Date: Fri, 12 Apr 2019 14:47:00 +0200
From: joniye@gmx.net
Subject: Hay and Straw - Chapter 6: The Glow

Warning: heavy raceplay, racially charged language and scenarios.

There I was, standing on the street in front of the youth hostel in the
middle of nowhere, next to the bill board promoting the `Experience:
Sleeping in Hay and Straw'. The cabin guy had just dropped me off in front
of it, I could still hear the sound of his pick-up truck, as it faded in
the distance. He gave me clothes to wear that belonged to his sister's son,
so they roughly fit. I got a pair of shorts, a t-shirt and a sweater. He
didn't give me any shoes though, although I think he could have spared one
pair, even if they would not have fit. But he didn't want to do that. He
said, he likes me barefoot, whatever that was supposed to mean. At least I
got to eat properly at his place and I thanked him by working on his
morning wood after he woke up. Nevertheless, we didn't speak the entire way
driving to the hostel. He just slapped my ass, as I got out of his truck.
And he promised me to not post those pictures. He would keep them though as
a reminder of the night we had together. I didn't know if the intention
behind that was sexual or racial -- I didn't ask.

I walked into the yard of the youth hostel and could see my class mates
running around in the back, some doing sports, others playing cards or just
talking with one another. There were no teachers present. It must have been
break time. I had no idea how late it was, but most likely it was around
noon. I looked around and then I spotted Felix. He was sitting on ping pong
table, with some more guys around him. I could see Chris was among them as
well. The rage grew inside me as I thought about what they had put me
through. Especially Felix. The others just went along, but he was the
instigator of all my suffering. And there he was, laughing and having a
good time, not for a moment considering my feelings, the ordeal I went
through last night. He and the boys had left me naked in the woods. God
knows, what could have happened. I got more and more worked up in anger,
thinking about how I was running butt-naked through the forest, freezing
and starving. I finally snapped and I ran towards him, my bare feet rushing
through the dirt. Felix was too distracted to see me come and I was very
fast as well. I made a fist with my right hand, ready to land a punch right
in his face. I was almost there, as I yelled "Yo Felix!" in order for him
to turn around so I could hit him right in the face. But somehow he moved
slightly different than I expected and I missed him by a hair's breadth. I
got off track and tumbled, causing me to trip and fall to the ground, right
to Felix' feet.

He got up from the ping pong table walked towards me and kicked some dirt
in my direction while I was lying on the floor. "What the fuck Tommy?" he
yelled. Some of the boys tried to hold him back, to calm him down. I was
slightly bruised from the fall and dirty but I managed to get up. "You know
exactly what!" I yelled back. "You tell me!" he said. "Oh really, you want
me to say it? In front of everyone?" I asked. "Sure Tommy, I got nothing to
hide!" he said, coming closer, looking me straight in the eyes. And then it
began to dawn on me, that he was right. I couldn't say a thing. If
everything came out, I would be the one looking really stupid. He might
look like an asshole but everyone would think I was total faggot. I
painfully kept my mouth shut. "What was that Tommy? You wanted to say
something? Let's hear it!" he said, provoking me. I bit my tongue.
"Nothing..." I said. "Forget it!" He shook his head, dusting of his
shoulders, which were not even dirty, while I was literary covered in
dirt. "Man, fuck you, Tommy! Don't you try to pull anything like that
again, you hear me?" he said. "Now fuck off!"

I was furious. Tears started to form in my eyes. I looked around and
suddenly I saw a stone. Without thinking, without taking the consequences
into consideration, I grabbed the stone and threw it at Felix. It hit him
right in the head. A screamed out in pain, as everyone was looking at me in
shock. "What the fuck, are you crazy?" Chris asked. "Well damn he is!"
Felix yelled, as he collected himself. The stone was not big, so it didn't
cause any serious injury. But Felix was bleeding from his forehead. "Oh
Tommy, you will pay for this!" Felix said, as he pushed the boys who were
standing around him aside and ran towards me, throwing a punch right in my
face. It went so fast, I was so surprised, he hit me full on. He really got
me. I went to the ground and he got on top of me, landing three more
punches in my face. I tried to fight him off, but he was to strong, so I
finally said "Felix, please stop. You win, okay?" but he was still
furious. He grabbed my neck with his hands, as if he wanted to strangle
me. But just in that moment our teacher arrived and broke it up. We both
got send to a room, kind of like detention. They had the nurse check on
Felix and patched him up. I was bruised but at least I wasn't bleeding.

