The Lightning Bolt was still about a day and a half out from Frellorgo, and I was sitting at the helm's navigation terminal scanning through a list of potential salvage sites. We had taken a few slight deviations from our course to obtain more detailed sensor sweeps and had detected several interesting locations for the return trip. Two sites in particular seemed very promising.
The first was a small comet in deep space, which lacked a visible tail, but it still had a faint debris trail with traces of kemend particles dispersed throughout the ice and dust. We had dropped out of astral space to take samples of its trail, and Isaac was fairly confident that the comet held a significant store of kemend crystals. We would need to make some minor modifications to the exterior of the ship to store the crystals for transport once they had been mined, but it could prove to be a very profitable discovery.
The second location appeared to be the site of a massive battle, centered around a derelict asteroid base. We had not approached close enough to obtain visuals, but the sensors detected several derelict ships as well, including one cruiser class vessel. Isaac estimated that the battle had taken place over twenty years ago, which meant that it had most likely been picked clean already. Still, it might be worth taking a look.
I was suddenly startled as a black furball leaped into my lap. Josie wobbled precariously on my leg, trying to decide if her move had been a mistake. Apparently deciding that it was safe, she meowed and laid down, purring heavily. I had been claimed.
"Hello sweetheart," I told her softly. I gently stroked her back with one hand and rubbed underneath her chin with the other. I could even feel her simulated breathing and subtle warmth emanating from her tiny body. Josie was truly a marvel of technology.
I'd finished my review of the salvage sites and was just about to go check on Simon, but now with a warm kitty cat in my lap I was seemingly trapped. What to do? Josie's tail swished back and forth, and it reminded me of a certain pair of lavender penises. I opened the ship's database on the terminal and pulled up information about elingey physiology and culture.
Elingey penises were fascinating. Like humans they could have an erection that extended the penis, but unlike humans it didn't become completely rigid, and it still maintained its prehensile qualities. The underside of the shaft and foreskin had a rougher texture that made it grippy and allowed it to hold onto things. But these details were just the tip of the proverbial penis, so to speak. Elingey culture seemed to have an extremely relaxed and enlightened view of sex, and there was no distinction between touching genitals and touching other body parts. From what I could tell, even sexual contact between adults and children was viewed no differently than cuddling, so that's why Edorrel and Cadorla hadn't been concerned when they had seen the boys playing the penis game.
Could I have actually joined the boys' game without upsetting their parents? That was a rather intriguing thought. I imagined myself naked, floating up to the boys and slipping into their circle to grab onto Trindel's penis, while Varsim grabbed onto mine. Simon looked across the circle and smiled at me, which I returned with a grin. I didn't know the rules of the game, but I was certain I could improvise as needed. The boys were all giggling at the funny feelings as our hands pushed and pulled in response to the chaotic movements of each other's bodies in the zero-gravity environment. There were no losers in this game, and...
"Fuck!" I screamed, suddenly snapping out of my daydream as Josie attempted to eviscerate my dick with her claws!
Staring down at my lap, I watched in horror as Josie began swatting my boner through my pants as if trying to murder a mouse! I grabbed her in a desperate attempt to separate her from her new plaything, but that made the situation far worse since one of her claws latched onto my penis as I tried to pull her away!
I shouted a long stream of obscenities and tried to use my forearm to pry her claw loose. Thankfully, it worked, and I dropped Josie to the floor. She bolted from the room as I grabbed my injured member.
"Kyle, are you alright?" asked Isaac, worriedly. "What happened?"
"I'm fine," I said. "Josie just cut me with one of her claws." I didn't say where she had cut me though because I was hoping to avoid adding another embarrassing story to Isaac's growing repertoire of shipwide accidents. I could just hear him now: and this is where Kyle almost had his penis ripped off by Simon's pet cat!
