Date: Mon, 9 May 2011 06:27:28 +0100
From: darnemoon@gmail.com
Subject: I'm Not Dying. Chapter 1

I'm Not Dying!
By Darne Moon.

I'm not dying! is an adventure tale that contains graphic sexual content
between men. If you are not permitted to read such content please refrain
from reading any futher. I currently dont have an editor, and do have
dyslexia so please be patient with gramatical mistakes etc. This is the
first time I've written anything of this magnitude in this genre. If you
enjoy this first chapter of this story please let me know at
darnemoon@gmail.com, and I'm always interested in constructive criticism
comments and ideas.

Chapter 1

It had begun with war and ended in carnage. The dead were scattered across
the land. Blood poured through the streets. Armoured soldiers with
breathing apparatus wandered through the desolate streets of dead cities.
Nothing but pockets of humanity remained, clinging desperately to some
semblance of life.

I woke up screaming again. My body soaked in sweat. Mum was sat at the edge
of my bed, a hand resting reassuringly upon my knee. "It's OK, calm down"
She repeated. I looked at her wild eyed as I processed the horror of my
nightmare.

"It's coming Mum, I know it is, it's coming" I mumble eventually as the
panic vanished. Then I vomited. This had become a near nightly occurrence
since I had fallen ill three months prior. I had just returned home after
visiting some friends in Newcastle, when something took me. It started with
headaches, then came the fever, aching joints, and vomiting. I couldn't eat
and barely slept. The doctors were baffled. They tried all the usual drugs,
done all the tests. They said to me one day, "There's something there Alex,
but what that is and how we deal with it, we don't know yet!".

I wasn't the only one, across Britain some twelve others suffered the same
symptoms. The only difference between them and myself, were the dreams, and
I hadn't died yet. The governments newly formed, Terrorist Response Unit
(TRU) had questioned us all, but there was no tangible link. We had all
been in different areas of the country, doing different things when we had
contracted the virus. The situation was helpless, but I was still alive,
and that's a good thing.

Mum wiped my face as I collapsed onto my pillow again. Thankfully she had
been prepared tonight. She took the bucket of my vomit away, and returned
with a glass of water. Her face racked with worry. "I'll call the doctor
first thing" She says watching me drink the water.

"Mum I'm fine" I state, clearly lying.

"Your not! I'm ringing the doctor and that's that. This has been going on
to long, someone must know something by now!" she declared. Her worry
blended with fury over the hopelessness of the situation. I sighed deeply.

"I just need... more time... I feel like shit but I'm not dying" My Mum
shook her head at my warped optimism. I don't like worrying people, most of
all myself. I force a smile as another brain wrenching headache took me in
its vice like grip. Mum watching over me like a sentinel, her only weapons
the sheer determination of motherhood.

The next day the doctor visited. More out of routine than request. He
checked all my vitals, cross referenced them with my data and smiled at my
Mum. "Well the good news is, he's stabilising. Temperatures dropped, his
heart rate is stronger, blood pressure good, I think your on the road to
recovery Alex" He says. I raise a thumbs up to my Mum.

"How long?" She demanded.

"That I can't say" The doctor answered, his earlier enthusiasm abating. My
mother sighed with frustration and walked out the room. The doctor patted
me on the shoulder, "You'll be fine Alex"

"I know! You try telling her that" I joke, a huge grin plastered across my
face, "now if you'll excuse me, I need to pee" I state struggling to my
feet. The doctor helped me to the bathroom and left me to do my business. I
returned moments to my bed for another action packed day of fitful sleep,
strange dreams and maybe, if I'm lucky, some vomiting.

A week later I was fine. As quickly as it came it left. I went to the
hospital for tests, and I got the all clear. Mum proclaimed it a miracle.
The doctors ecstatic that they finally got something right, and I was
generally OK with the fact I was still breathing. Now to get back to the
things I missed, the sex, the drugs, the rock and roll. No not really, that
had been a few years ago. Now I live with my mum back in North Wales, after
five years of working, drunken debauchery, failed relationships and a small
mental breakdown. I tried to fling myself off a bridge. A true victim of
the our modern time. At twenty four I am a damaged individual slowly
rebuilding his life, waiting for that something special to fill my world.
So far I've discovered I quite like gardening.

