Date: Tue, 29 Dec 2009 05:24:16 -0800 (PST) From: Peder Pederson Subject: A Question of Time V V. Paphos, Beginnings 2002 The following Wednesday, David had an appointment with Dr. Rogers, the oncologist, for blood work and a check up. Each time, since stopping the chemotherapy, David had these mandatory tests, he was apprehensive, expecting the worse. After the perfunctory physical, and returning from the lab, Dr. Rogers stated, as usual, "Everything appears normal. Make an appointment for Wednesday when we can review the results of the blood tests." "Can't I just call in?" David asked, as usual. "I think it's better for you to come in," the physician replied, again, as usual. David hated the waiting. Hated the not-knowing! But, as usual, he waited for the Wednesday's appointment. As he sat down in Dr. Rogers office, the physician took his file , glanced through it and announced, as usual, so far, "Everything seems negative! Keep up the same regimen, regular meals and plenty of rest." David left, exhilarated, as usual. He called Eleanor, and related the news. She was pleased. He called his mother and she too seemed relieved. Not only had the chemotherapy process been difficult on his family, the monthly tests were always times of apprehension. Then he called Aaron and related his news. "That's wonderful," Aaron stated, and added, "How about a drink?" "Sure! Where?" asked David. Aaron wanted to say, "Our Place," but thought better of it. "How about the Union?" "Great! What time?" "5:30?" "See you there. Bye." "Bye." This was the first time, since the last Thursday, that the two had met, or even phoned. The Student Union was large and sprawling. It was one of the few Student Unions that had beer on tap. David avoided hard liquor since his chemotherapy. But, "A glass of beer once in a while will do you no harm," Dr. Rogers had stated. David was sitting at a table with a mug of beer when Aaron arrived. The shook hands, warmly, sat down and began to chat. Aaron was hoping for David to invite him over, but it didn't happen. For several months David and Aaron phoned each other during the week relatively regularly and they met almost every week for lunch or dinner. Aaron wondered about the avoidance of any but the most casual physical contact. He suspected that David found any further physical intimacy to be distasteful. He brought the subject up and his conclusion, hesitantly, during one lunch. David replied quickly, and with no small amount of concern, "No, that's not true!" Aaron breathed a sigh of relief, but was still in a quandary. "Why, then?" "Because it's not . . . fair!" "Fair! what do you mean?" "Aaron, I don't know what the future holds," he stated calmly. "It would be . . . unfair . . . to start something . . ." he could not finish, but Aaron understood. Quietly, trying to reaffirm his foreboding, but taking heart in the words "start something," Aaron said, "I thought it was . . . because . . . you found it . . . our actions . . . I don't know! . . . repulsive?" David smiled wanly and stated, "No, that wouldn't be true . . . . " 2003 The status quo continued into the new year. Aaron was accepting of the situation. The beginning of April approached when Aaron received a call from David. "Do you have any plans for Friday night? And don't bother to consult your appointment book!" he stated with a snicker. "Hah!" Aaron said, then quickly added, "Nope!" "Good, how about dinner then, my place, 7:00?" "Dinner? Your place? I didn't know you could cook!" "I can make a mean steak!" "Steak." "Yeah, but only if you like it rare!" "I like my meat any way I can get it!" "Shit!" "Can I bring anything?" "Nope! My treat!" "OK! . . . See you then . . . Friday, 7:00." Aaron was almost always punctual. He buzzed David at 7:00, opened the outer door and mounted the steps to David's apartment. He knocked, "Come in . . . door's open," David called from inside. Aaron entered, closed the door as David appeared from the small kitchen. Aaron's eyes bugged, "OH, MY GOD!" David stood in the kitchen doorway with a broad smile on his face, nothing else! "You don't like?" David had planned this. Now he wasn't sure it was the right thing to do. Still in shock, Aaron stated, "What the hell!" David disappeared into the small kitchen. After a moment he reappeared wearing a chef's apron. "This better?" he asked, hoping he hadn't missed judged. "Leaves a little more to the imagination," Aaron stated as he walked over to David and gave him a big hug. "Sometimes, I don't understand you," he said softly, as he bun-cupped David's bare ass. "Good!" David stated matter-of-factly as he pushed Aaron back. "Keep 'em guessing! That's