by
Mark 'Ponyboy' Peters
Chapter Forty-One
Standing at the door to the ICU I felt like a little boy who had just lost his teddy bear. I had no idea what to do, what to say, or who to turn to.
A nurse walked past, glanced my way and then stopped. She must have noticed the little boy lost look that would have been on my face, and she came to me.
'You're looking for Rafael?' she asked.
'Errr . . . yeah. What's happened? Where is he?' I pleaded, my voice sounding strained.
'There's no need to panic. He's just been taken down to radiology, that's all. They are going to do another MRI to try see if the swelling around his back injuries has gone down before they try to bring him around.'
'Oh,' was all I managed to say in reply.
'He might be in radiology for a while, so I think you'll probably be better off waiting downstairs,' she suggested. 'When he comes back, we'll check the waiting room to see if you or his family are still there, then bring you up so you can talk to the doctors if you like.'
'Okay, that would be good. Thank you,' I replied.
When I reached the waiting room, I found it was empty, so rather than wait there by myself I decided to go to the cafeteria, with thoughts of a coffee and something to eat on my mind, as I hadn't had anything before leaving home this morning. The cafeteria only had a few people in it when I got there, so I ordered a coffee and a muffin then found a seat by one of the large windows that looked out over the gardens. Sunlight was streaming in through the window, warming my body and making me feel as if I was at least partially alive, as the past few days seemed to have drained me of energy and caused me to struggle, both physically and mentally.
At least I knew now that there was some hope for Raffa, and I could see that provided the injuries to his back weren't any worse than first thought, we were going to be able to move past this. Broken bones could fix themselves, and if that's all that was wrong with him then time would be the healer. What I did worry about though, was what damage may have been done to his mind by this incident. Would he be scarred mentally by what Animal had inflicted upon him, and if that were the case, how would I be able to deal with that? How would I be able to help him?
Shit! Why was life so fucking hard sometimes?
After I had been sitting in the cafeteria for about half an hour, enjoying my time out, I heard someone enter, then moments later they came and sat down directly opposite me. On this day there was a new shade of pink in his hair, along with a brightness in his expression. Chase seemed to be glowing today and it didn't take a genius to figure out why.
'Looks like you had a good night,' I said to him.
'Good weekend, actually. Well, other than having to cut it short and come home.'
'Yeah, that must have sucked, but I'm glad you did, though. And I'm glad Bryan could come. Has he left to go back to the city?'
'No, he's visiting with your mum this morning, but will be heading home tomorrow, after we see what happens with Raffa. He's worried about him. And he's worried about you as well.'
I shrugged my shoulders, but there wasn't really anything I could say.
'If I can offer a word of advice, just don't lock everyone out, Gray,' he said, as he reached out and placed a hand on mine. 'I've seen this happen heaps before, where some people just aren't sure how to handle this kind of situation and think it's all on them. Don't do that, okay? It shouldn't be all on your shoulders. You have family and friends who are here for you. You’ve only got to ask if you need someone to help, or even just someone to talk to. Or I could link you up with someone if you need to get stuff off your chest but don't want to lean on someone you know.'
'Are you saying you think I'm doing that already? Locking people out?' I asked.
'Oh, no. Nothing like that, mate. I'm just saying it happens. And none of us want to see you thinking that way, that's all. Reach out if you need to. We're here for both you and Raffa.'
'Okay. Thanks. I really appreciate that.'
'Anytime, honey.'
Just then the lady behind the counter called out to Chase by name and he stood up to go.
'I'll check in with you later to see how things go upstairs,' Chase said.
'Thank you. It's good to know there are still some good people left in this world.'
'Oh yeah, babe. Not many of us left though, are there?' he said with a chuckle, before leaving me to what was left of my now cold coffee.
When I returned to the waiting room a short time later, I wasn't sure if I would find anyone there, but I was pleasantly surprised to see Antonio and Katherine waiting. They didn't look any better that they had the afternoon before, but we all knew that today was the day, so after this, things would hopefully be on the improve.
They both stood up when they saw me and we embraced.
'They nurse upstairs said you had already been up,' Katherine said. 'When we were there they said they were still waiting for him to come back from radiology.'
'Yeah. I had a bit of a panic attack when I saw the room was empty.'
'You weren't the only one,' Antonio added, while nodding in the direction of his wife.
I offered a smile. I totally understood.
As we sat down to continue our wait, I could see that Antonio's face remained serious, however. A few moments later he turned to me, a frown now etched across his brow.
'We've been talking to Leandro,' he said. 'He tells me you both knew this man that was driving the car.'
I leaned back and let my head rest against the wall.
Shit! Was this it, I wondered? Was this when I would have to share everything with them? Did they know anything about Raffa's history with Animal?
