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"There is nothing short of death that can make me stop loving you."
I once told him that and he smiled. Two weeks later he was killed while walking home from school, hit by a speeding car driven by a 17 year old boy named Sean Miller.
For a while I hated Sean. It was easy I guess, and natural to hate the person who had ended my world, but there is only so much guilt and shame to go around and the both of us had had our share.
I asked him to meet me at the mall near his house. I don't know what he thought when I asked him there. Maybe he thought I wanted to harm him, Heaven knows he had tried harming himself enough. Of course I didn't know that then, but eventually I would know everything about Sean Miller.
He looked different than I had remembered him, but I suppose I looked different too; grief does that to a person and we had both had our share of that. He was a handsome boy, but it was obvious he didn't care about his looks anymore. His hair was dirty and stringy and his clothes were rumpled and in need of washing. He sat at a table in the food court shredding a napkin and when he saw me he looked up nervously and stood.
I tried a nervous smile but he wasn't having any part of it and I let it slide from my lips. I muttered a greeting and slid into the chair across from him and he sat down heavily.
"Thanks for coming," I said wondering why he had agreed to meet me. Maybe this was as much closure for him as it was for me.
He shrugged and pushed a dirty lock of blond hair from his eyes. His eyes were blue, deep blue, but they were so full of sadness and despair that all my hatred and malice for the young man before me evaporated like dew in the morning sun.
"If it means anything.....I didn't mean.... for it to happen, and I'm really sorry...." he stopped then as tears rolled down his cheeks and he sucked back snot.
Instinctively I reached for his hand to comfort him but he pulled his hand away and just stared at me with surprise."
Cody, my son, the boy he had run down that day would have turned twelve that day. I tried to think, what would Cody do? He was without a doubt the sweetest kindest boy I had ever known and it was as if I could feel his spirit guiding me.
"I know and I forgive you....Cody forgives you too."
That got his full attention and as he wiped his cute nose on a napkin I saw curiosity in his eyes of blue, "What do you mean?" He stuttered sniffing back more tears.
"Cody loved everyone he ever met, he had no enemies, only friends. I think he would have liked you if he had gotten a chance to meet you." I said numbly.
"Except....except I...I...killed him," he said breaking down once more.
I reached for his hand again and this time he didn't pull away. His skin was clammy and I wondered if he was well. Had his folks been there to support him through all this? Had they not noticed his despair and pain?
I held his hand until he was cried out, neither of us speaking as people came and went, some staring questioningly at the man and boy holding hands but no one spoke to us. It's funny the world we live in today, people are so disconnected with one another.
"Are you hungry?" I asked finally. I was a little hungry and he looked like he hadn't eaten all day.
"A little, but I...uh, don't have much money," he said shyly.
I laughed nervously, "I asked you out, I'm buying."
And that's how it started, our odd friendship. Me the grieving father and him the teen boy who had taken away my only son in a moment of youthful ignorance. I couldn't really hate him once I got to know him and I saw how fragile he was how much pain his mistake had caused him. I guess at first he felt he owed it to me to humor me and meet with me regularly, but eventually it became less of a chore and more of a joy.
Once he asked me if I knew how really sorry he was, and I told him I thought I did, but the important thing was what he thought. He sat and pondered that for a moment then said the most amazing thing, “I think Cody forgives me.”
I almost lost it then, it was one thing for me to feel my son’s presence and quite another for this boy to feel it. I accepted it quickly though remembering how quickly Cody had wormed his way into anyone's life that he came across. Why should his death change that?
We went everywhere those first few weeks: to the mall, to ball games, to a movie or two and with each foray we healed a little more and grew a little closer. One night after a movie he asked me if I had any pictures of Cody. Of course I did, dozens in my wallet, but many more at home including some videos I’d made of him over the years.
We wound up back at my house and in front of the TV as I showed the videos through my big screen from my laptop. I tried not to cry, but seeing my boy alive and well once more hurt my heart too much and I fell apart.
Sean was crying too, but softly and he knew just what to do. He took me in his skinny arms and pulled me against his slight frame and patted me gently as if he were the adult soothing the child and not vice versa. I smelled his strong teen boy odor and against my will I began to become aroused. I pulled away quickly and excused myself to the bathroom where I blew my nose and washed my tear-stained eyes and pulled myself together. My erection subsided and I played it off to having been celibate for so long.
When I rejoined Sean, the video was off and Sean offered me a drink. He had taken the liberty of helping himself to sodas for us both of us but of course I didn't mind, in fact I had always had a standing policy with Cody’s friends: the first time they were over they were company, the next time they were family and could help themselves to whatever we had.
I took the offered drink and sat down beside him feeling oddly embarrassed at my earlier arousal. If Sean had noticed, he made no mention of it then, but I was determined it would not happen again. I distanced myself from Sean after that, a fact that did no got unnoticed my him and eventually it began to take a toll on his well being.
Though I continued to meet with him once or twice a week, our meetings were always in public and I never offered to take him back to my house again after that night. Then one night, several weeks after that incident, it all came to a head.
We had just left the bowling alley where I had trounced Sean quite thoroughly and we were on our way to his house when he suddenly turned to me and began to pour his heart out.
You hate me don't you? He said softly and almost without emotion, "I thought we were...friend, but after that night...when you...you showed me his pictures and that video...you hate me now don't you? I don't blame you, I hate me too. Sometimes...sometimes I think about...about killing myself. I don't think anyone would miss me. My folks don't care and now....and now you don't care either. He broke down then and began sobbing, his body shaking with each breath as if he were freezing.
I pulled the car over in a parking lot and unbuckled my seat belt and slid across the bench seat and took him in my arms.
"No, that's not true," I said soothingly as I kissed the top of his head gently. These days his hair was clean and smelled wonderful.
“But...you don’t take me to your house any more and...until now...you don’t touch me anymore,” he sniffed.
“I know, I know, but it’s not that...it’s me..I...something happened that night at my house and I...it’s very embarrassing and I don’t want it to happen again so...so I have been keeping you at a distance. It’s not because I don’t care for you.....it’s that I care too much.” I confessed.
"You mean...uh, getting a...a...boner?" Sean said looking up to stare directly in my eyes.
Those blue eyes were piercing, looking straight into my soul and I suddenly felt naked before him. I couldn't help but laugh, "Boner? Is that what they call them these days?"
He smiled, "I do. What do you...uh, call it?"
"Cody called them chubbies," I smiled at that. "Boner is fine. But it didn't mean anything. I don't want you to think I'm a pervert or something." I said red-faced.
He wiped his eyes and smiled sadly, "I don"t think you're a pervert and I'm not offended that you...uh..you know..." he said blushing.
"I haven't had...I mean..." I sighed, "you know, my love life has been on hold for a while and it..it just happened that's all..it didn't mean anything"
"So why are you worried then?" He always had a way of cutting right to the heart of things.
"I....well, just didn't want to take a chance I guess...that's all. I'm sorry, I was stupid and I didn't mean to hurt you. One thing you are wrong about though, I do care and I would miss you if....well, let's not think about that. There has been way too much dying and sadness lately."
"So...you don't find me attractive?" he suddenly asked, his tears were dried up now and he seemed interested in what I had to say once more.
I laughed, "What? Well..sure, you're a cute boy but I don't think of you sexually," I said then blushed. Only problem was, I wasn't sure that was exactly true. I was gay and though I had always only dated legal aged guys, Sean was one hot boy despite his age.
He smiled,"Really? Then why did you pop a boner?"
I shook my head, "Why? Do you find me attractive?" I teased, but the look on his face said I had struck a nerve.
He lowered his head and mumbled,"I like you...I like you a lot. When I'm with you..I feel, I don't know....happy." then he quickly added, "not that I have a right to be happy after...after what I did."
"Why do you say that? You have a right to be happy, we both do. What happened was a horrible, horrible accident but you can't let it ruin your life."
"Is..is it ruining yours?"
How could I answer that? In a way it had, but lately...with Sean in my life, it was as if things had gotten better. They weren't perfect and I would always miss Cody, but I felt that at long last I could move on and enjoy life again. It suddenly occurred to me that it was Sean who had made that possible. Funny how things work out.
"Not any more...not since...not since we became friends. I feel at peace with things now and I feel like I can move on. Can you do that too?"
He wiped at his eyes again and smiled shyly,"Only if you still want to be my friend."
I hugged him close and before I knew what was happening he had tilted his head and kissed me on the lips. At first I was terrified, we were sitting in a parking lot in plain sight and I was kissing a 17 year old boy, but it felt so right and I didn't push him away.
When we broke it off he blushed deeply and lowered his head, “I'm sorry...it just happened...I hope you aren't mad."
I laughed softly, “I'm not mad, surprised and a little confused but not mad. I think we should go to my place and talk about this though. If that's all right."
He nodded, smiling brightly, "Let's go home," then he blushed again at the familiarity of that statement, but we both knew it was true, from then on it was pretty much his home as well as mine.
Coming to grips with our feelings
I had met Sean's parents, Ted and Amanda Miller at the funeral and they seemed like nice enough people, but I was so mired in my grief at the time that I really wasn't in any condition to judge people. After Sean and I began seeing each other I learned a bit more about them. For instance I found out that besides Sean the Miller's had two other sons, Noah who was 11 ( my Cody's age) and Nick who was 14. Nick was adopted and Sean said he was not close to him, but that he and Noah were tight (his words). Nick was mixed, his father being Latino and his mother American Indian and from the picture of him that Sean showed me he was a very handsome young man, but he looked sad.
I asked Sean why he and Nick weren't close. "It's not like we hate each other or any thing. We get along okay, but he's so quiet and not very sociable. Mom says it's because he was abused in the home where he lived in Arizona before they adopted him. He was 12 when they adopted him. It was a weird deal but I was pretty excited by the idea of having a brother closer to my age."
"But you and Noah get along well?"
"Sure, except when..well, after the accident I sort of ignored him and I think I hurt him a lot, but we've made up and we're tight again."