my motto!" Then added, "Take a seat while I get the steaks ready!" In utter confusion Aaron sat down. This greeting . . . was such a shock that Aaron was sent into a miasma of confusion. After recovering from the shock, he heard David in the kitchen. Odors wafted through the small apartment announcing the impending meal. "Smells great!" Then with a voice tinged with irony, "What's for dessert?" "You'll have to wait." Shortly, David reappeared, this time with Bermudas and a t-shirt under his chef's apron and carrying two plates with man-sized steaks, green beans and hot rolls. "Dinner is served," he announced. Aaron took the proffered seat as David brought forth two pilsner glasses and two bottles of beer, and stated, wryly, "Champagne in the finest crystal." "Mmmm, not as nice as the hors d'oeuvres!" he said with a wink. "Could have spent the rest of the evening nibbling on them!" With an arched eyebrow came, "Bet you could! But, first things first! Besides you might need all your energy later!" "Promises, promises!" They both laughed. Mid way through the dinner, Aaron asked, "By-the-way, Dave, what's this all about?" and added, "Honestly." "Came back from the doctor's today. One year . . . clean!" "Great!" "Yeah, but they're so damned evasive! Asked him if I was cured. All he said was that. 'It looks VERY promising."' Aaron smiled. "Get so tired of all that evasiveness! Why can't they say, 'Yes,' or, 'No,' or 'I don't know?' instead of 'looks VERY promising."' "Yeah, know what you mean . . . . So this is . . . a celebration?" Aaron wanted to add, "and a coming out party?" but dare not at this time. Discretion is the better part of valor. "Yep!" Suddenly serious, "Dave, I know you've been through hell. But I'm really happy about the news." "Thanks . . . me too!" They finished quietly, each lost in their own thoughts. David looked up, "Want another beer?" "No, I'm fine." David got up and cleared the table. From the kitchen he called, "Dessert in a minute, but you gotta get ready for it." "Ready? Like, how?" "Ya gotta strip!" "Strip! What are we having?" "Just do it!" came the good hearted command. "OK! You're the host!" He removed his clothes, all but his briefs and sat on the sofa-bed. David reappeared from the kitchen. This time, like earlier that evening, he was completely nude. He carried a small bowl with a spoon in it. "What about the briefs? You've gotten shy on me?" With a chuckle, Aaron stated, "This looks lie its going to be a kinky dessert!" He removed his briefs. David grinned as he walked over to Aaron. "Lay back," he directed. Aaron complied. David leaned over and with the spoon dribbled warm chocolate sauce over Aaron's chest. "Damn!" said Aaron. David set the bowl and spoon to the side and began licking the chocolate from Aaron's dark mahogany chest. He glanced up with a twinkle and stated, "Kinda hard to see if I got it all off!" Aaron chuckled at the obvious comparison. Then some of the chocolate sauce was trickled on the equally dark belly. This time Aaron gasped as it was licked off. Concurrently, his cock lengthened and began to stand up. "Like my dessert?" "Oh, Yeah," came the husky reply. Again the spoon deposited drops of the sweet, dark liquor on Aaron's eyes, neck and a single drop on his lips. He wanted to lick the drop off his pink lips but hesitated, anticipating. Lightly David licked the liquid chocolate of the closed eyes, and neck. Aaron's neck was extremely sensitive, an erogenous zone second only to his burgeoning cock. As David lasciviously licked the chocolate of the pulsing neck Aaron gasped. "Ahhhh!" There was a hesitation. Then he felt that hot appendage, that inner extension lightly graze his lips. And, again, it was run over their trembling surface. Involuntarily, Aaron's tongue reached out, tentatively to make contact. Then he felt David's mouth clamp over his and their tongues danced together. Not deep and probing, but haltingly. This time it was Aaron's turn to utter a low, guttural, "Humph." David pulled away and looked down into this dark wonder's eyes. Quietly Aaron confessed, "Dave, you amaze me!" Knowing the peaks that had to be scaled to arrive at this point, Aaron was not only amazed, he was touched. He remembered the first time he had met David and the latter's embarrassment at being found naked, sprawled on the bathroom floor. He remembered how all the times he had seen David professionally, there was not a scintilla of impropriety. David was scrupulously well mannered and completely modest. He remembered how on that fateful Monday when he had made the first, tentative erotic advances to this shy, modest man. The fact that David appeared