Date: Mon, 28 Nov 2022 21:40:20 +0000 (UTC)
From: "ozorli65@aol.com" <ozorli65@aol.com>
Subject: All for Terry (53)

I was going through some old boxes of things and found some
adult magazines I used to have.  I hadn't seen them in years.
As I went through them I saw a wrapped package and there were a few more
in there. But these were covered in plastic. The guy in the cover of
them, I had actually met a few times. Before I knew who he was of course.
But I always thought he was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen.

As I mentioned, I had actually met him a few times. It turns that we had
worked in the same building. And it wasn't until sometime later that I
found he was the guy in my magazines.
This story is for him. A kind of 'What if' story about a guy I wanted for
many years, but fate never made that fantasy come true.

This is for Terry. Where ever he may be.

Enjoy....
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All for Terry
(Chapter 53)
Someone Else...

... It had been months since the shocking return of my long lost Terry.
The man I thought was dead until he showed up at my door.  This man that
was gone from my life after a car accident had supposedly taken his life
over 5 years ago.
But he had not died. No, Terry was alive. And the story of his return
from the dead could only be conjured up in some novel. Found there at his
destroyed car, broken and battered from his crash and brought back to
health by a family that took care of him.
But from his accident he knew not who he was or where he had come from.
The memories ripped from his head. So he had stayed with that family and
became one of their own. Unknowing of the love that had longed for his
return. Me
But he had been lead back to me somehow. The daughter of the woman that
found him finding out who he was and where he belonged. Bringing him to
me on that fateful day. Knocking in my door to show he was alive. That he
had not died.

"T-terry!" I had shouted out before I fainted before him

Yes Terry had returned from the dead. But still with no real memory of me
other than pictures of memories he knew nothing of, he had no memory of
me, our connection. So he felt he should just move on with his life. Move
on without me.
A crushing blow, something almost as deeply wrenching as the death that
had taken him before. But what choice had I. I could not force him to
live me as he had once before. I could not hold him as he walked away
from me.

"We will talk again" he had said

And yes Terry did keep in touch. I presumed he had just felt obligation
to me as we were once lovers. And he was kind about everything. Always
apologizing for the memory issue. But always suggesting that maybe it was
for the best. That we were in different worlds from each other now.
I took it, I took anything he said. So long as I would see him
periodically. Lunch, maybe a dinner here and there. But nothing close to
an intimacy that was fine from our relationship. I would never hold my
love as I had before. And it broke me each and every time he left to go
back to where ever he was staying. Someplace I was never invited to.

"Hey" came his voice one day
"I wanted to talk to you about something"
"Oh. Okay" I said back to the voice on the phone
"Come on over"

I know I seemed very sad as I was still trying to get him back. Wanting
him to come by as often as he could just so I could see him. It was the
thing that kept me going.
But he paused when I asked him to come over. Because he then said
something that ripped another hole into me. Terry wanted to introduce me
to his new boyfriend.

"Ohh" was all I could get out
"Ohh. I see"
"Wh-wh-whats his name?"

I was surprised that he did not hear the sputter in my voice. The creaky
crack in it that suggested I would burst into tears at any moment.

"Ryan" he said back
"He is really cute"

I wanted to hear nothing more. I just wanted the last few moments to just
be erased. But it was too late. Terry had moved on. He had found someone
he wanted, and it was not me. And I took in a breath to relay the false
happiness I felt for him. Telling him that it was great'. Again my voice
creaked as I spoke it.
He suggested he not bring him over as it was new and he knew we had
history. But we would one day meet, Ryan and I. Then he said he had to go
and hung up. I just sat there staring at the phone. Feeling the
splintering in my heart again. I did not understand why he would not even
consider me. We had history as he said. Even if he did not remember, it
was there. A love that would never leave my heart. It was there. And
maybe that was why he would not bring Ryan over to meet me.

"Too soon" I said to myself
 "Too soon"

I was on e again devastated by the torture that life was throwing at me.
Bringing Terry back to me just to take him from me again.  Only to show
me that Terry did not love me anymore. To continue to rip shreds of my
heart away.
I did not want to meet this person. This terrible person that had no care
over what Terry and I shared. That he just swooped in and took what he
wanted. Leaving me a husk with a heart broken.
Or did the guy even know about me? Maybe terry did nothing to mention me.
He didn't remember me as it was, so he could have just said he was single
and collected the other man as a trophy. A new fresh conquest.

"It's supposed to be us" I said as the tears poured out again
"Terry and me."
"It's supposed to be just us"

I found myself crying myself to sleep again. Something I hadn't done in a
while. Laying in my pillow, just bawling out tears again. And the
horrible pain in my chest returned once more.
I did meet the guy. The very young guy not long after Terry's
announcement.
They had come by when Terry wanted to get a few things. Some old clothes
that was still in the house of his. Ryan could not have been more than
23. A young Twinkie looking guy that looked at Terry not with love or
adoration as I always did. But only as food, lust. So I surmised that he
would be out of Terry's life soon enough. Or at least I hoped so.
But as the weeks and months passed it was not as I hoped. They were
together. Terry stopping by a few times to say hi. But his other half
never coming with him. So I really did not see the guy again. But Terry
was certainly giddy about his new relationship. Telling me how great the
sex was. And just talking to me like a buddy about it all. Not what I
was. His long lost love.
So I had to stop him when he did. As I just felt he was pouring salt into
my wounds. And he would apologize about it. But then forget and reiterate
it again.

"I don't need to know" I would tell him

So I finally asked him to stop coming around. Mainly telling him why he
should not. He apologized for the 20th time and then left. Stopping and
pondering to hug me at all. But I just brushed him away. Telling him just
to go.
And as the continued suffering went in the following months were equally
as bad. Issues with the house (plumbing, HVac unit and all other sorts of
troubles). So I finally started using the insurance money from his death.
Paying off bills that were so unexpected.
I thought I may lose my mind when another blow hot me. The dog passed
away. She got sick and passed away.

"Fuckk!" I blubbered out in my despair
"Why is all this happening to me?"
"I don't understand!"

I was not where I just wanted to disappear. To sell the house and just
disappear. For I had nothing left. Nothing to bring me even the slightest
happiness. All was bleak and dark. And the thoughts again resurfaced.
Those dark thoughts if just ending it. Thoughts of leaving this world
that had turned so horrible to me.
I considered calling Serge again. After so long to have someone to talk
to about this. But I thought not to as we parted badly.

"Why?" I huffed again through tears
"Why?"....
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To be continued