Date: Fri, 27 Oct 2000 08:49:07 -0700 (PDT)
From: AJ B <ajsaysyourefired@yahoo.com>
Subject: Hey, I got a new story real quick...

This is my pathetic attempt at a romance novel. it is not actually a
novel, cause its too short, but i've been told its really good. it is not
real, never was, and it doesnt imply that anyone in here is gay or
anything. write to ajsaysyourefired@yahoo.com And oh yeah, its called
"God must have spent a little more time on you" or "god must have spent"
for short.

"Oh no.." Nick cried out to himself, as the clock chimed
nine pm. The time would be here soon. He must decide if- Ding Dong.
Dressed in slacks and a button down linen shirt, Nick slowly opened the
door. There it was. All of Nick's life, his heart, his love, his soul,
standing at the door, along with a bottle of champagne and a single red
rose. Nick smiled slightly, afraid of what was to be. His caller's sweet
smile, love in their eyes and hearts, told them both that this was meant
to be. "C-come in." Nick said, his mouth dry. Brian smiled. "Okay.
This is for you," he handed Nick the flower. "And this is for us." He
motioned to the champagne. Nick swallowed. "But I'm too young to
drink." Brian went to the kitchen and pulled two champagne flutes from
the small cupboard. "If you're old enough to handle what's happened to
us in the last year," he called, bringing two glasses of the drink back,
"then you're old enough to drink. I mean, just think." He rose the
glass to his lips thoughtfully, as Nick sniffed at the dark liquid in the
other glass. "A lot can happen in one year. So much, you and I." He
looked up and smiled at Nick. Nick met his eyes and smiled sweetly, and
Brian flashed his famous smile that made the girls scream, and made
Nick's heart thud. But it was okay. That was what he wanted, and they
needed. "Come on, let's dance." Brian said. He put in a c.d. ("This I
Promise You"-by *NSync) and held his arms out to Nick. Nick set his
glass down, dimmed the lights, and went to him. They danced slowly,
feeling the closeness of each other's bodies. Brian's head, with his
soft blonde hair on Nick's chest, and Nick with his arms around Brian's
small (5'7 tall) body gently. They both sighed contentedly. Nick sighed
again, closed his eyes, and laid his head on Brian's shoulder, seven
inches shorter than his own. He felt Brian's head move, and then soft,
cool, sweet lips on his own. Nick kissed him back slowly, without opening
his eyes. He put his hands around Brian and he held his head in both
hands while they kissed. Brian's arms went around Nick's neck and
pulled his mouth more firmly to his own. Nick wondered how all this could
be possible, him and Brian. This was Brian after all, B-Rok, his best
friend Brian Littrell, fellow Backstreet Boy. Only one year ago, he would
have never even considered kissing Brian. Never. And now, not only was he
kissing Brian, but B-Rok was kissing him too. After all that had happened
in one year...but it was okay. After all, what's fans and media and
family and everyone else's thoughts and feelings of contempt, disgust
and pity, compared to standing there, looking your love in the eyes? Nick
kissed a bit harder, more painfully with the memories (the memory of
being looked down upon by many family and friends) and kissed deeper into
Brian's mouth, knowing why all of it was worth it...maybe just this one
night... Brian sighed and let go, burying his face into Nick's neck.
Nick hugged him, gently rubbing Brian's back with the tips of his
fingers. Brian hugged Nick, his Nick, and slowly, very very slowly, he
began to pull down Nick's slacks. Nick shut his eyes and began to
breathe deeply. Although he and Brian have been "together" (in a
relationship) for almost a year, and he's kissed and held Brian
countless times, this was something new, something they'd never done
before. They'd never removed any clothing before. Nick shook a little as
Brian pulled down his pants, and his bare legs greeted the chilly air.
