Date: Fri, 9 May 2003 18:22:53 -0700 (PDT)
From: LZ
Subject: Never Say Never, Nothing is Forever Chapter 3

     Although I hoped for more, my friendship with Georgie
was a weekend affair based entirely on our financial
partnership. At school, Georgie greeted me in the corridor,
but made no indication he was interested in having me
around. He was two grades ahead, almost a head taller than
me and still hung around with the same boys from the
basement strip poker incident. Friday afternoon, he found me
as school was letting out and arranged for us to meet an
hour later on Forty Second and Ninth Avenue. I knew I'd
catch hell from my mother for staying out after dark but it
was a price I was willing to pay to be with Georgie. Waiting
for us was the first of six scores that weekend. He was
paying ten not for me to blow him but to watch me blow
Georgie then let Georgie fuck me. I'd have happily done it
for free.

     For some strange reason, my desire for Georgie was
stronger than that for Kenny. Perhaps it was Georgie's
appearance. Kenny was decent looking but Georgie was
beautiful with that long flowing blonde hair, bright blue
eyes, soft, evenly proportioned face and great body with
those so perfectly formed buns.

     Georgie didn't let me suck him all the way, stopping me
twice to let his passion subside before pushing me on my
stomach and pulling my ass in the air. He spit into his hand
and wiped it on his dick as he crawled in behind me. I felt
his cockhead searching up and down my crack for the
entrance. The moment he found it he pushed forward. The man
sat on the bed beside us, furiously beating his undersized
dick. I wanted to watch too but could only close my eyes and
imagine. Georgie slid in. I felt his flesh against mine. I
reached back to pull him deeper. The roundness of his ass
cheek felt incredible. Rather than pull, I caressed that
roundness as he fucked away. He only hit my sweet spot a few
times instead of every time as did Kenny but the idea of
Georgie inside me was enough to carry me rapidly toward
climax. He gripped my hips yanking me to him. I felt like I
was going to faint as my orgasm exploded throughout my
groin. He banged away a few more times then just pulled with
all his strength forcing his cock deep inside. I was too far
into my own orgasm to feel his.

     When I looked, our customer had cum all over his hand
and stomach.

     I asked Georgie afterwards what if felt like inside me.
He said it was fantastic but made no mention of it after
that. I'd certainly enjoyed it but mostly because it was
another boy doing it, one that I found very attractive.

     I quickly learned the ropes as a Times Square hustler,
how to appear available, how to spot men on the hunt for a
boy. Georgie and I set up shop in Herman's Playground, a
Broadway games parlor half a block up from 42nd Street. Our
little sex show and my green eyes made us very popular. I
was amazed and flattered at how many of the men commented on
my eyes and muscular body. We were doing our show and sex
with the men every way you can imagine up to and including
Georgie fucking the man while I sucked the john's cock.
Neither of us, however, would allow the john's to fuck us
nor, alas, would Georgie allow me to fuck him.

     Georgie told me he was never able to get off in those
big assholes but always did in me. I doubt he meant it in
the loving way I accepted it.

     My mind told me I ought to feel more attached to Kenny,
who loved me, than to Georgie, who considered me a business
associate, but, for whatever reason, my heartstrings were
more in tune with Georgie. I wondered if Kenny realized this
and, if he did, how much it mattered. It was all very
confusing for a mixed up ten year old.

     Kenny was very enthused about my basement hideout and
the privacy it afforded us. He admitted enjoying screwing
his sister's and the other boys' asses but told me `It's
better just lying naked with you'. Much as I appreciated his
sentiment, I had hopes that he would set up a session with
at least one of the two eight year olds.

     There was a hole in our friendship that I sensed rather
than felt. I liked being with him but all we really did
together was have sex and talk. With Georgie, there seemed
to be so much more. I suppose working together, which
included the risks and uncertainties we faced with each new
customer, having sex together even though incomplete to a
certain extent, and occasionally enjoying the fruits of our
labor, be it a movie or a steak dinner, gave my relationship
with Georgie more substance, a greater reality. To be sure,
between the two of them, the terrible loneliness I'd
experienced during so much of my young life just plain
evaporated. It might even have been said that, at the time,
I was fairly happy. I became far less combative in school
and the neighborhood, was less of a distraction in class and
was generally more cooperative with the world in which I
lived.

     Kenny and I bought a blow up mattress and sheets for
the basement so we could have sex without Nancy wanting to
join in. He inaugurated our air mattress by giving me a
wonderful blowjob, his first, he told me, of another boy.

     `So why didn't you suck on Sonny or Martin? You fucked
`em both, right?'

     `They wasn't never gonna tell nobody they got fucked
but they might've said something about me sucking `em.'

     `So how come they let you fuck `em?'

     `I talked nice to `em and gave `em a dollar.'

     `So you paid `em, that's why.'

     `Ain't that easy, you gotta know how to talk to a kid.
I prolly coulda got `em for free but it was easier and
faster with money.'

     `An' if I wanted to fuck Sonny Pacifico?' I grinned
sensing that this wasn't an idea Kenny would be exited
about.

     `While I fuck you?'

     That was exactly what I wanted to try. `Okay.'

     He rolled me on my back and laid on me, eye to eye,
lips to lips. `I got a better idea. Why don't I just fuck
you right now?' He kissed me, pushing his tongue near the
back of my mouth, hardening my semi-flaccid cock.

     Kenny turned down my customary lubricant, soap and
water, for my saliva. He slid up and put his cock to my
lips. I sucked it in. He fucked my mouth for a few moments
then, `Turn over'.

     Once on my stomach, he pulled my rear up until I was on
my hands and knees. The air mattress made me unsteady. He
gripped my hips and edged in behind me. His hands pulled my
ass cheeks apart. I felt his cockhead poke at my pucker then
slide easily in right to my sweet spot. I arched my butt
toward him and rolled slightly. His pulled my hips to him.
It was better than my fucking machine. For a few moments, he
just rocked back and forth, moving his cock around inside
me. I reached back between my legs and felt his soft balls
hanging down over my perineum. He withdrew to the tip of his
dick then pushed back inside, hitting my prostate head on
and sending a shock of pleasure up through my cock. The
fucking was a series of repeat on target hits, each sending
tingling through my entire pelvis. If only there was a mouth
or asshole around my cock, I wished.

     Kenny slowed and leaned over my back.

     `I fucked Sonny Pacifico this way a lotta times but I
just wanna do it with you now.'

     With that, he got back up and started plunging into me
hard enough to create a smacking sound each time his flesh
met mine and his cock banged into my prostate. He pulled so
hard with each thrust that I began to fall backward. Then I
did. He held me hard to him. I felt the throbbing and knew I
was receiving a little boy juice inside.

     `Want me to blow you again?' he asked, breathing like
he'd just run a marathon.

     It took only seconds for me to reach orgasm.

     Georgie and I continued our weekend hustling earning an
average of thirty plus dollars less the five to eight we
spent on movies and food. With Kenny  buying me subs, pizzas
and more, I spent very little during the week and was
developing quite a cash stash. There were temptations to buy
things but there was no practical way to explain to my
mother the origin of money. Even the watch that Kenny bought
me had to be hidden, as I wasn't allowed to be with any
Irish, meaning non-latino, kids.

     My relationship with Georgie didn't improve or
deteriorate. As our show of lovemaking was a good earner, he
allowed me to do most anything I wanted with him in front of
a paying customer except, of course, fuck or kiss him more
than briefly. And it remained strictly a weekend thing. He
was, at best, civil in school and generally wanted nothing
to do with me when his friends were around. It was very
frustrating.

     The week before Thanksgiving, Georgie informed me that
we had a lucrative overnighter with a john if I could
convince my mother to let me go. The man, one Georgie
claimed to have known for a couple of years, wanted to take
us to a cabin in the mountains Friday afternoon and return
Sunday. He'd pay fifty dollars each. While in the well-
heated cabin, we were expected to be naked. However, the man
would be taking us to a small river where we could fish. It
sounded great to me, but try as I could; there was no
plausible story that seemed workable with my suspicious
mother. She'd have wanted to meet any adult I was going
overnight with and probably expected him to be Latino,
unless he was my father. Tuesday evening, I found Ray
Hoolihan partially drunk in a bar on Tenth Avenue. It took
nearly fifteen minutes of showing my muscles to his friends
before I could get him alone and ask.

     `Georgie Shannon and me want to go to the mountains
with this friend of Georgie's Friday an' Saturday but I know
mother ain't gonna let me unless you say it's you goin'
too.'

     Hoolihan looked at me suspiciously. `You ain't hustlin'
with that kid, are ya?'

