Date: Fri, 16 May 2003 07:42:06 -0400
From: SSch191950@aol.com
Subject: Made in Heaven, chapter 14

MADE IN HEAVEN
by Stefan

http://stefan680.tripod.com/stefanstories/index2.html


Chapter 14: The love ever after


It was seven in the morning when he rang at his old flat. He had still a
key but he didn't want to show up without warning. Philipp opened the door
for him sleepily and almost naked. He was wide-awake when he saw Maxim's
face. Philipp pulled him over the threshold and pushed him into the
kitchen.

Maxim opened the bag and his cat jumped out. Coco meowed delighted and
instantly started to rush through his old flat. He sniffed here and there,
returned finally into the kitchen and jumped into Maxim's lap.

Philipp, still silent but mind reeling, started to make coffee for both of
them. Without a word he laid the table and pushed the mug in front of
Maxim. He just said one word: "Christian?"

Maxim trembled. It hurt to sit on the chair. His anus was still too
sore. He couldn't comprehend what had happened last night. Then he fought
the tears when his hand reached out to take the mug. He couldn't because he
would had spilled everything.

Philipp silently examined him. He hadn't combed his hair, nor had he
shaved, and he smelled of a night without sleep. When he couldn't endure it
any longer he put a hand over Maxim's hand and tried to sooth him. "I can
wait", he said. His heart pounded painfully. What nasty thing Christian was
able to do to him that Maxim, usually cheerful and unsuspecting, had turned
into a wreck.

After a while Maxim had calmed down enough to be able to hold the coffee
mug and drink without spilling. His face got some colour again and he
looked up into Philipp's face. Perhaps it wasn't that bad what had
happened, his mind tried to sooth him. Christian was just a little out of
his control. And after all: Maxim hadn't seriously tried to stop him, but
that was because of just one reason: he was too stunned to fight, and he
had never learned to fight.. He stared into the black liquid. That was
crap. Of course he had fought. Well, tried to fight. What had gotten into
his lover? Maxim had had the feeling that Christian liked what he
did. Surely he had liked it, otherwise he wouldn't have done it, right?

   "Are you ok?" Philipp asked. Maxim nodded. "Sorry, Phil. I just had to
go somewhere. I didn't want to sit in front of the closed book shop." And
he didn't know where Tim was living, he added in his mind. He felt
embarrassed to sit here in front of Christian's ex-lover.

Then something kicked in. Was this the reason Phil had left him? "I had a
bad night, you know", he started hesitantly. He wiped his face. "I ... I'm
sorry, Phil, but I can't tell you." The shock started to subside and he
felt weak and tired.

    "Want to have a day off from work? I could explain."

    "No, please", Maxim rushed to say, "I have to return then, and I don't
want it."

    "Return to Chris?" Philipp leaned forward. "What has he done? Have you
had an argument?"

Maxim shook his head. "No, it was.... everything was fine. First" He glared
into Philipp's eyes. "Are you keen on hard sex?"

    "What?"

    "I mean, I don't know how to say it, you know him longer." Suddenly he
started to grin. "Oh shit, I'm terrible. I bale like a sissy. Just because
he was a bit too.... passionate." He stirred the coffee, drank the rest and
knew he was betraying himself.  Last night Christian's passion was of a
different kind. Before it had always been free from violence. He had been a
superb lover, the best Maxim had ever had.

    "Who was a bit too passionate. Chris? What do you mean?"

    "Damn, Phil, you know what I mean."

    "Has he hurt you? Do you want to see a doc?"

    "No. It was my fault. I didn't stop him."

    "From doing what?" Philipp became desperate. "Stop to talk in riddles,
man. He wanted and you didn't, and then he took you?"

    "Well, no. It was just going out of control. I was just frightened, you
know. I couldn't stop him. I tried though. He's so strong when he is
... that way."

    "Merciless."

    "That's the right word", Maxim said relieved.

Philipp examined him silently. Christian had never been out of control when
they were having sex. He was tender, attentively, slow.  Now it seemed as
if Christian's personality: The merciless side, had joint their bed. What
had happened?

   "Do you think me a sissy?"

Philipp shook slowly his head. Was this the time to tell him who was the
real Christian? Maxim's ring blinked in the diagonal sunbeams falling
through the kitchen window. "It's over?" he asked furtively.

Maxim looked quickly at him. Somewhat amazed as if this idea hadn't
appeared yet. "Over? Am I giving up by the first disagreement?"

    "Violence isn't a disagreement. You still defend him."

Maxim looked dejected. "I can't help it. I can't think he's violent", he
said almost peeved.

    "And what do you think he was last night? Maxim, pull your head out of
your ass! Stop thinking with your cock! You told me he's gotten out of
control, what ever this means, that he didn't care about your
wishes. That's what I call violence, be it physical or psychological. You
idolize him. Christian isn't the man you picture in your mind. You just
have the picture he wants you to see. He's a good actor."

Instantly Maxim remembered the recitation of Shakespeare's poems. Yes, he
did very well. "He's just a little uptight."

    "Irascible", Philipp objected. Maxim's mobile interrupted him. He saw
Maxim pulling it out and looking at the display. "It's Christian." He
stared and his heart pounded. The melody played until it stopped. Christian
knew now that Maxim didn't want to talk to him.

    "You want to stay with me?" Philipp asked.

    "That's all I brought. The cat."

    "Well, think it over. You can stay."

    "You don't have a cigarette?" Maxim asked.

Philipp opened the cupboard and tossed him a package. "You've forgotten
your supply." He poured them another cup of coffee. Maxim lit a cigarette
and inhaled deeply.

    "Nothing to eat?" Philipp asked.

Maxim shook his head. "Whore's breakfast", he said, pointing to coffee and
cigarettes. Philipp grinned. He wasn't hungry either.

    "Ok, Maxim. Listen to me. You can decide: If you like to go back to
him, then go when you've figured it out. If you don't want to, then I'll
tell you my story. How it's like to live with a man you love. What it means
when the man you love spreads his bewitching spell on you, seduces you
until you appear as a benighted gawk blind to his jealous delusion. He
makes you feel you're the only man in the world. Isn't it so?"

