Last year was shit.

Now he was here at the gym. A fucking gym.

Last fall Brady decided --after getting advice from a friend he met on a dating site: Cowboy-- that he was going to approach twelve-year-old Ness and ask him out. Problem? Ness was the little brother of Brady's best friend: Coan. There was a fight about it but Coan and Brady were able to move past it at a Halloween party. Yet, by Thanksgiving Ness and Brady broke up. Ness was great: full of energy, dynamic, and a lot of fun, yet he was also rash, impulsive, loud and desperate to grow up.

Then came Andy, a boy who was the opposite of Ness: shy, quiet, loved reading, and was amazed by everything Brady showed him. They spent the holidays together, had a fun Chirtmas eve and day, yet the cracks started showing by New Year: Andy was cute, romantic, affectionate, and full of love, yet he treated Brady more like an older brother or teacher than a boyfriend, seemed incapable to face his parents, and was just mentally not ready to be in a relationship.

So now Brady had a new pastime: the gym.

At first Brady tried to bury himself in college books and lectures, hoping college would make him forget. It didn't, of course. Luckily Brady wasn't really alone, he still had his best friend, Coan. Ever since Coan taught him how to ride a motorcycle, Brady had become a fan of it, and now, with all his newfound free time he and Coan spent most nights riding through the city streets, even going some weekends to the woods, the wind whipping through their hair, it was an escape, it was freedom, their jackets spelling: Two-man gang on the back.

It was during one of those rides that Coan suggested Brady try something new: the gym.

"Do I look like a gym bro to you?" Brady rolled his eyes as he pointed to his thin arms. He wasn't slender but he sure as hell wasn't ripped, Brady was just... Brady.

"The gym does more than getting you in shape, you know?" Coan stared at him as he raised an eyebrow. "It also helps you mentally, emotionally."

"What?" Brady squinted his eyes. "Get out of here!" But a quick Google search proved Coan right. "Well, I'll be damned. I didn't know that."

"See? Let's go then, come tomorrow with me."

"Tomorrow I need to work on a paper."

"The day after tomorrow, then."

"Eh..."

"What?" Coan grinned at the expressionless Brady. "Ran out of excuses?"

So, two days later, Brady and Coan met at the gym.

As they stepped into the cavernous domain of the exercise bros, Brady couldn't help but feel a sense of awe at the array of machines and equipment that filled the room. Yet, as the workout began, it became increasingly clear that, while Brady was an alien, Coan was in his element here.

With each lift of the weights and each stride on the treadmill, Coan seemed to come alive, his muscles ripping with exertion as he pushed himself to the limit. Meanwhile, Brady struggled to keep pace, his movements awkward and uncoordinated.

Brady hated it, as he laid on his bed that night he vowed never to go again. Yet, when Coan came looking for him the next day he went. And the next, and the next. And before he knew it, it suddenly wasn't too bad. It became easier after a month or two. Brady started sleeping better and right after his body touched the bed, yet his biggest surprise was that, suddenly, he didn't feel that bad anymore.

***

Brady was staring at his screen, reading Coan's text. It was March 20th, the very last day of winter, no less, and his best friend was not here with Brady but with Brady's ex: Ness. Although, to be fair, Coan and Ness were brothers so that was normal, yet that didn't mean it felt great.

"That's what you get for dating your best friend's brother," Brady murmured as he stretched. It was his first time alone at the gym.

March 20th, the last day of winter. God knew Brady needed a new beginning.

He focused on his workout, inhaling fire and iron, exhaling steel. The rhythmic clang of weights echoed, mingling with the sound of heavy breathing and the faint scent of sweat in the atmosphere.

We've all been to the gym, none of us are world-class athletes but we do what we can. And all of us who have been to the gym know sometimes, no matter how focused you are in your workout, sometimes something --or someone-- peaks your attention. You know what I'm talking about.

In this case, Brady was focusing on his music, on his own breathing, when his gaze drifted to a figure across the room, a boy definitively younger than him, effortlessly lifting the heavy barbells with ease.

