Challenges

Part XX

***Modern Day***

As they took the exit off the interstate, Justin decided to take him directly to his parents house. He was nervous as he had never brought a boy home, except for Nate. He had called his dad prior to leaving Albuquerque to see if they could take one of the RZRs out for a drive along the river bank.

Apparently Matt had already called and informed his dad of the most interesting coincidence that Jason was one of the kids that he had met in LA, along with the fact that the letter he had asked Justin to write was for Jason. His dad seemed eager to meet Jason. When he asked how his mom would feel about him bringing Jason home, he said not to worry and that he would deal with it.

He trusted his dad and decided to bite the bullet.

Pulling up into the driveway, the two dogs again greeted him.

“Don’t worry.” Justin said, undoing his seatbelt. “They are teddy bears and will just lick you to death.”

They both got out of the car and made their way to the front door. Unlike his last arrival his mother was nowhere to be found. Just wasn’t sure if it was a good sign or a bad sign. Making it past the two dogs, they entered the house.

“Dad?” Justin called out, closing the door.

“In the kitchen.” His dad called back in response.

Justin grabbed Jason’s hand and pulled him down the hall into the kitchen. He stopped short as he saw his mom and dad sitting at the table with cups sitting in front of them. It was surreal to see his mom in the kitchen and not cooking.

“Hey mom and dad.” Justin said with a squeaking voice. He was behaving like he was in high school all over again and had been caught doing something wrong. “This is Jason.”

“Hi Mr. and Mrs. Leary.” Jason said in his most diplomatic voice. He could feel Justin’s had turned clammy. He squeezed it.

“Oh.” Justin said, looking down at his hand. He forgot that he had grabbed Justin’s hand. He suddenly felt the air leave his lungs and the room started to spin.

***12 years ago***

Junior year of high school had been the best year for Justin. His relationship with Nate had gotten better once they had decided not to go to church anymore. They had not taken their relationship to the next level, but that was okay. They enjoyed each other, and Justin figured that was all that mattered.

“So what's on the list today?” Mark asked the group, as they waited for classes to start.

Everyone seemed to be paired up, with the exception of Mark and Scott. Justin knew Scott wanted to have someone, but also knew that his nature made it hard for him to show it. Mark was an oddity of his own, and didn’t seem to care one way if he was with someone.

“Just the normal.” Nate responded looking over his math homework. “Well abnormal I guess. This makes no sense to me!”

“I told you to call and ask for help if you needed it.” Grayson said, eating a burrito. There was a worry that he would have a hard time when Cody graduated, but he was doing good. He had spent almost every day with him, and even started to go to the gym with him for workouts. He was getting a little bulk on him.

“I know.” Nate grumbled and closed his book. “I will have to call you this weekend I think.”

Justin shook his head but decided to stay quiet. Kimberly and Neil had not arrived yet, which was not unusual. She still went to seminary and would be arriving shortly once that ended. Justin did not miss seminary at all. Well, he did miss attempting to get the teacher confused and flustered, but that was not worth it.

“Hey everyone.” Lily walked up. She had started to hang with them some mornings, but not always. She was quiet most of the time and didn’t talk, which was very similar to Scott’s behavior. The only difference was that when she talked it seemed more prophetic, or enlightened. Justin never could figure out which it was.

“Hey Lily.” Justin smiled. She slid in and sat next to Grayson.

“Where’s Scott?” Lily asked, looking around.

“He is running a bit late this morning.” Mark answered. “Something about his car having issues or something. I offered to pick him up, but he wanted to get it working.”

“Oh.” Lily sat silent.

“So,” Nate broke the silence looking at Justin. “How about you and I  go to that winter formal?”

“What?” Justin coughed on his own saliva.

“Well, it is in a few weeks.” Nate smiled and snuggled up to Justin. “I figure we could go. It will be our first dance together.”

