Date: Tue, 17 Sep 2013 08:35:55 -0400 From: Eff Del Subject: Young but Daily Growing-Part 6 Young but Daily Growing-Part 6 By Eff Del When a person has said or done something unspeakable without premeditation or intent, the mind's first reaction is to try to ignore it. The secondary reaction to attempt to dismiss it and the third is to go totally numb in shock and horror over the terrible thing that has just been done. I was almost instantly in the third mode and my mind could not comprehend how or why it had just happened. I knew that I should speak to him and do so quickly but I was frozen; turned to stone...numb. I could do nothing other than stand there and watch him slack-jawed as he looked at me-his face a picture of hurt and betrayal while silent tears streaked those lovely cheeks. Finally it was him that moved. He rubbed both eyes with the knuckles of his hands and then...almost reached out to me but he stopped in mid-movement. The hand that was going to touch me instead fluttered absently and he said; "I'm going up now." And he turned and walked past me. I did nothing to try and stop him. I stood there like the fool I knew myself to be and watched him go. At the door, he broke into a run and I could see he was headed for the elevator. I passed my hand through my hair and then, in a daze, I walked out of the music room down the hall and into my study. I walked directly to the antique cabinet behind my desk and took out a bottle of scotch and a glass. I filled the glass and tossed the liquor down in one swallow. It was good whisky; 25 year old GlenLivet a very fine single malt which I usually enjoyed immensely but right now, it just burned as it went down. I poured and swallowed a second glass receiving no more satisfaction from it than I had from the first. I filled the glass a third time but now I just sat there with the tumbler in my hand. The reality was sinking in. With one careless unthinking statement I had broken everything. To an adult it might have been no great thing; a simple slip of the tongue quickly and easily corrected. To Sean however with his pure innocent soul, his still tentative foot hold in this strange new environment, his identity had been attacked and grievously damaged. To his child's mind, I had basically denied his existence and given praise and credit to another at a moment when my encouragement and acknowledgment would have been so welcomed and important to him. I had essentially demolished his self-esteem and disavowed his persona. "I you don't go to him right now, you'll never be able to fix this." I told myself. I rose from my chair, finished my drink in three slow swallows and still in a daze walked to the elevator. I knew he wouldn't be in my room but I looked in there just the same. As I gazed slowly around I noticed that his black travel bag was gone and his blue blazer was no longer on the table in the corner. My vision was blurring as my eyes grew damp and I made my way to his room. The door wasn't closed but I didn't just walk in. I stood at the entrance. He looked so tiny- he was in the middle of the bed- his arms wrapped around his legs with his knees pulled up tightly to his chest. The new clothes that he had worn today were folded neatly and placed in a little pile on the desk. Next to the clothing were his new boots. He had changed into the red track suit that he had brought from the NEST and his travel bag sitting on one of the chairs appeared to have been packed. I walked in slowly and sat at the edge of the bed. He didn't look at me or acknowledge my presence-he just hugged his little legs and stared off into space his wonderful eyes still wet with tears. I ached to reach out and touch him...to hug him fiercely to me and beg his forgiveness but I didn't. I sat there with my hands folded on my lap, my head hung low and I did absolutely NOTHING. After what seemed like an eternity he spoke. He didn't move, he didn't look at me...he just spoke; "I'd like to go home to the NEST now Sir." He said. If at that moment he had slashed me with a knife, filled the wound with salt and set me on fire it couldn't possibly have hurt more. Not only did he want to leave, I was "Sir" again. "I've only been gone for a couple of days so they should give you most of your money back...or m-maybe they'll let you have another boy." He sniffed. "Sean, I..." but he didn't let me finish. "I haven't worn none of the new clothes except those there on the desk so the store should let you bring them back. If they won't take back those ones I wore today, I'll find some way to pay you back for them. It'll just take some time though." I needed to speak...I had to speak. "Sean, tell me; what do you think happened down stairs?" He only gave it a few moments before he replied. Obviously he had been mulling over this very question since it had happened. "I think you wanted me to change into Kyle. M-maybe y-you thought I was already changed into Kyle. I thought you had wanted me to be myself...you even told me that's what you wanted back when we left the NEST... and I thought you were liking me and that we were having fun but...now I know you don't want to have fun with me...you want to have fun with Kyle." At this he broke into deep sobs and buried his face against his knees. Gulping for breath he said; "I k-know I'm just a little kid, but at the NEST they say I'm smart...I know stuff...'least I know Some stuff. I know that I can only be me. I can't be Kyle for you Eric. Nobody can BE Kyle. Maybe after you take me back you can find another kid who can be good at PRETENDING to be Kyle