Date: Mon, 08 Feb 2010 13:40:26 -0500
From: storyteller509@aol.com
Subject: "The Preacher's Man"  chapter two  "Lumber and .......Secrets"

    This is a true story about men loving men.  It is the story of my life.
If this offends you, first grow-up, or secondly....go away. But if you want
to find the secret to a lasting love, read on.


Chapter two       " Lumber and ... Secrets"


        John, had reserved our room at the Plaza the day before we were
going to meet for the first time face to face. John would prove to be one
of the most thoughtful men that Mark had ever encountered in his life.  It
was a restless night for Mark as he contemplated meeting this man for the
first time.  Excited .......... scared .......... intrigued
............. these were all proper feelings when compared to the lonely
years Mark had endured, trying to get through the grieving process of
Daniel's death.  All Alone.  There was no one that Mark could share those
real feelings with.

No one. The community and even the people of the church knew that Mark and
Daniel were close ...... and yet had no clue of the depth of the love the
two men shared. John had made Mark to feel that there was a promise of a
new day ahead in his life.

       John's voice was a welcome sound for Mark to hear on the phone.
Deep, rich, soothing sexy voice. Mark could find something special about
most men, but if the voice wasn't masculine .... well he would just
politely move on.

       Through emails Mark had swapped pictures with John, and was amazed
when he saw the vision of this perfect looking younger man. His handsome
rugged looks, short trimmed beard, his beautiful chest and body, dark hair,
everywhere!  But Mark was mostly captured by his eyes. Beautiful eyes.
They were kind and mysterious.  Kind, caring, sexy eyes, are a trait that
had to be present for Mark to give a second look. Mark, now a fifty one
year old man, and a Grandfather, was really amazed to think that a man,
twelve years younger, could possibly be interested in him.  Mark was a
little bit overweight and his hair now is mostly gray . His six foot frame
helped to distribute his weight evenly, ...except for his belly was just a
bit larger than Mark wanted.  For some unknown reason, John had trusted
Mark.  John had known his share of joy and sorrow in his life as well.  He
was proving to himself and to Mark, that love was still worth risks.

     Through the phone conversations and emails, Mark had confided in John
about his past. His past love. The two men swapped stories about their
lives and the sharing made both men come to know the other better.

     Mark was really surprised when John recognized that he was still
morning the loss of Daniel. Mark then knew he had found a real caring man.
Where would it lead? Who knows, but a man can never have enough caring
friends.

     Once when Mark had met a fella named Rick, for a first meeting, and
the subject of past people in their lives had come up, when Mark told him
about Daniel , Rick just shut down all emotions and told him that he was
not about to compete with a dead man, and walked away.  Good riddance.

      John understood the many reasons that Mark and Daniel had faced to
keep their relationship private.  He was no stranger to the secret love
that men sometimes had to keep bottled up inside themselves. There was no
way for Mark to tell anyone about how he really felt about Daniel. How
could he possibly share that with anyone in the world he was living in.  He
would be banished from the small southern town and made the butt of all the
good ole boy's jokes. Daniel would have had to endure the same... if not
even more.  Mark would take the all blame and walk away if necessary to
protect Daniel. Two married men, with families, and in love with each
other, one the pastor, the other the music minister.  It was a combination
that would rattle the west Georgia hills if ......... they only knew.

     "It's gonna be a hot one" Daniel spoke as he approached Mark at the
drive-up fast food hamburger stand.

The girl in the order window took their orders for lunch and without
missing a beat, Daniel slipped her the money for their lunch before Mark
could even put his hand on his pocket.


     Daniel was dressed in his usual dress shirt, tie, dress pants and of
coarse, accompanied with that glorious, faint smell of cologne.  Mark
looked at this man and thought to himself.....this man has no idea how
incredibly good looking he is.  It was quite amazing the admiration that
the people of this entire town showed toward this man. Everybody loved him.
He acted as if it was his honor to be known by so many. I guess that is
what made him the man he is.......................was.

        ..........I hate that word "was".  It sounds so final. He was....
It was.....  It sounds like something is gone forever.It leaves an empty,
lonely place in my heart.

       ......... Past tense of "is" ......... it really pisses me off .


         "I really appreciate you coming to meet me for lunch . I have to
tell you, the veterans celebration was amazing ........ thanks man for all
your help.  I owe you big time..... all that you did in such a short time
... kinda blew me away.

It was the best turn out we have ever had for the parade and it seemed that
everyone stayed for the dedication of the memorial park.  I just want you
to know that I really appreciate you. "

        " You know I still want you to come to work with me ..  I have had
nothing but peace in my soul since I asked you to consider coming to serve
with me and the church.  I just know in my heart, your gonna to say yes".

