I'm Yours 11

Author's Note:

One Direction are a British boy band who was formed a year ago on the X Factor. They finished third. The band's members are Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson. This is a fanfiction and I suggest you try finding out more about the guys if you don't know who they are, before reading this. Also, this is a fictional story that does not intend to say anything about the characters' sexuality and private lives in reality. Please keep in mind that English is not my first language. I wish to keep all rights on this story. If you want to reproduce any part of it, you must contact me for permission. Please, do understand that I put a lot of effort in this. For any comments and suggestions: donkakaka@gmail.com

Thank you!

Ryan

I'm in trouble.

I'm in serious trouble and I don't even know why, although I have suspicions.

I don't know what's up with Niall. But things are very, very bad and I just don't know what to do.

So we arrived here on Monday, July 2. On Wednesday I was feeling great. My mood seemed to match the weather, all sunny and inviting, even if a little too hot. Niall's comment last night did not remain unnoticed, but I brushed it off (a huge mistake on my part). He did not seem any different in his attitude towards me after that, and I was hopeful.

Wednesday was alright. It actually started out quite fun. We went to the beach again. Joanna made me very happy by not showing up. We had Niall to ourselves. It was a lazy morning, we mostly laid around and occasionally changed positions like meat over the fire. I did several big walks in the water, accompanied by one of the boys or alone (even my baby volunteered to join me, which is what gave me as much hope). We had a lovely lunch and after nap time went around town. It wasn't the right time for sightseeing, but we checked out a few nice stores and found a nice place for an early dinner. We decided to try all the different kinda of sea food they could offer. We had soup first, each one of us tried a different kind, and after that there was barely any room on the table even for our elbows - fried squid, salmon, piquillo peppers with tuna and big fish and small fish, and, oh!, don't forget the salads to the side of each dish! And all the while Niall, my boy, was sitting across the table from me, all cheerful and adorable, talking to everyone, and to me...He was wearing black, tight fitted shorts and a white T-shirt, and his hair was a gel-ly mess, and he was gorgeous. Wonderful night!

- 2 -

Thursday was a miserable day. Oh, it started out okay. Everything was fine. We went to the beach as usual, I was feeling better and swam in a small circle around the lads while they played something that was supposed to be volleyball. Me and Harry even decided we wanted to dig a hole in the sand, but we didn't have the necessary tools. Zayn joined us in search for a proper set of kids sand tools. We didn't like

so we bought

We returned to the beach proud and laughing. My smile quickly faded when I saw the body next to Niall. Very well then. I wasn't in the mood for digging anymore. While Niall and his companion were in the water, I stared at the sexy sleeping Zayn next to me. His right hand was resting on his abs, his hair pointed upwards. The light stubble on his cheeks suggested he hadn't shaved in at least two days, and that reminded me of the little patch below my lower lip which was turning out quite well. A desire was born within the four walls of my jealousy, loneliness, angst and pain. The urge picked up my hand and carried it through the few inches of air with ease. The back side of my fingers lightly grazed Zayn's cheek and when he didn't stir, grew bold and tenderly caressed the rough texture. A thrill shot through my body, stopped somewhere in the general region of my groin. The mesmerizing eyes opened slowly, my fingers withdrew quickly. Zayn watched me, his expression never changing, and I watched him until I could no longer, and then I lowered my gaze to the sand. We never spoke of that moment, not until a few days later, that is.

And the rest of the day was shit. Because as much as it made me incredibly happy and warm everytime Niall smiled at me or talked to me (yes, it is that bad, I cannot be myself anymore), I couldn't help but worry. And I didn't realize it then, but it was all my fault, I was causing this, in my head and from there, to my friendship with the beautiful Irishman. That night we went to a bigger club further from the house. The music was louder, but I was in a good mood. Niall and Joanna, they had arranged to meet. I met a nice girl from Ohio, with the help of Harry. She really was nice, smart too, but she was very good looking and she hinted I was her favorite member of One Direction. Around 1:30 am I went to get Lou a drink, poor guy, he'd been having fun, but he was missing Eleanor. She was visiting next week. I was at the bar, waiting for the bartender to stop playing with the ice cubes and make the drink already, when I saw Niall kissing Joanna, and Joanna kissing Niall. For a moment I was dizzy, honest, the bartender and his ice cubes were engulfed in darkness, and then I was just hot and trembling. I carefully picked up Louis' drink, already paid for (you like it, it likes you, that's expensive rum, mister, are you sure?) carried it back to the table, excused myself and emerged into the cooler air.

