.”

“Yeah, it was so boring,” Liam’s younger brother whined. He looks 6, maybe 7. 

“Elijah Kimball,” his father corrected him. “Don't be unkind. That is not choosing the right.”

Eli immediately looked down. “Sorry Daddy.”

Luke and Spencer were soon off into their own conversation and Liam pivoted to Max, who did a great job of being polite. He’s out-camming Cam. He’s sure trying to make a great impression. I know they’ve met before, but only once.

“It’s nice to see you again, sir,” Cam managed to work in. After Mr. Masteler asked a few questions about the meet, I stepped up to introduce myself. 

We spoke briefly the day before when he called to get details about the meet, so it was good to put a face to his voice. He told me his name on the phone, but I didn’t catch it and didn’t want to ask, so I was relieved when he introduced himself again, as Vahe. 

“What a unique name,” Kim commented.

“I’m named after my maternal grandfather,” he explained. “It’s Armenian.”

I was curious, but didn’t want to pry. I bet he gets asked all the time.

“I’m so glad to finally meet Liam. Max talks about him often, and I was out of town when they went to see Spider-Man,” Stacy said. “Thanks for letting him come and support Max. I’m sure you have a busy Saturday, and this was a wrinkle.”

“I’m always happy to encourage healthy friendships, and as it happened, the arena is only a mile or two from the birthday party,” Vahe replied, waving her off. “Liam was stoked to come, and he’s so excited for Halloween. It’s his first boy-girl party, so I know he’s a little nervous too.”

I managed not to react, since Liam won’t have nerves about girls. I’m also certain Vahe doesn’t know Max and Cam are gay.

“I’m sure they’ll have a good time,” I said. “We’ve all been very impressed with Liam’s manners and friendliness. Most people his age aren’t so comfortable around new adults. You’re doing something right.”

Vahe smiled. “Thank you. He’s always been easy. Much more so than my youngest,” he said, watching Eli run maniacally on the mats. “Excuse me, I better corral him before he hurts himself or someone else. It was nice to meet all of you.”

Bob grinned. “I remember when Cam was like that. He had so much energy when he was little.”

Part III — 

It was much later than I realized by the time Kim and I headed home. We told the girls we would eat around 6:00, and I didn’t expect the meet to last until 2:00. Plus, we lingered way longer than I expected being social. There’s still time, but I’ll have to forego my usual Saturday nap to start prepping dinner.

“That was a blast,” Kim commented as we exited the parking lot. “I didn’t realize how much I missed cheering on our kids. I hope Max won’t mind if we become regulars.”

“He won’t. It was fun to watch, and he performed so well. They all did.”

“I miss the camaraderie amongst the adults. I know the dads were always intensely focused on the game, but us moms always managed to discuss so much.”

“The parents are nice. Jill and Meg are both fun, and Stacy and Bob have become true friends,” I agreed. “And hey, you were able to finally meet Jeanine. I’ve been dying to know what you really thought.”

Her nose wrinkled. “I think you were making a big deal out of nothing, Craigory. She was very polite. Maybe a bit formal, but that’s a southern thing.”

I looked at her incredulously. “Really? It didn’t come across as phony to you?”

“No, not really. She was nice and pleasant, and complimentary of both you and Max.”

“It was different in the spring, I swear. She was buttering me up, trying desperately to get the inside scoop on Max’s life, and throwing shade at his parents every chance she could,” I responded. “And don’t forget how she reacted when Cam came out. She’s no angel.”

“But Bob shared she’s been better, right? Let’s give her a chance. Moving to a new city is hard,” she pressed. “It doesn’t excuse any past behavior, but we all fall short and need grace from time to time.”

“If you say so,” I replied. I’ve spent enough time around the woman (and her loved ones) to recognize it’s a personality flaw and not a rough season of life. But, Kim also isn’t wrong. Jeanine does seem less insufferable than she did and appears to be making more of an effort.

Kim’s phone rang. “It’s Emma. Hi honey.”

I could only hear Kim’s side of the conversation, but I ascertained Emma’s arrival is imminent.

“You’re already in town? Great. Sounds like you’ll beat us home. We’re on our way now. There are brownies on the stove.”

“I helped!” I yelled loud enough for her to hear.

***

Emma was waiting for us on the couch, flipping through channels.

“Honey, we’re home,” I greeted as we came in from the garage. It’s one of my standing dad-isms. I picked it up from some TV show when I was young and use it often.

“Where have you two been?” Emma asked. “I thought you would be here. Were you shopping or something?”

Her tone is weird: not quite accusatory, but suspicious? Annoyed? Does she think we sit at home all day, in suspended animation, just in case she decides to drop in from over an hour away?

“We’ve actually been at Max’s gymnastics meet. It was so much fun, but ran longer than expected,” Kim clarified, reaching down to pat Emma’s shoulder. “Did you have some brownies? I added extra chocolate chips and caramel.”

“Seriously, Max again? What a shock!” Emma replied sarcastically. 

I looked at her quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“Well, it looks like he’s practically moved in,” she sneered. “When did the extra bedroom become his? Where will guests sleep now?”

“We still have two empty bedrooms upstairs, plus the den, should we ever have any other visitors,” Kim replied. “He stays over more than anyone, so we wanted him to have his own space.”

“And it’s not like we get out-of-town company often,” I added. “Though your mother and I would love to have you come hang for a whole weekend. You know you’re welcome whenever.”