and make you happy...but I can't. I wish I could try to do that for you because you're so nice...an I like you s-so much...but I can't. I can't do that not even for you Eric." His sobs grew heavier and his little back and shoulders convulsed as he cried. I moved over onto the bed alongside him and wrapped my arm around him stroking his raven black hair with my other hand. "Sean...listen to me and please try to understand what I tell you. What I said down stairs...the name I called you...It wasn't because I thought you were Kyle or that I wanted you to be Kyle it was a mistake. A simple slip of the tongue. Sometimes people accidentally say things that just come out. It's a mistake and I'm a man who has made a lot of mistakes over the past couple of years...but you Sean; YOU'RE not a mistake. YOU being here is not a mistake. You were brought here because I want YOU here. I enjoy YOU here. Sean I know who you are and that you can't be someone else...I don't want you to be someone else. I promise you that I only want you to be Sean. I don't want another boy only Sean...only you. I want YOU to be my only boy here. He looked at me over the top of his knees, his beautiful eyes still streaming tears. "Sean- what happened...it wasn't what you think. This is all new to you but, little man please remember that YOU are new to me as well. Yes there used to be another little boy who lived here... he was my brother and I loved him. He was cute like you, he was smart like you and he was funny like you- yes, he was a lot like you...but, he was killed in an accident and he can't ever be back. When it happened... I went crazy Sean and I've been crazy for a long time but I'm not stupid. I know he can't come back and I know you can't be him it's just that today when I heard you sing so beautifully and playing the guitar he used to play, I was remembering...they were happy memories Sean but they were only memories-- and right then and there you reminded me of him and that's what I was thinking about: I was remembering a very happy time. Sean until you came here...until you came into my life; I haven't been able to think about anything happy for so very long. In just a couple of days you've made me remember what being happy is Sean—YOU did and I'm so grateful. When I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your music. His name slipped out just because I was thinking about both of you at the same time. It was just a mistake and I'd give anything if it hadn't happened. I'd give anything not to have frightened, hurt and upset you so much. I can't pretend it didn't happen I can only hope you can understand the explanation I've just given you and...I hope you can forgive me. He didn't say anything and we just sat there for a very long time. I could feel my heart breaking. Finally I removed my arm from around his sobbing little shoulders and stood up looked down at him. "It's way too late to travel today. I'll ask Mrs. Edwards to have your dinner brought up here for you. I'll have John drive you to the airport and my plane will take you back to the NEST. I'll make all of the arraignments in the morning." I walked to the door and stopped. "I'll ask Walter help you with everything you need tomorrow. Maybe I'll have him fly back with you to make sure that...everything goes..." I waved my hand dismissively. I won't see you tomorrow Sean. It would hurt too much to watch you leave. I only hope that you'll remember what I've just told you and that someday you'll understand and forgive me for my stupid stupid mistake. I walked to the elevator and rode it down. In my study, I refilled my glass, leaned back in my chair and lost myself in deep sad thoughts. One thing in particular kept coming back to rip me apart; "You've taken this beautiful thing and crushed it! This angel sent from heaven to save your stupid worthless life...you've broken his heart and his spirit and he's leaving confused and unhappy. You've ruined your chances...you'll never be happy again and you don't deserve to be...you are a fool!" I don't know what time I finally got up and entered the elevator I only know that it was late but strangely I wasn't quite drunk. In my room I pulled off my clothes and tossed them into a corner and crawled into bed. I lay in the almost darkness staring up into to the grey nothingness of the room: too sad to sleep, too full of pain to cry. At some late, late hour, I became aware of movement by the side of my bed. I heard the soft rustle of clothing dropping to the floor and felt the covers turn back as he slipped into the bed. I held my breath not daring to make the smallest movement. His smooth skin slid against mine as he squirmed himself hard against my side. I felt his lips softly kiss my cheek as his little hand pressed against my chest. He whispered very softly; "I want to be here. I want to be your only boy Eric." I didn't say anything I just reached out and pulled him closer. He threw an arm and a leg across my body holding as tightly to me as I was to him...and that is how we fell asleep and that is how we both woke up the next morning. He nuzzled my chin with his nose and whispered; "Morning. Are you mad to see me? Are we friends?" "N-no I'm not mad to see you...you don't know how GLAD I am. Friends? I hope so little man. Are we?" "Yes." He raised himself and was now sitting on my stomach looking down at me absent mindedly running an index finger along my chest. "I was sad Eric. I was REALLY sad and I wanted to go home but that made me sad too. Then you came in and said what you said and I thought about it like