Mojave By RettaMichaels “The Queen of Gay Romance”
Mojave
I started this life between Vegas and Bakersfield, California in the backseat of a 1967 Dodge Polara. I know it's something one doesn't want to think about, but I find it rather neat.
Because I was born in the Mojave desert, my parents named me Mojave Gene Marshall. Yup, MGM. They say I roared like a lion when I cried. I say I was upset they named me after a desert.
I grew up in Tarzana, California. Tarzana, surprisingly, is a quiet little town in the San Fernando valley. Yeah, you hear about it a lot, but you don't think about it being quiet. It is.
When I turned 15, a friend and I decided we'd had enough of our parents and moved in together.
How I had enough money was I started doing a lot of things as odd jobs. I got a job as a 'go fer' for a rich guy when I was 12, and he'd palm me $100 bills for everything I did.
I started off small time. It'd come to about $1200 a week, and when that's tax free, you smile a lot and thank him profusely.
By the time I was 14, I had bought a house for $75,000 up the street. I had the furniture I wanted bought, and had the utilities turned on. I started sleeping there more nights than I was home because of my parents never ending arguing... Name the subject, and they'd argue about it.
Needless to say, the summer of my 15th year, the guy who was having me be his gofer, got a job directing a movie. He asked if I wanted a part, so I said, “Sure!”. Needless to say, that got me in the guild and union. (Screen Actors Guild).
Being in the guild, you have to have a card. Having the card, you can go apply for work on movies, and if they hire you, you get paid a lot.
My
first movie with him paid $30 grand. It was lump sum, but I also made
over $80 grand working that year as his gofer. It's a great big smile
when you look at it and say, 'I paid taxes on $30 grand and cleared
$105,000!'.
Needless to say, I could afford to move into my place
permanently. As a part of that, I had a friend named Rayne who moved
in with me. I'll tell you about him.
Rayne and I went to school together. Wherever he was, I was. When I learned something as a hustle, Rayne was right there beside me. When I started working for the guy, Rayne was there working beside me. He'd do the guy's yard work and I'd do the errands and would go to the store and everything for him.
The part I got in the movie was really good. It wasn't real hard, so I wasn't worried about acting. Here's why...
When you act, you have to become the character. If you don't, you're overacting. Here's why...
Think about how you are in a room carrying on a conversation. Do you talk like you're wanting the neighbors to hear? No. You're talking normal and you act like yourself.
When you're acting the part, you're that character. The character is a 'real' person in the movie, so be the character who is a person. If you do that, you'll do fine.
The key to it is this. You have to know that character. If the character is a rugrat, you don't speak like you're a Shakespearean character, you speak as a rugrat would speak. Don't over do it, just be the character.
What is cool is this... He had me act and the actors in the movie all thought I was great. I sort've smiled at that thinking it was great they liked how I was doing, but I also thought they were doing it as a big joke.
What
changed for me is this... He got to editing the movie with someone
who was another director. That guy was working on putting a movie
together and said he wanted me.
In telling the studio he wanted
me, he took the clips I was in and went and showed the studio. They
said they wanted me and I got called in.
Me
getting called in, I wondered why they wanted me. A small part of me
thought I was in trouble, but another part of me wondered if they
thought I didn't do a good job. I asked Rayne about it and he said,
“Nah, they probably want to hire you on as a runner like he
did. If so, make sure you get just as much.”
Anyway, I
went to the meeting. I didn't dress up because I figured they'd have
me running all over the city, so I rode my scooter and wore shorts
and a sleeveless t-shirt.
When I got there, the lady at the front desk took my name and directed me to the guy's office. When I got to his office, he motioned me in and said, “Sit down! Sit down!”. So I sat.
As
soon as I sat down, he leaned forward and clasped his hands. “I
saw you acting in the movie and have to say you did a wonderful
job.”
“Thanks!”
He gave me a look,
“I'd like to get you signed to a three movie deal. Do you have
a problem with that?”
“Sure! That's no
problem!”
He smiled, “I'm told you're wanted in
another movie already. A director saw you in it and said you're
exactly who he wants. I'd like to get you on over to a different set
so you can act in a movie for us during the next four weeks.”.
He paused, “Who's your agent?”
I
stared, “Uh, I don't have anyone.”
He stared like
he'd been slapped, “You don't have an agent!”
“No
sir. I do odd jobs for the director. He wanted me in the movie
because he's known me since I was 12. I acted in it and that's why I
did it. I don't need an agent.”
He smiled, “Are
you able to negotiate your own contract?”
“Yeah. Just pay me what you would someone who has an agent. It's not that hard!”
He
laughed, “Let me get you over to that set. Here's what I'm
going to do... We'll work you without an agent, but you've got to get
your parents permission.”
“Ok. I'll run the
paperwork home and get Mom to sign it.”
“Do you
have a bank account?”
“Yeah.
I've got my own card and everything.”
He nodded, “Ok.
I need to know what else you can do?”
“I
can run and do errands, and shop for your groceries, and do a lot of
things!”
He stared, “I was meaning, can you sing,
dance, and do anything special like that?”
“Yeah. Who can't?”
He
laughed, “Let me hear you sing.”
“Ok. Let me
put in my ear buds and I'll put on a Selena Gomez song. Then, I'll
sing a Justin Bieber song.”
He nodded, “Ok. Go
ahead.”
I put in my ear buds and started 'Hit The
Lights', and sang. While I sang, I danced. When I was through, I put
it on over to 'Never Let You Go', and mixed it up between Justin
Bieber's style and a bit more mature like Bruno Mars.
When
I was finished, I pulled the buds and went back over. He stared and
said quietly, “Uh, I've got to send you to that movie, but I
want you in a recording booth.”
“Ok. Can I have
you meet Rayne?”
“Who's Rayne?”
“He's
my best friend. He didn't get to act in the movie, but he's just as
talented as me.”
“Can he sing like you?”
“Yeah.
He can do a lot of things like me.”
He nodded, “Let's
get him in here.”
“Ok, but getting parental
permission for him is going to be hard.”
“Why?”
“He's
living with me. We have a house in Tarzana and are sharing it
together.”
“Why?”
“His
parents are assholes. Mine are always arguing, so I bought my own
place. When I moved in, I asked him and he moved in also.”
He
stared, “You have your own house?”
“Yeah.
Vic pays me a lot to do errands for him. He pays Rayne to do yard
work, so Rayne does the yard and I do the errands.”
He
stared, “What sort've errands?”
“You
might not know it, but Vic hates shopping. He makes a list and I go
to the store for him. For that, he gives me $100. I do that probably
5 or 6 times a week. And then, Vic has me run different places for
him. Just a few minutes ago, I finished taking a DVD back for him and
got $97 after I paid the late fee.”
He stared, “How
much are you making?”
“It
varies. On a slow week, I'm making $1200 from him. On a hard week,
I'm making $3 grand.”
“Man!”
“I
figured you wanted me to do chores, but acting's cool.”
He
laughed, “Mo, your acting is going to make you rich!”
“CooL!”
“You
received $30 grand. I know what you got.”
“Yeah. I
paid taxes on it and got $23,000. It pissed my parents off because
they couldn't claim me as a deduction.”
He laughed, “How
much did you make from Vic?”
“I
brought in $105 grand last year, but only paid taxes on the $30. I
bought my house, and bought furniture, and kept the utilities on, so
that's all that I did. Of course, I got my scooter, but I want to get
a BMW 228iX.”
“Why that?”
“It's
a convertible. It's $50 grand. It's not going to be twice as much for
the insurance as a Z4, and I think it'll hold it's value. Other than
that, I can have white with red interior and a Harmon Kardon, so
that's cool.”
He smiled, “You're 16 now?”
“Yeah”
“Why
don't I get the car for you?”
“Uh, why don't you pay me a lot and then, I'll get it!”
He laughed, “Mo, here's the deal I'm putting together for you. The first movie will be $1 million. The second will be $2 million. The third will be $3 million.
For
your record contract, I'll put together a bundle which is the
same...1,2,3.”
“Ok, but after the first three,
it's going to be 4,5,6... and if you want more, you've got to go up!”
I said smiling.
He
laughed, “Ok! How about a 9 package!”
“Over
how long of a period of time?”
He
looked surprised, “How fast do you want it?”
“Well,
if you're wanting to drag it out, I'd rather you not. I'd like to see
the money instead of my old age! I mean if you're going to do one a
year, I'll be 25 by the time you're done and I might as well go into
retirement when you're done because I'll be ancient!”
He
laughed, “You'll have the records and tours.”
“Ok,
but tours are extra.”
“How much do you want for
the tours?”
“Let's do the same on that.”
He
nodded, “Ok, but I split merchandising with you.”
“Ok,
but I get to help pick that out.”
He smiled, “Ok,
but why?”
“Some things are stupid. Other things aren't.” I stared, “I want the poster money.”
He nodded, “Ok. You want posters?”
“Yeah. They cost a lot!”
He
nodded, “Ok.”
I pointed, “I want to have a
real good stage show. You gotta pay for that.”
He
smiled, “Ok, I'll do that providing you stay off drugs and
booze.”
I stared like he was an idiot, “You don't
have to worry about that!”
“Can I put someone on your tour and around you who will make sure you don't?”
“Yeah.
He'll tell you it's lonely because I'm not doing anything dumb to
screw it up! You're paying me $43 million to sing, $43 million to
act, $43 million to do concerts, and splitting royalties,
merchandising, and letting me have posters.”
He nodded,
“Ok.”
“At the end of that 9 deal, we
renegotiate everything. Now, how soon do you want me to do all this?”
He
smiled, “Here's what I want you to do. You go do this movie.
I'll get the songs picked, and we'll have you sing them in the studio
and put together your album.”
“Let's do three
albums and get those out of the way. I'd tell you to do more, but you
probably don't know how long it takes to wait on the movies be
released. I sure do!”
He smiled, “Let's take you
over to the studio and see if they've got something for you to sing.
If we can get it put together so it's not taking time, I'll do
that.”
“Ok. Be sure to let them know at that movie
set!”
He laughed, “I will!”
We went
over. I pointed, “I'm leaving my scooter here.”
He
asked, “Do you want your car now?”
“Uh, how much is that going to cost me?”
“I'll
get it for you as a sign on bonus.”
“I want it
white with red interior and loaded. It's gotta have a convertible
top.”
“And x drive.”
“Yeah. But
if you don't mind, since I'm going to be loaded, would you get me the
Z4?”
He
nodded, “Ok. That'll be fine.”
I turned, “One
more thing...”
He gave me a look, “Sure!”
“Armani
and Valentino are my styles. You can pick, but I get that contract...
I want to be on the best dressed list all the time instead of the
trash.”
He looked surprised, “That might push away
your fans.”
“Or it might start getting kids my age
trying to imitate it instead of having their pants sagging.”
He
nodded, “Ok. We'll try. I'm going to make calls. You want a
contracted signature style?”
“Yeah.
I want us making a package which has me being able to walk out on
stage in white and being seen. If I'm looking like a part of the
entourage, someone's going to be mistaken for me and took out on the
stage. If I'm looking like me all the time, it's going to be known
that I'm me.”
I turned, “Streisand doesn't sell out
her look. I bet you could get J-Lo into ripped jeans and make them
look hot, but she's going to tell you that she'll do it only so long
before she's back in the designers.
I
want me being classy all the way. That doesn't mean that I'm going
out onto a pool deck in a 3 piece suit, it means that I want to be
seen as stylish no matter what I do.”
“Ok.”
“The
Colonel wouldn't have let Elvis in a pair of ripped jeans because the
package he was presenting was too valuable. If we keep the package
marketable, it'll be sold over and over.”
He nodded,
“Ok.”
“By the way, I'm gay. I'm not going to
sleep around, but you need to know it upfront. If you think you'll
sell me into dating and getting married to a girl, I'll tell you to
piss up a rope and will say I DON'T loud enough the Asians will know
you've gotten me pissed!”
He
nodded, “Ok. But you might need to date.”
“That's
fine. Just do it with class. Don't make me into some Taylor Swift.
She ended up looking stupid.”
“She's rebounded
good.”
“That's debatable. Someone's sure selling
her into the Kennedys awfully hard. I know why, but it's damned
dumb.”
“Why?”
“Because they're American royalty. Had it been me, I'd told you to get me packaged to Hollywood royalty and left politics out of it.
She's
packaging herself for a run at the Senate from the way it looks. If
she does, she needs to start showing she's for things and against a
lot of things now, not later.”
“What do you want
for your long range plans?”
“If
you’re packaging me, I want us looking at awards for the first
9 everything. I want awards for the movies and awards for the music.
Don't put me on Broadway and hope for a Tony, that's career suicide.
Keep me out here, and let's clean up so that my value after these 9
is going to be amazing.”
“Ok. Are you prepared to
work?”
“Yeah.
Just make sure I get my schooling because I'm going to want to finish
it and get something in a degree afterward.”
“Like
what?”
“Something so that when I'm on the business
side of this, I know good from terrible and have some choices.”
He
nodded, “Ok. I'll do that. As long as I'm in the office, I'll
make sure you're going for something where you're in power at the
studio.”
“Good. I appreciate that.”
He
nodded, “You're very astute for your age!”
“That's
because without planning, you don't get anywhere. My parents are
renting, still drive the same old car, and argue, fuss, and fight
because that's all they've got in common.
When the booze and the arguing are all you've got, I guess that's all you end up with. I sure as hell won't!”
“We need to get them to sign on the dotted line.”
“Let me handle that. The second they think there's a dollar to be made from it, they'll be fuckin' it up for me.
They
don't know I own my house and they don't know what I've got in it
because they don't care. The second they ever thought I had money,
they were wanting it. I was a whole lot smarter than that.”
“How'd
you explain the movie and acting in it?”
“I took it in to Mom to sign. I told her it was permission to act in a movie that some friends were putting together. She wanted to know if it was porn, and I told her 'hell no'!”
He
looked shocked, and I said, “She signed. She didn't bother
asking, so I can tell her it's more of the same.”
“You
need emancipated.”
“It's already done. I've got
that paperwork signed.”
“Get it in to the court!
You don't have to ask for any permission then!”
“Ok.
I'll do that! You hold good to your contract with me because I'm
counting on it!”
He nodded, “Don't worry, I'm
taking you under my wing. I know you're putting your trust in
me.”
We got to the recording studio and went in. He
introduced me to a lot of people with names. When we got to the main
group, he said, “We need him some songs. He wants to do three
albums from the start, so they need to be hit makers and chart
toppers.”
The one guy asked, “What can you sing?”
I
asked, “What do you need me to sing? I can sing most
anything.”
He nodded to the booth, and Jeff said, “Go
sing those two you sang for me.”
I pointed, “Ok.
But they won't hear the music.”
The guy said, “What
are you going to sing? I'll get it pulled up for you.”
I
said, “Selena Gomez' 'Hit The Lights', and Justin Bieber's
'Never Let You Go'. I'm going to sing that Bieber song in a style
between Justin and Bruno Mars so that it's more mature.”
He
nodded, “Ok. Let me get those pulled up. For good measure, I'm
going to have you trying some others.”
“Ok.”
Jeff
said, “I want him to have his own sound and style.”
I
said, “I want fun songs which will fill dance floors. I want to
be able to go out on stage for these concerts and have it go from one
song to the next and be up tempo all the way through so that it's
like one long party. If we get to slow and ballads, it's breaking the
momentum, so I want it away from that.”
He asked, “Like
Enrique?”
“Yeah,
but even he's had slow songs. Hero was great, but it nearly pigeon
holed him.”
He nodded, “Ok. Go in and we'll see
what we can hear of your voice.”
I went in and they
showed me the headphones and I asked, “Can I have these?”
The
guy looked shocked, “NO!”
I stared, “Listen,
I don't know who's worn these. Are you aware of what ear mites are?
They're something that these probably have and I don't want! If
you're going to insist, I'm going to insist on cotton and some
mineral spirits so that I'm not catching anything!
And what about
lice? Who wore these before me? Do you have a sanitizing agent, or do
you pass these from one to another?
Listen,
I'm going to be recording 9 albums. You're going to have me mixing
these with Djs and you're going to have me a long time... If I catch
something from the get-go, I'm going to tell him that I want someone
different because I still have what the hell I caught from you and
lackadaisical bullshit!”
Jeff nearly yelled, “Get
him what he wants! God damn! Even HE'S making sense that I hadn't
thought about before!”
I nodded, “I apologize for appearing hard to deal with, but there are things you don't do with me... You never ask me to sleep on sheets which aren't clean, and you never ask me to wear clothes someone else has worn. I'm not getting a transmittable disease off any of that!”
The
guy said, “Give us a moment. I don't even know if we've got a
brand new pair here!”
“Put it over the speakers
and leave them off. All you're doing is hearing my voice. We can work
on that for the real music.”
He said, “Ok. Are you
ready?”
I
nodded, “Yeah.”
He looked at Jeff, “He'd
better be damned good. He's already pissing me off!”
Jeff
said, “He's got the two he's doing beat by a mile. He's writing
his own ticket and doing it so that we're making money from him. He
knows he's making money, but he's also letting us keep some!”
The
music went on and I started singing. By the time 'Lights' was
finished, there were a bunch more people in the studio. They went
into the Bieber song, and I sang.
By the end, I said, “One more. IF you want range, put on Faith Evans' Mesmerized Freemasons mix and we'll go through it.”
He nodded and within 10 seconds, I had it being piped into the speakers. I hit the moves and danced while I sang. I know I hit it note for note perfect and felt real good about it, but I did throw in a few lion growls and took it up to hitting Michael Jackson tones.
When
I was finished, I said, “I showboated, but it's good.”
He
smiled, “Come and read these sheets. I know you don't want
this, but I've got a special request that you sing it.”
“Ok.”
I
got the sheet and saw it was Hurts 'Stay', and went in. He gave a
surprised look, and I said, “I know it. I don't need the
sheet.”
He looked even more surprised and started the
song. I sang it and kept it serious because I wanted the person who'd
requested it to be happy. At the end, I said, “Ok. Is that good
enough?”
“It's
excellent. I'm going to ask you to do one more, but this is just for
curiosity.”
“Ok...”
He put on
Evanscence ft Lincoln Park's 'Wake Me Up Inside'. I took her part and
hit it note for note perfect. When it was done, he stood there with
his mouth open and his tongue on a side tooth. He took a deep breath,
“She didn't do it on the first take. You nailed it.”
“I'm
copying her. I'm just singing the finished version. I'm sure if I had
to sing it through the first time, it'd take some times to get
through it.”
He nodded, “I'm going to test that
theory right now. Here's some sheet music. I'm going to play it
through while they hook in your headset.”
“Ok.”
He
put on the music and said, “There's a singer in your headset.
It's the song writer doing the demo.”
“Ok.”
“Put
your own spin on it and we'll see how it goes.”
I
listened to the music and liked the rhythm. They got my headset
hooked in and I listened. As soon as it was finished, he said,
“Lonesome Rose.”
I said, “Ok. I've got two ways to sing this. I'm going to sing it to this music, but the second one, I'm going to need you to put some rumba into it.”
“Really?”
“Put on Mark Anthony's 'I Need To Know', and then, you'll hear what I'm hearing in my head.”
“Ok. Give me a moment.”
He had it piped in and I nodded. When it got to the chorus, I started singing Lonesome Rose.
He started nodding and I put in the vocals which took it on over to Tejano. At the end, I said, “She's wrote this song, but she's listened to way too much Nelly. I'm hearing Over and Over Again, and Only Just A Dream in it all the way. I can sing it that way, but it's going to sound like me singing a Nelly song.”
He
chuckled, “Sing it that way and we'll see!”
He
started the music and I started singing it Nelly style. When it was
over, I said, “That's it. Now, play it through and I'll do
backgrounds. I'll need two runs to get it done.”
“Ok.”
He
played it through and I put in backgrounds. On the third time
through, I put in the final vocals. He nodded, “Thank you. I
need to show them what happened here. I'm like you, I hear that rumba
and think it's head and shoulders above this way.”
“We
could do them both and put them both on the album, but if it's for
spec, I'd advise the second way.”
He motioned and I went
out. He said, “Tomorrow morning at 8am, I need you here. We've
got two days to put together something. I've got a bunch of songs in
mind.”
“Ok.”
“If you're wanting
30 songs, or 33 songs, it's going to be an all day thing. If you hear
it through the first time and sing it through three times, it's going
to be about 30 minutes for each. That's 16 ½
hours.”
“Ok.”
He nodded, “I'll
have the food and fluids here for you. You wear comfortable clothes
and be ready to sing.”
“Ok.”
He gave
me a look, “Mo, I wouldn't do this for just anyone. You've sold
me on you. He advised me to listen, and I did. Now I'm swearing that
your voice is going to be what everyone wants to hear for a long long
time.”
“Thanks.”
He smiled, “You
have a way of taking songs from other people and making them your
own. You stay close enough to let us know what it is you're singing,
but you grab hold and throw in what you hear which is amazing.
Where
you got that lion growl, I don't know, but I'm going to Faith and
asking for us to use that song for you. She might, but then again,
she might not. She's very conditional.”
“With
cause. She's been played enough to know it's a lot of game.”
He
nodded, “For her, it was. For a lot of others, it wasn't.”
“I
understand. Everyone's got their own story.”
Jeff came
in and he said, “I want you to hear the song the way he sang
it. Then, I want you to hear what he heard and wanted to sing it
like. When you hear the two side by side, you're going to want to
scrap and do it his way.” He paused, “He's advised to
have both on the album. You could put it out there as an A side and a
B side on a single and have people liking both, but I'm thinking the
B side would be what sells the most.”
Jeff looked
interested, “Let's hear them.”
We listened and
Jeff was really nodding on the original. He said, “That's
damned good!”
I said, “Give it a second.”
The
guy, Mark, put it on and Jeff looked surprised. We listened to it
through and Jeff said, “Man, that's interesting!”
I
said, “It's Latin, rumba, Tejano, and Salsa. I threw in some
Charro, and I threw in some Shakira...” I paused and said,
“Mark?”
“Yes?”
“Can
you pull up Dance Kuduro and let's see if we can spice up that
Salsa?”
He smiled, “Ok! I'm willing to try a lot
of things!”
I went in and Jeff stood there. The Dance
Kuduro background music came on. I threw in the words. They didn't
fit totally, but there was enough that I knew it'd picked up the
tempo and delivered it.
I started singing in Portuguese and they looked surprised. The rolling of my r's, and the latin flavor really showed then..
When I was finished, Jeff got on the microphone, “Can you do it in Spanish?”
“Si”
He smiled and they put it through again. I sang it throwing in some Spanish soul-sa. By the time I was finished, I knew we had the song and the style. We just needed the music.
I
went out and Jeff said, “He's getting you music. You turned it
into yours. I just got chills because I can see it going up the
charts in Spanish and Portuguese speaking countries as well as
hitting in the markets here.”
I nodded, “I know it
took it out of the ballpark you were in, but it was either that or a
case of dodge ball. That last one had the rhythm and style.”
He
nodded, and Mark said, “I got chills. I've got to get studio
musicians in, but we'll have it polished.” He turned to Jeff,
“He's going to need a real big band to play all these styles
for him on the road.”
Jeff nodded, “Yeah, but
he'll fill stadiums all over the world.”
He smiled,
“Come on outside. I have everything for you.”
“Ok.”
“I
need you to get that paperwork filed. I have a judge who will put it
through if you'll get it to him.”
“They're at my
house in Tarzana.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
We
went out and he pointed, “What do you think?”
There sat the Z4M. I ran to it and looked it over and got in the driver's seat. It took some adjusting, but I knew it was perfect!
He smiled, “Is it good?”
“It's
perfect!”
He laughed, and got in the passenger seat. I
need you to put the top up so we can talk as you drive.”
“Ok.”
I
put the top up and we rolled up the windows. I put on the air
conditioning and drove. “Where are we going?”
“To
get that paperwork!”
“Ok. Rayne is going to be
there and will go nuts. Be prepared!”
He smiled,
“Ok.”
We drove out to Tarzana. On the way, he
said, “I know this hectic schedule is going to be hard on you,
but it's gotta be for a little while.”
“Ok.”
He's
wanting to record everything in one day. He says he thinks he can do
it, so I'm going to give him that shot. However, if he needs more
time, it's going to have to be next week because we've got to have
you on Saturday going to Armani over in Beverly Hills to be fitted.
They've agreed to sponsor you and put you on
contract.”
“Excellent!”
“They've
got a lot of styles which will keep you in
fashion.”
“Yeah...”
“That
contract is going to be for 10 years. I did the negotiating for you,
but I think you'll like it.”
“What is it?”
“First
of all, you've got to be there on the runway for the two fashion
shows each year.”
“Ok, what about Paris, London,
and Madrid?”
“Uh,
I don't know. Let me ask.”
“There are four fashion
weeks twice a year. New York and then, it bounces from country to
country.”
“I wasn't aware.”
He
grabbed his phone and I said, “Tell me about the rest of the
contract!”
“It's five million. You were to do New
York twice a year and then wear the clothes the rest of the year for
the $3 million. If there are other fashion weeks where he can pay you
$1 million each, I'm all for it!”
“So am I!”
He
dialed and started speaking. By the time he got off the phone, he had
me all the fashion weeks at $1 million each plus the $3 million
annually to wear the clothes. The blessing of it was that I got to
keep all the clothes, accessories, and coordinates... He got to put
together the outfits.
When he rang off, I high fived him and said, “That took $5 to $11 real fast!”
He
gave me a look, “On Sunday, we're going to have you put with a
stylist.”
“Ok. That'll be cool.”
“Your
stylist will do your hair and coloring. He or she will work with
Armani to get you what will look best on you.”
“Great.”
We
got to the house. I pulled up the driveway and parked. I said, “Come
on in!”
We
went in the back door and Rayne yelled, “How'd it go!”
He
came running in and stopped in his tracks, “Who's he?”
“He's Jeff. He's over the studio and the record company. I got a 9 movie deal and a 9 album deal.”
He
looked shocked and Jeff said, “I want you testing for
movies.”
I said, “Jeff, he can sing just as good
as me.”
Jeff looked surprised, “Really?”
I
nodded, “Together, we work off each other real good.”
I
turned to Rayne, “Buddy, I'm recording three albums tomorrow.
On Saturday, I've got to be in Beverly Hills to be fitted by Armani.
Then, on Sunday, it's a color stylist with everything. On Monday, we
start on the movie, so it'll be that for a while.”
Jeff
said, “I need to get you your script, but I've got to have him
taken to the studio.”
I said, “Ok, but the car is
only a two seater. If you'll drive...”
Rayne asked,
“What car?”
I
smiled, and nodded, “Go look at it!”
He ran, and I
said, “He'll go insane.”
Jeff laughed, “You
DO realize he's good looking enough to be another top model, right?”
I
laughed, “Yeah.”
“Are you two lovers?”
“No.
We tried that and it didn't work. We're damned decent friends, but it
got weird when we tried sex.”
He laughed, “Man!”
I
went to the door and said, “Hey!”
Rayne was
laughing, yelling, and running around the car. I said, “Dude,
quiet it down!”
He laughed, “Quiet it down! I'm in
shock!”
“Give me a moment and I'll have what I
need. Then, you've got to sit on my lap while he drives us back to
the studio.”
He looked shocked, “Ok!”
I
went into my room and got the file. When I brought it out, I said,
“Here it is.”
He looked at it and nodded,
“Good!”
We went out and he got in the driver's
seat. Rayne said, “Let me lock up! I'll need my
billfold.”
“Hurry!”
He took off
running and Jeff said, “I'm getting him everything you've
gotten. The two of you are going to be one helluva team!”
“Let
me run it by him. He'll be in shock, but he'll be yelling and real
emotional.”
He laughed, “Ok!”
I
turned, “Jeff, we'll need to talk in your office about locking
the money up so that his family can't get to it.”
“Ok.”
“My
suggestion is to keep it in a savings account which requires three
signatures to get anything out. If we don't, his brother will be
around to strong arm him steal it.”
He gave me a shocked
look and I nodded, “I don't ask for rent because his brother is
here a lot and takes his money. The last time I intervened, I had a
pistol pulled on me...as well as other things.”
He
looked shocked, “My GOD!”. He looked at me, “I'll
get you two a house which is in a gated community!”
“It'll
have to be a gated house in a gated community.”
He
nodded, “I know just the one.”
“I don't know
how you'll do it, but if I move, my furniture will have to go into
storage here. I don't trust anyone from breaking in and doing
something.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
When
Rayne came out, he ran around and hopped in on top of me. I said,
“Hey! Lighter! Damn!”
He laughed, “There's not much room to be light!”
We
got him adjusted and he said, “Oh man, this car sounds
cool!”
I said, “Rayne, I'm going to tell you what
my deal is. You can agree or disagree, but listen up. Ok?”
“Sure!”
“It's
a 9 movie deal. The first is $1 million.”
“MAN!”
“Rayne,
you gotta listen up dude!”
“Ok! Ok!”
I
continued, “The second is $2 and it goes all the way up to $9
million for the 9th.
The same goes for albums. The first is $1 and the 9th
is $9
million.”
“COOL!”
“Now, listen
up!”
“Ok, man! You've gotta let me be happy for
you! I know you're going to be moving out!”
“Yeah,
but you're moving too!”
“Really?”
“Yeah.
But here's the rest. Posters are mine 100%. Royalties are split.
Concerts are split. Merchandising is split, but I get rights of
refusal.”
“Good! You don't need toothbrushes
looking like you going in little girls' mouths like that other dumb
fuck!”
Jeff looked surprised, “Who did that!”
I
told him and he looked shocked, “I never knew that!”
I
nodded, “That, to me, borders on pedophilia. I don't know how a
parent could buy that for their kid in good conscience. Yeah, I can
see SuperMan, and Barbie toothbrushes, but not someone who is a real
person!”
He
shook his head, “I've heard of a bunch of stuff like that, but
you won't be in anything like that!”
I nodded, “That's
why I want refusal. Lord knows they're probably made in China and
have lead based paint or something!”
He looked surprised
again, “Probably!”
We went over to a courthouse
and he said, “Come on in.”
I said, “Ok.”
We
got out and I said, “Come on Rayne. We're working on getting
you an emancipation too.”
“Really! Good!”
We
went in and Jeff smiled as we watched Rayne walk. He pulled his phone
and dialed someone. We went into the office and the secretary came
over. Jeff said, “We spoke with Judge Matthews earlier. He's
waiting on this young man's emancipation request. And he's aware of
this young man's need to become emancipated also.”
She
said, “Give me a moment.”
She went into the
judge's office and came back out, “He'll see you.”
We
went in and real fast, the judge shook our hands. Jeff spoke and
then, the judge asked me, “Is this what you want?”
“Yes, your honor. I had these papers already drawn up and was waiting on a real good reason to go ahead and get it done. I'm 16, but he and I have lived together since the beginning of last summer.”
He looked at me with an arched eyebrow, “Why?”
“My
parents argue all the friggin' time. If they're not arguing, they
pickin' an argument! If they're not pickin' the argument, they're
getting drunk so they can pick that argument!”
He gave a
nod and Rayne said, “Your honor, my home life wasn't good, but
I'd go over to his house and would go home thinkin' that I was lucky!
He's right, I stayed over and they did nothing but argue!”
I said, “Your honor, they pride themselves that they've been married and will stay together forever. I'll tell you they stay together because they liquor store is closer than the courthouse.”
He smiled real big, and nodded, “Ok, I'm granting this!”
I
pointed over, “Could you do Rayne one also? He's got a real
good career opportunity and needs one. His family steals all his
money.”
The judge looked at me and I shrugged, “Hey
your honor, I've been at the end of that pistol! I know what it's
like to get robbed by them! Just as soon as I'm able to get a pistol,
they'll know what it's like to leave my house!”
He
looked at Jeff and Jeff said, “I'm buying him a house for them
to move into. The odds are that I'll probably buy them each a house
because Mo has already shown he's going to be a huge star. When he
gets a compliment, he points at this one and says he's going to be
huge.”
Rayne smiled real big at me and said,
“Thanks!”
I nodded, “You know it's true!”
He looked away and the judge asked, “Are you two a couple?”
I
smiled, “Your honor, we're a couple of gay guys who live
together. In regards to being sexually active together, it doesn't
work for us. Most couples smoke a cigarette afterward, we took
showers and begged each other for forgiveness.”
He
smiled, “Why?”
“It
screwed everything up!”
Rayne said, “Sometimes
it's best to stay friends. I'm not knockin' him as my best friend,
but I'll never get into bed with him again!”
The judge
laughed real loud, “I suppose it's a good lesson to have
learned!”
I said, “Your honor, he's the best
looking guy I know. He's been my best friend since like forever.
Those are ingredients for a good relationship if you're not us.”
He
smiled and Rayne and I laughed. Jeff said, “You can tell you
two are best friends. Something like that would've ended a bunch of
other friendships.”
I said, “Nah, for us, it
showed us we needed to stay friends. I love him, but not in that
way.”
The judge said, “Give me a second. I want to get him emancipated. Let me get that paperwork and we'll do it.”
He got up and left us sitting in his office.
I winked at Rayne and he smiled real big. I could tell he was real happy.
I
turned to Jeff, “Don't be promising me a house if it's not
going into my name!”
He smiled real big, “It
is!”
I nodded, “Thanks.”
He smiled,
and asked, “Is it going to be ok if I don't do it in Hidden
Hills?”
I
shrugged, “You're the one who brought up Hidden Hills. If
there's someplace which is better, show us!”
He smiled
bigger, “I know of two which are adjoining. That way, you two
can be next door neighbors.”
I
nodded, “Ok. That'd be cool!”
He walked out of the
office and Rayne gave me a look, “What do you think of
everything?”
“We're
getting it in writing. That's the best part.”
“Good!
It all sounds too good to be real!”
“Buddy,
they're making a lot of money off this. IF these albums sell real
good, they're getting the excess. That's giving him the incentives to
put a lot of really good music in front of us.
We're splitting royalties and concerts. I've already told him what I want, so you'll probably get the love songs and all those.”
“Ok.”
“The
deal is for 9 movies and 9 albums. I imagine it's going to be over a
four or five year period of time.”
“That
fast!”
“Hey, if someone wants to give me $100
million that fast, I'll gladly take it!”
He smiled,
“Yeah, but damn!”
“By the end of it, we'll
be huge in the business and will have a reputation which will get us
huge contracts in the future. It escalates gradually, so each gives
us more and more. They've made their money off the front, but we'll
be making ours off the back.”
“Ok.”
“He
bought the car and he bought the house as a throw in. When you figure
out he's making huge money, you see he's not afraid to give us
things.”
He nodded, “I'll probably spend my time
at your place.”
“That's fine. He's aware of
everything in regards to you and is wanting to protect you. My advice
is to never let them know where we're moving and to cut all
ties.”
He nodded, “I will.”
The judge
came back in and handed me my paperwork. He said, “Parker
(Rayne), I'll have yours here in a moment.”
Rayne said,
“Ok.”
He looked at Rayne, “I'm going to get
a restraining order put on your entire family.” He looked at me
and added, “For you too. Me hearing they're robbing you at
gunpoint is ridiculous!”
I said, “It's not for
much at a time, but it's bull that they think we're their bank.”
He
nodded, “Once is enough to have put them in prison.”
I
nodded, “It's enough we'll probably have to have security
around us.”
He motioned, “Tell Jeff. I imagine
he'll have it around you all the time.”
Jeff came in, “Boys, come on! I've got a place to show you which is incredible!”
I
said, “We're waiting on Rayne's paperwork.”
The
judge said, “Parker, I'll have it sent to you first thing in
the morning.”
Rayne stood up and said, “Ok. Thank
you, your honor.”
I said, “Yeah, thanks your
honor.”
We went out and just as soon as we got to the
hallway, I said to Jeff, “Give me a moment. I want to give
myself a note to send him a dinner at a really nice restaurant and
his secretary a nice plant.”
Jeff
smiled real big, “Do that! It'll show them you really
appreciate what they did!” He paused, “In the future,
he'll remember you doing it for him and will respond gladly.”
I
nodded, “Is he the night court judge?”
He
nodded, “Yeah, the day court judge is just as nice.”
Rayne
asked, “We need to get something to eat. I waited until he got
home because I wanted us to celebrate.”
Jeff nodded,
“Can it be in about 2 hours?”
I said, “Let's
stop by In & Out Burger and get something. He's probably not
eaten since early this morning if that.”
Rayne nodded and Jeff gave us a look, “Are you guys cutting on food?”
I
said, “No. We have PopTarts and things like that for breakfast.
We eat a bigger meal for dinner and that's it. If we're out, we pick
up something for lunch, but I didn't today because I didn't want to
be burping or anything in front of you.”
Jeff nodded,
“Let me call. I'm sure he'll wait to show us.”
I
shook my head, “Jeff, we were going to eat at In & Out as
our celebration meal. That's why we wanted to go there.”
He
nodded, “Ok!”
Rayne said, “Where are we
going now?”
Jeff
said, “Let's go by In & Out. Then, I'll take you out to the
properties.”
Rayne asked, “Where are they?”
Jeff
nodded, “Out in Thousand Oaks.”
Rayne nodded,
“Cool!”
Jeff said, “It's a Thousand Oaks
address, but they're not in Thousand Oaks itself.”
I
nodded, “Ok.”
Rayne asked, “Tell us about
them.”
Jeff said, “They're two ranches side by
side. One is bigger than the other, but it's a really good investment
property for the each of you. The advantage is there are really nice
homes on each.”
I said, “Can you deed them
together for us to have in our investment fund?”
He
looked surprised and Rayne said, “That's what I want
too.”
Jeff nodded, “Ok. I can do that.”
I
said, “Jeff, it might not make sense to you, but we made a deal
a long time ago that if something should happen to either one of us,
the other would get what the other had. I don't want my parents
getting anything and he doesn't either.”
Jeff nodded,
“Ok. That protects you two.”
“Yeah. It
doesn't make sense to someone on the outside, but it does if you look
at the bigger picture.”
He nodded, “I need to get
my car when we are finished eating.”
I said, “Ok.
So we're following you?”
Jeff
nodded, “If you don't mind.”
I nodded, “I
need to get my scooter put someplace safe.”
Jeff asked, “Rayne, has he told you our agreements?”
Rayne said, “Yeah, it sounds too good to be true.”
Jeff
said, “I'm still trying to decide how I'm going to package it.
I've thought about several different angles, but I keep coming back
to one.”
“What's that?”
He
sighed, “It's a Justin/Selena angle... You two are a couple,
but you do a lot of things apart. When you two are together, you're
doing a lot of publicity and photo shots as well as
interviews.”
Rayne asked, “How long are we talking
on this contract?”
Jeff
said matter of fact, “It's going to be hard to determine. I'm
thinking four years. It depends on a lot of factors. It depends on
how long the movies take and it depends on how big the albums go
over.”
Rayne asked, “Why?”
Jeff
smiled, “If the albums go over real big, that'll mean a huge
long tour.”
I said, “Can I interrupt you for a
moment?”
Jeff
nodded, “Yeah.”
I said, “I don't know how
much publicity is for the movies, but we know we're modeling for 8
weeks out of the year. If there are three movies released each year,
that's six weeks of publicity. That's 14 weeks of publicity without
filming and touring.
If we put that we're filming 3 movies, that's going to probably take out 18 weeks if they're 6 week shoots. That's 32 weeks which leaves 20 weeks of touring.
When you figure there's probably some award shows and things like that, you're looking at 15 weeks.
Now, I say that we have it in the contracts that there is no Friday afternoon, Saturday, or Sunday shooting so that we have tour and concerts at that time. That buys us back some weeks for touring, but it gets us more money that way.
What I'll tell you is this... IF you can get us scheduled for interviews during times that we're waiting on takes while on the set, we can do that and save a lot of time.
Of
course, I'll tell you that a lot of these interviews can be phoned in
or pre-recorded so they've got a set list of questions already
answered. That way, all we've got to do is send out publicity stills
and they spin it so that it's sounding like we gave them exclusive
time and answers.”
Jeff smiled real big, “You know
the business more than you admit!”
I said, “It's
pretty much told to us since birth out here! If you don't have a
package and you're not presenting a solid deal, you won't get
anything!”
He laughed, “What do you guys think of
the rest of the idea?”
Rayne
said, “Our closest friends won't believe it, but the rest of
the world will. I'll do it if it's 4 years, but if it's drug out, I'm
most likely going to find someone. Then, it'll be you trying to say I
violated my contract.”
Jeff shook his head no, “I
won't violate your contract if you hold to it and then find someone
else. We'll have to spin it.”
I said, “No. We'll
just make an announcement that we've came to the conclusion of our
relationship and are still going to be best friends. There's no lie
in that, and it's showing a lot of people that they can have
friendships with their exes if they're mature about it.”
He nodded, “Ok.” He looked at Rayne, “I want you testing for a movie we're about to start shooting. I think you're right, but that's me...not the director. He's a great director, but he's finicky as all get out.”
Rayne
nodded, “Ok.”
Jeff said, “I want you testing
for your voice also. As soon as we know your sound, we'll know how to
package it.”
I said, “I've told him and he's fine
with being the love song peddler.”
Jeff laughed real loud, and smiled at us. We pulled into In & Out and went in. I got two 4x4's (4 pieces of meat and 4 slices of cheese) done animal style (everything with extra spread, and mustard fried onto the burgers with fried onions on top of it all). I got cheese fries and a Large Neo (politan) Shake.
Rayne got three Flying dutchmen (two beef patties with two slices of cheese in the middle...no bun and nothing else.) with mustard put in the middle. He got cheese fries and a large rootbeer float.
Jeff
got two 2x2's, fries, and a large chocolate shake. We stayed in and
ate, but Jeff smiled at me, “You're a huge eater!”
I
said, “It's what I get all the time. Usually, I have one
leftover, so I take that home for later. And usually, he gets a 3x3
for later. Then, we get a bag of chips and eat it at home.”
Jeff
nodded, “What's needed to get you guys moved out of there?”
Rayne said, “Not much if someone else is doing it. If it's us, it's going to take a while.”
Jeff asked Rayne, “What kind of car do you want?”
Rayne
asked, “Dream car?”
Jeff
nodded, “Yeah.”
Rayne gave me a look and I knew he
was about to start crying. I said, “Go to the restroom and I'll
tell him.”
He took off and I said, “He was about
to start crying.”
Jeff said, “OH!”
“He
likes to be the tough guy because he doesn't trust. When things
happen that something happens good for him, he loses it.”
Jeff
gave me a nod, “Ok. I'm glad to know that.”
“He's
always been that way. He's had so many dreams dashed because of his
family that he doesn't believe in good things happening to him. In
regards to the car, he's not a convertible kind of person. For him,
it's all big and all luxury. For him, a huge Mercedes, or whatever
would be what he'd want.”
“What color?”
“If
you asked him, he'll tell you black, but watch him on a car dealer's
parking lot and he'll walk to a gold one first.”
He
smiled, “You two really know each other, don't you!”
I
nodded, “I love him, but not in that way. We tried, but it
didn't work.”
“What happened?”
“It just felt weird. It was like we were forcing things.” I leaned forward, “Think about this and then, you'll know. If you got into bed with your brother or sister, that'd be how it felt for us.”
“OH!”
I
nodded, “The familiarity is like that for us. We're each
other's family, but we're weirded out when it comes to being in bed
together.”
He
nodded, “I understand.”
Rayne came out. I asked,
“If he gets you a gold Mercedes, are you going to be upset?”
“No. Can I get an AMG?”
Jeff said, “Yeah. It might be hard for me to find, but I'll make the call right now.”
I said, “Ask him everything he wants on it. I know he's going to want sunroof and lots of chrome.”
Jeff nodded and made the call. He spoke and said, “Uh, the S Class doesn't come in Gold.”
I asked, “What about a super dark blue?”
Jeff nodded, and started asking questions. By the time they were finished, I was done eating. I had everything put back in the sack and the trash thrown away.
When Jeff rang off, he said, “He's got one out at Palm Springs. He'll have it here tomorrow.”
I
said, “Jeff, we're going to need to get license plates and
everything.”
He nodded, “I'll have my secretary
get all that done for you. Let's get out to the ranch so we can see
it and have that as your new address for those.”
I said, “Ok.”
We
rode to his office. I moved my scooter around and parked in the
private parking area down in the garage. Jeff pointed, “Those
two parking spots there will be yours when you are here.”
I
said, “Cool!”
He smiled, “I'm grooming you
to be an executive here some day. Hopefully, you'll be in my office.”
I
nodded and he said, “Follow me out.”
“Ok.”
When
he got out, I went around and got in the driver's seat. I got
everything adjusted and Rayne asked, “What do you think?”
“I
think we're doing great. It's a bit hard to believe, but I've already
seen a lot and done a lot, so I know it's true.”
“What's
the catch?”
“We've
got to perform. If we don't perform, we're sunk.”
“You
need to be there for me.”
“I will.”
We
followed him out. When we saw the ranch, he said, “Oh
man!”
“That's one of them.”
“I
want this one!”
I giggled, “What happened to us
living together!”
He smiled, “You can live here!”
I laughed, “We'll see. Mine might be better!”
He
laughed, “If it is, I'm saving this one!”
“It's
going to take us having a lot of people to take care of it.”
“I'm
sure we're making good money off all those horses.”
“If
not, the glue factory will!”
He looked shocked, “Don't
you even think like that!”
I
smiled, “Ok, you feed 'em out of your money! I know it's gotta
cost a lot to feed one!”
We parked and got out. Jeff
walked over, “This is the smaller ranch. It has the nicest
house. The other has lots more land, but the houses are
terrible.”
“Oh!”
“All together,
you'd have 540 acres. The one with more land has 480 acres. The one
with the better house has 60 acres.”
I nodded, “Ok. What about water rights?”
He
stared, “I don't know. I'll find out.”
“I
don't see a pond one here. If we're paying a water company to water
them, that's ridiculous!”
He smiled, “Let me find
out!”
“Find out if we can pipe from the ditches to
some ponds. Lord knows if it rains, we're going to need to fill some
ponds!”
He
laughed, “Ok!”
We walked around and looked at it.
I pointed, “Rayne, four months out of the year, this grass is
going to look dead like this.”
“Ok.”
“We're
going to have to replant the grass seed with some good golf course
fairway seed. Either that, or we're going to have to check to see
what the other one's like and use it for the hay.”
The
guy came out and shook our hands, “I heard you've got
questions!”
I said, “Yes sir. How much do you have
to feed a year?”
“We collect hay from these and
feed it later. We're feeding right now.”
I asked, “What
kind of grass is this?”
He
stared and I said, “We need something which will take a
trampling and go through some dry periods. Golf course fairway seed
does that.”
He nodded, “We need the nutrition.
We've got alfalfa, clover, and rye mix. It's sweet and nutritious.”
I
asked, “What about the water?”
He pointed, “We
have wells. They're deep and have plenty of water. It's not going dry
because we've got underground water down 200 feet which filters in
from the ocean. By the time it reaches us, it's fresh and is plenty
good.”
I nodded, “Ok. That answers a lot of our
questions. Do you have the other ranch too?”
“No,
but I know all about it.”
“How much can we use for
grazing?”
He
nodded, “There's a lot of trees. That 480 is 200 in the hills
and 280 down here on the flat.”
I nodded, “Ok,
That's good if there's no prohibition on building a house up there.”
He
nodded, “There isn't. They're afraid you're going to
subdivide.”
“Nah, we need the security and the
safety of having a lot of distance between us and others.”
He
pointed, “My advice is to put up better fencing and go with an
inner fence which you can have electric fencing between the two.”
“Ok.
That sounds good.”
Rayne said, “Let's look at the
house!”
We went in and looked at it, and I'll tell you I wasn't happy at all. When we were finished, I looked at Rayne and he wasn't happy either. I said, “Uh, Jeff?”
“Yeah?”
“Don't waste our time buying this. He's not happy and neither am I.”
He
looked shocked, “What's wrong with it!”
I said,
“It's wrong for us. It's just not hitting on anything we'd want
to live in. The land and the amount of land is great. The house is
beautiful from the outside. Whoever did this to the inside ought to
have been shot before they touched it.
We'd
like to have a place like this, but we want character. With this
being monotone gray, it sucks!”
The guy smiled, “We've
got a ranch over up in Simi Valley which is beautiful.”
Jeff
looked surprised, “Yeah, it's way nicer!”
I
smiled, “Ok, let's go see it.”
Jeff asked, “Do you think they'd mind showing it this late?”
The
guy waved his hand, “No. Come on!”
We left and it
took us an hour to get there. It took 20 minutes to get out to the
405 and then half an hour to get up to the Ronald Reagan and get
there.
Rayne asked, “Do you think it's cool driving out this far?”
“Yeah.
The further your family has to drive, the better off we are.”
He
smiled, “Well, they sure won't come this far!”
“Take
a look at that, they made this off ramp just for this ranch!”
He
laughed, “You know you're rich when!”
We drove up
the road. As we drove, I asked, “Do you think all this land
goes with it?”
“Man,
it's a ways back in here, isn't it!”
“It's a nice
road, but I'm at ¾ of a mile already!”
We
got to a turn around and then, went into the gates. I said, “5/8ths
of a mile before you get to the gates!”
He laughed, “Ok.
We're on it now!”
We drove up the drive. I said, “Oh
man, this place is landscaped nice!”
“Yeah, I was
thinking it's pretty fancy!”
I
laughed, and we turned the turn to go up to the house. I said, “Oh
man!”
He said, “I want it!”
“Me
too!”
We got parked and got out. They had it all lit up.
Rayne took time getting out and I said, “Rayne, dammit! Get out
here and let's go look at it!”
He gave me a look and I
nodded, “You can carry a hanky! Jeez, you need to see
it!”
“Ok.”
We got him out and went
up. I said, “Guys, until we say different, both of us want
it.”
Jeff smiled real big, “You've not seen all of
it yet!”
I nodded, “We've seen enough. It's gotta
unsell us on it!”
We went up the stairs and into the
double front doors. When we got inside, the antique tile instantly
had me. I pointed, “This is what I'm talking about. This isn't
some monotone gray!”
We went on in and everywhere we
looked, I was sold. When we got out to the patio, the jacuzzi and the
picnic area looked out over the paddocks... Everywhere we looked, it
was gorgeous.
We got on a golf cart and took the tour. Jeff asked, “What do you think?”
“I
hope it can support itself. Lord knows it's going to take a lot to
keep it up!”
He nodded, “It will. It sells right
at a million worth of electricity a year.”
“Cool!”
The
real estate guy said, “The corrals and boarding fees are
another million.”
I nodded, “It's beautiful.”
He
pointed, “That way to the west about 2 miles is the Ronald
Reagan Library on the Reagan... All that back there is federal land.”
“Is it a park?”
“No.”
“See
if they'll sell it. I want it so that no one can buy it and build
right up on us.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
I
pointed, “Is this ranch all the way out to the Reagan?”
(Ronald Reagan Highway)
He
nodded, “Yeah.”
“Good! I'm going to see if
we can get motion sensors or something down there so that we're given
advanced notice that someone's coming.”
Jeff
said, “I think we can put a guard house down there.”
We
got back to the hill and went to the caretaker's cottage. I motioned,
“This place is immense!”
The guy smiled, “Yeah,
and I've not heard one worry!”
I pointed, “There's
plenty of grass, at least 6 ponds, and water all over the place!”
He
nodded, “Yeah. It's a beautiful spread.”
I turned
to Jeff, “I'm all for us getting it.”
Jeff nodded,
“What do you want different?”
Rayne said, “I want a patio which goes out at least 60 feet. Then, I want it going down levels all the way to the paddocks so that there's party levels and viewing for whatever they've got.”
Jeff
gave me a look and said, “That'll be expensive.”
“How
much were the two over there combined?”
He
gave me a worried look, “Right at $60 million.”
“And
how much is this one?”
“$48 million.”
I
turned to the realtor, “What's the rock bottom offer they'll
take?”
He
gave me a smile, “I'm not supposed to go below $33 million.”
I
nodded, “See if they'll take $33 million, would you?”
He
walked off and Jeff smiled real big at me, “You're
fearless!”
“Dude, a fool and his money are soon
parted! I just got that $15 million back, so you hand that to us and
we'll get the patio built!”
He
laughed real loud, “I'd say you can build a patio for $15
million!”
I nodded, “It's going to be concrete...
Lots and lots of concrete. I want the walls to look like they're
these stones and then, we'll have brick which matches. It's going to
take wrought iron railings all along the edges or we're going to have
to go with brick with built in planters.”
Rayne said,
“That... I want there to be lots of flowers.”
I nodded, “He's spoken, so you know it's going to be nice.”
I
motioned out, “I want a pool some place which is good for us
year round.”
I turned, “Jeff?”
“Yeah?”
“Do we own these hills?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.
I want it so this is a paparazzi free zone.”
He nodded,
“Ok.”. He gave me a look, “I'm going to ask
something, and you let me know what you think of the
deal.”
“Ok.”
“You've got 11
condos up that way. There are four houses, and then, there are 8
cottages here besides the manager's and the
caretaker's.”
“Yeah...”
“Over
the way is a motel put up for guests to stay in when they're having
horse shows. Do you think we could lease out the condos and the
cottages to other stars?”
Rayne asked, “How much?”
Jeff
said, “A fancier hotel charges $1800 a night. I'm thinking if
we rent them out like we would houses and offer housekeeping
services, we could probably get $40,000 a year out of these easily.
That would be $800,000 which could help keep this up.”
I
said, “I'll tell you now in front of Rayne and everyone else
that I'm all for it with the exception of this... First of all, the
main house is off limits unless there's a formal function. It's our
house, so no one needs to be walking through unannounced. Second of
all, there's enough land here to put up another 30 of those all along
the edges. I see it as being a way we can make money, but no one's
going to mistreat the staff.”
He nodded, “I
agree.”
I pointed, “The main pool building can be
where they get mail, and exercise and swim. We can have a gym and a
lot of features there which can make it a spa and make everyone happy
they're a part of all this out here.
In regards to everything with the horse grounds, unless it's dire that we have functions, I'm not interested in having all that. The way I see it, each function opens this place up and exposes everyone's privacy, so I'm not interested in all that.”
The
realtor came walking back. He said, “The least he'll take is
$33.995. You pay my commission, and you buy it as is.”
I
looked at him, “I'll tell you now that if we buy it as is,
he'll be refunding all the fees for all the reservations for all the
functions.”
The guy smiled and did you hear that Larry?”
The
guys on the phone said, “That's fine.”
I turned to
Jeff, “Is that fine with you?”
He nodded, “Yeah. I need to ask you a few questions.”
“Sure.”
He
motioned to Rayne and we went over to the seating area. When we sat
down, he asked Rayne, “I need you two to consider having a
helicopter service to come and get you rather than you commuting
in.”
I nodded, “Ok.”
He pointed,
“Between here and there, it's like a parking lot each morning.
If you fly over it, you'll have no delays.”
I nodded,
“Ok. We're going to have to have a car there and a car
here.”
He motioned, “You're getting all these
vehicles here as a part of the buy.”
I nodded,
“Ok.”
“I'll pay for your fees to
commute.”
“What if we're shooting elsewhere?”
He
nodded, “It'll be written into your contracts.”
Rayne
nodded, “We need the utilities and everything
transferred.”
Jeff nodded, “I'll have my secretary
get on it.”
He asked, “Do you guys want to stay here?”
I
said, “Our clothes are at the house.”
He nodded
and Rayne said, “We're staying here tonight and driving in.
We'll make it up early so that we're beating traffic.”
I
said, “We'll do that. I don't want you thinking that we're
doing this just to be obstinate.”
He shook his head no,
“I understand completely. It'll probably be Monday before they
can start coming to get you and taking you in to work.”
I
nodded, “Ok. I need a script.”
He looked shocked, “Oh man! I'll get it to you tomorrow!”. He looked over at Rayne, “Tomorrow, you're going to test on your voice. Go in when he does and I'll have them test you while they're doing everything for him.”
I nodded, “So I should drive on over there?”
Jeff
nodded, “Yeah. There will be a parking spot for you. Ask the
guard at the gate to direct you and he will.”. He turned to
Rayne, “You have parking spots also. We'll look through the
contracts tomorrow and get them finalized.”
I nodded,
“Ok.”
He motioned, “We'll get this place bought for you. I'll go ahead and put it in the contract.”
I
nodded, “Thanks.”
He nodded, “It's a lot of
taxes.”
“I understand. We need to get a mover to
move us.”
He nodded, “Let me make a few calls.”
I
motioned, “Rayne can be there to meet them.”
He
waved his hand, “I'm going to have them there bright and early
in the morning. You guys go and get enough to wear for tomorrow and
Friday because I'm going to have them park that truck at a truck stop
outside of the city here.”
“Why?”
“A
lot of people who are stalking will follow the truck to where it's
going. If it's parked at a truck stop for a couple of days, they give
up and don't stick around.
On Monday, they can deliver everything
out to the ranch, so you'll be fine. By then, you'll have your Armani
clothing, so you'll be fine.”
I nodded, “Good!”
He
smiled, “I'm going to try to get Rayne the same contract you've
gotten. I'm fairly confident that they'll do it.”
“Great!”
Rayne
gave me a look and I said, “We do fashion weeks twice a year in
New York, Paris, London, and Madrid. For each fashion week, we're
paid $1 million, so there's 8 of those. Then, there's $3 million to
wear the clothes the rest of the year.”
Rayne looked surprised, “MAN!”
Jeff laughed, “It's a whale of a deal, isn't it!”
Rayne
smiled real big, “Yeah it is!”
Jeff said, “That's
a 10 year agreement. They want you looking good and they want you to
represent them well.”
I nodded, “We will.”
Rayne
nodded, “We sure will!”
Jeff
said, “You need to be at the Armani shoppe in Beverly Hills
Saturday morning.”
I nodded, “We'll be there.
Hopefully, he'll have his car so we can haul everything home in it.
If not, we'll have one of the farm trucks.”
Jeff said, “That movie you did is going to be up for Oscar contention. I thought I'd let you know.”
“You
know that already?”
“I've
seen the director's cut. He's got to put the music to it, but it's
finished. You did an excellent job.”
“It was a sad
part.”
He nodded, “And I think you're going to be
in the front of the pack to get that Oscar. I'm also pretty sure
you'll get the Golden Globe and the BAFTA if he gets it over there in
time.”
“Really???”
He
nodded, “You need to have your passport.”
I
nodded, “I can get it now that I've got these papers.” I
motioned, “Rayne will have his real soon also.”
Jeff
nodded, “Why don't you two scoot on down there tomorrow
afternoon?”
I
motioned, “We have to get the photo taken at Walgreens. They're
only there certain times.”
Jeff made a face, “Let
me get someone at the studio on that for you. They get paid to do
errands, so they can be doing that for you.”
I nodded,
“You know where we'll be!”
He
smiled, “Yeah, I do!”
The realtor came and we
signed papers. Jeff got the man paid and wired us money to go on our
accounts. He smiled, “There's the money for your patio!”
I
nodded, “Thanks Jeff!”
“You'll earn it. I
know you will!”
The realtor gave us the keys and said,
“In that drawer there are the other keys.”
He
walked over and showed us. Then, he shook our hands and he and Jeff
left.
When they were gone, Rayne asked, “How do we shut down these lights!”
I
smiled, “I don't know. We need to count them and get LED light
bulbs ordered.”
He shook his head, “At some point
in time, we've got to meet everyone! Aren't you surprised that the
manager didn't come and introduce himself?”
“No.
I imagine there've been so many who've looked at it that the person
gave up being excited.”
“What's first on the 'to
do' list?”
“We
need to sit down and talk.”
“Ok.”
We
went into the den and sat down. He asked, “What's on your
mind?”
“Tomorrow,
you'll go into the booth with me. The guy's name there is Mark. He's
really nice, but he's supposed to be one of the best in the world.
Understand that a compliment from the man isn't going to come unless
you've earn it.”
“Ok.”
“I want
you to hear a song they had me sing.”
“Ok.”
I
played it and said, “That's how I got it. Whoever that is
singing it is the person who wrote it singing it as a sample.”
“Ok.
It sounds plain.”
I sighed, “To me, it sounds like
she's listened too much to Nelly. Listen to the rhythms and it sounds
like Over and Over Again, and Only Just A Dream.”
“Yeah.”
“That's
how they wanted me to sing it. So, here's what I did in three takes.”
We
listened and he smiled real big, “That's good!”
“But
it's not what I heard all the way. I spoke with Mark and told him,
and then, we put it to the rhythms and backgrounds I was hearing. It
took a few of those and then, I came to the one it needs.”
I
put it on and he looked surprised, “Oh man!”
“They're
going to get an orchestra on that and get the music for it. Then,
I'll be called back in to record it. What they're going to do is it's
going to go on the album both ways.”
“Interesting...”
“What
I THINK, is that it's for the movie I'm going to be in.”
“What
do you think they'll put me in?”
“I'm
not sure... What I do know is they're going to have a long term
vested interest in us sticking around so they'll put us in their
biggest productions.”
“Why?”
“We're
contract players. They know that we're getting $1 million for the
first, $2 million for the second, and so on and so forth. Needless to
say, if we're in the good ones early, it's showing that we've got
range and a real good desire to be a part of the industry
forever.”
He nodded, “Thanks for pulling me
up.”
“Like I wouldn't!”
He smiled, “I
love you dude!”
“I love you too.”
We went up and went to bed. He took the master bedroom at one end of the hallway and I took the other. In between us, there's 15 bedroom suites.
Friday morning,
When
we woke up, it was by my phone. I called him and he said, “I'm
up!”
I said, “Ok. I'll meet you in five
minutes.”
“Can we get something to eat?”
“As
soon as we beat the rush. I promise.”
“Ok.”
I got showered and dressed. In no time at all, I was down at his end of the hallway banging on his door. He opened it smiling, “I'm up!”
“Good!
Come on!”
He chuckled, “Are we leaving the house
wide open?”
“No.
There's keys.”
We went down and out. I said, “I've
got to be in the studio by 7am.”
“Why?”
“It's
a 16 hour day. He's giving me 30 minutes to learn a song, get it
sang, and have all the background vocals done before we move to
another.”
“Sixteen hours???”
“33
tracks on 3 albums. I want the first three out of the way.”
“MAN!”
“Here's
why...” We got into the car and I got it started. We started to
drive and I got the vents blowing air.
He said, “Why?”
“When
you go out on tour, you want music to sing for everyone. That 33
tracks times 3 minutes is 100 minutes. Yes, there might be some
longer remixes, but that 100 minutes is what I'm wanting to have for
a concert.”
“Ok. Are you selling them there?”
“I'm
selling the CDs there, but I'm also wanting them available for
download. That way, I can tell them at the beginning that if they
like a song, it's available for download on their phone. It gives
some cash, and it's making it so that we know which ones they like
and which ones they didn't.”
“Are you getting any
say-so in which songs you pick?”
“No.
Not for the first three. After the first three, I get to
pick.”
“Ooh, that's leaving it up to
them.”
“They've got an interest in getting a lot
of them sold. We're getting 1,2,3 for the first three. After that,
its 4,5,6, and 7,8,9.”
“Are you going to do the
albums that way all the time?”
“I'm
wanting to collaborate with you and make 5 and 10 Greatest Hits. That
way, they get the money from 5, but I get the money from the
10th.”
“Good!”
“Don't
think we're getting screwed. He's putting us up for executive
positions at Monte Vison so that we're around all the time.”
“He
says that, but I'm only believing about 1/3rd
what he's
promising.”
“He's kept his end so far. I agree
with you that I'm anxious to read the contract in detail and making
sure we get everything we want.”
“That deal with
Armani is sweet.”
“That's making us $100 million
dollars over 10 years. Yeah, it's $110 million, but I'm hoping it's
going to be so lucrative that we get to stay on.”
“Yeah,
that'd be good.”
“I
know you've wanted to work a catwalk, so that'll be awesome.”
“I
want to do a lot of photoshoots.”
“Ok. That'll be
fun too.”
“I
want one with you where we're doing a white shoot with a blue ocean
behind us.”
“Let them know that tomorrow. I'll
tell them too, but our big day is tomorrow.”
“What's
happening?”
“Well,
we're getting fitted for the clothes. At some point before then,
we're getting a color stylist to do our hair and pick what colors are
best for us. I imagine she'll have us spray tanned or whatever
too.”
He nodded, “A whole lot of good it does when
our hair will be colored for three movies a year.”
“Hopefully,
they won't. If they do, I'm hoping it's the wash out kind so we can
be redone before we leave the set each day.”
“Let's
hope.”
We zoomed along and make it to the 405 in no time
at all. I got us on it and we hurried along to Tarzana. As soon as we
pulled off, I pointed us to Denny's and pulled us in.
I
motioned, “Check our accounts to see if our money is on
them.”
“Ok.”
He dialed the card
center and got the readouts. He smiled, “Yeah, it's
there!”
“Good! Now you know it's what we're
supposed to be having.”
He smiled bigger, “It's
blowing me away I've got that much money to my name!”
“Don't
let anyone know. My advice is to get another card or a savings
account.”
He nodded, “Remind me to do that in a
moment.”
“Ok.”
We went into Denny's
and sat down. Real fast, they had our breakfast and we'd eaten. On
the way out of the restaurant, he said, “Thanks.”
“No
problem. Let's go get you another card.”
“Ok.”
We
drove over to Walgreens and went in. He found the Greendot Visa card
he wanted and I handed him the other in Mastercard. He gave me a
look. I said, “Put $10,000 on each. It's the max you can put on
each day.”
“OH!”
“I'm doing the
same thing.”
We bought the cards and loaded using our other cards. The woman handled it like it was no big deal. Soon enough, we were out of the store.
When
we got into the BMW, I said, “Let's activate them.”
“Ok.”
We
activated them and then, gave our address at the house. When we were
finished, I said, “Ok. Here's the deal Rayne.”
“Yeah?”
“I
want those in under the soles of your shoes. If you think they'll be
stolen there, put them under the floor mat in your
car.”
“Ok.”
“Make sure that
wherever they are, you know where they are so that if someone takes
your big card, you're not getting your account frozen while you wait
for a replacement card.”
“That's smart.”
“My
other advice is to use one for online purchases and don't use
anything else. That way, if someone wants to steal money, they're not
doing it from all of your cards.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
“I'm
going to use the card that I've been using. These others are going to
be fall back cards to use in emergencies. As long as we keep that
minimum balance on them, they won't charge us monthly
fees.”
“Good.”
“Print out your
monthly statements you get online. After a year, they'll
disappear.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.
I thought I'd save mine and found out that they make them disappear.
Fortunately, I printed off the proof that I bought my Scooter using
the card before it disappeared.”
“I'll print it
off every month.”
“Me too. I'll remind you and you
remind me.”
He smiled, “Put it into your phone so
it's not forgotten!”
“You'll probably see that
I've got a bunch of these cards being used as fallback cards. It
makes sense to me to do it that way.”
“Ok. I will
also.”
We drove on to the house. The moving truck was
there. The guys met us and I said, “We're to get two days worth
of clothes, and then, we'll be out of your hair.”
They
started packing and we got changes of clothing and dressed. I grabbed
my file box and said, “Grab your file box.”
“Why?”
“So
that if they need copies of your birth certificate for that passport,
you've got it!”
“OH! I'm glad you thought of
that!”
When we left, we hit traffic. All the way to the
studio it was hectic. He said, “Man!”
“I
love my scooter because I can zip between cars.”
“I
want to get a Harley.”
“Me too. We'll do that when
we've got time.”
“It
doesn't sound like we'll have much time to do anything!”
“We
will. It'll be fast and then, it'll slam into park.”
“Let's
hope. You're forgetting there's going to be choreography practice for
the concerts.”
“Yeah, I did... Man!”
He
giggled, “It's a good thing, so shut up!”
We
scanned in and I led him up to the booth. When we got there, Mark
gave me a look, “You're late!”
I looked at the
clock and said, “For everything that we've done, I'm surprised
we're here this early!”
“When you tell me...”
I
stopped and stared at him. He gave me a look and I turned around and
walked out. He came out into the hall and yelled, “Where the
fuck do you think YOU'RE going!”
I turned around and
walked up to him, “Listen up dick breath, you pressure someone
else. Until my names on the fuckin' contract, don't you hassle me
about a God damned thing!
I'm here. I've driven in, I've eaten
breakfast, I've instructed moving people what to do with my house,
and I've driven through traffic to be here. All the way, it was
decent, so sue me if I'm fourteen minutes late!
When I've got a
signature on a contract, you can bitch. Until then, I'm serving
gratuitously out of my own time, not yours, not this record
company's, and none other than mine... Got that?”
He
said, “I gave up my day. The least you could do is be
considerate!”
“I have been. I believe you're being
paid. Am I? Why don't you go make that call to ask! Then, you tell
the man that you jumped my ass for being fourteen fuckin' minutes
late and then ask him why I jumped your ass back! When he tells you
to get to his fuckin' office, you'll understand that it's all hanging
by threads which aren't sewn tight. Until then, kiss my ass and I'll
be thankful. If not, I'll go right to his office and we'll see what
else changes!”
I pulled my phone and dialed Jeff, “Hello?”
“Uh, Mark's going to call you and ask you how kosher it is that I got my ass jumped for being fourteen minutes late to the studio. Then, he's going to tell you that since then, we've argued for 8 fuckin' minutes about his inconsideration and mistaken thoughts as to me not having to put up with a Goddamned thing because I don't have my name on any said contracts!
Until
I have my name on a contract, I'm a loose cannon. You let him know
that if that's the way he's going to be, I'll step back and start
getting severely critical in all things of said contract!”
“Let
me call him! He jumped you over 14 minutes!”
“Yeah!”
“Ok.
You stick around!”
I rang off and went in the studio. I
pointed, “He'll be calling. When he does, I expect a full
apology. If it doesn't happen, he and I are going down and hopping on
my scooter and heading up the street because no contracts will be
signed here!”
His phone rang and Rayne gave me a look. He shook his head, “Man, is he always an asshole?”
“He
wasn't yesterday, but I think he's putting the cart before the horse
in thinking that I'll jump through his fuckin' hoops! If he wants to
be a bitch, I'll remind him of this fuck up the rest of my life!”
He
nodded, “Yeah. My advice is to get the biggest watch you can
and show him every time he's wasting time!”
Mark
rang off and said, “He's on his way down.”
I
nodded, “I'll wait for the apology. You remember that we've got
9 albums where I can turn that 14 minutes into the biggest source of
the pains in your ass. Waste a fuckin' second with me in the future
without an apology and guess how far I'll be up your ass and how
fast! Ass chewings are a two way street. If you think that they're
not, try not giving me the apology I deserve and you'll see...”
He
got up and walked out of the booth. Rayne asked, “Ready to take
this show on the road and go elsewhere?”