“What happened to all the stuff in my room?” she asked. “The walls are practically bare!”

We’ve hardly touched either of the daughter’s bedrooms since they went to college. A lot of things were still up from their high school days, but Kim started taking them down so we can paint.

“I did that,” Kim said, glancing at me nervously. “After the boys painted Max’s room, we realized how badly the other bedrooms needed a refresh. I didn’t throw anything away, though. Everything’s in a box in the closet.”

That set her off. “‘Max’s room’? So that brat has moved in! Unreal,” she spat bitterly. “When were you planning to tell the rest of us about the adoption?”

“Max is not a brat!” I exclaimed. I’ve about had it with her bitchy attitude. I knew she was upset with me, but disparaging Max is completely uncalled for. I owe him an apology for questioning his intuition. “I’m sorry I sprung him on you last weekend. That’s on me, not him.”

“It was my idea to redecorate the room,” Kim added. Emma’s ire is definitely trained more on me than her, though I don’t entirely understand why. I appreciate Kim recognizing that and trying to deflect some of the heat. “He sleeps here a few nights a month, that’s all.”

“You didn’t have to deal with him and Noah in the summers! Noah was usually super easy, unless Max was over — and then they were both completely obnoxious. I don’t know what you possibly see in that annoying little shit,” she ranted. “Oh, wait… yes I do: he’s a boy.” 

I can feel the color draining from my face and my legs are starting to feel wobbly. What is she implying? How could she have possibly picked up on anything?

“Huh?” I asked, mystified. I need to sit down.

“You ALWAYS wanted a son, that’s obvious! Mom loves to tell that story about how you had to go to the bar for a drink after you found out I was a girl.”

“Whoa! Take a deep breath,” Kim said, stroking Emma’s hair. “Reminiscing about that is solely to tease your father. It’s just a dumb joke at his expense.”

“But it still happened, didn’t it?!” 

I never considered Kim sharing that anecdote would weigh so heavily on Emma. 

“Em, you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. Sure, early on, we both thought it would be nice to have a boy after Rachel, but we wouldn’t trade you for anything,” I explained. Frankly, I’m shocked she’s been harboring this angst.

Kim sighed. She looks guilty. “Your father was certain you were a boy, so he took a little longer to adjust, but we’re talking, like, an evening. I’m sorry if I exaggerated and made you feel bad,” she said. “We just wanted you to be healthy, and both of us love you dearly. Honestly, your father was over any fleeting disappointment months before you were ever born.”

“Right. And that’s why Daddy always jumped at the chance to do stuff with Jackson and Noah,” Emma said. “Come on Mom, he even managed to befriend random boys at every resort and cruise ship!”

I have been completely called out, by my own flesh and blood. I feel nauseous. Is it possible she’s pieced together my true attractions?

She stood. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go visit my room — er, I guess that’s now the guest room. At least until you knock down a wall so Max can have more space.”

She stormed up the stairs. “Emma!” I called out, starting to follow.

Kim grabbed my arm. “Give her a few minutes to calm down.”

***

I stared at Kim, dumbfounded. “I don’t get it.”

“I’m not sure I do either,” she answered. “But whatever it is, it runs deep and has lingered below the surface. Max seems like a convenient excuse to let out some pent-up frustration.”

“‘Frustration’ about what, though? She had an idyllic childhood, low key adolescence, and never went without. She has no student loan debt and we were always there for her — and still are. There’s zero reason to be so wound up.”

Kim nodded. “Agreed, but I realize now telling that story about you being upset at the sonogram really affected her.”

I shook my head in bewilderment.

“I still remember that day,” she continued. “You were so disappointed when you found out.”

I bristled. Now does not seem the time for her to relitigate that moment. 

“So? After already having a daughter, I wanted a boy; you did too. But like you pointed out, I was over it well before she was born. I had my pity party that night and moved on.”

She patted my hand, and I took a deep breath. “I remember the bartender asking me what was up my ass. When I explained, he poured me one on the house — and promptly suggested I get over myself.”

“Wise man,” Kim commented. “You never told me that.”

She’s right, I don’t think I did. “I was ashamed of my initial reaction.”

“Don’t beat yourself up, dear. To be honest, I actually found it kind of amusing,” she said, rubbing my back. “There’s something I don’t think I ever told you, either. At my next appointment, the sonographer and I had a good laugh. She told me it happens, but commented that the look on your face was epic.” 

I rolled my eyes. “I guess we should have kept the entire episode to ourselves. In retrospect, I can see how it was insensitive to her — even if it is ancient history.”

“I guess so. I didn’t realize it would give her a complex.”

“Me either. Mostly, you were playfully needling me. But she has to know she was always wanted and loved. This is ridiculous.”

Kim pursed her lips. “Well, it wouldn’t hurt if she heard it from you a little more often. You’re not always the most affectionate person, and a lot of your conversations with the girls center around practical matters.”

I have to admit, that stings a little. I know she isn’t questioning my devotion to or love for our daughters, but her overtly labeling my lack of affection is in stark contrast to how I am with Max (or even Noah or Cam). Even if Emma is completely unaware of our dynamic, it does shine a spotlight on why she might feel jealous or resentful. 

“Well, I’m who they come to for advice on finances, cars, and travel. You handle relationships, drama, venting, and high emotions.”