        "I will if you will", Mark joked ........ knowing that their
thoughts were NOT on the same page.

         Mark had been doing nothing but thinking about all the reasons he
should just walk away from this offer ..... but the way that Daniel kept
being just the man he was...... was making this decision a little harder to
walk away from. Every day, at one time or another, Daniel would enter his
mind ...... and every time, it made Mark smile. Mark felt that at times he
was nine years old and acting like a little boy starring at a brand new
bicycle....a good looking, perfectly loaded, fresh smelling, comfortable
bicycle.  A real friend.


       "Hmmm .. And what did you mean by that?" Daniel smiled and looked
just a bit puzzled.

       "We'll get to that later .."

        ".Daniel, I've been doing some serious thinking.  If you really
want me to come serve with you at your church, .. well, I just am gonna
have to lay myself out there first. I'm afraid you might change your mind
when I share with you the real me. If you change your mind, I understand.
I've lived a complicated life for a large portion of my life, and honestly,
it's been tough and exhausting. You just need to be aware of what your
getting into. I am a mess"

    The girl in the window called our number, Daniel picked up the tray of
food and drinks, nodded at Mark with a kind smile, and led the way to a
table in the shade, on the edge of the outdoor dining area and said, "Let's
just sit and talk for a while buddy."



      The men sat down with their hamburgers, fries and milkshakes under
the umbrella covered table near the old oak tree.  Since Daniel was the
pastor of the local First Baptist church, everyone that passed by the men
felt that it was their duty to speak to him.  Daniel handled the
interruptions with grace and treated every person with respect and
sometimes a bit of humor.



      "Mark ......... I don't know what you are about to share with me, you
need to understand your safe with me, what you tell me will forever be
between me and you ...... forever... just know that there is nothing you
could tell me that we can't work through."

      "You might want to hold onto that statement for a while until I get
finished with what I need to tell you. I am honored ......... flattered
......  challenged..... that you are offering me this position to come and
work with you. I love church music. I miss being in the middle of all that
goes into the planning and teaching simple people to sing from grateful
hearts.  I thought that when we met to plan the Veteran's celebration, that
I really could see us becoming great friends ....... but I have to be
honest with you.  I have some stuff in my past that might come back to
haunt me ... and if it does, I don't want you to be hurt. "

       " Oh ..... , Daniel paused weighing the words Mark had just spoken
to him carefully, "but before you say anything .......you are aware that
none of us perfect.  Not a one. I know that, God knows that, it is pretty
much our mission at First Baptist to remind men and women everywhere that
no one is perfect, and we all need a second, chance, so if you want to tell
me anything, ..... go ahead.  Unload buddy. What do you need to get off
your chest?"

       "Years ago .......... I was involved in an affair that really messed
me up.  The part you might really have a problem with is that it was a same
sex affair.  I was busy working in a church - with all the responsibilities
that go with my work, - kinda burned out if you know what I mean.

        A friendship of mine took a very unexpected turn and he and I had a
sexual affair that lasted about three years. I knew what I was doing. I
wanted it. I never thought a man could love another man like that.  It did
not end well.  He ended up wanting more than I could give him and when I
refused, and I ended the relationship, he went crazy.  He went home,
confessed all that he and I had ever done to his wife, then they called my
wife and asked her to meet them.  I can not tell you what it was like for
the next few years, trying to get my life back together.  I know that it
was all my fault.  I am a married man .... with a mortgage, kids, and the
whole father thing... and many people judge me saying that I should just be
'who God created me to be'.  Life has never been that simple for me.  I
mean there are so many people that my life affects.  I am complicated to
put it mildly, ....... life for me is a .... challenge. My feelings for men
are just as real today as the love for my children . And throw in the love
I have for music in the church....my wife........ are you sure you want to
get into this endless train wreck of a life!".



    Daniel listened intently to Mark as he poured out the details of his
life history.

       "I had no Idea the complications that make up your life buddy, and
I'm sure that there must have been difficult days for you.  Life is never
easy.  We all have weaknesses, but they are not what define us, they are
what makes us the people we are. We all have things in our past that we
would just as soon forget.  But you need to know, It doesn't change my
opinion about you. Your still the same caring, talented man that I expected
you to be, and now I feel that you trusted me enough to share some of your
hurts with me, makes me admire you even more. I am so sorry you have had to
deal with all that pain in your past."

      Mark just sat there ... looking down at the table .... wondering what
he would hear next from this man ... when he continued to tell him about
himself.

     After a couple of deep breaths, Mark decided to just get it all out
there ...."You might want to kinda hang on to your thoughts about me for a
few more minutes, I'm not through."

     "Tell me anything you want Mark, ......... I can assure you, It won't
change my opinion of you."