"That's good." I felt good the I had helped in more ways than I'd set out to by forgiving Sean.
"You told me once that your parents didn't care if you lived or died, but that's not true is it Sean?"
He blushed, "No, I was just feeling sorry for myself. They were worried sick, my mom cried a lot and my dad tried..he really did, but no one could reach me...until you invited me to the mall that day."
I smiled, "I thank God every day that I took that step. I was hurting so bad but the night before I dreamed of Cody and in the dream he told me to let go and forgive and well..." I choked up and Sean was right there for me hugging me and patting me gently, "I suddenly realized that I wasn't the only one hurting. I knew I had to forgive you and I needed to do it face to face."
"My mom says she's really thankful you did what you did. She said that in a way she felt like she lost her son too, then you gave me back to her," he said as tears ran down his handsome face.
It had been six months since we'd become friends and he had grown up a lot in that time, but he was still the same gentle soul inside. His birthday was coming up in a few weeks and he'd be 18. In May he'd be graduating and probably go off to college, but I tried not to think about what that would mean.
"I'd like to meet your parents and your brothers some time, under less stressful circumstances. Do you think they would agree to that?"
"Are you kidding?" he laughed, "they like think you're a God or something. My dad said you are what they used to call a gentleman, whatever that means. My mom said she would like to hug your neck."
I laughed, "What have you been telling them?"
"Just the truth," he said humbly, "but mostly they just see how happy I am now."
"Well, should I invite them over or take them out for dinner?"
"I think mom would rather have you over there, but I'll find out. It will be great, you'll see."
A week later I picked Sean up after school and he had good news. "Mom and dad invited you to dinner Saturday night. She said she would make her special Mexican casserole and bake a cake," he said grinning.
"God, I'm so nervous now. What should I wear? I need to get a haircut...."
"Relax, you're not going on a date. It's just my family."
"Oh sure it's just the man and woman who brought you into the world. I feel like I've taken you away from them these last few months."
"No, you gave me back to them. I wasn't really there until you forgave me and became my friend," he said gazing into my eyes.
It was at that moment that I saw things clearly for the first time. I knew I loved Sean, and had for a long time, but until that moment I thought it was unrequited love. I mean sure I knew he liked me (air quotes) but the look in his eyes at that moment said there was more to it than that. Thinking back the signs had been there all along, but I was too busy trying not to let my true feeling show that I'd ignored them...until now. The gentle looks he gave me at times, the way he always sat so close to me that we touched, the times he took my hand in his as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and most of all the gentle way he spoke to me. He never once raised his voice or became irritated with me no matter how pig-headed or obstinate I became.
When I looked at Sean next I saw him through different eyes. It was if my eyes had been opened and instead of being relieved or happy I was terrified of what that meant. What was I doing leading a 17 year old boy on? I was almost 35 and not a bad looking guy but I was twice his age and I should know better. My dad had once told me that there were two things in life that we had no control over: taxes and who we fell in love with. I guessed he might be right, but there was no way I was going to complicate this boy's life any worse than I already had. No, this stopped now even if it meant doing something drastic.
"That sounds great," I mumbled at last, "I love cake."
"Mike, what's wrong?" Sean asked after a few minutes.
"Nothing, just nervous I guess...you know meeting the parents and all," I laughed.
He frowned, "No, it's something else..I know you too well. What is it Mike?"
I shrugged, "It's nothing. So, what do you want to do tonight?"
He sighed and gave me that look, but I guess he didn't want to push it any further at the moment. "Oh, I'd just kind of like to watch some TV, maybe order a pizza. If that's not too dull for ya."
I laughed, "No, not too dull. I like those things."
"And me...do you like me?"
"Well....." I teased, "I've sort of gotten used to you, you know, even though you're ugly and all."
He pooched out his lip and sulked, "I'm ugly now? You used to say I as cute."
"Well, I was just being kind," I said feeling mean all of a sudden. I don't know what came over me, but by the time we got to my house he was really quiet and moody.
"I'm gonna go shower and change," I said dropping my keys on the table in the hall. He headed toward the kitchen and I headed toward the master bath removing my clothes as I walked.
I felt a little better as the hot spray hit my body and then I thought about what I had just said to Sean and I felt awful. I mean I had spent the last six months building him up and in just a few words I had torn him back down. I hurried with my shower so I could fix what I had broken. I dried quickly and slipped on a pair of sweats, not even bothering with a shirt and padded out to the living room.
Sean was not in his usual spot on the couch so I checked the kitchen then the hall bath but I knew it was a waste of time. Sean was gone. I had hurt him so badly that he had left and I felt like the biggest dick in the world. I slipped on my shoes and grabbed a jacket and headed out to the car. If he was walking home I knew the route he's take but there was no sign of him. I tried his cell, but there was no answer. His phone was a piece of shit so I wasn't surprised he didn't answer, he missed a lot of my calls and texts and I was planning on getting him a smart phone for his birthday.
I hit the steering wheel hard and cursed. I had forgotten just how sensitive and vulnerable Sean was and I had really fucked up this time. Where could he be? It was too soon to call his house, it was a good thirty minute walk if he was headed there, but I had a funny feeling home wasn't his destination. But where else would he go?
Then it dawned on me. There was one place that he considered special. I had met him there a few times early on before I started picking him up at school or at home and it was only a short distance away. As I drove there I thought about the first time I had met him there. He was dressed only in a thin jacket and he was shivering. When he saw my car he actually smiled and hurried toward me. He slid in and thanked me for coming and proceeded to tell me all about his day and I was so happy just to be with him.
The park was just ahead, half way between his house and mine, but he had gone to that particular park way before I met him. He said he used to go there when he was a kid and play on the swings or sit on the monkey bars and think about things. I could tell from the way he talked that this was his special place and I just knew I'd find him there.
I didn't want to spook him so I parked on the street a half block away and walked the short distance. As I approached the park I saw a dark silhouette on the monkey bars and I knew I'd guessed right. Fortunately he was facing away from me so he didn't see me approach but I didn't want to sneak up on him and cause him to fall off the monkey bars so I coughed softly to get his attention. He swiveled around and when he saw it was me he turned back around and ignored me. Not a good sign.
I climbed up and sat a few bars away from him but didn't speak until I was sure he wasn't going to bolt. He must've known I would remember this place and he was waiting for me to come make things right. I scooted a bit closer, not close enough to touch, but so close I could feel the heat coming off of him in the nippy spring air.
"Hi, nice out here isn't it?" I said grinning.
He grunted but he sounded amused. I was a funny guy and he appreciated my humor.
"I hope you know me well enough by now to know I was only teasing and that I would never knowingly do anything to hurt you. I'm sorry for what I said. The truth is I think you are the most beautiful person in my life and I feel lucky that you are my friend."
I guess he felt a little bad or that he was overreacting, but I would soon find out there was more to his running away then my stupid remark.
"I know that. It's not that. I'm sorry that I ran away. I....guess I'm not as mature as I should be. I..I don't handle myself very well."
"I think you handle yourself very well for a kid," I said finally daring to put my arm around him.
He snuggled in close and looked at me with his big blue serious eyes and nodded, "That's all I am to you, isn't it. Just a dumb kid that doesn't know shit about life...right?"
"No, I don't think that. You're putting words in my mouth. I just mean for a boy your age you do a good job of coping and handling yourself."
"I'll always be just a kid to you, won't I?"
"In a few weeks you'll be 18 and an adult, so no...not always," I chuckled.
"So when I turn 18 will you....never mind," he said trailing off toward the end.
"Will I what?"
"Nothing." he said shutting himself off.
"Okay, this is not going like I planned and I'm freezing my balls off. Can we please go back to my place?"
"I guess. Can I spend the night?"
His spending the night was not unusual despite how it might look to any one not familiar with the situation, and his parents had okayed it long ago once they saw that my intentions were good. A simple phone call was all it took to make that happen. Sean even had his own room at my house and he'd sort of decorated it to suit him over the last few months.
"Of course, just call your folks so they don't worry."
"Can I use your phone, mine's dead?" he asked as we climbed down and started for the car.
I handed him my phone and while he was calling I thought about what I would say once we got home. I knew I had to be careful not to hurt him, but I had to do something. I was getting way too involved in his life and falling too hard for him and that was suicide.
"Mom says fine but she wants to talk to you tomorrow. I told her she could talk to you when you brought me home. Okay?"
"What? Oh sure. That's fine. I figured she wanted to talk to me about the dinner or maybe just to get caught up on how things were going with Sean so I didn't sweat it.
Back at my house I locked the front door and set the alarm as Sean giggled, "There is no escaping now," I said in my scary German voice.
"I'm tired any way, I won't run away again," he said stripping off his windbreaker, "I'm gonna go take a shower, okay?"
"Yep, I'm gonna go grab a beer. I'll be watching TV."
He headed off down the hall and I went to the kitchen. He always used my bathroom once he discovered I had a huge walk in shower and sometimes I would find his discarded undies in my bathroom floor the next morning. I know it's perverted but sometimes I would sniff them and get an erection. I always felt bad afterwards, but I had learned a long time ago that if you read too much into things it would make you crazy. I was horny and celibate at the moment so anything could get me hard.
I sipped my beer and stared at the TV, but my mind was on what was going on down the hall. I had often wondered, does he masturbate in my shower? I had even gone so far as to look for signs of sperm on the walls, but I supposed if he did pleasure himself there his ejaculation would go down the drain.
He was 17, full of raging hormones and as far as I knew he had no other release except his hand, so it was reasonable to think he masturbated often. I know when I was his age it was at least once a day, but most days twice and often more. His undies had a savory teen boy flavor but I had never really seen any cum stains or for that matter any stains. The seat of them had a tangy boy butt odor and truthfully that was the scent that usually brought me to full attention when I sniffed them.
His hygiene since I had met him was impeccable and there were no pee stains or skid marks in his undies and somehow that made him seem very special. I know it's crazy, but I was slowly, piece by piece, step by step, falling in love with him body and soul and only now did I realize it.
I was so deep into my thoughts that I wasn't aware of Sean standing there until he spoke.