“I get it. We just need to be aware of optics and make sure they aren’t feeling left out — especially Emma. Throwing an ‘I love you’ in on the end of a call wouldn’t hurt.”

“Point taken,” I replied. “How do we resolve this?”

Before Kim could reply, Rachel walked through the door. We both stood to greet her.

“Hey. Blake had to work today, so he’ll be by later,” Rachel said, returning our hugs. Lucky guy, he has no idea the minefield he’s about to walk into. “Emma called, ranting and raving. Something about being replaced because she doesn’t have a penis? I wasn’t really able to make sense of it between the profanity.”

Kim sighed. “Us either. She’s upset because I took some things off of your bedroom walls, to paint. And she’s bent out of shape over us letting Max decorate the guest room so he’d feel more comfortable when he sleeps over.”

Rachel raised her eyebrow. “Noah’s little friend?”

Kim nodded. “I guess you haven’t seen him in a while. He isn’t all that little anymore. Well, sort of, but not like you remember.”

“I’m confused. I know Dad has been spending time with him, but why would he need to stay over?”

I fielded that. “Because we’ve become close over the last year and he spends the night every couple of weeks.”

Emma came barging down the stairs. “You should check out his room, Ray. They basically erected a shrine.”

Kim scoffed. “That is such an exaggeration! We let him choose a little decor and put up some lights and a few pictures. I had to cajole him to let us spend more than ten bucks,” she said. “Frankly, I don’t see why it matters or how it affects anyone.”

“It matters because you’ve hidden that we, apparently, have a new brother who has taken over our family home!” Emma argued, before taking a swig of water. “Rachel, did you know they’re paying for him to go to Europe next summer, and Dad is chaperoning? After taking him to Mexico this summer… instead of helping me move to Rochester.”

Damn, she’s sore about me being gone when she started her new job? As I recall, Kim spent a long weekend helping her get settled — and I visited as soon as we came home, promptly hanging her wall art.

“Noah didn’t want to go without Max, and there’s no way his mother can afford it. Plus, Lisa asked your father if he’d consider tagging along since they needed more parents. It’s free for chaperones,” Kim explained. “And not that it’s anyone else’s concern, but Max is doing all sorts of chores and odd jobs to help pay for his part. He even helped Grandma. You remember how awful her yard was.”

Emma ignored her. “I never could stand him. He was always such a rude, conceited, impulsive twerp and terrible influence on Noah,” she carried on. “It’s like he knows he’s cute and is used to flashing a smile to get his way and manipulate everyone around him. I always saw right through it — I knew just the type in school — but I guess it works on you?”

“Em, breathe girl,” Rachel urged. “And blink.”

“No! This is a long time coming. Dad always wanted a son, and now he found one,” she said contemptuously. “It’s kind of pathetic, like they’re trying to recapture their youth or something and have a do-over since I was such a disappointment.”

“You were never a disappointment!” I yelled. “This is all in your head. I don’t understand why you’re acting like this.”

“Was it in my head last weekend when you showed up on my doorstep with him, ruining what was supposed to be a fun Daddy-Daughter Day, and then even let him decide where we had lunch? You spent all afternoon making stupid little jokes together.”

“Seriously? You chose lunch and he nodded along, barely saying anything the entire time because he thought you were upset with him. All he tried to do was help!” I roared. “I told him he was crazy, that you had no reason to dislike him and it was just his anxiety. Apparently he was right and I had a blind spot.”

She laughed derisively. “You sure weren’t blind to Max. I saw the way you looked at him!”

I stopped in my tracks. Was I that transparent? My attraction to Max has, to the best of my knowledge, always gone undetected. Could it be that my own spawn picked up on a subtlety no one else would? 

Is this it, the moment my life comes crashing down around me?

I’m starting to feel dizzy. My vision is narrowing and my heart is beating a mile a minute. I’m desperately trying to control my breathing, but my efforts are in vain. 

I’m paralyzed. Words elude me. I think I’m going to be sick.

“Excuse me?” Kim asked. 

I recognize that tone. She’s all done.

“Come on Mommy, he looks at Max with complete adoration. I’m not sure he ever looked that way at me or Rach. And definitely not since we were kids.”

That’s a damning indictment, and makes me feel like crap — but it isn’t existential. I can start to feel my heart beat steadying.

“Em, that’s not fair. He’s always loved us,” Rachel replied. “You make it sound like you were this abused step-daughter who was always an afterthought. You know that isn’t true. Get a grip.”

Emma began to reply, until Kim cut her off. “No, you’ve said plenty. We’ve tried to be understanding, even apologetic, but you continue to completely disrespect your father and disparage a child you barely know, and I’m finished indulging it.”

“He made my life hell whenever he came over in the summ—”

“You stopped babysitting Noah when he was 9 or 10! They’re 14 now. You haven’t interacted with Max the last, what, third of his life? Don’t you think it’s possible he may have changed? Matured?”

“You weren’t—”

“STOP FUCKING TALKING!”

Whoa. 

Kim rarely uses profanity, and never the f-word. The room fell eerily silent, save for the hum of the blowing furnace and the tick of her cherished grandfather clock. Kim is slow to anger, but once she gets there, you better be ready for an eloquent tongue lashing. I know it, and so do both girls. The sudden hush is deafening. 

Emma, who had been pacing, sat down.

