Date: Thu, 29 Apr 2004 22:16:31 -0700 (PDT)
From: ds elliot <dselliot28@yahoo.com>
Subject: College Life - Part Four

College Life - Part Four

by ds elliot

This is the story of two college men involved in a gay relationship.
There are details of sexual contact. If such stories offend you, if you
aren't of legal age to read such stories, or if such stories are illegal
in your area -- please stop now and redirect your browser to another
location.

This story is for your enjoyment on this site only. You may not link this
story to any other site or publish this story in any other location
without the permission of the author. All rights reserved. Copyright
2004.

Please share your comments and constructive criticisms with me at:
dselliot28@yahoo.com



and now to Part Four...



Our third year began much like the other two with both of us scrambling
to tie up all of the lose ends so we'd be prepared to concentrate on
school without any unnecessary distractions. I don't think any of the
classes were easier, but Ryan and I both seemed to notice that we were
more organized and prepared -- like we knew what to expect and had
learned to adapt to the work required. We were busy with school, but we
didn't seem to find ourselves overwhelmed by the workload. We still made
certain we both left time for the other. We had grown so comfortable with
each other, and we knew each other better so could more easily anticipate
the others needs and desires. It was like everything seemed to come
together in a more complete way for us. I couldn't imagine my life
without Ryan as the central part of it. Most days it really didn't seem
like my life really started until I met Ryan. From the moment I met him
my life just seemed to be a much happier and rewarding experience. I
think I was always a happy kid growing up, but since Ryan came into my
life it seems that I smile more. I know that I'm happier, but my heart
seems full of more love and certainly much more passion than I ever
imagined.

Ryan had decided that he would like to enter campus politics. There were
several positions he was interested in holding within our Student
Government. Once he made his choice, he began the process of running for
the office. He enlisted me to be his campaign manager. Together we made
flyer's and organized opportunities for him to speak to the issues of
most concern to him and to the college in general. Ryan's first speech to
the college students was just a couple of weeks away. He had been
agonizing over it for the past several days. When he thought he was ready
he asked me to be his first audience for the dry run. While the speech
covered all of the major issues we had been discussing, it was flat and
humorless. Ryan's smile alone could captivate the audience, but he would
need more if he planned to get their votes. I asked if he would mind if I
worked on his speech a little. I think he was grateful that someone else
was taking on this burden for him. I spent the rest of the day working on
the speech to spice it up some and give it some punch. When I'd finished
my work I did a presentation for Ryan. He seemed to be intensely pleased
with the speech. He practiced it daily while I coached from the sidelines
to perfect his delivery. We invited a few friends over with the promise
of free beer so Ryan could have a larger practice audience. Their
response was positive, but we were both unsure if it was the speech alone
or the fact that the end signaled a time for free beer.

The speech was delivered flawlessly. Ryan made several appearances in
front of several campus organizations to garner support for his
candidacy. Each effort brought a larger group of support for him. He did
win the race. I was so proud of him. We celebrated by taking most of the
people who'd helped with the campaign to a pizza place near campus. This
was Ryan's first political race. I knew there would be more. Ryan seemed
to come into his own as he argued his points and won people over to his
point of view. He was never afraid to confront any issue or explain his
positions. He was so very much in his element as he talked with groups
and individuals, met people, shook hands, smiled for the crowd, did
interviews for the school paper, and debated opponents. I was sure that a
political career would be Ryan's calling and his passion.

While I would always give Ryan my full and unconditional support in
everything he did, we had both watched Clinton's campaign for the White
House. We knew of the difficulties of his campaign especially when his
personal life was made a major point of the campaign. Clinton's personal
problems with his past exploits were sensationalized in every type of
media. One couldn't go a day without hearing of his past actions. Though
I tried not to dwell on that aspect of getting elected to public office,
I knew that our relationship could hinder Ryan should he decide to seek
office in any realm larger than our campus. I didn't like the idea that
slanderous comments be made about our relationship. With the US divorce
rater hovering near 50%, I believed that our relationship was far
stronger and more solid than most marriages. Ryan and I hadn't
experienced any serious negative comments about our relationship from
fellow students, the faculty, or any of the people in the community we
knew. We'd never experienced the hate that exists in society toward gay
men or gay couples. We both knew it was out there in the larger world. We
discussed it when news reports brought those cowardly acts to our
attention. While we could empathize with the victims, we really had no
idea what such cruelty could do to an individual or to a relationship. We
were both individually strong men, and as a couple we felt invincable,
but no one had ever attacked either of us with the intention of drawing
public ridicule or instigating general fears and hatred. If Ryan pursued
this career choice I knew that we would find out during his first
campaign. What I didn't know was how we would prepare ourselves for that
eventuality or how we could strengthen ourselves for such attacks and
hatred.