Maxim's heart stumbled. If he blocked his ears to the truth Philipp would
certainly think him a benighted gawk. Another beep from his mobile
announced he'd gotten an SMS. He pressed a button and read

  *** Maxim, I'm so sorry. Talk to me. Come back. We will talk. I love
you. ***


Maxim turned the phone for Phil to read. Philipp raised his left
eyebrow. "You've to decide. Listen to his story or to mine." He leaned
forward. "I want you to know that we all know about Christian. Tim, Gregor,
Martin. We held our mouths because Christian should have a chance. But if
he starts to hurt you I must talk."

Tim, Gregor and Martin? Maxim inhaled smoke and blinked. What did they
know? And why had they talked about him? Tim would know more about
Christian than he knew himself? He couldn't believe it. But then he
nodded. Ok. Let's face it. He prepared himself inwardly.

Philipp looked at his watch. One hour still before they had to leave for
work. This should do it. He beckoned Maxim to the balcony and moved two
chairs. Coco rushed on, jumped upon the small, round table and outstretched
in the sun. He was the only one looking happy.

    "Let me tell you a story", Philipp started slowly. "I met Christian
when I worked in a bookshop. He was looking for special architecture-
literature. I was hardly eighteen and jobbed to increase my Bafoeg. We went
out and after a week I was convinced he was the best that ever happened to
me. He had made his final degree and was about to join a large
architecture-office, That was before his father gave him money to open his
own. He charmed some colleagues to go with him."

Philipp paused. "He's good at charming. Can I have a cigarette?"

Maxim passed him the box, astonished, but he didn't interrupt him. Philipp
lit one and coughed. "I told my parents that I lived in a flat-share.. They
still don't know I like men." He smiled excusing. "Well, it was the best
two years of my life. Christian's office started to gain a name. His father
provided him with commissions of his crowd, and so he earned money."

    "I thought his father's a swine."

    "If he had known Chris lives with a man, he would have thought
twice. He considered Sonja to be his spouse."

    "Sonja? She's much older."

    "He has never met her. But anyway. Chris seemed to be a man without
past. He told me he had a severe family home and little experience in love
life. Considering his urge to keep his lovers this must be a lie. Everybody
with the wish for freedom must have liberated themselves as soon as it was
possible. So his consumption of men must have been frequent if he didn't
live like a monk." He squinted his eyes due to the smoke. "And I don't
believe that. Have you never the feeling he's suffocating you? Don't you
think his presents are too big? The first two years I wanted nothing other
than to be with him. I've seen a lot of lovely places in this world. Our
favourite had become Paris." He looked a bit reproaching at Maxim. " I
expect he used our hotel. 'Le Monde'?"

Maxim nodded.

    "I'm convinced a couple in love should find special places of their
own, but for Christian it was always easy just to repeat. Have you been to
Pont Neuf by night? To 'Le Queen', the gay dance hall?"

Maxim looked down. So this was the way Christian worked. He repeated. He
never asked about his lover's wishes for he had chosen them very young and
easily influenced. Maxim - coming from a foreign country could easy to be
caught napping and blinded. Now he certainly felt like a gawk.

    "Shall I stop?" Philipp asked.

    "No, go on."

Coco stretched luxuriously and jumped down the table. He strolled through
the balcony that looked empty without all the plants and flowers. "Sorry, I
haven't come around to buy flowers", Philipp said excusing.

    "We could go together."

Maxim's phone beeped again.

        *** Maxim, answer me. Where are you? Come back please. ***

Philipp looked at the watch. "Have you figured out what to do? If you'd go
to him I'll say you're ill today."

    "I'm still not sure what you want to tell me."

The coffee and the cigarettes had forced the urge to use the toilet, but he
wasn't sure if he was still bleeding.

    "Come with me, and you'll see. In the first two years we forged a bond
that was hard to be shaken. He was the first man I loved. Until I was told
I would be just Christian's appendage without an own life. Students and
colleagues thought me as being without my own wishes. I never realized that
every second word I used was Christian. Chris said this, Chris did that. I
was laughed at. That was the time when I pondered seriously. But I wasn't
unhappy, so what was wrong with that? I was happy until Chris said I should
stop my studies, because he needed my help at work as his art headmaster."

The doorbell rang. Philipp and Maxim stared at each other. "Joost?" Maxim
croaked.

Philipp rose and went determined to the door. It was Christian as he had
feared. He looked freshly bathed and shaven, though his eyes were
bloodshot. "Where is he?" he blurted out. "He's here, right?" He was about
to put a foot into the door when Maxim appeared in the hall.

    "Maxim! Please, come home. Let's talk about it."

Coco appeared behind him, saw Christian and rushed away, back into the
protection of his old flat.

Philipp held Maxim's arm. "Don't go. I haven't finished my story."

Christian's eyes flashed hate, but Philipp held the gaze. Challenging he
stared back and Christian knew very well what it meant.

Maxim shook off his arm. To see Christian's bloodshot eyes was enough for
him. He really felt sorry. He came to apologize. He loved him.

    "He doesn't love you", Philipp hissed. "He comes because he can't
lose. You're his prey. A satisfaction for his high-handed personality."

    "You hate me, Phil, don't you?. You don't allow me happiness."
Christian looked back at Maxim. "He's still hurt that I finished our
relationship. He wants me back, right? Me and my money."

Philipp blinked speechless. That was an absolutely cheek. Maxim stared at
him. Confused. His eyes swung from Philipp to Christian. Whom he was to
believe?

Christian stretched out his hand. "Come."

    "I need to go to work."

    "Me too. Go later."

Maxim looked pleadingly at Philipp and Philipp sighed. "Go then."

    "Just for a breakfast. Not at home." Maxim's voice was determined. "I
leave Coco here, may I?"

