Challenges

Part XXV

***Modern Day***

Justin and Jason sat in the garage at the airport. They both didn’t want their time together to come to an end, but Jason had to get back to work.

“When are you coming back to Seattle?” Jason asked, looking at his phone calendar.

“Monday.”

“That's four long days.” Jason rubbed his finger over the dates.

“It will be an eternity.” Justin laughed. “Maybe I will dream of you.”

“I hope so.” Jason reached over and kissed Justin. There was a deep passion behind the kiss, and the spark of energy that passed through Justin was unmistakable. This was what Matt said it was like.

“Will you be on that flight you think?” Justin asked, hoping he would be.

Justin looked at the calendar and his schedule. “No.” He sighed. “I am booked on a Seattle - Denver - Dallas run that day.”

“Maybe I should change my flight then.” He grinned. “I could fly to Dallas, and then catch my way back to Seattle.”

“Would be nice, but then I have a flight to Atlanta after that.” He looked at his calendar. I won’t be back in Seattle until Friday actually.” He frowned.

“Well, we will just have to take advantage of all this wonderful communication technology.” Justin held up his phone and shook it.

“Definitely.” He reached over and gave Justin another kiss. “I better get going.”

They both got out of the car, and went to the trunk to get his travel bag out. “This has been the most amazing few days I have spent, Justin.” He wrapped his arms around Justin’s waist.

“I know.” He smiled. “I just wish it could go on some more.”

They embraced in a deep hug, kissed one more time and Jason walked off to get on his plane.

***

After Jason left, Justin decided to go by and see Lori before he headed back to Socorro. Matt would be at work, but he hadn’t really had a chance to spend time alone with her. Arriving at the house he noticed another car parked in the driveway that was usually not there.

Approaching the house, he wondered if he was interrupting something, or something he shouldn’t be interrupting. Surly Lori wasn’t cheating on Matt.

As he approached the door he fumbled for the key but decided against it. He pushed the doorbell, and waited.

A few moments passed and the door opened swiftly.

“Why do you keep ringing the doorbell?” Lori asked with a smile on her face. “You know you can come in when you want too!”

“I just didn’t want to…” He pointed at the car in the driveway.

She looked at the car and then Justin. She had a confused look on her face. “What do you…” she smiled and started to laugh. “Oh. No. You perv.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the house.

They walked into the living room area and there was a man sitting on the couch drinking some water.

“Eddie!” Justin said. “When did you get in?”

“About a half hour ago.” Eddie put the water down and stood to give Justin a hug.

“We must have missed each other at the airport then. I just left there.” Justin held Eddie in his arms.

“Lori was telling me all about your hot date.” Eddie pulled back and looked Justin in the eyes. “Sounds like you two hit it off really well.”

“Yea.” Justin blushed. They both separated and took seats on the coach. Lori joined them in the opposite love seat. “There are just so many things that seem to have come together.” He looked at Lori. “Apparently Lily from high school was his therapist for a while.”

“Get out!” Lori responded. “What are the odds?”

“I know right?” Justin smiled. “A mysterious letter, and then a therapist that I was friends with at school…” Justin trailed off. ‘Was’ friends? As in no more?

“Matt is coming home at noon if you want to hang around for lunch?” Lori asked Justin.

“Sure.” Justin would not waste an opportunity to be with Matt a little longer.

***13 years ago***

Justin heard a car door close outside. He looked out, grinned and ran out of his room. It was Christmas vacation and that meant Matt and Lori would be coming for a visit. But this year was a bit different as there would be a third person joining them.

After the wedding the short term visit of Eddie became a long term situation. He had found a job in Albuquerque and Matt and Lori invited him to stay permanently, instead of going back to Atlanta. Matt told Justin that apparently since he had nothing going for him there, he accepted and stayed.

Justin opened the door before his brother could get to it.

“Matt!” Justin yelled and hugged his brother.

Matt chuckled. “You act like you have not seen me in ages.”

“He kid.” Lori came up behind Justin.

Justin let go of Matt and gave Lori a hug as well. “You are my favorite anyway.”

“Hey!” Matt said, sounding offended.

Justin looked back at the car, and saw Eddie standing by it. He didn’t seem to know exactly what to do. Letting go of Lori, Justin walked down the steps, and moved quickly to Eddie.

“Eddie, I am so happy you are here.” Justin grabbed Eddie before he could respond and gave him a hug. “You are part of this family and don’t you forget it.”