     I hid my surprise at his knowledge. `What's that?'

     It worked. `Nothin'. Who else is goin'? Kenny goin'?'

     `Nah, just the three a us.'

     `If Kenny goes, so I know you ain't up to no shit, I'll
tell your mom it's with me.'

     Would Georgie or the man accept a third person? Kenny
had hustled and probably wouldn't have minded it. And maybe
he could loosen up Georgie and get him to do more with me.
But, that didn't matter.

     `Wait,' interrupted my father, `Kenny's already doin'
sumpin' else. Okay, I'll go see your mother in the morning.'

     `Why not now, she's gonna be home by now.'

     `Shit, boy, I'm with my friends now.'

     `But you'll forget.'

     `No I won't, now beat it.'

     I pressed him a bit more but had to hope he'd do what
he promised.

     Wednesday afternoon, Kenny and I went back to his
apartment after school. Curly blonde haired Sonny Pacifico
was on the stoop waiting for us. I noticed him well before
Kenny identified him. Cute kids always caught my eye, had as
long as I could remember. Kenny had arranged Sonny as a
`gift'. Since he didn't go to my school and didn't live on
my block, I only knew him from sight maybe a couple of
times. If it hadn't been for his blonde hair, I probably
wouldn't have noticed him at all but blondes always turned
me on. Up close, I could see why Kenny liked him. He had
large light brown eyes, a small nose and a wide mouth that
invited a long, wet kiss. He ran ahead of us up the stairs
and inside. Baggy clothes hid any form I'd have enjoyed from
behind. I remembered Kenny's sister Nancy.

     `You sure your sister ain't gonna be here?'

     `Nah, gonna be a birthday party at the center. It's
also why I asked Sonny.'

     So what was Kenny up to? I had expressed an interest in
having one of his young friends, but when he said he only
wanted to have sex with me, that seemed impossible. My
friend was hard to understand. All this talk of just me and
he brings on his sister and. now, Sonny. I did enjoy the
lovemaking with Kenny certainly as much as he but it was
nice to have new experiences, other friends. Would this boy
be someone I saw regularly? What did he like to do?

     Sonny, full of the energy of an eight year old, beat us
to the apartment door by a full floor. Inside, he
immediately began taking off his clothes. `Two dollars each,
right?' he asked pointing first at one then the other of us.

     `Four, like I said,' reassured Kenny.

     It amused me that I was now paying someone, even
indirectly, to do what I normally got paid to do, and for
less than I would have charged. This also made it unlikely
this new boy was going to be more than an occasional sex
partner. He was certainly nice enough looking that I'd have
been willing to pay for that occasional sex if he was as fun
to fuck as Kenny had indicated.

     Sonny's body was as nice as Kenny had said: nearly as
well built as me and with a very hard, short fat cock over
round, tucked in balls. He commented amiably about me not
wearing underwear then jumped on the floor to help me pull
off my pants. I would have liked to suck him off.

     `You go first,' said Kenny.

     Sonny hopped up on the bed and got on his hands and
knees, his pucker peeking invitingly from between his buns.
Kenny sat beside him, his finger in his mouth. I got hard
immediately. As I approached, he pulled out his saliva
covered finger and ran it across Sonny's hole. In almost the
same motion, he darted his head between Sonny's rear and my
dick and ran his mouth quickly up and down my shaft, leaving
me as slick as his finger. Kenny pushed Sonny's hips down so
my target was lined up. Sonny dropped his head to the bed
and spread his ass with his hands. Either he knew what was
expected or liked it. Naturally, I hoped the latter. Was his
dick hard?

      Kenny guided my cockhead to the pucker and pushed my
ass forward. The little furnace engulfed me and sent a
stream of pleasure through my shaft and into my groin. I
grabbed the small hips and revolved mine moving my dick all
around inside his surprisingly loose hole.

     `Fuck him', encouraged Kenny pulling and pushing one of
my ass cheeks meanwhile keeping his eyes focused on the
point of entry. I watched too.

     I pulled out until only the tip of my dick was in
Sonny's hole the pushed slowly back in. It was nearly as
great a turn on seeing my cock move in and out of the soft
pink pucker as feeling it.

     `Good', said Kenny, probably unconsciously.

     Sonny's fingers dug deeper into his fat little buns as
he spread them as wide as he could. I reached under to feel
his cock. The fat little nub was now two plus inches long,
thicker and bone hard. As I took my hand away, he let got of
one cheek and pulled my hand back. Resting my palm just
inside his hipbone, I took his boner and began massaging it
gently. It blocked Kenny's view so he quickly switched
sides, all the while nudging my ass back and forth to
control the tempo of my fucking. I was getting close.

     `Stop for a minute,' instructed Kenny.

     My body was on autopilot and didn't want to. Kenny
pushed his hand in between Sonny's rear and me. I poked
rhythmically. Kenny pulled his hand out.

     `Go ahead and cum but keep fucking so you can cum
again. I'm gonna fuck you while you're fucking him.'

     He didn't have to ask for an orgasm. I was almost there
and didn't comprehend what he was suggesting until the first
throes were over. It was so strong my knees weakened, nearly
causing me to fall down. I had to concentrate on staying on
my feet while thinking about how Kenny was going to
accomplish his goal. Kenny solved the mystery.

     `Push him up on the bed and lay on him.'

     Sonny was sure to figure out what was going on once he
felt the weight of Kenny on top of me and pumping away. I
turned to Kenny and pointed to the Sonny while mouthing
`he'll know'.

     `Don' worry,' whispered Kenny then leaned over and
whispered something in Sonny's ear. The eight year old
though for a moment then nodded agreement.

     `G'wan, push him up on the bed. Then get on your side,
an' keep fuckin'.'

     I pushed forward trying to keep my cock inside but it
popped out. Sonny didn't say a word, just moved where I
guided him up onto the bed and on his side then arched his
ass and pulled open one bun so I could get back inside. I
moved in behind him, slid my wet dick up his crack until I
felt the soft depression of his hole and pushed back inside.
It was almost as good as the first entry except for the
slight hypersensitivity of my cockhead after just having an
orgasm.  I pulled back to see but couldn't. Anyhow, the feel
of his soft flesh on mine as we pressed together heightened
my pleasure. He felt even nicer than Georgie. I pushed an
arm underneath him so I could hold him more completely.

     Kenny laid in front of him head to toe, mouths to
dicks, set for sixty-nine. Neither hesitated to suck in the
other, both using their arms and hands to embrace. Sonny was
running his head back and forth hard and fast appearing
unpracticed but somehow knowledgeable. I had to hold my head
back so he wouldn't butt into my chin. I felt an increasing
desire to have this little boy alone somewhere.

     Kenny reached over and yanked on my ass reminding me to
get back to work. My hips responded slowly pushing for
maximum depth. Sonny arched his ass toward me, then, feeling
himself lose depth in Kenny's mouth, pushed back forward
again. Kenny raised one of Sonny's knees and pushed his head
forward allowing Sonny to press back toward me. Kenny knew
what he was doing.

     I wondered when Kenny was going to stick his cock up my
ass. At that point, the paid boy was having all the fun.
Then it occurred to me what was going on. By having Sonny
suck him, Kenny was putting the boy into a position in which
he'd have to keep his mouth shut. And, he would get off
allowing himself to fuck me longer when he finally did. He
knew I could come three times. I figured I might as well go
for it and rammed in harder and faster.

     It still took another few minutes and a growing wetness
between our bodies. It was as great as my first orgasm,
maybe a bit longer. I slipped my hands over his shoulders to
tugged him to me, keeping my cock buried deep inside.
Kenny's head was moving fast. I felt Sonny's pucker grip my
cock hard then the pulsing as he reached his climax. It
probably wasn't his first but well might have been his
initial from a blowjob.

     I don't know whether Kenny got off but he pulled loose
from Sonny's arms and mouth and crawled behind me.

     `You ready?' he asked.

     `Wait a minute,' I plead fully enjoying the closeness
and the lingering good feeling in my cock.

     Kenny climbed back over and put his cock up to Sonny's
lips. The eight year old had just cum and wasn't into it at
the time. He pushed Kenny back.

     `You already did that once. Is he finished?' he asked
pointing his thumb back at me.

     `I ain't gonna fuck you but he's gonna do it twice.'

     From what I could see of the expression on Sonny's
face, he wasn't happy about the arrangement.

     `How come you're not gonna do it? He asked Kenny.

     `Cuz I'm gonna fuck him while he fucks you. It'll be
cool.'

     `Why don't you have him fuck you and you do it to me?'

