Date: Wed, 30 Jun 1999 22:19:41 WST
From: Boogie Boy <boy_boogie@hotmail.com>
Subject: Ryan's Intentions 3

*Just a reminder this is fictional and in no way does it relfect the actual 
sexuality of Ryan Phillippe.

RYAN'S INTENTIONS 3

   I fell under the water and layed back, and as I surfaced, I coughed and 
vomited.  I opened my eyes.  `What the hell?' I thought to myself as I was 
laying on the hot and wet ground to the side of the pool, with Ryan's hand 
holding my head up slightly and his other on my chest, over my heart, 
pushing into me.  Well, I thought it was Ryan at least.  My vision was 
blurry, and I kept coughing, but my I soon saw that it was Ryan, just above 
my face, looking into my eyes.

   `Did I get knocked out?' I thought to myself.  I saw relief in his. I 
then noticed that there were about a dozen people standing around us 
clapping.  I tried to get up but couldn't, so Ryan helped me, and I leaned 
on him.  As I stood up, I felt a pain in my head.  The beginning of a 
headache.  I acknowledged everyone's cheers, as they began to walk away.

"Thank God you are all right Justin. I didn't mean for you to hit your head 
on the edge when I pushed you! I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done it!" Ryan 
cried out.

   I looked at Ryan, with a feeling of confusion.  `Was I just 
hallucinating? He didn't kiss me in the pool? It wasn't real?' Then I 
suddenly realised that he had revived me, when I dreamt him kissing me.  I 
smiled at Ryan, blushing slightly.

"Thanks, I think. So you pushed me in, knocked me out, and then revived me, 
huh?." I told him, looking straight into his eyes.

"Hey, Justin, c'mon man!" he replied, smiling.

"Thank you." I stated again, as I hugged him.

   `Oh god, his body feels so good and strong.  I never wanna let you go', I 
thought to myself as I reluctantly broke the hug.  We just stood there for a 
moment, looking at each other in silence.  I looked around and noticed that 
many of the people had left the pool, probably for lunch I figured as the 
sun was directly overhead us.

"You know Justin. I only saved your life to hear your accent again." Ryan 
teased.

"Oh is that so huh? Well, I'm sure all the effort a celebrity used to saved 
a normal Aussie man's life must make him pretty hungry, right?

"Well, now that you mention it, yes." He stated.

   `Through the stomach is the way to the heart', I thought to myself 
smirking as I got my stuff.

"Okay then, I'll meet you at the entrance to the restaurant in fifteen 
minutes.  You know, I have to shower and stuff."

"Sure, okay. I'll see you then. And please don't hit your head on anything 
again!!" Ryan joked.

   I failed to see the humour.  I guess what they say about falling head 
over heels is true though!  And I've got the lump to prove it!  Ryan checked 
if I would be okay to walk to my room, and I said I would, but as I said 
that, I almost tripped over myself.  I had a sudden feeling that a spear was 
being poked around the insides of my head.  My headache became worse.

"Ryan, I have a headache, could you help me back to my room?"

"Sheesh, make up your mind. Come on." he said.

   Ryan helped me to ascend the stairs (by pushing me) and then I leant on 
him while we walked down the hall into my room.  I left the door unlocked 
and he put my stuff on the couch, and I walked into the bedroom.  The bed 
was made, and I silently thanked the room service people.  I just plonked 
myself on top of the bed and tried to sleep, but my headache prevented this. 
  Ryan then came into the room.

"Are you okay Justin?" he asked with concern.

"You know, I think I'll have to take a raincheck on that meal." I replied 
groggily, attempting to smile.

   He must have noticed the strained smile.

"Okay then, just sleep."

"Ryan?" I asked as I reached out my hand.

"Yes?" he questioned as he held it.

"Thank you."

   I don't know if he said anything after that, it was then that I drifted 
off to sleep.  During this sleep however, I had a dream.  A dream which I 
have had before.  In fact, it is a lie to call this a dream.  It is a 
nightmare.
   Everything in sight is tinted in a pale blue light, and I'm in some sort 
of office, with a desk, chair, seats for guests and a large window with a 
view of extremely large trees which have faces on them, and they whisper, 
but I can't make out what they say.  There is some sort of violin playing 
from somewhere, but it sounds so out of tune.  The desk is bare, except for 
one blank photo frame, as are the walls to the office.  I can't see who is 
sitting in the chair because it is turned away from me.  I then begin 
speaking.

"I can't believe you!"

   I was given no response, so I continue to speak with more emotion.

"I'm your son! Your son! I'm the same person I was yesterday! I'm the same 
person I've ever been!"

"No, how dare you speak to me in that manner. How dare you speak to me at 
all! You are not my son. You bring shame to me, and your mother!" he yelled 
with force.

"How can you say that? You don't understand, I need your love! I need you! I 
love you and mum!" I wailed, pacing up to the desk, which seemed to be 
getting further and further away as I walked towards it.

"I can say that because you're a--a--" he screamed before pausing.

"What? Because I'm--", I took a brief pause, gathering up my courage, 
"--gay?!"

   The violins stopped.  The giant trees behind the window stopped speaking, 
all of them staring at me.  I saw the chair as it began to turn.  I could 
not see my father because of the shadow over him, but I saw his burning red 
eyes that pierced into my soul like an arrow.  As I saw the fire in his eyes 
burn, his shadowy figure turned into smoke.    Smoke that began to spread 
through the room as the pale blue light dimmed to a dark red.  The trees 
behind the window began to hum in unison, a slow, melancholy melody.  The 
smoke spread larger and almost blocked the view of the trees, before it, my 
father, spoke.

