Date: Fri, 16 Apr 2021 19:07:44 +0000 (UTC)
From: austintc@aol.com
Subject: Austin and Andrew, Chapter 14

This is a true story, taking place in the early 1990's.  After originally
meeting over the phone, Andrew and I decided to meet in person over
Memorial Day weekend in 1990. Overcoming insurmountable odds, our long
distance relationship was no more, as Andrew found work at the company
where I worked at the start of 1991. Although our first year together as
a closeted gay couple was one of extremes, we emerged most unscathed, and
began 1992 still living together as one, still very much in love.
However, just as winters' cold arrived, the incessant cloudy skies and
cruel winds brought turmoil to our otherwise tranquil relationship.

Please feel free to contact me, Austin T. Charles at austintc@aol.com  I
appreciate all feedback on my story!

Also, please consider donating to Nifty.org!  Without their support,
aspiring writers like me would not be able to tell our stories!
http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html ; Thank you!

Austin and Andrew, Chapter 14

I think it's probably safe to say that we all fantasize. There are those
of us who probably fantasize more than others, and those who hardly
fantasize at all. Maybe it's due in part to having a creative mind, but
fantasizing was something that I have probably done just a little too
much of over the course of my lifetime. When I had that first sexual
encounter and loss of innocence at the age of fourteen with my best
friend next door, I began to fantasize about the size of guy's dicks
almost all of the time. I began to be really skilled at casting casual
glances and imagining how each of the guys that I'd glanced at measured
up. I began to imagine which guys had the biggest basket, and which guys
were just average. So, it is no surprise that the older I got, especially
in my early twenties, the more I looked, the more this casual hobby
became more of an obsession.

Since I had always been more on the quiet side, especially in group
conversations, I could always satisfy my obsession. Only with one friend
did I think I got caught. Jack, a cute tall, built blonde guy with small
hands and what appeared to be a nice sized basket, must have caught me
constantly staring at him when I thought he wasn't looking.  Strange
thing though, even though he was married, he still went camping with me
on two or three different occasions. He thought enough about me as a
friend to have me be a part of his wedding party. His wife, Tammy, was
definitely hot, and they made a cute couple.  But certain comments made
me think that Jack wasn't as straight as I thought. In the church
basement just before his wedding ceremony started, his dad came into the
room to check on everyone and asked Jack if he was practicing kissing
with his male cousin. Jack was obviously upset at that comment and I
don't think anyone but me and Jack caught that comment.  The dad's
comment made me wonder if Jack and his cousin were caught doing something
when they were younger? The other time was our last time going camping.
We had been drinking by the campfire and were ready to go inside the six
man tent to go to sleep, when he blurted out to me "Well are you going
to fuck me in the ass now?" I did not know how to reply. I simply said
"Whaaaaat?" acting surprised. His response was "Well I'm gay, aren't
you?" I just laughed it off, but always wondered if he was dead serious.
Incidentally, about a year later I ran into his wife who said that she
and Jack had divorced. I was shocked to hear that. Maybe I was too naïve
to really figure out if Jack truly had homosexual tendencies and I just
didn't catch the clues. That was nearly forty years ago, and I haven't
seen Jack since then. If he truly had been interested in having sex with
me, I certainly missed the clues and the chance to make a fantasy come
true.

Sorry to get off on a tangent there, but the point I'm trying to make is
that as I navigated the sometimes difficult confusing waters of my life
up to my late twenties, I fantasized a lot about wanting to be with the
cute guys I would meet or see at the gym, the store, or at work. One of
my biggest problems was falling for the incredibly hot, cute, and always
straight guys, just like I fell for Jack. Of course, I never made a move
on Jack, or any of the other straight guys I lusted after. Either way I
always wound up being seriously disappointed when I found out they were
straight.

Just as the dream I had about the cute guy on the foot bridge in the Hoh
River Rainforest in Olympic National Park, most of the guys that fit the
category as my ideal lover were guys that were my size or smaller, which
would mean they'd be about 5'7", weighing 130-ish pounds. Josh fit
that image almost perfectly. And he had a big dick that made my knees
weak. That being said, you can imagine how smitten I was that this
"perfect guy of my dreams" was interested in being with me.

