Date: Thu, 17 Jan 2002 16:07:33 -0800 From: Robert Just Robert Subject: Poindexter Files-Chapter Fourteen Poindexter Files Chapter Fourteen Pain shared is pain lessened Don kept quiet about his discovery and tried to act as if nothing had ever happened. He expected Mark to bring up the subject of him and Luke "doing the deed", but Mark never did. They spent the four day holiday together, out of town at Don's parent's lake house. They spent the days boating and swimming and the evenings dining out or taking in a movie or just strolling the streets of the quaint town nearby. Don forgot his worries and enjoyed his time with Mark, but deep in the back of his mind was that nagging voice, telling him that Mark was hiding what he already knew. He tried to dismiss the feelings of jealousy, he was after all a grown man and fairly secure in the fact that Mark loved him. He knew his own feelings for Mark were as strong as any he had ever had for any man, and he believed the feelings were mutual. But, he was human. Nothing spoils a relationship faster than secrets and lies. Although he didn't think of it as a lie, an unspoken truth was almost the same thing. But what of his own unspoken truth? He had witnessed the deed, and rather than admit it or confront Mark, he had kept it locked inside. How could he fault Mark for keeping his secret when his own secret burned at his brain day and night. Finally with much thought he decided to confront Mark. Confront him in a way that was not accusatory, but rather as an admission of his own unspoken truth. And so on the last evening of their holiday he prepared himself for the task. They had had an exceptionally busy day, shopping for gifts for everyone and dining late at a local supper club. The meal was superb and Mark seemed in high spirits. Don on the other hand was a nervous wreck. He picked at his food and drank more wine than he was accustomed to. By the time the check came he was quite intoxicated. "What's gotten into you babe?" Mark ask with a wry smile. "Not that I mind, it's much easier to take advantage of a drunk." He added laughing. "Oh, really?" Don snapped back. And before he could think clearly he had barked out the words that opened the wound he had felt all week. "So, was Luke drunk the other day?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth he was sorry. The look on Mark's face was one of a man who had just been slapped senseless. "What?" He said under his breath. "You know?" Don lowered his head and nodded staring at his unfinished plate. Mark stood and picked up the check. "I'll...be right back." He walked to the register and handed the cashier his credit card and signed the receipt with out even looking at it. When he returned to the table he found Don siting with his head in his hands. "Come on babe." Mark said softly. "We need to talk and I don't think here is the best place." Don allowed himself to be guided up and out of the door oblivious to the other diners who stared with sudden interest. Mark unlocked the passenger side door and waited while Don climbed inside. He shut the door and took a deep breath before walking around the suv and opening his own door. He slid inside and looked at Don who was staring straight ahead. In silence they drove back to the house and went inside. Mark sat on the couch and patted the space next to him indicating that Don should join him. Don sat down numbly, afraid of what lay ahead. He never could handle alcohol and now it had ruined any chance he had to go about this diplomatically. "I was gonna tell you, honest. I just didn't want to spoil our holiday. Can you forgive me?" Mark said taking Don's hand in his own. Don looked up at him with tears in his eyes. He was apologizing. It wasn't what Don had expected. He felt as much to blame as Mark. For keeping the secret and most of all for not leaving when he had the chance. For not trusting Mark enough to leave his private affairs to him. "I didn't mean to see.....I got home early. I heard voices. I wanted to leave. I trust you." Don was crying now, great tears splashing onto his handsome face. Mark pulled him close and kissed his cheek, tasting the salty tears. "It's not your fault. It's mine. I should have been honest. But, I have to admit....I was feeling some guilt. Not so much for doing it...you know how I feel about Luke. I feel guilty because, well...because I felt like I was cheating on you." Mark said ,tears now clouding his own eyes. Don leaned into him and they kissed tenderly. "I'm not jealous of Luke. I just..... I want you to be happy. I love you and I hope you love me, and well......" Don trailed off sniffing back tears. "Don, you know I love you. You're everything any man could ever want. You're cute, sexy and fun to be with. If I thought that having Luke in our lives would ever cause you one moment of pain, as hard it would be....I would give him up." Don frowned. "I don't want that...I love Luke too. I guess I was just being silly. I mean I never really thought about how I would feel when it happened. But, I