Date: Wed, 6 May 2009 15:27:10 -0700 (PDT)
From: firehose Joe <firehosejoe@yahoo.com>
Subject: To Thine Ownself Be True chapter 29

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Shakespeare (Hamlet)

Thanks to Chael for assistance editing and proofing the story. This
is wholly fictional with no reference intended to persons alive or dead.

Please do not distribute to other sites without permission of the
author. Comments can be sent to firehosejoe@yahoo.com


From the previous chapter:

Just as they were about to cross the street, a cab cut the corner
close. Running through a puddle, it sprayed both of them with the collected
rainwater.

They both jumped back to no avail. Their suit pants were soaked from the
knees down. Looking at each other's expressions of surprise, mixed with
disgust, was just too funny. They exploded in laughter.

"I've got some sweats you can change into. Come on. I really need that
drink now." Alejandro said laughing as he nudged Zach forward with his
elbow.

Chapter 29

Still laughing as they crossed the street, Zach grabbed Alejandro's elbow
and stopped him before they entered the condo complex.

"This is a handsome building," Zach said, looking up at the cornice work
and the gracefully spaced faux pillars that adorned the façade. "I'm
interested in how it's been reconfigured for condos. Dad seemed to get a
fire lit under him with this project. Good to see him fully engaged again."

"Well, come on. Let's get inside," Alejandro urged, feeling the clammy wet
fabric cling to his muscled calf.

Zach seemed all eyes for the details of the building's lobby, elevator and
common hall. Alejandro keyed the door and swung it wide. Stepping inside he
motioned to Zach. "Please, come in."

Zach gave the public rooms a quick yet thorough look. Turning to Alejandro,
"I'm being a nuisance. Let me call a cab and meet you somewhere later."

"Nothing doing! I've got some sweats that will do the job for you. I'm
getting into some jeans and a pullover. Enough with the suit already!"

Comfortably dressed in sweats, with his feet bare and his shirtsleeves
rolled up, Zach wandered through the condo admiring the furnishings and
view. "Got to admit some envy here. You've taken a blank space and made it
a comfortable showpiece. The views are spectacular. With the dark finishes
and indirect lighting, the city creates its own urban landscape for you day
and night. Wow."

Soon both men were changed and seated comfortably in low club chairs in the
living room, sipping a rich Malbec. Zach admired the color through the
large-bowled glass, swirling it from time to time to admire the color and
inhale the bouquet. It was not an affected gesture Alejandro noted, but one
of a true oenophile.

Continuing his comments on the condo, Zach said, "I can't imagine the
transformation. You don't have `before and after' pictures by chance?"

Alejandro grinned. "I can do you one better than that. Come here."
Indicating that Zach should follow, Alejandro walked to a bookcase. As he
moved some bric-a-brac from a floor-to-ceiling shelf, he handed it to Zach,
whose eyes were wide with questions. Slipping his hand behind the
decorative molding, Alejandro pulled the shelf forward on its hidden hinges
and revealed a matte black steel door.

"Oops, got to get the key." Alejandro said has he walked quickly to the
bedroom, leaving Zach with his mouth now slightly agape. Returning he
turned the key in the deadbolt and the door easily pushed open. Alejandro
was enjoying the little mystery show. He turned to look at Zach who by now
was shaking his head in question and disbelief.

"This way, Sir." Alejandro grinned as he reached behind the adjacent wall
and flipped a switch. Half a dozen bulbs lit the additional square
footage. Zach's eyes and mouth opened wide in surprise. Alejandro took him
on a quick tour through the empty room. It had a broom-clean concrete floor
with supporting pillars being the only thing interrupting the open space.

Zach's questions came fast. He wanted to know about wiring, plumbing and
code restrictions. Many of the questions Alejandro could answer with
slightly better than an educated guess. Sure, he'd been involved with the
architect, but not to that degree. He was growing very curious about his
new friend - curious in a good way.

Zach, seeing the furrowed lines between Alejandro's brows, realized his
questions must have appeared to be a juggernaut demanding technical
information. He chuckled softly. "I can explain, but first..." and he
launched into more questions about Alejandro's accomplishment in fashioning
an elegant place from such bare bones.

Soon the cold concrete was chilling Zach's feet enough to make him want to
leave. "I know you've got to be curious about my questions. I'll tell all,
but first I've got to eat." He said with a smile as they secured the steel
door and moved the shelves back into place.