Philipp nodded. "Wait outside." He closed the door in front of Christian's
nose and turned. "You're mad, Maxim!" He pulled him further into the living
room. No need Christian was eavesdropping. "You don't believe what he's
said? *I* left him, not vice versa." He laughed abruptly. "That's a cheek,
I can tell you. Now he turns the table." He nodded, then he took Maxim's
arm again. "He won't let you go, believe what I'm saying. If you dare to
leave him you'll wish you've never met him."

It was Maxim who laughed now. He couldn't believe this was happpening.

    "Have you never heard how dangerous pathologic jealousy can be? Have
you never read books about it, saw films? It's not always Hollywood!" His
mulberry eyes had become black from anger. Philipp was serious, Maxim felt
it and he became uncertain.

    "I need to go and hear what he has to say. There's always two sides of
a medal."

    "Right. Now go and decide which is the true one. Good luck."

Maxim passed him and opened the door. Christian leaned against the wall,
hands stuck in his pockets of his short leather jacket. He beamed when he
saw Maxim, took his hand and rushed with him downstairs.

    "Why did you run away without letting me explain", he said reproachful.

    "Why have you taken the right to overpower me? That's not my conception
of love", Maxim snapped back. He saw the metallic blue motorbike standing
at the curb. Christian swung his legs over it and forced Maxim to follow
him. He started the engine.

Christian didn't want the company of other people. He felt that this
argument would be a loud one, and he didn't want them to be embarrassed.
So he drove just along the streets until he stopped. It was an out of the
way place with some trees, benches, lawn. People carried their dogs here
and played with them.

    "Ok. I assume you don't want breakfast", he said then. He waited for
Maxim to step back from the bike and started to walk aimlessly
around. "What can I say? Why do you have to run to Philipp? It's you and me
who have to work it out. Why do you embarrass me in front of HIM?"

Maxim breathed for air. "I don't think that's the point! Philipp is
completely unimportant here. I was too shocked to think and just needed a
place afar from you."

    "And this place had to be my ex-lover, hah!" Christian snorted angrily.

    "I don't know Tim's place."

Christian turned to him. "Ah! Then you wanted to bawl at your little friend
Tim."

    "He isn't little! Why do you say always he's little?" Maxim protested.

    "He's little in my eyes. He's unimportant. He's nothing. He writes some
stupid stories nobody can follow" Christian spat out.

    "Ah. So it's about his stories, yes? You've suddenly grasp the meaning
of it, yes?" Maxim stopped himself. He found himself defending his
friends. Hasn't Tim said yesterday evening that it was a pity that he had
to hide his friends when his boyfriend was coming? His cheeks started to
glow.

    "What are we talking here about?" he said then, more calmly. "I thought
you wanted to apologize."

Christian dropped his head. He sat at the bench, his arms protectively
wrapped around his body as if he was cold. "I do. I was carried away if you
are referring to the events of last night."

    "And that's all? I was considering to see a doc and you just say you
got carried away?"

Instantly Christian was with him, embracing him. "Have I hurt you
seriously? Oh baby," he stroked Maxim's hair, pressing his cheek to Maxim's
unshaven face. His grip was very tight. "I'm mad for you. I thought you
wanted the same. I couldn't stop it."

Maxim said nothing. Philipp's words were still ringing in his
ears. 'Possessive man. Forbade me to continue my studies. Headmaster of
art. Paris. Suffocating. Freedom'.

    "If you would ever do this again, I'll kill you", he muttered. "I felt
treated by you like the last muck", he said louder, freeing himself from
Christian's embrace. "What's gotten into you? It was as if you were a
machine out of its function and used me as a fuck doll. I am not! I'm
Maxim. The man you claim to love. And besides, your dick isn't easy to
take, you know. So", he breathed deeply, "I mean it, I'll kill you next
time."

Christian stood there with hanging arms. He was cold. Yeah, he knew Maxim
was right. When he had awaken this morning he could hardly believe what had
happened. What gloomy, dark side Christian Kramer could hide. Sex with
Gregor earlier that day hadn't been that violent, had it? Gregor had taken
him without complaint. Gregor had loved it! He had admired his thick cock,
he had seen it in his eyes.  "You've never complained about my cock
before." Christian said sinisterly.

Maxim laughed bitterly. "No, I haven't, why should I." Then he stepped very
close and locked eyes. "I'm sure you know how the saying goes about size
and what to do with it, right?"

Christian blinked. He always thought this saying was rubbish. But
anyway. He wouldn't argue here.

    "I want respect, Chris. You'll never again treat me like this, just
because I couldn't help myself last night." Maxim turned his back on him.

    "Phil's told me an odd story."

    "What about?" Christian's heartbeat quickened.

    "About how you to met. About how good your relationship had worked."

    "So?" Christian seemed to be relieved. "What else?"

    "What was the last remark about? I had always the impression that it
was Phil who left you. Now you say it was you who left him. What's the
truth?"

    "What's his truth? He always turns the truth as it suits him."

Maxim looked into Christian's face. "Really? This can't be the truth. I
mean, you never told me the reason you both broke up."

    "Because he was unfaithful, geez. I've said that now more than one
time."

    "But was it because he wanted to be with Martin or were you fed up with
him for the same reason? Answer me, Christian. Give up that game, if you
want to keep me, be honest to me."

    "Ok." Christian sighed and sat down again at the bench. He pulled Maxim
next to him. "Of course I had the feeling Phil had a dally with my
twin. How shouldn't I know. If you live that long together like we both did
there's little you don't know. You know that he worked at the Connection
Hotel as staff. But has he told you that this wasn't his only job? He was
the entertainment for lonely guests at night. He needed money for his
own. More money than I wanted to give him. I knew he would squander it with
other men. That's the truth. And now tell me how I could have go on."

Maxim looked at him from aside, wondering if to believe it or not.

    "How do you know?"

    "Oh, one of the guests was a client. He told me about Philipp and his
second job."

This sounded really reasonable Maxim thought. Nonetheless it left a queasy
feeling in his guts. Philipp didn't leave the impression of being a call
boy. But you can't read someone's mind. His careless behaviour spoke for
it. Maxim's confusion was perfect. Which was the true side of the medal? He
felt Christian stroking his hair. "I love you, darling. You must forgive
me. If I ever lose my mind over you slap me in the face. Hard. Promise me."