I pulled one of my hands away and looked at the streak of blood on my fingers. Wonderful. Well, at least I'd get to test out the newly upgraded medical bay. I hurried out of the helm and began hobbling down the corridor. Simon was standing in the doorway to his cabin with a concerned look on his face.
"I'm okay," I explained before he had a chance to ask. "Josie and I just had a little misunderstanding." I looked past Simon into his room and saw Josie sitting on the floor casually licking her paw.
Simon followed along after me. As I entered the medical bay one of the new nurse bots hovered in front of me and spoke in a male human-like voice: "Greetings Captain. How may I assist you today?"
The question momentarily threw me off. I hadn't actually seen my injury yet, and I had no idea how bad it actually was. I began undoing my pants, acutely aware that Isaac and Simon were watching my every move. They had both seen me naked countless times at this point, but there was just something about a medical examination that made me more self-conscious.
The front of my underwear was spotted with blood. It didn't appear to be too extreme, but any time your dick is bleeding is a major cause for alarm. I cautiously pulled my underwear forward and gently held my penis to examine the wound. Josie's claw had missed the head, thank goodness, but it had left a thin centimeter-long cut along the shaft.
"I have an injury on my..." I began, then sighed. "Penis. And just call me Kyle."
"Certainly, Kyle. Let me take a look." The bot hovered lower as a green beam traced along the length of my penis, highlighting the wound. "Small penis laceration detected."
Isaac laughed through the bay's speakers.
"Hey!" I said, slightly annoyed. "The bot means the laceration is small, not my penis."
Isaac just continued laughing, and Simon also began to giggle. Great, it was official. This incident was going to be another glorious entry into my accident collection.
The nurse bot flew across the room and retrieved a jar from a cabinet. It then opened the jar and dabbed a small swab into the ointment, held the swab under a radiation beam to activate the enzymes, and returned to spread the ointment onto my wound. There was a mild tingling sensation as the cut began to close and heal.
"Kyle, how does that feel?" asked the bot.
I gave my average penis a couple of light strokes to test it out. "Much better. Thank you."
As I walked back along the corridor to my cabin I decided that I wasn't upset with Josie. It had been my fault really. She was just being a pussy cat and, as a boy lover, I should have remembered that boners and pussies don't mix.
I awoke with a start as Simon jabbed his elbow into my stomach, followed closely with a kick to my shin. Surprised about why I was being attacked, I pushed away slightly and sat up. He was whimpering in his sleep, and his whole body was trembling.
I placed my hand on his side, intending to wake him up but paused as he began to mumble something. I couldn't quite make out what he was saying, so I leaned in closer. Simon was sweating, and he kept tensing his muscles as he spoke. His words were slurred, and I still couldn't understand him. Suddenly, his hands illuminated with electricity and he uttered a single word with such vitriol that it sent a chill down my spine: vorlans...
Hoping to avoid being shocked I quickly let go of Simon's chest and pushed myself back against the cabin wall. However, just as suddenly as his hands had electrified they abruptly relaxed, and their energy dissipated. He sat up, turned his head to look at me, and blinked slowly in confusion.
"Are you okay?" I asked, hesitantly.
Simon was still breathing heavily. "I... did I shock you?"
"No, you didn't. You were having a bad dream and talking in your sleep." I moved back to the center of the bed and reached for my shirt to wipe the sweat from Simon's brow.
He didn't speak. He just laid his head back down onto his pillow and stared at the ceiling. I placed my hand on his chest and rubbed it gently.
"What was your dream about?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. I was hoping that he would finally open up about the vorlans.
Simon remained silent. I could tell that he was lost deep in thought, and it was clear by his occasional sharp breaths and the flexing of his fists that he was quite unsettled. He seemed like he was about to either start crying or blast a hole through the ship.
He closed his eyes as if he were planning to go back to sleep, but then he began to speak. "The vorlans were attacking us. I wanted to fight them, and I kept trying to make electricity, but I couldn't get it to work. It kept messing up. They..."
