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Despite the sour taste of my current mood, I wrapped my arms around Greyson and held him tight as he laid his head on my chest and snuggled in closer. I could feel the beauty of his smile against my bare skin...just seconds before he puckered up to kiss me on one of my nipples. I could hear him sigh as his arm constricted around me, a few wet dots being mashed into my hip as his softening member leaked what little was left of his intense orgasm. Even the gentle fragrance of his post coital sweat was like candy to me, especially when lingering in the slightly dampened locks of his brown hair. He was a shameless seduction of all five senses at once, and one would think that such a thing would bring me infinite joy and nothing else. But...to be honest...I don't think I was quite sure what to feel at that moment. Or if I should allow myself to feel anything at all.
Already, I could feel the inevitable separation from my ultimate dream boy. The longing of not being able to hold him in my arms. The distance, preventing me from visiting him and sharing any more tender moments like the one we were sharing now. Maybe I was being selfish, but the sadness was beginning to overwhelm the best of my sensibilities, and I felt myself 'disconnecting' from Greyson as my heart used all the energy that it had left to keep from breaking in two.
Greyson was going to leave me. That was a certainty that I never really considered before, nor did I prepare myself to deal with that tragedy now that it had come knocking at my emotional door. But I was going to have to figure something out, and soon. It was either be strong enough to let him go...or spend the rest of my life pining away for a boy that is a part of a much bigger life goal than just being 'my boyfriend'. Greyson has so much talent. Infinite potential in making music his dream. I can't stand in the way of that. I mean, I want to be a part of his dream too, and I'm pretty sure that I am, to some extent. But where do I draw the line between being his support and being his distraction? When it comes right down to it...if we try to maintain the loving relationship that we share now...will he eventually be forced to choose between me and his music? And if, by some miracle, he chooses me...will he end up resenting me for it in the long run?
So many questions. So few answers.
As much as I cherished every moment that we spent together, I suddenly wanted to be apart from him. Just so I could think clearly. Without the silky feel of his naked skin against mine. Without the scent of his heated pheromones enticing me to lean in for, yet another, deep kiss on the lips. Without the grace and beauty of his delicate features clouding my judgement and preventing me from truly weighing the pros and cons of the situation...I might actually be able to come up with a strategy that won't turn his life upside down and ruin his chances of being something truly special in the industry someday.
Yeah...I can't think straight when I'm SO helplessly in love!
"You're awfully quiet..." Greyson said, softly rubbing my chest.
"Am I? Sorry. Just thinking, I guess."
He paused for a moment, and I wondered if the sadness was evident in my voice. I wasn't trying to make him feel guilty or anything. I just...was having a bit of trouble trying to sound upbeat.
"I would keep you in my heart, you know? Everywhere I go. I'd call you every single day if I had to." He said. "You've been stitched into my heart forever, Evan...whether you like it or not." Greyson gave me one of his addictive smiles, and I shot one back at him...but only because his expression was so contagious.
"I know." I said, hoping to brighten my mood a bit and hide my worry from his probing gaze. But I wasn't sure that my mask was holding up as well as I wanted it to. I'm not that good of an actor, I guess. I bet Asa could pull it off if needed. "Ugh! I can't believe it's almost time for my mom to come get me already."
"Is it? How long have we been laying here?" He said, picking up his phone to look at the time. "Geez! I guess we got a little too comfortable for our own good, huh? Hehehe!"
"Yeah..." I said, and I lifted his chin to give his smiling lips a tender kiss. "I'm gonna hop in the shower before she gets here. Knowing my mom, she'll probably be early. It's not like her to be late to anything. Even when I'm just having fun."
"You want me to join you?" Greyson asked with a wink. That boy's adorability factor always managed to remain way off the charts when compared to your average cutie. I was, naturally, charmed by the offer...but before I could extend a slightly naughty invitation to my new sweetheart, he looked at his phone a bit closer and noticed his mother's number on the list of missed calls. "Snap! My mom called. It must have been right after I talked to Alexa. I've gotta call her back before she starts to worry. You know how moms get."
"Of course..." I said, causing him to give me another sideways look. "I mean...my mom is the same way, so..."
Greyson's smile dimmed slightly. "Evan...are you sure that you're...?"
"I'm fine. Hehehe, really. I just don't want to get in a car with my mom smelling like 'boy sex', that's all. I don't know if she'll notice a thing like that or not." I think I played it off pretty well. "Go ahead and call your mom. It's ok. It'll probably take too long for me to shower with you standing in front of me, stark naked, anyways." I smiled at him, but the way he was searching my eyes for my true feelings about this whole encounter was beginning to make me nervous. I thought it best to guide my vision down to the hotel carpet, and distract him a bit by running my fingers through my longish blond hair.
"Ok..." He said softly.