     `Look.' Kenny struggled to find a solution. `After
this, I'll fuck you and Spic can suck you same time.'

     Sonny took too much time to think that over. Kenny
rolled us over and knelt behind me dripping spit into my
crack. I kissed Sonny on the cheek. He pushed me away.

     `That's a other dollar,' insisted the frustrated eight
year old business kid.

     Kenny didn't respond. He was wrapped up sticking his
pole up my hole, right to my prostate. A feeling of ecstasy
shot through middle into my buried cock and back up into my
gut. I gripped Sonny tightly.

     `Fuck,' whispered Kenny into me ear.

     It was automatic. I ran my middle back and forth the
heat of Sonny's ass greeting me one way and Kenny poking my
prostate the other. I'd never even imagined anything like
this. I'd already gotten off twice or orgasm would have been
nearly instantaneous. This was like a continuous climax. My
entire body felt warm, involved.

     Kenny began running his lips and tongue over my left
shoulder then up to my ear. He sucked the lobe into his
mouth. I was drifting into some other low gravity world that
put my head into a slow spin.

     `Go back and front longer,' strained Kenny into the ear
he held with his lips.

     I extended length of my movements, pulling out to the
tip of my cock the pushing Sonny into the bed on the return.
Kenny's cock seemed to both hit and pass over my sweet spot.
Sonny pulled his buns open. I was far too absorbed in the
pleasure roaring through my groin to think about anyone
else. Climax engulfed me. Lights flashed in my closed eyes.
I stopped breathing and pressed my head into Sonny's
shoulder. I think I groaned or shouted or something in
between. Kenny thrust into me, fucking fast and furious,
bloating each pulse of my orgasm. Every muscle of my body
alternately tensed then let Kenny's thrust push me deep into
Sonny. Kenny lifted up on his arms and banged into me. I
couldn't feel the pulsing but knew he was cumming.

     That experience has to be classified as the most
pleasurable of my young life. No one moved for the longest
time until Sonny insisted on his needs too. I felt his dick.
It was rock hard. I wished there were some way to keep me in
him and Kenny in me and still suck on the fat little cock
but it was impossible. But Kenny could stay inside me.
Grabbing his ass and pressing it to me, I lifted up and
pulled reluctantly out of Sonny.

     `Turn around, your cock up here,' I told Sonny nodding
my chin to the bed beneath it.

     He understood and flipped around, propping himself up
on his elbows to trying to see where Kenny was penetrating
me. I dropped down and took his little morsel into my mouth.
If it had been any harder it would have burst. He
immediately pumped into my mouth, his desire to be screwed
simultaneously temporarily forgotten. I felt him push his
way under me. Was he going to suck me too? My cock was in
need of a rest, not further stimulation. No problem, his
intent was to see where Kenny's cock disappeared into me. He
only stayed there a moment before poking Kenny in the rear.

     `Do it now!' he insisted in a loud whisper.

     I felt Kenny's cock slip out of me, feeling somewhat
empty without it. He pushed us onto our sides and slipped in
behind Sonny. His reddened cock had to be as sensitive as
mine at that point. He dripped saliva onto his hand and into
Sonny's crease. The little boy stiffened and Kenny's four
inches pushed inside him. I reached over and caressed his
buns as he dutifully fucked Sonny's soft hole. Sonny put his
hand on mine and pressed, pushing Kenny deeper. His already
fat little cock grew thicker, harder. His other hand pulled
my head farther into his crotch. His body stiffened. He
buried his face in my pelvis. His orgasm was strong,
forceful.

     Sonny went home with a fistful of dollars. Much as he
had obviously enjoyed the sex, he showed no emotion
afterward. My attempted arm on his shoulder was nonchalantly
pushed off.

     `How come you pay him? He likes it as much as us.'

     `Had to pay `im to try it first time and he's always
askin' since. Anyhow, ain't that much `cept today. Wild,
huh?'

     I needed to hug someone so I grabbed Kenny.

     When mother got home at seven thirty, I waited to hear
that my biological father had been to see her and arranged
permission for the weekend stay at the john's mountain
cabin. After a few minutes of silence, I said `Hoolihan said
he was gonna tell you about taking us camping this weekend
for the holidays. Din't he say nothin'?'

     She just shook her head and went about preparing
dinner.

     `Well, can I go?'

     My mother turned from the sink where she was washing
rice. `Boy, I know your shit father and I know you and
sometimes you are just like him. You are not going anywhere
until that son-of-a-bitch comes to me and asks. You
understand that?'

     I slammed the door when I walked out. An hour long
broad search of the entire area including a couple of bars
on Eighth Avenue failed to turn up anyone who had even seen
my biological father that day.  I went straight to my room
on my return to the apartment and dropped on the bed. Fifty
bucks and a trip to the mountains looked lost. I knew
mountains from pictures and movies but had never seen the
real thing. It wasn't fair that my mother should take this
opportunity from me just because she hated my father. I
hated him too. So what?

     The next day was Thanksgiving, a school holiday. Would
I seek out Kenny or go hustling with Georgie? Sleep found me
still dressed and depressed.

     My younger sister, Delia, woke me up at dawn. `You
better get outta your clothes before mom sees you.' She
really looked after me. Watching her get back into her bed I
imagined how lucky some kid was going to be to have her as a
mother.

     I went to the window and looked up at the sky. The sun
was lighting the top of the building across from ours. Where
was my shit biological father? Probably at his house in New
Jersey. So what was it to be, Kenny or Georgie. Georgie was
going to be pissed off that I couldn't arrange permission to
go. He'd be loosing fifty dollars too unless he could find
some other kid to go. Still, I had to tell him. We were
partners.

     Georgie didn't come out of his building until after
nine keeping me waiting down the street for nearly an hour,
catching many a nasty look from both kids and mothers.
Fathers, if they knew who I was, didn't seem to mind me
unless I was picking on their kid at the time.

     `Shit, now who'm I gonna get who can get permission so
fast.'

     `Whattabout Kenny?' I immediately regretted the
suggestion. It was an admission that I knew he had been a
hustler, information that could only have come either
hustling with him or a very close relationship.

     Georgie pursed his lips and looked off to one side.
`Nah, he wants you or somebody like you. He wants blowjobs.
Let's go see who's on Forty Two.'

     In the silence that accompanied our walk to Times
Square, I speculated over what Georgie was thinking about
what kind of relationship I had with Kenny. Did he think we
were hustling together, leaving Georgie out? Was he
concerned I was looking to change partners? He didn't think
Kenny sucked cock so he couldn't have guessed how intimate
we'd become. He knew I liked sucking him and had been in the
basement and saw me voluntarily suck Kenny. Did he think I
was servicing Kenny?

     We reached Forty Second Street with no resolution to my
doubts. There was hardly anyone around, zero hustlers, no
johns. We checked out the Port Authority Bus Terminal then
walked up to Herman's Playland. Two unfamiliar Bronx latino
kids about twelve were firing electronic rifles. Everyone
else there seemed to be tourists. Georgie muttered `shit'
twice. We went back to Forty Second Street and walked back
and forth from Seventh to Eighth Avenues several times
before spotting two New Jersey blondes looking for business.
Georgie knew them both.

     `Bobby there sucks damn near good as you. Let's go talk
to `em.'

     The one he called Bobby was a nice looking slim
thirteen year old with the body and looks of an eleven year
old and blond hair almost as long as Georgie's. He was
plenty streetwise.

     `This ain't the tall guy that wears the funny cap? Gots
a Buick?'

     `Nyah uh. That guy's a freak,' answered Georgie. `Nah,
this guy's kinda new, from Connecticut, I think. I been with
him twice to Sloan. He's decent. No bullshit an' pays what
he says. Sammy knows him and did the same trip last summer.
Says the guy likes sex about three times a day. No fuckin',
just gotta be blowed.'

     `How much?'

     `Thirty-five an' the trip an' all.'

     Georgie had told me fifty. Bobby wasn't as slick as I
thought, should have known the price for such a trip and his
specialty.

     `Can I take Billy here?'

     Billy was a pretty boy about twelve with blue eyes and
freckles on his cheeks and nose. I'd have liked to see them
both naked, maybe have sex.

     `He don't get no money less the guy wants to give `im
somethin'.

     Billy shrugged shoulders.

     The deal was made, time set, hands shaken. We went our
separate ways looking for business. I couldn't think of a
viable excuse for us to hustle together. Nobody was going to
pick up four kids.

     They scored first with a fat guy who took them down
into the subway terminal. `Tourist' said Georgie.