His voice cracked as he struggled to keep from crying. I held him more firmly to give him support. I almost told him it's okay, it was just a dream, but I stopped myself in time. Parts of it may have been a dream, but it seemed like the vorlans' attack had been very real. I decided to go for broke. "Simon, who are the vorlans? What did they do?"
Simon exhaled deeply then took another sharp breath. "They're monsters. They have yellow skin and wings, and they're so mean. They came to our colony and tried to make us leave. The grownups tried to fight them, but there were too many. We ran to our ship and left the colony, but the vorlans found us. My dad was helping fight while me and my mom..."
I watched as a tear ran down the side of Simon's face and fell onto the pillow. I pressed my face against the top of his head as I shared in his grief.
"She put me in the pod," he said, his voice thick with anguish. Simon's body shook with silent sobs, and I just held him for a long while.
"And then we found you," I whispered. The words seemed to calm him.
Neither of us said anything else. Eventually, Simon fell back asleep, but I stayed awake, lost in my own thoughts. I wanted to do more to help him through this, but I didn't know what else could be done. His past was like an open wound. Maybe in time it would mend into a scar, but I didn't think it could ever truly be healed.
After a lazy start to the day, followed by a late lunch, Simon and I now found ourselves in the ship's helm. We were seated in the pilot and copilot's chairs, respectively, listening as Isaac provided us with updates.
"We've entered the Frellorgo system," said Isaac. "Dropping into normal space."
The stars abruptly reappeared, along with a small world just faintly visible far in the distance. Drenvim was the fifth planet in the system, and as we approached I could see the dense swirl of gray and white clouds in its atmosphere.
"Sensors aren't detecting any other ships or objects in the area," continued Isaac, "except for a few small satellites in orbit around the planet. The air is mostly breathable, but it's a colder world so you'll still need your full nanopacks."
"Not a problem," I said. "Can you check with the colony and make sure they're expecting us? Agredrians tend to be paranoid, so I'd prefer to do whatever we can to minimize the chaos. Let them know we have their cargo and send them the manifest, then wait until they tell us to land before making your descent."
Agredrians had a well-earned reputation for being assholes. Playing nice with others was something their species had apparently failed to learn along its evolutionary journey. They weren't cruel or inherently violent, at least not usually, but they just seemed to have a knack for making everything more difficult. Over the years I had encountered agredrians on several occasions, and I had learned a few tricks when dealing with them, which I explained to Simon.
"And don't let them bully you," I said firmly. "You've got to be tougher and more stubborn than they are."
Simon didn't respond. He was clearly dreading having to come along. I didn't like making him uncomfortable, but it was good for him to see how I ran the ship and what I had to do to earn a living. Plus, even though he was a child, having him there to back me up would likely make negotiating with the agredrians easier.
"That went more smoothly than I was expecting," said Isaac. "They've given us permission to land, and for agredrians they were positively polite."
"That's peculiar," I said. "Maybe they're just desperate for this delivery. Did they at least scan our ship?"
"Yes, they tried, but the deceiver array has them convinced that we're a simple unarmed freighter. Their colony is fairly small, and they don't seem to have much advanced equipment."
I stood up and walked to the doorway. "Alright, set us down."
Simon got up from his chair, but he just stood there looking uneasy.
"Are you coming... First Officer?" I asked with a wink.
He smiled and followed me down the corridor. We stopped in the mudroom to grab some nanopacks, and this time I took an extra one in case Simon decided to go wild with the electricity. In fact, that was a precaution I was taking from now on whenever we left the ship. I also equipped my pistol, and looking through the equipment locker I suddenly had an idea.
I grabbed one of the scalpel pistols, tweaked its settings, and handed it to Simon. "This is a cutting laser, or what I like to call a scalpel. I sometimes use them to cut through metal and other debris when salvaging. I've disabled its laser, so it isn't dangerous, but the agredrians won't know that. And besides, every first officer needs a trusty laster pistol."