Between winter and spring quarter that year an off campus fire destroyed
several apartments in a large complex. Many students lived in the
complex. Two people we didn't know died in the fire. One guy we did know
was homeless as a result of the fire. He, Mike, had been crashing with
some buddies in their dorm and borrowing clothes to get by. He, as with
most all the students living in the complex, didn't have any insurance to
cover the loss of his personal things so he would have to spend money he
didn't have to replace clothes, stereo, tv, computer, and books.
Fortunately several groups on campus raised some money to help with the
cost all of the displaced students would encounter. Ryan and I talked
about what we could do. In addition to a large cash donation from Ryan,
we offered Mike a place to stay until he could get settled in a place of
his own again. Mike occupied the spare bedroom rent free for all of
spring quarter. Mike is a very easy going guy with a great sense of humor
and a very playful nature. Mike was a died in the wool straight man who
attracted a lot of the more attractive college women. He was tall, dark,
and handsome. Amazingly he could also cook -- a bonus I sincerely
appreciated.

Mike was easy to have in our home. Ryan and I both knew him fairly well.
He was a usual member of any group sporting event we participated in.
When we first invited him to stay with us, we told him that we were gay
and a couple because he weren't sure if he actually knew that. He told us
he was aware of our relationship and didn't have a problem with it. It
really amazed me at times how enlightened some jocks could actually be.
Ryan and I took Mike shopping for some basic clothes so he had things
that fit and actually belonged to him. Ryan spent a fair amount of money
getting clothes, shoes, a laptop computer, a bookshelf stereo, and other
items Ryan considered a necessity for any college student. Ryan wasn't
what I would ever call a shopper, usually leaving it to me to get what
things either of us needed, but he liked to shop when he was doing it for
someone else. I think it really was the joy of giving that excited him.
He just liked to help people. Ryan was that kind of man.

Ryan and I continued to greet each other with a kiss or two and a hug
when either of us returned home. We continued to sit close if we were
just watching tv or talking. We held hands often wherever we were in the
house. Ryan would often come up behind me while I was in the kitchen
cooking and kiss my neck as he nuzzled against my back. Mike never said
anything and showed no signs that our behavior made him at all
uncomfortable. One afternoon a few weeks into our new living arrangement,
Mike came home while Ryan and I were sitting on the sofa. He heard him
come in, but he didn't advance into the room -- he just stayed in the
foyer. Soon we heard him say rather loudly..

"What? No welcome home kiss?"

Ryan and I got up from the sofa and went to Mike planting a sloppy went
kiss on each cheek. Mike said..

"Gawd... I feel like I've been attacked by a couple of St. Bernard dogs.
I've never been slobbered on so much during a kiss. You two better start
wearing bibs when you kiss or we'll all drown."

Another time I was standing at the stove stirring something and
completely lost in my thoughts when I felt someone wrap his arms around
me from behind and pull my body back into a hug. The only person to ever
do that was Ryan so of course I thought it was him. I leaned my head back
and pushed my butt into his crotch not really thinking anything other
than how great it felt to be held. He licked at my ear. I instinctively
leaned my head over in the opposite direction to allow him to kiss my
neck, but instead a voice whispered...

"Gotcha!"

I never turned around so fast in my life. I was shocked and embarrassed
that I didn't realize the difference between Ryan and someone else. My
shock turned into laughter as I noticed Ryan at the doorway laughing at
my surprise.

The only other incident occurred one evening while Ryan and I were in our
study. We'd both been working for several hours on different projects.
I'm not sure which one of us started it, but before long the books were
set aside and we'd started on our own little project. Ryan had my shirt
open and off my shoulders with the back of my shirt over the back of the
chair. My movement forward was restricted as well as any arm movement. My
pants and boxers were long gone as Ryan was kissing my thighs and teasing
me with his tongue. Lost in our own little world of pleasure we'd
successfully tuned out all outside distractions until we heard Mike
exclaim...

"Jesus Christ! I've never seen a dick that big. Shit... that's porn star
quality. Oh by the way Ryan, your mom wants you to call her. Carry on
boys."

He wasn't there long, but obviously long enough. I had tried to cover
myself when I first heard his voice, but I couldn't move my arms or upper
body far enough to cover myself and my clothes weren't in easy reach.
Ryan just laughed. Easy for him to do -- he was still dressed. I'm sure
I'd never blushed more. My face was so hot I knew it had to be dark red.
Ryan went back to kissing my thighs and licking my dick once the door was
closed. I can't say I was out of the mood completely, but I was more
embarrassed than I'd ever been. Thanks to Ryan though he quickly had me
thinking about other things. After our session ended we dressed and went
to the kitchen for a snack and something to drink. Mike was at the
kitchen table. He said...