“First, you will never again speak to your dad or I with such impertinence. You were raised better than that,” Kim began. “Second, you have lived a blessed, privileged existence filled with love and stability. You have no idea how fortunate you are to have such a patient and caring father.”

“I know th—”

“I am speaking. Now is your time to listen,” Kim said calmly, straightening the pillow next to her. “I am truly sorry that your time babysitting Max was so traumatizing, but he was a young child. Little ones feed off each other, but he was never violent or even particularly defiant. I remember you venting at the time, asking for advice, and his behavior was never egregious,” she continued, pausing to gauge Emma’s reaction. “And as I recall, his presence was occasional and you were always paid quite well. Let’s keep some perspective.”

Emma may be seething, but she isn’t protesting.

“I am completely baffled by your hostility toward him. Max has always been incredibly sweet, appreciative, and respectful. He’s funny and caring and yes, your father and I adore spending time with him,” she acknowledged. “It’s nice having a kid around again in this big, quiet house. You might think it’s ‘pathetic’ or us trying to ‘recapture our youth,’ but the truth is, we miss you both like crazy.”

I piped up softly. “That’s why we invited you over tonight. An empty nest is hard.”

Emma shifted uncomfortably in her seat and exchanged looks with Rachel.

Meanwhile, Kim glanced at me. “You can tell them about his life, or I will.”

I sighed. Max hates being a topic of conversation and source of pity, but I don't see a way around it.

“That little boy has been through a lot, and he glommed onto your father. It was actually his therapist who reached out, asking if he’d consider mentoring Max.”

Rachel’s ears perked. “Therapist?”

“Max has had a lot of trauma in his life. His dad was always hostile and demeaning, and he has a lot of baggage and insecurities because of it,” I elucidated. “Thankfully, he’s basically out of the picture these days.”

“He doesn't see him at all?” Rachel asked.

“Well, he’s in prison for the next couple of decades, so…”

Emma looks intrigued for the first time. “Damn, what did he do?”

“Raped a little girl. She was nine,” Kim answered. 

The room fell silent again as the heaviness of Kim’s words set in.

“Obviously his father is a sensitive topic, and while it’s no one else’s business, word still spread. It was in the news,” I said. “I can’t imagine handling that, much less as a sixth grader.”

Rachel wiped away a tear.

“There’s more drama involved, but I try not to discuss Max’s private stuff,” I continued. “School is still hard. Just a few weeks ago, he was assaulted during a flag football game and still gets harassed. His locker has been defaced this fall, too.” Of course, that mostly has to do with him being gay, but I don’t think it’s my place to share. Though, to be honest, telling them might garner some sympathy. They both have gay friends.

“Your father has become Max’s confidant,” Kim added. 

“He has shared things with me that no one else knows, not even his mother. Suffice to say, he’s been through a lot — more than a kid ever should.” 

Shit, did I really just say that? I know damn well Kim will ask later what I haven’t looped in her or Stacy on. It’s no secret I keep Max’s confidence, but I’ve never indicated anything significant. I fear I’ve invited an inquisition. It’s the kind of impulsive thing I get on Max about, and here I am doing it myself.

“But you know, despite it all, he still has a positive attitude and cares deeply about others. He is NOT a brat.”

Emma winced. Good.

“So I take him to practice once a week and we get dinner after to talk — and yes, sometimes he sleeps over. He feels safe and loved here,” I explained. “His mother is great, but she’s a single mom who doesn’t know anything about teenage boys or puberty.”

“I can’t even imagine. That must be hard,” Rachel said.

“Right, she knows she’s out of her depth,” I stipulated. “And Stacy was never the primary breadwinner, so while they’d never say it or ask for anything, we know money is tight. Gymnastics is not a cheap sport.”

“And he’s so good. Better than I ever imagined,” Kim added. “It’s disarming how modest he is, especially when you see his talent on display.”

“He’s really never difficult for you?” Emma asked.

“Not once. The opposite, actually. He’s very polite and helpful. He thanked us I don’t even know how many times when we redid his — that room,” Kim replied.

I nodded. “He’s a very sweet boy. He craves affection and is very huggy, I guess since he never received any from his father. He’s really mature in many ways and then acts much younger in others.”

“Girls, it’s so dear. He just curls up next to Dad on the couch and leans his head on his shoulder or drapes his arm around him. And he always asks to be tucked into bed. I know that’s sacred guy time,” Kim said, laughing. “Their dynamic is adorable. Even in restaurants, Max always has to sit on the same side of the table as your father.”

Emma looked at me. “He didn’t do any of that on Saturday.”

I sighed. “No, he was uncomfortable and felt like he was intruding. He picked up on your hostility even though I was oblivious. I was excited to see you and had blinders on.”

She averted her eyes and looked down. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know his life was such a mess. That’s… a lot,” she said softly. “I tried to hide my annoyance. I guess not well enough.”

Rachel, on the other hand, smiled. “It sounds like you have become important to him. Who knew you could be such a big softie?” She poked my stomach for good measure.

I smiled, but hesitated. I don’t want to set off Emma again or emphasize how affectionate I am with him compared to them.

“Your father teared up the night he discovered Max changed his phone contact to ‘Dad’,” Kim shared. Oh jeez. “But that doesn’t mean he’s any less your father, you’re just in different phases of life.”

