Date: Sun, 26 Sep 2004 02:57:59 EDT
From: RogerNeon@aol.com
Subject: THE BRITS ARE CUMMING

THE BRITS ARE CUMMING
Or, Colin and Jeremy Make the Best of a Delay in L.A.


Disclaimer: The following story is a complete fantasy featuring the
real-life actors Colin Firth and Jeremy Northam.  It never happened, and it
never will.  No suggestion or implication concerning the characters'
sexuality is intended.  As far as anyone knows, both are completely and
happily heterosexual.

American readers who may not be familiar with their work should see Bridget
Jones's Diary, Shakespeare In Love, The Importance of Being Earnest, Pride and
Prejudice and The Advocate (the movie, NOT the magazine; has several great
shots of his ass) for Colin Firth.  For Jeremy Northam, see Emma (with Gwyneth
Paltrow), Gosford Park, and An Ideal Husband.

"Shit," muttered Colin Firth as he turned away from the British Airways
ticket counter at Los Angeles International Airport.  A freak storm had grounded
all flights indefinitely, and his nonstop flight to London was cancelled.
From the corner of his eye he spotted Jeremy Northam in the line he had just
stepped out of.  The two actors only knew each other slightly, but they exchanged
greetings.

"If you're trying to make Flight 1145, it's cancelled" Colin said. "
Everything's grounded until this storm passes."

"Bloody hell!"  handsome, dark haired Jeremy replied.  "I wonder if there's
a room to be had anywhere near this Godforsaken airport?"

Looking around the airport full of people with no place to go, Colin answered
"I don't know, but I'd suggest we start looking now."  The two men hurried
to an outside door where they managed to get one of the last taxis there.  The
driver took them to first one, then another, and then another and then still
another hotel, none of which had any vacancies.  As they drove, the storm grew
worse, and suddenly all  street lights and lights in surrounding buildings
went out.  A few dim lights could be seen in the last hotel up ahead, and they
had the driver leave them there.  They would spend the night in its lobby if no
rooms were available.

The hotel lobby seemed rather eerie in dim emergency lighting, but the desk
clerk informed them that one room was left with a single king-sized bed.
Jeremy glanced questioningly at Colin, who simply replied "take it."

As he completed their registration the desk clerk told them "I'm sorry, but
the elevators aren't on emergency power, so you'll have to take the stairs.  I
'd also suggest that if you want to shower, do it right away, because we're
going to have to shut off the hot water in 20 minutes."  Finally he handed
them two candles, and with a wink, whispered "you're the only ones I've told
about the hot water."

The two Englishmen trudged up five flights of stairs lit only by dim
emergency lighting, and were breathing hard when they reached their room.
Fortunately, the card key lock system was working, and they were able to get in.  A
single bulb did its best to dispel the darkness, but it was a losing battle.
Outside the storm raged harder and four suitcases fell to the floor while their
owners caught their breath.

A moment later, Jeremy said "I HAVE to pee," and stepped into the bathroom.
Colin heard the toilet flush, then Jeremy's voice saying "Colin, come in
here.  You won't believe this."

When he entered the bathroom a single small bulb lit the room, and Jeremy was
pointing into the shower.  "Only in America.  Only in L.A.," he said.  Colin
looked inside the shower and saw that it featured two shower heads.

Colin gave a short laugh and said "maybe it'll be to our advantage after all.
"  Looking at his watch he said "I think we have about ten minutes of hot
water left, and this way we'll both at least have an equal shot at it."  He
stepped back into the room and pulled his shirt off over his head.  He kicked off
his shoes and was sliding his trousers down when Jeremy joined him.  Jeremy
quickly started to undress, and as he was sliding his own silk boxers off he
looked up just in time to see the beautiful ass admired by Colin's fans around
the world.

A moment later the two men were side by side in the shower.  Jeremy stood 6'2"
 tall.  Colin was an inch shorter, but it was difficult to tell because of
his wavy hair and slender build.  Of the two, Jeremy was slightly darker, with
more body hair.  Colin had a patch of hair in the center of the chest, but was
otherwise rather smooth.

As they quickly soaped up, Colin said "this reminds me of being in school."

Jeremy glanced down and said with a slight smirk "in more ways than one!"

With some embarrassment,  Colin realized his cock was hard, pointing straight
out of its thick nest of brown hair, and he turned away.

"Don't worry about it," Jeremy said, "we all have urges."  As he spoke he
lathered his own dark bush and enjoyed the sensation of slick, soapy fingers
moving down the length of his cock.

Colin looked back, momentarily stunned, but incredibly turned on at the same
time.  Hesitatingly, he asked "can… can I touch it?"

"Of course you can, Jeremy answered, "as long as you let me do the same!"

Colin hadn't touched another guy's cock since his schooldays, but it came
back to him as he felt the slippery hardness of Jeremy's in his hand.  He jumped
slightly at the sensation of Jeremy's fingers wrapping around his cock in
turn, fingers that knew how to make a man feel good.  The two men stood for a
moment just enjoying their mutual wank, but abruptly the water turned cold and
they both yelped in surprise.  Quickly they rinsed, then turned off the water.

On the bathmat Colin suddenly became shy again, turning his back to Jeremy,
but somewhat frustrated by the fact that his prick was harder than ever.
However, he was grateful to feel Jeremy's hands gently draping a towel across his
shoulders.  He began to dry himself, and eventually turned to face Jeremy.  The
sight of the handsome, sexy actor totally naked was unexpectedly arousing,
though he at that point didn't realize that the sight of his own naked body was
causing Jeremy's cock to twitch in its dark nest.