"Hey porn star... that's some piece of meat you got there. Promise
you'll never stand next to me naked. I already feel inadequate after
seeing that thing. That thing looked more like a baseball bat than a
dick. Fuck man, it's huge! I've seen horses that aren't that well hung,
and I grew up on a farm."

"Mike, I'm so sorry you saw that." I said. "We should have locked the
door. I'm really sorry about that."

"Jake, don't worry about it. I can't wait to tell all the guys that
you've got this porn star dick."

"Mike... please don't do that. I'm already embarrassed enough."

Ryan and Mike laughed at my expense. They both continued to tease me
about my penis. Some of what they said was indeed very funny, and I'm
sure I'd have laughed too had we been talking about someone else. I was
just too shy for this kind of public discussion about my private parts --
even if the guys discussing it were my lover and our friend. The jokes
finally stopped after they'd used every possible comparison possible. I
vowed that Ryan and I would never have sex again unless I'd personally
locked the door first.

That next weekend Ryan and I had joined a bunch of guys in a touch
football game. After the game we all headed to the locker room to shower
before heading in our own directions. While we were all in the shower
Mike was talking with the other guys and indicating width and length with
his hands. I didn't hear what he was saying, but I knew what the topic
was. I got several looks that I'd never had before or at least I'd never
noticed. I showered with my back to the room so I was not on display
(something I usually did anyway because group showers always made me a
bit uncomfortable) and to block out Mike's animated conversation. Mike
had taken to calling me 'Porn Star' loudly enough so others could hear
whenever we'd meet on campus. He so enjoyed giving me shit. I think he
lived for watching my face turn a dark shade of red.

Ryan and I both signed up for the summer session at school. We had
concluded that we could cut time off our post graduate programs by
getting a bit of a head start. Summer was a difficult time to be in a
classroom, but if we weren't in the classroom we would have been working
in an office. Ryan and I became more involved with our fraternity over
the summer. We had attended the required meetings and a couple of
gatherings held off site designed to give the younger members the chance
to meet and talk with past members who were now successful in their
fields. In many respects it was more like a personal recruiting session
for the younger members. It was very helpful to hear their experiences
and to learn of the opportunities available upon graduation and
completion of our education.

Senior year was a blur. Both Ryan and I finished our under graduate work
at the end of winter quarter, but decided that we would go through the
graduation ceremonies with our class in June. We were both starting post
graduate studies in our respective fields. The workload increased for
Ryan especially since he was spending some of his time clerking for a
judge in town.

As graduation approached we sent announcements to all of our relatives.
My parents were going to drive out but not bring the kids because of
financial restraints. I fully understood the situation, but really wanted
to share this moment with all of them. Since we had both signed up for
summer session again, I decided that I would go home for a few weeks in
August during the break between quarters. I discussed my plans with Ryan.
He was understanding and agreed that we should spend our break with them
since I hadn't been home at all during my junior and senior year. I
talked with my family weekly and sent gifts at Christmas and for each
birthday, but that wasn't the same as actually seeing them. I missed all
of them and needed to spend time with them. We saw Ryan's family more
frequently because they lived closer. Both his mother and father would
occasionally come to town for some business dealings and would stop to
visit or take us to dinner while in the area. We had grown close, but
they just weren't my family.

Ryan was all smiles a week before our graduation ceremony. I wasn't sure
what had him so excited, but he was bubbling over. It didn't take much to
get the news out of him. I asked,

"So what has you smiling so much today?"

"Nothing. Can't a guy just be happy?"

"Yes a guy can just be happy, but I know that look. It's the look you
get when you've planned something without me knowing it. So what exactly
have you been planning this time?"

"I can't keep anything a secret from you. I'm gonna have to work on
that. I really wanted this to be a surprise."

"I'm always surprised by the things you do. Every day I'm surprised that
you're with me. Every day I'm surprised that you love me. Every day I
thank God that you are in my life to give it meaning and purpose."

"I love you, Jake!"

"I love you to, Ryan. I wish that I could find the words to tell you
just how much."

"You're gonna make me cry if you keep this up."

"I don't want to make you cry. I just want you to know how very much I
love you. I also want you to know how much I love your surprise. Now tell
me what it is."

"If I tell you then you won't be surprised. What good is a surprise if
you aren't surprised by it?"

