Date: Wed, 6 Mar 2002 23:33:01 -0500
From: JM Stories <jm_stories@yahoo.com>
Subject: Just Together 16

Disclaimer: This story is fiction. It makes no claims to the true
personality and sexuality of anyone involved. You already know if you
shouldn't be reading this.

Other stories by jm_stories:
"Home" (Nifty in /gay/celebrity/boy-bands/home/)
"Vignette One" (Nifty in /gay/celebrity/boy-bands/vignettes/)

Note: In this chapter I briefly touch on the events of Sept 11. I went
back and forth on whether or not to include it, but it falls into the
story time line, and changed many things. It wouldn't make sense if I
skipped it, and then made mention of one of its effects later. I'm not
going to dwell on it and won't likely make more than a passing mention
of it in future chapters.

------------------
Just Together
by jm_stories
------------------


Chapter XVI
Original post 6 March 2002

=-=-=-=-=-= Jonah =-=-=-=-=-=

*** [Wed, Aug 29]

I headed home as soon as Charlie's plane left the terminal. I'm going to
miss him. I decided to find out what the hell is wrong with Danny --
even if it kills him. He'd already left for work when I got home, so
it'll have to wait until tomorrow. With nothing else to do I decided it
was as good a time as any to buy books. I took the train into town and
was back just before Michael got home.

*** [ Thursday ]

I was drinking a cup of coffee and reading the new issue of "American
Theatre" when Danny walked into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. He
didn't even acknowledge I was there.

"Danny."

"What?"

"Am I just supposed to guess why you're being an asshole to everyone, or
were you planning to tell me?"

"Fuck off," Danny said and started to leave.

"No. What the fuck is your problem? Are you having problems with Lance?
Ever since you got back from that visit you've been hostile to everyone
here."

"Fine. You wanna know what my problem is?"

"Yea."

"I know you guys had sex while I was gone."

"Uh, okay. We have sex while you're here, too. What's the problem?"

"With Charlie!" Danny yelled.

"And just how do you know that?"

"I...I just do. Are you going to admit it?"

"I'm not going to admit or deny anything. What difference does it make
to you?"

"It makes a difference to me because you lied about it. Charlie lied
about it. Even Michael lied about it."

"What business is it of yours? It doesn't concern you in the least. You
have a great boyfriend, and yet you continue to lust after someone who
has no interest in you and make up stories. Why?"

"Made up, huh?" Danny huffed and went to his room. He came back out a
minute later with his PowerBook. He opened a file and the screen was
filled with a very choppy video of Michael, Charlie and me on the sofa
from when we had sex.

"Where did you get that?" I said softly, though I was so pissed off that
I was starting to shake.

"I got a X-10 camera. Before you go psycho, I didn't intend to record
you guys."

"Didn't intend? How do you explain setting up a hidden camera and
recording while you were gone? An accident?"

"Yea. It's on a motion sensor. It turned itself on and recorded."

"Have you made any copies of that video, or sent it to anyone?" I said
evenly.

"No. I wouldn't do that."

"Good. Delete it."

"No."

"Delete it, or I will," I said and reached for his PowerBook.

"Keep your fuckin' hands off," Danny snapped and pulled it away.

"You will delete all copies of that file. You had no right to record it
and you have no right to keep it."

"Fuck you. I caught you guys and it's as close as I'm going to get, so
forget it. I'm not going to distribute it."

I lost it and grabbed Danny, slamming him up against the wall and
holding him there.

"Okay. You listen to me you fucked-up son-of-a-bitch. You will delete
those files. That is not open for discussion. You will delete them and
prove to me that they are deleted, or I will delete them by whatever
means necessary."

"Get the fuck off me," Danny complained and tried to get free.

"And find another place to live. You've got 30 days to get out. Now
delete the files," I said as I let go of him, but still stood there to
watch him delete the files.

"Fine. Fuckin' asshole," Danny grumbled as he dragged the files to the
trash and emptied it. "Happy?"

"Is that all of them?"

"Yea."

"Now delete them from the trash cache."

"The what?"

"Don't bullshit me. You told me how great it was and how much I needed
to install it on my system."

"Fine," Danny sighed.

"You need to get professional help," I stated and turned away.

"I think you're the one who needs help. Damn psycho," Danny mumbled.

"I already have. It's because of that help that I just made you delete
the files instead of shoving your PowerBook up your ass and throwing you
out the window. Thirty days. Sooner if possible."

"You're actually going to kick me out?"

"What? You've been an asshole to everyone the past two weeks, and pretty
pissy in general since Lance left. You've also just demonstrated a
complete disregard for other people's privacy. Be happy I'm giving you
thirty days and not throwing you out now. And if I find out that you
still have a copy somewhere and distribute it, I'll seek legal counsel,"
I said and went to get dressed. I was seething as I left to walk around
and cool off.

I stopped in at a hardware store and got a new doorknob for my bedroom
that could be locked with a key, as well as a new lock for the entry
door for after Danny left. I wanted to call Michael, but even if he
could take my call, it would destroy his concentration for the rest of
the day.

Danny was gone when I got back. I changed the door knob on my bedroom
door first thing. Still angry, I decided to try to call Charlie.

"Yea," Charlie answered with a grunt.

"Hey. Is this a bad time? You with someone?" I hinted.

"Huh? Oh, no. My boxes just got here. What's up? Miss me already?"

"Yea, but that's not why I'm calling."

"You sound serious. What's up?"

"Found out why Danny was being so nasty."

"Good. Why?"

"He had a hidden camera in the living room and a video of us having
sex."

"He WHAT?!" Charlie yelled.

"You heard me."

"That fucking twat! It's a good thing I'm not there or I'd kill him.
Maybe I should fly back."

"I took care of it. I made him delete the files."

"Are you sure he doesn't have a back-up somewhere?"

"No, but he said he didn't. I threatened legal action if I find out he
does. I also gave him thirty days to get out."

"Thirty days?! I would have thrown his ass out right away. Probably
through the window."

"I considered it. Trust me. He didn't seem to think there was anything
wrong with what he'd done. He just focused on what we had done."

"Did he tell anyone else? Lance?"

"I don't know. I didn't ask. I'll have to ask him the next time I see
him."

"What did Michael do?"

"He doesn't know yet. It just happened this morning. I'll tell him when
he gets home."

"I wish I was there to see what he does."

"Yea. It's gonna be a fun night," I said sarcastically.

*

"Hey, babe," Michael smiled as he walked into the kitchen while I was
making dinner.

"Hey," I smiled and gave him a quick kiss.

"Good day?"

"No."

"Huh?"

"Are you ready to be pissed?"

"Can you be ready to be pissed off? What?"

"I found out what Danny's problem is."

"Yea, I know. He's obsessive-compulsive about Charlie," Michael laughed.

"He had a hidden camera in the living room and got a video of us having
sex."

Michael smiled dropped. "You're kidding."

"No. I made him delete it and gave him thirty days to get out."

"You're serious?"

"Yea, of course I'm serious."

"What a fucking slimeball. What the fuck was he thinking?" Michael
growled.

"He claims it was by 'accident'."

"Yea, right. You set up a hidden camera by 'accident' and set it to
record while you're away," Michael said sarcastically.

"That's basically what I told him."

"Did you remove the camera?"

"Um, no. Didn't even think about it. I figured he'd already moved it."

"Where did it look like it was?"

"Low. Near the TV."

Michael stormed into the living room and I followed. He looked around
the TV and found the small camera sitting on the back of the VCR, hidden
in shadow.

"Yea. By 'accident' the camera hid itself there," Michael mumbled and
dropped the camera on the floor before stomping on it. "Oops. I
'accidentally' stepped on it," he smiled and collected the pieces,
throwing them in Danny's room.

"I put a lock on our door for when we aren't home until he leaves.
Here's your key," I said and handed him his key.

"This is fuckin' pathetic. Who else knows?"

"I told Charlie this afternoon. I didn't ask Danny if he'd told Lance or
anyone else."

"We'll find out now," Michael said and grabbed his cell.

"If he doesn't you'll be giving it away," I warned.

"I don't care anymore. I'm sure he'd find out anyway when he learns
Danny isn't living here anymore. Why did you give him thirty days?"