Speaking of Josh, that second night together we slept together naked, and
I woke up to Josh going down on me. It was light outside, but I didn't
know what time it was. All I knew was Josh was an expert at sucking dick.
It was my turn to go down on him, and we easily moved into sucking each
other at the same time. My fingers explored almost every inch of his body
while we brought each other close to blowing our loads. It wasn't long
before he pushed me off his dick and I did the same, both of us coming at
the same time, shooting our loads all over our chests.  Our lips met, we
kissed passionately for several minutes before we broke the lip lock and
laid on our backs, basking in the afterglow of the very intense sucking
that took place moments ago.

We laid in bed touching each other while talking about random things for
about an hour.  He asked me if I considered myself to be either a top or
a bottom. I told him either or, although I mostly preferred to be a
bottom. Since he had told me earlier that when he was younger and living
back home on the east coast, he'd hooked up with these two older men who
were a couple, I just assumed he was a bottom, especially since he
impaled himself on my rigid cock the night before.  Apparently, the older
couple he hooked up with had a house near the beach where they could
easily pick up cute younger guys every summer to play with at their
leisure.  Josh was no exception, and he made a point to tell me that he
was able to bottom for one of the guys (Tony?) who had a huge cock. Josh
proudly admitted that he was able to take all of Tony's huge cock inside
him. Thinking that Josh's cock was thicker than mine, I imagined that
Tony's cock must have been massive if Josh felt that Tony's cock was
bigger than his. It made me think that Josh was definitely going to be a
bottom, but that wasn't the case. He was a self-proclaimed top. With
that knowledge now stored in my mind, the fantasy of taking a huge cock
up my ass was one step closer to becoming a reality.

Once again, we showered together, and I just absolutely loved feeling
Josh in my arms under the cascading warm water. His small thin body was a
complete turn on for me, and I ended up sucking him off in the shower
again. I wanted him to be in me, but he reminded me that not until I got
tested would he top me.

I didn't want our time together to end, but since it was almost noon, I
felt it was best to head back home to Rockford. Josh didn't want it to
end either, and he did ask me to stay again, but I told him I had to be
at work at 7:30 in the morning. So, we said our goodbye's, and soon I
was on the interstate driving south back to Rockford.

That is when the reality of my actions hit me, and the afterglow of being
with another guy sexually suddenly took a turn for the worse and hit me
in the face like a ton of bricks.

Pleasure soon gave way to remorse.

What would I tell Andrew? What would I tell Josh? Where would I go from
this point?

I had become a cheater. My nice guy self-image faded away faster than a
snowball's chance in hell.

If I did tell Andrew, what would he say? Would he move out? I couldn't
afford to pay the rent on the apartment on my own, and the thought of
having a different roommate did not sound appealing at all.

Would my time with Josh just be a one night thing? How could I let go of
someone so cute whose body totally turned me on so much more than
Andrew's body did?

At least for the moment I didn't have to answer those questions until
Tuesday night at the earliest, when Andrew was scheduled to come back
home. Turning up the music on the radio, I drove the rest of the way home
mostly relaxed and tried to put the events of the weekend out of my mind
for the time being.  After all, I'm sure that Josh wouldn't want a long
term, long distance relationship knowing that neither of us would move
for the other.

I had been home for a few hours. I got settled in and was ready to watch
some television when the phone rang. (Remember, it was 1992, so no cell
phones yet!) Surprisingly, it was Josh.

"Hello?"

"Hey sexy, how are you? This is Josh."

"Oh hi, how are you? Did you have a good afternoon?" I asked, not
thinking much about anything of what was to come.

"Yes, but I just wanted to call and let you know that I miss you and am
wondering if I could come down to Rockford to see you tonight?" Now I
knew that I would have to come clean to him and tell him about Andrew.

"Um, well you know I have to work tomorrow, right? So it might be hard
to stay over."

