“I don't understand why we all have to move,” Donovan stated.
Donovan was my oldest brother. Right beside me was Kenyon, the middle brother. We were all close in age. Donovan was 23, Kenyon was 22 and I was 20. Donovan and Kenyon were somewhat close but I was always the outsider in this little group.
My Dad shook his head, “Your brother was attacked.”
“It's going to happen again,” Donovan told him, “No matter where we go. It's going to happen again. And again...and again. That's just how shit is...”
Regardless of how much I hated to admit it Donovan was probably right. See shit has changed. I don't know how it started.
“It's because he's a faggot,” Kenyon replied.
“Watch your mouth!” my mom shot back.
“I'm just telling the truth.”
I just closed my eyes hoping I would be able to disappear. Kenyon started to laugh. Donovan looked like he was trying to hold back laughter. They thought it was funny...and I was their little brother. The thing was things just would get worse.
My name was Shay Watts and my family was on our way to move to Miami. We had moved all the way from Alabama. We had sold all our stuff and moved. The reason for the move? Me. See I was gay. And being gay just wasn't the thing anymore.
My world was just like yours. My world takes place just a few years after yours actually. It all started with a guy known as the Tony Monteo. He was known as the Ass Assassin. He went around kidnapping teenage boys, raping and attacking them. He was never caught and the whole country went into a planet with right wingers using this to wage a war against Homosexuality. I was shocked when it started to work a little bit. Within a year of two of white America having their sons killed the small outrage of right wingers became popular opinion. Viral videos started to become really popular and gays had become much less popular. It happened after gay marriage. People didn't take well to the fact that gay marriage was legal everywhere now. It became popular to “Gay shame”. It was a term when all these gay people were picked on, humiliated and embarrassed. It was bigger in Alabama so we decided to move to Miami. My dad got a new job and my mom figured it would be better in a bigger city for gay guys like me. She was wrong.
“New study shows that gay men are more likely to be child molestors...” I heard on the radio as we drove to Miami.
“Please turn this off,” my mom started.
“No...” Donovan replied, “I want to hear what they're saying.”
“Don't believe this bullshit.”
My dad hit the switch. I guess I would call my parents supportive. They had always been somewhat conservative but had tried to maintain an open mind since I came out of the closet to them.
“You guys don't remember the Ass Assassin?” Donovan asked.
“I'm just saying that's what gay people do. They rape little boys. The Ass Assassin went around the country, raped and killed 113 boys.”
Kenyon laughed, “Hide your husbands. Hide your sons. Isn't that right Shay? Everybody getting' butt fucked!”
Donovan rolled his eyes, “Kenyon its not funny.”
For a moment I thought Donovan was sticking up for me. I should have known better.
Donovan quickly added to what he was saying, “It's sad. It's actually really sad. We have one of them in the car with us now. I don't feel comfortable sleeping in my own house. The other day Shay was staring at my dick...”
“Shut the fuck up,” I replied.
I usually didn't reply to them.
“Shay watch your mouth,” my dad stated.
“Are you serious? Did you hear what he just said to me?”
“EVERYONE! Enough. We are almost there.”
Donovan shot me a look. Kenyon broke out in laughter. The idea that Donovan thought I wanted him was ridiculous. Donovan was a fat ass. He wasn't even in the least bit attractive. Even if I was some sick dude that wanted to fuck my brother it wouldn't have been him. Kenyon looked a lot like me. We both were a chestnut brown skin complexion with dredlocks. My hair was a lot longer then Kenyon and Kenyon had dyed his tips. We were really similar and actually really attractive. I feel like Donovan always hated that fact about us. For some reason he seemed to take out his jealousy on me a lot more then Kenyon. Maybe because no one really ever took Kenyon seriously because he had the IQ of a 10 year old.
“Welcome to your new Neighborhood guys. Dade county.”
“Ay! We in Miami bitch! Turn up! Where's the sluts though? Drop me off at the beach,” Kenyon stated.
“Watch your mouth,” my dad replied.
I had to admit that a part of me was just as excited as Kenyon. After spending so much time in the car I was just ready to get out. I never been to Miami. I watched as both my brothers rolled down the windows of the truck we were in. The hot Florida breeze flowed into the car. I could feel it tickle the back of my neck.