"Just 'cause I know how hard it is to find a place."

"Who cares. Hi. Lance? It's Michael...Oh, I was doing great until I
discovered that your psycho boyfriend set up a hidden camera to video me
having sex...Yes, I'm serious. We found out today. Jonah made him delete
it. You did make him delete it, right?"

"Yea."

"Yea. He made him delete it. We also told him to move out. Has he said
anything to you about this?...He hasn't. Well, now you know and you know
he will be moving out and isn't welcome here anymore...No, you're still
welcome as long as he's not with you...Okay, we're about to eat anyway.
Later," Michael said and hung up.

"What did Lance say about it?"

"Just that he didn't know and he'd talk to Danny about it. He wasn't
where he could talk freely. What the fuck was he thinking?"

"I don't know."

"I'm glad tomorrow is the last day of shooting. We're gonna have a talk
with him. I mean, what the fuck was he thinking? That we'd want a copy
of it and he was doing us a favor? That we'd go, 'Oh, good for you. You
caught us. Now we'll all have sex with you'?" Michael ranted.

"Come have dinner and cool down a little."

"I don't want to calm down. That's such a fuckin' betrayal that I can't
even believe it. Not just to us, but to Lance as well."

"I already suggested that he seek psychological help."

"What'd he have to say to that?"

"That I was the one who needed help. He was mad because I slammed him up
against the wall when he first refused to delete the files."

"Any blood?" Michael asked hopefully.

"No. I was good. Just intimidated him."

"AARRGG! What the fuck was he thinking?" Michael screamed.

"Come on. Let's eat. It's taken care of for now," I said and started
pushing Michael towards the kitchen.

Then the phone rang. I grabbed it.

"Yea," I answered.

"Um, may I speak to Jonah?"

"This is."

"Hey. It's Randy. This a bad time?"

"Hey. Sorry. Yea, it's a bad time. What's up?"

"Well, I just called to see if you wanted to get together tonight.
Michael, too, if he's up to it. But I guess not."

"No. Tonight's not a good night. Maybe tomorrow night, if that's okay."

"Sure."

"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know. Later," I said and hung
up. "That was Randy. He wanted to get together tonight," I said as I
walked into the kitchen. Michael was sitting at the table waiting for
me.

"Not tonight."

"Yea, that's what I told him. What about tomorrow night?"

"Maybe...No, make that definitely. I need to go out and blow off some
steam."

"Even after being on set all day?"

"I won't be there all day. Hopefully I'll be back by one. Plenty of time
to take a nap."

"And then you're all done 'till you start with Gus on the fourth?"

"Yep."

"Good. Let's do something before we get bogged down with classes and
productions. Just the two of us."

"I think that could be arranged," Michael smiled. "Just what do you have
in mind?"

"I don't know. How about a nice dinner. Maybe someplace like The River
Cafˇ."

"Expensive."

"We can go someplace cheaper. Anyway, after that maybe we could go see
'The Producers'."

"Now you're talking. And then?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"I say...we find a hotel that has private hot-tubs."

"That sounds nice."

"Yep. Maybe check in tomorrow night. Go do whatever with Randy. Come
back to soak in the hot-tub. Have a nice breakfast the next day in our
room and just forget about everything. Go see the matinee of 'The
Producers'. Maybe go out after that."

"How about a jazz club?"

"Dark and smoky?"

"Mostly. I'm thinking Smalls over on West 10th."

"Haven't been there."

"Neither have I, but it's supposed to have great jazz. No alcohol and
help yourself drinks."

"Is it a co-op?"

"I don't know. Sounded like it. We could go to Birdland or Blue Note,
but they're so damn expensive. Especially Blue Note on weekends."

"Yea, I heard that the cover at Blue Note is a couple hundred dollars on
Friday and Saturday."

"I read it was $500. No music is worth that kind of money for a few
hours."

"I agree. Some of that shit is just crazy. I had an interview lunch at
some posh restaurant in LA when I was talking with Gus. It was a
thousand dollars for three people."

"A thousand dollars? I hope it was incredible and you got a blow-job as
well."

"It sucked, and not in the blow-job way. I told Gus the same thing and
dumped the silver candle sticks in his briefcase."

"You didn't?"

"Yea. It was hilarious. I told him he paid for them with the ridiculous
prices they charged."

"He take them back?"

"Nope. We went out for burgers. He was kinda infatuated with me at the
time."

"Did you..."

"He never even touched me. He just liked to hang out and talk. I think
he's got a thing for younger guys. Anyway, he's interesting to talk
with."

"When was this?"

"After my first season with DC. Before we met."

"Wined and dined in la-la-land," I teased.

"Yep. It was kinda fun at first. I'd act all street kid punk at these
fancy places just to ruffle the feathers of the people there."

"I wanna be a non-conformist, just like you," I smirked.

"Anyway. I came. I saw. I wasn't impressed. I know I'm doing okay with
money now, but I don't know how long that's going to last. I'd rather
not spend it on pretentious crap."

"We'll be fine. I don't care how much something costs or how exclusive
it is, only that we're having fun doing it."

"And that's another reason why I love you," Michael smiled and gave me a
quick kiss.

"Okay, so back to this weekend."

"Okay. So we go back to the hotel after the jazz club. More hot-tub.
Good night's sleep. Another nice breakfast, and then come home nice and
relaxed to talk with Danny."

"You had me until the end," I grimaced.

"We have to."

"I know."

"So let's not think about it until we have to. Did Randy say what he had
in mind to do?"

"Nope. Probably just wanted company to go out with."

"How about dinner and then club hopping?"

"As long as you're gonna be awake for it and not sleeping on the table,"
I teased.

"I'll have time for a nap, so I should be awake."

*** [ Friday, Aug 31 ]

"Um, Jonah. Can we talk?" Danny said carefully as he came into the
kitchen.

"Why start now?" I snapped.

"Um, listen. I'm sorry about everything. I just...I just let things get
out of hand."

"Understatement."

"So, um... That's all I wanted to say."

"Have you talked to Charlie, yet?"

"No. Why?"

"Well, you could start with apologizing for being a freak, and continue
on to apologizing for violating his privacy as well."

"Yea, I guess I should."

"No guessing about it. What you did was just slimy."

"Alright, already. You already tore into me enough yesterday, and Lance
finished what was left," Danny snapped.

"Good."

"How did Michael take it -- other than calling Lance?"

"You're lucky you weren't here, but plan to be home Sunday afternoon."

"Why?"

"Because we all need to talk about this. Michael really wants to know
what the hell you were thinking."

"So you're not kicking me out?" Danny asked hopefully.

"You still need to move out. Maybe we'll have a friendship again, but
right now we have no trust in you. I'm not going to live with someone I
don't trust."

"Yea, okay. Why Sunday?"

"Because we're going away for the weekend to have some together time
before everything starts up again."

"That sounds nice. I wish I could do that with Lance more often," Danny
sighed.

"Quit MTV and become a roady."

"Yea, right. Screwing the boss?"

"Or being screwed by the boss," I smiled.

"Would you work for Michael?"

"Doing what?"

"I don't know. Anything. Like his personal assistant on set or
something."

"No, I don't think I would. We have worked together."

"Yea, but one of you wasn't the boss."

"You'd have to join the union, so Lance wouldn't be your boss, anyway."

"That's just what I want. Hang out with a bunch of Teamsters," Danny
grumbled sarcastically.

"Well, your only other option to be around him all the time is to
convince him to retire from touring. Save the world from more 'NSYNC
albums," I teased.

"Whatever. So you guys are leaving tonight?"

"Yea. We're gonna do something with Randy, and then disappear 'till
Sunday."

"Who's Randy?"

"A friend we met Monday. You would have met him when he was over here
but you were in your mood."

"Yea, yea, I know. Get over it," Danny grumbled. "I gotta get ready for
work."

*

"Lucy, I'm home," Michael called as he walked in the door around two. I
was on the sofa reading. He hopped over the sofa, set my book aside, and
pressed into me with a kiss.

"All done?" I asked as we broke the kiss.

"It's in the can -- or whatever the hell you do with digital tape. Come
take a nap with me," he said and got up, pulling me with him.

