Date: Sat, 15 Aug 2009 23:37:01 -0500
From: JL <borotn@gmail.com>
Subject: James part 2

This is a reprint of a story that I originally began posting on Nifty back
in 2000.  A few years later I got the wild hair to rewrite the first few
chapters of the story so they would jibe much better with the latter parts.
I love getting emails, so please feel free to send to BoroTN@gmail.com.

Part II

	As the cab sped off, I thought two things: one, I prayed that Matt
hadn't gone home; and two, when is he going to start fooling around?  My
apartment was near the campus and wasn't too far from the club, so we
didn't have a lot of time to do anything, but this guy was being a total
gentleman.  It just threw me that much more.  Here was this hunk who had
been stripping for me less than fifteen minutes ago, and now here we sat on
opposite sides of the backseat of the cab.  He had his hand on my left
thigh, but that's about it.  He just looked out the window and smoked his
cigarette.  My mind reeled.
	I was so lost in thought that I didn't notice James trying to get
my attention.  He poked me in the rib, making me flinch.  He'd found a
ticklish spot, and I could see that he filed that information away for
future useful purpose.  He grinned.  "So, you never told me your name."
	It took me a minute to remember.  My mind was so rattled I think it
was on permanent "tilt" mode.  I managed to stammer out, "Dave... David
Collins."  My eyes moved to the cab driver, who kept giving us curious
looks.
	He smiled big.  "All right Dave, David Collins...nice to meet you."
He shook my hand, making it seem like a business meeting.  I guess my face
showed the shock, and as he laughed he leaned over to whisper in my ear,
"Guess that was a little formal for somebody who mooned you in the middle
of a club, huh?"  Then he stuck his tongue in my ear, making me let out a
sharp noise.  The cabbie scowled at us, but said nothing.
	The last two minutes of the cab ride were as uneventful as the
first five.  What was going on, I asked myself.  I had picked up guys
before and usually we had done some kissing or something on the way home to
keep the mood up, but for some reason this guy wasn't into it.  There was
his hand on my leg, and then there was the tongue thing, but other than
that he had been quite gallant.  And it was driving me crazy trying to
figure out what was up.  My mind went into total paranoid mode for a second
as I tried to figure out his angle.  Scenarios from robbery to serial
killing went through my head.  Maybe he had picked me out as a good mark or
something at the club.  I looked over at his face.  Nah, I thought.  No
way.  I just can't see it.  He's too caring.  I didn't know how I knew that
he was a sweet, caring guy, but some part of me just knew.  Just as some
part of me felt that I could completely trust him.  I began to calm down.
	Just then we pulled up to my building.  I began to pull out my
wallet to pay for half of the charge, but James put his hand on my arm and
gave the cabbie some bills.  "Don't worry about it," he told me.  To the
cab driver, he said, "Keep the change."  The cab driver's eyes widened and
then he started thanking us profusely.
	I turned to James as he watched the cab speed off.  "How much did
you give him?"
	James grinned.  " `Bout thirty bucks."
	My eyes were the size of dinner plates.  "Are you kidding?  The
charge was only about ten!"
	"It's just money," James said.  Just money?  Wow... how loaded is
this guy if thirty dollars is just money to him, I wondered.
	James looked around.  "Nice place.  Lots of college aged people
here?"
	I nodded.  "Some, yes.  Mostly older, like seniors, grad students.
Some young couples."
	"So no loud parties or anything?"
	I shook my head.  "Not usually.  Come this way."  I led James to my
apartment, once again hoping and wishing that Matt wouldn't be there.  I
opened the door, and sure enough he wasn't.  I showed James the living room
and bathroom and checked the messages.  There was one from Matt saying he
would be staying the night with Laura, his girlfriend.  Yes, I thought to
myself.  Free to do whatever I want.  Then my mind shifted.  Exactly what
would we be doing?  He had been flirtatious, friendly, and all that, but he
hadn't been really trying to get me all horned up.  Maybe at the club he
had, but once he had my attention he had backed off.  I put the thoughts
out of my head.  Just roll with it, I thought as I grabbed some juice
bottles out of the refrigerator.
	When I walked back into the living room, James was looking around.