"Do you trust me for dinner recommendations?" Zach asked with a mischievous
smile. Alejandro simply smiled, offering his hand palms-up with a shrug.

"Good. I'll call to make sure they hold a table for us. Throw a jacket on
over that polo and you'll be fine in the jeans. I'll call a cab. We can go
to my place so I can change. From there, we can walk. Do you mind if I
borrow the sweats `til I get home? I don't relish the thought of those wet
suit pants now that I'm warm and comfortable."

Soon arrangements were made and both men were riding to Zach's. For
Alejandro, their conversation flowed with disarming ease. He thought of
Charles and he wished he were here. The three of them would have gotten
along famously.

Alejandro had to admit his gaydar was faulty at best. Still he wondered if
he were picking up subtle signals from a guy about his orientation and
potential interest. `What are you thinking? Don't blow this!' Alejandro
warned himself. Yeah there had been only a few things that made him
wonder. This was new territory and potentially a good friend. `Back off,
Alejandro.' He sighed in resignation.

"Awfully deep sigh there, Bud. What was that about?" Zach asked as he
tucked his shirttail in, entering the living room. The drive to Zach's
condo had taken them to the heart of downtown. They'd found that they had
more in common than they'd have possibly imagined. Only sons, portfolio
management for their families, managing their own trusts, increasing
responsibility in family representation on boards and committees - the list
went on.

As their comfort level increased with familiarity of the situation, they
compared notes in some detail. Zach was especially impressed at the load
Alejandro had carried during his last three years of college.

"I'm having a hard time imagining what it must have been like to have all
the responsibility yourself. I'm not that close to my parents. Never have
been, I guess. I don't mean to cry on your shoulder. It's just the way it
is. But for better or worse, they're there if push comes to shove. I don't
know how you've done it." Zach reflected quietly.

They headed out to one of Zach's favorite restaurants. Zach was greeted
with the warmth and familiarity of a frequent and favored guest.

Over a relaxed dinner, they swapped school stories about friends and
classes. Alejandro was careful to edit his so that they were not too
personal. It was odd, in some cases, just how much was `lost in
translation' when the sexual component was removed. It was part of the core
of his relationship with Frederick. Damn, how could he explain Frederick
without the randy, demanding, fun, exhaustive, satisfying sex they'd
shared? Frederick had been the man he'd come out to, for Pete's sake.

Alejandro also wondered at times if he was hearing a `sanitized version' of
Zach's stories. There were the momentary lapses as if he was carefully
choosing his words. Alejandro smiled guessing he was imagining things.

The first crack appeared in the veneer when Alejandro mentioned his
wrestling interests. The stories were straightforward but seemed to pique
Zach's curiosity. Zach, in turn, told of his roommate in college who
enjoyed nothing more than tangling on the floor or a towel fight that ended
with Zach's being pinned.

"Ben was a jock of the first order." Zach said, smiling and shaking his
head remembering his good friend. "I've spent my time on the golf course,
playing tennis, shooting hoops - with friends, you know the drill. Playing
contact sports never appealed to me. Ben, on the other hand, played
football, wrestled on his high school team and for the sheer joy of the
violence." Zach's eyes twinkled with the playful sarcasm. "He played
pick-up hockey games during the winter."

"Ben was an incurable extrovert who embraced life and loved to play. He
didn't fit the `dumb jock' stereotype at all, though he could slip into the
role in a millisecond if it suited his needs. We were great buds," Zach
said with a far-away look in his eyes. He quickly recovered as Alejandro
asked,

"So how did you first react when he tackled you and wanted to horse
around?"

"There wasn't much of a choice. I could have been an..." Zach paused,
quickly searching Alejandro's face for possible offense, "pardon the
expression, an asshole and rebuffed him. You have to understand, his
horsing around was just a playful expression of affection. Ben's attitude
just swept you along if you were willing, even to a small degree."

Alejandro couldn't hide his smile or his interest. `This was more like it.'
With each anecdote, it seemed that they got closer to the tales they really
wanted to tell. Could he be imagining all of this, Alejandro wondered?

With a knot growing in his stomach, Alejandro began to talk about the time
with Jason and the Bears' Den. He fenced off most details only sharing that
it was a place where people who wanted to continue their wrestling, but
didn't have access to a club, could work out and train.