"How are you going to sleep with this much energy," I teased.

"We can do something to relieve that energy," he smiled and pushed me
back on the bed.

*

"I booked us a suite at The Iroquois," Michael said as we showered.

"Where's that?"

"West 44th. It's supposed to be really nice."

"Hot tub in the room?"

"Yep, and a sauna in the building."

"Maybe we should call Randy and cancel. Go straight to our room," I
hinted.

"It'll feel better after a night of dancing."

"Okay. I want to go dancing with you, too. I can wait."

*

I'd called Randy earlier and asked him to meet us at Angelo's at eight.
We were there at least ten minutes before he showed up -- and we were
ten minutes late because it took longer to check in to the hotel than we
planned.

"Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late. Had a hard time finding it," Randy said as
he sat down at the table.

"Hey. You didn't take a taxi?" I asked.

"Nah. It was close enough to walk. Even closer if I knew where I was
going," he laughed. "Hi, Michael. How was filming today?"

"Complete. Done and over," Michael smiled.

"What do you have lined up next? Anything?"

"Yea. I start another production on Tuesday."

"Tuesday? Shit. Don't you take a little time off between?"

"No," I said.

"It's work. As long as I'm getting good offers, I'd rather work. What
about you?"

"Well, as long as QAF is still running, I've got nine months spoken for.
I just finished another project for Showtime. If something great comes
along I'll take it, but otherwise it's just nice to have the time."

"Has anything great come along?"

"A few things. So what was up yesterday?"

"Don't ask," I groaned.

"Roommate trouble," Michael said.

"Sorted out now?" Randy asked.

"Yep. We kicked his psycho ass out," Michael smiled.

The conversation was interrupted as the waiter came over to take our
orders. The meal, as always, was great. After dinner we went to Boiler
Room and played pool until eleven. We found a decent club and spent the
rest of the night there. Michael was in total escape mode and was
dancing with abandon -- drinking with abandon, as well. Randy commented
-- and I think it was meant as a joke -- that we should come up to
Toronto and be in a club scene in QAF. We left sometime after 2AM. We
invited Randy over for lunch on Labor Day and left in separate taxis.

"I'll turn on the jacuzzi. You get undressed," Michael said as we walked
into our room.

I was down to my boxers by the time he walked back into the room.

"Someone's anxious," Michael teased.

"Yep. Hurry up, slowpoke," I countered and started helping him out of
his clothes.

"Uh, huh. I'll show you a slow poke."

"Tonight?"

"Uh, no. In the morning."

"Thought so," I teased and kissed him as I pushed his boxers to the
floor.

We went into the room with the jacuzzi and turned off the light, just
letting the city lights shine through the large window.

"Ahhh," Michael groaned as he sank into the hot, bubbly water.

"I agree. Definitely something to be said for luxury," I sighed.

"When we get a bigger place, we should have a jacuzzi installed."

"If it has a large enough terrace or a huge wall of windows like this."

"Why a terrace?"

"So it could be outside."

"What about in the winter?"

"That's when it's best. Freeze as you run and hop in. Get all nice and
toasty, and jump out and roll in the snow and run back."

"You had a jacuzzi in Chicago?"

"I wish. No. A girl I knew did. She'd invite people over in the winter.
She lived way out in the burbs."

"How did you know her if she lived so far away?"

"Same school."

"Bussed from that far away?"

"No, she took the train. It was the Northwestern AP high school. Same as
Jonny is going to."

"Ah. Have you talked to him yet?"

"No. Can you remind me to call him Sunday night?"

"If I remember."

We were getting pretty relaxed and were quiet as we soaked for 15
minutes or so. The timer turned the jets off and we took a quick shower
before going to bed.

"Night. Love you," Michael whispered and gave me a quick kiss before
rolling over and snuggling back against me.

"Love you," I said and kissed the back of his neck.

*** [ Saturday, Sept 1 ]


=-=-=-=-=-= Jonny =-=-=-=-=-=

"Jonny. Jonny. Wake up," Jay said and shook me.

"What?" I groaned and rolled over. It was still dark.

"I just had a dream."

"Congratulations. Go back to sleep and have another one."

"No. I have to tell you about it so I'll remember it."

"Just write it down."

"Come on," Jay whined.

"Fine," I sighed and sat up.

"Okay," Jay said and crawled to the center of my bed before sitting down
and facing me.

"Go on," I prodded.

"Um, okay. Just a sec... Okay. So in my dream I was older. Like, twenty
or something 'cause I was living in my own house. I don't think I'd
lived there long, though, 'cause some things seemed like I hadn't seen
them before. It was a really big house, but really small. Ya know, kinda
like dream houses are?"

"Yea, I know."

"Okay. So there were a bunch of people there and they kept calling me
'The Reuniter', like I was supposed to do something big. There was this
hat-like thing. Well, it wasn't really a hat, but it was. It looked like
a big fancy straw basket, but also like a congo drum. It was really
weird. Anyway, so in the dream I just found this hat so it meant I was,
like, chosen or something, but the bad people who wanted the hat also
knew I had it now and would be coming to get it as soon as it got dark.
So, I made it flat like a web window, but like it was in free space,
like in the future. So it was like it was suddenly a picture that was
really big, and then I made it smaller so it was the size of a credit
card so I could put it in my pocket and then I had to make sure the
house was locked so the bad people couldn't get in. All the people were
still there, but they didn't know anything and kept looking to me to
keep them safe. So, I...um...okay, so I went to the basement, but it
wasn't really a basement 'cause it was on the first floor, but it looked
like a basement that wasn't remodeled. One room had the garage and I
made sure the garage door was locked. I went into the next room and it
was all cement with no windows, so I knew it was safe, but I saw a door
that I didn't know about before. I went out that door and it was another
big room, but the two outside walls were missing and there were garage
doors...well, not really garage doors. They were like those chain doors
in front of stores on the street. Anyway, so there was all sorts of
plumbing pipes..."

"There WERE all sorts of plumbing pipes," I corrected.

"Yea. Plumbing pipes from my house upstairs all over the ceiling and
open walls, except there was a big fence that was kinda broken down
around it. One door had a button to close it, but as soon as it was
closed it turned into a block wall, but I could see through the cracks
in it. I could see the bad people gathering outside on the street in
front of my house. I went to close the other door, but it was chained
open to the top of the fence, so I climbed up to undo it, but I didn't
have a key to the lock. The locked opened by itself and the door started
to slide shut, but it wasn't a door anymore. It was like a back-hoe, but
really big. Like one as big as this house and miles high, but it only
covered a little bit of the opening as it slammed shut when it hit the
bottom of the fence and almost chopped me in half before I jumped out of
the way. That was when I noticed that I'd have to do it two more times,
but the room was now huge, like a big warehouse. Really big, like you
could fit planes in it two high. And the second door that was kinda like
the back-hoe shovel was way up high. Like, it was miles away. I ran out
in the yard to get a forklift so I could get up that high and the guy
working there told me to forget about it and get inside, so I did. The
bad people were starting to riot outside and everyone inside was really
scared. I took the magic hat out of my pocket and it turned back into
the hat thing, but you put it on with the drum side on your head and it
would wrap around your head to fit. I put it on and went out on my
balcony and all the bad people were fighting. There were these two girls
picking on a kid -- I think the girls were actually Amy and Ashley -- so
I said, like, 'stop picking on him' and they got really scared and
stopped everyone looked at me like they just noticed I was there. The
little boy walked up to me crying. When I put my hand on his shoulder
the magic hat I was wearing changed and covered my entire body and it
became, like, a super hero outfit or something, but not like underwear.
It was like a royal robe, but more weird shaped and it glowed. All the
bad people stopped fighting and bowed down before me."

"Okay. What happened next?"

"I don't know. I woke up. Isn't that a cool dream? What do you think it
means?"

"I think it means you have a messiah complex," I teased.

"A what?"

"You think you're the next messiah. You think you're God's chosen one."

"Really? Cool," Jay smiled.

"It's all in your head. It doesn't mean you are. It just means you think
you are. Some people think they are Napoleon. Maybe your dad can get you
a straight-jacket."

"I'm not psycho. Dad doesn't even deal with psychos like that."

