Chasing Rusty Parker – Ch. 47
By Laura S. Fox
Copyright © 2023 Laura S. Fox
All Rights Reserved
Gay Erotica
Intended for Mature Audiences Only
This story will contain graphic depictions of sexual intercourse, strong
language and it is not meant for readers who are less than 18 years of age.
Consider making a donation to Nifty by clicking the little blue button
on the front page, as they help us all enjoy so many great stories, while
aiding authors like me to display their work.
~
Chasing Rusty Parker is the sequel to my story Good Guys Don't Date Bad
Boys that you can also find here, on Nifty.
Chapter Forty-Seven – That
Guy
The door to his bedroom
opened. It had to be August again, coming to check on him. For another hour, he
could pretend he was still asleep. As much as he insisted on remaining on the
sofa downstairs, August had insisted back that he needed to rest and being here
inside his old room gave him at least a semblance of safety.
The bed dipped by his
side and a hand landed on his shoulder. It wasn't August, so he forced himself
to shake off the fragmented slumber he had battled with for the last several
hours since coming back home from the hospital.
"Dad," he said and hid
his face in the crook of his elbow.
His parent's rough and
warm hand moved to the back of his neck and squeezed gently. "I came as soon as
I could. I dropped by the hospital first. Your neighbor, Mrs. Kingsley, told me
where to go."
In the end, it had been
Florence who called his dad, as his stubbornness about contacting Roy had only
increased over the painful hours of waiting.
"Any change?" he asked
without removing his head from the illusory shelter of his arms.
"No, not yet. But I've
talked to the doctors treating her. It seems she must have been taking
medication by the handful. She will need proper supervision. Even after she
wakes up from her coma. She's a danger to herself, and she needs to be
institutionalized."
"That will cost a lot.
That means I--"
"That means I will take
care of everything," Roy interrupted him. "Rusty, there's no job you can get that
would enable you to cover such expenses."
Of course, he wasn't even
good enough to care for his mom. He knew that. But that didn't mean it
diminished the revolt he felt growing inside him.
"You see about your
school, your friends," his dad continued. "This isn't for you to bear, do you
understand?"
Roy began caressing his
head. Rusty wanted to howl and cry at the same time. Was a family drama of such
proportions really necessary for his dad to show him a bit of understanding?
"I fought with her," he said,
speaking with his face hidden from view. "I should have just... let her have the
last word and all. It was the least I could do. And are you sure your present wife
is okay with you paying for the care of your ex-wife?" His words were so bitter
he couldn't hold them in.
Roy sighed and shifted
his position. The presence of his dad made him feel oddly calm, as if he hadn't
endured such a storm of emotions until he had walked into the room.
"You never call her by
her name."
"Why should I?" Rusty
hated that he was being unfair toward a stranger – which Roy's current wife had
always remained to him – but he felt better talking.
"Of course."
"That's all you have to
say? Aren't you going to put me in my place?"
"Under these conditions?
No, Rusty. Anger is not going to help you, either."
"Anger? Do you think I'm
angry?" The way he raised his voice only made it obvious that he was
overwhelmed by blind fury. "I shouldn't have talked to her like that, I
shouldn't have let her think that I'm just like you, I--"
"Rusty." His dad didn't
say his name louder than usual, but there was a firmness in it that made him
stop. "Don't feel guilty."
He straightened up and
looked at his dad. "I was responsible for her, wasn't I? How can you tell me
not to feel guilty?"
"Just listen to me for a
moment." Roy met his eyes, and it was maybe the first time Rusty realized that
his dad was growing old. His hair was thinning, and there were more wrinkles on
his face than ever before. That simple understanding landed like a rock in his
stomach. He felt like crying again, but tears had never been the right choice when
dealing with Roy Parker. No matter the circumstances.
"You're not responsible
for your mother," his dad continued. "The only one who should pay for it all,
and I'm certainly not exclusively talking about money here, is me."
"Are you saying that you
should have never left her?" And me?
Roy shook his head. "When
we're young, we think we know everything. Your mom and I, we kept on refusing
to see that we weren't good for each other. We were so different. That's why we
didn't work out."
"You two must have had
something in common," Rusty shot back.
"Yes, of course. There
was attraction. But that's not enough to build a home and a life, my son. Don't
make the same mistake I did. Don't ruin someone else's life just because you
think she's perfect for you."
"A little too late to
dole out life advice, don't you think?"
"Be mad at me if you
want, Rusty. You have a right to be."
"Seriously?" Rusty felt
his outrage from earlier being replaced by confusion.
"Yes. The only reason you
feel like this right now, why you think you're responsible for your mom is
because I put you in charge."
