The Pervert And The Virgin – Part Nineteen

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J and Bram kept Ivan with them at the fire pit after breakfast while Lawrence connected the laptop to the flat screen TV. We put in a test call to Eliasz who told us they were all very excited at the thought of seeing Ivan. I asked him to get all the others in front of the camera while we fetched Ivan. Leslie kept her hand over Ivan's eyes as she led him to stand in front of the TV.

“Halo! Ivan!” they all shouted when Leslie dropped her hand.

“Halo!” a startled Ivan managed before bursting into tears. Leslie took him into her arms and calmly introduced the rest of us.

“My name is Eliasz, I'm Beatka's uncle. She is the trade person for the consulate.” Eliasz began. “This is Alenka, Ivan's mother, Judyta, his sister, Feliks, his brother-in-law, and Tomek, his nephew.”

“Halo!” we all said and patiently waited while Ivan and his family had a rapid conversation in Polish.

“Ivan's family understands more English than they speak so I will act as translator.” Eliasz said. “Yes, Rohan, they'd like to learn but it costs money. Okay we can chat in a bit once you've told them. Right now we are waiting for Leslie to make her announcement.”

“Judyta, this morning I learned that the simple ring around my finger is a temporary one. Ivan tells me you have a very special ring to send to me now that we're engaged.” Leslie announced. We all cheered as she kissed Ivan.

“We don't drink a lot of champagne in Poland but I followed Rohan's instructions and got a few bottles so we could join you in the toast.” Eliasz said.

“I'm certain no Polish home is without vodka.” Tracy said after we'd toasted Leslie and Ivan with a glass of champagne. “Why don't we have a second toast with vodka to keep it fair?”

Tracy had brought up some of the extra bottles left over from the dinner. Elaine brought out the special cheesecakes I'd made. Leslie caused Ivan and his family to laugh out loud when she smacked my butt for being so sweet. The vodka went very well with the cheesecake. Tracy told us she'd found a second love. Then Eliasz caused a stir by beating me to the punch and told everybody how grateful they were for my generosity.

“Leslie has a specialty meat store here so I thought we ought to have one of our own.” I told everybody. “Ours is in Katowice, Poland. These lovely people are running the store for us.”

This led to another round of hugs and another toast with vodka. Eliasz told Dylan they had moved into apartments above the shop. Beatka had told him to do whatever it took to get them into a nice place. Judyta and Feliks still thought it was too much space but Beatka had agreed with the realtor that it was just what they needed. Lawrence surprised Eliasz when he asked him to show us the apartment and shop. Lawrence told him we could still talk while he carried the laptop around.

“When will the other furniture be delivered?” I asked noting the empty rooms. “Ivan just so we are very clear on this I want you to tell them in Polish. I will be having a second chat on Monday and I want that apartment furnished. Ivan this is part of the start-up costs of opening the business. They wouldn't have moved if it weren't for the business opening. Where will you and Leslie sleep when you visit? There isn't a bed in that extra room.

Sarah, I would appreciate it if you helped Ivan compile a list of all the equipment you have in the shop and make certain the store in Poland is just like the one here. Leslie please help Ivan stay out of trouble. The two of you are going over there in a few weeks to check on things. Ivan you have to meet the farmers and you have a better idea of what free range organic means to me than your family does. Leslie will be there because she knows how I'd want things set up.

Ivan you don't need to spend a lot of money but I want your family to have good quality, new furniture and appliances. Let's call it a symbol of their faith in the new abundance heading their way. The happier they are the more successful the business will be. I'm getting a share of the profits so this money is to help me. Eliasz I will allow them to pay me back for the home furniture. Speak to my accountant and set it up. Amanda here has a similar arrangement. A percentage of what they earn can go towards settling this loan.

Send some pictures of the place and some of the furniture you like to my decorator. Tomek I'd like you to measure the rooms for her, please. She'll be able to find out what's available and put something together for you. Beatka will help if needed. I don't mind if it takes an extra day because of the time difference, Eliasz. We will check in on Monday and see how things are progressing. No I don't mind you speaking to Ivan for a bit in Polish while he explains further. I have one last thing to do. Would speaking English help you to do more business with neighboring countries? I see Katowice is near the southern border of Poland. Good then the English classes are a business expense.

Being able to speak English will be very helpful when you come for the wedding. Ivan count all the people here that I'd need to fly to Poland and you'll agree flying five people from Poland is much cheaper. Eliasz we all want to meet you wife as well. Now I'll go finish decorating our tea time treat while you chat with Ivan.”

“Before you begin I'd like your help, Eliasz.” Dylan said. “Ivan, you do know that marrying Leslie means we are all part of your family now? Good. Then don't you think it will be nice if us boys got to know Tomek better? The three us were just chatting and we realized Skype calls are the best way to stay in touch. Leslie will tell you we just made a bit of money selling vegetables. We'd like to buy Tomek his own computer. Eliasz, can you get some help from the bank IT specialist? Tell him we want only the best for our new friend.”

Tomek stammered profuse thanks in broken English when Eliasz translated the offer. Dylan, Adam and Morgan thanked Ivan with some kisses for allowing them to spoil Tomek. Judyta and Feliks said it was worth it just to see Ivan being kissed. Ivan calmly asked the boys if they intended greeting his Polish friends with kisses when they arrived. The boys told him they wouldn't dream of not kissing them. Then they hunted me down to thank me for helping Ivan and Leslie.

Tracy called my decorator while Ivan was chatting to his family. Before he finished she went over and told him the decorator would be calling the moment he finished. Lawrence had sent her their Skype username. The moment it showed they finished talking she'd be chatting to them. Dylan reminded Tracy to tell the decorator Tomek would need a computer desk. Ivan called us over to say good-bye. The boys asked Eliasz how long it would be before they could chat to Tomek on his computer. No later than Tuesday morning. He promised to email me when Tomek had his computer and Tomek's username.

Ivan surprised me and Leslie by getting up off the couch and hugging me. Then he thanked me for insisting on the new apartment being fully furnished. Ivan had tried to send money to his sister to pay for a bigger apartment but she kept turning him down. I told him I didn't mind if he had told them it was best to keep the crazy American happy. They were much happier now it would be paid for from their share of the profits and having the rooms above the business meant further savings. My decorator called to chat with Ivan an hour later to get a feel of what his sister would like. Lawrence's skills proved invaluable as he called up the websites my decorator was looking at on her computer to show Ivan pictures of the furniture. A few minutes later we were viewing a scale model of the furnished apartment. A blend of existing furniture and new furniture.

We quickly called Ivan's family back on Skype. Eliasz told us they'd been celebrating the demise of Ivan's bachelorhood with a round of vodka. Tracy asked if he'd like to share a round with a pretty young lady or two. Ivan acted as our interpreter and with Lawrence's help got them a trial version of the software needed to view the model. Lawrence emailed the files to Eliasz. When she saw the model Judyta asked who lived in this fancy American home? Ivan laughed and explained it would be their home if she liked it. Feliks told us her tears meant she loved it. My decorator asked if he knew of the store she'd found the furniture at online. He told us it was a couple of blocks away. Eliasz told my decorator she could place the order with his contact details and he'd go in first thing to pay.

“The speed you guys put things together never ceases to amaze me.” Leslie said. “In less than ten days you have opened up a business in Poland. Purchased not leased a shop. Then within three hours you have furnished an apartment, managed to get the approval of the client by teaching them how to use design software, placed the order for the furniture and made arrangements for payment tomorrow morning.”

“Don't forget Rohan also has you flying to Poland for a week and bringing back Ivan's family with you to attend your wedding.” my housekeeper added. “Leslie, it makes more sense to travel back together. That way you can help them through customs.”

“Surely you don't expect me to leave Rohan and Lawrence alone just before my wedding?” Leslie said. “That's a good idea if Sarah doesn't mind being wedding planner. Thank you, Sarah. I'll feel better if you were in charge. Let's make it a week from when we get back. We will need a few days to get over the jet lag and a few days to get ready. Rohan were you planning on using those profiteroles as a table display or serving them with tea this morning?”

“Tea coming up right away, Ma'am.” I told her. “Then we will get started on dinner.”

“You won't need to twist his arm very much, Rohan.” Sophie told me when I asked her if J would be willing to cook burgers for lunch. “Mix up the meat and I'll take it out to him. I'll organize the rest. Elaine is my first conscript.”

“Certainly. Right after I've kissed Rohan long and hard.” Elaine said.

“You won't have to kiss him long to get him hard.” Morgan told her. “Elaine we'd be delighted to help soften what you harden.”

“A kiss like that is liable to harden his toes as well.” Abby remarked when Elaine released me. “How did you manage to hold your breath that long, Rohan?”

“That's for the energy blessing you did on my cottage.” Elaine explained. “I wasn't certain so I asked the boys when they joined me last night. They confirmed it for me.”

“None of us felt a thing so you are certainly getting better at it.” Leslie said. “Now where do we start. I know you still have something important to do this afternoon.”

The boys told me Bram was heating the Dutch ovens so we'd need to take the food out there when it was ready. I told them to take the afternoon off. On Wednesday I'd given Leslie some herbs for the coq au vin. She'd marinated the chicken in a couple of bottle of wine since Thursday. This dish wouldn't take long to assemble and need the least amount of cooking so we began with the beef stew. Next came the Irish stew with lamb. Leslie found how quickly we got done amazing. All the stews have lots of vegetables I told her. What we can do is serve a simple spinach salad on the side for some crunch. Sophie came in to tell us lunch was ready.

“Any different cooking here?” Sophie asked Leslie.

“None. I guess it's Rohan that makes it such fun.” Leslie said. “He's also liable to get you quite smashed if you try to keep up with him.”

When I got up from the table after lunch I sneaked up behind Morgan and lifted him from his seat.

“Hush.” I said slinging him over my shoulder. “We're going for a ride.”

I thought Morgan would literally burst with joy when he saw his four-wheeler parked in our contractor's yard. I'd been given a key to the yard years ago and somehow managed to find it. Morgan thanked me for presenting him with this gift away from the others. My sons had wept for joy I told him. You needn't be ashamed of shedding some tears. I gave him some instruction and let him ride around the yard for a bit. Then we cautiously headed out on the road.

I took Morgan over some simple outdoor trails. Tomorrow I would take all three boys out to the drops. Word had spread about what I was most likely up to while we were gone. The others were all waiting to greet us on our return. My sons had everything ready to wash the bikes and Morgan as well. They cooled him off before he could get off the bike. When his folks said he couldn't hug them in his wet clothes Morgan stripped and hugged them naked. Marikie told her parents she'd like a large water sprayer for Christmas. Elaine added it had the benefit of not only getting him out of his clothes but made certain he was clean as well. Tracy suggested adding soap to the water. Sanne said she'd better leave before she had to turn the hose on the three of them.

Bram told me the stews were doing fine and would be ready around seven. This left me with two hours of free time. I took myself off to the deck with a beer and settled down to think about last night. There is no sense to the shadow-side. Deductive reasoning is futile. The gift of the shadow-side lies in teaching us about our emotions. The dark desires we harbor. There is no trail of breadcrumbs to follow. Drops of blood mark this trail. Last night they'd been droplets. There was no way to predict how much I'd bleed the next time. All I knew was that the wound remained open.

My time with my shadow-side had not provided me with the healing I'd sought. Both my sons had come to me wounded. Small wounds or large wounds it didn't matter. I had to find a way to bring them healing. What worked for me might not work for them. I hoped it would give me a clue. Something I could build on and adapt. I'd taken Dylan deeper than anybody because he had buried his pain deeper than Adam. I realized I'd trusted that Lao, Mun and the Abbot would be there if things fell apart. I'd trusted in Dylan's strength. Even though he had proven strong enough the enormous gamble I'd taken shook me. Still raw from last night tears streamed from me as I cried in huge racking sobs.

Somebody sat down on top of me and wrapped their arms around my head. Dimly I heard the words “last night” and nodded. My arms wrapped around a naked back. There was conversation around me. The boy's voice and a lady's voice. Then there was just the boy's voice telling me it would be all right. Whatever it was I'd make it through. A short while later a bottle was in my hand. Drink he told me. I did. A long draught of cold beer.

“Now I don't know if I'm responsible for this hardness beneath my butt or if it's a result of Elaine's kiss but let's play it safe and keep my promise. Come upstairs with me.” Morgan said. “Don't worry your housekeeper won't say a word. I promised you would speak to Leslie later tonight.”

“Thank you, Morgan.” I said as we walked up the stairs. “You don't have to do any more. I will be all right now.”

“I told you that a few minutes ago.” Morgan said not releasing my hand. “This is to clear the cobwebs. I promised to bring you back to the reality inhabited by the rest of us mortals. We'll fuck and that will make things right. Enough for you to get through the night and keep Dylan from discovering what you've done.”

“Morgan, you know by now it's not you. I wouldn't say this if I didn't think you knew how much I desire you. Honestly I don't know if fucking is good for me now.” I told him as he undressed me. “I don't trust myself at this time.”

“That's okay.” Morgan assured me as he led me into the shower. “I trust you enough for both of us. You're not getting out of here without fucking me. Dinner will be soon and you still need time to dress.”

The boy was right. I was hesitant at first. Morgan took my tentative strokes without complaint. Patiently he waited for me to work it out. The pleasure of fucking him brought me back to the mundane world around me. A mundane world that held the treasure of Morgan. There is nothing liking fucking a boy god to ease your concerns and leave you feeling invigorated. The longer I was able to fuck him without rousing my shadow-side the more I relaxed and concentrated on the task at hand. The lovely task of holding back a little. Waiting for his orgasm to send those inner signals that it's time for me to cum. I got the message loud and clear. He got my cum with loud, clear cries of passion.

“Feeling better?” Morgan asked still bent forward with his hands braced against the wall.

“Much better, Doc. I think the treatment you prescribed was a resounding success.” I told him.

“Well I can't take all the credit.” Morgan said straightening and turning around to hug me. “I think crying did you a lot of good. Thank you for allowing me to see you're human.”

“So that's what was behind those tears.” my housekeeper said entering the bathroom with a perfunctory knock. “Morgan, you are out of time so no matter what was going on I needed to interrupt. I've laid out some fresh clothes and will put these in the washer. The outfit is fancier than this so people will think you changed to honor the occasion.”

“Very clever.” Morgan complimented her. “How much time do we have? I'd like to take care of Rohan's scratches.”

“I'll trust you not to dawdle. We'll wait for you but don't waste time with kissing and fondling. Morgan that includes kissing me.” my housekeeper told him but held still for one kiss.

“Quick, Rohan, wash me before she sends Marikie in to do it.” Morgan said.

Ten minutes later we rejoined the others. My housekeeper thrust a brandy and soda in my hand. Morgan told Leslie he'd love to help her bring the stew from the fire pit and drew her out of the cabin. Leslie glanced at me before allowing him to lead her away. While we placed the food on serving platters Leslie quietly told me she'd chat with me later. Dylan complimented my housekeeper on her choice of clothing for me. He told Leslie he completely understood her need for some alone time with me later. Funnily enough he told her the very same thought had entered his mind.

