This story is primarily about control and relationships between adult men. There are some sexual situations but it is not the primary objective of the story. If you object to any of this then read no further. This story is sexual fantasy fiction and any resemblance to persons past or present is purely coincidental. As always, flashbacks in italic and text messages in italics with no spaces between lines. Contains a section of lyrics from the song "I Saw A Ghost" by The Slow Readers Club.
This is not the happiest of parts but I hope you still get some enjoyment out of it. If you are affected by the topics in this part please seek help from friends, professionals, in fact anyone. It is always better.
Remote Controlled Part XII - An End Has A Start
“So this is your desk. I know this isn’t the greatest of offices but we’re hoping once we get some more Customers we can move into something nicer!”
“It’s fine. I’m made up you gave me a chance. I know some of the others were put off by my... problem.”
“More fool them then. You were doing well at University until you had to drop out. I liked you were upfront about it; that’s good. As I said if there are days you aren’t well enough to come in you can work from home if you can, otherwise take it as holiday or unpaid leave. I can’t do more than that but we will be flexible okay?”
“Thanks, that’s brilliant!”
“You wait until you see your first assignment!”
“Ready and waiting Boss!”
“You can just call me Aaron.”
“Ha ha, whatever. Oh, we are going for a quick drink after work if you want to join us? Anyway, let me introduce you to Greg. To be honest he’s a bit of a dick but very good at what he does...”
The phone started ringing and I realised I’d been daydreaming. Possibly sleeping with my eyes open. I glanced at the clock on my computer; 10:14am Thursday morning. I don’t think I had done anything useful in the hour and a half I’d been in work. My mind kept drifting back to the past which I’d obstinately trained it not to.
I was in the Rovinj outfit for a third day running, this time with Michael’s Vans. It was also the third day in a row I’d worn Luca’s briefs. I was still following my Controller’s edict that I wasn’t to shake or wipe after pissing. They had also been stuffed in Dan’s mouth last night as we tickled him for ten minutes.
Soon after I had finished my lunch the boss said it was time for our monthly meeting. I raised my eyebrows in mock annoyance. He smiled - back in the day it was actual annoyance about my work being interrupted, but now I just accepted it. It was just something that had to be done. A box to be ticked.
“Are all the projects still on schedule - any issues?”
I looked around the meeting room, thinking how much more fun the encounter with Michael yesterday had been.
“Yeah, all good.”
“Well in that case I’m happy.”
Good, that’s that box ticked then. Back to work.
“Well, we’re having a few friends over on Sunday to well, celebrate and remember…”
He lingered for a moment as our eyes met. I quickly looked away.
“I…” I stared at the opaque glass. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I didn’t even want to think about it. I continued to stare, attempting to brace my crumbling defences.
“Are you okay? We could talk about Scott? It might help?”
No. No we couldn’t. And no it wouldn’t.
Aaron handed over the money to the guy behind the bar. “I'm really happy you came out for a drink with us.”
“Thanks for asking me and for buying!”
“So everything okay? Survived the first day okay? We haven't scared you away?”
“All good thanks!”
“Excellent. Right we better get these drinks back to the rest of them or they'll get restless!”
A new person appeared, arms outstretched. “Aaron! What brings you to a dump like this?!”
“Haha, the same thing as you I would imagine!”
The two men embraced firmly before the new person's eye fell on me.
“And what do we have here?”
“Hi. I'm, ummm, new...”
“Oh aren't you just…”
Aaron's eyes rolled. “Let me introduce my friend…”
“Best friend.” Aaron's best friend interjected.
“Let me introduce my best friend, Scott. He occasional consults for us.”
“I can’t do Sunday. Are we done?” I said with an unintended edge to my voice.
He sighed. “Yes.”
I got up and headed for the door but hesitated before opening it. My head dropped to look at the floor but I didn’t turn around.
“Thank you Aaron.”
I quickly left and went to my jacket to grab a couple of paracetamol before remembering I had taken them out at home. Cursing my forgetfulness I headed out to grab some more to take the edge off the dull headache.