I put the bottles down and was about to ask him what he thought of the
place when he grabbed my arm and pulled me into a kiss.  Webster and Roget
would have problems finding enough words to describe that kiss.  It was
every kiss I had ever had and every kiss I had only dreamed of having all
rolled into one.  I had always believed chemistry was a fantasy, but now I
was sure it wasn't.  I saw fireworks and nuclear explosions.  I felt all
warm and tingly at the same time.  Then he released me, and I'm sure I
looked like a fish as I stood there with my mouth opening and closing.
James had a power over me.  All my mental faculties shut down and I was
left a quivering ball of sensation.  The kiss, from one perspective, had
been quite ordinary.  No tongue or anything, just lips pressing together.
But it was so much more than that.
	As I stood there, trying to remember what planet I was on, James
started chuckling.  "Are you all right?" he asked.  I just nodded.  All
circuits functional, I thought to myself.  Although I didn't have any idea
where I was or who I was right then.  I just wanted another of those
kisses.
	James walked over to the wall where the stereo sat.  "Nice
collection of music you have here."
	"Thanks," I said.  Right.  That's the appropriate response to a
compliment.  Right.  Then all of a sudden my mind resumed working with a
jolt.  "It's my stuff and my roommate's.  We have similar tastes."
	James selected a CD and popped it into the stereo.  Soft, smooth
jazz flowed from the speakers.  I smiled.  "Good choice," I said.  Then I
offered my hand to him.  "Would you care to dance?"
	James smiled and took my hand.  "I would love to."
	I pulled him into my arms.  He let me lead and we started
slow-dancing.  We stayed apart for a few minutes, then we began moving
toward each other.  Soon our bodies were pressed together as we swayed to
the music.  I pulled my head away from his and we stared into each other's
eyes.  I felt like I was in a pool of chocolate.  I could drown in those
eyes, I thought.  It was like the rest of his face disappeared and I could
only see those deep brown eyes.  I could see so much in them.  A lot of
hope, a lot of happiness, and not a small bit of lust.  I could feel that,
I thought to myself.  His crotch was pressing right into mine.  We were
definitely on the same wavelength there.  I leaned back in to kiss him
again.
	I reached my hand in and started to feel of his muscular chest when
he pulled back a little.  I looked at him in confusion.  "What's wrong?" I
asked.
	James dropped his arms and looked away for a minute.  Then he
looked back up at me.  "Dave," he began, "I had every intention of coming
here tonight and doing something with you."
	I nodded, encouraging him to continue.  "I saw you there in the
club and I wanted to get to know you.  I also wanted to lick every inch of
you three times over."  He flashed that grin at me again.  I grinned back.
"But for some reason, I don't want to sleep with you tonight."  He must
have read the frown on my face as disappointment, because that's exactly
what it was.  "Don't get me wrong, I find you extremely attractive.  But I
want to get to know you first.  Every bit of you."
	We stood apart, sizing each other up, locked gazes, for a while.
Then I took his arm and guided him to the couch.  "Well, let's talk.
That's always been my favorite way to get to know someone."
	James popped open his juice.  "Okay then.  I'll start.  My name is
James Kennedy.  I'm a grad student in secondary education, specializing in
English and writing.  Taught middle school English for two years."
	I smiled.  A fellow student.  "David Collins, PhD candidate in
history.  My last job was in the school library here.  Twenty-five years
old."
	James grinned bigger.  "Twenty-five here as well."
	"I have three brothers, two parents, no pets to speak of."
	James looked away.  I could sense a hesitation in him.  "Umm,
something similar here.  Go on."
	I thought about pressing, but decided to go on.  "Played football
in high school and college."
	James' eyes narrowed slightly, then he broke into a huge grin.  "Oh
yeah!  I remember you!  You won all those awards in Division I-AA ball for
defensive player of the year a few years ago!"
	I blushed.  "Yeah, that was me."
	James grinned even bigger with recognition.  "I remember they made
a huge deal about how they expected you to go pretty high in the draft, but
you flushed football for good and dropped off the face of the earth.  ESPN
said you were nuts to turn down a career like that."