     We had to wait until nearly one to find our first. We
begged for and got lunch in the bus terminal. The john was
new, from someplace in Maryland. Georgie took us to the
Holland where the man had to pay for an expensive room since
the rest were full. He was a real novice and we got him for
seventeen dollars offering one service after another right
to our little show. The man wanted us to spend the night
with him. Georgie explained we couldn't but for ten dollars
he might be able to find someone else for him. He was to
wait in the hotel, watch TV or something and we'd be back in
a few hours.

     `Let's wait for Bobby and Billy. They can always stay
out.'

     The afternoon was only moderately cold but the chill
soon seeped inside. A john approached. It was a man I'd done
for six at the Holiday Inn a couple of months back. Georgie
told him we were waiting for someone and couldn't go but
that I could meet him the next day. We agreed to nine-thirty
down the street from the hotel. Georgie still saw us a
partners. It calmed my concerns regarding how he figured I
knew about Kenny's hustling.

     The New Jersey blondes reappeared a little after four.
Their mark had been a tourist all right. They had scored
fifteen each, better than us. Georgie didn't say anything.
We both knew that, even with tourist, one of them had been
screwed for that amount. It just made me want to get it on
with them even more.

     Bobby made a phone call and arranged not to go home
until Sunday. I sure wished I could do it that easy. Georgie
and I went back to the Holland and led the mark back to
Herman's where the others waited. Georgie collected his ten.
I tried desperately to think of a reason why we should go
back to the hotel with them but found nothing I had the
courage to propose. When the others walked out, I turned to
Georgie.

     `Whatta you think that guy'd pay to see four kids
havin' sex?'

     `Shit, you're crazy. He's already paid us twenty-seven,
about thirty to the hotel an' gots to pay them two. He ain't
that rich. Anyway, you just wanna suck them two. Let's go
find another score.'

     Georgie knew me better than anyone except possibly
Kenny and had to be sure that I was doing him.

     We made twelve when I sucked and swallowed for another
tourist we took to one of the expensive rooms at the
Holland, down the hall from the Maryland man's. I insisted
on knocking when we were finished.

     `Yes,' answered the man from inside after a pause.

     `Ray and Georgie,' I answered in a loud whisper.

     `Wait a minute,' he said. I heard the chain being
removed. The door opened a crack for the man to peer out. He
backed up and let us in.

     He was wearing his boxers over an obvious hardon. Bobby
and Billy were under the covers of the double bed. I walked
swiftly in. Georgie strolled behind.

     `We just had a john down the hall,' I explained as I
lay beside the boys.

     `Bullshit,' said Bobby smiling.

     `Nah, we did, another tourist din't have no place to
go,' said Georgie.

     I was on remote control and had to see. I lifted up the
covers. Both were naked and hard. Bobby may have looked
eleven but his dick was thirteen, better than four inches
with balls that provided plenty of juice. Billy was still a
boy with a skinny three inches. Bobby kicked off the sheets.

     `C'mon, you guys get naked too. Let's have a party.'
That's the first time I noticed the slight effeminate lilt
to Bobby's speech.

     I looked to Georgie. He shook his head, a stern look on
his face. `We gotta go. C'mon, Spic.'

     Panic gripped me. I really wanted to get in bed with
these two. Georgie pulled me off the bed and began pushing
me toward the door.

     `Shit, Georgie! Just `cuz you don't like it don't mean
I can't stay.'

     `I'm leavin'. You stay an' we don' hustle together no
more. I don' fuck with nobody else's scores and they don'
fuck wi' mine. You comin'?

     My panic turned to angry frustration. But I couldn't
lose Georgie. I didn't say a word to him until we were
outside. `I'm going home.'

     `Fuck you. I'm gonna score again.'

     I walked back to the neighborhood, Kenny and some good
sex on my mind, trying not to think about the two boys back
at the hotel and the temptation to return there. I was
nervous about going inside his all Irish building but my
need for some intimate sex overrode any inhibitions. I saw
no one in front or inside. No one answered my knock on his
door. Back outside, I looked for a familiar face that may
have seen Kenny. Nobody.

     Friday morning I made my morning date, scored twice
more and set up a ten o'clock date at the apartment of a
john from the Lower East Side. I went back by Kenny's
building but learned from Lester Shannon that Kenny wasn't
around.

     `You wanna suck on Kenny's worm again, Spic?' he
whispered derisively. I walked away but worried he might be
referring to my current relationship rather than the
basement disaster.

     The next morning, I went by his house on the way to my
morning date and found Nancy sitting on the front stoop. She
gave me some devastating news: `He ain't here. He's busted.'

     She told me he'd been caught alone inside a Long Island
warehouse. Her eldest brother was trying to find out more.
Since Kenny was on probation, he'd probably end up in a
reformatory for at least a year if not until he was
eighteen. Then, `Nobody's home. Wanna come up?' which I
ignored.

     `When.' I didn't know what to ask. This couldn't be
happening. I didn't want Kenny to be out of my life. He had
to get out.

     Nancy yanked me back to reality. She grabbed my hand.
`C'mon. Let's go up.'

     `Wait, don't he got to go to court?'

     `Shit, Spic, they got him inside somebody's place.
Stupid jerk's gone. C'mon, let's go.'

     `I can't now. Maybe later.' I'd remembered my date.

     `Everybody's gonna be here later. Just fifteen minutes.
C'mon.' She still had my hand and pulled on it. I let her
drag me upstairs. We undressed frantically. She climbed onto
the bed. Her white ass and soft legs caught my attention. I
waited for her to turn over to look at her naked body. The
light from the single window emphasized the gentle lines of
her torso and the slight mound above her vagina. She held
out her arms for me to come to her. The moment I was on top
she began furious French kissing. That cleared my mind of
all other thoughts. Her warm skin felt wonderful against
mine. My cock poked at her crack but was too dry to enter. I
reached to help it. Nancy rolled us over, slid down my body
and sucked in my cock briefly, leaving it dripping with
saliva. Quickly, she jumped up, her knees to either side,
her little slit wide open, and sat on my pole that slipped
right inside her, sending that wonderful thrill up into my
groin.. After pushing her hips forward and back a few times,
running my cock back and forth in what felt like hot
pudding, she laid on me and rolled me back on top.

     `Fuck me like you mean it,' she ordered then hugged me
tight with both arms.

     I pumped in and out hard as I could, my passion rising
fast even though she was looser inside than even Sonny
Pacifico's soft rectum. She nudged her mouth back to mine
and pushed her tongue all around inside. I realized I was
enjoying this nearly as much as screwing Sonny. That was
proof that one day I'd like women. The thought distracted me
enough to hold back my fast rising orgasm. I extended my
strokes so my cock head actually came out to her lips each
time. She slid her hands up and down my back then to my ass
cheeks where she pushed me to go in harder.

     I dug my toes into the bed covers and rose up on my
arms to allow for more leverage. I looked down, watching my
slick cock appear and disappear inside her. It looked a
little strange to see only her flesh and not another cock.

     My cock missed her hole and poked her below it,
redirecting it down between her legs. Her hand darted in
between us and pulled it back to her opening. I rammed back
inside and continued fucking. She tugged on my ass, pulling
me higher on her.

     `Harder,' she insisted.

     I obliged, taking myself back to the edge of climax.

     She pulled me back down on top of her and resumed
kissing, sucking my tongue into her mouth until it hurt. Her
fingernails dug into my ass. My orgasm came on suddenly. I
kept pumping until it tickled, something that was not
normally a problem during my first time. I had to stop. She
held me inside her with her hands but let my tongue go.

     I recalled my date.

     `Nancy, I whispered. I gotta go or I'm gonna be in deep
shit.'

     She dropped her arms to her side. I pulled out and got
dressed, all the while looking at her lying there.

     `Like what you see, Spic?'

     `Yeh, but I still gotta go.' I didn't really want to.
I'd have liked to try it in her ass but I had a date and was
going to be late for the first time in my hustling career.

     As I rode the subway south, I went over my thoughts
about Kenny being arrested and probably taken out of my life
for a long time. I still had Nancy and might be able to
connect a few times with Sonny Pacifico. He did it for money
and I had plenty. Suddenly, I remembered what my biological
father had said when he insisted on Kenny going with Georgie
and me on the overnight date. He knew Kenny would be unable
to make it. Did Ray Hoolihan send Kenny and the others out.
Then he'd have to get them out. I almost skipped my date and
went back uptown but professional pride got in the way.

     With a stomach coated with cum and a fresh six dollars
in my pocket, I went back to Hell's Kitchen to look for my
biological father. He was nowhere to be found, probably
hiding out in case Kenny or one of the others snitched.