“No.
He's running from the bullshit tsunami he started. I want to be here
when he's neck deep in the shit and I'm refusing to share the life
preserver!”
He laughed, “Come in here and let's
get to practicing. I want us seen as being ready and doing our job
while he was wasting our time. And yes, he's wasted 19 minutes for
you being 14 minutes late.”
I
giggled, “By the time Jeff gets here, we'll have how long it
has been and we'll quote what it is. Then, he can see petty shit got
slung back!”
I went in and waved my phone in front of
the computer. It caught my Bluetooth and pulled up my song list. I
went in and we started singing with the instrumentals.
When
Jeff walked in, he was followed by Mark. He got on the mic, “Today's
canceled.”
I nodded, “Take a look at that clock.
The time wasted after 7:14 has been his... If he wants to point
fingers, he needs to take a serious look at what he's done because
you don't have Rayne signed to a thing... And yes, he's wanted to
walk and shop us around to other companies, but I told him we'd wait
for the explosion.”
I shook my head, “Now today's
a wash out... He...”
In the speakers, Kylie's 'On A
Night Like This' started. I started singing and Rayne stepped up. He
took the harmony and we sang...
I saw Jeff start working real fast and pointing. He had Mark working. Rayne nudged me and I shook my head. We kept up with the parts side by side with Rayne doing the highs and me doing the electo voice.
We interwove our voices. He'd take a high and then I would. When we both went up, I'd do harmony for his or he'd do harmony for mine.
At the end, the beats for 'All of Me' (John Legend – Tiesto Remix). We went into it with full harmony with him singing main and me singing all the background harmonics.
When it finished, I said to Rayne, “I guess that's it for today. We've had our Mark's head enemas and no apologies, so we're ready to get the scooter and get the hell out of here.”
We
went out and Jeff said, “Mark...”
Mark said,
“Guys, I owe you a huge apology!”
I arched my
brow, “The next fuckin' time you want to waste my time giving
me an ass chewing for petty bullshit, you remember you wasted far
more of MY precious fuckin' time than we did of yours!
I'm sure there's going to be a lot of times we waste each others' time, but I promise you I'll keep it to a minimum if you keep a civil tone and tongue in your head!
Now, you realize one thing... Without the ink on the contract, we were able to walk. Jeff would've ate damned near $50 million on a house, but hey... I hope that would've came out of your ass because I promise you that the $110 million each for the Armani contracts would've paid for it because the second I walked here, I'd walked in there and we'd made the money.
Like it or not, we've got the ability to make money. We don't need you.”
Jeff said, “You sure as hell have got that right!”
I
sighed, “Mark, I'm not going to beat you like a bad dog. You've
apologized, and I hope we get through this. If we don't, I'll make
the call and Jeff will be told I can't work with you.”
Rayne
said, “Nor can I!”
I looked over at Jeff, “Today, our names don't go on contracts. If we work with him, it's contingent to us putting it in the computer. If it doesn't happen, we walk.
When we're finished tonight, I'll sit with you and will negotiate the contract. I want you seeing what we have and what I've got for the first three albums. If I'm happy, great. If you're happy, great. If not, we'll discuss whether we can work together.
If that sounds like I'm carrying a grudge, I am. It means that he thought ink was on paper, so the asshole could come out. If he's the best you've got, and it's all asshole, what does that say about the company you run?”
Jeff nodded. I could tell he was pissed, but I said, “Jeff, think about this... If you think that I would've given 100% when he was working down the street somewhere else, you can best bet that I'd been looking for the loophole in the contract which made it possible for me to walk.
That's how much of a bitch I can be he's been told to keep it in check until ink hits paper. And that's the bitch I can roll out should the asshole roll back out of him.”
Jeff
said, “It won't. The next time it happens, you point and tell
HIM he's fired!”
I nodded, “Ok. Let's get to work.
Enough fuckin' time has been wasted. I've yet to hear what he's got
for us and I want to get to work.”
Jeff
nodded, “He needs to test Rayne. We've already got a really
good idea, but we need to get him singularly.”
I nodded,
“Rayne, head on in.”
He went in and Mark said,
“Wave your phone and you'll hear what I've pulled up on the
computer for you.”
I nodded, “Ok. How many do you
have pulled up?”
“There's
70 in there for you to decide.”
“Ok.”
Jeff asked, “Can I leave you two alone in a room together and have it standing until I get back?”
I
nodded, “I really wish we had two studios. I could be in
working while he's working with him.”
Mark turned, “Come
with me. We've got the big studio open today.”
I
nodded, “Ok. I'll go in there and work. It's nothing
personal.”
He nodded, “I know.”
Jeff
gave a smirk and said, “I'll go in with you!”
We
went into the big studio. The power got kicked on and I waved my
phone at the computer. Jeff smiled, “You did decent. I'm glad
you went back at him because he was testing you. You passed to the
point I think he's worried he's fucked up severely!”
I
nodded, “Jeff, if I have to be all about the business, I'll be
all about the business.”
“You don't. He was upset
that you were late on the first day and thought that you were setting
precedent which was bad.”
“Well, he slapped the
fuck out of the piss off button until it was on tilt.”
He
smiled, “I know! When I got the call, I was like, “Oh
man!”. He turned and pointed, “You and him together are
amazing.”
“I
want us to have a collaborative effort, but not until we've got the
first three out of the way.”
He nodded, “Can it be
#4?”
“Yeah because I want #5 to be your Greatest Hits album. I'm reserving my Greatest Hits album as my 10th album. That way, you get four and I get four along with the collaborative album.
If
it's not possible for me to have a 10th album here, it
will be elsewhere.”
He gave me a look, “Hey, I'm
not the enemy here!”
“I know, but you need to
understand that there's a whole lot of distrust. So far, you've
passed with flying colors, but HE pulled up a whole lot of
insecurities.”
He closed his eyes, “I know.”
“And
if you don't think I just put my name on the producer of these three
albums by moving in here, you don't know I'll wedge in on that fucker
until he doesn't know what direction I'll hit him!”
He
smiled real big, “Good!”
I nodded, “I don't want you thinking it's all about the edge, but it had to become that way.”
He nodded, “I understand. And you don't know how fast I was to the point of having him out of here!”
“Ok.
Let's get me to working on this.”
He patted my shoulder,
“Don't hesitate to call me, but you point and tell him he's
fired if you have to go that far.”
“Ok.”
He
left and I got the room ready for playback. As soon as I was
comfortable, I went in and started laying tracks.
I got eleven tracks finished when I came to one which was terrible. The lyrics were good, but the music to it was terrible. I went out and was putting it onto the next when it hit me that I could go in and put the music on with me keeping it without music and just doing beat box.
I went in and had a really good rhythm going when I saw them come in. I went in and Mark asked, “Why weren't you using the music?”
“It
sucks. I couldn't figure out how to put it in.”
“There's
a demo of it!”
“Not on that music there isn't!”
I
put it on and he shook his head, “That's not the music for
that!”
I nodded, “Well, that's why it didn't fit!”
He smiled, “Ok. You weren't off that far.”
“Let's hear.”
He put on the music and I listened. I pointed, “I like it but I like the way I did that phrasing.”
He put on mine and listened, “I like it better. Let's get them to redo the music on that one.”
I
pointed, “On that one, I want Angelique Kidjo to do the vocals
with me.”
He gave me a look, “Who's she?”
“An
African singer who is awesome.”
He pulled her up and and
listened. I said, “Go to 'Batonga'.”
“Ok.”
He
went down and Rayne started getting into it. He started singing with
me and Mark pointed, “Have him do the vocals on that!”
I
pointed, “Rayne, would you give that song the treatment?”
He nodded, “Ok.”, and went into the booth. Mark asked, “You've already got these 11 finished?”
“Yeah. I'm putting me on that producer credit for it. You can be on it too, but I'm taking credit for what work I've done.”
He
gave me a stare and I shrugged, “Or, we can take credit for it
and you can consider none your input.”
He said, “I
wish we could start over. I don't want everything to be a
headache.”
“It's going to take time. Believe it or
not, I was all set for a great day. Then, I walked in and had a
bucket of piss-off poured into the mix!” I stared, “I
understand that you were worried about this being a precedent, but
I'll tell you that the results you got were a helluva lot more
lethal.
I'll tell you that you didn't want to let the bitch out of her cage. You didn't just open the cage, you rattled the shit out of it before you did. And for a fuckin' test??? I wonder how many more you've pissed off before you set to work with them and I wonder what those results were!
When
it comes to my future, I'll never be lax. I'll get to business and
seriousness in a heartbeat and I'll keep it there for as long as it
takes. You should've known it was the bitch who'd bite you back when
I started figuring out how I'd let you know every fuckin' second
you'd be told that you were wasting my time some more.” I
nodded, “He told me to get the biggest watch that could be
found and wear in when I'm in the studio so that I could point at it
and let you know that you were wasting my time every damned day we
had to be around each other.”
He nodded, “I
apologize, but I wonder if you know how to forgive!”
“I
do, but forget??? That takes some time.”
He
nodded, “Ok. Let's move on.”. He pointed, “Would
you go in there and work with him? He works best when he's working
off you.”
“Ok. Let it end and we'll have me go
in.”
I
pointed, “I like this studio better. I don't know why, but I
think it's because it's bigger and it's more inviting with those
sofas and everything in there.”
“A lot of people
like it because of the stage.”
“Yeah. I like it
because I can grab the microphone and feel like I'm singing live.”
He nodded, “I want a progression of your work. Your voice is going to mature and change somewhat. It's going to get deeper, and it's going to progress as you sing more. You'll have a raspiness to it eventually.”
I
nodded and the song ended. I waved and went in. Rayne and I began
singing it again. He worked off me and we got through the song. At
the end, he said, “Man, that was good!”
Mark said,
“Do it again. This time, don't make it like it's a baboon in
heat!”
I pointed, “You're done here.”
I pulled my phone and dialed Jeff, “Hello?”
“Get
security here and escort him from the building. If he doesn't go, I
promise you I'll be taking this tape to the press and will ruin the
motherfucker's career.”
“I'm on it!”
“Me
singing will never be a baboon in heat! Him getting his ass beat
will!”
“Oh my GOD!”
“And yes, I've got that on my recording as well as with Rayne witnessing.”
“I
want a copy of that!”
Rayne took my phone and said,
“Jeff, he's not leaving. If I have to go in there and
physically throw him out, he'll be away from us!”
I
heard Jeff say, “I'm on my way!”
Rayne handed back
the phone and I said, “He's not leaving. I'm not sure what he's
doing, but he's messing with the controls.”
“Oh my
God, he's erasing everything!”
“I've got it backed
up digitally on my phone. Charge him with tampering and deliberately
destroying property.”
“I've
got security on it's way.”
Rayne took off and I rang off
and threw my phone onto the sofa. I ran and followed. Rayne grabbed
him and put him in a full nelson. Mark yelled and tried to start
kicking at me. I threw a punch to his balls and he went fetal.
I
said, “Keep hold of him.” and tied his shoe laces
together.
Mark started yelling, “There's no fuckin' way
you're keeping jobs here now!”
I backhanded him, “Baboon in heat??? Are you aware how many people will be down on you as a racist with that comment???”
He said, “You sing like you're trying to fuck up on each other!”
Rayne said, “And you couldn't hold a tune if it were tattoo'd on your forehead!”
I stood up and said, “Roll him over.”
Rayne gave me a look and I said, “We'll sit on him and wait for security to get here.”
Rayne flipped him and dropped him on the floor. We both got sat and waited. Rayne said, “Are you sure you've got it backed up?”
“I've
got everything except this version backed up. I have it on my phone,
so there is proof he said what he said.”
“Good.”
He
gave me a look, “I'm done fuckin' with people here. This is
ridiculous!”
“I'll produce you. Don't worry.”
He
nodded, “We need to get Janelle in too.”
“I
was thinking about that.”
Security came running in and came into the office. Mark yelled and I said, “He's been fired. He's destroyed what recordings we had worked on this morning.”
The security guy said, “What's going on?”
I
said, “He's been fired. Jeff's on his way... When he heard the
recording we've got in which he's describing my singing like it's a
baboon in heat, he's going to explode!”
The guard looked
shocked, “Oh man!”
I nodded, “You might
detain him. I know the amount of recordings he destroyed in that
system are enough for them to be a felony.”
He
got zip ties on Mark's wrists and around his ankles. He looked at us,
“That was pretty smart on tying his shoes together.”
“He
was kicking at us. I punched him in the nuts and did them while he
was curled up.”
He smiled and said, “That would do
it!”
Jeff came in and gave us a look, “Are you two ok?”
“Yeah.”
He went over to the console and looked at the computer. He punched in some things and asked, “I hope you've got it saved because he erased everything.”
“I've got everything up to the last one. I've also go it where he made that comment.”
I went in and got my phone. When I pressed play, I got it forwarded to the last of the song and Mark's comment. Jeff looked shocked and the guards looked like they were ready to burst out laughing.
Mark said, “Fuckin' rubbin' up on each other in there while they're recording!”
Jeff said to the guards, “Get him out of here. I'll have the police here momentarily to make their arrest.”
I
waved my phone and the computer saw it and took everything back in. I
said, “We're back in business. He needs to learn I can run him
all over that computer system!”
Jeff asked, “Can
you save and store what he's got in his files?”
“Yeah.”
He
nodded, “Do it. I'm afraid that if he got in them, we'd have a
bunch of people's work destroyed!”
Rayne said, “Delete
his user account so that it can't be entered!”
I said,
“Guys, get him out of here. He's fired. While you're at it,
take his employee identification and everything which belongs to
Monte Vison.”
Jeff nodded and they got him removed.
Rayne sat at the computer and said, “You gave permission, so
I'm doing it.”. He got into the system and got to the
administrator log in. He looked up, “Jeff, use your log in and
your password right there.”
Jeff said, “No. You
guys use yours. You obviously know what you're doing! I've never seen
that stuff before in my life!”
I said, “It's into
the computer where you go and program the entry and everything.”
Jeff smiled, “Do they teach that in school now?”
I
looked at Rayne and Rayne said, “No, but you can learn it if
you want to learn how to hack the system!”
Jeff smiled,
“What does that do?”
I
said, “It makes your grades good.”
Jeff laughed,
“Man! I wish they had that when I was in school!”
I
nodded, “Either you learn it, or you pay someone to do it for
you. A lot of people pay others to do it for them.”
Jeff asked, “And no one catches on?”
I said, “A lot of people and companies don't protect their systems like they need to do. Needless to say, it's vulnerable to being hacked here.”
Jeff
said, “Protect that!”
I nodded, “Rayne
will.”
Jeff
gave me a look, “I'm glad you backed everything up!”
I
nodded, “I had the original music on here from when I took it
and brought it over. Then, I saved everything so that if needed, I
could move it back over to the other computer.”
“How
much did you get done?”
“I've got the first album finished. He came in and got pissed because he'd done nothing. Then, we started working on a song which he had mislabeled in regards to the master music.
Rather than trying to find what I didn't know was there, I made up beat box and he said he'd have the musicians change the music to fit the way I did it.
After that, we got to recording this song and we had Rayne do vocals. I went in to help and afterward, that's when the comment got made.”
Jeff
shook his head, “I want a copy of that.”
I nodded,
“Ok.”
He gave me a look, “He didn't help at
all with production?”
“No. He found this music, but that's it. I did the rest.”
Rayne asked, “Did he erase my work?”
I
shook my head no, “No. All I had in here was mine. He couldn't
get into that computer over there from here.”
Rayne
nodded, “I could, but he probably couldn't.”
Jeff
asked, “Are you two ok to continue? I want to get a statement
made to the police.”
Rayne said, “Here's what you
need.”. He pulled up the video and pointed, “That's that
recording head here. There's sound and everything.”
Jeff looked surprised, “Can you get that for everything?”
I said, “Probably. If it's saved in a computer somewhere, it can be gotten.”
Jeff asked, “How do you find out?”
Rayne
pointed, “That's the master log. Each time the system records
another day, it's put onto some master server somewhere and stored.
There's recordings all the way back to when it was installed.”
Jeff
looked skyward, “Do you realize you have the ability to make
your weight in gold by getting me things? I've got people who are
dead who worked on things in this building which there's nothing left
of those sessions.”
I said, “Get him the date and
we can pull up what's in the system.”
He said, “I'll
do that!... It's not stored by their name?”
I said, “No. It'd be by the date... Even then, it's going to have all the different recordings from all the surveillance cameras. The only way it won't have something is if one isn't operational.”
Rayne said, “Get us a date and we'll get those records. It'll probably take some editing, but we'll have some sort've version.”
Jeff
said, “I'll get on that. It's going to take me some time to get
what dates, but I'll have them.”
I put my hand upon his
arm, “First of all, we need permission to get into the system.
Second of all, let us have permission to get into it remotely and
we'll log everything by the star's name if we know who that person
is.”
He
nodded, “You've got it. I'm stunned because you've got a gold
mine at your fingertips.”
“We want production
credits for what we're able to get. I know we weren't in the booth at
that time, but it's our work which is getting everything pulled.”
He
nodded, “Of course! You don't realize how much of a service
you're doing here!”
I nodded, and did a search on my
phone. I said, “I can't tell if there are missing tapes.”
Jeff
smiled, “We're going to work through those.”
Rayne
sounded perplexed, “Uh Jeff?”
Jeff said, “Yeah?”
Rayne
said, “Can I copy this over and work on it. There's some really
old dates on here.”
Jeff said, “Sure. That's
probably from the old building out on Wilshire.”
I
said, “Oh! Elvis recorded out there!”
Jeff smiled
real big, “Yeah. We can probably release those studio
recordings.”
I
nodded, “That'd be cool. I was looking at the possibility of
some of the dead rap stars.”
Jeff nodded, “A lot
of dead stars. You'd be amazed, but dead grunge and metal stars'
recordings will sell better. If we could find some Grateful Dead,
we'd all be happy!”
I nodded, “That'd be
cool!”
He took a deep breath, “Guys, let me say
something... and this is between us.”
“Ok.”
Rayne and I turned to look at him
He
said, “No one knows we've got the ability to pull up these
recordings. I want us to be able to clean them up and have them as
good as the masters or whatever, but I want us being able to sell
them.
IF we can, I'd love to have video along with the recording
so it's proven we got them from those recordings. AND, I want to have
a mini-documentary showing how you guys found them and that you asked
and received permission to go in and collect everything from the
surveillance.
What
I'll say is that I thought you were going for some still photos and
gave complete permission to obtain everything digitally from them
that you could. That will have me handing you ownership of those
over, and it'll be a way for you two to make gobs of money.”
I
nodded, “Ok. We need that in a contract. You absolve us and
we'll get you content.”
Rayne asked, “Why do it
that way?”
I said, “Rayne, think of it this way... IF he says he got it from the surveillance, he's going to have everyone and their dogs in begging to go through those archives. IF he says he gave us exclusive permission, we're the brilliant ones and it has everything we pull making us money.
Whereas
one doesn't earn us a thing, the other gives us exclusive rights and
allows us to make the money.”
Rayne smiled real big,
“You two are slick!”
Jeff
said, “Rightfully, Monte Vison owns everything. And rightfully,
we could make the money and it'd be seen as taking advantage of the
families. If you two are seen as outsmarting me and getting it so
that you've got everything and can make that offer to the families,
that'd be great.”
I nodded, “We will, but we're
going to do it ONLY if it's released commercially. I won't go into
negotiations with anyone who won't release what we've got.”
Jeff
smiled real big, “Now you know why I don't want to bother with
it!”
Rayne asked, “They wouldn't release them?”
I said, “Rayne, here's why... Sometimes, when a group's other members are still trying to put out a product, they won't release them because it's seen as being in competition with themselves. (Black Sabbath)
What they don't realize is that new product could possibly stimulate new interest which will increase their current sales, but then again, that same new interest might show there's no interest and put the final nail in the coffin.”
“Oh!”
Jeff
giggled, “I don't like being in on those decisions.”
I
nodded, “Leave it to me. It's easy to be in on a decision if
you've got facts and figures. Then, you can show them the numbers and
tell them it's not viable to put the money into it.”
He
said, “Then, they say they've sold x amount of records and
quote you dollars they've made for the company.”
“That's
when I point at my balance sheet and say, “Yes, you have, but
I'm not seeing it on these figures. The figures which matter are
these. If you've not put money into the coffers in the past 3 years,
you're just as good as being gone to me.”
He looked
surprised and I nodded, “Facts and figures. A lot of people put
a lot of their emotions, or implied emotions into decisions. I'll
tell you that when you cut the emotions out, you have a lot better
perspective for those decisions.”
I motioned, “Now, is this gambling and hoping that we get something? Yeah. It's nostalgia and it's playing into hopes for a lot of different things.
What
I'll tell you is this... I'm going to get you to sign a contract for
us to have these images and then, I'm going to look and see what
we've got. If we've got enough for albums, great. If we don't, I'm
going to compile them by years and send them to you as boxed sets and
let you decide if we can put them out in that manner.
Can you do
that? Yes. There's all sorts of proof you can when you sell the
rights to compilation companies which makes NOW and Time Life and
other versions.”
He smiled real big, “Get me
that!”
I nodded, “We'll work on it. I'm telling
you it won't be fast, but we'll have something soon.”
He
nodded, “I understand.”
Rayne asked, “If you
have any log sheets, it'd be helpful.”
Jeff
nodded, “I'll see what I can find.”
I said, “It's
probably been thrown away. It stinks because it'd be really helpful
to have those sign in sheets as a way of having album art.”
Jeff
smiled real big, “Yeah, that'd be cool!”
I said,
“Guys, I need to get back to work.”
I turned to
Jeff, “Give me a few more hours and I'll have enough for three
albums.”
He looked surprised, “Really?”
I
nodded, “I put this together in a little bit over an hour.”
He
smiled real big, “Ok!”
Rayne asked, “What do
you need me to do?”
Jeff
said, “Come with me.”
I asked, “Find out
when our stylist will be here?”
Jeff nodded, “Ok.”
I
got the next song cued and went into the booth. It played and I
listened. When I thought I had a grasp of it, I began singing the
song, and got into processing the next 40 songs.
In two hours, Rayne came in. He gave me a look and I asked, “What's going on?”
“Nothing.
I need a computer to do that.”
“Ok. Let's get you
one.”
“Do we have internet out there at that
house?”
“Yeah.
I found it on my phone!”
He smiled, “Good!”
I
dialed Jeff, “Hello?”
“Listen, I'm done here
if there's nothing else to sing. Rayne needs his car and we have to
get him a computer.”
“What kind?”
“It
really needs to be a server. We're going to work with your server and
get things offloaded onto it.”
“Buy whatever you
need. I'll get you reimbursed for it.”
“Ok. It's
going to be expensive.”
“How expensive?”
“I'm not sure, but a top of the line Sun costs $250,000. If he gets what he needs, it's going to be really good because we need to put it through filters and get it converted over from mono to stereo.
All that takes computing power, and all that takes storage. We've got to store it and we've got to pull it off and work with it.”
“Ok. I could get you our guy if you're interested.”
“Sure.”
“In
regards to the car, I'll get him called. He said it would be here, so
it should.”
“Thanks Jeff.”
“It's
not a problem. I've got legal on getting me that contract.”
“Wonderful. Now what about our singing and acting contracts?”
“They're
here.”
“Good! I'll get us over there.”
“Wait
a moment and I'll see if that car is ready.”
“Ok.”
I
rang off and Rayne smiled at me, “You're braver than me when it
comes to talking about that kind of stuff!”
“It's
been promised and needs to be delivered.”
A girl walked
in and I asked, “May we help you?”
“I'm looking for...” She looked at her paper, “A Mojave Marshal and Rayne Peters.”
“I'm
Mojave, and he's Rayne.”
She smiled, “Wonderful!
I'm Erica, your stylist!”
I said, “You're going to
have to ride with us. They expected me to take 16 hours and it only
took me about 7. Needless to say, I've got to go to the main office
as does he.”
She
nodded, “Ok!”
Rayne said, “When we get to
the office, you can park and ride with us if needed.”
She
nodded, “Ok. I've got a makeup room at the main studio if you'd
like to go there.”
I said, “Ok, but he's about to
get called to go get his Mercedes. Other than that, we're working on
getting some things out of the computer and need to speak with their
computer man.”
I turned to Rayne, “Find out what
you need in computers?”
He nodded, “I'm going to
see if we can take a server down and copy directly from their drives
at the farm, wherever it is.”
“Ok.”
“It's
going to take a lot of disc space. Wherever it is, it's got to be a
huge farm.”
I nodded, “Unless they've gotten rid
of it.”
“No, I'm seeing it!”
“Ok.
I'm glad you're seeing it.”
She smiled, “What's first?”
I
turned, “He and I need to go sign contracts. You can go with us
and then, I can get in your chair while he does everything he needs.
When he's finished, he'll get into the chair and we'll be ready for
all that.”
I turned, “Is that ok with you?”
He
nodded, “Just remember that they're supposed to do the
paperwork for our license plates and the signing over of the
house.”
“Ok.”
I turned, and asked,
“Are you going to be our stylist for always?”
She
nodded, “If you want me to...”
I nodded, “Yeah,
but here's the deal...” I paused, “Give me a moment.”
I
dialed Jeff, “Hello?”
“I know I'm bugging
the hell out of you, but I need to ask if you got that helicopter
service.”
“Yes. Each of you are going to have your
own services.”
“Ok. With that learned, I need to
know if our stylist can set up out at the ranch?”
“Yeah,
if she's willing to do that!”
“I'll get things
made accessible for her. I'm not sure what it'll take, but I'm sure
we've got a space someplace for her to work.”
“If
you don't, get one built and we'll cover it.”
“Jeff,
I do know we're going to have need for an architect. You have more
pull than me, so I was wondering if you could find us one which would
be real good.”
“For those cottages, or what?”
“We're
wanting an aquatic center with a built in tennis facility and spa. I
want us having a gym with weights, a cardio room, and some rooms for
different activities.”
“Oh! I imagine he'd have
something like that drawn up.”
“That's what I'm
hoping.”
“What about the cottages?”
“I want them like the little ones we've got. Those are 2 and 3 bedroom units, but they're small the way I think they should be. With the adobe, they look like they fit.”
“I
agree. I'll see if they have something which would work real
fast.”
“Ok.”
“You
might think about having a manufactured home place build them! They
could do them so that when they arrive on the site, they could have
adobe put on.”
“Are those built well?”
“Yes.”
“We'll
have to look and see!”
I rang off and said to her,
“Here's the deal. He said if you'll agree, we can have you come
out to the house and work on us in the mornings. I understand it's
going to take a while because we have to build a facility for you to
work, but it's going to tell you what we've got and will give you a
real good idea on how to handle everything with all the stars out at
our little village.”
“Where's
this?”
I looked at Rayne, “What's the name of our ranch?”
Rayne smiled, “Rancho Mora.”
I
asked, “We need to see if there's one.”
He nodded
and said, “Let me look!”
“If there's one, I
hope it isn't big because we might need to buy it!”
He
made a face, “Santa Ynez. It's on a road called Mora
Road.”
“Really?”
He
smiled, “Yeah, it looks like a highway. It has paint on it like
a highway.”
“We'll have to drive up there!”
He
laughed, “Sure! I'll get with you on my schedule and we'll see
what month!”
We all laughed and she said, “That
was funny!”
I said, “Well, we could fly up with
the helicopter since both of us are getting one each!”
He
looked surprised, “That's cool!”
“I thought
so!”
She said, “So I'd fly to your ranch and work
on you?”
“Yeah.
You could fly back with us, but we'd have time to work out and swim
in the morning and then, have you work on us. That way, when we go to
the set or wherever, we could...”
I turned to Rayne,
“Tell him we need scripts!”
He smiled, “Ok!
You're going to have to get an assistant soon!”
“So
are you. Then your people can get with my people!”
He
laughed and I really smiled. He said, “Thank God we've got that
big house!”
“Yeah! We'll have it filled!”
I
turned, “If you need a place to stay, we've got space in the
main house. There's 15 bedrooms which are smaller suites besides
ours.”
She nodded, “Really?”
He waved his hand, “If you saw the place, you'd think they wanted everyone around. There's a motel down the way which isn't a motel but 72 extra suites done up as a motel. Then, there are houses, condos, cottages, caretaker's cottages, and the main house. All in all, there's probably enough beds to start a huge resort.”
She
smiled, “What is it called now?”
I shrugged, “It's
out in the Simi Valley. It's a huge horse ranch.”
She
nodded, “I've been there before! It's beautiful!”
“We
bought it last night.”
She
smiled bigger, “Lucky you!”
“It's going to
take an army of people to operate it. Lord knows if I had to dust it,
it'd take all week to get through everything!”
Rayne
laughed, “You dust!!!”
I smiled and laughed, “It
sounded good dammit!”
We laughed and she really giggled, “I take it you don't clean?”
I waved my hand, “When we moved things into my house, I told him to clean up his own mess because I was a big enough slob! Needless to say, he's been doing good and I've been doing terrible! He gets on me all the time and I have to go clean up my messes!”
Rayne said, “He's terrible about cooking a pizza and leaving the box laying on the counter and then taking the circle it came on and cutting it and taking it in and eating off it. Then, when the circle is done, he uses it as a doily for all his glassware he hauls in!”
I said, “It works good! About the time he commences to yelling about the box on the counter, the circle is covered with glasses and needs emptied anyway, so I go take care of it!”
She
laughed, “You two sound like my brothers! One is clean, the
other is messy!”
I asked, “Are they gay?”
She
gave me a look, “Aren't you two together?”
“NO!
We're super best friends, but that's it. They're going to spin it so
that it's looking like we're a gay couple, but you know the
truth.”
She looked surprised, “Are you ok with
that?”
Rayne
said, “Yeah. It's only for so long before we find someone else.
When we do, we'll break it apart and will say we're good friends and
have decided to go our own separate ways.”
She nodded,
“That would be weird for me.”
I dismissively said,
“It's the Justin and Selena relationship done up gay.”
She
smiled, “OH!”
I looked at Rayne, “We're as
close as brothers. Whoever he gets had better be good to him, or I'll
step in and show them what I think of it. I'm sure he'd do the same
for me, so it has to work.”
She
nodded, “My brothers are straight.”
I nodded,
“Then there's still hope.”
She smiled real big and Rayne really laughed. My phone rang and I saw it was Jeff, “Hello?”
“The
car is ready. They're going to deliver it over here.”
“Ok.
Good. He's got to talk with your computer guy... Now, is it going to
be ok if we go to where the computers are and download right there?”
“It should be. I don't know where they're located, but I'll find out.”
“Good.
It will help us get that faster.”
“Do you think
they could download it to DVD for you?”
“Uh,
no. You're not realizing how much space it's taking right
now.”
“Really?”
“Each hour is
probably a gigabyte of storage. Each day is 24 gigabytes and each
week is a 168, so each year is 52 times that.”
Rayne
said, “There's 24 years. It started in 1990.”
Jeff
said, “OH!”
Rayne said, “They've digitized
the files prior to that. I've found their archives on that server, so
I can do that different.”
Jeff sounded shocked,
“REALLY!”
I said, “Yeah, but it doesn't
sound like it's video. It sounds like they took masters and put them
into the computer.”
“OH MAN! I want those!”
Rayne
smiled real big at me and I winked. I said, “Ok. We'll get
those for you. It's going to take a little bit to get them on over to
data disc, but you'll have them.”
“I'll
pay for those too. I know it makes no sense, but I didn't know we had
them!”
“We'll get them for you.”
I rang off and shook my head. I turned to Erica, “Whatever you hear with us stays with us. Ok?”
She
nodded, “Sure hon.”
I said, “The man is
paying us to do for him what is already done. You know that if we can
get to those files in this computer, he can get to them in his
computer or any computer in the place.”
Rayne said, “As long as you've got a passcode. It takes that.”
I
nodded, “Which I don't have.”
Rayne said, “You've
got one!”
“I do???”
He
nodded, “I made you one!”
“Ok. Thanks!”
He
nodded, “You've been working on your file in your file
already!”
“Cool!”
“It's given a
password which is all your passwords for everything already. All you
have to do is use your entry passcode and then, get in to the file
feature. Then, you get to the file feature and click on it. When it
opens, it wants a password which you already know.”
“OK.
Good!”
I swiped my phone at the computer and took my
files. He looked shocked, “I hope those are copies!”
“Yeah.
I'm not letting anyone have those! We don't even have a contract
yet!”
Erica looked shocked, “You don't!”
I
rolled my eyes, “We get that when we get over there. It's been
a real mess today.”
We went out and I said, “We'll
meet you over at the main office. Then, we'll go to the studio.”
She
nodded, “Ok. I'll meet you at the studio. Just ask for me!”
I
nodded, “Ok!”
When Rayne and I got in the car, I
turned on the air conditioning and he said, “She's a plant.
She'll tell him everything she hears.”
“I saw her
eyes. I think you're right.”
We
drove over and parked. I saw the Mercedes and said, “There it
is Buddy!”
He ran over and looked and promptly set off
the alarm. I dialed Jeff, “Hello!”
“He set
off the alarm. Could you bring the keys!”
He laughed,
“Ok!”
The entire time the horn was blasting and
the two alarms were doing their different welps and noises. A guard
came and I said, “Jeff's on his way. It's his car there, but
Jeff has the keys.”
The
guy said, “Oh ok! I've been told about you guys already!”
I
nodded, “That's Rayne's parking spot and he's Rayne. I'm
Mojave, and I park here.”
The guys smiled, “I like
your names.”
“They're not made up. I've lived with
this for all my life. His parents made him live with Rayne all his
life.”
He
smiled, “That's cool.”
Jeff came running and hit
the fob. As soon as he did, the car did a beep of the horn and went
silent. Jeff went around and handed Rayne his keys and said, “I
suppose this extra set goes to Mo'?”
Rayne
nodded, “Yeah, I got his, so he gets mine.”
I
said, “We've already agreed that when he wants to drive mine,
he can. And when I want to drive his, I can.”
Jeff
motioned, “Go drive it!”
I said, “I want to
do the contracts. Rayne and I can go later.”
Rayne said,
“I'm going to go drive it. I'll be back.”
Jeff
said, “The license and paperwork will be done here real
shortly.”
I said, “Ray', if I'm not here, I'll be
over with Erica.”
“Ok!”
I went in and Jeff said, “Come on up and we'll get on that.”
We
went up to his office. On the way back to the corner, he pointed,
“This is your office. That there is his.”
“Ok.
I'll have to show him. Thanks for thinking of us!”
“I
had to give you these. There's no window offices available.”
I
nodded, “That's ok. I'll be fine with it.”
He
motioned, “There's a secretary and you have her to answer fan
mail and all that.”
“Thanks.”
He
motioned, “Let's go to my office.”
We
went and sat down. He said, “These are your contracts. I know
we've got to negotiate on some things, but look them over and see
what you think.”
I started reading and asked, “Can
I take these to my office? I'm sure you don't need me wasting your
time.”
“I'm fine. I want to know if you're
happy.”
“So far. I'll read and let you know.”
He
called in a runner and said, “Get him something to drink.”
I
said, “7-Up. If it's not a 20oz, get me two.”
She
nodded, “I'll have that momentarily.”
She went out
and he asked, “Hungry?”
“Not yet. We had Denny's for breakfast, so we're pretty good.”
He smiled, “I remember those days.”
I
pointed, “Here's a problem.”
He asked, “What
page?”
“Page 4...”
We negotiated the
contracts and he said, “Can I hear your music?”
I nodded, “Sure. I don't have it on disc, but I do in the file.”
I
went around and pulled it up. He asked, “How'd you do
that!”
“All you have to do is sign in with your
passcode. After that, the files are protected with passwords. Yours
should work.”
“Neat!”
“We're
getting everything for you on data disc, but you could've been in
those files all along.”
He looked shocked and pointed,
“They're on this computer???”
“Yeah.”
“Show
me!”
I pointed and pulled up the file storage system. As
soon as I did, I said, “You need to get this protected if
Mark's no longer allowed in them. He could steal them, or he could
maliciously go in and crash the entire system.”
He's
going to be dealing with a jailer for a while. Our attorneys said
what he did was a gross violation of the law.”
“Yeah.”
We
got to listening to the files of one of the old artists. I said,
“You're lucky we found these. I want a duplicate file of that
server so that if one crashes, we've got a backup.”
He
nodded, “Yeah. What do you think of the quality?”
“For coming off the masters, it's real good. Some of the early conversions weren't so good.”
“Really?”
“One of the old groups heard the quality and said it was terrible. They held onto their masters so that when the quality improved, they were able to take them over.” (Metallica)
“I
hope none got messed up.”
“If they did, we can run
it through a cleaner. It should bring everything back.”
“Do
you know how to do that?”
“Yeah,
but let Rayne do it. He wants to feel needed and vital to everything
here also.”
He smiled, “You two cover each other
really good.”
“We're like brothers. I'll always
have his back.”
“And
he'll have yours.”
“Yeah.”
“I
want your hair going over to blond.”
“Can it be
natural instead of bottle?”
He
laughed, “Yeah!”
“That's a 7 color
treatment... Just so you know.”
“Really?”
“A
person's hair has 7 colors in it naturally. You don't notice it until
you put someone side by side with someone who got their color from a
bottle. That's when you realize one looks so fake it's obvious and
the other doesn't.”
“Interesting!”
“I
have no problem dying my hair any color. Rayne will for a part, but
he hates going through a bunch of colors.”
“I
think he looks best as he is now.”
“That's
dyed.”
“Really!”
“His natural
color is dishwater blond. He hated it, so he wanted it darker so that
it made him look distinguished.”
He giggled, “And
I want yours to go blond!”
“Yeah.”
“His
looks best at his color now.”
“I picked it.”
“Is
that a 7 color treatment?”
“Three. He's not
patient enough to sit still for the others!”
He laughed,
“I'm not familiar with how they do it.”
“It's
like frosting your hair. You dye the middle color and then, you put
on skull caps which have holes. Then, you pull through and dye the
next and the next and the next and so on and so forth. If you want
curl, or whatever, you do all that prior to dying so it's finished
when you wash it out and start conditioning.”
He nodded, “That's interesting. You know how to do all that?”
“Yeah. It's easy. We learned it on YouTube because people were paying big money to do what could be done for cheap.”
Rayne came in. He smiled, “How's it going?”
“Good. We've got everything negotiated out.”
He nodded, “Mine too?”
I
gave him a look and he said, “Ok! Ok! I figured you
would!”
Jeff laughed and I said, “They're the
same.”
Jeff said, “For working in the archives,
I'm getting you a flat rate of $5000 a song.”
Rayne
nodded, “Ok. I'm going to ask you something in regards to
those.”
Jeff said, “Sure.”
Rayne said, “There are some which are broken which means there's no end. I think we can repair them using technology. Do you want me to try to do that?”
Jeff
looked shocked, “Yeah!”
I said, “That takes
a lot longer. It takes putting all those songs in and seeing if a
word can be found like is required. By the time it's finished, it's
real good, but it's real specialized.”
Jeff said, “Get
me those and I'll pay you $25,000 each.”
I said, “Ok.
Just so you're aware, we're going to give you the original broken one
where they ended it so you're not having us saying they're all
broken!”
He laughed, “Ok!”
Rayne read
the contracts and got finished in about 20 minutes. He asked, “What
now?”
I said, “Sign and we'll get you songs.”
Jeff
said, “I'm going to make a call and get someone in for him.”
I
said, “Can I intercede?”
Jeff
smiled real big, “Yeah!”
I pointed, “You
have the masters. You've also got the old recordings of the music
without the singers. Couldn't he work on some of those?”
Jeff said, “Yeah. I have no problem with that, but I thought he'd do better by having Foster's tutelage.”
“Foster also takes a percentage. To be honest, if you look at a lot of his latest people, he's not had a whole lot of luck with them.”
He gave me a look, and I knew I'd irked the hell out of him. I pointed, “Look it up! If you want an operatic tenor, I suppose you'll be fine. Take a look at that Filipino girl's career. It's dead in the water. It's like Foster just gave up, or lost his balls, or something!”
He gave a smirk and looked it up. I pointed, “In this business, without hits, you're dead in the water. I hate to piss you off, but we were talking about cutting dead weight and you're wanting to hand his career to dead weight!”
Rayne gave me a look. I said, “Here's what I'll do. We've got the keys to the studio. Tomorrow is a day where we've got one thing and that's getting Armani to dress us. On Sunday, I'm not sure since we've already had our stylist meeting and need to get over there.
What
I'll do is I'll work with those masters and get him 70 songs which I
think will work. You can see if they're good and you can run with it
if you think it's quality. If not, invite Foster in and we'll have
him produce him. Either way, you'll know if you dodged a bullet, or
decided you needed another hole in your head.”
He smiled
real big, “You can say things which totally irk the hell out of
me, but back them up with confidence!”
Rayne said, “He's
done it all his life. He'd have everyone upset with him and then,
would show them he was right. After a while people would turn to him
for his opinion, and he'd give it... More often than not, he'd be
right.”
I said, “Jeff, like it or not, I've
studied these careers. I can tell you who's a dud and who has some
potential. Oprah kissed the man's ass high and low and lauded him as
the master starmaker.
I'll tell you he was. I'll tell you he was great. Then, I'll tell you somewhere along the line, he lost it. AND, I'll tell you that I find it damned interesting that he suddenly started working with men and left the women alone.
What
I think happened is he got involved with one and had an affair. He
got burned because he got emotionally attached and I think she was
most likely married. AND, I'll tell you I think that whoever it was,
scared the hell out of him probably because he got involved in some
stupid shit while he was with her.”
Jeff gave me a look,
“I don't know, but you put the pieces together real
good.”
“It's common sense! And what did I tell you
earlier??? I told you that rule one is to stay away from the
emotional side of things!”
He
smiled real big, and nodded, “Yeah!”
“Take a
look at when people get involved emotionally. If you don't see a
train wreck happening, you're not seeing what I'm seeing.
With these 70 songs, they're done. Did I get emotional about any of them? No. Could I? Yeah, but why??? I mean, if I'm performing 50 or 60 years from now, I'm not giving up a career over something now before I get there! That's dumb!”
I
took a deep breath, “I want to have a shot at his music. If I'm
wrong, I'll slink off and won't bug you again. If I'm right, I'll
have saved you a bunch of money.”
“Ok.”
I
motioned, “We're going to go deal with the stylist. After that,
we'll probably be in the studio over there until it's time to go get
us some dinner. Then, we'll get that done and will be back in.”
We
went out and Rayne said, “I hope you're right!”
“I
am.”
We got in the car and drove over to the studio.
While we were driving, he asked, “What's the key?”
“Get
your favorite cds and work from them.”
“HUH?”
“Rihanna, Kelly Clarkson, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift... Take a look at those and think about it... If they'll sing the songs we hear in those archives, you know there's a quality we've got for now and into the future.
Are
there a bunch? Yes. Take a look at Bobby Darin, Ricky Nelson, Fabian,
Dion & The Belmonts, Rudy Valley, Del Shannon, Bobby Vee, and the
list goes on...”
He said, “Ok, you're going to
tell me what they sang?”
I started to sing and he said, “No. If I'm going to sing, I want to sing something everyone can sing along with. Don't give me some stuff which no one's heard. Give me stuff which is classic from the first words I sing.”
I pulled over and stared at him. He gave me a nervous look, “Is that ok?”
I nodded, “Let me make a call. I apologize for getting it wrong for you.”
He gave me a smile, “What's going on in that pretty head of yours?”
“Listen to this call. I'm going to get carte blanche simply because I'm putting together a team which is going to get you all that and more.”
“OK.”
I
dialed Jeff, “Hello?”
“It's
me boss!”
He laughed, “What's going on!”
“Uh,
I'm going to ask that you spend some money.”
He laughed,
“Ok! But why?”
“You have the ability to make calls and get people to perk up by putting together a package. I've got it, but it's going to take us pulling in favors and a bunch of people. When they're pulled together, you're going to need to have an orchestra for this.”
“Really?”
“Call Richard Carpenter and John Bettis. See if Burt Bacherach is still alive and see if he can come. See if Ron Garow, Brian Wilson, Paul Williams, and Roger Nichols are available.
When you call them, tell them it's for us to sit and put together a collection of songs for him to sing which... as he put it, are classics from the first words sung.”
“Oh
man!”
“The deal is we're going to put these albums
together so that we're giving the buying public what The Carpenters,
the Beach Boys, and a lot of those guys all sang... Albums with real
singing, and real playing on them which are music, not put through a
computer, but real honest to God music.”
“Ok. I'll
do it. Had you said you wanted something else, I'd probably scratched
it, but you've got me interested because it's a common complaint I
hear all the time... That no one sings and no one plays.”
“I
agree. Now, you MIGHT call in Barry Manilow also... I'd tell you to
call Neil Diamond, but we might be getting too star heavy and have
some conflicts of interest.”
“No. I'm going to ask
that you hold it out at your place where you can put them up and
create for as long as it takes.”
“Ok. But I want
you to know that we're going to need to have video set up and we're
going to need to make it so that it's known as a summit where we have
the greats in trying to yank back what once was... And yeah, it'll be
Yesterday Once More.”
He said, “I need to get off here. I thought I was dealing with someone who was a stone and you're bringing tears to my eyes because I'm sold on this emotionally again!”
I
giggled, “I don't think we can have bad music coming from this
summit. There's too much talent.”
“I'm making
calls.”
“Ok. We're going in and getting this
stylist thing done.”
“I'll have your choppers ready to get you home.”
“No.
I hate to tell you no, but we don't have a thing to eat out there and
we sure don't have a thing to entertain with out there.”
“I'll
call and get catering done. It might be late getting some in, but I
think they'll jump.”
“When this happens, I'm going
to ask for three girls to be there.”
“Who?”
“Pink, Katy Perry, and Kelly Clarkson. I want some who actually write and sing. It'll be real good if we can show that we didn't just get the summit where it was for us, but we got a summit where some of the current greats showed.”
“Ok.
I don't know if some will come. First of all, they're busy and they
might not because of how it's put together.”
“Try.
I know it's tough, but get their people to hear the cast of
characters and see if they're actually interested. If they're not,
they'll miss out and we'll have them regretting the once in a
lifetime opportunity.”
“Ok.”
“I
know Bacharach is way old if he's still alive, but ...”
“He
is. I'll make the call. Now will you listen to David Foster?”
I
sighed, “I'll listen. He's going to have to be told it's a
summit where egos get left at the door.”
“Do you
think he's egotistical?”
“Here's the deal. He told someone once (Seal), that it was his way or no way. I'm sorry, but it's not about you when you're the producer. It CAN be about you if you put that restraint on your artist, but you might as well release it yourself. If you're going to do that, let the artist out of the cage.
Personally, I'm not wanting egos front and center. I want it to be about a group of people coming together and bouncing ideas, putting songs into a collection which we can pull from, and it being a great big collaborative effort which fights and claws it's way onto the airwaves and grunt punches an establishment who've gotten to the point that they're so used to making music in a computer that they've lost quality.
Now,
I know that's a whale of a sentence, but it's something I really
want. I want it to have meaning and I want us to stand and give hugs
at the end of this and have them knowing that we really care and are
thankful... THEN, we can have everyone up on stage at these awards
shows and ask everyone how it felt when they hugged their
computer.”
He laughed, “I know what you mean. It's
a huge complaint people have nowadays. You don't know how many radio
people I've heard who say they've gotten fed up with it.”
“I
understand, but you give Rayne the full credit. He had enough
strength to shut me down on what I wanted and told me what he
wants.”
“Good. I'm glad to hear
that!”
“Sometimes, it's not about the producer. I
listened.”
He chuckled, “Let me off here. I'm about to tear up again!”
We
rang off and Rayne smiled, “Thanks!”
“Buddy,
if we can get this to happen, do you realize how huge this will be?”
“I
know. It's going to be legendary.”
I dialed Jeff back.
His number was busy. I said, “Remind me to include Quincy
Jones.”
“Ok.”
We got to the studio
and went in. Real fast, they had us back to Erica's domain. We went
in and she smiled real big, “There you guys are!”
“I'm
to be taken to blond. He wants him kept the same color.”
She
nodded, “Ok.”
“I want a 7 layer treatment on
the color. It has to look natural.”
She
nodded, “Good!”
“With everything, I want it
looking natural. It might not be, but I want it to look like every
photo taken of me in a different color has you wondering if that's
the real color.”
She nodded, “Ok. I'll do that. It's more time consuming, but I'll do it.”
I
nodded, “One other thing and then, I'll quit on what I want...
No matter what, I want to be suntanned but I want that sun tan to
look real, not out of a bottle.”
She nodded, “Ok.
We can't overdo it, but it'll be done.” She looked at me and
said, “With your blue eyes, it'll be great.”
I
motioned, “He's got green. He's naturally blond, but hates
blond.”
She
nodded, and looked at Rayne, “It's interesting because I
couldn't imagine you being blond.”
Rayne smiled, “I
hate it.”
I
smiled, and ran my fingers through his hair, “I love it. He has
the perfect hair, but he hates it!”
She laughed and
smiled, “And you two love each other.”
I
nodded, “Hell yes I do!”
Rayne smiled real big, “I
love him 99% of the time.”
I nodded, “He can't
follow me after I use the bathroom!”
We all laughed and
Rayne said, “Change that to 98%. I forgot about the FOG!”
We
really laughed and I said, “He thinks I'm a slob.”
Rayne
said, “Keep going! It's down to 97%!”
She
really laughed and said, “You two ought to do this during
interviews!”
I smiled, “We'd bump foreheads. I'd
bend over and get knocked on the noggin with his because he'd be
bowing and trying to hand me the interviewee chair at the same time I
was trying to hand it to him. I mean, if you love someone, you make
sure they get the limelight, right?”
Rayne
smiled, “That's why you need to have that chair!”
I
laughed, “We'll figure it out... I might sit in front of you on
the floor.”
She
laughed, “That'd be an interview!”
I nodded,
“Erica, let me tell you something. I met him when we were
really young. He'll tell you it was 8. I'll tell you it was before we
started first day of kindergarten when I saw him on the monkey bars
and thought, “Oh man, he's got the most perfectly manicured
nails!” and then, I realized it was his toes and he'd taken off
his shoes!”
She
really laughed, and I nodded, “Perfect toes! Who the hell has
beautiful toes! He does!”
Rayne really giggled, “So
it was YOU who licked my toes!”
We all laughed and I
shook my head, “No, that was the dog. I was the one laughing
because the dog was insane! He rubbed his butt across the ass-phalt!”
We
all laughed and she shook her head, “I need to get busy.”
I
said, “Ok. Him first. You cut his hair and I'll run my fingers
through it... Try not to cut my fingers and play dodgem. We'll see
what you end up with!”
She laughed and I said, “Ok...
Here's a look. I put my hand back here. You cut all the rest!”
We
really laughed and Rayne said, “No! You'll have it as one
finger and then, we'll be in deep shit when I drive your
convertible!”
I nodded, “Hey! That'd be a cool hat! We'll call it the hater hat! We'll get a little mechanical thing so that when you have someone behind you who is a bitch, you can press a little pump thing which flips up the finger!”
We
laughed and he said, “You'd wear it backwards on
television!”
“Hell yes I would! It'd be great! If
an interviewer wanted to get hateful, I'd press the button!” I
paused, “No, forget that. I'd forget and would put it between
my legs and in my nervousness, the finger would look like it was
having a seizure!”
We really laughed, and he shook his head, “You know you're nuts, right?”
“I
told you I was certifiably macadamian! You thought I was a cookie!”
I paused, “Remind me to ask Pink the story about her name.”
He
smiled, “Don't you dare!”
“Ok, I'll just ask
her between 1 and 4 how big her hubby's pecker is!”
We
really laughed and Erica really laughed, “You're nuts! You know
that!”
I nodded, “Hazel... Wall... Pistachio...
Brazil... Peanut Butter!” I looked at Rayne, “Can I get
one of those VitaVegamin Mixer things?”
He
smiled, “Why!”
“Homemade nut butter! We can
finally afford one!”
He
giggled, “You'd be home saying, “Try this! I made it!”,
and will have forgotten to take them out of the bag!”
Erica
really laughed and I smiled, “That's cool! I was thinking about
pine nuts and just throwing in the whole pine cone!”
He
made a face, “Nah, leave that alone!”
I shook my
head, “I don't know why people do that.”
Erica
asked, “What's that?”
I turned, “Ok, pine nuts come from the pinion pine tree. You have to find pinion pines and then, you get the cones. It takes a friggin' pickup truck full of the cones to get a cup full. You have to put them in a thing and roast them in a fire and then, you're stuck with this pine cone which you have to hold with latex gloves on or you get hot pine tar on your hands which burns like hell. Then, you bang it and the pine nuts fall out. When you get your 3 pine nuts from a cone, you throw it into the fire and you keep doing it over and over until you say fuck it, it's not worth it and go out and get some sunflower kernals which you put on a cookie sheet and burn in the oven so that they taste just like pine nuts!”
She
smiled, “You know pine nuts are expensive!”
I
nodded, “$25 a friggin' pound! That's because it takes so much
work!”
She
motioned, “They've got them at Whole Foods.”
I
nodded, “We'll have to try some which someone else did all that
stuff to get them.”
She
held up a color pallette and said to Rayne, “These are your
colors.”
I said, “Cool! Your Mercedes is your
color!”
He smiled and she said, “I'm not going to tell you that you can't wear gold, or silver, or platimum.”
I said, “Good. I'll get you nipple bars with balls on them which have MY on each ball. Then, you'll have my balls on your chest!”
They
really laughed and he shook his head, and looked at her, “He's
like this all the time. He's really toned it down!”
I
nodded, “I have to remember it's hard work to be civilized. Do
you know how hard it was today not to pull Shockzilla out of my ass
on that dude!”
He smiled and she really giggled. I said, “Shockzilla is this stuffed animal I won at the fair forever ago. It looks like a Harry and the Hendersons doll, but I put a bow in his hair and ear rings on him and called him Shockzilla. One of these days I'm going to out that drag queen to the world and they're going to know a diva dammit!”
She
giggled, “You ought to market one!”
I said, “She'd
want a bridal dress. Lord knows the crystals would have to be
Svarovski. Then, I'd be in the poor house because I designed a gown
for a drag queen gorilla!”
Rayne laughed, “That
thing is hilarious. It's got looks which has you wondering what it's
thinking!”
I nodded, “She's a bitch. We'd have to
have a pull string which says, “Does this dress make my ass
look fat!” and I'd be like, “NO Shockzilla, you can't say
it looks fat... It doesn't look all SlimFast, but it's sure not
fat... God no!”
They laughed and I nodded, “We need to see if we can get one made so that it has two great big ass cheeks!”
They laughed and I said, “We could put those eyes on the back pockets of her jeans which roll around when she moves.” I shook my head, “No, we can't do that... The Kardashians would consider her a threat and competition and out her for being a drag queen... Like THEY'RE NOT!”
Rayne
said, “No, that's Bruce.”
“Brucilla!”
Erica laughed and I nodded, “You know that one picture with his hair done up at the top made him look like Brucilla, don't you! Am I lyin'???”
She really giggled, and I said, “Sorry Rayne, I've got to stop. She's cutting your hair and she's jiggling as she laughs. We don't want your bangs all jagged.”
She
laughed, “That's ok!”
I said, “I've done
worse cutting his hair... Remember that one haircut I gave
you!”
Rayne gave me a look and said, “He's not
allowed to cut my hair anymore.”
Erica laughed, “What
happened?”
I said, “Ooh, it wasn't nice. I'd love to say we were using electric clippers and the power went out, but it was worse.”
She laughed and Rayne said, “He got the = of the equality confused. I had racing stripes on my head!”
She really laughed and I said, “It would've worked great, but he had to go and tell everyone that it was supposed to be the equality symbol and that I was a dizzy bitch!”
She laughed harder, and I said, “It was rather amusing.”
She stopped cutting his hair and really laughed. Rayne gave me a look and said, “96%.”
She laughed harder and shook her head, “That's hilarious!”
I said, “As London said, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”.”
He
smiled, “You need to behave. She's got to finish!”
I
said, “Ok. I'll try. I'll switch subjects.”
He
smiled, “Please do!”
I said, “DO you see how
I got him to invite all of our idols to the house for us?”
He
smiled and said, “Yeah, like Brian Wilson is an idol of
yours!”
“Seriously, do you realize he's had an
eventful life??? I mean if you have to move out of your house because
Charles Manson moved in, that's pretty eventful!”
He giggled, “I suppose you'd done it different?”
“Yeah. I'd bought a bunch of tuna and would've been going apeshit in the kitchen lopping off their heads going, “Sorry Charlie Starkist doesn't want tuna that tastes good, they want demented fuckers like me to chop them up!”. Then, he would've seen I was crazier than him and moved out!”
He laughed, “You'd probably have them live too!”
“Yeah, but that would've been a mess!”
He said, “Is that the only reason you asked to have him there?”
“No.
I mean... I might slide down the banister railing to see if my butt
cheeks could do that one sound they did in that Good Vibrations, but
that would be cool!”
She laughed, “What sound was
that?”
“That ooeeoohee!”
She
laughed, and Rayne smiled, “I knew when you saw that railing
you were going to do something with it!”
I switched
subjects, “Remember that one guy in tights we saw that had the
skidtracks!”
They laughed and Rayne said, “Of
course, you saw it!”
She really laughed and I said,
“Seriously! We went to see the Nutcracker Ballet! I didn't know
it was a comedy and laughed my ass off all the way through it after
that!”
Rayne said, “He had everyone thinking he was stoned!”
I said, “You know, there are times when you're holding your little folding opera glasses that you don't want to see things close up!”
She
really laughed, “Oh man!”
I said, “People
stared. The more people stared, the more I thought about different
things you can get in a can which squeezes out like that one cheese,
and RediWhip, and how much you get to craving them when people think
you're stoned!”
He
smiled, “What's hilarious is we left and went to the
convenience store and the only kind of crackers we could find that he
liked were Goldfish. He was trying put that cheese on them and
finally sprayed his finger with it and stuck the fish on!”
I
smiled, “Now, you know that wasn't bad! You tried it!”
She laughed and I said, “Oh man, if he's having it catered, he needs to see if anyone's vegan! It'd suck if we had four kinds of meat and sushi and didn't think of the vegans!” I looked at him, and said, “You know Vegans and pizza don't go together... What's left? All you have is tomato sauce and bread! What kind of fun is that!” I paused, “Bagels and cream cheese... hold the cream cheese. BORING! I mean without cream cheese what holds the bagels onto your nipples!”
She laughed a full out belly laugh. He smiled, “Don't say MY balls!”
She
sat back down laughing. “Guys, I've laughed so much my
stomache's sore!”
I smiled, “Ok, we'll try keeping
it sane.”
She smiled, “You two need to do a comedy
routine. Lord knows you're funny!”
“We have
fun.”
He smiled, “He finds humor in all sorts of
things. I see that glint in his eye and think, “Oh man, here we
go again!”.”
She laughed, and I said, “He
understands me. That's why it's fun.”
He giggled, “He'll
mess with people just to mess with them. He heckled a juggler
once!”
She laughed and I said, “Now that guy
didn't appreciate it! I yelled, Hep! Hep! Hep!, and clapped my hands
to throw off his concentration!”
She laughed and Rayne said, “I saw the glint and said, “Oh Lord!” about the time he started doing it!”
I said, “I swear he was the guy who was rollerskating up on Venice Beach the weekend before!”
He
said, “I think you're wrong.”
“No. When a
guy is rollerskating and juggling in a thong, I remember the thong!”
She
laughed, “Yeah!”
“Well, he wouldn't pull 'em
down to show us his thong.”
Rayne said, “OF
course, he's yelling, “Show us your thong!” at a kids
birthday party no less!”
She laughed real loud and I
said, “I'd already saw the burro and thought, “OH hell
no! I'm not playing pin the tail on a live burro!”
Rayne smiled, “That was the clown's burro, dumb ass!”
“I don't know... Couldn't tell you! We got asked to leave before the clown started making things out of balloons!”
He smiled, and told her, “He was pissed because they'd already unwrapped his gift! He was going to take it back!”
“I swear they spiked that punch! That was a crazy day!”
She
laughed, “It sounds like it!”
I nodded, “They
had those nitrous oxide shots at a birthday party! I was like, “Huh,
I thought only strippers did that shit!”, but his Mom looked
like she might've been one!”
He laughed, “You only
had like 9 or 10 of them!”
“Hey, they were handing
them out right by where I was sitting! I'd already saw the burro and
thought, “Oh Lord, if this were Tijuana, she'd be workin' the
burro!”
They really laughed and I said, “Strange Days indeed...!” and looked over at Rayne, “How'd we get invited to that one?”
“She's
my aunt!”
“You never told me that! I didn't know
your Dad had a sister!”
Erica
laughed real loud and Rayne smiled, “That's my uncles
wife!”
“How'd he find something like that??? Oh,
now I KNOW she was a stripper!”
He
smiled, “No. I believe she works in a church.”
“That's
some confession!”
They
laughed and I said, “I wonder if her church dresses show as
much boobs as she was showing that day!”
He smiled,
“You're terrible!”
“So that kid was your
cousin?”
“Yeah.”
I
shook my head, “Well, you know when we get to be famous,
they'll be watching the television and will be saying, “There's
that fucker who got shitfaced at little Johnny's birthday party!”
He
laughed, “They probably won't watch us because I'm gay.”
“No.
When you get to be famous, they come out of the woodwork. We'll have
to put up a stripper's pole just to keep her entertained out at the
ranch. Lord knows with all the horseflesh we've got around, she'll
start gyrating!”
They
started laughing and he said, “You stay off the banister
railing!”
“Yeah, I don't need weird noises
happening when she's around!”
He chuckled, “I'm
sure you'll figure out a way to keep her entertained.”
“Yeah,
it'd be cool to bring out Shockzilla. We'd pull it's string and
Shockzilla would say, “Ho, what a ho!”
I paused,
“Ok, I'll behave for your family. Lord knows it's going to be
hard, but I'll have to practice some restraint.”
He
smiled, “I'm not telling my family where we live!”
“Ok.
That's a deal. I won't either.”
He smiled, “You
hate my family! I know you won't!”
I smiled, “I
was talking about my Mom and Dad!”
He laughed, “Ok.
That's fine. I think your Mom and Dad are cool. It's just that you'd
have to confiscate their booze in order for them to pay attention to
you!”
Erica gave me a surprised look. I said, “It's
true. Thankfully, I learned from them what it's like to deal with
addicts, so I don't want to deal with that anymore in this lifetime.”
He
smiled, and nodded, “Let's not talk about that. It gets you
depressed.”
“Ok. Let's talk about other fun
things.”
“What's that?”
“Since we're going to have new hairstyles, and tans, do you think it'd be cool if we went out and people didn't recognize us?”
He gave me a look, “Wait until you get blond hair before you start talking like one. Ok?”
Erica
really laughed, and I said, “Really! We're famous now. We could
go out incognito!”
He smiled, “Ok. Go ask 10
people on that sidewalk who you are.”
“NO! They'll
think I've got amnesia!”
Erica laughed, and Rayne said, “Ok. We won't do that amnesia thing. It didn't work so good at that one funeral.”
She
laughed real loud, “You didn't!”
He smiled, “We
crashed a funeral dinner. They asked us who we were and we told them
we were family. They asked whose family and we had to hurry up and
say we were family of the preacher. That's when we learned they were
Catholic and the preacher was a priest. We couldn't say we were his
kids, so that sort've blew up in our faces.”
I said, “I
should've told them he was our boyfriend.”
He
smiled, “That guy was too old to be our boyfriend!”
“Not
the guy in the casket! The priest!”
He smiled real big, and Erica laughed. He shook his head, “As you can see, we have fun! He thinks these things up and we do them.”
I said, “That one was sort've an accident.”
She gave me a look and I said, “We were on my scooter and got caught up in a funeral procession to get the fastest lane on the highway. Then, we couldn't get out of the line because they had cops all over the place, so we went to the graveyard. After that, they all asked us to come to the dinner, so he looked at me and I looked at him and we were going out to dinner anyway, so it made sense!”
She
laughed, “You two are nuts!”
“You don't know
how much I've been tempted to get a black jacket like the INS has and
put OUTS on the back and go to West Hollywood!”
He said, “That idea is better than the one where you were going to dress in brown and deliver packages as DOWNS”
I rolled my eyes, “It wasn't anything to do with down syndrome. I keep telling you that!”
She burst out laughing and he smiled. She kept laughing and he asked, “Is my hair done yet?”
I
said, “No. If you left it that way right now, you'd look
ridiculous!”
Erica said, “Hey, I'm about done!”
I smiled, “OH!”
Rayne really laughed and she smiled at me, “You don't think it looks good?”
“Uh, what sort've part is he going to play again?'
They
laughed and I said, “Don't do mine that way. That's making him
look like a a Hitler youth!”
She smiled, “That's
what his role will be in the upcoming movie.”
I said,
“Let's pray our singing career takes off. Lord knows with role
selection like that, we'll be out of the business before we start.”
Rayne said, “Perhaps it'll be a good role.”
I made a face, “Well, he certainly wants people to think twice about hiring you!”
I walked off and dialed Jeff, “Hello?”
“Were you aware Rayne's playing a Hitler youth?”
“Yes.
It's a James Bond film. He'll be over in England.”
“OH!
Well, that's real good. He's looking convincing as a Hitler youth.”
“You're
going into a real good movie.”
“Cool!”
“There
are going to be a series of them.”
“How fast are
the release dates?”
“Every
other year, but you'll have the option on three of them.”
“It's
a shame you can't film all of them at the same time.”
“They
don't do it that way because it obligates them to do releases even if
there's no money and it was a flop.”
“I
sincerely hope you're doing good ones!”
“Yeah,
these are super hero ones.”
“I hope I'm not the
super hero!”
“No, you're the teen boy who
befriends him.”
“Ok. That's cool.”
“There
are seven of them. I think you'll be able to progress it to you going
to college.”
“Ok. I hope there are other
roles.”
“Yes. They're wanting you on one which is
a voiceover part.”
“Animation?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
“The
other one is what we're going to be putting you over to doing this
upcoming week. He says he can get you filmed in two
weeks.”
“Ok.”
“I'm telling you
it's probably going to have you up for another Oscar and a bunch of
awards.”
“Good. That'll bring interest.”
“Your
music is really good. Do you realize you have enough for six albums?
With a collaboration album with him, you'd have seven and would only
need two more.”
“One is your greatest hits, the
other is something we need to look at to get music like what he
picked.”
“You'll have a lot of people out at the
house tomorrow.”
“Ok, but I want him getting his
choice and everyone getting their choice.”
“Do you think you two could do your duet album soon?”
“Yeah. If we get the music.”
“I
know Rich is going to be there. He's heard you singing and is in love
with your voice.”
“Rich?”
“Richard
Carpenter.”
“Cool! What does he think of Rayne's
voice?”
“He thinks you two should stay with duet.”
“He's
partial to duets because it made his career.”
I saw
Rayne and said, “I need off here. Rayne's finished and it's my
time in the chair.”
“Ok.”
I rang off
and said, “If nothing else, we've got Richard
Carpenter...”
“Cool!
“Call him Rich.
That's what Jeff did.”
“Ok. How do I set this
tanning booth?”
“Uh,
don't put it up on an hour. I'd do fifteen on each side.”
“Show
me how!”
“Let me get her. If I screwed up and made
it terrible for your movie, we'd be screwed.”
“Are
you happy with the movie?”
“You're
going to be in a James Bond movie.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.
You're going to be a Hitler youth. Go figure!”
“Man!”
“It
doesn't sound like it's a big part. I'm worried about that.”
“That's
ok. It all pays the same.”
“Yeah.”
“What
are yours?”
“Uh,
one is a Marvel superhero series. There are seven of them and it
sounds like I'll do two for sure. Then, there's the option of me
doing probably one more.”
“Are you happy with
that?”
“Yeah.
It'll give me something to grow with.”
“Yeah.”
“There's
an animated one which I am doing a voice over. Then, there's another
one which he says I'm to shoot for the next two weeks which will be
another Oscar contender.”
“Good!”
“We'll
talk more.”
“Ok.”
I went in and said,
“He needs you to show him how to do the tanning booth.”
“Take
your shirt off and get ready.”
“Ok.”
I
took my shirt off and she came in and stared. “Does he know you
two are so well built?”
“Uh,
I don't know.”
“You two have bodies people would
die to have.”
“Perhaps we can use it later.
Believe me, it's all natural. So is his. We can't afford to work
out.”
She
smiled, “You can now!”
“Yeah, but that
wasn't always the case.”
She
got to dying my hair and then, we waited and washed it out. After
that, she got to pulling hair through and putting it into foils and
getting those dyed. Once we had those done, we pulled more all over
and dyed those and then did it once more. She washed out and then, we
put another cap on and started all over on the dyes again until we
had the last three done. She washed out and said, “You were
patient.”
“Thanks. I'll never be impatient on you.
I know you're doing your job and you're helping us. Through you, we
get to have these lives we lead, and we appreciate it.”
She
smiled, “Thank you!”
“I'll tell you now that
he and I are only letting so many people in. IF we discover someone's
violated our trust, we'll have that person out of our lives and I
promise you that damage won't be forgiven.”
I nodded,
“Rayne is naturally suspicious of anyone new in our lives. I
understand because he's got a family which is vicious and won't be
allowed around us. If you're approached by anyone who says they're a
part of his family, tell them you've been asked by us not to divulge
anything which is a part of our lives.
I'll tell you they've robbed him, they've robbed me, and it's been through threats, intimidation, and at gun point. And yes, there's a restraining order against them which was done by the judge as soon as he heard about what they've done.
My own family is my Mom and Dad. I'll tell you I moved out and I went my own way so as not to put up with their constant arguing.
I'll tell you now that if they discovered that we were making the money we have, they'd be on it quicker than you can imagine. There's a reason the judge gave me the emancipation paperwork and that's because he knows I'll live a better life without them.
What
you'll probably learn is this... I fully expect them to come out of
the woodwork and try to get money. And I'll tell you that the second
they come out of the woodwork trying to get it, I'm going to go on
the offensive and let the world know the sort've people they are.
Why? Because I won't pay someone I chose, or he chose to leave behind
voluntarily to leave once more!”
She nodded, “They
might request that you do that.”
I held up a finger and
smiled, “The contracts don't state a thing in it about bad
press or publicity. They don't state a thing about how I'm to handle
it. Therefore, the second they want to delve into the personal side
of my life, I'm going to hold up the contract and smile and tell them
to stay the fuck out of it! Then, if they want to try to stay there,
I'll give the nod and tell them I'll turn the matter over to our
attorney which will take it up with them in a legal sense. Believe
me, they don't want to head that direction!”
