by
Mark 'Ponyboy' Peters
Chapter Thirty-Eight
It's the waiting that gets to you. Endless hours of worry. Endless hours of not knowing. And even when they say things might be straight forward, there's always that chance of something else going wrong.
And what if something does go wrong? How would I be able to live with myself? How would I be able to live without my newfound soulmate; the one person in this world whose very being now consumes my every thought?
When it was suggested that I should maybe go home and get some rest I shot back with, 'I'm not leaving him! Not until I know he's going to be okay.'
Most of the others had now left us, but I wasn't going anywhere. Hoppy and Nathan went first, then mum went home to dad and Olly. Leandro took Beth home, but then he returned. The two of us were now sitting in a corner of the waiting room eating sandwiches from a vending machine and drinking more of that terrible instant coffee, hoping we could stay awake long enough to see Raffa emerge from theatre.
I liked Leandro. He was different to Raffa in so many ways, yet still so similar. For starters his build and complexion were more solid and darker. His looks were what could almost be described as swarthy – I think that's how I had heard some brooding Spanish film star being described once. And yet he had the same wicked sense of humour that Raffa did, which shone through even at this dark time. Maybe that was just his way of coping with what was happening with his brother, but he seemed like a good guy to be spending time with, especially at a time when I needed someone to be there with me. Someone who understood my level of concern and desperation, and shared a love of the boy currently in surgery.
'Fuck, I need a smoke,' Leandro said at one point. 'You want one too?'
'I don't, ummm . . .'
'Then come and keep me company while I have one. I want to talk some more . . . anything to take my mind off all this waiting.'
We headed outside, taking our coffees with us, and found a bench in a well-lit garden, which was close by the Emergency Department entrance.
'Ahhh . . . that's better. A bit of fresh air,' he said.
'Says the guy who is about to light a cigarette,' I said with a laugh.
Leandro smiled at me and soon pulled a wispy looking cigarette from his pocket. Well, at least I thought it was a cigarette until I looked again. It was actually a joint.
'Is that . . ."
'Shhhh,' he said. 'Don’t tell the folks. It just helps me relax when the pressure is on. You know what I mean?'
'Whatever floats your boat,' I replied.
It didn't bother me one way or another whether he wanted to smoke that here, but I did think it was a bit reckless of him. Still, he's a big kid and can make his own decisions, and besides, it's going on for midnight, so who is going to care?
I watched as he lit up, while leaning with his back against the wall behind us, then drew in a great breath, holding it for a few moments, before breathing it out, sending a plume of smoke into the night air. There was a slight breeze blowing and some of the smoke wafted my way and I couldn't help but breathe some of it in.
I had smelt marijuana before, I mean, what teenager in this day and age hasn't, and I wasn't particularly worried by it. It had a sickly-sweet smell, which hadn’t previously had much of an effect on me the couple of times I’d come across it at school parties. I was just a little surprised that Leandro was being so brazen by smoking it out here in the open like this, though I guess with the breeze to blow the smoke away there would be less chance of being caught. Maybe that's what he was thinking.
After he had sucked on it a few times, each time blowing the smoke out and over me, whether intentional or not, he offered it to me.
'Go on, take a hit,' he said. 'It's only mild, and it'll help ease the tension.'
Somewhat reluctantly I took it from him and put it to my mouth, not wanting to appear to be a total wuss to my new friend. I drew back and held it a moment, before exhaling, coughing a little as I did so. It wasn't terrible. In fact I kind of liked it. After having the smoke blown over me for the last five minutes and having breathed it in already, I was kind of used to it.
Handing it back to him I noticed he smiled. I smiled back.
'There, it wasn't that bad was it?'
'Nah, it's all good. Some school friends had it at parties, so I‘m kind of used to it,' I replied, before leaning back against the wall, resting my head back as well and looking up into the night, where all I could really see were insects circling a flood light.
The moments stretched into minutes. I had another hit from the joint and handed it back to Leandro.
'So, how did you and my brother hook up?' Leandro asked me.
'We work together.'
'Yeah, I know that, but what made the two of you decide you wanted to, you know, get together? How did you guys fall for each other?'
Shit. How much do I tell him?
'I guess he reached out to me,' I eventually replied, once I’d thought about how I wanted to answer him. 'We'd both had a similarly bad experience with someone and when he heard about what had happened to me, I guess he just wanted to make sure I was okay. Then one thing led to another, and before we both knew it I was staying over.'