Deep down, Justin didn’t know exactly how Eddie fit into the picture of his family. But he knew Eddie needed support as all his was gone. He also loved Matt and Lori and he would be as welcoming as he could.

Justin grabbed the suitcase that was sitting next to the car that was Eddie’s and started to walk towards the house. “Come on!” He motioned with his head for Eddie to follow. “You know where your room is.”

***

Matt was sitting in Justin’s room flipping through an old photo book.

“I wish dad could have gotten a picture of you and Nate together.” He was looking at the winter formal picture that his dad had taken almost a year earlier.

“It was…” Justin blushed as he remembered fainting. “A night to remember.”

“I remember the letter.” Matt turned the page and looked up with a grin. “If you're going to make a big statement, you might as well do it awkwardly!”

“Shut up.” Justin threw a pillow at Matt who deflected it. They both laughed.

“So how does this all work?” Justin asked quietly.

“What work?” Matt looked up confused.

“You, Lori and Eddie?” Justin still found it an odd arrangement.

“Oh.” Matt closed the photo book and laid it on the desk. He stayed quiet for a bit. “To be honest, I don’t  know myself.”

They sat in silence. Justin knew this was a difficult question.

“I think we just know how it works.” Matt got up and walked over to the bed and sat next to Justin. “Lori has been the best, and when I asked her to marry me, we actually discussed the details of this. What it would mean, and how we would handle it. I told her if she wasn’t comfortable with it then I was totally hers and no one else's.”

Matt went silent. Justin felt that the silence was the loudest it had ever been, but didn’t want to interrupt Matt.

“But, I think she knew that I wouldn’t be happy without Eddie.” Matt shrugged. “I have no feelings for any guy, past or present. But for some reason, I connected with Eddie, and I have feelings for him that are different from the feelings I have for Lori.” Matt looked at Justin who was processing the information. “I stopped trying to understand it.”

“So how do you manage the three of you?” Justin asked. This was getting into personal information, but Justin was trying to understand. “Is there a schedule where one night you're with Lori and the other with Eddie?”

Matt laughed. “No. Nothing like that.” He thought for a bit. “It seems to just happen naturally. It seems that we just know who needs to be held that night and who needs alone time. Sometimes it does alternate every night, but other times it's a week at a time.”

Justin mulled it over. “Jealousy isn’t an issue?”

“I think it was at the beginning.” Matt nodded his head. “But after a while, things got better. I always told Lori she was the primary person I wanted to be with, so if she got too uncomfortable that I would end it.” He chuckled. “She said that was not fair to Eddie, and that if we were in, we were in.”

“I see.” Justin flicked a piece of fluff off the side of the bed. “Have you two…”

“Yea.” Matt said blushing. “I had that discussion with Lori and she said it was up to me how far I wanted to take it. It just seemed right.”

“Are you telling mom?” Justin asked. He seemed to be distracted by an imaginary spot on the bed.

“I don’t know.” Matt looked at Justin, trying to figure out what was going through his mind. “What do you think I should do?”

“I wouldn’t say anything.” Justin finally looked at Justin with a smile. “I think she would blame me for this. That I infected you. She already thinks I am the one that infected Nate and Cody.”

“You think it would make it worse for you?”

“Yes.” Justin shook his head. “Maybe one day you can tell her, or maybe she will find out on her own. But for now, let's just keep it between us.”

***

Justin didn’t sleep well that night. He had another one of his dreams. They were coming almost nightly. He stared at the ceiling contemplating what to do. He heard a door open at the end of the hallway and close. He figured that was Eddie getting up to go to the bathroom.A few moments later another door opened and closed, which was the room Matt and Lori were in.

Justin smiled. Apparently Matt stayed the night with Eddie and was going back into Lori’s to avoid any questions that might happen if his mom or dad saw him leaving Eddie’s. Not that there was a good chance of that happening. Usually his parents never came to this side of the second floor unless they had to wake one of them up or let them know someone had called.

He wanted to talk to someone, but he also didn’t want to betray Matt’s trust. This was his story to tell, not his own. He was not going to risk people finding out that they shouldn't find out.

He pulled a pillow over his face and screamed into it.

He couldn’t stay in bed anymore. He rolled over and decided he would go to the kitchen to get some orange juice.