She
shrugged, “I'm not saying they'll do it to you. They've been
known to do it to others.”
“And others have gained
momentum by being known not to allow those members into their lives
and didn't pay them a thing to leave! If you think Roseanne Barr paid
her family to leave, think again. Yeah, she tried buying their
silence, but they also wanted more and more to the point she exposed
them instead of tolerating it.
Louis Anderson's family ran him
into the poor house. A bunch of others have also.” I pointed,
“I can count on one finger the person who's been there for me
and doesn't need a dime from me to be the best he can be for me.
Do
I think that some people will attempt to wedge their way between us?
Yeah. And the second he allows that, I'm going to throw my hands up
in the air and tell him to buy me out for $50 million and the house
is his, but that the second he thinks he can tell me who I can and
can't have around me in that house, he doesn't make enough money to
buy me.
Does he know what that will do to us? Yeah. Does he know the one person who got him out of that life? Yeah. And he also knows the one person who used what I gained to help pull him up... because he would've done it for me.
When you and I talk in the future, please don't pass messages to us from 'them'. I don't give a fuck who 'them' are. I'll ask you once to tell me who 'them' are, and then, when it's not given, I'll show you who I am when I tell YOU I don't want you around us any longer... And if HE wants you around HIM, I'll ask him in front of you if he's lost his fuckin' mind. If he has, I can promise you the one person he won't have in his life and that's ME.
Them,
those people, and the fearful bunch are sicknesses exposed out by
truth and light. When you expose them, they suddenly have no power.
And the second you are found feeding them, I promise you that you
won't be around us.”
I shrugged, “The way it's done is
if WE choose to have our private stories told in the gossip rags,
we'll place the story there ourselves. If they turn us down because
we won't play into it some more, or where it's not benefiting us,
we'll retract and let them discuss it with our attorney.
Am
I afraid of the truth? No. Because the second they want to try
playing it out, I'll call a press conference and will lay it ALL out
there!”
She shrugged and I stood up, “Thanks for
what you did. I'll hire someone else.”
I
went in and lifted the tanning bed and spoke to Rayne. “I'm
leaving. She's been fired. I'll see you as soon as you dress and get
out of here.”
He sat up, “Wait on me!”
She
walked in, “I'm sorry!”
“You just saw how
fast it happens. If we owe you money, bill us through Jeff. I'll have
someone else hired.”
She
said, “I just want what's best for you guys!”
“Your
eyes told us earlier you were reporting everything to Jeff. He saw it
and I saw it too. Do you think I can't find someone who won't sell us
out?”
She looked shocked and I said, “Hey, our
confidence is our private business. In that contract, it doesn't
state one thing about them intruding into our private lives. It says
I will provide said quantity for said price.” I held up my
phone, “Don't believe for one second I don't have proof the 70
songs I sang for Monte Vison aren't recorded. They've now got enough
for 7 albums. My collaboration with him is the 8th, and
the Greatest Hits is the 9th.... contract completed. I
produced it, I sang it, and they get their part and I get mine.
Whether they promote it or not, I don't care. Nothing from nothing is
nothing. I got my $9 million dollars!”
I waved, “My contract is for four years. It states they offer 9 movies in 4 years. If I take them, great. If I don't, it's up to me to make sure I can get the required amount to fulfill said contract.
Do he and I have 9 home movies on DVD we can show? Yes. Do I think it's a sellable product?” I smiled, and turned, “I'll sell it to him for $1 and he'll sell it back to me for $1 and we've broke even... Contract is fulfilled.”
I
shrugged, “Games can be played. I don't give a damn right now
if Jeff wants to go into session playing them because I've fulfilled
my part.” I gave her a look, “He who knows the games
played can and will have option to play them first. I'm playing along
because I benefit and he benefits... That's it.”
I smiled,
“In said contract, I can contract for a photographer and sell
my posters of myself, movie stills, and other promotional items for
said monetary gain. If you think that the day I am put up for an
Oscar that my value as a product doesn't increase, you don't know how
I can sell them. I can drop them the day before and they're worth x
amount. I can drop them the day after and everyone's going to clamor
for them. I make all the profit. HE makes all of his profit. WE make
all of our profit if we're standing together in said photographs.”
I
stared at her, “If you can do it so that you're not selling us
out, you can work for us. If you're selling information to him, or
anyone else, we don't need your services. We stand better off
financially if we call the shots of what is sold and for how much.”
I gave her a look, “In our contract, it states we get 50% of merchandising. That means if it's not approved by us, it's not sold. They have to approve those items, but we do also. That's why it's in the contract that way.
Did I knowingly hobble him in this contract? Yeah. Why did I do it? So that I'm not finding myself standing in front of a grocery store someplace selling beans for some off brand company just because he says to do it! It won't work that way and we will never sign anything which states we'll work in that manner.
If
you look on our contracts, we're seen as contracted performer. It
means HE and the record company pays for any and all costs incurred
at said venue... not us. The second I'm told the profits didn't meet
the spend out, I'll look at him and say, “It sucks to be you!”
and will walk off dialing my attorney to tell him I don't want to
hear another fuckin' thing about the money woes he's got in regards
to us. He's taking that gamble and we're contracted performer.”
She
smiled, “Ok!”
“It's with that in the movies
also. I'm willing to let them make money while paying us a flat rate
because we're said talent in said contract. It's his gamble, not
ours. We make that money whether it's sellable or not.
What I can say is this... I didn't force him to agree to a damned thing in the contract. And I didn't force him to give us a house, or any cars. He did, so that's on him. They're now in our names, and he's doing that to keep us happy so that he gets good on his gamble.
You are a part of that. The better we look, the better the brand we are sells. I know that and I'll buy your contract if I think my investment is making my product improve in value. IF you devalue me, I'll freely tell anyone and everyone not to go with you because you don't do a damned thing for the talent's reputation from 'helping'.
What I appreciate is we like you. What I don't appreciate is feeling like you're running and selling us down the tubes to someone who didn't contract that into the contract. And yes, he can TRY to say it's implied, and I can definitely tell him to get fucked as it's not in there!”
I took a breath, “There are a lot of games played. Don't think for one second there isn't. He can TRY to charge us for the meeting tomorrow and I'm going to nod and sue each and every person who shows for everything they put on the table because by us paying, we bought everything presented.
They
know that if they show and present their wares, we have the right to
say yes or not. If we say yes, and make their product sell... great.
That's what everyone's wanting. I have to show him enough for 3 more
albums and then, I get to sell that Greatest Hits album because he's
got the 9 he contracted. It's in there, and it's contracted in said
manner that I get first refusal and they don't.”
She
smiled bigger and I nodded, “The studio time isn't contracted.
I didn't sign for a thing, therefore I'm not charged... Do you know
why not? Because I get paid flat rate for product delivered and he
makes most of the profit by doing so.”
I looked at her,
“Fuck 'em before they fuck you. If you're not wise to it, they
own you and the product. If they own you, you're screwed first by
them.
What
else I'll tell you is THEY pay for said contractors who are a part of
said entourage. That means if they want to pay someone to make sure
we don't drink, do drugs, or whatever, that's on him. However, I made
it an implied thing in our deal before we bought the house that it's
a paparazzi free zone out there. That means no recordings or
photographs taken unless I want them.”
Rayne chuckled,
“Cool! I remember you saying that!”
“That's the reason I said it. And yes, that's why I can record out there, but they can't. If I prove they've demo-ed their songs and we've had to pay, we're the owners of said songs through them receiving that payment.
What I think is they're going to have contracts out the ass tomorrow on each song we use. When we sign those, I'm looking high and low as to whether they were paid to show. If it says we're to pay, I'll thank them and say, “Nah, if you're taking a dollar from us recording them, you won't be paid to be here!”, and will stand on it.
What I can prove to you is that whomever's songs we sing are going to get played. And yes, on a lot of stations because we've got all those names,... Well, I'll state that YOU will be played because I'm only taking a song if you choose not to have it.”
He smiled, “I'm glad you're getting them for me!”
“Like I wouldn't!”
She
smiled, “You two are so much in love!”
“ I
don't deny I love him. He gets told all the time. It's just that the
sex thing didn't work.”
Rayne said, “Erica, if you'll keep from reporting everything back, you can stay. If you don't, and we ever learn it was put out by you, you'll be fired as soon as we learn of it.
He'll
fire you to keep you away from us without giving you an opportunity
to prove yourself simply because he thinks if you're not around, you
don't have a chance of hurting us. Me, I'll doubt and will build up
trust.”
I said, “Let's get out of here and go get
some supper!”
She said, “Let me call Armani. They
stay open late, so we might be able to get you seen tonight instead
of tomorrow.”
I
nodded, “We'll have to take both cars. His is big enough to
haul a lot, but I can put some in mine.” I turned to him,
“We're getting a couple of pickup trucks also.”
Rayne
said, “I'll get an Escalade if it's what you want for
shopping.”
“I'll
get a truck then. I just want us having things to drive.”
“You
driving a truck on Rodeo Drive won't get us respected.”
I
rolled my eyes, “When one hauls everything away in a truck
because it takes that much, I don't think they're going to look at me
driving the truck, they're going to be too busy counting their
commissions!”
He asked, “Do they get commissions
when they're the one paying for it?”
“I don't know. We'll have to see. I want us keeping everything together because we're getting to keep everything as an ensemble.”
He
nodded, “Ok.”
“Remember we need several
different tuxedos.”
“Why?”
I
ticked off on my fingers, “Golden Globes, BAFTA, Oscars, and
some others. We don't want to be seen wearing the same thing to
those.”
“Ok.”
“They're
televised. All the others can have us wearing those to them, but when
they're televised, we can't be seen wearing the same thing.”
She
said, “I'll be there to dress you two.”
“Ok.”
She
said, “They will see you. Let's go!”
We went to
the shop and parked in the parking lot at the end of the block... $18
each. I paid for all three, but my God!
When we got out, I said, “Did he charge you?”
“No!
He said you paid!”
“Good! I did! At $18 each, you
know that fucker's making more money than all these stores
combined!”
He smiled real big, “Save that
receipt!”
I nodded, “I will!”
Erica
came over smiling, “Are we going!”
“Yeah,
let's go!”
We went up the sidewalk looking in the
windows of the other shops. When we got to Armani, we went in and the
man came rushing over, “Oh there's my boys!”
I looked at Rayne and he gave a smirk. I said to the man, “Well hello! Do I get undressed now?”
He gave me a look and I rolled my eyes, “I wear Armani or I wear nothing at all!” just as flamboyant as the man did.
The guy's eyes looked like he'd struck a jackpot. “IF you must!”
I said, “Rayne hold my things! He wants a streaker!”
I
saw several of the people looking over. When I saw David Beckham. I
trotted over, “Hi!”
He looked suddenly uneasy, and
I said, “Tell Brook hello from me!”
He looked
surprised, “You know him?”
“We've
skated at the skate park together. Now we've got an Armani contract,
so we're cool!”
He smiled, “I'll tell him.”
“Tell
him that we're doing movies. Rayne over there is going to be in James
Bond starting next week.”
He looked surprised, “Really!”
“That's why he looks like a Hitler youth. He doesn't normally look that way... and I'm not normally blond, but they're doing it for a movie I'm to begin shooting next week.”
“Really?”
“It's
some Marvel superhero movie. I'm the boy even though I wanted to be
the muscle guy.”
He smiled and I nodded, “They
told me I didn't have the muscles for it. I told them I knew of a
place I could go to get some and they wanted to know where. I said
that I drove by a place on the way to the audition which must have
them because they had a sign.”
He smiled real big and I
nodded, “If you say something like that, you stick in their
mind. They'll say, “Remember
that dipshit who thought he could go buy muscles?”,
and then, you're getting called for the other part!”
He
laughed and I said, “I'd give you our new phone numbers, but
we've not got them yet. We did get a big place out in the Simi
Valley, so that's where we'll be living now.”
He asked, “Where were you living?”
“Tarzana.”
He
nodded, “He likes that skate park! You're right!”
I
nodded, “He's been over to our house. Just tell him Mojave
Rayne... I'm the Mo in Mojave, and he's the Ray in Rayne.”
He smiled, “Is that really your name?”
“Yeah,
my parents and his had different personalities. Mine have cold dark
dank personalities, so they thought they'd name me Mojave and I'd dry
it out. His have dry personalities, so they named him Rayne.”
He
smiled, “And why do you think I named him Brooklyn?”
I stared and said, “You really named him Brooklyn? I thought his name was Brook?”
He
smiled, “His full name is Brooklyn.”
“That
takes it from a small creek to a big apple. That's strange...”
He
giggled and I shook my head, “I don't know... Why'd you name
him big apple?”
He laughed and Rayne came over, “Hey!”
I turned, “Did you know Brook was named Brooklyn?”
He looked surprised, “No! But, that's cool!”. He batted his eyes, “Why are you talking to him about Brook?”
“He's his Dad!”
Rayne looked shocked, “Really?”
“Didn't you see him pick Brook up that one day in the Royce?”
“No!”
I
shook my head, “Well, I did. You must've been up to something
else.”
He
smiled, “I thought you were over here getting in his
business!”
I shook my head, “I was wanting to give
Brook our new numbers, but we don't have those phones yet.”
He
nodded, “Tell him where we live and that we'll get him a
number.”
Dave said, “I'll pass along the message.”
He looked at Rayne, “You're going to be huge as a model.”
I
nodded, “I tell him that and tell him that, but you can't tell
him that... He'll say, “No, I prefer to be the smaller size! Do
you think I look fat?” and I have to say, “NO Rayne, that
doesn't make you look fat. Go ahead and eat your cracker!”
Dave really laughed and Rayne said, “You're a horse's ass, you know that?”
I nodded, “I try. Now behave!”
I turned to Dave, “I'm going to try to get a phone number of 4Mojave. He can be Rayne Rayne (Ring Ring). He won't answer.”
He laughed and Rayne said, “You don't know that!”
I
shrugged, “You're always busy. I'm the one who conserves my
energy.”
Erica walked over and said to Dave, “Excuse
me!” and said, “Get that shirt off!”
I
nodded, “Girl, not here! I keep telling you Rayne's that guy!”
Dave
laughed and she smiled, “They're going to close here real soon
and you won't have a thing to wear!”
“I thought
that was how that guy wanted me! I was going to tell everyone it's
what Armani wanted me in!”
She
smiled, “Although he might be ecstatic, you'd get
arrested.”
“Could I get a label?”
She
gave me a stare, “You do realize there'd be no place to put
it.”
I said, “Uh, we talked about my balls being
on the bars through my nipples. Remember?”
Dave laughed and she smiled real big. Rayne said, “Total fuckin' embarrassment!”, and walked off. I said, “He's upset because I told him I would get him some balls for his shoe laces. Then, he could say his balls touched the floor.”
Dave
laughed and she said, “I'm paid well. I hope you know
that!”
He laughed harder and she gave a smirk. I turned,
“You tell Brook to give us a call. We've still got our old
numbers.”
He nodded, “Ok. I'll do that!”
I
turned and she said, “My God, he's hot!”
“You
think so??? He's our friend's Dad!”
“And that just
made me feel old.”
“That's
ok. You like him. We think his son's cool.”
The guy
said, “I need you trying on things!”
I said, “Ok.
Let's go in here and get us undressed so you can measure everything.”
We
went in and I said, “We need a few outfits because we're going
to be doing things this weekend.”
He nodded, “Ok!”
“Another
thing, I know this is going to be an outrageous request, but I'll
handle it in the future.”
He looked up and I said, “I
want you to put all the different ensembles I'm supposed to wear in
different suitcases.”
“Each?”
“Yes.
That way, I know what goes with what so that when I put them in my
closet, I'll know what goes with it and won't be messing up.”
“What
are you going to do with all the luggage?”
“Reuse
it. If you want, you could put everything in a bag together, I
suppose, but I want us having...”
Erica came into the
conversation, “He's already up for some award consideration. In
order to do the publicity for all those, he's going to have to go on
talk shows and some other publicity venues.”
He looked
surprised, “What did you act in!”
I rolled my
eyes, “It was a little movie about a man and a woman getting
together. I was her kid and was really happy about them getting
together because I was going to have a Dad. Then, she dumps him and
wouldn't let him around me. I was sad and upset about it.”
He
nodded, “Oh!”
“It was a sad part. They say I
acted good.”
Erica said, “You were haunting in
it.”. She looked away and the tears trickled. She looked back
at me and I hugged her. She let the tears go and said, “You
stole that movie. The look on your face, my God, if she were a
mother, she'd thought about you!”
She looked down and said, “I apologize, but he's Ricky Shroeder in The Champ grown up. He took you to his misery and sadness and let you in!”
She walked out and I said, “As I said, it was a little part.”
He smiled, “You don't think it was good?”
“It's
good. It's sad, but I'm not sure how much they kept in. I ad-libbed a
lot on the dialogue.”
“How so?”
I closed my eyes, “Here's how I did it. I read the script and I put myself into that kids' thoughts. He was lonely. He wanted a Dad. He had a Mom, but he wanted a Dad.
Think about that. Some kids want dogs. They pray for them, and they ask Santa for them, and they really really want a dog and Santa brings a box of Legos.
Well,
think about asking for several years and then, Mom brings home a guy.
The kid likes him and it's like they're going to do all they can to
become a family. Then, she doesn't want the guy anymore because he
reminded her of something which was bad in her past.”
“Oh!”
“It's
dramatic. It's very emotional. They forgot about the wreckage of
their relationship and that was the kid. My parts were there, but I
embellished to show the anguish.”
He had tears in his eyes, “Your voice says it's said.”
“They're
trying to get me Oscars and awards so that my career will be
established.”
He nodded, “Good!”
“Apparently,
they let her see it. Now she's emotional.”
He giggled.
“It says you did real good.”
She came back in, and I asked, “Do you think the part was good?”
“Yes.”
“How
much did they keep of my adlibbing?”
She looked at me
and asked, “How much did you adlib?”
“A lot. The scene was supposed to have stopped when she looked in the bedroom door. Anything after that was my adlibbing.”
She
looked shocked, “Oh my God! That's what made the movie!”.
She started to tear up again and said, “The way you acted in
it. I knew you were heartbroke. She acted like she could give a care
less, but you were! The way you threw yourself on that bed and just
cried! I knew you were a helluva actor!”
I nodded,
“Good. At least they kept that in. I was afraid they'd take it
out.”
She laughed, “Now I know why they were so shocked and happy with you!” She looked away, “I knew you were good because I saw the movie, but I didn't know what was supposed to have been taken out or what the script held.”
I
nodded, “Let's hope.”
She gave me a look, “Liev
might win for his part, but she won't.” The way her voice
sounded, I knew she wasn't happy with that character. She gave me a
look, “She shouldn't have been a mother!”
I
nodded, “I understand. I think they cast the wrong person, but
hey... I think they put her in because of her name and that's it. She
said it was because she wanted to be in a film with him, but there
weren't that many times they were on the set together. She DID have
some scenes with me, but there weren't that many either.”
She
nodded, “You were great in it. He'll probably get Director of
the Year because of what he let you do in that adlib. IF he does, he
needs to give you the credit because you saved that movie from being
a bomb.”
“They're supposed to be giving me another
Oscar contender.”
She smiled, “Good!”
“I've
yet to get the script for this one, but it's not that long.”
She
nodded, “And then what?”
“A
voice part.”
She nodded, “Your voice is
unique.”
“It's the only one I've got!”
She
smiled, and he said, “Ok, I've got you measured. Give me a few
moments and I'll have you with some clothes to try.”
He
went out and she smiled, “I apologize for getting so
emotional.”
I shrugged, “I've not seen it in the
finished version. He was still having to cut out some to bring it
down to size. I figured he'd cut that out.”
She shook her head, “Had he, he'd lost the movie. You could've stolen that entire movie off that scene.”
“I
couldn't tell you. I know what I did in it and I know what I was
supposed to do, but you know as well as me that they get the final
decision.”
She smiled, “He kept it in and that's
what's going to get you your awards.”
“I'll tell
the story on how I prepared for it mentally. Then, they'll see why it
made me play it the way I did.”
“What did you do?”
I
told her and she sat down and really cried. She nodded, “Do
that in all of them. I could tell your heart was broke.”
He
came in and I said, “I can't take her anywhere...We went to a
funeral once...”
She started laughing and I said, “See,
total opposite!”
She
smiled, “You tell him that story!”
I smiled and
started telling him. He laughed and I said, “Life's fun.”
I
tried on the clothes and threw my hair. She came over and said, “You
can wear clothes like they belong on you. Rayne's over there putting
clothes on like he's a model and he belongs on the runway.”
“I
keep telling him that! He said he'd like to do that, so we are.”
She
smiled, and put on my sunglasses. The guy said, “Oh, that made
the world of difference!”
She smiled, “Accessories
on you make the finishing touch.”
I nodded, “I
want to find a way to have all the sunglasses laid out on the dresser
and all the watches over so they're all displayed.”
He
said, “I'll get you something!”
“Thank
you.”
He gave me a look, “I will deliver
everything so you are set up!”
I nodded, “Ok.
That's fine.”. I looked down, “May I wear these home?”
He
nodded real fast, “Yes!”
We went out and I saw
Rayne looking. He looked like a million dollars. I said, “Sis,
I've gotta go pick up that guy. He's lookin' all sorts of hot over
there!”
She giggled and Rayne looked over. He looked
surprised and I went over and hugged him. He said, “You look
great!”
“And so do you!”
He smiled, “What now?”
“We need to go someplace and eat.”
He
looked at me, “Where?”
She
said, “I'll make a call to Spago. You two are dressed for
it.”
I chuckled, “If we go in separate vehicles,
it's going to be a mess!”
She motioned, “Take
these to the cars and let's walk!”
I nodded, “Ok.
Where's it at?”
“Two
blocks!”
I looked surprised at Rayne and he shrugged. I
asked, “How far are we from Wilshire?”
She
motioned, “It's right down the street a few
blocks.”
“Oh!”
Rayne said, “We
got messed up because we've never been shopping here.”
I
nodded, “This is too expensive. Look at the parking rates. My
God!”
She
giggled, “You're funny!”
We walked and looked at
all the stores. Rayne smiled at me and I asked, “Are you
happy?”
He
nodded, “Yeah, this is neat!”
When we go there, we
went in and I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it sure wasn't how
it looked! We asked for a table and were seated. I got the Grilled
Prime New York Steak and and endive salad. Rayne got the Braised Beef
Tip Tortellini and Fig Salad. Erica got the Salmon, Artichokes, Baby
Carrots, and Asparagus. She got the Endive salad and we got a bottle
of Rose.
What's cool is it was early, but we were seated as the crowd came in. Because we were with Erica, a lot of the stars came by to say hello to her. She introduced us to everyone and I made an effort to remember their names.
When
our salads came, she said, “Two of those guys are whom you two
will be acting in your movies.”
I smiled, “I hope
he gets to act with Fassbender.”
She
smiled, “No, but you will!”
“Man, I was
hoping for Rayne to act with him!”
She giggled, “Rayne's
getting Johnny Depp!”
I smiled, “He'll be
happy!”
Rayne said, “I'm here you know!”
I
looked across the table. “Yes, I'd ask you what you were going
to do with the boner while working with him, but this is a public
place!”
He
looked shocked, “Perhaps I'll not have one!”
“Perhaps!”
Erica
giggled and said, “You two!”
I rolled my eyes, and
smiled at him, “I love you, but you really need to think about
that!”
He
smiled, “I love you too, but perhaps I'd have one if I were
working with Fassbender!”
I rolled my eyes, “If
you were, you would.”
He smiled, “Perhaps!”
She
said, “Ask Jeff to switch you!”
I sighed, “I
need to look at the Blacklist and see if they've got some which we
can produce. That way, we'll have the movies in the works which will
get us all of what we need done in the four years.”
She
smiled, “You might look. There are several which are really
good and several which won't ever get made if they keep them like
they are now!”
I nodded, “Yellowstone Falls is one
which won't get made. I'm sorry, but don't put animals running for
their lives from mutant people around me. That's just terrible! If
you're going to do that, have them wearing corporate logos like
McDonald's and cattle running for their lives!”
She
laughed and Rayne smiled, “That was sick, but it sounded cool.
It could be animated and have a couple of them with names like Bessie
Mae and Blue Bell.”
“Petunia that crazy sister.
She's always hanging out over by the bulls just because she likes how
the fence smacks her in the ass when they kick it!”
They laughed and I got tapped on my shoulder. I looked around and saw a guy. “Yes sir?”
He
smiled, “You know that's twisted!”
I smiled, “It
is when I'm eating steak!”
He laughed, and looked
shocked, “You're him!”
I looked shocked, “If
it was against the law, (I made my voice like Seargent Schultze
'Hogan's Heros) I know nothing... (I moved it over to Jackie Chan) I
see nut hing... (and then moved it over to Amos of Amos and Andy) I
never do nuttin' boss, I swear!”
He laughed, “That was good!”
He turned to his date... maybe his wife... “That kid I told you about who made me cry watching that preview??? It's him!”
I looked surprised, “Why is it everyone's seeing it but me!”
He
smiled, “The Academy is getting secret glimpses. I voted for
you.”
Erica smiled, “Me too!”
I said, “Cool. If I make that good of an impact, they'll release it and let everyone see the thing!”
They
laughed and he shook his head, “That role you played was
haunting.” He started to tear up and said, “I was told
you adlibbed most of it.”
I nodded, “Yeah, it was
supposed to have stopped when she looked in the door. I got off into
the part and had my say. It became it's own scene.”
He
smiled, “And I'm getting chills because you became that
boy!”
I nodded, “I mentally prepared myself by
thinking about how he'd wished and hoped and had asked Santa for a
Dad and kept not getting him until finally, she brought a guy home.
Then, when she split up with him, I went with it. That's the reason
that scene has the emotions.”
He nodded and looked away.
His wife said, “Get him hired!”. She looked over, “He's
got a guy who isn't working for a role. Like it or not, the kid can't
act to save his life.”
I nodded, “Get me a script.
I'm in one real fast and will be done in two weeks. Then, I'm open
except for recording some songs.”
Erica said, “Here's
the phone. Jeff's on it.”
He
took the phone and said, “Jeff? Yeah, it's Rid...”
Jeff
said, “He's already been hired to do that role!”
Rid smiled real big, “Ok! I'm glad to hear it! You think it's going to take three weeks???”
Jeff laughed, “If it doesn't, he's going to be leaving your set to go get choreography down for his album!”
Rid
looked surprised, “Oh ok!”
Jeff said, “I'm
tempted to take Friday afternoons away from you because he's going to
be out on the road. People have already heard his music and think
he's going to be better at it than he is the movies!”
I
looked at Rayne and he was smiling real big. Tears stung my eyes, and
Rid asked, “When do I get him?”
He's got a long day tomorrow which might run into Sunday. You can have him Sunday night, but he's yet to get the script!”
I said, “We'll work on that. I'll have it memorized.”
Jeff
said, “Ok. Get home!”
“We are. (I hit
cockney accent.) You've got to let me eat master... Just a crumb is
all I ask!”
They laughed and Erica said, “I'm
going out with them.”
She
rang off and Rid patted my shoulder and looked over at Rayne, “I've
got you next year! It's going to be a huge role for you!”
Rayne
smiled, “Ok!”
We ate and then, we got out and
walked up the street. On the way, Rayne asked, “What did he
direct?”
“Blade
Runner, Aliens...”
Erica said, “Gladiator,
Promethius, Black Hawk Down.”
I nodded, and Ray' smiled,
“Oh ok!”
I said, “Babe, he's working on a
sequel to Blade Runner and Promethius. Which one, I don't
know.”
Erica said, “Prom'. It's the Prequel to
Alien. You'll probably be brought in to do the Alien remake.”
“Cool!”
My
phone rang, “Hello?”
Jeff
said, “You need to come by and get this script.”
“Ok.”
“He's
surprised, but he's really happy!”
“He voted for
me to get that award.”
He
laughed, “You're NOT supposed to know about that!”
“I
hope more vote for me!”
“You need 83 votes to get
it.”
“Ok. It's going to be tough because a lot of
them are voting against their own stuff to get it in the bag!”
He
said, “I know of several others who have voted. I won't say how
they voted, but it's safe to say you've got the
momentum.”
“Good!”
He laughed, “It's
going to make you in more demand than ever!”
“Pass
it on to Rayne.”
“He's got his own fan club
happening! You two being seen there was a stroke of brilliance!”
“It
was happenstance. Our cars were already at the parking lot and Spago
was 2 blocks away.”
He laughed, “It's good you
were seen. Now they know who you are and they're happy!”
I
said, “We're at the cars. Can I write this off since we
discussed business multiple times?”
He
laughed real loud, “Yeah!”
“Good. I've never
paid this much to park anything! I'd've parked my scooter on the
sidewalk!”
“It's downright expensive in New York.
You'd pay $75 in some locations!”
“Man!”
“That's
because the demand for overnight parking is so high. When you get to
an area where you've got the theater district competing, they boost
it high. That's why you'll be taking the limo a lot up there.”
“Ok!”
“I'll
have a meeting with you guys about how to do everything in regards to
investments. You're going to be making a lot of money really
fast.”
“Oh ok!”
I rang off and got
into the car. They were already waiting in theirs. We got out of the
parking lot and drove on out to the ranch.
When we got there, we pulled up front, and I said, “Let's go get things to drink!”.
Erica
said, “Nothing alcoholic!”
I rolled my eyes, “No
Ma, nothing alcoholic! We don't have a thing to drink in the
house!”
We went to Vons where we grocery shopped and
bought everything needed for us for the entire week.
Erica
laughed, “You two surprise me with how domestic you are
together!”
I smiled, “Girl, we've gotta eat! You'd
be amazed at how domestic you get when it's food you need on the
table!”
We found a LOT of good buys. I kept commenting about how cheap things were and buying in massive quantities. By the time we were finished, I think my cart had 5 cases of every kind of soft drink down on the bottom!
When
we got outside, we loaded everything into the Mercedes. Erica said,
“Guys, I'm glad you thought of these things. I don't know who
is going to be there, but you've got everything!”
I
said, “It's supposed to be catered. We shall see, but if they
don't show, we've got everything we need.”
We got back and I loaded the refrigerator. While I did so, Rayne got all of our toiletries upstairs and into our bathrooms. When he came downstairs, he said, “Tomorrow night, we shop! Do you realize either have to find towels, or we're going to have to take them from other bedrooms?”
“Take
them from other bedrooms. If you need them. We'll buy some more, but
I need to have clean ones!”
He smiled, “They're
already there!”
“Thanks.”
Erica
laughed, “You two!”
I
smiled, “Sis, you take the first up at the top and to the
right. The one to the left is his bedroom. Mine is all the way to the
other end.”
She looked shocked, “You don't sleep
together?”
I cocked my head, “No!”
Rayne
laughed, “We've never slept together unless it's been on the
sofa! The one time we had sex, that didn't even happen! Yeah, I've
slept in his bed at his parent's and he's slept in mine, but nothing
happened!”
I packaged up the ham, turkey, roast beef,
and pointed, “I'm using those pots and pans for cooking!”
He
got a sheet cake pan out and said, “Here, use this! I'll help
make some cheese burgers and we'll bake them in the oven!”
I
nodded, “Ok. I'll make omelets too.”
We got busy
and I cracked eggs. Erica stared in shock, “What are you
doing!”
“This sheet cake pan... Omelets!”
“That
many eggs!”
I smiled and Rayne laughed, “It takes
eggs to make omelets!”
She sat on a barstool and I cracked 18 eggs. I put in half a cup of water and then started grinding salt and pepper. I got out the Pam and sprayed it into the pan. Then, poured it into the sheet cake pan and put it into the oven.
As soon as I shut the door, I said, “Sis, we have a system. We make everything up ahead and get them froze. When we have time in the morning, we microwave everything and we're out the door.”
She asked, “What are you going to do about school?”
I
pointed, “We'll have to get our transcripts and find a school,
or do it online.”
Rayne chuckled, “We're going to
have to go online! I'm not going to be a valley boy!”
I stared, “You DO realize that was the San Fernando Valley, right?”
He stared, “Huh?”
“Glendale, Burbank, San Fernando, Hidden Hills, and Calibasas. We're in the Simi Valley which doesn't mean much unless you're a fruit!”
He smiled and Erica laughed. I started undoing thick Kraft American cheese slices and folding them over so they were double thick. Erica asked, “What are you doing?”
“Making
cheese for the omelets!”
She took the cheese and
started. We got the package done and I got the omelets out of the
oven. I showed her how we cut them into sixteen omelets and then put
the cheese in and folded them. She said, “Neat!”
“You
put those onto biscuits with ham, sausage, or bacon and you've got
breakfast!”
She smiled, “Ok!”
I got
the biscuits going and said, “I'm going to teach you a thing
about cooking yet!”
She laughed and Rayne said, “We do a lot of things ahead!”
She
said, “I see that!”
I put the hamburger patties on
the baking sheet and got those into the oven under the broiler. The
door got shut and I said, “WE let the omelets cool and then,
we'll finish them. In the meanwhile, we'll make everything for the
cheeseburgers.”
I
handed her the cheese and said, “Same thing, but criss cross
the cheese.”
She smiled, “Ok!”
“When
you microwave the cheese leaks out. If it's piled up in that criss
cross, it doesn't leak out!”
She laughed, “Ok! I
hadn't thought of that!”
We got everything to going. I
said, “As soon as they come out of the oven, we flip them over,
put the mustard on and get the cheese on them. As the cheese is
sitting there, we put the onions on and get it all back under the
boiler where they finish cooking. If you want pepper, you put it on
the mustard and under the cheese.”
Rayne said, “He'll
show you a lot about cooking.”
I smiled, “Rayne
will show you how to eat!”
He smiled, “I let you do the cooking!”
I
frowned, “Where do you think we can get four of those 36 inch
kid's balls.”
He frowned, “Why?”
“I
just had a flash thought of a drag queen named Boy Aunt (Buoyant)...
You've heard of Ellie Mae? Well, she's Nellie Fae. She's got two of
those big balls for ass cheeks and two for boobs and wears Daisy
Dukes and a polka dotted bikini. I”m thinking about having her
Daisy Dukes go into the cheeks of her ass so that when a guy runs up
on her, he goes on in and you don't see him anymore! All you see are
his legs!”
They laughed and I said, “We'd have to
make her bra the same way. That way when he runs for a hug, she holds
her arms open and he runs on in between. She does the hug and he
walks out looking punch drunk.”
He laughed, “Why'd
you think of that!”
I pointed, “I imagined her
with her head in the oven and the cheeks being so big that it looks
like two hogs trying to get into the oven!”
They laughed and I pointed, “Let's get those buns ready. They've got to be in the oven.”
Erica asked, “Why?”
I stared, “Hon, have you ever had a bun in the oven?”
She
laughed real loud and said, “NO!”
I smiled, “If
you put your buns in the oven for about 15 minutes, it makes them
toasty and the outer part crunchier... It's like having a loaf of
bread fresh out of the oven, that outer crust is crunchy.”
She
looked surprised, “OH!”
“It adds to the
crunch when you bite into your cheeseburger.”
She
smiled, “I bet you're a good cook!”
I nodded, “It
helps to survive. I tried surviving without cooking until I got
hungry, but that didn't last long.”
We got everything readied and I brought the hamburger patties out. I flipped them and got the mustard put on. Then, peppered, and got the cheese and onions on. We put everything into the oven and got the buns in on a different rack.
When I shut the door, I said, “We need to get the utilities put into our name here. I know it's going to be expensive, but it has to be done.”
I got the Banquet Biscuits out and put onto a cookie sheet. I pointed, “These are the same as what they use in a lot of the restaurants. Hardee's says theirs are homemade, they just don't say they're baked fresh and made in a factory. And KFC uses the same as their biscuits, so you see them everywhere.
We bake them and then, get the breakfast sandwiches ready. I'll bake those and then, we'll bake the sausage patties as the sausage patties stink everything up.”
We
got everything ready. I pointed, “If you put salt and pepper on
your sausage patties before they cook, you'll have a good
flavor.”
She smiled, “Ok!”
“Usually,
I'll get a roll of RB Rice sausage and will have them slice it. That
way, we have our patties from a roll. We do the same with our
hamburger... They do it if they've got everything fresh. A lot of
them won't slice it because they don't have the equipment in the back
to do so.
That's why you never get meat at Walmart. It's all brought in by truck and they don't do a thing in the back. And that's why only the deli will slice up your meat for you.”
When the hamburger patties came out, I pulled the buns out and thumped the top of them. I put in the biscuits.
I
turned around and started putting the bun tops on the cheese and
onions. I said, “You let them rest and they take back in some
of the juices. If you don't, you have a dry burger when they're
microwaved.”
Rayne said, “We learned to put the
foil on the bottom of the cookie sheets so that they don't get brown
from the oils.”
I said, “As your meat cooks, it
splatters. That vaporizes and it gets onto all the metals in the oven
because those surfaces are hot. If you think about it, you get
finished and you turn up your oven to the hottest setting and let it
cook for an hour. That way, it's cleaning your oven for you instead
of letting it cool down and bake on.
When you do an oven clean, it does the same thing. You're basically putting on both the cook and the broil elements at the same time and hyper heating the oven. All the heat is what's baking off the grease... It's sort've like an incinerator in there which does the same as cremating the fats.”
She looked shocked and made a face. I smiled, “I know it's not pleasant, but it's a whole lot easier to clean your oven by vacuuming with a vacuum cleaner nozzle than all those chemicals you reheat and cook into your food!”
When the biscuits were heated, I pulled them out and put the sausage in. When I shut the door, I asked, “Ok, what has he told you about our careers?”
She
said, “He's putting the best movies at you so that he's getting
the most money from your careers during the first 4 years.”
I
nodded, “He's making the most money. As they go along, he's
having to pay more and more. After a while, he's getting into more
and more money, which necessitates those to be hits... or, we're
screwed on making that much.”
I nodded, “What we're
doing is we're banking on them doing just that. That way, when it
comes time for us to go free agent, we're banking on what they made
money upon. Then, we can ask for the really big money, and be more
selective on our role choices and make hit after hit.
Jeff's
thinking that I'll sign back on for that $10,11, and 12 million. I'll
tell you now that this package is a one time deal. After that, we
make the money, not them.”
I looked over at Rayne and
said, “The odds are that he and I will go like Martin and
Lewis, Abbott and Costello, and Hope and Cosby so that we can
bankroll the hits and make the money.
It's
been a long time since they've had a comedy duo. Yeah, there was
Cheech and Chong. Our advantage is we can afford the writers and will
have the routines perfected. He'll be the straight man and I'll be
the gag man.”
She asked, “Why?”
“Because
I'll never disrespect him. And I'll never disrespect our
audience.”
I looked at her and walked over, “Here's
what I learned watching Jerry Lewis doing his interviews.
First of all, he's never once talked bad about anyone in the business. Yes, he's talked about some who took advantage, and screwed him over, but he's not talked about most of the people in the business.
Second
of all, the two things he's talked about which brought up controversy
are gays, and women in comedy.”
She nodded, “Yeah,
and I don't like him because of it.”
I stared, “Before
you say that, I'm going to come to his defense. Eight years before he
said what he said about women in comedy, he lauded Carol Burnett.
That says that he didn't mean what he said in the way it was taken.
Second of all, I understand HIS MEANING because you have to
understand his entire career before you judge an old man's
meanderings verbally.
When he did his comedy, he never once went blue (sexual), political, or racial with the jokes. He said that he didn't have to do blue because there was enough funny stuff out there without degrading the audience.
He also said political was too topical... which I understand. What that means is if you look back on it 50 years from now, you're looking at him doing jokes about Truman??? No. His stuff is funny because it didn't limit him to that time.
He didn't do racial because he had too many friends who were different. He's Jewish, he had Italian friends, and he had Sammy Davis Jr., whom he said was a really close friend. When you're friends with someone, you don't do jokes which might demean them.
What he meant about women in comedy is this... He meant that today's women have went raunchy with their jokes and it's demeaned them. I understand because you can't respect a woman who is up there doing humor who's talking about her vagina as a cunt! I'm sorry, but it gags me, it demeans me as an audience member because directly, I've paid for that ticket and it's me sponsoring that raunch.
Like
men who use racist jokes or jokes which demean women, others, and
their so-called friends, you have to wonder why they're doing it! I
mean, if you're treating everyone around you like filth to get your
15 minutes, what the hell are you going to do the other
23.75???”
She nodded, “I hadn't thought about
that!”
I nodded, “The man's delightful. I want you
to watch his interviews and see him talk about people. You'll see he
held up everyone and you'll see the only ones he took axes to were
those who deserved it.
What I'll tell you is this... Take a look at the rest of the crowd and you'll see they're dead. I think that his positive outlook on life is what has kept him alive.
He won't tell anyone why he got involved in the MDA before it was the MDA, he doesn't have to... His actions have done more.
What I'll tell you is people jumped down on a man who should've been told, “When you donate $1.7 BILLION dollars to a cause and 50 years of your fuckin' life, you have room to talk! Until then, shut the fuck up!”
Yeah,
he made jokes about fags. I'll tell you this... Until recently, gays
haven't done themselves any favors.”
She looked shocked
and I nodded, “Yeah, I'll pat the people at Stonewall on the
back, but ask me to do it to all the dumb motherfuckers who set us
back on the Jerry Springer Show and I'll punch them in their
cocksuckers and call them fags too!”
Rayne said, “Simmer
down!”
I nodded and looked away, and said lower, “Erica,
when women get up there and demean women as a group, you hate them. I
hate those who undercut us and made us look stupid.
They did us
no favors! Those who have did Latin Comedy as the dumb Mexican did
them no favors! Blacks who did comedy as being inferior did them no
favors! BUT, Blacks who do comedy demeaning everyone else including
women they refer to bitches and ho's do them no favor either... And
yeah, Chris Rock and those people need to grow the fuck up!
When I do comedy, I'm not doing it at the expense to anyone but me. I'll hold him up, you up, and everyone else, but I'll do it to make myself look the clown and yet, when I walk off the stage, I'll uphold myself.
Self depreciating comedy is clown comedy. It's for the gag, and it's one which has you laughing AT that person who is doing it to himself. It's brilliant, but it's on stage. Anyone who does it off the stage doesn't like himself and sure as hell isn't acting for respect!
Why will I do it??? Because it's what brings in the dough, cash, denero, moulah, so on and so forth.
When
Martin and Lewis hung it up, they had $200 million worth of contracts
being thrown at them. That was after 10 years. Think about it because
they ended it because all you heard about was Jerry Lewis, not Dean
Martin.”
I paused, “Let me state one thing...
Watch Jerry Lewis talk about Dean Martin and if you don't say to
yourself afterward, “Man, that man loved that man...”.
I paused, and looked away. “He loved him.” I pointed, “I
love Rayne, but I do so upholding him and knowing he is upholding me.
IF
he progressively drank more and more in order to be around me, I'd
ask me if it were me who was indirectly causing it. Dean Martin drank
MORE after getting off stage than he did prior to going on! He saw
that and said, “Uh oh, it's me!”, whereas I'll tell you
there were a lot of reasons for Dean's drinking.”
She
asked, “Why?”
“Ok.
First of all, think about where they came from. They came from poor
stock. That's one thing... When you suddenly have the money they had
coming in, you have an outrageous fortune.”
I paused,
“Here's what I mean... He was talking about the money and the
fame in this interview and you don't get the idea it was a lot, but
it was...
Whereas people were making a whole $20 to $30 a week, they started performing at that amount. Then, it went to $150. Then, in a month, it was $6000. Then, it's $20,000. Then, it's $200,000 a movie TWICE a year!!! PLUS going out and making that $20,000 a week for the other 36 weeks a year.
When
you're making that and people are throwing contracts at you to do
more and more and more, it's because you're in demand. It's because
you have a product which makes them feel better. It's because it's
not demeaning to anyone. And it's making everyone laugh at the same
time...black, white, yellow...men, women, and everyone!”
She
nodded, “Ok.”
“The only person who wasn't
laughing was Dean. Jerry looked at it and said, “Oh man, he
gave up a singing career to do this shit and he's getting nothing out
of it except to hear about Jerry Lewis and not him!”
Jerry
looked at it and loved the man, but he couldn't put the man through
it because at the end of the day, there has to be a man.
Dean took the break up personally. What no one saw was that Dean got persecuted for the break up just as much as Jerry.”
I
paused and looked away, “What they didn't do was they didn't
communicate. Whereas Jerry was thinking of the man and loving him
enough to let him go, Dean blamed himself for the breakup afterward.
They didn't communicate.”
I looked over at Rayne, “I
love this man here. I'll tell you that we could do everything in the
world but make love. If it were great in that bedroom, we'd be the
best couple on the planet together. Instead, it's just not good for
us there. We communicated, and we realized the mistake.”
Erica asked, “Is that feeling mutual?”
I looked at Rayne, “Is it?”
Rayne
said, “I don't know who loves each other more. I'll tell you I
love him for everything he's done for me, but he'll tell you he loves
me for everything I've done for him.”
I said, “We're
brothers. We're each other's family. We're all we have for each other
who uphold the other because no one else in our families will do
it.”
My voice quieted, “His brother is a bastard.
I'd say it a different way if I could, but I can't.
What that fucker will do is he'll come and rob him to take the money home to his parents and say that he EARNED it. Well, he didn't... Rayne did.
What pisses me off is this... Their parents feed into that bullshit. The one will get patted on the head for robbing the other, but they'll turn and look at Rayne and will go, “Why can't you be more like your brother???”, and I'm looking at it and going, “Uh, the broke dick motherfucker would have to get a job first!!!”.”
Erica
laughed, “OH man!”
I nodded, “Here's the
deal. When the fuck comes up and steals my money to take home to Mom
and Dad, it had me pissed. It had me pissed enough that I was going
to call the police and get him sent to jail.” I pointed, “Rayne
wouldn't let me! Because he wouldn't let me, I had a whole lot of
anger.
Finally, Rayne and I had a talk. I told him that was the
last time I was putting up with it, and that the next time, Rayne
would go out the door too.”
Rayne said, “At that
point, I had to make a decision. Do I let my family ruin what was
good for me? Or, do I let them go and do what's good for me.”
I
nodded, “What pisses me off is this... I can't publicly tell it
however much I'd love to do so. Why? Because there's not one police
report to substantiate it. Why?” I nodded to Rayne. “I
forgive, but I won't forget. The second Rayne ever says that it
didn't happen, we're finished. I'll walk away from him and fuck him
and everyone else who wants to stand up and tell me it didn't
happen!”
I looked over, “There's anger. There's
hurt. And there's pain.” I caught my breath and shook my head
no, “I'm letting it go. The day he thinks he can let them into
this house, I'll go buy my own pistol and end it once and for all...
Rayne can let them take the bullet, or he can step up and take it
himself.”
Erica looked shocked, “You don't mean
that!”
I nodded, and Rayne said, “He means it. He
was going to do it before, and I talked him out of it.”
I
said, “We're all we've got. If he wants to backslide back into
the cesspool, he does so alone.” I looked over, “Our deal
is that we buy each other out... The second he thinks he can buy me
out here, I take my 50%, and I go back to Tarzana. That's why that
house will never be sold.”
I looked over, “Erica, I
worked to pull myself out of what I was living in. I knew he hated
what he was in, but each time he got close to pulling himself out,
he'd get robbed, and get sucked back in.
When I pulled him out, it was me throwing the life preserver. I didn't throw it to the entire family, I threw it to him. He knows that, and the second he wants to jump out of the ship with the ring to go get his family, I cut the rope holding it on and let me sail on alone.”
I looked away, “Is that conditional? Yeah. Do I mean it? FUCK YEAH! And I'll always mean it.
He
saved his family once and damned near got cut loose. What's funny is
that was the last time I got shown a pistol because I think he told
his brother that the next time I was prosecuting him and his
brother.”
She looked shocked and I nodded, “The
ship sails on... Like it or not, I'll cut him loose.”
I waved my hand, “$50 million dollars and it's half mine...I say that because you look at how it goes if he's made to buy me out.
First of all, I won't leave and give it to him. Second of all, he'll be $25 million poorer which means it's $25 million closer to the poor house for him. And it means it's $25 million less they get to steal from him before there's zero as a balance in that account.
When that happens, I'll pay him the $25 million I've got and will step in as he steps out... And the day he thinks about stepping back onto this property, is the day, I call the police before I deal with him, his family, or the fuckin' problem called THEM!
I'm
stronger. He's learned to be strong, but I'm stronger.”
I
looked over at Rayne, “I love you, but I love myself more. The
day you let that happen again, I'm done.”
Rayne nodded,
“I know!”
Erica said, “Forgive! Damn!”
I looked over, “The sausage needs two more minutes. I'll be up getting my things!”
I looked over at her, “When you tell Jeff I just walked out, you tell him you negated my feelings! I'll be telling him I need new people!”
I walked out of the kitchen and Rayne came running, “HEY! I didn't do anything!”
I turned, “You didn't... You let it happen!”
I
stalked back into the kitchen, “Listen here bitch! Before you
tell me I don't have feelings, you hear one fuckin' thing! That
night, his brother didn't just take money! He raped me and made Rayne
watch. NO, Rayne didn't do a fuckin' thing... And for that, there's a
whole helluva lot of anger!”
My voice lowered, “Before
I take another dick up my ass from anyone I don't want, I'll kill the
whole fuckin' bunch!!! Like it or not, THAT is what I can't get over!
And THAT is why I won't let Rayne and I back into a relationship!”
She stared with a slack jaw. I looked over, “I loved him, and I was saving myself for him. He moved in and I told him I wanted the relationship to build before I gave myself sexually. Two nights into that, his brother robs us and raped me with Rayne watching.
Did I want to prosecute??? Oh sister, you have no fuckin' clue how I wanted to prosecute! Was I pissed??? Yeah. And he got blamed too.
I love him, but I can't let it happen anymore. Because of that, he says he'll wait and hopes I'll forgive him. I'll tell you and everyone else that I just can't let that happen to me anymore.
When you demean me, my feelings, and everything, perhaps you need to know the entire story. You do, and the next time you ever... EVER want to say I'm an unforgiving bitch, perhaps you need to be made to lay there and have what you wanted to give one raped from you by the other!
One deserves to die. If his family wants to uphold him to me, they need to get the fuck away. And anytime Rayne wants to go back to that bunch and pick them over me, he needs to get the fuck away!”
I looked at Rayne, “I don't know if I'll ever get to that point. As much as I love him, I can't trust that he won't let it happen again.”
Erica asked, “Do you really think he wanted it to happen?”
I
gave her a look and Rayne said, “Erica, leave him alone!”
She
yelled, “He's victimizing you too!”
I nodded, “Why
yes, I am!”
I
walked out and up the stairs. As I did, I dialed Jeff,
“Hello?”
“I've just fired Erica. Whether
Rayne does or not is up to him. I'll tell you now that I've got to
move out of this house. I'll stay in a motel, but I can't live here.”
“What's going on!”
“Jeff,
let's just say that I love him, but I can't love him. She says I'm
victimizing him, but I guess that just stopped.
What I'll tell
you is this... I have 9 movies I need to make. At the end of that,
I'll be elsewhere if she stays employed by that company.
In
regards to Rayne, he and I are friends. He knows what I feel and he
knows it wasn't his fault.”
“I'm heading out
there!”
“Do so. I won't be here!”
I rang off and gathered everything up and took it to the car. Rayne came out and I said, “I'm not charging you $25 million for this house. Get my name off it and it's yours.”
He looked at me with tears in his eyes, “I want you!”
“Then stand up for us! Fuck, you let it happen again!”
I got in the car and drove off. As I drove, I transferred money to the other cards. When I got to the Reagan, I did a search and called the Beverly Wilshire and got a room reserved. Then, I drove.
As
I drove, the phone rang. I didn't even look to see who was calling.
It got silenced.
Four years later, I was out on tour. The stadium was filled, and I saw Jeff walking toward me. He asked, “Do you have a moment?”
“Yes. Let's go to my dressing room.”
We went in and I motioned, “Have a seat.” I sat down, “What's going on?”
He
leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, “We need to
discuss another contract.”
I looked over, “Jeff,
talk with him about his. I have nothing more to say.”
He
gave me a look, “He's not signing because he's hoping for you
to speak with him.”
“Have I held to my end of
everything?” I stared at him.
“Yes.”
“You
made money?”
“Yes.”
“Don't count on it being the same. I don't know what he's made, nor do I care. I know what I made and I know I've got six years left in my contract with Armani.
I know he's been told not to speak with me and I know you didn't get rid of her, so there's no reason for me to speak with your company.
You let the bitch say shit about me in private without holding her accountable. He let the bitch say shit about me without hold her accountable. And yet, both of you want forgiveness???
Apologies only cut it so far before I cut ties. You were told that if she wasn't released from her employment I'd not be working for you in 4 years. Well, we're here, and I could care less whether I work for you another day.
Just
the same, you fucked me and you know it. That's why you only got TWO
movies at $9 million and no more! The day I go beyond the 4 years of
that contract, I need what you made from the movie, not a cent
less!”
He gave me a look and I nodded, “Now, if
you have anything else to say, another gold record, another award for
a movie, leave it lay. I'll stack them with all the others.”
I stared at him, “You held to the letter of the contract... Did you not?”
“Yes.
But you picked that war!”
I nodded, “I sure did.
You didn't fire when you should've so I made the movies and didn't go
to one award show. Armani wasn't contracted to pay me for any,
therefore I didn't go. Lord knows you could've chose better, but
hey... I'm a victimizing bitch!”
I shook my head, “I believe you told me you bought me a house once and that you'd never do it again. Did you not?”
“Yes.”
“Congratulations.
He has a house, and my name had best be off the motherfucker!”
“I'm not sure what he's done.” He glared at me and said, “I'm not offering another contract.”
I nodded, “I've already got a 3 movie deal with Disney. The papers get signed the day after my contract is finished.
In regards to music, I've got the deal through Columbia. I'll be producing everything I'll do in the future... And yes, by the way, you fucked me on that too. Thank GOD I fucked you back on those archives!”
He gave me a look, “I profited more.”
“Yes you have. I hope it keeps you warm at night. Now, the door is that way. This is my last concert, if you have more booked, I hope you get sued.”
I walked out and went up to my manager, “Either get the motherfucker on the road, or watch me walk!” I stabbed the air with my thumb over my shoulder, “If that cocksucker isn't out of here by stage time, you get the limo here because I'll be walking!”
“He's gone!”
I nodded, “Let's get this done.”
I went up onto stage and went out singing hit after hit. When it was over, I went out and to my dressing room. As soon as the door was shut, I dialed the phone, “Hello?”
“It's
me.”
“MAN! Am I glad to hear your voice!”
“I
just did my last concert for the man.”
“What will
you be doing?”
“I've got offers in Vegas, I'll be taking it for the next 7 months. Disney has offered 3 movies, and Columbia's offered records.”
“Will you talk with me?”
“Did you sign a contract with him?”
“NO!
I wanted to know what you were doing!”
“Well, I
got fucked on a movie is what I got done.”
“I
heard that! I told him he fucked up!”
“Yeah. He
knows I hold to my end and he got the 9 albums. There are no Greatest
Hits on them, because I won't let him make anything off me.”
“It's
like we're slugging it out on the charts.”
“It's
nothing personal. That's how he's doing everything.” I paused,
“I'd like to talk with you.”
“Ok. Name when
and where.”
“My house. I'm flying back. As soon as
I get there, I'm firing all the help and hiring my own. I've got 2
weeks before the end of that 4 years, and I'll be damned if I am
charged a thing by the man afterward.”
“Do
you think he will?”
“Rayne, my attorneys have the
man afraid to move any direction except for what he can do legally.
He came tonight, hat in hand, and he wanted to ask me to do another
contract. He was allowed because he's the record company putting this
concert together, but he's been told that if he had another one
scheduled, he'd find that I wouldn't show for it.
I ok'd the schedule all the way up to this one, but I won't give them less than 2 weeks to split the royalties. I want a clear cut when it's done.”
“I wish you'd spoke with me. I'm working all the way up to the last weekend.”
“He
was told that because he and you hadn't fired the bitch, I wasn't
holding true to either of you. You'll be told that you'll either fire
her, OR, I don't need you in my life. I want you to know that
upfront.”
He took a deep breath and I said, “Rayne,
I'm ringing off. After all, I'm a manipulative and victimizing bitch.
Goodbye.”
“I'll be there!”
“If
she's not fired, don't bother!”
I
rang off and didn't bother showering or changing clothes. I went out
and started walking to the door. Guards, and my manager all ran to
catch up.
When I got to the limo, I got in and they piled in
behind me.
As soon as the door shut, I said, “Rayne will be coming to the house. You be there and you tell the doorman that if any of his people have come with him, they're to stay out. And if that bitch, Erica, has come with him, you put HIM AND HER off the property!”
He
nodded, and I said, “Until hell freezes over, there will be no
contracts signed with that record company. There are no Greatest Hits
from them, and nothing released which requires my
approval.”
“Ok.”
“Get my bank
account with them shut and all the funds transferred. You tell their
people that I said 'Thank you' for their services, but our contract
with them has ran out and I'm not keeping anyone who can can report
back to the man.”
“Ok.”
“IF
Jeff, or that company calls in the future, you tell him that I told
you to politely tell the man to get fucked, to fuck himself, to take
the fuckin' he had with him and fuck himself with it, and any other
fuckovers he had besides those and to shove them up his own
ass!”
“Ok.”
“Cancel our
contract with MCAA. I didn't hire them, and no I won't keep them. He
got me an agent for the other contracts because he wanted to be a
bastard, but hey... I got enough out of them that their fee was paid
by him, not me.”
“Do you want me to get you
representation?”
“No. I've already handled it. Those who I am dealing with know I did it the last time and I stuck myself good by not seeing that 4 years on that contract.
Had
it not been to my financial betterment, I'd've stopped touring
immediately after I realized the fuckover. Needless to say, when
you're paying a man half of what you're making in a concert, you know
how Elvis felt. Now I know better.”
I pointed at my ear
buds, “Now, if you'll excuse me, it's nothing personal, but
there are way too many negative feelings floating in my head. You and
the guys didn't do a thing to warrant any of my attitudes, so I'm
keeping my mouth shut and the ear buds in.”
When we got to the airport, we went on out to the jet. As soon as the doors were shut, I went up front. The pilot looked up, “Yes, Mo?”
“I'm letting your agency go. The record company hired you and I didn't. You can find out if I can hire you through them, and I'll do that.
It
won't be this jet. I'll buy my own and we'll handle it that way.”
He
nodded, “I'll check. Are you unhappy with us?”
“No. It's nothing like that at all. I'm done with my contract with the record company and I'm making a clean break.
Rather
than having them bill me for services they're paying you to do, I'll
get the bill put into my name, but I won't have this jet. I didn't
like it from the beginning, don't like it now, and sure won't be
keeping it when I have to pay for it in the future. I can afford
better, so I will.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
I
went back and sat in a seat. Gray came over, “Mo?”
“Yeah.”
“What's
next?”
“Legally, until the contract is over, I can't and won't do a thing. The day it's over, we wait until the next day and sign contracts to get me into the Venetian.
Other
than that, be prepared to have me in a photoshoot to get new
merchandising ordered. Use shots from my posters and get new shirts
ordered with those shots on them. I own those stills, so we can use
them.”
“Ok.”
“Use all the
colors I approved for shirts the first year. I deliberately went with
ugly shirts and ugly merchandising so that when we got to the end of
fuck back, I could release my own and have better.”
“OK.”
“Take
the accounting sheets and order ONLY what is selling. If nothing's
selling, don't order a damned thing. However, with the shirts, don't
order a thing in the colors except for what I approved before the
fuckover.”
“Ok.”
“Gray,
the man deliberately did all he could to make money. That's the only
reason I'm still here making money. If he made money, so did I. If he
didn't, I sure as hell wasn't!”
He nodded, “Ok.”
“I'm
needing 24 background dancers for this show at the Venetian. Let's
get them hired so I can put it together.”
“Ok.”
“Whoever
did the stage show for Cher, get them hired. Get me a new band hired,
and if he's not fired the one we've got, get that done
also.”
“Ok.”
“Don't be
surprised if you're not...” I paused, “I'll wait until I
see him. I shouldn't get my hopes up.”
He nodded and I
held up my ear buds, “It's nothing personal.”
“I
know. You like your privacy.”
“Believe it or not,
I love having people around me whom I can trust. When it's 50/50 and
they're paid by the other side, you don't trust.
In the future, I'll be the one who pays the bills. In doing so, anyone who isn't loyal will be fired immediately.”
“What about the contract with Disney?”
“It's
already scheduled for 9am that morning. I'll be driving there...
After all, it's me who is begging the job, not them.”
“Ok.”
I
put in my ear buds and let the plane and everything else tone out.
When we got to the airport, I gave everyone hugs. “Guys, thanks!”
I
expected the limo to be there. It wasn't. Gray said, “I'll make
a call and get us a ride.”
“No. Call Rolls Royce
out in Thousand Oak.”
“That will probably take a
long time.”
“Here. I've got the card that man gave
me. He told me 20 minutes if they've got one in inventory.”
He
looked surprised, “Really!”
I nodded, as I was
already dialing my phone.”Hello?”
“Jared?”
“Yes!”
“It's
Mojave. I'm at the airport and need to know if you can bring me a
Phantom Drophead.”
“Which one?”
“What do you have in inventory?”
“We don't have any Dropheads. We've got two ghosts. One is black and the other is gray.”
“Short wheel base?”
“Yes.”
“What
other convertibles do you have?”
“I've
got several Bentley.”
“Nah, bring me the Gray
Ghost. I'll drive it.”
“You're at the private facility at LAX?”
“Yes.”
“I'll
be there in about 30 minutes.”
“Ok.I'll be here.”
I
rang off and said, “He doesn't have any Dropheads but he does
have a Gray Ghost.”
“Those are nice.”
“Remind
me to make a call and get a Super Bright Red Ferrari Spyder.”
“I
can make that call.”
“No. I want to speak with
them and get what I want ordered on it. This Ghost will probably
become the house car. Lord knows I wanted a convertible.”
“If
you're in Vegas, they might provide one.”
“It's
limo service over there. To be honest, if it takes 40 minutes to get
here from there by air, or it takes 40 minutes to drive to a house in
Vegas, you know I'm coming home and sleeping in my own bed.”
“Are
the bills in your name here?”
“Yes.
After I had to pay for it, I wasn't letting them do a damned thing
for me in regards to this place!”
“You got a
helluva deal!”
“It's a bank foreclosure. The dumb
bitch counted on his income to pay for it. As soon as their marital
contract was over, he dumped her like yesterday's news.”
“I
wasn't aware of that!”
“She wanted twins like
everyone else was having. Lord knows they can give you designer
children out here!”
“You want some?”
“Good God NO!I just got finished raising myself, I sure as hell don't need anyone else to raise!”
He
laughed real loud. I smiled, “If that was a test to see if I'm
still sober, you got that test passed!”
He laughed
harder, “No! But you never know!”
“Let me be
a little more honest than that. Ok?”
“Yes.”
“Perhaps
when I turn 30, I'll be settled enough to have children. I doubt it,
but you never know.
What I do know is that with my schedule now, and everything I've got going, I'm not going to bring a kid into this world just to have a nanny raise it.
For
me to have a kid now, I think everyone would be scratching their
heads and asking themselves if I was being dishonest with them and
keeping someone out of the spotlight. As soon as I have someone,
it'll be a decision I'll make with him.”
“Ok.”
I
pulled my phone and said, “I'm going to the restroom. I should
be getting a call telling me he's here.”
“Ok.”
I
went in and dialed Rayne, “Hello?”
“It's
me again... Listen, I'm giving you a forewarning about how things
just went with that fucker. As soon as the plane landed, there was no
limo.”
“WHAT!”
“Yeah. So don't
go to the airport and expect a ride, or don't expect limo service
after you tell him to get fucked.”
“I just
did!”
“You were in Sacramento?”
“No.
I'm in Tahoe!”
“Well, he flew from Sacramento to
get there! I told him to get fucked and just got back to find no
limo.”
“That bastard!”
“Rather
than playing into it, I've called out to Thousand Oaks Rolls Royce
and am having a Gray Ghost brought in.”
“Man, that
sounds nice!”
“It's the one they had. I'll leave
my name off it if you want it. All I want is a ride home.”
“Why
don't you want it?”
“It's not a Drophead, but hey, it's a ride home and can be a house car if you don't want it!”
“Cool!”
“Are you flying in?”
“I'm coming in tomorrow. We got a helluva snow storm up here.”
“It was rain in Sacramento... He flew in and you can't fly out?”
“Uh, I didn't think about that! Do you think he shut off my jet?”
“He didn't me! Had he, I'd went public with the bullshit up there!”
“I'm
going to check to see if he fucked with me!”
“Ok.
Let me know! I'll have you one chartered in no time!”
“How
do you do that?”
“Call
Delta Charters. They have smaller jets.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I'm not going that direction. I'll be going with buying my own jet and hiring the crew to fly it.”
“Cool!”
“Well,
let me ring off and you find out. If you need it, I'll make
calls.”
“Ok!”
I rang off and dialed
Jeff, “Hello?”
“Was your jet able to fly out of Tahoe?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Did you pull his jet?”
“NO!”
“I
was wondering. I sure as hell know my limo got pulled!”
“WHAT!”
“No
limo here at the airport, but that's ok. I've already dialed and got
a Ghost on it's way.”
I sighed, “Jeff, I can't say you
did or didn't pull the limo or his jet. What I know is this... If you
didn't, you call them and tell them that if I had any inkling as to
whether I was going to sign that contract, there's no way in hell I'm
signing it now.
In regards to him, he's on his way back and will be coming to my house to have us talk. It's safe now because I've fired everyone who has worked for you and have told them the contract is over and won't be renewed.
That
way, if there WAS anyone on the payroll who was keeping eyes open for
you, that's ended. You now know I kept my end. My next call will be
to my attorney to let him know that the limo isn't here and you ended
it prematurely so it's quite alright to go ahead and get me those
other contracts to sign. I was going to wait until the day after, but
if you're going to break things two weeks from the end, I will
also.”
“I didn't...!”
“I'd like
to believe you. Furthermore, let me state this... The second my
server is fucked with I'll press the kill button on yours. Got that?”
“I
hope you know this line is recorded!”
“Yeah, and I
hope you know that the second you fuck with my server, I won't give a
damn! You call it what you will, but I'm calling it what I will
too!”
“I hadn't thought about that!”
“It'll
be off line as soon as I make the call.”
“MINE?”
“No,
mine. Believe me, you're going to think I killed yours, but hey, the
second you file the lawsuit against me, you'd best have a computer
man who doesn't bury you!”
“What does that
mean!”
“It means my server has been supporting
yours as life support because you've been too fuckin' cheap to buy a
new one!”
“What do you want for yours?”
“Uh, let's see...How much did my last movie make you??? I think you can afford a computer man and a server a lot cheaper than you can fuckin' with me.
Just understand that in your code is a kill code which when I dial the motherfucker in, you're dead in the water. So fuck with mine out of petty spite, and you're dealing with payback.”
“You DO KNOW you could be arrested for that threat, right?”
“I'll ring off and call my attorney. You do know that a contract which when violated doesn't matter if you violated it all the way up to the last day, it's still breached, right?”
I rang off and dialed Robert.”Hello?”
“It's
Mo.”
“Yes Mo!”
“He
came to Sacramento and got told no. Low and behold, when I get back
here into the city, there's no limo service. The uncanny part of it
is that Rayne told him no, and now Rayne's jet is unable to fly out
of Tahoe.”
“They're getting snow.”
“I
find that interesting... Jeff's plane was able to fly in and out of
that airport!”
“HUH?”
“Yeah,
but Rayne's jet can't fly??? I find that real fuckin' interesting!
Now, you tell him that if he wants to fuck with, you are standing
behind me because he's now threatening my server hooked to
theirs.”
“Didn't you say that yours was keeping
his alive?”
“Yeah. And now he's violating contracts with limos, so do I have to keep his alive until the end of that contract with my server?”
“Ooh,
I'll stand behind you. Get your server removed!”
“Ok.
I'm making the call now. What happens if they won't let my computer
guy into the building?”
“Uh, can you shut yours down remotely?”
“Yeah.
And I can shut his down too.”
“I'd get everything
backed up on yours and would shut it down.”
“Mine's
backed up through a system which also does back up for Department of
Defense, so I know no one's getting a court order to get into that
system!”
He
laughed, “Slick, I like that!”
“It's in
Chicago. My guy is the one who set it up and bought me my back up on
it. For the cost, it was a damned decent deal.”
“Good!
Tell him to get it and if they won't let him in to kill yours and
then call me.”
“Ok.”
“Are you
and Rayne on speaking terms again?”
“I
will have to tell you that answer officially when I know.
What I
know is he's been invited to my house to talk. He's been told to fire
the bitch, but then again, if she's pulled from him because he's
refusing to renew his contract, you know that's what
happened.”
“Which is a clear violation of his
contract too.”
“Yes.”
“Find
out. I can't represent him, but I can you. I'm making a call in
regards to our limo.”
“Ok. But sue him for enough
that he has to pay for the Ghost I just ordered.”
He
laughed, “Oh, you'll be able to buy a fleet of them!”
I rang off and dialed Taj, “Hello?”
“Is everything backed up?”
“Yeah.”
“Wanna
go get my server?”
“Ok.”
“If
they won't let you into the building, stand in front of the guard and
kill it.”
“Ok. You know that's going to kill his
too, right?”
“Damn
the luck!”
He laughed, and I said, “My attorney
gave that order. You know we've got protection.”
“Ok.
Can I go ahead and kill ours?”
“Yeah. I see no problem with that as long as we've got backup.”
“Give
me about three seconds... Ok, ours is committing suicide and shutting
down.”
“Thanks.”
I rang off and
dialed Rayne, “Hello?”
“What did you find
out?”
“My
jet is pulled.”
“Are your people?”
“I
don't know. They're all here with me, so I'd say not!”
“Want
me to charter you one? Or do you want to speak with my attorney about
the breach of contract?”
“Both!”
“Ok.
I'll make the calls. Be prepared for my attorney to call.”
“Ok.”
I
rang off and dialed Robert, “Hello?”
“Listen
to this! The dumbass pulled Rayne's jet!”
“Ok...”
“Rayne
wants to speak with you about the breach of contract.”
“He
SAYS he didn't pull a thing!”
“Rayne's pilot says
otherwise...”
“OH!”
“I'm hiring
him a jet.”
“Tell him I'll be up there to pick HIM
up at the airport.”
“Ok.”
I rang off
and dialed Rayne, “Hello?”
“It's
me. Robert isn't going to call. He's going to fly up there to get
you.”
