Challenges

Part XXI

***Modern Day***

Justin opened his eyes and groaned a bit. He felt disoriented. As he opened his eyes he could see that Jason and his dad were hovering over him. The last thing he remembers was being in the kitchen.

“What happened?” Justin asked, looking around him. He was now in the living room lying on the coach.

“You fainted.” His dad answered back.

“Yea, you gave us a bit of a scare.” Jason said, rubbing Justin’s check. “Are you okay?”

“Yea.” Justin remembered that he had walked into the kitchen, dragging Jason behind him and holding his hand. And then he saw his mom and dad sitting at the table. He had never entered the house showing affection to another person before, let alone holding their hand. “I just…” he let his sentence fade away.

“Don’t worry about it.” his dad said, and turned to walk back to his chair. “As long as you're okay.”

“Here.” Jason helped Justin sit up right on the coach and sat next to him. He continued to hold his hand. Justin just stared at it. This was so foreing to him.

“So are you still going to go out riding?” his dad asked, not seeming to notice the hands touching.

“Yea.” Justin thought for a moment. Still trying to get his bearings right. “Just need to take a moment I think.”

“Okay.” his dad stood up. “The RZR is out back. Stay safe.” With that he walked out the living room.

“That was crazy.” Jason said. “Are you sure you are okay?”

“I just got so nervous.” Justin looked down. “I have never brought a guy home like that. You are the first one.”

“I am honored.” Jason rubbed Justin’s back.

“I got so excited that I forgot, and when I realized I was holding your hand, I lost it, and fainted.” Justin laid his head against the back of the coach. “You must think I am a total dip for that.”

“No.” Jason said, pulling Justin's head back up. “I think it is adorable.” He gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

“Where is my mom?” Justin asked, looking around.

“Oh, she went upstairs after you fainted.” Jason looked at the stairs. “Your dad helped me carry you in here, and she wanted to say something but your dad gave her a look and she left.”

“She isn’t the most accepting.” Justin said with a heavy sigh. “I am sorry you had to experience that.”

“Well,” Jason said with a smile, “I guess it's a good thing I am dating you and not her.”

Justin smiled at Jason. “Are you ready to go out and about?”

“Sure!” Jason smiled. “I have never been on a RZR before.”

***

“Brace yourself!” Justin yelled as he hit the gas and the RZR shot out over a 2 foot drop and came to land on the soft sandy bed of the river. Justin hit the brakes and turned the wheel causing the RZR to slide on its back wheels as it made a 90 degree turn.

“Holy shit.” Jason was holding the bar in front of him with a tight grip.

“Having fun?” Justin asked, looking at his white knuckles. “You can let go of the bar now.”

Jason let go and took some deep breaths. “That was amazingly fun.”

“Sorry.” Justin laughed. “I forget that some people have never done this before.”

He looked around at the river bed. About 3 feet from them the river, which usually spread several yards, was now just a stream a couple of feet wide. During the summer months the water was diverted for irrigation water, unless it had rained recently. Now the river bed was dry and made for great driving.

Jason put the RZR in gear and drove to a grove of Cottonwoods that provided shade.

“We will take this down a couple of miles and then take it up into the hills over there.” Justin pointed. “I promise to take it easier there.”

“I am glad you invited me.” Jason looked around. Down the river bank a couple of deer had come out to take a drink of water from the stream. “Amazing.”

“Yea. I have seen wild turkeys, deer, bobcats, and a couple of javelinas.” He tapped the vehicle. “This usually caused them to run away, so no worries.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of nature.

“If we had more time, we could take the Kodiaks up to the mountains. They are fun as well.” Justin thought about Jason having to leave tomorrow.

“I will just have to return for a visit.” Jason leaned over and kissed Justin.

***13 years ago***

Justin was laying on his bed next to Kimberly.

“I am surprised your parents are okay with us being here together.” She said looking at the ceiling.