always knew it would. Truthfully, I figured it had already happened, on the camping trip." Don admitted. Mark managed a weak smile. "It almost did, it almost did. Luke is very persistent, and I know that's no excuse...but, damn it I'm weak." "It's okay." Don said, his tears now beginning to dry. "I'm cool with it. I guess I just got carried away....wondering if you were ever gonna mention it. If I hadn't have witnessed the last little bit of it I wouldn't have had this grief." Mark seemed curious about what Don had actually seen and questioned him about it then filled him in on the rest. Don found the truth no harder to bear than the uncertainty and in fact found it somewhat arousing. By the time the talk was over, he was a very able and willing partner. Mark spirited him off to bed and applied the healing that only a man on man session can achieve. As they cried out together as one, their bodies merged , their spirits entwined, they purged their souls of the unpleasantness of the affair and their love was once again intact. *************************************************************************** Lonnie sat at his computer, clad only in his boxers. It was already nine o'clock and he had planned to be in bed by ten. He wanted to send Luke a last minute e-mail telling him that he would be arriving around noon tomorrow. He could not remember ever being this excited in his entire life. As he finished the e-mail and hit the send button, he heard a light rap on his door. "Come in." It was his dad. "I just sent Luke an e-mail. I told him we'd be there around noon, okay?" Luke said, a big grin filling his cute face. His dad loved to see him smile. He lived for his son's smiles. He had always been a happy child. He seemed to smile a lot more lately and his father guessed why. He knew Lonnie's secret. He knew his son was different. He and his wife had discussed it and decided it made no difference to them, that they loved him just as much as ever, maybe even more. But, it was others that they feared. People could be very cruel, especially in a small town. They prided themselves on the fact that they were open-minded enough to accept Lonnie as he was, but were wise enough to know that they were an exception rather than the rule. They had discussed it at some length after Lonnie had met Luke. They decided it might be easier for Lonnie to accept his own sexuality and guard it from those narrow-minded people if he knew that they supported him. But they also knew how embarrassing and upsetting it could be if they approached it in the wrong way. Lonnie and his dad had always had a strong loving relationship and so they decided that he should be the one to approach the subject first. Lonnie's dad felt the butterflies invade his stomach as he entered Lonnie's room. There was that killer smile. He studied the boy's features. He was pretty, almost too pretty for a boy. He felt a pang in his heart, as if he had suddenly endured a heavy loss. In a way he guessed he had. Once he admitted that Lonnie was different and that he was a sexual being, he would loose that innocent boy that he had shared so much with over the years. He felt sad at first, but Lonnie's smile was contagious. He felt his fears melt away as the boy excitedly babbled on about the upcoming trip. He loved his son with all his heart. He was his life. He admitted that to himself and wondered why he felt that way. Shouldn't his wife be his life and then his son? Not the other way around. He was confused. He had spent so much time with his son that he couldn't bare the thought of being without him, ever. But, that was how it was with boys..with children...he mused. You love em' and they grow up and leave. "Mom wanted to know if you got everything packed." He said suddenly remembering why he had come to the boys room to begin with. "Yeah, I think so. Let me see." He pulled out a long list and studied it as his dad watched in amusement. He was always so organized. Even when they went camping together he was the one who made the list and saw to it that everything was packed. "Yep, except my toothbrush. Which I will pack when I brush tonight." He said thoughtfully. His dad sat in silence for a moment studying Lonnie as he shifted in the office chair he had bought him for his last birthday. He looked so innocent, so beautiful. Such beauty was often painful to gaze on, and now was the case as he sat watching the boy, aware of every movement, every gesture, captivated by his presence. He broke his gaze and collected his thoughts. He had rehearsed in his mind over and over what he would say, but now it all sounded strange and foolish as he considered it. "Lon..." He began. "Your mom and I well...we wanted to let you know that well...we are here for you if you ever want to talk...about anything, anything at all." He stammered. Lonnie look at him with a puzzled expression. What was he saying. Then suddenly a fear crept through him...did they know? Had they guessed. Had they seen something. He tried to remember, had he ever left any