“I have no way out to the airport!”
“Call
a taxi cab. You'd better be carrying those cards in your shoes!”
“Oh
man, I've got them!”
“Take a taxi. I'll tell him
you're on your way.”
“It takes a few hours for him
to get here!”
“I know. I just flew in!”
“And you've got a Rolls coming?”
“Yeah.”
“Damn!
You could've flown up here with him!”
“I'm getting
home. I can be there to pick you up when you get in.”
“Ok!”
“You
DO KNOW he's a dumb ass, don't you?”
“Yeah.”
“As
I see it, his breach of contract has just made it impossible to show
to your final few shows! Now, I'd not do that, I'd show and make sure
that they see that you're there even if your band he's providing
isn't. That way, he's the one being sued and you're not.”
“They'll
sue me too.”
“If you signed something else, they
will. If you haven't, they won't.”
“Are you done
making movies?”
“For
him, yeah. And I'm done making albums. We'll get you a different
contract. I'd like for us to make it so that we can sign together in
Vegas, but we might do it so we're singing in different hotels and
cleaning up.”
He laughed, “That'd be nice!”
“I'm
getting $25 million for 7 months. In that 7 months, I do 7 shows a
week.”
“Really?”
“It's
coming out to $500 grand a show. I have to do one which is televised,
but I'm doing that so that I can sell the video as my Greatest Hits
album and he's not getting a cut of it.”
“MAN!
Work on that for me!”
“Dump that bitch! If she
gets on the plane with you, my attorney will probably throw you both
off and call me and tell me what he just did!”
“Oh,
they're all being left! He mentioned some things to me that I want to
speak with your attorney about because he was trying to blackmail me
with them.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I think the game's are going to be played and he'll try using a lot of things against me.”
“Like what?”
“My
brother's arrests.”
“Hey, that's not your
fault!”
“No, but I did bail him out!”
“Well,
that was dumb!”
“I did it and I'm glad I did. I'll
tell you all about it later, but it's not to hurt your
feelings.”
“Ok. But I don't want to be around you
if you're around him!”
“I'm NOT! I'll tell you
when I see you in person!”
“Ok.”
He
got excited, “That's him calling to tell me when I'm to meet
him!”
“Ok. Call me back!”
I walked
out and sat down. Gray asked, “Everything ok?”
“Here's
how lucky we are... Our limo got pulled.”
“He says
he didn't do that!”
“Did you talk with him about
why he pulled Rayne's jet?”
He
looked shocked and I nodded, “And before you ask, Rayne
personally called his pilot and got told they were pulled. So try
calling Steven and see if he was pulled as our limo?”
He
nodded, “I will!”
“You're going to learn to
believe there's air when Jeff's lying to you because the words that
the air is carrying are all lies.”
He
smiled, “I'm calling Steven! Man, I should've done that!”
“Ask
Steven if he'll give a deposition to my attorney. Robert is flying to
Tahoe to personally get Rayne to get that breach of contract suit!”
He
looked surprised and I nodded, “What's dumb there is he didn't
pull Rayne's band or anyone yet... but they've got no way to get to
the few remaining concerts. Now you figure who is in breach when he
shows and the band doesn't!”
He looked shocked, “Oh
man!”
“I'll foot those bills just to have Rayne
covered and Jeff found in breach.” I paused, “And Gray?”
“Yeah?”
“Tomorrow,
I want a printout of your phone calls to Jeff.”
He
looked shocked, “Why!”
“Because you just
admitted to calling him. If I'm going to have to suspect what you
have to tell me, I'll tell you that you can give the printouts, or
you can be fired.”
He gave me a look, “You'll have
to fire me then!”
I nodded, “You're fired. Find
your own ride!” I shook my head, “You know, you doing
that right before I sign some damned big contracts is dumb as
hell!... But hey, I don't think anyone's going to be upset more than
he when he hears that Robert's on his way to go get Rayne to get that
breach of contract suit!Am I baiting you to make that call? Yeah. The
second you make the call, you know that I'll have his phone records
and yours pulled up so that I can sue you for the breach of YOUR
contract!”
He looked shocked and I nodded, as I pulled my phone,”Hello?”
“It's
me. I've just fired Gray. See what you can do to get his phone
records and Jeff's phone records pulled. I want to know how many
times he's breached HIS contract with me!”
“Oh
man! I'll have the lawsuit filed in the morning on that!”
I
nodded, “Great. He'll be served by tomorrow afternoon?”
“If
not then, it'll be first thing in the morning on Tuesday.”
“Thank
you. I see my Ghost rolling up!”
I rang off and said,
“The lawsuit will be filed first thing in the morning. You'll
be served tomorrow afternoon or Tuesday morning. I hope Jeff pays you
more than your breach because I believe the penalty in our contract
for breach on your part is 50 times that $2 million you were paid.”
“You've
got to prove it!”
“Who the fuck do you think has
the phone records on the server in his possession?”
He
looked shocked and I nodded, “And as long as I paid that bill
for your phone, I can and will call to get the printouts mailed to
me!
You really need to know how things are played when you're in this business. If it's provided to you, it's usually a setup to be able to have it used against you when you're doubted. And yes, there's a reason that I always paid those bills.”
I
walked out and the guy came over and did the hug kiss kiss. “I'm
glad it's you!”
I put my pull bag in the boot and said,
“I'll drive. I'll have you paid off my card.”
“Ok.
I'll do the paperwork.”
I put the phone in the drawer and the radio picked it up.
He
smiled, “You must've driven one before!”
“I
gave my former manager one for Christmas last year. I've been riding
in it.”
I put set the settings for the seat, mirrors, and wheel. Then, I checked the mirror and asked, “You buckled in?”
“Yeah.”
“Hang
on, traffic is like a raceway out here.”
We got onto the 405 and I started driving. When we got to Thousand Oaks, I asked, “Do you want to do the paperwork here?”
“Yes
please.”
“Ok.”
I dialed Rayne, “Hello?”
“Is he coming to get you?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok.
I'll be off as I have to go into the Rolls Royce dealer to do the
paperwork.”
“Ok.”
I rang off and
asked, “Can I see that black...” I saw the Drophead
parked over, “What's wrong with that Drophead?”
“It's
last year's model.”
“Can I see it?”
“Sure.”
I went over and saw the blue one. I immediately walked over to it and asked, “What's on this one?”
“It's
loaded. It's last year's model.”
“Write it up and
write up that ghost.”
He looked surprised,
“Ok.”
“Everything has to be put through the
MGMoCo.”
He looked surprised, “I've sold cars to
you before!”
“Yes. Now I'm buying for me instead
of everyone else!”
“You've not bought for
yourself?”
“No.
I thought about it last year, but my BMW still had it's warranty.
Needless to say, it's ran out as of this month, so I'll park it and
drive the blue one and possibly give the gray one to Rayne.”
“OH!”
He gave me a look, “May I ask what the story is there? He says
it's a heartbreak, but you won't talk.”
I looked away,
“There was a heartbreak on my part also. We're now going to put
it back together and with some luck, it'll be better through lessons
learned.”
He
nodded, “I'm sorry I asked.”
“If there was
some mileage out of it, I'd tell you. Since we're going to put it
back together, I'll say lessons were learned and hopefully learned on
his part also.”
He
nodded, “I know he still loves you. There's a song he dedicates
to you in every concert. Everyone knows he's referring to you when he
does.”
I nodded, “I've not seen him perform, so I
can't tell you. All I know is we sang beautiful music together when
we lived together before, but on the eve of our becoming famous, a
bitch made accusations and he didn't call her off. I walked and he
had the option to fire her. He didn't, so you figure out who mattered
more.
Just the same, the heartbreak goes to something deeper than that. He couldn't help it, but the bitch judged me off it, and he let that happen. Needless to say, I now know he couldn't help one and could the other.
On his part, I hope he's learned that one partner matters in a relationship, and that like wedding vows, you're not supposed to let anyone come in between you and that other partner in the relationship.
Had I done it over, I'd probably busted the bitch in the mouth and told her that's me being a manipulative bitch and for her to scoot before I finished beating the fuck out of her!”
He
looked surprised and I nodded, “Listen, when an employee puts
herself there judging, it's not fun. And when that employee judges
you because she says you're getting mileage from being raped by his
brother, she's a bitch.”
He looked shocked, 'Rayne's
brother raped you!”
“In front of him with a pistol
to my head... Just the same, he brought his brother to the house
because his brother said the amount of money Rayne gave him wasn't
enough. Therefore, he brought him home and the guy robbed me and
raped me in front of Rayne.
That was the day he went to his own bedroom and I went to mine. We were going to work on it and I was working on it... and he was also.
What
she said was that I was abusing him with it. He let her say the shit
and I walked.”
He nodded, “Do you think you two
will be able to make it when you get back together?”
I shrugged, “I don't know. We've got to work through some things. If he's not learned that one person matters, I'll tell you it won't work. I'm no cheater, and I'm not a person who will put up with someone else in my bed but me and the person I'm involved with.”
He
nodded, “I understand.”
“It happened over 5
years ago. I now live behind gates in a gated community over the hill
here. He's got to come to me because I'll be damned if I leave that
house of his twice in a lifetime... The next time, he'll be told to
go because my 50% of that house says those I say stay get to stay and
those whom I say go have to go.”
“That's a
beautiful house. I saw it on the interview.”
“You
must be a big fan of his...”
“Of you both. You
sing awesome, but he sings awesome too.”
“At one
time, we were going to have a collaborative effort as our 5th
album. That all
changed when I left.”
“You've not spoke in that
long?”
“My
contract is two weeks from being completed. So is his. Jeff's trying
to blackmail him into signing his contract, but Ray won't. That's why
I had to get the car and my attorney is flying to get him.”
“Why?”
“When
we told Jeff no, he pulled my limo. And he pulled Ray's jet stranding
him, his band, and everyone up there.”
“MAN!”
I
gave a nod, “Now you know how it is. I finished my concert
tonight and made it back to my dressing room to call Ray. He answered
and we talked.”
He smiled, “I hope you get back
together.”
“I do too.”
We did the
paperwork and I said, “You're going to have to drive that Ghost
over to my house. I need to drive it to the airport to pick him up.”
“Ok.”
He
followed me out and I drove over to Hidden Valley. We went up to the
house and pulled in to the second gate. I pulled up and opened the
third gate letting us into the courtyard.
I
parked and said, “Give me a moment and I'll have my bag in and
my clothes changed.”
“Sure!”
“You
can come in if you want.”
“Sure!”
We
went in and I pointed, “The remote for the television is on the
coffee table...” I paused, “I'd better turn it on. It's
hard if you don't know what you're doing.”
I
took him in and held out my hand and saw the flashing red light. He
ran into it and I said, “Uh, follow me.”
“What's
going on?”
“Did you see that red light?”
“Yeah.”
“That's
the alarm telling me there's someone on the grounds.”
“Oh
man!”
We ran up and into the safe room. I locked us in
and turned on all the monitors.
I pointed, “There he is. It's Rayne's brother.”
“How'd
he know to get here!”
I dialed 911. “911, please
state your emergency.”
“I've got a trespasser
in my estate. He's not in the house yet, but he is on the
grounds.”
“Lock the doors and...”
“They're
locked. I'm in the safe room with the Rolls Royce guy.”
“Huh?”
“I
just bought two Rolls Royce. This is Mojave Marshall.”
“OH!
Mo!”
I chuckled, “Yeah, I'm Mo! Now, can you get
someone out here?”
“Yes!”
“He's
looking all over the Rolls Royces. We left them parked in the
courtyard.”
“You're in the safe room?”
“Yes
Ma'am. I'm seeing him on the surveillance system.”
The
guy said, “Ma'am, he's on speakerphone and I'm here watching
with him!”
“You're the Rolls Royce delivery
driver?”
“Yes. I'm the salesman. I delivered them to him. Are you sending someone? He's doing something to the blue Royce.”
She
said, “I've got a car on it's way. He was close by.”
I
said, “Let me know when and I'll get him through the gates.”
I pointed, “That's the gate down at the road. That's the gate
at the street. And that's the gate going into the courtyard.”
He
said, “Ok.”
I said,”Watch it. You'll see his
headlights on that one and then, you'll see the front of the car pull
up. Then, you'll see him press the button on that one.”
“OK.”
“When
you let him through, you'll see him through those there. That's
surveillance all along that street.”
She said, “He's
about there.”
I said, “Ok. As soon as we see him,
we'll open the gate. He has to have his car on that pad or a ram will
go up and it'll have to be let down manually at that guard
house.”
She said, “OH!”
“It's
sophisticated, but people can trespass by using the hiking trails. We
can't put up more than one fence, so they can climb over.”
She
said, “That's terrible!”
“This guy has
pulled a pistol on me once before ma'am. I'll tell you he's sexually
assaulted me, but no report was made.”
She said, “Stay
in that room!”
“I am.”
He said, “He's
done something to the blue Royce, ma'am. It's like he was prying on
the gas filler door.”
She asked, “Do you have the ability to copy that?”
I
said, “Yes. I've got a DVD being recorded now.”
He
said, “There he is. I'm opening the gate now.”
I
said, “Ma'am, tell him the fourth house up the street on the
left. It's nearly a mile up that street, but he'll know since we're
the first past the pond.”
She said, “Ok. I've got
you on the map now! They didn't have those numbered
correctly.”
“It's relatively new.”
She
said, “I'm getting a chopper in the air. If he came in on a
hiking trail, he might try to leave that way.”
I
said, “We'll have video of how he left too.”
The
Royce guy said, “Ok, I've got him at the gate. It's opening.”
I
said, “Ma'am, tell him to kill his headlights. I'll surprise
him by opening the gate when the car pulls up.”
She
said, “Ok. He's pulling up the drive now.”
“I'm
watching him drive up. Tell him he's in the courtyard kneeling by the
blue Royce.”
I said,”Tell him to drive on
through.”
I
hit the button and she said, “Ok. He's pulling in. I said, “I'm
locking the gate. He's by the blue Royce still. He's not seen the cop
car.”
The Royce guy said, “He's just seen him.
He's kneeling.”
She said, “He sees him.”
“Tell
him to be careful as he might have that pistol.”
“He's
been told. I've got a chopper about 1 minute away.”
Just
then, shots rang out. I said, “Ma'am, your officer's
shot!”
“WHAT!”
“Get people
here. He's shot the intruder, but he's shot. I'm going down.”
“NO!”
“Ma'am,
someone needs to apply pressure. He's bleeding bad!”
I
grabbed the phone and said, “You watch the video. I'm going to
go help that officer!”
“OK!”
I ran
down and out. I said, “Ma'am, tell him I'm coming to help
him.”
“Ok!”
I went over and kicked
the gun away and ran over to the officer. He was in severe pain. I
said, “I'm applying pressure. I've been trained in First Aid.”
I
applied pressure and said, “Lay flat!”
“It
hurts!”
“You'll die, now lay flat!”
He
lay back and I heard the chopper. I said, “Ma'am there's a
helipad on the end. They can land there.”
“GOOD!”
He said, “MO!”
I
said, “Yes sir!”
“My God! I didn't recognize
you!”
I smiled, “You'll be ok. I used my tie as a tourniquet.”
He blinked, “Ok!”
She said, “Tell him he needs to open the gates!”
I said, “Ma'am, tell them to type in a code of 1974! That's my code!”
She hurried and I could hear her giving the code. I said, “Tell them they have to let the vehicles cycle through one at a time or the tire spikes will go up.”
She said, “OH!”
She hurried and told them. The cop smiled, “I bet the ambulance hit it!”
“That's
ok. We've got a helipad here. I'll pay everything. You just stay
alive!”
He nodded, “I'm trying, but it's
painful.”
“That's the dyin' part. Kick it's ass by
showing you're tougher!”
“I don't know, it's pretty painful.”
I
said, “I'm going to have to go with you. I think my fingers are
having their circulation cut off!”
He looked shocked and
I winked, “Made you forget about the dying part, didn't I!”
He
smiled, “You're crazy!”
“Crazy is how that
guy's brains are trying to tell him shit got real!”
He
smiled real big, “I'm not going to look!”
She
said, “They're pulling up the hill!”
I said,
“Good! We're about to have tea!”
He laughed and
she said, “When he gets out of the hospital!”
I said, “Ma'am,you know if you have a man tied up with a lasso and don't invite him for tea, he runs off!”
They laughed and the cop car and the ambulance rolled in I said, “Tell them that fire truck can't make it!”
She said, “They see that!”
“It wasn't me who designed it. A woman and a gay guy would've told them that you want the guy with the big hose able to make it in!”
They laughed and the cop ran over. He asked, “Are you ok?”
He
said, “Yes. The perp's dead. This guy's supposed to be in his
safety room!”
The guy looked at me, “MO!”
I
rolled my eyes, “That's the first word in a dirty
conversation!”
The officer laughed and the one standing
up gave me a look and I said, “Does it look like I can shake
your hand? I sort've tied myself to his crotch!”
He said, “Here, let me help!”
I said, “Nah, if you felt what I'm feeling, you'd never let it go!”
They
laughed and the ambulance guys came up. The one said, “Here,
I'll take that!”
I said, “Um hmm, you didn't say
MO!”
He
looked and said, “OH! It's you!”
I nodded, “Yup!
I sort've tied myself to this guy, so you've got to get the magician
with the bigger wand!”
He smiled, “How'd you do that?”
“Well, it wasn't easy. I was holding pressure and then, I yanked my tie off and then, I tied it with my teeth.
The
good officer said, “What the...” and then, he didn't say
anything when I came up with blood... You know how it is!”
He
smiled and the officer who'd been shot laughed. I said, “Ok.
Let's get him on the gurney. If they're bringing a chopper, you'll
need to get him to that helipad out there.”
He nodded and said, “Let me put this on his leg.”
“Sure”
He
put on a balloon sleeve and then, they inflated it. I said, “You
know if you put a little lotion on that and slide it back and
forth...”
They laughed and my phone said, “I'm
still here you know!”
I said, “Sorry Ma'am, you'll
get the video. I promise!”
She laughed and we lifted him onto the gurney. They took my tie loose and replaced my hand with a bandage and a bean bag. Then, they held it.
I stood up and patted the officer and said, “I'll get them the video.”
He
nodded, “They'll want a statement!”
I smiled, “Do
I give the official version or the one where I don't tell anything?”
He
smiled, “The official version.”
“Ok!”
They got him up and the chopper landed. In no time, they had him rolling and me showing how to get there.
Real fast, they had him loaded on the chopper and it took off. The ambulance driver said, “You probably saved his life.”
I
nodded, “I saw the way he was bleeding and knew I had to get
there.”
The cop asked, “Can you tell me what
happened?”
I
motioned, “Let's get you in here and watch what
happened.”
“Ok.”
I took him in and we
went up to the bedroom. I said, “The safe room is in here.”
We went in and I said, “Here's the DVD. You can watch everything here.”
We
watched and I pointed, “That's when we got here.”
“How'd
you know he was here?”
“There are red lights which flash. That's how you know that someone's on the grounds and they're trespassing. It's like a final warning for you to get hid because the next one is when they get close to the house and the sirens alert and dial the police.
Because
he went through the gate there from the helipad, it didn't.”
“Why?”
“Because if you fly in, it gives you 45 seconds to reset the system or punch in a code. If you shut the gate and it doesn't see you move, it eventually goes to standby. He standing there messing with the car had it on standby. Then, the cop showed and we took it off standby by override.”
“OH!”
I pointed, “That's the alarm telling you everything right there.”
He
shook his head, “You could've been killed.”
“Thank
God I wasn't, and hopefully, that police officer wasn't!”
He said, “He'll make it.”
I nodded, and he said, “That guy was with you?”
“He's
the Rolls Royce dealer. He was driving one and I drove the other...
Well, you saw all that.”
He nodded, “Why'd you
take him into the house?”
“I'm still in the clothes I performed in up in Sacramento. I was showing him how to use the remote when I saw the red light flash.”
He
said,”OH!”
“It's right there.”
He
nodded, “Ok. I like this system!”
“It works, but it's got more holes in it than a whore house!”
He
smiled, “Our Sheriff is going to see this and what you did and
will want to give you a commendation.”
I waved my hand,
“Don't... Tell him to give any award money to a kid's charity
and mail the award. I'll put it up in the award room, but you might
find it rather disturbing how I treat those.”
He chuckled, “How do you treat them?”
“Come
on down. I'll show you.”
We went down and I took him out
to the gardening shed. He said, “The gardening shed!!!”
“It's
nice. I don't garden, so I use the shelves in here.”
We
went in and I said, “Four Oscars, the Golden Globes, and all
the others. IF I get one from you guys, I'll put it here with these
plaques.”
“Why are all of them facing the wall?”
“It's
pretty self serving if you have an award room for you to go pay
homage to yourself. Needless to say, I find it embarrassing and I
think they probably do also... I mean, I didn't care enough to go get
'em, and now they're not in some coveted spot.”
He
frowned, “Why?”
“It's not about that for me. For some people, it might be about that. To me, it's a way to pay the bills and the checks are what I appreciate more.” I paused, “How much do you appreciate awards?”
“I
do!”
“Good. I bet if you started off getting an
award and you got a bunch of them, you'd see they don't mean much...
You still do your job, you still cash the checks, and you still would
do what you did to earn them whether you got one or not.”
He
smiled, “I understand. It's different, but I understand
it.”
I'll tell you something. I met Kirk Douglas and
he's almost 100. He had a talk with me and we talked a good long
time. Then, he gave me a surprised look and said, “You're
really listening to me!” and I said, “Sure, why wouldn't
I?”. That's when he said, “No one listens anymore...”,
and I said, “Well, I do. It's disrespectful if you don't
listen! After all, you took the time and so did I!”.
What gets me is this... He said people talk AT HIM, and I understand. Ask a kid who's too busy texting something and they don't talk TO YOU, they talk at you!”
He
nodded, “I understand.”
I nodded, “It's the
disassociation thing. They don't know how to deal with someone
because it's total isolation. They play games in a house and it's not
WITH someone, or interaction, it's with someone who isn't there, and
it's not having interaction, it's all about disassociation and
isolation.”
He nodded, and I shook my head, “Go
watch people in a movie theater, it'll blow you away. They'll sit
there and whereas some older people are holding hands and sharing the
experience with someone, most of the younger people are isolated and
not interacting with anyone. It's a thing and when they're done, it's
like a video game which's over.”
He nodded, “You're
going to need to give us the history on that guy.”
“He's
Rayne's brother.”
He looked surprised, “OH!”
I smiled, “You like Rayne and haven't heard of me!”
He
laughed, “You find that strange!”
I nodded,
“Rayne's going to call and will be here later
tonight.”
“OH!”
I said, “Here's
the deal. Several years ago, Rayne and I lived together.”
He
gave me a look, “Really?”
“Yeah, I'm not fillin' ya full of shit!”
He
nodded, “Ok.”
“This jerk here would rob
Rayne and would take it home to his Mom and Dad and they'd think he
was great because he brought money home and Rayne
didn't.”
“OH!”
“Well,one night,
he robbed Rayne and then said it wasn't enough. Rayne brought him to
the house and this guy robbed me at gunpoint and raped me on the
floor with a pistol to my head while Rayne watched. Afterward, I
wanted to report it.”
“Where'd this happen?”
“My house in Tarzana.”
“Why didn't you report it?”
“Rayne
didn't want me to.”
“Why?”
“I can't tell you. All I know is that I got pissed and Rayne moved to the guest bedroom. We worked on it, and were getting really close when we got famous and moved up to Simi Valley. Then, we split up and I went to the Beverly Wilshire to live until I found this place.”
He stared, “Why here?”
“Look
at the place! It's like home! That view is amazing! You can see the
ocean way far away, and there's enough security that I thought I was
safe.”
“You've not seen him since the sexual
assault?”
“No. Believe me, after I left the house out there, if I'd seen the jerk, I'd called the police. When I saw it was him, I didn't think twice about calling.”
“What was he doing to your car?”
“I don't know. I never took the time to see because that cop needed me.”
He nodded, “Do you think he was here to sexually assault you again?”
“I'd
like to think not. I mean, If I were here to sexually assault
someone, I'd be trying to get into the house. He was more interested
in messing with the car.”
“Let's go look at the
car.”
We
went out and I saw the Royce guy. He said, “They've taken my
statement.”
I motioned, “We're going to go see
what he was doing to the car.”
“Oh! Let's go!”
We
went out and he looked at the fuel filler and said, “He was
putting drugs on the car!”
I said, “Well, you know
what he was doing!”
He gave me a look, “You're not involved with drugs are you?”
I held out my arms, “Take the blood and test it. You'll see there's noting in it! I don't even need cold medicine because I don't get sick!”
He
nodded, “I believe you. If you had something in your system,
you'd not offer.”
I nodded, “I'd tell you to check
my hair, but with the amount of dye I go through, that's probably
screwed up.”
“No. They could use it.”
He gave me a look, “Who's his next of kin besides Rayne?”
“I
suppose his parents. I've not spoke to Rayne in 4 years, but I did
today.”
“And this guy suddenly shows up.”
“I
don't think it's Rayne. I think it's Jeff the head of our
company.”
“Why do you think that?”
“I
think that because he tried to blackmail Rayne over this guy.”
“How
so?”
“He
didn't say. Rayne thought it was because he went to bail this guy out
once. Now I've figured it's this.”
“Who's this
Jeff?”
“Jeff
Rostovic.”
“OH!”
I nodded, “I
pissed him off today because I wouldn't renew my contract. And Rayne
pissed him off because he wouldn't either.”
“Oh!”
“I'd
tell you to go to my manager, but I fired him and everyone else
today.”
“Why?”
“Here's why. When I went into this contract, I went into it believing that I had to do 9 tours, and 9 albums, and 9 movies, and then, I'd be done.
Well,
I did all that. I busted my hump to do it, and then, I finished my
9th movie and he said, “Here's your next one.”,
and I said, “No, we have to negotiate that.”, and he
said, “No, you're under contract for 4 years, and you'll do
however many I tell you!”.
Well,I took it to Robert
Shapiro, and Robert took a look at my contract and said, “Until
the end of your contract, you could be made to do movies at the $9
million a year.”. That's when I said, “Put in an
injunction and tell him that each additional movie he wants me to do
will have an injunction which will hold it in court until the 4 years
is up.”
He gave me a look, “Why didn't you want to
do them?”
“Here's our deal. The first movie was
for $1 million. The next was $2 million and so on and so forth all
the way to the 9th for $9 million. After that, I was
supposed to be done and was supposed to have it renegotiated. That's
when he used the time that HE SAID was for him to have to get the 9
over or I'd be finished at the end of that time.”
He
nodded,”Now, I'm getting it.”
“Yeah. I was
supposed to went to free agent and negotiated everything.”
He
shook his head, “That's cheap.”
“Yeah. I did
the work and I did it cheap because I figured that if I did it cheap,
we'd get a lot of good movies because they'd want to clean up.
They
did. It worked, and then, we got to the end of the agreement and he
holds what we didn't agree to, but did over our heads.
Well, we're to the end. I've got Disney throwing me a deal for 3 movies which are incredible. If it goes like it should, I'll be a billionaire several times over it.”
He looked shocked, “Really?”
“Johnny Depp made right at a billion dollars for the first four Pirates in the series. This next one, he's making $95 million plus a percentage.”
He looked shocked, “There's another???”
“Dead
Men Tell No Tales. It's coming out July of '17. I'm supposed to go
over and do two weeks of voice.”
He looked surprised,
“Really?”
“That's
not counted in the three I'm making for $50 million each.”
He
looked blown away, “MAN!”
I nodded, “Disney
wants me. They know my movies make money and they know that when I
come in, I do it professionally and won't be high, stoned, or self
centered. They know my movies get finished filming early because we
do it in one take a lot of times.”
He batted his eyes,
“You've made a lot of good movies. It's said that when you do a
drama, no one else needs to try because you blow everyone away!”
I
nodded, “And had I made the money everyone thought I got, I'd
be way wealthier. Instead, I'll tell you that if I hadn't had Armani,
there's a couple of years that I'd be broke.”
“Really!”
“They
gave us a house. My name was supposed to be off it, but it wasn't.
That was $50 million. Pay taxes on something like that when it's a
gift and you'll be broke damned fast.
I'll tell you that my posters saved me and I'll tell you Armani saved me the first two years. AND, I'll tell you that touring and rights, royalties, and merchandising saved me.”
He
smiled, “And everyone likes those!”
“Rayne's
made a lot of good ones too. I've not paid attention, but I know
they're good.”
He nodded, “He's taken up the slack
from where you've been hitting them.”
“He's been
out there more. After I got screwed doing that movie, I flat out
refused to go into a studio and work on a movie. Instead, I've been
out touring, and it's driving them nuts that they've been having to
pay me.”
He
smiled, “It's interesting how I'm learning about the darker
side of the industry.”
“The day I retire, I'm
producing a movie which tells it all.”
My phone rang,
“Hello?”
Rayne
said, “They're saying we're 15 minutes out.”
“Ok.
I need to see if I can get there.”
“What's going
on?”
“Well,
low and behold, your brother broke in out here.”
“WHAT!”
“One
guess???”
“JEFF!”
I
said, “The cop is standing here.”
“What
happened?”
“Well,
your brother's dead.”
“WHAT!”
“I
called the cops and the cop showed. He pulled a pistol and shot the
cop. The cop shot him and the cop's been taken to the hospital, but
your brother got his head blown off.”
“What was he
doing out there???”
“Well,he
was trying to put cocaine around my fuel filler door. Needless to
say, all that is caught on DVD by my surveillance.”
“Can
you come and get me?”
“Yeah,
give me a second. If I need to, I'll bring the BMW.”
“Ok.”
I
rang off, “Can I go get him?”
He pointed, “You can't take the blue car. That's going to have to be tested.”
“Ok. Do you need the Ghost?”
“No.
You can take it.”
“I'll be right back. He's at
LAX, so it might take an hour and a few.”
“Ok I'm sure we'll still be here.”
I pointed, “DO you need the car guy?”
“No.
I'm surprised he hasn't called anyone to come and get him.”
“Uh,
no. They're really confidential with the information. They know if
they piss us off once, they'll never get another sale when we get
around to telling everyone.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
I
went over, “He said we can go. I've got to go get Rayne.”
“Do
you need this DVD?”
“Yeah.
Let me give it to this cop.”
I handed it to the cop. “He
could've stole that and made a fortune.”
He paused, “Uh,
take your BMW. I'm wondering if that Jeff has some police which will
pull you over.”
“If
you take my limo, and make me buy a couple of cars, you know I'm
going to drive them!”
“Yeah. That's an obvious set
up.”
“You know who Rayne thought it was
immediately.”
He nodded, “Let me get to
investigating this Jeff!”
I winked, “That'd be the way to handle it.”
I
nodded at the salesman, “Let's take the BMW.”
We
went over and I opened the garage door. We went in and he said, “Man,
you've got some cool cars in here!”
“I was born in
the back seat of that one. It took me buying them an Escalade and a
new house to get it, but I got it, and had it restored.”
“MAN!”
“My
parents. I fucked up and started talking to them again. Of course, it
was all about them, and of course, it cost me money.
When
they had what they wanted, they spent the excess money on stocking
the bar and went right back to doing what they do
best...arguing.”
He looked surprised, “A year and
a half ago... I left and although they've got this phone number, it's
not rang.”
We
drove out and he said, “This is a decent car!”
“I'm
going to need you to take the drophead and have it detailed. There's
brains all down the side.”
“Ooh!”
“After
you get that detailed, I'm going to need the Ghost detailed.”
“Ok.”
“It's
fucked up, but I'm going to need a drug dog ran in and around it
after you detail it just to make sure it's...”
My phone
rang, “Hello?”
“Perez
Hilton here.”
“Hi P. How are you?”
“I
hear you got caught up in a drug sting!”
“I hear
Jeff paid a man to plant drugs on my car! Unfortunately, the guy is
Rayne's brother and he got his brains blown out all down the side of
the car and shot a cop doing so.”
“WHAT!”
“I
have been cleared. There's video showing what happened while I was in
my safe room with the Rolls Royce salesman. And yes, that was down
the side of a new Drophead I bought myself because Jeff breached the
contract and pulled my limo.
Now,
who would you suspect of doing something like that when your limo
suddenly disappears and a man who raped you suddenly shows up and
tries planting cocaine in a locked fuel door!”
“You
have it on video?”
“Yeah.”
“You
don't suspect Rayne?”
“No.
Rayne and I are trying to put it back together. In fact, I'm going to
the airport right now to pick him up because...A; Jeff pulled his
jet. B; Robert Shapiro went up to get him to get a lawsuit for the
violation of said contracts, and C; he tried to blackmail Rayne about
his brother and going to bail his brother out of jail
once.”
“Ooh!”
“So yeah, if you
want a major scoop, you be to the airport where I'm going to pick him
up in the BMW because brains are down the side of my Drophead and the
Ghost I was going to give to Rayne is now having to be detailed
because said plant might be somewhere on the som'bitch!
Just for
your information, they're saying I might get a commendation because I
saved the cop's life. If that's getting caught up in a sting, Jeff
doesn't know how my luck is!
And
yes, I'm in the car right now with the other witness who was in the
safe room with me... The salesman.”
The salesman said,
“Perez, I saw it all. He just got those cars from me and we
drove them to his house so that he could drive the Ghost in.
He was going upstairs to change and was showing me the television when he suddenly said, “Did you see that red light?” and I said, “Yes.”, and he said, “That's meaning someone is on the estate.”, so we ran to the safe room and locked in. That's where we saw the guy come in and start messing with the Royce in the courtyard.
Well, we called the police and yes, there's a huge long 911 call to prove we were where we were.”
Perez said, “Can I use all this as a scoop?”
“Yeah,
but you state that this all stems because within 2 weeks, our
contracts end and neither Rayne, nor I are renewing with
them.”
“Why?”
“Well, the contracts weren't paying us! We got $1 million for the first movie and album, $2 for the next all the way up to $9 million for the last album and last movie.
At
that point, I thought I could renegotiate and got told that because I
was locked into a 4 year contract, the last movie was $9 million
also.”
“OH MAN!”
“Yeah, so I
told them it'd be a cold day in hell before I did another movie and
Robert told them he'd drop injunctions on each and every movie to
lock me into that and lock the entire production into a
lawsuit.”
“You need to be careful, it sounds like
he's gunning for your career!”
“I have two weeks.
In two weeks I sign a 7 week contract to play at the Venetian, and I
do a 3 movie deal with Disney for $50 million each. THEN, there's
DMTNT.”
“What?”
“Dead
Men Tell No Tails. I've got a voice role in it which is getting me
something like $5 million.”
“MAN!”
“On
top of that is the Columbia Record deal which I get $20 million for
each album I produce and get them.”
“Jesus! I know
your music is good, but do you think you can do it?”
“P,
I did 70 songs on my first day working there. I started about 7:45am
and ended about 2:30, so you know I was moving through some
music.”
“MAN!”
“And yet, I got
$45 million for my 9 albums.”
“DAMN! You got
fucked!”
“Yeah. And he's now trying for what he
can get... my Armani contract. He knows if he can pin the drug thing
on me, they'll put Rayne and I out of the contract.”
“Jesus!”
“I'm
not afraid. I think Rayne and I are finally putting it back together,
so we'll be good.”
“What was the problem there?”
“If you and I were living together, would you like me very much if I didn't do anything while my brother raped you on the floor in front of you?”
“OH
MAN! He did that to you!”
“Yeah. We moved in
together and not 3 days later, Rayne brings home his brother who had
him at gunpoint. Needless to say, I got robbed and then
raped.”
“FUCK!”
“It's been kept
out of the press. Now I don't rightly give a damn. The best part is
the fucker won't have another thought of fuckin' me, will he?”
“And you're going to put it back together with Rayne?”
“Yeah. I love him. He's the one person in this world whom I know loves me and loves me for me...I mean, when you're so fuckin' broke you share a packet of pop tarts so they stretch further, you know the guy loves you.”
“Yeah!”
“Jeff
totally discounts that I'm going to protect my reputation without
laying it all out there. He doesn't realize that I'll tell it all and
will slam him while doing it. THEN, I'll drag the bastard down gladly
because you know as well as me that when Rayne and I both point
fingers and tell that we're both leaving due to one person, the board
is going to see their shares going down and it's all because of one
person.”
“He's been there a long time.”
“Yeah,
but who's dominated the airwaves?”
“Yeah, you two.
And you two are slingin' movies out and they're GOOD!”
“It's
because we were smart enough to know if we gave them money upfront,
we'd have a track record and a sampler of our acting so that when we
got finished, they could renegotiate, or we'd go to where the money
paid.”
“Damn, that's smart!”
“We
talked about all this stuff growing up. I still have to get a girl we
went to school with her start, but we'll work on producing her and
having her there.”
“Who's that?”
“A
girl by the name of Janelle Rios. She's an excellent singer.”
“Can
I Google her?”
“I
imagine you can, but if you steal her, I'll be so pissed!”
“I
don't find anything.”
“She probably got married.
We'll have to call her.”
“Can I have the scoop on
her too?”
“Yeah. You know our history and bios. We didn't lie like most people.”
He
laughed, and I said, “P, forgive me for a second. I need to
drop off this salesman and hit the highway again.”
“Sure!”
I
pointed, “That Maserati convertible which looks like it's got
lipstick on. If you can get an all black version like that without
the lipstick, I'll trade this BMW in on it.”
“Ok!”
“Bring
it out in the morning. Then, you can take the drophead in and have it
detailed and ran by a drug dog.”
“Ok!”
He
got out and I said, “Ok P, I can talk again.”
“Can
I get the scoop on a lot of this?”
“As
long as you throw Jeff into the meat grinder.”
“Oh,
I am! If you've got Robert suing on your behalf, I'll speak with
Robert, myself, and will play him the recording of my
call.”
“Ok.”
“You know, you and
him being back together are going to make so many people happy. His
interview and saying it was due to a heartbreak and leaving it as it
was affected a lot of people. And with you being silent on
everything, everyone knew you were hurt.”
“I was
silent because the fucker was already screwing me! He had me booked
into six movies and I was starving to death! On top of that, he had
Rayne's house put half into my name and I had to pay taxes on
that!”
“OH MAN!”
“Yeah. I could
go on and on, but I'll tell you what... I paid my dues. If anyone
wants to doubt it, I'll pull the IRS returns and show them what I got
and yeah, I make it sound like I didn't make much, but P... When
you're making gobs of money on paper, and you're broke, there's a
fuckin' problem!”
“I
hear that!”
“I'm going to do something. I'm going
to give you the key to a private YouTube account where I have a video
diary. Then, you can watch how it was.
Now,
it's better, but it took two years before I finally got smart and
hired Robert. Then, Robert went in and told Jeff that either I
started getting paid, or he was going to make it public about how
little I was really making.”
“You've got proof?”
“Oh
yeah. I hear the only reason Rayne was able to make it was because
the ranch out there is pulling in over $2 million a year and he was
able to live that way. I'll tell you the taxes on that place were
outrageous.”
“What about your place now?”
“Here's
how much I paid. First of all, it's a foreclosure. You know whose it
was.”
“Yeah, I heard she was losing her
ass!”
“Well, you know what she paid.”
“Yeah.
Too fuckin' much!”
“I got it for $12.9
million.”
“My God!”
“I did
fashion weeks and saved like you wouldn't believe. They gave us that
money and then, I got my first check for the posters and looked at
the house and said, “Yup, I want it!”, so I got it and of
course, there's taxes, and yeah, they're higher than hell!”
He
laughed, “Yeah!”
“What I forgot is that you
have real estate taxes on the house based upon it's appraised
valuation.”
“Oh man!”
“Needless
to say, it was a shocker that was as welcome as a swift kick to the
nuts.”
“I bet!”
“I got it paid,
but I'll tell you what... it's been rough. It's finally going to be
great, so I'm not going to bitch, but Jeff did us very few favors in
which he wasn't handsomely rewarded in return.”
“I'm
getting that!”
“I won't bitch... My career has
been great and I've been busy, but that's by my own doing... a large
part of it. When you figure out that I was producer on those and
didn't get one dime more, you understand the total fuckin' I took on
those.”
“WHAT!”
“Yeah. I'll
show you the contract. I thought I was brilliant, but I wasn't. Yeah,
a lot of things were brilliant, but a lot of them were due to
ignorance of the business and not knowing that when you're thinking
you're so sure of yourself that you really need to be covering your
ass!”
“Yeah!”
“So I'll tell you
that when it comes to getting me music, I'm doing it. I've already
got enough for the first three albums and it's going to sound as good
as my other music.”
“Great!”
“And
yeah, my agreement with Columbia is that I get credit for everything
I do the work upon in the studio.”
“Did he pull your band too?”
“I
fired them earlier tonight. Everyone whom Jeff was paying got told
that they needed to go back to him because I wasn't keeping anyone
who might be able to go to him and say anything.”
“Good!”
“Then,
I caught Gray talking to him and fired Gray, so I'm totally
free.”
“He what!”
“Yeah. And
I'll have those phone records because I was paying for that phone.”
“Was he supposed to do that?”
“No.
In fact, I've got the video of when he was hired. You'll see me
telling him what's required and you'll see me stressing over and over
that I'll speak with Jeff, and he's to never EVER speak with the man
because Jeff's the person who will take something and tear it all
apart and fuck us with it.”
“Yeah.”
He
suddenly got quiet, “Uh, Mo?”
“Yeah.”
“That
false story is hitting all over the place.”
“HUH?”
“Someone's showing photos from the sky of all the police and ambulance lights and then, they're saying it's due to a drug sting at your house.”
“Run
the real story. Don't get your ass sued. I'll ring off now and call
Robert. You know that when I'm done suing, I'm going to own some of
these sons of bitches!”
“Yeah!”
I
rang off and dialed Robert, “Hello?”
“Are you near a television?”
“No. What's going on?”
“Everything
that's happening out at my house has been twisted into a drug sting
that I'm caught up in. Perez Hilton has the tape of Jeff calling him
and telling him to run the story.”
“OH REALLY???”
“Yeah.
So find all of them and you run with it. Sue and sue hard, I want the
real story out there, and I want that cocksucker sued into the grave
for leaking it and smearing me.”
“Oh,I am!”
I rang off and dialed, Cyndi Adams of Page 6 in New York, “Hello?”
“It's
Mo.”
“My God, what's happening?”
“Don't
run that story!”
“Ok... What's happening?”
“The
long story is that Jeff got told no by Rayne and I on our contracts
being renewed and he's out telling everyone that it's a drug sting
and I'm caught up in it.”
“Yeah. That's what we
were told!”
“Well, the truth is that Jeff paid
Rayne's brother to come to my house and plant drugs on my brand new
Rolls Royce. There's video proving that, and there's proof with
witnesses, and there's proof that what happened is that a cop was
shot by Rayne's brother and then, Rayne's brother was killed.
I was up in the safety room, and had the Rolls Royce salesman up there too. My alarm system forewarned me and I had all of it recorded... so yeah, there's proof.
Now,
if you want a scoop, I saved a cop's life.”
“How?”
“Rayne's
brother shot him in the groin. We saw it from the video while I was
on 911... and I couldn't stay up there safe when I saw a cop bleeding
out. Needless to say, I went and applied pressure, so if there's a
photo of me all bloody, it's because of that. I used my tie to be a
tourniquet.”
“Ok. You'll get me proof?”
“Yeah.
Call Ventura County Sheriff's Department! I'm sure Robert's about to
have that Sheriff up on a stand telling the true story just to have
the proof out there that Jeff has lost his fuckin' mind!”
“We've
got the recording here of him saying it.”
“Can I
have Robert call you?”
“Yes.”
“I
assure you what I told you is the real story and there's DVD.”
“Good!”
“Give
me a few seconds and I'll have you the real video from my security
system. Then, you'll hear it all as it happened, and the entire
thing.”
“Ok. Can I pass that around?”
“Yeah,
do that.”
“Ok. He's counting on you staying silent
like you have.”
“Big mistake. I'm coming out of
this contract swinging for one man's job. If you don't think I have
it after this fiasco, you don't know me!”
“He'll
be sunk off everyone who has the tapes. In this day and age, you
don't take a thing unless you're recording it!”
“I
know!”
I pulled down an off ramp and said, “Give
me a second. I hope you can take video through an email.”
“Yes,
I can!”
“Ok, there it is. It's sent. Before you
do, let them fuckers hang themselves by slandering me and then, I can
get all their tapes and prove him to be doing this.”
“Ok,
I'm watching this now...”
“Turn it up, it's got
sound.”
“Ok.”
I
heard it and said, “By using that, you just saved yourselves
one helluva lawsuit.”
“Ok.
I'm going to send this tape to Robert.”
“Thank
you.”
“No. You saved yourself. Thank God you had
this!”
I rang off and dialed Mike at Disney. “Hello?”
“Have you seen it yet?”
“No! What's going on?”
“Jeff's
slandering me and telling the world that I was caught in a drug sting
at my house.”
“Is there any truth in that?”
“I'm
sending you video.”
“Ok.”
“Give
me a second. I'm making attachments to show everyone in my career
that he's slandering me.”
I
sent it and said, “Ok, you got it. Armani got it. The Venetian
got it. And Columbia just got it.
When I get a chance, I'm going
to send you all the voice files I've got of the phone conversations I
have had with him, and you'll know it's all about me refusing to sign
the contract.”
“I knew it'd be bad, but my
God!”
“That guy is Rayne's brother. They're going
to find a call on his phone from Jeff and yes, I'll have those phone
records.”
“GOOD!”
“That dumb
fuck signed a contract stating that we could get anything and
everything off his computer system we could use. Needless to say, I'm
going into his records now and I'm exposing everything.”
“Oh
man!”
“I hate this. I don't want you thinking that
it was going to be like this.”
“I understand. He
doesn't part with his people easily. He isn't nice, but he's lost his
mind!”
“Robert Shapiro is getting people's tapes
who recorded Jeff calling them and giving the smear. Perez Hilton is
using what you're seeing... Cyndi Adams is using it also.”
“Ok!
I'm glad you had this!”
“I hate this because he's
trying to smear me and he's trying to smear Rayne. I'm going to make
me reaching out to Rayne into major headlines. That way, it's got a
good spin and it's showing how easily duped the press will be if
someone's willing to crucify his career.”
“Let me
make some calls. I'll have the board over there alerted.”
“He's
getting them, himself, and anyone who's played into it is gettting
sued Mike. I'll tell you now that Robert's going in to do damage
control while suing anyone and everyone who used it.”
“Good!
I'll have ABC and everyone alerted to get it off the air.”
“Thanks.”
“When
can you do these contracts?”
“I'd
tell you to bring them by, but I need to go to you formally.”
“We'll
work behind the scenes so there's a big announcement as soon as that
contract expires.”
“Ok.”
I rang off
and shot back up the on ramp. In no time, I was making real good time
and was pulling off to get to the private terminal.
When I got there, the media were thick. I pulled up and got out and held up my hands, “Everyone, give me three minutes and I'll give you an interview...Ok?”
I went in and saw Robert and Rayne. Rayne looked terrible, but Robert was on the phone nearly yelling. I went over and hugged him and flashbulbs lit up the place.
I
said, “Let's go out and show them who's coming out
swinging.”
“Ok.”
I went out and
everyone started yelling questions. I held up my hands and finally,
they died down.
I said, “Everyone, I have no bullhorn, and
I'm not going to yell that loud. After all, I'm in jail for a drug
sting...if you believe Jeff Fortuna.
Well, I've not been
arrested. What happened out at my house was NOT a drug sting, it was
Rayne's brother breaking in and then shooting a cop.
Yes, he had drugs on him, and yes, he tried to make it so that drugs were on my car, and yes,I'll show by his phone records that Jeff Fortuna made a call and set it up to pay him to do that. Can I prove it??? You ask yourselves if there's a contract out there which allows me to get into those computer records and pull over the phone records for Jeff Fortuna. Then, you're going to see every ill deed the man's done, and you're going to see me suing and exposing the man for what he is.
Do
I sound stoned? No. Do I sound pissed? Oh hell yes!”
I
looked out with a leer, “What I'll tell you is my silence has
been due to Jeff Fortuna screwing me over in a deal. My silence has
been a protest, and my absence has been a protest because I knew that
the day when I could talk and my contract is finished with that
company, the gloves were off, and so was the gag.
Well, we're two weeks away. He's already made calls to remove my limo, bodyguards, and then, wants to plant drugs on my car so that they can be found and leaks the story to you before it's done??? What a dumb ass!”
Everyone laughed and I nodded, “Folks, I work hard. I don't do a thing with drugs, and I don't do it drunk either. Test my blood and I'll show you through hair, saliva, pee, sputum...” I looked over at Rayne, “Is sputum and saliva the same thing???”
He
smiled, “Yeah!”
“Ok, you only get one!”
Everyone laughed and I said, “Folks, Disney, The Venetian, Columbia, and Armani have been notified and sent the video of what really happened. Perez Hilton and Cyndi Adams were notified and were smart enough to come to me. I sent the video, but can Jeff??? No. He can get you an aerial photo of my house which is a CLEAR VIOLATION OF MY CONTRACT, and he can insinuate that it's a drug sting. When he's flat out telling you it's a drug sting and that I was arrested, that's no longer an insinuation, it's slander, and it's a violation of HIS CONTRACT with his company when he's driving down the shareholders stock by devaluing it... And yes, that's SEC violations folks!
And
when he pisses me off, and when he pisses off Rayne to the point he's
got us having each other's back again... And when he flat out sets up
Rayne's brother to be killed, and when he's set me up, and when he's
got you thinking that Rayne is guilty by association, I've seriously
got to wonder if he's lost his fuckin' mind!”
Rayne
smiled real big, “You can't say fuckin' on
television!”
Everyone laughed and I rolled my eyes,
“Folks, I apologize... I'm not real new to this, but I am. I'll
learn the words I can and can't use, but you bleep them all to hell!”
I looked over, “Can I say that?”
Everyone laughed and I pointed, “Folks, the truth is this... I bought a Rolls Royce tonight. Although I've bought Rolls Royces for others, this is the first one I bought for myself...”
I looked down, “NO, this is my BMW, not the Rolls Royce, but the Royce is going to be detailed because of the cocaine which was attempted to be put in the fuel filler door. And the Ghost I bought for someone...” I winked at Rayne. “Has to be detailed because we don't know, and the police don't know that it's not been tampered with and had drugs planted upon it.
Needless
to say, I've got the video proving I'm innocent. I've got video
proving I saved a cop's life. And I've got the video proving there's
a witness who probably is upset that the big commission he was
getting is now going for his personal security.”
I took
a deep breath, “To all of my fans out there whether it's for
the music, acting, or whatever, I thank you. I'll be attending award
shows because Disney and I are going into a beautifully written
contract which assures me that I'll make money.
Ask me if I got all the money they said I got, and that Rayne got, and I'll show you my contract which said the first movie was $1 million, the 9th was $9 million, and when I made the 10th, he screwed me and wouldn't let me negotiate my pay, but gave me the $9 million.
Now,
a lot of you might see $9 million as being a lot. Take 1/3 for taxes,
take a lot of fees, and a lot of people's salaries, and you're stuck
with very little of it. When those same people have salaries and
everything and you've made $1 million, you're in the hole unless
you've got the super kind folks like Armani and the people who put
out my posters, and all you kind people who bought my merchandise.
Did I get anything from concert tours? I got $1 million for the
first and $9 million for the 9th... And yes, I toured a
lot because it beat eating peanut butter.
And did I eat peanut butter? Yes. And did I learn the night of my first Oscar that he went out and a huge steak and didn't give a damn if I had peanut butter without bread to eat that day? Yeah. So I balked, and gave up that so that I protested.
Well, now you're seeing me go to Disney and you're seeing us leaving this company.
My
advice is that if they keep him, to boycott the movies and records...
Does that mean not to go see me at The Venetian? I'm not saying
that... The Venetian is paying me well. They will probably pay Rayne
very well if we can swing that deal to put he and I on the same stage
and us getting some music out there where we collaborated.”
Everyone
sounded super excited and I nodded, “Folks, Rayne and I love
each other. It's been hard with people getting in the way and trying
to shame me because I was angry and upset that his brother raped me
with a pistol to my head on the floor of our living room with him
being made to watch.
Am I keeping that silent? No. Ask me if it plays mental games with you and I'll tell you it's hard to get over. It's hard not to be angry. It's hard to not blame needlessly, and it's hard not wanting to become violent.
What it didn't make me do was pick up a bottle of booze, or pills, or any other drug. It did make me to sit back and take stock and realize that a shameful bitch who wanted to say that my anger was manipulative and abusive to Rayne. And yes, Erica... I'll expose you too! You should've been fired that night, but I ran out on a man I love because your words caused me to doubt myself. Well bitch, bring it because I've got that voice recording if you don't!”
I nodded, “Folks, I know I've sent you into overload with all this, but you know what??? I'm still standing. I'm standing again with him at my side, and I'm gonna make it.
If I appear a little tense sometimes, please understand that it's not you, it's not him, it's not anyone but me having a lot on my plate, and it might be me working and thinking about my character or role... Lord knows I've gotta do it where I'm that person for real.”
I hopped down and said, “Man, I was going to trade that car in!”
Everyone laughed and I pretended to dust the dent out. I asked, “Are there any questions?”
Someone asked, “When will we hear new music from you?”
I turned to Rayne, “Do you have any ready?”
He
shook his head no. “No.”
I said, “Everyone,
I've got enough for 3 new albums. I promise you that I've got enough
for Rayne an album, and I'm sure we'll have a bunch for us an album.
The Venetian has promised me an orchestra, so I'll see if we can have him there working so that they'll want to extend the dates.
What
I will state is for the next 7 months, the Venetian will be where
I'll be.”
My phone rang and I said, “Folks, it's
the Venetian... Someone already ran this live!”
Everyone laughed and I answered, “Hello?”
“Yeah, we'll do that!”
“Ok. I'll let Rayne know! Can I announce it?”
“Yeah!
Do that!”
“Ok. Thank you!”
I rang off
and said, “Everyone, the Venetian just approved him working
there with me. I'm happy about that...”
I looked up and
the tears fell. Rayne came over and hugged me real big and the
flashbulbs went nuts.
Robert came out and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, if I might have a moment of your time, I'd like to play for you a recording of Jeff Fortuna spreading this vicious lie.”
He held up his phone and it got really quiet. We heard Jeff's voice and Perez' voice talking.
Jeff was curt and to the point. He basically dictated what he wanted said in the article. Then, he said, “I have the photograph you're to use.”
At the end, Perez said, “Jeff?”, and Jeff said, “What?”, and Perez said, “What do you have to gain by this? They're two of your biggest stars?”, and Jeff said, “Sometimes they bring themselves down.” and hung up.
I said, “Folks, remember that last line.... Sometimes they bring themselves down.”
I
held up a finger, “To the board of that company, you see our
attorney. You know what I'm going to request as compensation for
these damages. Don't think you'll ever bring me a settlement without
having his removal as a part of it. It won't happen!
Right now,
I'm going to give three people here my blood. They can test it. They
can test my hair. They can test my saliva. And they can compare the
results.
Absolutely nowhere will anything be found. I'm not going to even play that game of St. John Wart, or Poppyseed Dressing. I'm telling you there will be absolutely nothing in my system.”
Robert
came over and said, “No. You do it for the court!”
I
waved my hand, “And you don't think trial by press isn't a
courtroom? They CAN handle the truth!”
Everyone laughed and I turned, “Jack, love ya man!”
Robert
smiled, “Ok, offer to give them whatever it takes so that
they'll have those results.”
I said, “Does anyone
have a drug test on them?”
Everyone laughed and I held up my hands and shrugged, “Don't look at me! I know I'm clean!”
Robert
said, “Pick three and go pay for some tests!”
I
said, “Do we have MSNBC in the house?”
Everyone laughed and I smiled, “I was going to actually have MSNBC and FoxNews agreeing on something!”
I picked, “You, you, you, and you... You folks follow me to Walgreens. I'll buy, and do the tests in front of you... You can't take pictures! Some of you photoshop and I don't need that! That tiny cup will look huge!”
Everyone
really laughed and Robert smiled, “The saliva one!”
I
said, “Oh!”
They really laughed and Robert shook his head. He said, “Everyone, he's for 100% honesty. Ask Jeff if he knows what it is, and he'll tell you HE can't handle the truth!”
I motioned, “Give me a moment. I'll find a Walgreen's.”
I gave them the address and said, “If you's in the press would like to follow and see the results, we'll do it up nice... We'll drive as one big long motorcade like a funeral procession. It might not be mine, but Jeff's career will certainly be gone as I nail the lid shut on it!”
We
got in and Rayne said, “Get tests for me too.”
“Ok.”
He
said, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Loving
me.”
“Hey, you've loved me too! Even if you
hadn't, I'd probably still be loving you!”
He put his
hand upon mine and we held hands all the way there. We went in and
you should've seen the press going in. The girl behind the counter
looked shocked and I said, “Pregnancy tests!...I need one!”
Everyone
laughed and she smiled. I said, “Seriously, I need some drug
tests. Eight of them.”
She took me back and they
followed. I said, “Tonight, you're famous. Tomorrow, you'll be
a star!”
She
laughed, “I bet you say that to all the girls!”
“Not
often.”
Rayne said, “We need your name. You're
quick with the humor and that's what we need for some movies.”
She looked surprised and a guy overheard, “Are you going like Hope, Crosby, and Lamour?”
I looked at Rayne, “Janelle too?”
He
nodded, “Yeah!”
I said, “Cool! We'll do it
up and I'll be the comedy. You be the one who gets the girl... I
wouldn't know what to do with one if I got it!”
Everyone laughed and she said, “Uh, I'd have to tell you it's not that side!”
Everyone really laughed and I said, “Girl, you're hired!”
I turned, “The first time I've ever hired a girl!”
Rayne rolled his eyes, and everyone laughed. We got the 12 panel test for opiates, caniboids, meth, cocaine, phencyclidine, and marijuana. It also tested for oxycodone, methadone, tricyclic antidepressants, benz, and bartituates. They had seven of each, and we took them all.
I said, “Ok. Here's the deal...” I winked real big and said, “I need someone to make sacrifice and hold the cup!”
Everyone laughed and I got a couple of AIDS tests and pregnancy tests. Rayne gave me a look and I said, “Just to confirm everything!”
He nodded and we went up and paid. I said, “Everyone, excuse me while I get really secretive and use my card!”
I used my card and said, “Ok. I need this light to read by. If I don't, I might stick it somewhere it shouldn't go!”
I turned to Rayne, “Get her name and number. Lord knows I don't want to forget that! They might think it's a setup, but everyone's witness to how we found our girl.”
He
said, “Hang on, I'm reading the instructions here!”
I
turned and mimed. “You know we once went to a birthday party
and heckled the juggler. It pissed off the donkey and no one could
catch it! You'd be amazed at what some wild ass will do to a kid's
birthday party!”
Everyone really laughed and someone asked, “How do you heckle a juggler.”
I
rolled my eyes, “You're straight. I would've wanted to know
about the wild ass!”
Everyone laughed and he really
smiled. I started clapping and doing 'HEP! HEP! HEP! HEP!” and
said, “Do that in that beat and the balls hit the floor!”
Everyone
laughed and Rayne smiled, “You have to do it this way...”
We took the tests and I said, “Within a 99.9% chance,
you AREN'T the father!”
Everyone laughed and I spit on the AIDS test. I asked, “Ok, how do I pass this pregnancy test! I'm so nervous!”
Rayne rolled his eyes, “Pass it to the dame.”
I looked shocked, “I swear I've never seen her before in my life!”
He said, “For a return, dumbass!”
Everyone really laughed and I said, “Ma'am, we're terribly sorry. He says I don't need this... I swear!”
She smiled real big and was trying to hold it together. She said, “I hate to tell you, but we can't take returns on these.”
I
know I looked shocked, “Not even still sealed in the
box???”
She shook her head, “I'm sorry.”
“Ma'am,
I swear! I'm gay! Rainbow Alliance and card carrying PFLAG member!”
Everyone
really laughed and she smiled, “No returns, no exceptions!”
I
rolled my eyes, “Jeez, I suppose I'll hand these out to
homeless people. They'll ask me if I've lost my mind, and I'll tell
them... Hey, no returns, no exceptions! You ask that girl over there!
She'll tell you!”
She smiled, “You're going to take me with you?”
“Of course! I wasn't going to go alone!”
Everyone laughed and I said, “Seriously, if you go down and help feed the homeless, you'll be rewarded. I've been there a lot... MY career has sucked!”
Everyone
laughed and she really smiled. “Ok, I'll go with you!”
“Not
tonight. I drove the Beamer and he's got shotgun.”
She
smiled, “Ok!”
Rayne said, “Now that you've
struck out, I have some results.”
“Ok. Tell me... I can take it... I've been studying for this test you know...”
He smiled, “Your four over there are all good. Mine over here two of them are good and that one is blinky.”
I cocked my head, “How could one not work?”
He shrugged, “Everyone saw it and you now know that they can be bad!”
I asked, “Everything else ok?”
He
nodded, “Yeah.”
“Good! You know she's real
sweet. She offered to go feed the homeless if I'd give them pregnancy
tests!”
Everyone
laughed and Rayne smiled. He shook his head, “How did I not
hear it that way!”
I smiled, “I don't know
George... I mean I don't know Rayne!” like Gracie Burns.
Everyone really laughed. I said, “Folks, we want to do our
comedy clean. We'll throw everything at you and we'll still make it
so that you feel good about watching it afterward.
I pointed, “You have your results and watched us take the tests. That one there ought to be enough to get Monte Vison sued because that could've cost a kid his home.
I think if a lesson came out of this, it's that parents need to think of this test when doing those tests... They might give a false reading. And seriously, if you see 6 of them and say they're all false readings and you had one which finally saw the truth... Get real!”
I shrugged, “This wasn't a set up. She and Walgreens had no clue we'd decide to do this! It's crazy luck we've got a great gal as a part of our troupe, but that's cool.
What I'm finding is this... You've seen us throw caution to the wind and do this. Ask some others here in Hollywood if you want to see some messed up test results!” I turned, “Did I mention any names???”
He smiled, “Gracie.”
Everyone laughed and I said, “Uh, By George, I think he's got where she's located!”
Some laughed and I said, “Folks, I hate to cut our date short, but they wouldn't take the pregnancy tests back. You're not going to get me to take one because I didn't study.”
I
turned to Rayne, “How would you study for one?”. He said,
“Lights out in the bedroom.”
Everyone laughed and I said, “Ok. I need a refreshmint course!”
He smiled, “Refreshmints?”
I pointed, “Sure, I bought the tests! What does everyone want?”
Everyone really laughed and he smiled real big.
We shook hands and everyone went out onto the parking lot. We got in the car and left.
As soon as we got to going, he said, “You're crazy, you know that?”
“Yeah. You ok with it?”
“Absolutely.”
“Did
you get her number?”
“Yeah.”
“Great.
We need her.”
“You're
brilliant with how you can take a bad situation and make it great.
The world will know how we found her and will clamor for details on
her career.” He paused, “I'm calling Robert.”
“Ok.”
We
drove out to the house. When we got out, the one cop was still there.
I went over and shook his hand, and so did Rayne. He said, “I
had to stay. You left your house wide open.”
I nodded,
“I figured you guys would need to use the restroom or
something.”
He shook his head no, “Right after you
left, they did.”
I nodded, “Ok. I apologize for
taking so long, but we had quite an ordeal.”
He
smiled, “That's fine!”
I motioned, “Come on
in. I know you probably need to be someplace, but you can give us
another 5 minutes.”
“Ok.”
We went in
and Rayne said, “Nice house! It's gorgeous!”
I
introduced them and Rayne asked, “Where did they take my
brother's body?”
The
officer said, “Medical Examiner's Building.”
Rayne
said, “I'll be stuck paying for it.”. He didn't look
happy, and I said, “Do it. He's not my favorite person, but
hey... We all get stuck doing things for our family we don't want to
do.”
He gave me a look, “You back around your parents?”
“I've not spoke with them for a year and a half. I bought them a vehicle and a house and stocked the bar... Guess what happened?”
“OH
man!”
I pointed, “Out in the garage is the Polara.
I had it restored. It might not mean anything to anyone else, but to
me, it's where I was born.”
The cop asked, “You
were born in a back seat?”
I nodded, “Out in the Mojave Desert... One guess how I got my name?”
He laughed, “Thank God it wasn't in the drive thru of a McDonald's! She'd had fries with you!”
Rayne looked shocked, “Hey! Would you like to be one of our writers for comedy?”
He
looked surprised and I said, “We're going to be doing some
movies together where I'm the comedy to his straight guy.”
I
paused, “Listen, you're going to hear why it took so long...”
I pointed up, “Someone in a helicopter took a photo. The
President of our record and movie company said that it was because I
got caught up in a drug sting.”
He looked shocked,
“WHAT!”
I nodded, “He's trying to ruin our
careers since we didn't sign up with them again. He's got 2 weeks
left on our contract and thought he could get it done.
Well,
I told the press everything. We went as far as to go take drug tests
at Walgreens and those came back clean. Needless to say, two press
people have the recordings of the guy doing it and doing it himself.
Now our lawyer is suing the hell out of him, and anyone who used what
he spread.”
“Oh man!” He looked pissed.
I nodded, “Now you know what happened. It's probably the best thing in the world for our careers because a bunch of the press believed in us enough to go with us to Walgreen's, see us pull random tests off the shelf, and take them right in front of them.
What's
crazy is we had 7 tests... All alike. I took four, and he took three
and we passed six of them.”
He looked shocked, “HUH?”
I nodded, “The press is going to have a field day with it. It happened in front of them and all four of mine came back clean, and two of the three of his did too. One looked blinky.”
He
said, “Oh man! That's a lawsuit in itself!”
I
shrugged, “We didn't keep it.”
Rayne said, “The
press took them. You know they're going to go after Monte Vison.”
The
cop shook his head, “My God! You know that's sending chills
down my spine!”
I nodded, “Think about a parent
who's heard their kid's off into drugs and makes him take the test
and throws him out over it!”
He nodded, “Think
about the people who go back to prison over it!”
I looked at Rayne and he said, “We cracked open a case of whoop ass on a company!”
I giggled, “Yeah! What are the chances!”
He
shook his head, “I bet they see that and say, “Oh fuck!
Two of the biggest names in Hollywood right now did that and there's
no way to recover the damages!”
I nodded, “Had I
bought just one test, and it had been that one, my career would be
toast.”
He nodded, “Yeah.”
The cop said,”That's just spooky!”
I said, “Well, you know it's going to be nuts on the people who say they've been damaged by a drug test.”
Rayne nodded, “Thank God it was mine. And thank God there were two others which were beside it which came up negative.”
I nodded, “I'm not going to dwell on it. We didn't do it for that purpose, but hey... it saved our career and got us a lot of good positive publicity.”
The
cop smiled, “I can't believe that's what they said about what
happened out here!”
Rayne said, “I need to use the
bathroom.”
“Upstairs to the left. Take your pick.
Mine's the one with clothes in it.”
“Ok.”
He took off and I whispered, “We need that blue Rolls put in the garage. It's got his brother's brains down the side of it!”
He
looked shocked, “Oh man!”
“Would you do
that?”
He nodded, “Sure!”
“How's that cop?”
“He's still in surgery. Our Sheriff wants to speak with you.”
“Ok.
Tomorrow. I'm sure we're going to have to do press conferences.”
He
nodded, “If you need me.”
“We might ask to
do it in front of the Sheriff's Department. That way, the Sheriff can
be there to do the official report and tell everyone that at no time
was I involved in a drug sting!”
He
nodded, “I can't believe they got that from this call!”
“It's
all about damaging and doing damage control afterward. The press now
knows I'll put my blood, hair, sputum, and everything else up on the
line to defend my honor.”
Rayne came down carrying my clothes, “Is this my brother's blood?”
“No.
It's the cop's blood whom he shot.”
He nodded, “Oh!
I was hating you for a minute.”
“I wouldn't have done that to you!”
He
nodded and the cop said, “He saved that Officer's life. You
know it was terrible because he was that bloody.”
I
said, “We need to spray everything down. If we don't, it's
going to be awful.”
Rayne
said, “I'll help.”
The cop said, “I'll spray
down the cars. You don't need to see that.”
Rayne gave
me a look and I shook my head, “Don't get curious. Remember him
as he was, not how he died.”
Rayne came over and hugged me. “Even in life, he wasn't good.”
“Your family will hold it against me just the same.”
“I'm done with them.”
The cop asked, “Can I get those keys?”
“Sure!”
I handed them to him and said, “I think those are to the blue car. I think the gray one has that round thing from the dealer.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
I
said, “He's going to go spray down the Drophead.”
Rayne
asked, “Can I see the video?”
“Yeah.”
We
went up and into the safety room. He said, “Nice!”
“It
came with the house. If you knew the loopholes in the system, you'd
know it's nuts.”
“Really?”
We
watched and listened. He said, “Ok, so we're seeing it from the
beginning...”
“Yeah. It kicks on when it hears or
sees movement. As you can see, we weren't even here yet.”
“MAN!”
We pulled in, and I said, “I invited him in because these clothes were what I wore in concert.”
“Oh
ok!”
I pointed, “Right there, you see the red
flash.”
“What does that do?”
“It
alerts you that the alarm is detecting intruders which aren't where
they're supposed to be.” I pointed, “As you can see, I
got us up here and locked in immediately.”
“Yeah.”
“It took us a bit, but you can hear everything.”
We
watched and he said, “It's taking forever for the police to get
here!”
“He was right over in Thousand Oaks. She
said by Lake Sherwood.”
“MAN!”
“It's
one of the largest areas in the country for everyone to patrol, and
deliver mail.”
We
watched and I pointed, “As you can see, he's messing with the
car.”
“Yeah. He just kept standing
there!”
“Watch. He even stands there when the
police shows.”
We watched and then, the shooting happened. He said, “OH my GOD!”.
I
said, “Sorry.”
“No. I'm stunned! It's like
he wanted to die!”
I pointed, “That officer there was bleeding out. IF you can hear, I was telling that dispatcher to get here. Then, I told her I had to go.”
He watched and said, “Man! You're down there and you kicked the gun!”
“I wasn't getting shot!”
We
watched and he said, “Man! You need an award!”
“I'd
much rather have you.”
He smiled, “You've got me!”
I kissed him and he really lay it on me. I said, “I hate to put a damper on this, but we need to help him.”
He giggled, “Can we later?”
“Yeah.”
We
went down and I patted the guy on the shoulder, “Thanks.”
He
smiled, “It's no problem!”
I pulled the blue one
into the garage and Rayne said, “I'm going to go get the keys
for the Ghost!”
