Date: Mon, 26 Mar 2001 05:02:16 -0800 (PST) From: Author James Subject: Tales of a Real Dark Knight Chapter 29 Disclaimer: This story, though maybe not in this chapter but in subsequent chapters, will have celebrities in it. I have no knowledge of their sexuality and this is not intended to imply their sexuality. This is all from my own mind. Scary!! People actually get a glimpse into my mind!!! Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, Angel and all related characters created by Joss Whedon. Copyright 20th Century Fox. Batman, and all related characters created by Bob Kane. Copyright DC Comics and Warner Bros. X-MEN, and all related characters created by Stan Lee. Copyright Marvel Comics and 20th Century Fox. Star Trek and all related characters created by Gene Roddenberry. Copyright Paramount Studios. I don't know for sure if I will use all the above elements, but just in case, I have myself covered. In this story, which has been floating around in my head most of my life, you will find many universes merging, as the above copyrights reveal. I hope you all enjoy this. I appreciate any feedback that you may want to give. This story doesn't deal so much with sex, sex, sex, but more of my feelings that I struggled with and am starting to come to terms with. Part of his background is mine. I do hope that you enjoy it!!! jmsotc@yahoo.com Chapter 29 New Arrivals I couldn't believe I was going to meet the Backstreet Boys. I remember they were at the benefit dinner Joshua took me to but I didn't have the chance to meet them. It was exciting! I was almost as excited as I was when I met NSYNC. The reason the excitement wasn't so great was because my favorite Backstreet Boy, Nick Carter, was sharing a room with me at the hospital. I had already met him and he is my favorite Backstreet Boy. "What time are they coming over?" I asked. "Around 1:00. They are going to have lunch with me and we are going to practice." "Sounds good. I better do some studying now before they get here. I would have a hard time concentrating if you guys were singing in the same room. I really enjoy listening to you." "Really? What's your favorite song?" "Hmm, that's a tough one. I have four favorites. 'Shape of My Heart' is number one. Then comes 'Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely'. 'Get Another Boyfriend' is one of my favorites. And 'I Want It That Way' is really good, too." "Wow. I'm glad you like them." I reached over and grabbed a book. I began reading but I couldn't stay focused on the chapter. I kept thinking of the visitors I would have in the next few hours. When the volunteer brought in the lunches she brought in seven. They must have made arrangements for the Boys to eat hospital food. Why on earth would they want to eat hospital food? Not too long after the food arrived, the door opened and a head popped in. "Wakey, wakey, Nicky, Nick." We both looked up, but Nick responded. "Hi, Kevin. Come on in." The door opened and in walked Kevin, A.J., Howie, Brian...and a redhead I'd never seen before. "Hi, guys." The redhead walked over to Nick and bent down kissing him full on the lips. "Hi, love." "Hi, Derrick. It's good to see you." "It's good to see you, too. I missed you." Derrick sat down next to Nick on the bed and put his arm around him. I watched as the two held hands. It was a very sweet scene. "Oh, forgive me, guys. This is Eric McCoy. My hospital roommate." "Hi," I said trying not to sound too stupidly in awe. "Hi," they all responded. "So, what did the doctor's say?" Howie asked Nick. "She said I should be able to leave the day after tomorrow." He looked up into his boyfriend's eyes and I could see the love they had for each other. "And I can't wait." I smiled, and then turned my head. A tear formed in my eye. I always enjoyed seeing two people in love with each other. It brought me joy to see others have that special someone, but at the same time, it hurt me because I didn't have that. I was able to experience it with Justin, but now it's gone. I kept turned away not wanting them to see me crying such sappy tears. Man, I was in some kind of shape. I listened to them talk and laugh and enjoy each other's company. They sang a few songs, which I enjoyed listening to. I pretended to be asleep. So much of what happened to me in the past few weeks returned to me. And their songs were not helping me deal at the moment. I rolled over and looked at them as they finished singing "Shape of My Heart", which was such a powerful song for me when I came out to my parents. Looking back on the things I've done I was trying to be someone Play my part Kept you in the dark Now let me show you the shape of my heart The chorus professed my feelings so much. I tried so much to be someone else to them, to everyone, even to myself. By doing so, I tore down so much of myself and was this character that I played for everyone. My life became a story and only when the curtains were down when I was alone, I lamented the play I was living. No one knew what was going on with my character. It was awful. No wonder I was depressed so much, why I was so suicidal. But even then I was alone in it. No one would have ever suspected that I was suicidal. No one would have known that I wanted to end my life. I've overcome most of that since I came to terms with my sexuality and came out to my immediate family. Still no one else knows: my best friend and his family, my niece and nephews, no one that I grew up with. That's the reason I came to L.A. I could be myself and it would be me completely to everyone. I wouldn't have to fear rejection from someone I knew because I hadn't known anyone. The guys finished