After last night’s excitement my Controller seemed to be giving me some time to recover, although my body was still feeling weak and tired. Was that from burning the candle both ends or was it my problem returning again? I pretended to myself it was the former. So much easier that way.
I asked Michael if he wanted a swift beer after work. He apologetically declined because Austin was coming to pick him up after work.
“Awww, how cute!” That earned me a punch to the arm. “Ow! You gotta stop doing that!”
“I will. When you stop being a monumental jerk!”
I shot him a wounded look before grinning. “That ain’t happening.”
“Yeah, don’t I know it.”
“So do I get introduced?”
“Yeah, but I’m not making a big thing of it okay?”
I nodded, happy he was trusting me and curious to see the person who had swept my little man off his feet. I completed the remaining forty minutes of work feeling distracted.
“You leaving now then?” asked Michael. I picked up it was not a question and grabbed my coat. As we left I looked over my shoulder to check no-one was following. I chided myself for this needless action; Michael said not making a big thing of it, not that it was secret.
“Hey Austin! I want you to meet someone.”
I turned my head back around to look at Austin.
“Oh, it’s you…!” said Austin with a big grin on his face.
“You know each other?” Michael said quickly looking between us in confusion.
“It’s the Cake man…” said Austin. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. “He couldn’t make up his mind which cake he wanted when he came in the cafe. So he had both. Managed to get it all over his hands as well. Licked it off each finger. Right put me off my work!” Austin winked at me with an even wider grin across his face.
Ground? Ground! Open now dammit!
“Oooookay….” said Michael still a bit confused before turning to me. “Dude, two cakes? I mean what is it with you and cakes at the moment?!”
Even though he couldn’t know what happened last night, the comment caused me to jump back to it and I started to get hard very quickly.
“I was, err, hungry. Yes, very hungry indeed! And they both looked so tasty. Anyway really good to meet you properly Austin. Umm, we’ll all grab a drink sometime soon? I just need to grab something from the ummm…” I pointed back to the office in an embarrassed clumsy bluster. Which gave me just a second to rearrange cock so it wasn’t quite so obscenely bulging. Austin had seen it though.
Michael shook his head in amusement. “He’s not always this weird Austin. Oh hang on… yes you are!”
“If you come in again, maybe we’ll give you a two for one…” Austin smirked looking between me and Michael. That earned him a punch him on the arm.
“Oh, he does that. You’ll get used to it.” We laughed together and agreed to meet up soon. I watched them bound off down the stairs. Is there anything sweeter than seeing a new relationship start?
“Right I need to get home to the missus.”
“Ha ha, yeah we know who’s in charge Aaron!”
“Hmmm. And I’m not sure I should leave him in your care!”
“Oh we’ll be fine won’t we?”
I smiled at Scott. “Yeah, we’ll be fine.” I slurred slightly.
“Hmmm.” said Aaron again. “Look after him okay?”
“I’m being serious Scott!”
“Yeah, you always are. So, so serious...” Scott rested his chin on his fist and smiled at Aaron.
He rolled his eyes again which seemed to be his default position with Scott. “Whatever. Catch you soon bro.”
I waved goodbye to Aaron. He was cool for a boss, not that I had any reference points, but I guessed they weren’t all like him. I sat chatting with Scott, side by side, as we finished our pints. He was confident but easy to talk with.
Crowds were difficult for me, I was always better in one to one situations. My coping mechanism with crowds was to zero in on one person and pretty much ignore everything around while that engagement happened. It occurred to me that I’d been giving Scott the benefit of that most of the night, but he didn’t seem to mind. He seemed interested in me which was a new a whole new experience.
“Come here a second…” I turned towards him and he started to unbutton my polo shirt, continuing until all four buttons were loose. “No need to be all formal and buttoned up around me” he said with a wink. I smiled back shyly, feeling a spike of excitement at the unexpected intimacy.
I lifted the glass up to empty the last dregs out of it when I felt the top button of my cargo pants pop open. I looked down to see Scott’s hand retreating and a big grin on his face. I spluttered into the glass and quickly went to do it back up.
