Alex and Sebastian 51

Hello again guys, this is the second to final chapter for Alex and Sebastian. I hope you guys enjoy!

It's a little longer but there was just so much I wanted to add before the finale. I apologize for the wait but the week before Spring Break I was busy doing school assignments and, as a current college student, I decided to unwind and have fun on my break. Not to worry though, I'm back and currently wrapping up the last chapter.

Anyways, please continue to email me so I know someone is reading and liking what I'm writing. I also have a playlist of songs that I listen to while writing the chapters if y'all are interested.

The email you can reach me at is lore.guerra13@gmail.com for questions, comments, concerns or donations ha-ha, just kidding!

A fellow reader made a playlist with most of the songs I've either used or will use in the series. If y'all want to listen to it while reading the chapters the link for it is this:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJZWEUrY9KRSfQ98rYlMYix46VM0CJ7XS

One new song will be added on to the playlist.

I Don't Want to Live Forever – Madilyn Bailey

Say You Won't Let Go – James Arthur

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Every story is free on here, so please let's keep it that way and donate, guys.

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Morning before the wedding

Sebastian

"I'm so glad you're letting Lily be my flower girl, Seb."

I looked over at Lea and smiled. "It's no problem. Lily's really excited, too."

Lea's younger sister, Mary Jane, walked out of Lea's room. "Your dress is so pretty, Lea ! Ugh, I'm so jealous!"

Lea looked over at her sister and maid of honor. "I know! I'm so in love with it I want to wear it all the time!"

As I let the two sisters talk about their dress, I walked over to where Brandon was and sat with him. "How you feeling, man?" I asked. "Tomorrow's the big day."

Brandon looked at me and smiled. "I'm really excited." Brandon must have seen the weird look on my face and laughed. "No, I am." Brandon gave a small sigh. "This time tomorrow, she'll be my wife, man. I can't wait."

I turned to look at Lea as she laughed at something her sister must have said. "You really love her," I smiled. I didn't phrase it as a question, regardless, Brandon nodded.

"I do," he said. After a few seconds, Brandon looked over at me. "What about you? Lea told me about what happened between you and Alex."

I looked down at my hands. "I'm holding up pretty well," I said. Brandon nodded and decided not to push the subject.

"When did you know?" I asked.

Brandon turned to look at me. "I'm sorry?

"When did you know you wanted to spend the rest of your life with Lea?" I clarified.

"Oh," he turned to look at Lea again. "I think it happened three weeks after we started dating. One day, as we were having dinner, I looked over at her and I saw her looking back at me. In that time, I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off of me. I smiled at her and she smiled at me and I knew in that moment that I could be myself with her. I didn't have to lie to her or worry that she'd find a fault in me that would send her running away. I could see that she'd love me for me. I had never ever felt anything as strong as that with anyone else when I looked at them. That's when I knew it was different. That's when I knew I loved her."

I smiled silently as Brandon shared this with me. After a few more seconds of quiet, he cleared his throat. "Ahem, listen, Seb." I turned to look at him and waited for him to continue. "Can I – can I speak freely?" I nodded. Brandon met my eyes and asked, "Do you love him?"

I didn't have to think twice. After eight years, I was finally comfortable enough to answer truthfully. "I do," I whispered.

"Then don't give up. Don't ever give up."

I smiled at Brandon's advice. "He's with Matt, though."

Brandon didn't hesitate. "I know," he said. "But, between you and me, when I look at them together I don't see a spark between them. Matt's a great guy and all but I don't think Alex loves him – I really don't. If I'm being completely honest, I think it's because he's in love with someone else." Matt was quiet like he was measuring his next words very carefully. "And I think that person is you," he finished.

I smiled at the realization that I wasn't just imagining those feelings sunk in.

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Alex

"Come on, Darren! If we want to get to the rehearsal dinner on time, we need to leave in the next ten minutes."

When Lea mentioned that no photographer caught her attention, I had suggested asking Darren, Jay's younger brother. Ever since high school, Darren had loved photography. When Lea offered him the job, he was so excited for the opportunity he offered to do it for free just as long as he was able to use some of the wedding pictures for his repertoire. Lea agreed but insisted that he got paid.

"I'm ready! I'm ready!" Darren walked out of his room and it struck me again how much he looked like a younger version of his brother. "I just needed to make sure I had everything I needed. I'm so excited that Lea's letting me do this for her."