Rachel nodded. “I get it. Love isn’t zero-sum.” That’s my girl, throwing in a math and geopolitical reference.

Lest they think we’re completely enamored, I decided to balance things. “Max is far from perfect. He’s a great kid, but he’s still an eighth grader. He gets moody and has disrespectful moments, and I’ll discipline him when it’s warranted. He’s always contrite.”

“His mom is good with that? He accepts it?” Emma asked. “He’d stick his tongue out at me and say I wasn’t his mom whenever I corrected him.” Okay, that is pretty bratty.

“She appreciates my involvement, but it’s usually in tandem. She’s given me carte blanche, but he’s pretty easy overall,” I answered. “He’s very eager to please and doesn’t want to disappoint, but he’s still earned a few stern lectures and a couple of groundings. And once, um, even more.”

“What do you mean?” Rachel asked, raising her eyebrows. “You spanked him or something?”

“Yes, just once, a couple of months ago,” I admitted sheepishly. “Not my finest moment, but he was being ridiculous and disrespectful, totally mean to his mom, and wouldn’t stop. I lost my cool, there were lots of tears, and he was very remorseful.” I took a sip of water. “It was such a rare moment for him. Like we said, he’s awesome 99% of the time.”

“Whoa!” Emma commented, her eyes widening. “I don’t remember us ever even getting a swat.” I’m glad to hear Emma say that. There was one time, but she wasn’t very old… maybe four or five? I’m relieved it’s not something she recalls.

“Correct,” Kim interjected. “You two were usually very well behaved, which made our job easy. Honestly, Max is too — but he’s also been through the ringer and tests boundaries sometimes. I gather boys respond better to discipline from a man.”

“Max is still figuring out some things and definitely makes mistakes, but he’s trying really hard and is a good person. We’ve come to realize he needs regular reassurances that he’s not going to be rejected or abandoned, which is why his therapist suggested we make sleepovers a regular thing and let him decorate.” I paused and looked at Kim. “She thinks he’s likely to seek out a replacement for his father and is at high-risk for being taken advantage of… and wants him to lean into positive, healthy adult male relationships. The truth is, he adopted me.”

Emma hung her head, knowing her flippant remark about ‘the adoption’ earlier was out of bounds. “That’s so sad.” She looked up with a panicked expression. “Not that he ‘adopted’ you, just his situation. You know what I mean.”

“He’s come a long way, and honestly, it’s my honor. He’s actually in a pretty good place right now, all things considered.”

“Thanks in large part to your father. His mother can’t get over how much happier and better adjusted Max is since they’ve been spending time together. Adam and Lisa too,” Kim said. “Craigory is a good man, but being there for Max brings out the best in him. There’s nothing sexier than a man who takes good care of a child, especially one who is hurting.” Kim wrapped her arm around me and leaned into my shoulder.

Emma snorted and put up her hand. “Nope, gross.”

“Yeah Mom, please,” Rachel said, laughing. “Although, now that you mention it, I see what you mean. Blake is really good with his nephew and it is very charming.”

The effusive praise makes me uncomfortable, and I really don’t want to think about her jumping her boyfriend’s bones. 

“Anyway, we never want either of you to feel replaced or unwelcome. I regret we didn’t keep you better informed about our increased involvement with Max. We should have shared sooner; it just never really came up and you haven’t overlapped.”

“Right,” Kim said. “I should have mentioned it more. The fact is, it’s really just the last few weeks where I feel like our bond has become something special.”

Both Emma and Rachel nodded. I don’t necessarily agree with Kim — my bond with Max has been almost esoteric from the beginning — but it’s true that she didn’t start to become closer with him until more recently. Our connection has always been electric or magnetic or even fucking cosmic, but it’s been more gradual with her.

I continued. “This will always be your home, and we love spending time with both of you, but we also know you have your own lives,” I said. “It’s hard, knowing your job is basically finished. Even if it’s mission accomplished and you have amazing, successful adult children like we do, there’s still a void. Max helps fill the vacuum.”

Kim bobbed her head adamantly. “You’ll see when you’re older, parenting is a very weird balancing act with a lot of grieving.”

Emma suddenly took a deep breath. “I’m not sure I’m the success you all seem to think I am.” 

“Huh?” I asked. “You graduated with a great GPA and have a good job. You work hard and treat people kindly. We’re very proud of you.”

“I guess, but…”

“But what, honey?” Kim asked.

“I HATE it in Rochester. It’s hard being away from everyone. I’m not social like Rachel, so I haven’t made any friends. It’s lonely and my job isn’t anything like I expected, and my boss is a micromanaging jerk.” She’s crying real tears. 

This is a shock and heartbreaking to watch. She was never much of a crier, so for her to be this upset is jarring. I thought things were going well.

“Oh Emma, I had no idea,” I offered, opening my arms. She collapsed against me, crying harder now. I held onto her tightly and patted her back.

“I finally worked up the nerve to talk to you about it last weekend,” she managed to say between sobs, “but then Max was with you, and…” 

Well, that explains some of her irrational animosity. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea. That’s my fault.”

Kim moved to the other side of Emma and began stroking her hair. “Why don’t we discuss why you’re feeling so down? Maybe it’ll help, getting it off your chest?”

“I’ll get some glasses,” Rachel offered, holding the bottle of wine she brought for dinner.