'That sounds like Raffa,' he said, before taking one last drag on the stub he was still holding, then dropping what was left on the ground and grinding it with his shoe. 'I couldn't help but hear you talking to your friends earlier . . . something about him having a session with someone and managing to get away . . . was it the guy that was driving the car today?'
Shit. Should I answer that?
I was feeling relaxed, from the weed I suppose, and quickly decided that I shouldn't keep anything from Raffa's family. They deserved to know the truth. And besides, once the cops started piecing it all together and Animal was likely to be charged, it would all come out anyhow.
'Yeah,' I eventually said. 'It was.'
'You said Raffa got away from him. Were you not that lucky?'
I just closed my eyes and shook my head.
Suddenly an arm was around my shoulders and I was being hugged once more.
'I'm sorry that happened to you. But the cunt is going to pay now, right?' he whispered into my ear.
'Yeah. I fucking hope so,' I replied, as I reached my arms around him and hugged him back.
We went back inside a little while later, after I had filled him in with some of the other events leading up to today. Raffa had told me recently that Leandro was the one who he felt he could always turn to when he needed advice, and I totally got that now. Leandro was a good listener and seemed very non-judgemental, no matter what he was told, though I suspected that if somebody had done wrong by Raffa then I wouldn't want to be that person if Leandro was going to take up the fight.
Antonio looked up at us when we entered the waiting room.
'Where have you boys been?' he asked.
'I needed a smoke, so Gray came out to keep me company,' Leandro said. 'Just been talking about stuff.'
His father gave a nod, then rested his head against the wall behind him and closed his eyes, as we sat back down in our corner.
'Thanks for levelling with me,' Leandro said quietly. 'It's good to know the full story.'
'It's bound to all come out anyhow, but I think you all deserve to know. These past few weeks haven't been easy for either of us, but I'm so grateful that I've been able to connect with Raffa the way I have in that time.'
'Do you love him?'
'Abso-fucking-lutely!' I replied.
Leandro just grinned at me and said, 'You'll do, bro.'
At around one in the morning we heard some activity in the hallway outside the waiting room and before any of us could respond Doctor Chen appeared at the doorway, looking weary, but otherwise okay. He came into the room and sat on the edge of a coffee table in the middle of the room, facing us all.
'Rafael is out of surgery and is being taken to ICU now. We have been able to clean up the wounds from the compound fractures in his legs and pin the breaks, and he should make a full recovery from those, unless there are complications with infection, which is always a risk. The fracture to his pelvis isn't as severe as first thought, and while it may take several months for this to heal, I don't foresee any issues there. The fractured vertebrae we will need to keep an eye on and re-examine once the swelling in the surrounding tissue subsides. Overall I would say that Rafael was a very lucky young man, in that the injuries could have been much more serious. I am confident that, given time, he will make a full recovery,' he said to us.
'Thank you, doctor. Can we see him?' Katherine asked.
'We can take you to the ward once they have him settled, but you will only be able to see him from outside his room, for the moment anyhow. I'll have a nurse come and get you once he is settled.'
'Thank you,' Antonio replied.
A few minutes later a nurse appeared and asked that we follow her.
'I can only take you to the corridor outside the ICU,' she explained, as we made our way deeper into the hospital and up two floors. 'But you will be able to view him from there for a short visit.'
Just a few minutes later we passed through an open doorway, before we arrived outside another door that said Intensive Care Unit and the nurse asked us to just wait while she went inside, and that we would be able to see Raffa through a window just past the entrance. At the moment that window had curtains that were all drawn, but shortly after the nurse left us these were drawn back, allowing a view of the room.
There, in a bed which jutted out from the middle of one wall, we could see Raffa. The lower half of his body was covered with a blanket, which also seemed to be concealing some sort of frame to keep the blanket off his legs it appeared. His face looked pale, yet he looked strangely peaceful, despite the various tubes and wires and machines that were attached to him.
For some reason I placed a hand up against the glass. Maybe I was wanting to be as close to him as possible, I don't know, but it somehow seemed to help.
Leandro placed a hand on my shoulder. 'He's going to be okay, bro. It might take a while, but I'm sure he is going to be okay.'
'Yeah,' I somehow managed to croak. 'I think you're right.'
'You want me to give you a lift home now?'
'You sure you don't mind?'
'I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't sure. C'mon, let's get out of here and give the folks a few minutes.'
'Thanks. I appreciate that.'
We hugged Raffa's parents and said goodnight, promising to all meet back here tomorrow, then Leandro and I left them, still gazing through the window at their son.
* * *
When we pulled up outside my home I went to open the door to get out, but Leandro stopped me, placing a hand on my arm before I could open the door.