     Sunday morning, Lester told me that Kenny was in the
Bronx Juvenile Center but I could suck him if I wanted. I
looked at him to see if he was serious but quickly realized
what a mistake that would have been. Any indication of
interest would be broadcast to the entire neighborhood.
Don't get me wrong. I would have loved to suck off Lester
but the destruction of my reputation wasn't worth it.

     I walked down to the Square not so much to hustle but
to look for Bobby and Billy from New Jersey. I really wanted
sex with another boy but ended up sucking off a couple of
men.

     In school Monday, Georgie ignored me as usual. I
listened for any news about Kenny but all I heard were
versions of what little I already knew. No one expected to
see Kenny for a long time.

     I went looking for Nancy in the afternoon but couldn't
find her and was afraid to ask anyone. A search for Sonny
Pacifico had the same result. I settled for my fucking
machine. It took longer than usual to get off. I wanted warm
flesh in me, not a plastic rod.

     Tuesday went the same. Wednesday, I was so frustrated I
went to the Square hoping to find a boy, ready to pay for
his favors no matter how embarrassing that might have been.
A middle teen eyed me but he wasn't what I really wanted. I
was so horny on the way home that I actually considered
Lester. Common sense won out.

     Thursday, I went straight to Forty Second after
dropping my books off at home. The same teen was there but
none of the boys I saw were doing more than passing through.
Friday on the way down the street after school, Georgie told
me to meet him at Forty Third and Tenth. It was a date with
man in a camper which he parked near the Westside Highway.
The guy apparently lived inside the thing and didn't bathe
very often. He smelled and his cock tasted like sewage. If
he hadn't of had Georgie fuck me while I was sucking him, I
doubt I could have done it. Georgie had the decency to beat
me off during the tryst. We used part of the ten he paid us
to buy some Tasty Kakes and sodas in a not very successful
attempt to get the awful taste out of my mouth. I finally
bought a small bottle of Listerine that did the trick.

     Georgie didn't mention our unpleasantness of the
previous weekend. We hustled Saturday and Sunday never
coming across the New Jersey blondes. However, Georgie and I
did our show three times greatly relieving my needs.

     December was cold but generally lucrative though not
very satisfying. I yearned more and more for Kenny and his
sweet loving. Nancy and I got together a couple of times but
the one time I found Sonny Pacifico, the eight year old told
me to `go away'.

     There were a couple of significant incidents. The first
occurred on a Saturday afternoon when I was hustling alone
when Georgie had an all day date with some regular. The john
picked me up in Hermann's and took me to a motel across the
river in New Jersey. He seemed nice enough, gave a decent
blowjob then wanted to screw me between the legs from
behind, something I allowed regularly for a buck over the
minimum three dollars. However, once on top of me, he
applied KY to his fat dick and tried to fuck my hole.

     `Uh uh,' I said trying to pull away. I don't do that.'

     He held me under him with one big arm and tried to push
his dick in my squirming ass with the other. `Sure you do.
You're a hustler. So how much?'

     I was getting worried I couldn't get the guy off me. He
was very strong but wasn't going to get his dick in me as
long as I kept moving. `Ain't no how much. I don't do that.
I'll blow you for six.'

     That's not what he wanted. He stopped trying to force
it. `Okay, I'll give you ten.'

     `No, not for a hundred. Get offa me!' I was getting
angry.

     `Look little boy, I came here to fuck. Now just lie
still so it don't hurt so much and I'll go in easy and give
you ten dollars.'

     His arm was too far away to bite it. I had to try
something else. `All right but I gotta put it in. You don't
push or nothin'.'

     I reached back with my hand toward his cock. He took
his hand away from his dick and loosened his hold to let me
in. I doubled over to extend my reach a little further. He
loosened a bit more. I grabbed his balls and squeezed for
all I was worth. He dropped the arm that held me to stop the
pain. I wrenched free and rolled off the bed. He dove for me
but I continued rolling until I hit the chair at the room's
desk. He grabbed for my clothes on the small table beside
the bed.

     `You little bastard. Where you going without these?'

     I picked up the chair and ran at him. He tried to
protect himself with his hands but I pulled it away, did a
three hundred and sixty degree turn and slammed it into his
upper body and head. I grabbed the lamp in the small table
and hit him in the head, breaking it in two. He fell back on
the bed. I snatched up my clothes, shoes and coat and ran
for and out the door. Luckily, the hallway was empty. I ran
to the end and around the corner at the stairs before
pulling on my pants, all the while listening to see if the
man would come after me. It didn't seem likely since he was
naked too. A cleaning woman came up the stairway and noticed
me.

     `What are you up to, boy? How come you're out here like
that?'

     I kept dressing fast as I could. I wanted to shout out
the man's room number but didn't know what it was. She
approached like she was going to grab me. I darted around
her still shoeless and with my shirt unbuttoned and fly
open.

     `Come back here boy before I call the police.'

     There was no of knowing who would be at the foot of the
stairs or outside. The woman didn't chase, just looked after
me from the railing above. At the exit door, I stopped, put
on my coat and stuffed my shirt into my pants. The woman
still didn't come. I dropped to the floor and put on my
shoes. A man and woman approached the door. I held it open
for them and walked swiftly out the front to the street,
looking back over my shoulder at about where the room was.
The john was peering out a slightly open curtain. I gave him
the finger. As I had no idea where I was, I took a taxi to
the Path station for six dollars and seventy-five cents,
over half of what I was carrying.

     Sunday morning when I told Georgie about the incident,
he just said I had to be more careful about who I let take
me out of the area.

     `Ever happen to you?'

     `Just once.'

     `So what happened?'

     `Nothin'.'

     `Shit, man, he fuck you?'

     `Don' worry about it. Let's go hustle.'

     That, I figured, was why Georgie would let even a kid
like me fuck him. I wondered what his ass hole looked like.
Was it damaged? Torn? Did it hurt when he shit? I wanted to
ask but my knowledge of Georgie's demeanor told me he
wouldn't discuss it.

     The second event was word of Kenny's sort of trial. A
few days before Christmas, Nancy told me that he was being
sent to some reformatory upstate with an undetermined
sentence which meant he could be out in eight months or not
until he was eighteen depending on how he improved. That was
also the day I tried to get Nancy to let me screw her in the
rear.

     `No fuckened way, Jose,' she answered. She did let me
fuck her little pussy from behind, something she'd seen in a
porn movie at a place she wouldn't describe. First, though,
she taught me how to `eat her out' which meant sticking my
tongue inside her but mostly sucking her tiny clitoris. The
back door fucking only lasted a couple of minutes. She liked
it much better with me lying on top of her, face to face. To
be honest, so did I.

     During the two week Christmas holidays, with Georgie's
blonde hair and my sweet lips, we earned $108 each,
transistor radios and 3 steak dinners with chocolate pudding
deserts at Tad's. I'd never tasted chocolate pudding before.
I told Georgie it was almost as sweet as his cock.

     I don't know what he thought about my desires. I didn't
understand them myself at the time. I knew I wanted to be
with him as much as possible. I also understood we were
different in that he had no desire to do to me what I did to
him. I tried kissing him once. He allowed it for a few
seconds but then turned his head away.

     Nancy gave me hope that, in the end, I'd like women and
probably get married. The thought of my own boy children was
exciting. I, of course, would be a far better father than
Ray Hoolihan. And I'd be able to see them naked and touch
their cute little bodies though I didn't expect to want sex
with them.

     Kenny's desires and how I felt about them were
worrisome. I had, to a certain extent, accepted being some
kind of fag after being with him. So what the hell was I?

     At that point in time, my understanding of
homosexuality related it to effeminate, easily frightened
men who had sex with each other and sometimes serviced other
men. I didn't see myself in any way effeminate. I was much
too tough to be a fag. I didn't suck off men because I
wanted to. That was business. Why I liked other boys
sexually was a mystery but the desire would probably go away
in time. My enjoyment of sex with Nancy continued to be my
hope of eventual heterosexuality.

     With our pre-Christmas earnings, Georgie and I bought
gifts for our mothers. I explained the purse and perfume
costs came from chores I did off and on for a couple of
supers so I could surprise her. She was grateful and gave me
a kiss, a sadly infrequent happening. Ray Hoolihan, who
reappeared mid December, gave me a new, slightly small coat
and mother, a hundred dollars. We had no tree. The girls
decorated the house with newspaper cutouts and empty beer
and soda bottles that were cashed in during the first week
of January.

    With after the greater Christmas earnings, Georgie and
I saw a few movies and bought watches for each other. We
explained to our mothers that the watches were gifts from
our best friends. My mother was pleased I had one though
she'd have preferred another Latino.