- 3 -

It wasn't Friday 13th, but it was a Friday alright, one of the worst days of my life. Or no, maybe Saturday was the worse?

Niall was very happy in the morning. I had to smile and be happy for him too, meanwhile despair was eating me from the inside. At breakfast we discussed the possible daily activities and decided we wouldn't go down to the beach, so the nap could be moved to an earlier slot and we could go downtown in the afternoon. I tried to have a serious thinking session about what I was going to say to Niall and about how it was going to affect him, but then I got mad and very jealous and very sad. I had the number of Madison, the girl from Ohio, in my phone. She was free, yes. I left the house dressed in shorts and a simple T-shirt.

"Where you goin?" Niall called with a big happy smile on his face, but I didn't like that smile, although I responded with one of my own.

"Out."

"Oh, are you meeting Madison?" Harry asked from where he was lying on his comfortable green pool mattress.

"Yeah."

"Who's Madison? Oh, did you meet another girl already?" Niall was looking at me with a serious expression, his book in his lap.

"Yes."

He sighed and went back to his book.

She looked very hot. I didn't know what I was doing, but it seemed that I didn't care. It's on Friday that the Daze started. We had a chat at a nice cafe. One thing lead to another and then we were back at the house.

Niall spoke to me only when necessary that afternoon. He seemed distant, towards me at least, and he avoided looking at me. When he did, there was an unfriendly, unfamiliar coldness in his eyes.

We went to the club we'd gone to on our second night. It was starting to get a little annoying, many girls had found out we're in Spain (probably because Zayn was smart enough to tweet a picture and say he's enjoying the Spanish sun). Zayn, who I now blame for a lot of things, although he only meant good, introduced me to a Spanish lady. Normally, I would have enjoyed the evening with her, chatting, dancing maybe, because she was nice and she was attractve. But yes, she was attractive, and Niall was sitting so far from me, never looking in my direction, enjoying his drink and having fun. And it was the Daze already, so when we left, she left with us. Harry was very drunk that night. Louis enjoyed maing fun of him.

- 4 -

Saturday morning we woke up to a bumpy blanket of white-gray clouds covering the entire sky in every direction. During the night, I had had to get up and close the door to the balcony because of the cold breeze rolling in and prompting Niall to wrap himself in his covers. There were several multi-colored blankets in the wardrobe. I threw one over his small, perfect body, and the other one took for myself. So I was comfortably warm in the morning. Niall was still asleep and I was afraid to wake him up for breakfast. When he came to the table, he said a stern thank you for covering me with that blanket. I lifted my gaze in surprise and there was a flutter in my chest at the sound of his voice, but his dazzling eyes would not meet mine. I heard Zayn sighing and when I looked down at my plate again, I caught Louis eyeing us with a concerned curiosity. I was smaller than a bug, crushed and devastated.

We chose not to go sightseeing. Not that it was cold or anything, but no one seemed too excited about a trip, and Harry had a pretty bad hangover. Later, it became known he has been having problems with Jess. We sat around one of the tables on the patio and played cards, all of us wearing hoodies or sweatshirts - the wind was not pleasant. The game was fun and I actually cheered up a little. For a moment there I felt things as normal again because even my boy was smiling and laughing with me as close to him. Then Harry told us a slow joke and I laughed, hard, because it was a good joke and while I was laughing and feeling all happy, my gaze met Niall's smiling eyes. I knew I should look away immediately, but I just couldn't, my body froze in a tremulous state and my heart thudded in my chest because of his breathtakingly beautiful face, and that astonishing smile and the majestically sparkling eyes. Next thing I know, he's dropping his cards on the table and leaving.