'What did he tell you?' I asked.
'That Raffie knew this man and the two of you had had some bad experiences with him. Was it something to do with . . . sex?'
I suddenly felt like curling up into a ball and hiding away, but then Antonio reached out and placed an arm around my shoulders.
'It's okay,' he said to me. 'We know that Raffie . . . what is the term . . . experimented. It's all part of growing up and figuring out who you are as a person. We have no hang-ups about such things in our family. We just hoped that he would be careful and stay safe.'
I looked at him with what I figured must have been astonishment on my face.
'We just want to know, that's all. Is that how Raffie knew this man? Is that how you knew this man?' he urged.
Slowly I nodded, as I gathered my thoughts together. It looked like I would need to rehash the whole story with them, which was something I hadn't particularly been looking forward to doing, or ever really thought I would need to do.
'The night I first met you, and you asked us how I met Raffa, we said it was through work,' I said. 'That was true, but how I really got to know Raffa was after he reached out to me. He'd seen me one night at the pub with that man and messaged me afterwards, saying that he hoped I had been careful.'
Antonio nodded.
'My experience with that man wasn't a good one and word had got around at work. Raffa was the only person to reach out. I didn't know who it had been who had sent me the original message, and it was only after a bit of digging around that I found it had come from Raffa. I asked him what he meant . . . did he know something . . . and that was when he told me that something similar had happened to him . . .'
I felt Antonio's hand gently squeeze my shoulder.
'He's a good boy, our Raffie. Always thinks about others.'
'Yes, he does,' I agreed.
'So why would this man do this?'
'He had it in for both of us. For Raffa, because he had managed to get away from him, and for me because he ended up getting the sack from his job after he caused a scene at our workplace. Our manager made a complaint to the company he worked for and that led to him losing his job. Raffa and me were the first to defy him. He didn't get things all his way with us. He even had some thugs bash me . . .'
'Raffie told us about that, but we didn't know why it happened,' Katherine replied. 'We are so glad that the two of you have found each other though. You are good for each other, I think.'
'Yes,' Antonio added.
'Thank you. I think so too,' I said, with a grin. 'Though now, I sometimes can't help but feel guilty that it is me who has brought this on Raffa.'
'Don't you say that!' Antonio scolded me. 'You cannot control the thoughts of a madman! Nobody can. But he deserves what is coming to him, and when he has his day in court, I promise you that we will be there to witness that. Guaranteed!'
I nodded gravely. That was a day that I was already longing to see.
After that we seemed to fall into silence, as each of us became lost in our own thoughts, while life went on in the corridors around us.
Over the years my experiences with hospitals had been minimal, other than a couple of broken bones and one brief stay when I'd had my tonsils out about eight years ago, around the time when Olly was born, I think. The smell of the place had been the memory that had lingered most, largely being that of disinfectant, and it hadn't really changed much in that time. I still gagged.
Around lunch time someone finally came to see us in the waiting room, with a nurse saying, 'The doctors will be down to see you shortly.'
'Is it good news?' Katherine asked.
'The doctors will bring you up to speed as soon as they are able to come down,' she answered, before leaving us once more.
A short while later Doctor Chen, who we had met previously, came to see us.
'We have the results from this morning's MRI,' he said. 'We can confirm that the swelling around the injuries to Rafael's spine has subsided, so we will shortly start to bring him out of the induced coma. Once he is awake, then we will be able to make further assessments and we will know where we are at.'
'So, how long will all this take?' Antonio asked. 'Will we be able to see him?'
'Let's just take it one step at a time. It will take a while for him to come around. Once he is awake, and if he's alert and responsive, then we will let you know'.
'Thank you so much, doctor,' Katherine responded. 'We'll be waiting.'
Once again, we were left alone and waiting, but the end of all the uncertainty was now quite near. It wouldn't be long before Raffa would be awake and able to talk to us. It wouldn't be long before we had him back, and I could hardly wait.
I couldn't sit down again. I was feeling like a caged animal in this place. I needed to do something other than sit, so I asked Katherine and Antonio if they wanted something to eat or drink.
'Let's get some lunch,' Antonio suggested. 'If it is going to take them some time to bring our boy around, then we'll have time.'
* * *
After we had eaten, we returned to the waiting room, hopeful of some good news coming soon. The de Silva's both enjoyed sharing stories about their youngest son, some of which I was already looking forward to using to give him a hard time.
I was really enjoying spending this time with Raffa's parents and getting to know them better, while at the same time being a little surprised at how welcoming they had been to me in the short space of time I had known them.
As Katherine said to me, while holding my hand, 'We always hoped that Rafael would find someone who made him happy and that as he went through life he wouldn't be jumping from one friend to another. With you, he is different. We can see that already. He really does care about you.'