	I chuckled.  "Yeah, well, nobody around me thought I was nuts, at
least not anybody who knew me and cared about me.  They all said I made a
great choice for me.  My family, my high school coach, and my college coach
said what I did wasn't good for football, but it was good for me.  I'm the
one who mattered.  I mean, I wanted to teach, to learn.  Those have always
been my passions, not football. I got tired of subordinating my own wishes
because of some damn sport."
	James looked deep into my eyes.  "What do you mean, `subordinating
your own wishes'?"
	I sighed.  "Well, I never wanted to play football.  Not like I
ended up doing.  If you'd met me when I was a kid, you would have seen a
different person."
	James looked at me for a minute, then he touched my cheek.  "Why
were you so down tonight?"
	"Down?  What do you mean?"
	"You can't fool me, Dave.  I saw how you were pushing everyone
away.  Then when you did, you got this look of pain on your face.  Who hurt
you?"
	I looked at the floor.  "I caught my ex with some other guy a few
weeks back."
	James looked at me.  "And?"
	I paused.  "And, they were fucking when I caught them."
	James moved in closer to me.  "So he was just like the others,
right?"
	I tried to shrink.  "What others?"
	"All those others who you thought you could open up to, that you
cared about, and who hurt you so much.  You never thought you could trust
them, but then you tried and got burned in the process."
	I scooted away.  "What do you know about them?"
	James moved closer again.  "It's written all over your face, Dave."
	I stiffened and tried to hide the welling pain in my voice.  "What
makes you think I want to talk about it?"
	James touched my chin and turned my head so I that was looking him
in the eyes.  "You want to talk.  Every atom in your body is screaming to
talk.  You are putting up one of the best walls I have ever seen, but you
aren't hiding anything from me.  I can see it as plain as day.  You are one
of those guys who is desperate for someone to talk to, but when somebody
asks, you say nothing's wrong or that you don't want to talk.  But there's
a part of you that screams out to let it out, for somebody to be persistent
with you, to make you let it go.  You are like an open book, Dave.  You
don't ever let people get close to you, then you go through intense pain
because you don't have anybody who is close to you."
	Damn, he was so close to the mark it was scary.  I could feel the
tears filling my eyes as he talked.  Then he touched my cheek.  "Talk to
me," he said, softly.
	The tears began to flow.  "Nobody would ever let me be me.  Oh
yeah, my parents were cool with me.  But it wasn't them that mattered.
Outside the house, everyone had these expectations.  I was a big kid, not
fat but built big.  I was expected to be tough, to be athletic.  Well, I
wasn't.  I was smart, quiet, kind of bookish.  So they teased me.  It made
me go inside myself.
	"I know my folks wondered what was up, but I never said a word.  I
just kept withdrawing more and more and the teasing got worse until one day
when I decided I wasn't going to take anymore."
	James put his hand on my shoulder.  "What happened?"
	"Basically, I'd had enough.  I just lashed out at this one kid.  I
beat him senseless.  We were only in junior high, but I beat him up badly,
at least for that age.  After that day, nobody teased me again.  I made
sure they wouldn't.  I started lifting weights and working out, and I
joined every bruising team I could."
	"So you could take the pain out on other people?"
	I nodded.  "Yeah.  Basically, I tried to put down the sensitive
little boy as well as I could, but he reared up again and again."  I
motioned to the electronic keyboard.  "Like with that.  My mother wouldn't
let me give up my piano lessons, and eventually it became a release for me.
Some classes and clubs I belonged to as well.  They kept that part of me
alive."
	"And when you found out you were gay?"
	I laughed.  "I knew in high school.  I never said anything.  Nobody
would have believed it anyway.  Big-shot hulk of a bruiser, a fag?  No
way."
	James put his arm around me.  "But you wanted to get close to
somebody."
	Damn, this kid was good.  "Yeah, I did.  I ached for it so bad.
But I couldn't find anybody.  I was so screwed up from before.  I didn't
think I could trust anyone who wasn't my family.  They were the only ones I
could be myself around, at least as much as I would let out to them."
	"So you looked?"
	"Yeah.  I looked far and wide.  But it seemed like everyone I got
close to let me down."  I stared into James' eyes.  "I have few friends,
James.  Very few who I actually call a friend.  But those friends are
true."