I jerked my head around and got the surprise of my life. Sean hadn't bothered to dress and was wearing nothing but a huge fluffy bath towel wrapped around his slim waist. I had seen him shirtless and even dressed in swim trunks before but I was totally unprepared for this. My eyes automatically went to his chest and the first thing I noticed was that his nipples were hard and standing up. They were little pink erasers in perfect contrast to his dime sized areolas. His chest was more developed than the first time I had seen it and he had the makings of a six pack.
His chest was smooth and hairless and I could not see one mole or blemish to mar his beauty. My eyes dropped lower and I stared at his perfect little belly button. It was an innie but not deep like most and it looked like a wad of pink bubblegum pushed into his stomach. Below it a fine trail of blondish hair led downward into the towel and I shivered when I thought about where that lead. I had made my appraisal of him in a few seconds and when I looked upward into his eyes he was smiling.
"Uh, some movie...." I stuttered.
"Uh huh. Did you order the pizza yet?"
"Nope, I was waiting for you," I lied. I'd forgotten all about eating and now all I could think about was what lay beneath that towel.
"Want me to call it in?"
I nodded, "Yeah, thanks," I said looking back at the TV.
He went off to the kitchen to use the wall phone and I took the opportunity to adjust the growing bulge in my pants. I had no doubt that he knew what an affect he was having on me or that he was doing this on purpose, but I had no idea why he was doing it.
When he returned he plopped down on the couch and in the process managed to uncover his right leg. I tried not to look but my eyes were drawn to the sliver of flesh with it's downy covering of hair like iron is drawn to a magnet. He knew I was looking and he reached down and scratched an imaginary itch revealing a bit more of flesh and the edge of his pubic patch.
"What are you doing?" I finally asked. My voice was shaky and I was having trouble breathing. My heart was beating fast and my cock was rock hard.
"Huh, what do you mean?" he said acting dumb.
"You come in here wearing nothing but a towel and plop down and show off your leg. What's next, will the towel mysteriously fall off?" I chuckled.
"Are you making fun of me again?" he sulked, "So my body is ugly too?"
"No, you are beautiful from head to toe, but you're also 17 and I'm 35 and I shouldn't be seeing that much of you."
He was quiet for a moment then he looked at me with those puppy dog eyes that Cody used to use on me. God it was as if my dead son was right here on the couch with me again. Sean must've sensed my mood because his look softened and he touched me gently.
"What's wrong. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you any trouble."
"It's okay, it's not you, but I think we need to have a talk. First however I'd like you to go get dressed. You're too much of a distraction as you are."
He grinned, "Okay, I'll be right back," He said hopping up off the couch and running back towards the bedroom that he used when he stayed over.
I had actually bought him a few basics to leave at my huse so he wouldn't have to pack a bag every time he stayed over, which was frequent. I'd never really given much thought to how that might look to an outsider, after all Sean and I had more of father/son or at least big brother/little brother relationship, and his parents approved of that whole-heartedly. But even I had to admit it was sort of strange, I was a 35 year old gay man who had just lost his only son because of the very boy that was spending so much time at my house. It was almost ironic.
Sean's parents knew I was gay also. I had been honest and open with them from the first and they accepted me for who I was. I had explained how Cody came to be my son and Sean's mother had actually thought that was romantic in a way. Cody had been the result of my one foray into straight sex. His mothe, Beth, had assured me she was on the pill so being naive in such things I made love to her without a condom. Beth was bi and really a sweet girl, who I have to admit looked more like a boy than a girl back then, but she had all the girl parts and they worked well.
I can't say it was horrible, in fact it was rather nice, and I had an intense orgasm which seemed only fitting considering the ultimate result, my son Cody, the love of my life. The sad part was I didn't even know of Cody's existence until he was 6 years old. It was then that Beth hunted me down and presented to me my love child.
At first I was skeptical but once I saw how much my boy resembled me I knew he was mine. And once I embraced that fact I fell in love with him instantly. I knew I had to be a part of my son's life even if it meant giving up the gay life and marrying Beth, but fortunately Beth made it easy for me.
She wanted me to assume custody of Cody while she went off to Europe with some friends of hers. Of course up until that moment in my life my experience with children was somewhat limited, but with the help of my dear mother I became the best dad any boy ever had. As much as I loved Cody, I think he loved me more. He had always wanted a dad and to him I was perfect in every way. We had a relationship that surpassed anything I had ever experienced.
Cody figured out that I was gay somewhere around age 8 or 9 years old and he accepted that as easily as he accepted everything else about me. He even encouraged me to date and to find a guy to marry so he could go to school and brag that he had two dads. I did date occasionally, but Cody was my world and I didn't need much else to keep me happy. We did everything together and when he started playing baseball I took on the task of coaching his team. Through that experience I made many friends among the parents, but mostly with the boys on the team. Some of them were Cody's buds from school and they spent as much time at my house as their own and we always had a houseful.
When Cody died his entire ball team showed up for his funeral in uniform to say their goodbyes. I buried Cody in his uniform including his cap and his glove. I'm dripping tears even as I write this, but it needs to be said.
But I digress, back to our life together.
Cody had only been with me a few months when Beth's mother called me with the news of Beth's tragic death in a boating accident in Italy. I was crushed to hear of her death as was Cody, but because I had full custody of my son there was no need for a hearing or for him to be bounced around. He was my son and his home was with me and I faced the future with a happy heart. Beth's parents lived in Florida but they visited at least once a year and spoiled my boy rotten and he loved them with all his heart. My mom, bless her hear,t passed away when Cody was ten and I think it was as hard on Cody as it was on me.
Then one day my whole world ended. In a wink of an eye the love of my life, my sunshine, my reason for living was snuffed out leaving me lost and alone once more. With my mom gone I had no one to talk to and for a while I floated in a vacuum unable to function. Beth's parents flew in for the funeral and tried to convince me to come home with them while I recovered from my son's death, but I wanted to be near the places we had shared and the home he had grown up in.
I didn't touch his room, in fact it is still just as he left it though I do dust and vacuum it regularly. Some nights I would sleep in his bed sniffing his pillow and crying myself to sleep. I lost 25 lbs and was very close to ending it all when I finally decided the only way to get my life back again was to let go and the first step was forgiving Sean.
When Sean returned that evening he was dressed in baggy sweat shorts and a black tee shirt that showed off his chest nicely. He was still a sexy boy, but at least most of his flesh was covered. He had small feet for a boy his age and I had often wondered if the old small feet, small meat thing applied, but having seen him in just his underwear I was pretty sure that wasn't true.
"Is this better?"
"Yes, much. The pizza should be here soon. Why don't we eat first then talk?"
He shrugged and fortunately the pizza boy chose that moment to ring the door bell. He hopped up and paid the delivery boy from the money jar I kept by the door and gave him a nice tip to boot. He was always very generous with my money...he he.
He grabbed himself a soda and me a beer and sat down beside me with the pizza box open on the coffee table before us. It was pepperoni and sausage tonight and though it was good I really didn't have much of an appetite. I knew what I was about to tell Sean could change things between us forever, but it had to be said before things got out of hand.
He didn't seem concerned as he gobbled down his half of the pizza and when I was down to two slices on my side of the box he raised his head like a dog sniffing out a rabbit and eyeballed my pizza hungrily. "You gonna eat both those?"
I laughed, "Nope, I'm about done. Help yourself. I just hope you don't get fat."
"I can eat all day long and not gain an ounce. Well not once I get up to my ideal weight. I did gain some weight after, well you know, after we started hanging out together and I started eating again."
I knew exactly what he meant. He had lost so much weight after Cody's death that he looked like a skeleton. His eyes were sunken and his parents had no clue what to do. I guess that's one reason they were so trusting and thankful and I certainly didn't want to do anything to violate that trust.
As he finished off the last piece I got up to grab a couple of beers and when I handed one to Sean he grinned widely, "For me, but you always said..."
"I know what I said, and I still don't think I should provide alcohol to a minor, but in a couple of weeks you'll be 18 and I'd rather you had your first beer here than in someone's car or a back alley somewhere."
"Who says it's my first?" he laughed.
"Well, since you're a seasoned drinker I don't feel nearly as bad."
"Actually it is my first whole beer. Dad let me taste one of his when I was like 15 but I didn't like it."
"It's an acquired taste. If you don't like it feel free to grab a soda and I'll finish it off."
"No, it's cool," he said popping the top and taking a swig then burping, "Hey, I like this. It's better than that stuff dad drinks."
"Well, any way to get to what I wanted to talk about...."
"Is it bad?" he asked with interest, "Or just the usual stuff?"
"It's about me...about you...about...about us."
"Oh, okay. Am I gonna like it or hate it?"
"I don't know but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here..."
"Well, just say it. I'm a big boy, I can take it," he said smiling nervously.
I took a deep breath, "Okay, here goes. First of all I didn't mean for this to happen, but it did and now I have to come clean."
"Oh, what is it? It sounds serious."
"It is," I said sighing and looking away to avoid his those damn blue eyes of his, "I guess it was inevitable, but I thought I could control my feelings. We both had a lot of healing to do and we helped each other to do that and along the way we became...friends in a way."
"In a way? We are....good friends. In fact...I think you're the best friend I've ever had," Sean said sounding embarrassed.
I nodded, "I feel the same way and that's why I don't want things to get...messed up by my feelings for you."
"You have feelings for me?" he said smiling, "Man this is awesome, I thought it was just me."
"What?" He was throwing me off track, "What do you mean?"
"I know you're gay Mark, my folks told me that, but I already knew it long before you told them."
"How? I tried to keep that part of me...away from our relationship."
"Simple, cause I'm gay too. You know what they say, takes one to know one, well...that's me I am one so I know one when I see one."
"I never had a clue," I said feeling stupid all of a sudden. Up until now my gaydar had been almost infallible, "Are you sure?"
He laughed, "You of all people should know better than to ask that question. Of course I'm sure, I've known since I was 12 when I got my hair and started squirting. I used to check out the guys in the shower after gym class but other than a little jacking with a few of my buds, I'm a virgin."