before him earlier this evening completely, but not totally unabashedly nude, was a shock. His actions these past few minutes were startling. What he must have gone through to reach this state. Aaron also felt that these unaccustomed actions were, in part, due to David's feelings for him. True or not, this thrilled Aaron--filled his whole being with warmth. But it was the kiss! The kiss which sent Aaron spinning. It communicated volumes. Quickly, he clasped David's face and place a firm but fleeting kiss on his lips. Then, he torqued his body until David was laying on his back. He reached over and grabbed the bowl of chocolate and dribbled some of its contents over David's torso. "Mmmm, No trouble seeing it on this light skin," he quipped and bent over licking David's whole torso. He payed particular attention to the erect nipples and even ventured into David's arm pits. "Arghhhhh!" David gasped as that ticklish area was invaded. He tried to move away, but the licking tongue and sucking mouth held firm. "Stop!" he finally half shouted, breathlessly. "You like my dessert?" "Yeah," came the still breathless reply. David watched as Aaron brought the spoon to his pink lip and smeared some of the dark syrup over them. Slowly Aaron lowered his head. David closed his eyes in anticipation, no longer rejecting this advance. The kiss was long and provoking and appealing and eminently satisfying for both. Next, with concentrated care, Aaron trickled the dark liquid over David's already upstanding, throbbing shaft and over balls hanging below. For David, the next few minutes could only be described as lasciviously provoking to a high degree. A bit of the chocolate syrup and strayed to the underside of the ball-sack. The legs were already spread, Aaron merely lifted David's thighs a bit for better access as his tongue lapped up the dark syrup. The tip of the tongue inadvertently strayed for a brief second to the puckered opening. The sensation was galvanic to David. He sat bolt upright, pulling away from that luxurious tonguing. "What are you doing?" he demanded incredulously. Aaron had participated in anal intercourse as the active participant. He rather enjoyed it. He had never assumed the passive role. Similarly, he had been rimmed a few times in the past and always found it incredibly stimulating. But, likewise, he had never performed it on anyone. He simply was never motivated to do so. This night he tongue merely strayed to that sensitive spot. It was not pre-planned, nor, when he realized what had happened, was repulsed. "Strange," he thought. David's reaction, was, he thought, "Understandable." "Sorry . . . Nothing!" was his only response the could offer to the disbelieving expression on the neophyte's face. He moved up and enfolded David in his arms. They held each other. Although neither had achieved release they both quietly slipped into a shallow sleep. It was Aaron who first awoke. He held David a bit closer and gently stroked his back. He moaned in his sleep and snuggled closer to Aaron, slipping his right thigh in between the dark thighs. Aaron smiled in the comfort of that intimacy. He gently kissed David's forehead which elicited another quiet moan of subconscious assent. Simultaneously, Aaron felt a slight flutter against his left thigh. As he continued to rub lightly David's back, the flutter increased to an undeniable awakening. Again, Aaron smiled. Within minutes Aaron was prodded by David's full blown erection. Quietly, carefully he insinuated his right hand between himself and his sleeping companion until he was able to grasp the hardened cock. It jerked as he enfolded it. Again David moaned, but this time his pelvis thrust forward against the fondling hand. The fingers gently manipulated this phenomenal muscle. David groaned and his eyes fluttered open. "What are you doing?" he asked sleepily. "Do you want me to stop?" "No . . . it feels to good." he smiled and slid his hand down and grasped Aaron's similarly hard cock. His smile broadened and added, "Yeah . . . it sure does feel good." They smirked as they fondled each other. Aaron slid down until he was facing the pulsing cock and quickly swallowed its whole length. "Ahhhh!" He began to bob up and down on that marvelous tool, reveling in its feel as his head pistoned up and down. David reached down and tugged at Aaron's arm, pleading "Turn around . . . I wanna feel you cock." Aaron spun his body without losing contact with David's dick, 'til it was parallel to the neophyte's form. If soixante-neuf was to be accomplished, this was the position. David grasped the turgid handle and began to reexamine its form and movements close up. Ever