“Yea.” Justin laughed “My mom thinks you would be a good influence on me, and the more alone time we spend together, the better we will be.” Justin rolled over and looked at Kimberly. “How is Neil doing?”

“He is doing well. I think his cast will be coming off in a few days.” She grinned. “I know it has been bugging him.”

“Sucks to lose your good hand huh?” Justin has a smirk.

“So what happened at the dance?” Kimberly had a serious look on her face. “You get up there to dance and then you hit the floor. That wasn’t even the song.”

“I don’t know.” He fell back on his back and stared at the ceiling. “I just got overwhelmed by anxiety. I mean I know I kissed Nate in front of the whole school, but that was one thing. This was a more emotional, physical act that was more open. I just…” he sighed. “I just wasn’t ready I guess. I tried.”

Kimberly rolled on her side and put her head on Justin’s Chest. She could hear his heart beating. “What did Nate say?”

“He understood.” Justin put his hand on Kimberly’s head and started to play with her hair. “I think he got weirded out. He hasn’t really been the same since. I think he thinks I am ashamed of him. Which I am not!” He shouted the last part louder than he anticipated.

Kimberly jumped a bit. “He doesn't think that. He knows you adore him. He will be fine.”

“I hope so.” They sat in silence. “So, I have been meaning to ask you something.”

“Okay go for it.”

Justin tapped her shoulder, and started to get up. He wanted to be seated for this. Kimberly got off his chest, but continued to lay on her back.

“When you figured out about me,” he blushed a bit, “Why were you okay with it?”

Kimberly sighed. “I wasn’t, honestly.”

“What?”

“I wasn’t okay with it. I really still have a hard time wrapping my head around it.” She turned her face away from Justin.

“But…” Justin was at a loss of words. She had been so supportive from the start. She was accepting.

“You are you.” She said looking back at him. “We have been friends since we were little. I could tell you were freaked out, and I could tell you were scared. I put aside my own feelings, and my own concerns, because you are a friend.”

Justin was unsure how to respond. This was almost as bad as a gut punch. His best friend did not really accept him.

“Look,” she continued, seeing the fear start to spread across his face. “I liked you.” She blushed. “I mean, I really liked you. I thought we might be something. Something like Matt and Lori. “I saw how you looked at Nate on the first day. But I also didn’t want you to stress. I also,” she hesitated for a moment, “I also hoped that you would come back around, and we could be a couple. It was a phase.”

“But then you started to date Nate, and kissed him in front of the whole school, and I knew it was a lost cause.” She wiped a tear from her eye. “I had to admit that it was truly a reality. I know you were still you, but in my mind, you were totally a different person.”

“I died.” Justin said softly.

“What?” Kimberly turned her head quickly. “You best not be saying what I think you're saying.”

“Oh?” Justin looked confused but then figured it out. “Oh! No. It was something Lily told me at the dance.” He explained the whole story and that Lily had equated coming out to a person dying. People morun the dream, not the person.

“Yes.” Kimberly said after thinking about it for a moment. “I can see how that is true. I was sad over the dream.”

“But you said you still were not okay with it?” Justin asked, he felt his heart beating loud in his ears.

“No.” Kimberly said with a stern look on her face. “I didn’t say I am not okay with it. I said I have a hard time wrapping my head around it.”

“What's the difference?”

“I still hold on to my faith Justin.” She said again with a stern face. “I still understand why the Church has the teachings, but at the same time I love you, and you are my best friend.” She grabbed his hand. “I just have to figure out how it all fits together. I have to figure it out, which I will eventually, but it will take time.”

“I wish I could hold on to mine.” Justin felt a sadness well up inside him. He looked over at his closet wall which had his mirror on it. He felt disgusted looking back at him. Lily was right.

***

Thanks for the comments. I read and respond to them all! Please send them to sockingsaw@hotmail.com

Also please consider donating to Nifty. It is a great cause with some great stories.

Matt