Date: Fri, 14 Jan 2022 18:53:31 +0000 (UTC)
From: "ozorli65@aol.com" <ozorli65@aol.com>
Subject: All for Terry (47)

This is the continuing story of the utterly beautiful Terry.

I was going through some old boxes of things and found some
adult magazines I used to have.  I hadn't seen them in years.
As I went through them I saw a wrapped package and there were a few more
in there. But these were covered in plastic. The guy in the cover of
them, I had actually met a few times. Before I knew who he was of course.
But I always thought he was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen.

As I mentioned, I had actually met him a few times. It turns that we had
worked in the same building. And it wasn't until sometime later that I
found he was the guy in my magazines.
This story is for him. A kind of 'What if' story about a guy I wanted for
many years, but fate never made that fantasy come true.

This is for Terry. Where ever he may be.

Enjoy....
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All for Terry
(Chapter 47)
Maybe Serge.

... As the months passed, a year passed and i spent my time most working
from home. I was able to work remotely with this company that Arpi helped
me find. They paid okay. But I didn't really care. I just didn't have to
go outside a lot. And I was food woth that. The less contact with people
the better for me. And save for the times I would go into the office
(meetings and such) the only person I would see a lot of was Serge. My
constant companion.
I was glad that he was around as he kept me from totally going mad. Yet I
still fell asleep most nights alone and crying. He was over one day and I
was sitting there just staring at the TV. Not really watching it. But I
had been in one of those moods. I had been searching for something. And
to this moment I could not remember what it was that I had been looking
for. But it was then that I had found his shirt. The short that those
years back he left behind in my place. That first time I ended up broken
hearted about him. I had found it in a box. I pulled it out and saw what
it had been. I instinctively had pulled it to my face and there it was.
Terry's smell. It was still on this old shirt that had never been washed
again and had that familiar wonderful smell that was all him.

"Ohh Terry" I blubbered.

And then the water works started again. I sat there in the living room. A
room that was only ever cleaned when Serge was around. Hell I would let
the whole house go to hell had he not been here to help me out.
Serge had been wonderful throughout this passed year. I could not have
gone through anything, handled a funeral, dealt with the life insurance
people. And just gotten through each struggled day with out him. He was a
godsend.
But sometimes I wanted him just not to be here. I wanted to just mope
around the house alone without anyone around. But I knew he would not let
me alone after several attempts to off myself from my deep depression. So
I did not see him going away any time soon.

"You don't have to be here all the time" I said to him.
"I feel bad that you are here"
"Nonsense" he said
"You need to be taken care of"
"And this thing is very rough for you"

So yes. Serge was always here. Especially if I did not answer my phone.
So I had to make sure to do so. For fear he would rush over here in a
flash. No matter where he may be.

"I wish he would just leave me alone" I said to myself

Well as days and weeks and months passed on. I slowly, ever so slowly
began to recover. But still when ever I thought of him, or a date or
anniversary of an event we shared came up. I would lock myself up and
just not do anything. Crawling back into my bed and into the black abyss
of my still constant depression.
I could not help it after all. Terry was the love of my life. And losing
him in the way that I did was the greatest pain I had ever received. And
I knew I would just never fully recover. No matter what Serge or antone
else tried.
Never ending sessions with a psychologist to try and get me to move on
were futile. So I just stopped that entirely. For the pain of my loss
would always be there. Terry's death would always be 'my fault" in my
mind.

"Awe fuck" I huffed one morning as the alarm went off
"I don't want to get out of bed"
"I just want to stay here."

I turned and hit the buzzer to kill the alarm. I slowly got up and then
sat on the edge of the bed. I got up and went to the bathroom and brushed
my teeth and showered. Then when I got back to my room I checked my
phone. I looked at the date and saw that it was November 11th. My eyes
widened and I then just sat back in bed. I just sat there as I dropped
the phone to the bed.  And then the swelling in my chest began. Then
thundering pounding in my heart began. And I felt my breath just leave
me.
Then they started once more. Tears. Oh my God they were back again, and
in force. The river that literally gushed from my eyes was unstoppable.
And then I gasped as I finally sucked in oxygen. And then I just bawled
my eyes out for a good several minutes. I was literally screaming in my
tears.
The phone rang and I looked at it. And as if by ESP it was Serge. He was
calling. I reached for it and tries to wipe my eyes. Then I tried to
answer

"Hey" came the sweet voice of Serge
"How are you doing?"
"Oh God Serge. It's. It's..!" I cried out
"I know. That's why I am calling"
"Do you need me to come over"
"Yes. Please Serge. Please"

He said he would be right over and. First saying he would call my boss.
That I would be out today. And then he hung up. I then lay back down and
grabbed the pillow. And the tears just continued to pour from me once
more. I curled up and cries out to whatever God was there. Begging again
for what he could not deliver.
I was again lost in my pain and suffering. Why. Today was Terry's
birthday. Today was normally a day of celebration and love. But not
anymore. Today was just another reminder that Terry was gone. And again I
fell back into the abyss. The darkness quickly consuming me until Serge
showed up. I didn't even hear him as he came in. But then as I felt his
hand on my back I turned and looked to see hum there. Then he pulled me
into his arms and just held me there. Me crying rivers onto his
shoulder.