“How much can the boys have to drink Rohan?” Tracy asked.

“Henry, Lucille, what is your policy about alcohol for Morgan?” I asked.

“We don't mind him having a little.” Henry said. “I'll trust your judgment.”

“Tracy what did you have in mind for us?” I asked.

“British beer for the beef stew. Some wine with the coq au vin, of course. A Guinness with the Irish stew.” Tracy told me.

“The boys can share two beers between themselves with the beef stew and Irish stew. A glass of wine each with the coq au vin.” I told her.

“Are you sure you need my help being a dad, Rohan?” Leslie asked. “I think you did that really well. The boys look impressed.”

Looking down I saw smiles on their faces. I thought they'd be pleading for a beer each. Later Adam would tell me they thought they'd get one beer and one glass of wine each if they were lucky. This way I'd actually made them feel included with the adults for each course. Leslie gave a short speech thanking everybody for their kindness and support for herself, Abby and Ivan. She'd do a round and kiss everybody after dinner so we'd better consider ourselves warned. I got thanked for sharing my cooking technique with her twice in one week. Leslie also thanked me for the extras I baked and cooked today. Adam said it sounded like I was in for a lot of kisses later tonight.

“Leslie got engaged so she cannot give me too many.” I told him as people started to dish up.

“Cool. Purple chicken.” Dylan exclaimed when he cut into his coq au vin. This earned Leslie an extra kiss.

The boys certainly enjoyed their wine. I kept a close eye on them throughout the meal. Sophie and Amanda stayed close at hand throughout dinner but didn't say a word. There was no need. The boys were respectful and well-behaved by nature which helped them treat the drinks in a mature way. I kept quiet and spoke only when others engaged me in conversation.

“Yes a part of it is still the lingering effects of earlier but I'm also enjoying the companionship.” I told Leslie. “We can if you want but I can wait. No I don't think we will be very long. I'm sorry if I'm putting a damper on things.”

“No you aren't. I just don't want to give your perceptive sons chance to pick up that something is troubling you.” Leslie said. “They are just as quick to mother you as you are to mother them. I think it's cute. Especially when they start spanking you.”

“Did somebody say spanking?” Dylan asked eagerly. “I'll take one or two.”

“Me as well.” Adam said. “Darn false alarm. Now I'll have to work for it.”

We all chuckled at his forlorn expression. The last stew was the Irish stew. I warned the boys the Guinness was a heavy beer and it would also go well with the cheesecake if they saved some. The boys decided to split just one of the Guinness with the stew and save the second for dessert. They thanked me for arranging to serve the Irish stew last. No they most definitely were not buying it was coincidence. Leslie told me it looked like I'd be getting some kisses from them as well as her. They took her advice and gave me my thank you kisses right away.

Leslie asked everybody to excuse us before we served dessert. She promised we wouldn't be gone long. We took the usual path along the lake. I smiled at the thought of how many momentous events had taken place along this walk recently. I shared what I'd done with Dylan and the reasons for going so deep. Leslie listened in silence. Then she asked to see the scratches on my back.

“Morgan tells me you are in extremely good shape considering what you went through.” Leslie said. “What did you do?”

“Dylan did some energy healing on me afterward. A long session.” I told her. “Yes, I helped a little at the end but I couldn't have done it without his help. He needed to get it started.”

“This afternoon you broke down. What was the reason behind this collapse?” Leslie asked.

“I'm certain Lao, Mu and Daizan would be able to help Dylan through anything.” I said. “What hurts is realizing I could have caused him a lot of harm for nothing. I'm so fucking stupid that despite all these hours of dancing with my shadow-side I'm no closer to finding a path to healing. Know your enemy they say. My enemy is known to me more intimately than any lover yet I am still wallowing in ignorance. What am I missing, Leslie?”

“You are missing the obvious fact you might need to take another path.” Leslie told me calmly. “I'm not saying you walked down the wrong path or all you've done is for nothing. A lot of what you've shared about your shadow-side has helped my patients. I've been able to use it help them understand many of the emotional issues they've struggled with for years. All it takes is the understanding to offer the opportunity to heal.

Imagine this path is a part of a series of hiking trails through a park. There are usually two or three trails that go all the way from one side to the other. These trails usually have other trails leading from them. You get to branch off the main trail or continue along it. I think you are at the point where it would help to branch off this trail. You are lucky because I think Tracy has managed to come up with a new path for you.

Rohan, I have no more details to give you. Tracy is very nervous about something. I think it has to do with Daizan. Please speak to her. Reassure her of your love for her. Please work with her. I wouldn't ask or expect this of anybody else. Your skill with layers is profound. Tracy feels the need to do something she knows may hurt you. This is hurting her more than it will hurt you. She hasn't spoken to you about it because we've been busy with other stuff. Tomorrow night will be a good time but if you could spend a little time easing her concerns tonight I'd be grateful. Yes, I'll be there when you chat to her tomorrow.

Thank you, Rohan, for everything. This has been one of the best days of my life. Now let's get back so I can try some of the cheesecake.”

“Stand up, Tracy.” I said pulling her chair back from the table. “I'll be taking you for a walk in a bit. Right now the only way I can hug you and enjoy dessert with everybody is if you are sitting on my lap.”

“What, Rohan? Are you crazy? Sorry that's a silly question.” Tracy protested as I pulled her into my lap.

“Hush. I have Leslie's permission so settle down.” I told her. “Tracy if you don't relax I will have to show you how much I love you. Every last bit of it. I can eat my cheesecake around you. Our friends will overlook me being rude this once. They know there is a good reason for it.”

“You're in on this, Leslie? Then I guess I will go along.” Tracy said. “You had better have a good explanation for me when we take that walk.”

“Tracy, this is a gentle way of you being reminded I love you.” I told her. “I'll leave it to the boys to give you the kisses. You need reminding or you wouldn't be worrying. I do know what you're going through. This is much like what I experience with the scurvy knaves who are grinning at us. Sometimes you feel compelled to agree to something that you know will cause somebody pain. There is nothing you can do or say between the decision and the event to make you feel better because until you see their reaction nothing will reassure you.”

“Leslie has told you?” Tracy asked.

“Leslie doesn't know all the details.” I reassured her. “She knows you're worried. Leslie has promised she will be with us when you share what you can of the conspiracy.”

“Good. Eat lots of cheesecake Rohan. I hope it will ease the shock.” Tracy said. “Thank you, Rohan.”

Morgan, Adam and Elaine retired to Elaine's cottage. I had chatted with Tracy earlier telling her I knew I couldn't convince her not to worry but I hoped to ease her concern. Now I took a walk down that same wonderful path with Dylan. There was a small rocky outcrop where we could sit and enjoy some quiet time. Before we sat down on the rocks I took him in my arms and kissed him passionately but softly. He rested his head on my shoulder as he sat next to me.

“You as well.” I said as we walked back. “Everybody is thanking me tonight when I am dying to thank everybody for everything they've done for me.”

“You're welcome.” Dylan said with a smile. “You're also welcome to take me back to the cabin and make love to me. Last night is partly to blame for my offer but tonight is a night full of tender energy. I think I can trust you to make the best use of it.”

“I'll try not to make you regret this choice.” I told him draping an arm over his shoulders.

“Oh, you have every intention of making me regret it. I am not some foolish infatuated virgin.” Dylan said. “Right around the twenty-minute mark is when I'll regret it. That's when it gets so fucking mind-blowing. The problem is it gets so intense I cannot pay attention to what you're doing. How will I ever learn how to torment my lover in such a way?”

“You can watch me torment your brother or Morgan.” I suggested.

“Do you have any idea what they'll ask from me in return?” Dylan said. “Be grateful you don't. I hope my future lovers appreciate the sacrifice I make on their behalf.”

Dylan learned that I could make love to and leave him feeling as if I'd used him. The trick was to fuck him in several positions. I began by blowing him on the balcony. Then I took him inside and pulled him on my lap in the chair. Several minutes later I placed him on the bed and fucked him while he lay on his back. Then I took him on all fours. Pressing him flat I sank down on top of him and fucked him some more. Then I dragged him out of bed and fucked him standing up. Dylan wrapped his legs around my hips and I pressed his back hard against the wall. I loved this position because I could reach around him and cup his ass in my hands while I brought things to an end.

I awoke hungry for more of Dylan. Before he was fully awake I dragged him to the balcony for his morning sucking with his wrists tied behind his back. Even as I swallowed the last of his cum I had him bent over the railing and was driving two fingers into his ass. Then I stood up behind him and fucked the boy soundly.

“That looks fucking hot!” I heard Morgan say as I pumped my cum into Dylan. “May we join you?”

“Bring some wrist restraints.” I told them pushing Dylan down to his knees. “Get me hard for the next round, Dylan. You boys get over here and feed me some cock.”

Dylan sucked on me while I got Adam off. I threw them a curve ball by pulling Morgan to me and fucking him for a while. Then I pulled out and finished my second fuck inside Adam. Leaking my cum he took me in his mouth while I helped myself to a mouthful of Morgan's cock. Morgan fed me his load before I was ready but our antics had aroused Dylan so I sucked on his cock for a few minutes. I reveled in teasing him by stopping his blowjob before he came and started fucking Morgan. Nearing the end of my third morning fuck I reached out to pull Dylan closer. My cries of pleasure were literally drowned as he filled my mouth moments before I filled Morgan's ass.

The boys still had their wrists tied behind their backs. I looked down at the three of them spread in disarray at my feet. Then I smiled a sinister smile. The sight of Morgan's cute butt was all the inspiration I needed.

“Breakfast will only get started in another thirty minutes if I'm the one making it.” I said loudly in response to a knock at the door. “I'm not done with these three miscreants.”

“I wish I could say I knew what's gotten into my pet pervert but none of us have.” Dylan said with a smile.

Reaching down I picked him and Morgan up and dropped them face-down on the bed. Adam soon joined them.

“Face down. Asses up.” I ordered as I rummaged in the toy chest for a paddle.

Today I upped the intensity for Morgan. Three cute butts went from white to red in record time. All three were nicely erect when I set aside the paddle and rolled them over.

“You can choose between my ass or mouth?” I told them.

“Ass.” they said in unison. I squirted lubricant over their cocks and then knelt in front of the wall. Leaning forward from my knees I present my ass to them.

“No, I'm not untying you.” I told them. “All I want is your cum inside me. Get to it or I'll tie you off for the rest of today.”

This proved all the encouragement they needed. A surprisingly short time later I had received my desired three loads of cum.

“I suppose I'll have to untie your wrists if I you are to wash me.” I said with a theatrical sigh.

Then I calmly gave them a chaste good morning kiss. They looked at each other in shocked surprise for a moment before bursting out laughing. The four of us walked naked to the shower. They did a great job of washing me. Adam told me it was all about practicing. I left them to practice on each other while I headed down. Tracy pointed her spatula at me and told me I didn't need cooking therapy this morning.

“You gave her the opportunity to take control of breakfast.” Leslie told me as I sat down next to her and prepared myself some coffee. “Have a little medicine with it. Was it worth it?”

“You bet your sweet ass it was worth it.” I said with a huge smile.

“Knowing you I think you'd bet their three asses.” Tracy told me as the boys greeted Leslie.

Leslie explained what we were betting their butts on while I drank my coffee. The boys were almost purring in delight. Leslie shook her head and gave in to the laughter welling inside of her. Even Tracy paused in her cooking to stare in wonder at the boys. Blame it on the cheesecake I told her. Leslie said it might have been how I ate the cheesecake. The boys said we'd have to conduct an experiment or two.

“Rohan's never spanked me this hard before.” Morgan said when Leslie noticed him wincing as he sat down on the couch. “No, he would never spank anybody too hard. This is one of those good hurts. Well done, Rohan. No I mean it. You were exceptional this morning.”

They all laughed when they saw me blushing. I had to share my blushing they insisted when I tried to escape to the deck. Lucille and Henry chose to enter the cabin at this moment. Lucille said she had to know what could cause me to blush. Leslie told her it was the fulsome praise of my sexual prowess from her son that was to blame. Tracy told her the boys were purring in delight when they came downstairs. Henry remarked it was a good thing Morgan was so well-behaved because soon a spanking wouldn't work as punishment. Tracy told him at that point you simply withheld spankings. Lucille smiled and said that sounded wonderful because it involved no work.

“Thank you for being such a good sport.” Lucille said kissing my cheek as I offered her and Henry a mug of coffee.

“Accepting any compliment will cause me to blush.” I admitted. “I guess it is good to practice.”

“That's enough practice for one day.” Leslie interjected as Dylan started to say something. “Grab these serving platters and go get the greens Bram has ready for you. Find out when the biscuits will be ready.”

“You were a good sport.” Tracy said leading me over to the stove. “I'd like you to show me how to tweak my sausage gravy recipe.”

“There's nothing more needed.” I said after getting a sense of it with the healing chi technique Lao had taught me. “What you could do is caramelize some onions and add them to your gravy.”

“You have the last say since this is your breakfast but I'd be curious to try it that way.” Leslie told Tracy. “The onions will take about fifteen minutes. Divide them into two skillets.”

“Thanks, Boss.” Tracy said. “I wanted something different. Now go sit down while I cook us some onions.”

After we'd enjoyed breakfast Dylan told me he had decided to have his chat with Leslie just before we left the cabin. That way he'd have plenty of time to think things through. I mixed up some ground beef for burgers and left it in the fridge for Bram to cook while we were on our ride. I told the others we'd be gone for a couple of hours. We did more off-road stuff this time. Morgan got introduced to the bumpy field. Then he watched while we did the drops and completed the section without any trouble. Dylan asked me if I'd show them how to get through the more challenging section. I agreed only when they promised not to try any part of what it took to make it through without my instruction and supervision. The boys promised so we headed back to that section of the trail.

“Show off!” Dylan teased when I had circled back to them. Morgan and Adam started pulling my pants off and bent me over the seat of my bike.

“Dylan you can have Dad's ass tonight.” Adam said. “Why don't you gag him while we have our wicked way with him.”

“After that display of riding my pet deserves a treat.” Dylan said opening the front of his pants and offering his cock to me. Adam was already fucking me as I drew Dylan's cock into my mouth. Dylan outlasted Adam but came a couple of minutes before Morgan emptied himself in my ass.

“Yes, Adam, I can teach you the trick.” I told them as we got out clothes back in order. “The space between the drops is too short for all four wheels but if you just drop down on the back two wheels you are fine. We'll practice at the cabin.”

Knowing this would be our last ride together for a couple of weeks we rode back more sedately than our usual race. I left the boys to clean and park the bikes while I checked on lunch. Bram as long as the boys think I need to check lunch then they won't mind cleaning my bike I explained making certain they were out of earshot. Somebody has to test the freshness of the beer I added. The boys are a little too young for that. Bram told me such diligence was rare in a parent. Sad but true I agreed opening another beer.