I cleared my throat and smiled at Darren as he walked in front of me and opened his front door. "Well," I said, "She looked at the pictures you've been working on and really liked your style. You totally earned this, man."

"Thanks, Alex. Still, if it wasn't for you recommending me to her, I wouldn't have had this opportunity. I owe you one, A."

"Just do me a favor, if you see Lea start going full Bridezilla at the rehearsal dinner tonight or at the wedding tomorrow, get it on video and give it to me," I laughed.

"Listen, Alex." Darren stopped in front of the door and I looked at him.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a favor?" He asked.

"Sure. What's up?"

"I know Lea already did me the huge favor of letting me be her photographer but can I invite someone to Lea's wedding tomorrow?"

"Oh," This took me by surprise but I didn't deliberate. "Yeah, I'm sure Lea would be okay with it."

The smile on Darren's face was blinding. "Okay. Awesome!"

I almost wanted to ask him who could make Darren smile like that before I realized that we really needed to get going.

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Ralf

It seemed like forever but we were finally here: Lea's rehearsal dinner. As I looked for my place to sit, I noticed Alex standing by himself drinking a glass of white wine. I walked up to him, "Hey, man. How's it going?"

Alex smiled as he turned at me. "It's going good. Just waiting for Matt to get back from the car with his jacket. I'm also helping Mary Jane make sure everything runs smoothly. Although, if you ask me, she has it covered."

I nodded and drank from my own complimentary glass of wine. After only a few minutes, I couldn't help it. "Okay, Alex. Come on, what's up?"

Alex lowered his glass of wine and looked at me. "I'm sorry?"

I rolled my eyes and looked at him. "Come on, dude. Sebastian told me about the fight you all had. What's going on with you?"

"Oh," Alex sighed. "Nothing, dude. Like I told Sebastian, there's nothing left between us. I'm with Matt now and I'm happy."

I studied Alex's face for a second. "Okay Alex, can I tell you something?"

Alex sipped his wine and nodded.

"Matt is an amazing guy. He's funny, good-looking, he has a good head on his shoulder. I just – I don't think he's right for you. I think you're settling for Matt."

Alex put his glass of wine on the table behind me. "Excuse me?"

I rolled my eyes one more time. "Come on, Alex. I'm your friend. Be real with me. Do you honestly think that Matt is your soulmate?"

Alex shuffled around for a second. "I don't think there's such thing as soulmates, Ralf."

I scoffed. "Oh, come on, Alex." I leaned closer to him until we were touching shoulders. "Eight years ago, we went out, right?"

Alex blushed for a second before adding, "If by `went out' you mean fucked, then yes. We went out a few times."

I laughed a little before continuing. "Point is, even then, I knew that you and I were never going to be anything ... substantial. Why? Well, because you were in love with Sebastian. To be honest, that's kind of the main reason that I didn't pursue you as much as I would have." I gave him a crooked smile as I thought back to when we were younger. "I understood that he had a pretty big place in your heart. Hell, even now, I think you're still in love with him. I feel like you might be too scared of letting go of the safety net that is Matt to let yourself be with Sebastian again. I think that you're missing out on something that could really be something because you're scared."

Alex looked like he was considering my words for a second. He looked over at me but I couldn't place the look in his eyes. After a while, he spoke. "I know," he said. "I could lie and say that all these feelings started when I got back but, really, who am I kidding? For the longest time, I've really been trying to let myself fall in love with Matt but I just ... can't. But I'm also scared of breaking Matt's heart. I'm scared of being the person that destroys him. Can I – can I tell you something?"

I looked over at Alex and nodded.

Alex took a deep breath and spoke. "I found an engagement ring. I think – I think that Matt is going to propose to me."

I remained silent, thinking about what Alex just said. "What are you going to say?" I asked.

"I – I don't know." In his eyes, I could see how torn Alex was.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Well," he continued. "I really think that Matt and I might have a chance at a normal life. I can see myself growing old with him, having a family, being happy."

I nodded. "Okay, but ..."

Alex sighed. "But I can't make myself forget about my feelings for Sebastian. When I picture the same scenario, I'm – I find myself smiling. I don't do that when I think about it with Matt."

"Isn't the answer simple then?"

Alex looked at me with his brown eyes. "What?"

"You love him, Alex. You love Sebastian. Something – and I don't mean Matt – is holding you back from accepting that. I think you just need to figure out what it is so that you can move on and accept it."