"You could just be curious..or bi. Maybe if you tried girls....."
"Mark, shut up. I'm gay, I like guys...period, exclamation point...end of sentence."
"Okay, but that has nothing to do with what I need to tell you...but it may explain a few things....like for instance why you were parading around in just a towel tonight," I chuckled.
"Oh, that...just feeling sexy and wanted to show off a little, that's all," he said blushing, then he the look on his face changed to one of discovery, "Oh...my...God, you like me that way, don't you? Oh man that's what all this is about..."
I blushed bright red and was about to protest, but after all this was what I had been about to confess all along. I nodded and lowered my head, "I'm sorry Sean and if you want me to take you home I will. And I'll understand if you don't want to hang around any more, but I promise you I would never have tried any thing or touched you in an inappropriate way. I can't help how I feel...I'm sorry."
"Are you kidding? No way do I want to go home now, you just told me what I been wanting to hear for a long time, that you liked me..uh, you know that way. Don't be sorry. Oh man, this is so cool."
I looked up to see if he was kidding but the look on his face was one of excitement and joy, "You're not mad or upset that I perved on you?"
"It's not perving, it's admiring or something. It's only perving if I don't want you to think of me that way...and I want you too. God, I've wanted to touch you a million times and tell you how I felt, but I thought you'd just say I was a dumb kid and push me away."
"You've grown a lot, both physically and emotionally in the past few months but I have never thought of you as a dumb kid. You have a good heart and a kind nature and you are so....so beautiful, but...."
"Uh oh, here comes the but part," Sean sighed, "but I'm too young or you're too old or some bullshit like that...right?"
"Our age difference is not the only thing wrong with our having an intimate relationship. I would be violating your parents trust in me and perhaps undoing some of the good I've done in helping you to cope with what happened."
"My folks already think we're having sex," he said simply.
"What?" I said in a panic, "You told them we weren't right? I could go to jail...and I haven't done any thing...."
"Will you relax? My folks are cool with it. Why do you think they took you being gay so well? And why do you think they let me sleep over here so much?"
"They...trust me?" I offered.
"Well yeah, they trust you and they think you're the greatest guy in the world for helping me cope with things, but they know you like guys and I'm a guy...duh."
"But I never...."
"But you wanted to, right?"
I didn't know how to respond to that. In a way he was right, but I had never actually thought there was a chance of anything happening between us...until now. I rubbed my eyes as I thought how to reply. I felt tired and vulnerable and for the first time since meeting Sean I wished I had my own space for the night.
"Sean, I love you," I blurted out speaking from the heart now, "and I would never knowingly do any thing to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. I have been aware of these feelings for a while, but I believed I could handle them....up until now, now I'm not sure what to do. On one hand we could stop seeing each other...."
"No!" he practically yelled, "You can't do that to me."
"Whoa, slow down, you didn't let me finish. I was going to say, it's a bit too late for that. I don't think that would be healthy for either of us, but we may have to change things a bit."
"Like what?' he said calming down some.
"Like for instance...maybe you shouldn't stay overnight so much."
He looked hurt and I felt like an ass, but the truth was being around him in private was taking it's toll on me and tonight had really blown the lid off things.
"I could go if you want," he said sadly, "I don't want to cause you any grief."
I sighed, "Sean, I didn't mean you had to go, I just...oh damn...I'm fucking things up really bad, aren't I?"
He smiled sheepishly, "You know what I think? I think we were meant to be together. I'm not saying Cody's death was like some divine plan to get us together, but maybe...I don't know...maybe he's up there in Heaven causing this all to happen. Maybe he knew that us meeting would help us both get over his death. I don't know...I just know how I feel," he said turning to me with tears in his eyes, "I love you. I know what you think, I'm just a kid and I don't know what love is, but I tell you I do...and I love you...and not just as a friend. I want to be with you like every minute and I want to touch you and I want you to touch me, and even though I don't know much about sex I know I want that with you too. You're handsome and smart and soo nice and you make me happy," he said sniffing back tears.
I grabbed a couple of tissues and handed them to him and he blew his cute nose. He was so beautiful, even when he cried and I loved him so much it hurt. I discovered I had a few tears of my own and I wiped them away then smiled. "I'm not one of those people who believes love has a minimum age attached to it. We learn to love when we are babies and we spend our whole lives looking for love. Loving is natural and automatic. If you say you love me...then I accept that and I return that love ten fold, but...the fact still remains that you are underage and I am and adult. I could go to prison for loving you, but if you are willing to wait till you turn 18 and if you still feel the same way....."
"Really" Yes, yes, yes! I can wait. Heck, I've been waiting so long now, what's a couple of weeks more? I am so happy...can I kiss you?"
I smiled, "As long as we keep our clothes on I think that's legal."
He swarmed into my arms and I almost changed my mind about the legality of the kiss. It was erotic and arousing to the point that I thought I might orgasm just from the touch of his warm sweet lips. We kissed and hugged for a long time and when we broke it off we snuggled on the couch and made our plans. It was crazy, but I was willing to try it if he did. I didn't know what I'd tell his folks, but from what he had already told me they might be expecting just such a turn as this.
We stayed up late, neither of us wanting to leave the other to go to our beds and eventually fell asleep on the couch in each other's arms. The next morning we woke up with cricks in our neck but we were happy. We had breakfast and went to the park and walked the mile long trail and made more plans. It was without a doubt that happiest day of my new life so far, but there was more happiness to come.
Saturday evening I drove to Sean's house for dinner and to say I was nervous was an understatement. I feared his parents would be able to see my prurient interest in their son and send me packing or worse to jail, but instead I was greeted as if I were an old friend. Sean's dad Ted took me into the den and offered me a beer but I declined explaining that I didn't like to drink when I had to drive and that seemed to impress him a great deal. I suppose to him that meant that he would never have to worry about me driving under the influence with Sean in the car, and I knew how important that must be to a parent.
Amanda, Sean's mom came in with a glass of wine and sat down next to her husband. I was painfully aware of the fact that Sean and his brothers were nowhere to be seen and I soon found out why.
"The boys are upstairs playing video games, they'll be down later, but we wanted to talk to you first Mike," Ted said smiling warmly.
I knew I should be a little worried, but the look on both their faces was anything but threatening and I relaxed despite myself. "I sort of thought that might be the case. I wanted to talk to you as well, but you go first." I said grinning.
Ted took a sip of his beer and sat it down on the end table, "Mike, words can never express our gratitude for what you did for Sean. I have to tell you at one point I thought we had lost him forever. If he didn't kill himself he probably would have gone mad and wound up dead any way, but you saved him. You brought him back from the edge and made him live again. He's happy and well adjusted, his grades have gone up since he met you and..." he sighed, "we want you to know that we approve of your relationship with Sean and we hope it will continue for a very long time." He suddenly looked uncomfortable, but fortunately for him Amanda took over.
"What my husband is trying so hard to tell you," she laughed, "is that we do not have a problem with you and Sean becoming...well, lovers." She said blushing, "I know that may sound strange to you, but we've known Sean was gay for a very long time and we love him for who he is. I see the way he looks at you and the way you look at him and I.. that is we knew that it was just a matter of time until love reared it's lovely head," she laughed again and Ted smiled, "We thought it had already happened...the sex part I mean, but Sean set us straight and in fact he was quite upset that it hadn't happened yet."
"He's 17," Ted said wistfully, "I remember when I was 17. I was horny all the time and though I liked girls more than boys, I did some experimenting from about age 13 and up so I know how hard it can be on a boy to feel rejected. He will be 18 in a week and he can do what he wants to do, but he has our support no matter what....and so do you. You have become our friend too. It's terrible that it took such a horrible senseless accident to bring up all together, but we thank God every day that you are in our lives and for what you have done for Sean."
Yeah! I wasn't going to jail. In fact I'd just been given permission to love Sean the way I wanted to....needed to. I was near tears when I spoke, "I don't know what to say. I knew Sean had great parents, but I never knew how great. I want you to know that I never planned to get this close to Sean and I would never knowingly hurt your son, but somewhere along the way as we healed we became closer and closer. I had no idea how Sean felt until recently. I also didn't know he was gay until he told me the other night," I chuckled, "and my gaydar is usually so good. But I assure you nothing has ever happened physically between us except...well, we kissed the other night."
I could see that Amanda thought that was romantic, but Ted just smiled.
"Any way to make a long story short, I told Sean that if he was willing to wait till he was 18, and assuming he hasn't come to his senses, and he still wants to give this a try, I would be willing."
Ted chuckled, "No wonder he has been walking on clouds all week. Well, you have just earned more respect from me if that's even possible. I am happy for you both."
"So am I," Amanda said getting up to give me a hug, "I feel like you're already a member of the family, but I guess now it will be official."
Eventually we broke it up and as if on cue Sean came bounding down the stairs followed by his younger brother Noah. Sean was like a puppy bumping around and all excited and I couldn't help but smile.
"This is Noah, my little bro," Sean said grabbing his younger brother by the shoulders and presenting him to me.
I offered my fist to bump and Noah smiled as he bumped it. He was a beautiful boy, a younger version of Sean, and the fact that he was 11, my Cody's age made me like him even more. Cody would have no doubt liked him and they would have been the best of friends..if only Cody hadn't died. Suddenly I felt like crying.
Noah seemed to pick up on my sadness and he frowned, "I'm sorry about your son....really sorry. I'm glad you forgave Sean and...well, thanks."
I took his hand and patted it, "You're welcome buddy. I was just thinking that Cody would have liked you. You would probably have liked him too, everyone did."
"I know I would have. I like you."
"I like you too buddy." I said letting go of his hand.
The little sweety sat down beside me and leaned into me and stayed there until we finally went to dinner. Not to be left out, Sean sat down on the other side of me and boldly took my hand and held it while we all talked and got better acquainted. After a while it suddenly dawned on me that Sean's other brother Nick was missing and I wondered if it was because of me. I was stewing over whether to bring up the subject of the missing son when Sean suddenly cleared things up.