Sanne and the others were setting the fixings on the table. Abby was baking fries in the oven. I thanked them for the nice spinach salad. Dylan went off for his chat with Leslie carrying a burger in his hand. Time had begun to catch up with us and I wanted to have my chat with Tracy tonight. Tracy took Lawrence inside after telling me under no circumstances was I to enter the cabin. My housekeeper said she'd bring our bags out and I could load them in the car. Adam and Morgan would help me load the cars because they weren't allowed in the cabin either.

“Which way did Leslie go with Dylan?” Tracy asked me when she stepped out of the cabin. “Then we'll go this way, Rohan. No need to disturb them when there's another path here.”

“What's on here?” I asked he when she handed me a zip drive.

“Pictures I took of this weekend.” Tracy told me. “Lawrence lent me his camera. He also helped me edit the pictures and show me how to improve some of them with some fancy software program. I hope you don't mind but I got one of you and Dylan kissing last night. The moon behind you and the kiss was just too perfect to resist. Lawrence shed a tear or two when he saw that one.”

“No, I don't mind Tracy.” I told her. “I think it sounds like the perfect picture for the bedroom. Before I hang it we will need another two pictures to go with it.”

“One of you with Adam and Morgan.” Tracy said.

“Yes but we need to keep it a surprise.” I told her. “Think of some other nice spots around here to photograph us. The sailboat would be a good place. We'll make certain to use some rustic pieces of wood for Elaine's dock. Then you can take a shot through the trees of me kissing one of them on it. I don't think Lawrence will need too much convincing to help you get it just right.”

“He'll be happy to help. He's as big a romantic as you.” Tracy said. “Please remind me to send you back with some Tipsy Tart for him. The old coot sold me his camera for two tarts. There's just too many sweet, kindhearted guys in this group. Now let's make our way back because that looks like Dylan and Leslie returning.”

“We are all packed.” I said. “We'll be home soon. I want to have the chat and set your mind at ease.”

I surprised Tracy by handing her the zip drive back on the way back. She smiled when I said there was a specialist store between her place and my apartment where they would print copies of the pictures for us. I trust your judgment and their ability to do it properly I told her. We will need three sets I decided. One for each of us and one to leave at the apartment for the others to use to order copies.

Dylan was quiet on the way home and snuggled with Adam on the back seat. I asked Morgan to text my housekeeper to find out what to order for dinner. He told me it was all under control.

“Patricia!” Adam shouted when he saw her standing in the doorway of my apartment. “You're not allowed to step away until everybody has kissed you. A very ancient tradition.”

“How ancient?” Patricia asked with a smile.

“About three seconds ancient now.” Dylan said with a smile before hugging and kissing her.

When she finished greeting everybody Patricia took my hand and led me into the kitchen. She told me she hoped I didn't mind dinner being delayed another hour but she wanted my help with her meatloaf. Patricia told me she knew it was edible but wanted to improve it for the kids at her orphanage. I told her it seemed I'd be giving cooking lessons to the chefs at the school and suggested she join us for some of them. The extra hour would give me a chance to chat with Tracy and Leslie so I was happy to have the extra hour.

“Please excuse me for rushing, Patricia.” I apologized. “I need to have a chat with Tracy and Leslie before dinner. This is a good recipe. I'd increase the amount of oregano and onion powder. Another four cloves of garlic for this much meat will do it. I'll be back to help you with the glaze and gravy. Thank you for cooking all those vegetables for the boys. Steam them and then sauté them briefly in this spice mix. Abby would you give Patricia a hand if she has any questions? You've watched me prepare enough meals.”

“Happy to help. Good to feel needed at last.” Abby said.

“The next time you say something like that I'll spank you.” I promised giving her a hug and a kiss.

“Let's go chat.” Tracy said handing me a brandy and soda. “Come on Leslie. Ivan isn't running away.”

“You can explain on the way why you are threatening to spank my receptionist, Rohan.” Leslie said. “Thank you for giving her a break. I'd be lost without Abby. She keeps an eye on you guys plus all my other patients. I need to remind her how important she is.”

“She's helped me get things organized for tomorrow.” Tracy added. “Rohan I've had to plan this one in less than two days. Then I've spent the last two days wondering if you'll even allow it or if I'm wasting my time.”

“Enough tomfoolery.” I said as we entered the spare room. I took Tracy's hands in mine. “Tracy, you have become an invaluable member of my family in a very short time. You couldn't have done this if you weren't more than a note-taker, housekeeper and personal assistant.

I might not submit gracefully to what you have planned. Leslie is here to bear witness to the truth that the resistance is my own inner demons. All I need from you is for you to tell me you believe it is for my own good and I will do whatever I can to go through with it. Do you believe this will be good for me and the boys?”

“Yes, I do. Despite my doubts. I believe it will be.” Tracy told me earnestly. “What worries me is I have no idea what you will go through. I'm scared to ask you to agree to something when there's no telling the toll it will take on you.”

“Tracy, none of us can predict what toll something will have.” I told her. “Especially if it is a path of growth or healing. I've spent years working with my shadow-side for very little progress as I see it. What do Daizan and Lao want me to agree to?”

“How did you guess?” Tracy asked in surprise. “They are the only other people I have chatted to since you left. Yes, I remember Lao urging you to spend time with Daizan.

I'll start with the easiest of their requests. Tomorrow afternoon Lao, Daizan, Mu and Dr. Phyllis would like to come over to give you and the three boys a thorough medical examination. The boys are willing and Morgan has spoken to his parents. You're included because of the second request.

Rohan, I'm so sorry. I really am.”

“Please don't cry, Tracy.” I said drawing her into my arms and letting her cry on my shoulder. “How long will I be away from the boys?”

“A minimum of nine days.” Tracy managed to get out between sobs. “Nine days to work through the meditations. Maybe a day or two to recover. All depends.”

“On how much of a wreck I am at the end of the nine days.” I said. “When is Daizan planning on sharing the details of this meditation?”

“Tomorrow. Before the boys finish school.” Tracy said. “I'll check my calendar but I think they will be over at twelve.”

“They?” Leslie asked.

“Lao would like to do a feng shui assessment of the apartment if you don't mind, Rohan.” Tracy said.

“That I can easily agree to.” I told her. “Tracy, you've done everything you possibly can to make this easier for me. I don't think for one moment it will be easy. The thought of being away from the boys that long is painful. I won't say no before hearing more about the meditations. Provided we can do it in a healing environment and it will prove beneficial to the boys then I will most likely go along with the plan. My sons will need to support the plan.”

“Tracy is there anything else you can tell us now?” Leslie asked. “Then please go send Dylan and Adam to us. Tell Patricia we will be down as soon as we can. I think we might be a little late for dinner. Now I know why Abby only has me scheduled to see two clients early tomorrow morning. Rohan, she knows I'd insist on being here when the three wise men arrive.”

“You might as well let the others know what I told you, Tracy.” I said releasing her. “Their moms need to know. Other people will also need to know if I am going away for almost two weeks. Let's look at this as a positive thing until we know it isn't. Start preparing a list. Run the list by my housekeeper. Better make a note to extend the car rental tomorrow afternoon after I've chatted with Daizan.”

The boys apologized for taking so long but they needed to know Tracy was okay before they came upstairs. Leslie thought that was very sweet and deserved a hug.

“Do you boys know anything about the visit planned tomorrow?” Leslie asked them when they'd settled on my lap.

“Only about the medical test. We don't know about any other reason for the visit. Is this why Tracy has been upset the last few days?” Dylan asked.

“Yes, it is. Tracy knows how painful this could be for you and your dad.” Leslie said. She then went on to share the little we knew. “Rohan has said he will not do it if you boys don't want him going away that long. You boys are just getting used to having a dad present in your life and Rohan doesn't want his absence to hurt you.”

“You mean us thinking he's abandoned us?” Adam asked. “Yes I understand how this might come up. I know we are still working toward healing the emotional stuff.”

“I don't think we know enough.” Dylan said. “Dad will do it if he thinks it will help all of us heal. I'd want him to do it if it just helped him heal. Obviously we will miss him and be sad. Tracy better add lots of tissues to the grocery list. Before I decide I'd want to know if we can speak to dad during this time. Can we make the final decision tomorrow afternoon when you have more information? I might have more questions to ask Daizan.”

“That seems fair.” Leslie agreed. “The rest of us will leave soon after dinner so you can have more time with Rohan. Let's treat this as if he will be away for a while. That way you won't have any regrets.”

“Good idea. I'll need a spanking to see me through.” Adam said. “Will you use the flogger? I'll eat an extra pea if you say yes.”

“A whole pea?” I asked seriously.

“You drive a hard bargain, Dad. Okay a whole pea.” Adam said. “Now can we please go downstairs and cry with Tracy.”

“I'll pay the same high price for my flogging.” Dylan said quickly as we got up.

“Fine if you each eat a whole pea I'll flog you both before we go to sleep.” I promised.

When we got downstairs I sent Tracy out to the balcony with the boys. I asked my housekeeper to join them. Then I stepped into the kitchen to see how Patricia and Abby were faring. I thanked Abby for helping Tracy get things ready for tomorrow. They had made some crepes in the hope I would prepare some decadent filling. They said a warm apple filling with lots of cinnamon, maple syrup and whipped cream would be perfect. I showed them how to make a nice glaze for a meatloaf and while this was cooking in the oven I made the apple filling. Using some beef stock and the drippings from the meat I whipped together a quick gravy while the others were dishing up. Tracy dished me up a plate and helped carry the gravy to the table.

“Sorry about this being so disorganized.” I apologized as I took my seat.

“Now I know why Lao fears Rohan will cause him to die of embarrassment.” my housekeeper said. “I really try to keep him on track. Even when he's away he manages to throw a curve ball at me.”

“Then there's the foul balls.” Adam said. “Look closely, Dad, I want you to witness I'm keeping my end of the bargain.”

“Me to.” Dylan said copying Adam and holding up a fork with a single pea on it. “Henry, eating a whole pea is the price Rohan demanded for flogging his sons before bed tonight.”

“Terrible how inflation drives up prices.” Henry said with a straight face. “A whole pea for a flogging. Shocking.”

“Check with a lawyer.” Lucille added. “That sounds criminal to me.”

“No, you can't call Trevor about it.” Abby said. “Rohan let me off a flogging earlier so you'll pay the price he asked.”

“Can I have your flogging?” Morgan asked. “A rain check. Something for me to grow into.”

“I believe the going rate is eating a whole pea.” Abby told him. “Pay the price and it's all yours.”

Morgan surprised me by going ahead and eating a whole pea. Everybody laughed when Morgan asked if he needed a receipt to jog my memory later when he was ready to collect. He admitted it was silly to think I'd forget that I owed him a flogging.

“Rohan, I know we don't have all the details but do you think it is wise to go through with Daizan's plan?” Sophie asked while we ate dessert. “The boys will miss you but I am way more concerned about you. I know you have a lot to heal. More than I can possibly imagine. What about the physical toll it might take?”

“Catherine is the best judge of my physical conditioning.” I said. “What do you think, Catherine?”

“Difficult to say without knowing what demands the meditations will place on your from a physical stand point.” Catherine said. “I doubt I could get you any fitter than you are. The energy work you do is helping so much. I've started sending my serious athletes to classes with Lao. Sophie, unless I was tweaking his workout program for a specific area like swimming or running or cycling there is not much more I can do to get Rohan fitter than he is now.”

“I will ask Dr. Phyllis to rush the blood tests for Rohan.” Leslie said. “Hopefully we will be able to call things to a halt in time if needed. That's about all we can do. You guys do have plans for a family weekend after he his done with his meditations. Fortunately Rohan has the resources and people needed to help him on all levels. I know he won't admit it so I'll say it for him. Rohan draws on every one of you guys for support. The reason he is so generous stems in part from all you do for him. Very much like I rely on Abby.”

“Plan an early dinner tomorrow night.” Sophie told me. “I have the afternoon off and will be here to lend my support.”

The rest all agreed they would spend as much time as they could with me during the day. Even Henry, Lucille and Samantha promised to come over. Abby said she was pretty certain Trevor would be over as well. I asked her to have him call me before he came over. Dylan looked concerned so I told him I wanted to set Leslie up with the authority needed to help the folks in Poland while I was unavailable. Hopefully if this is outside his expertise he can put me in touch with somebody. I'd also like her to take care of MAD Rohan's Vegetables for me while I was gone. Sanne could do most of it but there might be a document or two that needs an adult signature. All of this was true enough but I had sons to care for so an update to my will was in order as well. There was no need to give the boys reason for concern though. There were floggings to enjoy.

Morgan dragged me upstairs for a few minutes. I agreed that if he was leaving Adam here for the next two nights the least I could do was kiss the tension in his groin better. A few minutes later Morgan remarked that such kissing seemed to naturally lead to sucking. There was also a high occurrence of at least one finger in the ass during such treatments. The three fingers I had working his insides tonight were a rarity he confessed. When I finished draining all the tension I promised to make three fingers more common for him. Morgan promised to eat an entire pea every time I slipped three fingers inside him. I pointed out that could get confusing and earn him lots of floggings. We decided on spinach leaf for the fingers.

The others stayed long enough to have one nightcap with me. Dylan told me he was looking forward to experiencing a flogging. Once I'd stripped them I sent them on ahead into the playroom to choose the floggers. One light and one medium I told Adam. Adam assured Dylan he would feel the bite of the medium flogger. I told Dylan I'd only every used the heavy flogger on two occasions in my life. Hopefully I'd never have to use it on either of them.

Knowing how hot the last flogging had made him Adam took the initiative to tie them both off. I told him that had earned them both an extra five swats.

“Face the closet and place your hands on the back of you head.” I told them as I lifted the light flogger. “You boys are so amazing I'll have to warm you up from head to toe. Front and back.”

“Please let us give you a thank you kiss before you start.” Adam said. I noticed his cock twitched in response to my words.

While I was kissing Adam I brought the flogger down across the back of his shoulders. I kept kissing him as the whip worked down his back and over his ass. Whipping his calf muscles meant stepping away from him and leaning down a little. The blows remained firm and steady all the way down to his heels. Then I worked my way down his front. On my way to his feet I skipped over his genitals. The force of the blows eased up a little as I let the ends of the flogger kiss his inner thighs. I spent at least three full minutes flogging his cock and balls lightly. One last kiss and I left him to stew while I worked Dylan over.

Dylan left me in no doubt about his enjoyment of the warm up. The moment I broke off kissing him he made wonderful sounds of pleasure. Soft gasps. Pleas for me to be firmer. Even thrusting his hips forward a little to make his genitals an easier target. Adam said it seemed I wasn't the only one in the family who enjoyed a good ball spanking. He promised Dylan he wouldn't let me know that secret. They sealed the promise with a quick kiss while I switched to the medium flogger.

“Only your back and ass with this one.” I told them. “Yes, it is cruel. That's why I'm dong it this way.”

I brought an end to their protests and pleading by bringing it down on Adam's shoulders with a strong flick of my wrist. The sound it striking flesh echoed in the room. Adam arched backward under the impact. Dylan's eyes widened and he grinned in eager anticipation when he heard Adam's loud cry of pleasure. Six lashes landed across the upper part of his shoulders. Then I started working my way lower. Slowly and forcefully.