And next thing I knew we sitting in an empty room, each of us on an
uncomfortable chairs, waiting for out time-out to be over. I was sure there
would be more consequences, but our teachers didn't say anything at this
point. Probably they were in the process of figuring out what to do with us
while we were sitting in there. But since we were both caught fighting, the
punishment would be evenly distributed among us. I looked at Felix and
though, that whatever I will get, we would have to endure it too. Good!
Felix sat next to the window, looking out. I was a few meters away from
him, staring at the ceiling. Finally, Felix broke the silence between
us. "What did you do that for?" he asked. "Did you really think you could
beat me in a fight? How stupid are you, seriously?" I looked at him. "I was
just so angry!" I said. "About what?" he wanted to know. I got up from my
chair. "Are you seriously asking that? After what you put me through? You
left me out there completely naked!" I yelled. He smirked. "Haha, yeah,
that was crazy, right?" he said laughingly. I couldn't believe my ears. Did
he think that was some kind of joke? "Are you serious? I could have died
out there!" I insisted. "Oh don't be so over-dramatic!" Felix said, as he
got up from his chair as well. "We were just having fun!" I looked at him
angrily. "Yeah, at my expense!" I said. He walked over to me, getting close
to me face. "Everything is at your expense." He said, with a mischievous
smile. I know what he was getting at. I took a few steps back. "I...I...am
so confused. How did it get to all this?" I asked. "Oh you are confused?
Well, let me tell you something. I am not! I am one hundred percent aware
what I am and where my place is. And so should you, Tommy!" he said, with a
voice that demanded respect. "My place? What's that supposed to mean?" I
asked. "If you don't know by now, you are even more stupid than I
thought. I know you act like you don't like to be used, like I am forcing
you. But I can see the excitement in your eyes. I can see the glow. Tell me
here and now that your life wasn't completely turned up-side down, the
moment you took my dick in your mouth!"

I swallowed. I didn't know what to say. I was conflicted. I could not admit
that I was actually kind of getting off on being mistreated, although I
increasingly became aware of the fact that, truth be told, I enjoyed it in
a weird way. This crazy intersection of guilt, lust, abuse, passion,
humiliation and pleasure was shaking my whole world, my entire being. My
self-perception as a smart, confident, urban black man, aspiring to be a
young professional very soon, was being completely uprooted by a primal,
unexplainable desire, a literal instinct to serve white men. I was well
aware of this inner conflict brooding inside me, but I was not ready to
articulate any of it, left alone in front of Felix.

"Well, that was only because you tricked me into doing it. I never wanted
to suck your dick!" I tried to save myself. "You said, first I do you and
then you do me, but then you bailed on me, you asshole." Felix looked out
of the window with a self-satisfied smirk, running his hand through his
dark-blond hair. "You must have been crazy to think I'd let that ashy thing
of yours anywhere near me, despite taking it in my mouth." He said in calm
yet clearly condescending tone. I could not believe my ears. "What did you
just say?" I asked, grabbing his shoulder, forcing him to face me
straight-on. He turned to me, resting one hand on the back of the chair,
the other on his waist. "I said no one want's to suck your nasty black
dick, Tommy. Look at it, it's disgusting. Even when you are fresh out of
the shower it looks dirty, filthy, it probably stinks too." He said while
his piercing blue eyes looked straight into mine. "Is this some kind of
joke? Because it is not funny. We have been jerking off together for years
and you never commented on the way my dick looks before." I said. "Yeah, I
was just being nice. And you never expected be to touch or even suck your
nasty dick, but since you brought it up, here is me just saying that I
think. Listen, I would never suck a dick, period. I am not a fag. I like
receiving head, sure. Like any guy. It feels fucking awesome! But I would
never degrade and emasculate myself by letting another man turn me into his
cocksucker. I'd rather die!" I could feel my head getting hot with burning
shame. I felt so small in that moment, like I had failed at being a man. A
real man. Maybe Felix was right. A real man does not suck cock and never
would. A real men gets his dick sucked. Period. "And I would most
definitely not suck a dirty, black dick like yours." Felix went on.