I
stood there and said, “Thanks.”
He said, “My
advice is if you have Windex, to get it where that blood was so the
flies won't be bad.”
“Ok.”
Rayne came
running back out and started the Ghost. Real fast, he had it wheeled
around and was backing it into the garage.
When
he came out, he said, “Your Mom and Dad's car never looked that
good!”
“No. But you'd be amazed at how much it
cost to restore it! That Escalade they have now will probably last a
long time, but this car will last forever.”
He
nodded, and stared at the blood spots. He shook his head and I said,
“I'm selling the house.”
He looked at me, “Come
HOME!”
I
looked at him, “Rayne, I want us to buy something
together.”
“We'll never be able to sell the
ranch!”
“We'll be able to hold onto it and visit
it, but...”
I looked away, “I'll buy another house.”
He
gave me a look, “I'll buy it with you!”
I took a
deep breath and the cop said, “I'll get to going.” He
paused, “You two love each other, but there's a lot of stuff in
the way.”
I nodded, “Yeah. I'm an abuser and
manipulator with my feelings.”
Rayne said, “Bullshit!”
The
cop came over and shook our hands. He said, “Work it out.
Life's too short.”
He walked over and left. Rayne asked,
“You don't have to let them out?”
“No.
There are pressure sensors when driven across on this side, the gates
open. If you knew how easy it was, you'd climbed up over the fence
and stomped on them and driven on in.”
“MY
GOD!”
I nodded, “The system is amateurish. I hate
to say it, but him standing there put it on standby because it wasn't
seeing movement.”
“MAN!”
“It's
nuts. The one way in which isn't well guarded, he came in. They do
that for those who come in via the helipad.
Since he climbed over
the fence and landed on a pressure sensor, it caught it. And because
he moved out in the yard, he got seen. Had he went up and went over
by the helipad, he'd not been seen, and I'd not be
alerted.”
“MAN!”
“It stinks.”
He
hugged me and said, “Let's go in.”
We went in and
he asked, “How do we kill the lights?”
“Phone.”
He
laughed, “Man!”
“There's panels, but I never
caught on to how they work. It's a whole lot easier to do it by
phone.”
We
went up to the bedroom, and I shut down the lights with the exception
of the night lights. He said, “Man, that view is
incredible!”
“It was a gift because you only get
it at night. You see all that during the daytime and don't think it's
beautiful, but at night, it's awesome.”
I took his hand and we went in and showered together. As we showered, we really made out.
When
we got back to the bed, we climbed in and continued to make out. He
said, “Mo, I want you!”
“I want you too. I
love you, and that's what matters.”
“I'm
sorry for everything.”
“Forget it. If we drag if
forward with us, it'll stink up our lives.”
“Ok.”
He
rolled over on top of me and we made out until we made love.
The next morning, we were woke by my phone. “Hello?”
Robert said, “My phone is ringing off the desk! How soon can I see you two?”
“We'll
be there. Let me get up and get us some breakfast and we'll be
there.”
“He's there?”
“Yeah.”
“Good,
I don't need to track him down!”
I rang off and Rayne
said, “I heard.”
I chuckled, “Robert sounds
like the only one who is surprised you spent the night!”
He
laughed, “I like him.”
“Me
too. You'd be amazed at how fearless he is!”
We got up,
and he said, “I'm going to have to go get some clothes.”
“It's
quicker to stop by Rodeo Drive. It's on the way.”
He
smiled real big, “Do you do that?”
“Yeah. If I'm in a pinch, I run by there and get clothes!”
He laughed, “I've not been there since that one day!”
“Remind
me I need to get someone on us buying a jet.”
“Ok.”
“That's
expensive as hell, but I think I have it in loose money.”
“I'll
help.”
“It's nearly $28 million.”
“MAN!”
“That's
used!”
“FUCK!”
“You'll love it.
You drive and I'll order that.”
“Online?”
“Yeah.”
“I
want to hear our music you have picked.”
“Ok.”
He
gave me a look, “You know, I had to pick all my music by what I
thought you'd enjoy.”
“Well, it worked!”
He
smiled, “Yeah!”
We went out and he asked, “Are you leaving this open?”
“The
housekeeper will be downstairs.”
“HUH?”
I
pointed up, “That's where she lives.”
“Did
she see anything?”
I
shrugged, “I didn't ask, and she didn't offer.”
He
looked surprised, “MAN!”
“Rayne, when I hire
someone, I lay it out as to how I want things. She was hired being
told that my privacy is paramount. She gets her car and it's a
totally separate garage. She gets a code, and she gets her house. Her
grandchildren come and I'm nice to them and they get to play with the
television and everything, but that's all we intermingle.
In regards to guests, Gray has been the only person who has stay all night. I think he wanted more, but that sure as hell wasn't happening!”
“Has there been anyone?”
“No! I'll tell you I was tempted once on a movie set, but I asked myself if my character would do that, and it was a huge, “Oh hell no!”, so I didn't.”
He laughed, “Your movies are awesome. You can get everyone to crying so fast that when they show the scene submitted for your Oscars, everyone is bawling by the time it's over. Then, we all know who won!”
I
giggled, “That'd been funny to watch!”
“Where
are they?”
“Out
in the gardening shed.”
“HUH?”
“Everything's
out there!”
“WHY!”
I batted my eyes
and paused, “Rayne, I don't do it for that. Perhaps some day I
will, but I don't. To me, it's a paycheck. More paychecks mean more
money. More money means more security, and yes, with this house, I
was able to sell the house in Tarzana because I knew this one would
provide for me due to it being so beautiful.”
He nodded, “This is awesome.”
I chuckled, “You've not even seen the front!”
He
laughed, “No! I know what I like!”
“Come on,
I'll show you around!”
We
went through the house and out the double front doors. As soon as he
saw the columns, he said, “Oh man!”
“Rome.
As you can see, that view during the daytime down there doesn't look
like much.”
“No, it doesn't!”
“Pleasant
surprise because they sure don't mention it when they're showing you
the house.”
“Hmm, that's strange!”
We
walked out into the front yard and he said, “Man, this is
beautiful!”
“It cost her $91 million. I bought it
for less than $13 million in foreclosure.”
“MAN!”
We
walked and when he saw the fountains, he said, “My GOD!”
We
walked quicker and he said, “OH man, this is amazing!”
“I
found the place on ebay where these were gotten.”
“EBAY!”
I
nodded, “Everything here was gotten on ebay... Even that aviary
there.”
“MAN!”
“The
problem with an aviary is you need a bird keeper. They all need
different things and if you get too many, it sounds like a fuckin'
zoo.”
He laughed, and I smiled, “I'd go buy birds two at a time. They'd get let loose in there and it'd be war!”
He laughed and I nodded, “It's cool, but my housekeeper handles it.”
“Good!”
he looked around, “I love it here!”
“Over
here is the gardening shed.”
We went in and he laughed,
“You're crazy! You have them all facing away!”
“Each
shelf is it's own movie. The awards come in and they go on a
shelf.”
He smiled real big,and I saw the tears. He
hugged me and really cried. I held him and he said, “I've
missed all this!”
“Babe, don't think about it.
You're here, and that's what matters.”
We held onto each other and I heard the housekeeper chirping. I said, “Listen because she's about to set off a war.”
Suddenly,
it sounded like all hell broke loose with the birds squawking. He
said, “MAN!”. He took off and I kept up. She looked
shocked and I said, “Good Morning!”
She smiled, “I
see you finally got him here!”
I
smiled,”Yeah. We're back together.”
She nodded,
“Good!”
I said, “We're going to be leaving. It's a busy day.”
She asked, “Are you ok?”
“Yeah.
I'm great.”
She nodded, “I saw what happened last
night. I decided to leave it alone.”
I nodded, “Did you see the press this morning?”
She
nodded, “Two had it wrong. One had it right. Then, I turned it
off.”
“ABC had it right.”
She
smiled,”Yeah.”
“I spoke with the head of
Disney, and sent him the video. He knows the right story.”
She
nodded, “Get the other two set to rights!”
“Oh,
I am! We're on the way to the lawyer's office.”
She
nodded, “If you need me to speak, let me know.”
I
shook my head no, “The video cleared me.”
She nodded, “They sure have it wrong!”
I
nodded, “Yeah!”
We went over to the helipad and I
pointed, “This is the way I get in and out of the place most of
the time.”
“I leave a farm truck at the airport in
case I need to do any errands.”
“That'd be cool. I
should leave the BMW there, but I don't.”
We went through and he looked, “You need a different alarm here.”
“I'm going to speak with someone and ask for a whole new system.”
We went into the house and he looked at me, “DO you realize who she is???”
“Yeah.”
“I
can't believe she's your housekeeper! She was really famous!”
I
nodded, “Hon, if you don't save it, it won't be there. Between
rotten choices, and her kids, she's down to very little.
She
needed a place to live and an income, so I hired her. She doesn't
have to work hard at all, and lives a life which is peaceful.”
He
shook his head, “Man!”
“Her offering to put her reputation on the line and coming out as my housekeeper can't be done. I wouldn't think of it!”
He
shook his head, “I'm still blown away!”
“You
don't ask, and you don't tell!”
He
smiled, “Ok!”
“Let's just say this... I
didn't set out to hire her. I put an ad on the wall in the
supermarket over in Thousand Oaks. She and two others called and
then, the press caught wind from one of the two.”
“MAN!”
“Yeah.
I was pissed!” I paused, “Needless to say, she
understands my need for privacy. She was famous and she has the
knowledge of what it's like to live the life.”
“Yeah,
but I thought she was really set!”
“Hon, do you
realize that she didn't make but $20 grand an episode. They DO get
royalties when they show the reruns, but they didn't use her in the
reunion movie because she dared to ask for $50 grand!”
“MAN!”
I
nodded, “She makes $225 a year here. She has no bills and I
cover everything including her food, cell, and insurance.”
He
said, “What do we need to get before we go?”
“My
iPad.”
“Ok.”
My phone rang, “Hello?”
“I'm
down at the gate with your Maserati.”
“Great!”
I went over and pushed the button. Rayne asked, “What's that?”
“The salesman bringing the Maserati... I'm trading in the BMW.”
He
nodded, “I suppose it's time.”
“The warranty
runs out next week.”
“OH!”
As he got
to different gates, I pushed to let him through. When he got to the
courtyard, I pushed and then, said, “Let's go see it!”
We
went out and I said, “Man, that's a hot car!”
Rayne
chuckled, “It's sharp!”
We
walked around it and I nodded, “It's what I want.”
He
smiled, “Good!”
He had me sign and I said, “Give
me a moment and I'll pay.”
He waited and I used my card. He said, “Ok. I've got someone down at the end of the drive.”
I
nodded, “Thank you.”
“You'd be amazed at the
press!”
“Really?”
“They're all asking who the salesman was. Our manager is telling everyone they're welcome to look at cars, but that we don't divulge that information.”
I nodded, “The second you drive the BMW in, it's going to set the pack upon you.”
He
shook his head no, “Not yet!”
I nodded, “That's
fine! Do you want a ride down the hill?”
“Where!”
“You
could ride on the hood. I'll drive slow!”
He laughed,
“Ok!”
We hopped in and I drove us slow. When we
got to the gate, he laughed and said, “Thanks!”
I
turned around and drove up the street back to the house. Rayne asked,
“What are we doing?”
“Our deal was I got us a jet and you drove the Ghost! Remember?”
He
smiled, “Ok! I thought that since this one came, you wanted to
drive!”
“No. I'm not going to upset your day!”
We
parked and pulled the Ghost out. Then, we put the Maz in the Ghost's
parking spot. When we left, my phone rang, “Hello?”
“Mo?”
“Yes?”
“I got your email, and saw your press conference.”
“Ok?”
“I'm calling to tell you that we at Columbia don't tolerate that sort've behavior.”
“Sir,
I didn't have a thing to do with anything!”
“I'm
hearing different! I'm letting you know that we're not going to do
that contract.”
“Ok. That's your prerogative. I'll
shop it elsewhere! Thank you for calling. It's now my job to see you
regret that decision! Don't be surprised if it's not mentioned in a
press conference!”
I
rang off and Rayne gave me a look. “I'm sorry.”
“Well,
you heard. My voice recorder heard. I'll leave it at that.”
He nodded, “What do you think the cause of it is?”
“I think there's a 'thou shalt not', and that's in regard to openly exposing Jeff. The deal there is I could give a fuck less. The way I see it, they're fine when you're not making much, but when you're wanting to make a lot, they'll do all they can to keep you down.”
“What's your idea?”
“I've got a 3 movie deal with Disney. Disney, for some reason, didn't want the music agreement. What I think is they've got stars whom they want and they don't want proven sellers.
What
I'll do is I'll get everything released if I have to buy a company to
do it.”
“Do you have enough?”
“Yes.
I'm right at $50 million in one account and $70 in a different
one.”
“Cool!”
I took a deep breath,
“What do you have?”
“About
$90 million.”
“Wanna go in on a studio with me?”
“Like what?”
“Culver City is for sale.”
He frowned, “What is that?”
“Desilu, RKO, David O. Selznick, Cecil B. DeMille. Gone with the Wind was filmed there. Citizen Kane, King Kong, and a gob of others. There's 40 acres of studios, back lot, and... They filmed Andy Griffith Show there. Batman & Robin television show...” I was thinking and he said, “Want it?”
“I think we could film our movies there and release them. If we control the budget and control production, we'll be able to put out what we want.”
He
gave me a look, “It has to be all digital. Those cameras are
expensive.”
“Yeah.”
He gave me a look, “What are we going to make on the Venetian concerts?”
“$25
million. I'm filming at Disney during the day and doing the concerts
at night. They've got us for 7 weeks, but really, it's an open ended
contract.”
“What's that mean?”
“$500
grand a concert. When we get to the end, we can re-up.”
“MAN!”
“As
I see it, we can take the show on the road from May until September.
By then, we can have another show put together and they'll realize
they need a bigger theater.”
I got on the phone with Norm at the Venetian, “Hello?”
“It's me. Are you firing me too?”
“Who fired you?”
“Columbia.”
“Why?”
“The
man is being shown what he was told didn't happen. I sent the video
to him and he STILL believes what he was told by Jeff. Needless to
say, that's $20 million a record for 3 albums gone.”
“Do
you need a place to record?”
“Yeah.
We were just discussing buying the Culver Studios. It's $120
million.”
“MAN! I was thinking about a recording
studio for records!”
“Yeah. Do you have one?”
“The
Palms has a recording studio. A whole lot of records have been
recorded there.”
“Can you get an orchestra into
one?”
“Ooh, I don't know! Could they record you live here?”
“I was planning on recording a video live there of the entire performance and selling it to HBO or Showtime.”
“Let me pitch it! What are you wanting?”
“Since
it's going to be my Greatest Hits put out in video form and Jeff will
never see any Greatest Hits album out of me, I was looking at $50
million. However, with Rayne performing, it's going to have to be a
helluva lot more!”
“What are you two wanting for
the contract for you two?”
“What are you thinking?”
“Well, we're looking at you two performing a good 3 hours if it's combined. With you, it was going to be what... an hour twenty?”
“Right
in there.”
“Either we could go with you following
him, or him following you, or you two performing together. Because
it's basically giving them two for one but two huge stars together,
it's going to probably have to be a helluva lot more.”
“Do you have the venue to hold everyone and keep it affordable?”
He
took a deep breath, “This season? No. Next season? I could have
a 20,000 seat put up if I can get you to a long term
contract.”
“Hang on. Let me put it on speaker
because he's driving.”
“You're in a car?”
“Our new Ghost. It's quiet, isn't it?”
“Yeah!”
I
put it on speakerphone and said, “You and I performing long
term at the Venetian. Basically, we become a headline act and get our
own venue which is 20,000 seats.”
Rayne said, “Ooh,
20,000 seats got filled by me nightly. If they put you and I in,
we'll have overflow.”
I said, “Norm?”
“Yeah?”
“How big can you go on that?”
“I
don't know!”
“Here's what I'm thinking. I'm
thinking that you could do 30,000 seats with no problem.
What I'll say is this... I was wanting Cher's stage designer to put me a show together which is a lot like hers was.
I was thinking 32 dancers 16 men and 16 women. And I was thinking a band with us using orchestra recordings. It would keep it cheap and all we'd need is some spectacular lighting and some really huge video screens.
If he's coming in, it's going to take an orchestra. I'm sorry, but whereas I'm more band orientated, he's needing an orchestra.
We
can perform in the round. OR, we can do like a football stadium where
we've got one entire side and we have some really comfortable seats,
or we make something where we're going to have a amphitheater.
What
I'll tell you is this... He and I have talked and we like the open
ended part of it. Therefore, the long term commitment of...let's say
40 years would be great.
I
know we'll sell 'em because I already have the music picked for my
next 3 and I've got the music picked for his next 1... and the music
picked for us 1 together.”
He asked plaintively, “Here's
where I'm worried. If you give me a long term contract, I can build
you anything you want and have it with your names on it.
With
a football stadium, you'd sell 50,000 seats, but it's going to be
slow at some points during that run.”
“I think
you're wrong there. You've got conventions coming into the city every
week and we're a pretty broad dimension when it comes to women
wanting to see us, and gay guys wanting to see us. Kids love us both,
and teens love us both.
With
us continuing to drop new music, and with us keeping it fresh, it's
going to sell and continue to stay vibrant.”
“You're
not understanding me. I know it's going to sell huge. What I'm
worried about is this first 7 months when all we've got is 8,000
seats.”
“What are you proposing?”
“If
you'll be patient with me and get your names on a long term contract
like that 40 years, I can give you a whale of a contract where you're
looking at $10 million a week. That's 30 weeks, so that's a $300
million contract each year for that 40 years.”
“My
God! That's $12 billion!”
He laughed, “Let me say
something. The ownership with us saw everything last night. When he
saw you doing your comedy, he wanted in for that! He said, have them
do that on stage! It'll fill the house! It's clean, it's hinting at
being dirty, but they don't go there!”
I said, “Good.
I'm glad he believes in us.”
“I'm
told to give you what you want.”
“Do you realize
how much money that is?”
He laughed, “Oh, I'm well aware! We're banking on the future with you two and think it'd carry well into the future.”
“I
do too.”
Rayne asked, “Merchandising... Do we get
that?”
I said, “Yes. They've got a store out front which I wondered if it'd be big enough, but I figured we could have everything in pallets so that everyone would be able to get what they want and us having a lot on hand.
In
regards to posters, I know it's going to be outrageous. I know that
one where I did the silver lame suit like Elvis sold more than I
really expected.”
Rayne laughed, “It's because it
showed your package!”
“Well,
I think they enhanced that!”
They laughed and Rayne
said, “NO! They didn't! You look down at it! Everyone else sees
it!”
“Well, that looks obnoxious!”
They really laughed and I said, “Ok, I apologize. I don't think it looks that big!”
Norm really laughed, “That one video where you got wet and everything went transparent, my wife said, “MY GOD!”, and she thinks 200 million views happened on YouTube just because of that!”
I laughed, “Now, that was an accident. They said 'PRINT' as soon as it happened! I was like, “Ok, it's probably not bad!”, but I'll tell you I didn't even watch it, so I can't say for sure!”
Rayne
said, “Norm, if you saw what I saw this morning, you'd be in
shock!”
Norm asked, “What's that?”
I
said, “Keep it clean!”
They laughed and Rayne
said, “Out in his garden shed are all the awards. They're ALL
facing the wall!!!”
I said, “I hate spaces like
that.”
Norm really laughed, “Display all your
awards here!”
“Ok!”
Rayne
laughed, “See, he hates them!”
I said, “Norm,
I do it for the paycheck. When they give awards, that's fine, but
give me a paycheck and I'm happier. I've never once invited an Oscar
to supper, but I'll tell you it doesn't feed me worth shit!”
He
really laughed and said, “You deserved every one of them! And
Rayne, you deserved every one of yours too! I think you two were neck
in neck for them and they should've declared a tie, but he gets them
to crying and it's over!”
I said, “In all
fairness, whoever wrote it is good. Otherwise, I'd have no character
to play.
Now,
do I get into the character? Yeah, but that's usually when I do that
drama. It should've been written, but it wasn't. I say it and they
give the award.
Ask me if I've seen a single one of those movies,
and I'll tell you I ask to see the scene I shot that day and then, I
get back away from it. I couldn't tell you what the movie looked
like.”
Rayne laughed and Norm sort've sputtered, “You've
never seen them?”
“No.
Who wants to go see themselves up on the screen? It's sort've like,
“Oh, let's go watch me!”. Uh, no... I can't be that
way!”
They laughed and I said, “Norm, we're about
to get to the office. Here's what I'll say... As soon as we get
finished here, we're going to fly there. See if you can get your
people together and we'll see how big we can get a stadium.
I'll tell you this... if you put a stadium which holds 50,000 and you make it so that each show only pays us $20 bucks, and you're pricing it at $50 a ticket, you're going to sell out. That's $1 million for us and him getting $500 and me getting $500.
If you get us an orchestra, and us those stages which look like Cher's. We'll have something really good.
Now,
what I'm going to ask for is those seats which have speakers in them.
If they've got the lights in them which can pulse and change colors,
that'd be awesome, but it takes a steep rake for that to
happen.”
“Ok. I'll have them here!”
“Do
you have a jet we can ride there?”
“Yes.”
“We
need it. Now how fast do you think you could put us in a theater?”
“A month?”
“We've
got 2 weeks until the end of our contracts. I'd love to be able to
have us on stage that night. It'd show the record companies that
we're landing on our feet in a run.”
“Let me see
what I can pull together.”
“Ok.”
I
rang off and said, “Ok. That was exciting.”
He
laughed, “You lied to that man!”
“We need to
go to Armani.”
“Yeah!”
“Let's
go do that!”
He laughed, “Ok!”
We
went and when we got there, he said, “Oh, that parking
fee!”
“Outrageous! I bitch about it every time I
come here.”
He
laughed, “I heard the store takes it off your bill if you show
them the receipt.”
“We get it all free! I doubt if
they take it off what's free!”
He
laughed, “You know that guy wants comedy in the
concert.”
“We'll give it to him. We can banter
back and forth and then go on into a song.”
He giggled,
“You'll get carried away!”
“No, I'll tell
myself, “Get to the end of this thing. They don't pay you until
they're out the door!”. Then, I'll move right on through the
songs!”
“I want to see you in concert.”
“It's pretty eventful. Everyone sings along and I dance my ass off.”
He
laughed, “We're probably the only people our age who haven't
seen us perform!”
“We'll have up on stage tickets
now!”
We walked down the street and on into Armani. Everyone who was in the store suddenly went all starstruck and Rayne started to giggle.
I said, “You'd think someone saw someone famous!”
One
girl said, “We have, it's you!”
“Uh, yeah...
I'm just me, and he's just he...he he!”
Rayne laughed
and I smiled. She said, “You're MUCH better looking in
person.”
“I bet you watched me in Shiloh!”
She
smiled, “I bawled when you died!”
“Let me
tell you I was thankful to die in that one! It was war, I tell you,
WAR!”
Rayne laughed, “Oh man!”. She really
laughed.
She turned to Rayne, “Are you going to be in any more movies?”
I
said, “Lots of them. We're going to put 'em together so that
we'll have several coming out each year.”
She looked
surprised, “Good!”
My phone rang, “I
apologize. This thing keeps ringing! I keep answering and it just
won't stop!”
She smiled and I said, “I really apologize.”
I walked off and answered, “Hello?”
Mike
said, “I have a real quick question.”
“Sure
Mike.”
“Is Rayne available to act?”
“Yes.
The deal there is he's got to be finished by 5pm like me. We're going
on stage at 7pm in Vegas nightly.”
“Really?
Good!”
“If you can get him deals, that'd be
great.”
“Like yours?”
“Yeah.”
“Do
you want to do three together?”
“This first three, or the last three?”
He
laughed, “The NEXT three!”
“Ok. $50
million?”
“Yeah.”
“Let me ask. It'd be wrong of me to say yes without asking him.”
I
went over and asked, “Mike at Disney wants to know if you want
to do movies?”
He gave me a look and I said, “You
do three, and then, you do three with me. All of them at
$50.”
“Million?”
“Yeah.”
He
looked shocked, “Sure!”
I said, “Mike,
you've got us for six each at $50.”
“GREAT!”
“We
went with a 40 year contract at the Venetian. It's $300 million a
year and is $12 billion over the life of it.”
“MY
GOD!”
“I think we can sell it!”
He
laughed, “That's unreal!”
“I thought so, but
it's pretty neat as a spare job!”
He laughed, “What's your first job?”
“Movies. Music is a third, but we've got to put that together... Uh, how fast can we sign those?”
“Robert's
getting them put together for us.”
“Ok. We're on
our way there next. We're at Armani getting clothes, and then, we'll
be going there, and then, we're flying to Vegas. Now, I need to ask
you a question...”
“Sure!”
“We're
buying a 747.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.
I'm supposed to order it and get it outfitted. All in all, it's $28
million with $1 million of that being paint job.”
“Really?
That's steep!”
“I thought so, but I wondered if
you'd have them do a cartoon caricature of us like they had for
Martin and Lewis.”
“Let's see. Can I put
advertising on it?”
“Sure. It has to change or stay current. You'll know you be seen because it's going to have to be at LAX and Las Vegas.”
“How many months are you in Vegas?”
“Seven months, I think. It was supposed to be 7 weeks, but he left it open ended... Well, let me say this, I was thinking it'd be until May, why?”
“I'm
wondering if we could get two of yours put in the can before you have
to start back up.”
“Let's see... There are 3
months...eh, 5 months, and there's probably 20 weeks at the least...
eh, 22 weeks, we could put three out if your people have their
shooting ready.”
“Really?”
“I understand you've got a lot more CGI stuff, but if we got the dialogue scenes put in the can and then, we had the CGI scenes ready, we could do two of those a day besides the dialogue stuff.
I know that's me dictating the Direction, but Mike, can I bitch for a second?”
“Sure.”
“Here's
what I think. You have all these people who stand around who work on
that scene. Why they're not putting together a few other scenes, I
don't know.
On a lot of my movies, we shot 3 and 4 scenes a day. Yeah, it went long into the night at times, but I really think that if they had it ready to go, we could move over and move over and move over, and get some film shot.
What
Rayne and I were talking about earlier was buying Culver and putting
film in the can for our comedy movies we want to shoot.”
“Really?”
“All
we really need is a sound stage and sets. I'm not really wanting to
own a full studio when we can just lease and have things made
ready.”
“How are you wanting it?”
“Here's the deal. We're wanting it to be comedy like Martin & Lewis, Gracie & George, Abbot & Costello, and Hope & Crosby. Throw in other duos of the time, and you have it...Ricky & Lucy with the Mertzes, The Honeymooners, and you've got something which give situational, and a bit of slapstick.
What I won't do is blue. I'll get right up to the edge, but I won't go nasty. I don't want to do it with lots of dirty words, and I don't want political, or racial.
Now, that's what I want. I want it to be something where at the end, we know people have laughed and we know that people got their money's worth.
I understand Disney has their standards and I'm not talking a Disney classic. In that, Disney has everything perfect and beautiful and it's usually a cartoon because that's how it has to be.
We
had a lot of non-animated ones. Look at Herbie, Flubber, and the
Apple Dumpling Gang things.”
“Yeah, and I like all
of those. It's something where we could shoot some like that, but I
want us having a really good script, dialogue, and us working it as
characters, but us having a rapport where people see us as the people
too.”
“I
understand. It's strange because I see it, and it's not done
anymore.”
“No. And I don't know why.”
“It
went to reality and people now see reality as fake.”
“Right.”
“Can
we work on some of these for you?”
“Yeah,
but here's the deal. I know you're looking at the $50 each and that's
way too expensive when you might not break even. Get us some of those
mega pictures and we'll work on the lower budget stuff and stay in
the mega pictures too.”
“Ok. Let's look at all
these! I'm finding this interesting because there's a bunch of them I
think we could do.”
“Sure.” I paused,
“Listen, I need to get us a move on. We're at Armani and
there's a crowd forming out front. If we're not out of here, we'll
never make it to the car.”
He laughed, “Ok!”
I
rang off and went over to Rayne, “Are you about finished?”
“Yeah.”
“Let's
get me something to wear and us get the hell out of here. There's
about 40 people out front.”
“HUH?” He
turned, “JESUS!”
“We're stars Babe, what can
I say!”
He laughed, “That's funny!”
“They
don't do it when I'm here, so it's you!”
“It's
us!”
The sales girl asked, “What can I get you?”
“Blue
A7 sweats in my size, a gray pair of sweat pants in my size with a
blue tee which matches in my size.”
Rayne laughed, “She
knows it's in your size!”
She smiled and I shrugged, “I
have to tell them that! I buy for other people you know!”
He
smiled bigger, “They're not here!”
She giggled,
and I said, “But you are!”
“When
you want something for me, say it's in my size.”
I
shrugged, “I don't know why you got so technical! I could've
been done by now!”
I looked over, “A dark navy
suit... I hummed 'in my size', and a blue shirt to go with that...I
hummed 'in my size'.”
They laughed and I said, “I
need shoes for that... I hummed 'in my size', socks, and everything
for that... and that's about it.”
She
was really smiling and I said, “Put all that in a carry on
rolling luggage because we're going to Vegas.”
She
nodded, “Give me a few minutes.”
“Sure.”
Rayne looked at the door, “That crowd's getting bigger.”
“Here's what you do... Did you get yourself a suit?”
“Yes.”
“Ok.
That's good.”
He
smiled, “I got it in my size too!”
I smiled,
“We'll have to use that in a skit!”
He laughed,
“You got that twinkle in your eye. I knew you were going into
comedy!”
“$300 million each to work for probably 2
summers.”
“MAN!”
“What I think
is if we have that much money, we could start our Christmas shows in
November. I know it's early, but we could film them for television
specials and make a few albums on that end of things.”
“Did
you do Christmas for them?”
“No.
By the time I had all of mine in the can, he knew he wasn't going to
get a damned thing out of me!”
He smiled, “The
same here. Lord knows they put out a lot of good stuff at that
summit.”
“Cool.”
“I wish you'd
been there.”
I stared at him, and sighed, “Rayne,
I'm not going backwards. If I do, I'll get pissed, and you'll hear
about what I think about you not firing a bitch! Now, leave it there,
and yes, I'm thankful it worked out for you. Ok?”
He nodded, “I'm sorry. I know it hurt you.”
I
looked at the door and looked at him, “I've got to..”
“NO!”
I
gave him a look, “It didn't hurt you?”
“Yes!”
“Well,
that's the decision you made! You stood behind a stranger while she
cracked with her best shots! In standing there, and not firing her,
you supported every fuckin' word!
Now, I'll tell you what... I missed you, but about the time I got to missing you, I'd remind myself that I'm a manipulative and abusive bitch! And then, I'd casually ask my management, “Has he fired the bitch yet?” and they'd say, “No!”, and that was their clue I'd been thinking about you again. They checked weekly if she'd been fired. They checked and they had up to date information.
Me working those fuckin' runways with you and not saying anything set my face to stone because the heart was broke umpteen times! But hey, I'd get to see that bitch and once, she tried to make nice and say something. I stood there and stared and Gray came and said, “Get the fuck away from him you bitch! You got what you wanted, you're between them, and I ought to drag you out back and beat you senseless for thinking you can talk to him!”.
She walked off and I called Jeff and told him that if she ever so much as attempted to speak to me again on an Armani set, I'd sue and would sue you loud for being that low.
Needless
to say, I'm sorry it hurt me too. If you didn't hurt, so be it.”
He
said, “I did!”
I took a deep breath, “Do you
know I paid taxes for half a fuckin' house I don't even live in? Do
you know how that hit when I was paying to stay at the Beverly
Wilshire and footing bills?”
He nodded, “I know. I kept hoping you'd come home!”
“Had you fired a bitch, I would've! Now she's gone because all them fucks have been yanked back!”
He
looked ill and nodded, I sucked air between my teeth, “If
you're unhappy, buy my part of that house. I'll go forward, but your
last song sung to me without me there is done! Don't pine when you
couldn't say the words to get your heart made happy!”
I
walked off and looked toward the door. I turned around and he hugged
me, “I know your heart was broke, and I'm sorry! I'm sorry for
taking us back to that point!”
“Rayne, my regret
is I didn't beat a bitch down. How many times I've kicked myself in
the ass for walking out of a home which was 50% mine and letting that
bitch stay there are countless.
What I'll tell you is it brought about a hate in me which changed me. It's made me unemotional when it comes to firing and hiring people.
They get told what is expected, and they get told the grounds I won't tolerate. THEN, they get told that wherever we go, to have full knowledge of what the airline schedules are back to Los Angeles because if I say they go, they're gone.
Has it happened? Oh hell yeah! Have I punched anyone? How many times??? The man I caught sniffing the crotch of my clothes??? I knocked that fucker OUT! The one I suspected in stealing shit? He got fired and it's amazing that stopped! The one who made a rude comment about the sick kids in the front row? GONE!
So
yeah, I'm a downright hateful bitch... The one who made salads for
the crew and gave me the baby plate??? Gone! And yes, that one got
slung at the bitch when I figured out she was doing it to be hateful
and it wasn't a joke.”
He took a deep breath, “I'm
sorry.”
I took a deep breath, “You didn't get any
songs sung to you in my concerts. Had I said, “This is for
Rayne”, I'd added, “and the bitch!”.”
I nodded, “Manipulative... abusive... I'm not going to be that way. You've got walking papers any time you want them. And yet, let someone try that shit again, and I'll fire once and if you choose to walk behind, the show goes on and I don't want to hear a fuckin' thing about how sad you are!”
I looked over at the girl, “Are my things ready yet?”
She
nodded and I went over, “Thanks!”
She smiled and I
said, “Issues... we'll get them worked out. Lord knows there
are issues!”
We went out and got an ink pen and started
signing autographs... By the time we made it to the corner, we were
about worked through them. I gave the ink pen back to the woman and
said, “Here. I appreciate you letting me use it.”
She
smiled and I said, “Do me a favor...”
She sounded
excited, “What's that!”
I pulled my phone and
dialed the sales girl. When she answered,I said, “A woman in a
blue shirt and black knit pants is going to come in. Give her a full
outfit and write it off to me. Accessories included.”
“Sure!”
I
said, “She's going to get you an outfit with accessories and
everything... My expense.”
She smiled real big,
“Thanks!” and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I
walked off and Rayne had the car ready. He laughed, “You're too
nice!”
“I really think she's the type who thinks
of everyone else except herself. I might be wrong, but I wanted her
to have a nice outfit.”
He
chuckled and I directed him to Robert's office. When we got there,
Robert was on the phone. I sat at the other desk and his secretary
smiled, “Only you do that!”
I smiled, “These
contracts we're signing probably paid for everything in here until he
retires!”
She pointed, “They're right here!”
I
asked, “Can I see them?”
She slid them over and I read. When I finished, I slid each page over to Rayne and he read.
As I got to something which I didn't understand, I'd notate it with a paper clip and if there was something I totally disagreed with, I'd highlight it with a red highlighter.
By the time I was finished, Rayne had everything re-stacked. He gave me a look and I said, “I highlighted what I disagreed with.”
“I
think we're going to be busy with those three.”
I
nodded, “I'm seriously wondering how we're going to be doing
three of them.”
He nodded, “I think they're going
to turn it into a series of movies like Pirates.”
I
nodded, “Ok, I think that'll be cool.”
“It'll
be real cool we're getting to head it up. That's a huge feather in
our cap!”
He
smiled, “I want to start saving at least 10% of our
money.”
“Ok. Do you want to put it in a savings
account right from the get-go?”
“Yeah.
I want us to buy that studio.”
“Ok. Let's get him
on it.”
“Is he going to charge us a percentage?”
“I
doubt it.”
When Robert was finished, he got up and came
out to get us. We carried the contracts in with us and handed them to
him.
I
said, “While you're looking at what we did on those, I want to
ask you a question.”
“Sure!”
“We're
interested in buying the Culver Studios.”
He looked
surprised, “You're signing contracts with Disney and want to
buy Culver?”
I
nodded, “This is for the next 2 years. I spoke with him about
renting a sound stage to film our movies and he basically blew us
off.”
He nodded, “It's going to be expensive.”
I
nodded, “I understand. We can hang onto it and rent it out, but
I want to build up a few things I've been thinking about and see if
we can put some shows on the air.”
“What if you can't?”
“If
we can't, I'm going in and building a set myself and I'm going to
show you the lowest budget movie God ever put on the planet where we
make the most.”
“Really?”
“He and I are great doing comedy. We do things off each other in a lot of places and it's real good. I figure that we can run with it and get some shows going which will be good for television.”
He frowned, “Like what?”
“Wholesome, family shows. Something which shows family in a context that family is now for this period, not the 80's, or 70's.”
He
nodded. I said, “Here's the deal. Lucy and Ricky weren't a
normal family when they became popular. They put out comedic
television, and then, they parleyed it into some really good shows.
Desilu was on a helluva lot of shows from Gunsmoke, to Andy Griffith,
to Hogan's Heros, to Mannix, Untouchables, to... Well, you get the
picture.” I paused, “Robert, here's the deal. I want you
to look at producing a show and look at everything I see wrong. First
of all, they're still in the stone ages.”
“How
so?”
“Ok. Think of how they're filming football now. You've got a camera which shoots out above the field which is basically a drone.
In a studio, you could have a gantry system up there where it's going back and back, side to side, and diagonally. It's up, not in the way, and it's pulling that camera in and making it able to turn it around to stay on that action in that room.
Do it on multi levels and you get that stationary shot and do it on a third with two shooting close ups and the other moving around up above to get that scene shot in one take rather than a bunch.
When
you're shooting, nothing pisses you off to be in the scene, it
working, the chemistry happening, and you hearing “CUT!!!”
because some cocksucker didn't get his lighting he wanted, didn't get
his sound he wanted, or there was an imaginary shadow in the scene...
that upon review, everything was fine.”
Rayne said,
“Doesn't that piss you off!”
I nodded and rolled
my eyes, “Like nothing else. If I were the Director and I
checked it and found nothing, I'd be off into someone's ass for
costing me time, and wasting my crew's energy!”
I pointed to myself, “Here's the deal. I'm known as 'one take Mo'. Others are known as 'one mo take'. When I come to the set, I've got my stuff memorized, I'm off into that character to the point I'm that character, and I'm there to do a job professionally.
What
pisses me off is sometimes, when a kid has low self esteem, he
mumbles. He doesn't speak up, and you've got a Director who's
thinking he's a fuckin' cheerleader he's got me yelling so loud!
I'm
like, “If he was that self confident, we'd not be doing this!
He's low confidence, low on everything!”
He
smiled, “I understand!”
“That Director is
gut shot by a sound man. He's afraid the sound man's not going to get
it, so he's making sure the sound man is kept happy.
I'm sorry,
but if I'm Director, that sound man works for me... not the other way
around. Believe me, when the Director is the boss of the set, I like
it a lot more!”
He
laughed, “Ok. How do you really feel!”
I nodded,
“If you had that gantry system...and you can because today's
cameras are real light... you'd have that camera in there with the
mic on it and it doing it's job.
Now, does that change things up in a shot? Yeah. It makes it more intense. It gets that camera in there to get the shot. It has the cast in a scene and that scene 3 dimensional and surround because you don't see the crew because they're not in there!
Try that and you suddenly see a cast going, “Whoa! This is cool!”. You see a Director going, “Yeah! I get to get that shot because of a clumsy camera or a track!”
I
nodded, “That's what I want different. I'll get it, but it's
going to take me having some control. When I do, it's going to
revolutionize some shows. You'll have medical shows where that camera
is moving around the body and everyone operating on it. You're going
to have Mama in the kitchen and Daddy in the living room talking and
you seeing both because the camera's going to go through and do it
without tracks seen and it becomes more lifelike.”
He
smiled, “Ok. Culver does that?”
“Culver doesn't blow me off when I start pitching ideas. It opens me up and it makes it so that when we have a show idea like Everyone Loves Raymond, we can put it on because it's wholesome and it's family. It's sitcom, and it's not some reality bullshit!”
He laughed, “What else?”
Rayne said, “I'll pull one better on that gantry system. Put it into a setting where you've got a game show like Price Is Right, and shoot it out over the crowd to get that closeup and bring it in as they run. It gets more excitement and it's getting you into the action.
I
never knew this to be an idea of his, but the more I hear, the more
I'm thinking,”Cool! Add some cables on that puppy and raise the
entire thing up and down and you've got it going in a lot more
areas!”
I nodded, “Yeah, that'd be neat, but have
that camera able to go up and down on a slip pipe, and you'll see it
working!”
Robert laughed, “Guys, I like that one!
You have me seeing it being used and being a lot handier than a guy
running with a steady cam.”
I
nodded, “A steady cam has it's uses, but indoors, that guy's
making shadows and has become a lighting Director's hemorrhoid.”
He
laughed and asked, “Ok, what about your contract with The
Venetian?”
I
said, “He's getting you a 40 year contract which gets us $300
million a year.”
He looked shocked, “MAN!”
“We're
working 10 shows a week for 30 weeks. He's happy because we're going
to have one helluva stadium to perform in.”
Rayne asked,
“How are we doing those shows?”
I
counted off on my fingers. “Matinees on Saturday and Sunday.
That's four. Monday through Friday is 9... And I'm not sure where
that 10th one is unless we're doing a late night.”
He
said, “Let's do late nights on Friday and Saturday and leave
off Monday.”
“Ok. Let's work it so that we do a
2pm to 5pm, 7pm to 10pm, and then turn it around for a 11pm to 2am.
That gives us two hours to turn around between shows 1 & 2. And
one to turn around between shows 2 & 3. That gives us 12 between
the shows and it gives us time to stand out front and sign
autographs.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
“Here's
what I want us to do... I want us having booths out in front of the
merchandising shops which have black and white markers so that we can
sign autographs on different things”
He nodded, “Ok. Why don't we have items with an autopen autograph on them, and things which don't?”
I shrugged, “I don't care. I like it better when I'm able to do an autograph which states, “To such and such, You're the Greatest! XOXO, Mo!”
He nodded, “Yeah, but all that takes time and we're going to have a long line!”
I
nodded, “Ok, let's do that, but let's not charge more for that
autograph. I think that stinks!”
“Me too! I never
charge for an autograph or a photo.”
I smiled, “Let me tell you something... I had a woman come up for a photograph, that I don't know what she was wearing, but it got me to sneezing, and my eyes watering. Finally, I had to hold my breath, get her ready for the shot, Me come in and do the pose guerrilla ambush style and apologize. She apologized too, but I assured her it was her!”
They laughed and I shook my head, “She's the only person who's ever affected me that way!”
He
nodded, “I had a black woman once who was so blown away that
I'd hug her that she was nearly in tears!”
“HUH?”
He
shrugged, “I don't know. It impressed her that I hugged her
like I did everyone else!”
“Man, it makes you
wonder, doesn't it? It's people like that, that I'd ask to our show
out here and comp the hell out of them!”
He held up his
finger,”I've got her number!”
“You do???”
“Yeah.
I made it a point to find out her birthday and send her roses. Then,
I call and ask if she got them and she's blown away again.”
“Cool!”
I
turned, “Columbia fired me.”
He looked shocked,
“HUH?”
I
pulled out my voice recorder and played it. He said, “I want
that!”
I nodded, “Sure!”
I sent it over and he nodded, “I'll make one call before I file suit. Now, do you want that added in on your suit against Jeff and Monte Vison?”
“Yeah.”
He
shook his head and nodded, “Let me make a call in front of
you.”
He dialed and it rang twice before it was
answered. “Hello?”
“Morty! It's Robert Shapiro. Listen, I've got Mo and Ray in the office. He's adding some more to that lawsuit because Columbia just fired him over that bullshit.
He was to have made $60 million besides royalties and sales percentages. I DO have that on their contract which was sent over.
Now, ask me what that's worth and it's worth another $125 million. Why? Because I'll tell you that with them performing in Vegas and performing on HBO with that music, it's going to be a huge seller.
That's
slander. It's defamation of character, and it's got me suing your
company for right at $3 billion for Mo alone.”
“Oh
Good GOD!”
Robert nodded, “I'm releasing the filing of this lawsuit so that it's hitting right at 5pm on Friday. That way, the press gets it and the weekend news has it to hammer that company all weekend long. You, of course, can attempt to state no damage was done, and that's when I'm going to release the contract, and the voice recording which he has from Columbia stating he's now been terminated.
You can attempt to state Jeff didn't do it, but I'll tell you now that with two recordings and those people on that stand getting the press, it's going to bomb blast your company when it's found how damaging they deem it to be.
My
advice is to get that fucker fired before I file the suit. Of course,
you can support him, and I'll be all too happy to check and see how
much Rayne's been damaged also.”
He took a deep breath, “I
DO have the FBI on that situation because I DO have it on good inside
knowledge that he DID call Rayne's brother and speak on the phone
about setting Mojave up... Cocaine WAS mentioned, and Jeff DID tell
him he COULD come by and pick that up from his office!
Now,
ask yourself what the FBI is going to find when they're in his office
and listening to the recording, and you'll ask yourself if I can get
them to file charges on conspiracy, and a gangland style tactic. Once
that's done, you know they're going to go in and start seizing assets
and records.”
I was already on my iPad pulling up the
voice recordings. I pointed to the call and listened. When it got to
the part, I noted the time and said, “Robert?”
He looked over and I put it on play and turned it up loud. He heard it and said, “Mort? Do you hear that? That's the recording you didn't want me having. That's everything being conspired and it's what just got your boy a bunch of prison time, that lawsuit more merit, and everything I stated substantiated.”
Mort said, “Let me off here. I need to make some calls. You keep them there because we need to get this settled!”
Robert
rang off and smiled, “I won't go for less than $1 billion or
you a bunch of ownership in that company.”
“Make
sure they pay your fees.”
He laughed, “Ok!”
I
asked, “Do you think they'll come to an agreement on a
settlement before it's filed?”
Robert shrugged, “I
don't know.”
“Make your call and get the FBI on that man. If he's calling Jeff to tell him to get hidden, he can run that company from wherever and you can't touch him.”
He nodded, “That'll turn up the pressure too.”
He pulled his phone and I pointed, “I'm going out here and ordering this jet.”
“Ok.”
We
went out and I pulled up the 747. I said, “Here's how this
goes. We can get that 2008 747 Freighter and then, we slide in the
interiors we want.”
“Like how?”
I
pulled it up to the interior and said, “We can haul freight in
it, or we can put a rolls in it down in the basement and have a
regular interior, or a VIP interior.”
“Show me the
difference?”
I
went over to the interiors and pulled up the photos. “These are
the ones they've got now.”
“MAN!”
“I
love this one over here.”
As soon as I pulled it up, he
said,”Yeah, I want that! That's nice!”
“Here's
how it works. These get stored on shelves. You can pull out this one
and put in this one.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.
Suddenly, you're carrying 280 people.”
“MAN!”
“Take
the show on the road, and you've got need for one of these with a LOT
of stuff in the cargo hold.”
He nodded, “Ok. I
want one.”
“I spoke with Mike and he's going to
advertise on it.”
“Ok.”
“IN the
meanwhile, they're designing a paint job which will be great for us.
Then, they can design the wrap which can go over our paint and
advertise for them.”
“Ok.”
“It
works in our favor because it takes the plane going in and our paint
job being made perfect before theirs can go on. When they pull it
off, they go over our paint job and make it right.”
“Ok!”
“It's
free maintenance.”
I
took a deep breath, “A crew for this is going to run about $500
grand a year.”
“MAN!”
“Fuel for
it is going to be about that much too. It's a short hop between LAX
and Vegas, but it's not real efficient. Now, ask me what's better and
I'll tell you flying. I've driven it, but I hate that drive.”
“I've
never driven it.”
“It's 4 1/2 hours which can be
made in 3 hours and twenty minutes if you get it up to 80.”
He
smiled, and I nodded, “It's 270 miles. At 60 miles an hour,
it's 270 minutes. If you bump it up to 80, it's 3 hours and 20
minutes.”
He laughed, “Ok!”
“I've
driven it and it's a LONG drive.”
“How fast will
it be in the jet?”
“If
we get fast clearance, it'll be about 30 minutes. If it takes 45
minutes, it'll be an hour and 15 minutes to get
there.”
“MAN!”
“Figure this,
whatever we spend in gas to get there? It's going to take that to fly
there. The advantage is the time savings.”
“Ok.”
“We
can buy a house there, but I'd rather not.”
He pointed,
“Have them provide it!”
“They
will. We'll get a top notch suite in that contract.”
“What
else will we get?”
“We'll
get anything we want. Our food will be prepared by private chef, and
whatever we want while we're there will be provided... limo, car,
free tickets for anything and everything, and free gambling up to a
point.”
“Do you gamble up there?”
“No.
I've played slots and lost $20 real fast, but that's it.”
“Have
you performed there a bunch?”
“Oh
yeah!”
“I've only been there one weekend. I sold
out, but they didn't ask me back.”
“It's probably
due to the size of the entourage. Lord knows yours cost him some
money with that orchestra, but Lord knows I probably paid for it with
how much extra I made them!”
He laughed, “You
should've started demanding everything!”
I shook my head, “No. I expected him to give us more in contracts. He didn't, so he's fucked.”
I dialed and got the jet guy, “Hello?”
“I
would like to get one of those 747 shells you have.”
“Ok.”
“I'd
like to get new engines installed, and I'd like it flown to Phoenix
where we can get the interiors put in. After that, it's gotta go to
Vegas to be painted.”
“Ok.”
“I've
not yet called the man about those interiors, but I will.”
“How
fast do you want it?”
“Do you have one with the engines on it?”
“Yes.”
“Let
me get you paid and I'll have you fly it on to Phoenix.”
“I
can get those interiors for about a third of what he's charging if
you want them that way.”
“Sure! I want that maroon
and brocaide interior, and I want the black VIP seating.”
“It's
going to take two trips for the interiors.”
“How
much is it going to cost me if I buy two of them from you?”
“If
you'll take one with the Pratt engines, I'll get them both for you
for $40 million.”
“I only want one flight crew. Do
you have some who can stay on for a couple of celebrities?”
“I can make a call. Where will they be based?”
“Here's the deal. It's about 50/50 between Las Vegas and Los Angeles. We're signing contracts with the Venetian, and we're going to be performing there. However, we'll be acting in Los Angeles and will be flying that direction.
During
the summer months between May and September, we'll be flying to
wherever we'll be acting in three different movies per summer.”
“Ok.
I'm understanding better.”
“While we're filming
those movies, we can be doing tours of Europe, Asia, or Australia, or
Brazil. At that time, we'll need both because we have an orchestra
and lots of luggage.”
“Let's do this... I'll get
you one flight crew which is full time,and I'll get you one leased
which is for that five months.”
“If the full time
is cheaper, go with the cheaper.”
“Ok.”
“What
I'll tell you now is that they'll be off on the weekends. We're going
to be full time in Vegas on the weekends and won't need that
time.”
“Ok. That'll make it better.”
“During
the weekdays, they're going to have to be up early. We need to be at
the studio by 6am, and be back in Vegas by 6pm.”
“Oh
ok!”
“Monday nights will be off. We're not
performing on Monday nights.”
He
laughed, “Ok!”
“They have to be gay
friendly. I'd hate to punch out a pilot for calling me a faggot in my
own jet!”
He laughed, “Ok! How do you want this billed, Mo?”
“How'd you know it was me?”
“Your voice. It's unique.”
“Ok.
Yeah, it's me. Bill it to me. It'll go into our corporation, but
it'll be it's own corporation eventually.”
“Ok.
Can I offer you some advice?”
“Yeah?”
“Get
a fuel license. It'll be a lot cheaper for you to buy fuel for it. It
puts all your fuel taxes into your corporation.”
“Cool!”
“You're
still paying them, it's just that you're able to offset anything you
might've gained on the jet.”
“Thanks for that tip!
I'll work on that!”
He got me a total of $48 million. I
asked, “Why so much?”
He said, “Your interiors are $500 grand. That's $40.5. Then, you've got your taxes and licensing. In order to buy a jet, you pay those upfront.”
“Ok.
I understand it better.”
“It's right at $300 grand
to fuel it all the way.”
“Jesus!”
He
laughed, “It'll go a long way before it needs refueled.”
“Ok.”
We
rang off and Rayne chuckled, “Your voice has everyone knowing
who you are!”
I dialed Mike, “Hello?”
“It's
me. I ordered two jets. One is for us and the other is for orchestra.
The orchestra one will sit a lot, but we'll have it as a
spare.”
“Man, how much was that?”
“Because
we bought two, we got them for $40 million. We got discounts on the
interiors of $1 million. And he's fueling and getting that air crew
staffed.”
“What did you buy again?”
“747
VIP.”
“Man! You got a steal!”
“He's
got three more, I can make a call!”
He laughed, “I might have you do that!”
“I'd
like our paint job put under your wrap. They're flying to Phoenix
within the hour.”
“Really?”
“In
Phoenix, they're taking on the interiors which will take about an
hour. After that, they'll be going to Vegas where it'll take 24 hours
to get the paint put on them.”
“Let me make a
call. How do they do that?”
“You
get them art and they do it by computer. You want to make sure the
windows aren't in the art because they'll be cut out.”
“Ok!”
“Where
the numbers are on the rear, you can't have anything except white.
You can up on the tail, but you can't down lower on the
rear.”
“Ok.”
“Those have brand
new engines... and yes, I think he either gets a discount on those
engines, or he just threw in $10 million worth of jets because those
engines brand new run $40 million.”
“MAN!”
“That's
cheap! They're brand new!”
“Really?”
“There's
four engines on each. That's 8 engines for $40 million. That's brand
new price, so either he's getting a steep discount, or he's throwing
in air frames for free.”
He laughed, “I'm glad you
know this!”
“I've studied this for a few years. I
knew as soon as they went back on the contract, I would want to buy
my own. This is the best VIP deal I've heard of.”
“Yeah!”
“These
are like the Presidential model. You can put a car up it's
tail.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,
but you can put several cars in it if you take the interiors
out.”
“Nice!”
“Well, I'll ring
off.”
“I'll need that number for that company
which does the paint?”
“Here!
I forgot!”
I gave him the name and number, “That's
at the airport there.”
“Ok.”
I
rang off and said, “That saved us $2 million!”
He
laughed, “You're nuts!”
I
smiled and we went back in. Robert was on the phone. He slid over a
small note pad with the figure of $1 billion.
I wrote,
“Each?”, and slid it over. He slid it back, “You.
I'm negotiating his.”
I looked shocked and wrote, “How
much is their company worth?”, and slid it back. He smiled and
wrote, $6 billion, and slid it back.
I
nodded, and Rayne wrote on it, “Greatly devalued when we
leave.” and slid it back. Robert outright laughed and nodded.
He said, “Mort, give me a moment.”
He muted the
phone and said, “Here's what I think... They're so busy trying
to keep this from exploding in their faces, they don't see the
backside of their company blowing off. You're to get that settlement
by Tuesday here in my office.”
Rayne asked, “What
are you at with mine?”
Robert
said, “Here's the hold up. Like it or not, he's doing a package
deal with your parents also. You're looking at half a billion, but
they're looking at $200 million. I know you don't like that, but
that's what it's probably going to be to keep charges off
Jeff.”
Rayne nodded, “I can talk with them, but I
don't want them around me.”
Robert said, “Let me
sink the hook a little harder.”
He took it off and put
it on speakerphone, “Mort, here's what he just said. He's
saying for you to do $600 for him and $100 for his parents. You keep
that private what he's receiving and you do what you can to negotiate
it down with his parents. He THINKS that if you offer it as a one
time gift from him to his parents, that they'll take it, but if they
hear he's getting that much, they'll balk.”
Mort said,
“Ok, if he thinks that can be done, you arrange it!”
Robert
said, “I'll certainly do that.”.
He
rang off and said, “Guys, here's my advice. Let's get this
settlement done... Right now, there's no non-disclose which states
you can't say what you got.”
I looked shocked, “Really?”
He
nodded, “The only non-disclose I've put on it is before
signatures which his parents don't hear what anyone received.”
He
pointed at me, “I'm not suing them any further, but I am going
after Columbia and I'm going after those news outlets which have went
off into your supposed drug addiction.
As soon as the ink is on this, I'm going to state that they just settled and give it out that they settled for $1.6 billion.
That
lets those news outlets know that they didn't get off cheap, and the
lawsuit for the ruined reputation is going to be harmful to their
financial well being real quick.”
“Ok.”
“I'll
tell you now that I've already put complaints in to the F.C.C..
That's letting the CEOs of those companies know that we're
coming.”
“Ok.”
“I've also
released it to the news outlets that the lawsuits are being prepared.
I'm also using everything on there to let them know we've got them
dead to the rights.”
He smiled, “Now, whatever
federal charges Jeff gets is out of my hands...”
We
laughed and he nodded, “What I'm advising is to let me finish
this so that as soon as the ink is on the papers, we can make the
announcement. That way, their stock slides and takes that hit and
you're looking at the potential of possibly buying that company for a
real low price.”
Rayne nodded, “Good! Let's do
that!”
I
nodded, “Ok. We'll work on it.”
My phone rang,
“Hello?”
“This
is your jet. We're landing them at Phoenix International right
now.”
“Man, that was fast!”
“It's
going to take about 30 minutes to get the interior in. What do you
want done with them once they're in?”
“The one with 1st Class seats throughout, take it on to Las Vegas. The other with the VIP interior, bring it on to Los Angeles. We'll fly it on to Las Vegas. Then, you can get it painted.”
“It's
going to take 24 hours to be painted.”
“I'm aware.
I think it'll be 48 hours because Disney's going to wrap them for
us.”
“Oh!
Ok! We'll be at LAX in about an hour...The Private Terminal.”
“We'll
be there.”
I rang off, “We need to get this zipped up. They're bringing the VIP here so we can fly to Las Vegas in it.”
Robert smiled, “I'll fly with you!”
I chuckled, “Ok! We'll hold a meeting in it so that we're writing off that flight!”
I asked, “Is he going to send a check? Or, how does that work?”
He
smiled, “There are several thoughts on that. He'll probably
offer you stock in Monte Vison in order to try to entice you to
stay.”
“Uh, nah! If it's a billion point seven in
about a month, I'd gamble!”
He
laughed, “Let me call him!”
“Can I?”
He
gave me a look, I said, “Robert, you talk legalese and he stays
on guard. I talk tit-ese and he gets confused!”
He
laughed and shook his head, “You're nuts, you know that!”
“I'm
willing to gamble that I can intimidate him a little. The worst that
will happen is he'll have to pay us $1.7. The best that could happen
is we could wind up with Monte Vison sooner.”
He
looked surprised and I nodded, “No one wants to look at
bankruptcy... no matter who they are. You just be prepared to play
hardball with all the rest of these sons of bitches.”
“Ok.”
He
gave me the number and I dialed. Rayne said, “Good
luck!”
“I've got you by my side! I've got the best
tit-eze in town!”
They laughed and Mort answered, I said, “Mort?”
“Yeah
Mo!”
“How'd you know it was me?”
“Your voice! No one has a voice like that!”
“I suppose so. I keep lookin' and can't find one, but there's gotta be one out there.”
“What did you need?”
“Well
Mort, we need to talk turkey.”
“Ok, why?”
“Here's the deal. I know what's going to happen and you're not seeing it yet.
In two weeks, our contract is finished. Wall Street hasn't caught onto that yet, but some wise person will pay attention to what I've said and will let it out on Monday. It's Saturday, so we won't see the collapse of this stock until the Asians open tomorrow night.
What I'm going to tell you is because he and I were working here, it inflated the stock. I believe it was something like $106 and now it's at $250. Yeah, you guys made money off us, but I'm about to look into going into competition against you.
Then, there's word that Monte Vison settled with us. I think when they hear you spent nearly a third of what Monte Vison is worth right now, it's going to slam that stock.
You're looking at them seeing what it was at the time we were signed and they're going to go, “Ooh, that's a $2.5 billion dollar company and it's just gave away $1.7, so their earnings are going to suck the rest of this year and probably all of next.
Where
they're going to see things is they're going to see that you kept the
President and I'm out there laying the legal file I've got for 'show
and tell' in interviews. They'll pay attention, but so will everyone
who was thinking about going to work for Monte Vison. They'll see the
horseflesh you kept in the President's office, and they'll see that
I'm torpedoing Monte Vison and strafing the hell out of the President
simply because I can and will tell the truth and show that I've got
the legal work, the history, and have had the bastard down on my ass
for two of the four years.”
“You weren't bitchin'
when you were making money.”
“Mort, let me correct
you. Had it not been for the Armani contract, I'd been broke. To be
polite, Jeff gave a house I'm not even living in and I paid taxes on
$25 million because as he put it, “I gave you one house, I'm
not buying you another!”... Well, he didn't give me one house.
My name got put on it, therefore I got stuck with it!
Now, like it or not, that's how that went. I made it the first year, but it sure as hell wasn't because I got anything from your company! Yeah, you made money, but look at my legal work and you'll see I couldn't get an accounting from the fucker, and my taxes to the IRS on income earned were estimated because I couldn't get the W2 or anything proving what I had coming.
When
he tried that bullshit for the second year, I made a call. You see, I
sang in the White House and the President's children are fans of
mine. I had the First Lady's phone number, so I called and we had a
talk. She spoke to her husband and he called and we had a talk. Then,
he called the IRS, and I called Robert.
Do you know what
happened? The IRS made a call to that prick and told him to get me
paperwork which was correct, or they'd come in and shut your company
down and get that accounting done and a good old fashioned audit
while you went out of business due to the doors being shut.
Like it or not, that man suddenly shit me some paperwork and yeah, I can tell that story because Robert had to file paperwork and then have it dismissed because Jeff suddenly got it for me.
So yeah, I was bitching because I couldn't get the numbers and I sure as hell wasn't going to prison for the bastard.
And like it or not, I've scheduled myself for these last two weeks of my contract to be without concerts or anything so that we have a balance sheet which is up to date and I walk away without any surprises.
Do I think I'm going to get that after the smear campaign he's already launched? No. So, you say I wasn't bitching, and I'll go one better... I'll be too fuckin' busy to get it and the IRS will come in and slap locks while the man tries to do the song and dance on that... WHILE explaining the lawsuit settlement and having my attorney showing them the video of what he did.
Now, I understand you're upset. Hey, if I had someone whom I didn't know showing all the underhanded stuff he's dealt with, I'd probably judge him too!
Just the same, I know a few things... At the time we were hired, he was on his way out the door... After all, there was a $60 some thousand dollar embezzlement which I have the emails, the books to show, and know that the only reason he stay was he had our sales and he could fudge the books.
Now, do I know that? Well, when we got the books, that's what my accountant said, that's what a second accountant said, and that's what a third accountant said... all independent of each other.
Personally,
you're standing behind a dude whom I'm going to start asking
questions about to the right people. After all, how did he come up
with that much cocaine to give Rayne's brother to come out and try
framing me?”
“Who's to say?”
“Goddam dude!” I paused and looked over at Robert, “Can I ask for damages exceeding the value of his company in court and just go ahead and slam the hell out of him in the press?
I
mean, he's setting himself up for some RICO crime shit, but
hey!”
Mort said, “WHAT!”
I said, “Mort, let me school you on a few things. The second the FBI got involved, Jeff got made into a suspect. The second they find the drugs and everything he's embezzling, it's going to look suspicious as hell. Thirdly, you keeping the man employed is going to have people scratching their heads as to what you're gaining and how you're involved... and if there are any recordings as to whether you knew something was illegal or not.
When they find it, you know whose house gets raided besides his??? And when that happens, it's not nice. Do you know they handcuff you and make you stand outside with your forehead against a wall until they're done with that search? And do you know that like it or not, if there's a drug involved, they can sniff you down with the drug dog and make you strip in front of your attorney and undergo blood tests and everything else to prove you don't have them in your system?
So yeah, suddenly your standing behind him and he's not giving a fuck about you because he's got his own problems... and let's see... where there's three, there's conspiracy... Ring a bell?
Believe me, you don't want that third person found. Why? Because all those charges just amped up with RICO which is organized crime stuff. All of a sudden, the charges become life in prison instead of 20 years in prison and your attorney is going 'cha-ching motherfucker because the first charge is $100 grand, two is $250 grand each, and three is a million dollars each... charge... Those are federal crimes, so that's a special attorney.
Now, you might ask your attorney all this... I'm sure he'll ask you, “Why are you asking?”, and you're going to tell him, “That kid's threatening me.” and then, I'm going to be told through my attorney, “Don't pick on Mort!”, and that's when I'm going to have my attorney tell yours that he's dumb and needs to take a good dose of 'wake the fuck up' because you're not telling everything!
When he learns what we know through our files, and what we're suing upon through our filings, he's going to go, “Holy SHIT MORT!” and then, you're either going to be advised to go with a Federal Defense Attorney, or you're going to be told, “Uh Mort, I hate to tell you this, but my fees have to go up. It's federal shit now and you've just paid my kids' college tuition off this one man!”
I
paused, “Ok, I'm done. Don't offer me stock. I doubt if the
fuckin' company will be open in a month. You trying to unload that
stock will look suspicious as hell, but hey... if I were you, I'd
distance myself too.”
I paused, “$1.7 billion.
That's the settlement. I'll tell you now that it's gotta be before
Monday because I think you'll be bankrupted by late Monday, or
Tuesday. And if truth be known, that might be interesting. I'm going
to have Robert attach liens onto the assets and we'll have first lien
holder so that no one else can get anything.” I paused, “Tell
me, is your house nice Mort?”
“That's
none of your business!”
“I was asking because I'm
going to ask you that if you slit your fuckin' throat not to do it on
the marble in the bathroom because blood stains marble and peroxide
has to soak in a helluva long time to get it out.”
I saw Robert and Rayne laughing. Mort said, “What do you want from me?”
“It's funny you ask. I was really hoping it didn't have to take this long, but hey... We finally get around to it!” I paused, “Mort, name the price you want on that studio and we'll see...”
“I'm not going to take less than $2.5 for it!”
“Ok, so you're saying that it's feasible that if we come up with $800 million, that you'll take that $1.7 and throw it with that and we'd be clear?”
He paused and I looked over, “Robert? Is that legal?”
“Yes.”
I
heard him exhale really long. I said, “Mort, don't you be doing
anything! I'd hate to be a sick bastard and go over and have your
house appraised while they're trying to breathe life into you!”
He chuckled, “Did you give him this much trouble?”
“Did I! Jesus, do you realize that you have a brain and he's like trying to sail a sunk boat?”
He
laughed and Rayne and Robert laughed. He said, “Get $800 and
I'll consider it even.”
“Ok, but you've got to pay
his parents. That's not in it. If I had to pay them a thing, it'd
totally piss me off.”
“Why?”
“Assholes, asshats, asswipes, and just plain old funky no good ass stench! Do you see anything in common with all those? If you say asses, I'll tell you that you're wrong... I'll tell you it's them as individuals. They call cheek to cheek dancing... I call it them two fighting over the hole!”
He laughed and I said, “The best thing I can say about them without using cuss words for adjectives is they aren't pleasant. My parents didn't take any prizes at the county fair because they were too busy fighting over how brilliant they were being that drunk, but his are just plain no good, rotten, used up pieces of toilet paper! It's got ass written all over it in the stuff flies call lunch.”
He laughed, “How's he feel about them?”
“Rayne?
He's dealt with his brother these last four years, but I don't think
he's dealt with his parents. And in that, he's one up on me because I
did and wish I hadn't...”
“Why?”
“Call it id and ego, but I was psychotic for a while and decided I had to see the people who bred to have me. In doing that, I had to buy them a house and another vehicle. In doing that, as soon as they got those things, they went right back to arguing and I took their house and car and left.
The best thing I can say about it is I gave back. However, if I had to do it again, I'd bought them a liquor store, it would've been closer to the liquor store than their house!”
He
laughed, “It's bad, but I understand!”
“Let's
just say this... My Dad's the sort've person who'd think that he
bought oceanfront property just because he's up to his neck in
quicksand. And my Mom's the type of person that she'd bitch at him
about not taking a cooler with him and filling it before he took that
trip to hell!”
He
laughed, and I said, “Needless to say Mort, I need to ring off
and try to make some calls to get that $800 million.”
“Ok.
Let me know!”
“Oh, I will!”
I
rang off and Robert pointed, “You call Norm. I'll call
Mike!”
I dialed and Rayne said, “Remember we've
got money in the bank!”
I nodded, “Yeah, we've got
$110 million or thereabouts.”
Robert nodded, “Keep that back for upgrades.”
Norm answered, “Hey! I'm seeing the news!”
“Which news?”
“Everything
everyone's saying about you guys!”
“Good, or bad?”
“It depends what channel you watch!”
“I
understand! Now, I need to ask you a question...”
“What's
that?”
“Is there a possibility that we can get an advance on our pay?”
He laughed, “How much?”
“I'll
be honest with you. I called Mort Glassberg and we're getting $1.7
billion as a settlement offer.”
“MAN!”
“Well,
he's afraid of bankruptcy, so we talked and you know how it is...
Sometimes you have to draw a picture, explain it's art, and then see
if the guy likes fat naked chicks before you get someone to get the
picture!”
He
laughed real loud, “You're too blunt!”
“Anyway,
he wants $2.5 billion for the studio and we're short $800
million.”
“HUH?”
“You
heard right!”
“It's worth $12 billion!”
“No,
it's worth $6.”
“Kid, we did an appraisal on what
you two added to the value!”
“Well, he wants $2.5
because he thinks he's going bankrupt by Monday afternoon or
Tuesday.”
“Why?”
'Because
I convinced him to think that he was! He threw out that $2.5, so he
doesn't think it's worth much either.”
He said, “I
could probably come up with $700. It'd have to be your first year and
a sign on for the long term contract.”
“Really!”
“Yeah,
but let me check and see.”
“Ok. Call me back!”
“I
will.”
I rang off and Robert held up his thumb. “I've
got a billion here!”
I looked shocked, “Cool!”
Rayne laughed, “You are too funny!”
“Dare me to ask Norm how much they want for the Bay?”
He laughed, “Do it!”
“He's going to call back. It'd be funny if they paid us to buy it!”
Robert rang off and asked, “Why aren't you calling him?”
“It's
not on my account! When it's there, I'll call!”
He
smiled, “Ok.”
“Norman said that he thinks he
can get me $700. Wouldn't it be a kick if we were able to buy that
hotel up there!”
He smiled real big, “Lowball
them!”
I
shrugged, “He's got to see if he can do the $700 million. If he
can't, we're sort've stuck with what we can do.”
He
nodded,and pointed, “You need to fulfill your six on the Disney
contract.”
“I know!”
“It's
going to be tempting to go to work on your own.”