"Ryan... if you don't tell me then I'm gonna go crazy wondering what it
is. I may not be able to perform in bed because my mind will be trying to
figure out what the surprise is."

"You really know how to get me where I live. Lets go up to the bedroom
and then I'll tell you."

"Is this your way of getting me into bed?"

"Can't blame a guy for using whatever tactics he has to to get some
afternoon lovin'."

"You're just horny -- as usual. Come on I'll race you to the bed."

We both took off at top speed to race to the bedroom. Ryan laughed as I
locked the door to the room when we were both inside. He said,

"You aren't ever gonna get over Mike walking in on us are you?"

"You didn't have to go through all of the embarrassment he put me
through. He still calls me "Porn Star' when he sees me on campus. I know
he does it just to get to me, but every time I hear him call me that it
brings up that evening."

"I'm the one who should have been embarrassed that night you know. I was
the one on my knees worshiping that glorious dick. Actually it makes me
proud in a way... I mean here is a straight guy who can't take his mind
off the size of your dick. I'm just damn proud that I'm the only one who
actually gets to have it, play with it, taste it, feel it inside me. In a
strange way it validates my choice and our relationship."

"Are you trying to say that the only reason you're here with me is
because my penis is a little larger than average?"

"No! Not at all. I'm trying to say that it's like straight guys admiring
a guys girl friend because of her chest or legs or whatever. It just
makes me proud that your mine. And you gotta admit it's kinda cool when
Mike says that shit in the locker room. I can't believe all the straight
guys who check you out. Makes you wonder if they are really all straight
the way some of them try to get a look. You don't see it because you are
naturally shy and probably more shy about your body than most guys. Most
guys built like you would be showing off. You've got a perfect body and
are extremely attractive, but you just don't see that in yourself. It's
one of the many things that makes me love you even more. And it isn't
just a little larger than average. We should measure it just to see how
big it really is, but I'm about average and it's way bigger than mine."

"It just embarrasses me. I love you so much. No come here so we can get
you out of those clothes."

We shared a long slow love session. Sex seemed to get better with each
year. We knew each other better, loved each other more, and worked harder
to please the other. We were holding each other as the passion subsided.
Ryan was resting his head on my chest while his right hand was slowly
stroking my abdomen. He told me that the surprise was that he'd made
arrangements for my family -- all of them -- to fly out for my
graduation. He had rooms booked at a major hotel in town and two rental
cars booked for their travel while they were here. They were arriving two
days before the ceremony and would be in town for a week after to visit
and sightsee.

How could I not love this man more each day. Tears of utter happiness
were running down my face as he told me the wonderful news. I don't think
I could possible be happier. I'm so glad they would all be here to share
in my big day. The good news coupled with Ryan's slow stroking of my
abdomen had me ready for a second round. This time was all about sexual
gratification. Ryan enjoyed sex -- all sex -- but he was especially
excited when it was a bit wild and out of control -- more animal passion
than making love. I did my best to provide him with that experience. When
we finished round two, the bed was in a shambles with the blankets on the
floor and the pillows God knows where. We were both panting and gasping
for air. Between pants Ryan said,

"Fuck me! I'm gonna get you a surprise every day from now on if we get
to do that. You were an insatiable animal. That was amazing! You really
are a Porn Star -- my Porn Star. Fuck! I can't catch my breath. I don't
think I'll walk for a week. That was great! I wonder what I can surprise
you with tomorrow?"

"You inspired me Ryan. I get hot just watching you respond. There
couldn't be anything in the world more exciting. God, I love you!"

I pulled the blanket from the floor without getting out of bed. I covered
us and we slept soundly for two hours. When I woke up I was hungry. I had
depleted my energy with Ryan's encouragement. I grabbed a robe and
wandered downstairs to fix something for dinner. It was 9:00 already, and
I knew Ryan would need to eat soon too. Ryan came down when he smelled
the food cooking. He was wearing a robe and walking bow-legged -- like
he'd been riding a horse for the last six months. My first thought was
that he was hurt. I went to him immediately when I noticed his walk. I
asked if he was ok -- if I'd hurt him. He just laughed and told me he was
teasing me. I punched him in the arm and told him he was cut off from the
wild stuff for a while. After dinner we went back to bed to sleep.

There was so much going on the week of graduation that it seemed like the
days all blurred together. Having my family here was perfect and afforded
me a calming and comforting support group. Anna stayed with Ryan and I at
the house the first night, and that quickly led to the others wanting the
same opportunity. We graciously accommodated all of my siblings. The time
at home with them gave me a chance to catch up with each one
individually. I was amazed at how much my younger brother, Luke, had
grown. He was 16 when I last saw him two years ago. He was indeed a
handsome young man -- a fact that wasn't missed by any of the college
women he encountered. He'd break a lot of hearts along the way I
suspected, but he seemed so mature and comfortable with himself. I
couldn't believe the changes in all of them. They were growing up while I
was busy with school.