Mum and I eventually get home from the hospital. It's late summer and the
garden is looking a little wild. My veg patch riddled with weeds, and some
of my Purple Sprouting Broccoli had gone to seed weeks ago. This was a
disaster. I was stood upon the raised patio surveying my (well my mums)
land like a disgruntled king, cup of tea in hand.

"Sorry, it all got a little abandoned, what with everything" Mum stated as
I patrolled the garden.

"It's no bother Mum, give me something to do" I remark, pulling a weed here
and there randomly, "must have been all that rain we had a few weeks
ago. Look the runner beans are doing well, need picking though"

And so began six hours of weeding, picking, sowing and planting. I
reorganize the shed, check my compost heap, and tell a rather determined
blackbird off for stealing my worms. All in all it had been a productive
day. Now was time to have a glass of wine, a bite to eat, and see if
anyone's up to anything. Afondiwedd, (pronounced Afon dew eth or there
about) is a moderately small town, with a couple of shops, a squat little
church and two pubs, and suited me to the ground. I had grown up in a
similar village not to far away, I had gone to a primary school down the
road, and as a result knew a smattering of local people around my age.

As Mum served up home made spaghetti bolognese I poured the wine and
checked my mobile phone. The bane of my life. I hate the thing, it grates
my every bone. Its constant chirping demanding my attention all the
time. This strong distaste for a piece of technology that has probably had
just as much impact on society as the wheel and the toaster, is a by
product of my small mental breakdown. When I worked up in Newcastle I was a
manager for a large pub company, and due to the ineptitude of my fellow
managers I was in constant demand. I was always on the end of my phone,
even when I was on holiday, or in the hospital watching my grandmother
die. Questions like where are the spoons, or do you know this password, how
does the printer work? They had no respect for me, and in the end I had non
for them. I walked out one night whilst on shift, a member of staff had
just asked me what was in a gin and tonic and it pushed me to far. I left
walked through the city and stood upon the High Level Bridge looking down
into the murky depths of the Tyne and thought about jumping. Then my mobile
phone rang. Looking at it it was the pub, no doubt my colleague trying to
find out where I was. I threw it into the water. Then life goes a bit
blurry, but eventually I was found a few days later, by a really nice
homeless man who gets the police and I end up in hospital.

That was when Carol my best friend fired up her clapped out bright yellow
Fiat Sencento, otherwise known as Tino, and drove me the two hundred and
forty eight miles to my mums house. That was a year ago, and I'm still
here. But now I have a new phone and its every ability to make noise,
vibrate or any other means of trying to grab my attention has been
disabled. I have two text messages. Ones from my dad, he wants to meet up
for a drink, and the other is from my old school friend James, he also
wants to have a drink. Life is exciting when your not dying.

I respond to my dad first, agreeing to meet in about an hour in the Cross
Keys the pub furthest from my mums house, then I text message James asking
him to meet in two hours at the White Lion, about six doors up from my
house. Sorted. I pocket my mobile. Dinner was lovely, and together mum and
I polished off the bottle of wine. Soon it was time to meet my dad, so I
tell mum I'm off to meet the guys for a few drinks. She tells me to take it
easy and not drink to much, just as she refills her seventh glass of
Chardonnay and sparks up a cigarette, like mother, like son. No sooner am I
out the door I too light a cigarette and off I trot to the Cross Keys to
paint this one horse town red.

Afondiwedd has an interesting collection of habitants. Some are young
families renting houses in and about the town, but most were retired home
owners waiting out the rest of their lives in the same town they were born
in. As a result a certain level of bigotry is inherent in the older
populace. When the local corner shop had been bought by a Pakistani family
the people were up in arms, well zimmer-frames, but now after a few years,
a couple of broken windows and a restraining order, they're pretty much
accepted. But if the oldies found there was a gay in their midst, I think
it would be burning torches and pitchfork time again. However the people
around my age and little older are relatively normal and have few
qualms. Still I'm pleased I'm not camp at all really, and I don't dress
like a scene queen, so my secret is pretty much safe. I am out as it
were. My family knows, and all my friends, and I am proud of who I am, I'm
just not stupid either.