“Um…” Justin was not sure how to respond to this request. Sure they were open at school, but to show direct openness about it, at a dance? “Sure.” He wanted to say no, but he could see that Nate wanted to do it, so he was going to be as supportive as he could be.

“Are you sure?” Nate frowned. He could see the concern on Justin’s face.

“Yes.” Justin made a firm reply and put a more resolute look on his face. “I was just caught off guard. I didn’t know you wanted to do that. It will be fun.”

Nate grinned and kissed Justin on the cheek. “Thanks.”

“Maybe I will see if Cody wants to go,”Grayson said absently. “He did miss last year's dance, and I know he wanted to go.”

“What's going on?” Scott walked up to the group, causing them all to jump a bit.

“Talking about going to the winter formal.” Justin said. “Nate just asked me out. I had to think real hard about it, but I decided if he bought me dinner, I would go with him.”

“Dinner?” Nate looked shocked. “I didn’t know I would have to pay for you!”

“What? Do you think I am a cheap date?” Justin laughed at his own joke.

“Cool.” Scott took a seat next to Lilly. He looked somewhat sad again.

“Are you going?” Lilly asked Scott, her eyes moving up and down his face.

“Wasn’t planning on it.” Scott said with his normal response. “I don’t have a date, and it kinda sucks being alone at these social gatherings.”

“Wanna go with me?” Lilly asked.

Scott jerked his head and raised an eyebrow. He was caught off guard, which to do that to Scott took some talent. “Sure.” He said. Some of the sadness in his eyes lifted.

Maybe this is what he needed, Justin thought to himself.

“Well, I am sure Neil and Kimberly are going to go.” Nate looked at Mark. “Are you going?”

“Sure why not.” Mark looked up from his book he was studying. “I don’t have a date, but I do enjoy watching people. It can tell you much about a person.” His accent was still there, even though it had softened some.

Justin looked around. Still no Kimberly and Neil. He wondered what was causing them to be late.

***

“I haven't seen Kimberly or Neil all day today.” Justin said, walking up to Nate’s locker.

Nate put his math book in his backpack and closed the locker. “I hope everything is okay.”

“I will call her when I get home. Maybe they both got sick?” Justin switched the shoulder he was carrying his own bag on. “That's what you get from sucking face all day.”

They both chuckled as they walked out of the school.

“Wanna come over?” Nate asked Justin as they walked toward his car.

“Sure.” Justin grinned. “I can call her from your house just as well as mine.”

They both piled into Nate’s car and they drove out of the parking lot. Nate lived on the north side of town, and the high school was on the south side. It would take them a little to get home. They sat silently listening to the radio. He had been playing over and over again how he would broach the topic to his parents. He had enough money saved up from over the summer still, but he would like to have help going about doing it.

When they arrived at Nate’s house, Justin called Kimberly.

“Hello?” Kimberly’s mom answered the phone.

“Hello. This is Justin. Is Kimberly available?”

“Yes dear. Hold on a second.” He heard the phone put down followed by silence.

“Hey Justin.” Kimberly answered with a cheerful hello.

“Hey Kimberly.” Justin smiled. “I was just checking to make sure everything was okay!”

“Well,” Kimberly paused for a moment. “Yes. Everything is okay now. We got in a car wreck on the way to school from seminary.”

“Oh no.” Justin frowned. “Are you both okay? Do we need to come by? Do you need anything?”

“No. No.” Kimberly chuckled. “We are both okay. Sorta. I will most likely be sore and have some bruising. Neil on the other hand managed to break his hand.”

“What?”

“Yea.” Kimberly sighed. “Apparently when the airbag went off on the steering wheel it caused his hand to fly up and hit the windshield pretty hard. Cause the glass to spider crack a bit too.”

“Dang.” Justin sucked in air. “Did not know that could happen.”

“Me either. But apparently it does happen. They think it will heal properly with no problem. Just won’t be able to use it for a while.” She paused. “And it was his good hand too.”