“Don’t.” Scott said firmly. I stopped dead in my tracks. He reached over again and pulled the zip down. I had been popping a boner most of the evening being in the company of this person so far out of my league, but I was completely erect now and it was completely obviously.
“Well, hello! I think I should get another drink. Same again?”
“Yes, thank you” I stammered.
“And don’t be doing that up.”
“Yes Scott.” And then he was gone, leaving me scared that my underwear had been exposed in a public place. Not that anyone could really see with the table in the way but that wasn’t the point. It felt even worse now I was on my own.
It seemed like an age before he returned. He put the drinks down and sat back down beside me.
“Brilliant! Some people are so very boring. I think you're more fun than you you give yourself credit for.” He smiled at me again. God, I couldn’t resist it. “You can do yourself back up again.” I quickly obeyed, feeling a strange mixture of relief and disappointment. We continued chatting and he became more tactile as time passed.
“I need a piss.”
“You don’t need my permission” he laughed. “But before you go do you want to go somewhere else after this drink?”
“Um, yeah. That’d be cool.”
“Only I need a little favour from you.”
“That underwear you’re wearing is a disgrace. I can’t be seen to be anywhere near them. I have my reputation!”
It was true, they weren’t great - just a cheap pair of supermarket boxer trunks. I wasn’t really into fashion - especially not underwear - what’s the point?
“But no-one is going to see them.” I said feeling I had to defend them anyway.
“Yeah but I know they’re there now. I can’t even bear being near to them actually! So while you’re in the toilet just slip them off and put them in your pocket. Okay?”
Commando? I heard guys did that but I didn’t. I wasn’t sure I liked where this was going but my cock seemed to like it. I was still debating the request when I heard myself say “Yes Scott.” I obeyed his request and returned.
He pulled my pocket open a little so he could see inside. “Good boy.” He then pulled the boxers out and dropped them on the floor. “Right finish up and let’s go!”
I looked down at the discarded boxers obscenely lying on the pub floor and then back to Scott. His expression clearly said ‘don’t you dare think about picking them up’.
And then we left, leaving my boxers behind.
I almost missed my stop on the tube because I dozed off. I just made it through the closing doors to a loud tut. I wearily traipsed back to my flat, grabbing a beer before collapsing down on the sofa.
*ping* Are you okay? Did you miss your station?!
Yeah and yeah. Just feeling a bit tired.
Aww poor thing - go have a shower.
Yeah, thanks I will. How long have I got?
Take as long as you need.
Oh, okay, thanks!
I spent forever under the hot cascade of water. Well, it seemed like forever. I slid down the tiled wall and sat on the floor, the water bouncing off me rhythmically. I leant my head against the wall and drifted off.
I awoke with a start. It was probably only a ten minute power snooze but when I opened my eyes I had no idea how long I had zoned out for. I got out and dried myself off, still feeling like my limbs weighed three times as much as they should. I reached up to feel the glands in my neck. Yup they were up and angry. Not good.
I had some food with a beer and a chat to my Controller before he insisted I headed off for an early night. He also said that if I wasn’t feeling better in the morning I could skip the exercises. I thanked him for his kindness and went to bed, knowing I’d feel no better when the morning arrived.
I stripped off and got into expanse of my double bed. I’d always wanted one when I was younger but the first time I had actually one was when I moved in with Scott. Now it seemed the loneliest place possible. A tear rolled down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and told myself to stop being so weak; this is what happened when you think of him. Now stop it.
I curled up and drifted into a fitful sleep.
“Which key is it?”
“Oh you’ll get the right one in a minute” slurred Scott into my ear. “You’ll slide it right in…”
“You’re not helping!” He absolutely wasn’t. Draped over me with his one hand down my pants and the other lifting up my polo shirt. I really don’t know why I agreed to open the door of his flat. I also didn’t know why he had quite so many keys.
I felt a yank and then a ping as the the top button of my pants bounced off the wall.