"I'm – I'm going to have to break Matt's heart, aren't I?" He asked, almost at a whisper.

"Yes," I said. "But at the end of the day you have to realize, what would break his heart more: Breaking up with him or you lying about loving him?"

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Sebastian

As I walked around the reception hall, I took a few sips of the complimentary champagne Lea had for her head tables. For the past hour I had been spending time hanging out with Ralf up until I saw that one of Lea's cousins caught his attention. I didn't want to be a bother so I let him get acquainted with her and I walked out to the hall.

That's when I bumped into someone familiar. "Darren? Is that you?"

Darren, one of my ex high school students and brother to Alex's late fiancé, turned to look at me. "Mr. G. How are you doing?" Darren walked up to me to shake my hand and I was struck with the realization of how much he looked like a younger version of his older brother.

"I'm fine." I said. "What are – what are you doing here, though?" I asked.

"Oh," Darren picked up his camera and showed it to me. "I'm the photographer."

"Really? That's pretty cool. Damn, I haven't seen you since you graduated. Anyways, I'm glad to know that you didn't give up on your photography. From what I remember, you were pretty good."

Darren gave me a goofy smile. "Thanks, Teach. Wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, though." I smiled, thinking back to the short bond I built being his senior teacher and helping him once in a while in that music club he joined. "Are you – are you here by yourself, Teach?" He asked.

"You're old enough to call me Sebastian, Darren. And, uh, yes, I am. My date fell through at the last minute," I lied.

Darren gave me a warm smile. "Sucks for her."

"Yeah," I smiled back.

Darren had a weird look on his face for a second.

"What's on your mind, Darren?" I asked.

He looked around the hall before looking back at me. "Well, I know it's none of my business but ..."

"But ..." I looked at him expectantly.

"But I know about you and Alex."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"How you two have been going back and forth recently. He and I have always been close since back when he and my brother started dating - more so after he died. I think you should know that he really cares about you, like, a lot."

"He told you that?"

Darren fiddled with his camera before answering, "Yes, he did. I don't think you should give up on him, you know. I don't think either of you should, actually."

"He's made it pretty clear how he feels about me, Darren."

Darren smiled. "I don't know – I think he's just scared of taking such a big step. Believe me, I don't think he wants to settle for Matt." Darren stopped and seemed to be thinking about something for a second. "You know, last time he came to my place to talk with me, I noticed he was wearing something around his neck."

"What's so weird about that?" I asked.

"Well, when I asked him about it, he seemed kind of guarded. I don't see why he'd hide the fact that Matt gave it to him or even my brother. I can only guess one other person that could have given it to him."

All of a sudden, I realized what Darren was talking about. "This necklace, was it a silver guitar necklace by any chance?"

Darren smiled at me, "See, I don't think he'd be wearing that if he really was over you, Teach."

A small smile spread across my face. "No, I guess not." The more I thought about it, the more I was beginning to think that I should give it one more chance with Alex. Hell, Matt, Ralf and now Darren thought so, too.

Darren looked at me for a second with a curious look on his eyes. "Okay, you know what?"

"What's up?"

"You helped me out big time back in high school with my brother's passing and with my personal stuff. I'm going to pay you back right now."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused.

"Just – you wait here." Like that, Darren ran off in the opposite direction and left me here standing, wondering what on Earth he meant when he said he'd pay me back.

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Alex

For the next hour, I couldn't get the words Ralf said out of my mind. As I helped Mary Jane, Lea's maid of honor, make sure everything was running smoothly as the guests arrived at the reception hall, Ralf's voice kept resonating in my head. He was right. There was something holding me back from fully accepting my feelings for Sebastian – I just didn't know what it was. Yes, I was scared about breaking Matt' heart but that wasn't entirely it. There was something more but I didn't know what it was.

There was one thing I had decided though, I needed to talk about this with Matt. I'm sure that conversation was going to end well having already told him that there was nothing between Sebastian and me. It was going to be difficult explaining to him how confused I was.

How would I even bring it up anyway? The thought of it made me feel like I was choking and I decided to undo my bowtie and loosed up the first button.

Before I could give this anymore thought, Darren bumped into me. "Alex! Hey I've been looking for you."

"What's up, Darren?"

"Sebastian is looking for you. I thought you should know."

I furrowed my eyebrows as I wondered why Sebastian would be looking for me. "Do you know what he wants?" I asked him.