So here I am walking towards the Cross Keys garbed in a crisp black shirt
with embroidered cuffs and a darted chest, black jeans, and my favourite
black and white skater trainers, all topped off by a pair of sunglasses
pinning my dark brown hair back. My skin is clear and fresh and I feel
great. First time out loose in months and I'm not dying!

Walking into the Cross Keys I'm greeted by the usual old man pub
smell. Since the Smoking Ban, BO and stale ale were now the air fresheners
of such an establishment. However it's smell I've grown accustomed to after
my years working behind a bar. There sat at the bar is my father. Otherwise
known as Dad, or Harry to those not of his linage. He's sat cradling a real
ale. A local one I assume. He smiles as he sees me approach. His hair now
completely grey but once was raven black. His brown eyes gentle and
reassuring. He has the distinct air of a man quite content in the world.

"Hello son!" He declares getting off the bar stool to give me a hug, "You
had us all worried"

"I had myself worried" I reply with a cheeky grin, "But I'm all good now!"
My dad then fixes me with a stare. A worried cautious stare, one he seems
to reserve just for me, "seriously was at the hospital today and they sat I
was clear! Fit as a fiddle actually, probably better than before! Lost a
bit of weight!" I say holding my diminished belly. It was true I had lost
three stone since falling ill, and I felt quite chipper.

"Heard from your brother?" He asked, sitting back down and pulling out a
stool for me. I take it and swivel in front of the bar. Now, the elusive
brother. My father and I have this conversation every time we see each
other. Charlie, my older brother by ten years, has always been a bit aloof
ever since our parents divorce, and we weren't particularly close, mainly
because as I was coming out of nappies he was running off with his
friends. The only conversations we had in the early years were usually
arguments, and so when I was eleven and went off to boarding school and he
was away at university we never really spent any time together. However
now, after my small breakdown he had proclaimed he was my protector. How he
intends to act on that title is beyond me, be way down south in London.

"Not heard from him, but Mum spoke to him earlier today, she says he's
coming up to visit soon but well we'll see"

"And how is your mother?"

"Well the usual" My mum is a very protective, but also very difficult woman
at times. She is always right even when she is blatantly wrong, and has a
bit of a drink problem. It's the belief of most of the family now that she
has some deep seated medical condition, something like Personality Disorder
Cluster B, but getting her to a doctors... its easy to draw blood from a
stone, "Fighting anyone and anything, the doctors mainly over the last few
weeks, I think the neighbours are in for some soon though. She's been
harping on about the fence again"

My dad shakes his head slightly, his face set in a frown, then he perks up,
"Wendy wants to see you", Wendy is my dads wife. She's an interesting
woman, she worked for years in the mental health sector and is now a social
work supervisor. For the past year she's been angling for me to go into
social work, believing quite adamantly I would be perfect for the job. She
had obviously just heard about my application to the local college to see
about an access course in Health and Social Care, the vital stepping stone
for me to get into university.

"I thought she might," I say with a smile. The conversation continued
following the line of my decision to go into social work, am I sure its the
right move, and so on. Then we discuss my step brothers, both eager to see
me. They are another ten years younger than me, and since they lost their
biological older brother I seem to have stepped into that role without
knowing it. Dad says there's a number of questions they have for me, which
they don't want to ask my dad or their mum. So its about girls no
doubt. Eventually the hour for me to move on draws. We say our good byes
and Dad sets off home.

I only had one drink with my dad, this is because I don't like to drink
much around him after a very embarrassing incident when I was fifteen and
ended up in hospital with Alcohol Poisoning, all because I accidentally
drank a bottle of rum. Now your probably thinking I spend quite a
considerable amount of time in hospital. This is essentially true, I am a
bit clumsy, and have quite bad luck. To emphasise this, I trip on a curb
just by the White Lion, and I can see James and his usual posse in the
window laughing at me. I do a bow and walk into the pub. The White Lion is
distinctly different from the Cross Keys. It's patrons usually the younger
citizens of Afondiwedd. There's clichéd rock music playing on the
jukebox. Flatscreen TV's tiling the walls portraying the sports events of
the day. Something I have little to no interest. The bar maid was
considerably much younger than the aged crone that could barely pull a pint
in the Cross Keys.