"Oh, okay, well I can leave before you leave in the morning if that'd
be okay?"  Now I felt my cock start to stir in my sweatpants. I thought
for a moment, and the silence must have tipped him off to what was going
to come next. "Wait, don't tell me you have a roommate or a lover?"

"I'm sorry Josh, I should have told you. It was just that I find you
incredibly attractive and I really enjoyed spending the weekend with
you.  But yes, I'm um, in a relationship.  He's not here this weekend,
and I just, I mean, when we met, I just, well, I enjoyed meeting you, and
now I'm thinking that I want to get to know you more, but I have to be
careful."  I wasn't prepared to hear his response.

"Well Austin, I too find you attractive and would like to get to know
you more as well. I will respect that you're in a relationship but be
prepared for us to end up together." I am not afraid to go after what I
want. Judging what I've seen being with you this past weekend, you're
who I want to be with. So if it's okay, can I come down to your place
tonight?" How could I say no?

An hour later, Josh showed up at our apartment. As soon as I let him in
the front door, he was in my arms, giving me a hug and a slow passionate
kiss. I nearly threw him on the sofa and ripped his clothes off, since
just touching him again had me fired up and wanting his cock in my mouth
again, but as I broke away from our embrace, he asked me about my
relationship with my lover.

I gave him the condensed version of the past two years of my life and how
Andrew and I met, culminating in him moving here for work. He listened
and finally spoke after I stopped talking.

"I take it that you guys are either free to fool around, or your
relationship isn't as rock solid as you thought." He had hit the nail
right on the head.

"We've had our challenges, especially last year.  He started going out
at night and wouldn't come home until after ten pm, and never would tell
me where he'd gone.  I asked him, but he wouldn't elaborate. Finally, I
followed him and found him sitting by the riverbank in town. I never
really got a clear answer out of him as to what he was doing, but he did
admit he missed his hometown, and was having a hard time adapting to
being away and not being able to go home. But through it all, I've
remained committed to him until this weekend when we met."  I honestly
figured Josh was going to just up and leave, but again his words
surprised me.

"Well Austin, I can tell you that if we were together, I wouldn't leave
you during your time of need. It is not good that he left you at home
alone when you needed him. You should move to Madison and I'll show you
how good we could be together."

I'm sure everyone has heard the saying about the little head doing the
thinking for the big head, right? Well, that's pretty much what happened
from that point forward. To sum it up for that weekend, Josh spent Sunday
night with me, sleeping in the bed that Andrew and I shared, convinced me
to call in sick on Monday, and we spent the day together. I hated to see
him go back to Madison Monday evening, but since we both had to work on
Tuesday, and Andrew was due back Tuesday evening, we felt it was best to
get back to our lives and see what the weekend brought.  I did promise
him that I'd be up to see him on Saturday and would plan on spending the
night with him. We embraced once more, sharing a deep sensual kiss before
he finally left the apartment.

Now I had no choice but to tell Andrew.

The good thing was that on Tuesday I was busy at work. The day flew by,
and before long I returned home, expecting to see Andrew home.  He was
not.  I was almost relieved.  In fact, he did not get home until I had
gone to bed. I was half asleep and knew that if he came to bed and woke
me up, I would have to come clean with him.  My heart was almost pounding
out of my chest as I heard him walk up the steps to our room. Thankfully,
he put his suitcase in his room, then went in and showered. I was almost
asleep again when he came into the room.

"Are you awake?" he whispered, probably not really expecting a response
from me.

"I'm awake now.  How are you, and how was your Thanksgiving holiday
with your family?" I asked.  It was still dark in the room, and as he
moved to the bed, I could smell his body still damp from his shower and
smelling clean like the deodorant soap we used. He now was lying next to
me, having kissed me gently on my lips; his tongue gently trying to make
its way into my mouth, his hand on my side.

"It was good. It was so nice to see everyone, and we all enjoyed our
time together. Everyone asked about you.  They were sorry to hear about
your hand and hoped that you were feeling better.  I tried to call you
Friday night and Saturday night several times but got no answer. I
guessed that you were better and were over at your parent's house?" The
time was now.  As much as it was going to hurt both of us, I had to own
up to my deceitfulness. My heart rate increased. I carefully crafted my
response, one that I'd rehearsed most of the night before he returned
home.