“Shit Scott! What the hell are you doing? What if one of your neighbours is around?!”
“Well unless you hurry up, they’re going to get an eyeful of the huge cock of my beautiful catch this evening.”
“Well where is he, because there's only me here…” I suddenly remembered I was commando and upped the pace of key insertion, feeling Scott’s fingers lingering menacingly by my zip.
The barrel turned and the door opened. Scott spun me around and our lips brushed together, then locked together. His tongue probed forward and I let him in. It seemed that it lasted forever.
When it finally finished I remained eyes shut with a daft grin on my face. I was in heaven. Scott gave one final brief kiss before yanking down my pants, leaving my erect drooling cock bouncing around in the bright light of the corridor.
“Fuck!” I half pulled them up and barrelled through the door after him.
It was a real effort getting up on Friday, I mean drag yourself out of bed and crawl to the bathroom sort of effort. I’d seriously thought about not getting up at all, or working from home but I tried to keep to a routine - it was something that could help during the bad times. I was pushed along that route by my Controller as he gently prodded me from shower, to dressing, to breakfast and then to work.
I did miss my stop this time and had to face the indignity of waiting at the next station to catch a train back. I passed Austin’s coffee shop and decided to grab a coffee.
“Oh hi again! Small world!”
“Hey Austin. Can you give me whatever has the most caffeine in it please?”
“Sure. You okay?”
“Yeah, just need coffee.”
He got busy making the coffee and sat down at a table. The next thing I felt was a tap on the shoulder.
In the few moments it took to make the coffee I had dozed off. “Oh, thanks.”
“Dude, you look like shite.”
“Thanks…” I started to fumble with my wallet.
“It’s on the house. I try to do one good deed a day.”
I laughed. “Thanks Austin.” I picked up the coffee. “Um Austin… Michael is someone I care for massively and I just wanted to say I’m happy he’s found someone like you. You seem like a good kid.”
He laughed. “Thank you Sir.”
“Ha. And you have his sense of humour. I’m really happy for you both.”
“Thanks. I know you mean a lot to Michael so that means a lot to me. Are you sure you’re okay, you seem, I dunno, out of phase?”
I smiled. Yeah, that was it; out of phase. “Thanks for the coffee Austin.” I got up and headed for the door.
“I hope that cake came out of your AF1s. It can really stain.”
I stopped in my tracks. Oh, he had seen. Whoops. I smiled. “It was a very nice cake Austin.”
Soon I was at the office. I yawned and took a sip of the caffeine ladened liquid Austin had given me as I walked up the stairs. A path I had taken for longer than I could remember; for better or for worse. I opened the door for another day at work.
I yawned as I opened the door to the office. I hadn’t got much sleep. Scott had picked up I was a virgin, well actually he’d asked me outright, but he didn’t want to fuck me. No, my role was to fuck him it would seem. Several times. As a virgin, being slapped on the arse while the person I was fucking was shouting ‘Harder!’ was an interesting experience. But other than that he was a gentleman, guiding me through it, providing me with condoms and not getting annoyed at a clumsy and horny virgin. He held me tight for most of the night as we slept together. I wasn’t sure what had happened that evening but I liked it. A lot. Okay, I admit, it was the best thing that had happened to me.
“Oh Hi. You got home… oh, you didn’t…”
He was looking at what I was wearing, shaking his head. Scott had ripped my polo off when we got in his flat for being ‘inexpensive and tawdry’. Then he ripped off my cargo pants because, well, he wanted too really. He was in charge and I was happy being led.
If anyone had suggested that I would be standing in the flat of a hot guy I had just met, wearing just my black socks and Chucks, I would have dismissed it as fantasy. But it happened.
He had got up in the morning and selected clothes from his wardrobe for me to wear - all really expensive. I mean I was probably wearing more than was in my bank account! However, I now realised that the clothes he picked was designed to send a gentle message to Aaron.
“No, I didn’t…” I said feeling uncomfortable that my Boss knew I’d fucked his best friend.