Sitting at the kitchen table he had a glass of orange juice sitting in front of him. Now that he had it, he wasn’t sure he wanted it. It was just sitting there as a conundrum. He reached over, moved the glass a few inches to the right and then put his hand back to his lap.

“Morning.” Eddie had come up behind him causing Justin to jump a bit. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No.” Justin smiled. He wasn’t about to treat Eddie any different. That would be just wrong. “How are you this morning?”

“Good.” Eddie looked at the glass of orange juice on the table. “Can I get some?”

“Sure.” Justin laughed. “Anything in the kitchen is fair game.” He pointed to a cabinet. “Glasses are in there.”

Eddie went about getting himself a glass of orange juice and sat down across from Justin. They sat in silence.

“Um…” Eddie asked, taking a sip of his orange juice. “Is this...awkward?”

“Sitting in silence?” Justin asked.

“Well, that is awkward.” He looked up at the ceiling referring to the upstairs. “This situation?”

“Oh.” Justin pondered for a moment. “To be honest, I am having a hard time with it.” Justin frowned as he realized he must sound like his mother. “Not with that exactly. I love Matt. Just the concept is…”

“Alien?” Eddie offered. He looked at his glass.

“Yea.” Justin decided he should take a sip of his juice instead of just staring at it.

A few moments passed.

“I just can’t seem to understand how it works out, you know.” Justin felt uncomfortable in the silence. “How are you able to share him like that?”

Eddie pondered the comment. He ran a finger around the rim of the glass. “I suppose you notice I have two colored eyes?”

“Yeah.” Justin laughed. “It’s what struck me as interesting about you the first day.”

“I guess it's like my eyes.” He closed one eye and then the other. “Not really different in any way, I still see the same no matter what the color is. They don’t share my body, they are just there.” He stopped paused, closing one eye after the other for a bit. “Hum…” he seemed lost in thought, and then shook his head. “Anyway, I suppose that is how it is for Matt. We are just two different colored eyes. We don’t really share him, we're just... there.”

They sat in silence again for a while. The sky was dark with clouds and it looked like it might rain, or even snow if it was cold enough. Justin loved these days of winter.

“Matt has been the best thing to happen to me.” Eddie said more absently than anything. “Lori too. She has been awesome with this all.”

“They are both pretty awesome.” Justin chugged his juice, and stood up. “If Matt is happy, then I am happy.” He put his glass in the sink and walked over next to Eddie and grabbed his shoulder. “I will get used to the idea, but it will take time. But I want you to know that you are welcome wherever I am at any time.”

***

He felt guilty that he felt the way he had. Matt had been so supportive of him, so why was he having a hard time being supportive of Matt? He got that Matt was into Eddie, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was how could he be so in love with Lori and be with Eddie? Was Lori actually okay with it?

Nate had invited Justin over for a Christmas dinner at his house that night as his mom had decided they would go and spend Christmas with his uncle. Nate wanted to give Justin his present before he left, and Justin wanted to get out of the house.

He pushed the door bell as he sat thinking about the situation. He kept feeling frustrated at what was going on.

“Hey!” The door had opened and he didn’t even realize it as he was so deep in his thoughts.

“Hey!” Justin shook his head. “Sorry.”

“Something on your mind?” Nate laughed as he let Justin in.

“Oh just family stuff as usual.” He gave Nate a hug and a kiss. “Merry Christmas love.”

“Merry Christmas!” Nate said back, giving him another kiss.

They made their way into the kitchen where Nate’s mom was cooking dinner.

“Dinner will be ready in a bit.” She smiled at Justin. “You guys can go wait in the living room.”

They both headed into the livingroom and took a seat on the coach.

“Here.” Nate handed Justin a small package. “I got this for you.”

Justin grabbed it and looked at it. It was a small square box. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

“Open it anyway.” Nate smiled. He knew Justin didn’t like gifts.

Justin opened the package gently, not wanting to rip the paper.

“It’s just paper!”

Justin laughed and ripped the rest of the paper off the box. It was a jewelry box but bigger than a ring box. Opening it he found a heart pendent colored in the shades of the rainbow.

“It’s beautiful!” Justin pulled the necklace out of the box and put it around his neck. “I am going to wear this all the time.” He pulled Nate in and gave him a deep kiss.

“Here.” Justin pulled back and handed him a small box as well. “I got this for you!”

“Hum…” Nate looked at the package. He didn’t take the same care opening his box, and ripped the paper right off. Opening the box revealed a black faced watch with a diamond sitting in the spot where the six should have been. “Oh my.” He pulled the watch out of the box. “It is perfect!”