James and his gang had occupied their usual window table. They were all
there, Rachel, Becky, Brian and Stuart, and of course James. His rugged
blonde face still dusty from his masonry work. But there was also someone
else. I recognised him but couldn't put a name to him. Who ever he was he
was quite handsome. He was leaning on the wall behind one of the girls, I
forget which because they all look the same round here. James immediately
clocks me and throws his arms up into the air crying out my name. I smile
as a round of cheers comes from the table. It's their cheesy traditional
welcome, but its nice. I order my drink, a cold pint of cider, and I walk
over to the table careful not to spill. I realise there's no more seats so
rather than turning round and getting one I opt to stand. Thankfully my
shorter welsh stature means I'm not to much higher than those sitting down.

Usual conversation unfolds, how am I, what did I have, where was I, how did
I get it, and what was it like dying, were the dominant questions. I
reassure everyone I wasn't dying at any point just really quite ill. I then
spend twenty minutes convincing them I'm not contagious in anyway,
something some of them are reluctantly believe. I then notice the handsome
stranger had remained silent the entire time, he spent the time just
staring at me. Not in a freakish way but still staring. I look at him and
smile. He smiles back. This is getting interesting.

"Oh yeah Alex, you remember Lee. We used to go to primary together, you
were the year below us weren't you Lee?" James states. I nod recognition,
as Lee confirms this. Of course I knew him, I knew him pretty damn well, I
slept with him a couple of times I seemed to recall. We had been quite
close in Primary, but then when I was away at school we rarely saw each
other and then one day when I was fifteen and he fourteen, we, well we
fucked. It was a mad moment in my life, I was just coming to terms with my
sexuality and somehow it happened. I was camping with a couple of friends
from school who were staying with me for the Easter Holidays and Lee was
there. We got a bit drunk then we had each other in the woods. Very
romantic. He fucked me first, and then I him. It was a potent memory, and
it came flooding back. I blush involuntarily.

"Yeah the lucky dogs banging Rachel here" James states quite
braskly. Rachel instantly chastises him and Lee laughs. Ah... not so
interesting then after all. A bit disheartened I decide to go for a
smoke. I get the usual frowns from the gang but Lee offers to join me, I
agree and we walk to the back of the pub to the smoking area. Night had
quickly come and the typically pale skies of mid summer were turning
purple-blue, the occasional star blooming.

"So... Lee..." I began as I took a seat at the picnic table under the
awning, a lone light bulb flickering above. I take out my pack of
cigarettes and offer one to Lee who is leaning against the wall of the
pub. He declines the cigarette. "How are you?"

"Good, yeah really good. You"

"Never felt better!" I scoff as I spark up, relishing the burn of the smoke
as I inhale, "What you been up to?" I study his face, he had turned out
very handsome in deed. He had green eyes that sparkled in the strange light
and dirty blonde hair I remember fondly. He had a nice brush of stubble
about his jaw and chin. I suddenly remembered the touch of his soft smooth
olive skin and I start to get hard. I try and hide it by crossing my legs.

"Uni mostly, got back about a few months ago, set up my own business. I
design and make bespoke furniture. Yourself?"

I laugh to myself a moment, "That's a complicated story!" and so I regale
him with a brief explanation of my adventures up north. He responds
appropriately and sincerely. That's just like him I thought, recalling his
friendly and polite nature. The bastard I thought, your going to be
stalking my dreams for a while now.

"I'm glad your well again, I've been hoping to catch up with you" he said a
soft and curious smile crossing his lips.

"Yeah, its a nice surprise. So Rachel?" I ask unsure if I want to hear the
answer.

"Yep... Rachel" He doesn't sound totally happy, I tilt my head slightly
cigarette dangling between my lips. Then he leans forward. He's very close,
so close in fact its a little invasive. I have a thing about personal
space, just another one of my many wonderful and strange intricacies. He
carefully plucks the cigarette from my lips and took a drag before handing
it back. I realise my face had been mere inches from his crotch. I blush
again. He leans back on the wall. "She's great and all, but well it was
more my parents idea. She works for my mum, and well you remember my dad".

