Hello again guys, this is the final season for Alex and Sebastian. I hope you guys enjoy!
Timeframe: This chapter takes place approximately 8 years after chapter 37. I will also be doing some "flash-back" chapters to fill y'all in on what happened throughout the years and I'll label them accordingly to avoid confusion.
Anyways, please continue to email me so I know someone is reading and liking what I'm writing. I also have a playlist of songs that I listen to while writing the chapters if y'all are interested.
The email you can reach me at is lore.guerra13@gmail.com for questions, comments, concerns or donations ha-ha, just kidding!
A fellow reader made a playlist with most of the songs I've either used or will use in the series. If y'all want to listen to it while reading the chapters the link for it is this:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJZWEUrY9KRSfQ98rYlMYix46VM0CJ7XS
Two new songs will be added on to the playlist.
Losing My Mind – Jeremy Jordan
I Won't Give Up – Jana Kramer
In all seriousness, please don't forget to donate to nifty here, without which we wouldn't have this collection of great stories!
Every story is free on here, so please let's keep it that way and donate, guys.
http://donate.nifty.org/donate.html
-------------------------------------------------------------------
1 week before the wedding
"So let's hit up another bar, boys."
Matt and I led the group to another bar on 6th street. "Thank you for coming up to Austin with us for Brandon's bachelor party, Matt."
Matt held my hand and smiled. "I've missed enough important moments with you, Alex. I think we both needed this." I rested my head on his shoulder as we walked. I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach.
A few hours after I had fought with Matt and left him a voicemail last week, he had come home and told me he loved me, too. We had talked through the whole Sebastian situation and I assured him that there was nothing between us anymore. I loved him and Sebastian was just a guy from my past.
The morning after, while Matt was at work, I had found something in his sock drawer. I didn't mean to find it – hell, all I was looking for was a matching pair of socks at the time.
Regardless of whether I was looking for something or not, the point was that I had found it – a gold engagement ring. For the past week, I had kept what I had found to myself, not telling anyone about it since I didn't know what to do.
Walking hand in hand with Matt with Sebastian only a few feet behind us, I felt like my heart was being torn in half. My train of thought was derailed as Matt announced our next bar.
"Here we are, guys. Our next stop."
Brandon and his two brothers walked into the bar followed by Ralf and Sebastian with Matt and me taking the rear.
Ralf, Brandon's younger brother (Luis), and I were tasked with getting drinks for the group. After a few more rounds, we grew tired of this bar and decided to continue our bar hopping.
"This one has an open mic!" Ralf and I laughed at Luis' drunken exclamation. Granted, we were all already pretty drunk.
"Come on, boys, sit up front. This round's on me," Brandon announced. We sat near the front as a cocktail waitress handed out shots and beer for us. As a group we took our shots and raised our beers to Brandon.
"Here's to a happy marriage, little bro." Brandon's older brother, Chris, raised his beer.
We all nodded and drank.
"So, who's going up to make a fool of themselves for the groom?" Brandon smiled.
Brandon didn't have to ask too many times. For the rest of the night, each and every one of us made fools of ourselves at different bars. By 2 AM, once last call was announced, we all headed back to the hotel we were staying at, Chris, Luis and even Ralf bringing girls along with them.
As far as Bachelor parties went, it was a very uneventful one. That is, of course, until I decided I needed a small smoke break at around 3 AM after not being able to fall asleep.
I reached over Matt grabbing my phone, pack of cigarettes, and a blanket as I headed towards the balcony each one of our rooms had. Quietly, I slid open the balcony door and settled myself on a corner against the brick balcony wall. As I smoked my first cigarette, I realized that my phone's notification light had been blinking. I did, after all, forget it at our room right before we went out on our bar crawl.
I opened my phone up and saw that the notification was a missed call from Darren, Jay's brother. I would have called him back if it wasn't three in the morning right now. As I went to my messages to send him a text, I saw that he had sent me one at 10 PM.
- Hey, Alex. Sorry to bother you this late at night. Mom found that video I talked to you about. Here's the link. Have fun at Brandon's bachelor party!
Intrigued, I clicked on the link and was sent to a YouTube video titled "Memorial for Jay at El Vaso." I waited a few seconds as it loaded. While it did, I looked over comments regarding the video and all of them expressed their sympathies over Jay's passing. Just as I was looking at the related videos, the actual video started.
"I uh, I want to play this song for a friend of mine. He just lost someone really special to him." In the video, Sebastian took a deep breath and cleared his throat. "My sister was in the same accident that took Jay's life and I – I can't imagine what it feels like to lose someone you love like that. I know we haven't spoken in years but, if you ever come back Alex, know that I'm really sorry for your loss. You – you must be losing your mind right about now and I'm sorry I can't fix it for you, man. You know I would if I could. Hell, I wanted nothing more than for you and Jay to be happy, I really did."