'I'm glad that my kid brother has found someone like you,' he said to me. 'And I appreciate you being so honest with me tonight.'
'It was probably just the weed talking.'
'Bullshit! I like you, Gray, and I can see why my brother likes you.'
'Thanks,' I answered. 'He told me recently that whenever he needed advice you were his go-to, and I can see why. He's lucky to have a brother like you. Someone who looks out for him.'
'I do my best, but he sure can test my patience sometimes.'
I laughed at that. 'Yeah, I think I know where you're coming from.'
Suddenly he reached across and placed a hand around the back of my neck, drawing me to him, before quickly kissing me on the cheek.
'You'll do, bro,' he whispered, before releasing me.
I just grinned at him, then I opened the door and got out of his car.
'See you there sometime tomorrow?' he asked.
‘You betcha,' I replied, before closing the door and heading up the driveway to the house as Leandro drove off into the night.
Letting myself inside I found the place was in darkness, but there was enough light coming inside from the street lights outside for me to see what I'm doing.
'Is that you, Gray?' I heard my mother ask from her bedroom, as I reached my bedroom door.
'Yeah,' I replied.
'Any more news?'
'He's out of surgery and been moved into Intensive Care. That's all that can be done for now. The doctor was confident that he will make a full recovery though, but he is still worried about the fractured vertebrae.'
'He's in the safest of hands, honey.'
'Yes. I know. Thanks,' I replied. 'Goodnight, I need to go to bed now, before I fall over.'
'Goodnight.'
I walked into my room and without even switching on the light I stripped off and climbed into bed, not caring where I dropped my clothes. The coffee still had me buzzing a little, but as exhaustion began to work its magic it didn't take long before I was out to it and dreaming restless dreams, which unfortunately really didn't give me any peace.
* * *
It was late when I awoke the next morning, with daylight streaming in through the window. It was Saturday and I expected that everyone would be out as usual, but not today, apparently.
Olly was asleep beside me when I woke, his head on my shoulder, one arm and one leg draped over me. This was becoming a habit, though if the truth must be known I didn't really mind, even if I knew that sooner or later it was an issue that we would need to address. I wanted to ensure that no matter what, he would always be able to come to me with any problems, just like Raffa could always go to Leandro. It was important for any kid to feel like there was always someone there they could turn to, and trust, and I wanted to make sure that I was that person for my brother.
I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair, before then roughing it up a little. This had the desired effect and he began to stir, eventually sticking his head up and looking directly at me. His eyes were red, as if he had been crying recently, and there was dried sleep in his eyelashes, so I suspected that he most probably had been crying. And I suspected I also knew what he had been crying about.
'Good morning, sleepyhead,' I said.
His first words to me were, 'How's my other brother?'
'He's all busted up,' I replied honestly. 'But the hospital reckons he'll be okay. It's just going to take a while for him to get over all his injuries.'
'What sort of injuries?'
'Well, he's got a broken leg, some busted ribs, a busted collar bone, and some fractured vertebrae.'
'What are they? The verta-whatever?'
'Bones in his spine, like here . . . in his backbone,' I said, as I placed a hand on his lower back and pressed down on a couple of the bones in his spine. He winced a little as I rubbed them.
'Can I go see him?'
'Not yet, mate. They are going to keep him sleeping for a few days, just to let everything settle down, then after he wakes up they'll do some more tests to make sure that there's not any more damage than they think there is now.'
'But he's going to be okay though?'
'I hope so mate. I really hope so.'
'And then I can see him?'
'Yeah, once we know what's happening I'll take you to see him. I promise.'
'Thanks,' he said, before putting his head back down on my chest and placing a hand right over my heart. After a few moments he began tapping his fingers in time with my heartbeat and giggling.
'You having fun there?' I asked him.
'Your heart is going fast. I can't keep up.'
'Come on. Time to get up,' I said, while gently pushing him away. 'I need a shower then I have to go to the hospital.'
Olly jumped up and grabbed the sheets and pulled them back, laughing at me and my nakedness, before hurrying from my room as I got out of bed and wrapped my towel around myself, which had been hanging across the back of my desk chair.
Having had him tapping his fingers across my bare chest had been another one of those odd moments that had left me feeling confused. I knew that my reaction, with my heart beginning to race and a stirring down below had been purely physical. I guess it shouldn't really be a surprise though how little it took these days for any kind of reaction to occur, given how sexually charged my life had seemed to have become of late. I would just have to learn how to keep things in check, so as to not risk anything inappropriate happening. The last thing I would want would be to give my brother the wrong idea. I loved him, but there are some lines that just cannot be crossed.