up and said their goodbyes. Derrick gave Nick a long, lingering kiss and left. Nick looked over at me and smiled. "They're great, aren't they?" "They sure are." My mind wandered to the other boy band that I had been close to. I wondered how they were doing. I missed them. Nick got up and went into the bathroom, giving me something to look at to get my mind off my problems. Once the bathroom door shut, I was back in my mind. That is until the other door opened and in walked Alan, Hailey, Brian, George and Hunter. My eyes lit up. "What are you doing here?" I asked. "We came to visit you," Hailey said with a smile. Alan added, "We overheard Dr. Allison tell Dr. Israel about you needing emergency surgery so we came over." "I appreciate the gesture. You guys are very nice to do that." "So, do you have a roommate?" Brian asked. Just then the bathroom door opened and everyone turned to see... "NICK CARTER!" Hunter exclaimed. "Oh, my God! I'm your biggest fan!" "Uh, hi, everyone," Nick said in a pleasant tone though you could easily tell that it was awkward for him. After all he was just coming out of the bathroom wearing only his hospital gown, not very modest apparel for a celebrity. "Guys," I said coming to Nick's rescue, "could you step out side for a few minutes?" "Sure," Hailey said ushering Hunter out. Everyone else followed and the door closed. "Sorry," I said as Nick came back to his bed. "I didn't know they were coming over. I wasn't expecting any visitors." "It's okay. I should have known. You had several before. Of course none of them gave me that kind of reaction. The English guy, the girl, your boss, and..." Nick was interrupted when the door cracked open and Hailey's voice asked "Is it okay that we come in now?" "Sure," Nick replied. They rushed back in quickly. I noticed Hunter had a hard time keeping his eyes away from staring at Nick. But, who could blame him? The guy was cute. "Let me introduce you to my classmates, Nick. This is Hailey, George, Brian, Hunter and Alan." Each stood up and shook his hand. "And you all know Nick. "So, what's new with school?" "Dr. Israel is so amazing," Alan said. "He claims to have solutions to several of the mutations that we discussed in class. You know the birth defects. I guess with genetic manipulation, almost any defect can be averted or corrected depending on the age of the person with the mutation." My heart leapt for joy at the prospect that so many people born with physical disorders and handicaps could be made well through genetic manipulation! How exciting it was! No more would a child be rejected by it's parents simply because it was born with a cleft lip, or deformed limbs. Dr. Israel did have his heart into his work and was trying to use it for good. "That's exciting to hear. No more will people have to live with their handicaps." We talked for about an hour about the things happening at the school. Not once did any of them ask what the surgery was for. They didn't pry. Could that be a sign of not caring? Or perhaps it was their way of letting me know they weren't going to pry into my personal business? I took the latter. It's always best to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Eventually they decided to go since they had some work to do. "Maybe tomorrow we can work on homework here," Alan said with a grin. "Maybe," I responded looking over at Nick and winking. Nick just smiled in return. After everyone left, I decided to talk to Nick. There were some things on my mind that I wanted to question him about privately. Not the Batman fantasy he had, though personally I wouldn't mind knowing, but some other stuff. "So Nick, how long have you known you were gay?" "Most of my life. I was always interested in boys all through Junior High. I remember being in the boys' locker room and getting nervous when some of the guys would shower. I didn't know if I could handle being around them naked and not get hard." "I know what you mean. I remember this one kid who I thought was kind of cute. He was deaf, but that didn't stop me from being interested. He had a neat personality; except for sometimes he would act arrogant. One day, and I remember this as clear as yesterday, he was in the shower, and I knew it. When he came out, I had the hardest time not staring. Needless to say, he was very well endowed." Nick and I chuckled. I couldn't believe I was sharing this with Nick Carter, one of the Backstreet Boys. I had always thought he was cute. "You know, my brother Aaron is gay, too." I looked over at him. "Really? Did he tell you?" "Well, yeah, but I knew before he told me." "Really? How so?" "He never acted the typical gay stereotype. But there were times I caught him looking at the other guys. He would even stare at me." "Who wouldn't?" I said with a smile. Then I realized I might have stepped over the line. I already knew Nick had a boyfriend. "I'm sorry," I apologized right away. I didn't mean to...I know you have a boyfriend and I would never try to interfere with that. I was just making a statement, that's all." "It's okay, really." I could tell in his voice, though, that something bothered him, something I had said. He rolled over and turned out his light. "I'm feeling kind of tired. See you in the morning." And that was all he said. The following morning, I awoke to find Nick not in the room. I couldn't figure out where he was. Even after breakfast, which was an hour later, Nick never returned. When the nurse came in to get my tray, I asked what had happened to Nick. "He wanted to move to another room early this morning." "Did he say why?" "No. That's what he wanted and since he has celebrity, we oblige." The