"Um, no." Darren wiped a small smudge from the camera hanging around his neck. "But he's over by the hall outside the small meeting room next to us."

I nodded. "Okay, I'll go see what he needs, thanks."

Just as I was beginning to walk away, Darren called back to me. "Yo, Alex hold up."

I turned around and waited as Darren walked up to me. "What's up?" I asked. Darren fiddled with his camera for a second, looking uncomfortable. "Darren?"

Darren let his camera hang from his neck and looked at me. "I'm sorry just – tell me why you're not together, again?" I didn't need to ask who he was referring to. Before I could answer, he interrupted me. "I know, I know. You guys aren't in that place right now and it's really complicated and you're with Matt and all."

"Yeah," I admitted. "It is a little complicated." But, to be honest, the longer I was back in this city, the more it felt like the Universe wanted Sebastian and I to be together. I was beginning to be okay with that.

"Right," Darren continued. "You love him, he loves you. It's super complicated."

I gave Darren a kind smile, "Look Darren, I understand where you're coming from it's just – we've been together. And then apart. And then we had that huge ass fight and we didn't speak for years. We're finally in a place, I think, where we could be okay with each other. I just – I don't want to ruin it. If I broke up with Matt and got back together with Sebastian and it didn't work out – I don't know what I'd do."

Darren smiled and placed his hand on my arm. "You're scared of losing him again."

I nodded. "I'm scared of losing everything," I admitted, for once. Sebastian had been right, I was a coward.

Darren walked over and hugged me, his head resting on my shoulder. "You're scared that trying to make it more ... could wreck it." I nodded. Darren patted my back and pulled away, keeping me at arm's length. "Or you could luck out and find the love you didn't know you could find after my brother died."

I locked eyes with Darren as his words sunk in. "I should – I should probably go see what Sebastian wants, huh?"

Darren smiled. "Yeah, you should."

Waving bye to Darren, I walked over to the meeting room next to Lea's reception hall and found Sebastian facing away from me and looking at his phone. "Hey, Sebastian," I said. "Darren said you were looking for me?"

Sebastian turned around and I wondered if it was just my imagination or if he was surprised to see me. "Oh! Hey, Alex. Yeah, uhh ..."

When I realized Sebastian had nothing to say, I realized something else, too. "Oh, wow. Darren just lied to get me here didn't he?"

Sebastian ran his hand through the back of his head and gave me a shy smile, "Yeah, I think he did."

We stood there silently, both of us wondering what to do next. After a minute I decided to break the silence, "Listen, Seb. I need to tell you something."

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I wanted to apologize for that night back at your place. I – that was really unfair of me to put you in that situation. It wasn't okay. I'm sorry for everything I said."

Sebastian gave me a somber nod. "No, I'm sorry, too. I let it get out of hand. You were right, I should have talked to you beforehand. It wasn't cool of me either."

We stood there, both of us sorry for the words we shared the night of our fight. The longer I stood there with him, the more I realized that I hadn't been avoiding him because I was mad at him. I had been avoiding him because it was a lot easier to fight the feelings I had for him when he wasn't around.

It's not like I was doing a hell of a job fighting them, anyways. Hell, for the past few weeks, I had even been wearing the old necklace he had given me under my shirt.

Maybe it was time to stop fighting.

Before I could say anything else, I noticed Sebastian's eyes linger on the area under my chin. "Is that my necklace?" He asked.

I looked down and could barely see a small glimpse of the necklace he had given back to me the night he kissed me outside Lea's house. "Oh, uh, yes," I said. "I really like the way it looks." I looked into his eyes, wondering if he could see through my poor excuse. I had told myself that I was only wearing it because, in a weird illogical way, it would help me get over him. I realized now that the truth was I was wearing it because I liked knowing that a part of him was always with me. This necklace was as much a part of me as my right hand and I didn't fancy loosing either of them.

From the smile that was beginning to form across Sebastian's face, I could see that he, too, knew I was wearing his necklace as more than just a fashion statement. Maybe it was the champagne or everyone telling me to go for it or the wedding vibes I was getting so close to Lea's big day but I found myself smiling back at Sebastian.

"Listen, can we go inside here and talk?" Sebastian pointed to the small meeting room behind him.

"Yeah, sure," I said as I followed behind him and walked into the room.

Sebastian closed the door behind me and leaned back on the door. "You know, I – I've been talking to some of our friends and I decided that I'm going to give this one last go." I stood in front of him, waiting to see what he had to say. After a minute, he continued, "In the few years that we've been ... apart, I took up a new hobby."