Brady tried to look away but he always found himself staring back at him, mesmerized by the fluidity of his movements, the way his muscles flexed and ripped with each lift.

"He looks like he could give Coan a fight," Brady murmured. And that was no easy task, Coan had been going to the gym for years, rode a bike, and even did military training camp in the summers. "Yet, that kid could give him a run for his money."

Lost in admiration, Brady almost didn't notice when the boy finished his set and walked away. Brady looked down, trying not to seem too obvious, yet when he looped up again the boy was gone.

Slightly disappointed, Brady sighed before returning to his sets. He looked one last time to where the boy had been and good thing he did because he noticed something: there was a bottle of water, empty. The stranger had forgotten it.

Brady hesitated for a moment before standing up and taking it. It was a simple bottle of water, nothing special, but Brady held it and headed towards the locker room. He was going to return it, after all, that was the right thing to do, right?

As he entered the locker room, the scent of damp towels and shower gel washed over him, mixing with the sound of running water and muffled conversations. Brady walked through the metallic-gray maze until he spotted the boy from earlier. He was wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

Brady stopped for a second. The stranger was definitively young, no older than sixteen at the very least, there was not a single hair on his chest, and he had a baby face, yet his muscles looked firm and solid, a sculpture made out of the purest marble. He was so lost in the boy's body that he almost didn't notice when the boy turned towards Brady, giving him a weird look. And who could blame him? Brady was a stranger and he was staring at him in the locker room.

"Hey," Brady said quickly, making sure of not getting too close. "You left this."

The guy's eyes stayed nailed to Brady's for a second more before looking at the bottle and, as a surprise flash appeared on his face, his serious grin turned into a grateful one. "Oh," he said, almost lost for words. "Shit, thanks man. This would've been the fifth one I lost this month."

"No problem," Brady replied. "I'm also forgetting stuff all the time. I usually come with a friend of mine and if it weren't for him, I probably would've even forgotten my phone at some point," the stranger chuckled, Brady took that as a win. "I'm Brady, by the way."

"Yinjie Wang, but everybody calls me Jay" the boy replied, shaking Brady's hand. "Nice to meet you, and thanks again for the bottle of water."

Brady hoped to keep the conversation going but he decided not to push it, so he took his things and went to his locker. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jay walking --still with a towel around his waist-- towards the showers and disappearing from his sight.

Staring at the empty interior of his locker, Brady sighed. Ness had been a kid desperate to grow, Andy was a kid who needed instructions to do so, and now Jay... Brady didn't know him but Jay --despite obviously being younger than Brady-- totally gave off the vibe of an older person, of someone in his twenties. It was just a hunch.

Brady took off his shirt, his pants, sneakers, socks and underwear, and stood naked in the locker room, his mind was a storm. It had been months since that whole shitshow at Santa Fe's bookstore where Brady broke Andy's heart, and it had been even longer since the whole Thanksgiving situation with Ness.

Two boys, two hearts broken.

Did he really want to meet a third? Brady didn't know Jay. What if Jay was the one? After all, Jay was older than Ness and Andy, and unlike them he wasn't begging or gawking for his attention, a refreshing change of pace. But one shouldn't make assumptions, did Jay even like boys? Brady didn't know Jay.

Well, also unlike Andy and Ness, Jay was tall, and clearly he was strong. Would he be into Brady? Would Jay see in him what they saw? Brady didn't know Jay and if he wanted to change that, he needed to do something.

Hadn't the bottle of water been enough? Maybe.

Brady didn't know Jay.

"No," Brady corrected as he walked towards the showers, stark naked. "I don't know Jay, yet."

***


It had been ten minutes. Ten! And yet there was no sign of Jay! How much longer was Brady going to have to... "oh, shit, here he comes," Brady murmured.

As Jay walked out of the gym, one hand on the pocket of his hoodie and the other on his phone, he barely looked around and almost, almost missed the sight that was awaiting him outside: Brady, sitting on a totally natural, not at all fake pose on top of his motorcycle, with his two-man gang leather jacket on, trying to appear casual and uninterested.

Jay glanced at him briefly before looking down at his phone again and then raising his head again, an intrigued expression on his face. Jay was very transparent with his expressions.