	James smiled.  "I figured you for that type.  You choose your
friends very carefully.  You analyze and think about decisions.  That's all
well and good, Dave, but sometimes you can think and ponder too much.  You
break something down to where it can't be anything for you anymore.  Then,
when you've thought so much and you've been so careful and something goes
wrong, like with your last boyfriend, you blame yourself.  You didn't see
it coming, you should have known better.  You take all the blame on
yourself even if it doesn't belong there, right?"
	The tears were still flowing down my face.  "Maybe."
	James took me in a hug.  "Let it out, Dave.  Let it go."  I broke
down his arms and cried into his chest.  We sat there, him holding me and
me crying like a baby for who knows how long.  The CD changer acted several
times, and a classical piano CD of mine was playing.  I looked to the
window and it was actually starting to get a little light outside.
	I took in a ragged breath, trying to regain some lost control, when
James spoke again for the first time in what seemed like hours.  "Don't do
it, Dave.  I can see the walls starting to come back.  Don't do it.  Let me
stay in, please."  I looked in his eyes, and those deep brown pools were
teary themselves.  I looked at him closely for the first time, and I saw
that he had also been crying... he had been crying for me, with me.  He
seemed to truly understand.  I felt an overwhelming need to touch him, but
I was scared.  As always, he saw right through me.
	"C'mere," he said, and pulled me into a fierce hug.  The tears
started up fresh as I received the emotional comforting I needed for the
first time in what seemed like forever.  I felt safe in his arms.  He
rubbed my back and whispered comforting words in my ears.  Finally, I let
him go.
	James sat there looking at me.  I finally looked up and met his
eyes, and he smiled at me again.  Not that lust-filled bad-boy grin, but
the smile, the one that spoke of love, innocence, and understanding.  I
realized something as I saw him sitting there.  I was falling fast and hard
for this guy.
	I reached back for some tissues, and blew my nose.  I handed him
some as well, and was lost in my own thoughts when I heard a loud honk.  He
was sitting there, looking right at me, and he blew his nose again as loud
as he could.  We both broke down in hysterics.  All the ups and downs of
the evening can to a head there as we rolled in laughter.
	We sat on my couch, holding our sides, when he turned to me again.
"I'm sorry if I was harsh with you earlier, but I had to find some way to
get through the wall.  Kind of like with the striptease earlier."  I looked
up and he winked.  "You really are complicated, Dave Collins, but I think
you're worth the effort.  I'm going to learn everything about you."
	My heart was gripped with fear again.  "What if you don't like what
you find?" I asked quietly.
	He grinned.  "Oh, I am sure I will."
	He stood up and stretched that beautiful body.  "So, where am I
sleeping?" he asked.
	I stood up beside of him.  "Well, I didn't know..."
	"If we were going to sleep together?" he finished for me.  I just
nodded.  He grinned again.  "Well, as much as I would love to, I think we
both know what will happen if we sleep in the same bed."
	I had to concede that he was right.  Maybe there was something to
be gained by waiting.  This would be the first time in a while that I
started a relationship with a guy who was maybe more than a friend without
sex.  I looked at my room, then the couch.  "Couch or bed?"
	He smiled.  "I'll take the couch."
	I immediately protested.  "No, you're a guest, and you've done so
much already.  I'll sleep out here, no problem."
	He laughed.  God, I loved that sound already.  "No way, I am not
going to deprive you of your bed.  Give in, dude, I won't budge."
	Lord, could I see that.  I gave in.  I got him some sheets, a
blanket, and one of my pillows.  I started in on the
if-you-need-anything-wake-me-up speech when he pulled off his shirt.  I
stopped in mid-syllable at the sight of that marvelous body.  James turned
and grinned again.  "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."
	"Okay, then... I guess I'll go to bed.  I'll leave the door open if
you need something, " I said.  I didn't realize how that could be taken
until he cracked up.  I shook my head.  "Pervert," I told him, which only
made him laugh more.
	"Only on the good days," he said.  James walked over to me and
hugged me again, then gave me a tender kiss.  "Good night," he whispered.
	"Night," I whispered back.  I walked into my room and took my
clothes off and got into bed, thinking all the while, I am falling.
Falling hard.

End of Part II