"I did feel better Wednesday night, actually," I began, and went on to
tell him about Thanksgiving and how it just wasn't the same without my
grandma around anymore. He did ask about what we ate, how my family was
and so on. I thought I was going to get away with having to tell him
more, but he brought it up again.

"So did you spend the rest of the weekend with your parents too? he
asked, trying to get to the reason why I wasn't home both of those
evenings.  I had no clue that he'd called, since he did not leave a
message, and we did not have caller ID yet.

"No, I did not see them very much at all this weekend.  They were busy,
you know, Dad in his shop, Mom and my sister out Christmas shopping all
weekend. Dad tried to get me to come up and help him work on a truck, but
I told him we had things planned.  Good thing is that he didn't bring it
up again."

Now Andrew's tone of voice changed, asking me once more.

"You weren't home then, right?" his response definitely prompted me to
respond to him with the truth.  I thought to myself, here it goes.

"Right. I... decided to go out. I was bored, so I went out."

"Oh, okay. Where'd you go?"

"I went to... Madison."

"And?"  There was no turning back now. I suppose I could have punched
him in the face and received the same kind of response.  Perhaps a good
punch to his gut would have done it as well.  I owed him the truth, no
matter how much it would hurt. It was now time for me to pay for my sins,
my penance being whatever he felt about it, and how much it hurt him.

"I went to the bar." I calmly replied, my voice steady and sure, even
though I was almost shaking.

"Did you meet someone?" his tone of voice was now defensive, the sense
that in the distance anger was building inside, and I now feared what the
wrath would be.  Three letters or two. Guilty or innocent. Truth or a
lie. The demons inside were causing a great chaos, knowing the hurt I was
about to inflict on him, one I vowed I would never do. Man up or be a
rat.

"Yes."

"Oh. Did you sleep with him?" His blunt question deserved the truth.
No turning back now.

"Yes." I heard him almost gasp, the sigh clearly a kick in the nuts, a
punch in the gut, a slap to the face. The knife slashed deep into him, my
simple three letter word cut a wound so deep into his heart, I wasn't
sure if he'd ever recover from the shock of hearing that I'd cheated on
him. With disbelief, he responded.

"You're joking, right? You didn't... hook up with someone from the bar
of all places, did you?

"Yes." The affirmation of my confession had indeed unleashed the type
of response I had thought he would say.

"Oh my gosh, why did I know you were going to do something like this? So
you have the nerve to go and sleep with another man while I'm gone and
expect me to be happy about this?" The tears began to flow as he got out
of the bed and started for the bedroom door. "Everything that I gave up
to be with you! All of this time together, and now you cheat on me? Why?

I couldn't find the words. I guess in some sense, I thought he'd take
it better. But now it was time to try to do damage control. I wanted to
throw it back on him that he must have never trusted me from the
beginning, and out of all the times he left me at home those nights alone
that I did trust him, when in fact he could have easily been fucking
around on me. Then it occurred to me that I was the guilty one right now,
so I'd best tread lightly in hopes that he would be lenient.  So I
began.

"Look Andrew, I'm sorry. I didn't go there looking to meet someone.  I
just wanted to go there so I could, you know, somehow feel comfortable in
a place where we would go so it would be like you were there with me. It
all hap--" Andrew interrupted me...

"I don't buy that sorry excuse for a single moment. Stop trying to put
a spin on it that it was my fault that you `had' to go there.  You
could have easily stayed home, but no, you CHOSE to go and meet someone,
AND HAVE SEX WITH HIM!" How do you think that makes me feel? Well? Come
on cheater! Tell me! He had me and was right. But yet I still remained
defiant.

"Look, you have to believe me. I didn't mean for it to happen, but it
did. I'm sorry."  I got up out of bed, and we were now standing less
than a foot from each other, with the light on in the room.