“Fucking hell! Oh gods I need to cum. Please, Rohan.” Adam begged. “Please let me cum! Now!”

“Soon. I'll collect payment for this boon some time soon.” I told him laying another lash across the small of his back.

“Anything.” Adam gasped as the flogger finally kissed the top of his ass. “Holy crap! Deliciously evil.”

“Keep your hands on the back of your head Dylan. I want you to kneel in front of Adam.” I instructed when the flogger reached the center of Adam's ass. “Lick his cock and balls. Nothing else.”

The light flick of Dylan's tongue combined with the bite of the flogger drove Adam wild. Tears of frustration started to trickle down his cheeks. Adam begged as the flogger made its slow way back up over his cheeks. He was still begging when it started back up his back When it touched the bottom of his shoulder blades I told Dylan to suck his brother's cock.

“Please, please, please. Rohan let me cum!” Adam begged. “Yes damn you its way beyond hot. Fucking hell I love this. The pleasure, Rohan. Not the fucking teasing. Oh please!”

I added just a little more impact to the last three lashes on the way to the top of his shoulder blades. While I was laying on the third stroke I reached down and unsnapped Adam's leather strap. He exploded immediately. I watched his ass clench as his hips thrust forward. Drawn forward by the immediate flow of his cum up that heated shaft of his.

“Brace yourself.” I said stepping behind him.

By now we knew it best to get ourselves lubed up before the spanking started. Grabbing Adam's hip in my right hand I guided my cock into him with my free hand. Once the head had slipped into him I grabbed his other hip and slid the rest of my cock into his ass. Then I held him in place and fucked him. Weak from his orgasm Adam held himself upright while I had my way with him. There was no lovemaking. This was me using his ass to get me off. What a hot ass! Squeezing down against my shaft were two well-reddened cheeks. Looking down at the contrast between them and my cock spurred me on. I fucked him hard. Then I was bracing myself on his hips as I emptied myself.

When I began flogging Dylan my cock got treated to a thank you sucking from Adam. Knowing how much he'd enjoyed the warm up I was looking forward to Dylan's reaction to the medium flogger. He didn't disappoint. The harder blows caused Dylan to shiver as waves of pleasure flowed up and down his entire body. Dylan lost all awareness of his surroundings even faster than Adam. The blows I landed picked up in intensity. Dylan urged me on. Cursing my weakness and pleading for more he grovelled standing up.

Adam winced a little at the increased sound of the blows landing on Dylan's ass. Deciding the rest of Dylan's spanking would finish making her hard I told Adam to start licking Dylan. Get your revenge I instructed him. Make your brother writhe and curse like never before I ordered. Adam got off to a good start by breathing on Dylan's cock and balls before licking them. Enjoying the flow of curses and cries of pleasure I did an extra pass up and down Dylan's back before letting Adam suck his cock.

“Twelve more plus the extra five I promised before you cum.” I told Dylan lashing his ass. “Count them.”

“Oh, gods, fucking hell!” Dylan managed to gasp.

“The count won't start until you do.” I warn getting in another two quick lashes.

“Seventeen damn you sixteen, fifteen, fourteen oh fucking hell, thirteen.” Dylan continued as he counted down. “Three, two, one! Yes! Drink it, Brother. Every fucking drop!”

Letting my arm drop to my side I watched the delicious sight of Adam swallowing Dylan's cum. I dropped both the tie and the flogger to the floor and quickly mounted Dylan. The force of my first thrust almost drove his face into the closet door. Dylan just managed to get his arms up in time.

“I didn't tell you to stop, Adam.” I say roughly glancing down to where Adam was kneeling and looking up at us.

Watching Adam kissing and licking Dylan while I pounded Dylan's ass spurred me on. The force of my trusts were lifting Dylan up on his toes. I slammed into him quickly. Frantically getting myself off. Knowing the second time would take longer I worked faster. Relishing the torment I gave voice to my frustration as Dylan had. One last slam and I was there. Blessed fucking relief. I pulled out before my orgasm ended and wiped the last of my cum on the curve of his right cheek. Then I leaned forward and licked it up.

“Stand up, Adam. Looks like you are ready to feed me.” I told him. Adam stood and I sank to my knees. While I feasted Dylan staggered around the room getting things back in order. “Help your brother get this room together then join me in the shower. Don't be long or I'll take you over my knee.”

“You can't leave yet Dad.” Dylan told me stepping close. “I need my thank you kiss. You were going to thank me for the use of my ass weren't you?”

“Eventually.” I said leaning in to kiss him and giving his sore ass a firm squeeze.

“Ouch!” Dylan said with a smile. Adam got the same treatment before I turned my back on them and walked to the bathroom.

“Way too much time dawdling in the playroom.” I said as I slapped their upturned asses.

I'd draped the boys over my bent leg and they were smiling as I gave them a very tame spanking in comparison to their flogging.

“Our dad does give a very nice massage.” Dylan said casually.

“A pity he only seems to focus on one body part.” Adam replied. “Maybe we should ask Juliet to give him some pointers.”

“Pleasant as this is I think we should point out it is getting late and we have to get up in time for sex before school tomorrow.” Dylan said with a sigh.

“I'll text mom and ask her to pop up to make breakfast. She will understand the need for us to linger in bed.” Adam said.

“No you won't.” I told him as I helped them back on their feet. “I won't get to feed you scurvy knaves greens for a while so I'll cook. Trust me.”

“I guess we can trust you when it comes to tormenting us in any shape or form.” Dylan said as he soaped me. “Staying up all night is not an option no matter how much I'd like to.”

“You're right it isn't.” I agreed.

Before we turned off the lights I drew them close to me. I ask you guys to think about what we shared tonight and tell me about your experience. Tomorrow night when you've had time to think about it without the rush of adrenaline and sex still clouding your mind I tell them. I remind them that one day they will be setting scenes for their lovers and to consider this a learning opportunity. Besides I'm not going to do all the work I tell them. Dylan says it is a good idea and they'd be happy to help me with some scenarios. Especially now we are earning our own income and can surprise you Adam added. Decorating the Christmas tree this year will be interesting I say as I kiss them good night.

I was downstairs preparing a breakfast casserole when Morgan arrived at six-thirty. Morgan thought getting undressed while I finished the casserole was a great idea. The boys cam downstairs to see Morgan fucking me over the coffee table. They exchanged a brief good morning kiss with him before sitting down in front of me.

“I'm sure you were on your way to wake us when your ass got ass-aulted, Scoundrel.” Dylan said pressing his cock against my lips. “Aren't you glad we came down to rescue you? Oh, the rescue will start in just a few minutes. You don't look like you're doing too badly.”

“Looks like he's doing pretty good from here.” Adam added as he slowly stroked his cock.

There was hardly a pause at all when Adam's cock replaces Dylan's in my mouth. I can hear the sounds of passionate kissing behind me as I get fucked at both ends. The kissing pushed Morgan over the edge and I loved the muffled sounds of pleasure he made as he pumps his cum into me. Adam was still fucking my face when Dylan entered my ass. The double pounding continued. What a way to start the day!

Morgan was returning the favor and kissing Dylan while I sucked Adam. I released Adam's cock from my mouth and drew him close. Adam grinned when he heard my instructions and soon the sounds of kissing from behind changed to include the sounds of two brothers fucking.

“One of you fucketeers had better volunteer his ass.” I said nonchalantly despite my burning desire to cum. My desperation is not something I want them to know. “Too slow! You will do!”

Reaching down I picked Morgan up and carried him under my arm to the shower.

“What are you two waiting for?” I called back as they stared at me in surprise. “Trained fucketeers need to react faster. Move it or I'll give you another massage. The water better be hot in that shower when I get there.”

The two boys looked so hot scurrying ahead of me. Damn I hope the water is cold so I can whip their butts once I've filled Morgan's ass I thought to myself.

“Remind me to get a less efficient water heater.” I told my sons as I placed Morgan down on all fours and slid smoothly into him. “Wash us while we fuck. Time is running short.”

The feel of their soapy hands on my body while I fucked was incredible. I was kissing one of my sons while the other kissed Morgan. Then they had switched places. Dylan smacked my ass and brought things to an end by finger-fucking me with three fingers. I groaned deep and long as I pumped cum into Morgan's ass.

“Tracy there's breakfast casserole ready to go into the oven. Do you think you could get it started for us?” I asked as I dried Dylan's back. “We will be downstairs soon. Before you leave those two scurvy knaves want to hug you.”

“The flogging was worth an entire teaspoon of peas.” Adam told Tracy. She promised not to let me know.

“Yes, Tracy, I feel the same.” Dylan told her going over and hugging her. “Come on Dad let's get you dressed.”

“I'll walk you to the kitchen, Tracy.” Morgan said. “I have to go there to fetch my clothes. Yes, I'll get the smoothies going as well. Tracy can we get cereal on the grocery list? I suppose you're right. Nobody is going to make spinach cheerios soon.”

Dylan gave me a thank you kiss in advance for behaving myself. Adam reminded me to check in on Tomek's computer when I spoke to Eliasz this morning. My housekeepers took the boys to school and promised to fetch them. Trevor called me right after nine to discuss my needs. He told me he'd chat with Beatka to find out exactly what forms needed signing and how to structure my will. I told him Frederick would know the entirety of my estate. Amanda had popped up for coffee and to keep an eye on me until my housekeepers returned from driving the boys to school. I asked her if she minded looking after Adam's share of my estate until he was legally able to inherit. She told me she'd be happy to do it. She thanked me for arranging this without worrying the boys.

Eliasz called from a fully furnished apartment. There were just a few items missing. They would be delivered Wednesday. Tomek carried the computer around so we could see how it looked. Judyta thanked us profusely for all our help. Eliasz told me they hoped to open the shop next Monday. I thanked them for being so kind to me and letting me bully them into all this change. Tracy told them she'd be happy to spank me for bullying them. Tomek nearly dropped the computer when I told Eliasz she wasn't joking. Eliasz told me Tomek's computer would be there tomorrow afternoon so the boys could chat with him Wednesday. Tracy emailed the boys contact details to Eliasz.

“No, it isn't too early for us to join you in a toast.” Tracy assured him. Eliasz beamed when she showed him the bottle of vodka. “To the new home!”

I had just over an hour before our guests arrived. Tracy said it might prove very useful to have a 3-D model of my apartment for Lao. Emily, my decorator, had made one when we'd furnished it but was happy to come over and make another. We caught her on a day when she was waiting for deliveries. Tracy told her to join us for lunch and dinner. She told Emily that Lao wanted to do his feng shui thing on the cabin as well so if she could walk Elaine through the process we could take care of everything today. Emily was glad to have the work.

“Sophie is bringing over lunch.” Tracy told me. “What British meal would you like to make for dinner, Rohan? The cooking therapy will come in handy today. I have the car so I can slip out and get the groceries before our guests arrive. Roast beef and Yorkshire pudding sounds delicious. Why don't you call and have a word with the manager of the meat department to save me some time? Thanks, Boss.”

Tracy arrived back with out guests. They had insisted on giving her a hand with the groceries. Daizan had assured her he had no qualms about eating meat. I told Tracy I didn't mind her inviting them for dinner. Lao told her it was always better to have a pretty lady extend the invitation. Mu agreed it was much harder to say no to her than to me. We were still greeting each other when Emily, Leslie and Abby arrived. Leslie asked Emily and Lao to start with the spare room first.

“Daizan, we don't have all your years of meditation to help us so we'll have a beer. You are welcome to have join us.” Leslie said.

I introduced Daizan to Amanda, J and my housekeeper. My housekeeper asked if he'd be okay with lasagna for lunch. They were ordering vegetable and meat lasagnas with sides. Catherine arrived with her boyfriend just before we headed upstairs. Lao was enjoying working with Emily on the computer model. I thanked Lao for all his hard work on our behalf. Lao told me it was a pleasure and Frederick paid him promptly. Tracy told us she'd keep the food warm for us. Sophie would be over in thirty minutes. I told her we'd most likely be done pretty quickly.

“Leslie will find a solution.” I said confidently. “She's amazing, Daizan. I think Abby's influence is rubbing off on her.”

“Thank you for that.” Leslie said hugging me on the stairs. “I had to punch your arm in front of Abby though.”

“I understand. I preferred the punch to being dragged up her by my ear.” I said. “Without your guidance, Daizan, it happens way too often.”

Daizan explained Mu had recently done this series of meditation so he'd asked him to join us in our chat. Mu told us it was rough. They'd even brought in another herbalist to help him through it. Hard to brew up a medicine when you're having nightmares Mu told us with a shudder at the memory. Mu said it was an honor to meet the only man outside their monastic order considered strong enough to make it through this meditation.

There were a series of nine sounds to work through hence the length of the retreat. Daizan told me each sound would loosen things on a progressively deeper level. A lot of people didn't make it through the entire nine days. Getting to six was impressive he told me. The physical toll depended on how I reacted to what got loosened inside Mu told us. That is why the brought in a herbalist for him. Mu credited the work of this herbalist for him getting through the last two days and recovering in only two weeks. Nobody ever did this without a healer or doctor or both present for the entire nine days.

“Obviously there is no guarantee what Rohan experiences will prove useful in healing the boys' emotional hurts.” Daizan said. “The biggest benefit will be the opportunity for deeper insights. The chance to see a different way to approach things. The Rohan you meet afterward will be a changed person. Profoundly.”

“That I can guarantee.” Mu said with a smile. “Even if you just do the six days. I spoke to many monks before agreeing to this. You must love the boys very much if you are willing to walk this path so eagerly.”

“Rohan is hardly eager. Yes eager can be relative. I see your point.” Leslie said. “Do you want more time to think it through, Rohan.”

“No, there's no point in delaying it.” I said. “I am as fit as I will ever be. Mu, Lao, Daizan and you are the best possible support team I could ever ask for no matter how long I searched for other help. There's only one thing stopping me from agreeing. The venue, Leslie. They want me to spend the nine days at the monastery. I need to go back there some day to clear things up. This I know. What I also know is I cannot find healing there now. Growth and healing needs to take place first.”

“From the little I've heard of Rohan's past I agree with him.” Leslie said. “Daizan cannot be kept away from the monastery for that long. Rohan there is only one place I know you find healing. Yes, the cabin. Sorry, Daizan, from what I know it is in the opposite direction of the monastery. Are you willing to break with tradition a little more?”

“I had to do a lot of convincing and eventually pulled rank to get this far.” Daizan said. “Stretching the break a little more will be okay. Let's not stretch it too far.”

“Mu, it sounds like Daizan was invaluable for talking you through stuff. Obviously the instruction in the mantra was necessary.” Leslie said. “Daizan what if you could talk to Rohan face-to-face? Would that set your mind at ease?”

“Can it be done securely? These meditations are too powerful for some people.” Daizan said. “You know somebody, Rohan, who can make it secure? Good. Then my other question is what if you need me? We can set up a time for instruction at the start of the day but what if you need to contact me?”

“We can buy a phone number for you to use. The same service we will use for the video call offers them.” I told Daizan. “All you need is a laptop.”