I took a deep breath as Sebastian stood in front of a mic stand and sang.
"The sun comes up – I think about you.
The coffee cup – I think about you.
I love you so it's like I'm losing my mind.
The morning ends – I think about you.
I talk to friends and think about you.
And do they know it's like I'm losing my mind?"
In the video, Sebastian looked heartbroken. His hair was a little disheveled and he looked like he had hadn't been sleeping either.
I gulped as the rawness of his voice got to me.
All this time, I thought he never paid Jay any respects.
I had been wrong.
Looking at him in the video, my heart broke again.
"I dim the lights and think about you.
Spend sleepless nights to think about you.
You said you loved me
Or were you just being kind?
Or am I losing my mind?"
I wiped away the tears that were beginning to pool in the corners of my eyes.
Even now, I still spent some sleepless nights thinking about Jay.
All the things we never got to do.
All the words we never got to say.
All the time we didn't get to spend together.
I heard and felt all these things as Sebastian sang.
"Does no one know it's like I'm losing my mind?
All afternoon doing every little chore.
The thought of you stays in my mind.
Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor.
Not going left – not going right."
In the video, Sebastian raised his hand to wipe a tear off his face.
I shut my eyes and felt my own tears slide down my cheeks.
Although this song was dedicated to Jay, I knew a part of Sebastian was singing it to me.
He really did love me and when I left him, he must have felt like he was losing his mind, too.
"I dim the lights and think about you.
Spend sleepless nights to think about you.
You said you loved me
Or were you just being kind?
Or am I losing my mind?"
Sebastian finished his song and the crowd gave him a polite applause. A few seconds later, the video ended. I closed my eyes and wiped the last few tears from my face. In the silence that followed, I heard a sliding door open. I turned and looked up, expecting to see Matt walking out to join me but there was no one there. I stared off to the distance as I continued to hear the sounds of someone shuffling around. After a few seconds, I realized the sounds were coming from the balcony next to ours - Sebastian's balcony.
I sat there in silence, scared that he'd know I was outside, too. It felt like hours went by before I heard words coming from his balcony. After playing close attention, I realized they weren't just words – Sebastian was singing.
"Don't tell me love is something you won't try again.
That's just not true.
But baby right now, maybe what you need is a friend.
Well, I'm here for you."
I remained silent as his voice traveled to me through the night air. The last time I had heard him be this vulnerable with his voice was ... actually, I couldn't remember when. When he had sang on Thanksgiving, I knew in my heart that his original song was about me. Although he had sounded great and I could feel the soul behind his song, it didn't compare to how I heard him sing now.
.
"You need someone who knows you from the inside out.
The way I do.
I've seen you walk the wire never looking down.
I believe in you."
I shut my eyes and leaned my head on the brick wall of my balcony. Pulling my blanket tighter to me, I focused on Sebastian's words. I sighed, thinking about the fight we had last week. My heart broke as I remembered telling him that I didn't love him.
What else could I have done, though?
I was with Matt and things were getting serious. Hell, I knew exactly how serious after seeing the ring he had bought me.
But if I was being entirely honest with myself, I had lied when I said I didn't love Sebastian.
Fuck, it would have been so much easier to just settle with Matt if I had never come back down here.
Still, if I continued to insist that there was nothing between Sebastian and me then what was this feeling that kept bringing me back to him – the one that kept me up at three in the morning thinking of him?
"I will be by your side
If ever you fall deep in the dead of night –
Whenever you call."
With my eyes still closed, I smiled.
I remembered singing a similar song so many years ago – back when he and Emma were together. I had sang that song as he danced around with Emma in his arms. I remembered feeling heartbroken over the fact that I couldn't have him the same way Emma did. Now that I could, why was it so difficult for me to accept that?
Regardless of that, hearing him sing that he wouldn't give up on us made me feel ... good. He loved me. He really did. There was no more doubt in my mind that Sebastian loved me. The only question left was: Did I really love him, too?
"And I won't change my mind.
No, I'll see you through.
And I won't give up, no I won't give up.
I won't give up on you."
I know, of course, that I did once love him. Yes, recently, there were instances where I felt like I used to when I was with him, but was I actually in love him now? Did I love him enough to give up what I had been building with Matt?
God, Sebastian, what did you do to me?
I didn't ask for you or call for you or ask for any of this.
What did you do to me?
"I will be by your side
If ever you fall deep in the dead of night.
And I won't give up, no I won't give up.
You can call it love.
But I won't give up on you."
Without meaning to, I let Sebastian's voice carry me off to sleep as I laid on my balcony corner. As I faded off, I couldn't stop myself from thinking back to our last kiss in his apartment. A feeling of warmth spread from my lips throughout my body as sleep finally overpowered me.