Suddenly it seemed that Zach was looking through his defenses as if his
secrets were hidden only by gauze. Leaning in, Zach began to ask questions
that nibbled away at Alejandro's carefully edited story. Alejandro quickly
realized that he'd soon have to be less than forthright. He knew he'd have
to change the subject or share more with Zach than we was comfortable with
at the moment. His face must have given away his internal struggle.

Zach looked away, then looked back and met Alejandro's eyes. "Perhaps I've
been asking too many questions," he said as an excuse for silence.

Alejandro was genuinely confused. "No! What do you mean? This has been
fun." Except for the past few minutes, he admitted to himself.

This conversation was far from over, Alejandro knew. Just how far was he
willing to go? Damn, `in for a dime, in for a dollar' the old saying
went. He'd made up his mind he wasn't living in shadows in fear of others'
reactions. There was something here and he was determined to press on, even
if it meant he had to be completely candid.

"It sounds like Ben and I could have been great friends. That kind of
horsing around is something Frederick and I used to do often. Of course,
neither of us was willing to give up without a real fight, so many's the
time his bedroom would get trashed before one of us conceded, usually in
fits of laughter. It's not often guys are free enough with each other to be
that playful. We were lucky to have friends like that." Alejandro looked at
Zach for a reaction.

"Yeah." Zach paused as he remembered. "Those two years were great. He got
married right after graduation." There was wistfulness evident in both
Zach's face and voice. "I was his best man," he added with a smile. "We
stay in touch with the occasional call and card but our lives got busy;
well, I'm sure you know how it goes."

Alejandro realized he was holding his breath. The conversation could go
anywhere at this point. How could he bring it back to the baby steps of
exploration?

"Yeah I do. Sometimes it can be painful. Frederick was not only a great
friend and wrestling partner. He was my rock when my Grandparents died and
my Dad had his stroke.  He transferred to a school closer to home when his
mom was diagnosed with cancer. He stayed there to be with his Dad. We've
tried to stay in touch and I know how it can be."

"Ironically though, he had come to visit for the week of my
graduation. Kind of catching up on old times and, though we didn't think of
it that way, tying up loose ends. He was the one who came to the office to
tell me my Dad had died."

Zach kept his gaze on Alejandro and simply shook his head slightly and
whispered, "Wow."

Gathering his courage, Alejandro pressed on. "It was Frederick who pushed
me to take care of myself after my Dad had his stroke; you know - eat right
and exercise. He knew how much I enjoyed wrestling both as exercise and as
a release from school and business pressures."

Alejandro laughed softly. "He gave me no way out when I complained that I
couldn't make the Wrestling Club's scheduled practices. He literally
grabbed me by the arm one afternoon and we went hunting through the house
to find a place for mats. Finding none, he headed for the huge garage
behind the house." Alejandro finished the tale, sparing no details as he
saw Zach's interest grow. He finished with Jason's leaving and he touched
again on Bears' Den.

Zach held his gaze for a moment while sipping his coffee. He inhaled as if
to speak, then bit his lip and exhaled, all the while looking at Alejandro
as if weighing what he wanted to say.

"You've explained the basics of the Bears' Den but if you don't mind, tell
me more. What kind of place is it – a quasi gym? What kind of matches do
guys enjoy? I mean - are there refs and collegiate rules? It sounds more
like a club than a business. Am I close?" Zach asked biting his lower lip
again, looking tentatively at Alejandro, obviously wondering if he'd gone
too far.

`Fish or cut bait', Alejandro said to himself. He began to describe with
some detail the place and the men who came to wrestle. Intentionally he
painted a picture that would lead any man to presume that this was a gay
Men's Club. He stopped short of outing himself. It would be unnecessary to
say more to anyone who was the slightest bit intuitive.

When he finished, Zach sat back, bringing his hand to his mouth. Crossing
his lips with his forefinger, he slightly shook his head as a smile began
to grow that soon spread across his face. Lowering his hand, he took a deep
breath and sighed loudly.

"Perhaps we have more in common than I'd thought," His smile grew. "What do
you say we get out of here and go back to my place?" Zach's question was
met with a big smile from Alejandro, who reached for the check. Zach said,
"I'll get this. You can buy me a drink later."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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