"Okay. The straight-jacket could be useful, though," I smiled.

"Why? It wouldn't even work on you. It's a STRAIGHT-jacket," Jay
laughed.

"It would be for you to keep you in your bed. It's 4AM. Let me go back
to sleep."

"It's Saturday. We don't have to be up early."

"Then why are we awake so early? Go back to sleep," I said and pushed
Jay off my bed.

"Just don't forget the dream in the morning," Jay said and climbed back
up to his bed.

*

"Hey, bro. Ready go driving?" Tommy said as he walked into the kitchen
while I was still eating breakfast.

"Almost. Where are we driving to today?"

"I thought we'd try going through the loop."

"Um, I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"Yea, you are. You're doing fine. It's still early, so traffic won't be
that bad."

"Fine. If I have an accident it will be your fault."

"You're not going to have an accident."

*

"We need to talk, bro," Tommy said, seriously, as I pulled back into the
driveway after my driving lesson.

"Um, okay. What about?"

"Uh...Well...Dad is talking about selling the house."

"What?" I choked out. "They're gonna move away? What's gonna happen to
me?"

"Nothing. You're gonna stay right where you're at. You're happier there,
aren't you?"

"Yea, I guess. But what about Mom? Or you? Is Dad so grossed out at me
that he can't even be on the same block?"

"I don't know what Dad's problem is. He says it's because the house is
too big for just him and Mom. He wants to move into one of those
townhouses he built last year up in Lake Forest."

"Where are you moving to?"

"Don't know yet. I want to get a place of my own. I've talked with Joey,
but he's not gonna move out until after he finishes school. Will said he
was interested, so I may have a roommate to help pay bills."

"Will's to pay bills?" I smiled.

Tommy groaned. "Now I can tell you've been hanging around Jonah."

"I don't know why you still don't like him. You guys used to be
friends."

"Used to. I don't hate him anymore, but I don't want anything to do with
him, either."

"I don't think he wants to be around you, either," I smiled.

"Then there's no problem. Anyway, so you're okay with Mom and Dad
moving?"

"I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"Not really."

"Why didn't Mom tell me?"

"She's afraid to. You know, she's trying to walk this fine line between
being our mom, and being Dad's wife. It's like she's being pulled both
ways. I'm getting it, too."

"Maybe I should just kill myself and solve everyone's problem," I said,
sarcastically.

"NO! Don't you DARE even THINK about it!" Tommy yelled and grabbed my
arm.

"Get off me," I said and pushed him away. "I'm not gonna kill myself. If
I haven't done it by now you should realize that I'm not gonna. God, as
much as I've felt like not existing before, I'd never do that. I'm
stronger than that. And if Dad thinks he can make me all weepy and sad
of this, then he can go fuck himself," I said, getting a bit pissed off.

"He's still Dad."

"Not mine, at least according to him. Thanks for taking me driving. I'll
talk to you later," I said and got out of the car and ran inside and up
to my room. I am not gonna cry over this. I am NOT gonna cry over this.
That fuckin' asshole. I hope he falls into a foundation, or is run over
by a backhoe.

"Did you hit someone?" Jay asked from his computer. I didn't even notice
him there and it scared the shit outta me.

"No. I don't want to talk about it." I should go running now. Yea.
Running would be good. It's not running away. It's getting out
frustrations. That's better than drinking or something. I pulled out my
running shoes and put them on.

"You going running again? Can I go?" Jay asked.

"Whatever. I'm not in the mood right now," I said and left. I only
stretched a little bit and then started running. When I passed Adam's
house he was mowing the lawn. I just ran by. I was at the lakefront
before I knew it and ran as fast as I could the whole way back. It felt
good, but I can already feel I'm gonna be sore. I went straight to the
shower when I got back. Afterwards I checked to see if Gareth was
online. He wasn't. Probably on another date. I sent him a message to be
on tomorrow.

"Something happen between you and Tommy?" Dr. Mars asked as I came down
for dinner.

"Not really."

"Must be something that has you upset," he prodded.

"My folks are moving," I snapped. "Apparently even being on the same
block is too much, and Mom can't even tell me herself."

Dr. Mars sighed. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

"It's not going to change anything with you living here," Mrs. Mars said
and put her hand on my back.

"Can we not talk about it? Please?" I asked.

"We can let it go, for now," Dr. Mars said.

"Thanks."

"Adam thinks you're mad at him," Jay said.

"Huh? Why? I haven't even talked to him since last night."

"'Cause you ran by him. He came by to see what was wrong."

"What did you tell him?"

"That you were probably just mad at Tommy and didn't even notice him,"
Jay said.

"Thanks."

The rest of dinner was free of distress, at least for me. Dr. and Mrs.
Mars went to have a talk with Mom and Dad after dinner. I asked if I
should be there. Dr. Mars said I should be, but that Dad wouldn't talk
rationally if I was, so I'd better not. I decided to go see what Adam
was doing.

"Hey, dude. What was up with you earlier? You just ran by without even
saying hi," Adam said as he came to the door.

"Just mad at my dad. He wants to move."

"You're gonna have to move?"

"No. He wants to move away from me."

"Oh... Sorry."

"It's not your fault. I'll get over it. I always do. He can go fuck
himself if he thinks he's gonna hurt me with this," I said and started
getting worked up again.

"Uh, okay... Um, so...you wanna do something?"

"Yea. What do you want to do?"

"Um, I don't know."

"We could go to the mall and check things out. Look for cute guys," I
smiled.

"Dude. I told you I'm..."

"Jeez. Relax, will ya? You can check out who you want."

"Okay. Um, let me ask if I can go."

It was okay with his parents. Dr. and Mrs. Mars weren't back yet, so I
told Joey and left a note. Joey made me bring Jay 'cause he was heading
out too and didn't want Jay left alone.

"Shit," I said as we started towards the train platform.

"What?" Adam asked.

"We can't go to the mall. I forgot that the train doesn't run on
Saturday. We'd have to take the bus."

"I hate the bus," Jay whined.

"Yea, so do I," I agreed. "Wanna do something else?" I asked Adam.

"We could play Nintendo at my place, but my sisters will be around,"
Adam hesitantly offered.

"No. No way," Jay protested.

"Sounds good to me," I smirked.

"No. Come on, guys. No. Let's watch movies or something. Your sisters
won't leave me alone," Jay begged.

"Movies are okay," Adam said.

"Do you have any?" I asked.

Adam rolled his eyes. "We've got tons. My folks should open a video
store."

"Good. Let's go shopping," I smiled and we headed towards Adam's house.

"Back so soon?" Mrs. Walker asked as we walked in.

"I forgot the Yellow Line doesn't run on weekends," I explained.

"Is it okay if we get some movies and go watch them at Jonny's?" Adam
asked.

"That's fine. You know where they're at."

We went downstairs to the family room. Amy and Ashley were there with a
couple of other little girls.

"You can't come down here. We're watching a movie," Amy yelled.

"Shut up, butt-face. We're just going to get some movies and then we're
going," Adam said walked over to a couple of large bookcases that were
full of DVDs.

"Damn," I said.

"Told you. Take your pick."

The choices were overwhelming, but everything was pretty common. Nothing
very weird. We eventually decided on "The 13th Warrior" and "Planet of
the Apes." We decided to watch the movies in my bedroom and I set up
everything while Jay made some microwave popcorn.

"Mom and Dad are back," Jay said as he walk back into the room with a
big bowl of popcorn.

"Do they want to talk to me?"

"They said it could wait 'till morning," he said and hopped up on my
bed.

"Which one first?" I asked.

"'Planet of the Apes'," Adam said.

I put it in, turned off the light, and sat down to watch. Mark Wahlberg
is really hot. Too bad he's so old.

"You wanna jump his bones, don't you?" Jay teased after a few minutes.

"Nooo. He's too old," I said and slugged him.

"I wouldn't mind jumping her bones," Adam smiled as some barely clothed
woman ran across the screen.

"That's better," Jay agreed.

"You guys are sick," I teased.

"You don't think she's hot? Not at all?" Adam asked me.

"Not at all. I can see that she's pretty, but I don't want to see her
naked any more than you want to see the guy naked."

"Point taken," Adam said and held up his hand for me to stop talking
about naked guys.