you asked me to...I thought about it hard Eric and I understood what you were saying and all of a sudden I wasn't sad anymore because then I knew you liked ME... really wanted ME." He was wiggling as he talked- the smooth flesh of his little ass almost dancing on my abdomen...driving me crazy. "And then, once I wasn't sad anymore, I didn't want to be alone in that room so I waited hoping you would come get me- But then I remembered you said you wouldn't be seeing me anymore and I was REALLY sad again. Then Eric, I felt even worse because then I knew you were sad too... so... ...I knew I had to come to you...an make you not be sad...but you were already in bed and the lights were out and I thought you were sleeping so I sneaked into bed with you and then...I kissed you and then...I fell asleep and then...TA DAH here we are in the morning!" He spread his arms wide with a huge grin on his face. Obviously to his innocent mind everything was suddenly O.K.. As far as he was concerned, the whole matter was explained, understood and over with. I wished my own heart was that flexible. It felt like it was breaking again but this time with happiness. I reached down and cupped my hands around his perfect little ass cheeks holding them to stop the wiggling and as I did I gently squeezed them like little melons. "So, if we're friends Sean then we've got to know that we trust each other and...well, if I should ever again say or do something to upset you or frighten you or even confuse you, you'll tell me and we'll talk about it right away OK?" He nodded his head with grave reassurance; "'K." "And if you ever do or say something that hurts or bothers me, I'll tell you right away O.K.?" "'Kay." "So, from now on, if I mention Kyle you know it's only because I'm remembering him not because I want you to be him right?" "Right." And he leaned way down and kissed me. I reached up and pulled him close and kissed him right back. "Practice!" we both said at the same time and burst out laughing. I carried him into the bathroom and we peed, brushed our teeth and then frolicked in the shower for at least 45 minutes. After our shower, Sean went into his room to get dressed. As I was putting my own clothes on I couldn't help but wonder what type of an outfit he would select for himself on this: his first day with a large new wardrobe. I was quite pleasantly surprised when he sauntered back into my room wearing a salmon colored polo shirt, black pants, white sneakers and a radiant Sean smile. He looked great. "Every morning is going to be a fashion show around here!" I said with a grin. Heart bursting from happiness, I gave him a big hug before we strolled hand in hand down stairs for breakfast. "Morning Mrs. Edwards!" he shouted as he rushed to her in order to exchange hugs and kisses. Martha clucked over him telling him how handsome he looked as she shepherded us both to the table. We were soon each presented with heaping plates of scrambled eggs, wheat toast, butter and strawberry jam. As Sean began devouring his breakfast, Martha stood beside him. "Sean you little darling, I never got the chance to ask you how you like your eggs prepared. I hope these scrambled are all right for you." He looked up at her a bit surprised and after he had swallowed his current mouthful he said: "This is the only way I ever ate eggs Mrs. Edwards. I didn't know there was other ways. These are great!" Martha "tsk tsked" as only she can do and said; "We'll try them different ways for you and you can decide what you like best you sweet boy." As Sean's eating frenzy slowed down to a more moderate pace I took a sip of my coffee and said; "Well little man, I've got some news that I didn't get to tell you last night." We exchanged looks that confirmed that what had happened last night was strictly between us. Martha, with her usual discretion pretended not to notice and had said nothing about having had his supper brought up to his room. I told him a little about Dr. Swaim and explained that he would be coming to talk to us on Monday and that if all went according to plan, the great man himself would be undertaking the job of being his tutor. I also told Martha that the Doctor would be having dinner with us Monday evening. She remembered him well and said; "Roast beef! That man loves roast beef! That's what we'll have. I'll go to the meat market tomorrow... More eggs darling?" that question was directed at Sean not to me. When he'd finished eating and I'd downed my second cup of coffee. I put my arm around Sean's shoulder and guided him down the hall. "I seem to recall that before...before... last night, we were talking about swimming." "YES!" he exclaimed pumping his little fist in the air and then; "But Eric, I just remembered...I don't have no swimming suit." "You mean you don't have ANY swimming suit." I corrected "Actually you do. We bought you three yesterday. However little man, one of the perks of having your own private pool is that you don't need any swimming suit." He looked at me curiously. "You mean swim with our clothes on?" he asked quite skeptically. "No, I mean swim with our clothes off you silly goof." He broke into a gigantic grin and hugged me around the waist. "Naked sleeping... naked swimming-Eric you're just the best fun!" With that, he was racing across the deck pulling off his clothes as he went. Somehow, he managed to strip, fold his cloths neatly and put them on a table and prance up onto the low diving board before I had a chance to move, My eyes were riveted to the beauty before me. His perfect little body displayed for me