evidence on his computer, or said anything. He was suddenly very frightened. But this was his dad, his best friend in the whole world talking to him. How could he be afraid. His dad would love him no matter what. Or would he. They had never discussed sex , at least no more than most fathers and sons do. An implied thing here, a dirty joke or off the wall comment. Cool stuff, nothing serious. He and his dad hadn't even really had the "sex talk" yet. His dad saw the change in his facial features, his smile faded and he looked suddenly very small and sad. He wanted to scoop him up and smother him with his love, to reassure him that he was still his "bud" and that nothing could change that, nothing. "Your mother and I know." He said simply and deliberately. Lonnie sat quietly his face suddeny going pale. He was devastated. He was speechless and he waited with dread for his dad to continue. "It's okay. We still love you, and you're not in trouble." He continued. For a moment Lonnie thought maybe he meant something else. He tried to remember if he had made some bone-headed mistake and forgotten it. No, it had to be his secret, or at least what he had believed was his secret. What could he say? What could he do? He waited, helplessly his hands twisting unconsciously in his lap. Lonnie's dad felt terrible. He had just dealt his son a brutal emotional blow. He wanted to hold the boy, to soothe his hurt. He opened his arms and the boy flowed into them, tears falling freely now. The sobs racked his body and he buried his face in his father's strong chest. "I'm...so...sorry." He choked out. "Shush...don't. You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn't do anything wrong." Lonnie couldn't understand. Was his father saying it was okay? Did he know everything? No, he was sure of that. No way he could know everything, but he could guess. He knew he and Luke had been alone, not once, but twice. He knew what queers did...he would figure it out. He cried harder as his father hugged him close and patted him gently. "Lonnie, buddy. It's okay. Don't cry...please. You're breaking daddy's heart." Tears flowed down the man's strong, usually cheerful face and Lonnie looked up into his eyes. He saw a mixture of love, and pain in those strong eyes. He felt his own pain lessen, and he sought to comfort the man who had been more than a father to him all his life. He reached out and wiped a tear from his face and smiled weakly. "Don't cry dad. It's okay. I'm okay." Lonnie's dad wiped tears from his eyes and sat holding his son on his lap, rocking him slowly. The time passed slowly for the two as they sat basking in the warmth of each other's love. The tears stopped, and they wiped at red eyes. Lonnie stood and went to his bathroom to relieve his aching bladder. When he returned his dad was laying on his bed. Silently Lonnie fell down beside his father, moving closer as he sought to get comfortable. His father placed an arm around him and pulled him closer, feeling his warm softness. He patted his stomach and kissed his soft hair. It was as if he was experiencing his son for the first time. He smelled the damp curls, a mixture of shampoo and boy sweat filled his senses. He felt the soft warm flesh beneath his fingertips and marveled at the perfectness of his body. He was so handsome, so sexy. Suddenly alarms went off in his head as he realized he was becoming erect as he cuddled with his son. A wave of panic swept over him and he pulled back a bit, lessening the body contact. He stopped stroking the boy's soft skin and let his hand fall to the bed. Only his arm now made contact with the boy's warm soft flesh, but even that was exciting. Was he losing his mind? When Lonnie's dad had first decided th boy was gay, he had been relieved. He could never bring himself to accept that someday his son would be swept away by some girl, and loose all his boyhood passions. They had been more than father and son for all of Lonnie's life. They had been buddies. They shared everything, well maybe not everything...he mused. He loved his wife, but he adored his son. She had never seemed to mind the extra attention he gave his son, in fact doting on him for being such a good father. Nor did he ignore his husbandly duties. He considered himself very sexual and a satisfying partner. His wife was attractive and desirable, and he loved her with all his heart. He simply saw no conflict in his feelings for his son, for after all a son was a living legacy to his father and something to be cherished. Now, he realized that his love for his son had taken a new direction. He loved his son, but he also desired him physically. The sudden realization made him feel sick. How could he want to touch his son that way. His only son, his own flesh and blood. He had heard about men like that, incestuous monsters, but he didn't feel like a monster. Anyway he would never act on those desires, never touch his son in that way. Then why was he so excited at his touch? Why did his cock strain at his clothing for release? He had