We watched the rest of the movie mostly in silence. It was pretty cool
and the make-up effects were great. We had a pit-stop before starting
the second movie. Adam laid down on his side to watch it. Jay was taking
up my space so I couldn't lay down. The second movie wasn't as good, but
the fights were cool. We finished just a little before midnight. Adam
took the movies and went home.

"That last one was scary," Jay said as he climbed into bed.

"No it wasn't."

"Yea, it was. The way they attacked."

"It was just a battle scene."

"With monsters."

"Whatever. Night," I said and shut off the light.

*** [ Sunday, Sept 2 ]

I woke up as I felt Jay get into my bed and under the covers.

"What are you doing?" I groaned as he snuggled back against me.

"Sorry. I had a bad dream."

"So? Go back to your bed."

"Please? Just let me sleep in your bed?" Jay begged.

"Fine," I sighed, not feeling like arguing.

Jay snuggled back against me and pulled my arm around him. He was
shaking.

"Ew. You have a boner."

"I was having a dream, too. A good one," I mumbled.

"Just don't...you know..."

"Whatever."

Jay pulled my arm around him tighter and fell back asleep.

*

When I woke up in the morning Jay was still in bed with me, but,
fortunately, wasn't still pressed against me. I stretched and sat up,
waking Jay in the process.

"Hey, um, thanks," Jay said softly.

"Yea, okay," I dismissed.

"Don't tell anyone. Please," he pleaded.

"Are you always going to be crawling into my bed when you have a
nightmare?"

"Sorry. Joey locked his door. Usually I just go sleep with him."

"What was this dream about?"

"It was really scary. It was kinda like in the movie where the bear
people were attacking, but these were more like flying monkeys with huge
claws, but they were small when in their nest, but attacked like really
big fire ants. You couldn't kill them, either. The only thing anyone
could do was hide. Almost everyone else was dead and I was hiding under
a body and one of them found me when I woke up," Jay explained with wide
teary eyes.

"It wasn't that scary of a movie."

"So? I have an active imagination."

"Over-active is more likely."

"My dream was scary."

*

"What movies did you guys watch last night?" Joey asked as we were
eating breakfast.

"'Planet of the Apes' and 'The 13th Warrior'. Why?"

"Jay climbed into bed with you, didn't he?" Joey smiled as he looked at
Jay.

"Shut up! The last one was scary," Jay whined.

"I heard you trying to get in to my room," Joey teased.

"Does he always do that after a movie that wasn't even remotely scary?"
I asked.

"Yep."

"Do not," Jay whined.

"Yes, you do. You're 10 now. It's time you get over it. Next time just
make him go back to his own bed."

"Maybe I'll just charge him a five dollar protection fee each time," I
teased.

"What? For what?" Jay complained.

"Protection. Body guards get paid. Why shouldn't I?"

"You're not protecting me."

"Then you can stay in your own bed," I smirked.

"You suck."

"Not yet. Maybe someday," I smiled.

"Ew. Gross!"

I shrugged, rinsed out my bowl and went back upstairs to see of Gareth
was online. He was.

+++ Chat +++

iamjam: hey

gareth85: just a sec

iamjam: ok

iamjam: .......................................

iamjam:
........................................................................

iamjam: .................hhhuuuurrrryyyy
uuuuupppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gareth85: ok. why so impatient?

iamjam: talking with thomas?

gareth85: yea :-)

iamjam: going good?

gareth85: so far. we had another date yesterday. that why i wasn't on.

iamjam: i figured.

gareth85: so what's up? bad mood?

iamjam: yea. mom & dad are moving. tommy told me.

gareth85: moving? where? just like that?

iamjam: to some burb on the north side.

gareth85: sad?

iamjam: and mad. i know dad's just doing it to hurt me.

gareth85: what did he say about it? or your mum?

iamjam: i haven't talked to them yet. tommy told me cause mom was afraid
to.

gareth85: you should talk to them and find out why.

iamjam: why? then dad would know that he hurt me. won't give him the
satisfaction.

gareth85: so what? let him know he's being an asshole.

iamjam: what? so i can get in a fight again?

gareth85: if you need to.

iamjam: it wouldn't help.

gareth85: u talk with jonah about it yet?

iamjam: no. haven't talked with him since he brought me home.

gareth85: why?

iamjam: he's probably glad to be rid of me.

gareth85: no way! he's probably just busy or something.

iamjam: no. i got an email from him. he's not busy. said he'd call soon,
but hasn't

gareth85: i don't know. anything happy going on?

iamjam: *shrug*

gareth85: come on. gotta be something.

iamjam: adam and i are still friends.

gareth85: good. another.

iamjam: rehearsals and school are going good.

gareth85: see? not too bad.

iamjam: except home life.

gareth85: why don't u call jonah?

iamjam: cause i don't want to call him if he doesn't want to talk to me.

gareth85: of course he would. why are you being so glum?

iamjam: cause i'm tired of all this shit happening to me! ok?

iamjam: why can't i just have a normal life? why can't anything be easy?

gareth85: cause u r the writer. gotta have stuff to write about. normal
life is boring.

iamjam: i wouldn't know.

gareth85: come on. who got to meet and sleep with justin, lance, michael
and charlie?

iamjam: we didn't have sex.

gareth85: so? you've slept in the same bed and seen them naked, haven't
you?

iamjam: yea. 'cept i haven't seen lance naked.

gareth85: that's more than i've done.

iamjam: seeing justin naked is no big deal.

gareth85: that's not what you said before.

iamjam: no. after seeing him. it's NO BIG deal... *wink*

gareth85: *FOFL*

iamjam: jonah told me that. i thought the same as you until i saw.

gareth85: that's better. what about charlie?

iamjam: u saw the play.

gareth85: it was dark and we were back a couple rows.

iamjam: about the same as jonah & michael.

gareth85: any new stories?

iamjam: no. haven't felt like writing.

gareth85: makes me sad when u get like this. want to give u a big hug.

iamjam: sorry. u can hug thomas now.

gareth85: u aren't jealous are u?

iamjam: no. we agreed. maybe envious that you found someone.

gareth85: u will. u r too hot not to.

iamjam: thanks, but i don't want a girl. more girls like me than gay
guys in the whole school.

gareth85: icky! ;-P

iamjam: a-men, and i do mean MEN !

gareth85: *LOL*

iamjam: gotta go. talk about move now.

gareth85: good. stand up to the bastard.

iamjam: no, with dr. mars.

gareth85: u should talk with your dad.

iamjam: maybe.

gareth85: ok. love u.

iamjam: love u 2. later.

++++++

"You talking with your friend in England again?" Jay asked as I shut
down.

"Yea."

"Mom and Dad want to talk with you now."

"Yea, I know. I heard you the first time. That's why I shut down," I
said and went downstairs. "So what pathetic excuse did he give?" I asked
as I dropped down at the kitchen table.

Mrs. Mars gave me an annoyed look. "Don't be nasty. It doesn't suit
you."

"Sorry. So?"

"Nothing is going to change. You're staying here. When they move it'll
just mean you can't drop by as easily," Mrs. Mars explained.

"But did they say why they're moving?"

"Empty nest. Your father wants a smaller house and no yard work," Dr.
Mars said.

"And Mom?"

"She's going with the flow on this."


=-=-=-=-=-= Jonah =-=-=-=-=-=

"Okay. Before you start, I'm sorry. I just let things get out of hand,"
Danny said to Michael as we sat down to have our talk after we got back.

"I'm sure you are, but that doesn't change anything. What I really want
to know is what the hell you were thinking you'd accomplish? Did you
think you'd catch Jonah and Charlie doing something and then, 'Ah Ha!
Since you had sex with him you have to have sex with me.' Or was it..."

"I don't know what I was thinking! Alright? I don't know. I wasn't
thinking. I was just reacting," Danny protested.

"That's total bullshit. You don't 'just react' with all the planning you
had to do. Buy the camera. Set it up. Or did you already have it?"

"No, I borrowed it from someone at work."

"So I know you had your fifteen minutes with 'Real World' and probably
got used to having your private life filmed, but this is THE real world,
not your show. Even if you hadn't caught what you caught, it would still
be shitty. That's the kinda shit psycho's do, not friends."