This is true, I did. Lee's dad was hot, well he was when he was younger. He
had been a boxer in the army in his youth but when I met him he had turned
his attention to martial arts. He had a toned body, with the right amount
of muscle and a gorgeous smile and piercing green eyes. But he was a
typical army man in many ways, and expected his son to be very much a man.

I finish my cigarette quickly, not truly interested in the politics of
Lee's family, as I go to step past him, he raises his hand ever so slightly
and it touches against my stomach. I stop instantly, his mouth close to my
ear.

"I remember" he whispered. I look at him. His flashes his white teeth in a
cheeky grin. When I think back I find it strange how I reacted here. I
gulped. Quite loudly. His hand moved down slowly and groped me. I gulped
again unsure of what to do. Suddenly the door to the pub swung open and I
instantly jumped back onto the picnic bench landing awkwardly and nearly
fall off the bench. Rachel looks at me curiously, one of my legs in the
air.

"Erm... OK... we're putting some songs on the jukebox either of you two
fancy anything?"

"Do you want the truth or something beautiful by Paloma Faith please hun"
Lee asks. I have to battle against my will to laugh at the irony of the
choice, but I don't disapprove. The song in my opinion was an instant
classic.

"You always pick that" She said with a cute chuckle. She was very pretty.

"What can I say. I like the song. We'll be in shortly Alex is just sorting
himself out!" Lee turned to help me up, I had remained frozen in position,
unsure if Rachel suspected anything. He offered me his hand and I took
it. With a great heave I was upright, and a bit flustered. He pulled my
shirt straight and smiled his sickeningly handsome smile. "Sort yourself
out" he teased. His hands lingering on my sides, his thigh brushing against
my crotch. He could clearly feel my hard on. I blush instantly and try to
arrange myself, which isn't as easy as I would like in my jeans.

Still a bit blustered I follow Lee into the pub, I check his ass out in his
skinny jeans. Its a nice ass. I realise have to stop thinking like this, or
I'll get myself into trouble. The cards are out when we get back to the
table. I am awful at cards so I sit the game out. Poker is to much like
hard work for me. For an hour or so we all chat and have a good time, and
then I decide to check my mobile. Sure enough there's another text message
and a missed call. When will people learn not to bother calling me. Its
from Mum.

A. can you get me a bottle of wine and some cigarettes? Xxx

In an effort to conserve money my mum always abbreviates my brothers and my
names. I turn to group.

"Right I'll be back in a bit, I've got to go water the dragon" I say to the
laughter of the group. Lee looks at me a little confused and I explain I'm
about to go to the shops for my mum. Grinning he offers to join me,
claiming he would like to see my mum again, and see the veg patch I had
spent the last hour talking about. So off we go to the shop. It's close to
closing so I need to rush. We're just in time, and soon we're once again on
the streets heading towards my mums house. Afondiwedd has few street lights
so the street are dark. We don't say much, mainly because I don't know what
to say, and Lee doesn't seem to have anything else to say. I remove my keys
and we enter into the little house.


Its a typical cottage two rooms downstairs, kitchen and living room and two
bedrooms and a toilet upstairs. I find my mum in her usual seat near the
radiator looking out over the garden.

"Voila" I declare entering the kitchen, brandishing the bottle and pack of
smokes. She smiles and eagerly receives them, "Mum, you remember my old
friend Lee" I add as Lee enters the kitchen. She looks contemplative for a
moment and then smiles with recognition.

"Good evening, Mrs Moon" He says formally.

"Miss now Lee" My mum says with a smile, he shuffled a little awkwardly
realising his mistake. It was no secret my parents divorce was
quite... aggressive and my mum had never truly accepted everything. She had
however not reverted back to her maiden name yet. But my mum moved the
conversation on quite quickly, asking the usual questions parents ask your
friends after some time has passed between visits. After the pleasantries
are over I offer to show Lee the veg patch despite the darkness. My mum
laughs and makes a silly comment about it being my new obsession. I'm not
obsessed... much.

