Date: Fri, 30 Dec 2005 23:23:38 -0700 From: Zac Wack Subject: Zac and Taylor Okay here's the crap you should already know but I must say: This is fiction. It does not imply the sexualities of any of the parties mentioned in the story. I do not know the Hansons. This will be a continuing story centering on Taylor and Zac Hanson. Do send feedback...hate mail...whatever. ac_zay@hotmail.com -------------------------- Prologue My brothers and I have always been close. We grew up around each other all the time. I guess that's what happens when you're in a band together. Most of the time we liked being around each other, though there were always the quarrels and fighting. We made sure not to take sides when that happened. When we actually made it in the music business, we could barely believe it. We knew rejection all too well, and we knew how difficult it was to succeed in such a profession. It came so much quicker than any of us could have expected, and the next few years of our lives couldn't have been anticipated. Fame changed us all. Anyone that has experienced fame and says otherwise is lying. It's a lifestyle like no other. It has its ups, and it has plenty of downs. I ended up being the one that struggled with it the most. I mean, I was eleven years old when suddenly the entire world knew who we were and we had thousands and thousands of fans all over the world. I grew up in that surrounding. It was amazing, it was horrible. Sometimes I long for the childhood I never had. I missed a lot. But I also experienced a lifetime. While my peers were in school learning about France, I was in Paris seeing it. While they were developing their first real crushes, I was being plastered on thousands of girls' walls. While they were learning Algebra, I was being interviewed by people like David Letterman and Jay Leno. But while they were making lifelong friends, I was seeing different faces every day. While they were going to school dances, I was stuck on a bus in some random state. While they were hanging out and going to movies, my brothers and I were practicing or performing. When they were coming into their own and gaining freedom, I was being isolated. It didn't come as a surprise when I found myself glancing in my brother Taylor's direction a little too often and for a little too long, but I hated myself for it. The thing is, I wasn't and am not gay. At the time I had never been attracted to a guy before. I'd had girlfriends, and they weren't to cover anything up. I liked girls; I still do. But my attraction to a guy was growing...and to make things worse, that guy was my brother. What most people don't understand is that we didn't grow up as brothers. The day we became famous is like the day we were all born. We were band members and business partners, but above all else, we were friends. Much of the time it didn't feel like I was performing with my brothers. From the time I was about thirteen on, our fights were less and less. It was like we weren't brothers anymore. It wasn't a sad thing though. It was very natural. My feelings for Taylor began developing in an odd time. I was fifteen and Taylor had just had what we would come to refer to as a breakdown. Though fame hit me the hardest, it was Taylor who suffered the most. He felt such a heavy weight on his shoulders to always be perfect in everything that he and we did. Such a beautiful, self-destructive creature. Our bus driver had found Taylor passed out on the floor of the bus by his bunk one night after a performance. Taylor had immediately left the venue and gotten on the bus after the show, but that wasn't unlike Taylor. He would often go back over the whole show and mentally beat himself up for the tiniest of errors. This particular night, though, was different.