“Good hand?” Justin asked with a smirk on his face.

“Oh nothing.” If Justin were there he was sure she would have been blushing. “We will be at school tomorrow.”

“Okay. Sounds good.”

They said their goodbyes and he hung up.

Walking into the living room area, Nate was already pulling out some books to work on homework.

“So,” he looked up, “how are they?”

“Okay.” Justin sat down next to Nate. “Apparently they were in a car wreck on their way to school.” Nate frowned but Justin quickly smiled. “They are okay. Neil broke his hand.”

“How did that happen?” Nate was just as confused as Justin had been.

“So, I guess when the airbag goes off it can cause your hand to fly into the windshield.” He shrugged. “Who knew?’

“Poor guy.” Nate opened his chemistry book.

“I guess.” Justin grinned. “Kimberly said it was his ‘good hand.’”

“Ugh.” Nate made a gag noise, and they both laughed.

***

Justin walked into the kitchen at his house after depositing his backpack in the living room. His mom was at the stove cooking dinner.

“Hey mom.” he leaned against the counter and watched her cook.

“Hi dear.” She looked at him quickly and went back to what she was doing. “How was school?”

“Good.” Justin looked around the room trying to avoid bringing up the subject. “Kimberly and Neil were in a wreck on the way to school this morning.”

“Oh no.” She looked back at Justin. “Are they okay?”

“Yea.” He mused about telling her about Neil but decided not to. “They will be fine.”

“I am sorry I didn’t call, but I had gone to Nate’s and we finished our homework together.”

“Okay.” She simply replied. He expected her to jump on him for not letting her know where he was. But she didn’t seem bothered by it.

“I am going to go up to my room.” Justin said after a few moments of awkward silence.

“Okay.” His mother replied. “Dinner will be ready in about half an hour.

Justin grabbed his bag off the couch and walked up the stairs to his room. His mom was acting weird. He found it unsettling that she was so cool and calm about everything at the moment. She didn’t like him not letting her know where he was going to be, and the fact that he just spent an hour at Nate’s was even more bizarre.

When he got to his room he noticed there was a letter on his bed. Picking it up he saw that it was from Matt. He threw his bag on his bed and ripped the letter open.

Reading it, it was a standard letter telling him about his mission was going, and that he was excited that it was almost over. Matt did not come out and tell it, but for some reason Justin had the feeling that the mission was not going as well as he thought it would have.

The last part of the letter was more personal. Matt was curious to know if Justin was going to the winter formal, or if he had even considered it. The big thing was Matt wanted to make sure that he would go as he would find these lost events to be some of the regrets he would have as he grew up. Not having all the experiences that a teenager should have. He also suggested that Justin just be upfront with their mom about the situation and who he was going with, if he should go with Nate.

Justsin put the letter on the bed and lay on his back with his feet dangling over the side. He still wasn’t sure how to broach the subject with his mom. He felt confident his dad would be okay with it, and maybe he should approach his dad first. After all, his dad would be the one to help him get the tux, right?

“Dinner.” His mom yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

Justin picked up the letter and tossed it over to his desk. He would write a response later that night, and get it in the mail tomorrow morning before school. He always loved to hear from his brother, and knew that the sooner he got a response back, the faster he would hear back.

***

Justin sat at the table just moving his potatoes around the plate, not really feeling hungry.

“Something wrong?” his father asked, startling him from his thoughts.

“No, sir.” He said looking up from his plate. “Sorry.”

“What’s on your mind?” His father put his fork down. He was not going to let this drop.

“Well,” Justin hesitated for a moment. “I need to get a tux for the winter formal.”

“Oh.” His father smiled. “Okay, we can go this weekend to get one for you. Shouldn’t be too difficult.”

“Okay!” Justin smiled, feeling better.

“Who are you going with?” His mother asked.

And there went the good feelings. He had to make a decision. Would he tell the truth, or just lie and say he was going with friends.