He immediately pointed the scalpel at the wall and began making pretend laster sounds. Then his eyes fell upon the guillotines. "What are those?"
"Those are the guillotines, the scalpels' big brothers." I suddenly had an even better idea. I picked up one of the rifles, and compared its size to Simon. Yep, it would work just fine. I disabled the rifle's laser as well, grabbed a shoulder strap and fastened it around Simon's torso, then secured the rifle onto his back.
"Why did you give me that?" Simon shifted awkwardly, trying to balance the rifle's weight.
"Make an angry face, like this," I said, setting my jaw into a sneer and furrowing my brow. I took a step back and admired my little bodyguard. The effect was jarring. Take one cherubic little boy, dress him in colorful shorts, a t-shirt, and sandals completely unsuited for the world's frigid climate, strap a massively-oversized rifle onto his back, give him a pistol, and contort his face in anger.
"All he needs now is an eye patch," said Isaac, laughing.
"That's a great idea!" I responded.
A few minutes later we found ourselves in the cargo bay, waiting for the fabricator to finish making Simon's new eye patch. I smeared some mechanical grease onto Simon's face and exposed skin, and once the patch was completed I placed it over his eye. Simon looked like psychopathic child mercenary.
"Isaac, are you seeing this?" I asked excitedly. I took my tablet and set it to mirror mode, then I held it up to show Simon how he looked.
"He's perfect!" said Isaac. "We've just landed. I had to set us down in the middle of their settlement because it was the only place big enough that was clear of trees and snow."
Simon was staring into the mirror and grinning widely. I was about to tell him to make the angry face again, but smiling actually made his visage even more disturbing. There was really no wrong way that he could play his role.
I activated our nanopacks, which covered our bodies in a thin protective membrane. "Alright Isaac, open the bay doors. Standby with the drones though. I don't want to move the cargo until we've met the locals. Oh, and Simon, just follow my lead."
"Do I have to talk to them?" he asked nervously.
"No. Not unless you want to. Maybe just grunt at them instead. Whatever you want to do will be fine. Trust me." I gave him a smile and headed to the airlock.
Drenvim was a beautiful planet--harsh and bleak but beautiful. Enormous snow-covered evergreen trees surrounded the settlement in all directions, and beyond in the distance were sprawling mountainous crags extending like daggers toward the cloudy sky. The settlement itself was absolutely tiny by comparison. The buildings were so small that it looked as if we had stepped onto a toy model of a town. The Lightning Bolt towered far above the tallest of the buildings, and even I could look down onto some of the roofs.
I had forgotten to warn Simon of the planet's lower gravity. He stumbled as we walked down the ramp, almost drunkenly I noted with a smirk, but he recovered without falling.
"Come on out!" I shouted above the heavy wind, pretending to be annoyed. "Let's get this over with. We don't have all fucking day."
Suddenly, agredrians began to emerge all around us. Some were standing behind shrubs and others were lurking around the corners of buildings. Little beady eyes peered out of windows, and I even saw a few clinging to the sides of trees farther out. Cautiously, a trio of the diminutive buggers bounded toward us, before stopping near a fountain in the square and waiting for us to approach. They were comically small, even compared to Simon. I had deliberately left out that particular detail, and as I glanced his way the look of sheer disbelief on his face was priceless.
The largest of the agredrians stood about fifteen centimeters tall, just barely reaching above our ankles. They had an odd assortment of physical features, including ruddy brown fur, clawed hands and feet, legs with knees that bent backwards, stubby thick tails, long snouts with jagged teeth, and a small fin that ran from the tops of their heads down along their backs and tails.
As we moved closer one of the agredrians began speaking in a series of high-pitched squeaks and bleats, followed by the translation which was also high-pitched: "I am Governor Tirsonir. I regret to inform you that your delivery has taken too long. We've decided we only need twelve of the farming robots. The purchase price has been lowered accordingly."