Friendship=Dead

Liam Payne=Nothing

Later, when I went up to the room I shared with Niall to put something warmer because we were going out for lunch, I gathered the courage to apologize. I was way too disheartened by the recent...events to even think about pouring my heart out.

He was sitting on his side of the bed. I moved to the wardrobe and picked out a long sleeved shirt. I stood awkwardly at the foot of the bed.

"Niall, I want to apologize." I began with much confidence, but then my voice started shaking, "I am very sorry if I have done anything to offend you. I...would like to work on-"

He hurriedly buttoned his shirt and left the room. I was left dumbfounded and crestfallen.

I can't do this anymore, I can't. My heart is exhausted. What did I do to deserve this? I don't know what's happening.

- 5 -

Finally, here I am. Lying on my side of the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Actually, I shouldn't be saying 'my side of the bed'. There are two beds, after all.

It's 5 pm. Niall, Harry and Zayn went to the beach, Louis is sleeping. The clouds cleared out in the morning and the ground quickly dried from the rain that had left big wobbly imprints on the pages of my book. It is still cooler than the previous days, but it was just perfect. I wish I had someone to go for a walk with. I wish I cared enough to go for a walk.

Did you know that someone left a big basket full of stuffed carrots next to the pool? We found it yesterday morning. Niall has his stuffed leprechaun. It used to be right there, next to the mirror, but now it's gone. I am sure I could find it in his suitcase, if I had the guts to look for it. But I am afraid that it won't be there, that he's thrown it away.

I am convinced that I caused all of this. I have several theories, but the most prominent one, in my mind, is that he knows, or at least suspects, how hard I have fallen for him, and he doesn't like it. He probably thinks I think he likes me back and now I'm trying to make him jealous by hooking up with girls. He's seen through every gesture, and more. How embarrasing. How terrible. It's a far shot, but he probably hopes his thing with Joanna will prove to me he's not interested, so I can back off.

But if that is true, why wouldn't he just speak to me? Is this how much faith he has in our friendship?

I've ruined everything. Everything. One of the most important things in my life.

Our fucking friendship is..annihilated okay?!

The small chandelier on the ceiling is swaying lightly in the breeze. The pebble feels nice in my fingers.

Joanna is probably with them right now. So much for Niall's promise things will be just fine.

Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve it? I am demolished inside, believe me, there is not a wall that is still standing. Everything is down, in crumbles so small, a desert of fine gray sand is formed. And I am standing here, trying to keep myself from crying. No one in sight. In the distance I can see the huge fragments, remnants of my heart. Huge chunks of worn out flesh.

I am not being dramatic. I am just stating how I feel.

Do you realize...ugh...Sometimes I just can't comprehend it all, but then...I've lost my best friend. There's a huge pit gaping in the place where he used to be, it's like someone's torn him away. Our friendship, everything just...aghh!!!

Zayn has been trying to help. He offered to talk to Niall, but I wouldn't let him. He sees how much I am hurting, I think, and he's trying to comfort me, but he just doesn't know how.

I should man up and do the right thing. I am the cause of all of this, I have to fix it. I will...I will sit him down, tomorrow first thing in the morning. Tell him everything and apologize. Explain that I want nothing from him, just to be friends, back to normal, that's all.

I sometimes wish I was more like Louis. I could do and say what's on my mind just like that, without having to rationalize and think and the nartionalize again for hours and days.

Amazing first week. Brilliant, fabulous, marvelous!

I must have dozed off. Rubbing my bare torso gently, Louis was attempting to wake me up. His hair was a complete mess, but it only made him more handsome, and he was well aware of that.

"How much did I sleep?" I ran my palm over my face.

"I don't know really, but it's around 6:30. The lads are back, Niall's gonna order pizza soon. Thought I'd wake you up."

"Are we going out after that?" I asked tiredly.

"Maybe." Louis turned to leave, but then stopped. His gaze lingered over me, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, sure."

The pizza was very good. Around 9 we headed to our respective rooms to change for the night. I was just unbuttoning my shorts when Niall came in. The he saw me, gyrated on his heels and walked out.