“I should never have left you with him.” he sighed.
“It’s okay. We had fun.”
“Hmmm. I love him like a brother but I have to warn you; he’s intoxicating but has a short attention span. The only reason we’re probably still friends is I’m straight. I just don’t want you getting hurt that’s all. Just be careful.”
Time passed slowly. Maybe I should have stayed at home; I was doing nothing useful here. I was just staring at the screen really, feeling cognitively impaired. I heard the ping of a message coming into my phone. I wasn’t sure I could cope with a task, but maybe it would occupy my mind.
*ping* Alert! Attack in progress! Jump to it!
I almost fell off my seat; it was the early detection system I had bolted onto our system to warn of incoming hacks.
“Michael! Meeting room - now! Bring your laptop.”
I raced in, quickly followed my Michael and the Boss.
“What’s the panic?”
“We’re being hacked. Michael see how far they have got. Boss - we really need to shut down some of the servers.”
“We have some critical hosting - if we take those down we are liable for it. It could cost us big.”
“And if their data gets hacked?”
“Hmmm. How long have I got?
Michael turned with a furrowed brow. “They seem to have bypassed the whole of the front line of security. That’s weird!”
“Yeah. Inside job then? The answer is not long Boss.”
“Okay, I need to check a couple of things. Do it if you need to but give me as much time as you can.” He scurried out leaving Michael and me alone.
Oh and my Controller.
“Michael, I have to warn you in times of high stress, I talk to myself. Okay?”
“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any weirder...” He said grinning at me.
“Thanks for your understanding my friend! Okay then. We are being hacked and they are past the front defences...”
“Shit. Not good. Ideas?”
“Ideas… ideas… Hmmmm. What about root-kitting our own servers to dynamically hide the critical data.”
“What?!” said my Controller and Michael in unison.
“It can just move the reference if they get close.”
“It’s a mad idea. I mean can it even work?” said Michael incredulously.
“Never failed before.”
“How many times have you tried it?”
“Ummm, this would be the first time.”
Michael rolled his eyes. “Great! But wouldn’t they realise when they keep not getting to the files.”
“Ahhhh. I might just concede that is a good point… Bugger.”
“He tried counting Heffalumps but every Heffalump that he counted was making straight for a pot of his honey ... and when the five hundred and eighty-seventh Heffalump was licking its jaws, and saying to itself, 'Very good honey this, I don't know when I've tasted better', Pooh could bear it no longer."
“What?!” I exclaimed at the gibberish spoken into my ear.
“What?!” said Michael, startled at my random exclamation.
“Ohhh… Yes, I see! Michael can you take our database template and generate a load of entries randomly using our existing databases as a base? Actually, I know you can. How quickly?”
“Should have one in less than a minute.”
“Leave it encrypted. Upload it to server directly, and hash your name into it so I can find it. Go!”
“Yes Sir! I will be your beacon!”
I smiled at with his humour under pressure. “This is serious you know!” I shouted after him.
“So this is serious?” Aaron glanced at me and then to Scott.
“Yeah, I'm moving in with him.”
Aaron looked at Scott, blinking in disbelief, before turning to me. “You must have some sort of magical powers…!”
“Yeah he has something like that!” Scott grinned at me.
“Oh, jeez it's finally happened - you're in love!” Aaron took a swig of his beer, shaking his head in mock astonishment.
“Hey!” exclaimed Scott with equal mock hurt.
“It's okay brother, I’m happy for you, I really am. For you both. But I still have no idea how you've done it!”
I laughed. I had no idea either.
We sat around the meeting room table, for a debrief now the crisis had been averted.
“A honey pot?” asked Aaron.
“Yeah, a fake and easily accessible database. Hackers look for the easiest route. Well, not just hackers actually. But they expect us to be sloppy, so when they find a realistic non-encrypted file they accept it.”
“But our data - the real stuff - is encrypted isn’t it?”
“Yes. But even then, if it got accessed you’d have to report it to the Information Commissioner's Office and to our Customers…”
“Okay. So how did they get in so quickly? Was it an inside job?”