Rusty searched his mind.
Had his dad ever said words like `take care of your mom' or other things like
that? But maybe he hadn't needed to say them; Rusty had thought them all anyway.
"I left you with her
because I couldn't stand leaving her all alone."
"What?" Rusty blinked a
few times, ignoring the wetness of his eyelashes. "What do you mean by that?"
Roy sighed and ran one
hand over his face. "I treated her emotional instability merely as a sign of an
artistic personality. But then the truth hit me in the face. She was sick, and
that meant I could never be happy with her."
"So you ran away," Rusty
said and the accusatory words fell between them like a rock into a deep pond.
"I loved your mom,
Rusty," Roy said instead of offering a proper reply. "And because I didn't want
her to continue to face the world alone, I decided to leave you with her."
"Wait, what are you
saying? You could have taken me with you?" Rusty couldn't believe his ears.
Roy offered him a look
that combined pity with embarrassment. "Her condition didn't prevent her from
continuing to be a mom to you, but it was all a grey area, according to the
lawyers at least. If I had fought to get full custody, the chances were I could
have obtained it."
"And you just chose to...
you didn't choose me," Rusty whispered. His ears were ringing and he rolled onto
his back so that he could look away from his parent. "Just because you didn't
want to leave her alone? Is that the lie you tell yourself?"
"Rusty," his dad said in
a reproachful yet ineffective tone.
"No, I get it," Rusty
said as he continued to stare stubbornly at the ceiling. "I was a burden you
didn't care about."
"Are you saying that you
would have preferred to leave your mom behind, too?"
The words hit home. This
was exactly the same thing his mom had said, right? He was blaming his dad for
running away, but he was his father's son, as all his actions showed.
"You could've, at least,
dropped by more often than once every several months," he said through his
teeth. "But you were busy being happy, weren't you?"
"I guess I deserve your
anger."
"You do. And don't expect
me to be grateful that you're paying for mom's care."
"I don't. I only told you
about it so that you don't take a bigger burden on your shoulders than you can
carry. That is all."
Rusty moved his arm away
when his dad tried to touch him. "Why didn't you come more often, dad?"
"You're not a child
anymore. Do you really want us to rehash old history?"
"I do. So tell me why you
chose to forget all about me. You felt guilty, didn't you? Each time you
visited here."
"Yes, I did," Roy said,
his voice louder and filled with exasperation. "When you finally grow up,
you'll realize that life is not easy, and we don't always make the right
choices."
"Make that never."
Roy slammed his knees and
got to his feet. "Your mom would have continued to be unhappy even if I had
stayed, Rusty. But maybe she would have blamed me more than she did you. That's
my debt to you."
A debt that money
wouldn't cover, ever, Rusty wanted to throw that in his dad's face. And this
was what he was doing now, by coming in and paying for the medical expenses,
like usual. Nothing had changed and, as Roy walked out of the room with a soft
goodbye, he came to the frightening realization that the empty space he had
always thought his dad could fill was going to remain void.
***
"What did you and your
dad talk about?" August began needling him as they were driving back to Sunny
Hill.
"Basically, about what an
asshole he's been to me my whole life," Rusty replied.
"Oh, wow, heavy stuff."
He couldn't blame August
for trying to lighten the mood, but he was sick of everything, himself in
particular. His dad had said a lot of things, but he had left out the obvious.
That he had preferred to have a whole new family instead of bringing with him
the kid that would remind him of his ex-wife, emotionally unstable and who only
wanted to make him unhappy. He didn't need to hear the words spoken aloud. The
truth was stark and obvious.
Maybe he should be happy
that his dad hadn't forgotten him altogether. Right. Was partial abandonment
any better than total abandonment? At least, with the latter, you'd know where
you stood, right? But the morsels of attention thrown his way, that whole
pretense that he still cared, had only continued to give him hope that would
never come to anything.
"You're so silent,"
August said. "This isn't like you."
"Well," he said and
gripped the wheel harder, "maybe this is the real me."
"Come on. Would you like
some cheese with that whine?"
"Screw you, August. My
mom's in the hospital, still unconscious. My dad just told me that he chose to
be free and get a new family, kids included, instead of fighting to get full
custody of me. So, yeah, I'm very comfortable in this pity party of one, thank
you very much."
"And none of the shit
you've just told me has anything to do with you." August turned toward him, as
much as the seatbelt allowed her. "Hey, they're fucking grownups, pardon my
French. I know you're in no mood to hear some hard little truths, but here they
are. Your mom shouldn't have taken so many pills and neglected you all her life
because a man walked out on her. And your dad should have been at least ten
percent less of a coward and worked at least a little harder for you. The
problem isn't you. It's them." With that, she straightened back up in her seat,
pulling at the lapels of her leather jacket, her lips pursed in a grim line.
