Date: Thu, 4 Nov 2021 12:11:32 +0100
From: john skehan <cajunboi868@gmail.com>
Subject: My first gay bar

My First Gay Bar

Cajuncock

This is not a gay sex story but rather a personal gay history. If you
enjoy the stories on the site please donate to keep it going. Our
community needs an open place to discuss and share our stories. Gay
history is often limited to the extremes of our community. There is so
much more to it than what the media tends to focus on. We are everywhere
folks. We are your neighbors, your families! Focus on the normal gay
person.

I was all of 26 when I discovered my first gay bar. At the time DC did
not yet awaken to the face that it had a large gay population. The laws
did not permit same sex couples to dance. You could not carry your drink
to another table. It was a hodge podge of vague laws that police quite
often could interpret how-ever they choose. The city was basically
governed by the congress which appointed the city officials. There were
places where gay men did meet though. In a city with 4 major military
bases located in or near the city, young military guys were always
looking for a place to drink and hang out off base. To add to this there
are 4 different police forces who patrolled the city. For the gay
population it took some inside knowledge to determine where you could go
to meet other gay men safely.

I'd discovered a bar that was popular as a happy hour place mostly
inhabited by gay men. It was also in my own neighborhood. I started going
there after work for drinks. Over a few weeks I became a familiar face
and men opened up to me. On one occasion 2 of the regulars invited me to
go with them to another nearby place. It was a full blown gay bar with
drag queens, dancing and an large, black doorman. I learned that there
were certain precautions taken to warn the patrons of a police visit.
During such visits envelops of cash was slipped to the officers who would
walk around inspecting the place before departing. Any military men
present would be rushed off to a safe storage room in the back.

But things did change over a few years. First, the gay movement in NYC
awakened the press to the admission that gay men were everywhere and that
they would be willing to fight the crooked police to express their
rights. Out of the closet became a battle cry. Employers, government
officials, the press all took notice. The gay men themselves began
forming active, well financed groups demanding their rights and
protection from oppression. So this was the world I was caught up in
while I tried to figure what my own sexual identity was. I knew that I'd
long ago given up on trying "to be normal". Now a new "normal" was a
viable option. Open cruising in the bars became normal. I would soon meet
many men in prominent positions in the city

But the city was pretty much a southern town in its social outlook. Few
Blacks mixed with whites in gay bars. They had their own places to
congregate. I met my first lover who was black in one of the popular gay
dance bars. He was sitting at the bar by himself. No one seemed to be
bothered talking to him. I'd been on the dance floor awhile and needed a
drink. I walked to the empty space at the bar right next to him and
ordered a beer. I stood drinking and yelled over the loud music "New in
town? Haven't seen you before." I guessed that broke the ice and we
started a long conversation that led to an invitation back to the
apartment he shared with his cousin. After an intensive workout in the
sack, we lay talking. I discovered that he was newly out. Well, as out as
an army officer could be at that time. He'd just left his wife and baby
to take a post at a base in DC. I decided to take a chance and asked if I
might see him again, maybe for dinner. Ok, it was an invitation for a
date. He agreed to exchange phone numbers and that we might meet on the
coming Friday. So began my 3 year, first romance with another male.

We were an odd couple at the time. An interracial gay couple. I took him
to a few of the gay places. We'd have dinner out before returning to my
place p\or his for the night. Physically, he was a tall, well built black
man with a sweet nature and we soon fell in love. Some people distanced
themselves from us. Other welcomed us. I did get a lot of questions about
our bedroom activities. In that arena he was surely living up to the
stereo type- an intensive lover. Eventually, we moved in together. But as
we both hit 30 at the same time we drifted apart and decided to go on
alone. I had become used to being a part of a pair and did not do well as
a loner. For 2 years I cruised the scene looking for someone to fill the
empty spot.

At this time the gay right movement had blossomed into a national or more
importantly, international movement. Men were coming out of their dark
closets. Gay businesses were flourishing across many of the urban areas
of the nation. There were many more options available. The pink dollar
was now sought as it became evident that same sex couples were worth
their weight in gold. Shops, travel agencies, even doctors and lawyers
went for it. With the new money power came political recognition. I
became active in the local political scene. It was an arena ripe for me
and I found that other gay men were interested in something beyond dance
bars and bed mates. Through this I met a man who was to become my long
time partner. It had been a long, dry spell for me when 2 friends took me
to a gay hotline event, a social, held in a local bar. The event itself
was for the hotline to help men who were dealing with issues related to
problems of newly out gays. The group's president gave a short speech.
One of my friends took me over to introduce me to the fine looking blond
organization leader. We hit it off instantly. A few dances later we were
out the door.

That first night was intense on both physical and emotional levels. In
the morning over coffee I told him that it was a revelation being with
him. He asked if we could meet again that evening for dinner? That began
19 years of a new life for me. His family was fully accepting of me as
his partner. In a world where many families of gay men reject them this
was truly different. My own parents had rejected me when confronted with
my being gay. For many of us the current pandemic is not a new thing. We
have lived through it with AIDS, the Mathew Shepard crimes, the hate
mongers. We have seen the hypocrites on their pulpits preaching hate only
to be brought down when their own sins were in the limelight's glare.
Let those without sin cast the first stone and no stone will be thrown.

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