"Yeah? Is that so?" I snapped. "Well listen here, pipsqueak. You already agreed upon the terms and price. Either you buy everything or you get nothing. And my associate here really doesn't like it when people waste his time."
I shot Simon a sidelong wink, encouraging him to grunt or make his angry face. Instead, he hesitated for a moment, then suddenly raised his fists into the air and let loose an awkward roar that nearly made me burst out laughing!
The trio of aliens were alarmed and hopped backwards a bit in fear. Many of the others who were standing farther away also recoiled at the giant's abrupt outburst. I took a moment to compose myself as I struggled to keep from snickering.
Except for the howling wind the town square was completely silent for a minute while everyone watched Simon to see what he would do. I didn't look at him because I suspected he was making his angry face, and I knew I wouldn't be able to contain myself if I saw him. "Well, Governor, what's it going to be?"
The three agredrians huddled together and began discussing their options. Finally, with anxious glances at Simon, they approached once more. "We will accept the original terms," said Governor Tirsonir, "but let us first show you where to unload the cargo."
I nodded and began to follow the agredrians out of the square, but I stopped and turned when I heard the ship's cargo bay doors close and the loading ramp beginning to raise. Those little bastards were attempting to steal my ship!
"Kyle," said Isaac in a worried tone, "we have a problem. There's a group of agredrians on the ship and they've just closed the cargo bay doors. I've sealed them in the cargo bay. Want me to reopen the bay doors and mobilize the drones?"
I thought for a moment. "No, just keep them locked in the cargo bay for now. Open the mudroom airlock, and extend the ladder."
Without warning I reached down and snatched the governor around his chest and lifted him into the air. In the lower gravity I was pretty sure I could punt him across the entire town if I wanted to. "I'll only say this once," I growled. "Tell your people to get off my ship right now."
"They're not our people," he squeaked in terror, "well, not anymore. They're renegades. They wanted to leave the colony, and they've been waiting on a ship to arrive so they could capture it and escape. They have all of our weapons and forced us to go along with their plan."
"If this is another trick..." I said menacingly, while giving him a firm squeeze. He looked as if he was about to pop.
"It's not!" he gasped. "I swear!"
I tossed the governor onto the ground, perhaps a bit more roughly than I had intended. I turned around and saw Simon snarling at the governor, and despite the serious turn of events I couldn't help but grin. I grabbed his shoulder and guided him toward the ship's ladder.
"Captain!" yelled the governor as he frantically tried to catch his breath. "They have my daughter, Rullua. Please don't harm her!"
I didn't look back. Simon climbed up the ladder first, and I followed closely behind to help steady him. Once we were both back inside the ship I closed the airlock and raised the ladder. I was about to ask Isaac for an update, when I heard what sounded like an explosion from the direction of the cargo bay.
"What was that?" I asked, panicked.
"Apparently," said Isaac, "one of the agredrians has a tiny rocket launcher. He just blew a hole in the door leading to the corridor. There are six agredrians, and the rest appear to be armed with pistols. They're moving down the starboard corridor checking rooms."
Without hesitating I opened the mudroom door and motioned for Simon to quietly follow me. "Isaac," I whispered, "we're headed to the galley. Turn off the galley lights. I'm going to ambush them from there. Can you distract them from their rear when I give you the signal?"
"Yeah, but are you sure you don't want me to a send a drone to help?"
"No, it's too dangerous." The drones' cutting lasers weren't really weapons and would probably do more damage to the ship than to the invaders. I considered equipping one with a guardian loadout, but that would have taken several minutes, plus the hail of microscopic projectiles fired from its chain gun would rip the ship apart if used inside.
When we reached the galley I had Simon hunker down behind the island while I positioned myself into a crouch at the end. "I can help," he whispered in protest.