She could run her mouth
all she wanted. But that didn't change the facts. His mom was lying in a coma
because he couldn't keep his mouth shut. All her yelling that he was his
father's son? Yeah, it had the ring of truth in it. But, then again, he was
also hers, and what did that mean?
He knew exactly why his
dad hadn't wanted to take him along when he left. He was too much like his mom,
yes, artistic, but also reckless, irresponsible, immature, and all that. By the
time they had started fighting before the divorce, Rusty had been old enough to
understand all of those words.
And they all described
him oh-so-perfectly.
***
He had barely made it one
step into the house when Maddox pulled him into a hard hug. For a moment, he
let his bestie do his thing and then patted him on the back to make him let go.
He looked around at everyone there. His pity party didn't need guests.
"Come on, guys," he said
in a casual tone, "don't be like this. She's going to
be fine. The doctors say so."
Jonathan walked closer
and hugged him, too, which was a big thing because Hamilton wasn't usually a
touchy-feely guy.
"All right, all right,"
he continued. "Who's next?"
Kane hugged him so hard
that a few joints popped. "We're with you, buddy."
"I know, I know." Getting
out of that tight grip wasn't easy, but he managed. The knot of coiled snakes
in his gut was starting to get restless at all of the displays of affection
from his friends.
Dex grabbed him by the
back of the neck and looked him in the eyes. "Rusty," he said, "did you lose
your phone or something?"
Of course. His phone had
blown up with calls and messages, and he had ignored them all, unfit to deal
with responding to everyone. Even now, being surrounded by so many people made
him feel like the sooner he could get away, the better.
"Nope. It's right here,"
he replied and showed them by pulling his phone out of his pocket.
Dex smiled and slapped
him lightly upside the head. "Good. Do you need a crash course on how to use
one of these new and wonderful devices?"
Rusty couldn't fight a
grin. Dex was one intelligent mofo. He knew too much affection made him feel
icky. "Maybe later. You guys, don't mind if I go crash in my room, right? I'm
beat."
"No, of course not." That
was Jonathan, always the caring one. "I'm going to bring you some chocolate
chip cookies later. We didn't know when you'd arrive, so I postponed getting
started on them."
Who needed parents when
he had such a great group of friends to lean on? That was one lame joke. He was
bone-tired but something more than that. He wanted to be alone, which was new for
him, because as long as he'd known himself he had preferred to be surrounded by
people, especially so he didn't have to deal with that frightening feeling of
isolation.
***
Matty almost knocked the
phone on the floor in his haste to grab it when it began ringing. Waiting for
Rusty's return had made him particularly anxious, and it was only because of
his good reflexes that his phone didn't hit the floor, face first.
"Yes?"
"Hey, Matty," Maddox's
voice came through. "Rusty just arrived. He went to crash in his bed, but feel
free to drop by as soon as you want. When he wakes up, I bet he's going to be
happy to see you. Also, Jonathan's making chocolate chip cookies. I hope this
offer is enough to bribe you to come here and cheer Rusty up."
"How is he?" Matty asked,
his heart in his throat.
"As you might expect. But
the good news is that the doctors say that his mom is going to be fine. We
haven't talked to him a lot because he wasn't in the mood to chat. We know most
of the details from my mom, anyway."
"Okay, I'll come by,"
Matty said. "And thank you, Maddox."
"No sweat. I told you
we'd call as soon as he got here. See you soon, right?"
"Yes, of course."
Matty
took a deep breath after the conversation ended and then ran his fingers through
his hair. Rusty needed him now more than ever. How silly he had been to agonize
so much over his confession when there were so many bigger things in play.
That confession could
wait. Now, Rusty needed a friend, and Matty intended to be that friend, even if
there were all the others already at the house, supporting him. He was the
closest to Rusty, right? Jonathan had said so and he'd known Rusty for some
time.
***
He waited awkwardly, his
bag still on his shoulder, debating whether he should spend some time with the
guys downstairs or just go up to see Rusty. Maddox was the one who saved him
from that dilemma. "You can go up and try to see if our sleeping beauty is
awake, Matty. Since he can be a beast when he wakes up on the wrong side of the
bed, none of us is brave enough to risk his skin. Consider yourself our human
sacrifice."
Matty felt a bit better
when Maddox smiled reassuringly. "Okay, I'll do that."
"Remind him that Jonathan
has decided to make cookies in the middle of the week only for him."