He put it on his wrist and spun it around a couple of times. “I am only going to wear this on special occasions.”

“Why?” Justin asked, thinking something was wrong with the watch.

“Because,” He grabbed Justin’s hand. “I don’t want to damage the watch by scratching it.”

“Oh.” Justin sighed. “Fair enough.” He reached up and started to play with the necklace.

“Spill it.” Nate said, putting the box down and pulling Justin’s hand down away from the necklace.

“It’s nothing really.” Justin sighed again. “I just don’t know how to wrap my head around some ideas.”

“Such as?”

“Well,” Justin decided he would just be nondescript and pretend he was thinking in abstract terms. “Do you think it is possible for a person to love two people at the same time?”

Nate raised his eyebrow slightly. “Well…” He seemed to be saying something, but then changed his mind. “Is this about Matt?” Nate finally asked.

“How…” Justin started but  was cut off.

“I could tell by the way he looked at Eddie. It’s the same look he gives Lori.” Nate shrugged his shoulders. “I figured it was obvious to anyone that saw them together.”

“Guess I am blind.” Justin grumbled.

“No.” Nate rubbed Justin’s hand. “You are his brother, and sometimes it's hard to see these things.”

“I just don’t understand how he can be dedicated to Lori like he is, but at the same time with Eddie.” Justin shrugged his shoulders. He could feel himself growing anxious.

Nate sat silent, looking at Justin fidget around. “I suppose it is the same way some look at us. They don’t understand how we can be together.”

“I get that.” Justin stood up and started to pace. “I have no problem with Matt being with a guy, or a girl.” Justin stopped and looked at the Christmas tree standing in the coroner. “Why do people put trees in the corner of the room like that?”

“Don’t change the subject.” Nate watched calmly. This was something Justin would have to work out on his own.

“Just how can he divide his loyalty between two people?” He could feel anger rising in him. He felt ashamed that he was being so unwilling to accept Matt, but this was even beyond the realm of what he considered to be normal.

“I wouldn’t know.” Nate started to get up. This was getting a little too much out of control. Justin was spiraling out of control. “It is what it is. Matt has to figure things out on his own, and if Lori is good with it, and Eddie is good, then why do you need to judge?”

“But what if Lori is not good with it?” Justin spun around. “What if Lori is just worried she might lose Matt if she doesn't let him do this? How does she feel?” He pulled his hands into tight fists.

“Please…” Nate reached out to Justin, but Justin just spun away from him.

Justin ran out the door leaving his coat and Nate behind.

***

Justin stood in his favorite thinking spot, on the edge of the cliff overlooking the canyon below. The air was sharp and cold, and he regretted not getting his jacket. But the cold felt somewhat good as it numbed the pain he was feeling, and subsided the shame he felt for feeling angry.

Why was this a concern for him, when it wasn’t even his life? If Matt was happy, he should be happy too. If Lori was happy then what did it concern him about their relationship?

He rubbed his hands together to try to get his fingers to loosen up.

“You need this.” a voice interrupted his thoughts. Usually he could hear people coming up behind him, but he was numb from everything.

“I don’t need anything.” Justin spat back. “I am fine.”

“You are not fine.” Matt came up behind him and put the jacket around him. “You are far from it.”

“I don’t need help.” Justin shrugged Matt’s hands off his shoulders.

“I didn’t realize this was tearing you up so badly.” Matt put his hands in his jacket pockets and looked down at the ground. “I am sorry.”

“I don’t understand.” Justin glared at Matt. “How could you betray Lori like this?”

“Betray Lori?” Matt turned and faced Justin with shock. “I did not betray Lori.”

“But how can you be with Eddie and still stay faithful to her?” Justin retorted. The cold was giving way to anger, and Justin could feel it build again. “You cannot serve two masters!”

“Don’t quote scripture to me young man!” Matt shouted back. “You have no right! I have been supportive of you all this time, and now that I am in need of it you act like a rotten, spoiled ass!”

“I don’t know how this is even equivalent!” Justin shot back. “I love one person. You are somehow expecting me to accept this...this?” Justin spread his arms out towards Matt in a gesture that indicated what Matt was doing.

“Yes.” Matt said silently. A tear was forming in his eye.

Justin ignored it. “How? Lori cannot be happy with the arrangement. Hell you stayed with Eddie last night.”