since the first time he observed this ebonite tool, he was, frankly mesmerized by the dark sheath covering the pink, flaring, mushroom head. Slowly he pulled the foreskin back, grasped the glans with his thumb and forefinger then slid the elastic covering over--covering the grasping thumb and finger. It wasn't that David was necessarily fixated on Aaron's cock, it was merely the novelty of it. Soon Aaron's mouth, tongue and lips were working their wonders. "Ahhhh!" escaped from David's mouth. Aaron lifted his head at looked at David, "What are you doing?" "Playing with your cock!" Aaron smiled at the frank reply and said, "I like the way you play!" "Mmmm." Knowing Aaron was watching, David willed himself to bend forward and place the briefest, the lightest kiss on the resplendent pink plum. Quickly he drew back. Aaron smiled and returned to the task at hand. Minutes later they both brought the other to climax. It was not a screaming orgasm, it was not a cosmic culmination, but warm and fulfilling. This time Aaron got up and brought the warm, moist wash cloth to wipe the cum stains off of David's neck and chest. "Will you stay?" "I was hoping you'd ask," Aaron said and lightly kissed David--on the lips. David got up, retrieved a light throw, covered Aaron, slid in beside him, snuggled up to him and they both fell into a deep slumber. Aaron was the first to wake up. Carefully he slid off the foot of the sofa-bed so as not to waken his sleeping partner. He padded to the bathroom, waited for his morning erection to subside enough so he could pee, found some cue-tips and toothpaste to clean his teeth. He washed his face and smiled as he reached for one of the two fresh towels hanging there. "He planned it all out," he thought to himself. Quietly he shuffled to the kitchen and placed a tea kettle full of water on the stove. He found some instant coffee, made a mug of coffee and sat down at the small table, sipped his brew while he observed David. Minutes later, David roused himself, glanced over at Aaron, swung his legs off the bed and wrapped the throw about his lower body. "Jeeze," he uttered. "What?" came the reply. "What a sight to wake up to . . . a naked guy sitting at my table drinkin coffee!" Aaron ceremoniously grabbed a small paper napkin from the holder on the table and placed it over his crotch. David chuckled, "Think you need more than one!" The he stood up, wrapped himself in the throw, essentially to hide his 'morning hard on' and went to the bathroom. Minutes later he reentered the room, sans throw, walked to where Aaron was sitting and gently ran the back of his hand over Aaron's cheek. Aaron grabbed the hand and kissed it. Then he encircled David's waist and nuzzled his crotch with the soft, hanging cock and balls, inhaling the man-scent. That intimate action immediately triggered a lengthening of David's detumescent love handle. It also triggered something deep within the beginner. David clasped Aaron's face, reached down and planted a kiss on his lips. "Mmmm," Aaron vocalized. Whether it was the morning glow, or the glow from the night before, David knew not, but he was compelled. He recalled how the accomplished Dian introduced him to many of the intricacies of arousal--things he had only seen in the glossy, porn magazines as a kid. He recalled how, at first, he was a bit unsettled the first time he tongued her clit. But her reaction washed away any compunction and he became an avid practitioner. "Is this any different?" David fell to his knees, between Aaron's spread thighs, looked intently at that soft form hanging before him. He reached for it. It felt a bit spongy as it lolled in his fingers, unlike last night. Quickly, with no more consideration, he bent over, opened his mouth and encased the whole, soft length in his mouth. Involuntarily, he gagged and instantly withdrew, jerked back. "Sorry," he apologized. Aaron smiled warmly and drew David to his chest and embraced him. "Don't worry," he said, softly and added tentatively, "When, and if you want to . . . you will." Later, as they sat across from each other sipping hot, steaming mugs of coffee, they talked, much the same way they had before, during Aaron's professional visits--analyzing, probing, questioning. In one sense, one area--man-to-man sex--David was the neophyte, the beginner. In those areas Aaron was, for now, his guide, never master! David may have been passive, even compliant in these tentative, beginning forays. But his passivity was that of a beginner, a novice, learning, gaining knowledge and mastery of a craft. David's apparent and real reserve was not indicative of passivity, or of an acquiescent