"Yeah? What's that?" I asked, feeling both excited and nervous about being here alone with him.

"I picked up reading, like, for fun. At first, I started off with small ... young adult books. No, don't laugh," he said as a small smile spread across my lips. "They were good and they kept me entertained. Point is, I liked it." Sebastian walked slowly towards me.

"Have you - have you been drinking, Seb?" I asked, noticing, but not minding, his change in demeanor.

Been sitting eyes wide open behind these four walls hoping you'd call.

It's just a cruel existence like there's no point hoping at all.

Sebastian only smiled and walked closer to me. "So I started reading more books. One of my favorites being Corelli's Mandolin by this one guy, Louis de Bernieres. I never thought I'd be reading something from a guy whose name I wasn't sure I was pronouncing right, ha-ha. Anyways, do you want to know what he says about love?"

Sebastian stood closer to me and I couldn't stop myself from looking into his eyes any more than I could stop my heart from beating as fast as it did whenever I was with him. "What does he say?" I asked, almost at a whisper.

"He says, `When you fall in love it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision.'" Sebastian and I stood inches away from each other as all I could do was listen to him speak. My skin tingled from an unknown feeling the longer we stood near each other.

I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind.

Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life.

"'You have to work out whether your roots are to become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.'"

My breath was heavy as Sebastian closed the distance even further between us. He stood only a few inches away from me causing my knees to get weak and my heart to get heavy. He reached his hand over to the top of my shirt and exposed my necklace. I held my breath as he played with it for a few seconds.

I've been looking sad in all the nicest places.

Baby, baby, I feel crazy.

I see you around in all these empty faces.

Up all night – all night and every day.

"`Love is not breathlessness,'" he continued, "'It is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate ever second of the day.'" Slowly, he let go of my necklace and raised his right hand, placing it on my cheek. The warmth of it intoxicating me. "`That is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are.'"

Sebastian gave me a small smile and pulled his hand back. "`Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away.'"

We stood in silence for a few seconds as what he just shared with me sunk in. "That's my favorite quote," he said. "I memorized it accidently a few years back."

I swallowed down the knot in my throat. "Beautiful words," I said.

Sebastian smiled. "They're not just words, though. It's true. Everyone can be consumed by love but that doesn't mean they are in love. I had a lot of time to think about it and I know that I've only ever been in love with one person." Sebastian's hazel eyes locked into mine. "What about you?"

I've been looking sad in all the nicest places.

Gave you something, oh, but you say nothing.

Now I'm in a cab – I tell them where your place is.

What is happening to me?

I remained silent as I thought about the only two people I've ever really been in love with. When I still wouldn't respond, Sebastian gave me another small smile.

"Do you really believe you're in love with Matt – are you entirely happy? Really?"

"You think I'm lying to you?"

"I think you're lying to yourself," he said, not accusingly just matter-of-factly. "I know how ... confused you are about everything. I know how you feel torn between what you want and what you think you want. I know how much you hate that you can't tell which is which. I've been there, remember? And I also think the reason you can't entirely commit to Matt is because you're in love with someone else."

"You?" I whispered, looking into his eyes.

I don't want to live forever,

`Cause I know I'll be living in vain.

And I don't want to fit wherever.

I just want to keep calling your name until you come back home.

Sebastian smiled. "We've always known each other." He walked forward and grabbed my arm. "You sing all the time in the car and in the shower. You don't put gas on your car until it beeps. You overthink everything. You love to argue as much as I do." Sebastian kept looking into my eyes before continuing, "You won't admit we're meant to spend the rest of our lives together. There's a fire inside both of us."

My eyes locked into his. "What – what did you say?"

"You heard me," he smiled. "From all my life, you've been one of the best things I've known. You and I both know how this thing ends, A. I – I don't know how or even when, and I don't care what city you're in or who you're living with. You're my person. We are meant to be together. I know that." Sebastian smiled one more time and placed his index finger on the silver necklace hanging off my chest. "You know that."

A warm feeling spread across my body. For once today, I didn't feel like I was drowning. I coughed to clear my throat. "We should – we should head back to the reception hall. I need to get ready. Lea asked me to sing her and Matt a song."

I just want to keep calling your name until you come back home.

Until you come back home.