“There's the house...”
We were pulling up into a Cul-de-sac. The houses all started to look alike. They were one level houses with palm trees outside. Immediately I was taken back by how many people were just outside. It was a lot different from Alabama. People were just outside relaxing. I saw a lot of people my age in particular.
Donovan just was waiting for a moment to complain and bitch, “It's about time. It's hot as fuck. Why the fuck did we have to move?”
“I like it. Hoes get naked when its hot,” Kenyon replied.
“I don't see no hoes. All I see is that spick with his shirt off,” Donovan stated.
“Stop hating. Just because you can't take yours off fat ass,” I replied.
“You would defend a dude with his shirt off, faggot!”
“Oh my god. WATCH YOUR MOUTHS!” my mom and dad stated at the same time.
Donovan shot me a look. I rolled my eyes at him and looked out of the window to see who Donovan was even talking about. That was when I saw him.
My mouth dropped when I saw him. I should have known that he looked good because if my brother Donovan was hating on him that means that it must have been an attractive person. My brother loved to hate on attractive people.
He was Spanish boy...tall. He had very tan skin that showed off how cut his body was. His shirt swung from some pants that were sagging a little. The pants showed off a defined v-section. His body was drenched with sweat. He had a lawn mower in his hand and was doing some lawn work. I wasn't sure what country he was from. To be honest I never knew any Spanish guys. There aren't a lot where were from in Alabama.
I was shocked when we pulled into the house next to his.
Was he the neighbor? I wasn't sure if he lived there or if he was just working on the yard. Either way I couldn't take my eyes off of him.
“We're home. Everyone let's go check out the house,” my mom started off.
I ignored her.
I had gotten out of the car but it was only to get a closer look at the Latin Papi Chulo standing next door. Now that I was closer I was able to get a look at his face. He had a short hair and a serious looking face. He had a tattoo that ran across the side of his abdomen. He had another tattoo...a half sleeve that started at his wrist. His face was so masculine. There was something so manly about him but soft at the same time. It was like he could have been a pretty boy if he wanted to but chose not to be. He had a huge adam's apple which I just found sexy and masculine. Below his lower lips was a short goatee that was hardly there but still added to his character.
Donovan looked over at me, “Hello...did you hear me?”
I didn't hear him.
“I said I need help with these bags. What the fuck are you looking at? You all hypnotized and shit? You think cause you a fairy you don't got to do no work? Huh? What you looking at? Huh? Oh! I see what you looking at!”
Donovan was eyeing the Spanish guy next door in the yard. The Latino guy didn't even seem to notice us there. He seemed busy with his words. It wasn't until my other brother Kenyon started screaming out that he took notice of us walking up to our house next door.
“YO!” Kenyon started.
I looked over at Kenyon. What the fuck was Kenyon doing? What the fuck was he doing? Before I knew it Kenyon was waving down the boy from across the yard.
This was not happening. I didn't trust Kenyon at all.
“Wassup?” the boy stated.
“I think my faggot ass brother wants to FUCK YOU!” Kenyon replied.
As if that wasn't bad enough Kenyon pointed to me with a finger. It was almost like he was putting me on blast. He was already letting everyone who cared to know on the block that I was gay. My face got red. I could kill Kenyon. I could honestly kill him! Instead of doing that however I found myself running into the house.
I ran into the house and shut the door.
I hadn't even waited to see the Latino boy's reaction.
It was a newer house. My dad did pretty well at his job and my mom worked as well so I didn't doubt we would move into a nice house. It seemed like one of the nicer houses on the block. There was a palm tree out front in the back there was a huge in ground pool. My bedroom was in the back of the house. I was pretty sure my parents did that on purpose to keep me away from my brothers. It was clear we didn't always get along.
I sat in the house and just started to unpack.
When I got to unpacking my computer a shiver went up my spine. There was something about the internet that just fucked me over. I stopped going on it almost completely after the video of me being abused by a group of guys went viral. That was part of the reason we had to move. See...people had started to recognize me. The video was all over the blogs and in my neighborhood I was becoming an easy target.