I
stared, “I understand! Believe me, I know!”
He
smiled and Rayne chuckled. I said, “I know what you mean
because I sort've screwed myself by not doing any movies. The bad
thing is I now...”
His phone rang and within seconds,
mine did. “Hello?”
Norm said with an exaggerated sigh, “Ok, that deal is approved.”
I chuckled, “Are you ready to shoot me yet?”
“NO!
Why would you say that!”
“Because I'm about to
have you run back and ask another question!”
He laughed,
“What now!”
“How much they want to sell the
Bay for?”
He
said, “You know, I know that answer!”
“Ok...
How much?”
He let out an exhale. “Without the Bayside Beach, it's $600. With it, it's $725. With the convention center, it's $1 even.”
Rayne said, “Get it!”
I laughed, “You're on speakerphone! That's Rayne trying to maintain silence!”
He
really laughed and I said, “Ok, it's going to be crazy fucked
up, but I'll pay you the $300 million plus that $700 and well have
that bought.”
He spoke slower, “Is that what you
wanted to do?”
“No. I could take the $700 you got me and throw the $100 I've got in savings and pay for the studio, and then, I could take the $1 billion that Disney got us and pay you, but that's just fucked up thinking!”
He
laughed, “Ok, let me run back and tell him what you're wanting
to do!”
“Yeah. That way, the paperwork for
everything will be ready when we get there. By the way, I'm bringing
my attorney, so we'll need him a suite also.”
He laughed, “Anything else?”
“Since you asked, we need hangar space for two 747's.”
He really laughed and Rayne giggled. He asked, “Rayne, does he do this to you?”
Rayne
said, “I'm happy he does. It means the world to me!”
I
said, “And one day Norm, you'll feel the same!”
They laughed and Robert said, “Ok, it's on your account! Pay the man and tell him to have the paperwork ready!”
I
said, “Ok. One thing at a time! I'm still trying to get free
things!”
Rayne said, “If we're paying for them,
they're not free!”
I stared and he said, “Norm, we
need to get you paid. He's about to cry because he's not getting
things free!”
Norm really laughed and said, “If you come, I'll let you pet the sharks!”
I said, “Uh, you dangle your balls and let them catch on and I'll slap it in the head just to make sure it's attached!”
They
laughed and I said, “Uh, we need to audition an
orchestra.”
Rayne said, “We'll use mine. We'll own
it just as soon as we pay them!”
I said, “Norm, I hate to rush you, but I just realized I get to do something fun like fire a few people!”
He
laughed, “Ok! Let me get that info and call you back!”
“We'll
be in the car heading to the airport.”
“Ok!”
I
rang off and dialed Mort, “Hello?”
“It's
me. I've got that money.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I'm going to pay you so that I can get to the airport. What we'll do is we'll do the paperwork first thing in the morning. That way, first thing Monday, I can let Jeff go.”
He laughed, “I'm taking it you want that privilege?”
“Oh
hell yeah!”
“Ok, I want to be there to let him
know that he's to never ask for work in the film industry
again.”
“No. Tell him nothing! If he thinks he's
blackballed, he'll leave to go spend all that money he's embezzled!
We need to audit it to see how much he's taken and get it so he's
arrested!”
“OH!
Ok!”
“Firing someone isn't as fun if you don't get
to throw them in jail too!”
He laughed, “I'll have to learn these things!”
“Oh, believe me, I've lain awake at night and thought of all the things I'd love to do to that one!”
He laughed, “I'll have the paperwork ready.”
“We'll pay you now. As long as the SEC is notified that we're buying it on Monday, we'll be fine. That way, it shouldn't slip too much, but then again, I don't care how much it freefalls, we're taking it private with this, right?”
“Yes.”
“Wonderful!
I love doing these things debt free!”
“Congratulations
on your buy.”
“Did you break even?”
“Yes.”
“Good.
As long as you broke even, that's what matters. Now, what's that
account number?”
He
read it to me and I said, “Give me a moment and I'll have it
sent. I'm trying to talk on the phone, work my iPad, and walk all at
the same time.”
I read him the numbers back for
confirmation and then, pressed send. It went through and I said,
“Mort, it went through. You should receive confirmation here
real shortly.”
“I
just got a text.”
“Wonderful!”
He
chuckled, “You enjoy running that!”
“Oh, I
will!”
I rang off and said, “Babe?”
“Yeah?”
“Make
sure you've got your band and everything
saved.”
“Orchestra.”
“Mine's a
band. I need to make calls also.”
He laughed, “Ok!”
I
dialed Bert, “Hello?”
“Bert!”
“I'm
not supposed to talk to you!”
“Hey, guess what?”
“What?”
“I'm
that fucker's boss now! Rayne and I just bought the
studio!”
“WHAT!”
“Yeah. It's
paid for, but the paperwork gets done tomorrow. I need you guys to
prepare to go to Vegas!”
“HUH?”
“We're
taking up residence at The Bay. We just bought it too!”
“WOW!
Where are you getting the money?”
“With the exception of $300 million, the Bay paid us to buy them. Disney advanced us a billion on our movies, so that will be repaid. After that, I think we'll be back at the studio making movies.”
“Good! You're firing him?”
“Yeah, and I'm firing her!”
“Good! You want everyone there?”
“His
orchestra is going, and I want you going. We're going to have a jet
here to pick you all up Monday. What I'll do is I'll hire a bus and
we'll have everyone park out at the ranch so it's safe and
secure.”
“Rayne's ranch?”
“Yes.
I own half of it. My part can get the cars on it.”
He
laughed, “Ok.”
“It's Exit 30 on the Ronald
Reagan.”
“I'll
let everyone know. We might have to arrange transportation for some
of them, but we'll have that done.”
“No. If they
need transportation, tell those to meet us at the studio. We'll get
them to the airport.”
“Oh ok!”
“That's
the end goal is the airport. That way, you all can get on the new jet
we've got hired to take us everywhere.”
“Wonderful!”
“And
Bert?”
“Yeah?”
“We're
going out on the road with Rayne this upcoming week and weekend so
that we're helping get his contract completed.”
“Ok.”
By then, we got to the car and I plugged my phone in. I dialed the jet. “Hello?”
“On
Monday afternoon, we're going to need that other jet brought to Los
Angeles.”
“Can we make it Camarillo?”
“How far is that out?”
“It's
out 51 miles, but it's only about 20 from both of your houses.”
“Ok.
We'll do that!”
“You get a discount if you're a
citizen of Ventura County.”
“Ok, we are.”
“And,
if you have your own fuel truck, and all that, you can hangar out
there for something real cheap.”
“Really?”
“It's
like $1800 a month. It probably costs that much a day in Vegas.”
“My
God! We'll do it in Camarillo!”
“I can work on
getting all those trucks and support vehicles if you wish?”
“Sure!
We'll talk about it. I want to see what's needed.”
“I
do know we're going to need some racks for the interiors.”
“Ok.
We'll get those.”
“We'll need that fuel truck.”
“How much will we save doing that?”
“It
takes 54,000 (53,995) gallons.”
“Ok.”
“Each
fuel truck will hold 10,000 gallons. When you figure you're buying it
for about $2 less a gallon, you're saving enough in one fueling to
have bought the entire fleet of trucks.”
“Really?”
“You don't need new. There's a lot of newer trucks off lease which will be just as good.”
“Ok.
I appreciate learning all this. WE're about to get into the car to go
there, so we'll be there in 20 minutes.”
“Sure!”
We
got in and I said, “Rayne?”
“Yeah?”
“What did you learn?”
“He
was glad I called. They'd already been told to disband.”
“Did
they make it in ok?”
“Yeah.
Just as soon as they learned that I'd gotten out, they sent a jet up.
Go figure.”
We drove and he smiled at me, “I love
you!”
“I love you too!”
“What's
first?”
“Well,
I need to tell you that aside from this trip, we're going to have to
start going to Camarillo airport.”
“Why?”
“It's
way cheaper to hangar there.”
“We've got the
money.”
“No Babe, it's like $1800 a month to
hangar out there, and $1800 a day to hangar at Las
Vegas.”
“MAN!”
“If we get our
own ground support vehicles, we'll save a lot of money.”
“How
much?”
“He
said that if we get our own vehicles, the savings in one refueling
will be enough that we'll have bought the entire fleet of
vehicles.”
“MAN!”
“It's 54000
gallons to fuel each bird.”
“How far will it fly?”
“About
8000 miles.”
“MAN!”
“Yeah,
that's not real good if you think of it, but it is... I think we were
leasing a Bombardier for $50,000 a month without the cost of fuel or
anything.”
“I don't know what we were paying.”
“I
made it a point of finding out. I knew I was going to have to have
that coming out of my pocket when the contract was over.”
He
smiled, “I'm glad you know!”
“I'll always ask. I might not like what I hear, but I'll ask!” I paused, “Look at it this way. If we take one trip back and forth on the big jet, we need to refuel at least once a week. If we do it once a week, it'll be 2 months before she needs refueled.
We're
going to have to keep things on hand for that big beast. I'm going to
want to have some new tires and a lot of spare things. We can get
those out at the airplane graveyard because they scrap real good
planes.”
“Really?”
“That's
what we're buying Babe!”
He looked shocked, “Really?”
“Our
plane is 6 years old. Go figure why they'd already be scrapping it.
We put brand new engines on, and we got the interiors we wanted this
fast without paying $200 million like a new one of those VIPs would
cost.”
“That's how much this would've cost?”
“Yeah.
A little one like Robert's probably cost $70
million.”
“Damn!”
“Needless to
say, ours will fly just as far as Robert's. Yes, it will use more
fuel, but can he lay down in his? Can he sit comfortably in his? And
can he cook dinner and sit at a dining table? No. We can, and I think
he'll be in love with ours to the point he'll have one!”
He
laughed, “I know I like that interior!”
“Me
too! And I like that 1st
Class interior for
the other one.”
“What's that like?”
“It's that style of seat all the way back. Because you get to lay it back like a recliner, there's only 28 rows, so only 280 passengers instead of the 540 they cram in normally.
What
that does, is it makes everyone happier on long flights. They're
seeing we put out for them whereas others don't.”
“Good!”
“When
you combine all that with us having the ability to carry all their
instruments...”
I paused, “We need to find a flat
trailer and a jeep which will haul all that. We can put that in the
cargo hold and then pull it out and fold up the tops and put all the
instruments in.”
“Are we going to be hauling our
stage gear?”
“That's going over in a different jet... or, I suppose it could go in the cargo hold of ours. We'll still need to truck all of it to the stadiums.”
“We
need to get a tour put together where we make a lot of
money.”
“Wanna do the Hollywood Bowl? I bet we
could put one together real fast. They've got the lighting and
everything we'd need.”
“Ok!”
I dialed
Norm, “Hello?”
“It's me. We're about to the
jet, but I need to see if you'll do me a huge favor.”
“What's
that?”
“Call
and rent the Hollywood Bowl for 8 days.”
“When?”
“Ask
them when they've got it available in the next month for that long.
They'll probably tell you they've got something in there for the
weekends, or weekend nights, but not for that long of a single
stretch.
If they don't, you take it from Sunday night until
whenever, and then, let them have it for that weekend. Then, you load
up the next week. If it's 9 or 10 days, you take
that.”
“Ok.”
“Tickets are a
flat $50. You find out how many it seats and ask them if they do
that. If they do, tell them we're going to insist upon the front row
being charity seating. All the rest pays flat fees and there's no
guarantees.”
“Ok.”
“I'll run
with it because it's July. We should make about $4 million a night,
so that'd be $40 million. Take off half for them handling it and
you'll see that we'll have $20 million.”
He laughed,
“Ok.”
“Do that for there and we'll be there
real soon. I'm going to want us doing it in Miami, and New York, and
Houston, and Seattle, and San Francisco. We might try St. Louis, or
Memphis during the Blues Fest.”
“Can I get you
into someplace real fast for Pridefest?”
“See
if New York has an opening. I know it's going to be a pain in the ass
because we don't know we're going to be there and they don't
either... No, do it in Chicago at that place where the President had
his inaugural.”
“Ok.”
“I don't know about tickets. That's the problem. We can get security ordered overnight, but we can't tickets.”
“I'll
handle it.”
“You do at least one week in each
stop. I'm going to be out doing radio and local television
advertising the hell out of us playing Vegas.”
“Ok.”
“Here's
the deal. I want all that money going into us a stadium. Don't think
I won't pull everything I can to get us a stadium built which we can
have a football team or us 50,000 seats.”
“Ok.”
“You
see if we can find a place to build it.”
“We've
got land across the street.”
“It's going to take a
lot of land.”
“We've got 60 acres.”
“Ok.
That might work if we've got parking up under it... You just make
sure you've got one helluva casino, food mall, and us our
merchandising.”
“Ok.”
“I know
it's going to be about another billion. It won't take long if we do
$20 or $40 million here and there, but it's going to take a while.”
“We'll
work it.”
“I realize we've got our next two
summers scheduled for movies. Hopefully, we'll be able to film during
the day for Disney. If not, I'll have our studio doing our movies.
We're not going to sit idle when we can put a movie or few in the
can.”
He
laughed, “Ok.”
I rang off and Rayne laughed,
“You're talking to him like you would Jeff!”
“You
might've talked to Jeff that way, but I had to do all this myself. I
was told where he wanted me to play and then, I had to fill in. Lord
knows he wasn't helping!”
He looked shocked and I
nodded, “Piss the man off and you get treated like dirt. That
dumb son of a bitch didn't realize that for each date I played
someplace, I sold 4000 albums. That was considered my merchandising,
so I booked the hell out of dates!”
“Really?”
“Believe
me, I played dates no one else would play just because they had a
stadium. What's crazy is I'd fill that stadium because no one else
had played there! When you're looking at college stadiums holding 40
or 60,000 and no one's looking at them, I sure as hell was!”
“MAN!
I wonder what I would've did had I played them!”
“You'd
ran your ass off on a stage is what you would've done! My stage was
160 feet wide and I worked it!”
“DAMN!”
“Bert
counted one night and said I ran a total of six miles during a
concert back and forth. He said that he couldn't imagine how I'd done
it while dancing, singing, and putting on a show, and doing six
costume changes.”
“You went through that many?”
“Here's why... You start off high strung... You've got to look good for all the photographs, because they take a lot of pictures at the front. You want to sing three hits back to back and then get in and get a change.
What I do is I get into something really light weight, but toned down. I do a polo shirt and dockers, but then I go out of that and do some shorts and a nice shirt and then, I get into different shorts and a sleeveless, and then, I get into full tux for slow numbers and then, I get out of that and get into what I wear for the finally which is eight songs back to back where we're dancing and putting on an extravaganza.
When
I go back, we get me changed into tux and tails and then, I don the
top hat and go up top and we do the curtain call which is four songs
and then, I'm done.”
“Man!”
“The
reason I was wearing what I was wearing last night is because they
said that the white tux had the mic pac pocket ripped and the zipper
was bad in the black. I finally said, “Fuck it, get my ass into
something!”, so they got me in those white pants and that white
shirt with a vest. I took the white jacket out on my arm and left
it.”
“Do you do meet & greets?”
“I
do them before the concert. It doesn't make sense, but I'll tell you
why I do it. I'm a hugger and I want to hug people when I'm not all
sweaty. There's nothing in the world which turns me off than to have
someone really sweaty coming out to hug on me and get a
picture.”
“Really?”
“The Rolling Stones did that and it nearly made me gag... You know, I did two songs on their stage with them, don't you?”
“NO!
That'd been so cool!”
“You know, the one who
surprised me the most was Axel Rose.”
“Really?”
“I
thought he'd be a real prick. He was performing over at the Hard Rock
and I went to see him. Then, we went up and partied in his star suite
and he laughed because I wouldn't drink. He didn't, and he really
surprised me at how nice he was.”
“Cool!”
“I've
seen and partied with a lot of them. All throughout, I've not and
believe me, I've had some who really tried to pressure me. Finally, I
said, “No,
it's not my preference. I get my highs out on stage and don't need to
come down because I gave it my all and wore myself out.”
What we've not done is we've not provided drugs. A lot do, but I won't. We provide a bar, but that's catered and they know that I'm to have a closed bottle of Diet Coke and ice... that's it. I know no one's put anything in it when I unseal it and pour it myself.”
“That's
cool.”
“My rider list has grown, so don't think
you're not going to see me requesting a lot of stuff for our dressing
room.”
“Like what?”
“My
makeup gal gets a new makeup kit. They don't like it, but hey... I'm
not using makeup which has been collectively worked for a bunch of
people.”
“Oh, I hadn't thought about that!”
“When
she's putting makeup or lipstick on you, you think about where that
wand has been. If that don't gag you, you've never thought about
it!”
He stared and I smiled a fake smile. He looked
shocked, and I said, “One night, I counted that she'd done the
makeup for all my dancers and then me. I pointed and asked, “I
hope you're not using that on me!” and she said, “Sure,
why not?” and I said, “Eye infection, aids infection, I
don't know who has what! If you're double, trip, quadruple dipping
and it's a collective orgy of infections, and I'm the last, fuck
that!
Needless to say, I had it put on my rider that I get my own makeup and then, the dancers get my old makeup.
What I did after that is I started giving each their own and explained that if they'd have their kit open so she could work from it, they'd not get things from everyone else. Then, I explained I don't use a lot of colors everyone else does, so I'll give them all my stuff I don't use and would ask for new at each stop. They thought that was great, so I did.
What
else I ask for is a new bar of soap and bottle of shampoo and
conditioner at each stop. That way, I know I'm not looking down and
seeing someone's body hair on a bar of soap... And yes, it happened.
And no, I don't know who the fuck it was because it was a
stadium.”
“Ooh!”
“And yeah, it
was cold water which pissed me off and now, is on my rider.”
He
laughed, “Ok!”
“Here's the deal. I'm not
picky about my food. I tell them to get me a Wendy's chicken and a ¾
pounder and if they don't have a Wendy's, to get me a Sweet Onion
Chicken Terriyaki at Subway on Honey Oat with all the veggies on the
side and it triple cooked with shredded cheese on it.”
“That
sounds good!”
“If you don't ask for the veggies on
the side, it's a soggy mess when you get to eat... And yes, you've
got to ask for all the veggies on the side for Wendy's.”
“I
ask for Arby's Roast Beef because they've got baked potatoes.”
“I'll
have to try their baked potatoes. I stopped asking for baked potatoes
from Wendy's because they've gotten really small.”
“I
get a five pack of Arby's Roast beef and cheddar with one each of the
sauces on them.”
“That sounds good, but I couldn't
do that every night.”
He
smiled, “I only go out on the weekends!”
I turned
and stared and he laughed. “It's true!”
I shook my
head, “I worked six nights a week! And look how much I've got
saved and how much you had saved! That's ridiculous!”
He
laughed, “I think you'll find he was stealing your
money.”
“I'm doing a full audit on everything. If
my money wasn't making it in, I want to know where it was going.”
“Who was in charge of getting it to him?”
“I
think Gray was. I'm not sure there.”
“Oh!”
“I
know I have a rider of the entire front row being sick kids, or
people. I make it so that they've got seats for their families and we
give the entire bunch a show with all the merchandise and
everything.”
“That's cool.”
“Other
than that, I make damned sure the floors are swept. I went into one
field house where there was mud everywhere and I don't think that if
it had been swept, it would've been clean. Had it been me, it
would've had a power washer taken to it, but that's one where I asked
for towels and started throwing them on the floor. I figured, 'Damn,
I'm not walking on these in bare feet or socked feet!”, so I
did that. After that, it got put on the rider....and yes, I did send
photos of the condition so that it was noted where a problem or
difficulty had been tolerated... But all in all, we had a good bunch
of gigs.”
“Do you regret coming off the road?”
“Here's
what I regret. I regret that I didn't make it to Europe more. I
should've, but once you leave the states, it's complicated.”
“Did
you do Australia?”
“Oh
yeah! I did that right before we went into the Philippines, then
Japan, Korea, then South Vietnam, Laos, Cambodia, China and Thailand,
and then Singapore and Malaysia, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, India for
eight stops, Russia for three weeks solid... and could've done
another 3 months... and then, Mongolia, and then two weeks of the
stan countries, Iraq, Iran, Turkey, Greece, and on into Europe, then
down into Israel, Egypt, Syria, Lebanon, and then down to South
Africa, over to Brazil, Argentina, Chili, Columbia, Paraguay,and on
up to Mexico City, another round of the states, and then went into
California and finished up at Sacramento last night.”
He
laughed, “MAN!”
“That's in 16 months, so
there'd best be some money in an account for me!”
He laughed, “How many of those did you schedule?”
I stared, “What wasn't in the states, I scheduled. I told Gray and we'd have a scheduling conference, and we'd work a month out.
In all of those, I'd go in and do the press, local television, local radio, and answer the questions over and over and over to the point it was aching my soul that it was so monotonous.
Let
me tell you, those Oscars I was given were a helluva lot easier to
act for than the acting I had to do to try to make it like those
questions were the first time I’ve heard them!”
He
really laughed, “I know!”
“The only person
who caught on that I could've given a shit less was Howard
Stern...And thank God it was at his house instead of on that
show!”
“You went to his house?”
“Yeah, I hung out with a bunch of them! And the night we open in Vegas, we're going to have to have all of them there!”
He
smiled and I held up my phone. All their numbers and information are
in here. That's why I can call press and get them!”
He
smiled, “I'm glad you do! They never scheduled me!”
“I
scheduled myself! Now imagine trying to sound like my own publicist
with this voice!”
He really laughed, “That's hilarious!”
I
smiled, “Let me tell you something, there's only one man whom I
ever thought about being with sexually besides you and that's because
that fucker is just so sexy.”
“Who's that?”
“Mark
Consuelos... Kelly Ripa's husband.”
“Oh man, he's
hot, isn't he!”
“Hon, here's the deal... three
great kids... Kelly there being as sweet as she can be and he walks
in with sleeping pants on and no shirt... I'm sorry, but I went on
point and Kelly laughed her ass off!”
He
really laughed, “What'd she say!”
I asked for iced
pickle juice to disguise my pucker. She really laughed and said,
“Hon, I get that every day. I know what you mean!”.
That's when I told her, “If it gets to be too much of a chore,
I'll cover you!”. Then, she really laughed.
What's great is he's super about it. He and I worked out and he was like, “You know, I could get you laid.” and I was like, “Uh no, just give me some photos of you nude, and I can get that job done!”.”
He
really laughed and said, “I can see you saying that!”
“He
thought it was funny. What's hilarious is he had a bunch of hot
soccer players on their show the day I was there. During commercial,
he was like, “Wanna go out and scrimmage with them?” and
I said, “Dribble on their balls???” and he lost it.”
He really laughed and I said, “Face it, if it wasn't you, it'd be a soccer player from Spain. I think they're all hot!”
He
smiled at me, “At least you tell me things like that!”
“Hey,
it's fucked up funny, but let me tell you something... I've had stars
do duets with me who had the hots for me. I knew it because of the
way they looked at me and I'll tell you that none of them got a
second glance.
What's
different about it is that Gray got told and he had me out of there
as soon as the concert was over... Let me say one other thing... Over
in Japan, there was a guy who was an emcee that was hunching on me
like a terrier in heat. It was hilarious because they did that
countdown and when it went to one, he got shoved off me and landing
on the floor and my cue happened. I worked that stage and the crowd
went nuts. Then, I was supposed to stand there until the segment
ended. I left the stage and they had me out of there and into the
limo in about three winks. That guy's probably thinking all of us are
rude!”
He smiled, “Mine is women who are in the
audience. They throw underwear, keys to their hotel rooms, and
everything!”
I laughed, “We need to have a huge
metal sculpture in the lobby of our stadium. Then, you can say that's
from all the keys which got melted down!”
He laughed,
“That'd be cool!”
“I don't know what you'd
say about lingerie, but you might say that they're stuffed in the
walls of the movie studio where we used it for sound proofing. Then,
you can show a super huge soundstage and have everyone laughing.”
He
laughed, “That'd be good for a gag!”
We got to the
airport and I pointed, “We can park here.”
“They
don't mind?”
“They've
not said a thing about my car being parked here. I park it and leave
it if we're going to do a short two or three day gig. If it's long
term, I take a limo and have them pick me up.”
“We
need to get limos.”
“Ok. I think we need to have a
talk with that pilot and tell him that we're going to be dropped off
here in the morning and picked up at night. He can hangar it out
there, but I'm not wanting to go out there to get a jet.”
“Are
we staying up there?”
“I
thought about it. It's up to you.”
He gave me a look,
“What does that mean?”
“It means I'm so used to being everywhere but home, that it doesn't matter to me! What I'm not comfortable doing is being in that house out there!”
He gave me a look, “Why?”
I
looked away, and said, “Rayne, don't count on me being there.
If it takes a house to live with you, I doubt if I'll ever live with
you there. The happiness for it left when I went through all the
bullshit associated with that whole scene.”
He gave me a
look and I popped the trunk and got my bag and he said, “I
think that's conditional!”
I nodded, “Perhaps if
I'd been good enough to keep there, I'd been good enough to stay
there. Once I wasn't, and once I had to suck hind tit and eat peanut
butter to pay the fuckin' taxes on it, it lost it's luster.
Just
the same, I've got a home where I'm happy. You didn't find yourself
leaving out and had some bitch thought about disrespecting you in it,
she'd been shown the fuckin' door before I did anything else to make
you feel uncomfortable.
Now, if you're upset, so be it. I'm
telling my feelings and I'm laying it out that I'll go there should
there be an occasion to go, but it won't be to live... To me, its the
ranch. To me, it's that...”
I pulled my bag in, and didn't look behind me. Robert asked, “Where's Rayne?”.
“I
guess he's deciding if he's going to be a participant in this
relationship. He apparently didn't think that I'd hold that house
against all the shit which happened over it.”
Rayne
walked in and Robert asked him, “You ok?”
“I guess I HAVE TO BE!”
I
said, “Rayne, you don't have to be a damned thing. If you want
to live in two separate locations, so be it. I'll date and we'll see
if a relationship can be met on common ground. If not, I'll date
other people, and we'll do a show together.”
He stared
and I smiled, “Oscar is named an award for those who use it and
don't get used. If you look at it as it meaning ONLY SUCK COCKS AND
RUN, you don't get fucked. If you choose to get fucked, make sure
it's on your terms.”
“Maybe I won't get
fucked.”
I shrugged, “I'm going to the plane. You
decide. If I have to beg, borrow, or get a loan for the other part,
I'll do so.
When I do, you have a great life... Don't sing about being heartbroken because I'll tell you that when you want to say I'm conditional again, it's a condition of you having a broken jaw afterward.
I'm
firing that bitch first thing after Jeff's fired. Think not, watch
me. Think so, you stay out of Monte Vison and keep company with
her...”
I turned and went to the jet, climbed up the
stairs, and went back to the bedroom. My bag got stowed and then, I
went out and met the Captain.
He said, “I'll get us off the ground and then, we'll discuss everything.”
I nodded, “Sure. Give it a few minutes and see if everyone else is coming. If not, so be it. I'll need to be on the phone because I'm going to have to make some calls and get some investment money damned quick.”
“Ok.”
“If
he shows, we can talk. It means I'm not having to put up with
bullshit of a partner walking.”
He looked surprised and Robert came on followed by Rayne. Both walked by with their eyes blazing. Robert pointed and said, “You sit down and you look at this file I've got on everything he went through! If you went through half the shit he's gone through, you'd be crawling on the ground right now! Instead, he's pulled himself across the finish line by his OWN bootstraps and showed more gumption than I gave him credit.
Old tymers in this business knew what he's gone through and all applaud him because they say he's got what it took for them when they lost support from a studio. All of them say today's stars have no idea because they had to paste on a smile and go before the crowds and the cameras and show not a thing was wrong when it was!
Words like hutzpah, gumption, and guts are what it took. It's taken him to have all that and a backbone made of steel because that's how many times I've caught that motherfucker stabbing him in it!
Did it phase him? NO! Why? Because he counted on me and I covered his back while he picked up the pieces and made a living.
YOU think about where you'd be if you were told that contractually, you weren't owed a fuckin' thing. Think about that because you'd been curled up into a little ball whereas he made a call to me and asked, “Aren't I able to get whatever I want free for the four years?”, and I said, “Yeah.”, so he put together a tour and made them man it! Now I'm hearing they've charged it to him, so we'll see who gets paid what when you two sign!
If that doesn't piss you off, maybe you had it too easy. One of you got treated like the golden boy while one of you got treated as the bastard because he dared call the man's mistress a bitch!”
Rayne looked at Robert and Robert pointed, “Look at the fuckin' pictures and proof! I put detectives on that because the cocksucker tried billing him for the hotel room one of the nights he was in New Jersey trapped in a snow storm?
Did he fuckin' let a snow out let him stop? No. He walked to a television station, did press, and told everyone he'd be back as soon as his schedule allowed... Do you know what Jeff said about that??? He told the promoter he was fucked... that the contract said rain or shine, and snow certainly was implied!”
I said, “Rayne, like it or not, I'm not going to have you look at a thing. Either you're happy and we're together, or we're not.
Let me know and I'll work the phones. While you were kept with blinders on, I was out there shaking hands with enough people I think I can make three phone calls and get backed for a billion.
Face it, one of us worked it and knew when the contract was over, that he had to work it again. You see the Disney contract was negotiated. You see the Bay contract was negotiated. And you see the Columbia contract was negotiated... ALL with me doing that negotiation and all of that with me calling up favors.
I think he thought he had one of us in the bag to renew. I think you told him to get fucked on your terms. As to why? That's your reason.
I know Robert's made it so that Jeff wasn't going to get one over on me... After all, I was told from the day after I left out there that I wasn't getting bought another house. When I told him to get that one out of my name, he said, “You figure out how you'll do it! It's not sold for 7 fuckin' years it's been up for sale, so you'll suffer another 70 because no one will buy it!”
HE
gave me a look, “Pay taxes that I paid and buy me out if it's a
problem for you! Do that while trying to pick up and recover that
your belongings all went to a storage shed out there and that I've
got to ask you for everything back, and you now see that wasn't going
to happen.”
The Captain said, “Please be seated,
and fasten in.”
I sat down and Robert did also. I said, “As soon as we're to cruising range, I've got to make calls to get covered for the money I've committed myself. I'm not going to beg anyone to be a partner in this life...”
Rayne gave me a look, “Do I get any say-so in this relationship?”
“Yeah.
Don't ask me to live there and we'll be fine! If you start off
expecting that I'll jump through that hoop, you'll find yourself
alone!”
I turned, “Rayne, I'll act across from
you, and I'll sing across from you and make the world think we're
massively in love. The second you buy into that, don't. It's nothing
but an illusion.
IF you want to be in a relationship, you'd best know that I'm me and I'm a willing partner in it. That doesn't mean I'll tote the line if you yank it, it means I'll pull beside you.
The second I find myself pulling it alone, I'm going to look over and tell you to man up and get to tugging. If you tell me to get fucked, I'll drop the fuckin' thing and will go get my own rope! Lord knows I had to go fetch everything to make the one I've been pulling, make it, and do it to my own liking.
Now, do I relish firing the bastard? Oh yeah. Do you get an opportunity to keep him? Fuck no. If there's any doubt in that, I'll get my own financing and I'll buy the fuckin thing alone. Deny me that and I'll see if there's a parachute in here for you.”
He
gave me a look and I pulled my phone and looked for a signal. He
said, “Ok, I don't like it that you won't, but hey, we didn't
live there before.”
“We would've. The feeling
became no good when I walked out that door by myself. And yes, it was
by myself. And yes, I had no studio support except for what they
wanted.”
Robert said, “I'm getting you the profits
from that film.”
“No. Call an audit. I know what
he had and I know what I had in savings. I'm not talking bad about
Rayne, but he worked weekends and I worked 24/7 and he's got just a
little less than me.
If
I paid for that fuckin' world tour, I want all the moneys. Get that
for me or find out where it went. Perhaps if everyone gets shown the
books, they'll understand that I'll gladly do it in the future.”
He
nodded, “Let me get a firm on that.”
Rayne asked,
“Who has those? They're not on the master server.”
I
shrugged, “Who knows? I bet when we find it, we're going to see
some shady things have been done with the money.”
He
nodded, “You know, my manager told me once that he swore that I
had bought that limo and that the driver was contracted. Then they
take it???”
I nodded, “I was told mine was also.
That was at the beginning. Ask me if I got it for the first two
years, and Robert will tell you that it had to be won through legal
intimidation.”
Robert said, “It's sad to say, but
we're going to have to look and see if a lot of their stars were told
the same thing. If they were, you might be held liable.”
I
nodded, “All that matters to me now is that I get a limo which
is a Rolls Royce. Get him one too, and we'll have those.”
Rayne
gave me a look and I shrugged, “Hey, I'm not meaning to piss
you off! Like it or not, you might be going to a different studio or
a different location than me!
Now,
if you want to go to my house and it be considered ours, we can get a
helicopter... After all, you see I already knew that chopper wasn't
mine!”
He shook his head, and looked at me, “I'm
sorry. It's not that I'm upset with you. It's the whole situation.
I
know that when we discussed everything and talked about what it would
be like when we became famous, none of this stuff was in those talks.
Now, we're looking at it and I'm not happy with how we were
treated.”
I gave a nod, “Had we been his golden boys
together, I'd probably be in the dark as much as you. Unfortunately,
or fortunately, I got the shaft and had to make fruit juice out of
all the things I got.”
He smiled, “It's lemon ade
out of the lemons!”
I smiled a fake smiled, “For
you, the fruit would've been ripe and perfect. For me, it was the
pits of the cherries, and every over ripe, rejected fruit he could've
gotten for a few cents! Lord knows he wasn't going to pay good money
for what I got!”
He
laughed, “I didn't see me as the golden boy!”
I
nodded and Robert said, “I wonder why you got so much? The only
reason I can think is his mistress was working for you and he knew I
knew what she was.”
Rayne asked, “How'd he know?”
Robert said, “I let him know! I told him, “Listen, like it or not, if he'd never called your mistress a bitch, he'd had what you'd promised!”. He yelled, “WHAT! How dare you! Who the fuck are you talking about?”. That's when I said, “IF Erica isn't your mistress, you need to stop fuckin' her! If you don't think I've got those photos, the receipts you attempted to charge my client, the motel rooms, the intimate dinners, and all the photos of you making out in public, you don't know how far I'll go to get the goods on you!”.
He wanted to attempt to say that was stalking, and I said, “Ok, we'll see when you file the lawsuit. Until then, I'll save everything and will smile when you wonder who is that person doing the investigative work for me.”. What's hilarious is he's accosted one of my investigators twice and it's been written up in the gossip rags both times. And yes, I've sued him because of it.”
I nodded, “As soon as I say he's fired, go to the press with all that. Lord knows I'll be heading to her office to fire her right after him!”
Rayne didn't look happy. I shrugged, “You have your opinions, I have mine. Deny me my retribution, and I'll...”
I
got up and snatched my phone. Rayne yelled, “HEY! I didn't say
a thing!”
I charged back, “No you didn't! You
didn't say one fuckin thing that night, and you've not upheld me
once!
I told you the second I see myself holding the rope and you not towing the line, Buddy, I'd make it so that I grabbed my own and went with it! Drop that line, and I'll make it the worst headache ever!
Think I won't sell out on you? You don't know how the fuck I am! I ought to mortgage the other half of that house, but it's supposed to be an investment... All I see is it's been a fuckin' from day one!
Us
getting into this, it's dragging a lot of bad baggage in. I'm stuck
wondering when you're going to be there for me and I'm stuck figuring
out that I don't think it's ever going to happen! Yes, you've got
your opinions, but actions are what I want!”
“She
worked hard for me!”
I rolled my eyes, and turned to
Robert, “What do you advise?”
Robert shrugged, “There are three ways to handle it... Buy and get along, buy and don't get along, buy and go your own ways... He gets to keep her, and you don't.
I'll tell you now that you're sure as hell not getting along! So you've got a fourth option and that's not to invest in anything at all!”
I gave a nod, “OR, he buys it and finds that financing. OR, I buy it and get the financing. OR, I buy it and he buys his own where he gets them and I get people who will work for me instead of the way it's been.”
I turned, “You might not like it, but I'm going to say some hurtful shit right now. For the last four years, I've learned I could make it without you. I could make it on my own. I could do it and do so not trusting a person whom I worked with.
Did I jump on the shit of the person who hadn't repaired the torn mic pack pocket? No! Did I jump them when the zipper wasn't working? No. Why? Because I thought, “Bastard, you're unemployed without me firing you. Had I had to work with you another day, you'd be so fuckin' far into the history books with me, you'd never gotten to touch another article of apparel from a major designer!”
But
hey, that's how I've had to work. You’ve had it different. I'm
holding you having it sunny and a field of flowers whereas I got the
nighttime and thorns...”
He gave me a look, “And
who brought that upon himself?”
I slapped. That slap came from the depths of my bowels... He grabbed his face and came at me swinging. I fought and when I had him beaten and taken to the floor, I looked down at him and said, “I didn't bring your brother to my house to rape me... Bring it upon myself??? Who the fuck do you think you're talking to!!! Someone who wasn't there??? Someone who doesn't know that you sat there and watched???
Twice he put that fuckin' pistol down. Did you grab him then??? NO!
When I tell that story you bastard, you don't know the word ruined! Get me charges for this! I'll bail out and I'll have the financing. Will you?
Like it or not, we've got our own stories of what happened. A bitch wanted to come between and you let her... Don't fuckin' blame me... YOU should've have stood behind me.
Now, ask if I'll state that you brought this to yourself, and I'll say that before I let everyone in this world know that I finally snapped.
You've been spineless and a drag on me since the day I asked you to move in. I kept thinking you'd buck up, but no! Who the fuck got you the job? Who the fuck...”
He
climbed up, “I'm done! I want out!”
I nodded, “I'm
done too. Don't think you'll go anywhere without them knowing. I've
yet to give my side of the story, but I will.”
I took a
deep breath, and pointed, “When we get there, you make your
best shot. Get me arrested and I'll smile gladly and tell the world
exactly why it happened! And then, I'm going to smile and tell the
world that I'm going to plead guilty, but it's been a long time
coming.”
I turned to Robert, “Call Carl Icahn.
Tell him I need a billion dollars and I would like to have it as soon
as possible. Tell him what's happening and that there will be a
payback within a year.”
“Ok.”
“I've
got five albums to release. I won't be staying in Vegas tonight
because I've got to have my ass in a recording studio.
Once again, I get to see to it that there's no joy in obtaining something... Only this time, I'm not stuck paying the bills while he gets treated like he's someone!”
Robert
nodded, “The second he files charges, I'm going for my own
smear.” He looked at Rayne and said, “Five minutes before
your brother was there, who did you speak with on the phone?”
Rayne
gave him a look and Robert nodded, “Don't think I won't go
there to imply that you were involved? He's got proof, do
you?”
Robert nodded again, “Rayne, you think on that,
it's accessory of everything he did when he got to that house... That
accessory to commit murder on that police officer will have you
locked away for the rest of your life... Think about it. You want
out???”
I
said, “Robert, don't!”
He looked at me and I said,
“I'm not going to do it that way, and I don't want you to
either. Like it or not, unless you've got what was talked about in
that conversation, it could be anything.
Did
he hide anything about his brother to me? No. I didn't hide a thing
about my family either.
He and I knew about each other's family
going into it. His people white washed the hell out of his past, but
hey... I'm sure there's been enough information shared that any lies
which were told were put to rights by people we knew.
What
gets me is no one gave a fuck enough to offer him a way out. I did. I
loved him and I let that be known.”
I sighed, “It's a
shame, but he holds my heart. I know it and I know that I've been
trying to get over everything enough to get on with life. And yet,
the second I knew I was officially out of Monte Vison, I called
him... Old habits die hard. I reached out and wanted him.”
Rayne
said, “It's true that I spoke with Layne. He called and said,
“I just got paid to go fuck up your ex... What'cha gonna do
about it!”, and I commenced to telling him to leave you alone!
I didn't stop until I heard the car door slam and knew he was there
and hadn't been hearing a thing I'd said.
Did I want him dead? Yeah. It's been that way all of our lives!”
He looked away, “Mo, I'll do what you want. I want you. I've always wanted you. Being famous didn't matter, I didn't think it would happen, but it did and then, I lost you.
Right after you left, I went up and locked myself into my room and kept trying to call you. You didn't answer. When I did come out, Jeff laid down the law and told me how it was going to be for the next four years and I knew right then and there, I had to do what I needed to do because I had no other choices.
When he came to the hotel, I'd already finished performing. He wanted the threaten, and I said, “Talk to Mo. I'm done as soon as I can. Threaten me again with being broke and I'll sue the hell out of you!”
Even
then, I figured I'd go home to the ranch and I'd live by myself and
would hope you'd come.”
He gave me a look, “Mo,
that house is the only thing I've really owned. They can't take it
and...” He sighed, “I know it's too big, but it makes
money. I can live there and live off it for the rest of my life if
I'm broke.”
He looked away, “It's not how I wanted it to be... Nothing was how I wanted it to be... I didn't think when we were talking that it'd be you over here and me over there. I thought that it would be us singing together and us being in love... And that some day you'd forgive me.”
His face scrunched up and he started crying, “I'm not like you. I get scared. You've always fought for us, and I don't know how!”
I
took a look at Robert, “Keep it as it was planned. I'm giving
him 100% me. He's going to give me 100% him.”
Rayne
launched himself at me and kissed me.
Robert
said, “Uh, guys????”
I looked up and there stood
the Captain. I smiled, “I'll be with you in a minute!”
The
Captain laughed, “No you won't! The second you try kissing me,
I'll spank your ass!”
All
of us laughed and I stood up and motioned with my head, “Ray',
we need to talk with him.”
We went over and I said,
“Listen, I don't mind you hangaring the plane at Camarillo. In
regards to us, you're going to need to pick us up in Las Vegas at
about 6am every morning to make sure we get to Los Angeles.
There
might be days we have heavy makeup, so we need to get there earlier.
I won't contract for earlier than 5am, and they know that.
The
rules are this... We get picked up at about 6pm in Los Angeles. If we
have heavy traffic or delays, you should know that by 4pm. I've been
called before, so I know they know.
When
we get taken there, you're done... Fly to Camarillo, and have the
rest of the night off. On Friday night, you'll be off because we
don't shoot on Saturdays or Sundays.”
He nodded,
“Ok.”
“During the summers, it's different.
We don't work Vegas, so we will be on the set and shooting movies. On
Friday night, we'll be flying to perform concerts, so you'll have a
schedule. If we can't get there fast, I promise you that we'll do two
shows on Saturday and probably two on Sunday to make up for it. Then,
we'll have to be flown back to the set to be there in time for us to
shoot.
What I'll tell you now is this, absolutely no drugs approved. No liquor on board either. If someone complains, let me know. It'll be the last time they receive our hospitality onboard this and in our home. If you find drugs, or proof there was something shot up or smoked, let me know... I'll tell you now there won't be so many people onboard that we won't know who it was and get them away from us.
Until hell freezes over, I speak for us. If he can't, I sure as hell will. If they want to deal with me on a pissed off level, they'll receive that hell.
We will have limos waiting for us at the airport. He's got to go his direction and I've got to go mine unless otherwise noted in our schedule.
HE'll
have guards. I'll have guards too because we're supposedly worth
something like $13 or $14 billion dollars.”
Rayne looked
surprised at me, and I shrugged, “I don't think that, but
hey!”
He smiled real big, “That's cool!”
Robert
said, “Kids!”
I smiled, 'Yeah?”
He shook his head, “You two are clearly in love. Leave all the negative stuff behind!”
I nodded, “We've got to deal with some because I won't bend on them being fired. If they're good, they'll be hired elsewhere. If they're not, they won't. All I know is I want a complete audit and want to know where the money went.”
He
nodded, “I'll have that done.”
I nodded, “And
Robert, get their legal team fired. I want someone you know and trust
in there. Lord knows we got broadsided by that contract.”
He
nodded, “I hate the way that was done, but it was
legal.”
Rayne nodded, “I hate how it was done
also...” He gave Robert a look, “I want everyone from
Monte Vison out of my house.”
I gave him a look and he
said, “It's like they were there to babysit me.”
I
asked, “Do you still have the same ranch manager?”
“Yes.”
“Call
him or her, and have him do it. You tell him there's no contract
signed with you which gives them right to be there, and you want them
removed. If it takes the Sheriff to get it done, I want a list of the
people who are there, and they'll be fired.”
Robert
said, “Wait until tomorrow. He motioned to the Captain, “He
needs business tended. Tend to business he needs done.”
I
looked over, “First of all, what's your name?”
He
smiled, “Call me Bronc. It's the name I earned in Vietnam.”
I
nodded, “Ok. I'll respect that.”
He said, “My
partner in life is my co-pilot. His name is Fung.”
I
smiled, “Ok, I thought you were straight!”
“I'm
straight unless his name is Fung. Then, I'm in love and won't be
swayed.”
I nodded, “Ok.”
“And
yes, he's from Vietnam, and yes, he and I were supposed to hate each
other. We knew love when we saw it, and it was the hardest thing in
my life... I knew that at any second he could be killed, and that I
could be arrested. It mattered, but it didn't.
When Saigon fell, I got shot saving him. I got on the chopper and nearly bled out getting to Hawaii. There, I got treated, and he was supposedly my housekeeper and would've been killed if it had been learned that he was working for me.
We
got everything cleared, and we began working... him in a kitchen, and
me for an airline. As a hobby, I trained him to fly and we got him
his license.”
He gave me a look, “He's qualified.”
I
nodded, “I didn't doubt it.”
He nodded, “We'll
work for you as long as we're able to fly together.” He
motioned with his head, “Steve is your flight attendant. His
partner is your pilot for the other jet. The two who are the flight
attendant and co-pilot on the other jet are lovers also.”
“Did
they ask for gays?”
He sort've leered, “Didn't you?”
“No.
It doesn't bug me, and I'm not saying it's required, I'm
wondering.”
He nodded, “They'll stay loyal. I've
worked for celebrities before. They never went anywhere with their
careers.” He held up a finger, “One went into a bottle
and one overdosed in France. Once overdosed in San Francisco and it
was said he died of a heart attack.
I'm
glad you don't want drugs onboard. It tells me you've got your head
screwed on right.”
I motioned to him, “I've got to
face him and don't know how I could handle it if I disappointed him
by becoming a junky.”
Rayne said, “His parents are
both alcoholics. They've been that way for as long as I've known him,
and they won't change.”
Robert said, “They won't
change. A man whom his Dad works with knows he's a drunk and covers
for him so that he stays employed. If truth ever became exposed, it'd
look bad on Mo, but it'd be because his Dad had an accident and
killed someone.
His
Mom...” He rolled his eyes, “His Mom...” He gave a
look, “How can I say it??? She's about as bad a person can
get.”
I said, “Bar whore. Let's just stop dancing
around the issue.”
Rayne giggled, “At least you
say it!”
I shook my head, “Rayne, let me tell this
short story. Then, you'll understand how it was...
I
went home and couldn't make it from the car to the house before
several people wanted autographs. I did that and went up to the door
and Mom answered it... Dad hadn't gotten home yet.”
I looked
up, “You have to remember that the last time she saw me was
when I was 15. I guess I'd changed enough that she thought I was a
door to door salesman.
To
say it was uncomfortable when I showed up, is an understatement. She
let me in and motioned me to the sofa and asked, “What can I
get you to drink?”, and I said, “Diet Coke.”, and
then and there, she came onto me!”
Rayne looked shocked,
“WHAT!”
I closed my eyes, “She said, Aren't
you sure you don't want something else?” and put her hand down
in her pants and licked her finger with the other.
I'll tell you I damned near puked, and said, “Mom, it's me!”, and she looked shocked and said, “Well, you grew up into a hot guy!” and I said, “Thanks to the genes you gave me, but keep 'em on!”
Everyone laughed and I shook my head, “Talk about nuts! That was just insane! She actually thought I was a door to door salesman and she was going to get something!”
Rayne
really laughed, “That's hilarious!”
I shook my
head, “Dad got home and he recognized me and got really
sarcastic. Then, he wanted to know what I wanted and if I was broke.
He had no fuckin' clue about anything in regards to us being famous.
Well, I finally said, “I wanted to come because I want to buy you guys a house. I know you're still renting and I want you two to have something nice.”.
Well, it was one of those things that I was sorry I'd shown up because she wanted it and I was thinking, “Yeah, and behind gates in a gated community you sure as hell won't get a salesman!”.”
Rayne really laughed, “I told you she was a horny woman!”
I nodded, “Yeah, but I never thought she'd forget me!”
He
hugged me, “I didn't!”
I smiled, “And I
didn't you!”
Robert giggled, “Hey!”
I smiled, “Ok, we'll behave!”
He laughed, and motioned with his head. I said, “Yeah Bronc!”
He
smiled, and said, “We need to discuss what you need for a
flight crew at Camarillo and Las Vegas.”
I nodded,
“Let's have you get a list together. If you can find things
real cheap, let's get them. Don't get them so cheap you're running
junk, but get them cheap enough that if you need, we can get a new
truck under them or whatever.”
I held up a finger, “I'm
not going to require much stuff that's fancy. I can walk down the
stairs, and all that, but I might ask you to look and see if there's
a way to get someone in a wheelchair onboard.”
He looked
like he was thinking. “I saw it done once where they did it
with the food cart truck. I'll check on it.”
I nodded,
“My main goal is that we find a way to have a trailer and a
truck down below. If it has to be a Jeep with fold down top and
glass, that's fine, but I want us able to tow our orchestra's
equipment to the venue.”
He nodded, “I'm going to
ask that you consider that everything we buy, we get with an enclosed
cab. It's noisy and any chance of having it enclosed so they can be
heard will be greatly beneficial.”
I nodded, “Ok.
Get what YOU want. I'm going to ask that we have what we need on
hand. You get spare engines, tires, and whatever else you think.”
He
nodded, “Ok. We're going to need a ground crew of four people
on each end. They'll run about $400 grand a year.”
I
nodded, “Ok. We'll get them and you guys up under one of our
corporations so you're covered by our insurance and everything
else.”
He said, “We have all that covered. All you
have to do is pay us and the ground crew. They aren't up under us, so
they'll have to be on a different corporation.”
I
nodded, “Ok.”
He motioned, “You're going to
be tempted to buy a jet for hauling everything over. I know you want
to pull it out on trailers, but I can arrange for trucking companies
to be there and to have everything loaded.
You've
got two freighters which are the largest in the world. Remember each
one takes $100,000 each round trip, but we can haul two semi full of
items at a time.”
I nodded, “Ok, that's a good
thought. It'll help us.”
He smiled, “It's
interesting because you two are a couple of our favorite singers.
Each has your own style and both have taken the world by storm.”
I
nodded, “Thanks!”
He chuckled, and Rayne said,
“We're going to be going back into the studio real soon. He's
got us some great music to sing, so it'll be great.”
I
nodded, “When we perform at the Hollywood Bowl, we'll get all
of you guys some real nice seats and comp the hell out of you.”
He
asked, “Are you two going to sing together?”
I nodded, “We've got a duet album I have written and composed. He'll be singing on it with me as soon as we learn it and can get into the studio.”
Rayne said, “It's real pretty.”
The chime sounded and he said, “Fasten in, we're within 5 minutes of arriving.”
I
grabbed my seat belt and Robert said, “I'll get your
corporation and all your licensing for that company.”
I
nodded, “Thanks.”
He
smiled, “No problem!”
My phone rang. I looked and
smiled, “It's Jeff!”
I answered, “Well
hello! You're on speakerphone!”
“Is he with you?”
“Yes...” I said it like, “Cool that tone!”, “Robert is with us too. We're about to land in Las Vegas.”
“You
tell him that until his contract is finished, he's responsible for
fulfilling it!”
I said, “He will. I'll be
performing with him.”
“Oh no you won't!”
I
said in a placating tone, “Jeff, perhaps you might want to
check with Mort about who is wanted in a meeting with you in the
morning. I've filed lawsuits against every news agency which reported
what you said. I also was ready to sue Monte Vison, but it's no
longer necessary.”
Robert said, “Are you at the
office Jeff?”
“No!
I'm out at the ranch. They need to know who can take it if there's a
breach of contract!”
Robert said, “Jeff, on behalf
of these two, I'll tell you that threat isn't able to be carried
through. You MIGHT think you can blackmail, coerce, or do whatever,
but I'll let you know now that on behalf of the new owners, you're to
stand down, take everything back to your office and be in the office
first thing in the morning.
That means that if you choose to go through with any further smear campaigns, you need to understand that Mort isn't in the ownership any longer and I'm representing the new owners. Do anything until that meeting, and I'll personally hold you liable.
While
you await that meeting, I'd be asking myself if there's anything
which you could say to save your job! If that sounded like I went
formal, you need to understand the new owners are VERY aware of what
you pulled and aren't liking it one bit.”
“Well, I
don't think you have that authority!”
I said, “In
your official capacity, please notify Erica she'll be needed at that
meeting also.”
He gave a laugh, “I KNOW you don't
have any authority!”
I gave a chuckle, “Take a
look at what time it is... I am! Then, you look at what the date
is...because I see there are 13 days and 13 hours remaining in my
contract... Those are some mighty unlucky numbers.”
“For
you!”
I said, “Jeff, you KNOW I don't play into
your game! Be at the office tomorrow morning! I'll be there!”
He was quiet and I said, “Yeah,the new ownership want to see me there. I wonder if I have anything damaging to report? And I wonder if Robert has anything damaging to report?
It might be noted that I've got the new owner aware that I've got three albums I've been sitting on as well as a duet, and an album for Rayne. He's wanting us in the studio mighty quick!”
He
got quiet and I said, “Robert's going in as head of legal,
don't think you can get anything done until Monday. By then, they'll
be replaced.”
He laughed, “Like YOU have some
authority!”
I
chuckled, “Uh Jeff, newsflash, Rayne and I bought the
motherfucker! You're fired, get to the office, and stand down. When
you speak with Erica, tell her the same. I'll be there as will
Mort... and if you don't think that man doesn't want a piece of your
hide for how cheap we got it, you've never begun to know how
irresponsible you've been on behalf of the corporation!
And yes,
if I sound formal, please understand that I'll be filing a complaint
with the SEC so that it's not going to be possible for you to be head
of a major corporation in this country again.
So please leave
that property. Rayne's already notified the ranch manager to get
everyone removed, and whoever doesn't get will be arrested and will
be fired by me personally.”
He sputtered and I chuckled, “There's an old saying in business... Be careful whose ass you kick because they might be kicking yours in the future. They'll remember and when they do it, they'll wear pointed toes.”
Robert said, “You've been told the truth by an officer of the corporation. He was wanting to fire you in person, but I guess this is good enough. It's on everyone's voice recordings.”
Jeff
blurted out, “Where did YOU get any money!”
I
said, “Well, Disney gave us...”
Robert
interrupted, “That's none of your business. He doesn't owe you,
Mort, or anyone else any explanations. What is needed is an
explanation to the new owners as to exactly why you need a job with
them when you've been demonstrating you've NOT wanted the one you
have for four years!”
Rayne said, “Had we known it
was this easy to go around you and buy the company, we'd done it a
long time ago.”
I said, “Now, if you're finished,
please do as you've been instructed. I'd hate to have to have you
arrested! Lord knows how I could tell the press all about it!”
Robert
said, “I'll get on having a press conference. That way, those
who went for the smear campaign will realize he did so as a last act
of defiance as a corporate officer. That ought to seal his fate with
any and all who thought they'd hire him.”
Jeff said,
“Listen here!”
Rayne said, “Jeff, if you're
not moving off my property after being told to do so, I'd suggest you
to get! I'm about to call the Sheriff's Department and let them know
you've been told specifically to get off that property!”
Robert
said, “Let me make a few calls. I'll have a security firm there
to bounce people bodily!”
I said, “Get on that! If the Sheriff's Department are lied to, they might not do anything!”
Robert nodded and Rayne said, “I'm making that call. They need to look on the county records and see who exactly are the owners before they take someone's word!”
I said, “Get on it!” I took a breath, “Jeff, I'm about to make the call to get more people in to have locks changed and have Robert to get a court order to seal your house.
Now,
all of us are making calls. I've got the voice recording which IS
admissible in court as this was your last corporate meeting.”
I
rang off and asked, “What's needed there?”.
Robert
said, “I wish you'd waited for me to get the accounting
books.”
“I'll call Mort. As an officer in that
company, he can get them from that company.”
I dialed
and Mort answered, “Hello!”
“It's me. I need
you to do me a favor.”
“What's that?”
“We need you to contact the company who does the books and get them to our auditor. Then, we need to make a call and get security alerted that no one's to be allowed into the building until that meeting tomorrow.
Jeff
called and he's already been notified that we've bought it and he and
Erica are fired. He's went on to state some things which has Rayne on
the phone with Ventura County Sheriff's Department and Robert on the
phone with about every lettered agency in the government starting
with the SEC!”
“Oh!”
“I'm
calling you, so you know we've got three people here who are pissed
at the man for what was said.” I paused, “On other
points, we're going to have the press there. They'll be made aware,
and they'll also be told that what he's done is a last act of
defiance as a corporate executive who was aware his job was on the
chopping block.
Is
it spin? Yes. Is the timeline a little messed up? Yes. But is it
truthful? Yeah, so the only thing not truthful was his smear
campaign.”
He chuckled, “What else are you needing
done?”
“I'd
like to ask that the locks be changed to that corporate office tower.
If security doesn't do their job because he lies to them, we'll be a
step ahead and will have...”
He interrupted me, “I'll
go down there and I'll have federal marshals with me. That way,
anything he attempts to do will be seen as an act of terrorism.
He's
already facing a bevy of federal charges for the lies he told...I've
seen to that!”
“Thanks.”
“Son,
the more I hear about you, the more I like. You do things the old
fashioned way and a lot of old Hollywood has taken notice of you. The
more I speak about you, the more people want to come up and tell me
stories about how you do things which respect a lot of people.”
“I
imagine I do, but I'm not sure what you're referring, so I'll
agree.”
He laughed, “The Motion Picture Home... Do
I need to say more?”
“Ok,
I need to say something in regards to that...”
He
laughed, “I already know it was to be kept quiet!”
“It started because I had a role. The actor who made the role famous lives there, so I went.
Well, first of all, I wasn't aware it existed until I went. Then, I went and it surprised me that no one wants to support it. Then, I decided to perform a little and found everyone enjoyed it. After that, I decided that if people wouldn't support it, I'd donate some money from my own pocket to support it. When I heard how much was needed, I decided to donate a percentage of some concerts to it.
Well,
that took me getting around Jeff. As you know, if it's not going into
his pocket, it pisses him off. Needless to say, it got done, but you
know it was a hassle.”
He chuckled, “It's enough
to bring tears to this old man's eyes.”
“I'm
glad you approve, but it makes me feel uneasy talking about the
things I donate money philanthropically.”
“That's
alright. I understand, but I'm glad to know there's another side to
you which cares and gives back.”
“It's a soft spot
in my heart. I wish we had more space for everyone. It's certainly
needed.”
He
said, “Let me ring off here. I need to make some
calls!”
“Sure! It's been good talking with you.”
I rang off and Rayne gave me a look. I said, “The Blue hair mafia... He got to talking with them and they gave all sorts of details about me. Now he knows a soft spot in my heart and is happy it's there.”
“What's that?”
“MPTF.”
“Huh?”
“Motion
Picture Television Fund. It's the retirement home for people who need
it in show business.”
“Really? There's one?”
“Woodland
Hills. It's real nice and you'll see it... Well, you'll be asked to
donate money from your income to it like I do.”
“How
much?”
“What they used to levy everyone's paycheck years ago... ½ of 1%.”
“That's
not bad.”
“Years ago, if you made more than $200 a
week...which was a lot of money then... there was no choice in the
matter, you were going to donate. Then, they made it an elective, but
if you didn't donate, you couldn't get in.
People didn't, and low and behold, when they were broke, they wanted in! The doors remained shut, and that's how it was.
At
some point, the fund was nearly broke. Them operating a hospital
which was charity based had them broke... To give you some idea, they
once had more money in their fund than almost any other retirement
fund in the country. Then, the hospital sucked it dry.”
He
looked surprised and I nodded, “It nearly shut the home.
Fortunately, Jeffrey Katzenburg got involved and asked for money from
Hollywood's elite. They upped some bucks and that went into the fund
which vowed they'd never let it go dry again.
I learned about it when I had to go speak with a guy about a role. He'd made it famous back in the 50's, so I wanted to speak with him about the role.
Little
did I know, he was destitute financially. You'd've thought that with
the role, he'd had it made. He didn't because there aren't many
royalties coming in and like it or not, what used to be a good income
financially can't even buy groceries for one week now.”
He
looked surprised and I nodded, “I went and one thing led to
another and I got to playing the piano... Show tunes... They formed
and started singing and somewhere in there, one of my idols walked up
and I realized that SHE was a resident and was destitute financially
too.”
“Who?”
I
promised not to say, and she's dead now, but you'd know her
instantly.” I messed up my hair and threw my mouth open. He
stopped and stared in shock, “OH MY GOD! I remember when she
died!”
I looked away and said, “Rayne, the woman
HAD some children, but none came around EVER! It pisses me off
because that woman MADE some money!” (Phyllis Diller)
“Yeah!
I'm trying to figure out how she went broke!”
I sighed,
“Ask the son who conned her out of most of her money.”
He
looked shocked again and I nodded, “That fucker wouldn't even
go to her funeral! I paid for that!”
He batted his eyes,
“Oh man!”
“That's between us and
Robert.”
Robert asked, “What?”
“The
MPTF.”
“OH!”
I smiled, “Robert's
one who got talked into donating by me also!”
Robert
smiled real big, “I donate time and cancel everything when I go
there. I know I won't make it in because it's so fulfilling.”
I
nodded, “Rayne, it's sad, but you're going to go and you're
going to recognize someone. Then, you'll begin a friendship and
you'll be donating time and volunteering and then, that one will die.
It'll rip your heart out and you'll swear to God you don't want to go
again and then, you do... something inside you calls out for that and
you go...”
I
looked over, “You'll be amazed at who is seen there donating
time and visiting someone. It's gained me friends in this business,
and it's gotten me to know a lot of people I wouldn't have
known.”
He said, “Straighten your hair!”
I
smiled and Robert chuckled, “I know who you were imitating. I
think everyone loved her.”
I nodded, “On YouTube,
Roseanne Arnold is seen visiting her for her show. I'm wondering when
Queen Latifa will have a segment because she's there a lot. Sandy
Bullock is another.”
Robert said, “I love her. I
didn't think I would, but I do. She's totally blown me away by her
selfless generosity.”
I nodded, “She's a good person through and through. It's people like her you don't get to see enough of in this life.”
He
smiled, and Rayne really smiled, “I've gotta go!”
I
nodded, “Hon, I'll take you. You're going to enjoy yourself,
but you'll bawl all the way home.”
Robert said, “Uh
hmm, I thought it was just me!”
I shook my head no, “I made the mistake the first time by driving myself there. Needless to say, I had to take an off ramp and get the top up so I wasn't seen losing it. Otherwise, someone would've shot a photo and I'd be on the front page of the Enquirer for having a melt down.”
Rayne
laughed, “I'll take a limo!”
“You'll go with
me!”
Robert said, “You'll go with us! Lord, don't
I know you'll be hooked!”
I smiled, “He'll be molested! He'll sing some love songs and it'll be all over.... sets of dentures all over the floor!”
They
laughed and Robert really laughed! He shook his head, and turned to
Rayne, “He says that because he's got everyone smitten with
him! He walks in with boxes and boxes of coursages and starts
pinning. Everyone's...”
He turned, “Russell Brand
is another who donates a lot of time there. You'd not think it, but
he's got a soft spot in his heart for them too.”
I
nodded, “Rayne, you're going to see people who come in and
donate time and be amazed.”
Rayne smiled, “I
already am!”
“It takes a special person who has a
need within him or her to reach out and be loved.”
Robert
nodded, “I call it hug city. If you're not hugged, you didn't
go!”
I
nodded, “Yeah, I try to get everyone hugged at least
once!”
Robert laughed, “He gets his butt squeezed
more than he cares to admit!”
I turned, “Do you know that I had some bruises??? I swear I looked in the mirror and thought, “How'd that happen???”, and then, I went in and got pinched, squeezed, and the light bulb went on!”
They laughed and I turned to Rayne, “Here's what's going to shock you. The thought of old people loving on each other at first is something that you don't want to think about. Then, you see it and it's something which endears me to them. They don't hide a thing and when the first told me that she wished she was 50 years younger, I laughed. Then, I heard from another one that God didn't shut off the want to, he shut off the ability to... Her mind didn't go, her body did.
What's
crazy is this... As I told you, I dance all over the stage and run
back and forth...”
He nodded, “Yeah.”
“I
did a slide on my knees and got scolded like you wouldn't believe. An
old dude who used to be a choreographer showed me his knees and they
had big scars on them from replacements. He said, “If you want
these, you'll keep that up! If you don't, you learn how to do it
right!”
Needless
to say, my stage appearances stopped with that lesson. When I feel
the need, I run. When I want to get closer to the floor, I get a
stool and I sit upon it... or I sit on the floor directly and sing a
song.”
He gave me a surprised look, 'On the floor!”
I
nodded, “Sit on the stairs. Sit on the edge of the stage. Sit
and sing it, or have the floor come to you... which I need to bring
up to our stage manager about our stage doing some work.”
I
paused, “Rayne, that guy has taught me more about being a star
than anyone else I know. He's taught me tricks, effects, and little
nuances which you can do to get more of an impact.
He's taught me prop tricks, chair dances, and topples, and things which have my dancers thinking I'm God because I do them and they know that was only done by some of the greats. What no one knows is it was taught by the man who taught a lot of the greats, and they don't care enough to go visit him, or they're too old, or they're too dead.”
Robert
smiled, “You'll see him over there learning and they'll have an
audience with the moves he pulls. They'll all applaud and I'm so
afraid someone's going to try to do it and break a hip!”
I
shook my head, “No, here's the deal... Someone who works there
told me that he's had cancer and should've been dead a long time ago.
It's his looking forward to my coming back that has him staying
alive.”
Robert nodded, “Yeah, and he always asks
about you. I tell him that you're out on tour and he nods, “Then
he's doing what he needs to be doing... The bills don't pay
themselves!”.”
I nodded, “I need to get
there.”
Rayne said, “Tomorrow afternoon.”
I
nodded, “Ok.”
Robert looked outraged, “I
can't!”
I said, “The next time Robert. You can
this next week!”
He nodded, “Ok!”
Rayne
smiled real big, “You two talk about it like it's an inner
secret.”
I nodded, “Rayne...” I saw the guy
and said, “Watch out!”
I went over and intercepted
the guy. He obviously was a fan and said, “Can I have your
autograph Rayne!”
Rayne
said, “Sure!”
I said,”Ok, I guess I've gotta
get you won over!”
The guy smiled, “You've got him
honey! I WANT him!”
I
laughed and Robert really cackled. I said, “Hon, he'd wear you
out! If you knew what he does to me, you'd be like, “Oh
hell, this isn't supposed to be yoga! I didn't know I could get into
this position or that it was possible!”... I'll tell you
when you're done with that man, you're kissing your own ass it feels
so good!”
They really laughed and Rayne really blushed.
The guy smiled, “I'll let you sign now after that one!”
I asked, “Your name?”
“Timmy
with an I.”
I stared, “Doesn't it always have an
I?”
He smiled, “NO, sometimes it has a YOU!”
I laughed and said, “That's a good one! I'm going to have to use that!”
He
said, “Remember me!”
“Oh, I will!”
I
signed it and made the o of Mo into a heart. He looked and said, “Oh,
how cute!”
I said, “I've grown up with these
looks. They got old and I had to start drawing beards and mustaches
on the mirror so that I'd not recognize the face staring back at me.
Now, they want me to wear an eyepatch, so go figure that out!”
He
looked surprised, “Really?”
I turned to Rayne, “Remember to tell me to call Pete Burns and see if I can do his life story on film?”
“Ok!”
Timmy
with an I looked shocked, “Oh, another one of my favorites!”
I
nodded, “He's a friend of mine. A lot of people shy away, but I
see the man's heart.”
He nodded, “Thank you
guys!”
I smiled, “Timmy?”
“Yes?”
“Let
me get your number? We're going to be doing a show and I want to help
you fill that book. They'll sign if I tell them you're our designated
fan representing everyone.”
He smiled, “Ok!”
I took it and put it in. I said, “Timmy with a U.” I paused, “Do you know that if you did animation, you could show that T knocking the dot off of that I and having it bounce across those m's and into that y?”
He
looked surprised and I nodded, “I wonder if there's an animated
gif online to do that? It'd be neat if you had a blog.”
“I
DO!”
I nodded, “Cool! Do you know Perez?”
“No!
But he's a favorite of mine!”
I dialed Perez, “Hello?”
“Hey
Maury!”
“Hi!”
“I've got a new
fan here who is a blogger in Las Vegas. He's saying that YOU are one
of his favorites and doesn't know you. I thought you might hook up
with him and see about getting some good tips as to who is here and
where...”
“Ok!”
I said, “His
name is Timmy with an i.”
“HUH? I thought it had
an I!!!”
“No, sometimes Timmy has a YOU!”
He
laughed, “Oh man, that's good!”
“He told me
that. You know I'm gonna use it!”
“You have a
Rayne!”
I laughed, “Yeah, I've got a Rayne, and if
you knew which finger, you'd be jealous of my hand!”
He
laughed real loud and Rayne smiled real big, “You behave!”
P
laughed, “Give him my number!”
“Ok. Just a
second. I want you two talking. I'll dial your number with his phone
and then, get it programmed in.”
“Ok.”
I
rang off and said, “I need your phone!”
He held it
out and I saw the pink Perez cover and said, “You ARE a
fan!”
He smiled real big, “Yeah!”
I
programmed it in and dialed. P answered and I said, “Ok, that's
his number. Now, here he is!”
I
handed it off and gave him a hug. Then, we got to walking. Rayne
said, “You're ruthless!”
Robert really laughed, “I
was sort've worried too! He was walking like he was going to attack!”
I said, “The way you disarm someone like that is you intercede and take them off guard. What I do is I say, “Well HI!”, and it has them suddenly wondering if I know them or not.
As you saw, I played a lot of mental tricks and left him with a positive impression of us, so it worked.”
Rayne
chuckled, “You're hilarious!”
“Thanks
Babe!”
Robert chuckled, “With some luck, he won't
print what you said word for word verbatim!”
I laughed,
“If he does, that sure will add to the fantasies people have
about Rayne!”
Rayne
laughed, “Thanks, I don't need that!”