    "I don't hit men."

    "You can make an exception."

    "There won't be a second time."

Christian looked dismayed. "What do you mean? You want to leave me?"

    "If you behave like last night I'll do it. I promise."

Christian smiled relieved. He neared his face to Maxim's and his lips
touched his skin. He softly kissed his cheekbones and the eyes. "One time I
like to hear it", he whispered.

    "What?"

    "That you love me. Don't you think your silence hurts me?"

Maxim closed his eyes. He didn't think much of a forced love-confession,
especially when it wasn't the truth. It wasn't the truth, or was it? Could
he love a man who forced sex and then later had a confession of love? Then
he remembered he said once 'I panic when I'm alone' and he felt
compassion. Perhaps Christian wasn't a hopeless case. Perhaps he would be
the man to turn Christian into a happy man. "I love you", he mumbled
without thinking and heard a sound from Christian's throat that had
similarity to Coco's purring. Shit, he had left Coco without food. Phil
wouldn't have cat's food, would he. He jumped up. "I need to feed the cat",
he said.

Christian stared at him. "I thought you have to go to work. Or better,
let's spend the day together. Say you're ill."

    "And you? You don't have to work?"

    "Yeah, sure. Sonja will be pissed off. Ok, I'll pick you up later and
then we'll have the best evening ever." He grinned. His eyes sparkled with
enthusiasm and Maxim had the feeling that he had fallen for his line. But
he nodded, looked at his watch and called "Give me a lift, I'm late."

On their ride to the book shop Maxim thought briefly about Philipp and Tim,
Gregor and Martin and the knowledge he was excluded from. What would it be?
And should he listen to Philipp anyway? What was true there? Was Philipp
betraying Christian with hotel guests?

The bike stopped. Maxim jumped off and gave Christian a sounding
kiss. "Don't forget your promise", he said, despite his grin. "It's your
last chance." He waved and vanished through the door.


He felt all eyes upon him. Tim and Philipp, standing together. Nadine
because he was unshaven, uncombed and looked rumpled. "Can I have half an
hour? I must return and feed Coco", he said to Philipp. Philipp was too
stunned to say something. "I have a key, don't worry", Maxim shouted and
was out of the shop again.

Tim and Philipp looked at each other. "Does it mean they have reconciled?",
Tim asked low.

    "Haven't you seen the motorbike?" Philipp said bitterly. "He's such an
arsehole."

Tim didn't ask whom he meant. Certainly both were arseholes.

    "I warned him", Philipp muttered. "But if he's keen on S & M so be it."

    "Who's keen on S & M?" Nadine had drew nearer, put her hands into her
pockets and stared at both. "Have I missed something?"

Philipp and Tim returned her stare. "You don't want to know", Philipp
pressed his lips.

    "I don't want to know? Because it's men-stuff, yeah!? You think me
stupid enough not to comprehend? I have know Maxim much longer than either
of you."

    "But what you haven't known is that Maxim has been in love with
Christian for a long time.  So if you're his best friend, why haven't you
known that?" Philipp hissed.

    "Because some things you don't want to share", Nadine hissed back. Then
she breathed. "Ok, sweethearts, you'll tell me what happened. Right now."
She waved her head direction coffee corner. "Coffee's ready. And my ears
are open."

Philipp rolled his eyes. He didn't want to tell her. Women had nothing to
help here. But Tim pulled him on.

Nadine had lived long enough with gays to understand what made them
tick. For her it wasn't about men or women, gays or
straights. Relationships remained complicated no matter what. She felt
though a little insulted by Philipp's denial, but she listened to his
reluctant explanations. She understood instantly that there were more
problems behind this than just a harsh encounter of sex. Questioningly she
looked at Phil. "You're the one who knows Christian best. What are his
intentions?" She saw Philipp's locked face. "I'm not naive, you know", she
continued. "Maxim told me about odd things. Chris's odd behaviour. He
thinks it has to do with his childhood. What do you know about?"

    "Nothing. It wasn't important to me to know."

    "What about Martin?" Tim suggested.

Philipp sighed. "We revolved around just one theme. You've seen that Maxim
is o.k. right now, but he was terrible this morning. He has hardly seen
Chris again and he forgives him for everything. They both must be
sex-maniacs. Or dependent on each other; therefore, there would be nothing
to challenge."

Nadine and Tim stared at Philipp. "That's not meant seriously is it? I
thought you want to help Maxim."

    "Help somebody who doesn't want to be helped."

    "Why are you so pissed off?" Nadine asked.

    "He's making the same mistakes I did."

    "One reason more to stop him."

Tim eyed Phil curiously. "Did he do the same things to you?"

Philipp shook his head. "Not really. But he needed a lot of sex."

    "Don't we all?" Nadine sighed. The first customers entered the shop and
the little round was cancelled. Nadine debated with herself to tell Maxim
what she knew when he had returned from feeding his cat. She respected his
privacy. Perhaps he would react with anger that Phil had spilled the beans.




Maxim felt Tim's and Philipp's stares during the whole morning. Nadine had
vanished in the store and seemed unsuspecting. After noon Maxim was
enervated. He tried to sort out the old catalogues and a new delivery of
rainbow merchandises. But all the time he felt Philipp's blue eyes piercing
his back. He knew he waited for an answer. Or an explanation. To be honest,
Maxim didn't know what to tell him because he himself didn't know what he
felt. Surely he wasn't so daft to take each word from Christian as a
biblical revelation. On the other hand he felt that he couldn't live
without him. Although his arsehole painfully reminded him otherwise from
time to time. Well, it wasn't the first time his anus was sore, so what was
he complaining about.

He bent down to put the old catalogues into boxes when he heard Philipp
behind him. "Have you decided? I offered you a place, so an answer would be
nice."

    "Not necessary, Phil. We've discussed it."