I was speechless, but more confusing than Felix' insults where the fact,
how my body reacted to them. My dick was actually getting hard, while I was
listening to Felix' derogatory comments. Felix could see the bulge forming,
as I wasn't wearing any underwear and my shorts were out of thin linen. He
smirked and looked at me. "See what I mean? You get off by this. You like
to be abused. I can see it clearly. I didn't plan any of this, to be
honest. It all started with me wanting to get my dick sucked and
unfortunately for you, you were dumb enough to walk right into my trap. But
if you only did it to get some head in return, then tell me, why was your
dick hard when you sucked me off? Why are you hard right now?" he
asked. "Well, what do you expect? Sucking your dick is the only sex I am
getting right now. My girlfriend isn't giving me any and neither you nor
the others will reciprocate on me. I am horny 24/7 and anything sexual gets
me hard at this point." I tried to weasel myself out of the situation,
trying not to admit the obvious, despite my full-erect penis in my shorts
betraying me.

"That's kind of pathetic, don't you think?" Felix said, looked down at my
crotch. "Come on, let's see it. Show it to me. Let me have a laugh." He
said. I knew that he was probably going to make fun of it, but I wanted to
show it to him. I wanted to expose my shameful, guilty lust to him. I
unbuttoned my shorts and dropped them to the ground, while I was taking off
my t-shirt too, although Felix didn't even ask me to do that. Since I was
not wearing underwear and I had been barefoot the entire time, I was now
completely naked, presenting my hard dick to Felix, just like he ordered me
to do. He looked at it, shaking his head. "Damn that thing is ugly. I am
sure you agree, because you know how beautiful and clean white cocks are."
He undid his zipper and pulled his semi-hard dick out, letting it hang out
of his pants, while putting his hands in his pockets, visibly displaying
how proud he was the manhood between his legs.

There we were, me fully naked and erect, him fully dressed and semi-hard. I
couldn't help but stare at his dick again. Felix already outperformed me
with regard to dick size. He was a few inches bigger than me, but those
inches made a significant difference. We used to compare our dicks, with me
being in the lead for many years. Then for a year or so we were about the
same size until, sometime last year Felix had outgrown mine, by a couple of
inches. But did he also outperform me in `beauty'? "So Tommy, what do you
say? How does my cock look?" He asked, while I looked at it longingly.
"It...it's perfect." I shamefully admitted. I could see Felix' chest swell
with pride, a victorious smile growing on his face. He had just told me in
excruciating detail how disgusting my dick looked in his opinion, yet he
got me to admit that I found his dick to be beautiful, even more, perfect.
"That's right, Tommy boy. My cock is strong, big, pure, clean, and
white. Yours is small, black, dirty, nasty, and looks like shit." I sucked
up his insults, fueling my inner self-loathing, while at the same time
being unable to take my gaze off of Felix' dick. "Do you understand now,
why it is perfectly natural for you to suck my dick, but completely
ridiculous for me to suck yours? Why I was never going to return the favor
to you?" Felix said triumphantly. I, again, nodded, in silent submission.

"Good, glad we got that out of the way." He said, as he stuffed his dick
back into his pants. "But anyway, you said you were angry at me? Well,
maybe it was a little too much what he did there yesterday. Throwing out
all your stuff, leaving you there all alone and naked." He couldn't help
himself, he had to laugh, while saying `naked'. He wasn't sorry about it at
all. He was enjoying it. But I let him go on anyway. "So to make things
even between you and me, I have a proposal for you. You get two choices,
but you can only chose one, understood?" he asked. I had no idea what he
was getting at, so I just said "Okay, whatever." He smiled in a confident
manner. "So, to be fair, since I mistreated you so much, I will allow you
to throw a punch at me, right in the face. I will not stop you and I will
not hit you back. I will just stand here and take it. That is option one!"
I wondered why he would suggest something like that. Why let me punch him?
I looked at him with a confused look in my face. "Okay... and the other
option?" I asked. "Oh Tommy boy, do you really have to ask?" he said, as he
grabbed his crotch. "Option 2 is, I will let you to suck my cock!" he said,
with a big smile on my face. My jaw dropped. Obviously I was going to
choose the punch, but before I could respond, he stopped me. "Now, before
you say anything, listen deep inside of yourself, listen to your heart.
What do you want more? What do you really desire?" he said. I looked at his
face, thinking about how I would hit him with my fist. Finally getting
sweet revenge, finally hurting him the way he has been hurting me over this
last days. Retribution would be a kick, a gas, justice would be served. But
then my eyes wandered towards his crotch. I would see his erection through
his pants, as he was holding it, causing the material to outline his dick
perfectly. And just like that I gave in.