I was sitting at the kitchen table, playing with my little stone. He went to the mirror over the sink and checked his hair while my eyes roamed his body. He was wearing a tight black button up shirt (to three buttons open) and beige trousers, firmly secured around his waist by a gorgeous black belt with a rectangle buckle of shiny solid metal. His legs were slightly spread, the shirt clung to his body and outlined the contours of his biceps when he lifted his arms to fix his hair.

"You are very handsome tonight." I spoke.

He turned to look at me with a little surprise in his eyes. I held his gaze. He came over and sat in a chair opposite of me. I watched the beautiful shadows cast on his face by the lights. His face seemed to radiate infinite masculinity, topped with a fine layer of tenderness. His gaze stopped somewhere on my neck, then he lifted it back to meet mine.

"You look very hot too."

I looked down at my hands, feeling my cheeks growing warm. I noticed a little white line that ran thorugh the surface of the prebble, but didn't really pay attention to it. A door slammed somewhere on the other side of the house and we heard Harry talking on the phone. I winced, Zayn laughed and I grinned at him.

"What the fuck do you mean, I'm not showing any interest, we were together just last week!" he raised his voice. Ah, this is not good, Harry never raises his voice, "And besides- no, no, listen to me! I proposed that you come visit with Eleanor, or if you aren't free next week, the week after that, and you said no. How do you think that made me feel? Now you're saying you want to see me, well then why the fuck don't you come! I've been bending over backwards for so long, driving to this place, flying to that place, trying to arrange my shit so that we can see each other, now I'm on vacation with the lads and you are acting awful again!"

The front door slammed shut right when he was saying 'awful'. Poor guy. I've never really liked Jess. She always wants something, from all of us. The yelling ceased a little after Harry had walked outside.

"Harreh!" we heard Louis calling and then he poked his head in the kitchen, "Harreh, where art thou?"

He walked out. I was more than certain he'd be able to comfort Harry. I think he's always trying to make up for that time a while ago, when Harry thought he'd disappointed us.

When Niall came down in his simple, yet incredibly sexy jeans-shirt attire, I averted my eyes from him and took in a ragged breath. Then we left and I locked the house. Harry seemed to be okay. For a while he walked with Lou's arm around his shoulders.

My head throbbed, but still I got up and followed Harry to the bar for another drink. I didn't mean to drink too much. Nevertheless, I did. Well, I reached my limit at least. That's all.

I don't even know what club we were at, but the music was near splintering my skull. Niall was having fun, I think. Zayn was too, but then he came back to the table and searched the pockets of his jacket.

"Where you goin?" I asked, getting my voice as loud over the music as I could, but it still came out as if I had a rag in my mouth.

"Out! For a smoke!" he waved his arms around, trying to help me understand his words with gestures.

I looked at him disgustedly and took a big gulp of my drink. He smokes very little nowadays, and I give him credit for that, but it still grosses me out. I watched the rapidly swaying mass of bodies with apathy. The Daze numbed things, to an extent. I had no desire to meet anyone that night, not anymore. It had already become very clear to me that I would get no satisfaction, other than physical, from sex with someone random. In everyone I sought comfort and emotion.

I took another sip of my drink. Feeling moisture over my lip, I reached for my napkin and wiped it away. As I was putting it back on the table, I noticed a big dark blotch on it. Yep. After close examination under the flashing lights of the club I came to the conclusion that it was blood. I felt under my nose with my fingers and sure enough there was another thin stream approaching my mouth. Pressing a napkin to my nostrils, I quickly navigated through the crowd with a few more in my pocket.

"What's going on?" Zayn asked concernedly when I emerged into the warm night.

"Nosebleed." I said.

"Ohh, you alright?" he stepped closer, but I quickly took a step back.

"Don't get near me with that cigarette."

He threw the half burnt thing to the ground and pressed the heel of his stylish shoe over it. There wasn't that much blood on the napkin, and then his hand was on my shoulder. I could smell his strong cologne over the stench of tobacco even though I did feel a little bit of clogging up there.