“Um…” Michael interjected and pushed a laptop in front of me. I studied the information presented to me.
“Dude, I’m sorry.” said Michael quietly.
“Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.”
I picked up the laptop and smashed it on the meeting table. “Fuck!” And again. “Fuck!” And continued until it was split in two.
I yelled as I threw the piece I was holding across the room.
“Leave us now.” Aaron calmly said to Michael who looked like he was about to cry.
“A fucking backdoor. I left a fucking backdoor.”
“But no harm was done.”
“But there could have been - it shouldn’t have happened!”
“It’s okay. No harm done.”
“For fucks sake! It was my fault. You should be angry with me. I want you to be angry with me!”
“Stop being so reasonable! Why have you never been angry with me? Don’t you care that he’s gone? You should hate me!”
Aaron was beside me. He reached over and tried to bring my head to his shoulder. I tried to fight him off but he persisted and it wasn’t long before I gave up and was sobbing on his shoulder.
“It’s okay. We all miss him.”
“Awwww, do you have to go?”
“It’s only for a couple of days.”
I pouted at him from our bed as he pulled on his shirt. He sat down beside me and kissed me. “You’re going to make this as hard as possible for me aren’t you?”
“Well you make me as hard as possible!”
He rolled his eyes. “Wow. Did you really just say that?”
I laughed but guided his hand under the covers and onto my Under Armour boxer clad penis. His reflex action took over and he squeezed it.
“You’re so bad!”
He reached in with his other hand a ripped the shorts open at the fly. My cock bounced out, free from the tight confines. He kissed me again.
“Oh, it’s going to be like that is it?” I said in-between kisses. I reached again and grabbed two handfuls of his thin white CK briefs and pulled hard. A small tear appeared.
“Mpphf!” He cried, feeling his efforts in getting dressed were being sorely hindered.
I used two fingers to slowly open the hole in his briefs and gained access to his hole. He moaned in pleasure this time and moments later I was fucking him through the ragged remains of his briefs. It was quick and dirty but I didn’t want to make him too late.
“Fuck.” He said said looking at the clock, and grabbing a pair of red Aussiebum briefs from the drawer. “You are a really bad influence!”
“And there was me thinking that was you! I was just an innocent boy before I met you!”
“Hmmm.” He threw the torn briefs in my face. “Look after yourself while I’m gone okay?” I took that as code for “Don’t get depressed and drink too much.”
“Yes Sir.” I said mockingly.
“I mean it okay?”
He pulled up his pants, grabbed his shoes and headed for the door. “See you soon.”
“Not soon enough!” I called after him.
I got up and decided what to wear to work. I hadn’t bought much with me when I moved in. Scott didn’t like most of my clothes. “Just use mine.” he had said. It was weird at first - especially the underwear drawer - but it meant I had really nice stuff to wear for the first time ever. And it was really horny wearing his gear. Scott didn’t do cheap and I found a love for expensive and stylish clothes and sneakers.
I went to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. There was a piece of paper propped up against the kettle, as expected. I picked up the handwritten note.
You know I can’t bear to be without you. Have fun and see you soon.
I smiled. Behind his outward swagger there was a sweet and tender interior that only I ever got to see. I noticed something else on the counter, previously shielded from view by the note. It was a ring; an exact copy of the plain platinum one he wore. There was an inscription etched on the inside - ‘For all time, like the sunrise’. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I put the ring on my finger.
I had sat alone for a while in the meeting room, playing with the destroyed pieces of the laptop which mirrored the crumpled remains of my defences. Those devices and mechanisms that had been thrown up five years ago and buttressed over time, now just so much rubble. I felt naked, defenceless and lost.
I apologised to Michael before I left; I don’t think he’d ever seen that side of me before but it was always there. Suppressed and distant but when I was ill I had less ability to fight it. He was gracious and told me to forget it, but I was mortified that I had upset him.
I slipped out without anyone noticing. An hour later I was finishing my second pint at the pub. A text came in from Aaron.