Sebastian smiled at me and helped button up my shirt. I stared at him silently as he tied my bowtie. Quietly, he walked towards the door and opened it for me. "After you," he smiled.

After me, I smiled.

As Sebastian followed me back into the reception hall, we split up when we got to the door and walked back up to the head table separately. Although Lea's rehearsal dinner went on around me, I couldn't tear me away from the memory of Sebastian and me together. When the time came, I walked up to the band and let them know that I was going to sing a song for Lea and Brandon.

I cleared my throat as I borrowed the mic from the band. "Hello, guys." I addressed Lea's guests. "My name is Alex and I'm one of Lea's friends." By now, most, if not all, of the guests were looking at me. "She made me promise I'd dedicate a song to them both tonight and that's what I'm about to do." I smiled at Lea and Brandon as they held hands above their table and looked at me. "Here's to the both of you guys. I hope that tomorrow is the start of something truly special."

I looked at the band behind me and they began playing an old song by James Arthur – Say You Won't Let Go.

"I met you in the dark – you lit me up.

You made me feel as though I was enough.

We danced the night away – we drank too much.

I held your hair back when you were throwing up."

I smiled as Lea rested her head on Brandon's shoulder. I had known Lea for almost ten years and this was the happiest I had ever seen her. She had done it. She had found her person. She was about to start the rest of her life with the love of her life.

I moved my sight away from Lea and Brandon and focused on Matt sitting next to my empty seat.

I'm so sorry, I thought. I really don't want to hurt you. I know what loosing someone you love feels like.

I gulped my guilt away as I went to the second section of the song.

"Then you smiled over your shoulder.

For a minute I was stone cold sober.

I pulled you closer to my chest and asked you to stay over.

I said, `I already told you – I think you should get some rest.'"

A small smile broke through as I thought about the first time Sebastian and I spent the night together so many years ago. It was the night right before Carol's – one of our old friend's – birthdays. Nothing had happened – we had just gotten really drunk and passed out on my apartment floor. Ten years later but I could still remember the way his face looked asleep on my floor.

"I knew I loved you then – but you'd never know.

Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go.

I know I needed you but I never showed.

But I want to stay with you until we're grey and old.

Just say you won't let go."

I looked past Matt and stared at Sebastian. I couldn't hide the feelings I had for him anymore. Maybe Darren was right. Maybe I could really luck out and get back the happy ending even I thought I lost when Jay passed away.

"I'll wake you up with some breakfast in bed.

I'll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head.

And I'll take the kids to school – wave them goodbye.

And I'll thank my lucky stars for that night."

My train of thought got derailed as, from the corner of my eye, I saw Lea and Brandon kiss. A bigger smile broke through my face as I thought about how, in some time, they, too, would start a family. Lea and Brandon would get pregnant and they'd both raise a beautiful child. I could almost see both of them smiling as they dropped off their kid at school.

They were really lucky.

"When you looked over your shoulder,

For a minute, I forget that I'm older.

I want to dance with you right now.

And you look as beautiful as ever.

And I swear that everyday you'll get better.

You make me feel this way somehow."

At the last verse, a sudden urge made me reach out for the necklace around my neck. As soon as I made contact with it, the memory of Sebastian being so close to me came back. What had we been talking about, anyways? Oh right.

You won't admit we're meant to spend the rest of our lives together, he had said. We are meant to be together.

We had both changed and grown so much it was hard to believe that could be true.

And yet, what was this feeling in my chest that kept me anchored to him?

"I'm so in love with you – I hope you know.

Darling, your love is more than worth its weight in gold.

We've come so far my dear – look how we've grown.

And I want to stay with you until we're grey and old.

Just say you won't let go."

I thought back to the fight two weeks ago when I looked Sebastian in the eye and told him I didn't love him. It had torn me inside to say that out loud and I had realized it wasn't true the minute the words left my mouth.

The truth was: I had been so scared for how strong my feelings actually were. I wasn't going to lie and say I didn't have any feelings left for Sebastian. No, what scared me was how strong they turned out to be. I couldn't forget about him. I couldn't push him out of my head no matter how hard I tried and that terrified me. I just wanted it to stop.

Now, here we were at two of our friend's rehearsal dinner and neither of us could stop looking at each other.

Neither of us wanted to.

"I'm going to love you till my lungs give out.

I promise till death we part – like in our vows.

So I wrote this song for you – now everybody knows,

That it's just you and me until we're grey and old.

Just say you won't let go."