"Nick should be home soon. He's at his friend Josh's house. They both play basketball and they had practice tonight. I want you guys to meet."
Considering the fact that he and Sean didn't get along that well I was apprehensive about meeting him, but if us meeting was important to Sean then it was important to me. I didn't have to wait long and when we heard the front door open and close Sean was up and headed that way. He came back practically dragging his adopted brother who seemed to be as nervous as I was about our meeting.
"Hi Nick," I said standing and offering my fist to bump.
He bumped it quickly and muttered hello looking down the whole time. He was a cute boy, with skin the color of caramel and big brown eyes. His complexion was flawless despite obviously being in the throes of puberty, and he was very cute, but I thought he would have been even cuter if he smiled more.
"I gotta go take a shower. It was umm..nice to meet you sir," he said looking at me for the first time.
"Please call me Mike, I'm not that old," I laughed.
"Okay, sure...Mike...uh, see you at dinner." he said quickly walking away.
Sean rolled his eyes and when he was out of earshot he said, "He's just shy. He's likes you, we've talked about it, but he's just shy around new people."
"I understand. He seems nice though."
"Nick is adopted of course and he was abused when he was younger. It takes a while to get to know him, but he's a good kid once you do. He's loyal to his brothers and a good son to us," Amanda said. I could tell by the way she talked that she loved all her sons equally and that made me like her even more.
Eventually Amanda went off to get dinner ready and Noah volunteered to help. Sean wanted to show me his room and I gave Ted a questioning look, but he didn't seem to mind. As Sean led me upstairs to his room he squeezed my hand and gave me doe eyes and I began to worry that he might be planning some hanky panky.
His room was a typical teenager's, posters on the wall and dirty clothes on the floor. Sports equipment here and there and a bookshelf with model cars. His desk was strewn with paper and his laptop was open but sleeping. His bed was made but there was a pair of discarded underwear and a pair of dirty socks laying atop the blue checkered comforter.
"Well, this is where all the action takes place," he joked, "I have my own room, but Noah and Nick have to share until I move out...then Nick gets my room."
"Oh, are you planning on moving out and going away to school?" I asked curiously.
"No, of course not. I'm gonna go to the Junior College in town. I was hoping I might be moving in with you though."
"Oh, well...that's kind of a big step, but I'd be willing to discuss that later after we see how things go."
"Oh, okay..yeah, totally," he said blushing.
"Hey," Nick said suddenly surprising us as he stepped in the open doorway, "can I borrow a pair of socks? Mine are all dirty."
"Sure bro, help yourself. I think there's a few clean ones in there. Hey, how did practice go?"
"Good, great really. It was fun. Well, thanks," he said holding up a pair of white crew socks.
"What's the rush bro? Hang around and talk to us. I want you two to be friends. It's important to me," he said giving his brother those puppy dogs eyes he used on me when he wanted to get his way.
"Well, okay," he said sitting down on Sean's bed and putting on his socks.
I couldn't help but notice that his feet were even smaller than Sean's and very cute. I definitely had to get laid and soon, I was starting to perv on Sean's middle brother now. Sigh.
We talked about basketball and I noticed Nick seemed to come alive as he talked about his team and how much fun they had. It was certainly his thing, and though I didn't know much about it I began to get as excited as he was after a while. I even wound up promising to come watch him play the next time they had a game and by the time we finally went down to dinner, Nick and I were friends.
I could see Sean beaming and when he looked at Nick it was if he was saying "see I told you he was cool." Noah and I bonded nicely as well, and before the night was over I felt very close to all the members of the Miller family. The meal was delicious and when Amanda brought out desert I had to laugh. The cake she had baked had obviously been decorated by the boys. Nick had made a basketball out of chocolate and yellow frosting, and Sean had put little footprints made of pink frosting all over the cake. Not to be left out Noah had placed a few plastic dinosaurs on the cake and wrote his name in the corner.
"As you can see the boys decorated the cake, but I made them wash their hands and it's all edible except the dinosaurs," Amanda laughed.
At ten I said my goodbyes but Sean begged to come home with me and after making sure it was okay with his parents I easily agreed. Once we were there he suggested we watch a movie and snuggle on the couch and that sounded fine to me. We snuggled and talked softly about our evening and our plans for the future and before we knew what was happening we were kissing again and it was just as magical as the first time. It was all I could do not to let things get out of hand, but I discovered that night just how strong I could be. I knew if I was patient I would have it all and very soon.
Sean's birthday party was on a Saturday afternoon three weeks before his graduation from high school. I had toyed with the idea of suggesting we have the party at my house, but instead I kept Sean busy while his family got things ready at his place.
"Know what today is?" he asked as we drove to the mall.
"Ummm..Saturday?" I teased.
"Yessss...and what else?"
"The day your naked ass got spanked the first time?"
"Ummm..yeah, and maybe if you're lucky you can spank it tonight."
"Just spank it?" I teased.
"Well, it depends. Maybe more, I dunno, I'm not very experienced at this stuff." he said losing his cocky attitude very quickly.
"Buddy, I have enough experience for both of us and I promise you I will never do anything you don't want to. I am all about pleasing my partner and I am going to please you in so many ways."
"Nice, but there's so many things I want to try," he said sounding excited again.
"Well, it's all about figuring out what you like and don't like. And being open to new things. Some things that once seemed weird to you might turn out to be something you really like."
"Well, for instance. Until a few years ago I didn't know I liked feet."
"Feet? What do you mean?"
"Well, there was this guy that I saw a couple of times and one night he suggested that I fuck his feet. Now to me that sounded crazy, but I was a little drunk and very horny and I thought, what that hell? and I tried it and really like it. So after that I began to really look at guys feet in a different way. I even went online and found some foot fetish sites and I discovered that nice looking feet really turned me on."
"Hmmm...that does sound weird, but I might like feet too, who knows?"
"Some guys like bondage, though I can't say I ever really got into it that much, I kind of see where they're coming from. For the guy being tied up, it's like being totally permissive and for the one tying them up he's in total control so both get off on it."
"I don't think I'd like being tied up," he said frowning.
"Well, the way to find out is to try it with someone you trust. In fact I'd say only do it with someone you trust. Too many crazies out there today. A lot of the things you will learn to like will happen because you trust the person you're with and open yourself up to new things."
"I trust you," he said smiling, "so what kind of stuff would you like to do with me?"
"Ah, fair question, but a bit too soon. Once you have turned the magical age of 18 I will tell you."
"Hey, legally I was 18 at midnight last night."
"Good point, but wouldn't you rather I showed you tonight?"
"Hmmm...well...okay. I guess that will work okay. Man I am so nervous, but so excited at the same time. The only thing that really freaks me out is that basically my parents know I'm gonna have sex tonight and that's kind of embarrassing."
I laughed, "Well, you could fool them and put it off a night if you want to."
"What? No! I've waited too long already. Besides, you're not getting out of this that easy."
"Hey, I'd be sacrificing a lot too. Don't you think I've wanted this as much, maybe more than you. After all I know what it will be like."
"Yeah, so tell me about it. What are we gonna do first?"
"It's not like it's scripted. What happens will happen naturally. We will figure things out as we go. And I want to warn you, don't be upset if it's not everything that you hoped it would be. Sometimes it takes a while to get things like you want them."
"Hey, if I get my nut I'll be happy...and I want to make you get yours too."
"Mmmm...that will be easy. Just being touched by a hottie like you ought to do the trick."
At the mall we did a little window shopping then took a break and got something to drink in the food court. Once we got sat down Sean began to drill me about the night's plans.
"So what time is my surprise party?" He said laughing.
"Why do you think there's a surprise party?"
"Cause it's my birthday and you're keeping me busy at the mall....duh," he said wagging his head.
"I thought we were just out on a date. I was planning on taking you to dinner later and maybe a movie," I said straight faced.
"Huh uh, you were not," he said pushing me playfully, "I know what you're up to."
I shrugged, "Okay, well....if you don't want to have dinner or see a movie, that's cool too. We can just go to my house and get drunk and I can help you loose your virginity."
"I want to do that too, but later...after the party."
"Okay, well...if there was a party..which I'm not saying there is...it might be a 6 o'clock."
"Cool, I can't wait. Oh, but I'll have to face my parents and they'll know I'm gonna go have sex...."
I laughed, "Oh man up. You should just be thrilled that your folks are so open minded. Not many parents would give their blessings to a relationship between a boy your age and and old guy like me."
"You're not old...you're mature and I like that. Plus you're nice and soooo hot looking."
"Well, I am hot looking," I said grinning, "but I wouldn't mind being 18 again."
"If you were I probably wouldn't be wanting to get with you so bad. I think your being older is hot."
"Well, then I'm glad I'm older."
We walked around a while longer and at 5:30 we headed back to his house. We got there a little early so I drove around the neighborhood for a few minutes and pulled up in the drive at 6:03.
"You better act surprised or they'll kill me," I warned.
"Don't worry, I will."
It was dark inside but as soon as we stepped in the door the lights came on and a dozen or so people jumped out and yelled "surprise." It was classic and Sean did a good job of pretending to be surprised and he even cried a little which always makes people feel good at surprising them...go figure.
Besides his family there were three boys and two girls from Sean's class, four boys who were mutual friends of his brothers and a couple of cousins that lived nearby. It was a nice turnout and Sean got a lot of neat presents, but when it came time to open the one from me I held my breath hoping I hadn't gone too far overboard.
The look on his face was priceless though when he unwrapped the Samsung Galaxy S5 smart phone that I had bought him. It was identical to mine except black where mine was white. He had fallen in love with my phone and was always saying how crappy his was. Now that we were going to be a thing I wanted him to have a reliable phone so we could keep in touch.
He jumped up from the table and in front of everyone threw his arms around my neck and kissed my cheek, "Thank you soooo much Mike. It's so awesome. It's just like yours only black and I love the color. Oh man this is sooo cool."