"I know. You're actually my plan B." I gave him a smile, then I drew my pistol and peered beneath the stools, taking aim at the starboard corridor. I had no doubt that Simon could zap the agredrians good and proper, but my main concern was the rocket launcher. Their laser pistols were too small to be lethal to us, or so I hoped, but if the rockets could punch a hole through the ship's door they could definitely kill Simon or me.
"Get ready," said Isaac. "They just entered the far door of the medical bay. The nurse bot is speaking with them now."
I could hear the nurse bot's voice and the squeaks from the agredrians. If they blew up my new medical bay I was going to have the little fuckers' corpses preserved and made into custom figurines for my collection. I steadied my arm and prepared to fire.
"They just asked the nurse bot about the ship's crew compliment," said Isaac, "and it answered two."
That was good. I assumed that the renegades had seen us leave the ship, so they probably believed it was now empty and would hopefully let their guard down. I had a good vantage point from the floor of the darkened galley, but I had no idea if agredrians could see well in the dark. Regardless, things were about to get very interesting.
One of the renegades came into view and stared down the galley corridor as he passed. Thankfully, he didn't notice me. Soon after, another pair walked past, and then finally the one toting the rocket launcher came into view. "Now," I whispered to Isaac.
"Stop right there!" shouted Isaac from the corridor speakers behind the agredrians. His little boy's voice had an edge to it like he was throwing a tantrum, and it had the desired effect. The renegades were startled and turned to face their would-be assailant.
I fired my pistol at the bastard holding the rocket launcher and hit him in the back! His legs reflexively kicked, causing him to leap sideways into the wall, but he was dead before his body slumped onto the floor. His weapon flew out of his hands and landed nearby.
The first agredrian that had walked past the galley corridor quickly hopped back into view, attempting to locate the shooter. I fired my pistol again but missed. He fired his own pistol and also missed, instead hitting the bar stool and causing its padding to begin to smoke. I fired again, and this time I hit him center mass! Two were down, but there were still at least three to go.
One of the renegades who had not yet come into view hopped into the intersection, intending to pick up the rocket launcher. I fired my pistol and missed, but the blast caused the agredrian to leap back in surprise. I couldn't afford to let the little shit get its claws on that weapon so I stood and charged forward!
He saw me and turned in time to fire a shot from his pistol, which struck me in my left leg above the knee. It may not have been lethal but it still hurt like a bitch! During my moment of hesitation the renegade dropped his pistol and grabbed for the rocket launcher, but in his haste he fumbled and tripped. I stepped forward, raised my right foot, and brought it down onto his back with a sickening crunch!
"Mother fucker!" I yelled as another laser blast struck me painfully in the right shoulder. I whirled around and ran at my attacker, who panicked and tried in vain to dodge my kick. Unfortunately for him, my foot caught him in midhop and propelled him with far more force than I had anticipated. He went flying and crashed against the ceiling before smacking back down hard onto the ground and sliding the length of the corridor, finally coming a stop nearly twenty meters away and just shy of the wall of the cargo bay!
Rubbing my wounded shoulder, I turned around and glared at the last two agredrians. I noticed that Simon had come out from behind the galley's island. He held his disabled scalpel pistol levied at them as well.
"Who's next?" I growled, taking aim with my own pistol.
The agredrian on the left suddenly grabbed the one on the right, holding her in front of him as a shield and pointing his gun against her head. He then began chattering in a series of high-pitched squeaks. "Stay where you are humans, and drop your weapons!"
"Let me go right now, Naxorn," she cried as she struggled against his grip, "or I'll slice off your balls!"
"I don't think so!" he said, laughing. He then pressed his claws more tightly against her throat, which caused her to stop struggling. "I said to drop your weapons!"
I met Simon's gaze and gave him a slight nod. Slowly, we both crouched and set our pistols onto the floor.
"Good," said Naxorn. "Now, you're both going to..."