I gave him a gentle kiss on the lips to hopefully put his mind at ease, and I told him, "I'll be out in a few minutes. K?"
"Everything you need is in the set of drawers, just to the right of the sink." He told me, and with a nod, I walked into the bathroom...leaving Greyson to call home again for the second time since I've been here. "Hi, Mom. Me? Oh nothing. Just getting some rest..."
I closed the door, and briefly pressed my forehead against it as I shut my eyes and tried to breathe. No matter when love comes to an end...it's always too soon.
My heart ached from the inside out when I found myself having to say goodbye to him tonight.
It almost felt as though it was going to be the last time I ever saw my sweet Greyson, face to face. But, when I thought about it...maybe it was. At least seeing the Greyson that I knew and had overzealously come to love with the entirety of my teenage heart. The Greyson that I thought I could easily keep all to myself and maintain our close love affair forever.
The Greyson...that I might have made up in my mind.
Let's be honest...I didn't have any real claim on him as a person. But...I was still plagued heavily by this shouting voice in my head that exclaimed, "MINE", every time Greyson Chance crossed my mind. How am I going to be expected to be way from him for any length of time, now that we've promised our hearts to one another, without completely losing my mind? Can such a thing actually work out for the both of us? Is such a situation possible? Or am I going to ultimately lose my happiness to the dreaded obstacle of distance and pop star publicity?
Standing at the door to his hotel room...the answer seemed pretty clear to me. Just my luck, I'll read about how he dumped me and found himself some celebrity model boyfriend to take my place in the back of some entertainment gossip magazine. At least I wouldn't have to hear him say it aloud. I guess it would be cool if at least one of us walked away from this fling to find true happiness, right?
"So...no emergencies, right?" I asked him as I came out of the shower, wearing one of Greyson's super fluffy white robes. My GOD, that thing was comfortable! It was a luxury in itself. Only Greyson's bare skin felt better being wrapped around me. "Everything is ok at home?"
"Yeah. It's fine. Everything seems urgent to my mom when she hasn't spoken to me in a week or two. No biggie." He replied. Then he looked at me and reached up with his hand. "You're hair is so cute when it's wet like this. I like it." I smiled. "You smell good too. I wish you could stay a little bit..." My phone began to ring. And Greyson sighed, "...Longer."
With a smirk, I said, "That's my mom. Aggravatingly punctual, just like always." It was a short conversation, but I basically told her that I was upstairs, and that I was on my way down in a few minutes. I guess the fantasy had to end some time, right? I hung up the phone, and then looked into Greyson's eyes for a moment, moving forward to rest my arms on his shoulders...our faces almost close enough for our lips to touch while we were talking. "I had a great time tonight."
With a darkening blush, Greyson grinned, "I did too." We kissed, briefly...and I suddenly felt a bit of cool air as Greyson's mischievous hands undid the belt on my robe...leaving me naked. "Oops! Hehehe, what happened there? Your robe fell open. Oh my..." I felt him reach in to touch my goodies and give me a few sensual strokes as he kissed the side of my neck. I think he made it tickle on purpose.
"Hahaha! What are you doing? STOP that!" I said, and he kissed my cheek.
"My video shoot is super early in the morning tomorrow. How about I come see you on set right afterward? Is that ok? Can you get me a pass or something so I can watch you work?"
"I think I can wrangle up something like that, sure." I giggled. "I'll let security know you're coming so I can get you a badge and stuff." Then I added, "It'll be under the name 'Elliott Le Evan' or something! Hahaha!"
"I'm never gonna live this down, am I?" He said.
"Nope! You'll just have to have your name legally changed. That's all there is to it."
Greyson peered directly into my soul, and with a suddenly serious tone, he said, "You know that I truly...truly...love you. Right?"
Peering back, I said, "I love you too."
Then...my phone rang again, and that meant that my mom was getting impatient. "It's ok. You've gotta run. I get it." He smiled.
"Sure. Tomorrow." I said softly, and I gave him an extended hug, crushing his soft body against mine and holding him as a sudden wave of emotion washed over me. I couldn't really explain it, but it really felt like I was saying goodbye. And I wasn't sure how many goodbyes I'd have left.
With a lingering kiss, we said our goodnights and I sort of sulked my way back to the elevator. How can I miss something that I haven't actually lost yet? This is the weirdest feeling in the world.
My mom had the car running and ready to go as I climbed into the passenger seat. "You seem to be dragging your feet tonight. Did you forget the time?" She asked.
"No." I mumbled.
"Well, I know you were having fun and all, but you've got some more sides to study before morning, honey. I know they keep changing stuff on you at the last minute, but that's Hollywood for ya. You've got to be professional about this. Remember?"
"I know." I said, with a sigh.