"Hey," Jay walked towards him. "Brady, right?"

"Right," Brady said as casually and carefree as he could. "Hey."

"You ride a bike?" Jay stopped and admired the metallic beast, staring at his distorted reflection on the silver and polished black surface. "Sweet, man. I've always wanted to get one."

"You should," Brady lifted his chin. "Faster than a car, cheaper too. When I first got it I wasn't sure but my best friend convinced me. Well, actually he and I had a fight and one of the conditions when we made up was that I should give bikes a try. I did and now... well, now I can't see myself without one."

"Really?" Jay couldn't take his eyes away from the machine. "Man, that is a best friend. Does he also ride a bike?"

"Yeah, this is like this one. Actually, this bike is his old one, he also has a jacket like mine," Brady turned so Jay could stare at the design on the back. Two-man gang.

"Wait," Jay raised his head for a second, thinking. "Is this the same friend that comes to the gym with you?"

Brady frowned. "Yeah, why?"

Jay grinned. "Is you friend... what was his name? Colin? Colter?"

"Coan."

"Coan! Right!"

"You know him?" Brady tilted his head.

"Yeah, he used to be on kickbox with me at the gym but stopped coming about a month and a half ago, guess to hang out with you by the weights," Jay said. "Small world."

"Or small gym," Brady replied.

Jay smiled with that before looking again at his phone, then at the street, and then he looked at Brady once more. "Hey, listen," Jay placed his hands inside his hoodie. "I was headed to a party tonight, you know, almost being the weekend and all. You should come."

"A party?" Brady raised an eyebrow. His mind immediately pictured the trainwreck that had been his last party: the New Year's party. He didn't want anything like that again.

"It should be a good time," Jay continued. "Lots of people, dance music, plenty to drink, you know the drill."

Brady hesitated for a moment. He had planned to impress Jay a bit with his motorcycle, make the boy open his mouth in amazement then ask him out for a cup of coffee or maybe to go catch a movie, that had been his plan. Yet... a party? Brady wasn't sure parties were his scene. His last two had been a disaster, the New Year one as well as the Halloween one. Two boys, two broken hearts. Grabbing a coffee, getting a slice of pizza, that was more his style.

Besides, what if Jay was just being a good bro and wasn't into him? What if Jay didn't like him? What if he wasn't into guys at all? Brady didn't know Jay. "And I won't if I don't give him a chance," he murmured.

Maybe it was time to move away from the shy boys and the wannabe grown ups, and give the party-going, gym-loving sixteen year old boy a chance. Brady didn't know Jay...

"Okay, I'm game."

...but he was about to.

***


It was a party alright. It wasn't a club as Brady had assumed, but it was a party.

It was a house, nothing more. A house, not too big, not too fancy, it was just plain and long overdue for a new coat of paint. Yet, even with all the doors closed, and all the windows shut, it was clear loud music was being played inside the garage. Strange colors danced inside, northern lights under someone's roof. It was a scene, half cheap, half dangerous, but full of a eh, fuck it kind of vibe.

"Why so shocked?" Jay asked. "Never been to a real party before?"

Brady stared at the house a while before turning to the boy. "I've been to a few clubs."

"Nah, nah, I don't mean clubs," Jay placed both of his hands on the pockets of his hoodie and shrugged. "I'm talking about a real party, with real people, in a real part of town, if you know what i mean. None of that fancy, pretentious bullshit, just... who-gives-a-fuck-you-just-wanna-have-a-good-time kind of party."

Brady opened his mouth but nothing came out. "Guess not, then."

"And you said you are 19?" Jay smiled and started walking backwards towards the house, his grin was daring but cautionary.

"Almost 20, actually," Brady walked slowly behind him. "Is this your place?"

"Heck no!"

"Then whose place is this?"

To his surprise, Jay shrugged. "As I said: a real party."

Jay and Brady had talked a bit on the way to the party, Jay had been amused enough to be on a bike, and told Brady he was in fact 16, that he was in high-school but wasn't into it, he liked the gym, swimming, and hanging out with his friends. Brady, for his party, told him he was in college, and living on his own above his family's coffee shop.