Ryan and I talked about the changes in Luke. Ryan told me that Luke
looked like me only with slightly darker hair and not quite as handsome.
He told me that my body was better too more muscled and toned. I asked
Ryan if he was checking my brother out. He told me that he always looked,
but he knew he'd never find anyone more attractive than me. I kissed him
for that, but went back to talking about Luke. I just didn't see myself
as attractive I guess. I couldn't believe that Ryan thought I was better
looking than he was. I tried to tell him that he was just biased, but he
wouldn't acknowledge my argument as valid. Before bed that night I spent
some time in front of the bathroom mirror trying to see if what Ryan was
telling me was true. As I looked at my reflection in the mirror I could
see that all the parts were in the right place, but I just didn't see the
whole package as 'beautiful' or 'handsome'. Ryan walked in and asked,

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Just looking at myself. I can't see it."

"Can't see what? Are you comparing yourself to Luke to see if you are
better looking?"

"I guess... honestly I was comparing myself to both Luke and you. I
think you are way better looking than I am. You've got that killer smile
that lights up your face and causes your eyes to sparkle. The gold flecks
in your eyes seem to dance when you are smiling. I think it's very nice
of you to tell me I'm attractive, but between the two of us you are way
better looking. I'm not blind either. I see the longing looks the women
give you on campus. I suspect there are plenty of guys giving you that
same look, but would never guess that you've got a guy waiting for you at
home. I mean I think I'm ok and all. Everything seems to be in the right
place and properly proportioned, but I can't see the total package as
handsome. You are model material. I'm closer to average."

"If only that was true. I don't want to argue about it with you. You
will just have to take my word for it that you are the most handsome man
in the world. If that doesn't work then we'll take a pole after your
family leaves to see what everyone on campus thinks."

"Don't embarrass me with some pole."

"Jake, I love you!"

The night Luke stayed at our home Ryan was teasing him about all the
women who stared at him as we showed him around the campus. Luke said,

"Yea... that happens a lot. Jake probably gets it more than me though.
He's way better looking than me."

"He does actually, but he doesn't notice it. I thought I was gonna have
to beat them off with a baseball bat the first year."

"I'm just glad he lives here and not at home that way I get all the
looks and hot women." Luke laughed.

"You mean there are finally hot women back home? What did they do --
import some just for you?" I asked.

"Actually no there aren't any really, but the cute girls all call. Mom
hates it. She calls them my fan club."

"So Luke, are you sexually active?" I asked and blushed as I realized
what I'd said.

"That's kinda personal isn't it? No I'm not. Can you imagine what that
would be like? The whole town would be talking about it by morning."

"Are you hung like your brother Luke?" Ryan asked.

"I ahh I don't know. It isn't something we've compared or anything."
Luke replied blushing a dark red.

"Ryan! You're embarrassing Luke and you are embarrassing me. Please
forgive him Luke. Sometimes he asks the dumbest questions."

"Jake, I was just wondering if it ran in the family -- you know if all
the Bradford males were hung like horses."

"I guess not because mine isn't that big I'm sure. How big is yours
Jake?" Luke innocently asked.

"It's huge! I swear I can feel it poking my heart when we have sex."
Ryan said.

"Geez Ryan! Stop! I don't think Luke needs to hear about that. I can't
believe we are having this discussion. Lets change the subject before he
has us naked with his measuring tape out."

"He's so cute when he's embarrassed. He's so innocent when people are
around, but when we're in bed he's an animal."

Everyone laughed at that and the subject was changed. Luke told us how
much he liked the campus. We talked about the state college he would be
attending in the fall. He seemed very excited to tell us about his visit
to the campus. He went on to say how anxious he was to get out on his own
just to see what life is like without parents around all the time. Ryan
and I both told him of the dangers that were out there if he didn't avoid
them. We talked about alcohol and parties and the downfall of not keeping
his priorities in order. Ryan also discussed safe sex with him. Luke
blushed during most of that talk. I knew he'd heard it already from our
father, but I suppose it never hurts to have it reinforced by someone
closer to your own age.