Everything seemed all
right at the house. That meant that Rusty felt a bit better, Matty concluded. Since
he had tried his phone number several times since learning from Maddox and
Jonathan about what had happened with his mom, the silence that met all his
attempts had served only to convince him that Rusty wasn't ready to talk.
That must have changed if
all his old friends were in such a good mood. Matty climbed the stairs, feeling
energized and in the best comforting mood he could be. No one had to tell him
that.
Once on the landing, he
waited for a moment before walking toward Rusty's bedroom. To think that he had
become so familiar with this place that it felt as if he was walking through
his own home. It all had to do with the guy behind the door in front of which
he now stood.
He knocked lightly. If
Rusty was still asleep, Matty would like to let him rest a bit more. However,
the raspy `come in' convinced him that wasn't the case.
The first thing he
noticed when he walked in was how bloodshot Rusty's eyes were. He looked like
someone who'd been crying, and that was understandable, only it was a shock to
see the carefree king of Sunny Hill in a state like that. Rusty was sitting on the
edge of the still made bed, which meant that he hadn't slept at all yet.
"Hi Rusty. I heard about
your mom." Matty made a move toward the bed, wondering if it were all right to
offer a hug. Something about the way Rusty held his body, rigid and unyielding,
made him think that he might have to wrench one out of him.
"Yeah." A wan smile and
tired eyes welcomed him. "Sorry I didn't answer the phone. All those boys
downstairs are making a big deal over it."
Matty hesitated for just
one more moment, and then he finally took it upon himself to sit on the bed by
Rusty's side. They were very close, but they weren't touching. That was
something that had to be corrected.
Matty put a hand on
Rusty's shoulder. "I'm so sorry about everything. And I get why you didn't
answer your phone. This whole thing must have been difficult for you."
Something in Rusty's eyes
hardened. "Not as difficult as for my mom, I can tell you that."
This was more than pain.
Matty didn't know what it was. "It was an accident, right?"
"Yeah, an accident."
Rusty looked away, breaking eye contact. "So, did the guys send you to check on
me? You can go back down and tell them that I'm not hungry yet."
"I'd rather stay here
with you," Matty said bravely.
"Why?"
The question took him by
surprise. There was something very odd about their whole interaction but he couldn't
put his finger on what. "Because I'm your friend, and I want to be here for
you."
"Yeah, okay. But I have
to warn you, I'm not the most pleasant company right now."
"And I don't expect you
to be." Matty put one arm around Rusty's shoulders.
To his surprise, Rusty
shook off his touch and got to his feet. Matty took in the turned back, the
hunched shoulders.
"Look, Matty, I'm sorry,
but I don't feel like sunshine and rainbows right now."
"That's understandable.
And I'm not here for that," Matty hurried to say.
Rusty's clenched
fists betrayed a different state of emotion than what Matty had expected to
see. It made his chest hurt, and he wanted to hear all about it, so that he
could know what to do to make it go away or at least less of a burden.
"Well, that's too bad,"
Rusty murmured.
"What's going on? Why are
you mad?" Matty asked. Rusty was mad. He was sure of it.
"Besides the obvious?"
Rusty asked louder, and snorted, a sound that seemed an expression of
self-deprecation. "You see, Matty, I'm basically a piece of shit whose last
words to his mom while she was still conscious were enough to make her so upset
that she fell down the stairs and ended up in a coma. Do you need me to tell
you more?"
Rusty turned his head but
didn't look at him, only offering his profile, his lips set, his eyebrows drawn
into a tight frown, his entire face, usually all a smile, now a genuine mask of
pain.
Matty jumped to his feet.
He grabbed Rusty by the arms and shook him. "That is not true, Rusty! I know
you're upset about what happened to her, but don't say things like that about
yourself."
The green eyes seemed
blank as they rested on him. "Why? They are the truth, Matty."
He shook his head
vehemently. "No, no, that's not true. You're wonderful, you're this great person,
you're--"
"The king of Sunny Hill?
The best party planner on campus? The star of the basketball team? The guy who
can joke about anything and anyone?"
Matty didn't like the way
Rusty was saying those words, as if he was listing bad things about himself.
"You're much more than that. I'm not talking about those things."
"But I am, and I want you
to listen to all of this, because it's the truth. I'm just a superficial
asshole--"
"You're not!"
The force of his words
seemed to take Rusty aback. His eyes seemed to clear for a moment. "Why do you
say that? Can't you see who I am? Why do you keep telling me these things?
Because you want to comfort me? Make me feel better?"
"No, Rusty."
"Then why?"
"Because I love you, dammit!"