Everyone was laughing and clapping and not one of them looked uncomfortable or as if they didn't approve of Sean's show of affection. Later I found out the all the kids at the party knew Sean was gay, but of course not about us...but I'm guessing it didn't take much to figure that out after the party.
There was lots of food and the cake was amazing and very cute. It was shaped like an X-box and there were even controllers made of two smaller cakes connected by licorice cords. It said Happy 18th Birthday Sean and below it the entire family had written their names in frosting. I found out Amanda made the cake and that she was somewhat of a professional baker .One thing was for sure, she'd be making all my cakes from now on.
The party was a huge success, but by 8 Sean was ready to go and though I tried to be cool about it, I think Sean's parents were amused by his eagerness to loose his virginity. Hopefully Noah and Nick were clueless, but with a family like the Millers, who knew? Fortunately Ted and Amanda made it easy for us and by 8:30 we were back at my house.
I was nervous to say the least, but I tried to keep in mind that Sean was probably ten times more nervous. I suggested we take a shower first and Sean countered by saying we should shower together.
"I've thought about this a million times," he said as we undressed, "but I knew you'd never go for it. Now....it's really happening."
"Actually it's a good way to get to know each other's body better. I can wash you and you can wash me. It's a great ice breaker."
"So, you've done this before?"
"Oh yeah, a few times. Remember Sean, I'm not a virgin," I chuckled.
"Don't rub it it," he whined, "I wish I had more experience."
"I think it's awesome that you're a virgin. I mean it's not like I go around breaking in virgins or any thing, but it's sort of sweet to know that I'm the first," I said grinning.
"I just want to get it over so I can be....experienced."
"It's not gonna happen overnight. Yeah, you can loose your virginity tonight, but as far as becoming experienced that will take a while."
"I know, but I can't wait to get started," he said peeling off his underwear and for the first time revealing his entire body for my loving eyes to consume.
To say he was beautiful would be an understatement, I would say he was more like a work of art. A perfect body sculpted of flesh and muscle and blood, a living breathing angel on Earth. His neck was delicate looking for a boy but tapered into his muscles in a way that accented his physique even more. His chest was chiseled but no overly so, like some guys you see who look muscle bound. His body was hard looking, yet there was a softness beneath that begged to be squeezed.
His tummy was flat and even here you could see his muscularity. His bubble gum belly button made my mouth water but my eyes soon dropped lower following his path to paradise down to the part of him I had yet to see until that moment. For an 18year old he was amazingly smooth, whether natural or engineered I could not tell. The only hair was a well trimmed patch just above his cock and a fine sprinkle of blondish fuzz on his legs.
Now for those parts that made him all male. His cock was already semi hard and about 4 inches in it's present state. It was cut, as I suspected, but not a tight cut and there was a little foreskin at the base of his cock head that looked like a little turtleneck sweater. It was shade darker than the rest of his body but a uniform color unlike some cocks I'd seen where you could see the point of circumcision. As I stared his cock began to climb shakily to it's full length of just over 6" and was straight as any cock I had ever seen. The cock head was fully exposed now and the color of salmon, dark pink and enticing. Below his balls were pulled up tight against his body and were the type that look like a single pouch with two perfect orbs inside. I loved those kind of balls and couldn't wait to get them in my mouth.
His legs were strong and muscled but smooth looking, the kind of legs that usually belonged to a swimmer, but as far as I knew Sean didn't swim that much. His feet of course were small and perfect and completed the perfect body of my perfect boy.
"You...you're so big," he said noticing my cock had grown to it's full 7" while I was taking in his lovely body, "Wow, and your nuts are huge too."
I laughed, "They're pretty full. I been saving up for tonight."
"I..wanted to, I really did," he said blushing, "but I was just so horny...last night I beat off twice looking at that picture of you in shorts that you gave me."
I remembered the picture. We had been bowling that night and he took the picture with my smart phone and I had sent it to him the next day. I didn't think it was all that sexy a picture, but I guess to Sean it was and I was humbled and excited that he had used me for porn...he he.
"Shall we take a shower now," I said reaching in to turn on the water.
As he passed me I got a look at his backside for the first time and my heart skipped a beat. Imagine two perfect globes, firm but soft looking, muscled but not too muscled and with dimples to boot. Again there was no hair to be seen and his back was without blemish. His back was firm and strong looking and I could see the outline of each vertebrae as they ran down his spine in a perfectly straight line. Oh, how I envied him his youth and his perfection, but if I couldn't be him, the next best thing was to have him as my lover.
"So, how do I look?" he asked as if he were waiting for me to comment all along.
"Well, I'm not sure if I can find the words, but let me try. Perfect, flawless, an Angel on earth, yummy...yummy...yummy."
He giggled, "No really?" he shoved me a little and that made me harder than ever.
I sighed, "This is coming from my heart," I said gently pulling him to me and nuzzling his ear, "You are the most perfect and beautiful boy I have ever seen and I love you with all my heart."
He whimpered a little then pressed his lips against mine and we kissed. Our kissing had progressed since the first time and now it was nearly perfect, toe curling and better than sex with some guys. We kissed for what seemed like a half hour but was probably only a few minutes before we broke it off and began pressing our bodies together almost desperately.
"I love you so much," he said in a shaky voice as he nuzzled my neck with his soft lips,"but I'm sooo nervous."
"Don't be, you can lead and I'll help you do whatever it is you want to do," I whispered into his ear,"There is no hurry. I am yours for as long as you want me and we can learn together."
"We should wash..I guess," he giggled, "I don't want to be dirty when we...well, you know..."
I grabbed the poof and soaped it up and began washing him, taking my time and gently exploring every inch of his perfect and lovely body. When I got to his back he leaned against the shower wall and offered his butt for me as well. I gave it a gentle swat then soaped up his back and gently ran the poof over it as he moaned softly. When I got to his fine young ass he leaned forward and spread his legs instinctively to give me better access.
As I ran the scratchy poof down his crack he moaned louder and pushed back against my hand. He might have been inexperienced, but from the way he was pushing back against my hand it was obvious he had an itch back there that needed scratching. I bent a little to see what I was working with and the sight of his wrinkled little starfish took my breath away. He was as perfect there as everywhere else and I couldn't wait to taste every wrinkle of it..
When he was clean I forced myself to pull away and with another slap of his cute rear I handed him the poof and told him it was my turn to get pampered. He was grinning ear to ear as he began and he was just as gentle and thorough as I had been, but when he reached my rear he seemed a bit shy.
I leaned in against the shower wall and arched my back presenting my fine older butt to him and wiggled it seductively. "I won't break, go ahead and explore. Use your finger if you want, I'm pretty clean back there already," I said lustily.
His timidness turned to curiosity then lust as he poked and prodded and pried my buns apart and stared at my most private place for the first time. Heck, maybe it was the first b-hole he's ever seen and he was as excited as a kid in a toy store. I finally reached back and spread my cheeks and coaxed him to insert a soapy finger and when I felt his long slender finger touch my prostate I moaned lowly causing him to tense up.
"Did I hurt you?"
"No," I said lustily, "you just touched my boy nutt." I explained about the prostate and how it could make a man orgasm simply from applying pressure to it and he seemed very interested.
"So is that why guys like to be fucked so much?"
"That's part of it, but a lot of it is just liking the feeling of someone that close and intimate. If they love that person it's even better. Me personally, I love the feel of a man on me and in me and could fall asleep that way."
"Mmmm....can we try this when we get in bed? You, know with my...uh boy nutt?" he said sounding excited.
"We can do anything you want babe," I said straightening up as he withdrew his finger, "Let's get rinsed off and move this party to the bedroom."
The bedroom was dark except for the light pouring out from the bath and I closed the door slightly to block some of the light. I wanted us to be able to see one another but not be blinded by the light. In retrospect I wish I had lit a bunch of candles instead, that would have been very romantic, but that could wait till next time.
We stood by the bed and kissed for a moment before I coaxed him to lay down and once he was spread out before me I couldn't wait a moment more to explore his body with my hands and mouth. I kissed him gently then slid down and nuzzled his neck as he shivered and made little animal noises. He was trembling as I moved down and found his hard pink nipples and began playfully biting and licking them.
He drew in a sharp breath and sighed, "Uh, that feels so good. I never knew I would like that so much."
"There are lots of surprises ahead," I said grinning.
His chest was muscled, but his skin was smooth and as soft as a baby's butt. I licked down the middle as he moaned lowly then let my tongue linger at his belly button as he shivered and moaned lowly. Beneath his belly button was his path to paradise and I started down it eagerly. With my teeth I pulled at his soft hairs and followed them down to the base of his cock which was so hard by now it seemed to be straining at it's skin. It was perfectly shaped, straight as an arrow with a mushroom shaped head that was slightly darker than the shaft. His balls were pulled up tight and looked to be housed in a single sack rather than two droopy ones and I loved how they looked.
I nuzzled his pubes with my nose and he instinctively grabbed my head and arched up a little. Then realizing what he had done he apologized and released me.
"No, don't apologize," I cooed, "go with your feelings, take control, make me do what you want."
"Really?" he said sounding far away, "Okay, but I don't want to hurt you or force you..."
"You won't, take control. Tell me what you want, or better yet show me."
He took my head in his hands again and I noticed they were shaking, but encouraged by my words he soon got over his shyness. Moaning softly he pulled my head down to his balls and rubbed that tasty wrinkled sack against my lips.
"Oh god yesss," I murmured as I tasted him for the first time, "you taste so good." I licked his balls until they were wet with my spit then took the entire sack in my mouth as he went crazy with lust.
"Uh uh uh," he moaned, "so good..."
I smiled around his nuts and washed them with my tongue as he continued to moan and squirm on the bed beneath me. I could smell his cock and his ass and his musky teenage aroma and I was crazy with lust. If he didn't push me down on his cock next I would have to take things into my own hands, or mouth.
But fortunately the boy knew what was next and in this area I sensed he did have some experience. As I released my vacuum grip on his balls he pushed me back down again and with one hand rubbed his wet cock head against my lips. "Is this okay?" he asked breathlessly.