Brian simply smiled at him and caressed the insides of his thighs, almost
all the way up. Nick felt exposed. The thin material of his navy blue
boxers felt almost invisible. He didn't like it, standing in his living
room, half-dressed. He was cold, nervous and anxious. But the way that
Brian kissed him, the way he felt Brian's gentle hands caressing the
smooth, tender skin on the insides of his thighs, gently under the leg of
his boxers...Nick sighed and quickly pulled off Brian's shirt, double
checking to make sure the windows were closed and locked, and the blinds
were firmly in block of anyone's view. Brian unbuttoned Nick's shirt,
but let it hang on him, returning his attention to Nick's legs, and
kissing his neck now. Nick rested his hands on Brian's belt buckle, and
removed the belt, carelessly tossing it across the room and onto the
floor. Brian smiled at him and kissed him again. Nick unbuttoned Brian's
jeans, and unzipped them. Soon Brian wore nothing but his boxers, and
Nick wore his opened shirt and boxers. "Are-are you scared too, Brian?"
Nick said to him softly, and he held him, hugged him close... Brian
sighed. "No. I'm not scared. I love you too much to be scared. Because
even if it hurts, maybe just a little it will, than it won't hurt a bit
because love hurts. And I love you Nick, with all my heart and soul and
life I love you, I don't care what they all say. So what if we don't
have hardly any friends anymore and our families hate us. Because we have
each other." Brian looked up into his eyes, the bluest of all eyes, the
love that shone in them. "And it's worth it, you're worth it, I love
you, and-" Brian kissed Nick's lips "-you are love." Nick smiled
wistfully. "Oh Brian, if only I could find words to tell you how much I
love you. You're right, it is worth it...as long as you love me and as
long as I have you." Brian smiled, slipping his hands underneath the hem
of Nick's boxers. Kissing his neck, chest, Brian very slowly pulled down
Nick's boxers. Nick's heart stopped for a second. He was scared. So
scared. Nick swallowed as Brian's gentle hands touched him with love,
but even so, a forbidden touch with love is still a forbidden touch. Nick
bit his lip to refrain from crying. Why? Why would he cry, cry now, while
in the arms of the man he loved? Was it because of the love, building up
inside him as he so surely felt Brian's caresses? Or was it because of
his near nakedness, knowledge of what was surely to happen, and he was
without a doubt terrified. He had never done this before, and although he
as sure he loved Brian, loved him, loved the way he kissed him and loved
the soft touches, it was scary. What would it feel like? Would it hurt?
Surely it would, but how much? Who would actually play the part of `the
man'? Aren't these things just...known? "I-I'm cold." Nick shivered,
as Brian's touch came closer. Brian kissed his neck, and hugged him
tight. "Sit down, on the floor." B-rok said softly, his words muffled
from his face in Nick's chest. He took a step back, and looked at him,
his Nick, his love, up and down, causing Nick to blush and drop his eyes.
Brian stared at him a bit, then looked back up and smiled. "I'll build
a fire," he said. "And then we can keep each other warm." He said in a
sexy voice. Nick nodded faintly, and sat down, getting a soft quit to lay
on and cover up with in case they got cold. Walking around in his boxers,
Brian built a fire, then turned the lights out, the dim light from the
fire being plenty enough, casting shadows on Nick's white walls, no
longer covered with framed photographs of his family. Brian sat down
beside Nick now, and handed him his glass of champagne. Nick took a small
drink, and coughed. "Yuck!" he said. Brian laughed. He set down his
glass, and then pulled off Nick's shirt. Nick sighed now that he was
fully naked. He looked over at Brian, and decided his love should keep
up. He pushed Brian back gently, so that Brian was laying down, and Nick
smothered him in sweet kisses. Gently, he began to pull off Brian's
boxers, a bit scared, Nick's heart was pounding, but slowly, inch by
inch, Brian was naked. Nick pulled Brian to him, so that they entwined,
and touched. Brian's eyes said love, and that he liked this. He laid his
head on Nick's chest and Nick stroked his hair. "I like this
cuddling." Brian said softly. "Better than cuddling with our clothes
on?" Nick murmured. Brian sighed contentedly. "Oh yes, much better."