    Georgie spent the rest of his holiday income on beer,
cigarettes and snack food. I added sixty-eight dollars in my
basement hideout stash giving me a total of two hundred six
dollars.

    What I really wanted as a Christmas present from
    Georgie was a private session in
a bed, just the two of us, no spectators. The problem was
where to find a bed and privacy. Georgie was one of seven
kids who lived with their mother, grandmother, an aunt and
uncle. At least two of my sisters were always in our
apartment.

     The guy at the Holland Hotel charged $6.00 for two
hours. I wasn't sure what Georgie would think of me spending
that kind of money to do something that we regularly got
paid to do several times a week. My eleventh birthday was
coming up in two weeks. I tried to think of a way to let
Georgie know without making it obvious then claim it was a
way of celebrating my birthday. Ten-year-old minds aren't
always very logical. But fate intervened, for once on my
side.

     The weekend of my birthday, January sixteenth, which
fell on a Saturday that year, we were picked up Friday
evening by a young man in a van equipped with most of the
comforts of home. There was a bed, toilet, kitchen and an
eight track stereo system.

     'Let's see if the guy will let us sleep in here
tonight,' I suggested.

     'And what do we tell our mother's tomorrow when they're
getting ready to kick our asses? No way, man.'

     'I'll tell mine I'm staying at your place and you tell
yours you're staying at mine.'

     Georgie mulled it over. 'They ain't gonna believe that
shit.'

     'We can try it. It's my birthday tomorrow. I don't
wanna listen to all that shit in my house tonight.'

     He understood that. Nobody ever showed him any slack on
his birthday either, much less celebrated it. 'Fuck it,
let's try.'

     We put it to the man. He had a house with a garage in
Elizabeth, New Jersey, the same city where my biological
father lived. The john was enthusiastic until he understood
that we wanted to sleep alone with him in his house and us
in the van.

     'I'll give you the greatest blowjob in the world before
you go in, promise.'

     We had him leave us on Tenth Avenue and wait while we
ran to our apartments and played our little con. My mother
was suspicious. She didn't know Georgie or his family and
considered all Irish to be criminals and racists.

     'How come he wants you to stay at his house?' she asked
me in Spanish, the language of our home. 'Por favor, mami,
el es mi £nico buen amigo,' I begged. I told her his father,
which he didn't have, was a cop and really strict with him
so we couldn't do anything wrong if we wanted. With a frown,
she agreed and threatened a hell of a beating if I got into
any trouble.

     Georgie's mother, according to him, was fighting with
her sister when he arrived and just waved him off. So we
were free.

     We had dinner at a diner and went to the guy's house
where I gave him a head twirling blowjob I was sure no other
kid could possibly duplicate. He provided extra blankets
against the January cold and kissed us both goodnight.

     Georgie took off his shoes and got under the blankets.

     'C'mon, Georgie, let's get naked, and put your socks
outside, they stink.'

     'Shit, Spic, I knew you was gonna want this. Why can't
we just go to sleep and do it tomorrow?'

     'Cause it's my birthday and I want a present.'

     I could feel him looking at me in the dark. 'Shit,' he
said under his breath and got undressed. He put his socks on
the floor in front and crawled under the covers with my
hardon and me. 'I ain't gonna blow you,' he declared.

     I pulled him to me and started licking him on his neck
as I had been dreaming of doing for weeks. He lay still as I
nibbled my way across his chest from tit to tit then down to
his stomach savoring the crests and valleys created by his
growing muscles. I knew he was enjoying it because his hands
on my shoulders were pressing me into him instead of pushing
me toward his stiff cock. I licked back and forth over his
entire gut, stopping at his navel to dig my tongue in. At
his crotch, instead of chomping down on his dick, I spread
his legs and licked up and down his inner thighs and over
the humped place between them. I sucked his balls into my
mouth and moved them around like a pair of marbles.

     'C'mon, Spic, do me now,' he almost pleaded while
pulling my head up to his rod. He moaned when I took it into
my mouth and clamped my wet lips and tongue around it.  He
began humping but I wanted this to take a while so I just
held on. Georgie wrapped his legs around my back and moved
his hips side to side. He moved my head back and forth but
didn't try to force me to go up and down. Maybe, I hoped, he
understood that we should take out time and enjoy this.

     I opened my mouth and, with his dick still inside,
licked his balls. Pushing my arms under him, I rolled us
over so he was on top. I hugged him trying to force more of
his crotch into my mouth. After a few more minutes of gentle
hip motions, I nudged him to fuck my mouth. He pushed
himself up on his elbows, raising his torso and pulled back,
taking all but the tip of his dick out to my lips. Arching
his back, he slowly thrust back into me, holding it for a
second then repeating, in and out, in and out, each time
with just a bit more force. I gripped his hips to urge him
on. I heard him grunt with each thrust. Had anyone had
touched my dick at that time; I would have gotten off
immediately.

     'Ray', he said. 'Ray.' I almost cried that he used my
name.

     He slowed his thrusts, perhaps prolonging his passion,
but was too close. He banged into me twice and grabbed my
head, falling over on his side.

     'Shit, shit!' he muttered. 'Oh man, Ray,' he gasped as
his cock throbbed with greatest force I'd ever felt.

     I grabbed his top leg and pulled it quickly between
mine. I locked my legs around his and humped my cock against
it twice before orgasm rocked my body and sent me into that
special place. As the tension eased in both of us, I slid up
until my head was by his chest. We pulled the blankets over
us and fell asleep in that position.

     In the morning, Georgie made no comments about the
previous night's sex. There seemed not even the slightest
change in his attitude toward me; none of the affection I
had hoped had been generated. He rushed out of my attempted
embrace to 'get something to eat'. The first time he used my
name it was still 'Spic'. I was very disenchanted.

     We ate and were sucked off. At one point while he was
being fellated, I tried to hold Georgie's hand but he used
it to scratch his chin then put both hands behind his head.
The man rolled me over and got off between my legs. I didn't
charge him the extra dollar that act usually cost.

    We were dropped off on 10th Avenue with five dollars
each and agreed to meet on 42nd Street at one.

     At home, my mother was waiting. 'C'mere boy!' she
demanded and went through my pockets. Holding the five
dollar bill we'd received that morning plus three ones from
the same pocket, she asked angrily, 'Where you get this
from? I asked a kid who knows this Georgie where he lived
and if he saw you with him and he says he didn't see you
last night and that he lives in the same building as
Georgie. Then I go to Georgie's house and you aren't there
and he isn't there. Where'd you get this fucking money? You
carrying drugs or something.' By that time she was yelling
and mixing English and Spanish.

     She grabbed me by the hair and dragged me toward her
bedroom. 'I told you to stay away from that Mick trash now
you gonna learn I mean it!'

     She slammed the door shut behind us and snatched a
metal hangar off her dresser. 'Pull your pants down, boy!'

     'We didn't do nothing wrong! I insisted. We worked with
some men cleaning at a apartment, that they had to do at
night. You don't give me no money!'

     She pushed me down on the bed and yanked at my belt.
'If you was working all night then how come you're so
fuckened clean. Get your pants off boy!'

     I jerked loose and rolled backward off the bed. She
knew where I was headed and got between the door and me. I
looked to see if her window by the fire escape was open but
it was January, no chance. She charged me and wrapped me in
her arms. I fought her hands away from my pants. She threw
the hangar across the room and started slapping me
everywhere but mostly in the head. I couldn't get away from
those hands. I began to cry, not from the pain but the anger
and frustration. I couldn't escape the beating and
screaming.

     'You little bastard! Fuckened liar! You always into
shit! Every week I gotta go to the school for something!'
She stopped the flailing and stared at me with fury in her
eyes. I was crying so hard I could barely breathe. 'You just
like that fucking Mick father of yours. I know you're
stealing or doing something with drugs! I'm a good Catholic
or you shoulda been an abortion!' She slapped me hard twice
in the head. 'I just hope they lock you up in some
reformatory real soon, get you the fuck outta my life! She
kicked me in the leg, knocking me backward into the window
that broke into a mass of shards.

     My oldest sister, Brenda, burst into the room followed
by Delia and the others. 'Mama, stop now. Stop now.' She
stood terrified in the doorway, her arms tight over her
belly. Then she saw the blood. 'Mami! He's bleeding.'

     My mother turned back to me. The other three girls
pushed past her to me.

     The glass had cut me on the shoulder and back. A piece
of glass was imbedded between my neck and shoulder. I was
crying too hard and was far too upset to notice. Brenda and
Delia started crying too.