I flick the garden lights on and invite him outside. It was quite a mild
summer night, and with the garden lights you can just see the whole
garden. I lead him down the grass towards the back where my pride and joy
lies. I show him the compost box I had built from bits of wood I found
about the place. I didn't intend it to be quite the size I turned out to
be, but well more the merrier. I begin a ramble about balancing compost
heaps contents and how to stop it smelling by doing this or doing that
depending on what it smells like. As you can imagine a conversation
regarding what is essentially decomposing waste is not that long, or
interesting to people who dont truly care. So I decide to show Lee my newly
organized shed. Which is hidden from the house by a large privet hedge. I
laugh as I swing the door open and flick the light switch.

"Your not really interested in how my sheds organized are you!" I say with
an awkward grin. Lee had been decided quiet since the compost conversation.

"Not really" He said slowly, his eyes boring into mine, "But I am
interested in you".

Again the loud gulp. Where had that come from I'd never done it before. He
leaned in and kissed me gently. At first I didn't respond, I was shocked
and uncertain what I should do. Then I decided just go with it. The
memories of our last sexual encounter came flooding back, though we were
now both decided better at kissing. His hands wandered down to my bum and I
felt his strong fingers grip it. I am quite proud of my ass and legs, they
are some of my best features, I would prefer to be a bit bigger in the cock
department but am average and I've had no complaints. He pulls my body
close to his and I relish the feeling. My own hands are now exploring his
body, slipping up his tshirt and I feel the ripple of his abbs. Even back
when he was fourteen he was well defined but now he had the muscle tone of
a man and it was amazing. His skin was still soft to the touch and I
couldn't touch enough of it. Everything about him screamed sex, the smell
of his body, his hair, his lustful eyes. I was immediately running on
automatic, and my deft hands made short work of his belt and jeans fly. He
knew what I wanted, and he wanted it to. He wiggled his sexy ass and his
jeans slipped down his slender legs and pooled at his ankles. His tight
black boxer briefs bulging with his cock. I gripped it through the shear
material. It was so hot and a little blob of precum was seeping through the
fabric. Carefully I pulled his boxers down and I lowered to my knees. I
could smell him, the raw beautiful smell of his crotch. It hadn't
changed. I was faced with his thick throbbing member, it had a slight curve
and was crowning with a stunning purple head. His pubes neatly trimmed. It
was amazing every bit I remembered.  Two large testicals hung below his
cock, and they easily filled my palm as I gently tugged them. Lee groaned
appreciatively above me. He was oozing a lot of precum now. Tentatively I
took his cockhead into my mouth and savoured the sweet but salty taste. I
was hungry for more. I swallowed his whole member, gagging slightly. Damn I
was out of practise. I went to work slowly but assuredly sucking him off. I
wanted him to cum and I wanted it in my mouth. Slowly he began to thrust
against my mouth. I was in heaven. How long past I couldn't honestly tell
you. I continued to gently play with his balls, and Lee's guttural groans
of pleasure increased. His rhythm increased and I could feel his dick begin
to jerk inside my mouth, and without warning it erupted. Streams of thick
cum filled my mouth, as he madly thrust in and out. His orgasm seemed to
last for ages, and I counted about six jets of hot man juice filling my
mouth. I released his member slowly sucking the last of his juice from him
as I did, and I stood. His tangy fluid still in mouth he leapt forward and
kissed me deeply, his tongue dancing round my mouth tasting his own cum. We
both groaned with pleasure.

Beep Beep. Went Lee's phone. I groaned annoyed. He broke our kiss and
pulled his jeans and boxers up and quickly searched through his pockets for
his phone. "It's Rachel wondering where we are" He said quietly.

"We'd better go back" I say reluctantly. My dick throbbing angrily in my
jeans.

"Sorry" He offers, his eyes full of apology. I shrug and smile and readjust
myself. I help him sort himself out and I tidy my hair which got a bit
mussed up during the face fuck. As I looked at him I desperately wanted
more but now, sadly, wasn't the time. We return to the kitchen and my mums
gone, presumably to bed. I switch the garden lights off and clear up a
little before we leave the house and return to the pub.

We're both quiet as we walk the short distance back. James and co are still
at the window table and playing cards it seems. As we enter a considerably
more drunk Rachel lunges at Lee and kisses him. I cant help thinking can
she taste his cum, because I still could. Breaking from him Rachel turns to
me all smiles and declares, "Alex are you trying to steal my boyfriend!" I
smile and laugh.