spirit. It, on the other hand, characterized his natural caution of things unknown. His initial actions of the night before was evidence of this. He had come to realize and accept the fact that he desired Aaron, at least for the time being. Whether or not, this desire presaged something more permanent, less transitory, he did not know. But he was willing to take the next step. He had appreciated, even admired Aaron's naturalness, his lack of undue modesty when he choose to be nude in front of him. It was not unlike a group of men, nude in a gym shower--or not unlike David being joyfully nude when he and Dian were together, making love. So when he had received the news from Dr. Rogers, and being aware of Aaron's desires, he carefully choreographed the evening. It was a kind of a gift to Aaron. His nude appearance at the beginning of the evening was his way of acknowledging both his own wishes and his attempt at naturalness. "Sometimes you have to jump into the water in order to learn to swim." he had thought. He had not considered his nascent desire to hold that cock in his mouth! But, when Aaron had aroused him, was sucking him and the close proximity of that hard, pink crested dart was in front of his face--he felt the urge to kiss it. And, he did! The itch returned as Aaron embraced him that morning, burying his face in his crotch. He realized that it was not just the desire alone, it was also an act of selfless reciprocity. Unfortunately, he hadn't counted on years of accumulated, cultural, subconscious negativity towards sucking another man's cock. These things David and Aaron discussed as dispassionately as possible under the circumstances. Aaron understood. David, also, came to understand. After the lengthy discussion, they sat in silence. Each digesting what they had discovered. "I'm tired of talking," David admitted. Smiling, Aaron stated, "Me, too," then added as he stood up, "I need a shower." Casually he walked to the bathroom, adjusted the shower, stepped in and closed the glass door. A moment later, the shower door was opened. "I need a shower too. Ya mind company?" "Sure . . . but only if you shower!" "Promise!" David said with a sly grin. David's apartment was small by all standards, but his shower comfortably accommodated the two men. David purposefully lathered up, but his deliberately made sure his body grazed Aaron's from time to time. Soon both men were sporting an erection. "What do we have here?" David leered as his soapy hand grasped the extended ebony pole. "See! I knew I couldn't trust you!" Aaron laughed as he fondled David. "Wouldn't you be upset if I just showered?" Aaron only smiled and reached over and kissed David. His tongue was welcomed into David's mouth. Tongues darted about, in and out of the other's parted lips, deep gasps of joy issued from both throats. They broke apart, gasping for breath. Aaron glanced down at his cock encased in David's hand. The contrast was apparent--black and white. He watched as David, again retracted the foreskin and re-sheathed his pink knob a number of times. He smiled, not only at the sensuousness of the act, but at David's apparent curiosity. He watched as David sunk to his knees so as to better observe this thing, his rampant rod. Aaron leaned back against the wall and watched. Water cascaded off his body, his enfolded cock, and the head of David. As if the water was washing all taint, David slowly moved toward that engorged, pink crested shaft. His open lips crowned the pink cock-head. His tongue explored the tip. Slowly he slid his lips over the flaring crest. He stored every sensation in his brain. He slid his lips back off and glanced up into Aaron face. He was met with a warm, adoring smile. Again, he encased that pink plum into his mouth and a bit of the throbbing shaft. He moved back and forth, slowly, taking a bit more of the length each time. Aaron fought to remain still. This was David's solo, not a pas de deux. It took superhuman effort not to join in. Aaron gasped as David sheathed the cock-head and then insinuated his tongue under the soft, elastic covering and explored that covered region. Grasping David, Aaron lifted him up. He could take no more of this solo. He led him, dripping to the sofa-bed. Heedless of their wet bodies, Aaron maneuvered David and lay nest to him--soixante-neuf. This time both were willing contributors. As David's mouth was otherwise occupied, his hands roamed over Aaron's thighs, lower belly and balls. Inadvertently, a finger grazed the puckered bud. It elicited a groan and a slight spasm in Aaron. David remembered the same galvanic response he had the night before. He purposefully traced