“Nate asked me today.” He would do what his brother told him to do. Just be up front and open about it. “I said yes.”

“Are you going to dance with him?” She asked, her face getting that look like he was about to get a lecture.

“I don’t know.” Justin started to move his potatoes around again. He felt he needed to do something other than just sit there.

“I don’t think that would be appropriate.” His mother said smartly. “Dances are supposed to be about getting to know each other, and the tradition of the man leading the woman. How are two men supposed to dance?”

Justin sat quiet. He wasn’t sure how to respond. He wasn’t even sure he should respond.

“I mean, I was hoping Neil and Kimberly would be a good influence on you.” She shook her head. “Matt encourages you, and I don’t know why. He is on a mission, and should know better.”

Justin put his hands in his lap. They were balling up into fists. He could feel tears swelling up in his eyes, but he was fighting hard to keep them at bay.

“And Cody.” She looked sad. “I mean, he was such a fine young man. He had a promising future with Connie. And then he spends the afternoon with you, and look at what it got him. Now he has cancer.”

“Mom!” Justin blurted out, unable to control himself. As he said it he realized that would probably get a rebuke from his father, but he just sat there looking at his mom. He took this as a sign to keep going. “I did not ‘infect’ Cody with anything. He didn’t get cancer becasue he is gay. He got cancer because life is shit! He is who he is. I am who I am. It is just that way, and no matter how you feel about it, I will continue to be this way. No woman is going to change that, no matter how hard you hope it will.” He stood up and looked at his dad. “May I be excused?”

His father nodded, and Justin stormed off back to his room. The tears were flowing down his face.

***

Justin looked in the mirror as he straightened his vest. He hated looking at himself in the mirror. He always had. The image that looked back at him seemed to be like an alien looking back at him. He moved quickly to the bed and flung his jacket on.

As he walked out of his bedroom he took a deep breath. He knew that there would most likely be some parting shots from his mom as he left.

Walking downstairs he found his dad with a camera.

“Can I have a picture before you leave?” His dad looked almost childlike, as if he was asking for ice cream. His mom was nowhere to be found.

“Sure!” Justin smiled.

He stood in front of the archway that led to the dining room, and smiled big as his dad took a couple of pictures.

“I am glad you are going, son.” His father said softly. “Enjoy.”

Justin gave his father a hug, pushing back tears he knew was coming. His father was a man of few words, but they were words that he needed to hear.

Walking outside he was met with a surprise. A limo was waiting for him and the driver was waiting with the door opened.

“Dad?”

“Consider a gift from me to you.” He patted him on the back. “Now go have fun.”

Justin again gave his father a hug and then jumped into the waiting limo.

“We will be picking up your other friends?” the driver asked as he got behind the wheel.

“Okay!” Justin said smiling. This was going to be a great night.

***

“I can’t believe your dad got you a limo!” Kimbery squealed as she jumped in the back. “I mean I know he was as he told us all his plans so we didn’t make any ourselves. But still!”

“Your dad rocks.” Neil climbed in after Kimberly.

They had already picked up Nate, and were now on their way to pick up Grayson and Cody.

“Yea.” Justin smiled. “He does surprise me.”

They had small talk before they went to Cody’s house, where Cody and Grayson were standing outside waiting.

While not unexpected, Justin was always surprised at how much smaller Cody was compared to where he was a year ago. His bulk and frame were still impressive, but not as they once were. He felt a twinge of panic thinking about what his mother had said about Cody getting cancer as punishment.

When he told Nate what she had said, Nate said that was pure medieval thinking that did not belong in the modern civilized world.  Justin agreed, but still. She accused him of infecting Cody as well. As if their time together had somehow caused the ‘gayness’ to spread.

“Hi Cody!” Nate said with a big smile. “How’s my big strapping jock?”

Cody blushed as he sat down next to Neil. “I am doing better thanks.”