"I wish!" I retort and I go and buy another drink and claim a seat near the
table. Typical conversation ensues, Becky declaring her love for every male
singer that pops up on the tv's, the channels now changed over to playing
the music videos the jukebox is playing. I laugh at the strange assortment,
Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Justin Timberlake, a man in the audience of some
strange heavy metal rock band, clearly that song was chosen by James.

Almost to soon it seems witching hour draws close and we're forced out the
pub. We're all quite drunk by now, having consumed far more than our
recommend weekly alcohol consumption. I was deep in conversation with Becky
about the problems of onion fly and which jam was the best in the
world. It's a peculiar talent Becky and I share, being able to have two
different conversations with the same person at the same time. However this
talent only rears its head after about the eighth pint.  When a different
conversation peaked my interest. Lee was decidedly to drunk to drive, and
Rachel, who is a few years younger than the rest of us and still living at
home is adamant he cant sleep at hers on account her dad would kill
him. James didn't have any room to spare because his brother was
visiting. Brian and Stuart lived way out of town and were crashing at their
nan's so, and Becky it turns out had just invited herself to Rachel's.

An interesting development for me indeed. All eyes landed on me. I
immediately began umming and ahhhing, but ever the good Samaritan I invited
Lee to stay at mine. I am to this day surprised I managed to keep from
looking like a crazy man in heat. Lee resisted at first suggesting he just
drove home but James ever the concerned group leader snatched the jingling
car keys from Lee and threw them at me. I tried to catch, but my
coordination is poor at the best of times let alone when drunk. I pick them
up off the tarmac. Lee relents somewhat easily. We all say our good byes
and we go our separate ways.

Inside I offer Lee a glass of wine which he accepts, and I once again flip
the garden lights on. With wine and cigarettes in hand we take a seat
outside on the patio. It was such a warm night it was amazing. Silence
descends on us for a few minutes.

"So what's going on Lee" I ask quite matter-of-factly, and he sighs.

"I don't know. I'm not sure... I like Rachel, a lot, but... I like" He nods
towards me.

"Cock?" I ask playfully. He smiles a little awkwardly. I can't help but
find him adorable.

"How did you know?" He asked eventually. I grin, that old question. The
amount of times I've been asked this over the years is almost ludicrous.

"I just did, just like James, Brian and Stu know their straight. I just
knew. I found out for sure when you know we..." I nod to him this time.

"Fucked" he says with a cheeky grin.

"Yep, that'd be when. I'm guessing you aren't sure" I state the obvious.

"That's it, you were my first, but there have been one or two others when I
was at uni... but my parents would never understand if I came out. But I'm
not even sure if I am gay"

"Sexuality isn't clear cut my friend. Your probably bisexual" Again with
stating the obvious. I'm good at this. He laughs a little at this.

"I decided that, but I'm still drawn. I don't know if this relationship
with Rachel is because my parents really like or, or I do. Its such a head
fuck"

I nod sympathetically and offer to refill his glass which he's drained
quite quickly. He accepts and a pleasant silence descends once
more. Eventually he starts the conversation again, "I take it your parents
know"

"Oh yeah" I begin, "It's quite a funny story actually, my dad outed me a
couple of years after us. I was a bit overly blatant one night when a
"friend" stayed over. He called a family meeting and told us all that he
knew I was gay. I wasn't over surprised but my mum was and my brother. But
afterwards it was all gravy, as they say"

"That's good" he adds with one of his sexy smiles. God I wanted him.

"You know... Erm, you know I wont try anything if you don't want. I mean
you can have my bed and I'll sleep on the sofa" I offer awkwardly. Somewhat
to my surprise Lee looked a little hurt, but it soon passed.

"We'll see"

We begin chatting about his work, about the designers he studied, and what
materials he used until finally the temperature dropped, we realised it was
about 3AM.

"Do you have any films?" He asks shuddering. I laugh.