At breakfast the next morning Ryan asked Luke if he'd like to spend the
summer with us. I was a bit surprised at the invitation since we hadn't
talked about it, but Ryan had an idea so we rolled with it. Luke was
excited about the chance to stay with us for the summer. We told him that
he might be bored since we'd both be busy with school during the week,
but he seemed anxious to be away from home for the first time. He said
he'd ask mom and dad, but he also encouraged both of us to talk with them
too so it wouldn't seem like it was his idea or anything. Luke got
permission to stay for six weeks -- through the end of July. My parents
wanted him at home for a while before their third child went off to
college.

Luke had his first sexual experience about two weeks after everyone left.
He was hanging around campus during the days and met several women. One
was more than a little taken by him and called often for him. Ryan and I
happened to leave school early one Thursday because of some other
commitments. We got back home about two hours earlier than usual. When we
got inside we could hear noise from upstairs. My first thought was that
someone had broken into our home, but Ryan stopped us both to listen.
What we heard was not the sound of someone breaking in -- well at least
not breaking into the house. Luke was in the midst of his first sexual
experience with a woman who was showing him all the ropes from the sounds
of things. We quietly went into the kitchen then back to the living room.
From the sofa we could hear all of the action taking place upstairs. Luke
hadn't closed the door to his room so the sounds of sex filtered down --
some of those sounds much louder than others. Luke was certainly vocal.
For someone who hadn't done it before he didn't seem to be shy about
telling her what he wanted orThe night was going to do to her. She was
also quite graphic and certainly was loud when her orgasms came. Ryan and
I snickered to ourselves as we eavesdropped on the erotic scene taking
place up the stairs. It actually make us both horny. Ryan kept pawing at
my crotch and rubbing his hands over my ass and penis. If Luke kept this
up much longer I knew Ryan would have me naked on the sofa.

Ryan teased Luke mercilessly often trying to imitate the girls voice
during sex. Luke would blush and punch Ryan in the arm, but it was all
good natured fun for all of us. Luke took me aside later that evening to
ask if we could have a private talk. I told him we could certainly do
that. We made plans to borrow Ryan's car the next afternoon to go for a
drive to the park where we could talk in complete privacy. Ryan asked if
everything was ok with Luke. I told him I honestly didn't know what he
wanted to discuss so couldn't answer that. Ryan asked if I thought he'd
upset Luke when he teased him, but I didn't think that he had since Luke
was very quick with a come back once he got to know Ryan better.

Luke and I drove to the park the next afternoon. We found a spot in the
shade away from the throng of people at the park. Luke started to talk...

"Jake, I don't really know how to say this, but I think that I need to.
When you first came out I hated you for being gay. I guess I was at that
awkward and stupid age. I was worried and scared that I'd be gay too.
That was a rough year for me. I yelled at dad a lot, but never really
told him what had me so pissed off all the time. I didn't understand how
you could like a guy. I didn't understand the attraction, and I made
myself miserable with the pictures in my head of you sucking his dick and
fucking each other. I was ashamed of you. I was ashamed of what you were
doing with Ryan. He was such a cool guy when we all first met him.
Everyone liked him. He didn't seem gay at all. I guess I blamed you
somehow for making him gay for you."

"Luke, I didn't realize how hard all of that was on you. No one ever
told me. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that alone."

"Jake, just let me finish this so I can get it all out. You were like my
hero when I was a kid. I wanted to have your body and good looks. I
wanted to be as smart as you were. I wanted to be popular like you. Ryan
was right you know. You never realized then or now how many people look
at you when you walk across campus. You don't get how attractive people
-- men and women -- find you. I use to be so jealous because all the
girls talked about how cute you were. I don't think there was a girl in
town who didn't want to go out with you -- and I mean every girl. You
were like this god. It didn't help my ego that none of the girls were
talking about me like that. Even after you left the girls talked about
you and how cute you were. They'd come up to me to ask me about you. That
still happens occasionally. I just wanted to be you. Then when you
dropped the bomb on me about being gay -- well it crushed me. I'd heard
about gay guys but never knew any. Guys would make gay jokes all the
time, and so did I. When I did that I know I was doing it to try to hurt
you in some way. When some girl would ask about you or tell me how hot
you were I really wanted to tell them you were a fucking fag. Jake, I
just want to tell you how sorry I am for all of the bad thoughts I had
and for all the bad things I wished on you. I was stupid and selfish.
Having the chance to stay with you and Ryan has done me a world of good.
This experience has given me the time to realize what I've probably
always known -- that you are kind and caring and loving and generous to a
fault. As hard as I tried to hate you and what you were, I always knew
that deep in my heart I didn't really mean all the cruel things I was
thinking. I just wanted you to know that I really do love you. You are
still my hero. If I can grow up to be half as good a person as you are
then I will consider myself a success. I also wanted to thank you for
letting me stay with you guys this summer. It has really opened my eyes.
I don't know what I was expecting, but what I've found is something I
want to have one day. I can feel the love you two share. I can see it in
your eyes when you look at each other. It is really a cool thing -- like
mom and dad actually. I hope I can be lucky enough to find that one day
-- maybe in about five or ten years. I gotta tell you that sex was
fantastic! I want to have a lot more of that before I settle on the one I
want to spend the rest of my life with. I know I should have asked
permission first. I'm really glad that you both handled it well and
didn't yell at me for bringing some girl into your house. When I brought
her there I was more curious about how far it would go. I never really
expected we'd actually have sex, but I'm damn glad we did. Next time
though I will make sure the doors are locked and Ryan is miles away. That
guy is relentless. I don't think he'll ever let that one go, but it is
pretty cool that we can all joke about it. Anyway... I love you, Jake."