Naxorn suddenly screamed, or rather he made a loud squealing sound that my translator interpreted as a scream. True to her word the female agredrian, who I assumed was the governor's daughter Rullua, had just raked her claws across Naxorn's groin! She lunged forward and successfully pulled away from his grasp.
"You damn bitch!" he wailed in pain, stumbling backwards.
What happened next occurred so quickly that my mind barely registered what I saw. Like something out of a nightmare, a black furry ball of death leaped from the stairwell behind Naxorn, enveloped his entire head in her fang-filled maw, and escaped with her prey back down the stairs in a frenzied blur!
"Yes!" I whooped in complete astonishment. "Best cat ever!"
Simon, who's line of sight to the glorious event had been blocked, rushed forward to see what had happened. Rullua also turned and looked around in confusion at her former captor's sudden disappearance.
"Josie just took out the last of the renegades!" I said to Simon.
"Who is Josie?" squeaked Rullua, nervously.
"She's our pet cat," I told her. Then, realizing the potential danger that Rullua was in, I added: "Perhaps it would be best if you allowed me to carry you. Josie may decide to come back for dessert. Your name is Rullua?"
Rullua quickly hopped forward but kept an eye on the stairwell, and she wasted no time climbing onto my outstretched palm. "You may," she said, "and it is. My father told you what happened?"
"More or less," I said, as I carefully lifted her and held her against my side.
Simon and I walked toward the cargo bay to inspect the damaged door. The bottom of one side was ripped open and shards of metal lay strewn nearby, but the other side was still functional and opened up to let us through. I instructed Isaac to open the airlock doors and to have the drones begin unloading the cargo into the colony's square. I didn't care if that was where they wanted it dropped off or not.
After setting Rullua onto the floor I told her I would come out shortly to meet with her father. As she made her way off the ship I noted that she neither thanked us for saving her from Naxorn nor thanked me for carrying her to the airlock. Seemingly without exception, agredrians really were all assholes.
My leg and shoulder hurt, but the wounds didn't seem too serious. The ship's new nurse bots would be getting more practice. But first, I intended to conclude this job and get the hell off this turdball of a planet. I was also going to make a case for additional compensation, so I grabbed a small tool bin and headed back to the scene of the battle to collect the dead and their weapons. The four bodies on the upper deck were easy enough to find, and I smiled as Simon expressed his amazement at how far down the corridor I had managed to kick the one renegade.
Naxorn's body was not able to be retrieved, however. We found Josie in her favorite spot on the stairwell landing, laying atop his headless corpse. Splatters of blood were all over the floor. His head was laying half a meter away, but that was still a bit too close to risk Josie's wrath by daring to pick it up. The satisfied look on her bloodied face was as close to a smile that a cat could manage, and I didn't dare attempt to steal her prize. The maintenance bots would just have to clean it up later, but unless they had vastly improved their techniques since last time I didn't think much of their chances.
"The drones are offloading the last of the crates now," said Isaac. "I don't think the agredrians are very happy with the cargo's location."
I just laughed. "After the shit we've had to deal with today, agredrian happiness is not one of my concerns. And I'd wager that once I've made my counteroffer their happiness level is going to drop even lower."
"What do you mean?" asked Simon.
"Oh," I said with a smirk, "I'm just going to amend the terms of our contract. Let's head outside. It'll be fun."
This time, I had Simon carry the guillotine rifle. I also adjusted his eye patch and roughed up his hair a bit to make him look even crazier. I had Isaac keep the drones hovering in the square as well to add additional intimidation to the scene, and this time I made sure to close the airlock behind us so that any other would-be intruders couldn't gain access to the ship.
News had obviously spread throughout the colony about the renegades' defeat, and nearly a hundred of the little brown-furred aliens had come to the square to investigate. A few had even climbed atop the cargo crates, some of which were as tall as nearby buildings, in order to get a better vantage point. Most of the agredrians still kept their distance, and as we made our approach I was happy to watch as they quickly withdrew and gave us an extra wide berth.