    "So the next time please don't scare me to death that early in the
morning with your unimportant sorrow, alright?" His eyes sparkled with
angry disappointment.

Maxim looked from him to Tim, standing not far away. Judging from his
facial expression he knew everything. Maxim felt embarrassed. "Why did you
have to tell him?" he hissed at Phil. "I'm thankful for the ear you've lent
me this morning. But I thought this was private."

  "There's not much you can hide in front of Tim," Phil objected.

    "Well, then. I'm sorry I had harassed you with my problems, Phil. I
remembered you offered your help anytime."

     "Hey," Philipp made a quick step forward and touched Maxim's arm. "I'm
still here for you. But excuse me, right now I can't understand you."

    "But why?" Maxim called out. "What is wrong? All of you are creeping
around the bush, and when I ask what's the matter nobody tells me! 'I can't
tell you, sorry, Maxim. Wait and see for yourself, Maxim. Ask Gregor if you
want to learn more. No, better ask your lover. He will tell you the
secret. Man!" Maxim gesticulated wildly with his arms.

Some of the guys turned surprised their heads to him. Maxim's cheeks
reddened. "Can you imagine how I feel? If you have to tell something tell
it or leave it. But don't speak in innuendos."

Philipp exchanged a look with Tim; Nadine leaned against the door of the
store. She had her arms folded as she listened. Somebody should fill Maxim
in on what's going on, she thought. But she knew no more than Maxim
knew. Somebody needed to help him out.  But Philipp and Tim were
silent. Instead, Philipp pulled Tim into a corner and both started a hot
debate. Maxim saw it from a distance. Their heads were so close together
they looked as if they were forging a conspiracy with the intent to split
up him and Christian. Chris was right. Philipp was a slut. And Tim was in
love with him - Maxim. He was convinced that both of them just wanted to
get him into Tim's bed. Hah. He laughed inwardly.

Caught, Maxim! That's exactly what YOUR thoughts have revolved around for
several days, isn't it so? Tim with his reluctance, with his ponderous
tenderness. Wouldn't that be more erotic than the hot, but somewhat
soulless nights he spent with Christian? Perhaps. Perhaps not. He couldn't
try it out. If he would had one wish free it would be to spend a week with
Tim. Close together. And then to decide what was better for himself: Return
to Chris or start new with Tim. But real life doesn't work like that, does
it?

And if Phil was a slut, he probably wanted Tim for his own. Philipp was
using Tim, but he didn't see it. Maxim carried the heavy boxes into the
store. Nadine pretended innocence. "Are you with the little conspiracy?" he
asked her.

    "Huh?" She turned to him. "Listen, Maxim. It's enough that you treat
the other two like shit, but please not me." She lifted her hands. "I've
nothing to do with that."

    "Oh, come on, you surely know too what happened last night."

    "No." She stared at him. "Tell me what happened last night?"

    "Nothing you should bother about." Maxim was cowardly that moment. How
could he put it in words anyway. "We had a tiff but that's over. We've
discussed it."

    "Maxim", she came very close. Until he could see the golden spots amid
her green eyes. "I fear it's just the start. It has only started. Nobody
who claims to love you would treat you like his private possession. Not in
bed nor in general. Let this be told from a woman. I know Philipp doesn't
think much of my opinion, but I know you better. We always could tell each
other everything. Wasn't it so. So, why do you exclude me here? I have
never had the impression you're so dependent on sex that you forget who you
are. I thought you gentle." She stroked over his cheek. "And a gentle man
deserves a gentle treatment. Those wild rides can't be satisfying. There's
more to love than that."

Maxim blinked tears away. He felt she was right, but he couldn't agree with
her. It was an all to romantic, female imagination that sex had to be
gentle and tender. It is a mixture. Perhaps he was in a phase of his
relationship where satisfaction was all that counted. He dropped his head
and Nadine left. She was replaced instantly with Tim. Maxim sighed
inwardly. "What do you want? Have you figured out what to do with me? I'm
of age, you know. I know what I'm doing."

Tim took a deep breath. "Ok. You know what you're doing. Philipp had
started to tell you a story, but you were too busy to hear until the end. I
hadn't thought you would give up yourself so that you jump when Christian
whistles. You aren't the same Maxim anymore that I learned to know when I
started my job here."

    "And Phil just uses you for his little private retaliation campaign",
Maxim spat out. "Yes," he continued when he saw Tim's disbelieving
face. "Surely he wants Christian back for his own. He lived too well off
him. Look at him! He's jobbing and waiting to continue his study. But do
you know what he really wants? A life with Christian is very
convenient. More money you can think of. And of course, you can increase
your income by playing call boy at night in the hotel, don't you think. Ha,
you didn't know this, did you."

Maxim breathed satisfied, while Tim's heard swirled. He clenched his
fists. "And Christian treats you like his private possession!" he called
out. Nadine appeared in the doorframe but none of both noticed. "You cling
to a dream, Maxim! The Christian you love doesn't exist!"

    "And how do you know that, eh? You know nothing about Christian. Oh
Jesus Christ!" He plucked his hair. "What devil told me to ring at Phil's
flat this morning!!"

Nadine looked from one to the other watching both standing there with
crimson faces and flashing eyes. And suddenly she understood: They were in
love with each other, but too stupid and blind to realize. Men! she
thought. Why do they have to be so complicated. Why couldn't they talk
turkey. They never understand what's going on. She held a grin while both
shouted each other down. If they could right now, they would pounce on each
other and fuck right here on the worn carpet of the book shop. About time
to tell them.

She stepped in with outstretched arms. "Hold it, you fighting cocks. Damn,
you're so stupid." She looked from one to the other. "I'd like to lock you
both here and see what happens. Will you kill or fuck each other?" Now
their mutual hate was guided to her and she enjoyed it. She laughed out
loud, one of her deep, sexy laughs that called Philipp and also some of the
customers. But then she went away and left them standing. Everybody's eyes
followed her. Some guys, peering into the store, clapped their hands and
whistled at Maxim and Tim. "Great show, when will you marry?"