"Just let it all run out, okay, I don't think it's serious."

There was no more blood. I raised my head and then bent down to get the bloody napkin from where I'd thrown it on the ground, but Zayn was faster, his warm hand gently stopped mine. I could feel him staring at me and I searched for his eyes too. I don't know how but my fingers twisted around his. His lips parted slightly. I took in every single detail about his jawline and freshly shaved cheeks. Electricity was flowing from his body to mine thorugh our clenched fingers.

I abruptly broke ye contact. A figure could be seen down the street, people were walking on the opposite sidewalk. Shit, this was so dangerous for so, so many resons, and just..

Zayn walked over to the nearest trashcan. I watched the way his body moved with so much confidence, arrogance even, and a hint of drunken stagger. I don't understand this. But...I really don't want to either.

He stood in front of me with his hands in his pockets.

"Would you like to head back to the house? We could have Chester drive us." he tried looking me straight in the eyes, but neither of us could handle that with the realization of what that question really implied.

"I just need to get my jacket." I said and turned to walk back into the club.

Fortunately, I didn't meet any of the lads on my way. I made a mental note to text Louis that me and Zayn have left, assuming he would be the sober one. I mean, I couldn't text Niall for obvious reasons...Oh, Niall...No, I don't want to think about this now.

Zayn was waiting for me at the bar. He had already downed another vodka. On the way back, the sexual tension was thicker than oil, but we managed. We talked, he joked and I actually found myself laughing. I was becoming uncertain about the whole deal with each meter closer to the house, but I had had my fair share of alcohol and the burning anticipation spreading up from my groin seemed to be more important.

I unlocked the front door to the house. Zayn staggered inside and went for the kitchen. I could not unglue my eyes from his back, the way his shurt hugged his sculptured body, the way his trousers hugged his ass. Damn, this is quite different from checking guys out before I...came to terms with my sexuality. I waited for him by the door to the living room. How quiet the house was. Creepy. He trotted out without looking at me, only grabbing my wrist and tugging. I was quite afraid we might fall down the stairs, but we were lucky.

His room was well aired out. There was a trace of his cologne in the air. The bed was made, although without much care, and there was a wide array of different cosmetical products on the table in front of the mirror. He let go of my wrist, turned on the lamp on his nightstand and grabbed my hand carefully but possesively just as I took my first uncertain steps inside. He moved closer. His eyes bore the same uncertainty and when they looked for permission in mine, which hardened with desire, I could literally feel it.

For a fraction of the second he was biting his lower lip and there was a veil passing over his eyes, but then his lips crashed down on mine. There were no fireworks, only a jolt to my dick and a tingling sensation all over my body. His kiss was rough and invasive and I answered with the same, and our hands were all over the other one's body, exploring and drawing pleasure from every tense muscle. I don't know about him, but I was so hard it seriously hurt. His hands were trying to get under my belt, and then he was spinning me, pushing me towards the bed.

On my back, the weight of his perfect body over me. We were making out heavily again. I have never experienced a kiss so hot and rough. Our tongues were battling and it was clear to both of us that neither would win for more than a second. He was biting and pulling on my lips, but even without that I was sure they would be bruised in the morning. Finally he broke the kiss. He showed no signs of problems with the breathing while I was panting. His jaw moved around, his expression was filled with determination and wild lust.

Very well, very well. He better move his ass though, or I might just blow my load right there.

There we go. Remember how the top three buttons of his shirt were open? It was driving me crazy, being able to see only so little of him. My gaze went up to his face. He licked his lips and then tugged on my shirt. Within seconds it was off. He drew in a breath and moved on to my belt with his hands trembling just as much as my body was. His hair, his jawline, his JAWLINE, his neck, I want to kiss him.

I sat up as best as I could and pulled him close by his shirt, feeling like in a porno. Our faces were centimeters apart, but we waited until the desire became overwhelming and then I managed to flip him over on his back without falling off the bed. We giggled, I dove right for his neck. Suddenly I was enveloped by a cloud of the paralyzing smell of his cologne. An itching was born somewhere in my fingers, to touch and grope. I unbuttoned his shirt all the way down to reveal his stunning chest while kissing and maybe even licking his neck. Not how I'd usually handle things, but the alcohol had to speak.