“Oh, a
little sex appeal never hurt! Grandmas will suddenly be into yoga!”
They laughed and we went out. I dialed Norm, “Hello?”
“Uh,
we're here!”
“You are!”
“Yeah.
Send a limo! Rayne's already dealing with sex crazed people... ME!”
He laughed, “I'll be there real fast!”
“Ok!”
I
rang off and Rayne laughed, “You'll be in trouble!”
I
shook my head no, “We're in Vegas. People will see us walking
up the strip and will wonder if we're imposters!”
He
smiled and said, “No, we'll get mauled!”
“I
don't! You ought to see me! I'll wear pajamas and house shoes and
will be wearing a robe and have my hair all messed up and will go on
in to Serendipity 3. People will stare and will go, “Uh, nah!”
and I get it off!”
Robert laughed and shook his head, “Walk in with Rayne and you won't!”
I smiled, “Nah, Rayne will insist upon being perfectly dressed and will give it away!”
Rayne smiled, “I can't believe you do that!”
“Here's what's hilarious! Get some tickets to a show which are comped for up on stage and go out early in the morning. When you see one doing that walk of shame, go over and stop her and give her the tickets and insist upon a selfie with her. She's smiling and you're going, “Ooh, what a tramp Celine's gonna get!”.”
They really laughed, and I smiled, “Did I mention Celine hates me, but loves me?”
Rayne really laughed, “I suppose that's a compliment?”
I nodded, “We'll go tonight. You're going to see a woman smile and introduce me and then lose her stage for ten minutes. What's nuts is you see her little meltdown with her smile pasted on and then, you'll hear the roar of the crowd and she'll do her bow to me because she never heard it so loud!”
He laughed and I nodded, “If you want to captivate a crowd, throw in a little of the old Vegas into that performance. She's too busy doing a female imitation to do homage to Wayne Newton. I go out and do an homage to him and the place goes nuts.
What I'll do is I'll see if she's doing any of your songs and I'll have her really sweating. You know she's going to have you come out and do it. That's when you will show her it's habitual!”
He laughed, and I went into the high pitched wails of Bun in the Oven, and went into my dance.
Rayne watched and I went all over doing the snap pose dance. When I got to the chorus, I moonwaltzed and got back to the snap posing as I did the second verse. By the time I went into the chorus, there were four people who'd taken notice and were singing it. They came over and I signed autographs. They noticed Rayne with us and immediately begged for his autograph. He smiled and said, “I'm still blown away by his dancing!”. He looked at me, “Where'd you learn that?”
“I TOLD YOU!”
He smiled real big, “Man, I've got to get there!”
We stood and talked with the fans, and they were all adoring. I told them about our new show and then, I got their names and numbers to give them tickets.
Right then, the limo rolled up and I said, “Folks, we've gotta go. When I call, come to the Bay! We're the new owners!”
They
cheered and congratulated us. We got in the limo and Rayne shook his
head, “You know, I'm more in love with you now that I think
I've ever been! You stopped and didn't care, you gave those
autographs!”
“They took the time to listen to the
song enough to know it. I had to respect them!”
He
smiled, “Which one is that from?”
“The
last one. I made 'em a fuckin' fortune off that!”
I
turned to Norm, “Norm, I want you to meet Rayne. Rayne, this is
Norm.”
Norm smiled real big, “Boy am I glad to meet you!”
Rayne smiled and I asked, “Is it a go?”
He
nodded, “Everything's a go.”
I asked, “Can
we get tickets to Celine?”
He
smiled, “Yeah!”
I nodded, “I want to see
what she does when she's got two there!”
He laughed,
“You know she hates you, right?”
“Yeah, but she keeps my song in her show, so I'm gonna do it!”
He
laughed, “It's becoming a standard already! I'm told it's in 8
of the shows up and down the strip!”
I nodded, “Find
out how many have Rayne's songs!”
He smiled, “I
already know a bunch of them do! It's pretty much known that if you
want a love song, you do a Rayne song!”
Rayne
smiled bigger and I nodded, “Let me make a call. We might see
if we can take over your arena for a late show.”
He
looked surprised, “Oh man! Do that!”
I dialed Bert, “Hello?”
“See
if you can get the band together and get to Vegas? I want to look at
doing a surprise concert at the Bay.”
“OK!”
“This
one's on me guys. He's not going to pay and I've already fired the
bastard. Needless to say, it's official in the morning when we have
to fly back and do it.”
Bert chuckled, “Ok! Do you want his orchestra?”
“Yeah. If you can get them!”
He
laughed, “Let me make a few calls!”
“I'm
going to send the jet. It'll be you guys' jet for when we're on the
road, so please take care of it...”
“Ok!”
I
rang off and dialed Bronc, “Hello?”
“I
know this is an imposition, but would you see about flying the other
jet to Los Angeles to pick up my band and his orchestra? We're going
to put on a surprise concert later tonight.”
“Ok!
Can we come?”
“Yeah!
It's going to be open. Until we can't hold any more.”
“Ok!”
I
rang off and Rayne laughed, “Nothing like creating a
buzz!”
Norm laughed, “I've got people who want to
stay to see history made!”
I nodded, “Let me make calls. I have a mega bunch of people who'd never forgive me if we didn't let them know.”
I
started making calls and Rayne really smiled. He shook his head, “Do
you know how many people like that I'd love to get to know!”
I
nodded, “You will hon!”
We got to the Bay and the limo let us out. People suddenly got excited and some kids ran over. I hugged them and then, we got autographs signed.
Rayne got to signing also. It was funny because we'd sign and walk, sign and walk, and then, we were finally where we needed to be...at the elevators.
On
the elevator, Rayne really smiled. He shook his head, “It
always gets to me when I'm doing that!”
I smiled, “We
practiced!”
He laughed, “Yeah! That was nuts, but it was fun!”
Robert asked, “What was that?”
I smiled, “In order to make it and not get swamped in a sea of people, you sign and walk, sign and walk. We practiced with a bunch of Post-It's one night. We had the floor of that little house littered!”
Rayne
laughed, “We sure did! It was fun, but it was hilarious! He
turned it into a comedy! He was having fake conversations with people
whose names he was making up!”
I smiled, “You
know, mentally, I still do that. There are some true Walmart chicks
who come to my concerts who think they're all that! Well, they are...
what THAT is, I don't know, but I swear, I was autographing one day
and there was a woman whose arm pits were so hairy, I wanted to ask
her where she hid the hamster food!”
They laughed and I shook my head, “She was in a tankini which was terrible. Some guys need to tell the truth and tell them they look fat in that!”
They laughed and I smiled, “Why yes Shox, your ass DOES look fat in that! It's all fat back there!”
I started doing the beat box of Baby Got Back and changed the words to Baby Got Fat. They were really laughing, and I said, “Let me check to see who owns those rights and if I can use Baby Got Fat as Shox theme song!”
Rayne really laughed and I nodded, “Out in your storage is my Shockzilla dammit!”
He looked surprised, “Oh man! I'll get it!”
“People love that bitch. I'll tell you when she comes out, the place goes nuts!”
He smiled, “You made her?”
Robert and Norman laughed, and I said, “Make her? Hon, she's still a virgin bride!... As she puts it, the honeymoon isn't over until she get pregnant dammit!”
I started singing Bun in the Oven and his eyes lit up, “Oh man! Now I get it!”
They laughed and I nodded, “Shox-illa got the spelling of her name changed...” I hit her voice, “Because I wants an x dammit! Nothin' says sex unless you put it to the x! X marked that spot!”
They laughed and we got off the elevator! My phone rang, “Hello?”
(Pink)
Allie said, “We're coming!”
“Ok! Thanks
Babe!”
“I wouldn't miss this for anything in the
world!”
I
don't know if I'll have my lighting, but we'll have our
musicians.”
“Good!”
I rang off and pointed to my phone, “Pink. She's coming!”
He
smiled real big, “Great!”
“She's the one who
suggested high top tennis shoes for Shox-f-x.... We put the x on her
shoes so that they'd light up and we'd joke about them. Shox looks
bewildered and said, “Why is it everyone can see them but me!”
Rayne really laughed and asked, “Did you make her boobs and ass that big?”
The guys laughed and I said, “Yeah. I had to give her some thunder thighs to go with that ass.
She's comic interlude so that I can go back and do a few of my costume changes. At first, she's in a boob tube which is a modified Goodyear tire.”
He laughed and the guys shook their heads. Robert said, “You did that great! You really need to make a cartoon out of her!”
I nodded, “Yeah, I keep coming up with sayings and actions. It's funny because I can see her doing that head bobble and the boobs and the ass have her doing a hula. Then, some poor sap comes over and asks, “Hula?”, and she said, “I'm not Mexican, your wife's a ho-LAH!”
They laughed and Rayne really laughed. He said, “That's so Valley Girl!”. He laughed more and I nodded, “What totally fucked with me is this... I had Paris Hilton at one of my shows and she totally loved Shox which sort've scared me... Here's why... At that time, we had Shox in a pink wedding dress sort've imitating Paris. Well, I had Paris out on stage and here comes Shox in that damned dress and I was like, “Ooh shit! This is a train wreck!”, and Paris and Shox got into a conversation which was basically a contest of who could be the biggest air head and Shox did that burn thing where she licks her thumb and touches her ass like she knows she did a burn and then said, “White girl, someone done let your air out!”. The place went nuts and Paris got to laughing. Ever since then, Paris has been a Shox fan!”
Rayne laughed, “Oh man, that's funny!”
I nodded, “I didn't expect the guy who does Shox to say that, but it was hilarious!”
Rayne
looked shocked, “You have a guy playing her!!!”
I
nodded, “It was tough. We couldn't find a girl big enough who
was tall enough. I auditioned thousands and just said, “Send me
whoever's that fat!” and finally, we got a guy in who has the
thighs and stomach big enough, so we put the beach balls on him and
got the suit fitted and Shox became Shox. Since then,it's been
awesome!”
I paused, “I need to do a joke with her about In-N-Out. I'll say, “I go to In-N-Out. I always get that 4 by 4. Then, she can say, “Dream on HO-Nay, I'm ooh by mmm! Men see me there and they get the hell outta my way!”
They laughed and I nodded, “She's a character... She comes out in a gown and everyone whistles. Then she says, “Oh this... it's something I picked up at Bob Smackey! I beat the hell out of that man when he took my measurements! With a bod like this, he went for the big t plunge!”. Then, she squeezes her boobs together and lets them go. Of course they spring out and the place goes nuts!”
Rayne really laughed and I dialed Bert, “Hello?”
“Do you have Shox' costumes?”
“Yeah, he's coming!”
“Good!”
He laughed, “You know that bitch is gonna see that jet and say, “MINE!!!”
I
laughed, “I sure don't want her to see mine!” I paused,
“We need to get her a fainting sofa and have some guys carry
her in. I wonder if we can get sequined red material enough for
one!”
He laughed and Rayne shook his head. I said, “Ok.
I'm glad we're going to have her on tonight! I've got a few more gags
for her.”
He
laughed, “Good!”
I rang off and said, “Shox
is on the jet.”
The
girl behind the desk said, “GOOD! I'll be there!”
I
smiled, “You a fan?””
She smiled, “Yeah, I've got my T-N-T shirt!”
I smiled and Rayne asked, “What's that?”
“That's her ass!”
Everyone laughed and I said, “It's like a play on the What's on First, Who's on Second. This is her boobs, and that's her ass!”
He
laughed, “OH!”
“She has her own line of
t-shirts. There's the TNT and then, there's the Buh Boom shirt! When
you get struck by the Buh Booms, it's Buh Bye!”
Everyone laughed and Rayne shook his head, “All because I won you a doll!”
I nodded, “Babe, she's a blast!”
He nodded, “Do you have merchandise?”
“Let
me see if that semi is close to where it can be diverted.”
He
nodded and grabbed his phone. “I will too!”
I
dialed Bert, “Hello?”
“It's
me again Berta!”
He mock scolded, “What do you
wan!”
“By chance, do you know where my semi for
merchandising is?”
“Let
me make a call! You expect me to know everything!”
“You
know everyone! That's why you get the call!”
He asked,
“Blue or Black tuxedos tonight?”
“I
don't have one packed. Do blue because his people will probably be in
black.”
“Let me ask them what they're wearing.
I'll get back with you.”
“Ok. If you can find my
wardrobe, it'd be great.”
“That bitch is fired I
hope!”
“Yeah. I'm not keeping her!”
“Good! Then I'll tell you that I'll have everything on the jet! It's in a cargo they put everything for your dressing room in!”
“Ok.
Great!”
“You really need to learn this!”
“Hon,
I wasn't planning on stickin' around! Now we own it, so I've
gotta!”
“Things have a funny way of working out
like that!”
“Let
me make a call... I need to find some money.”
He
laughed, “Lucky you! I have to WORK FOR IT!”
I laughed, “Nah, I do a little of this and a little of that! It seems to go around the stripper pole ok!”
“Don't
think about putting that big old bitch on a stripper's pole!”
“Hey,
it might work...”
“I'd put her on a
trampoline...Ooh, she'd take offense to that word!”
I laughed, “Yeah! She'd tell you she does lean, she sways Goddamit!”
He
really laughed, and said, “You need to behave!”
“Yeah,
I can see it now... That big old bitch would make it to Broadway
before me!”
“Do you realize how wide that sofa would have to be?”
“Queen size???”
He laughed real loud, “Ooh, that's so her!”
“WE need a huge old Rolls Royce Drophead and we need to get it painted drop dead pink and sparkle it. That way, she could come out and do a take off of Liberace. Then, when she gets out, she can have the coat of tires which is like his long one. She can pose and ask, “Does this make me look fat?” and I'll be like, “How many belts did that take? Then, she'll say, “This is how many Goodyears I've got left!”
He
laughed, “That's funny!”
“Rayne's going to
be dying laughing. He's not seen her yet!”
“Oh
man!”
“He
was there when we did the first one, so he knows what she
is...”
“Has she seen her with her balloons?”
“No. We talked about her having them when we last spoke about her, but he's not seen her.”
He
hurriedly said, “I need to ring off. His conductor (orchestra
leader) is calling me!”
“Good! See if he can get
the new songs learned!”
“I'll get them to him!”
I
rang off and Rayne was on the phone. I turned to Norm, “I
apologize, but you see it's no little ordeal to put a concert
together!”
He smiled, “I've got the Hollywood Bowl
leased.”
“Excellent! We'll consider tonight a
practice run through.”
“How do you want it done?”
I
held up a finger, “I apologize, but I nearly forgot Mike from
Disney. If he hadn't been invited that'd be bad!”
He
smiled, “Ok.”
Robert said, “I'll invite
Mike.”
“Tell him it's at my request, but I'm busy
on the phone!”
He nodded, and I asked, “Do you
think HBO could be here? Or do you think we ought to wait until the
Hollywood Bowl concerts?”
“I'd
wait.”
I nodded, “Let me get us money for a
stadium. We need to get started on that.” I looked over, “What
does this place make a year?”
He
shrugged, “If you tighten the slots down, you'll make more
money, but people will figure out they can't win and will go
elsewhere. If you advertise they're loose, people will come. If you
leave them where they are, we're making about $170 million a
month.”
“How much of that is profit?”
“All
of it. With you guys in residence, it'll be great because our hotel
numbers will go way high.”
“How many of these
rooms are suites?”
“All
of them in that tower. This tower is different.”
“How
much to take this tower down and get us all suite?”
He
looked upward, “Uh, I can get us stripped out and made over to
suites for a lot cheaper. I'd put it at $250 to $350 million.”
I
nodded, “Ok. Here's the deal. Call Kylie Minogue and see if we
can get the design for her Aphrodite stage. I want our stage to work
like that.”
“Ok.”
“Your guys
are going to have to work hard because I'm going to want you to lease
that space at the MGM until we get this built!”
He
looked surprised, “Do you want to see if you can get the MGM?”
“Only
if it's a billion or less.”
He paused, “Let me
see. It might be a little more than a billion.”
He
walked and said, “Follow me.”
Robert gave me a
look and I shook my head, “Robert, I'm looking at spending a
billion on an arena for us to perform in which is big enough. That's
big enough, but the parking isn't. We're going to have to go three
layers of parking or six if we take the other side and turn it into
casino and shops.”
“OH!”
“That's
going to be a lot, but we can fill that. I know we can.”
He
said, “Mike's going to be here.”
“Here's
what I'm going to do... We're going to get our dignitaries in their
seats. Then,I'm going to Tweet and so is he. You'll see this place
fill.”
He smiled, “You need to charge an
admission.”
“Let me get my merchandise here
first!”
He
laughed, “Ok!”
We went into the boardroom. I said,
“Good afternoon everyone!”
I
went around shaking hands and got to the lectern, “Rayne's out
in the hallway making arrangements for a surprise concert we're
giving tonight in the space downstairs. I'm going to make a bet and
will tell you that we'll have it filled in one hour without any
advertising or promos.
You ALL are invited. We've invited a lot of
VIPs and dignitaries already. That will number about 300 people at
the most, so the rest of that 12,000 seats will be sold first come
first served with the overflow having to go to the casino and buying
our merchandise.”
Rayne came in and I said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Rayne, the other buyer, my partner, my partner in life.”
Rayne came over and Norm said, “He's made a request to see if you're interested in selling the MGM for a flat billion dollars.”
Everyone looked surprised and I said, “Folks, Here's what I'll do. I want the MGM because of the arena which is already built and sitting there not getting much use. I know we can fill it nightly, but I want us getting the residual business.
I can buy that one, or I can build one which will be over here on that vacant land. The second I get it built, I'm going all suite with our hotel and I'm going to build large and beautiful all the way around that stadium we build so that when it's built, we'll make money all the while we're getting something bigger and nicer over here.
I
can do that, or I can buy the MGM. OR, I can make an offer for the
Bellagio, and we'll see how it goes.”
I looked at Carl,
“Carl, I was going to call you, so if you answer your phone,
I'll tell you that we're bringing in about $125 right now without us
here. The second I walk in the house with him to perform nightly, our
revenues go up about $100 a month in cash business and our slots will
be up about the same.
That's $325 or $250 post taxes. I can pay for it in six months. OR, I can pay for MGM and the Bellagio both in a year...if they're sold for a billion each.
IF not, I promise you I'll take this land I've got here and I'll build what I want over there and I'll tear this down and go larger and nicer.
Is larger and nicer possible on 230 acres? I think so, but ask me how large that casino will be with open dining in the middle of everything in about 10 spots and I'll tell you now that we'll be the largest casino in the world.
I'm not saying this just to upset anyone. I'm realizing that I can spend money to build and compete, or I can spend money to get what we need which's already built, but one way or another, we're going to come in and we're going to be able to perform and pull in those people.”
I looked out, 'Up and down this strip, the tickets are outrageous. You look at all the shows $100 and higher, and then, you look at ours which will be around $65 for all seats first come first served.
Will
we pull some from everyone? Yeah. Can we seat them if we've got
50,000 seats plus?”
Rayne said, “80,000 seats. I
want us able to have other things in the building.”
I
nodded, “Ok, we're putting convention center on two floors
under that.”
He nodded and I said, “Folks, we'll
pull. I want us having conventions so that when they're in house, we
can draw them in.”
Carl said, “I'll lend you up to $4 billion. I already know you've got impressive numbers and star power which is going to be amazing.” He laughed, “I'm already a fan!”
I smiled, “Thank you!”
He
nodded, “Kid, everyone's talking about you. When I have old
Hollywood telling me about you in meetings where I'm not involved in
a thing about your career, I know you've got the world wanting
you.”
I nodded, “I work. Rayne and I are going to
work it and we're going to keep working it.”
I looked
around, “Everyone, he's in three Disney movies and I'm in three
Disney movies. Then, we're contracted to be in three Disney movies
together.
We just bought Monte Vison Studios, but those contracts were before the purchase. I'm going to see about making a few Shox movies and we'll see how she does as a star.”
Everyone
laughed and I smiled, “Let me tell you a little story...”
I looked over at Rayne, “This man won me a Harry and the
Hendersons stuffed doll at a fair when we were kids. I put a bow in
her hair and slapped makeup on it and made little clothes... That was
the first Shox-zilla.
As things went, I told him what I'd do to
make her better, but he never has seen the finished version.
What
I love about Shox is that I have people throwing in ideas all over
the place. I'm talking about having guys carry her in on a feinting
sofa and my band director says, “Do you know how big that thing
would have to be???”, and I said, “Queen
size”.”
Everyone laughed and I nodded, “She's
taken on a life of her own. People love her and you know she's
popular when people throw ideas in... After all, when your career is
heading south, no one throws ideas in... they're too busy getting
away from the sinking ship!”
People laughed and I
nodded, “Without him winning her for me, there'd be no Shox. I
give him founder's credit because he did that. He'll tell you that he
gives me credit because he wouldn't have won it for anyone
else.”
Rayne said, “You've got that right! She's a
big old ugly bitch!”
I smiled, “Only because she takes up the rest of the bed!”
Rayne
smiled, “Everyone, he sleeps on this much of a king size bed.
He leaves that doll on the other side.”
I nodded, “She's
where my heart is... You won it, and that's where you belong!”
He
nodded and looked away. I said, “We've put our relationship
back together. The love's there and the love has always been there.
Some people don't understand, but I'm going to tell you a few
things...
I go visit a nursing home. I won't tell you which one, as that's not the point... What IS the point is this... As many of you know, the love of your life is there beside you in bed. When you become a partner without a partner, that bed NEVER gets warm. I've got mine back and I'm keeping him there. He means that much to me.
If you're fans of ours, you know that I've been out hustling. You've not heard that my record company won't support me, you heard I was working.
What
you DON'T know is that they stopped supporting me when the concert
tour ended a year and a half ago. Since then, I've been booking dates
and taking it to a world tour so that the world would know I put on a
show and that when the contract was over, I'd have fans who would
continue to buy the records. Now we own that studio, and yes, we did
fire that man.”
I nodded, “I know I'm long winded. I
know Rayne will if he's excited, but he likes for me to sell the
spiel and do the firing.”
I held up a finger, “You'll
see I am loyal to you as long as the day is long IF you're loyal in
return. When you sign us to a contract and keep him imprisoned in his
home with people living there and threatening him, and when you're
treating me like dirt, I owe you and those whom you've chosen to use
against me any favors.
Needless to say, to everyone in this room, if you're nice, great. If you're not, I'll respect you for believing in me, but all bets are off if you want to treat him like dirt. Kick all you want at me, I can take it, but don't look at him and aim because I'll take that shot... I've got the shoulders... they can carry that weight.”
I
looked out and saw Ivan. I smiled, “Ivan, I swear I've never
heard you so silent!”
He laughed real loud, “Who
can get a word in edgewise!”
I said, “Not many with you! I'm surprising myself!”
Everyone really laughed and I looked at Carl, “Did you buy the place, or how did you get in?”
He
smiled real big and I rolled my eyes, “Ask the man for money
and then roast him! That's not a good mix!”
Everyone
laughed and Carl really laughed. I nodded, “Folks, they say
history is going to be made with he and I performing tonight. I'll
freely admit I'm going to love seeing him sing. And I hope he can
tolerate the mess I put on and call a show, but hey... I'm sure I'll
get polish and pizzazz and he'll get to hold my brass knuckles and
keep me from being so outspoken!” I rolled my eyes real
exaggeratedly and everyone laughed. I smiled, “I know, I
couldn't hardly speak the words, but I know I'll love watching
him.”
Carl said, “Did I mention I was lending you
$4 billion?”
“Billion???”
He laughed real loud and I wiped my brow. I smiled, “Man, I thought I was going to have to talk like it was a telethon or something!”
Everyone
laughed, and I asked, “So, are you interested in selling the
other two? I've got two billion and some change.”
Everyone
laughed and Rayne said, “Carl, you need to teach him how to
hold them closer to his vest!”
Carl really smiled and I
looked at Rayne, “Stadiums cost a lot!”
He smiled, “It's all the other stuff you get with them!”
They
really laughed and my phone rang. I looked and said, “Uh folks,
I've gotta take this one! I'll put it on speakerphone, and then, you
can hear why.”
I answered, “You're on speakerphone
and I'm in an important meeting.”
“Oh, ok! I got
your message. Are you performing with Rayne?”
“Yes,
it's a surprise concert. We bought the Bay and I'm trying to buy the
Bellagio and MGM.”
“WHAT!”
“Yeah,
so that's what the meeting is about. How are you dear?”
“I'm doing great. Do you want me to come?”
“Of
course! I called and left an message!”
She said, “I'll
be there, but I need a room.”
“Only the best for
you dear.”
She
laughed, “Ok! I'm so happy for you!”
“Thank
you.”
I rang off and said, “Well, Cher is going to
be there.”
Rayne looked shocked and smiled real big. I said, “She's like a grandmother to me. You'll love her.”
He
smiled, “Ok!”
Carl looked surprised and said,
“Man, I feel old! The first thing I thought was that Cher
couldn't be old enough to be anyone's grandma! Then, I did the math!”
I
smiled, “She's a sweetheart. I'm trying to put on a show which
has as much spectacle and glitz. I've asked for a stage like Kylie's
Aphrodite stage so that it's shooting water and having fountains, but
I want flames and effects where we go out over the audience and the
dancers are super great.”
Rayne was smiling really big
and I pointed, “When he smiles, I'm happy. When the frown hits,
I know I went wrong!”
Everyone laughed and I nodded, “You know that Shox is going to think that's all about her. She'll want a lame bikini if there's water and she'll try doing it in high heels so she can wear a sash and crown... I'll shoot water and get cussed, but hey...It's comedy relief for a reason!”
Carl
said, “Let me speak!”
I nodded, “Ok. I was
getting to the part of water because my throat was parched...”
He smiled and I took a drink. He looked around, “The boys have asked and I'm not objected.” He pointed, “Had it been anyone else but him and them, I'd said no.” He looked at me and nodded, “There's no one else in the business who has the backbone to go earn the money if he sees it's not going to make enough for him.
I've
heard about him all over the place. I know that a percentage goes to
the motion picture television home, and I know another percentage
goes to the Lillian Booth home. I also know that he gives to sick
kids all over the world, and I know that when he does something, he
means it.”
He looked around the room and nodded, “There's
a lot of comedy, but the message is sincere. You don't get that much
anymore without someone's attorney already doing bankruptcy papers in
the other room.”
I shook my head no, “That won't
happen. Not while there's a breath left in my body.”
He
nodded, “I know that. That's what I'm meaning. You come from
the old world where your word means something.”
I
nodded, “Rayne's too!”
He smiled, “I'm
speaking of you both when I speak of you. To me, you're a couple.”
I
nodded, “If I could get Shox out of the convertible, we'd go
through that drive thru wedding chapel, but she's trying to find a
man, so we might as well leave that idea alone!”
Everyone laughed and Carl smiled, and looked around the table. “Which part isn't anyone liking about what he's asking?”
Ivan said, “I'd like it better if he added some money with it and bought us all out.”
I asked, “How much would that be?”
Ivan
looked up and said, “The entire company is worth $10.3
billion.”
I looked over and said, “Everyone, give
me a few moments...” I looked at Carl, “Can I have five
years repay on that?”
He nodded, “Yes.”
I nodded, “Rayne, keep 'em entertained, I'm gonna make some calls!” I smiled, “Ivan answer your phone!”
Everyone
laughed and Ivan really laughed. He got up and walked out. Carl
walked out with us and Carl said, “Guys, if you'll let me, I'll
put the deal to bed.”
Ivan said, “$2 billion for
my shares.”
Carl nodded and said, “Ten years on
the pay off?”
I
nodded, “Yeah, but here's the deal...”
He smiled,
“Ok!”
I pointed, “The $1 billion we've paid
comes back to us.”
He gave me a look and I nodded, “I
want a stadium, Carl. IF I'm putting 55,000 to 80,000 people in the
seats each night...”
He shook his head, “You
won't.”
I shook my head, “You're wrong. Celine
sells out each night at her's and it's 4200. She's got people who get
turned away, and Lord, look at the price! Look at the price of all
these tickets and you see sticker shock!”
He nodded, and gave me a look, “Put $99 on your tickets first come first served and you have your 12,000 seats filled nightly. That extra $34 gets you another $400 grand. In a month, that's another $12 million. In a year, that's another $150 million. It's not much, but you put it with merchandise and slots, and you've got $450 million. In two years, you've got $900 million.”
I nodded, “Ok, but the second we go over 12,000 in ticket sales, we're going to the big stadium and we're going to stay there. I think when we're competing with everyone else and coming in at the same price as the strippers, we'll be good.”
He smiled real big, “I'm interested in seeing if you can do it. I think you'll come in about 30... to 35,000 a night, but not that 55 to 80.”
I nodded, “Carl, don't bet against me. I'm putting on a show which has parents happy they're bringing their kids and everyone going home to tell everyone else that we're the best show out here.
When
you get that reputation and you have the ticket price which beats
everyone else, that place will get filled because we're giving 3 hour
shows.”
He looked surprised and I nodded, “I'm
going to have surprises and some really interesting effects. Where
the orchestra will be is going to be a sunken swimming pool. They'll
be on the patio which raises up. I might put them on risers up behind
the stage and leave that so that when it's shooting fountains and
lasers, we're shooting the words to the songs on that water mist so
that everyone can sing along.
When
you throw in Shox, and you have some other fun, it's going to have
everyone wondering how much we spent.”
He nodded, “Make
a little fountains of Bellagio in there. Then, when you're singing,
it'll be better.”
I
nodded, “Ok... Don't make me think too much because I'll ask if
I can get a podium out in the real fountains of Bellagio to put on a
warm up show during patriotic days!”
He smiled real big,
“Sweep the bottom and have them throw change for a charity
which is troop related, and I'll be there to make a donation
myself!”
I nodded, “Ok!”
He smiled real big, and gave a nod, “Kiddo, I look into your eyes and I see someone who is always looking for that angle so that he can make it.”
“No one wants to see a failure. It sucks, but you'll always see me gambling to become better.” I gave a nod, “We're going to make movies together which are comedic and give us more breadth as actors. People will soon get tired of the drama and action adventure, so we've got to let them have a breather on that and let them see we will move into comedy and then come back for action adventure and into drama for the next stage of our lives... going over to adulthood in the cinema. If we can keep it switched up, we can sell it. If they get tired of us, we've lost it.
Tonight
is historic. People are seeing us performing together as Elvis coming
out of retirement, or Michael and the Jacksons putting it back
together. For me, it's me finally coming home and having
happiness.”
He nodded, “You love him.”
“With
each breath I do.”
He nodded, “I used to not
understand it, or approve, but I do now.”
I nodded, “I
understand. I worried about how I'd be accepted at the nursing home
and found that if I gave my heart, they loved me back.”
He
smiled, “And that work you do there is paying
rewards.”
“That's not why I do it.”
He
nodded, “I know. It's that you DO IT is what matters.”
“I
always will.”
He smiled, “See, that's what I like about you. You don't say you're going to TRY, you say things in which I know you'll do it.”
I
nodded, “I'm given more than I give there... Not in people
saying good things, but by me knowing that they appreciate it when I
perform.” I looked at him, “Carl, here's what I mean...
They've got activities. They've got other things which are centered
around them individually.
When someone gives up stuff like that
and comes to watch me without paying a dime, and giving up time which
might be measured in hours or minutes, I'm blessed.”
He
smiled and nodded, “Thank you. A lot of people see older people
as crotchety and grumpy. You don't, haven't, and won't!”
I
nodded, “We're all headed that direction. I'm learning gifts I
can use and hopefully, some day, there'll be another who will want to
learn from me the things which someone else took the time to teach
me. It's all a part of passing it on. If someone doesn't want to
learn, they're the one who lost out.”
He nodded,
“Yes.”
He smiled, “I'll get you this
company.”
“Thank you.”
We
went in and Rayne was standing and talking. He was telling his hopes
and dreams for the company. He smiled, “I'll turn this back
over to Mo.”
I said, “You were doing great.
Everyone, thank you! We have a deal if we can get a vote on it.
What that deal is, we will be paying $10.3 billion over 10 years. WE get back that $1 billion we paid and we're going to put that into a stadium. Until then, we're going to perform at the MGM Arena.”
I
turned to Norm, “We need a designer for that other
stadium.”
He nodded, “Ok. I'll have one here
tomorrow.”
I nodded, “Ok. We've got to be in Los
Angeles in the morning. I'll be here by lunch for sure.”
We stepped out and Rayne asked, “What are we doing?”
“Letting
them vote. To say this is huge is an understatement.”
He
nodded, “What's on your mind?”
“Here's the agreement behind the agreement. Rather than $65 tickets, we're going to have $99 tickets. That extra $34 will pay for our stadium in two years while giving everything else a chance to pay for our debt.
In
regards to the debt, I'm not worried. You and I have the ability to
earn and keep interest in us.”
He nodded, “Yeah,
but I want us married.”
“Ok! Is that your
proposal?”
He smiled, “Yeah, that's me accepting yours!”
I
kissed him and Robert coughed, “Why is it that everything you
two are left alone, you're found with locked lips!”
I
smiled, “He just accepted my proposal!”
He gave a
nod, “Let me find where it can be done legally.”
I
nodded, “Get it so that we do it in private there and have the
public ceremony out here. Then, we're able to have formalities and
everything.”
He smiled, “Ever the showman!”
I
shook my head, “No, if he and I have to have our families
there, it's going to be a train wreck!”
Rayne
shook his head no, “Mine are dead to me. I'm paying for his
cremation, but I'm done with them.”
I nodded, “Well,
you have other family.”
He gave me a look and I smiled,
“You know your aunt will want to be there!”
He
giggled, “She wasn't a stripper!”
Robert laughed
and I shook my head, “Those couldn't have been real!”
Robert really laughed and I said, “Robert, she's supposed to be a preacher's wife or something like that... All I can say is she showed as much boob as a showgirl...” I turned, “Did she work in Vegas??”
They laughed and Rayne shook his head, “You're terrible!”
I nodded, “I wonder how much it'd cost for our dancers to have showgirl costumes with those headpieces?”
He
smiled, “You'll have a fortune spent!”
I nodded,
“I want to run some ideas by you.”
Robert giggled,
“You do that while saying you'll spend a fortune!”
I nodded, “This one is good! I think it'll work!”
I
pointed, “Think of the Aphrodite stage.”
Rayne
said, “I loved that stage, so you're good there.”
“In
the area where the orchestra should've sat...”
He
nodded, “Yeah?”
“Have
it a sinking patio swimming pool. It goes down and we have dancing
water. When it goes up, we've got more stage!”
He
nodded, “Ok! That's cool!”
I'm trying to get it so
that splash is kept to a minimum on the other side.”
He
nodded, “I understand, but I think we should have walls of
water up behind the set.”
I nodded, “Ok. I want
the orchestra to sit up there. Then, I can have my band down in the
front, and we can do a bunch of water things like they did.”
He
smiled, “Ok!”
I pointed, “You do know that I
made an agreement to perform out in the fountains of the Bellagio,
right?”
He gave me a look and I nodded, “It'll be cool. It'll be patriotic and we'll have the fountains remodeled so there's mists and things projected onto the mists. That way, we can have more effects and all that.
What Carl said is we need to do a sweep of the pool and then, do that show so that whatever is put in is counted publicly and given to the troops, or something like that.”
He
nodded, “Ok! But I want a Christmas one where we're giving to
kids for toys.”
I nodded, “Ok, Memorial Day
weekend through July 4th for whatever. Then, in December,
we'll do it for kids.”
He smiled, “Ok! I knew
you'd find a way to have me wanting to do it!”
Robert
chuckled, “It's sinking in that you now own the Bellagio.
That's massive!”
I nodded, “I'm going to probably
cry when I walk into the garden there and realize it's mine, and he
is with me!”
Rayne smiled, “Robert, we're getting
married there. I'd forgotten about the garden until he said that.”
Robert
smiled real big, “I want an invitation!”
I nodded,
“Of course!”
He chuckled, “You'll have everyone wanting to attend that too!”
Carl
came out, “Gentlemen, come on in!”
I gave a thumbs
up to Rayne and he giggled.
We
went in and Carl said, “Men, it's decided that we're going to
accept your offer.” He nodded, “Get to know your company.
It's impressive.”
I nodded, “Sure!”
He
smiled, “WE need to have a press conference!”
I
nodded, “Sure!”
Rayne said, “We need to be
dressed in our suits.”
I nodded, “Ok. You talked me into it!”
Everyone laughed and I said, “Everyone, thank you for the votes you gave. It means a lot to us.”
Carl asked, “Are you taking it private?”
I nodded, “Yes, it'll be a part of the MoRa Companies.”
Robert said, “I'll have that paperwork filed.”
Carl asked, “What do you need?”
I
said, “A look at the books. I want to know what's happening and
what's being done to bring in revenue.”
He nodded,
“She's a good company. You'll be happy.”
Everyone
got up and I went around and shook hands. Rayne did likewise on the
opposite sides.
Champagne was brought in and we all had a flute. Then, we dismissed where we went down for a quick press conference.
Carl said, “You need to make your home here somewhere.”
I
nodded, “He and I will have a suite somewhere here, I'm not
sure where.”
He nodded, “The Owner's Suite at the
Bellagio is nice. Of course, the Villas are wonderful.”
I looked at Rayne, “You get to pick. If I did, it'd be somewhere cheap!”
He
laughed and shook his head. “We own it now!”
“Yeah,
but you pick. I'm only interested if you're there... Make it close to
Serendipity 3 because I'll probably be over there getting breakfast.”
He smiled, “We don't own that!”
I
nodded, “Maybe we could talk them into something similar where
we are. Lord knows they have good stuff.”
Carl smiled,
“You're funny!”
I turned and Norm was standing there. I said, “Norm, he's not going to ask, but I want two Rolls Royce limos bought for us and comped.
While
you're at it, I need a suite for Cher. Make it super nice and charge
it to the hotel...don't show it as a comp because she pays taxes on
that.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
“Here's the way I am on that... If we call them, it's charged to us. If they ask us, it's charged to them.
Tonight,
everyone in that room who is a dignitary or VIP gets comped a room
because we asked them. We'll only have another one of those when we
open our show and have everyone invited.”
Rayne said,
“Our wedding.”
I nodded, “Rayne said our
wedding.”
Norm smiled, “Ok!”
“If
Rayne says anything, you get it like it's life's blood pumping
through my veins because it's done as soon as I know it needs
done.”
He nodded, “Without a doubt.”
“He's an owner in this like me, but he won't ask things that much. He's the shy one...Me, I'm the private one, but he's the shy one.”
He
nodded, and I held up a finger, “Only non-alcoholic drinks in
our room. Absolutely no drugs near us, and if you hear of anyone
using whom we've invited, you let us know so they're removed from our
guest list.”
He nodded, “Ok. Will you have a
secretary?”
“Uh,
I should, but that's usually my manager. I'll have to hire one, so
that'll be interesting. They usually don't last long around
me.”
Rayne said, “I'm going to need one also.”
I
nodded, “We'll find one. Us both together shouldn't work that
person hard. Lord knows I'm not demanding when I'm kept happy!”
He burst out laughing and Carl did a raspberry. I looked shocked, “I'm not! It's just that they can't keep me happy!”
Rayne
said, “We want a Penthouse suite at the Delano. One on that end
where the view is the best.”
Norm nodded, “I'll
have it readied.”
I said, “Uh, wherever my bag is,
we need it taken there. I'll have to call my Armani guy and get
everything brought.” I touched his arm, “WE need Armani
everything. If it's not Armani, don't have it available to us.”
He
nodded, “Ok, I'll work with that person.”
I dialed Ben, “Hello?”
“Hey!
I'm in Las Vegas. WE're going to be living here at a suite in the
Delano. You'll need to come and bring everything so that he can work
with you and you'll know that it's all Armani.”
“Ok.”
“House
slippers. Like it or not, if I don't have to be seen with shoes on,
I'm gonna want house slippers.”
“Ok!”
“Do
you want a suite? I'll get you one.”
“Yes, I'll
need one.”
“That's all you had to say. I'll have
it for you.”
I rang off, and said, “Ben needs a suite. Make it really nice because they pay us a fortune to wear them.”
He
nodded and I said, “Norm? Until hell freezes over, Armani for
me. No one else has stepped up and offered the money they've paid.
And with what I've made wearing them, we could've built a helluva
nice hotel.”
Rayne said, “Sara needs a suite.
She's my Armani girl.”
Norm looked surprised and I said,
“He got the same deal as me. Together, we could've bought this
hotel with what we've earned from them thus far. By the end, we'll be
over the billion dollar mark.”
He looked shocked and I
nodded, “We were promised $12 million a year. They've paid us
outrageous fortunes above and beyond what we should've been paid.”
Rayne
nodded, “Every time I go to the Oscars and mention Armani, I
get paid. Any award show where I'm wearing them, I'm paid again. It's
fantastic.”
“I'm going to have to go, aren't I?”
Rayne smiled and Norm laughed, “You don't like going?”
I
shrugged, “It's not why I act. It's weird but the thought of
going makes me wanna upchuck.”
He looked surprised and
Rayne said,”His awards are in the garden shed facing the
wall.”
Norm laughed and I nodded, “When we have
our own theater, I'll display them there in their own room. However,
I won't go near it. It's something which bugs me...do you get awards
for working? No. You're thanked, you're paid, and that's all I think
I should get.”
I looked at Rayne, “Never once when we
were talking about being famous did we talk about awards shows and
all that. When you look at the list we've got to go to, it's a
helluva waste of time!”
Rayne
smiled, “He'll go. He doesn't know they'll treat him like
royalty simply because he's won that many.”
I looked at
him, “Really?”
Rayne
smiled, “You're up there near Michael Jackson with the
Grammys.”
I shook my head, “Ridiculous... That man
deserved his!”
Norm
laughed and looked away. He kept giggling and said, “You've
probably sold that many records!”
I shook my head, “We
need an accountant. Lord knows I'm not seeing the royalties!”
Rayne gave me a look and nodded, “We're getting those! I hadn't thought about whether you were, or not!”
I shrugged, “Just the same, I'll fight for a royalty, but I'm not going to fight to get a Grammy. Lord knows that'd be something everyone else could do...” I turned to Rayne, “Do they say anything about me snubbing them?”
“No. Jeff's accepted them and thanks everyone. It's commonly known you won't show because it's not about that for you.”
“Well,
thank God they know because the thought of having to attend those
shows bugs me!”
He smiled, “We'll try one.”
“Ok,
We'll try one. Can I pick it?”
“NO!
You'll wait until it's when you're dead or dying!”
I
nodded, “Good thought! Then it won't bug me!”
Robert
came over and heard. He and Norm really laughed. Robert said, “He's
not interested in those things.”
Norm smiled, “I'm
getting that!”
I looked over, “Do they have Pepto Bismal? This conversation's gotten me ill.”
Rayne looked alarmed and said, “Get him something!”
Norm took off and Robert asked, “You ok?”
“Yeah, it's just I'm not inclined to do that. I'll probably need to advertise for them because I'll be drinkin' it on the red carpet.”
Norm
came running up, “It'll be here in less than three!”
“Thanks.
We're going to switch subjects.”
He nodded, “I see
it concerns you! I find that fascinating!”
“It's something I don't strive to participate in, but I'll try it once with him. Lord knows I might become an award whore, but I doubt it.”
Rayne
giggled, “We might wait until you receive lifetime achievement
awards. Then, you'll have to go!”
“If I do, get
sponsorship in something to settle my stomach. Lord knows that'll be
all I need of it!”. I turned, “Do you enjoy them?”
“Yeah, it's not like you see on television. It's a television production, so there are people telling you to be in your seats and to applaud and all that. If you have to go to the bathroom, they have someone fill your seat and then, you can't get back in until the next commercial...or if they're focused upon the screen.
I'm sure if you went, you'd get massive amount of face time. With you having so many, it's probably going to interest them what you think of it.”
“We need to see if they can take me out of contention.”
He
smiled real big, “They don't until you get the lifetime
achievement award.”
“Well, that sucks!”
“It's
for the people who put up the money for your movie.”
“I
don't understand all that. I hope they don't find it
disrespectful.”
“They don't. Lord knows they get
screen time and someone going up representing them or Monte
Vison.”
I nodded, “Ok, that's cool. You could go
up and represent the company for me!”
He
smiled, “Thanks! You beat me and then I get to go up!”
“Hon,
I didn't do it for that! I hope you know!”
He nodded and
hugged me, “I know! It's almost hysterical! You win 'em and
never show!”
The guy came running and popped the cap for
me. I thanked him, and smiled, “I'd give you a tip, but Norm
will have to do it.”
I gave him a look, “What do
you do here?”
“I'm
a concierge sir.”
I nodded, and turned to Norm, “Get
him put on us. That ought to increase his pay, right?”
Norm
smiled, “Yeah, if you want that!”
I nodded, “Get
a female on Rayne. That way, we've got both men and women
represented.”
He nodded, and I added, “If we have
someone of a different race or ethnicity, get that person put on a
different shift. That way, we're representing everyone.”
He
nodded, and Rayne said, “I know that was biased, but I
understand why.”
I nodded, “We need to make sure
everyone has an opportunity.”
Norm nodded, “I've
got two people who come to mind immediately. I'll get them put on you
guys.”
I turned, “What's your name fella?”
“Aaron sir.”
I shook his hand, “Nice meeting you Aaron. If I'm in the area, you get me. If I'm not, we'll have you doing something for us. You might be addressing invitations, or something.”
He
nodded, “Sure!”
I turned to Norm, “Norm?”
“Yes!”
“Do
me a favor. I'm going to sit with Aaron and we're going to get him
the phone numbers of all the legitimate Make-A-Wish Foundation, or
those type of foundations. Then, we'll have him on the short list for
getting a jet dispatched to take them to the hospital, or to Disney,
or fulfilling those sorts of things.”
I turned to Aaron,
“The first thing you do is it's all done anonymously. I want an
unmarked jet for those things, but I want the jet equipped to be an
in the air hospital, but looking normal if it's not needed.
The flight crew and everyone involved in this doesn't need to know who requested it. I don't want them knowing it's our company, or at the request of me. It's a blessing shared, so do it that way. IF anyone's to ask, have them told it's a Blessing of God shared and God didn't request that they be told our name for personal gain, so we're not.
Those people will know. I'll introduce you to them because I've done a lot of those things. They take the money needed and I have it done anonymously.
There are some which aren't legitimate. I'll give you the numbers of the ones I work with, and those are who we work with, and that's it.
In regards to a lot of these things, it's simple. You do it through the company and you pay... That's it. With other things, it's more personal, so get together with my fan club president and get that person's address to him or her. They will get them all my merchandise and or memorabilia.
If they want to see me in concert, you get with my manager who will get them time with me, time with me on the set, time in the recording studio, and front row at the concert.”
I turned to Norm, “The front row of our theater is ALWAYS reserved for them and their families. I want oxygen and whatever's needed for them embedded in the floor so it's a quick connect and they're happy and kept comfortable.
If they can, make sure they're given a special seat like a super soft recliner so that they're able to be comfortable.
I'll
tell you now that I'll stop a concert if I see pain in that kid's
face. I'll be down there making sure he or she is ok, because they
matter. All the rest can wait.”
He nodded, “Ok.
I'm going to need to be brought up to speed on that.”
“Get
it done for everywhere we've got a theater with a well known star in
it. When you contract with said star, you tell them it's expected
they give half an hour to each person. If they don't, or refuse, see
to it they never work in Vegas again... Not just us, but everywhere.
And if that company refuses to play along, you tell them that's a
direct slight to me and then don't schedule me for a fuckin' thing in
regards to that company again, and don't give them the time of day.
You threaten it, and you stand on it. If they want to bitch, you call
me directly.”
He nodded, “They won't.”
“I don't know the hierarchy of this company, but to me, you're the top of the ladder. Without you, we'd not be where we are, so to me, you're it... They can answer to you.”
He
nodded and Rayne smiled, “The same goes for me.”
I
turned to Aaron, “All this stuff with me doesn't get
publicized. That's not why I'm doing anything. IF, however, someone
wants to make a threat that they're going to publicize that I refused
donating to them, you let me know personally and have the CEO of that
company on the line when I'm told.
When
you talk with these people, you work in an environment where your
conversation is able to be recorded. Don't use a desk line, it sounds
hollow and people can tell immediate... Get yourself a headset and
have a mic inline, or in that earphone which listens in.”
Norm
said, “I'll get that set up for him. He'll have an office near
you.”
I said, “I've already told Norm... If
someone uses drugs close to us, you let me know and get them off my
invitation list. If they drink, that's different, but you have them a
comp card for that and you make sure they're paying for it in taxes.
I'm not going to be responsible for someone getting drunk and killing
anyone.”
Norm said, “I'll get him brought up to
speed on all those requests.”
I nodded, “Good.”
I turned, “When you are requested anything professionally in
regards to the company, it goes to Norm. He can get it to the person
who can do that, but nothing gets done by me personally unless it's
in that theater and it's told to me prior to a show.”
Norm said, “Ok. I'll get him in on all that too.”
I paused, “Aaron, here's the deal... He and I's penthouse will be built to my liking eventually. It'll be on top of whatever we build and it'll be the entire top floor so no tourists are up close.
First
and foremost, our space is private. If I catch you or anyone else in
our space without authorization, run and jump off that roof because
I'll be inclined to throw you from it if you're caught.”
I
held up a finger, “HOWEVER, if you have family or a loved one
whom wants to meet me, you schedule them in. IF, however, you have
three Mom's, you tell your Dad to get a grip and stop being stupid! I
will!”
They
laughed and Norm said, “He's not supposed to do that.”
I
shook my head, “It's a part of the price we pay as celebrities.
Don't withhold us because I'd rather be inconvenienced than be
thought as inaccessible. I might have phobias, but I'm not afraid of
a fan.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
Rayne said, “We need an autopen. I want his signature and mine in the thing. It gets done with different ink than what we use for when we sign for a comp.
He
signs with an M and a ♥ (heart if it didn't print)as his
O.”
I said, “It's ALT + 3 on the number pad. Your
numb lock has to be locked.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
Rayne
smiled, “I didn't know that!”
“There's a lot
of cool things over there! I found a shortcut page on the internet
and now use a lot of those!”
He nodded, “Ok!”
Aaron
smiled, “I'm gonna find it too!”
Robert said, “Me
three!”
“Alt
3, Robert!”
He smiled, and I said, “I know what
you meant!”
He
nodded, “That's a good tip!”
I said, “The
one I use the most now is ALT + 248 for degrees... You keep holding
the alt down when you type them. When you release, you'll have it.”
Aaron nodded, “Cool!”
I shook my head, “Here's another thing, Aaron. I do a lot of things with my iPad. If I have a laptop near, I do stuff with that.
At home, I've got a Desktop hooked to my projector in the media room, and that's where I watch movies.
If asked, I don't watch television. I'm so busy, I don't have time to get into too many shows. I don't watch any interviews, and I don't watch any of my movies, or any music videos I've done or anyone else has done.
People
will hear that and they'll report back that my home has cable
television, and you'll have to tell them that's for the housekeeper
and her grandchildren. DO NOT divulge who my housekeeper is!”
“I
won't.”
Norm gave a look and Rayne said, “She's
someone who used to be really famous in the 70's and 80's.”
Norm
nodded and I said, “She applied for the job before the press
figured out they could apply and try to get an interview. Needless to
say, they were asked to leave and the Sheriff was called. I went back
and got that paper I posted, but it was already gone. I had to have
the house phone number changed and now, some little old lady
someplace is probably getting harassed.”
He said, “In
the future, let me know. I'll put it as a number which connects to
our advertisement line.”
I smiled, “If you could
find out who calls it and put them on a dialer which does it over and
over forever, I'd be happy!”
He
smiled, “I'll see what can be done!”
Robert said,
“Let me know and I'll contact the phone company to report it as
harassment. If they have to answer for their actions legally, they'll
be denied a phone period!”
I smiled, “Man, I wish I had you back then!”
He
smiled, “You'd be shocked by the number of people who get
harassed!”
I motioned, “I need something to eat.
That Pepto was great, but it's begging for some company!”
Rayne
laughed, “Let's get him something to eat. Both of us aren't
going on much!”
I asked, “Do we own any good steak
places?”
Norm
smiled, “Yeah, a list of them! You'd probably be better if you
had somewhere private.”
I shrugged, “It's never
stopped me before!”
They laughed and Rayne said, “He's
not private when it comes to food!”
I shook my head, “We never practiced that. I've always done eaten whenever or wherever. It's never bothered me. I sign autographs because people aren't usually rude.
Now, are there exceptions to that rule? Yes. However, with the way I do autographs, I ask the person's name and I put that name on the autograph. Then, they can't come back over and over trying to get something to sell on the internet.
Do
I believe in certified autographs? No. I think it's stupid and I
think it's entitling one certain company to profit and block everyone
else.”
I held up a finger, “What I'll tell you is
Rayne and I practiced being famous. We talked about it, and we've
found it useful. Do I think there needs to be a class on being
famous? Yes. Lord knows there are some idiots who are celebrities!”
I paused, “Here's how I deal with rudeness if it presents itself to me. I'll dial 911 and I'll tell them my GPS coordinates and they'll get there. When they do, I make a formal complaint so that when and if they harass someone else, it's seen on their record and they're arrested.
What
you'll see there is this... A lot of cities and municipalities won't
report those to the FBI. And yet, when it's known, they'll act upon
it. What I'll tell you is I think they SHOULD, and I think they
SHOULD leave a person's kid, loved one, or friend alone. Do they? No.
And I think that's breaking the law.”
I shook my head,
“Folks, this conversation isn't sending my stomach a thing!”
They
laughed and I turned to Norm, “Let's get Rayne and I comp
cards.”
He motioned and we walked. He turned and asked
over his shoulder, “I need to know what you want in your Royce
limo?”
I
said, “For mine, load it and make it white,make the interior
maroon leather and maroon carpet. For the ceiling, I want maroon
suede, and no, I don't care to have a sunroof or any of those star
things in the ceiling. I DO want it to be bulletproof and have no air
tires... And yes, that means I don't want run flat, I want those no
air ones Michelin puts out. Royce will do it for $8000 for the set,
so ask.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
“Other
than that, I have a Maserati, a Royce Drophead, and a Ghost which is
basically Rayne's car, so know those are needing licensed.”
He
looked at me and I said, “I'll get that information to you. I
DO want a Red Ferrari Spyder here with it loaded and having red
interior.
In
regards to other cars I want here at my disposal, I want a really old
Royce, Packard, Pierce, Duesenburg, and Mercedes Roadster. When you
find those, you let me know and I'll pick it. Until hell freezes
over, you put those out front where they can be seen, admired, and
photographed by our fans. Keep them detailed and at the ready because
I'll be driving them.”
Norm nodded, “Ok.”
“My
list in cars won't be long. What we buy, I'll keep forever.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
“In
regards to getting me or Rayne security, I'm not really keen on that.
Security makes you seem inaccessible, and it pisses me off when a
star uses their security to be away from their fans.
ANOTHER
THING! On direct order from me, do NOT pay a star to be here. If they
want to do business with us, great. If they don't, fuck'em. I'm not
paying Mom and Pop Jones to be here, I'm sure as hell not gonna pay
Kardashians or a Hilton to be here. Now, if Robert Kardashian should
happen to kick his way out of a grave, you let me know and I'll
invite Robert over there to the visit.”
He
smiled and Robert giggled, “You're heartless!”
“No,
I think he'd appreciate knowing that his ex has exploited the hell
out of America to make the name become associated with the definition
of media whore! I'm sure if he knew, he'd've kicked his way out of a
grave already. Lord knows I would've!”
Rayne smiled, “Don't like them?”
I rolled my eyes, “Uh, let's see... They bought a house out from under me so that it could be 'held' as an investment. Rather than suing the cunt... and yes, she was a cunt, Robert!... I got my deposit back on the house and chose not to buy a fuckin' thing from that agency and made it a point of personally writing a letter to the owner of said agency to let the person know that I won't do business with them again!
Now, you look where I am now, and you look at how large that became, and you'll see me, any company I own, and any company I hope to have failing to do business with that company, and that real estate cunt!”
I
paused, “In the state of California, if you put money down,
it's basically stopped anyone else from buying that house out from
under you. It's to allow you to get your money together and it's to
stop what happened.”
Robert said, “Yes. I wish
you'd let me do something then.”
I shrugged, “Do
it now! Let the owner know and chuckle rather evilly when you
mention, that I'm not letting any company of mine deal with them or
that agent.”
He nodded, “I'll get on it. Can I
make a complaint now to the State of California?”
“Would it do any good?”
“I think with you, it'd do a lot of good! They're going to see how many you employee and what you pay for taxes and pay attention.”
I nodded, “Ok, do that.”
He
nodded, and looked skyward, “FINALLY!”
I smiled,
“Robert, the other day, I was the fire hydrant... Today, I'm
the dog! Isn't it funny how time changes things!”
Rayne
really smiled, “Yeah!”
We walked through the
lobby. As we walked, I signed autographs, took photos with people,
and so did Rayne. When we got to the restaurant, we waited in line.
People saw and were surprised. I signed autographs and Norm said,
“You could get ahead if you want!”
I stared,
“Norm, here's when I want to be put ahead of people in a
line... At my funeral, let the hearse be put ahead of everyone else.
I promise you I won't stroke out!”
Everyone laughed and
I motioned, “In a hospital emergency room? You do that...
Believe it or not, if I ever tell you I need to go to the hospital,
it's because I need to be there fast! I have a phobia of hospitals
worse than award shows!”
People looked at me strange and I nodded, “But I'll go with him if he wants... It probably won't kill me like waiting in an emergency room!”
Robert smiled real big and I turned to Aaron, “Uh Aaron?”
“Yes?”
“Both
he and I need helicopter service. If you would, I'd appreciate a
Agusta 139 or a Sik 92 done up VIP style and the best. Get us a
flight crew and Robert, we need those people hired permanently.”
He
nodded, “Ok.”
Aaron smiled and I pointed at Norm, “He needs the ability to pay for this stuff. Write it off to me and I'll pay taxes on it personally with the check you provide.”
They
laughed and Robert shook his head, “You can do that, but it's
not legal.”
“I think if we roll it over until
we're dead, it ought to piss off whomever it is who inherits all
this!”
He gave me a look and I pointed, “Rayne and I adopt when we're 35.”
Rayne
smiled, “That used to be 30!”
“The older I
get the younger 30 sounds!”
They
laughed and I turned to him, “If you want a kid, get one!”
He
shook his head, “Not yet!”
I nodded, “Good,
we get to sleep!”
I
turned to Norm, “Before we get kids, I want us to redo windows
everywhere so that they're bomb, blast, bullet, tornado, and
hurricane proof.
When you deal with them, you tell them I want
the psychiatric version of those... And yes, you deal directly with
the company... They'll screw you on a markup!”
Norm smiled, “Ok! Can I do that one?”
“Yeah, as long as you remember the glass in fire doors and for offices. You don't KNOW how it will ruin your day if you lock a door and the perp shoots a hole and kills you through that window!”
They
laughed and I nodded, “Other than that, make sure all the
windows we use are certified the same... especially for child care
areas.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
A woman
hugged me, “Thank you!”
I looked surprised, “I'm
gay! I'm sure it wasn't good!”
Everyone laughed real loud and she giggled, “For you thinking of the kids. If they'd had windows and wrapping at the Murrow Building, it probably would've saved a lot of lives.”
I
nodded, “Yes Ma'am, and I'd like to have seen what would've
happened at the World Trade Center with them. It'd been damned
interesting if the plane had crashed and fell on down.
No,
that's not me saying I'm happy those folks in the jets died, but it
would've saved a lot of people's lives in those buildings.”
I
turned to Norm, “See if they can do a computer generated study
on that before we build another tower. You might see me building to
those standards and upgrading. Then, we can advertise we're safer.”
I
shook my head, “Sorry, don't ever advertise we're safer from a
terrorist bomb, they'll try to prove me wrong!”
She
smiled, “Do you know how good you act?”
“I try... Lord knows the blooper reels tell me different!”
She laughed, and turned to Rayne, “Hon, I'm a huge fan of yours too. I know you're finally happy!”
He smiled, “I sure am!”
I looked at him, “I'm happier... Wanna argue over it!”
She
laughed, and he smiled, “That needs to be in one of our
comedies!”
I nodded, “Ok... But not a Shox movie.
Lord knows she couldn't pick an argument like that!”
The woman laughed, “How's Shox?”
I
crossed my eyes, “Do you know what I caught the beast doing
this morning?”
She smiled, “What!”
“Posting
selfies! Do you know where???”
She laughed real loud,
“Where!”
“To her self! She had 30 of them
and was emailing to herself!!! I walked away saying, “Well
alrighty then!”
They were really laughing and I shook my head, “Ted didn't have that problem with Curious George!”
She looked surprised, “Is that what his name was?”
I nodded, “It's a part of that obscure trivia floating in my brain. In one deleted scene, his name was put as Ted Shackleford... not the one who played Gary Ewing.”
She smiled, “Do you get into obscure trivia?”
Rayne said, “Yeah! He'll tell you stuff and no one else will know what he's talking about!”
She
smiled, “It tells you that he's got a brilliant mind!”
I
smiled, “Ok... You're voted into the top 10 list of favorite
fans!”
Everyone
laughed and she smiled, “My son over there does the same thing!
He was tested and already qualifies as MENSA.”
“I
was told I needed to be checked for that. I thought they meant MRSA
and that ended that!”
She laughed and Robert rolled his eyes. Rayne asked, “What's MRSA?”
“Staff infection which is resistant to any cillin based antibiotic.”
He looked at me, “And you knew that off the top of your head?”
I nodded, “Yeah, remember that teacher we had I called MRS A? She thought I was being obnoxious by shortening asshole to a, but I was really saying she was an infectious disease on mankind!”
He laughed, “He did that too!”
Everyone was laughing and I looked at Norm, “When we get a chance, find out what the hold up is for seating in this restaurant. I do believe if we sat people, we'd actually feed them!”
He
nodded, “It's popular.”
“What's next door?”
“High
stakes poker.”
“See which would bring in more per
hour. If poker pays, we'll move it elsewhere.”
He
nodded, “Ok!”
“Find out if we have other
restaurants which are in similar straits? If we have the same issue,
we'll try doing what it takes to help.”
He nodded, “Four
of them I know off the top of my head. At least one
can't.”
“Sidewalk cafe?”
His
eyes lit up, “YEAH!”
“My second and third
suggestion would be to go up or down...”
He nodded, “Ok!”
She smiled, “I'm enjoying this!”
Rayne smiled and said, “He's not asked yet, but we're having a surprise concert later by invitation only.”
I
nodded, “Yeah, and it's going to have a lot of VIPs who are
real good friends. You'll have a seat whereas some won't. We're going
to open it to the public by Tweet after we've got VIPs seated. It's
going to be late, and will last 3 hours, so be prepared.”
She
asked, “How late?”
“We're
going to Celine...” I whispered behind my hand, “She
hates me!”
She looked shocked and I smiled, “I go
to her show because she sings one of my songs. Of course, she asks me
out to sing it and I take over the stage. Needless to say, when she
sees me, you hear a grunt instead of a hello.”
She laughed, “Do you do that a lot?”
“No...
I try to see her when I'm in town, but it's been 16 months, so she
might've forgotten who I am by now!”
She laughed, “Yeah
right!”
I pointed, “I'm taking Rayne. Then, he can take over more of her show! If I could get Elvis to come, we'd have her seated all night!”
I
turned to Norm, and he smiled, “He's got a permanent engagement
in Memphis!”
I smiled, “See who that company is
which owns Graceland. I hear it isn't Lisa Marie... Well, I know it's
not her, because I asked! Do you know she's a real nice person in
real life?”
Rayne looked shocked, “Who haven't you met!”
I smiled, “Seriously, you need to let me break you out more often!”
He smiled real big, “We own the company now! I think we own the cell and the key!”
I nodded, “Yup!”
She asked, “Is that what happened?”
I whispered, “Don't mention that! It's not a good story! BUT, we fired her and him! You'll hear about it in the press conference tomorrow!”
She
smiled real big, “GOOD! I hear you weren't treated good!”
I
nodded, “Yeah, but I own the accounting ledgers now, so I get
to see where the money went as well as hold that bank account?”
I
turned to Robert, “Have the FBI and IRS ready to do what's
needed after that audit.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
“The
IRS might let the FBI allow them to skate on charges, but they sure
won't!”
He nodded and Rayne asked, “DO you think I'll be affected?”
“Hon, if you are, I bet we can cover that with all the money they took!”
He nodded, “I don't know if I am or not!”
“I know I'm not! When you're fed crumbs, you sort've get seen by the IRS as a poor idiot!”
They laughed and I nodded, “They'll probably ask 'how'd that happen!' when they see the press report, and I'll have to let Robert deal with them.”
Robert
smiled, “Gee thanks!”
I nodded, “We're about
to eat steak. One day, I'm going to take you to In-N-Out Burger to
see what the rest of us lives like!”
We laughed and he smiled, “How'd this get moved to me?”
I shrugged, “If I'd known lawyers made so good, I'd bypassed stardom and went to law school! Believe me, they say I know how to make people cry... well, they ought to see me getting one of your bills!”
Everyone
laughed and he smiled, “Just wait, this bill is going to be
huge!”
I nodded, “Aaron, that's your job! Pay the
man! If you pay him with my one armed bandit earnings, you'll see
what a two armed one makes!”
We laughed and Norm moved and said, “Excuse me...”. He went by the line and I said, “Norm got hungry!”
We laughed and she asked, “Why didn't you go ahead?”
I rolled my eyes, “Nope! I'm enjoying myself too much! Believe me, I had opportunity, but I learned a long time ago if you try getting special treatment and pass in line at the drive-thru at McDonald's, it pisses everyone off!”
Everyone
laughed and she smiled real big. My phone rang and I looked. I said,
“Sorry, I have to take this call.” I put it on
speakerphone, “It's me, you're on speakerphone.”
“Is
this message true?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok,
put us down for that!”
“You have to be here at the
Bay by 11pm. It's going to last 3 hours, so be
prepared.”
“Ok!”
“And invite
your kids!”
“Oh, we are!”
“It's
great talking to you!”
I
rang off and looked at Rayne. He gave me a look like, “Who?”,
and I said, “Brook's Mom.”
“OH!”
I
turned, “Vic Beckham. We knew her son before we got
famous.”
She looked surprised, “Really!”
I
nodded, “I'm going to sit Pink next to her. If you don't think
those two look like sisters, you've not recognized the
resemblance!”
She smiled, “Really?”
I nodded, “I went over and hugged her thinking she was Pink. As it turned out, she wasn't! Then, I was sort've confused until Brook came over and gave me a hug. Then, I was like, “Oh!”.
She's
way thinner than pink, but when both of them have their sunglasses on
and their hair blond, it's nearly identical.”
Rayne asked, “How long's it been since you've seen Brook?”
I
looked up, “Two years? He's not changed.”
He
smiled, “I'm glad they're coming!”
I
nodded, “Me too. We need to find Janelle.”
He
nodded, “Let me see if her old phone number still works?”
“We
need to call that lady at Walgreen's too.”
He smiled,
“She's probably gotta work!”
“Hon, if she's
signed and is making a fortune, she won't have to work! However, I'm
sure Walgreen's is sure happy!”
I held up my finger and dialed. She answered, “Hello?”
“Hi, It's Mo. DO you have to work tonight?”
“No. Why?”
“Rayne and I are putting on a surprise concert in Vegas and wanted to know if you'd want to come?”
“Sure!”
“Ok.
Let me get a jet down to pick you up. It's going to be late late, do
you want a room?”
“Ok!”
“Great.
We're flying back to L.A. tomorrow, so we'll take you in our jet.
While we're doing that, we'll get you signed so you're
acting.”
“Great! Can I quit working there?”
“Yeah.
I'm not gonna care. We'll make sure your bills are paid and you're
put into a few things for the next couple of years. We've got to see
what our Disney schedule is before we book ourselves in
movies.”
“Ok!”
“I'm going to
give you off to Aaron. He's my assistant, so you'll get the full
treatment!”
She laughed, “Ok!”
“And
wait until we get you here before you get dressed. We'll have you run
over to Armani and get a wardrobe.”
“OK!”
I
handed the phone to Aaron, “Treat her like a huge star. She'll
be one!”
Rayne
said, “Make sure he's her assistant too. I'll get Janelle with
mine.”
“Ok! We need to get yours here!”
He
nodded, “I thought so, but I wasn't going to say anything.”
I rolled by eyes, “Babe!”
He
smiled, “I'm fine!”
“You're fine alright!”
He smiled great big and she giggled. We moved ahead and Norm came back. He wasn't looking happy at all. “I have it handled. We'll be seated momentarily. They were keeping the back room shut!”
I cocked my head, “Why?”
“Not
enough staff. Now they're calling people in...”
I shook
my head, “Can't they call in other people?”
“Yes.”
I
took a deep breath, “Who's the manager?”
“I'm
on that.”
“Don't fire the person, just let them
know that they have the right to call people in. This is ridiculous!”
He
nodded, “I will.”
Real fast, we were sat in the
next room. The manager came over, “I'm terribly sorry!”
I
said, “Fella, from now on, you have the right to call people
in. I'm going to check on this place periodically, and if this is
happening again, I promise you that your replacement will have the
understanding that this room opens and people are called in.
If
you're short of staff, you get with him. I'm sure we've got people
who will make an hourly wage who aren't being utilized.”
He
nodded, “Yes sir.”
“You have your wait staff
write off everyone's meal in this room. Don't notify them until it's
time to pay, that way they get tips if they earn them.”
He
gave a nod and Rayne smiled, “Simmer down!”
I
nodded, “Ok. I'm simmering down. He told me to!”
He asked, “May I go ahead and take your order?”
I nodded, “Perhaps we'd better.” We ordered and Aaron gave me a look. I motioned, “Order up!”
He
ordered and I said, “When you're with us, consider yourself a
part of the team. When you're not with us, consider yourself a part
of the team.”
I looked over, “Norm, Rayne needs
his person...”
He nodded, “Sure.”
Real
fast, we had drinks and salads. I requested extra napkins and made a
bib. Rayne smiled, “You do that too!”
I nodded,
“Armani... I saw the price tags!”
He
laughed, “Me too!” He said, “Excuse me. She just
got sticker shock over the prices here.”
He went over
and I said, “Aaron, get him a comp card for her. He's finding
out what it feels like to help people.”
He gave me a look and I nodded, “They kept the reins tight on him. They didn't with me.”
He nodded and made a call. I said, “Ten grand. She might not use it all, but she'll enjoy herself.”
He nodded and Norm said, “I might have to make that call.”
I nodded and Norm made the call. Afterward, he made another call and got the clearances changed so that Aaron could make calls.