"You are wrong. Your wrong doing cannot be rectified."

   I began to whimper, as tears rolled down my face.

"No! You are wrong. I HATE you! I wish you would DIE!" I screamed at the top 
of my voice.

   Everything then stopped.  The humming of the trees, the spreading of the 
smoke.  The colour of the room then changed to grey.

"So be it!"

`What have I said?', I thought to myself as the smoke began to twirl into 
the photo frame on the desk.

   The smoke was getting sucked into the photo frame, and I ran towards it, 
my father, hoping to help him, yet as I kept running, the desk kept moving 
back.  No matter how hard I tried, I could not reach the desk.  The room 
then began to lean towards each side, disorientating my vision and feelings.

"Dad, please come back! Please! Dad, I - dad!" I cried out as his face only 
remained before he disappeared.

"Dad, I--I love you." I whimpered as he was gone.  I was crying.  The trees 
all looked at me accusingly, and started speaking.  "You killed your father. 
You killed your father." They kept repeating.

"No, I didn't mean to! Please!" I cried out to block the voices, but they 
still spoke, and louder than ever. `NO!' I kept thinking to myself. `I 
didn't!'

   The room again turned into a dark red as it violently shook, before a 
crack suddenly appeared along the centre of the floor, running through under 
my legs.  `An earth quake?' The floor began to split as the walls around me 
collapsed.  I tried to reach for the photo frame, but it fell into the hole 
being created.  I had to jump to a side now, and I leaped to the left, just 
before the ground I was standing on split and fell apart.  The floor crack 
in the floor kept widening and soon I did not have anywhere to hide, but I 
saw a hand on the ceiling, reaching out to me.
   Without realising what I was doing, I jumped up at it.  As I jumped 
though, the whole scene froze.  Everything occurred in the pace it was 
happening in before, but I was slowed down dramatically.  I was literally 
frozen in the air, slowly reaching upwards, towards the hand.  Then the 
whole of my surroundings froze as everything collapsed and became destroyed, 
while I then speeded up and reached the hand.  I grabbed the hand, tightly, 
as it held me from falling into the abyss. I was dangling, and as I gripped 
the hand tighter I woke up.
   I sat right up as I awoke, breathing heavily with beads of cold sweat 
over my body, listening to my heart beat frantically.  I then realised that 
my hand was warm and holding onto something.  I looked at it, and then up, 
discovering that it was Ryan's!  I drew my hand away.  Before I had a chance 
to ask any questions, Ryan spoke.

"Are you okay?"

   I was still shaking slightly, as I answered, noticing it was getting dark 
outside.  "Yeah, I'm fine." I weakly responded, before I asked him my 
question.
"You haven't released the grip from my hand for the whole time I was 
asleep?"

"No. You had a tight grip! I mean, I thought I would have woken you, and 
after a while, you began to slightly toss and turn and you were yelling!"

My heart suddenly skipped a beat.  "You heard what I was yelling?" I asked, 
frightened of a reaction filled with disgust.
Ryan nodded.

"Well, I guess you know that I'm gay then."

"Yeah, when you said it, I kinda realised!" Ryan joked.

"You aren't leaving? You're not gonna hack on me? You're staying?"

"Yes, why?"

"I thought you would have been disgusted with me."

"Like your father? No, don't be stupid."

   I couldn't help but smile.  I was so relieved and overjoyed that someone 
else knew I was gay, that I wouldn't have to keep it a secret and that I 
could have someone to talk to about it.  I then asked that since Ryan knew, 
what if he didn't want to hang out with me during the cruise?  He'd probably 
think I had a crush on him, and though it would be true, I couldn't do 
anything about it.  And anyway, he was married to--to Reese Witherspoon? Yes, 
that was the name.

"Thank you," I told him, "That means a lot to me."

"No problem." He said as he raised my hand and held it in his.  `What is he 
doing?' I thought until the answer to my question was obvious.

   He looked deep into my eyes, brought his hand up to his face and drew it 
towards his mouth.  Our eyes were locked as he held my hand up, leaned 
forwards and kissed it.  As his lips met my hands, lightning ran through my 
body.  `Oh my God!' I thought to myself, as I looked at him with my mouth 
open in disbelief.  `Pinch yourself Justin!'  After Ryan took his lips away 
from my hand, he took hold of my index finger, and brought it to his mouth, 
slowly blowing on the tip and then placing it above his tongue while it 
slowly licked my finger.  I couldn't believe the sensation!
   `Oh fuck! Oh God!'  I was suddenly aware of the huge bulge in my bathers, 
as well as Ryan's.  Ryan then leaned over from his chair and his face was 
above mine.  My hands were now holding his shoulders, rubbing them slightly. 
  I saw the grin on his face as he leaned in to kiss me.  He was so cute!  
He closed his eyes, and then I closed mine as our lips met.  For a moment, 
we didn't move, but then I slowly replied to his moving mouth, by probing my 
tongue into it exploring it, as he did the same to me.  There was so much... 
passion in this kiss, my first with a man, I never wanted it to end.  But 
then I realised it had to.  I pushed Ryan away from me and I saw the 
confused look on his face.

"Ryan, I hardly know you, and things have been hard for me in the last few 
months and I don't want just a fling. I mean, you are beautiful, but you are 
married. I honestly don't think I can handle the sex with no strings thing 
at the moment."

To be continued...

I hope that everyone likes this part, cause I'll be on holiday for about a 
week.  I'd just like to thank those who have sent me mail, but if there are 
people who want to give me any ideas - like whether or not to write from 
Ryan's perspective as well - or just negative or positive comments, please 
send them to: boy_boogie@hotmail.com