I took his nipple inbetween the fingers of my right hand and he moaned, such a sexy moan. There was so much need in his gorgeous eyes...

I kissed down and all around his chest and he panted and whimpered, but when I reached his treasure trail and savored the look of it (I've never seen another guy's treasure trail upclose, and it was pretty astonighing and arousing, those little tiny hairs forming a path to big and juicy treasures, and did I just think that) he decided he wanted to be in charge again. I remember I thought we must look pretty hot, two remarkably handsome guys, half naked, one bent over the other, who's moaning like mad in the mean time.

He settled over me in the same position as before, straddling my legs, still a little careful not to hurt the place where they'd cut me open. He stopped, for a second we stared at each other and my breathing was growing more and more ragged.

"I really like what you got going on there..." he said and his finger tickled the tiny patch under my lower lip. Then it boldly climbed and ended up in my mouth. I sucked on it shamelessly. His mouth hung open, his nostrills flared, he quickly pulled the finger out. Back to driving me insane by biting on his lip, he struggled with the buckle of my belt.

"I wanna see your peacock-cock-cock, you peacock-cock..." he sang under his breath and I laughed incredulously.

"You're so drunk." I observed.

But then he was already removing my pants and the tent in my boxers was so big he actually did a double take. He pointed to the tent while throwing my trousers to the ground, his eyes growing wide.

"Is it usually that-"

"No, no, not that big, that's from the boxers." he's seen it, after all, I don't think that handjob is so easy to forget.

Zayn's tongue darted over his teeth. His fingers creeped up my leg while I was watching his expression, and then he grabbed my dick through the fabric and I was all like 'aahh, aahh AAAHH' because you know, I was right on the edge.

"Wait, wait, wait!" I waved my arms, "How..far are we taking this?"

I was scared, I admit. It felt amazing, it felt brilliant, but the effects of the drinks were wearing off, so...

But Zayn was suddenly calm and smiley.

"I'm not gonna make you do anything you don't want to..." he shrugged, his fingers had stpped tapping on the underside of my dick, "All up to you."

I gave the question serious thought. You have no idea how hot he was with his shirt hanging open and that serious, but kinda gentle expression, blinking as if in slow motion.

"Can we not...like..fuck?"

He laughed.

"I don't think it'd work out anyways."

Before I knew what was happening, his pants were off and he was straddling me again with a massive tent in his boxers. It was irresistible and he knew it very well. He gently pulled down my boxers, my boner slapped my abs. I'm not that big, but it's not unimpressive, okay? Zayn stared at it. Well, now it's my turn, isn't it? Fireman Sam gotta take the hat off, and this is a very lame joke.

I took the waistband with the fingers of both my hands and started tugging down slowly, my own dick throbbing. There it is, the head, and now a little more and...oh, it's perfect! Oh, gooooddammit, it's so great, perfect size, circumcised, just a little bit bigger than mine, but not too big...Maybe I could...

But then he had already taken off his underwear and was now on top of me again, kissing me so passionately I almost exploded. Again. He wanted me to spread my legs and I did. He positioned his dick on top of mine and clumsily started rocking back and forth in something I latter learned is called frottage, and the undersides were rubbing, and he started kissing me again and it was just all too much, all the jolts and shivers coarsing through my body, and his hot skin on mine and the way he moved with so much strength and confidence and his tongue and the small whimpers we were both making and our dicks sliding up against each other in the mixed precum and my member literally burning as if numb, but not quite, from all the pleasure, and I broke the kiss and held on to him tight as I moaned in his ear and he grunted in mine, doing final few thrusts. THERE IT IS, THERE IT IS, for God's sake, thick flaming ropes of cum shot through my dick and between our sweaty bodies and I felt his cum spewing out too, his face was pressed into the pillow and a muffled continuous 'aaaaaaaahhh' could be heard. Best. orgasm. in months. If not ever.