"Brian, are you scared?" Nick suddenly burst out, holding him tightly.
"Scared? What do you mean?" "Are you scared of...of making love?"
"Nick, we've already made our love." Brian said, looking him in the
eyes and kissing him tenderly. The look in Nick's eyes told Brian what
he really meant, and B-Rok sighed. "No." he said. "I'm not afraid.
Because it's you, and I love you. I would never be afraid of anything if
you were there with me. I know the situation might be a little scary, but
I'm not scared. When we physically make love, Nick, don't worry, there
will be nothing to be afraid of, you'll see." Nick swallowed, looking
deep into Brian's blue eyes. "Than show me."he whispered. Brian smiled
to ease his lover's fear. They had actually never made love before, but
Brian was confident. It would be good, it would be the best, because
their love was true. They'd felt it deeper, longer than any love they
each had thought they'd felt for others. Nick sighed and Brian began
kissing him; Brian wasn't a virgin, but Nick was, and Brian knew he
should lead him into it slowly. Brian carefully and gently spread Nick's
legs. Nick's muscles tensed and his heart beat faster. Brian kissed Nick
from head to toe, and gently touched him between his legs. Nick's legs
closed automatically in a reflex to the touch, and Brian patiently spread
them again. He sat between Nick's opened legs so they couldn't close,
and he began to stroke Nick. Nick's arms went around Brian tight and
hugged him hard, in pleasure, fear, anxiety, nervousness, and love.
Brian's fingers were gentle yet firm, and Nick's lips trembled and he
kissed Brian's neck and ear as his leg muscles tensed. Brian kept
kissing him, and soon stopped touching him. Instead, now he brought Nick
to him and held him, and whispered into and kissed his ear. Nick began to
cry. Brian stroked his hair and kissed him and held him and soon Nick
stopped crying. Brian gently laid him down, on his back, and laid down
next to him. Nick smiled at Brian and said "I love you" softly. Brian
kissed him and smiled. Brian got up and into position, without touching
Nick yet. He lined himself up. Nick lifted his head to look at his love,
but Brian gently laid him down again. Nick sighed nervously, knowing what
was going to happen. Brian sensed his fear, and leaned over and kissed
him. Brian touched Nick's naked rear end, and set his hands on it. Nick
swallowed. "Are you sure you're okay?" Brian asked him softly. "I
won't do it if you don't want to do it. I won't hurt you, I promise. I
love you, Nick." Nick swallowed. "Take me." he said, barely audible.
"Do it, take me." He said, a bit louder, with slightly more confidence.
Brian kissed Nick's neck. He considered, for one brief moment, not doing
it tonight, but some strange force, possibly intuition, told him he must
do it tonight. That tonight was very important. He looked down to pay
attention, because even though he wasn't a virgin, he'd never done it
to a male before. Nick was his first real love, and his first male/gay
love. But... Brian's mind said. he thought, and he looked down at Nick,
his legs spread just for Brian, Nick's wide blue frightened eyes staring
at the fire, waiting for his love to begin. Brian sighed. Brian thought
firmly. Brian reached over and got out the tube of lube from his jeans
pocket he'd brought along with him. He hadn't bothered with a condom,
he loved Nick, and Nick loved him. He put some on himself, and some onto
Nick. Nick sighed, knowing they were just about ready. Brian spread
Nick's cheeks, and lowered himself into him. He didn't go all the way,
he just went partway. He didn't actually enter him yet, just set himself
right outside the tiny opening. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do
this?" Brian said softly. "Now that you know..."he sounded almost like
he would cry, "if I do it, you'll have it, Nicky..." Nick let out a
small breath. He took a shaky sigh, and closed his eyes, thinking. Yes.