"Luke, I love you too. I'm so sorry you had a rough time with my coming
out. It didn't occur to me that what I was doing with my life could
affect you in that way. I suppose I was to naïve and perhaps
self-centered to realize the impact on those I am closest to. We're
brothers -- always will be. I will never stop loving you, caring about
you, and hopefully helping you in any way that I can. If you ever have
something like this or anything else for that matter on your mind, I hope
you won't wait so long before you tell me. Talking really does make
everything easier. I've learned that from Ryan. The more we communicate
-- talk and listen to each other -- the better our relationship gets. I'm
so glad you told me what was on your mind. Regarding your sexual
exploits... I don't mind that you are having sex as long as you are using
a condom. I hope you used one the other day. The most important thing is
to be safe. I want you to have a long and happy life and sex life. That
won't happen if you catch some disease. I also think it best that you not
tell mom and dad about these adventures. That would bring a lecture I
don't even want to listen to."

"Jake... you are so cool! I'd never tell mom and dad. I don't want to
hear that lecture either. Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure."

"Is you dick really as big as Ryan says it is? That chick the other day
found a ruler and measured mine. She said it was 8 ½ inches long. She
said it was the biggest one she'd ever had. I was just curious to know if
that was just a line of shit or what. It sure made me feel good though --
like a real stud!"

"Luke, I've never measured it so I don't know how big my penis is. It's
big enough to give Ryan and I both a lot of pleasure. Ryan's is smaller
but seems to give us both as much pleasure as mine. God, I can't believe
I'm talking about this with you. Mom and dad would shit if they heard
this conversation."

"I'm gonna ask Ryan to measure it. I'm just curious. I wonder if it does
run in the family."

"Please don't get him started with that tape measure thing. He will
pester me until I let him measure me. It is bad enough already. One of
our straight friends stayed with us for a quarter when there was a fire
at his apartment building. He happened to walk in on us one evening. Ever
since he saw me in an aroused state he's called me 'Porn Star'. Talk
about embarrassing... Wait until someone calls you that across a crowded
cafeteria, then you will know true embarrassment."

"That wouldn't be so embarrassing. I'd rather have a big one than a
small one. Besides I bet it gets all the girls curious and wanting some
of it."

"I guess I must be missing a gene or something because that kind of talk
embarrasses the hell out of me."

"Yea... I noticed you don't use slang or anything and hardly ever swear.
That is pretty unusual for a guy our age."

Our conversation finished, we headed back home. Ryan was there waiting
for us. He made dinner all by himself. I was a little nervous about that,
but glad that I didn't have to cook. Sitting around the living room later
that evening Luke started in about the size of his dick. He had learned
how to get Ryan going so was doing his best to get him excited enough to
find the tape measure. Luke had started calling me 'Porn Star' so that
really got Ryan going even more. Before long he had the tape measure and
the two of them had wrestled me to the floor. Ryan was sitting on my
chest with his ass in my face while Luke was sitting on my legs. The
little wrestling match was more than enough to get me partially aroused,
but when Ryan started to unbuckle my belt and unfasten my pants I was in
a state of full arousal. My pleading to stop went unheeded as the two of
them pulled my pants and boxers down far enough to expose my crotch. Luke
was the first to speak...

"Jesus Christ! Your dick if fucking huge! I can't believe you let me
think we were probably the same size when we talked about this earlier.
That thing makes me look small."

Ryan was playing with my penis in front of my brother. I was more than
embarrassed, but not able to control my own erection. As Ryan is playing
with me he says,

"It gets even bigger than this too. It's so cool! I can feel it
expanding when he is about to cum. It gets fatter and longer! Jake, be
still. I can't get an accurate measurement if you keep wriggling around.
Damn! It's over 10 inches -- almost 10 ½. No wonder I can feel it poking
around in my chest."