Danny sat there silently.

"Not to mention the whole celebrity shit. You could severely damage
Charlie's career. My career. Or the career of anyone who happened to
have been caught. And for what? To prove that someone was getting
something you wanted but never had a chance to get?" Michael continued.

"I'm sorry. There's nothing else I can say," Danny said softly.

"I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I lost someone who I thought was a trusted
friend."

"We were never that close," Danny snapped, suddenly pissed at being
yelled at. "Yea, what I did was wrong. What about you three? How do you
explain what you did?"

"None of your business," I said.

"I think that about covers it," Michael agreed.

Danny stormed off to his room, and then out the front door a minute
later.

"I feel better, now," Michael smiled.

I just gave him a weird look.

"Okay. I feel like shit," he sighed. "But at least I got it out of my
system. Oh. Remember to call Jonny."

"Thanks. I better do it now," I said and grabbed the phone.

"Welcome to Mars," Jay answered.

"Oh, please. That's so old," I laughed.

"Hey, Jonah. You called to talk to Jonny, right? He's being grumpy."

"Why's he being grumpy?"

"'Cause his mom and dad are moving. He was really mad yesterday, but
today he's just grumpy."

"How about other than that? Do you like having a roommate?"

"Sometimes, but don't tell him that. He's more fun than Joey, and
definitely more fun than Jill."

"Is she back?"

"No, but even when she was here, she wasn't very fun."

"So what have you been up to?"

"Just school," Jay sighed. "Matt and I are in different classes this
year and it's no fun at all. I think they split us up on purpose. The
people who moved into Jeanie's house are good and bad. Adam -- he's
Jonny's friend -- is pretty cool -- don't tell him I said that -- but
his sisters are a pain. Both of them are in my class and are always
trying to get me to go out with them."

"Why don't you? Aren't they cute? If they're in the same class, are they
twins?"

"They're twins and cute, but really mean and bitchy. Like, all the boys
in my class are scared of them."

I laughed. "Of a couple little girls?"

"Jonah, you don't know them. It's like tag-team or something. Adam calls
them the monster twins."

"Maybe they just need a good man."

"As long as it isn't me. What about you? Anymore movie stars hanging out
there?"

"Always," I smiled. "I'm dating one."

"Not him. Other people."

"Just people. No one you would know."

"Can I come stay the summer with you next summer? I want to meet movie
stars and stuff like Jonny did."

"Sorry, but I don't think I could handle you for a whole summer until
you're much older."

"Yea, that's what Jonny said you'd say," Jay sighed.

"The timing was just right with Jonny. I don't know if I'll even be home
all summer next year."

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know. It'll depend where I'm working. Last summer I was in
Wilmington. This summer I was at home. Who knows where I'll be next
summer."

"So when I'm 16 I can stay there for the summer?"

"I have no idea. That's a long time away."

"Come on," Jay whined.

"Fine. If I'm in the position that you can stay, then you can stay."

"Thanks. You want to talk to Jonny now?"

"Sure."

"Okay. Jonny! Phone!" Jay yelled into the phone and I quickly pulled it
away.

"Hello?" Jonny said.

"Hey, kid."

"Hey, Jonah. You finally called."

"Apparently. So how's it going?"

"Depends. School is good. Friends are good. Living here is okay. Home
sucks."

"Yea. Jay told me your folks are moving. Where are they moving to?"

"Just to Lake Forest."

"That's not too far. You can still take the train there."

"Yea, but I'd have to take the Metra, so my student pass won't work."

"True, but you're not really going to be visiting when your dad is home.
How have you been talking with your mom."

"She comes over here. So does Tommy."

"Then what's different?"

Jonny sighed. "That's not the point."

"Enlighten me."

"The point is that I grew up there. The point is that I don't have any
choice in the matter..."

"The point is that you're mad at them for moving away 'cause you feel
abandoned," I stated.

"Yea. That, too. I'm even more mad that Mom had Tommy tell me instead of
telling me, herself."

"How has Tommy been?"

"Okay. He takes me driving every Saturday morning. We don't talk about
gay stuff. I think he's just trying to ignore it, but at least he's not
on my case all the time anymore."

"You only see him on Saturdays?"

"Yea. Dad is making it really hard on him at work and he tries to stay
away from home. He's gonna get his own place."

"Good. It's about time."

"Well, I'm not going to live with him. I'd rather live on the streets."

"No you wouldn't."

"Yea I would. He'd be on my case again all the time and I'd never have a
chance of dating anyone."

"Anyone in particular?" I hinted.

"No. None of the hot guys at school came out over the summer."

"How's it going with Adam?"

"He's straight."

"I was talking about friendship, not dating."

"Oh. It's going good. He gets weird sometimes, but it doesn't last."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like, he doesn't care that I'm gay, but when I do or say anything
that's gay he gets uncomfortable."

"Like?"

"Like yesterday when we were going to go to the mall. I joked that we
could go there to check out cute guys. He got weird and I had to remind
him that it was just a joke. And last weekend we watched Charlie's
movie."

"How was it? I still haven't seen it."

"It was weird, but good. Anyway, Adam wanted to watch it until he
learned that is was about gay guys. We kind had a fight about it, but he
eventually got over it. Oh yea, he fell asleep in my bed and when we
woke up in the morning we both had morning wood. He was super
embarrassed. It was so funny. You should have seen his face," Jonny
laughed.

"You tell him to get over it?"

"Yep. He's kinda uptight sometimes. I'm working on getting him to relax,
but it takes time."

"How about school?"

"Just like I wrote, it's better than last year."

"What about the show?"

"It's going okay. We've mostly been just learning the songs and dances.
The dances are really hard."

"When does it run? Maybe I'll come see it."

"Um, the week before Thanksgiving, I think."

"I won't be able to make it, then."

"You could skip some classes."

"On the Friday before Thanksgiving? Not likely. Everyone likes to give
tests. Maybe if Michael and I can get there Saturday. It is playing
Saturday night, right?"

"Yea, I think so. It would be cool if you could come."

"If I can."

"How are things there?"

"Crazy," I deadpanned.

"Why's that?"

"Just some bad stuff going on. Danny is moving out."

"'Cause of Charlie?"

"Kinda. I don't want to get into it."

"You mean you don't want to tell me."

"Same thing. Anyway, Charlie's gone now. Michael and I spent the weekend
together at a nice hotel."

"Why at a hotel?"

"Just to get away from home and the possibility of people calling and
everything. There was also a jacuzzi in the room. Very nice. Just some
together time before things get crazy again."

"Sounds nice."

"It was. Anyway, Randy is coming over for lunch tomorrow, and then my
classes and Michael's next production start Tuesday."

"Who's Randy?"

"Charlie's doppelganger."

"His what?"

"He's in the Showtime version series of QAF. Plays the same character
that Charlie played in the UK version."

"Are you trying to find all of the QAF Charlies?" Jonny teased.

"No. We were coming back from swimming and he recognized Charlie on the
street."

"Is he as sexy as Charlie?"

"He's cute. A completely different look than Charlie. Completely
different personality, as well. Totally gay and a little queenish at
times, but not too bad."

"You just became friends?"

"Yea. He's spending some time in the city and only knows a few people
here. He's a good guy. I'm sure you'd like him."

"Tell him to come to Chicago."

"He's too old for you. He's 25."

"God, that's really old. He's playing a 15 year old?"

"Is that how old the character is supposed to be? I thought Randy said
something about his character being 18."

"He's 15 in the one Charlie is in."

"Supposedly they changed a bunch of things, so that may be one of them.
He looks fairly young, though."

"Is Danny lusting after him, too?" Jonny laughed.

"He hasn't met him. I don't know if he's seen the show or not. We don't
have Showtime and he works evenings, so he probably hasn't."

"We don't, either. I wish we did."

"You'll just have to find someone who does."

"Oh yea, that'll work. Just go over to their house to watch QAF."

"Just convince Adam to convince his folks to get it."

"That'll never happen. They don't even have cable. His 'rents buy movies
instead. They've got tons of them."

"So how do you like being a big brother?"

"To Jay?"

"Yea."

"Uh, it's okay, I guess. I'd prefer my own room, though."