It took a couple of minutes, but we managed to soothe Emma. Apparently, she’s bored with work and anxious because she doesn’t think her supervisor trusts or respects her. She couldn’t provide any specific examples, just that she gets a “vibe.”

Basically, she wishes she could move back home but doesn’t want to “disappoint” us or be a “failure.” Rachel shared she felt overwhelmed when she started her first real job, too. I remember those days, in your early and mid-twenties. Adulting is hard.

Kim and I reassured Emma that she can move back home if she needs to, but encouraged her to stick it out a little longer to see if things improve. It sounds like she’s starting to make a couple of work friends, and managed to get an accolade from her manager, so I’m cautiously optimistic things will turn around. She hasn’t been there very long, and we all advised her that it raises red flags to change jobs too quickly.

Still, it’s hard to watch your kid break down. Although, she’s always been prone to anxiety, so I can’t help but wonder if she’s magnifying things in her head and stuck ruminating on them. Now that I think about it, Max is pretty similar, so maybe that’s part of why I relate to him so well?

Part IV — 

We had just wrapped up the conversation when Noah busted through the front door, like he owns the place.

“Emmie! Rachel! I saw your cars,” he proclaimed excitedly as he made his way to the kitchen. I couldn’t help but notice how his presence brought an immediate smile to Emma’s face.

She rose quickly to give him a hug. “Holy cow! I can’t believe how big you’ve gotten. And that voice. ‘I saw your cars’,” she added, mimicking Noah’s recently lowered timbre. “But since when do you just barge in?”

Noah shrugged. “I'm here more than either of you combined. I come over even more when Max is around.”

Rachel nudged Emma away for a hug of her own. “Our little brother isn’t so little anymore,” she commented.

“I saw the pictures in Max’s room, but you’re even taller in person,” Emma continued. Hey, she referred to it as his room without a hint of bitterness. That’s a good sign! “You’re so much bigger than Max and whoever the other blond boy is in all those photos.”

“You mean Cam?” Noah asked. “Max’s boyfriend?”

The girls looked at each other, shocked.

“‘Boyfriend’? Max is gay?! Get out!” Emma exclaimed. “I had no idea. He doesn’t ping my gaydar at all.”

“Yeah guys, what the hell? That seems like a big thing to leave out. You mentioned a bunch of things he’s dealing with, but buried the lede,” Rachel added.

“Your father tries to preserve his privacy. No one else knew about his sexuality for months.”

“Yeah, he even knew before me!” Noah’s added

“Sorry, not sorry. No one should be outed, and Max’s coming out needed to be on his terms.”

“So I shouldn’t have said anything?” Noah asked timidly. “Whoops.”

I patted his shoulder. “No, I was just explaining why I don’t. It’s not the secret it was.”

He laughed. “Yeah, they aren’t exactly subtle these days.”

Rachel smiled. “So, you’re good with having a gay friend?”

“Sure, it’s no big deal,” he replied. “It is 2019. Who cares?”

“Some people are still bigoted,” Rached replied.

“Yeah, but fu… eff those people,” he said, looking nervously at Kim and adjusting his language accordingly. “Anyone who gives Max a hard time will get their ass beat,” he added blithely. “Plus, there are perks.” He’s actually smirking.

Regret immediately set in, as Noah covered his mouth and blushed intensely.

Rachel coughed to cover a laugh. “I’m, uh, sure.”

“Noah Andrew! I don’t want to hear about that,” Kim admonished, smacking him for the second time today. Emma is losing it and I’m dying. Considering what she asked me about them yesterday morning, her reaction amuses me.

Noah is all sorts of embarrassed. “I didn’t… I just meant, like, he isn’t competition for girls and helped me learn to dance before the Spartan Night, so I wouldn’t make a total fool of myself asking Ashley to dance. She’s my girlfriend.” 

I have to give him credit, that was a smooth pivot. Both girls ‘awwed’ and made a fuss simultaneously. Noah looked at me helplessly. 

“Your moves must have passed muster,” Kim quipped. “She didn’t dump you, at least.”

“I’m not sure how much of that happened before Noah started a brawl,” I joked.

“What?” Rachel and Emma asked at the same time, stunned.

“Hey, I didn’t start that,” Noah answered, grinning. “I finished it.”

Kim shook her head. “And got suspended for five days. I thought your mother was going to skin you alive.”

“Worth it. I have no regrets.”

He proceeded to tell them that Cam and Max broke up and how he tried to fix things since they were both so miserable. He relayed how it blew up in his face (Kim noted that’s how she discovered the truth, when Max stumbled over to the house bawling), but they later hatched a plan for Cam to surprise Max at the S.N.O… which culminated in them getting back together — and also being hassled and jumped for being so openly affectionate.

“That’s adorable and sad and kind of romantic,” Emma cooed. I can tell they’re both enamored by the story. It really does read like something from those young adult novels they used to love. “Tell me more about this kid.”

“Cam is on Max’s gymnastic team. He’s from Texas. They’ve been in a relationship since the spring, minus the couple of weeks they were broken up,” I stated. “Cam’s mother is very religious and conservative, so that’s been tricky for them to navigate.”

“We’re friends too,” Noah quickly added. “Cam’s really chill.”

Rachel and Emma beamed. I think Noah having not one, but two, gay friends is pushing all their mushy buttons. 