without shame or modesty made me speechless. I wondered if I would ever get used to the stunning sight of him this way. He legs were not yet the beguiling though slightly ungainly colt's legs of a boy entering puberty but instead were perfectly proportioned and exquisitely formed and as he moved them, his wonderful little ass flexed and jiggled. "God!" I thought to myself. "Every time I think about this boy the only adjective I can come up with is `perfect'." He was looking at me expectantly and his eyes asked the unspoken question. "Go on in!" I urged him. "I'm right behind you." He flashed me one of his trademark smiles and scampered to the back of the diving board. With no fanfare, he raced up the length of the narrow board, gracefully hopped up just near the end and came down. His slight weight hardly bent the board but it still provided enough spring action to thrust him into the air and into a perfect shallow arch. He split the water so smoothly that his splash was undetectable and I watched with pleasure as he glided sleekly under water for the entire length of the pool. He broke the surface at the far end and his grin was ear to ear. "Oh man! It's Woooonderful! Come in Eric it's Sooo great!" My clothing was off in a flash and soon I was on the diving board. I am no slouch when it comes to water sports and my dive was classy and smooth. I swam under water until I came to his spot and surfaced just in front of him. His face wore an expression of pure joy. I rolled over and did a slow back stroke out toward the center of the pool and he followed. Together we covered two lengths of the pool in this easy manner comfortable in our silence. Back in the shallow end I grabbed him, raised him quickly into the air and launched him squealing back into the water. "Again Eric!" he urged as he swam back to me. I lifted him and threw him a couple of dozen times enjoying running my hands all over his water slick body. It could have continued for hours but I had to beg off for a moment...even a little 80 pound boy gets heavy after repeated lifting and tossing. He amused himself by swimming graceful little circles around me finally diving underwater and swimming between my spread legs. The globes of his little ass brushed against my cock and balls as he did so and I thought to myself: "Little boy you can do that all day." When he stopped for a second I said; "How good a swimmer are you Sean?" Flashing me a hard "look" he said with adorable little boy audacity; "Eric...I been swimming since I was a little kid! I'm one of the captains of the swim team. I'm Aquaman!" Grinning he said; "Watch me Eric...this is called Freestyle!" and he began swimming to the other end of the pool, did a perfect underwater racing turn and swam back. His form was flawless. Not even breathing hard he said; "Now...the breast stroke!" and again he was off to the other end of the pool and again I couldn't find a thing wrong with his form. When he returned to my end of the pool at least he had the decency to be breathing a bit hard. "The Fly!" He grinned broadly and took off again performing a perfect butterfly stroke. When he returned to my end of the pool he rolled over onto his back panting and smiling happily. "The boy is part fish." I thought to myself. He seemed so comfortable...so natural in the water I thought of the old Scottish stories my grandfather used to tell about the magical creatures that lived part of the time in the sea and part of the time on land. Sylkies he called them...this little boy is a sylkie. We were standing in the shallow end when suddenly he jumped up on me wrapping his arms around my neck and he legs around my waist for no apparent reason. He was looking at me rather seriously...not sadly I thought just seriously. "What?" I asked as I took this great opportunity to run my hands along his slippery little ass. "Oh...I was looking at you just thinkin'. I'm such a twerp. I was just thinking' about how cool this is and how great you are and... how I was so silly to be scared about you when they told me I was going out on this contract. Eric I was so seriously scared about having to go with you. But...You're so fun Eric...You're so nice. I'm sooo glad it was me you picked." "Jeeze I've got pool water in my eyes." I said in a cracking voice as I wiped away the tears that were forming. Finally I spoke about what had been on my mind since the wee hours of last night: "You know Sean...there's one thing that happened-one thing about last night that's very special and not sad at all." His face took on a quizzical look. "Last night when you came into my bed and kissed me when you thought I was asleep; you also told me something. You told me that you wanted to be here...that you wanted to be my boy." He smiled sweetly. "So you see...last night- you chose me. Sean. I'm so glad it was me that YOU picked. You and me...we've chosen each other. It can't get more special than that." He leaned in and kissed me and squeezed his arms and legs tightly around me nuzzling his head against my neck and shoulder not making a sound. We stayed just like that for a very long time. To an outside observer, it would have been the perfect sweet scene...something out of a beautiful fairy tale ...an exquisite painting...if only both of us hadn't popped boners. (to be continued) Thanks for all of the great comments. They're making me feel like this has been worth it. In the next chapter we'll get a ride in Eric's great new sports car, Sean becomes a sporting gentleman and somebody will say the "L" word. Please remember to contribute to NIFTY.