We were both spasming, him sprawled on top of me, obviously a little too exhausted to move in those first few moments. He suddenly propped himself up on his arms, he stared right into my eyes. I smiled. He kissed me, then rolled over next to me.

I cleaned us up and then lied next to him. We talked about a lot of things, sex does wonders for closeness. He tried to approach the whole deal with Niall, but I was still in the Daze in a way, and at that moment I was happy, so I just didn't let him. I noticed the little, very little bush above his dick and casually played with it while talking. He was still quite drunk. He asked me whether I shave my balls, and I told him the truth, I only trim there, too scared to bring a razor anywhere close. So he...he shaved my balls, all serious and stuff.

Of course, during the whole process of shaving, I had gotten hard again. When Zayn returned from the bathrrom. He gave me a blowjob so good my second orgasm almost topped my first one. God, he's a master.

He didn't expect me to return the favor, but I let my free spirit come out. Scared as fuck, I got on my knees, he was laying down. He watched me with his hands behind his back while I carefully took his member in my hand. It felt good, it felt incredible. I stroked it and he closed his eyes. Then I took the head in my mouth and the taste wasn't so bad, but suddenly I was feeling dirty and repulsed, not by his dick, by my actions, by my position. I pulled away. I looked at him apologetically and he smiled softly.

"How about just a handjob?"

We were again lying side by side, bodies touching, but that didn't bother us. We were talking again. Now the only light coming into the room was the moonlight. We weren't lovers, we were extremely close friends. I felt so peaceful at that moment. Oh, my heart still ached for someone else, don't you doubt that, but I really couldn't let myself think about that right now.

Zayn and I, we talked about how it got to this. It had obviously been building up for a long time, on both sides. I looked for the answer inside of me.

"I think it's only sexual on my part. I mean, I obviously cherish you as a friend, but it's...it's no secret how handsome you are. I guess after I came to terms with my...sexuality, I was suddenly free to let these thoughts and feelings gets from my dick to my head, you know." I explained, and I could see Zayn smiling to me.

We were silent for a long time. I supposed it must have been after 3, after 4 even. We hadn't even heard the lads coming back. What if Niall...nevermind. I'm tired.

"I think I have a tiny crush on you." Zayn said, "But it's nothing to be worried about. It's mainly sexual for me too. And I value you as a friend a lot too."

I wanted to kiss his smiling face again, but I didn't.

"It was amazing." he said.

"It was. Definitely." I agreed.

"Can we do it again sometime?" he asked.

"I..think we can."

Zayn fell asleep facing me and I fell asleep on my back. I was feeling strangely happy under the soothingly cool covers, with the body of a strong and wild friend next to me.

When I woke up, the house was quiet and Zayn was still sleeping. My head hurt a little. Zayn was cute sleeping.

I didn't get up right away, but when I did, I found my phone in my pants' pocket. 11:14 AM. The bright sun must have woken me up. Well...

I snuggled under the covers again and dozed off. When I woke up, the room didn't look much different from before so I couldn't have slept for more than half an hour. Zayn wasn't in bed. I found my boxers. I left the room trying to figure out exactly how I felt about what happened last night.

The lads were around the table, drinking coffee and having breakfast. This time it was Louis who looked hungover. I greeted them and headed for the counter where Zayn was making himself breakfast as well. He'd put on shorts, leaving me the only one in underwear. The choice between cereal and toast is not a hard one. I reached up in the drawer above me. I looked between the cereal boxes and scratched my balls not very discretely.

"Itchy?" Zayn grinned.

"Terribly so."

"I have this creme that acts soothingly on the skin, I'll give you some." he said.

Iturned around with my bowl in my hands the same time he did, only to see three confised faces staring at us. They were like a bunch from a kids' movie, all of them with their jaws hanging low and all.

Louis was the first to speak.

"Did you guys spend the night together?"

Zayn looked at me and grinned amusedly, and I smiled at the floor with a terrible blush creeping to my face.

"You slept with Zayn?!" I could practically hear the exclamation and question marks in Niall's question, and that's about the time the Daze ended.