Emma couldn’t resist hugging him again. “I always knew you would turn out okay.” Despite Emma whining about how he and Max behaved many summers ago, she’s always had an affinity for Noah. They both have similar quirks and understand one another in ways others don’t. 

“Max’s bio-dad is also a huge homophobe,” I explained. “That messes with a kid’s head, and after coming out at school, he’s dealt with harassment.”

Kim nodded. “Him being gay is actually why he and your father started hanging out together.” Great, that doesn’t sound suspicious at all. “Max let slip at the New Year’s Eve party he wished he had a boyfriend, and freaked out that someone overheard. Your dad reassured him it was okay and nothing to be ashamed of, which is why his therapist reached out.”

Both Emma and Rachel smiled.

Noah laughed. “He made that comment right next to me, and I didn’t even hear. I was too busy cleaning up a soda spill.”

“Your hearing was always intermittent,” Emma teased, elbowing him.

“Why don’t you catch up while your mother and I get dinner started?” I suggested. It isn’t lost on me how much Emma’s mood has improved, bantering with her favorite neighbor, and giving them some alone time is important. “Noah, you’re welcome to stay. We texted your folks about coming over later for dessert and games, but you should stay for dinner too. Rachel’s boyfriend is on his way, so you can help with the interrogation.”

“Daddy!” Rachel protested.

***

The rest of the evening actually went really well. The awkwardness was over by the time Blake arrived, and dinner (shrimp scampi pasta) turned out well. Adam and Lisa joined the party (Jackson was ‘busy’) and we played several rounds of Uno between devouring pie and killing off another bottle or vino.

Noah ended up showing the clips he took of Max and Cam from earlier in the day. Everyone was impressed.

“Maybe you should invite him the next time we do this,” Emma suggested, shocking the hell out of me. I can’t quite read her, though… is she trying to make amends or hoping to size him up for herself?

“I’m sure he would like that,” Kim replied. I’m not. He’ll be anxious as hell and I’ll have to convince him it won’t be horribly awkward.

“Max always wants to hang out with Craig, but he wouldn’t have been able to tonight anyway since he’s having a sleepover with Spencer,” Noah added, before turning to the girls. “He’s on the team too.”

I nodded. “He’s younger and Max and Cam try to look out for him. If you think Max is small, Spencer is tiny.”

Noah was ready with a clip of Spencer’s floor routine. “Spence has had a rough start to middle school,” Noah stated. “We’ve tried to help him at school, and Max thought spending the night might help him feel better. And he invited him to our Halloween party, so he’ll have someone to trick-or-treat with.”

If Emma’s animosity towards Max hasn’t already waned, hearing Noah so nonchalantly explain his niceness has surely vanquished whatever doubts might be lingering. Right?

Kim pulled out her own phone. She had taken a short video of Noah holding Aron’s hand, walking him around and leaning down to talk on his level. Noah is embarrassed, but I swear Lisa almost cried. Emma and Rachel are fussing over him again, which he’s starting to get annoyed with.

But you know, he’ll deal. He’s so often overshadowed, whether by his older brother or super athletic and attractive best friend. It’s nice for him to get some positive attention for his character and casual compassion. 

***

I hoped both girls might spend the night, but Rachel demurred. I guess I can’t blame her, it would have been awkward with Blake, and she only lives about 25 minutes away.

Emma seemed a little shy about staying after making such a big deal about the state of her room, but Kim told her she thought it was too late to drive all the way back to Rochester… and thankfully she didn’t protest. She rolled her eyes when I offered to tuck her in, so I know she’s feeling better.

***

“Well, that was an interesting evening,” Kim commented as I climbed into bed.

“I might have post-traumatic stress,” I replied as she snuggled up against me. “But I’m glad we figured out what was truly bothering Emma. It helped salvage the night.”

“I’m kind of kicking myself that I didn’t pick up on Emma being bothered about her job. I can usually sniff out when something isn’t right, especially with her.”

“Well, she was trying hard to not disappoint. But I get it. Hell, I was with her an entire afternoon and was oblivious. Max sure noticed though.”

“He’s a smart, sensitive boy.”

“Yeah. I feel bad that I put him in an uncomfortable spot and then misread the situation so badly. When he told me Emma was irritated with him, I totally blew him off. I definitely owe him an apology.”

“You can explain why Emma was in a bad mood and that it had nothing to do with him,” she said. I’m not sure I entirely believe that. “Apparently she heard enough good things that she wants to give him another chance.”

“I wasn’t sure if her suggestion to invite Max next time was totally sincere. She was pretty dedicated to her fervor.”

“I think it was. She was projecting her own insecurities onto him and clinging to stupid, petty stuff. It wasn’t fair, but I’m sure if you’re honest with him, he’ll understand.”

Hmm. “I’m conflicted. Max deserves the truth, and he’ll ask point blank. I can’t lie to him, but she said some pretty awful things…” I paused. “I was happy when you finally went off and shut her down. I was too shell-shocked.”

“She was being ridiculous, about him and you. I was tempted to wash her mouth out with soap,” Kim joked (I think). “But now we know it wasn’t really about Max, he was just a relief valve.”

I sighed. “The thing is, I’m not sure that’s entirely true. Her jealousy and insecurity were real. Irrational as it is, she’s held onto literal hate toward him for a long time — and that doesn’t disappear overnight,” I said, reaching over to check my phone. “It might be different if he didn’t perceive it, but he saw right through her veneer.”