to break contact, he had to talk to the boy before he ruined everything. He sat up suddenly pulling his arm from the boy and sighed. "Look bud, we just want you to know, you'r still our boy. We still love you and all we ask is that you be a good person. Don't do anything to hurt anyone else and be careful. If you have any questions at all about.....well about how to be safe and that stuff...you let me know. I can ...umm buy you some condoms or whatever you need." Lonnie sat up suddenly and looked at his father curiously. "Why are you telling me all this now? Is it because of...Luke?" The man blushed. "What you and Luke do is your business, as long as no one gets hurt and you keep it safe and discreet. Look , I know Mark and Don are gay. I'm not stupid. And I also think they are too old to be messing with boys your age, so I would draw the line there, but you and Luke are peers. No harm there. Heck, when I was your age..well let's just say...I experimented." Lonnie felt a sudden new respect for his father. He really did know, and he was cool with it. Lonnie smiled weakly at his father and felt the love flow outwardly and wrap his body in its warmth. He rolled toward his father and hugged him tightly. "I love you dad. You're the greatest dad on earth." They hugged for another ten minutes and Lonnie's dad was relieved that there was no repeat of his arousal. He felt genuine and pure love for his son. He slapped his son on the rear and got up suddenly. "You better get to sleep , Lon. We are leaving early tomorrow. Night buddy." "Night daddy." Lonnie said leaning in to offer his face for a goodnight kiss. His father held him tightly and kissed him gently on the cheek then left quickly. Shortly his mother appeared with a knowing look on her face. She held him tenderly and kissed him goodnight. "Goodnight sweetie. I love you. Remember...you are still my baby boy, no matter what." Lonnie smiled and she tousled his hair. "I love you mom, you and dad are awesome." "Now, get some rest...I'll let you sleep till breakfast is ready." Lonnie's mom backed out slowly, taking one last look at her son. Tears filled her eyes as she joined her husband in their own room. Lonnie brushed his teeth and packed his toothbrush in his bag. He was smiling, a warm glow deep inside as he snuggled into his bed. It had never felt so good, so comforting and he was asleep in minutes. *************************************************************************** Lonnie's Visit Luke could barely contain himself as he waited outside his apartment building, his hopes climbing as each car came up the street only to be disappointed when they passed by. It was almost noon, and Lonnie's e-mail had said he would be there around noon. Just as he was about to give up and go back inside, a white Chevy came creeping slowly up the street, stopping occasionally as if searching for something. As it came nearer it suddenly speeded up and headed straight up the street towards him. He walked to the curb and the car pulled into the parking lot. The back door opened suddenly and Lonnie spilled out, all smiles as he bounced toward Luke. The passenger side window went down slowly and Lonnie's mom appeared. "Hi Luke." She said pleasantly. "Is your mom home yet?" "Yeah, come on in." Luke said excitedly. The adults followed the boys up the drive and into Luke's apartment. Luke's mom met them at the door. The adults visited while Luke showed Lonnie his room. "I can't believe you're finally here." Luke said bubbling with joy. "Yeah, me either. I almost thought I wasn't gonna get to." Lonnie said thinking back to how upset he was the night before. "Huh? How come?" "I'll tell ya later okay. After my folks are gone. It's cool now." Lonnie replied not really wanting to get into it with so many people around. Luke shrugged and showed Lonnie his computer and video games and chattered on about this and that. Before too long Luke's mother called to them and they returned to the living room to find Lonnie's parents standing at the door. "Give us a hug, bud." Lonnie's dad said opening his arms. Lonnie swarmed into his rugged embrace unashamedly and then hugging his mom, they said their good byes. "We'll pick Lonnie up around 3 or so Sunday." Lonnie's mother said stroking the boy's hair as she spoke. "That's fine." Luke's mom said smiling politely. "I'm off till Monday, so the boys won't be alone, and Mark has agreed to take the boys some place Saturday if that's okay." "That's fine. Mark and Don are really nice." She said to Luke's mom, then to Lonnie. "You be good, bud." "I will." Lonnie said grinning. "So long bud." Lonnie's dad said starting for the door. "Love ya." "Love ya too." Lonnie said smiling warmly. They walked the couple to their car and waved as they drove off. An excited Luke turned to Lonnie. "What ya wanna do now?" "I don't know, it's your town. You decide." "Mom can we go to the video arcade?" Luke pleaded. "Okay, but be back by dark..or call me and I'll come pick you up." "Okay." Luke said grinning widely. "Let's go." The