The stunned silence that followed made them both hold their
breath. Matty knew it cost him everything to keep staring into Rusty's eyes.
There were no more masks between them now.
"Okay, Matty, you can see yourself out," Rusty said suddenly
and moved away. "I'm not in the mood for jokes. I know you want to make me feel
better, but stuff like this isn't funny."
"I'm not joking." Matty felt like every word was a wrong
step but he didn't want to deny it anymore. "I'm in love with you, and I have
been for a long time."
Rusty walked to the door and opened it wide. Then, he
gestured at it with his chin, without saying another word.
Matty shook his head, feeling pain and anger blending inside
him like an explosive. Rusty was just hurt and upset because of his mom, he
told himself as he moved slowly toward the door.
A strong arm barred the way at the last moment. "For real,
Matty?" Rusty whispered. "I thought you were smart."
"What's that even supposed to mean?" Matty felt his bottom
lip quivering and didn't want to let Rusty see that.
"I can take a joke, even a lie... but you're serious, aren't
you?"
He didn't reply and looked away this time.
"Do you remember when you
said I should tell you if you ever went too far?" The words were thrown at him
like shotgun bullets. "This is too far, Matty."
"Okay," he murmured. "It
was the wrong time and... We'll talk later."
"Better not," Rusty said.
"For your sake, our little arrangement is off. Fine by you?"
Matty struggled to look
up. "Yeah, of course. When have I ever told you `no'?"
With wooden hands, he searched
in his bag. He handed the key to Rusty and then walked out, without throwing
one look back.
***
"What's going on? Are you
leaving so soon?" Maddox asked as soon as he was downstairs.
Matty could hardly
breathe and needed to get out of there and fast. This had always been a
possibility, right? And he had rushed in, without even thinking, and caused
only hurt for both of them.
"Yeah, there's somewhere
I need to be, and it's important, and I just realized it," he spoke quickly,
his eyes darting sideways.
"Oh, okay. Nice seeing
you. Will you come back later? We'll save some cookies for you."
Matty shook his head. "I
don't think so. You guys enjoy your dinner. Bye."
He could tell all of Rusty's
buddies were staring at him with questions in their eyes. But he had no
answers, only the raw pain and fury at himself for having messed up such an
important thing. He had just blurted everything out without thinking.
And that wasn't like him.
Lesson for the future, always use your head. His heart was no good at making
good decisions.
***
Rusty stared at the key
in his palm, feeling nauseous. That look in Matty's eyes was bound to haunt
him. Fuck, that was bad. He shouldn't have acted like that, throwing him out as
if he didn't care at all. But Matty needed to know that it was a mistake to
think himself in love with him. He was in love with that sunshine and rainbows
guy, not the real him.
He'd see it, in due time.
Because Rusty didn't believe he could play that game anymore. It was exhausting
just to think about it. All his life, chasing after something that wasn't
there, imagining himself being someone else, someone fun, who people would like
without thinking twice. The illusion had stayed safely out of reach, taunting
him with the knowledge that he wasn't the Rusty Parker everyone knew and
thought they liked. The way he saw it, that was the problem. When they liked
him, they didn't like the real him; they just liked the image he had so
carefully crafted over time.
That kind of thing never
worked in the long run. All it took was a real cut to get through, like what
had just happened between him and his mom, and the whole thing came unraveled.
Yeah, Matty would be
better off without him. If he'd known the real him, he wouldn't have imagined
himself in love with that guy.
And that fucking hurt,
because if Matty had said that to that guy, that would have made him pretty
freaking happy.
***
Rusty sauntered
downstairs, trying to mimic as carefree an attitude as he could, under the
circumstances.
"Finally, we thought you fell
asleep again." Maddox grabbed him and placed him in his chair.
They were all there,
ready to dig in. However, as ravenous as Dex and Kane
usually were, they didn't seem keen on starting to shovel food into their
mouths. No, everyone was just staring at him.
"Yeah, what?" he asked, a
bit roughly.
"Matty left in a hurry.
What happened?" Maddox asked him directly.
Rusty shrugged. "I told
him the truth. He deserved it."
"What truth?"
He really didn't want to
have this conversation. He moved and grabbed a cookie from the bowl Jonathan
had placed on the side. "You know what? I'm not really hungry. But you go
ahead. Excellent stuff, Johnny boy," he tried to laugh it off as he took a bite
out of the chocolate chip masterpiece.
"Rusty," Maddox said, and
the reproach in that single word was visible from Mars.
They'd leave him alone.
Not for long, but maybe long enough to make some order out of the mess in his
head and come up with some answers that made sense and would maybe lessen the
hurt he felt inside right now.
TBC
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