Tim was nearly in tears. Now he had finally fallen out with Maxim when only
yesterday at the bar he had thought he would get him. He had been so
close. He pushed the guys aside and bumped into Wolfgang, who had just
showed up. He caught him, lifted his face and saw his tear stained
face. "What happened? Are you ill?"

It was good to sense the elder man's broad breast and his soothing aura. He
wished his father would be here. Or better Tobias. They had always
understood him so well. Tim shook his head unwillingly and then jerked it
away.

    "Have you had an argument? Philipp?"

    "No, please Wolfgang, let me go." Wolfgang released him and searched
for the others. He caught a sinister look from Nadine. He beckoned her to
him and she followed. "What happens here?"

    "Private problems that has to be sorted out. I will take care of it,
ok? Everything will be alright soon."

Wolfgang eyed her suspiciously. "I hate arguments among the staff,
Nadine. Please hurry up then with sorting out." Nadine was thankful he
didn't ask what was the arguments about. She shook her head while she
vanished into the video-department. She meant what she had said earlier;
that Maxim was gentle and should be treated that way. Christian as his
chosen lover was certainly a hold into the toilet sink as they say.  She
approached Tim, standing behind the counter, sorting packages. "Tim?" Tim
started but he didn't turn.

    "You know more than I do, am I right? I think you must tell Maxim. He
was right. You both don't tell him anything, it must be terrible to know
that his friends are betraying him while claiming they just want his
best. Is the secret too horrid to learn?"

Tim turned to her. "Depends on what you think horrid. It's certainly nasty
and yes, it's all about Christian's past, how he treated his former
lovers. It has started with Maxim already and he's too stupid to see."

Nadine grinned leniently. "I know this feeling. Listen, angel. Sometimes we
need a strong push from outside to make us see. Maxim's too involved, too
close. He can't see the details, he can't put them together like a big
puzzle. So, I suggest you clear him up, unsparingly."

    "Martin says Maxim has to learn himself. Martin hasn't given up the
hope Christian has changed and in telling Maxim his past we steal from
Christian his last chance to be happy with a new partner. You see?"

Nadine shook her head. "From what I've heard this morning, Christian's
becoming brutal. And brutal sex has a deeper meaning when it's not
mutual. He wants to rule Maxim. I can't have that. He's not the Maxim I
used to know. He used to be independent, free, cheerful, guys were mad for
him, but he didn't make use of it. Now he's gloomy, locked, he doesn't
laugh anymore."

Tim could only but nod. "But how shall I do it? Philipp's angry, he won't
help me. What about you?"

    "Well, I need to learn the story first to help you."

Tim pondered seriously. Then he said "Ok. After work." They smiled at each
other. "And don't be afraid about Maxim. He still likes you, more than
that. I could see it in his eyes."



Maxim held his mouth until he could finish and go home. His heart beat
fast. He didn't know what to expect. Christian had promised to behave and
prepare a dinner. That wasn't the first time he did so, and he always could
get Maxim with that, but something deep within Maxim told him that he had
to be careful.

The way back to his old flat Philipp and Maxim were silent. A cool wind was
blowing and Maxim shivered in his jeans jacket. It seemed as if the summer
was gone and made room for an all too early autumn. Early in September it
was much unusual. Philipp beside him was cold as well when he opened the
door. Despairing he had searched for words to explain his anger but he had
failed. So it was better that he hold his tongue.  There must be something
done though. Philipp was determined to speak to Martin and force him to
tell the story. He had to know.

Coco was overjoyed to be back at his old home. He had made himself cosy in
Philipp's bed and slept over the day. Now he heard the familiar voice and
pressed his body tightly into Maxim's arms. But when he tried to put him
into the bag to carry him home, he jumped out, hissed and humped and fled
under a cupboard. When Maxim fished for him Coco scratched. No way he was
going to be moved into the bag. Silently Philipp and Maxim stared at each
other.

    "Well," Philipp sighed. "Seems as if your cat know better what's good
for him. Leave him here. Have you left something from the cat's food?"

    "In the kitchen. If you don't have milk, water will do as well." Coco
peered out from under the board. Again Maxim tried to lure him, but Coco
disappeared. Maxim was unhappy. What if there would be no way to move the
cat to Chris' flat? He couldn't live without him. He froze and his grin was
contorted. Funny, some hours ago he had thought he couldn't live without
Christian.

    "Alright, Phil. Thanks for keeping him here. I will try again tomorrow,
ok?" He felt Philipp's dark blue eyes piercing him. He slowly nodded. "You
are really returning to him, yes? Well, it's your life. If you want to hear
the rest of my story just tell me. I think you need to hear it."

It sounded slightly like a threat Maxim thought but he just
nodded. "Thanks."

    "Good luck."



Christian meanwhile had spent the day hard at work.  He had bossed around
his two colleagues and Sonja, picked holes in their concepts and ideas, but
it all had one reason: he had never been that nervous in his whole
life. This evening would bring a decision, he felt it. Maxim wasn't as
certain as he was before. Before his ability to control was easy, but this
time it was happening with much difficulty.  Much more than with Philipp,
but then, this was the time when the psychiatric treatment had somehow
still influenced him, and not forgetting the shock of Gregor's serious
injury and the custody in the institution afterwards. Eventually Christian
had returned to his old behaviour. Copying his mother. Copying her
jealousy, her attacks, her extortions and copying her manipulation.  So
could he help it? Maxim would just have to come to terms with that if he
wanted to keep him, and that Maxim wanted to keep Christian he would make
sure.

Sonja was relieved when Christian vanished finally. He had to prepare the
evening he said. No clue what he had in mind. Certainly he was restless and
impatient most certainly problems with his love-life.

Christian had planned everything. He went shopping first, then he dragged
the soft and fluffy carpet in front of the fireside. He then turned down
the air condition for a few degrees, pulled the curtains, opened the small
bottle with oil and when he heard Maxim opening the front door, he melted
an ecstasy pill in a wine glass and added a sleeping pill. Philipp had
forgotten the ecstasy pills when he left.  He took a drink himself to calm
down. So, all of his borders had fallen now. He felt he possessed an
unbridled position of power. Smug.  He had hurt Maxim and yet he had
returned. Now it was time for a little reward.