a finger over that spot again. This time an audible, "Ahhhh!" and Aaron spread his thighs slightly as if anticipating further contact. At the same time, Aaron tentatively reciprocated. David, mouth stuffed, drew a sharp breath in through his nose. He remembered Aaron stating, "Whatever two, consenting people do together is not 'bad,'" when they were talking earlier. The sensation was electric, and he guessed, "Pleasant enough." This was an entirely new area of exploration, and one he wasn't sure of! Still . . . ! Part of his brain and his senses was concentrated on fellating, part on the sensations Aaron was transmitting with his mouth, part on Aaron's investigating finger, and, part on his own exploration of the unknown. He lightly circled that quaking bud and Aaron's thighs spread even wider. He found the same reaction now as his private opening was being manipulated . . . he spread his thighs! Somehow the sucking and being sucked became secondary. Both men explored lightly the other's nether region. Both men found varying degrees of delight--Aaron more so, David not as much. Both men were raised to an erotic plateau neither had anticipated. Aaron lifted off David shimmering cock, spun around to face this marvelous beginner, pushed him on his back and straddled him--pinning him down. "You are fantastic!" David merely smiled, accepting the compliment with good grace. "Kiss me," he requested. Aaron complied. It was a long, probing kiss. Aaron slowly moved his hips over David's trapped, pulsating cock. Rubbing his own cock and balls over its length until Aaron felt that torrid muscle make contact with his tightly pursed opening. Aaron pelvic movement did not go unnoticed to David. But he was not prepared for the sensation that hot, puckered button created as his cock came in contact with it. Involuntarily, he lifted his hips as if to get even closer. soon Aaron and David's pelvises were grinding against each other in primordial need. Aaron raised up, supporting himself on his bracketing arms and looked down into David's now clouded eyes. He reached over to the bookcase next to the sofa-bed and took the small bottle of lotion from its place. He sat back and slid to David's mid-thigh. His eyes were locked on David's as he squeezed a dollop of the pink lube into his hand and slathered it over the length of that upright, flushed cock. "Ahhhh!" David gasped as the cool lotion came in contact with his superheated cock and was spread over its length. David's eyes opened wide and focused on Aaron as another similar amount was squeezed on the finger tips of this dark wonder, only to disappear between his straddling hips. "What are you doing?" came a hoarse query. "Relax!" Came the unsatisfactory answer. "I cant!" came the honest answer, and then again, "What are you going to do?" Concentrating on relaxing himself, lubricating his tight opening and inserting a finger, Aaron declared, "I'm giving you a present!" "A present?" then with insistence, "What for?" Smiling, concentrating, "Because you just gave me a most wonderful gift!" "What?" Confused. Simply, he answered, "You sucked me!" "But I wanted to!" "And, I want to do this!" So said, Aaron grasped David's hard cock, moved forward, positioned himself and lowered his hips. To say that the initial entry was painless was not altogether true. But Aaron fought not to register discomfort as he waited for his sphinctered opening to finally accept the intrusion. This was uncharted territory for both men and since Aaron had accepted the position as 'guide,' he wanted it to be remembered with joy. Neither men were so self-centered that they sought their own satisfaction and release independent of what his partner may need. David was always desirous of Dian's satisfaction and climax. Of course there is that time, a millisecond before orgasm, when all becomes focused, centered on that primal release. That time of no return. That time of supreme self-need! Aaron, too, possessed the same attitude. But, for some reason, with David, his 'self' was submerged more than ever before. As his flared cock-head popped past the ringed muscles, David gasped. The sensation was incredible, and mixed with the knowledge that this was the first time for this dark wonder increased the feeling beyond all known bounds. Both men were unaware that their individual gifts, as rewarding as they were to the individual givers, would create a irrevocable bond. But, it could be broken. Soon both were transported. Instinctively, Aaron grasped his steely hard pole and began to run his lotioned hand up and down its length as he rocketed up and down. David, lifted the hand off and replaced it with