"Did you just sleep with him once?"

"No, I did not."  Now he was really pissed.  He came after me, and in
one quick surprising motion, coiled his left arm and in a snake-like
motion backhanded me across my face and I fell back on the floor in the
bedroom, surprised more than hurt. I got up and tried to get away from
him, but he grabbed me as if he was going to hit me, or throw me on the
floor again, or something.  We began to push each other around -- all I
wanted was to get him out of the room.  We both fell on the floor
wrestling around, I don't know what for, but I was trying to get away
from him. His robe was open and his flaccid penis and sack looked small
and looking back at that scene that played over and over in my mind, he
let himself be vulnerable by being naked, and I easily could have
chastised him for being a faggot that deserved to be cheated on, but
instead I felt bad about what I'd done to him, with him getting home
expecting to have the type of sex we had when we got together those first
few times. I quickly snapped out of that train of thought when I figured
that I'd better get him out of the room now or be afraid for me life if
he got a hold of something sharp. Finally, he left the room and went to
his own room, where he had his old bed that had not been slept in since
we moved into the apartment. He shut his door and as much as I wanted to
hold him and console him for my errant ways, I listened to him sob
openly, and decided it was best just to go back in our room and try to
get some sleep.

I crawled back into our queen sized waterbed and tried to relax. My skin
was warm and sweaty from wrestling around on the floor trying to get away
from Andrew and my face was starting to hurt where he backhanded me. I
was still trying to regain composure of myself, but my heart was beating
so fast that it was almost hard to catch my breath. I tried to listen for
any sounds coming from Andrew's room, but heard nothing. Eventually,
around one o'clock in the morning I fell asleep. The alarm would sound
way too soon at six. I tried to maintain my normal morning routine, which
usually involved getting ready before Andrew, but also involved
interacting with my boyfriend by eating breakfast together and talking
about our day ahead, as well as what we had planned for the evening.

This morning, however, there was nothing but silence. I did say good
morning to him when he came downstairs, but he did not respond to me.
Rightly so, I thought to myself.  Clearly, both of us knew it was my
fault for what happened. I had apologized to him, so now I would have to
see how or when he would accept my apology and when we would try to move
on. But the apology wasn't accepted, and no further words were spoken
between us for the rest of that week.  He left Friday evening and did not
come home until late Sunday night. Just as planned I went to Madison
Saturday morning, and did not come home until early Sunday evening,
spending the entire time with Josh. Once again, it was a magical, sexual
weekend and I just could not get enough of playing with his cute boyish
body and his huge cock.

The following weekend, the second weekend in December, I believe, was
exactly the same. Andrew left for the weekend, and so did I. It became
evident that he knew where I was going, and I had no clue where he went.
That was until Saturday evening.  Josh and I decided to go to the bar
dancing, getting there around 11 pm.  The bar was just starting to get
busy, and we had been dancing for several tunes, having a great time
mingling on the floor with the other patrons, the same cologne, smoke,
and pheromone filled air permeating our lungs. I loved being out there
with him and watching his cute body move around the dance floor. We had
just hugged and kissed each other as a song ended, his sweaty body felt
so good against mine, filling me with the anticipation of how good our
naked bodies would feel together later on that evening once we were back
in his room.

I don't know why I glanced to the south side of the dance floor.  As my
eyes scanned the crowd of patrons, most laughing, drinking, and enjoying
the evening, one familiar face stuck out like a ghost in the crowd, as if
Andrew was the only one standing against the wall.  Our eyes met; his
green eyes locked into mine, burning an image in my mind I can still see
today. I looked back and he was gone.  I told Josh I had to go use the
bathroom, and as I quickly made my way through the crowd, I tried to find
Andrew, but it was too late.  I even ran down the stairs to the exit
door, but he had vanished into the cold night air, just like a ghost. He
had busted me now and saw for himself his boyfriend cheating on him in
person. I went back inside the bar to the dance floor and found Josh. I
asked if he wanted to leave, and we did.