“I don't have one and there is no internet at the monastery.” Daizan said.

“Then consider it a gift for allowing me to do this from the cabin, Daizan.” I said. “We can have it all arranged this afternoon. Somebody from my office will be here to show you and we can practice with a call to Elaine. Lao wants her to walk through the cabin with the computer so he can check the feng shui.”

“You can speak to Mu as you speak to me but how do we get medicine to you?” Daizan asked. “They will collect it from the monastery and send it to you overnight? Things have changed outside the monastery walls. Will Elaine be able to help you with meals? There are healing teas and other drinks to prepare. Provided Elaine is willing I think it will work. Lao has been through a similar meditation. A different name and technique but essentially the same.”

“What about him being in contact with others?” Leslie asked. “He will miss his sons as much as they miss him.”

“All of what I say now depends on Elaine being able to help.” Daizan said with a small smile. “The earliest we can reach the cabin is tomorrow. This means Rohan will begin Wednesday. The last day will be Thursday. Mu took two weeks to recover so Elaine's help will be needed over the weekend as well.”

“The boys are going up there on Friday evening for the long weekend and would love to help.” Leslie told him. “This looks like it might work.”

“Rohan cannot speak to anybody except Mu, Lao or me for the first three days.” Daizan said. “Leslie you can speak to him every day from Saturday. I will trust you to judge how long you need. Leslie, I am happy to share how Rohan is doing if he grants permission. Yes it will be good for Lao and Mu to share with you as well. You are certain a conference call won't impact your work? Good. Then I can share with you and Lao at the same time. Rohan you don't mind? Thank you. Leslie can we make you responsible for updating the boys?”

“I will be here for dinner every night so it is no trouble.” Leslie told him. “The others will want an update as well.”

“Daizan, I trust Leslie's judgment in what she shares.” I said. “My support network is quite large. People will worry when I am not in touch for a while. I'll ask my housekeepers to let them know I am on a retreat for my health. Now about the boys?”

“They can have one hour a day from Saturday through Thursday. I don't think you will want to talk much on Friday but that is up to you.” Daizan told me. “I am curious to meet these boys you have adopted. I will talk to Lao. We will talk to Elaine when she does her magic with the computer. The important thing is sound clarity, Rohan. This computer must sound as clear as if I am in the same room.”

“There are very good quality speakers at the cabin.” I assured Daizan. “We can test it before you leave. When the laptop gets here we can test it. Let me call the office to arrange it and then we can go have lunch.”

I hugged Daizan close before we left the room. There was nothing to say. He knew how grateful I was for helping me do the meditations at the cabin. Tracy handed me a brandy and soda when I got downstairs. I gave her a long hug. Everybody was eager to hear the result of our chat. I told them Daizan needed to work out a few things with Lao and Elaine before any announcement could be made. Let's enjoy some lunch. You were very kind to wait on us I told them.

We finished lunch just before Tracy had to leave to fetch the boys. Tracy calmly kissed my cheek as she placed a whole tiramisu in front of me. Lao burst out laughing. Tracy kissed his cheek on her way out. Fifteen minutes later I told Lao I was saving half my tiramisu for dessert after my lunch with the boys. Sophie told him she knew I was saving space for more because I only had two helpings of lasagna. When I asked about the feng shui the others insisted Lao show them on the computer. Emily told him she could show a before and after view of the apartment. We connected the laptop to the TV so everybody could see. Lao told me I was fortunate to have Emily as my decorator. She had intuitively got it right. The changes he was making concerned the boys and my energy work. My housekeeper asked Lao if they could have a longer conversation about the changes later. Lao agreed and suggested she be here when Emily came over with the items he needed.

“Daizan, I think you might want to meet this wave standing up.” I said as I heard Tracy's voice in the hallway outside. Daizan's trust in me was refreshing as he immediately got to his feet and stepped into an open space.

Dylan and Adam ran and hugged him from each side. They tugged on his arms until he knelt and then they kissed him on the cheek. He told the boys he'd be staying for dinner. He repeated what Tracy had said about needing to talk to Elaine first before making a firm decision. The boys then made their way over to Lao while Morgan hugged and kissed Daizan. I tilted my head towards Mu and he got the same treatment. After I'd greeted them they greeted the others and joined me at the table for lunch.

Dr. Phyllis arrived just as I was about to have the other half of my dessert. I told her the boys only needed three-quarters of the other tiramisu so she was welcome to have some with us. The one I was about to enjoy was on special. Good guess I told her. This one was fifty per cent off. Dylan asked me when the price got reduced. I told him it went on special about thirty minutes ago. Tracy make certain they save me a quarter I said as Dr. Phyllis led me upstairs. Lao what sort of dad would I be if I let them overindulge in desserts I asked him.

“Hello, Rohan.” Elaine said when I came downstairs. “I hope the doctor gave you a clean bill of health. These lovely gentleman have placed you in my hands for an entire nine days. I get to bully you and we aren't allowed to talk so you can't protest. They even have me setting your daily schedule. Sanne is my back-up. She's been married for years so she'll give me some pointers. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Elaine is even being taught how to cook for you by Lao.” Dylan told me as Morgan headed up for his examination. “You will be getting a daily massage. Elaine gets to record it and send the recording to Lao every day. Good of you to help Elaine learn new skills.”

“No doubt she'll be my chief poisoner as well.” I said with a sigh.

“The boys turned over a new spinach leaf so you can do the same about the herbs.” my housekeeper said. “They will be keeping you alive. You also need to remember you haven't left yet and my riding crop is upstairs.”

“Boss, you need to teach me how to make Yorkshire pudding.” Tracy said pulling me towards the kitchen. “They can decide your fate without you. Hang on, let me get the door. Hello William. Thank you for bringing it over. The kindly looking man over there is Daizan. Those two youngsters know more than the rest of us about our computer set-up so ask them if you have any questions.”

“The sound will be crystal clear.” William told me. “I got them to upgrade the sound card and bought some good quality cordless speakers so Daizan can make certain you are pronouncing things correctly.”

“Thank you, William, for getting it done so quickly.” I said. “I'll be in the kitchen getting a little drunk if you need me for anything. No, Tracy it isn't as bad as I think. It's worse. My excuses er rather avenues of escape are getting cut off one by one. I can't admit to being afraid where the boys will hear. Don't go putting such thoughts in their heads.”

“Then let's get a little tipsy and introduce the three wise men to Tipsy tart. Any objections to alcohol guys?” Tracy asked. “The boys will be eating it so it shouldn’t be too strong. Thank you for being so brave.”

“I have to leave plenty of leftovers for you guys.” I told Tracy when she asked if we really needed so much meat. “Yes there will be lots of gravy as well. Now where are you hiding my beer?”

When Dr. Phyllis finished examining the boys Lao examined them. I got my examination from him when I finally declared dinner ready. The others said they could wait while Lao examined me. When I came down Daizan announced he was willing to let me do my retreat at the cabin. Sanne was willing to help Elaine wherever she could. The three wise men would be chatting to both of them. Daizan told me this way somebody could go collect my herbs from the contractor while the other was helping me keep on schedule. Leslie explained the time constraints for chatting with me to the boys. They were glad to hear Leslie would give them feedback every day. The others told Leslie an update at dinner would be wonderful.

“Before we eat I want to let you all know I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't for the support of every one of you.” I said. “Thank you for helping me and the boys. I'll try not to embarrass you too much. Now let's eat. I'll thank you individually later.”

“Eat plenty, Dad.” Dylan told me. “From what I heard you're going on a special diet with lots of soups and stir-fries. We all know you won't lose much weight. There's hardly an ounce of fat on your body.”

“That's good because I'd hate to see Rohan any skinnier.” Sophie said. “Daizan have some more. There's plenty even allowing for leftovers.”

Tipsy was a big hit with Daizan and Mu. They even joined in without prompting to thank Tracy for making it. Lao teased Mu by saying he was certainly making the most of his time outside the monastery by eating meat, desserts with alcohol and kissing pretty ladies on the cheek. Mu asked him not to let his Abbot know of his debauchery. Lao promised not to say a word.

While the boys were busy taking care of the dishes and tidying up I joined Trevor on the balcony to sign all the legal papers. Then I sat down with my housekeepers to make certain everybody would be told I was away for a while. I asked Leslie to let Eliasz know and to make decisions on my behalf. Daizan and Mu were spending the night at Lao's apartment. In the morning they would buy some herbs for me to take to the cabin. Lao had given Tracy a grocery list. Then I took time to chat with everybody. Thanking them and asking if there was anything they needed. I called Frederick to let him know Tracy was acting as the go-to person while I was away and to help her with any requests.

“We will fetch you at nine.” Lao said. “Thank you for a wonderful dinner. Before you go to bed read a little about the laughing Buddha. You can tell me what you learned on the ride to the cabin.”

Daizan complimented the boys on their bravery. They told him it was all they could do to make it through until tomorrow afternoon before they broke down. Their faces lit up when he reminded them the three days didn't start until Wednesday morning. He told them they could call him when they needed. Lao told them they would be doing a chi retreat of their own while I was gone.

“No I won't put you on the same diet as your dad.” Lao said with a smile. “That's a really healthy, cleansing diet. I went on it once when I was studying healing and vowed never to do it again. I'd had enough of soup and stir-fries after four days which made the last five days really tough. On Wednesday I will explain it to you so you can see how all the flavors balance.”

“Can we try it for a few days?” Dylan surprised us all by asking. “I think it would be good to use what we learn on ourselves and we will understand more of what Dad is going through.”

“Dr. Phyllis is having the lab put your blood tests at the top of their list.” Lao told them. “When I come over on Wednesday we can see about you boys doing three days. We will have to get permission from Dr. Phyllis.”

“Finally I will get to shed those extra ounces that have clung to my hips.” Morgan said. “Thank you, Lao. Hold still so I can kiss you.”

“I'll eat your share of the desserts for those three days.” Tracy told the boys. “Why would I torture myself with a diet when I can visit the coffee shop?”

My sons told me I was at their mercy for the rest of my time together. Morgan promised he'd be over early again tomorrow morning. They led me past the playroom and straight to the bedroom. The two of them surprised me again by being extra gentle as they undressed me. There were a lot of tender touches. A lot of time passed before Dylan slid under me and entered me. Adam kissed me up and down the front of my body while Dylan made love gently to me.

“Ride it out, Scoundrel.” Dylan whispered in my ear as he filled me.

Adam began fucking me from between my legs. This time they allowed me to join him in his orgasm. They both licked me clean. Before we turned off the lights they showered and massaged me. None of us worried about how late it was. This was a special time. A time to keep free of concerns.

The next morning the pace was much quicker. All three of the boys seemed determined to hide their sadness by setting a pace that didn't allow much time for thinking. Tears flowed when I said my goodbye to them. My housekeeper helped me wash and regain my composure before the three wise men arrived. She handed me my bag and told me to go before Tracy got back. She told me Tracy was even more upset and worried than the boys.

Mu and Daizan accepted my offer of breakfast burritos as we left the city. Lao teased me by asking what I had for dessert. I told them there had been no time for dessert and offered him chocolate. Contentment, compassion and happiness are the qualities I'd associate with the laughing Buddha I told Lao when he asked. I promised to remember the meeting of the Zen monk with the laughing Buddha. No I didn't understand the significance yet I admitted. Maybe when Daizan's meditations have made me smarter I'd get it. Maybe Lao said quietly.

Bram was preparing vegetable burgers at the fire pit when we arrived. He told us Elaine was doing a walk through in the cabin for Tracy. Tracy had called the maid service to make sure the cabin gleamed when I arrived. She needed to see if it gleamed enough for me. I thought the downstairs was dazzling. We waited in the living room for Elaine to finish her walk through upstairs.

“Looks like the three wise men and Rohan have arrived.” Elaine told Tracy when she saw us waiting. “Tracy I promise he will call you this afternoon for a long chat. You can chat while the boys do their homework. Now let me greet them and serve them lunch. Sanne will be here any minute. The sooner we have lunch the sooner you get to have your chat.”

“Lunch first. Then we will unload the rest of the stuff.” Lao said after we'd greeted Elaine. Bram had let Sanne know of our arrival and joined us moments later. Marikie and Hans would join us for dinner. They were visiting a friend this afternoon.

“Thank you for agreeing to look after Rohan.” Daizan told them. “Please keep in touch with the three of us and do not hesitate to call at any time. Day or night. Rohan might be in grave danger at times. This will be harder on you because you will watch him suffer. He'll be caught up in it and not see the impact it is having on his body.”

“Sanne you stay nearby don't you?” Lao asked. “The house just before we got here. The one with the very pretty flowers. Would you accept a gift of a feng shui assessment of your home? A gift to thank you for looking after my student.”

“I'd love that, Lao. Thank you.” Sanne said. “Do you have time?”

“Rohan can eat dessert while walking around with us.” Lao said. “Elaine everybody who cooks for Rohan makes dessert. Refusing dessert would be rude so we'll all have some. I have some stuff for your cottage.”

We loaded up some boxes on the handcart so we could carry our bowls of crepes to the cottage with us. Lao paused to assess the energy and told me I'd done a passable job on the blessing. He promised to teach me a few things after my retreat so I could see if I'd learned anything from my meditations. Lao had certainly embraced technology very quickly. Elaine was given a headband that had a camera in it so Lao could watch her when she prepared my meals and gave me a massage. I told her I had William's cellphone number so she could call and get helping setting it up. Lao promised to call her tonight for a test run. He also had further instructions he wanted to give her later. No time now he declared. The other items were a few feng shui cures for the cabin.

“Where will you be meditating?” Lao asked as we headed back to the car.

“On the deck. I'll set up a heater because it gets cold at night.” I told him. “Yes it will be done this afternoon so I am ready to being in the morning.”

“I'll help him get everything in place.” Bram promised. “Sanne can tell me what he will need without going into details. I've been married long enough to have stopped asking questions.”

“The box isn't too heavy.” Lao said. “You are too weak, Rohan. Chi not crepes. Quickly we must leave soon.”

I showed Lao where I would be sitting. Lao walked around the outside of the deck. He paused several times. Then he asked us to bring the box to a spot on my right. I sat in the chair and told him I could enjoy the view and still see the box. Only then did he allow Bram to help me open it. Inside was a four-foot high laughing Buddha. The gold leaf covering it lit up in the sunlight. Bram reverently asked Lao if he could build a low altar for it. He listened carefully to the measurements Lao gave him. I asked Daizan if he'd bless the statue and the space for me.

“I already embarrass you so it doesn't matter.” I told Lao as I hugged him. “He's all yours Elaine.”

“You deserve these hugs.” Elaine told him. “Now go show Rohan those new sequences while Daizan blesses your gift. We'll be here when you're done.”

Lao told me the boys would be doing the same sequence of moves on their chi retreat. Remember to smile when things get very bad Lao told me. When you begin your nine days practice smiling on the inside. Soften the body with a smile. Smile at your heart. Smile at your liver. Smile at your stomach. Things will get very bad he told me seriously. Trust yourself and remember your gym experience.