his own. He had enough wits in this situation, which bordered on sensual overload, to want to bring this dark wonder to the same release that he was now racing toward. David dipped his finger into one of the lustrous pools on his chest and tasted the pearly deposit with his tongue. His brows knitted in concentration and analysis. "Well? What do ya think? How does it taste?" In a matter-of-fact tone David answered, "Like the taste of steak better!" Aaron threw back his head and roared with laughter. The laughter caused the muscles still encasing David's detumescent cock to ripple, deliciously. Carefully, Aaron raised off his captive and stated, "I need a shower," adding, "ALONE! I don't trust you!" the last was delivered with a knowing chuckle and a wink. "I don't trust myself either, anymore," adding, "especially with YOU!" Having found each other, and particularly David having unlocked the door to his latent sensuality, their private get-togethers were lascivious and torrid. Both men were passionate by nature, they were to find out. But, unlike many, they didn't succumb to constant, unrestrained couplings. Rather, their private meetings may be characterized by some as 'infrequent.' Nonetheless, frequent enough. They would meet either at David's or Aaron's as the situation demanded. David's time was consumed in the final stages of his thesis. He had taken longer than most in finishing his degree, his illness being the main reason. It was late fall when he began to consider going on for his doctorate. Aaron had questioned the decision, thinking that the reason was so that the two could continue their 'relationship.' That was partly true, David had admitted, but he really wanted the advanced degree. So, he applied and was accepted for midyear entry. 2004 David decided to go to Rhinelander over winter break. It had been well over a year since he had visited his parents, although he phoned regularly. It was the day after New Years when he left Madison. He had wanted to leave earlier, but a violent winter storm delayed his departure. Still the roads were a bit treacherous. His trip was an hour longer than usual. Rosemary Patterson was delighted, as usual, to see him. They sat in the kitchen and chatted over the mandatory brownies and milk. "You look so much better," Rosemary observed. Indeed, he was nearly back to his 'old self.' Dinner was quiet, as was normal in the Patterson household. David and his father took their coffee to the living room while Rosemary did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. David, this time, was prepared for the inevitable question that came from his father. He did not explode. Quietly, he looked intently at his father for a second. His gaze was disquieting as was his silence. Calvin averted his eyes. "Pa, for years now, you have badgered me over this issue." He paused, "Since I have long ago reached my majority . . ." he grasped the arms of the chair and leaned towards his father. Calvin was surprised. "What I do with my life is my concern. YOU . . . HAVE . . . NO . . . CONTROL . . . OVER ME . . . ANYMORE!" Then spat out, "UNDERSTAND?" Calvin was silent, actually shocked at his son's self control, the vehemence of his statement as well for the fact that David had never spoken to his father that way before. He regained his speech and declared, "You can't speak to me that way!" hesitated then stated, authoritatively, "I can ask you any question I want! I'M . . . your . . . FATHER!" With the last statement he glared at his son. The last statement had been used frequently over the years to assert his authority over David. This time, it didn't work. The son had enough! David was not a vengeful person, but he had a keen sense of self preservation. Besides, he was tired, tired-to-death of being browbeaten by his father. There was no question of asserting physical dominance, that was beyond the pale. So, he used a weapon he had in his paltry arsenal for a number of years, a weapon he had never intended to reveal or employ. But . . . . "OK, Pa, but I have one question." His eyes bored into his father. "What were you doing coming out of a motel in Tomahawk about four years ago . . . and with some woman?" David had been returning to Rhinelander from Whitewater on one of his infrequent visits, when he saw his father and this woman. It surprised him. No, it shocked him. Later, his shock turned to anger. Finally, he accepted the fact and buried it away, deep in his memory, telling no one! He had not intended to mention it ever. Later, he suffered no small amount of remorse in this type of . . . blackmail. But, he was tired of the constant recriminations and haranguing