I honestly expected to find some damage done to my truck when we got to
the truck in the parking lot.  But there was no damage, and no sign or
sight of Andrew anywhere.  I confessed to Josh that I'd seen Andrew
there, and all he said was something like "Well, you're here with me
now, and we're going to have fun being together." I nodded my head as
we headed back to his apartment.

The drive from downtown Madison to Josh's apartment took about twenty
five minutes.  All the way to his place he tried to calm me down from
seeing Andrew at the bar. "I know just what you need to calm down, my
dear. I will relax you I promise. He leaned over and kissed me on the
cheek and began to rub my neck. Instantly I felt my cock respond. Josh
could sense what he was doing to me, and he moved his right hand to my
crotch and stroked my growing erection. By the time we got back to his
apartment, the wet spot in my briefs was quite evident, and I was ready
to hop in bed right away.  But Josh had other ideas, so we each had a
bowl of ice cream, then watched some television. As we laid on his bed,
our heads and backs supported by the seemingly mountain of pillows, we
held each other's hands, then he laid against my chest while we spooned
for a while. It didn't take long for me to put Andrew's appearance at
the bar out of my mind for the short term, anyway.

We worshipped each other's body with our mouths for the next hour, or so
it seemed before drifting off to sleep, as we were both tired.
Surprisingly, we both fell asleep without shooting our loads. The
following morning, Sunday, we both woke up hard and horny and ready to
complete what was started six hours earlier. We decided to shower, and I
distinctly remember kissing before entering the shower, our naked bodies
tight against each other. Josh told me to sit on the countertop, so I
did. He spread my legs, found my quivering hole, and began to rim me.
The sensation of his expert tongue on my hole felt amazing. My dick was
leaking precum like it never had before, and in my mind, I was
anticipating what might come next. Sure enough, Josh moved up to kiss me,
and I tasted myself for the first time on his tongue. I was so fucking
horny I just wanted to feel him inside me.  The thought of his huge cock
torturing my tight hole had me on a higher level of horniness than I'd
ever been before.  I wanted him now, so I whispered "fuck me" in his
ear.

"Do you want my cock?"

"I do, in my hole, please?"

"Do you think you can take it? It's pretty big..."

"I want to try."

With that, he got in position and moved the head of his throbbing monster
near my saliva covered hole. I hadn't been fucked by Andrew in quite
some time, so I was undoubtedly very tight.  Sure enough, as he slowly
tried to enter me, he met resistance. I was so fucking horny that as I
touched myself while he was trying to break through my sphincter, I felt
a huge orgasm building that I could not stop and shot all over myself and
his groin. I apologized to Josh and told him I'd suck him off in the
shower, which I did. With the warm water of the shower falling down on
us, I got down on my knees and sucked him like there was no tomorrow, my
own cock getting hard again. Just before he was ready to shoot his load
down my eager throat some ten minutes later, he grabbed my hair, pulled
me off his cock, and shot his load all over my face, in my hair, and on
my chest. I couldn't help but smile when he told me that he loved
fucking my face, to which I replied that I liked him blowing his load all
over me. It made me feel like a complete subservient, a role that I
gladly accepted, worshiping his big dick. Later I fantasized about having
him inside me, thinking that if I came by him just barely putting part of
his dickhead inside of me, what would happen once he fully buried his
cock deep in my hungry hole?

The weekend ended, and like the past few weekends, we parted after
hugging and kissing for what seemed like an hour, and I was on my way
back to Rockford.  At one point during the weekend, we had a conversation
about the idea of me moving to Madison.  I was certainly open to that
idea. I loved Madison and thought that living in the city or surrounding
towns would be magical. In reality, the only thing keeping me in Rockford
was my job, and to some extent, Andrew, but that would not have stopped
me if I found a job in Madison. I actually did apply at one factory, and
waited to hear from them, but that phone call never came.

I returned back to the apartment later Sunday evening, and Andrew had not
yet returned.  I was getting used to sleeping alone in the room and was
getting used to the silence between us. I knew that sooner or later that
had to change, but as long as we continued the way we had been, in my
mind the silence and coldness could continue indefinitely, or as long as
I was with Josh.