The rest of us walked to the cottage while Mu drove. Elaine brought the laptop so she could make a 3-D model for Lao and Sanne. Then we said goodbye to the three wise men. Lao told Elaine he'd let her know the results of my blood test and what to change in my diet. I didn't need to know because my job was just to take the medicine. Bram laughed when he heard that and told me they were preparing me for married life. Sanne swatted his butt.

Elaine agreed to have a cup of tea with Sanne while I helped Bram make the altar. He told me he had some cedar that would match the deck perfectly and wouldn't need staining. Because he had all the tools we finished before the ladies had finished their tea. I joined Bram for a beer while we waited. Sanne headed off to fetch the kids. Bram told me there was chicken cooking in the fire pit for dinner and all the cheeses I needed to do broccoli in a smoky, spice cheese sauce were in the fridge. Elaine asked if I needed help deciphering the hint. I swatted her butt.

While us guys set the statue on the altar Elaine called William to get her camera connected. I took my laptop and a six-pack out to the fire pit so we could give it a trial run. I discovered her camera provided sound as well as a picture. Elaine would be able to talk to Lao as she was preparing the meal or ask advice during the massage. When we had finished testing the camera Bram helped me get my meditation space set up. He told me he knew where the portable canopy was and would set it up over my table and chair if it began to rain. The he told me to go have my chat with Tracy while he finished cooking the chicken. I promised I wouldn't forget the broccoli.

Tracy asked a lot of questions about how we'd set everything up. Yes the cabin was spotless I assured her. I had to take the laptop outside so she could see the statue. I sat down outside because the boys would want to see it as well. This space is where I will be most of the time I told her. Once again I reassured Tracy that whatever happened was nobody's fault. I asked her what she had planned for the boys. Tomorrow was a milkshake date before they started their cleansing diet. Then as a surprise she had booked a couple of rooms in a bed and breakfast for the boys and my housekeeper on Saturday. During the week they have school but on the weekends they would be stuck in the apartment without me so the trip out-of-town would be good for them. They would take their laptop and stay in touch with Leslie. Tracy told me they would go shopping for board games and a croquette set next week.

The boys knocked on the door to the spare room moments later. Tracy told them they could come in. I showed them the space. They said the statue was amazing. When I told them I would be doing the same chi sequence as them they smiled. I took a snapshot of the altar and my meditation space. Dylan said they would post pictures of the spaces to help them feel connected to me. Tracy told them she'd pick up a cork board tomorrow to pin the pictures on. I even had to take a picture of the lawn where I'd be doing my chi exercises.

Hans and Marikie arrived and jumped into my lap. They chatted with the boys for a while. I asked the boys what I should serve these two for dessert. They told me to make some blackberry cobbler. Hans told me to remember the ice-cream. I told the boys I'd call them later to say goodnight but I had cooking to do now. Daizan wanted me to get in some regular meditation tonight and get a feel for my meditation space.

Elaine and Sanne kept me company as I prepared the vegetables and cobbler. Then we went out to the fire pit. We all got to play Frisbee together for an hour before the chicken was ready. While we were eating Sanne explained to Bram and the kids I would be spending the next nine days in as much silence as possible. She told them not to think I was being rude if I didn't say hello. Hugs allowed if I wasn't meditating she told them with a smile. Elaine told Hans the doctors wanted me to eat a special diet for the next nine days and asked if he'd help finish the leftover cobbler. Better take the ice-cream home as well so I'm not tempted to cheat I told him. Sanne told me she didn't think for one minute I'd accidentally baked too much cobbler. Hans promised to share it with Elaine. I told him that was very sweet of him but there was another one for Elaine to take home with her.

“Elaine it just slipped my mind the others weren't joining us.” I protested. “There's always been a lot of people present. You're as bad as Sanne. Thank you, Bram. I'd love a beer.”

“Thank you for baking us cobbler.” Elaine said overriding my protests and hugging me. “We promise not to eat it where you can see us. Now we need to let you meditate. Your bedtime is nine forty-five and you have to get out of bed at four. Good luck, Rohan.”

I insisted on walking Sanne and her family home. Elaine joined me on my walk. When we got back she hugged and kissed me again before heading down to her cottage. She told me she had things to set up for tomorrow while I meditated. I asked her to join me later for a nightcap. Before I sat down to meditate I did a quick series of chi exercises. Elaine rejoined me at nine for a brandy and soda. She asked me how I was feeling. I told her I was feeling nervous and eager to get started. Hopefully the meditation will calm things down I said but I was glad to have her and Sanne nearby.

“How strange it will be not to speak to you for days.” Elaine said as we kissed goodnight. “Good luck, Rohan.”

I took a quick shower and slipped into bed a few minutes ahead of schedule. The idea of an early start was very appealing. The sooner I got started the sooner things would settle down. When I woke I found a note on the toilet seat saying to check the fridge first thing. I put on a robe and headed to the kitchen. A large chalkboard rested against the breakfast bar with my schedule on it. There was a vegetable juice for me to drink and tea in the thermos.

Meditation from four-thirty for two hours. Then thirty minutes of chi exercise. Elaine would serve breakfast at seven. Daizan would be calling me at seven-thirty. I was glad to have the heater by my chair when I stepped outside. Elaine hugged me in passing at six-thirty. She held a finger over her lips as she placed two spoonfuls of whipped cream next to my gluten-free waffles. The smoothie was almond milk based so I knew the whipped cream was a breach of the diet but figured it wouldn't hurt me too much. Elaine laughed at my expression when I took my first sip of the smoothie. Remembering the advice of my housekeeper I did my best to give thanks for the goodness it held as I drank it. Somehow I made it through before Daizan called. Elaine took the dishes from me to wash.

I took the laptop outside so Elaine wouldn't overhear the mantra. They'd all promised to stay out of earshot of my meditation space and to approach only when I waved them forward. The first mantra was pleasant and uplifting. Daizan said I would need it later when all the emotional stuff got stirred up. When I stopped for lunch at twelve I was feeling very happy and euphoric. Lao chatted with me for half an hour after lunch. Elaine stood outside with her camera headband so Lao could see my form. She handed me a flask of tea to take on my ten-mile run. This was a practice called chi in motion Lao told me. That's all he'd tell me.

I was only wearing sneakers and some skimpy running shorts so the air and sunlight felt very good on my body. I returned just before three. There was another smoothie waiting for me. Elaine took me upstairs for my massage at five. Lao guided her through it and told us he would keep a copy of it so others could learn from it. Leslie wanted to see how I was doing as well. Elaine treated me like one of the boys and stepped into the shower with me. Bound to silence I couldn't protest as she took the soap from me and began washing me.

My schedule allowed me to relax and watch as she prepared a stir-fry for my dinner. The stir-fry was delicious. Three more hours of meditation brought me nine-fifteen which gave me thirty minutes to relax and prepare for bed.

The next day was a mirror image of the first except for the change in my mantra. This mantra had a deeper, fuller note and sunk deeper within me. The vibrations really penetrated my inner space. How good it felt surprised me. I had an initial pang of fear it would start loosening stuff. What it seemed to do was push things out to the edge of my physical form and create an open space within me. Speaking through Elaine's headband camera Lao made a few minor changes to my sequence so it worked with my mantra. Then it was time for my run.

Day three was pleasant enough until after dinner. Daizan had told me it was key to stay with whatever surfaced within me. He'd told me to see the space inside of me like the surface of a lake or the universal sea of chi. Anything I needed to deal with would rest on the surface. I'd know I had processed the stuff when all that remained was the smooth surface of the water. About two hours into my evening meditation my father's face rose to the surface of the lake. I began reliving my childhood with him.

My early childhood with him had been as good as most kids experienced. This made the way it ended harder to bear. Slowly dark tendrils spread out in a web over the lake. Then as the pain of the memories increased these tendrils sank down into the depths of the lake. Knowing I wouldn't be able to escape this image in sleep I sat with it. I tried to lighten the energy with the earlier mantra but it hardly made any impact. I focused every bit of my awareness on each memory as it rose up within me. No matter how much pain the memory held I wanted to experience it all. I wasn't going to let any trace of it escape.

Gritting my teeth at times against the pain I still repeated the third mantra. The sound of it within me seemed to wrap around the visions. There sound seemed to be holding the space. A space that grew as large as it needed to allow me to experience every iota of pain. Scenes from my childhood played themselves out on the lake surface. Superimposed on the image of my father's face. Dimly I heard the cabin door open and close a while later. Still I sat and repeated the mantra. There was a time when the pain was so great I clung to the mantra in desperation. Repeating it louder and louder as the pain intensified. Drenched in sweat I sat and waited. There would come a time when I could act and ease the pain. I had to stay present or I'd miss the opportunity.

Lao's instruction to smile managed to slip into my awareness several hours after this all began. Initially there was too much pain to allow me to smile. I let the greater part of my mind focus on the painful images while another sought something to help me smile. I remembered watching the sunrise on the lake from my bed with my arms wrapped around Dylan. How the light had danced and caused the water to glisten in a bright, golden hue. This was why I had chosen to meditate here. I could look out at the lake. Opening my eyes I discovered it was still night. The sun will rise I told myself. Wait. Sit and repeat the mantra. Be patient. Soon. I've borne the pain for this long a few more hours won't matter.

Then as I sat waiting for the sunrise the images from my childhood subsided. The only image left was my father's face as it rested on the surface. Instinctively I switched to the first mantra. The lighter tone struggled initially to enter the space. Memories of the pain still hung in the air. I kept on repeating the mantra. Sunrise. Light. Smile. Slowly the energy of the mantra began to lighten the pain within me. Almost too subtle for me to notice at first as I struggled to avoid feeling any more pain. By the time I noticed there was a distinct difference in the amount of pain I was feeling. I watched the scene of the lake change as a small sun appeared in a corner. A sun that grew slowly larger and extended eight rays out over the lake. The relief I felt at seeing this sun made me smile inside and out.

Tendrils of gold light reached down from the sun to the image of my father's face. The light flowed into the dark web slowly but steadily. I watched as the image of my father's face went from a dark, murky brown to a bright golden color. A web of gold spread out over the surface of the lake and then began to reach down into the water. Soon the lake became transformed into the wonderful warm colors of a sunrise. No longer made up of physical parts I was a matrix of golden energy.

The image of my father no longer caused me any pain. I didn't remain aloof or condone what he'd done. What I had come to realize was I may never understand why something unfolded the way it did or I might only learn why years later. Fighting to understand before the perfect moment was like trying to force an apple tree to bloom in a blizzard. There is great freedom in saying I don't know why this happened the way it did. Letting go of trying to force an understanding I could shift my focus to healing. To smiling despite the pain and in smiling step through to a much lighter state of being.

Returning to the mantra of day three I observed how it sealed this new image and understanding. Now that the image was transformed the mantra made certain when I thought of my dad this would be the image that came to mind. No future events would change it without a lot of hard work on my part. Deep within me I felt a settling and heard a click as I owned my new reality.

Shivering a little I slowly pried my eyes open. The sun was well up. I let the beauty of the scene before me fill me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the bright gold of the laughing Buddha. This caused me to smile even more. I heard a tap on the glass door behind me and turned my head to see a concerned Elaine standing inside the cabin. She disappeared for a moment back into the cabin before coming out on the deck. She had my vegetable juice in one hand and a smoothie in the other. Noticing how my hand was shaking she took the glass from me and held it my lips. I mouthed a silent thank you and wrapped my arms around myself. Suddenly I felt very cold.

Elaine kept on feeding me as I sat shivering as the shock worked itself out of my body. Only when I had drained the last of the smoothie did she lead me inside. We went straight upstairs to the shower. When she raised her arms to her head to remove her headband I noticed she was wearing her camera. Elaine spent some extra time rubbing more warmth into me as she dried me off. Then she led me to the massage table in the spare room.

Lao guided her through a shorter massage. Then told her to prepare breakfast while I drank some tea. I heard him say he would call Daizan and update him. Elaine's concern was obvious when she looked my way. I was on my third cup of tea when Mu called using Daizan's computer.

“I see the mantras have begun to work.” Mu said calmly after I'd greeted him. “You only look half-dead so I know there is more to come.”

“Thank you.” I said. “Will it help if I increased the amount of tea I'm drinking.”

“No. All we can do is react.” Mu said. “Elaine please will you check Rohan's pulses and tell me what you feel. Thank you, Elaine. I will send some herbs overnight to the contractor. You are right it is Saturday morning and there will be no delivery tomorrow. I will speak to Leslie, Lao and Daizan and call you back.”

I ate my breakfast feeling grateful it was a soup. Chewing seemed like a very strenuous activity. Glancing at the clock I saw I'd been meditating for about thirteen hours through the night. No wonder I felt so tired.

“Today is day four so I can chat with you.” Leslie said when Elaine answered her call. “Go ahead and keep eating. From what I hear you need it. Good of you to time it this nicely. Elaine will you or Sanne be able to fetch some herbs from Lawrence at the hotel this evening? Good. I assumed you wouldn't mind. Tracy is taking the boys to a bed and breakfast not too far from the hotel. Once she's checked in she will leave the boys with Rohan's housekeeper and bring the herbs to Lawrence. He will call you when they arrive.

Rohan I will ask the boys to call you this evening. I don't think they need to see you looking as bad as you do. Of course you insist on continuing with your regular day four schedule. I don't want you to tire yourself any more by talking to me but can you tell me briefly what happened?”

“Memories of my dad needed healing.” I told her simply. “Yes, they're healed. Took all night but I got it done.”

“Good. Lao would like you to do some chi work.” Leslie said glancing at her watch. “Daizan will call you in an hour with your next mantra. Elaine while Rohan is chatting with Daizan please call me on my cellphone. Thank you.”

Elaine put her headband on and stood outside watching me. I thanked Lao for reminding me to smile. He said I embarrassed him by taking so long to get around to it. Elaine told Lao if he made her laugh any harder the camera would be shaking. You must learn to smile as quickly as Elaine he told me. I had to repeat the sequence without pausing at the end. After I'd completed four full series Lao called a stop to my chi for now. Later on today you will get more exercise to keep you out of trouble he assured me. He'd let Elaine have the schedule for the rest of the day while I was meditating.

Daizan listened intently to my experience without interrupting. He asked me why I hadn't called him. There seemed little point in calling him when all he could do was hold my hand. Mu agreed with me that Elaine was a prettier hand-holder if I needed one. Daizan asked me if I needed to rest this afternoon. I told him we didn't have any days to spare and it was only about ten hours until my bedtime so I'd press on. Mu told us Elaine had some herbs from him to help me stay alert and more were being delivered to Lawrence. When we finished chatting he'd have her make up a smoothie for me. I told Mu he had my housekeeper to thank for me drinking them with such good grace.

“Wow!” I exclaimed in surprise after I tried the mantra for day four. “Daizan, it's like a bell ringing inside of me. A really crisp clean sound. The sound keeps going on and on and on.”

“I will speak to Lao while you meditate for an hour.” Daizan told me. “Then you can have lunch and Elaine will write down the schedule for the rest of the day. We have to make up some time.”