Crossing the hall into the bathroom I closed the door and hung my towel on the towel rack behind the door, then turned on the taps, before finally stepping beneath the stream of water when the temperature was just right.
As I soaped myself up thoughts of Raffa lying in that hospital bed came back to me. I had never seen anyone so helpless in real life before, depending entirely on machines and people caring for him. His vivacious soul was suddenly quiet, and the world seemed a sadder place for it already. I could only hope that he would soon be back with us and making a full recovery, so that our lives could return to normal as soon as possible. As images of him in that cold room came flooding back I found myself leaning against the shower wall, my head hanging down and water rushing over me, but mixed with this water there were also tears, tears that just seemed to come out of nowhere, and that I now could not stop.
I had heard before that when something traumatic happens everybody's response can be different. For some the floodgates open immediately, but for others it comes later. I know I had shed a few tears already in the past twenty-four hours, simply as a reaction to what had taken place, but this time it was different. These tears were from someplace different, from a place of deep despair, of worry about the unknown. Sure, the doctors had said they were hopeful of Raffa making a full recovery, but what about all the what if's?
What if when they wake him the pain is too much? What if he doesn't regain feeling in his legs? What if something else happens and Raffa's injuries are made worse?
I've said previously that I don't know what I would do without Raffa in my life. But what if – there it goes again! – the prognosis isn't what we were hoping for and somehow Raffa ended up needing care? Could I face that prospect if it arose?
Fuck. Life is hard sometimes.
Somehow I managed to regain my composure and finish my shower. I think I had let out all the emotion that I needed to, for now anyhow, so I should now be able to face whatever the rest of the day was going to bring. At least I hoped that I would be able to do that.
Turning off the water I pulled back the curtain and grabbed my towel from the back of the door, then began drying myself, before once again wrapping the towel around me and heading for my room. After I had dressed in my favourite khaki shorts and a nice polo shirt I wandered out into the kitchen to grab a drink and something to eat.
'Good morning, honey,' my mother said. 'Feeling better this morning?'
'I guess,' I replied.
'That doesn't sound very positive.'
'What? Yeah, sorry, I guess it's all just weighing me down a bit.'
'I can certainly understand that. Sometimes these things are just sent to test us, I think.'
After pouring some juice and grabbing a banana I sat down at the table.
'Yeah, but why do these tests always have to hurt those we care about?'
'Ahhh . . . if only I knew the answer to that one!' my mother replied.
She watched as I drank some of my juice and ate the banana. I glanced at her a couple of times and found her studying me intensely.
'Have you been crying?'
'Yeah, maybe. I was in the shower and everything just seemed to hit me at once. I don't know what brought it on really.'
'Sometimes it doesn't take much.'
'No, apparently not. Especially with me lately.'
'How is Olly doing with what has happened? I heard the two of you talking in your room again this morning. He seems to be making a habit of that.'
'I know. It’s like he’s becoming my own personal alarm clock, and I'm really not sure how to deal with it. It's not that I mind . . . he was asking about Raffa and whether he can see him. I know he is curious about a lot of things and I know I need to tread carefully, but I'm just afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.'
'Just be honest with him. That's all you can really do. But if you need help just let me know, maybe we can both sit him down and talk to him about whatever it is he wants to know.'
'All due respect, mum, but what are you going to tell him about sex, if that's what he wants to know?'
'Ahhh . . . that territory will belong to you and your father I think. Maybe just call on me if there are behavioural issues.'
'Right then,' I replied, before tossing down the last of my juice.
As I got up and rinsed my glass and tossed the banana skin in the trash, mum asked, 'So, what are your plans? I take it you're going to the hospital?'
'Yes, but I need to get my car first. Can you give me a lift downtown so I can pick it up?'
'Of course. When do you want to go?'
'Thanks. Can you just give me a few minutes to finish getting ready please?'
To be continued . . .
Authors Note:
Hi there. It has been a while since I have posted anything new on Nifty. I guess life gets in the way sometimes.
I hope you enjoy this new story. Please be sure to donate to Nifty.org at http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html
Your support of Nifty is what helps ensure that stories like this are available for people like you to enjoy! :)
Oh, hey, you might also like to check out my websites, where all my fiction, real life stories, reviews, books
and other stuff are available. Please visit:
Ponyboysplace - the home page for Mark Peters
Mark 'Ponyboy' Peters | Facebook
Email: mp_ponyboy@hotmail.com