Yes, Brian was worth it...wasn't he? "Y-yes." Nick said softly. "I
couldn't live without you, or without having you, and you know that. I
don't care about anything else...just you."he said, as soft as a
whisper. "Take me Brian, we can burn in hell together. Love always. Love
you." Brian almost wept with joy...this love...the immensity of it. Nick
actually loved him that much? "I love you." Brian said, kissing him.
Nick sighed softly. He sighed softly and closed his eyes and told Brian
to take him, to make the love they shared, together. "I love you so so
much." Brian quickly wiped a tear from his eye, and shook his head to
gather his bearings. He had to concentrate. He knew this would hurt his
Nick, and wanted it to be as painless as humanly possible. He spread
Nick's cheeks and took a deep breath. Brian counted three, and quickly
shoved his penis up into Nick's hole, but not before warning him and
asking him yet again if he was so sure he really wanted this. Even
though...even though... Brian slipped his hands under Nick's hips, and
rammed him. Nick let out a small sound of pain to which Brian immediately
apologized. Brian held Nick's hands in his own as he did him. Nick
moaned in pain, and Brian leaned forward and kissed his neck. Brian
spread his legs, and entwined them with Nick's. Brian told Nick how much
he loved him, and then began to cry, for now he was doing the one thing
he never wanted to do in his whole life ever. Kill the person he loved.
He began to cry because of what he was doing to Nick. Brian had AIDS.
Full-blown AIDS, not HIV. That's why he'd been so weak and sick lately.
He didn't get it from Nick, oh no (although that's the reason he was
crying now-he was giving it to Nick, his Nicky). He'd gotten it from his
last girlfriend, who'd never even told him she had it. Even after they
broke up, and had had sex aplenty times. Brian's doctor had told him
when he had a checkup. He didn't tell Nick because he loved Nick, and
didn't want to lose him. If Nick left him, he would surely die. Brian
kissed him, his Nicky, while Nick breathed deeply and felt the love and
death pour into him. How could such sweet love eventually bring death? It
shouldn't have to be this way... "I'm sorry." Brian wept as he did
it. "I'm sorry I'm doing this to you...I love you, I shouldn't..."
"Shh, it's okay." Nick rose his hips a bit to match his rhythm to
Brian's. He wanted more, and Brian's reluctant sex didn't satisfy
much. "Come on Frick. Don't be afraid." Nick coaxed. "I love you. We
can die together. I wouldn't want it or have it any other way. If you
died...I would go mad. So this way we can go together. No matter who goes
first, we'll meet again." he said poetically. "Come on, do it. Take me
Brian, don't hold out on me!" Brian sighed. "You really truly do love
me." he realized. "I will see you again, we'll be together forever,
whether it's alive and around, or dead and in hell." he began rocking
Nick, and stroked his hair. "And I love you, always forever." he
climaxed, and both he and Nick groaned. When it was over, Nick held Brian
as he bawled for giving the person he loved more than anything the death
card. Nick kissed him and tried as best as he could to console him. Brian
would have cried all night, but Nick cuddled him and held him so close,
and kissed him, and told him he would be willing to die to get Brian's
love. Brian fell asleep on Nick's chest, with Nick's strong arms
protecting him. Nick found himself holding Brian tighter and closer as a
feeling a dread and terror consumed him. To his absolute horror, his
Brian, his love, stopped breathing at 2 am. Nick cried and cried, but
what could he do? He cradled his only love in his arms, now knowing the
reason he'd felt so unexplainably that tonight was important. He kissed
him, and looked up at the stars, knowing in his heart where his sweet
Brian was. He cradled his sweet Brian, his dead body in his arms, and
fell asleep, staring at the stars out his window and knowing that this
was meant to be, and knowing that he, too, would go soon, and then he
could see his only true love. His B-Rok. Forever. Hey, there are worse
things. "God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You" write to
ajsaysyourefired@yahoo.com for all questions or comments..or hatemail,
but i'd really rather not get any of the latter....