‘And I really care about him too,' I responded, just as my phone started ringing.
Katherine patted my hand and smiled at me as I checked the caller ID. It was Hoppy.
'Hey,' I said after taking the call.
'Hey, yourself. What's happening? Are you at the hospital?' he asked.
'Yeah. Just waiting . . .' I replied, as I got to my feet and left the waiting room. walking out into the hallway and eventually heading towards the exit so I could talk to him outside in the gardens.
'Any news yet? Is he awake?'
'He's had another MRI this morning. Doctors are planning on waking him up about now, so we should know soon. How are things at work?'
'Buzzing! You guys are the talk of the town.'
'I just bet we are,' I said, while cringing slightly at that thought.
'It's all good though. I haven't heard one bad thing from anyone . . . everyone is just hoping that Raffa gets over this and are wishing you both nothing but the best. And they are all hoping that Animal gets locked up and they throw away the key. You can trust me on that.'
'Thanks, mate. That's good to know.'
We chatted for a couple of minutes more before he had to get back to work, so after saying goodbye and disconnecting I headed back inside to the waiting room. When I got there, however, the room was empty.
'Are you Grayson?' said a voice that was coming from behind me, as I stood at the doorway.
I turned and said, 'Yes.'
'They said to tell you when you got back, you should go up to ICU,' a nurse said to me.
'Okay. Thank you,' I said to her, before hurrying off in the direction of the lifts that would take me there.
After hitting the button for the lift I watched as the lights changed, showing which floor the lift was at, as it slowly approached my level. Hopefully the lights would stop moving and it would soon be followed by the now familiar ping that accompanied the doors being opened.
I could feel my heart starting to race, and my palms beginning to sweat, in anticipation of my being able to talk to Raffa once again, to be able to tell him I loved him, to tell him that it shouldn't be him lying in that hospital bed. He had done nothing wrong. I was the one who had pushed back at Animal. If anyone should be taking the blame and the consequences, it should be me.
Guilt rushed over me as I waited for the doors to open, along with a longing to see him, to talk to him, and when they finally did open I rushed inside, thumping the button for the floor on which my boyfriend was lying.
When I managed to escape the confines of the stainless-steel box that had carried me to my destination, I rushed along the corridors. The first door to the ICU once again stood open so I continued onwards to the second door, which I soon found was also standing open. As I approached, I could hear voices, though I couldn't make out anything that was being said just yet. When I was closer, however, I distinctly heard Raffa's voice. It was raspy, hoarse, but unmistakably him, and what I heard him say stopped me in my tracks, just as I was about to reach the door to his room.
'NO!' he said, forcefully.
'But Raffie . . .' his mother replied, almost pleading. 'He cares so much for you.'
'Don't let him come in. I can't see him. Not like this. Just look at me! I'm a fucking cripple! I'm going to spend the rest of my life in a fucking wheelchair!' he cried.
When I heard this, I also heard myself let out a gasp, and no sooner than that had happened Antonio's head came out the door.
My hands went to the side of my head as I clutched at my hair. I wanted to scream, but Antonio came for me. I backpedalled, stepping away from him, before turning and rushing from the ICU.
Raffa didn't want to see me!
He. Didn't. Want. To. See. Me.
What did that mean? Were we over? Or was it just a reaction to what he had been told after being woken? Was he really a cripple? Was he really going to be in a wheelchair?
Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!
When I stopped at the lift doors and bashed the button, while gasping for breath, my mind racing, filled with thoughts I just didn't want to entertain, Antonio finally caught up with me.
We looked at each other. Both of us distraught at what had happened. I started backing away once again but was stopped in my tracks when he forcefully called my name.
'Grayson! Stop!' he commanded.
I stopped. Then I looked everywhere but directly at him.
'Look at me, son,' he said.
Son?
Reluctantly I did so, as tears began to well up.
As he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him, he said, 'Gray, he didn't mean that. He'll come around. He just needs a little time.'
As people passed us by in the corridor, for a few minutes I just sobbed in his arms, this man who I hardly knew, who had accepted me as one of his own because of the love we shared for his son.
'It's not good news . . .' he eventually said. 'Raffie has no feeling in his legs . . . at least not right now. That's why he doesn’t want to see you. He's worried he's going to be totally useless for the rest of his life.'
'I don't care. I want to see him! If he doesn’t want to see me, he can tell it to my face.'
'And you will see him, but let’s just let him settle down first, that's all. We'll talk to him. He just needs a little time, mate.'
To be continued . . .
Authors Note:
Hi there. It has been a while since I have posted anything new on Nifty. I guess life gets in the way sometimes.
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