Following my intuition I changed the pitch of the mantra. This altered the frequency so instead of the sound of a single bell ringing repeatedly I built up a variety of tones. When Elaine touched me on the shoulder I opened my eyes to see her face close to mine. Elaine was wearing ear-plugs so she didn't have to worry about overhearing the mantra. She was grinning broadly and even though she had the headband on she leaned in and kissed me on the lips. Lao chuckled but I was too happy to care.

I told him what I'd experienced with the mantra. Lao told me Elaine had never seen anybody look so happy so she decided to share it with him before she disturbed me. He said he was glad she had because now he could show Leslie and the boys why I was doing this work. I told him it was a pity I couldn't share the mantra with them. Lao said I'd understand later how to help them experience this bliss. There are five more days he reminded me. You're right I still have a lot more to learn I said. And experience he reminded me.

Despite the late start there was still another two hours of exercise on my schedule. A ten-mile run and some chi work. I was glad to see Elaine was going to give me a massage after my workout. Before my exercise session I had another hour of meditation. The difference when I went for my run was amazing. I floated the entire way. Elaine took a few steps back when I did the chi sequence because of the extra energy. This was the perfect follow-up to the turmoil of last night. I was actually looking forward to chatting with the boys where earlier I'd been concerned my appearance might scare them.

“Hello, Dad.” Dylan said. “You scared us a little this morning but you are looking really good now.”

“A really bad hair day.” I said which caused Elaine to laugh loudly. “Excuse the chef. No decorum but the food is good enough to overlook these faults.”

“The food isn't the only thing good enough.” Morgan said. “She has lovely ankles as well.”

“Thank you, Morgan.” Elaine said. “Anything else about me you like?”

“A lot but Rohan is too young for such talk and he is on a spiritual retreat.” Morgan said. “Why don't I call you later and see if I can make your cellphone melt?”

“Morgan!” Elaine squawked in surprise. “Yes, I am blushing. I'll put a blush in you ass when I next get my hands on you.”

“Leslie told us you kept an eye on him for a few hours and called Lao.” Morgan said. “I'll gladly let you spank me if you want as a thank you.”

“All of us boys will.” Adam told her. “How rough was it, Dad?”

“Punishment spanking rough.” I told them. “Let's talk about something more pleasant. How is the bed and breakfast?”

“Great.” Dylan told me. “A pity they agreed to cook the greens Tracy brought up with us at breakfast. The rooms are nice. We are going to end our three day cleanse with some time in the sauna and steam room. We're drinking veggie juice like you.”

“Lao tells us it's the same recipe.” Morgan added. “I don't mind it but I'm glad you get to enjoy it for nine days and I finish after three.”

“We went on a long hike today with your housekeeper while Tracy delivered your medicine.” Adam told me. “There was a bear on the other side of the lake with some cubs. I can't wait to show you the pictures.”

“The water was cold so we didn't swim for too long but it was good to cool down.” Dylan told me. “Dad should you be asking about naked pictures of us while on a spiritual retreat?”

“I'm only asking on Marikie's behalf.” I said. “So far we just have the one of Morgan hugging his mom naked and she has a lot of empty wall space in her room.”

“Oh, then I guess it's okay. Do I sound like I'm buying that? No? Good.” Dylan said. “I wonder how these sort of pictures affect the feng shui of a room. Guys, please remind me to ask Lao when we chat with him tomorrow.”

“That's a good question and something I wouldn't have thought of.” Elaine said coming over to hand me my bowl and a smoothie. “Yes, Rohan it has the new batch of herbs from Mu in it. Cheers!”

“We'll let you know what we find out.” Morgan promised. “We're about out of time. What time should we call tomorrow?”

“I'll text you the time when I've done his schedule later tonight.” Elaine told the boys.

Elaine sat down next to me after I'd said goodnight to the boys. She rested her head on my shoulder while I finished the rest of my dinner. I took the flask of tea out with me to the deck and meditated some more. My sleep was deep and restful. I surprised myself by waking up on time the next morning. Veggie juice and tea with a couple of hours meditation. I did my thirty minutes tai chi while Elaine prepared my waffles for breakfast. She gave me another dose of the new herbs.

“You still look as good as you did while talking to the boys. They sent me a recording of it.” Leslie told me when she called. “Thank you, Elaine for that lovely video. I'm waiting to show it to the boys when they get home this evening. I think they should see it on the big screen. Good idea I'll have it up and paused when they enter the apartment.

Thanks to all these recordings I don't have to trouble you much, Rohan. I'm glad the mantra made such a difference. Only two more days and you'll have made it as far as most. Rohan there is no point in pushing yourself too far. We'll have to wait and see how these next two days play out.

Rohan, you're running a little behind schedule so I'll let you go to chat with the boys and Daizan. Let's keep this good momentum going. Mu has warned us it will get more challenging soon.”

The boys had a full day so we chatted for just thirty minutes and agreed to see how the rest of our day went before setting a time to talk later today. Daizan obviously wanted to make up the lost time because after a quick check-in with Mu we moved on to the next mantra. This one proved more challenging to pronounce. I finally got it right on the eighth attempt. Daizan said he'd listen for a bit while I meditated to make certain I had it because this was not one to mess up.

“Very, very grounding.” I told Daizan when he asked how I was feeling. “Thank you, Daizan. Enjoy your day.”

I decided to give this mantra several hours to work its magic before I tried mixing and matching it with the other mantras. The urge to combine it with the others was strong but I made it through the three hours to lunch. Another two hours of meditation. Then a fifteen-mile run followed my chi sequences. Lao checked in on the effect of the new mantra. He told me it was very useful as a base or foundation but wouldn't elaborate. Lao made a few more changes to the sequence and when he was certain I had them memorized he let me go for my run.

On the night of day six all of my support crew including Sanne and Elaine took part in a conference call. Reluctantly I admitted to having a sense of something big building within me. They got me to admit it didn't feel like it would be a pleasant experience. I'm sure it will be very healing if I survive I said half-jokingly hoping to lighten my mood and put them at rest. Only three more days remained. I wanted to do the full nine days so badly.

Lao told Leslie he would watch my physical condition very closely. Daizan said because Sanne and Elaine were willing to help me the decision was now entirely in my hands. Neither Lao nor Mu had given any reason for concern about my health. Mu had told him I was doing extremely well and it would be good to have Lao share some of the chi sequences for others to use. He tempered this positive assessment by saying he was certain I was heading for something big. A feeling and the knowledge of what he had gone through on the last three days he told us.

“Stay close to him please, Elaine.” Leslie said. “We know what Rohan's decision will be but I want him to say it out loud.”

“I want to see this through to the end.” I said determinedly. “This might be very hard on you all but I've come so close and would appreciate you helping me through the last three days. The boys will be here to nurse me this weekend. I know you will do your best and if you have to step in to end it before the nine days I won't hold it against you.”

The mantra for day seven opened the gates to my own personal hell in the early afternoon. My shadow-side had been stirring slowly but the mantras had kept it at bay. Now it woke with a roar. Somebody has fed the beast some nasty steroids I thought before the images of my biggest nightmare appeared. They rose up through the surface of the lake. A 3-D model of a dark, damp, gray city. Even the people living there were gray. The bricks, bottles and chunks of concrete they hurled at me and the boys were gray. I was walking with the three boys down the center of the street. A blazing sexual energy filled our auras and from the boys wrists and ankles broken cuffs and chains dangled. On my chest was a large P. Wherever an object struck them a wound opened. This wound would close but leave a scar. Soon the boys were completely covered in a web of scars. New scars formed on top of these scars. The boys looked around in bewilderment. They didn't understand the reason for this anger and assault.

The sky became filled with the same searing sexual energy that filled our auras. People hurled curses along with the objects. All the doubts I had about my relationship with young boys rose to the surface. Who was I to think I was right in living a lifestyle so many condemned? Hubris. How did I know my love for the boys was healthy? Was I satisfying some selfish need at the cost of their souls? What if they grew up to become molesters of young boys? More than six billion people thought I was wrong yet I still proclaimed my innocence? What gall! How many other boys would there be?

Then the roiling sky filled with clouds and on the surface of these clouds were people through the ages from societies that condemned my lifestyle. They hurled curses and bolts of lighting down at us. The lightning bolts shattered against our auras but the heat made the boys flinch. The droning voices went on and on steadily increasing in volume until they threatened to drown out the sound of the mantra. My life raft. The boys looked up at me with pleading expressions. Wanting me to explain what was happening and I couldn't ease their fears.

These were questions I'd never answered before. I'd wrestled with them before taking my first boy to bed. His innocence and the complete trust in his eyes had swayed me. The depth of feelings he'd aroused within me had brushed aside my questions and lack of answers. Twice in the past I'd tried to answer them but failed to find peace. Now I'd adopted two boys. Two boys I'd protect from any threat but what if the biggest threat was me? The same two boys looking up at me for an explanation.

My body shook violently as huge wracking sobs interrupted my mantra. Splitting my mind provided some relief but I couldn't hold it steady when I saw the wounds open on the boys or the look on their upturned faces. You can only heal what you feel Lao had told me once. I tested the fear within me of opening up to this nightmare. Somewhere within me I remembered my experience with my dad earlier in the week. Perhaps if I waited. Maybe if I hold on long enough I'll find the answers. I'd never had two boys playing such a big role in my life before. They might be all the reason I needed to find the answers to these questions. All I had to do was hold on long enough. I tried to open to this nightmarish wall of shame a second time. I was able to open a little more. Repeating the mantra quicker and with greater desperation the crack within my resistance widened. One more time I told myself.

Screams of anguish shattered the stillness of the night. My whole body went rigid. Stopping the mantra instantaneously. I thrashed in my chair and gripped the arms so hard the entire chair shook with me. Dimly within me a part of me was chortling like a madman in delight. Fuck it had hurt beyond belief but I'd almost done it. For the boys Rohan the madman chortled. Mantra a calmer portion reminded me. Layers upon layers. The mantra and mad ravings of Rohan joined the chorus of shame. Another convulsion as the pain struck again. Somebody helping me up into my chair. My shirt being removed. Cold night air bringing momentary relief from the heat within.

“Open Rohan. Open Rohan. Open Rohan.” I mumbled between incantations of the mantra. Time fell away as I waited. Now the madman perched like a vulture knowing it would feast soon. They prey was me and the boys stumbling down the eternal street. Soon I chortled. No fucking way I told myself. I heard a voice urging me to smile. A cup got pressed against my mouth. Tea I thought as I tasted the liquid. Then the convulsions began again. Somebody was screaming in pain again. The mantra became the screams echo. Falling again and lifted back up but this time they set me on a lounger. Two voices talking earnestly. Water. Tea. More water. I drank even though I could no longer taste anything. My mad gaze riveted on the scene within and fixed unmoving on my prey. On us. Still a part of me worked with the mantras. Urged me to smile. One part of me wasn't walking away from this. I knew this much. What I didn't know was who.

“Drink this quickly.” a strong masculine voice said. “Open your eyes. Look at me.”

My head snapped as the chi struck me. Reflexively I jerked my head back but my eyes opened. I drank without thinking.

“Good! Now listen closely. Focus Rohan. Don't embarrass me in front of all these people.” the voice urged.

“Lao. I can't miss my chance.” I told him. “Must go back within.”

“Not yet, Rohan. One minute. Listen closely. Repeat after me. For the boys. Take this gift within to the boys. They'll understand.” Lao reached me with the words gifts and boys. I stayed with him long enough to repeat my new mantra three times. “Smile Rohan. Smile. Good. Now I will go get myself some tea. Play nicely.”

“I will.” I said as I tried to get the boys to repeat the mantra. Their mouths worked but no sound came from them. I shouted the mantra at them over and over and over. Nothing else mattered except getting the boys to accept this gift. This mantra. I stood in the street with the boys shouting the mantra at them. I would stand there for all eternity if necessary but I wasn't taking one more step until they repeated it back to me. Over and over and over I hurled it at them. Eventually the mantra having no outside vessel to flow into broke me apart internally. The pain didn't rush into me it rushed through me. The sound of the mantra dominated everything. A sound filled with such light. Like sunlight on a lake I told myself.

No sooner had the thought risen within me and the city became transformed. Looking down I saw the three of you smiling and heard you repeating the mantra with unbelievable joy. The golden sunlight filled every building it touched as it rolled in a huge wave over everything and everybody. The light filled the clouds. I watched as the light touched the madman perched on the side of the road. The despair at losing his prey flowed out from him as joy at this new, exquisite light rushed in. Suddenly I didn't want the others to leave. I wanted them to feel this joy. All of them. Please stay a part of me begged.

Some did stay. Enough to make me happy. Enough to become my audience. Somebody fed me water. Place a hand gently upon my shoulder as I taught all those who had stayed my new mantra. I shared it with them all and as the sound of their voices flowed into me I looked down at the boys. The smiled at me and from their mouths came the mantra at the most exquisite pitch I'd ever heard. Tilting my head back I let the mantra flow from me. Take flight I urged it. Be free. Be free. Be free.

“You definitely need to practice smiling more.” Lao told me as he helped me up from my chair. He had stood next to me lending me a small trickle of chi as he drank his tea. My tears and sweat had soaked through the light cotton pants I was wearing. Elaine and Sanne had stopped putting shirts on me after the third one got soaked. They came out from the cabin to take my arms.

“The other way.” I told them. “Please. The lake.”

Elaine looked at Lao who nodded before she turned me around. Between them they got me to waters edge and eased me into the cool waters dancing beneath the sun. Elaine stayed close completely unconcerned at her own clothing being soaked through. Lao brought two towels to us. I wanted to stay in the water longer but my body wasn't up to it.

“Thank you.” I told them as I made my way back to the shore. “What day is it?”

“Day eight.” Elaine told me as she took the towel from Sanne and wrapped it around me. Then she handed me to Sanne while she wrapped the other towel around herself. Elaine insisted on helping me back. She told Lao to go on ahead and cook me something hot while the two of them led me straight on up to the shower. Sanne went to the cottage to get Elaine some clothes. They dressed me in a bathrobe.

“The boys will be here in two days.” I said as they helped me down the stairs. “They can relieve you. I'm sorry I'm such a nuisance.”

Lao dished up lunch for the four of us. I told him it was really delicious. Almost as good as the food Elaine's been serving me. Lao smiled and told the others it was shock if I was enjoying stir-fry on day eight.

“Only worried you were embarrassing me.” Lao told me. “I came up to bring some feng shui cures for Elaine and Sanne. Found them here in the cabin. You outside playing very loudly. Good thing there are no neighbors close. No surviving such embarrassment.”

“Were you there when Daizan gave me the mantra?” I asked vaguely remembering a male presence.

“Special dispensation from one Abbot to another.” Lao said with a smile. “I will teach the monks some tai chi. Don't worry Frederick will get the bill.”

“He'll be paying with my money.” I said with a sigh.

“I am an Abbot so it's a donation to my church.” Lao said. “Frederick was very happy when he saw my invoice with my church letterhead.”

“Rohan would have been happy to pay anyway.” Elaine said. “Speaking of Rohan is he still with us? When we will know?”