"Mmmmm," was all I said as I began to lick his tasty pre-cum and tongue his piss slip seeking more flavor.
Encouraged by my reaction he coaxed me to take his cock into my mouth and once I had it there I wasn't going to stop till I had his teenage spunk coating my tonsils and running down to my tummy. I like to take my time when I suck cock and most of the time I like to be in charge. That way I can control the orgasm, edging my partner and getting the biggest and tastiest load from their balls, but this time I let Sean have his way.
He was new to face fucking, but it was as instinctive for all us males and before too long he was in complete control arching his back up and driving his hot hard teenage cock down my willing throat. I had long ago learned how to control my breathing but this kid was fucking my mouth so fast it was hard to get a breath in. Fortunately Sean was a typical horny teenage boy who had not doubt been saving this one up for a while and he didn't last long.
I felt his cock swell in my poor abused throat then he cried out and pulled back a little as his delicious teenage spunk spilled out across my tongue. He lunged back in and shot his next volley straight down my throat, but I took over then pulling up so I could taste the rest of his gusher as I swirled my tongue around his cock head. He moaned and shook and gasped and whimpered as his nuts released their pent up load.
When he began to dribble and come back down to earth I licked his cockhead clean and crawled up to lay by him. I still had some of his delicious spunk in my mouth and I showed it to him grinning like a kid showing a mouthful of food to his momma. He attacked me then kissing me and sucking his own spunk from my mouth then pushing it back and forth sharing it like the delicacy it was.
"Mmmm...that was amazing," he said sighing, "I had a bee jay once, but it was nothing like that."
"Well, I really didn't do much this time. You did all the work, but next time I'd like to show you what I like to call, making love to a cock."
"I'm sorry I sort of got carried away, didn't I?"
"Yes, but I loved it. Sometimes I like to be the little bitch that gets face fucked," I joked.
"You can do that to me..if you want," he said nervously.
"I'm not sure you're ready for that yet, besides I'd rather let you control things and find out what you like and don't like."
"I don't want to brag, but my friend Cal said I sucked dick pretty good," he said grinning.
"Aw, well with an endorsement like how could you lose?"
He laughed, "I know I said I didn't have much experience, and I don't, but I Cal and me did some stuff...not anal or anything, but we sucked each other."
"Well, whenever you're ready," I said pointing to my rock hard and leaking cock, "I could use a little release down there."
"Oh yeah...sorry," he said giggling. He moved around so he was facing my feet and leaned over and grabbed my cock in his hot teenage hand and I swear I almost came just from his touch. He hefted my balls and smiled at me then bent down lower and his tongue touched the head of my cock and it felt like someone had touched me with a live wire.
He grinned, "So far okay?"
I wasn't prepared for what happened next but when he slowly lowered his hot wet mouth onto my aching pole until his nose was buried in my pubes I moaned loud and instinctively grabbed his head. I didn't force him but I did guide him as he went up and down on my cock swirling his tongue around my cock head as he twisted his head to get all parts of my cock involved.
He wasn't kidding when he said he was pretty good at sucking cock, and I thought Cal was a very lucky boy, but now Sean was all mine and hopefully I'd be the only cock in his mouth from now on. He gagged once or twice on my seven incher but then used his hand to control the depth just like a pro and jacked me as he sucked. His other hand was toying with my balls which were full of man spunk and begging for release and needless to say I didn't last long.
"Uh...I'm coming," I warned in case he didn't want to take it in his mouth, but he simply doubled his efforts and sped up and within a few seconds my balls exploded into his hot wet mouth. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, God..oh shit...uh uh uh, yessssss...ohhhhhhhhhhh."
He smiled around my dick but never spilled a drop as I deposited at least three days of spunk into his eager mouth. When I was spent and panting with exhaustion he licked my head clean and climbed up and shared my load just as I had with his. I never really liked my own flavor that much, but mixed with his sweet teenage spit and delivered from his soft lips and mouth it was delicious that day.
"Mmmmm...so good," I moaned, "Cal was right, you do suck dick good," I teased.
"I like sucking dick," he said simply, "I never really thought about it before, but there's something special about making a guy feel that good and then getting his load and tasting him...mmm...god, I'm getting hard again just thinking about it."
"Good, because there's something else I want to show you...something different. Something that will open your eyes to what sex really is all about."
I nodded, "I want you to fuck me. I want to feel you inside me and on top of me and show you just how good making love can be."
He was trembling with anticipation, but then so was I as I grabbed a condom and the lube from the nightstand.
"Why do I need a condom?" He asked fingering the foil package and cocking his cute head.
"Well, I'm clean and I assume you are, but this is really about your safety and health. I haven't been with anyone in a very long time and I was tested a few months ago, just to be sure, but I always like to give my partner the option of using protection."
He flipped the condom onto the floor and grinned, "We aren't gonna be having sex with anyone else, right?"
I grinned, "You are all I need, do you feel the same?"
He nodded, "So we don't need no stinking rubber," he said in a gruff Spanish accent.
I smiled, "It's your choice babe. Personally I hate the things, I'd much rather feel you inside me and most of all your hot cum when you blast inside my guts."
We kissed and rubbed together for a long time until I was sure he was ready then I sucked him to full hardness and laid back with my legs held high. I wanted his first time to be special and I wanted to see his sweet face as we made love. I greased my hole up with the lube and applied a little to his cock then helped him find the right position and line up his aching teenage cock with my hole.
He was nervous, but eager and with my help he was able to get the head in rather easily. It helped that his cock was as hard and straight as a steel rod and as he pushed inside me his cock seemed to grow even harder. When he was bottomed out and his smooth nuts were brushing against my shaved butt he sighed and leaned down and kissed me passionately.
"God that feels so good," he hissed.
"You can call me Mike in bed," I teased.
He got the joke rather quickly and grinned down at me as he began to move slowly, pulling up about half way then slowly sinking back in again.
I moaned lowly and pushed up against him trying to swallow his hot hard cock with my hungry asshole. "Oh...shit, you feel so good inside me. I could die right now and be a happy man."
"Well, don't die yet, I'm not done with you," he teased.
"Mmmm...take your time..pace yourself..fuck me all night if you want, but we may have to switch positions eventually."
"I don't think I'll last that long. I never knew it would be this tight and this hot inside...mmmmm."
I rolled my hips up a bit and he made contact with my prostate and I moaned loudly and shuddered. "Yeah, like that...oh yeah...mmm...gonna blow my nutt without ever touching it..."
He began to get more into the fuck and was moving faster now as he rubbed against my boy nutt with each downward thrust. I was close to coming and my cock was throwing out pre-cum like a slobbering dog. I reached up and grabbed my feet and pulled my legs higher and he slid in a little deeper and that was all it took to send him over the edge. He grunted and grabbed my thighs and pushed my legs even higher almost doubling me in half then bean to unload his hot thick boy spunk deep into my bowels. I felt the first shot hit my intestines and I began to fire off my own volley.
Sean seemed surprised but he quickly recovered and concentrated on his own nut as he continued to fill me with his hot teenage spunk. I growled and pulled him down and kissed him hard on the mouth as my cum continues to paint both our bodies with my love. We continued to kiss long after we were both spent then he let his cock slide out of me with a wet plop and fell down on top of me.
I held him against me, two hearts beating as one, as we recovered from the most amazing experience of my life, and quiet possibly his. I placed kisses on his face and hair and ears and nose, devouring him as he purred like a kitten.
"I love you more than ever now," he sighed, "I see what you mean about sex being better with love. With those boys, my friends, it was just about getting a nut. I mean we liked each other but we didn't kiss or cuddle or any thing like this. This is so amazing."
"I couldn't love you more, but I know what you mean. This is what I have wanted for you from the first moment I knew I loved you and that you loved me too. I have never been as happy as I am right now."
"Me either, but sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be happy."
"Shhhh...we've already talked about this. We both deserve to be happy. Cody wants us to be happy."
"Yeah, I know. I really feel like that's true now."
We rested then ate a snack and took another shower then piled back into bed and kissed and snuggled till we were hard and eager to go again.
"I want you to make love to me now," Sean said looking into my eyes shyly.
"Are you sure? It's a pretty big step. It might hurt, but if you want it bad enough...then I'll try."
"I want you to. I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel. I want to be yours, I want you to make me yours..please..."
I smiled, "I will give it my best shot....but if it hurts too much promise me you will tell me and I'll stop."
"I will, but it won't hurt...I just know it."
I began by licking and tonguing his sweet boy hole and that alone was enough to get me excited. He tasted so good and smelled even better. His pheromones were flying up my nose and driving me crazy and I was drunk with him by the time I finally decided it was time to give him what he wanted.
I had some good lube and I worked it into his tight hole with my finger. He loosened up quickly and when I inserted second finger he moaned his approval. When I got to three fingers I knew he was ready and realized this would be easier than I thought. Kissing his sweet hole once more I rolled him onto his side and snuggled up behind him. In this position he would have more control and not feel like he was pinned down.
I applied a little lube to my cock and rubbed it up and down his crack and across his hole just to get him used to the feel of it. He kept pushing back against me and I took the hint. Lining my cockhead up with his squishy hole I pushed a little and was rewarded as the head slipped in just a fraction of an inch. I pushed a little harder and suddenly he pushed back and what would have usually taken a good ten minutes to accomplish took place at once.
It had to hurt a little, but he never complained as my cock slid inside him till I bottomed out. I could feel my pubes brushing his sweet soft ass and his warmth and tightness engulfed me like a perfectly fitting glove. I moaned my appreciation and he sighed.
"It didn't hurt at all," he said softly, "now fuck me like I fucked you. I won't break you know."
I chuckled, that remained to be seen. I withdrew my penis about half way then slowly pushed back in and again he met me half way, pushing back eagerly. Usually I preferred my partners to lay still and let me do all the work, but Sean seemed to be in perfect rhythm with my thrusts as I continued to slowly fuck him.