A knock came on my door later that day.
I rolled my eyes almost by second nature.
“Ma says dinner is almost ready.”
“What faggots don't eat?”
“Not as much as fat asses like you.”
“Better be careful, before I beat your ass like they did in that video.”
I looked at my brother. My heart raced. A part of me really wanted to hurt Donovan. Every part of me hated him. The teasing and the non-sympathetic behavior was one thing but the fact that he would attack me using what happened to me blew my mind.
I think it was at that moment I realized just how alone I was. My parents tried but picking up and moving wasn't fixing the issue.
I had been attacked...on camera.
I had been victimized.
No one understood that. Not even him.
“Are you satisfied?” I asked Donovan.
He looked over at me. His round face frowned up a little bit, “Satisfied with what?”
“You wanted me to feel like shit. Well done, my dude. Now what?”
He looked at me as though completely stumped in what I was saying and not knowing how to respond. When Donovan didn't know how to respond to something his face just got red at that moment. He just got real red.
That was all he said and he walked away.
“Shay are you ok?” I heard my mom state, “Dinner's almost ready...”
“I'm not hungry.”
Three days had passed since we moved to Miami. I barely left my room. My mom liked to try to have these little dinners but no one showed up. I had no doubt that Kenyon and Donovan were never home. They were out trying to pull Miami girls and peep the scene in the neighborhood.
“Ok,” was all my mom said.
She tried. I knew her and my father tried but I knew even they didn't want me to be gay. It was more of a burden to them than anything else. None of their kids had gone out of the nest as of yet. I was the only one who had gone to college but it happened right after gay bashing became popular. So I had to leave school and come stay back home. I had to join my loser ass brothers who were high school dropouts and barely had anything going for themselves.
I had no doubt my brothers would stay at the house with my parents as long as they could. I wasn't that type though. I had ambition.
I wanted to be out in the world.
I found myself in the back porch going to the pool. The sun was dropping. The best thing about Miami was the fact that there was this beautiful pool in the back. The lights in the pool lit up. I had a bottle of E&J in my hands. I drank it straight out of the bottle. Honestly the alcohol helped a lot.
I dipped my feet in the water feeling the water cool down my overheated body.
It was so fucking hot in Miami...even at night.
I turned at that moment.
I hadn't noticed him. It was the Spanish dude. He was next door to me and saw me walking out on the pool. He was sitting on the porch. He had his shirt off again but this time he had on some shorts.
I looked around.
I could feel my nerves getting the most of me as he looked over at me. He was fucking handsome. He was beyond handsome. He smiled at me with a wide smile.
I stuttered in response, “Me?”
“No one else is out here in some fuckin' speedos kid...”
I hadn't even realized I was wearing speedos. Great. I had never been shy when it came to certain things. I looked down at how tight my bathing suit looked. I was fucking ridiculous. I didn't understand what this was even about.
I was nervous a little bit. There was a fence separating us. He walked up to the fence. His house was a smaller scaled down version of mine. He didn't have a pool either but he had a nice sized back yard and porch. He had left off his porch and hung off the side of the fence that separated us.
I took a few steps closer.
“What's up?” I asked again.
“Yo...relax come closer. I'm cool people. I promise,” he replied.
He had a slight latin, slight Miami drawl to his voice. It was deep and alluring. A few months ago I would have ran over with no hesitation but today was a different me. There were people out there that had gotten into luring out gay dudes just so that they could bash them. It was fucked up actually. I couldn't believe that it was me.
I got all the way up to the fence. The closer I got the more attractive he got. By the time I was at the fence I realized that he had dimples. It softened his face making him seem a little innocent but there was still this strong street edge that he had.
“What's up?” I asked for the third time.
“I saw that bottle. Do you smoke?” he asked, “My friends were supposed to come over...they stood me up and shit. I was thinking we can start a nice rotation or something.”
I looked over at him.
“You stay right there?” I asked him.
“Yeah why?” he asked.
I just needed to be sure. I needed to be sure he wasn't one of those gay bashers who lured gay guys out to apartments where all his friends would be so they could embarrass me on video tape. The videos were getting so popular nowadays. I couldn't risk it. If he lived right there though I doubt he would have risked something like that.