Maxim blinked when he stood in the living room. The old golden curtains
were pulled. Candles were lit on the table and a soft music was
playing. Christian pulled out all the stops of his seducing skills. He held
out a plate with French toast, thick and smeared with a jam of tomatoes and
apples. Maxim took it hesitatingly, throwing a wary look at his lover. He
looked calm and very satisfied with himself.

    "How was your day?"

    "Have you noticed, I came without Coco."

    "Oh. Oh, yes, where is he?"

    "Back at my old flat. He wasn't to be persuaded to return with me." He
bit into the toast and licked his lips. "That's good."

Christian came closer, took the toast from Maxim's hand and licked
marmalade from his fingers. Just the way he did in Paris on the morning
after their first night together. A dull pain appeared in Maxim's heart. If
Christian planned to seduce him today he was very much mistaken.

    "That's too bad", Christian said. "What do we do about it?"

Maxim shrugged. He sat at the table and examined the plates. There were
exotic fruits Maxim didn't know the names of. "Hungry?" Christian asked.

    "Actually not much."

Christian nodded. He was sure he would be hungry afterwards.

    "It's cold here, don't you think?"

    "Yeah, that's why I lit the fire." Surprised Maxim looked from the
crackling wood into Christian's face. Surely he just had to forced the air
condition. He cleared his throat. "Listen, Chris. I need to talk with you."

    "I thought we've discussed it already."

    "Not about this.  I thought we agreed to use condoms as long as we
can't be certain of each other, am I right? I know I haven't had anybody
beside you, but what about you?"

    "About me?" Christian blinked. He hadn't wasted a thought about
condoms, HIV, hepatitis and God knows what. And Gregor? He had fucked him
without, sure. He had fucked Maxim without, too.

    "You don't trust me? I showed you the results of my last test. That's
just three month ago."

    "Yeah, you did. Nonetheless."

Anger rose in Christian. If he insisted of using condoms he had something
to hide. Perhaps he was fucking with Tim in the bookshop's store. Or with
Phil. Or with everyone together. His eyes started to sparkle
dangerously. He needed all his strength to play it calm. "There's nothing
for you to worry about then. We could leave it anyway if you like. Sex
without is a blast." I'll show you. He took a papaya, parted it with a
knife and removed all the black, round semen in the middle of it. Then he
spooned the orange flesh into Maxim's mouth. Gentle. "Taste good?" he
asked.

Maxim nodded. Christian cut a karambole into yellow stars and offered one
slice. Maxim had eaten them before and loved the slightly sour, fresh
taste. Christian sat beside him, pushing a litchi between his teeth and
played with that on Maxim's keyboard of senses.  "I'm not sure about that",
Maxim said finally, referring to Christian's offer, wiping his mouth.

Christian preferred to say nothing. He brought the wine. He pressed the
prepared glass into Maxim's hand and toasted. "To a new start." Maxim was
silent.

    "Now did you have a fine day?" Christian asked after he had washed away
his glass.

    "Actually no. I had a quarrel with all of them." Maxim rose and
followed Christian to the fireside. He sat down on the fluffy, white
carpet, leaned his back against Christian who had leaned his against the
armchair's seat. He stared into the orange and yellow crackling flames and
warmth crept into his stomach. The wine went straight to his head. Must be
the psychological stress lately. He drank the sweet/bitter wine, and with
each gulp he lost the heaviness of limbs and brain. What did he care about
his colleagues as long as he had Christian, he thought a little dazed. His
feet started to tap. "The wine taste great", he muttered. He didn't even
ask himself why Christian hadn't asked what the argument had been about. To
hell with them all. He had finished his glass and wanted another
one. Christian examined him. Maxim's face had become flushed and his eyes
were glazed. Certainly his tablet's-mixture had been a good choice. He
grinned, went into the kitchen and poured another glass for him.

Returned he found Maxim standing without his shirt and about to open the
zipper of his white jeans. Christian's head started to pulsate. Maxim
danced slowly with the rhythm of the song that was playing in the
background. Robbie Williams, Christian's noticed. "I just wanna feel real
love and the love ever after", Maxim sang with surprisingly firm and
certain voice as he turned himself around, then he started to laugh. He
stumbled over the leg of his trouser and fell down. Christian put back the
glass and joined him.  Maxim lay on his back, his eyes wide open, not
seeing him. He bent over him very close but withstood the urge to kiss
him. Instead, he removed his own clothes, slowly, aware and determined not
to stray from his plan. Naked he looked for the little bottle of oil he had
placed upon a cupboard.

Maxim had his eyes closed when he returned and squatted beside him, pulling
Maxim's slip over his legs. Christian got an instant erection. He wished he
had something to calm him down. But the only relief he knew was to
ejaculate. He opened the bottle and held it under Maxim's nose. He came to
his elbows and sniffed. "Hmm, like chocolate and orange", he said. "And
patchouli and anis", Christian added. Some of the sienna-red coloured
liquid flooded into his palm and he wiped it. Then he straddled Maxim's
body and started to massage the skin. With a sigh Maxim lay down, between
the fluffs of the carpet and the soft bath towels. His head was swimming
with smells and sounds. Christian's cock bobbed up and down with his
movements. It touched his navel and oozed clear liquid. Chris must be very
horny, Maxim giggled in his mind. He felt his hands now at his abdomen,
then along the insides of his legs. A palm glided over his testicles. It
was so slippery and so sensuous... Why didn't he lift his legs to wipe his
hole? He thought briefly before the pain remembered his soreness. He
couldn't.

    "What about the wine?" he asked sleepily. Christian reached it out,
Maxim turned to his stomach and drank. "I feel somehow funny", he said.

    "Good." Christian whispered into his ear. "You like it?"