Finally, the silence between Andrew and me broke.  Monday evening, he got
home right after work.  I had just finished talking to my mom on the
phone when he walked through the door.  He actually looked like he was
going to be civilized, or so it seemed. In reality, he owed me nothing. I
was the cheater, the bad guy, and the one that should have been kissing
his ass to take me back into our seemingly doomed, fragile relationship.
Since my mom asked how Andrew was doing, I told her I would tell him that
she'd asked about him.

"My mom said hi. She wanted to know how you were doing."

"Did you tell her that her son has been treating me like shit and is
soon going to be living alone if he doesn't get his shit together?"

"No, I did not tell her that."

"Well, you should have. Look, we need to talk."  I agreed that we did.
As he walked up the stairs to his room to change, I told him I'd be on
the sofa waiting.  When he came back from his room, he had his sweatpants
on and his favorite Minnesota Gophers hoodie.  He spoke first.

"So that is Josh you were with at the bar, huh?"

"Yes."

"Well, I can tell I have nothing to worry about. I don't know what you
see in him. He looks like he's going to go bald soon, and what's with
those goofy looking glasses? I'm not going to worry about losing you to
him." I was surprised to hear what he had to say about Josh. Fair enough
response I suppose. Definitely warranted. I deserved it. I didn't know
how to respond. After a few minutes of tense quietness, he resumed
talking.

"Look, I don't want to lose you. We've come this far to be together.
If you truly feel like you'll be better with him than with me, there's
nothing I can do about it. I know that I love you, and probably always
will. But before you make that move, you need to think long and hard
about what you're going to lose if you choose to move to Madison to be
with him.  First, you're going to lose your job, and your home, your
family, and me.  But hey, it's up to you. So, what do you see in him
anyway? Let me guess, he's got a big cock?"

He had me. I wanted to be mean and fire back with a response to that
question but thought the truth would be too hurtful. If I wanted to
salvage our relationship at some point, then now would not be the best
time to be sarcastic, even if it was the truth. I had to respond to his
questions, so I tried to craft a response that wasn't accusation filled
or one that intentionally degraded him sexually, even if that may have
been the main reason I was so into Josh. I took a deep breath and began
to speak.

"Look, like I said before, I did not intend for things to get where they
are. I didn't plan to find someone. This...lifestyle is just still all so
new to me, and yes, I do love you. I am so happy to be here with you, but
I like being with him too, as a friend more than everything thing else.
It's funny, I actually thought maybe we could have had a three-way
together - "

"Um, NO. I don't think so.  He's not my type at all," Andrew
interrupted me vehemently denying any interest in my idea. "The thing
is, Austin, is that you can't have both of us. You're going to have to
make a choice.  I can wait, but don't expect me to be here forever.
This whole thing has had me so nervous and upset. I went to visit Emma
the other weekend and had to come out to her so she would understand why
I was so upset with you." Emma was Andrew's friend from school.  We had
met a few months back when she came to stay at the apartment for a
weekend. She was really nice to me, and Andrew told me later that she
thought I was very cute.

"I'm sorry that you had to come out to Emma. How did she take it?" I
asked, trying to change the subject to get on a normal conversation.

"She was okay with it and was not totally surprised. She's not happy
with you, but said she'd get over it once she was able to get a hold on
the idea that we were together. But that's all I am telling you because
I am still mad at you."

All I could do was hang my head and put my lower lip out and give him my
best puppy dog eyes look. I felt the ice starting to break between us.
But instead of him asking me to get dinner with him, he grabbed his coat
and keys and said that he'd be back later. I got up, warmed up some
leftover pizza that I'd made the night before. After eating the pizza,
drinking a few beers, showering, and relaxing, I was asleep in my bed and
did not even hear when he came home.  The last few thoughts I had before
drifting off to sleep alone in bed that night were the conversation
Andrew and I had, what the future held for him and me, wondered how Josh
was doing, and then finally my last waking thought was Josh's big
beautiful, sexy cock and how wonderful it made me feel.