As the feeling built I regretted having chosen this position and I finally pulled out and coaxed him onto his back and pushed his legs up high and reentered him. This time I slipped in easily and went a little deeper. Sean tensed a little as my cock reached new territory but he soon recovered and was just as enthusiastic as he had been before.
I looked down at his face and his eyes were closed. He had a sort of dreamy look on his face and the smile on his lips was too much for me. I leaned down and kissed him and his eyes fluttered open.
"I never knew it would be this good," he cooed softly.
"You seem to be a natural at this," I said grinning.
"Well...I never had a dick up there before, but I used to finger myself and imagine it was a dick."
"Well, you got the real thing now. Mmmmmm....you feel so good..so hot, so tight. I won't last long unless I pace myself, but on the other hand, you probably don't want a long fuck for the first time."
"I don't mind. Take your time. I like how it feels. See...my dick is hard as a rock and it feels soooo good when you rub that one place inside me."
"Aww...the boy nut," I chuckled, "Well you saw what happened to me when you rubbed against mine. Maybe you'll erupt too."
"Mmm...I feel like I could come that way, but you gotta go faster...and deeper...uhhhh..yeah, like that."
I grabbed his feet in my hands and pushed his legs higher then began to ram him really hard. I knew he could take it and the look on his face proved it. He had that 'fuck me senseless' look and was whimpering and pushing his ass back at me with each stroke. The feeling was intense but I did have some control and I managed to last about ten minutes longer. Toward the end I began to see that 'hurry up and finish' look on Sean's face and that's just what I did. With one last deep thrust I groaned and began to unload deep inside his tight hot guts. The feeling was so intense that I felt like I would pass out as I continued to orgasm for a good two minutes. It was as if I were orgasming over and over again, my cock throbbing and jumping inside him as he gripped me tightly with his ass muscles.
"Gonna mark you, make you mine," I growled as I bent down to gently bite his neck, "Uhhh...so good. I love you so much."
"I love you too," he sighed, "Now I'm all yours."
As I recovered I realized that Sean had orgasmed hands free due to the beating his prostate had taken and we were both coated with his thick gooey cream. I reached down and swiped a finger through his sticky nectar and brought it to my lips and tasted it. It was without a doubt the tastiest cum I had ever eaten and I wanted more, much more.
Letting my cock slip from his slippery oozing hole I lowered my face to his chest and began to lick him clean. There was a little running down his side and I raised his arm and licked his pit to get at it. He giggled but soon began to moan softly as I licked his entire pit clean then started on the other one. I had never known I liked pits until Sean. It was if my eyes had been opened to a whole new world since meeting him.
When I finished cleaning him up I fell down beside him and snuggled into this side. "Mmmm....you were wonderful."
"It was great. I never knew it could be so good. I've wanted this for so long and now that I've had it....I will want a whole lot more of it."
"No problem there. I like giving and getting, I'm quite versatile. I can be a little bitch or a big ole butch man," I said grinning.
"I think I might like getting it best, but giving was awesome too. I think I like the oral stuff best though...for me. I mean I love your tongue and mouth all over my body....and inside me."
"You taste so good. I could rim you all day and never get tired."
He blushed, "I like that part a lot. I mean I knew guys did that stuff, but it seemed dirty. What do I taste like back there?"
"Hmmm....well, at first there is a sort of bitter taste, then as my tongue cleans you there is as slightly sweet flavor with a little salty taste too. As I drill my tongue into you I taste parts of you that are spicy and delicious. It's really hard to describe, but I'll sum it up by saying....you taste amazing and delicious."
He smiled, "It's cause you love me, right? That's why you think I taste so good...right?"
"I've eaten a few buttholes," I chuckled, "but by far yours is the tastiest."
He pushed me gently, "Is this what married peopled do? I mean like a man and woman. Do they have sex and talk and snuggle up like this, is this what being married is like?"
I smiled, how insightful he was. "Yes, I guess it doesn't matter whether it's two guys or two girls or one of each, love is love, and what happens between the loving and the living is pretty much the same."
"If it was legal...would you marry me?" he asked softly.
I laughed, "It is legal silly. Where have you been hiding? The whole country is LBGT friendly now. Why, do you want to get married?"
He shrugged, "I don't know, maybe. I guess we should wait a while huh? Make sure you can put up with me."
"I think it's the other way around, but yeah we should probably wait a while. For now we need to get to know each other and find out if we're as good together as we think we are, but I'm pretty sure I want this to last a long time."
"Ummm me too....forever even. Okay, how about this: in six months from today we talk about this again?"
"Okay, hold on," I grabbed my smart phone and pulled up the calendar app and located the date six months forward and added a note: Talk about marriage, "There I put it on the calendar, now it's official."
The next day we had lunch with Sean's parents and despite his fear of being too embarrassed to face them after we'd consummated our relationship, he was practically strutting.
Amanda smiled at him and took his hand, "Well, I assume you're a man now," she teased.
"Manda, don't tease the boy," Ted chuckled, "No boy wants his mom to know about his sex life."
"Let's just say I'm really happy today," Sean offered, "and now I know why you two are so happy."
I saw Amanda's look soften and she patted Sean's hand, "I knew you were in love and this proves it." Then looking at me with a smile she added, "And you picked a good man to fall in love with."
"Thanks, but I think I got the best part of the deal. Sean is the most amazing young man I have ever known and I want you to know that I will treat him right. I will never give Ted a reason to come gunning for me," I added grinning.
"It's not me you need to worry about," Ted laughed, "Hell hath no fury like a mom defending her cub."
We all laughed then and the rest of the lunch was spent in pleasant conversation. When Ted and Amanda asked me about our plans for the future I couldn't help but take Sean's hand as I replied.
"Well, not much will change I guess. Heck, Sean spent most of his time at my house any way. In the fall he'll start Junior College just like planned. And I want us all to be like family, if that's okay with you two."
Amanda smiled, "Of course. We already feel like you're family. You and Sean are welcome here anytime, right dear?"
"Of course," Ted said looking bored, "Mi casa es tu casa." (My house is your house for those who don't speak Spanish)
"Well then I guess I can just let the house go back and we can move in here," I joked.
"Okay, but keep the noise down...except when Manda and I are doing it," he laughed.
"Dad, I'll have nightmares," Sean teased.
"Ha, after the stuff you've done?" his dad countered.
"Okay, okay...enough you two." Amanda warned, "We're all adults here, act like it."
We talked and laughed the rest of the time and when we said our goodbyes Amanda gave us both a big hug and Ted gave us a bro hug. We drove home in a cloud. We were so happy and Ted and Amanda's acceptance of our love made it that much better.
What had begun as a tragedy had turned into a Fairy Tale dream come true. Cody's spirit still seemed to be present in our lives as we went about the day to day process of living and loving and though I was still overcome by sadness sometimes, I would think of the wonderful life Cody and I had together and invariable that would make me smile. My little brown eyed cutie was in Heaven watching over us, I had no doubt of that, and every day I prayed to God to let me be with him when my life here was over.
There's not much more to tell, Sean and I did get married when he was 19 and Ted and Amanda were as proud as any two parents could be when they watched their son walk down the aisle with the love of his life, me. We eventually sold the house that Cody grew up in, and though that caused me some pain at first, Cody came to me in a dream and told me to let go and so I did. Oh, I didn't let go of everything..I still have his baseball stuff and a lot of his personal belongings, but I don't drag them out and wallow in pity. They are safely packed away and someday when I'm strong enough and healed enough I may trot them out and relive my life as the father of the most wonderful little boy ever born.
Sean is excelling in all his classes and is studying computer sciences and when he graduates we plan to open our own internet design firm. We have a few gay friends and occasionally we go out to the bars, but we never mess with other guys and I'm proud to call him my husband and he feels the same.
We've talked about adopting a child, hopefully a boy, but that's a ways off yet. The courts are getting more and more LBGT friendly and we have high hopes that when we're ready we can breeze through the process. We think we'd like to adopt an older boy, one that otherwise wouldn't have a chance, and give him a good home. Of course he'd had to accept us and be okay with having two dads, but what boy wouldn't want two dads? LOL.
Well, that's our life so far. Maybe someday I'll pick this up and share a bit more, maybe when we have our son(s) and share the trials and tribulations of fatherhood. Till then, thanks for reading this and remember, the human spirit will prevail no matter how slim the odds. I never thought I would be happy again....but just look at me now!
I don't really know why I chose to write this stiory at this time in my life, it just popped into my head one night and over the course of a few weeks I put it together piece by piece. Though it is as always a work of fiction. Cody was a real life little brown eyed-cutie who did die at the untimely age of ll, when hit by a speedingpick up truck. Cody and his step brother and sister were crossing a busy street and the other made it across but sadly Cody did not. He died instantly. He was not my son, but I could not have loved him more. He was a friend of my son's and I had known him since he was a skinny little kid playing t-ball. I think his death was one of the hardest things I have ever had to face in life. As in the story his entire ball team showed up at his funeral and he was buried in his ball uniform with his glove in his hand. That was over 20 years ago yet I still get teary eyed when I think about it. As far as I know the driver of the pickup truck was never charged with a crime though his license was suspeneded for a short time. For a long time I hated him, and wanted to punish him, but as time went on I began to forgive and to wonder how this all might have affected him. Thus this story was born.
Please don't ask for more, writing this story exhausted me and really there's not much more to tell. A tragedy turned into a Fairy Tale dream come true, it's a shame life isn't really like that. Fell free to comment or heap praise on me...lol. I love you dear readers....you are the reason I write.
I crave your emails so feel free to write me at:
don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
― Woody Allen
Here are all the links to all my stories at Nifty. Just click on the title and you are magically taken there...lol.
Dougie's Story (Part three of a series)**
My Best Friend's Dad (related series to My Son's Best Friends)
My Little Runaway (Part 1 of a series)**
Tommy Boy (Part 2 of a series)**
and under my nickname smoothoperator52, a story of a boy's first time with a boy and with a girl:
Some of these stories were written many years ago and the emails attached to them are no longer active...address all emails to email@example.com