"Why's that?"

"Privacy, for one thing. Also to keep him out of my bed and from waking
me. He's really weird about his dreams. He wakes me up in the middle of
the night to tell me about them, or climbs into bed with me if he had a
nightmare."

"Just make him go back to his own bed."

"That's what Joey said, but I don't think it works 'cause Joey had to
lock his door to keep him out, and then Jay got in my bed. I told him I
was gonna start charging him a protection fee."

"Good idea, except he doesn't have any money. I'm glad you're doing
okay."

"Only some things. Everything else sucks."

"But you'll get past it. You always have and always will. You're too
stubborn not to."

"You have more confidence in me than I do."

"Bull. You're just at a low spot. What did you do when your dad and
Tommy didn't accept you? You forced it on them. Maybe it wasn't the best
way to it, but you didn't just give up and commit suicide like some
people do, or run away."

"Yea, Tommy said something like that, too. He acted like I was gonna
kill myself over Mom and Dad moving. I told him I wouldn't give Dad the
satisfaction, or something like that."

"See? You're too stubborn to give up. Do what you need to do to
survive."

"Yea, okay. This is too serious. How's Michael?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" I said and handed Michael the phone
before running off to the bathroom.

Michael talked with him a few minutes and then handed the phone back to
me.

"I'm back. So anything else happening? How's Gareth? Have you talked to
him recently?" I asked.

"Yea. I talk to him just about every other day. He's got a boyfriend
now."

"A boyfriend?"

"Yea. I'm not jealous or anything. We agreed to not be boyfriends. I'm
kinda envious, though."

"Is there no one you're interested in?"

"Not who is gay and interested in me."

"You have straight guys interested in you?" I teased.

"No, dorkus. Not like that. Sure, there's some hot straight guys, but
I'm not gonna think about them like that. That's just stupid. I wouldn't
even have a tiny chance."

"True, but sometimes you find yourself attracted to someone whether you
want to be or not, and whether he is attracted to you or not."

"You just have to tell yourself to get over it," Jonny stated like it
was the easiest thing in the world.

"Okay. If you say so," I doubted.

"It's the same as fantasy. You know you're never really gonna have sex
or anything with a celebrity, so it would be, like, crazy to be in love
with that person. Like all those freaky girls who like 'NSYNC."

"Or the freaky boys," I teased.

"Hey, I like the music and think Justin's hot. I never thought that I'd
meet him or even do a millionth of what we did," Jonny protested.

"Just what did you do?"

"You know, just like sleeping together when we had the hurricane, and
seeing him naked and boned up and hearing him have sex and..."

"Okay. I got the point," I interrupted, laughing.

"Um, I gotta go. It's time for dinner. Thanks for calling. I miss you. I
wish you'd called sooner."

"I miss you, too. I didn't call sooner 'cause I wanted you to get
settled instead of constantly being reminded of being back in New York."

"Yea, okay. I'm settled, so you can call more often."

"Not really. Classes start Tuesday. As soon as productions start, I
won't be home until late. It's gonna be email for a while."

"Yea, okay," Jonny sighed. "Alright! I'm coming," he yelled. "I really
gotta go. Bye," he said and hung up.

"He seems to be doing okay," Michael said after I hung up.

"Yea. Little tragedies aside."

*** [ Tues, Sept 4 ]

Ah, another semester. Another year. Final year. Way too many classes to
squeeze in. Just too many I want to take. Too many I have to take. By
the time I walked into the shop at two, my professors had guaranteed me
plenty of late nights.

"Jonah. Just the person I wanted to see," Mike, the TD, smiled as I
walked in. He wanted something.

"Uh, oh. I don't like that smile," I said and turned to leave.

"Aw, I'm hurt. You'll like this," Mike cooed.

"We've worked together for three years, Mike. I know that smile. That's
your 'you've been doing such a great job, I'm going to give you a job
that no one else wants,'" I said.

"You know, Jonah, you've been doing such a great job..."

"Here it comes," I groaned.

"That you're the TD for Studio 1 and 2," he smiled.

"Fuck, Mike. I'm still an undergrad. Remember? I still have to grunt
performances in the evenings? And still have to have time for classes
and homework? How in the hell do you expect me to TD two busy studios?"

"Because, and here's the good news, you don't have to grunt the evening
shows."

"Serious?"

"I'm not totally unreasonable -- despite the rumors."

"Okay. Does it include a pay increase?"

"Jeez. All you kids think about is money," Mike laughed.

"I'll take that as a 'no'."

"Very small increase. Very small."

"Every little bit. Why isn't Todd doing it?"

"Didn't come back. Got a full-time resident position."

"Lucky him. Teaching as well?"

"As much as you need to for your crew. Not a class. You're still an
undergrad."

"Oh, I see. Another case of those who can, do. Those who can't, teach,"
I teased.

"With a few exceptions, yep," Mike laughed.

The rest of the shop staff had arrived while we were talking. We had the
typical start of the year talk. Handing out keys, schedules, radios,
rules, etc. The first wave of slavecrafters arrived at three and were
split up and assigned to staff members for the orientation and safety
spiel. I took my group of five guys and two girls and started the tour.
Nothing would get done today, but tomorrow would be busy, and I have a
bunch of paperwork to go over tonight. I was home by six -- just a few
minutes before Michael.

"Hey. You're home already," Michael smiled and gave me a quick kiss.

"Yep. Good news."

"What?"

"No late evenings at the theater."

"Why? You didn't get fired, did you?"

"No. Promoted, actually," I said and waved my radio. "TD."

"Okay. So what does that mean?"

"Tethered to Studio 1 and 2. Basic TD stuff. Lots of coordination and
managing crews. I've got a whole binder of stuff I need to look through
tonight. I may have a few late evenings, but not on a regular basis."

"So we'll actually see each other during the semester. I like," Michael
smiled.

"Me, too."

*** Tuesday, September 11, 2001

Michael was gone when I woke up at 8:30AM, as I knew he would be. At
least we see each other at night since I'm not working nights -- though
he's not awake for very long. I put on a pot of coffee and was walking
towards the bathroom to take a shower when I heard a loud explosion. It
wasn't a gun shot and it wasn't a car crash. I ran to the fire escape
and climbed out to look around. As far as I could see up and down the
street, nothing. I was about to go back in when I noticed the smoke
billowing from the top of the WTC. What the fuck!? Another bomb?

"Danny!" I yelled inside. "Danny! Get out here!"

I stood there and watched as the top of the tower disappeared in smoke
and fire. Danny appeared a minute later.

"What?" Danny groaned.

"Get out here. Look at the World Trade Center."

"Holy fuck," Danny whispered. "What happened?"

"I don't know. Probably a bomb. I heard an explosion and came out to see
what it was."

"Damn. The whole top is on fire. You check the news?"

"Not yet."

We both climbed in and turned on the news. It wasn't even ten minutes
after it happened and the story was on all the stations. It was probably
a plane, but no one was quite sure yet. Both towers were being
evacuated. I grabbed my coffee and went back out on the fire escape to
watch it in the distance. Michael was shooting uptown and I hoped he was
safe. I heard another explosion and saw a second cloud of smoke rise
from the second tower.

"Holy fuck!" Danny yelled. "A plane just ran into the other one!"

I jumped back in and saw the quick replay of the second plane's attack.
Damn. What the hell is going on? There're thousands of people in those
buildings. The news went on and made me more tense. Terrorist were now
suspected. The Pentagon attacked as well. Possibly other bombs. All
tunnels and bridges out of Manhattan closed. Until they opened there was
no way for Michael to get home, or me to get to him.

"Michael's in town, isn't he?" Danny said.

"Yea. He's uptown, though," I said and dialed his cell, just to make
myself feel better. Nothing. No busy tone. No "all circuits are busy."
Nothing. "I can't get through."

"If he's uptown he probably fine," Danny comforted. "There were a lot of
cell antennas on the towers, so that's probably why you can't get
through."

"Probably," I said softly.

We sat there in front of the TV and watched the terror and everyone
trying to make sense of it. Out the window we could see the black and
dark gray smoke clouds. They covered the entire area and were even
drifting to us.

"This is the beginning of World War III," Danny said.