“Hi Grayson.” Justin said as Grayson followed close behind.

“This is awesome!” Grayson said, looking around.

They continued to have small talk as they drove to pick up Scott and Lily, as well as Mark. This would be the first time they were all together for almost a year. Justin smiled as he looked around and saw all his friends chatting and smiling.

***

One of the interesting parts about high school dances was they were not held at the high school, nor were they decorated or set up by the high school. Establishments would bid to host the events and they were responsible for everything. This was great as it provided a way for the community to get involved with the school, and could provide drinks, food, and other items during the dance that otherwise would be impossible.

This dance was being held at the local bar and grill. Justin laughed when he found out they would be able to get virgin drinks.

They checked in with the front table, and then found themselves a large table near the back of the room to sit at. The music was already going and there was a small crowd already. Neil and Kimberly had already made their way to the dance floor, and were dancing as best they could with Neil in his cast.

“I’m going to get us some drinks.” Nate said, kissing Justin lightly.

“I will go with you.” Scott said, walking with Nate.

“We need to stop meeting like this.” Lily said, sitting next to Justin.

“What do you mean?” Justin blinked at Lily.

“I always seem to come in when you are deep in though, or something is troubling you.”

“Oh,” Justin laughed, “Family drama.”

“I see.” She looked at Nate getting drinks, and then over at Cody and Grayson who seemed content to just hold hands and watch everyone.

“You cannot blame them.” She said softly. “Your parents that is.”

“How so?”

“Well.” Lily grabbed Justin's hand and squeezed it. “Think of this. Everyone has dreams of what one day will be. And those dreams become us in a way. They become a foundational core of who we actually are today. You even had dreams of what you would become, but as you started to figure out who you were, those dreams were in conflict. You no longer were going to achieve some of those dreams.” She laughed. “When you were born, your parents already started to have dreams of what you would be. I find it odd that when people come out they always say ‘I’m still the same person.’ But are you?” She blinked at Justin.

“Oh.” Justin struggled to find words. He thought the question was rhetorical. “I would say so. Yes.”

“No.” Lily said with not much emotion behind it. “You are not the same person. Well, not really. All those dreams that you were, are now gone. It's as if those dreams died. Those dreams are what people morn. Some people just need time to mourn that loss.”

Nate and Scott came back with drinks.

“You okay?” Nate asked Justin, setting his drink in front of him and sitting down on the other side.

“What?” Justin just blinked straight ahead and paused for a bit. “I... Yea.” He shook his head as if to clear some fog. “Just was thinking.”

He turned his head to look at Lily who was just softly smiling at Scott. “Want to dance?” She asked him, as if the conversation they had did not happen.

“Sure!” Scott took her hand as they both stood.

Before she left, she leaned over and whispered into Justin’s ear.

“Are you able to look at yourself in a mirror?”

Justin jerked his head as she walked off. How did she know that?

“What did she say?” Nate asked with a surprised look on his face.

“Oh to have fun.” Justin absently said.

“Do you want to dance?” Nate asked with an eagerness to his voice.

“Um…” Justin looked around. This would be a test for him. With the exception of that one kiss he had not shown much affection to Nate at school, aside from holding hands. “Sure.”

Nate grabbed Justin’s hand and pulled him to his feet and led him to the dance floor. Justin felt as if every eye in the room was now on him. Every eye was giving him judgment, and that some were giving him death glances.

As they reached the dance floor the music shifted to a slow dance. Couples started to break apart and sway to the music. Everyone held each other close, whispering in each other's ear. Some went back to their seats to wait for the next song to rejoin.

Justin could feel his hand turn clammy and cold. He could feel his heart race up, and could feel the room start to spin.

“Justin?” Nate asked, reaching up and touching Justin’s face. “Are you okay?”

“Oh.” Was all he said as he felt the room move in an upward motion, and his vision went dark.

***

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Matt

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