Governor Tirsonir and Rullua were standing near the crates, along with several other colony dignitaries. The governor was clearly agitated. "Captain, this is completely unacceptable! I demand that you move these crates at once! They are far too big for our machines to..."
My patience had run out. I stepped forward and slung the contents of the bin onto the street in front of him. The renegades' corpses and weapons went skidding across the ground as the governor and other nearby agredrians leaped back in shock. No one spoke as they tried to process the grisly scene.
The governor eventually regained his composure and began protesting once more. I turned to Simon and gave him another wink. He walked forward with as much bravado and menace that a nine-year-old psychotic pirate could muster, then raised his rifle and let loose another deafening barbaric yaulp!
Agredrians scattered in all directions! And this time, I'd have sworn that even the wind itself quieted down a bit in response.
I squatted directly in front of Governor Tirsonir. "You're going to sign this contract. You'll note that I've increased the purchase price by 10 percent to compensate my crew..." I paused briefly to look at Simon, who awkwardly bared his teeth and nearly made me lose my focus. "And you'll also do it to compensate me for the damage to my ship and for the two laser blasts I sustained while saving your daughter and ridding your colony of its renegade problem. You'll also note that the body of the renegade's leader, Naxorn, is missing. That's because his corpse is currently lying underneath our pet cat, Josie, while she plays a game with his severed head!"
I held out my tablet for the governor's signature, as I stared into his eyes and dared him to argue. He didn't.
Simon and I soon found ourselves back onboard the Lightning Bolt. Despite my better judgment, after the governor had signed the amended contract, I'd instructed the drones to relocate the cargo to a more preferable location. While we waited for the drones to finish and return to the ship I stopped by the medical bay to have my wounds tended.
I was completely exhausted, both mentally and physically, and I couldn't wait to be done with Drenvim and its shitty inhabitants. Simon also seemed especially worn out. He had removed his eye patch but he still had a deranged look about him, like that of a feral street urchin. Once the nurse bots had completed their work we both headed to the bathroom and took a long, hot shower.
As we were drying off, Isaac informed us that the drones had returned to the ship. He had even taken the liberty of flying us off the planet and back into astral space. Much relieved, I thanked him, then I had him set a course for the kemend comet that we'd discovered on our way here.
"Are agredrians always like that?" asked Simon, between bites of his food. We were both a bit hungry and had stopped in the galley for a snack before bed.
"Pretty much," I replied, "well, except for the hijacking attempt. They're not usually that violent." I stared pointedly at the burned cushion of the bar stool.
"You kicked their butts though!" he said excitedly.
"Thanks," I told him, chuckling. "You were rather intimidating yourself. I think the ones outside were more afraid of you than they were of me. That's quite some roar you've got!"
"Don't forget about Josie," added Isaac. "She was pretty fierce as well."
"She was great! Her timing was perfect." I wasn't sure that fierce quite covered it. Josie had now murdered one sapient being and had attempted to murder another when she'd attacked Plarrexiss. Or did Plarrexiss count as multiple attempted murders? Regardless, she was well on her way to becoming a serial killer. So basically, besides the whole robot thing, she was just a normal cat.
After we had eaten we decided to call it an early night. Repairing the cargo bay door and the various laser blasts could wait until morning. I was utterly spent, and I didn't want to do anything but sleep. Well, that wasn't entirely true--there was still one more job I was looking forward to doing to Simon's penis.
However, as we walked into my cabin my boner quickly wilted as I looked at the bed. In her feline fashion, Josie had decided to honor me with a small gift. Laying atop my pillow, Naxorn's severed head looked back at me with a rictus of stunned horror.
Quickly grabbing Isaac the otter from the bed, I turned and intercepted Simon before he had a chance to see what Josie had done. "You know what, Simon? Let's try sleeping in your bed tonight!"
Although confused, he didn't object. And besides, we still needed to break it in. So we did, and in more ways than one.