“Things must settle. Tomorrow he will learn the last mantra and on Friday you will start to see the changes.” Lao told them. “You were very brave. Thank you for trusting me twice.”

“Wasn't easy.” Sanne said. “Thanks for the offer Rohan but I'd better stay sober until you are safely out of this playground. I'll join you for a nightcap on Friday.”

“Deal.” I said. “How are the boys?”

“Eager to chat with you. Worried sick like the rest of the gang.” Elaine said calmly. “The usual for this course of meditations Mu tells me.”

“I'll call them while you have another bowl.” Sanne told me.

“What's this about trusting you twice?” I asked Lao.

“They were ready to send you to the hospital twice.” Lao said. “You were very weak. This happens when you go so deep inside. The herbs can keep you alive. Biggest danger is if you will return.”

“I know.” I said quietly causing Elaine to give me a long look. “A part of me did go mad. Another part of me kept repeating the mantra. The pain was unbelievable. There is something very interesting about the experience I am missing. Maybe another smoothie will jog my memory.”

“Now I am really worried.” Elaine said. “Rohan you asking for a smoothie is reason for concern. Yes, Lao, I'd better go make one quickly before he changes his mind. The same one you gave him this morning? Okay. Would you like one Lao?”

“Er no thank you Elaine.” Lao said quickly. “We must save the herbs for Rohan. He might have a relapse.”

“Quick thinking.” I complimented Lao. “No she isn't buying that excuse. Maybe if you cooked her dinner.”

“I am not certain that is wise.” Lao said. “You will understand when you hear how her neighbor was carrying on yesterday. I prefer a gentler background music with my meal.”

“Her neighbor's most likely one of those spiritual types.” I said sipping my smoothie. “You won't have any trouble tonight.”

“Then I will stay. I have work to do on the cottage and Sanne's house.” Lao said. “Here's Sanne. When will the boys be calling? Good then we have time for some chi and a massage. Rohan we must have you looking a lot better. The boys did well on their retreat. You mustn’t undo all that good work.”

“When did the boys call?” I asked.

“This morning.” Sanne told me. “No they can't see anything but you screamed loud enough for them to hear.”

“We did have the door closed.” Elaine said. “Tracy ended the call the moment she heard you.”

“I'll need to find another dessert to teach her.” I said. “How else can I thank her?”

Lao didn't say anything about my weak legs. He waited and by the third round I managed to get through the sequence without stumbling. Elaine took me by the arm the moment I stepped through the front door. When we got downstairs the boys were chatting with Sanne and Lao.

“Thank you for getting him clean for us.” Adam said. “Now Dad you have some explaining to do about the noise you were making this morning?”

“I simply will not tolerate the gods giving me two bad hair days in the same week.” I tried. “Sometimes you have to shout loudly to get their attention.”

“Nice try Dad. From where I'm at it looks like you lost more than some hair.” Adam said. “Elaine is looking concerned and she just saw you naked. Lao what happened?”

“Lots of stress on his body for sixteen hours. Contractions. Shivering. Uses a lot of energy.” Lao told them. “Like three workouts in the same day with Catherine and no food. Yes, Dylan, it is a miracle he survived. Elaine it will be best if you shared your concerns.”

“Adam is right. When I gave Rohan his massage I think I heard his ribs rattle.” Elaine said. “Of course you told me you were fine in the shower, Rohan. When I was trying to feed you some smoothie this morning you told me you were fine between convulsions. I'm so relieved you're still with us I could spank you.”

The boys insisted Lao check all my pulses and tongue and anything else he knew while they watched. Dylan told Tracy it was best if she waited until Monday night to see me. Sanne told Tracy she would join Elaine and Lao in a conference call later. Tracy reluctantly agreed to wait. Lao told the boys I was no longer in any physical danger when he completed his examination. He told me I could meditate for an hour. Then Elaine will serve you a light soup with a smoothie and put you in bed.

“Rohan.” Dylan said when I made to protest. “You don't need to a reason to howl for a third time this week.”

“I think I'll meditate right here.” I said. “Lao I will say it silently inside myself. The deck seems a long way away for some reason. Yes I remember the grounding one. I'll do it and then switch to the one I learned today.”

Elaine told me I looked better when she brought me my soup and smoothie. My hand still shook so she fed me. Lao told her the mantra from today provided more light within me. This light could strengthen me physically but it would take time to work from so deep inside me to the muscles on the outside. That would explain why his eyes looked brighter even though he cannot hold the bowl without shaking Elaine said. Sanne and Elaine took me upstairs and slid me into bed.

“Ridiculous time to go to bed.” I mumbled but was asleep before they left the room.

Elaine shook me gently awake at six-thirty the next morning. They'd let me sleep through the first session to my day. Lao didn't say anything when Elaine served my waffles with whipped cream. Leslie called and spent the first thirty minutes scolding me. I sat on the couch and let it wash over me.

“Leslie, I know why you're upset. I can repeat everything you've just said if you want.” I told her when she asked if I was listening. “The reason I'm smiling is because I love you. This is different. I'll have to explain next week. Lao might be able to describe it to you. Now do you want to continue scolding me?”

“Elaine wants to spank him.” Sanne said. “Maybe you ought to try spanking him and see if it works better than scolding.”

“From what I saw last night he'll have to put a lot of meat back on his butt before we can spank him without worrying about getting splinters.” Leslie said. “Elaine sent me a video of your massage. I haven't decided if I will share it with Tracy yet. While you are having your chat with Daizan I will ask Lao for his advice.”

“Tracy can do nothing to change what has happened. I don't blame her but if you show her the video she will blame herself.” I said. “We will gain nothing by showing her the video except to cause her anguish. I'll explain it to her when I get home. I can always call you if I change my mind. Who knows what wonderful effect my last mantra will have on me.”

“Rohan, Tracy will stay worried until the sees you. The young lady cares for you almost as much as she did for her dad.” Leslie said.

“I know she will worry but without seeing the video she can at least tell herself she is being silly and not have the image of how bad I look in mind.” I said. “Give Lao one of your dazzling smiles and I'm sure he'll have a chat with her. He can tell her about the boys making him give me a check-up while they watched and that I passed it. Yes, barely but I did pass. Lao, I wouldn't mention my grade when you chat with Tracy.”

“Don't worry I am not eager to admit how embarrassing your grades are since everybody knows I am your teacher.” Lao told me. “Leslie I think it would be good if I took Rohan outside for some chi work. Then we will chat. I will call Tracy. Don't worry I have some work to do on the cottage and at Sanne's home so I will be around until lunchtime. Then I must return to the city to give my class. Before I leave I will check to see how the last mantra is affecting Rohan.”

When I started the third round of my chi sequence Lao silently joined me. Elaine positioned herself so she could get both of us in the video. We may have done it a little too long but I felt so honored I wasn't going to stop until Lao did. Or he suddenly started sparring with me. Somehow during our sparring I managed to slip past his strike and end up within arms reach.

“Thank you, Lao.” I said lifting him off his feet in a huge hug. I swung around a couple of times before putting him back on his feet. Elaine had a big smile on her face. Sanne was laughing as she approached from the cabin. “Thank you for letting me know Daizan just called, Sanne. I have embarrassed Lao enough for one day so let me go give him a call back.”

The ladies linked arms with Lao and headed off to the cottage. Elaine called out a reminder that there was tea in the thermos. I waved an acknowledgment as I entered the cabin. Wanting to chat with the guys before Mu left the room I quickly called Daizan. I just caught Mu as he was about to leave the room. They agreed to wait while I got a mug of tea. While I was getting my tea I asked them how things were getting along at the monastery. One of the elderly monks had expressed a wish to say hi to me but Daizan wanted to see how I was before letting this happen.

“I'm surprisingly weak physically, Mu.” I began. “Last night I was asleep before seven and after almost twelve hours of rest I still don't feel like doing much physical work. Lao had me do some chi exercises this morning. Whatever smoothie you think will work just let Elaine know. I'll drink it.

Emotionally I am feeling very good. A lot of gratitude. No, I think it is more than just having come so close to going mad or dying. I wouldn't have been aware of it happening if either of these things had come to pass. Yes, Oyaji, I was that deep inside. I think I was falling for hours before I steadied myself and all the demons arose. You've been around us for more than ten minutes so you can both guess it involved the boys and our relationship. The condemnation is one thing. Living with these questions unanswered is what leaves raw wounds in my spirit.

Daizan I may need a day or two before I can express exactly what happened and how I am feeling. The others will want to know so why don't we set up a time on the weekend to hold a conference call? Saturday afternoon or Sunday would be a good time.

Tell me more about the effect of this last mantra and I will let you know if I'm likely to have another meltdown. Lao is doing some feng shui work on the cottage and Sanne's home this morning so he will be here until after lunch.”

“The last mantra seals the work you've done over the previous eight days.” Mu said. “Whatever wounds or hurts you bring into today from your adventure yesterday will have an energetic band-aid placed over them. The idea is to keep you functioning between meditations. Your seventh mantra will lift the band-aid when you are ready to work through the issues. Yes that is why everything erupted on day seven. This is also why many people stop on day six. Like you they can sense the explosion lying ahead.

What you have to decide is if a band-aid can cover the raw spots. Some wounds need stitching first. Physically you look exactly like a man who has had a very close brush with death. Emotionally you are in better shape than I was on my last day. I had to meditate for two more days before I was ready to seal the work. Daizan did a lot of work with me and showed me other healing meditations. You can do these even with your guests. All you would need is somewhere by yourself when you use the last mantra.”

“Rohan, it is important you are aware of the wounds within you.” Daizan said. “Sometimes people want relief from the pain so badly they seal up a wound and it continues to bleed internally. This is the danger. So tell me what wounds exist within you at this moment? Nobody can go through what you went through and not have any at all.”

“There is the issue of my cousin.” I shared with them. “I get the impression it is waiting. There is some distance between me and the moment when I need to deal with it. The wounds within me are there because I haven't had time to look at them through my new insights. They don't trouble me anymore than a small scratch on my back would trouble me physically.

Daizan the understanding I gained brought overwhelming clarity to those questions. I didn't make simply make peace with them I turned them into things that don't bear thinking about. They are completely irrelevant in my life now. The only way I can describe it is to quote a wise man from very long ago. This is the peace that passes all understanding. I don't understand the completeness of this peacefulness considering the pain I was experiencing from these questions but it exists. I'd really like to seal this feeling around my wounds.”

“Then let me give you the last mantra. Last night Mu told me he believed you will use it wisely. I feel the same way.” Daizan said. “Sharing this journey with you has been an honor. I am glad to say you spared me from any embarrassment. Thank you, Rohan, for this kindness. Now let me give you this last gift.”

The sounds rolled off my tongue smoothly and resonantly. Mu slipped out to fetch the other monk. I went to the kitchen to get another cup of tea.

“Genta!” I shouted in joy when I saw the elderly monk shuffle into the room. “Are you still poisoning the monks with your cooking?”

“Rohan, they insist others do the poisoning for me. Lots of assistants because they think I cannot cook rice now.” Genta told me. “You look like somebody poisoned you. Been eating your own cooking?”

“I've been on a mantra diet.” I said enjoying chatting to the monk who taught me to cook.

“That explains it.” Genta said nodding sagely. “You must visit soon.”

“I will. Will you be in next weekend or will you be chasing the pretty girls from town?” I asked him.

“For you I will break their hearts with my absence for a weekend.” Genta told me.

“You can give your assistant a break as well.” I told him. “I'll bring you three assistants. They can cook while we get drunk and complain about their poor effort.”

“My kitchen isn't big enough for three assistants.” Genta said. “They are special to you?”

“Two of them are my adopted sons and the third is like a son. The kitchen might be too small but I know your heart isn't.” I told him.

“Get off your mantra diet soon. That is the only one I know more damaging than your cooking.” Genta warned me. “We will feed you properly next week. Now I must go see how badly my lazy assistant has mangled lunch.”

“You should remember the mantra to redeem the meal. I gave you enough reason to practice it.” I told him. “Go in peace, Genta.”

“Finding peace here is like digging for gold in a coal mine.” Genta said as Mu helped him out.

“I'm glad you will visit soon. Genta is ready to bid us farewell one last time.” Daizan said. “The boys will be good for him and the other monks. Rohan, I don't want them on a leash. Let them run free through the monastery for the weekend. There are too many walking dead among us. Your boys will need encouragement to create mayhem. That's why they have you. I remember the mayhem you caused.”

“So much for hoping you'd forget with time.” I told him.

“Rohan, those are my fondest memories of my time in the monastery.” Daizan said with a smile as Mu returned. “Other monks have mentioned how much they miss you and Genta sparring as you cooked meals. They are still in awe of the food the two of you produced the weekend you had a drinking contest. I became very unpopular when I insisted we let the two of you sober up. How many bottles of saké did they manage to smuggle in to you?”

“Fourteen.” I told him. “We hid them behind the bags of rice. Does the wooden step to the kitchen door still creak?”

“Yes, it does.” Mu said. “Genta won't let us fix it.”

“That's because it lets us know if somebody is approaching and we can hide our drinks.” I told him. “Pause a little longer before you knock on the door. I'd hate Genta to have to rush.”

“We will.” Mu promised. “I'll let the others know quietly.”

“Thank you, Mu. The old geezer is a very dear friend.” I said. “Now I think I need to go enjoy one last serving on my mantra diet and follow Genta's advice to take a little break from it. Leslie just sent me a message saying we need to talk briefly. I'd better go.

Hello, Leslie. No you didn't disturb us. We were just finishing up. I got to chat with the monk who taught me how to cook. Daizan did help a lot but most of the time he let me and Genta create mayhem in the kitchen. I'd be happy to chat with Eliasz tomorrow morning. Ten o'clock will be fine.

Leslie, they can bring whatever food they want as long as you tell them I won't eat soup or stir-fry for the next week. What I'd really like is a good sandwich. I'd also like something special for Elaine and Sanne as a thank you. A small gift for them would be welcome. Oh, the boys have that under control. How did they manage that?”

“They asked Lao if he'd allow them to buy a feng shui cure for the two homes.” Leslie explained. “I'll tell them to add some flowers from you. Lawrence and Richard will be joining you for dinner as well.”

“Thank you, Leslie. Please ask Elaine and Sanne if they need any supplies.” I added. “Today's mantra merely seals things so I will be fine. I'd love to chat to the boys later. Ask them to call me around four, please.”

The mantra filled me slowly from my head to my toe. I felt as if somebody was dragging a brush against the inside of my physical form and applying a coat of varnish over everything.

My inner space felt soft and cocoon-like when I finished about an hour later. I sat enjoying the peace within me. Maybe it was more noticeable because of my meltdown. Only time would tell and I knew I'd need it to seal my inner space as I progressed with my healing work. This had been a very interesting introduction to the power of the mantras. I was looking forward to working with them more and figuring out how to apply them to my life.

I was feeling restless so I headed over to the cottage. Lao told me it was wise not to over do it. I joined them as we took care of Sanne's home. Lao told them a couple of items would be delivered Saturday. The we headed back to the cabin for lunch.