     'Now, see what you done?' mother yelled at me. She
pulled the piece of glass out of my skin and unbuttoned my
shirt to pull it back and look at the wound. I couldn't see
it as it was under my chin when I turned my head. I did see
the blood. 'Damn you boy, see what you done getting me all
angry. Shit!' she pushed me toward the bathroom. I tried to
see in the mirror but the silver backing had peeled off the
bottom half. I couldn't see a thing. I was still whimpering
and very angry.

     'Shit, boy. You gonna need stitches and that's gonna
cost me money. At least I got eight dollars.'

     It only required three stitches which didn't hurt
nearly as much as the beating I had endured and, worse, what
my mother had said to me about getting put away and being an
abortion, not being born. If she didn't want me that was the
way it would be. I didn't say a word the whole time to, at
or from St. Claire's Hospital three and a half blocks from
our apartment. I was consumed with developing a plan to run
away, find a better place where I could have friends and not
have everybody pissed off at me all the time. I wondered
what was happening to Georgie whose mother knew what mine
did. I also wanted to find out who ratted us and kick his
ass.

     Back in the apartment, I was told to just stay in my
room until Monday and then I could only leave the apartment
for school until mother decided different. I fell asleep
crying but still trying to figure out an escape plan.

     No one mentioned my birthday.

     Cold awakened me. It was night. I'd rolled out of my
blanket. Everyone else was asleep. Delia and Maria were in
their bed across the room. I sat up and wrapped myself in
the blanket, pulling the fresh stitches in my shoulder,
reminding myself what had happened. It was a chance to get
away. I went to the closet and pulled out my box of clothes.
I took off the bloody shirt and put on two T-shirts, two
button shirts, the only clean underpants, and a second pair
of pants. I took off my shoes and pulled on two pairs of
socks. After emptying my book bag. I filled it with spare
clothing and a pair of sneakers. With my heavy coat and an
old baseball cap, I peeked out the door to see if anyone was
awake. I had no idea what time it was.

     In an overwhelming rush, I realized I had nowhere to
go.

     There was no friend's house to consider. Other than a
couple of trips to New Jersey with johns, I'd never been far
away from Hell's Kitchen. It was probably too late to find
one of them on the Square. I went back to my bed and cried
myself to sleep.

     My little sisters called my mother when they woke and
saw me with all those clothes on. She came in and yelled
some more. That afternoon, when she went out, she jammed a
chair under the knob of my lockless bedroom door. I kicked
it for a while but it didn't budge. Monday morning, I
doubled my clothes again and hid my books in the closet to
use the book bag for additional clothing. My plan was to go
to school with my sisters then go right back out. It was
really cold outside so I stayed in the hallway for a few
minutes to warm up before leaving. The school counselor
found me and made me go to my classroom. My teacher was
skeptical about my story of forgetting to put my school
things back in my book bag after staying over at a friend's
house. He either didn't notice or chose to ignore the clean
extra clothing.

     I tried to talk to Georgie during recess but he gave me
a dirty look and walked away. When I pursued him, he turned
angrily and said, 'Get outta my face!'

     My mother was waiting for me after school. She'd been
called.

     'You wanna run away? Fine! I'll just call the social
workers to put you in a fucking foster home or maybe a
fucking reformatory and see how you like that.'

     I'd heard about foster homes and reformatories and
wanted nothing to do with either. I felt completely and
hopelessly trapped.

     My punishment only lasted three days. It was too much
trouble for my mother to come get me at school each day. She
was a barmaid again and worked from eleven in the morning
until seven-thirty at night. Saturday, after coyly looking
unsuccessfully for Georgie in his neighborhood, I walked
down to Times Square. There were johns on the street but
they wanted older kids who could cum. In Herman's Playland,
I spotted a john I knew but he said he had a date. It was a
lie. He was the type who only took a kid once. He wanted new
all the time.

     I slipped coins into a pinball machine and began
working the flippers and bumping. A boy slightly taller than
me came along side to watch. He knew not to lean on the
machine. His eyes followed the shiny metal balls. His body
language urging the ball into pockets showed he was a
player. When I finished he commented, 'Three thousand two
sixty. I beat you by two hundred, uh, thirty.' His smile
kept the boast from offending me as it normally would have.

     He was slim with wavy brown hair and adventurous eyes
that widened when he spoke. 'You come here a lot, don' cha.'
he stated. 'To the Square, I mean.'

     I had seen him before and was sure he was a hustler
like me. 'Some.'

     'You get any tricks today?'

     I wasn't sure whether to play ignorant or accept that
he knew. 'You?'

     'Yeh, got a regular Saturdays at seven at the Port
Authority. Guy on his way to work. Always gotta do it the
john. John in a john.' He laughed at his joke.

     He squinted at my eyes. 'Man, I'll bet the johns love
your peepers. What color are they? Green? Grayish green?'

     'Sorta green,' I answered self-consciously. 'What's
your name?'

     'John, really. What's yours?'

     'Ray.'

     'Wanna try to score together?'

     That request concerned me. What if he was an informer
or set up kids for guys who forced things or didn't pay?
'Nah, I never do it with other kids.'

     'Never say never, nothing is forever.' He laughed
again. 'That's bullshit. I seen you with that blonde haired
kid Georgie from up Ninth somewhere.'

     'You callin' me a liar,' I said angrily though feeling
ridiculous at the same time for trying to pass off something
most of the kids and johns on the street knew wasn't true.

     'Wow, you sure get excited easy.' He was smiling
broadly. 'You don't gotta cover yourself with me.'

     'Well, I just don't feel like it now.' I was still
angry with him but then for putting me in such a difficult
position where I felt I had to tell a stupid lie.

     'Wanna play Roadrace? My quarter.'

     The kid was persistent, his smile infectious. We played
Roadrace. I beat him but had the feeling he let me. We
played again with the same result and the same feeling. We
moved to Skeeball and played three leisurely games. He won
two with really smooth throws. All the while, he was asking
questions about my age, where I lived, did I have a father,
did my mother hassle me about being away so much, and
school: did I go all the time, what grade, did I fail any
grades. With each question, he gave his answer after I gave
mine. He was twelve and lived in Queens with his
grandfather. His parents had split apart six years before
and dumped him there. He made it to school about three times
a week and was still in fourth grade from failing so much.

     'I don't know what's gonna happen now since my
grandfather died last week. My aunt says I'm goin' to a
foster home on Monday. You ever been in a foster home?'

     He turned his head like he was looking at a pistol
shooting game but I could tell he was hiding his face. His
voice was almost hushed when he asked if I'd been in a home.
Was he crying? 'No,' I answered, completely empty of any
other words.

     'It'll probly be okay. If it ain't, I got plenty of
money.' He leaned over as if to tie his shoe and wiped his
face on his sleeve. It was wet when he rose.

     'Don't you got other relations you can stay with?'

     'Shit, lots, but they all say they can't. They all got
reasons why they can't. So I try it. Never say never,
nothing is forever.'

     That was the second time he had said that. He was
hurting and I just wanted to get away from him and his pain,
and felt guilty that I did.

     'Wanna burger? My treat,' he offered.

     He gave me a way to get rid of some of my feeling of
guilt. 'Nah, let's go to Tad's and I pay this time.'

     John, my new friend, put his arm over my shoulder. We
walked briskly like long time pals down to Forty-Second,
across Broadway and Seventh Ave and up the street to the
steakhouse. His stories about his grandfather told of a
complicated love / hate relationship. He loved him minimally
because the old man was the only person willing to take him
in. But he hated the uneven discipline, his grandfather's
occasional drunken binges during which he became violent,
often hitting John hard enough to draw blood. It was that
side of his grandfather that sent him out away from the
neighborhood as often as possible. Johns could be good
friends; some were good listeners and let him spend the
night when his grandfather was too drunk to notice.

     He convinced me to look for a trick with him.

     Kids from Harrison, New Jersey were on Forty Second
when we got back, six of them, blonds or light brown haired.
They'd probably get picked up before us. That had been the
main advantage of hustling with Georgie. All that blond hair
attracted immediate attention from johns on the hunt.

     John and I checked out the Port Authority Bus Terminal
then, finding it lacking any business potential, walked back
up toward the Square. A man John knew pulled him inside a
store entry and asked about me. John shrugged his shoulders
and pointed my way with his chin. The man hesitated then
made an offer that John relayed to me.

     'He wants to have us together like that's some new
thing. I know him; he's just weird is all. We do him and he
pays ten.'

     'Where?'

     'Holland.'

     'Okay.'

     We walked about thirty feet behind him. John said
that's what he wanted. In the hotel, we went straight to the
stairs and the second floor. We were sitting on the steps
when he came up and shooed us down the hall.