      "Ok mister .....here it is,....... I've been having some pretty vivid
thoughts about you and me" Mark said without ever looking up from the
table.  "I'm not sure you would want to know all the things that I have
been thinking about you. Daniel, every time I see you...... I just about
loose my breath.  I continually undress you in my mind and these are just
the parts I have enough courage to tell you. I don't know why I have all
these feelings and thoughts about you.  I just don't want to be in another
dead end, one-sided friendship, relationship, career or any of that stuff
again . You say you need me?  Well, I need someone too!"

     "Mark ......... please look at me?"



      Mark finally looked up to see Daniel looking at him.  There was a
tear that ran down one side of Daniel's face as he continue to talk to
Mark.

       "I have never been where you are ......... but I can't say that some
of the same thoughts have never entered my mind.  The older I get, the more
I am convinced that we don't really get to choose who or how we love
anybody.  All that you have shared with me about you loving a man doesn't
scare me....at all, .... all I know about you,, what you have told me and
what I've observed in your interaction with others, tells me that we could
become the best of friends and maybe even more ... if only you would just
.... relax .... stop beating yourself up so much, and just see what the
future has for you..... and maybe even for us.  Life as a pastor is very
lonely.  Your not the only man with a thought life you know!  I could
really use a good man like you working along side me .... and be my
friend."



     "Your serious? even after hearing all my junk?"

     "Very serious, ........ I need you. I like you a lot. I will protect
you. Just don't show up waving a rainbow flag at choir
rehearsals. ........ ah, sorry, That didn't come out as I had planned
.... but do you understand? "

      Mark chuckled at Daniel's statement, "I think I do"

     "I understand your need for a man in your life. We all long for a
close relationship with someone we respect and trust.  It's a priceless
gift to find a friend that you trust with the real person inside
yourself..... I'm not asking you to change who you are. I feel you need me
as much as I need you ,so ... will you give it a try?  Will you just relax
and let's see how this all works out?"

      "This is really not how I expected you to react to me and all my
mess. I have discussed the possibility of coming here with my wife, and she
just can't say enough nice things about you and your family. So, Ok ... I
will give this my best effort.  When should I plan to to start?"

     "As far as I'm concerned ....... you started yesterday. Can we eat now
.......... I'm starved!"





       Daniel had succeeded in breaking through to Mark.  Mark thought that
Daniel was the kindest man he had ever met...... and almost felt guilty for
all the fantasies he had had about this good smelling, dark haired, all
slim and sexy preacher man.  ........that is almost.

    " We bought a cabin in the mountains a few months ago. I'm going up
there this coming Monday to take a load of lumber .  I've been building
some decks and doing a few improvements, .......... I've been thinking
...would you be interested in going up there with me?  We bought this
place, it's on a mountainside lot, you can see forever there. It's secluded
from the world. I really like it there. We hope to someday retire and live
there. My wife sometimes goes with me, but mostly I go alone... I just
rest, study, and work some while I'm there ........  would you like to go
with me? "

       Mark looked at Daniel and wondered if what he just heard was really
real.  "I'll have to check and see if I can get away,... I could use a
break myself."

       " I think I just became your boss ....... and it looks like your
free for a few days ."

        Daniel looked me right in the eye and winked and then smiled.

        I looked at Daniel and said, "And I thought YOU would be the one
that would be scared!."

         Daniel was finishing up his fries. He reached over and dipped the
last one in my puddle of ketchup and said, "Mark you have no reason to be
afraid of me" ............then with an unforgettable, self confident
expression on his face, he looked into my eyes said, "... it's just a load
of lumber!" Daniel, still smiling like he had just won a million dollars,
reached over and placed his warm hand on mine for a second, then moved it
back to his side of the table and winked again.  "Eat your lunch buddy, you
're gonna need the energy."

           I just about wet my pants.

         This man is flirting with me ........ and I'm blushing!  Who does
he think he is? .... I am the king of flirting! ... I might have just met
my match ....load of lumber? ...... what was that all about?  From a deep
place in my soul, I smiled on the inside.

          ( Authors note: Can I just tell you how confused, intimidated,
excited, and completely tripped out that little scene made me?  All that
talk about lumber .... wood .... the winking .... the smiles ....  You know
there some moments in this life that you just know that you are going to
remember for the rest of your life.  Not necessarily the big stuff, but
little meaningful things that just make you feel like a king.  When Daniel
looked at me and winked and smiled, I knew it was one of those moments.
When this happens in your life ........... hold onto them.  Store them with
great care and affection in your mind. You're going to need them some day
to help you get through times of pain and hurt. They really help.  the one
thing that we can count on in this world is that nothing ever stays the
same. The author of this story knows this to be true.  )



Please email your comments about my story to STORYTELLER509@AOL.COM