video arcade was within walking distance and on the way the boys talked excitedly about their plans for the weekend. "What was that thing you were gonna tell me...later?" Luke ask suddenly. "Oh, okay. Well last night my dad came to my room and had a talk with me." Lonnie replied thoughtfully. "Oh no....not the "Talk"." Luke said with a giggle. "No, not really. Worse." "Go on." "Well, he told me he knew about me." "Knew what?" Luke ask with confusion. "He told me him and mom knew. You know...THEY KNOW ABOUT ME." Lonnie replied as if Luke should know exactly what he meant. "OH.....OH....you mean...Oh my God!" "Yeah, that. I was scared. I was afraid they wouldn't let me come." "Whaaat...did you say?" Lonnie looked at Luke and decided to be honest. Lonnie thought how cute he was his big eyes staring expectantly as he hung on every word. "I cried." "Awwwww...I'm sowwy." Luke said wanting to touch Lonnie but afraid to out in the open as they were. "But...it was okay. My dad cried too. Then he told me they figured me out and they were cool with it. I about shit my pants. I couldn't believe they weren't gonna bust my balls for it. God, I am so lucky to have rents like mine." "Wow, so it's okay. They don't care?" "Yep, they told me to just be careful and stuff. My dad was really cool about it. And even though my mom didn't really say much she hugged me and kissed me and I knew she was cool too. I just feel so much better, now I don't have this big secret from them anymore." "Uh...did they say anything about me?" Luke ask nervously. Lonnie looked at Luke and winked suggestively. They practically told me it was okay, just to be careful and stuff." Lonnie laughed suddenly. "My dad said he'd buy me condoms if I wanted." Luke didn't know how to feel. If he had known all this earlier, he didn't know if he could have faced Lonnie's parents. At least he wouldn't have to see them until Sunday and maybe he would get over it by then. But, on the other hand it was pretty cool for them to know and be okay with it. But, condoms? He didn't know how to feel about that. His face felt flushed as he turned to Lonnie. "Do they think we need them?" Lonnie shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't tell him anything we did." "Do...we...need them?" Luke ask shyly. "No way. I'm not ready for that.....are you?" "Nah..no way. I just wanted to make sure you felt that way." Luke was thinking of Mark now. Of how good it had felt to bury his hard penis in Mark's hot bowels. He felt his cock stir and his hand went instinctively to that area as he pushed it to one side to relieve the ache there. Lonnie's eyes followed his hand and he grinned at Luke. "What you doin? Are ya horny?" Lonnie giggled. Luke blushed and smiled with embarrassment. "Come on the arcade is over here." He led Lonnie to the store front arcade. It sat on a side street, once a clothing store that had long since gone out of business. The room was large, with machines of all sorts lining the walls. At the back was a booth with a glass window where the attendant sat. Beside it on either side were the doors leading to the bathrooms, the girls on the left and the boys on the right. The girl's bathroom was rarely used, since most of the customers were boys of all ages and an occasional adult. The place was clean and well kept and the owner was a friendly older man named Bob. Luke had met him once when he had problems with one of the machines and now every time Luke came in he greeted him by name. "Hey Luke...." Bob said walking toward him and Lonnie. "Hi." Luke said smiling warmly. "This is my friend Lonnie. He's visiting me this weekend." "Hi Lonnie." Bob said in a kind, fatherly voice. "You boys like race games? I got a new one. Here, tell you what...don't tell anyone else." He said looking around. "Take these tokens and give it a try...tell me what you think. I gotta go fill the token machines...let me know later if you think kids will like it." Bob handed each boy a handful of tokens and turned to go. "Later dudes." He said with a little laugh. "Wow, he's cool. Who is he?" Lonnie ask staring at the tokens. "He owns the place. He always gives me free tokens and stuff. He's pretty cool...for an old guy." The boys found the game machine and used all the tokens before finally buying more and moving on to other games. Bob approached them a while later and they assured him the machine was cool and that the kids would love it. He seemed happy and offered the boys a soda, which they accepted with delight. They moved about the arcade, playing games until their tokens ran out. "I gotta go pee." Luke said suddenly. "Come on. It's back here." Lonnie followed Luke to the door on the right and Bob nodded at them as they passed the booth. Once inside the bathroom Lonnie looked around. On one wall was a urinal and next to it were two stalls. On the opposite wall their were two sinks. At the opposite end was a door leading into a supply closet , but it was always locked. "Come on, in here." Luke said, opening the door of the far stall. Lonnie