"Why!" I cried
"Why!"
"I am here" he said
"Its okay baby. I am here"

Serge tried to rock.me back and forth again. His hand stroking my head as
he tried to sooth my pain. And slowly the tears and blubbering calmed
some. But all the crying gave me a huge headache.
Serge pulled from me and told me to lay down again. That he would get me
something for my head. Several minutes later he brought me a coffee and
some pain meds. I took them and lay back down. And the tears started
again. Not as bad, but they were there. Like always they were there.
Serge crawled into bed with me and he lay down next to me then he pulled
me to him and held me again. Telling me that he would just lay there
until I slept again. His warmth soothing as his body lay there next to
me. And I did fall back to sleep as the man held me close. He kissed my
head as I fell off into slumber again. His heat and his arms holding me
quelling the aching inside me.

Here it was near three years after Terry's death and I still was not
coping with it. Still it was eating away at me. This pain that told me I
was to blame. That my actions caused his death. And I could both get away
from it.

"It's okay baby" Serge said
"Its okay. I am here. I am always here"

I awoke to a warm breath on the back of my neck. I felt arms wrapped
around me and then turned. My head called out to say it was Terry. Terry
was holding me as I should be held. It was my beloved Terry behind me.
But it was not.
For as I turned I saw the bearded face of my dear sweet friend Serge.
This man that had been my savior throughout my ordeal was here with me
again. Holding me again. Making sure i knew he would always take care of
me.
He had also fallen asleep as we lay there. Bit his eyes opened as I
turned against him. He saw me and smiled. Then asked if I was doing
better. I nodded lightly

"Thank you Serge" I said
"I swear I am lost with out you"
"It's okay. I am glad to be here for you"

That was when his hand reach up and stroked my face. A gentle caress
across my inflamed cheek from so many tears flowing. He wiped away some
that were still around the edges if my eyes.

"I would never let you go through this alone." He then said
"I want you to be okay"

I looked into his soft brown eyes. I could see the tenderness in them. I
felt his thumb on my cheek softly stroke at it. And then he seemed to
inch closer. My eyes looked at his, then his handsome face, then hus lips
below the beard. He loved me. I could see that. And i loved him for what
he was to me now. He was the only on I could count on. And I wanted to
thank him. To show him how much he meant to me. So instinct somehow took
hild and I moved closer to Serge. Then his hand pulled my head closer and
then somehow we kissed.
I don't really know who did it, who initiated this kiss. But we kissed.
Serge and I kissed, and I allowed it to happen. My eyes closed as we did.
I let his.mouth touch mine and gave into it. I gave into this tender
love.
The kiss was not rough, it was sweet and tender. As I only could assume
Thu beautiful man could give. And it was the closest I had gotten to
anyone since Terry. My body tingled and I wanted to go further. I wanted
to be with Serge. His caring and love were what I needed and was getting.
Even today on this day of my latest pain, he was here for me. And I did
live him ever so much for it.

"I love you" he said as I pulled from him

But then I pushed away from him. This was not the day to do this. It was
Terry's day and I immediately felt my betrayal to the man I truly loved.
So I pushed Serge away. Pushing at his body to get him to stop his
advances

"I am sorry Serge." I said
"I can't"
"Not today. I just can't"

He lay back down and looked up at me. He half smiled at me. Then he reach
up to caress my face again

"Its okay" Serge then said
"I get it."
"I am sorry if I pushed you"

I reached for his fave and stroked his bearded face back. The wiry beard
moving through my fingers. I smiled back at Serge. Then I leaned in and
gave him a soft peck on the lips. Then pulled back and thanked him for
being here for me.

"Thanks for taking care of me" I then said

He then turned and got up. Asked me how I was feeling if I was good. And
if so he should head out. So I let him. He said to call him if I needed
anything. Then Serge left. I looked at his back and butt as he did. I
pulled my hand to my lips and touched them. Tasting him after the kiss we
had.
I pondered this. Was Serge my future. Was this sweet man my chance at
live again. Was he my chance to be happy again...
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To be continued