"Films! Films, do you not remember my brother, I have tons. He sends me
loads every week. We'll have to go to my room though as we don't have a TV
downstairs" My brother works within the film industry as a special effects
artist, and as a result considers himself a film buff. Every week a new
disk loaded with a new and old movies arrive. I have to admit I don't watch
them all, if I did I would never leave my room. After leaving a note for my
mum saying Lee's stayed over on account he couldn't drive. I lead Lee up
the stairs careful to point out a creaking plank. I show him into my little
box room, the only furniture a futon bed and a massive shelving system
loaded with my worldly possessions. Mainly my computers (I am a bit of a
geek with 4 now) my beautiful Widescreen monitor, and countless DVD's and
books. I flick a small desk light on that sits quite happily on the bottom
shelf and try desperately to raise the futon from bed position into sofa
position. Lee stops me with a shy smile, and muttering it wasn't worth
it. He removes his trainers and socks and flops down onto the
mattress. It's not the most forgiving of mattresses but I like it. I
quickly tap in my password for my new computer and open the file containing
my enormous collection of movies.

I let him pick as I make myself comfortable and turn on my sound
system. Careful not to turn it to high just in case it wakes the
dragon... mum. He chooses a classic. V for Vendetta, claiming to have never
seen it and I instantly inform him its one of the best movies I've ever
seen and that it terrifies me how easily it could all happen. Giggling I
load the film.

I dont remember watching the film. Because moments into it, before V meets
Evie we start making out, and one thing led to another and before I know it
I'm riding him just like I did all them years ago. It was one of best
nights of my life. Great company all night, a great film playing in the
background and one of the hottest guys I've ever had sex with sleeping
happily next to me, and best of all: I'm not dying!

I wake early the next morning to the sound of Lee's phone
beeping. Irritated I find the bastard thing and shake the sleeping beauty
awake and hand it to him. As predicted its Becky asking if he was all
right, and that the nasty gay hadn't tried anything. I laugh at the
irony. We quickly get dressed and head to the kitchen in search of hangover
cure goodness. I find my mum in her seat cradling a glass of water and a
bubbling 1000mg Vitamin C Supplement tablet. Two other glasses are set out
on the counter with tablets sat in their bases waiting for their payload of
water.

I fill them with water, and begin preparing breakfast with us all. Mum
begins talking to Lee about his work, instantly interested in what types of
furniture he designs and she's appropriately impressed by the images he
shows her off him phone. She found it touching and amusing that the
furniture we had at our old home before the divorce had inspired him. Mum
was a collector of art nouveau, art-deco and Bauhaus furniture, but also a
huge fan of sixties G-Plan. Just as their conversation is coming to a
natural end I produce three plates of fried eggs on toast with rashers of
streaky bacon. I plonk a bottle of tomato ketchup on the table and we all
tuck in. Thankfully Mum knows not to ask any questions, she's known me long
enough, well all my life, and its reassuring that despite the natural
motherly instinct to embarrass their sons, she keeps stum.

When we've all finished Lee offers to clean up and mother and I sit and
smoke and hate hangovers together. When everything's all washed up Lee
thanks my mum for her hospitality and announces he needs to leave. He hands
me his buissness card with his mobile number scribbled on the back and
leaves, car keys in hand. I return to the kitchen and declare I'm going to
spend my day in the garden. I spend some time sat in the shed, feeling a
bit like a stalker, reflecting on the events of the last 24 hours. After
being declared healthy and fit for life, I meet an old fling who's as
confused about his sexuality as he was some eight years prior, and I fuck
him. Wow, what a night, I promptly return to my gardening.

What I wasn't prepared for were the screams from the house just as I finish
sowing a new row of lettuces. I drop everything and run into the house
calling out for Mum. I hear the TV in her bedroom is on and run up to see
what's going on. Mum's sat on the edge of the bed, her face aghast staring
at the screen. I follow her gaze.

"Holy fuck!" I declare as the scenes of utter destruction flash up on the
TV. A scrolling tag line reading: New York devastated by dirty bomb.
Millions dead. Fear of further attacks have lead to massive city wide
evacuations across America. Sources say the American Government believe it
is the work of former terrorist organization al-Qaeda in retaliation to the
death of its founder Osama bin Laden fifteen years ago. Further information
and instruction will follow.

I sit down on the floor of my mums bedroom. Utter disbelief washing over
me.