"Hopefully not. Hopefully people won't be reactionary and escalate to a
world war."

"Who would do something like this? Osama bin Laden?" Danny asked.

"I don't know. Lots of people hate the US. I can't imagine it being a
country behind it. Any country would have to nuke us completely or know
that we'd remove them from the planet. It has to be some religious
fanatics."

"God, I hope it's not an American like Oklahoma City was."

"They probably would have gone after the UN building instead of the WTC.
What I hope is that this isn't another Pearl Harbor."

"What do you mean?" Danny asked.

"Pearl Harbor. FDR knew about the attack before it happened and let it
happen so we'd be willing to get in the war."

"They couldn't have known about this. It's just too big. No one could do
that."

"I hope not, but history is full of things that people couldn't do, but
did. Just this act, whoever did it, is one of them."

The phone rang and Danny and I jumped.

"Hello," I said and continued to watch the TV.

"Jonah, thank God. Is everyone okay?" Aunt Mary asked.

"Hey. Yea, I think so. Danny and I are still at home. Michael is in
town, but was shooting way uptown."

"You haven't talked to him yet?"

"Cell phones are out. I think most of the antennas were hit. Fuck," I
said as I saw the south tower collapsing on the TV. I looked out the
window to see a larger white cloud and could hear the rumble of the
building collapsing.

"Jonah! Jonah! What's wrong!" Aunt Mary was yelling from the phone.

"One of the towers just collapsed. It's just...gone. ...thanks for
calling. We're safe -- at least for now. We'd better not tied up the
lines," I said and hung up absentmindedly. How could this happen?

"Let's go up on the roof," Danny said.

"Yea," I said and started for the door, only to realize I was still in
my boxers. "Give me a sec. to get dressed," I said and ran to put some
clothes on.

"Oh yea. Me too," Danny said and ran to his room.

We were the first ones on our roof. Everyone else must be glued to their
TVs. From the roof we could see a much clearer view of the skyline. We
couldn't actually see much of the skyline, though, because the giant
smoke clouds were thick over all of lower Manhattan. We could just
barely make out the edge of the remaining tower. A minute or so later,
it disappeared and another huge cloud billowed. Danny and I looked at
each other, and then ran back to our apartment and the TV. The second
tower had collapsed. The WTC was gone. Now a pile of rubble. And bodies.
How many people got out in time? Not many. The news reported that people
had been jumping from the upper floors to escape. How much confusion and
panic does it take to jump to your death instead of being asphyxiated?
Did the people even think there was a possibility that they'd survive a
50 or 60 storey drop? What about the people on the 110th floor? I
couldn't even begin to understand how I felt about this, much less
describe it. There would be nothing that could be adequate retribution
for this. Nothing. We could have the people (and I use that term
lightly) responsible for this slowly fed into an industrial sander and
the remains dumped in the sewer with the rest of the shit, and it still
wouldn't make a difference. This was big. Really big. This is something
my great-great-grandkids, if I have any, will study in school. I heard
Danny talking and looked over to see he was on the phone.

"Lance," he mouthed.

I nodded and turned back to the TV. Danny hung up a few minutes later
and we sat in front of the TV. The phone rang all morning as everyone we
knew called to make sure we were okay. Everyone except for Michael, that
is. I tried my cell a couple times to see if they had any transmitters
up yet, but it was still dead air. Jonny had called collect from school
and was in a total panic. I calmed him down, but didn't feel very calm
myself.

Finally, around 12:30, Michael called.

"Thank god you're still at home. Did you hear what has been happening?"
Michael said a bit panicky.

"I know. I heard it from here and saw them collapse. I'm glad you're
safe. I know you're uptown, but I was getting worried since I hadn't
heard from you. What took you so long?" I said.

"We just found out when the caterer brought lunch. He said two planes
attacked the WTC and reduced them to rubble and attacked the Pentagon.
We were all like, 'What the fuck are you talking about?!' We don't have
a TV or radio in the studio so we're across the street in a bar."

"Is shooting done for the day? Can you come home?"

"I'm pretty sure, but I don't know how I'm going to get home. Everything
is shut down."

"Yea, I know. Hopefully they'll open things soon. They can't evacuate
the area if they don't let people out."

"I'll be home as soon as I can. Don't go anywhere."

"I'm going crazy tense just sitting here and watching this. I think I'm
gonna go give blood."

"Okay, just be careful. Okay?"

"Yea. You, too. I love you."

"I love you. I gotta go. There's a line of people waiting to use the
phone. Love you. Bye," Michael said and hung up.

"Let's go give blood," I told Danny.

"What?" Danny said and looked away from the TV.

"Let's go give blood."

"Oh. Okay. That's probably a good thing to do."

"At least it's something." I grabbed the phone book and flipped through
until I found a blood center that was close and we headed out.

Twenty minutes later we were standing in line behind twenty other people
who were all waiting to give blood. Fifteen minutes later there were
another twenty behind us, with the line growing quickly. When we finally
got in the building we were given some forms to fill out.

"Did you see line 35?" Danny asked. "'If male, have you had sexual
relations with another male since 1977?'"

"You're kidding," I said and looked down the form. He wasn't. "What
difference does that make? I wasn't even born in 1977."

"I don't know."

I got up and went over to the counter where people were handing in forms
to ask the nurse the purpose of some of the questions. Number 35, in
particular.

"Excuse me. What is the purpose of some of the questions?" I asked the
nurse.

"Just standard procedure to make sure you qualify to give blood."

"Okay. How does who I've had sex with since 1977 matter?"

"We can't accept blood from gays. AIDS and all."

"Being gay doesn't mean you have AIDS."

"I didn't make the rule. Same things goes for IV drug users."

"But if someone is heterosexual you'll take his or her blood without
question?"

"As long as they don't note any diseases."

"Heterosexuals get AIDS, too."

The nurse shrugged.

"Don't you test the blood?"

"Not all of it. Just random checks."

"So who made this rule? Is it just at this blood bank, or a national
thing?"

"National. FDA, I think."

"That is the dumbest thing I've heard in years. What bigot got that
pushed through," I snapped.

"I don't make the rules. I just have to follow them," she said and took
someone else's form.

I wrinkled up my form and walked over to Danny.

"Don't bother. They don't accept faggot blood," I said.

"You're kidding."

"Wish I was. Let's go," I said and walked out. The line was now at least
two blocks long. Normally I would have just let it drop, but I was
totally pissed off.

"If anyone in line is gay, you can just go back home. They don't accept
gay blood. Apparently it's better that someone dies than be infected
with the blood of a faggot," I yelled and stormed down the street.

Some guy in line grabbed my arm as I stormed by and I was ready to punch
him.

"Are you serious? They won't accept our blood?" The guy asked.

"Dead serious. Some bigot's idea that if you've had sex with a man then
you must have AIDS."

"I get tested regularly."

"Doesn't matter," I said and continued walking home with Danny by my
side.

"I've given blood before and they never asked."

"So have I, but it was a blood drive on campus. This is just so fucking
stupid I can't even believe it. We can't legally get married. It's
difficult as hell to adopt. We can't join the military. We CAN be
legally discriminated against. We can't give blood in a national crisis.
BUT, we can pay taxes. It's a bunch of bullshit."

*

Michael got home around six, drunk off his ass and carrying a bag with a
couple bottles of wine and a couple packs of cigarettes.

"Hey, babe," he said and gave me a drunken kiss.

"Have you been drinking since you called?"

"Maybe," he smiled. "Brought some back. Mommy taught me to share."

"Well you can't share if the cork is still in," I said and took the bag
to the kitchen. He followed. "How'd you get home?"

"Taxi. You know what? The world just sucks sometimes. No other
explanation. It just sucks."

"You're rambling."

"Yep. I'm drunk. I'm drunk and I don't care. You want a cigarette? I
want one," he said and tried to open a pack.

I took it from him and opened it. I wanted one, myself. He carefully
crawled out onto the fire escape and lit up while I poured myself a
large glass of wine. I poured him a much smaller one and joined him. I
set our refreshments where we wouldn't knock them off, and then sat down
next to him. He immediately took my hand in his and leaned his head on
my shoulder. There was a stench of death in the air.

******************

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