Matt was silent. Justin was not going to be convinced so easily, nor was he going to calm down. “I am not beytraing Lori.” Matt said, gritting his teeth.

“Bastard!” Justin pulled back his fist and punched Matt in the stomach.

Matt doubled over and made a garbled noise as he tried to recover. Justin knew he was no match for Matt who was more physically fit than he was, so he did the only thing he knew how to do: Run.

He ran down the path as fast as he could. Behind him he could hear Matt catching up to him.

“Justin!” Matt called after him. “Stop!”

Justin had no intention of stopping or slowing down. He knew that eventually Matt would catch him, but he was going to wear him down a bit first.

In a flash of an eye he could feel something come into contact with his sides and realized that Matt had already caught up to him and had grabbed him. Justin yelled and attempted to break free from the grasp, but in doing so he lost his footing on the trail and started to fall forward pulling Matt with him.

Since they were on an incline, gravity was going to have its way so they rolled for several feet before coming to a stop, with Matt on top of Justin pinning him to the ground.

“Stop!” Matt said again, holding him firm. Justin continued to struggle against his brother's grasp but he was no match for him. “I can hold you longer than you can struggle.”

“Let me go.” Justin demanded. He could feel himself breaking down, and the anger subsiding.

“Not until you agree to listen.” Matt said with a firm determination.

Justin finally stopped struggling against Matt and started to cry. Matt let go of Justin, but continued to sit on him in case he wanted to bolt again.

“I love you Matt.” Justin said finally, “But I don’t understand this. You love Lori.”

“I also love Eddie.” Matt said quietly. “I don’t know how, but it is what it is.”

“How can she share you like that?” Justin had tears rolling down the side of his face mixing with the dirt that had covered him. “How can she be okay with you sleeping with someone else?”

“I don’t know.” Matt said with a sigh. “I don’t know.”

Justin looked at Matt and saw that he was crying too.

“She is a good person.” Matt said. “And she knows that this has been hard on me. I know it's been hard on her.” He moved off Justin so he could sit up. “I just don’t know how she does it. I don’t know how Eddie does it. But we are doing good.”

They sat in silence for a while. Justin started to look at his body for any signs of damage. He had a small cut on his arm that was dripping some blood.

“There is a creation story that always fascinated me.” Matt finally broke the silence as he watched Justin apply his shirt to the cut on his arm. “The story goes that the gods made humans together with their soulmate, so they would never be alone. That they were combined and had four arms and four legs. This made them fast and strong, and it worried the gods. So they split the humans in two, so they would be alone and unable to move as one. But the gods underestimated the humans, who would spend their entire life searching for that one partner. And when they found that one partner, they became one again, and became strong and fast once again.”

Justin had heard this tale before, and was always intrigued by the idea. The idea that soulmates were actually the one attached to you at one point. Of course, he didn’t like the idea of soulmates either. What were the odds that you would live in proximity to that one person? There are billions of people in the world, and you just happen to live near them? Santa Claus was more realistic.

Matt sighed. “It took me a long time to figure out exactly what made me kiss Eddie that first day we met.”

“You are a kind person.” Justin offered. He felt calm again, which could have been from all the energy he exerted fighting Matt.

“No.” Matt laughed. “I didn’t realize it till I saw Lori at the airport on my return.” Matt smiled and Justin saw a look on his face he had never seen before. As if he was truly whole. “When I look at Lori, I see Eddie, and when I see Lori, I see Eddie. I don’t see two different people, but I see the same person.”

“Like they are the same person?”

“No.” Matt shook his head and sighed. “Have you ever noticed that Eddie has two colored eyes?”

“Yea.” Justin said. “I had that conversation with Eddie this morning.”

“Did you notice that his brown eye looks exactly the same as Lori’s?” Matt asked with a glint in his eye.

Justin thought hard for a moment. He never looked much at Lori’s eyes, never had a reason too. But he did have a good look at Eddie’s on that first day he met.

“A brown eye is a brown eye.” Justin said finally. “It means nothing.”

“When we get home, I want you to look at them.” Matt started to get up. “I think you will notice the same thing I did. Something about them makes them share something similar. Maybe, my soul mate ended up getting split into two people, so I could never be complete.”

Matt reached down to help Justin off the ground.

“The bigger question,” Justin stated brushing some of the dirt off his pants, “is how will we explain this?”

***

Authors Note:

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Matt