“Just wondering. Um. Yeah. I'll come over. Maybe I can...um...hold this bottle. I'll hop the fence.”
“Don't rip your speedos,” he laughed.
He had pearly white teeth. I tried not to pay attention to them too much but to be honest he was mesmerizing. By the time I got over to the other side of the house, he smiled at me again.
We went to the porch area. His house was quiet making me think that no one was home.
I watched as he took out a blunt and started to roll his weed.
“So you live here alone?” I asked him.
He shook his head, “Naw...haha. Me and my cousin stay here. Another friend of mine is staying with us for a while, you know. Just until he gets on his feet. What about you? You just moved out there with your family huh?”
I nodded. I was hoping he didn't remember Kenyon's ratchet comment earlier that day.
“What's your name?” he asked.
“Like Fidel Castro?” I asked.
He laughed at that moment, “You got jokes? Naw. Not like Fidel Castro. I'm Rican---not Cuban. Fidel Hernandez.”
“I like the name.”
“Fidel just means faithful. What does Shay mean?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes, “It means my mother was hoping for a girl and when she was disappointed she decided to keep the name.”
He laughed a little bit. At this moment he was locking the blunt closed. He did it so sexy. I watched as his wet lips licked at the wrapper. His tongue was SO long. I could feel myself getting excited just watching him close it.
“You must really want to smoke, you staring real hard...”
“Who says it as the blunt I was staring at?”
He looked up at that moment. I couldn't help it. He lit the weed at that moment and took a few puffs. He was looking at me the entire time. He had somewhat of a smirk on his face. He was amused by what I said. He didn't look offended or grossed out like most people.
“How'd you know?” he asked.
“How'd I know what?”
“How'd you know I was gay?” he asked.
I shook my head at that moment, “I didn't. I guess I was just...hoping?”
I was going for it. I mean I had to. I couldn't play shy. This was the most attractive guy I had probably ever seen in my life. If all the guys in Miami looked like this I would DEFINITELY be in heaven. Fidel was a 20 on a scale from 1-10. By the cocky smirk he had on his face I think it had to have been somewhat common for people to hit on him. He was the shit and he knew it. I liked the silent confidence though. It seemed to turn me on even more.
“I mean you are attractive and so yeah, I hoped you were gay.”
“You got to be careful with that.”
“Why do you say that?”
Fidel shrugged, “It's a new day and age. Being gay will get you killed nowadays. I've seen it happen.”
I was too aware of how the world had changed. People were scared to be gay anymore. There was a mass migration of people back into the closets. The feminine guys were all of a sudden butching up and trying to pass for straight again. America hated gays and gay rights were hardly being punished like they used to especially with the new president in office.
“Sorry if I offended you,” I replied.
I didn't know what else to say. I felt kind of stupid. He was right. It was reckless for me to just come out and say that I was attracted to him like that.
“It's cool. You were right this time. You are...attractive too by the way,” he replied, “I mean I figured you were gay after that idiot screamed out that you wanted to fuck me the other day, so yeah...kind of wanted to confirm for myself.”
“That idiot was my brother.”
Fidel laughed. He had a hearty laugh. Deep and strong.
There was something so alluring about him. Strong, silent and mysterious.
“I feel bad for you.”
“Maybe you can make me feel better,” I replied.
I licked my lips at that moment. I mean I knew I was attractive but I had to pull out all the stops to get someone like Fidel. I hadn't really dated since the whole Ass Assassin controversy happened and being gay got really unpopular. Having someone right next door to me seemed to be almost too perfect. It was almost like someone was just putting him right into my laps.
“You are a flirt huh?” he asked laughing.
“I can't help it.”
“I mean nothing wrong with some innocent flirting. Now if you were ugly I would be like...oh hell no, I'm offended.”
I laughed. I found myself wanting to lean in closer to him. His lips were so wet. He smoked a little bit more and passed it to me. When he passed it to me I passed him my bottle. I watched as he didn't hesitate to put his lips to the bottle.
He took it to the head with no chaser.