     The john called my new friend Johnny. John rolled his
eyes at me when he did. `It's because he says his name is
John which is bullshit. I seen this one's driver's license.
It's Horace. How'd you like to be called Horace? My name's
John, just plain old John.'

     The man was a 'shower first' type so we crowded into
the tub and washed each other. He had a strange body, all
skinny with a huge belly. John washed the man's cock,
opening the tip and holding it under the spray to be sure it
was clean.

     The john was a kisser. Much as I thrilled at the idea
of kissing Georgie and enjoyed it with Nancy and Kenny,
sucking face with facial hair stubble and tobacco breath was
a total turn off. I let him kiss my cheeks but turned away
every time he got close to my lips. John, however, frenched
with the man. But his dick stayed soft while doing it.

     What the john wanted next was for us to suck him
simultaneously, one over the top, the other on the sides. He
had to lie flat on his back or it would have been impossible
with that gut of his. Meanwhile, he alternated looking at us
working his dick and sucking each of ours. He didn't stay on
me long enough to get me remotely close to orgasm.

     'We s'posed to take it in the mouth when he cums?' I
asked John in a whisper while the man worked on him.

     'Yeh, that's what he wants but just follow my lead.'

     After about fifteen minutes, the man fingering our
asses, his cock was stiffened. John touched me on the
shoulder and motioned that we should work the sides of the
head to the hairs. Our lips touched as we slid up and down
together. It was a turn on for me. I couldn't see John's
cock to see how he felt about it.

     The man gripped my ass cheek and shot into the air.
John had aimed his cock so the scum went up on his stomach
and not on us. A real pro, I thought.

     We didn't get off but we did get ten to split. It was
nearing one o'clock.

     The Harrison crew was nowhere to be seen when we
returned. There was a threesome of Spanish kids from the
South Bronx. John knew them and nodded their way as we
passed.

     'The kid in the middle had the clap just a few weeks
ago' said John. 'This man nurse give him and them others
needles but I wouldn't wanna go with nobody they been out
with for a while.'

     A tall man with a van parked on Eleventh Avenue picked
us up next. He looked clean and John had seen him on the
street before. We went to a motel in New Jersey not far from
the Holland Tunnel. He wanted to fuck one of us. I said no
way. The offer went from five each to five for the one who
didn't and ten for the one who did.

     'Ten and fifteen and you gotta deal,' offered John.

     I hoped he wasn't offering me because that was
something I wasn't about to do.

     'That's twenty-five dollars', protested the john.

     'It's gonna hurt', retorted John.

     The man looked us over. 'Who?'

     'Me,' answered John. Although a bit taller, John was
thinner and definitely lighter than me. I could not imagine
the man's at least seven inches fitting inside that small
body.

     The man sighed and said, 'Okay.'

     'Not that we don't trust you but this is gonna hurt a
lot so I want the money up front.'

     We were too far from the city to scam this guy. Maybe
John had been stiffed before. The man laid twenty-five
dollars on the nightstand. Fiddling in his pants pocket, he
then came up with a tube of KY.

     John turned to me. 'Don't worry, I know how to do
this.'

     We watched the man grease up.

     'Okay, now get on your back an' I'll put it in,' said
John.

     'Twenty-five dollars and we do it my way', insisted the
man.

     'I know how to get it in without me getting killed.
Soon as it's all the way in, we can do whatever you want.'

     The man sighed again and laid back, his legs over the
side of the bed.

     John stood on the bed and stepped across the hairy
body, straddling it, face toward the man's. He squatted,
reaching back to get hold of that huge cock. I sat on the
floor between the man's feet and watched up close. John
placed the cockhead against his little pucker. I didn't see
any way it was going to fit without ripping him open. John
settled down on the head then stood back up.

     'Better give me some of your grease', he told the man.

     It was supplied. John took off the cap, stuck the end
in his hole and gave the tube a squeeze. A blob came out
around the opening. John pulled the tube out, put the cap
back on and handed it to the impatient customer. He lowered
himself again, guiding the huge dong to its destination.
Again, he settled on it. I watched the skin spread wider and
wider until the head was in to its rim. John moved his ass
back and forth slightly, leaned a bit forward so he could
put his fingertips on the man's gut. John's rectum stretched
wider as the cockhead disappeared inside. I was stiff as a
board.

     John raised himself upright and started down. I watched
in amazement as half the seven inches slipped inside. John
stopped and leaned forward again, pulling his ass and the
man's cock forward. He moved his hips a bit to the right and
slid down the greased pole until he was sitting on the man's
pubic hair, the huge cock completely inside him. I looked
quickly in front. John's cock was soft. His eyes were
closed, his face relaxed.

     'Okay, how do you want to do it?' asked John.

     'Let's just stay like this for a while,' answered the
man, obviously no longer impatient.

     I got back down on the floor. John sat up, his ass now
further down on the man's crotch. I was very curious to know
what it felt like for John, and the man.

     'Go up and down on it,' requested the john.

     John leaned forward and raised himself. A ring of
stretched flesh surrounded the cock as it slipped out, clean
and shiny with KY and the John's own juices. The ring popped
back in when John lowered himself again from halfway up the
shaft. He repeated it several times.

     'Go higher,' said the man.

     John went right to the top. I could see the bottom of
the cockhead pushing out before John slid back down. He kept
doing it, sliding up and down. I wanted to touch the
manshaft and feel John's soft flesh. I moved in close enough
to hear the greasy sound of flesh sliding against flesh. I
put my hands lightly on John's ass cheeks, following the
movement. I let one of my fingers slip in and feel the
extending skin of John's hole as he rose. It was ever so
smooth, like the inside of my cheek.

     I reached around and felt john's cock. It was hard. I
massaged it. It got harder.

     The man grabbed John's hips and stopped him. 'Turn
around.'

     John sat upright and revolved on the axle. The john
pushed himself higher on the bed and pulled John flat on top
of him. I moved to maintain the view.

     The john began fucking. Watching the huge wong slide in
and out of John's stretched hole was becoming too much to
bear. I had to do something for my cock. I held my fingers
on the manshaft and as it slid in and out, greasing them up
and getting more excited. Eyes affixed on the action, I
began to slowly masturbate myself. It wasn't enough. I took
John's cock in my other hand and worked it too. The man was
grunting softly. He rolled to his side and increased the
length and force of each thrust. The grunts became louder
groans then muffled growls. John grabbed my hand with both
of his, holding it tight against his crotch. I was close.
The man jammed in. I let go of my cock and felt the base of
the man's. He was cumming. I could feel the globs of sperm
fire up his shaft and into John's gut.

     The man rolled over, pinning John and our hands beneath
him. John's body all but disappeared. The man's buttocks
flexed as he made several final short thrusts. Finally, he
rolled back to his side. John's cock was soft. Gradually,
the man's cock softened too and slipped out to the head,
which seemed stuck inside. John pulled hips forward and it
popped out like a soft turd, falling lifeless onto the bed.

     I looked at John's stretched hole expecting to see
pieces of torn tissue or at least some blood. There was
none, not even redness.

     John sat up and grinned. Softly he repeated, 'Never say
never, nothing is forever.'

     The john offered to suck us off but John said he had to
take a shit. My friend picked up the money and went into the
bathroom with me close behind.

     'How bad did it hurt?' I asked once the door was
closed.

     'Not that bad 'cept at the end. He got really big when
he came.'

     He sat on the toilet. 'This might take a while but if I
don't, sometimes it's like diarrhea and comes out later in
my underwear.'

     'Shit,' I said looking at his torso trying to gauge
where the cock head must have been when it shot its load,
'had to be dam near up in your stomach when he came.'

     'Nah, you gotta learn about your insides. He was in my
colon and large intestine. Goes like this.' He ran his
finger from his crotch up toward the left side of his gut.
'Just look in your science book where it shows the digestive
system.'

     'Where'd you get that 'never say never, nothing is
forever' from?' I asked.

     'My grandfather always said that no matter how hard
something looks, you can handle it and whatever it is, it
can't last forever. Never say never, nothing is forever.'

     It took about five minutes but John let off some nasty
wet farts and brown goo dripped out of his asshole.

     We showered, dressed and had the john take us to Tenth
Avenue and Forty-Second Street. He wanted a date the next
week. He wanted to fuck me. I declined. John said he'd be on
the Square but made no commitment. I figured he'd have to
wait a month for his ass to recover.

     After eating three pieces of pizza each, we parted with
a promise to try and find each other the next day or the
next week. I felt a great loss when he disappeared into the
Time Square subway station.