Tentatively, Colin reached out with his towel in hand to dry Jeremy's chest,
and Jeremy moaned softly as the cotton terrycloth brushed across his
already-hard nipples.  Colin became bolder, and finished drying his friend's chest,
stomach, and crotch.  When finished, he dropped the towel and took the other man'
s hand in his to lead him to the bed.

As he reached to turn down the covers he began to chuckle.  "What's so funny?
" Jeremy asked.
"Again, only in America.  Only in California," Colin replied.  As he spoke,
he showed Jeremy the condom he found on the pillow.

"That's a lucky stroke," Jeremy said as he spotted another condom on the
other pillow.  He then lay down on the bed and stretched out, arms over his head.
 Never had he looked hotter or sexier, with the nice dusting of dark hair
fanning across his muscular chest, then narrowing down to a trail along his flat
stomach, finally spreading out again in a gloriously thick bush.  Sprouting
from the bush was his 7-inch cock with its long pointed head almost all the way
out of its skin.

Colin joined him and the two men almost instinctively intertwined themselves,
even more aroused with full body contact and their cockheads brushing
together.  It was Colin who initiated the first kiss, soft and tentative at first,
but quickly becoming harder and more passionate as Jeremy kissed him back.
Their tongues met and tangled sensuously for several minutes, both men more
aroused than they had been in years.

Jeremy rolled Colin onto his back and slowly kissed down his neck and across
his collar bone.  Colin shuddered in pleasure and Jeremy's lips and tongue
found his left nipple, teasing it to a hard point.  Colin's cock was by this time
freely leaking precum and he was being driven nearly senseless by desire.  He
grabbed his cock and began to jack it frantically.  A moment later he felt
his hand being gently pulled off his cock.  He started to protest but before he
could say anything he felt a warm, wet mouth on his cockhead.

Colin had had many blowjobs from women, but none compared to this one from
another man.  Jeremy's tongue slowly worked its way around the glans, mixing
saliva with precum, then slowly flicking through the piss slit.  Colin felt his
cock being swallowed deeper as Jeremy began a combination stroking/sucking
action that would have quickly resulted in a massive orgasm if he hadn't known
when to back off.  He looked up, and the two men's eyes met in the dim light.
Driven nearly mad with lust an desire, Colin grabbed Jeremy's shoulders and
pulled him into a massive, wet kiss.

It was soon Jeremy's turn to be rolled onto his back, and luckily for him
Colin was a fast learner.  He felt his hairy chest being stroked and his nipples
worked almost expertly.  The trail of dark hair leading from his chest to his
bush gave Colin a direct path to follow.  Colin at first tried to go down too
far on Jeremy's cock, but quickly realized his mistake and adjusted his "bite.
"  In short order he was sucking cock like a pro, and it was Jeremy's turn
to gasp in pleasure.  Involuntarily his hips began to thrust as he fucked Colin'
s mouth, but he had other things in mind before climaxing.

"Colin!" he said in a loud whisper.

"Mumph?" responded Colin as he looked up questioningly, his mouth still full
of cock.

"Wet your finger," said Jeremy, "and put it up my arse."  To emphasize his
request he spread his legs wider and tilted his ass upward slightly.  "Go ahead
" he urged, "I cleaned it out well in the shower."

Colin hesitated only a moment before he swallowed his middle finger until it
was dripping wet with saliva.  Slowly he probed Jeremy's hairy crack with it
until he found the tight, puckered hole.  His finger slipped into it easily
because Jeremy was relaxed and prepared for it.  However, once it was in, Colin
found his finger being gripped tightly by Jeremy's ass muscles.  Slowly he
began to finger fuck, then resumed cocksucking.  Jeremy's cock jerked in Colin's
mouth as his finger located Jeremy's prostate.

Instantly, Jeremy sat up, seemingly rocket-propelled.  He took Colin's face
in his hands and began to kiss him passionately.  When his mouth was free a few
seconds later Colin asked "did I do something wrong?"

"No, not at all.  You just almost did it TOO well," Jeremy answered.  He
then picked up a condom from the nightstand and tore it open.  With one hand he
stroked Colin's cock to full hardness, then rolled the condom down its length.
He then laid back, raising his knees in the air to expose his ass.  "Fuck me!"
 he hissed at Colin.

Firth didn't need to be asked twice.  It took him a couple of tries but
finally his large cockhead found Jeremy's ass opening and he started to push in.
Jeremy let out a deep sigh and relaxed his ass muscles so that Colin's cock
slid smoothly in until his bush was against Jeremy's ass cheeks.  He took a few
seconds to accustom himself to the unexpected tightness, then slowly started
thrusting.  Lighting flashed outside causing a silhouette of the two men fucking
to appear on the wall, but as far as they were concerned the lighting was
inside the room.

As Colin fucked, Jeremy stroked his own cock and they fell into a rhythm of
sorts.  Before long, Colin increased his speed, pulling almost all the way out,
then thrusting back in several times.  More than once he felt close to
cumming, but he stopped himself in time.  Jeremy began to jack himself with greater
urgency, his breath coming in short gasps as his balls pulled up tight.

Colin sensed the situation, and slammed Jeremy's ass harder and faster than
ever.  Finally he couldn't hold back any longer,  and his cock erupted like a
firehose, just as Jeremy shot a huge stream of cum at least two feet in the
air.  Both men experienced multiple-stage orgasms that included at least two more
cum streams after the first.

Collapsing on top of Jeremy, Colin actually felt cum leaking out of the open
end of the condom..  As his heart rate returned to normal, Colin eased his
softening cock out of Jeremy's ass, and  rested his head on Jeremy's chest.  He
couldn't remember a time in his entire life when he felt so amazingly
satisfied and spent.

"That was fucking incredible," Colin said as Jeremy gently stroked his hair.

"Yes, it was," Jeremy agreed.  "I've always heard you were great in the
sack, but now I know for sure!"