“Damn...it's like that huh?” I asked him.
“That's how we do it in Miami baby,” he replied, “Real men down here. Gay or not.”
He was so sexy.
“Glad I'm down here then.”
“I should show you around. You know, maybe hang out. You can't run by yourself in Miami, especially being gay. It's not safe down here. Gay relations are the worst down here?”
“Yes. In the country.”
“Great. Actually my family left Alabama to get away from it...”
“And they came here?” he asked shaking his head, “They should have done their research. This is the birth place of Tony Monteo.”
“Your joking. The ass assassin is from Miami.”
“Yeah. This is where the rapes started. You didn't know? A lot of people think he's still here and they think the gay community is hiding him. Man, its rough out here. You came to the wrong place. You're not safe.”
I took a big long hit of weed.
Out of the frying pan and into the fire. It was just like my parents to do something like this. If they took the time to deal with issues instead of trying to sweep them under the rug they may have noticed that tensions with the gay communities were the worst in the country in Miami. We had literally gone into the wolf's den. And I was the main course.
“Don't worry kid,” he told me at that moment, “You're not alone. I got your back.”
“You don't even know me.”
He looked me in my eyes.
“I'm sure that will change...”
Was he flirting? Fuck I hoped he was flirting. Maybe I was just dreaming it. I was lost in his eyes at that moment. They were so deep. Things got quiet for a moment. They got quiet and awkward. We were just looking at one another. He had stopped drinking. I had stopped smoking. We were just staring.
He was surveying me. Looking me up and down. There was this CHEMISTRY. God I had no idea where this chemistry was coming from but it was this burning sensation. It was like my chest was on fire. Was he feeling it too?
I was about to make a move. I was about to get up at that moment and make my move. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him right then and there.
All of a sudden I heard sounds in the house. Fidel finally stopped staring at me and it broke my gaze as well. It was clear someone was in Fidel's house. Fidel looked around. I got up all of a sudden.
“My homies must be here,” Fidel stated at that moment.
Shit. I was just getting to know him at that moment.
“Maybe I should go back,” I replied.
At that moment I realized Fidel's hand was resting on my hand. He looked up at me. His hand was barely touching my skin. I could feel how smooth his hands were.
“Well...I'm kind of sitting around in speedos...”
“Relax. You are welcome here.”
I still felt nervous. All that I kept thinking about was what if Fidel had lured me into some kind of trap. What if these were more gay bashers? They would beat me up. They would piss on me. They would film it. They would degrade me and then let me go. That was if I was lucky. The unlucky gay ones got killed.
Just at that moment three other boys walked into the backyard. One was darkskin handsome black guy. He had one of those model like beauties with extremely strong features. His skin complexion was fucking dark and beautiful. Fidel had gotten up to speak to him first.
“Whose this?” the darkskin one asked.
He looked at me as though interested. My gaydar wasn't going off for Fidel but it was SCREAMING for the dark skin guy.
“Rashad, this is Shay...new neighbor,” Fidel stated.
“Sexy Shay,” another voice said.
The voice was standing next to Fidel. He looked like he was mixed or something. I wasn't sure what he was mixed with. He had a hightop curly fade and he was handsome in his own way. He had this kind of boy band appeal to him like young girls would go crazy over him. The fact that he called me sexy Shay let me know that maybe it was young boys who would be going crazy over him. He shot me a smile and actually winked at me.
The last boy was muscular black dude about the complexion of my brother Donovan. He didn't say anything he just looked at me and nodded a little bit as though barely acknowledging me. He had a strong face and was a little shorter than the others.
“What's going on here?” he asked.
“Just smoking and drinking with my neighbor,” Fidel stated, “Shay the one try to get in your pants is Miguel, my cousin and right next to him is my husband Lamont.”
He was talking about the shorter one.
My mouth kind of got dry at that moment.
That was when the shorter guy leaned over and pulled out a ring out of Fidel's pocket. I could almost feel my heart drop at that moment. The shorter guy was clearly claiming him. It was clear he was putting his stamp on this relationship and letting me know to back off.
I noticed Lamont's hand. He had a ring on it.
“Yeah...” he stated, “My husband.”
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