When
he was off the phone, he said, “I'm going to have to list them
as management in order to get them clearances.”
I
nodded, “Sure, but make sure the jet he just authorized to go
get that girl was done!”
He nodded, “Let me call and see! I hadn't thought about that!”
We ate and Rayne asked, “Can we go look for our suite?”
I nodded, “Sure!”
He
smiled, “I'm getting tired.”
I nodded, “I
understand.”
We went to the Delano and looked at suites. He picked the one I would've, and Aaron said, “I'll have your things brought. Would you like to take some time to be refreshed?”
I nodded, “Let us rest for a few hours. We need to be ready for later. If our people get here, tell them we'll be ready by 8pm. They'll know what to do to get our stage prepared.”
He nodded and Norm asked, “Anything specific?”
“Five bottles of water in an ice bucket. When our merchandise gets here, you'll find I've got M♥ sleeves for bottles and cans. Put those on them, and I won't get shocked by anything I touch.
Make
sure there are a packet of AA batteries for my mic pack next to the
water, and make sure there's nothing citrus on the Green room or our
dressing room.”
He nodded, “Ok.”
I
paused, “Norm, here's a tidbit for all time knowledge. If
there's ever a singer who requests anything citrus, you forbid it
from happening.”
He gave me a surprised look, “Why?”
“Citrus
closes up your throat and tightens your vocal cords. It will mess up
the sound.”
“OH!”
“That's why
most singers request it not be near them.”
He
nodded, “I wasn't aware of that!”
“Don't use
citrus air freshener either. Most singers will request candles just
to make sure nothing is used which might be in the air which is
harmful.”
He nodded, “I'm glad you told me! I'll
get that changed for everyone.”
“If they request
candles, find out what they want and get those met. Some will request
some really oddball things, but some will request some which covers
the scent of pot. I'm not telling you what to do, but let me know if
you find any roaches... Most will flush them.”
He
nodded, “Ok.”
He left and Aaron pointed, “My
suite will be there. Rayne's concierge will be over there.”
I
nodded, “If our people request rooms, put them in nice, but not
the best. IF his orchestra leader or my band director wants one, get
them up here. If the guy who plays Shox request one up here, do it.
You'll know him because he's like 450 pounds and is like 6'7”
tall.”
“OH!”
“He's not a
dancer. I doubt if anyone would catch him OR throw him!”
He laughed and Rayne really giggled. “You nut!”
He
left and Rayne walked into my arms. We made out and a knock sounded
on the door. Rayne said, “Damn!”
“I'll go
see who it is. It's probably no one who needs to be here.”
I
went to the door. Robert said, “Don't look at the television.”
“What's going on?”
He gave me a look, “I'm making a request to have Jeff arrested through the FCC. If that tells you what is happening, you read good between the lines.”
“If
you can't reach anyone to make that arrest, let me know. I've got the
President's number.”
He looked surprised and I shrugged,
“His kids are fans. I've sang private concerts there.”
He
nodded, “I'll let you know.”
“See
if you can contact the heads of the networks. If you can't, he sure
can!”
He nodded, “Ok.”
“Sue and
sue loud. They're perpetuating this stuff.”
“Oh, I am!”
He
left and I shut the door. Rayne gave me a look and I said, “I'm
going to bed. There's nothing we can do until tomorrow. Then, I doubt
if the bastard shows. If he does, you make sure you've got cash bail
money because I'm beating him down.”
He smiled, “I might be kickin' the shit out of him when he's taken down!”
“Cover my back because I don't trust the bitch who will step out to defend him!”
I walked over and dialed Rupert's number, “Hello?”
“It's
me, Mo.”
“OH HELLO!”
“Listen, I
need a favor.”
“What's going on?”
“Rayne
and I are together. Jeff Fortuna is spreading lies.”
“I've
seen what's being reported.”
“Rupert, save
yourself a lawsuit. I can put my blood up against the drug statement,
and have. Without going further, you're going to be asked to report a
press conference Rayne and I are giving.”
“Is he
going to approve that?”
“He's been fired. Rayne and I bought Monte Vison earlier today, and he was fired. Because no one knows that and it's to be released first thing in the morning, he's smearing today.
If
he's at that press conference, believe me, you'll have news because
I'm breaking that man's jaw!”
“Oh dear!”
“If
someone had done to you what he's doing, you'd probably be doing what
I'll be doing. People will believe the worst before they'll believe
the best, and he's certainly slandering while everyone reporting what
he's saying is libeling.
That's all the warning I'm giving... Robert Shapiro is my attorney and he's filing all the lawsuits tomorrow morning. Right now, he's getting the FCC involved. If he can't reach them, my phone call to the President's direct line sure as hell will!”
“I'll
get an immediate retraction. You have my apologies.”
“Thank
you. I'll make sure I head Robert off from filing anything toward
you.”
“It's appreciated. Did you buy MGM?”
“Yes
sir.”
He laughed, “Your initials!”
“Yes.”
“Congratulations!”
I
rang off and Rayne gave me a look, “You know, you amaze me with
the numbers you've got!”
“Notice I'll call him, but I won't invite him to anything.”
He
smiled, “Yeah!”
I dialed Mike, “Hello?”
“It's
me. I hope you're not reporting that!”
“No! He got
told I know different!” He paused, “How are you going to
do this on the contracts?”
“We're holding true to our word. There's no reason for me not to!”
“It's
looking like a conflict of interest.”
“Mike, it
might be, but we'll uphold our end of the agreement, and we'll
publicize it like we always do. Goodwill breeds goodwill, and I'm all
too happy to do my utmost best for Disney... Rayne is also.
I'm
sure there are going to be times in the future you'll have need to
have favors done, so it's nothing more or less.”
“Thanks.”
“There's
no reason to thank me. That's how it was intended.”
He
chuckled, “It's rare.”
“It shouldn't be.”
“I'd
like to speak with you at some point in time.”
“Sure.
Are you coming tonight?”
“Of
course! But it can't be tonight.”
“That's fine.
We'll find time.”
He
got quiet and said, “Fox just pulled it and is now doing a
complete retraction with their full apologies.”
“I
just spoke with Rupert.”
“Good.
That'll certainly help.”
“I'm not pulling lawsuits
which will be filed Monday morning. I am against you because I don't
think anything was done by you. He's not getting any because I told
him I'd head Robert off if he did what he just did.”
“Good.
That ought to tell you the power you've got now. He's been known to
ignore requests.”
“He's also aware that when I
sue, it's pulling everything I'll ever do for the man's company for
the rest of my lifetime.”
He laughed, “I hear
that!”
“I apologize for anything this does to my
brand, but if Jeff shows to that meeting tomorrow, I'm breaking his
jaw.”
He laughed. “I'm not going to hold it
against you! If it happens, it'll be the world waking up to the fact
you've got a line which won't be crossed!”
“It's
been reached. He's thinking that he's built the brand, he can take it
down. He realizes the world doesn't know I've bought the company, so
he's using what last glimmer of respect he has trying to take me down
before he's gone.”
“He won't work in this town
again. He might in some far reach of this earth, but it won't be
where the news reaches.” He paused, “What's your next
move?”
“Run
it... Get someone in and run it.”
“I might be
interested.”
“WHAT!”
“Boardroom
politics. You're at an advantage because you're not beholding to
shareholders...from what I've heard.”
“No. I'm
not... Well, we're not.”
He chuckled, “I know what
you mean. Everyone already knows where one is, the other is too. He's
not hidden it.”
“No... and he won't. We're going
to be married at some point in time.”
“Don't worry
about my opinion. Disney couldn't function without gay people.”
“Thanks. I'm not sure when, but it will be.”
I
rang off and snuggled up behind Rayne. He pulled me in and said, “I
love you.”
“I love you too.”
We went to sleep.
When
we were woke, it was by Aaron's call. “Hello, we're up.”
“I
need to speak with you.”
“Sure.”
Rayne
got up and went to his bathroom. I went to the door and Aaron walked
in. He had his iPad, and showed me. “I've got a list of cars,
but I want you to look at this one.”
“What is it?”
“1931
Chrysler Imperial.”
He showed the photos and I said,
“Man, that's nice!”
Rayne came in, “What's
going on?”
“Come
on over and look. We'll sit and decide.”
He came over
and looked. He said, “Oh man, that's sharp!” He gave me a
look, “I can't drive a stick!”
“Could've
fooled me tiger!”
He smiled real big, and giggled, “You know what I mean!”
Aaron
laughed and I said, “I'll teach you. It's not hard. It takes
patience and it takes having someone who is as patient.”
He
nodded, “Ok, I hope I can.”
“We'll get
these, but I'll find a big old farm truck we can go out and practice
in. WE've got a lot of acres here, and we've got pillows.”
“Why
pillows?”
“To put between you and the steering
wheel. It's not IF you'll make it buck, it's how often. They made
those transmissions and gears so they'd pull a lot of weight in those
old trucks, so they're built solid enough to take it.”
He
nodded, “Ok.”
I looked at everything in Hemmings
and then started a search. By the time I'd gotten the list pared, we
had 10 cars. I pointed, “These.”
Aaron nodded,
“Ok. If you want a moment, I can let you guys look at these in
private.”
Rayne
said, “Aaron, you're going to be around us for a long time. The
odds of you seeing us full or partially nude are way up there.”
I
nodded, “People in show business aren't shy. If you saw how we
have to do costume changes backstage, you'd understand we have to be
stripped, and put back into clothes within seconds. Those who are
around see us and there's nothing we can do...except deal with it.
I've got someone putting things on, someone fastening me in, and
someone doing hair and someone doing makeup all at the same time.
When I'm told to lift,I lift. When I'm told to suck it in, it's gotta
be sucked in, or zipped in the zipper which if you have a mic which
is live, you learn that 50,000 people will hear that cuss word!”
He
smiled and Rayne said, “It sound painful, but he's not lying.
I've had pubic hair zipped in and when I bitched, they pulled out the
pants and ripped 'em out!”
He laughed, “MAN!”
I nodded, “You learn to shave it all. You learn to be careful what you eat because it will stain your tongue and you'll do a photoshoot or whatever with it.
I
brush my tongue. It might be white, but it's not purple, orange, or
whatever color I drank.”
Rayne nodded, “I only
drink water days of shoots. He's right, you brush your tongue and you
do whatever is needed.
I
shave my pits. He does too. You don't show through shirts without
undershirts, and you don't sweat and stink as fast.”
I
nodded, “There's a lot you do and a lot you'll tolerate to get
that shot. What I won't do is I won't jeopardize my life.”
Rayne
nodded, “I'm glad you spoke up that day. He was a dumb
fuck!”
I smiled, “Rayne cussing tells you it was
ridiculous! They had us on a skyscraper out where the wind was
blowing a gale with no straps. One gust happened and all I saw was a
40 story fall. Finally, I said, “That's it for me. Get some
other dumb son of a bitch!”
The
guy wanted to raise up a bitch fit, and I got in the elevator and hit
the down button. By the time the doors shut, it was crowded like
sardines in that car!”
He laughed and Rayne smiled,
“Erica said that his camera bag went over the edge. That's when
she was in the next car... She said, “Oh hell NO!” and
the guy said, “My day's ruined I hope you know!” and she
said, “Your career is fucked as soon as I get to a phone!”.
Then, she called Armani and raised hell!”
I
nodded, “That was ridiculous!”
Aaron asked, “Where
was this?”
We both said, “Dubai.”
He
looked surprised and I nodded, “We've seen some pretty scenery
being their models.”
Rayne nodded, “Yeah. I'm glad
we got out of there.”
“Not me! I wanted to go out
into the desert and do a camel ride!”
He
smiled, “You thought that guy was hot, don't kid me!”
I
looked at him, “You've GOTTA be joking!”
He looked
surprised, “You didn't think he was hot?”
“Hon,
I thought he was hot for all of two seconds! Then, I saw that man's
body from the waist down when he went piss and I thought, “Ugh,
that's gross! Whoever the hell you want fella, they're going to cough
up a fur ball!”.”
Rayne smiled, “I thought
he was hot, but I didn't see that!”
I shook my head, “He
did it on purpose. I think he wanted us both. When he lifted that
caftan or whatever the hell that thing was he was wearing, I looked,
but that turned me off!”
Aaron was smiling and I nodded, “They don't package Nair in industrial keg sizes needed to take the hair off that one!”
They
laughed and I pointed, “Ok, those 22 and we'll see if there's
any others we're interested in.”
He nodded, “Ok!
What now?”
I pointed, “He and I have to go work out. Then, we're going to shower and get ready to go see Celine. Did our people get in?”
He
nodded, “I have your Armani guy in one down the hall
here.”
“Tell him to get this way. He can be in
here all he wants, he's not going to take anything.”
He
nodded, “Ok.”
Rayne and I went and worked out. By
the time we were done, he was hot for the bod! We went in and
showered together, made out, and made love.
When we were finished, we dried and went out nude.
Ben
smiled, “I've got your clothes in your closets!”
I
went over and hugged him. He smiled, “Down boy!”
Rayne laughed, “He's insatiable!”
I laughed, and asked, “Ben, do you know Rayne?”
“No, but I'm his rep too.”
“Good!” I said, “Rayne, this is Ben. He's great.”
Rayne shook his hand and said, “What does Armani think of what's being reported?”
Ben shook his head, “Robert called and Armani is suing everyone Robert sues.”
I dialed Robert, “Hello?”
“Pull
any lawsuit you had against Rupert.”
“Ok. I see
he's apologizing all over himself!”
“I called and
he's doing that. I told him there'd be no lawsuit if he did it, so
you know he's out of it.”
“Good. I've got NBC,
CBS, and their companies pulling everything and retracting everything
with full apologies. What we've got left are getting sued. I point
blank got told there was no way one of them would pull a thing, so
they're not. I told them we'd file the lawsuit in Los Angeles first
thing Monday and would own them when we fought it out in court.”
“Make a call to Carl. He'll get them to fold, but you tell him we're expecting damages.”
“Ok!”
“He's
got pull there. I think he's got silent money in it, or
something.”
He laughed, “Ok!”
“Who
I know there couldn't do a thing. It's going to take a boardroom
member in order to get it stopped.”
“I'm
on it! I'm glad you know these things!”
I rang off and
yelled, “Aaron!”
He came in, “Yeah!”, and stared. I smiled and he looked shocked.
Rayne laughed and Ben said, “Boy, you look like you've never seen a COCK before!”
Ben
pointed and said, “Pecker, weiner, peepee, and anything else
just doesn't cut it for that amount... It's called COCK!”
Aaron
started giggling and I said, “That's not why I called you
in.”
He gave me a look, “What did you need?”
I
pointed, “Lube in that bathroom!”
Ben and Rayne
started laughing and Aaron smiled. I said, “We fucked with the
lotion, but hey... I'm not getting gross on you! In this suite, we
need lube!”
He looked shocked and Rayne laughed, “He'll
tell you things in a crude and unusual manner!”
I
nodded, “I'd like to have a variety. You might see if wherever
you get it has an assortment. Don't look like you're buying for lube
wrestling, but if you get a gallon of Wet, get a pump!”
He
smiled and I nodded, “Don't get that hot kind from Doc Johnson.
That shit dries out in the dispenser and you get screwed out of your
money!”
Rayne asked, “What hot kind?”
“Cinnamon
flavor. It heats up, and is like anal-eze.”
Rayne smiled
and said, “You would know!”
I nodded, “I do! You'd be amazed at what gets stolen out of your luggage in some of these country's airports! They'll steal your Fleshlight AND your lube!”
Everyone laughed and I shook my head, “Had I known, I'd not cleaned the thing!”
Rayne said, “OOH!”
I shrugged, “Ask me if $75 matters when I'm trying to get one to catch up with me as I'm globetrotting! Do you know that in some countries you can't import one?”
Rayne
smiled, “Only you would know!”
I nodded, “I
do! Had you been there, it'd been a different story!”
Aaron smiled and I nodded, “That's it on my requests.”
He
walked off and Rayne walked after him. When he came back, he said,
“Your guy has the hots for you!”
I shook my head,
“You were standing there nude too! He's probably got it bad for
Ben here!”
We laughed and Ben smiled, “He IS cute!”
“Go for it!”
He smiled, “Is he traveling with us?”
“We're not traveling much. We'll be gone on the weekends and we'll be in Hollywood at the Hollywood Bowl, but we won't be leaving here that much.”
My
phone had started ringing, so I answered it. Robert said, “I
want you to know Carl's madder than hell at them! He said you'll get
damages!”
I laughed, “For that one, I might've
taken the rest of the company with those damages! Lord knows we could
use a network even if it's small!”
“Not
yet. My people are shredding your bookkeeper. So far, they've found a
LOT of inconsistencies!”
“Have the FBI been
notified?”
“Yes.”
“Let
me make a call...I'll call you back!”
I rang off and
dialed Mort, “Hello?”
“It's
me. I hate to bug you!”
He laughed, “Bug away! If
it's about what I've seen, I hope you're doing things!”
“I
am, but I need all the jets for Monte Vison grounded until late
tomorrow afternoon.”
“Why?”
“I think he's going to run. Robert's bookkeepers have found a lot of inconsistencies in the books, so the FBI is being notified.
Now, if it were you, would you make a run for it after you've pulled the stunts he's pulled?”
“I'll
make calls.”
“Make a call to the head of the phone
company and shut the man's phone off!”
He laughed, “I'm
glad you think of these things!”
“If we start harassing him to the point he's too busy to harass me, maybe he'll realize he's fuckin' with the wrong person!”
“Ok!”
“Thanks!”
I
rang off and Rayne high fived me. “Great!”
“I don't want them chasing the man, I want him able to be arrested and detained immediately!”
“You might have them see if he's got anything in her name. You might be trying to catch him so hard that she's getting away.”
I
dialed Mort back, “Hello? I'm getting those numbers!”
“It's
me... Listen, her car is leased by the company. Can you see if we can
get that pulled?”
“Sure!”
“If
she's on foot, she won't go far. It's only 90 miles to the border, so
you know what direction I'd head!”
“Ok. I'll do
that!”
“You might tell security to bar her from
the building too.”
“She is.”
“Good.
I don't put it past her to follow directions if he's crackin' them.”
“I'll
work on this. I've got my secretary busy, but I'm about to head that
way.”
“Great! Let me know if you need anything.
I've got a guy who will get it done.”
“No, that's
fine. You do what you need to do.”
I
rang off and dialed Robert. His was busy, so I finished getting
dressed. Ben checked everything and said, “You're good! Check
your seems!”
I did my stretches and squats. On impulse,
I dialed Jeffrey Katzemburg, “Hello?”
“It's
me, Mo.”
“Well HI!”
“If you and
your wife aren't doing anything tonight, we're having a surprise
concert here in Vegas... Rayne and I are performing.”
“So
you're not signed into Betty Ford?”
“WHAT!”
“That's
what's been said! It was said you'd attempted suicide and was now
resting comfortably in Betty Ford Clinic.”
“Uh,
I'm fine. There's nothing in my veins except ice water... Believe me,
I need to be doing a press conference right now!”
“I'll
be there. You make sure that Mike knows you're ok.”
“He's
coming. I've spoken with him several times already.”
“Good!”
“I need to ring off.”
I
hung up and dialed Robert's number again, “Hello? I'm about 8
feet from your door!”
“If you hear me scream, it's
because I should've been put in front of a bunch of press and be
showing them I'm not in Betty Ford!”
“It's
handled.”
I opened the door and he walked in. I had
tears in my eyes, “Robert, I'm beyond pissed!”
He
nodded, “I know! Now, I'll tell you I've been working every
direction.”
“Me too! He's not getting out of Los
Angeles by jet because Mort's grounding them! He's not getting out by
her car because Mort's calling to get it taken back!”
He
nodded, “Good. I've got his and her bank accounts frozen.
You've got first lienholder on them, and I've got offers from people
if you won't sue. They're already making full retractions and I've
got the video sharing sites scouring to get everything
removed...which they're offering damages.”
I nodded,
“Ok... What are we talking?”
“First
of all, I'm not pulling my complaints to the F.C.C.. They can deal
with it all they like, but I won't pull a thing.”
“Ok,
I wouldn't either.”
He gave me a look, “I went
high. Everyone's been told you were going for $100 billion in the
lawsuits. With your net worth, it would've been
gotten.”
“Ok...”
Rayne walked in and
Ben said, “I'm going to speak with your manservant.”
I smiled, “Ben, you be gentle on him!”
He
smiled and walked out. Robert gave me a look and I motioned, “Ben
likes Aaron!”
Robert nodded, “Oh!”
Rayne
smiled, “Aaron walked in when we were both nude and sort've let
the cat out of the bag! He got tongue tied and twisted!”
Robert
laughed, and I pointed, “I think it's for Rayne, but Rayne
thinks he's hot for me.”
Robert slid out papers and
said, “Settlement offers if we don't sue.”
I sat
down and began to read. Rayne sat down and I looked up, “$1
billion?”
Robert gave a nod, “With the exception of Hearts. Carl was told it'd be a minimum of $5 billion because I don't take kindly to being told to fuck myself at all! He apparently called and got told to fuck himself too. That's when he told them he was dumping the stock because they'd just bankrupted the company... That he'd spoken with you numerous times today and that at no time did you appear under the influence, and that he knew for a fact you were in Las Vegas because he'd sold MGM to you!
Apparently,
him saying that had them in a state of panic and shock. That's when
he called me with the man on the phone and I took no prisoners. Now
there's an offer for $5 billion.”
I nodded, “Are
they pulling the story and offering retractions?”
He nodded, “100%.” He motioned, “One other is yet to respond. I've let his people know that I'm counting the hours the story is on the wire, and when we've reached Monday morning, we're going for the full $100 billion and won't settle for less. When he DOES call, we're going for $1 billion an hour. So far, we're at 4 hours.”
I closed my eyes, “Is there any way to stop it?”
He nodded, “Take the checks and wait until tonight. Let the damage control take effect and then, step in front of the cameras. Have all your influential friends step in front of the cameras, and let Betty Ford's representatives step in front of the cameras too.
When
everyone sees what's happened, let the press be crucified for not
checking their facts before they reported them.”
He
paused, “I'm going to ask one thing...”
“What's
that?”
“That
the FBI test you and report their findings.”
“Why?”
“You've got clearances which dictate you keep them. Once they deem you're not a threat, I'm sure the President will step in front of the cameras and speak on your behalf and tell the world the press have overstepped their bounds.
When I step in front of a camera, I'm going to tell the world you're now debt free, and we're still hunting for people to sue.
My
advice is to write a song. Get it out and let everyone who supports
you celebrate and see if it's damaged your brand.”
I
nodded, “Ok.”
“It's
a shame, but we're getting everything the man owns and ever hopes to
own. Besides that, he's got to face all the charges you're putting on
him as well as the charges we're finding in the books.”
“Ok...
How bad will the company be hurt?”
Robert
sort've stumbled, “It's several hundred million. I'm not sure
of the exact number, but it's not light. He's lived like a king on
the money, and he's not been careful.”
I nodded, “Ok,
we'll take the hit and can make it. It sucks, but we'll recover.”
He
gave me a look, and proceeded carefully, “You and Rayne need to
get married. You need Wills. My fear is he'll not be arrested and
that statement of you trying suicide is him trying something to harm
or kill you.”
“Give me a moment.”
I dialed Norm, “Hello?”
“We
need every available security person to protect our VIPs. A potential
threat might've been made with Jeff stating that I've attempted
suicide. He might try something and I'd be remiss if we weren't
protecting everyone.”
“Ok. I'm on it.”
“For
tonight, we're getting all of my people to the Villas. I'm screwed if
I'm up high and I'm screwed if I'm down low.”
“Tweet
you're someplace where you're not. Put it out in your social media by
taking pictures and get word out that way. He'll follow that and will
be lured into a trap.”
“That's a good idea!”
“My
advice is to use your security and get to your jet. He won't be able
to get to you in a federally protected area. With your security and
their security, you're safe.”
“Good thought! I
hadn't thought of that!”
“Any
threat or attempt on that ground is seen as a terroristic plot, they
sure won't let it go light!”
I nodded, “I'll do
that! You just make sure they know we're going to Los Angeles in the
morning.”
“That sounds to me like it's a trap
you're creating for him. Can I offer another alternative?”
“Sure. You're making plenty of sense!”
“You're
in the land of make believe there. It's all smoke and mirrors, so
create a diversion and stand in front of a prop which is in front of
your headquarters. Then, if he's watching or planning anything, he's
there alone and no one else is...”
“Thanks! That's
a helluvan idea!”
I rang off and started to dial Mort. I stopped and thought, “Uh, how do I do this?”
Robert
said, “Let me get to work on that. You go enjoy yourselves.
It's easier than you think.”
Really?”
He
nodded, “Yeah. It's done all the time. You've got green screens
which are huge in your studios, so there are everywhere else. We have
the front of the studio filmed and then, you and everyone in the news
conference stand in front of a green screen and let it do it's
job!”
I nodded, “Ok! Let me make a call!”
He
smiled, “Everyone's going to be at your concert later!”
“Mike
needs to get Disney people brought up to speed. His people can get
that shot and have a screen readied.”
He nodded, “Ok!
It's going to be some major overtime for that crew, but you'll have
enough.”
He motioned, “Sign those papers. By the
time we get the rest, you'll be real good. If not, you'll own a
newswire by the time I'm finished.”
I chuckled, “Either way, it's pretty sweet! It's bittersweet because I've probably lost a lot of fans, but we'll have as much damage as possible controlled.”
I dialed Mike, “Hello?”
“It's
me. I need a favor.”
“What's that?”
“I
need help from your studio. I don't know my people well enough to do
what's needed, so I've got to ask you.”
“What's
going on?”
“I can't do my press conference in front of my studio tomorrow due to a threat which might be carried out.
I
want it to appear I'm there, and the only way we can think to do it
is to have the front of our studio filmed and put on a green screen
so that we appear to be there, and the world is led to believe all is
well.”
“Oh! Ok!”
“I don't want
anyone hurt or threatened. In regards to myself, I'd love to be close
enough to the man to beat him to a pulp. Just the same, I can't do
it.”
“I'll get my people on it. You need a shot of
your studio front entrance and that's it?”
“Your
news cameras at the press conference.”
“Ok. I'll
have them contacting everyone else and we'll get what's needed.”
“I
appreciate this Mike.”
“Just get all you can. It's
shocking how easily he's been able to do this.”
“I
understand. What's pissing me off is there's still some hold
outs.”
“Who?”
Robert
said the wire and Mike said, “Let me make a call.”
Robert
said, “Mike, you tell the man to call me. I'm going for a
billion an hour until Monday morning. Then, it's $100 billion and I'm
not settling for less... We'll hash it out in court with the FBI
having samples of his blood, tissue, and urine to clear his name.”
Mike
said, “MAN!”
I said, “Mike, it's needed. I'm
a guest at the White House and with doubt, so goes my
clearances.”
“Oh man! I hadn't thought of
that!”
“Damage like this is far reaching. However,
once it's cleared, the President is onboard with stepping up and
making statements.”
“GOOD!”
“The
press is going to take a beating on this as they should. It's
terrible, but not one fact got checked about his story. They ran with
it!”
“No! And thankfully, you headed us off at the
pass!”
Robert
said,”He's cost himself quite a bit of money by doing it!”
I
said, “I'd expect to be treated the same if the shoes were on
different feet. Just the same, loyalty brings about loyalty...”
Mike
said, “Yes, it does!”
We rang off and Rayne asked, “Are we ok to go tonight?”
I nodded, “Yeah. Their security and ours will be alerted. He's not going to do anything over there because it makes him look like he's lost his mind!” I paused, “Uh, Rayne?”
“Yeah?”
I
looked over at Robert, “I know where he is...”
Robert
gave me a look, “Where!”
I looked at Rayne, “Where
was he when we spoke with him?”
Rayne
said, “The ranch!”
I nodded, “Go figure
where it's safe to hide! And go figure where it'd look most
incriminating! It's wide open and where would I plant drugs and make
calls to...”
I stopped, “Robert, we need the ranch
and my house searched. We need drug dogs, and we need it done really
discretely. If he's got photos of drug dogs going through our houses
by the Sheriff, he's spinning and can say, “Well, there's the
photographic proof! Tell me it didn't happen!”
Robert
closed his eyes, “Let me have that number for the President?
I'm going to need to speak with him. It's going to take Secret
Service to do a check which can't be admissible in a court of law!”
I nodded, and got him the number. He walked away and Rayne shook his head, “You know, I'm thanking God we're dealing with this like we are... I never once thought we could be sitting ducks at our own homes!”
“It's a game. He's head of the smoke and mirrors division, don't think he's not knowing how to put a spin and make things happen.”
He
said, “Man, now I'm worried!”
“Hon, they're
going to search for everything. We're not sure how it could've been
planted, but I'm saying that if it were me, it'd be poison or
something where it couldn't be traced... We're going to have to have
everything checked from the shower heads to sheets.”
We
went out and down to the limo. I noticed the security and got in.
“Security is all over us.”
Rayne asked, “Really?”
“There's probably 10 of them within eyesight. How many out of it, I don't know, but they're running everywhere.”
Suddenly,
two SUVs pulled up and guys went running. Rayne said, “MAN!”
I
nodded, “Our people!”
He
smiled, “Good!”
We went to Caesars and were let
out at the star's entrance. We were let out and everyone piled into
the elevator and went up. On the way, I saw a kid in a wheelchair and
nudged Rayne. I dialed Norm, “Hello?”
“Find
our merchandise guy and get two sets of it over here!”
“Ok!”
We
went over and I knelt down. He looked tired, but he was really
surprised. “Hi! I thought you tried to commit suicide!”
I
shook my head no, “Someone's telling stories because he's no
longer a friend.”
He
looked shocked and I asked, “So how are you!”
“I'm
doing ok! It's hard, but I'm making it!”
His Mom said,
“You two are some of his favorites. He sings to your CDs too!”
I nodded, “Do you know The Arrow?”
He
smiled real big, “Yeah!”
I nodded, “I'm
going to be singing it here tonight.”
Rayne asked, “What will she be singing of mine?”
“Go over there and see the stage manager. When he gets finished looking shocked, he'll tell you!”
He laughed, “Why will he looked shocked?”
“He'll think she didn't show and you're the substitute!”
He
really laughed and walked off. She said, “He's SO good
looking!”
I nodded, “I know! I keep telling him
and he says, “Tell me another one!”, so I do, and he's
shaking his head no like he didn't want to hear that one. Finally,
I'm like, “Just pick one!”.”
She laughed and he blurted out, “How's Shox?”
I rolled my eyes, “Well Shox is ok. Do you know I woke up this morning and she'd ate all the Fruit Loops?” I nodded my head, “She looked up at me and had Fruit Loops stuck to her face and she said, “You didn't sort them!”, and I said, “No, they come that way!” and she said, “Well I don't like them!”, and I said, “YOU ATE THE ENTIRE BOX!”, and she said, “Well, someone sorted the Cocoa Pebbles!”, and I was like, “Yeah, and it took me all day!”, and she said, “Well, they're gone now!”
They were laughing and Rayne came back over. He got to listening when I was in mid spiel and got to laughing.
The kid and his Mom were laughing hysterically, so it was good. I hugged him and he said, “Man, I'm glad I came!”
“Me too! I'd been sitting here talking to Rayne about Shox and he would've said, “I know, I was there! Tell me something I don't know!”
I smiled and Rayne said, “I'm going to sing Two Bricks.”
I
nodded, “Great!”
The kid smiled really big, “I
LOVE that one!”
Rayne
said, “You can come out on stage with me when I sing it!”
He
looked surprised and I said the kid's name so that Rayne would use
it. “Dakota, we're getting you a lot of our merchandise. Ok?”
He
smiled, “Ok!”
I pointed, and said, “When you
go out on stage, we're going to put you on this mark right here. You
can't move from it, ok?”
He
smiled, “Ok!”
“Mom, you get to sit right
here next to him!”
She smiled, “Ok!”
“Rayne's
going to sing to you guys, but I'll be working the entire stage and
dancing!”
She smiled, “Good! We've seen your
videos!”
I nodded, “I'll be doing Arrow and dancing like this.”
I
went out and started doing the dance. He looked shocked and she said,
“You're good!”
“Fred Astaire. It took a lot
to learn that dance, but now they say it's as good as him.”
Rayne really smiled and Aaron arrived with our merchandise. “They nearly didn't let me in!”
I smiled, “But they did!”
He
smiled, “Yeah!”
I drug over a chair, “Ok.
You get to sit here since you're here!”
He smiled,
“Ok!”
“This is Dakota. And this is Dakota's
Mom.”
Aaron smiled and said “Hi!”. I said, “This is Aaron, he's my guy who does everything for me when I'm in the city.”
Dakota asked, “Why do you need him to do that?”
“Because when you're famous, it takes a lot longer to do things. You walk in the door of a place and everyone wants an autograph, so you give those and it take twenty minutes.
If you get ice cream, it's all melted by the time you're done, so I have him get ice cream and it won't melt!”
He smiled, and I nodded, “Do you know those great big buckets of ice cream?”
He nodded, and I nodded, “Shox wants her own... She thinks Rocky Road should be called Shoxy's Owed! She's all about that money!”
He really laughed and I nodded, “She ate an entire big bucket of that ice cream and then wanted to make that bellowing sound she does because she ate it too fast! I was like, “If you'd had a little dish, you'd not had that!”, and she said, “I'm growing!” and I was like, “Shox, I hate to tell you, but if you get any bigger, there won't be room in the room!”
Just
then, I saw Shox and looked over and said, “Shox, come and meet
Dakota!”
She came running and Rayne was looking wide
eyed. She went down and hugged Dakota into her busom.
Rayne was seeing Shox from behind and she turned to see him. She said, “MINE!”, and got up and enveloped him! Then, she ran over to me, 'Oh, Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Shox is so happy! She's found her a man!”
I said, 'Shox, you don't remember one of your Daddies?”
She looked shocked, and yelled DADDY! And ran back over to Rayne. It was hilarious!
I
said, “Shox!”
She turned, “Hmm?”
“Butt grabs on Daddys aren't cool!”
Everyone laughed and she came back over to Dakota. He was really smiling. I gave Rayne a look and he was too.
I said, “Shox, you can sit here if you promise to behave! If you don't, it's back to the hotel!”
“Ok! I'm going to sit here next to Dakota!”
“No! Dakota can't see a thing if you sit there! He'd have to look around THIS!”
Before
the concert started, Celine came out and saw us. She really smiled
and came over and gave us hugs. She saw Shox and looked real shocked.
Why's she here!”
“She came to see Dakota! They're
old friends!”
She smiled, “Oh!”. Then, she saw Rayne and went running over. She said, “Oh my!!! I need to behave!”
When the concert started, she did her big entrance from up top. We watched and when it came time for Rayne's song, she stopped everything and introduced him. He went out and the screams and cheers were deafening. I looked over at Dakota's Mom and she was enthralled. He was really watching and Rayne pulled Dakota out and got his Mom a chair.
When he sang, you could've heard a pin drop. They quieted down and let him perform. When he was finished, he gave a big hug to each.
Celine did a hum of Arrow and the place went NUTS! The music started and I was handed a mic.
I went running out dancing. We sang and when it got to the instrumental, I went into my Fred Astaire moves... By the time I was finished, I was doing my moonwaltzing. Rayne walked out and the place went nuts again.
We started moonwaltzing together and then broke with our imaginary partners and stepped into each other's arms. The place went nuts. They had to shut down the pa system because of the feedback.
We danced two rounds and Shox came running out. What was loud went hyper loud.
She
did a few lines and then Celine came out singing in a new costume. We
went back and gave hugs to Dakota and his Mom. Then, we were on the
elevator with Shox and Aaron. As soon as the elevator door shut, Brad
pulled the Shox head off and I helped him undo the shoulder straps.
He let the body fall and stepped out. He smiled at Rayne, “Hi!”
I
said, “Rayne, this is Brad. Brad, this is Rayne!”
They hugged and Brad really smiled, “Did you hear that crowd?”
I smiled, “Yeah, it's nuts!”
He
smiled, “You probably won't be allowed back in there since you
bought the other place!”
“Nah, it's all family and
all goodwill amongst each other. You wish your brother or sister well
and they will you well. If your sister invites you over, you go and
you make her look better. If we invite her, she's gotta bring her A
Game because she knows I did!”
Rayne laughed, “You're
a showman! You were dancing up a storm!”
I
nodded, “If you noticed, she stood there and watched you, but
hummed those bars and got back for a break. She knows who's gonna hog
the stage!”
He
laughed, “She used to do it also!”
We got back to
the hotel. I said, “Aaron, we're going to get a shower, get
dressed again, and then, we'll be going over and greeting everyone
who shows.”
He
nodded, “Ok!”
Brad said, “I'll head on
over.”
“Sure! And Thanks!”
He smiled,
“No problem!”
We got out and went in. We made it to the elevator and shut in with six of the bodyguards. Soon, we were up to our suite.
As
soon as the door shut behind us, he hugged me and gave me a deep
kiss. He smiled, “You were fantastic!”
“Me!
You were the one out there making me cry with that love song!”
He
smiled bigger, “I'm glad she has that one in her show. It's
beautiful.”
I gave him a deep kiss and he moaned. When
we parted, he said, “Let's go take our shower together and see
if there's enough lotion to make love!”
We went in and
there sat six bottles of lube and one gallon of Wet!
I laughed, “Yeah, there's enough!”
He
really laughed, “Oh my God!”
“That poor guy!
He had to go in and look like he was a sex fiend to get this!”
He
really laughed, “You're terrible!”
“What's
going to be even funnier is the housekeeper is going to see all this
and giggle!”
He
laughed, “We need to put this away!”
I heard Ben's
voice, “Do you need clothes!”
“Yeah! I want
to start off with casual. For my first number, I want ttt.”
He
said, “Ok.”
Rayne gave me a look, “TTT?”
“Top
hat, tux with tail.”
“OH!”
“There's
a walking stick too, and spats.”
He smiled, “Gay
90's!”
“That's so 90's!”
He
smiled and Ben said, “I'll have you know the 90's were very
good years for me!”
I asked, “Are you going to get
any from Aaron?”
He
waved his hand, “He says he's straight. Go figure!”
I
stared and Rayne said, “Don't pick on him! We were in denial
once too!”
I rolled my eyes, “Yeah, I was in the
crib! I saw your Mom pushing you by in a stroller and said, “I've
changed my mind!”.”
He
smiled, “So that's where my rattle went!”
“I
got so into playing percussion for you, I took it. I'm sorry!”
Ben smiled, “I'll have you two dressed. What do you want Rayne?”
Rayne
went out and I got undressed, lubed and into the shower. When he came
in, I said, “I'm ready, you just get yourself on in here!”
He
came in and the next fifteen minutes were bliss. Then, we hurried to
get shaved, washed, and dried. When we went out, Ben said, “I
hope you want some higher ups from Armani there because they're in
town.”
I
nodded, “Sure!”
He stage whispered, “Me
thinks they're here to see if you're really sober!”
I
smiled, “Me thinks they'd hate to piss me off by firing me!
We're debt free and have enough to buy that company!”
Rayne
laughed, “Why is it when we get fired, we buy the company?”
I threw up my hands and guessed, “It suddenly gets cheaper?”
He
smiled, “It does that!”. He kissed me and said, “Do
that heel kick again!”
I jumped and kicked. He smiled
real big, “I've got to learn so much to keep up with
you!”
“Don't do that on a slick floor. You'll land
on your hip and elbow.”
He giggled, “Ok!”
“I
did that once and landed bad. I tell you it's not cool after
that!”
He smiled, “I'll have you teach me!”
“Ok.
The best place is on a trampoline.”
“Oh ok!”
We
got dressed and Ben accessorized us. He smiled, “Go show them
what you're made of!”
“Oh, I will! You have that
Twitter thing and all the Social Media ready to go.”
“Ok!”
We
went out and the guards fell in. By the time we were downstairs, they
had a golf cart there to take us over. We sat on and four jumped up
on. Then, we were whisked away.
When
we got to the entrance to the venue, we got off and went into our
merchandise area. He started looking at mine and I started looking at
his. I was trying on sunglasses and everything. He laughed, “You're
hilarious!”
“They have to fit! If they're not good
quality, they won't last... These are like the ones I was selling
three years ago.”
“Really?”
“I
bet she kept the order form!”
He laughed, “I hope
you did!”
“We've got all the orders in the books.
I've got them if they didn't save anything.”
“Good!”
As
I went, I was feeling quality of material and called his girl over.
She came, “Yes Mo?”
“We
need these off the racks. If you want, you can write them off, but
I'll give them away before I make people pay for them.”
She
nodded, “Ok!”
“Let me have what you've got
and we'll give them away out here when the fans come in. Once they're
gone, don't reorder those.”
Rayne came over and I said,
“Feel that material! It might be good for a wet t-shirt
contest, but you could read a newspaper through it!”
He felt and made a face. I shook my head, “For $50, there's no fuckin' way!”
He nodded and I said, “They're being given away. We'll write them off as publicity and that'll be good.”
He asked, “Why do you have purses?”
“First of all, they're leather. Second of all, watch this...”
I
took a purse over and put the strap on the top of the door and put my
foot on the purse and pulled myself up and stood. He looked surprised
and I gave him my hand. “Pull up! Those straps and the
fasteners can take 500 pounds!”
He looked shocked. I
pointed, “They're $52 for our people to buy them. Of that, it's
$9 for the purse. Of the $43, I get $21.50... Well, we get $43 now!”
He
smiled, “Man!”
“We sell out at every show.
That's 240 purses, so that's another $5 grand in my pocket... Well,
we're making $10 grand now.”
He
smiled real big. I pointed, “I made sure everyone knew I wasn't
approving a thing until I saw it and had it tested. IF I asked for
something, I made sure they had video of that test happening.
I motioned, “All of my stuff has been selected by me.
There
are phone covers over there which sell like a house on fire. I make
sure we vendor rights for iPhone's latest and they give me a new
iPhone just to do all that.”
“Really?”
“I
called. If we had to rely upon them to do a thing for us, it wasn't
happening!”
He nodded, “I want you to help on
this!”
“Oh, I will!”
I dialed Norm, “Hello?”
“I
need a couple of tables for merchandise to be given away.”
“Ok.”
We
need a couple of tall bar stools and a box of Sharpies. I'd LOVE to
have a bar table to go with those stools that way, he and I can be
autographing.”
“I'll
have it!”
I walked around and said, “Rayne?”
He came over and put his hand on my butt, “Yeah Babe?”
“Remind
me to ask to see if we can get you some sunglasses like these.”
He
smiled, “Ok, I love those!”
“It took me
asking the vendor to see if he could get them this way. They had some
with 2014 on them in that stencil, so I asked to see if they could
get the M♥. They could, so I got them in lots of colors. We've
sold the hell out of them for $20.”
“How much do
they cost wholesale?”
“$2 bucks.”
“Man! You know the cost of everything!”
“And that's why I'm knowing there's a helluva theft!”
I pointed, “Hon?”
She came over and I dialed Norm, “Hello?”
“I
need push pins, tacks, or double sided tape for these
posters!”
“Ok,I'll make some calls!”
I
pointed, “Put one of his, one of mine, one of his, one of mine
all the way back to the back up there. Angle the tops away from each
other a little bit. That way, they can see what they're
getting.”
She nodded, “Ok.”
I nodded,
“We have so many because we used to get 100% of the profit on
these. Now we get 100% of the profit on everything, so it's way
better.
I'm particular about the posters because it's a way for the fans to have us all over their bedrooms. They collect them and we sell a bunch of them on ebay and Amazon.”
She nodded, and I said, “You'll learn all this stuff, but nothing goes out here unless we've given approval and authorization. If someone wants to sell us something, you tell them we make appointments to see their wares.
Then,
when the shipment comes in, we check again. If it's NOT what they
said it would be, we cut it up and ship it back. They're then told to
get the quality to what we approved or the lawsuit will be filed for
the damages in the contract.”
She nodded, “Ok.”
“You're
the gatekeeper for our quality. There might be enough time for us to
check, but there might not be. You'll know all this stuff, or you
won't be in here...
We're
going to have lots more stuff when our arena is built. They're going
to have us over in the new arena and we'll have merchandise there, so
you'll be working there.”
She nodded, “Ok!”
“We're
going way bigger into the apparel. I know the week before and the
week after Sturgis, we'll have a gob of the biker chicks in here. The
guys come too and you'll see them buying simply because they know we
have quality. That's why I've got trucker billfolds and a lot of
heavy leather items.”
She nodded and I pointed, “When we order in the future, we're going to have his being the same as mine except for his name and my name being on it. We'll have stuff with both of us on them too, so don't worry.”
She
nodded, “Ok!”
I went out and Ray smiled, “We
need a couple more girls in there. She'll be swamped by herself.”
I
dialed Norm, “Hello?”
“We need 2 more people in the merchandise shop. Preferably, we're going to need a merchandise manager. Whatever you do, do NOT put that girl in there over it. She wouldn't have an idea one on how to do it!”
He
chuckled, “Ok! I'll get our buyer in to see you!”
“Good.
It'll give me some insight as to what we've got everywhere.”
One
of the guys showed up with a Cushman that held our table and
barstools. He got off and smiled real big, “It's really you
guys!”
I hugged him, “Thanks for getting this done
fast!”
“No sweat! Can I get you anything else?”
Rayne
said, “Two bottles of water.”
He nodded, “I'll
have it here in a heartbeat!”
He
drove off and I started singing, “In A Heartbeat... It's a
heart beat...”
Rayne gave me a look, “Huh?”
“He
said 'In A Heartbeat'. I'm making a rhythm for it so that it can be a
song.”
He smiled, “Cool!”
I kept
working on it and sang it into the voice recorder on my phone. Within
15 minutes, I had a song pretty well knocked out.”
He
sat there smiling at me, “You know you're good with
that!”
“You can do it too. You hear little things
and you pick up on it.”
I
started doing the beat of bum ch-cha bum, bum ch-cha bum.”
He
starts singing the words and I started singing the harmony. He smiled
a lot and I went into the second verse and he sang harmony. When we
both went into the chorus, I stood up and clapped my hands and did a
dance... starting the choreography of it.
I said, I want us
doing the album art with our bodies done like they're a big heart. I
want a sun shining with blue sky and possibly a mountain peak in
front of that sun. That way, it's...”
I started snapping
my fingers and said, “I've got another song coming through. Get
that phone!”
“Ok!”
I snapped and
said, “Get this rhythm!”
He started and I started
clapping my hands and doing a dance of step forward, back left, slide
to the right, and back...Then turn. (Do it over)
I sang “A big old boogaloo”... He started beating on the table and I started the rest of it. He was smiling and nodded, “This is good!”
I did the 'Ah OH OOH OOH!' In high notes. His eyes lit up and I nodded, I can hear lots of bongos and a bass drum.
I started dancing like I was on a horse (bow legged) with lots of ass shake. He stepped in and said, “When you do the turn, do a 540° so you're facing that way.”
I
did the turn and went up on my toes and popped ala Michael Jackson.
He laughed, “Ok Mr Showbiz!”
“Come on, you
can do it!It's pop pop POP!”
He did and I said, “Good!”
He smiled real big and I said, “Let's step it out. This is a perfect flash mob song because it's real simple steps.”
HE
started and we started clapping our hands. I went into the words and
he smiled, “This is fun!”
I heard a yell and saw
Pink coming! I yelled “STEP IN GIRL!”
She watched and stepped in and Carey stepped in also. Soon we were doing the Ah Oh OOH OOH Your love's a big old boogaloo!
I went into the verse, “I need ya in my life. Without the strife, for my nightlife, Step in and dance!”
We
did it and what's hilarious is Dave, Vic, Brook, Cruz, Romeo, and
Brook's girlfriend Chloe all watched. I said, “Step in!”
Vic
stepped in and we went around and then, they all stepped in. We did
the song again and at the end, I hugged everyone as did Rayne.
Vic
looked at Rayne and said, “You're going to be huge as a
supermodel!”
I laughed and said, “He is!”
She looked surprised and I held out my arm and pulled the sleeve... “Armani! We're exclusive!”
Dave said, “I told you I saw them in there!”
She
smiled, “OH! I didn't know it was these two!”
Brook
really smiled, “Hey!”
Allie (Pink) hugged me and
said, “We're going in!”
I said, “Ok. I need
you two to sit side by side!”
Vic gave me a look and I
said, “Here, you two stand side by side, and give me side
profile!”
They did and really smiled. Rayne and Brook said, “MAN! You two do look a lot alike!”
Vic
looked shocked, “Really!”
Dave said, “It's
uncanny!”
I put my sunglasses on her and Allie put her's
on. I took a photo and said, “If you disapprove, I'll delete
it!”
I showed them and they looked shocked. Allie said,
“I want you in a video of mine!”
Vic
smiled, “Sure!”
I said, “Hey, I get everyone
in this video we're going to do of this song! I want it to be a flash
mob of a bunch of famous people! Then, when they do the list of all
the people in it, we can have a great big long list so that it breaks
a record for number of people on the credits!”
They quickly agreed... Brook stayed with us, and we did more with Chloe on the steps. She had a great time and we really had a great time.
As we did so, people started showing. Our autograph guy came and I said, “Hey!”
He
really smiled and said, “I can't believe I'm here!”
I
smiled, “You are! How'd that phone call go!”
“He's
coming!”
“Great! Let me see that book! I'll go get
some!”
I took it in and said, “Everyone, you have
to sign in. Like it or not, I have a fan who wants to be well known
as a gossip columnist online. I told him he could be THE gossip
columnist for Las Vegas, so he's all happy.”
They
started signing and Bert came out with my guitar. He said, “Try
this. It's not yours, but it's the best I could do.”
I
looked at the Fender Stratocaster and said, “I want this for my
collection!”
He smiled, “I knew you would!”
I
asked, “Is it live?”
“Yeah.”
I
said, “See if the band is ready to Cry?”
He nodded, “Ok. Do you want a mic?”
“Yeah.”
I
put the strap on and said, “Folks, this is sound check. It
might be loud due to there not being any bodies in here to absorb the
sound, but I'll try making it pleasant.
It's a song I don't do in
my show, but it's one I do for the sound check. It also let's them
know my voice is up to performing.”
I went up on stage and picked three chords, and went into it. The steel guitar came in and started singing 'I Still Cry' Ilse DeLange. As I sang the words, I threw my voice and made the mournful sounds.
The girls sang backup and I did the hic's and sounds of crying as I sang. The piano picked it up sounding like honky tonk blues. I went back into the chorus and looked out. Everyone who were adults were crying.
I finished with 'but when the leaves start falling down, I still cry.'.
I took the guitar off and was hugged. He really hugged me and he was bawling. I hugged him and he said, “I'm here! I'll never leave you alone again!”
I
hugged him, and said, “I love you.”
“I do
you too!”
He gave me a look, “Are you ok?”
“Yeah.
I'm ok.”
He shook his head, “Record that!”
“I'll have to get rights to it.”
He looked at me, “When did you start playing guitar!”
“I've picked it up. I love the sound of that one.”
I
motioned, “Bert, it's good.”
He smiled real big,
“I know. You have 'em all crying!”
I smiled, “It's
a sad song.”
Allie yelled, “Hell yeah it is! If
you don't record it, I will!”
I smiled, “Get to ya?”
She
laughed, “It got to everyone!”
I nodded, “If
you have an emotional breakup, it gets to you. Everyone's been
there...”
We
went down off the stage and Vic ran over and hugged me. The makeup
runs were terrible. I wiped them and she said, “You MUST record
that! It'll be #1 globally! Your voice and the way you make it sound
chills me!”
I smiled, “Thanks!”
She
nodded, “I don't know all of your music, but that was
amazing!”
“You'll hear it tonight. None of it's
like that! I do one slow song a day and it's that one for sound
check.”
Rayne
said, “Thank God!”
I side hugged him and she shook
her head, “I've seen your movies and you make me cry every
time. Now, I hear you and cry!”
I hugged her and smiled, “We'll have you dancing and then, he'll have everyone in love.”
We
went over to everyone and Cher hugged me. I smiled, “How are
you!”
She smiled, “I was fine until I heard that
song!”
I
smiled, “Get to ya!”
She looked up, “Oh
yeah!”
I nodded, “Good song...”
“Great
song! Record it!”
“I'll have them do that for the
sound check on our HBO Special. I can tell the story and then, go
into it. Then, we'll have the crying out of the way and will show
everyone on their feets!”
She
smiled and I turned, “This is Rayne. He's the one and the only
one.”
She met him and he really gushed. She introduced
her date and then, I went over to Mike, “Hey!”
He
smiled real big, “Record it! It's not often a song gets to me,
but that one hit and hit hard.”
“We'll
do it again and gauge reaction. I'm going to do a lot from the next 3
albums I'm releasing.”
He nodded, “Good!”
Rayne
and I went through and up to the entrance. I Tweeted the message and
said, “Tweet hon. Let's fill this place!”
“Ok!”
I
looked at the clock on my phone. 10:08.
I
said, “10:08...” I put it on my Facebook, MySpace, and
then said, “Ok, I'm calling Norm.”
I dialed and
heard his phone ring. He said, “I'm to your left.”
“We
just Tweeted everything at 10:08. Let's see if we can fill this space
by 11pm!”
We saw the Mama and I hugged her. She smiled
real big, “They just let us through!”
“I
apologize! We just released. Go get a seat up front. I think there's
one by Lionel Richie.”
She looked surprised and I nodded,
“It's nothing but famous in there now. You go get up front with
them!”
She
hugged us again and they went in. Norm came over, “We're
recording up in the booth.”
“Did they record
that?”
“Yeah.”
“Let
me use it to stream it as a single. If it hits, we'll put it into the
greatest hits!”
He
nodded, “Let me make the call before they erase it.”
I
nodded, “Ok.”
Rayne said, “You know it's
going to debut really high!”
“Hon, let's hope it
gives us momentum. I don't want that fucker ever to say that he gave
us our best songs.”
He nodded, “Oh, he won't. I
love all of them you've gotten me.”
“We're going
to work on a bunch together.”
We started seeing strange
faces. I could tell they were fans because their faces lit up and
they came running. I hugged and hugged and signed autographs until
finally, I said, “We have to go dress! Get yourselves seats!
It's first come first served!”
They rushed in and Rayne and I hurried down the side and into the backstage. He said, “How will we know?”
I dialed Norm, “Hello?”
“Let
us know when it goes full. Then, pipe it to the speakers throughout
the casino.”
“Ok.”
“WE're going
to release this as a multi-CD set. Can you get video?”
“It's
going to be. We'll have it four different directions.”
“Get
everyone's names. We'll need it for the credits.”
“Ok!”
I
rang off and they had me stripped, dressed, and had makeup, hair, and
accessories going. He gave me a look,and smiled, “Excited?”
“Oh yeah!”
He
nodded, “I'll be close.”
“I want a few shots
of you singing backup. We'll do it like it should've been.”
He
nodded, “And will be forever!”
Part 3
The show went off without a hitch. I performed 'Cry' again at the beginning and welcomed everyone. After that, I did my show and had 'em on their feet.
When Rayne took the stage, the crowd went wild. I went out with him and we did four of his new ones with me playing guitar.
He hit every note, every word, and knocked 'em dead. Then, he went into his show and sang the hits one by one. When he got to his part where he sang the song to me, he had me come out and sit. Needless to say, it was emotional, and needless to say, there wasn't a dry eye with this one!
We
went forward into getting the show prepared for the Arena. The LIVE
album hit and set records for multi CD and Live performance.
When
we took the show to the Hollywood Bowl, we sold out 19 performances.
We'd booked 13 dates and then came back the following Monday and did
another 6 straight.
When September came, we went into the arena. HBO came and we did the new lineup for their special. For 291 performances, we sold it out and set records.
The reviews were nationwide. Everyone came and we designated 2nd row for press. Everyone said we WERE the show to see.
The only reason we didn't sell 300 out is Las Vegas had a freak storm and flooded. It was so bad the underpasses were filled, Caesars had 4 feet of water in it. The lake at the Bellagio filled and overflowed out into the street... I could go on and on, but most of the strip was a disaster area.
The blessing of it is this... We already owned 15 properties with MGM. The cost of the flood toppled several of the lesser names. We bought them.
TI came up under us first. We got a mayday call and decided to buy it outright.
Right after that deal was consummated, we got the Riv, The Nugget, The Queens, The Cos, The Trop... After that, we had to go to Nevada Gaming to let them know they were toppling and we were rescuing.
What that took was us going in as partial owners in anything afterward. Rayne gave me a look and I shrugged. He said, “Are we going to be ok financially?”
“Yeah.
We'll be fine. It's weird, but I think we'll be way better.”
He
shrugged, “I'm trusting you. I don't know a thing about
these.”
“I'm not touching Hooters or anything off
the strip...”
“You
already have! You've got two in downtown bought!”
I
shook my head, “That's a safe bet.”
“I
hope!”
“We will be fine!”
He said, “I
can't believe how a flood can be so upsetting financially!”
“Hon,
it wasn't that. They've been skimming by because we've been cutting
into their profits. They use the show money as a way to put extra in
the til and we're taking it.”
He smiled, “Lucky
us!”
We went forward and then, the call came for us to
rescue The Rock and La Can Can. I got in and negotiated the deals and
we sent our people in to revive and remodel.
After that, we rolled forward.
The
movies were made and Disney loved us. Mike was out and another guy
came in and Mike moved over to be our head and chief operating
officer.
All I can say is it was a brilliant move. He took the helm, pulled Disney style movies up under us and started acquiring scripts and properties. By the time he was finished, we were #2 in size, and #2 in income.
By the time three years had passed, we were in Monte Vison making our own movies and doing comedy with a team of writers over 100 strong.
Where it went was we put six movies in the can each year. We'd work during the day and head to Vegas to do the show at night... two on Sunday... three Friday and Saturday. We dropped the Tuesday show and had two days off a week.
How
it went was we were 27 and Rayne came into the condo. He said, “Mo,
we need to have a talk.”
“Sure hon, what's going
on?”
He gave me a look, “Where are we going with this and how long will it go?”
“Honestly?
I think we'll have 2 more years of comedies and then, we'll go into
Action Adventure, and then go into Drama and do 3 years of each. By
then, we'll be 35, so that's a good time to sit back and take it
easy.”
He smiled, “You take it easy!”
“Hey,
you're right there beside me Babe!”
He nodded, “I
want a house.”
“Ok. Do you want to buy one, or
build?”
“Build.
I have a house in my mind, but we need space.”
“We've
got 80 acres up north of the city.”
He nodded, “Are they going to let us have it as one chunk?”
“Yeah.
We need to get with legal and request to block off the streets and
turn it into one chunk.”
“I want our place in the
middle.”
I nodded, “Ok.”
He closed
his eyes, “Can I spend as much as is needed?”
I was blown away hearing this... “You know you can! The checkbook is yours too!”
“Any
ideas of what you want?”
“Look
at this place. It's in Atlanta and I'm awestruck at it's
design.”
“Let's look.”
He pulled the
laptop over and pulled up the folder. Me seeing a folder, I knew he'd
been thinking about it for a while.
I said, “Babe, why didn't you approach me about this sooner?”
He
gave me a look, “I know it's going to be expensive.”
“Hey,
you know you get anything you ask for... Just give a yank and my
heart follows!”
He
smiled, “I want a house and a dog.”
“Cool!
What kind of dog?”
He
smiled, “Not until the house is built!”
“Ok!”
My phone rang. I looked at it and said, “It's Mike.”
He gave a nod, and I answered, “Hello?”
“Uh,
we've got problems.”
“Ok... What's happening?”
“Brad
just died.”
“HUH?”
“We
were filming and he fell over. The onsite paramedic said he was dead
where he fell.”
“Shit!....Uh, let me think, I
don't think he has any family.”
“Really?”
“Here's
how it went. From what we talked, he was an ex-con and his family
disowned him for being such a disgrace.”
“Disgrace!
He's a multi-millionaire for chrissake!”
“This was
before. By the time I got him, he'd been out and couldn't find work.
He came in thinking we'd hire him for some villain and was sort've
embarrassed by playing a female character.
We got the costume and he started saying the lines, and got into it more and more... The only straight guy playing a drag character!”
He chuckled, “So no family?”
“There
might be someplace, but he hasn't any listed and hasn't spoke of any.
You might look through his cell phone and see, but I can't think of
anyone he's mentioned. He's certainly never brought anyone to a show
or to a set.”
“Man, I'm going to have to speak
with legal.”
“Yes. Let's claim the body and we'll
get it handled. You're going to need to put out a press release and
put out a call for someone who fits the bill.”
“Ok.
We're going to have to halt the production of this movie.”
“That's
fine. We'll claim insurance and we'll try to get another person to
play the role.”
“Are you ok?”
“I'm fine. It's a shock, and it's something I hadn't expected, but I've wondered what would happen if he decided he'd had enough and wanted to step out of the costume.”
I
paused, “Listen, I'm going to need to break off. Rayne and I
were in a really deep discussion about us designing a house and
building it out on the 80 acres.”
“OH!”
“You might give the agencies a call and see if they've got anyone who will fit the bill.
In
regards to everything else, we'll discuss it in the morning. Have a
call put in to legal and see what we need to do. We might have to put
everything of his into an endowment fund for any relatives who want
to claim everything.”
“Ok.”
I rang
off and Rayne gave me a hug. He said, “You're not ok!”
“Babe,
what do you do if you're alone and you die and you don't want anyone
to have anything?”
“I
don't know.”
“Well, a family member will step up
and claim it. He'll roll over in his grave, and our hands will be
tied.
What
they can't claim ownership of is the character. She's ours.”
He
nodded, and I pointed, “This house. I love it, and I hate
it.”
He looked hurt,”WHY!”
Everything
out to the side like that stinks.”
He nodded, “I
want it out back.”
I nodded, “Me too. When I think
of a swimming pool and all that, it's out back, not off to the side
of the house.”
“I love that long piece of
grass.”
“Me too. It makes it look more regal.”
He
smiled, “I'm glad you love it!”
He leaned in to
kiss me and I really laid one on him. We went for a mad passion love
making session and then lay there in each other's arms with his head
upon my shoulder.
He said, “I love you more and more every
day. Do you want kids?”
“Yeah.
Some day.”
“Good!”
I chuckled, “Are you wanting a kid instead of a dog?”
“No,
I want to practice on a dog! If you screw up raising a dog, you can
give it to someone who knows better!”
I laughed, “WE're
not going to fuck up raising a dog! With the love we have to give,
we'll have a spoiled dog and then, we'll have a spoiled tribe of kids
by the time it's over!”
He rolled over and hugged me,
“Are you happy?”
“Ecstatic. I've got the man I love, a damned good life, and outrageous fortunes!”
He
smiled, “Me too! I worry that you're not happy.”
“Don't!
Believe me, if I were unhappy, we'd know it! I'm hoping that if you
were unhappy, I'd know it, but it might take a while for you to tell
me.”
“I want to retire when I'm 35.”
“Ok.
You can retire when you want!”
“Not now!”
“That's
what I say!”
He giggled, “You'll never
retire!”
“And you, my sir, are like me... You love
it, but you get worn out a few times a year, and then, you find
something you love about it again, and take off.”
He
nodded, “It's happening more and more. I really am liking
making movies less and less!”
I took a deep breath, “How
about retiring from movies when you're 30?”
He looked at me, “You mean it?”
I closed my eyes, “Babe, say the word and we'll have you out now! I'm not a slave driver!”
He smiled, “How many do we have in pre-production?”
“Eight.”
“EIGHT!”
I
nodded, “This one we're shooting. The one we're doing location
shooting. And then, we've got eight more in various
stages.”
“MAN!”
“They're
popular! What can I say!”
He
smiled, “It's because you're so fuckin' funny!”
“It's
because you inspire me to love you in laughter!”
He
kissed me and soon, we were making love once again! When we were
finished, he slapped my ass, “Get up! We've got to shower and
get something to eat for dinner!”
I laughed, “Ok!
Name it!”
“Pasta!
If I'm going to have to be pregnant for 9 more movies, I'm going to
need to eat!”
I laughed, “You're the one giving
birth?”
He
smiled, “You won't! You'd have one labor pain and would say,
“Fuck this! I didn't sign up for this shit!”
I
smiled, “If you were there to kiss it away, I'd be fine.”
He
really laughed, “Like hell I will! I know what you're like in
pain!”
My phone rang. I rolled my eyes and he smiled,
“Lucky you!”
“Lucky you!”
I answered it, “Hello?”
Mike said, “Here's what I've got... On his application where it states Emergency Contact, there's no one. All through everything in his contracts, there's nothing. I contacted his attorney and he said there's a Will which gives it all to you.”
“HUH?”
“That's
what it says!”
“Can you refuse?”
“No.
I asked the attorney and he said that when someone bequeaths
something to you, it's given and the person receiving is usually
thankful.”... He chuckled, “And I'm lying through my
teeth!”
“Uh, let's get the Will handled. Let's
hang onto any real estate, and we'll build a park in his
honor.”
“Ok.”
“I'm going to
keep Shox going.”
“I would also. Your Ma and Pa
characters are picking up steam. I worried about that because they're
so much like the Ma and Pa Kettle characters it's pitiful.”
“Nah,
it's different. I was worried about the owners of Green Acres suing
me for aging their characters and making them grumpy as hell!”
He
laughed, “There are so many they fit it's interesting! I've
often put them as the Drysdales at home...HIm being homely and her
being hateful!”
“Let's get a movie going titled
Homely and Hateful for them... And by the way, put the writers for
Rayne and I's movies on it. We're retiring Rayne when they run
through.”
“Really?”
“He wants a house and a dog. We're going to practice on the dog and then, we're going to try kids!”
He laughed real loud, “That's hilarious!”
“Needless to say, it's Vaudeville at it's finest. When the dog gets old enough, we're putting him in the show and retiring Rayne out!”
He
laughed and Rayne smiled. “That's not what I said! We'll
probably be terrible parents!”
I said, “Yeah, he's
thinking we'll be terrible parents. I'm going to have an estate with
huge walls and gates so that an animal not quite a foot tall which
can be trapped in 80 acres... Sounds like it's going to be writing
letters to PETA!”
He laughed, “What about his stage career?”
“We're still doing that. We might scale it back so that it's only the 7 months a year, or only 3 months a year, but we'll see. It's not in the cards yet, but we'll see how the dog thing goes after the house thing goes.”
He
laughed, “What else!”
“I'm going to tell you
now that there's another 80 acres there and I'm thinking about going
ahead and getting it. That way, we're not having neighbors like the
Drysdales or the Clampetts!”
He laughed, “There's
no one in Vegas left who's richer?”
“Rayne...
He's the key to the kingdom. Me, I'm just the pauper who's lucky
enough to love him.”
He chuckled, “And he
you!”
“Yup, I'm Blessed!”
“And
you both deserve it...” He paused, “You know, it's weird
because I look at your relationship and I see genuine happiness and
love. I look at straight relationships and see messes!”
“Yours
is fine!”
“Yeah, and there are a few others who
are also, but it's interesting.”
“Can I tell you
what I see? Guys who are successful don't have worries about things
financially. If they're smart, they don't have worries about their
mate because they were smart enough to keep the one who puts up with
them happy!”
He laughed,”YEAH!”
“In
our life, I worry about fate moreso than I do us. It's weird, but
everything else is unstable, not us.”
“Right.”
“To
be blunt and honest, I know that if that went tits up, or the hotels
went tits up, I'd shut the doors, and would go on. We've got money
put back and we've got money in cash so that should anything like
that happen, we'd be ok.”
“I hope it's
secure!”
“Yeah, it's not in one of the casinos...
That's for sure!”
He laughed, “A bank is
best!”
“Our cards are with with 8 of the major
banks here stateside. All of them have the max and Rayne's got a lot
in his too. What I know is this... Our cars are secure and in secure
spaces, so we're fine there. And our house will be secure because I'm
going to ask for a man cave under that thing which will be big enough
for several thousand people!”
He laughed, “It
sounds like a castle!”
“Yup, I get the dungeon!
That's all I want!”
He laughed, “You'd better
behave! You'll be calling it the dungeon and your kid will be
confused!”
“Our kid is going to be spoiled... The
only thing I know is he's not going to be like Hefner's
kids...beating up girls!”
“Yeah.
It makes you wonder where that one learned it! I don't think it was
from his Dad!”
“Oh, I don't know... Hef probably
was heavy with the cane!”
He laughed, “It's
something else there!”
“You know, what pisses me
off is that at one time, someone could've bought that entire empire
for $50 million and no one had the money!”
“He'd
probably sell it!”
“Oh hell no! That's the wrong
direction for me!”
He
laughed, “It is for most responsibly married people!”
I
rang off and Rayne smiled, “Thank you!”
“Darling,
you know it's true!”
“I know! I feel the same
way!” He gave me a look, “I never thought about a
basement!”
“For the size of that house, it's going
to be a huge basement. I'd like to have a shooting range and a
bowling alley.”
He nodded, “Ok! I want a bow and
arrow thing!”
I nodded, “Ok! I want a gun room
which looks like a gun store. I want all the windows like what we've
got in the hotels.”
He nodded, “Yeah, and I DO
want walls around our property.”
“Ok, but I want
the ability to have sand poured at the gates if a flood
happens.”
“No, I want us having walls which come
up and seal it.”
“Ok. That's good.”
“And
I want us getting that other land also.”
“Good. It
might seem like a lot, but I think it'll be better.”
“Can
we get started on this?”
“Yes. I love everything, but I want different stone for the stairwell.”
“Do you like that area?”
“I
love it! It's mammoth, but hey... It's fancy!”
He
smiled, “I'm blown away by the size!”
“It's
perfect in all the right places!”
He giggled, “So
are you!”
“And you!”
The EndMojave
Notes From Retta:
I get my inspiration for the stories I write everywhere. I own land out in the desert and go there to jog when I'm in the area.
Everyone thinks the desert is a harsh environment. Surprisingly, it's not. Yes, there are months when it's hot, but there are more months when it's cool and normal. In the winter, it's real nice.
I grew up being told that God is in all things and everywhere. For the longest time, I told myself, “Nope, he made deserts and this place sucks!”.
After finding beauty when I really looked, I started seeing it everywhere. I've since taken my camera to the desert and have came up with a really nice series of photos.
From My Keyboard To Your Heart,
RettaMichaels
RettaMichaels@Gmail.com
Copyright Notice - Copyright © 2015 by RettaMichaels
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“From My Keyboard To Your Heart”,”'Retta”,“RettaMichaels”.“Retta”,“Rhett”, and “Rhette” are all Trademark of RettaVonnMichaels L.L.C. None of these trademarks may be used, or authorized without consent.
Disclaimer: All individuals depicted are fictional, and any resemblance to real persons, locations, or incidents is purely coincidental.