    "Certainly." Maxim's eyelids fluttered. Now Christian massaged his
back, until he felt smeared and oiled like a baby all over. The heavy,
intoxicating scent of it was thrilling. He hadn't noticed he was sporting
an erection that matched Christian's. "I love you, darling", was all that
he could make out from Christian's mumbling. He was talking incessantly but
nothing reached Maxim's ears. "You'll be mine for ever, promise me this?"
It cost him a lot to withstand the urge to plunge into Maxim's body like he
had the night before. Especially when Maxim stretched his buttocks against
him to knead and kiss. He parted them to see the slightly torn entrance to
his hole. What he had done. Cautiously he smeared some of the oil upon
it. Maxim moaned a little. It certainly needed a better
treatment. Christian came to his feet and went over into the bathroom to
administer a rich baby cream upon it and worked it gently into
it. "Better?" he asked. Maxim turned to his back and nodded. His cock had a
stiffness that Christian had seldom seen before. He grasped it with his
oily hand, closed his fingers around it and massaged it up and down.

Maxim's sight was blurred. There were two Christian's bent over him. Four
eyes and two mouths. Their bodies, slippery, glided along like snakes and
then Christian was straddling him and his aching penis was pushed into a
tight and oily and hot canal. Maxim exploded immediately. He couldn't stop
it. But his excitement didn't blow up. He was still hard as
steel. Christian rode him frantically, but Maxim just enjoyed it. He
tickled his balls and squeezed his cock hard until white cream pulsated out
and Christian bent over him "Say you'll never leave me. Promise. Swear."

    "I swear", Maxim blabbered, half drunken from wine and the sleeping
pill. Another part of him was wide-awake though and registered the actions
for later. He was able though to push Christian over onto his back and
tried to find a second relief between his arse cheeks.



In the morning Maxim found himself lying contorted in front of the dead
fireside. He was cold, because he missed the bed cover. He was alone. And
then shame started. What had he done? He couldn't remember. His head was
thick like a balloon and his tongue had withered in his mouth. It hadn't
been that much alcohol to feel like shit, had it. Moaning he came to his
feet. His skin was reddish and sticky from oil and dried semen. His legs
trembled and so did his fingers. The light hurt his eyes. He stumbled to
the table and found a sheet of paper.


"Darling, Thanks for the wonderful night. That was the best that ever
happened to me in my whole life. I'm down in my office and I called you
ill. Sleep as long as you want. I love you for ever.  Christian"


Phew. He had called him ill. So what. Actually it was brilliant. He would
take a long shower and then go down to see how's Chris doing. His cellular
phone rang. It took him awhile until he found it back to see it had been
Nadine. What did she want? Ah, certainly to see how ill he was. He rang
her.

    "Maxim? Are you alright? Do you need help?"

    "Help? No." Maxim was confused.

    "Christian called you ill this morning and I worried..."

    "What did you worry about?"

There was a pause on the other side. Then she said "I think you should come
over to listen to a story. If you aren't too ill that is."

    "Sorry, Nadine. We just had a long night and I overslept."

He could almost grasp her disapproval. "You should come nonetheless. I'm
waiting here."

Maxim sighed. "Ok, later.  I must try to persuade my cat to come with me."

    "Pardon?"

    "Coco. He didn't want to return to my place."

    "Well, he knows what's good for him. See you." She had cut the line.

Maxim glared at the phone. She was the second to tell him the same.


After he had washed off last night's remains, shaved, combed and dressed,
he went down into Christian's office to see the plan of a hotel restaurant
developing at the drawing board. Chris had greeted him with a long kiss and
a tight embrace his colleagues were embarrassed though they were used to
it.  Sonja smiled at him and showed him her coloured sketches of the
kitchen with all the mod cons, of two dining rooms and a bar that was
connected with the wellness-area in the basement.

    "What do you think of this?" she asked, pointing to a swimming pool
that was set amid a room with walls, painted with Old-Berlin
attractions. "It doesn't have to be always an Italian or Spanish setting,
what do you think? I thought about the Wannsee in Zille-Milieu, at least we
are here in Berlin."

Christian came to them and showed him people in old fashioned, striped bath
suits, having a good time at the beach. "Who's Zille anyway?" he asked.

    "Oh, well, you can't know him. Heinrich Zille lived a hundred years ago
and was the most famous Berlin milieu-painter. He mostly made drawings from
the life of the poor people, back of the houses, you know. Dirty kids,
women worn out from work, fathers without a job. This here belongs to the
more amusing side of his work."

Maxim understood. "Then why not make it real? You set up some old fashioned
changing rooms and with some beach chairs. Then those who like it can dress
like them."

Sonja lifted an suggestive eyebrow to Christian. "Brilliant", Christian
said. "It would be the attraction. Look here, this Swimming pool will be
connected with a basin outside, you can swim where you want. We really
could set up a beach with chairs and those cabins." He kissed Maxim and
pulled him away. "Have you thought about becoming my creative headmaster?
Why don't you give up your job and stay with me."

Maxim hesitated. "As Philipp-replacement?"

Christian's brows pulled together. "How do you know?"

    "He told me." And then it was there again, from one minute to the next:
Christian just repeats. He successfully had made Phil stop his studies to
work here with him. Now he tried the same with him? "I'll think about it,
ok?" he said aloud. "I need to go shopping and feed Coco. I'll try to bring
him back." Hastily he turned and vanished.

In the kitchen he had a listless breakfast of coffee and toast. His mind
wondered about Nadine's call, and if he should follow her call to the
bookshop. He leaned against the cupboard and saw the remains of last
night. Cluttered dishes, the empty bottle of red wine and glasses were all
still there. A roll of tablets stirred his interest. Sleeping pills and
next by a paper parcel with red pills, a funny icon imprinted. Maxim knew
those. Ecstasy. And then it hit him. He understood the blankness of his
mind last night. The mixture of frenzy and lazy surrendering. He sniffed at
the glass and saw a white ground in there.  Christian had given him a
cocktail of tablets. That was also the reason for his heavy hangover.
Bugger.

A minute later he left the apartment for "Prinz Eisenherz".