“True, but I think she’s better now. And you know, if Max is going to be a permanent part of our lives, he and the girls need to get to know one another.”

Damn, she makes a good point. “That’s true, but he gets so spun up. I don’t want to cause him any more unnecessary hurt.”

She smiled. “Well, you know him better than anyone, but even if her hostility was real, I think she’s realizing now she was wrong. Honestly, finding out he’s gay did the trick,” Kim posited. “Remember how sympathetic she was to the gay kids at her high school who were bullied? What was the name of that Hispanic boy she was friends with from the elementary gifted program?”

“Matthew, I think. Pretty sure he’s in medical school now,” I answered. “It’s funny, I pegged him as gay when he was like eight, back when I volunteered some in her class. Emma didn’t realize it until he finally came out, like in 10th grade.”

Shit, knowing that off the top of my head could sure arouse suspicions, like why did I commit the little gay third grader to memory? And keep tabs on his life!

“I’m glad she’s supportive. We need to figure out when we can have her back and invite Max. If she’s open to getting to know him, we need to not squander the opportunity. Once she does, I am positive she’ll love him like everyone else does.”

“I still think it’ll be a hard sell. I don’t want to force him. Honestly, he might take it better coming from you.” I know I’m his person, but that also means he’s brutally honest with me. And there’s just something about a mother figure asking you for a favor.

“Fair enough, I’ll try. But I’m confident you could work your Max Whispering magic and he’d be fine. We will all feel better not having the awkwardness hanging over everything,” she argued. 

“I’ll definitely talk to him; I just think the opening volley might be better received coming from you.”

 “We can invite Noah too, to put him at ease — so long as we remind them not to get too wound up. We don’t need Emma flashing back to when they were seven,” she said, laughing. “Although they’re fine together these days. Usually.” 

“Good idea. She’s always enjoyed Noah. Did you see her face light up when he came in, all excited?”

“It was very sweet. They were always close, just like Rachel and Jackson,” she answered, patting my stomach. “I always wondered if their personalities were tied to being the oldest and youngest. Jackson was always more like Rachel and Emma so similar to Noah.”

“Possibly. Or just coincidence.”

She shifted in bed. “So, why am I not surprised there are still things you know that even Stacy doesn’t?”

I sighed. I knew she wouldn’t let that remark slip by.

“Teens don’t typically tell their parents everything, especially one of the opposite-sex,” I began. “I’m glad he still feels comfortable coming to me.”

“But you still filter what you share. If I were Stacy, I’m not sure how I’d feel about that. I guess, like Adam and Lisa with Noah, she trusts you’ll do right by him and read her in when appropriate. I’m just not sure I’d have been so understanding as a parent.”

I closed my eyes and cringed. Every mistake I’ve made with Max came flooding back. I will bear that cross for the rest of my life, always on edge and worried his perspective will change someday.

“Me either, but it’s a tricky balance. If I break his trust and share too much, he could shut down and not seek any adult insights or intervention. With Ch— Grindr,” I stopped. Shit, I almost named him. That was close. “I was worried it would damage our relationship, but he also needed to be disciplined and lose his phone, just like Cam — and Stacy needed to know men are on his radar. Like his therapist pointed out, he’s high-risk. It may not be ideal, but if he’s going to be sexually-active, it’s better with a peer than an adult. Believe me, I’m not going to withhold if he’s in danger.”

I took a deep breath. It isn’t lost on me that society would argue I’ve put Max in danger many times already. First, by sanctioning his sexual activity at such a young age. Then in Mexico, when I lost impulse control. And then again by not reporting Chad’s crimes.

Sure, I have good reasons (beyond self-preservation) to keep his secrets. The truth would roil Max’s life and the collateral damage would be immense. He’s been through enough and Stacy and Kim are innocents. What good would possibly come of it?

But the truth is, you can justify anything if you try hard enough. It does little to salve the gaping wound of my shame and guilt. 

Perhaps my penance is permanently teetering on the precipice of dread?

“Yes, as understandably uncomfortable as Stacy is with him having sex, she does seem compelled by that argument,” Kim replied, snapping me out of my self-loathing. “Better Cam or um, Noah, than a pedophile.”

I feel punched in the gut. I hate that word. Mere mention of it makes me feel like shit all over again. And it isn’t even technically correct, but no one would care about a clinical distinction without a difference.

“I think people understood why I didn’t out him, and no parent wants to think about their baby having sex, “ I said. We need to get off of this topic. “Even when they’re adults. I wanted Rachel to sleep over too, but was relieved we didn’t have an awkward moment with what to do with the boyfriend.”

Kim stroked my chest and laughed. I think my attempt at a segue away from Max worked. “Since you brought him up, now the burning question: what did you think of Blake after spending more concentrated time around him?”

“I still really like him. He’s attentive and treats Rach with respect, and can hold a conversation. He sure seems to have his head on straight.”

“Agreed, he seems like a good catch. He fit in well with everyone, and even engaged with Noah a little. That’s always a good test of character, to see how they interact with kids.” Kim yawned. “Sorry, I’m fading.”

She gave me a peck and rolled over. “Good night dear.”

I’m relieved. She let my keeping of Max’s secrets drop very quickly. Here’s to hoping we don’t circle back.

*** End of Chapter 46 ***

Author’s Notes:As always, feel free to send feedback: craigpwriter888@tutanota.com