"Option 2!" I said in a defeatist tone, the humiliation being perfected by
Felix' taunting laughter. That cruel genius. How he was playing me, fucking
with my head over and over again. He knew he never was in any real danger.
He knew that I would chose the blowjob over the punch. He knew how badly I
needed his dick. He knew my desire to please him was bigger than my wish to
hurt him, my need to serve him outweighed my will to punish him, to have my
revenge. "Well, I will be generous than and give you what your heart
desires. Get on your knees and collect your prize." Felix said in a tone,
so derisive, it was literary hurting. I kneeled in front of him, unzipped
his pants and pulled out his gorgeous white cock. I held it in my hand. I
marveled at every blue vain running up the shaft towards the perfectly
sculpted pink head, the smooth yet firm and hard way it felt in my hand,
the warmth, the hotness it omitted. I looked up to Felix with a face that
must have displayed ultimate submission. "Ah, there it is again, the glow."
He said in a calm and collected voice. He knew he had defeated me again. He
placed his hand on the back of my head and gently pushed my mouth on his
dick I opened up and embraced it with my whole heart. I began sucking on
him, gently, gratefully. I was on my knees in front of him, completely
naked and he was fully dressed, only his dick was sticking through his
zipper. All the while the door was unlocked. Anyone could walk in on
us. And once again I'd be the one losing out. I'd be the one looking
bad. Felix could just quickly stuff his dick back into his pants, act like
nothing had happened. But me? I'd be fucked. I'd be caught in the act,
kneeling in front of another boy, completely naked. How would I explain
that? But I didn't care. All I wanted was to live in this moment and please
Felix, no matter the risk I was taking. No matter the consequences.

"You are getting really good at his!" Felix said. "Thank you, I guess..." I
responded. He must have been right. All in all, this has been the tenth
time I had sucked a dick in three days. And I was learning fast. I was
getting an ever better understanding of how the other reacted to things I
was doing. What made him feel good. How to use my hand in combination with
my mouth, how to get it into my throat, how to lick the tip while massaging
the balls. All the different ways and tricks to deliver pleasure to a dick,
to please a man. I was becoming an expert cocksucker, while I still had no
idea how it felt to be on the receiving end of all this service, of this
pleasure. How I wished I could just get a taste of it. Just a second. But I
knew, receiving a blowjob was out of reach for me. At this point I did not
even dare to touch my hard penis, leave alone jerk it. I knew Felix would
not have it. He'd probably kick me in the balls. I controlled myself,
restrained from touching my dick. Instead my fingers wandered towards my
hole and began to play with my sphincter.

Stimulating my hole like that made me even hornier. I looked up at
Felix. "Dude, you can fuck me, if you want to." I said, longingly looking
into Felix eyes. He looked down at me, padding my nappy head. "I'm good
man, just suck me off. I am already pretty close." I continued to suck him,
but embarrassment and an utter sense of rejection overcame me. I offered
him my ass to use and he declined? But even more, my heart was filled with
jealousy. His dick was getting so much action that he could afford to
decline getting some ass. While my dick was starved of any attention. Never
in a million years would I have turned down the offer to stick my dick into
something. It was so unfair. Everything was constantly working in his
favor. Why? But before I could finish my thoughts I could feel Felix
unloading in my mouth. And instantly I was overwhelmed by the fantastic
feeling of his cock cuming while I was sucking it. I truly loved this
feeling. I found it extremely hot. I can't say why, but something about
experiencing another man's climax taking place in my mouth just fulfilled
me. As the good cocksucker I am, I let him remain in my mouth until his
orgasm had faded completely, in order to provide him with maximum
pleasure. He pulled his dick out of my mouth and stuffed it back in his
pants. "Well I hope you enjoyed that." He said with a wink. "And now put
your clothes back on before someone walks in. Who knows how long we have
been in here already." I did as he said. I walked over to my stuff and got
dressed, trying to stuff my hard dick back into my shorts, hoping it would
calm down soon. We both assumed our placed on our chairs and were silent
for a while. Then Felix looked over to me and said "Oh and one more thing.
I expect you to take the blame for this little incident earlier. After all,
you were the one who started it. So you will tell them that I am one
hundred percent innocent. That everything is your fault. Understood?" I
nodded at him, silently agreeing to take on any consequences all of this
would have myself. His face, once again, displayed this signature cocky
smile. I still unable to fathom the power he had over me.