Yet, as they got closer to the address, Brady started feeling nervous. He hadn't been to this part of town much and felt like a lost boy more than one on an adventure, one on a date with the cutest boy from his gym.

"Chill," It was almost as if Jay could read the anxiety in Brady's eyes because he grabbed the college boy by the hand and led him inside. "No one will bite you inside... unless you want them too."

Inside the house pulsed with energy, the thumping bass of the music reverberating through the crowded house as bodies swayed and laughter filled the air. Brady stood in the periphery. Everywhere he looked, people were laughing and chatting and dancing, their voices blending together in a saturated cacophony of sound that threatened to overwhelm him.

He felt a knot of unease tighten in his chest as Jay effortlessly navigated the crowd, greeting people as if he knew every boy and girl in there. Oddly enough, Jay reminded Brady of Cowboy, yet while Cowboy gave a vibe of I could talk to anyone here if I wanted to, why should I prove anything to you?, Jay's was more let's see how many people I can talk to in a minute, the world is up for grabs tonight and I'm going to devour it.

Brady, for his part, tried to blend in. Jay was nowhere to be found so he felt like his only companion had left him, swimming in a sea of strangers. Yet, try as he might, Brady felt like an outsider looking in. He expected it to be a party of high-schoolers or people of 18 and 19, just like in Halloween and New Year, yet most people here were twenty and above. How did Jay know them? It was a mystery.

The room seemed to spin around him as Brady struggled to find his footing in the chaos, the music pounding in his ears, and the scent of alcohol and sweat was filling his nostrils. He was being suffocated by the crush of bodies, the noise and the heat were closing on him like a...

"Hey," it was Jay, he appeared out of nowhere. "Are you okay?"

"I... I just..." Brady tried but his head was still dizzy.

Jay nodded and took him by his hands, guiding him through the crowd. Brady thought they were heading to the door so he was surprised when he found himself standing in the middle of the room, right on the dance floor.

"You need to chill!" Jay said, whispering in Brady's ear.

"What?!"

"Just close your eyes and listen to the music," Jay shouted, barely audible over the blasting speakers. "Pay attention, not with your mind but with your body if that makes sense, forget everything else, forget everyone else here, just pay attention, not to what the song says, but to how it feels. It's just you and the music."

Letting out a bit of air, Brady nodded and closed his eyes. The song was one he had heard before, where had he heard it before? It didn't matter. He closed his eyes and tried to feel it.

No me importa lo que de mí se diga, viva usted su vida que yo vivo la mía the song said.

Brady had heard it before, it was a hit during the pandemic a few years ago. It was in Spanish, he couldn't understand what it said but understanding wasn't the point. Feel it. Brady didn't know Jay. But he was starting to.

Que solo es una, disfruta el momento que el tiempo se acaba y pa'tras no vira.

Brady let it enter and it was... he looked around and it was...

Bebiendo, fumando y jodiendo, sigo vacilando, de party to' los días.

Fuck, it was... how would you even describe such a place? Yeah, it looked ordinary, gross in some spots even, but it wasn't about the physical location but about the atmosphere, the special something in the air, you could feel the energy, the zero fucks given, the life. Yeah, that was it. Life. But not just any kind of life, immediate life, life in the here, life in the now.

It was all in the hidden details. It was a party on the surface but you could feel what was underneath... you could feel it in the ashy, cigarette-gray air, in the way the neon lights shined over the dark corners, in the way the boys jumped and the girls danced in the middle of the room, in the way the music bounced in your ears and made the floor tremble. Everyone was moving to the beat of the electronic music, there were tons of laughter, kisses, and people raising their arms to the air. No regrets, no outside world. Just here, just now. Immediate life.

Pepa y agua pa' la seca, todo el mundo en pastillas en la discoteca! And the beat dropped, and Brady started moving with it.

"Yeah, yeah, just like that..." Jay was grinning, ear to ear. "You are feeling it!"