*ping* Are you okay?
Okay then. I’m here if you want to chat.
As soon as I finished replying my Controller texted.
*ping* Are you really okay?
No. I’m working on it though.
Do you want to talk?
No. I need some space.
I looked across to the table where Scott and I had that initial encounter, instantly regretting the choice of pub. The memories should be happy; the excitement and joy of being drawn into the web of this incredible guy. But they no longer were. They were dark and miserable.
I got up and visited the bar again, content on trying to drown the depressing mix of illness, anger and sorrow.
I heard the door of our flat open. Scott entered the room and sat beside me, putting his hand on my leg.
“I'm sorry Scott. I didn't mean it.”
“I know, it's okay.”
“No it isn't. I just get so depressed and angry about this illness and what it takes away from me. The drink relieves the symptoms. But sometimes…” I looked to the floor.
“...it just magnifies the depression and anger?” Scott asked.
I sighed. “Yes. It's like rolling a die and it's fine unless it lands on a six. I shouldn’t take it out on you. I'm sorry for being… defective. I just want to be well.”
He reached over and pulled me close to him. “Shush now, it's okay.”
I crashed through the door to my flat almost pushing over the bookcase. It was late and I was pretty fucked. I dropped the three letters onto the kitchen side before grabbing a beer from the fridge. I cracked it open and took a large slip, even ignoring my usual good upbringing of pouring it into a glass.
The first letter was some letting agency saying how sought after flats were in the area. No shit Sherlock. The second some information from Nectar about how many useless points I’d been collecting. The third was a fucking surprise.
“We at J & B Lettings are pleased that you appointed us as your agent. As per your request earlier this week we have already secured a tenant who will move in to your property this coming Wednesday. I hope you agree this is a brilliant outcome for all three parties involved.”
I swayed slightly as I inspected the letter - no it wasn’t a circular. Yes it was addressed to me and yes the property that had been rented out was mine.
What the fuck?
Have you rented out my flat?
What?! Oh fuck. Idiots, they weren’t supposed to send that to you!
Oh what you were just going wait and get them to throw me out?! God I was an idiot to have trusted you!
No, wait. I can explain.
The phone started to buzz as a call came in. I cancelled it.
*ping* Let me explain.
The phone started to buzz again as a call came in. I cancelled it again.
I want you to leave me alone and I don’t want to hear another word from you apart from you saying yes.
God, I’m sorry. Shit this is messed up. Yes.
You get off my phone and out of my life. Now.
There was no reply. I downed the beer before rechecking the phone. The app had been deleted and a rootkit scan showed all the software had been deleted. What an absolute fool I’d been to give that much trust to someone. Someone I barely knew. Actually it wasn’t even my choice to begin with. He forced it on me, and it seemed the end game was just to steal my money. This was going to be so difficult to unpick, he’s probably digitally signed the documents across my fixed IP address, so it is something only I could have done, unless I’d been hacked and that wouldn’t look good on my CV.
I quickly finished the next beer and threw it across the kitchen. I staggered out of the flat and knocked up next door. No answer.
“Drew? Dan? Anyone in? Jamie?”
Silence. I rested my head on the door for a moment before returning home. Well, home for a few more days.
There was a half bottle of wine in the cupboard. I pulled it out, unscrewed the cap and poured it into a pint glass, before accessing the contacts on my phone and deleting the entry my ex-Controller had put there. There was no reason to have that any longer. I bulk deleted his messages as well.
I fell back onto the sofa, drinking the wine as quickly as I could occasionally causing it to spill out of my mouth and dribble down my chin. Then it was back to the cupboard to see what else was in stock.
The bottle of vodka stared invitingly at me. I twisted the cap off the new bottle I added it to orange juice to make it go down quicker. I sat at the island in the open plan kitchen and sobbed gently at the mess I was in. No clothes, no home and probably no job. Why would he do this to me? Everything he had done before had some benefit to me. Why didn’t I give him chance to explain? Damn my alcohol induced short fuse.