grinned sheepishly as he followed the boy inside. Luke stood in front of the toilet and unzipped glancing over his shoulder at Lonnie who stood closely facing the door. "Hurry, I gotta go too." Luke zipped up and exchanged places with Lonnie. As Lonnie finished Luke moved up behind him and reached around him. He caught Lonnie's penis in his hand and held it giggling softly. "Hey...." Lonnie said protesting feebly. "Hey what. Let me see that. I missed it." Lonnie turned suddenly and was grinning wickedly. Luke's hand had caused his cock to swell with excitement and Luke was delighted. He began to stroke the stiff flesh as Lonnie braced himself on Luke's shoulder. Reaching over suddenly Lonnie began fumbling with the top button of Luke's shorts and freed his own stiff cock. He began working Luke's cock as quickly and deliberately as his own was being worked. They leaned in and kissed. As they kissed their hands moved faster and more expertly on each other's engorged flesh. They were breathing heavily now and soft gasps filled the air. The sound of flesh slapping flesh and the smell of sex hung in the air. Both boys were lost in their own lust, oblivious of everything but the two hard rods and their probing tongues. Their breath came in ragged pants now as they neared orgasm. Their bodies hungered for release and it was quick to come. With a soft whimper Luke orgasmed shooting a thin short stream of juice across the space between them which stopped just short of Lonnie's body and fell to the floor. Lonnie joined him in bliss seconds later but his ejaculation hit Luke squarely on the upper leg. Once recovered Luke grabbed a handful of toilet paper and wiped his leg and his spent penis clean. Lonnie cleaned up as well and they pulled up their shorts and exited the bathroom. Bob was grinning at them as they passed and Luke blushed. "C'mon let's go." Luke said heading toward the door. 88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888 As soon as Bob saw the two boys head toward the bathroom he exited through the door at the back of the booth and went into his office. He walked softly to a door at the end of the room and turned the corner. He unlocked a third door with his key and entered the darkness. It was a small room, no more than 3 or four feet square. It was empty except for a soft chair with a small table beside it. The wall facing the chair was devoid of any features until Bob touched a switch near the door he had entered. The wall suddenly began to glow and an image appeared. The image was of a bathroom stall, it was empty but seconds later two boys entered. It was Luke and Lonnie and as Bob watched he undid his pants and slid them to his ankles. He sat down quickly in the chair and began rubbing his quickly stiffening cock. It was small, only five inches or so but it was fat and uncut and was leaking pre-cum almost violently. As Bob stroked his cock he watched as Luke unzipped his pants and he glimpsed the boy's penis as he let loose with a powerful stream of yellow gold liquid. How Bob wished he could feel the heat of that stream, and let it splash over his face drinking in the boy's piss. He stroked his cock faster now, afraid the two would leave before he got off. He was delighted as the boys changed places and he caught sight of the other boy's penis. He was near orgasm now and so excited he almost missed what happened next. Luke was moving up behind the other boy and had taken his dick in his hand. Bob grunted softly as he watched the unbelievable action going on just beyond the wall. He watched as as the boys moved around and began jacking each other off, when they kissed he groaned and began to shoot, his thick cum hitting the wall and running down slowly. He felt weak as the waves of orgasm swept over his body and he focused his eyes on the scene before him. The boys were cumming and he watched with disbelief as their young juices splashed out and he wanted so badly to go to them and taste them. But he knew that could never be. He must be content to watch and never would he know the pleasure of touching a boy. The risks were too great. Not just the risk to himself. He knew the punishment for such behavior was severe, but what of the boy. He could never bring himself to knowingly hurt a boy. He loved the way they looked, the way they smelled, their smiles, the sound of their voices. But he was doomed to look...for his heart would not allow anything more. He quickly recovered and wiped himself off with a towel he kept nearby. He pulled up his pants and returned to the booth in time to wave at the two boys as they passed by on their way out. He grinned knowingly, but the grin went unnoticed by the two boys who still basked in their recent orgasm. He felt a sudden sadness. He felt lonely suddenly and very depressed. He was pulled out of his gloom as a cute red-haired boy passed by his booth on the way to the bathroom. He made it to the viewing room in record time. End Chapter Fourteen.... Next "They Do It." ...comments are welcome.... Kewl_dad_1@msn.com