from his father. Calvin Patterson was a man whose world was closely regulated and narrow, confined, almost proscribed. He had been accepting of its self-imposed limits. He had strayed but once and his action, his weakness--for that is what he thought of it--nearly brought down his world around him with guilt. He barely survived his moral dilema. Calvin gasped, poleaxed! His eyes bugged and he blanched white. His breathing was rapid. David became concerned. He heard his mother in the kitchen and waited. His father's natural color reappeared as did his regular breathing. "David, I want to tell you . . . tell you that . . ." David raised his hand, stopping his father. "Pa, I don't want to know anything about it. It's not my business. Just like my . . . " He stopped mid-sentence. He knew the point had been made. The rest of his brief stay at his parents was uneventful--maybe fragile would be a better descriptor! He returned to Madison, strangely reinvigorated, anxious to start his new program and continue his life. He was anxious to see Aaron and tell him what had happened. He knew Aaron had a way of putting things into perspective. And, he 'needed' Aaron. He smiled as he drove thinking about this dark wonder. He smiled, too, over his 'need.' He remembered one of the conversations they had after one of their frenetic couplings: "I don't know what it is, but I sure needed that!" Aaron smiled and said simply, "You didn't 'need' it . . . you wanted it." "'Need' . . . 'want' . . . it's the same!" "Nooo . . ." Aaron stated philosophically, "You need air to breathe, water and food to live. You 'WANT' sex! You don't NEED it to survive." "Yes I do!" he chuckled. Aaron laughed. "You're hopeless." David had come to desire their passionate romps. Usually Friday or Saturday nights were 'play time.' David had marvelled at his desire for Aaron. The words 'relationship' or 'commitment' or 'love' had never been bandied about in their conversations either in or out of bed. Yet, they began to insinuate themselves into the back of David's consciousness, and, if the truth were told, Aaron's, too. However, they were never verbalized. For both men, words generally possessed precise meanings and implications, certain words were even more inviolable in their connotations. David had come to accept the state of things and the state of his life. It was a long, and at times, and agonizing process, ongoing. So much had happened over the past two or three years. One of the routes to his apartment took him by Our Place. "Maybe, since it's late, he might be there," he thought. Although, they never went there together, and David didn't by himself either. There was no need to, for him. As he entered the block where the bar was, he saw Aaron and Rick about to enter the latter's apartment building. Aaron's arm was draped over Rick's shoulder and they were apparently laughing as they ambled along. David was disquieted. He was not, by nature inherently the jealous or suspicious type. But that sight sent a dart through his being. "Not my business what he does," he thought. "I have no claim on his exclusivity!" he continued. "He can do what he damn well pleases!" he shouted to himself. By the time David got home he had worked himself into a state of self-induced agitation. "Damn! This is stupid," he stated out loud as he closed his apartment door. Then to himself, "There's probably a clear explanation!" He showered and went to bed, sleeping fitfully It was about 10:00 the next when the phone rang. David was drinking his second cup of coffee. "Hi!" It was Aaron. "Hi," came the slightly guarded reply. "When did you get back?" "Last night." "Ya should've called." "It was late," he lied, and added, "What did you do . . . last night." "Nothin." With light, but directed sarcasm, David probed, "Nothin? Hah! A horny hunk like you? Bet you spent the evening at Our Place." "Shit! Man, haven't been there since we met there . . . you keep me too busy!" "Yeah!" David was a bit angered and confused. But, "Why should I be so angry?" he thought. Aaron thought he detected a hesitancy in David's voice. "You all right?" he asked. "Yeah, fine . . . just a bit tired from the trip." "Ah! Of course. Can we meet this week end?" "Can't," he lied, again. "Got a meeting with the new doctoral students." That was the truth. "Then Eleanor's invited me out to dinner, Saturday." That was another lie. "I'll call you." That wasn't altogether a lie. "OK . . . Sure . . . call me." "OK, Bye then." "Bye." David hung up the phone. A feeling of emptiness engulfed him. He should have asked Aaron about the previous night. However, he gave him plenty of opportunity! "SHIT!"