My mom looked over at me a few times as she was driving, and she could tell that I was in a bit of a funk. She didn't pressure me to talk about it, but tried to cheer me up just the same. "You know, the director seems to like what you're doing on camera. Every time I see a new revision of the script, you've got more to say. More things to do. There's a good chance they'll ask you back for next season. How crazy would that be, huh? Your favorite show?"
"I don't know. It's the zombie apocalypse, Mom. I'm not going to get my hopes up."
"Well, why not? It's possible, right?" She grinned. "Maybe my handsome charmer of a son can be 'The Walking Dead's' new teen heartthrob."
I rolled my eyes with a smirk. "It's not gonna happen, Mom. Chandler's the teen heartthrob on the show. Everybody knows that."
"Well, like you said...it's the zombie apocalypse. Anything could happen."
"Hehehe, they're NOT gonna kill off 'Carl', Mom. That would just be...cruel. Not to mention just straight up rude, hehehe!" I said. "I'm pretty sure he's there to stay through to the bitter end."
My mom peeked over at me again, and my smile grew a little wider. Dammit, her sneaky trick to distract me from my problems had worked. If only temporarily. "I guess 'The Walking Dead' will just have to make room for two teen heartthrobs then, wont they?"
"One can always dream, I suppose."
That's when my mom did a bit of a double take, and felt the dampness of my hair. "Did you take another shower at the hotel?"
Yikes! Ummm..."Oh, right. Yeah. I did." I told her. "We went down to the pool. Had to wash the chlorine off. You know how it is."
"You didn't have any swim trunks with you."
"That's ok. Greyson had an extra pair for me to use." Then, with a naughty smirk, I looked away from my mom and said, "Things were a little 'tight', but I seemed to fit in just fine. It was...fun." Then I snickered to myself as I stared out the window.
Thankfully, she didn't get it. Then again, why would she?
I have to admit that concentrating on my new lines for the scenes I was shooting tomorrow wasn't easy. My focus was broken time and time again, either by random attacks of an impending heartbreak, or by sensual images of making love to Greyson in the most intimate way. I swear that I could still hear the echoes of his passionate cries ringing in my ears, stifled whimpers as I sank deeply into his constricted tunnel and pushed as far as my hips would allow. The feeling of his insides, warm and alive and sucking at my shaft from all sides...it was enough to leave me breathless.
Ugh! Come on, Evan! Focus! I've got to know all of these changes by tomorrow. I have to rehearse my line delivery in the mirror like a crazy person, and then go on set tomorrow and make it look 'natural'. I'll be on camera with both Chandler and Asa...so I can't really afford to be awkward or fade into the background by not knowing my lines. I need to concentrate. Like my mom said...be professional. Yes, I can do that. I can be professional.
Ok, so...we're on a rooftop, Asa has binoculars, walkers in the distance...my lines...shit, why did they change this part? I had it perfect in my head. Trying to go out on a supply run, yadda yadda...Chandler says...
Looking at all the changes on the blue pages of the script, my mind began to drift again...the words on the page becoming a blur as I remembered the scent of Greyson's heated breath as he closed his eyes and tightly wrapped his sapling legs around my waist. The feel of his hard inches on my belly, the tip wet with sticky excitement...his nectar baptizing my skin as our united thrusts, our pushes and pulls, found the perfect rhythm needed to bring us to orgasm.
God, I can't believe that I'm getting hard again...
OK! I'm done. I just...I had to get those last few images out of my mind. I'm settling down now. Script! Got to focus on the script!
So we make plans to go out and try to grab supplies from a nearby farm before it gets too dark, I mention that we should take more people, but Asa takes the lead and suggests that we can get this done by ourselves...ok...oh wait, I've got a few more lines of dialogue here. I'll practice those in a few minutes. How much of this stuff did they change? Geez! It's almost 11:30 already. How am I going to remember all of this and still get enough sleep to not be a zombie myself tomorrow?
You know, I'm still sort of salivating over the taste of him. The feel of his hardness sliding across my tongue. Hot and rigid. The bitter tang of his sexual leakings becoming more evident with every slow bob of my head. Licking the sensitive ridge of his tip was my favorite part. He would squirm in the cutest way when I had done it just right. The drag of my lips sucked the flavor right off of him, and his candied fragrance was even more obvious as I took a break to lick and nuzzle my nose and lips in the wrinkled folds of his sack...blushed a dark shade of pink as he gasped in response. I wish Greyson was here with me right now. I wish I could kiss those treasured lips and we could start all over again from scratch. I miss him. It's only been an hour, and yet...I miss my baby sooooo MUCH!
If he leaves and goes touring overseas to places that I've never heard of, and he's gone for months at a time...
How am I ever going to be able to bear it? How will I keep my heart from imploding in his absence?
Heartbreak and passion. Passion and heartbreak. I highly doubt I'm going to get my lines right by the time tomorrow rolls around.