It was then I felt the device power down. Instantly I felt an absence. Almost as if part of me had been switched off at the same time. At once I regretted what I’d just done. And to compound it, I had removed anyway of communicating with him again. Stupid, stupid me.
But this wasn’t a one off, this was a pattern. To lose something that made me feel good once was careless, to do it twice was fucking moronic.
I can’t even remember what we were arguing about. I don’t think we were even fighting; I was just annoyed at everything again.
“Come on, that’s not you talking - that’s the drink - how much have you had this time? I was only gone for a few hours.”
“Just leave it Scott. Just fucking leave it. You know it helps me deal with things.”
“Please, you’re better than this.”
“Fuck you Scott. You know what I’m better than? You. That’s fucking what.”
“Fine. You know where you can find me when you come to your senses. I can’t cope with you like this anymore. ”
“Shit. Scott I’m…”
It will be five years on Sunday but I can still hear that door slamming. I can still see him driving off and I remember telling myself I had to change. That and another grovelling apology. I had sent him a text.
I’m sorry. I’ll try harder I promise.
But there was no response; he must have been really pissed off I thought.
The next thing I remember was the constant knocking at the door waking me from my drunken slumber. And then I remember being greeted by two sombre looking Police Officers and then I don’t really remember anything else. Not for months.
I could have the most beautiful thing in the palm of my hand and I just want to close my fist and crush it. Watch it slide from my palm, a crumpled edifice. Have I created something new and unique or have a I just destroyed something fragile and ephemeral just because I could?
I am broken. I am a mistake. I am defective.
For everything that lives there is only one eventuality, but it seemed I was hell bent on proving that. Why did I have have to destroy everything that means anything to me? Push away anyone who cares for me just in case I ended up getting hurt?
Well, that worked out well.
My thoughts drifted back to last week; to the glorious long days in Rovinj where this unexpected adventure began. It was like I’d seen a ghost; I was happy, I was hopeful, I was fulfilled. But it seemed so very very long ago.
Almost another life…
I opened up the packet of paracetamol and gently popped out two tablets before washing them down with a slug of vodka. Then another two. Another two. Then four.
Soon the table was scattered with empty blister packs. I put in my earbuds and flicked through my playlist. I didn’t want to hear anything outside. Not the laughter from drunk people returning from a night out with their friends. Not the sounds of my neighbours going about their lives. Not even my own thoughts.
Especially not those.
“I am frozen, I am winter
I am desolate
I'm waiting for the summer to return
I am vacant, I am shallow
I am derelict
I am drunk again I guess I'll never learn.”
My eyes shut and my brain zoned out and slowly even the music playing in my ears seemed like a distant hum. The pain and despair left behind in the world I was leaving. Nothing really mattered anymore.
Yes, this would be better for everyone. I was doing them a favour. The Sun will always rise, the World will continue to spin and there would be one less mess to pollute it. No-one really cares how my story finishes anyway. Least of all me.
This is it, this is finally over. This is how it was always going to end.
I stretched yawning as the summer light flooded into our immaculate white walled room. Scott put his arm around me and pulled me close, kissing me.
“Mmmmh, fancy seeing you here.”
“Yeah, fancy.” Scott said as our eyes locked together. “I think I love you…”
“Well, that's convenient.”
Scott laughed. “No I mean it. I can see me being with you forever.”
“Oh… yeah I can see that too.”
“Now that is convenient!” We both laughed.
“What time is breakfast?” I asked.
“No idea. I like it right here though.”
“Mmmmm, yeah.” I kissed him. “Let's stay here then?”
“Mhmmm. Yeah, I think I'd like that a lot.”
I snuggled into him. This is where I wanted to be forever more. I was safe, I was happy, I was contented. I closed my eyes and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
Remote Control will continue on Thursday with “A Fine Day For A Funeral”.
If you are affected by topics in this story please contact CALM https://www.thecalmzone.net/ or if you can, speak to a friend or loved one. These feeling are natural and common and we need to talk about them. There is someone that cares for you. Please don’t risk being lucky.
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