Brady let a bolt of electricity flow through his body, escalating through his toes, and feet, and legs and he raised his arms and let it strike into the sky. Everyone around him was feeling the same thunder, dancing to the same spell.

The music, the song, it felt like there was no tomorrow, like it didn't matter what was in store, it only matters that second, that instant. All the worries, all the weight Brady had felt the past months vanished.

College, exams, Ness, Halloween, Thanksgiving, essays, reports, Andy, Christmas, New Year, guilt, ending up alone, it all went away for the first time in months. For an instant, a single instant, Brady was truly free.

Sometimes that's all we need after a long week, after a long month, after a long year: a fucking, destructive, there's-no-tomorrow kind of party to let it all go away. Brady needed that and Jay was there to provide.

Brady didn't know Jay. But he was starting to understand: Jay was freedom.

***

The city hummed with life as Brady rode his bike through the streets of the city, making the engine roar. On the back Jay was holding on to Brady with one hand, hugging him, and with the other he was pointing at the sky, smiling and shouting at the dark, more alive than ever.

What time was it? Who knew. Were they waking up people with the roaring of the engine and all the shouting? Probably, but who gave a fuck? They were alive and that was all that mattered.

As they reached a hill on the outskirts of the city, Brady slowed to a stop and glanced up at the sky, marveling at the blanket of stars that stretched out overhead. Despite the bright lights and the noise of the city below, the stars shone down with a quiet beauty that took his bread away.

They both got off the bike and stared at the horizon.

"Wow," Jay gasped.

"It's quite something, isn't it?" Brady smiled in the dark. The rhythm of the song was still playing in his ears, the electricity still sparkling in his body. "Shit, what time is it?"

"Around 4am, I think." Jay shrugged. "But, you know, today is March 21st, friday, March 21st, the first fucking day of spring."

"First day of spring?" Was this the new beginning Brady so urgently needed and so desperately asked for. Maybe, but it was nice seeing the snow melt away and give way to the flowers, trees, and sun.

"What's this?" Jay asked, suddenly. He had opened the compartment of the bike and had taken out a book Brady had kept there for the last two months, a book of immaculate, and carefully crafted cover. "Pride and Prejudice? This yours?"

Brady opened his mouth, his mind lost for a second. "No, that's... that was a gift. A gift I bought for a boy I was dating."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It didn't end well."

"A boy, then eh?" Jay smiled for a bit. "Good to know you are into boys."

"Why?"

"Oh, no reason," Jay smiled at him. "But if it didn't end well, why do you keep this?"

"I..." Brady was at a loss for words. "I actually don't know."

Jay shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he stared at Jay, then at the book, then at the bike. "It looks to me that you've been carrying this for a while, carrying it all around, wherever you go. It must be... heavy."

Brady didn't respond.

"Maybe..." Jay looked at the ground. "Maybe you shouldn't carry it anymore."

For a moment they stood there in silence, lost in the beauty of the night sky and the spring glow of the city below. And in that fleeting moment, Brady felt something shift inside, a spark of something new and unfamiliar stirring deep within his soul.

Without saying a word, Brady took a hold of the book and threw it from the top of the hill towards the city. The book flew over the bushes and disappeared beyond them, probably rolling down the hill, vanishing from his life.

Slowly, Jay walked until he was next to him. "Feels a lot lighter, right?"

Brady didn't know Jay, not really. A party doesn't turn strangers into friends, right? Brady didn't know Jay.

"Like the weight on your shoulders just became a hell of a lot more manageable."

Brady didn't know Jay. Jay was the gym, Jay was a party, Jay was a bike ride at four in the morning on the first day of spring.

"The way you feel right now... shit, life should feel like tonight, every night," Jay smiled and, after a brief pause, he added: "I'm glad you returned my bottle of water, though. For a second there I thought you wouldn't."

Brady turned to Jay, his eyes grew wide. "What?"

"Did you seriously think I forgot it? Come on, man, I left it on purpose so you would go talk to me," Jay laughed. "What? I saw you staring the whole time I was working out. I honestly didn't think you'd try to return it. But I'm glad you did."

Brady didn't know Jay, but he was starting to.