nurse took the tray and left. But my worry did not go with her. Nick was obviously mad at me because I said he was attractive. But why? Could he have some feeling of unattractiveness? Or did he feel uncomfortable with a roommate who thought he was attractive? I had to find out. I couldn't let this rest. I stood up, which was the first time I moved off the bed since I was at the hospital, and strapped on another robe over the back. There was no way on God's green earth that I was going to let complete strangers see my hind end or the boxers that cover it. I stepped out into the hall in my bare feet. The floor was rather cold, but I dealt with it. I walked to the nurses' station and requested Nick Carter's room. "I'm sorry. I can't give that information out." "But he was my roommate last night! He's been my roommate for the past few days! I'm worried!" "Please, Mr. McCoy, everything will be fine. Mr. Carter is fine. There were no complications to the surgery or anything. He just wanted to be left alone." "Not good enough!" "I'm sorry, Mr. McCoy, it's going to have to be. Now, please return to your room or I will request someone to help you. Do I need to do that?" "No." With that, I returned to my room. I would find out where Nick was staying one way or another. All through lunch and well into dinner, I sat on my bed and studied. I'm not sure how much of the information sunk in because I was too preoccupied by why Nick may have left. I know it sounds strange, or even neurotic, but I kept feeling abandoned, like what happened with Justin. But, then again, it wasn't Justin's choice to leave me. He never asked to have a spell put on him in the first place. It didn't change how I felt though. Not too long after dinner was over, my classmates showed up. When Hunter noticed Nick was no longer in the room, I could easily see the look of disappointment on his face, the poor guy. Everyone unloaded their books and studied with me well into late night. It was about 10:00 before they left. It was good they stayed for so long because I got a lot accomplished. I felt I knew some semblance of what was going to be talked about in class. Once they were gone, however, my mind jumped from Psychology class to Nick. I didn't want him to be mad at me, even if he didn't want me as his roommate any more. I could at least try to patch things up. So I set off down the hall looking for him. I checked several rooms before one of the nurses came up to me. "Can I help you?" "Yeah. I'm looking for my room." "And who are you?" "Nick Carter was my roommate." "Okay. Let me go check the clipboard." I smiled at my sweet little victory. She hadn't even noticed that I didn't say my name. I guess in their busy-ness they didn't realize I didn't give them my name. "Your room is down two more doors." "Thank you." I walked down the two doors and slowly opened the door. If I had knocked, the nurses would have wondered why I knocked on my own room. I figured since it was so late at night, they would understand my quietness in entering. I wouldn't want to disturb my roommate. I entered the room to find Nick standing in the window, silhouetted by the light of the moon. Softly, I closed the door and turned to him. "Nick? Are you okay?" "Go away, Eric." "What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" "Just go away." "Was it the statement that I thought you were attractive? I apologize if that offended you." "Please, just go." Nick turned around and I saw the glisten of tears reflecting the moonlight. Something was seriously wrong. I walked up to him and put my hands on his shoulders. "Nick, I can usually tell when something is bothering someone. I did something that upset you. I'm sorry. Please, tell me what I did so I don't do it anymore." Nick hesitated. "Was it my statement that I made about you being attractive?" "Yeah. I guess. It was then that I felt great apprehension, like bothered about it. I don't know why I'm acting like this. I never used to. I guess it's because of the therapy I've been going through." I couldn't figure out how physical therapy would be causing this great apprehension, so I asked Nick about it. "Physical therapy?" "No. My...psychologist." And Nick turned away. "You're going to a psychologist?" Nick nodded. I could tell he was embarrassed. "Yeah," he said in a quiet voice. "It's not a sin or a crime to admit you are going to a psychologist. They help us understand ourselves. Believe me, I'm studying to be one." "It makes me feel like I'm sick in the head when I tell people. I get these looks like I'm demented or something. I feel so paranoid about who to tell." "You don't have to tell anyone you don't feel comfortable telling, Nick. Don't let anyone tell you different." "But what about when they ask about going out at a certain time? What do I say? 'No, I've got other plans.' Do you know how Derrick feels when I tell him I'm going out? He thinks I'm cheating on him." "Then maybe it's time you told him who you are seeing. He loves you, Nick. He will understand." "I don't think so. My psychologist isn't big on homosexuality. In fact, my psychologist has been attempting to make me straight." "What?" The shock in my voice must have been too much for Nick. "See what I mean? Derrick would freak out even more?" "No wonder! You're trying to change something that can't be changed! If he found out, he would believe you don't love him. Why on earth would you want to put yourself through that, as well as your boyfriend?" "Because I can't stand being gay." To Be Continued... Wow! What an interesting chapter! We've discovered several things here about Nick! And so begins a very interesting story arc!