They pulled up my boxers and pants. I was totally red in the face. I was
angry, but overcome with embarrassment. I rolled over onto my stomach on
the floor and just stayed there with my face buried in the crook of my
arm. Ryan sat by me rubbing my back. He said,

"I know you are pissed at me right now for that stunt. I'm really sorry.
I don't know what came over me. Wait a minute -- yes I do. It was your
sweet little brother Luke. He got me all worked up talking about his big
dick. This is all his fault."

"Jake, I'm so sorry. I didn't know this was gonna happen. I didn't mean
for you to be embarrassed. It was only supposed to be a little game. I
didn't mean for it to get out of hand. I didn't mean for you to get hurt
feelings. I'm so sorry. I know you told me not to start, but I didn't
listen. You've been so good to me letting me stay here and all. I didn't
mean to get Ryan started -- well I did, but I didn't think it would
happen like this. I know you're embarrassed. I would be too if someone
just took off my clothes in front of you. Shit! What can I do to make
this right? Do you want me to leave? Ryan... you were supposed to do that
in the privacy of your room."

"Ok guys... Luke, I don't want you to leave. I was more embarrassed than
angry. I should have known this would happen sooner or later. Ryan is a
sex fiend. I didn't expect it would happen quite this way, but since
you're both family I guess it's better than strangers. Ryan is supposed
to be the adult so I guess I'll have to punish him by withholding sex.
I'm sure you wouldn't have participated, Luke, had he not encouraged you
and asked for your help."

"Wait a minute... Why am I the only one who gets punished? Why is my
punishment so severe? Couldn't I just stand in a corner for an hour or
write a few hundred times that I was a bad boy and won't be bad again?
Show a little mercy?" Ryan pleaded with that sad look on his face.

I couldn't help but laugh at Ryan's routine. I just couldn't be mad at
him. I wasn't mad at Luke either. We shared a room back home so if I'd
gone home for summer breaks I suspect he would have encountered me with
an erection at some point. Ryan said,

"Maybe we should measure Luke since this was all his fault in the first
place."

"I've already been measured. The only one who hasn't is you Ryan. Maybe
Jake and I should hold you down and measure yours."

"Ok!" Ryan says as he unbuckles his belt.

"Stop!" Luke yelled, "I was just kidding. I've seen enough dick for
the night."

We all laughed with Luke. He really was going to be ok with our
relationship. We continued to watch tv. Ryan and I were holding hands
between us while we sat on the soft. Luke got each of us a beer then sat
next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me a bit then
taunted Ryan by flicking his ear or tugging on his hair or poking him in
the neck. They were becoming typical brothers.

The night before Luke would be flying out Ryan came home a little later
than usual and all smiles. When I greeted him with a kiss and hug I
asked,

"What's up Ryan? You've got that smile and look in your eyes like you've
been up to something."

"What? I'm just surprised to see you that's all."

"Ryan... what have you been up to?"

Luke walked in as we were talking in the hallway with our arms around
each other. Luke's greeted us saying,

"Get a room guys. You two are worse that a cage full of bunnies. It's a
good thing you can't reproduce or there'd be a hundred little Ryan's
running all over the place." He punched Ryan in the arm as he said that,
then asked, "So what's up guys?"

"Ok... lets all have a beer and celebrate Luke's last night here." Ryan
said as he pulled me toward the kitchen.

Once we each had a beer and toasted the occasion, Ryan pulled out two
boxes from his pocket, giving one to Luke and the other to me. They were
thin boxes obviously from a jewelry store. I could see Ryan giving me a
gift, but didn't think he'd get something for Luke -- especially not
jewelry. Ryan was beside himself with excitement. He was encouraging us
to open our boxes. We each opened our box. The boxes contained matching
gold ID bracelets. The front of mine was engraved with '10 ½' and Luke's
was engraved with '8 ½'. On the back it was engraved with "From Ryan
with Love". Ryan was so pleased with himself. He helped me put mine on
then helped Luke fasten his. Ryan was so totally pleased that he got us
to wear our size for everyone to see. The fortunate part was that it
wasn't engraved with 'Penis size' before the number. I hugged Ryan and
gave him a passionate kiss. This bracelet would be a wonderful memory
both Luke and I would be able to share. Luke got up from the table and
hugged Ryan close to him and kissed him on the cheek. It was a very
touching moment.

Graduate school was over before it started, or so it seemed. Ryan and I
were off to join the ranks of the working class. We had both been
recruited by several companies. We discussed each of our offers and
looked at potential possibilities with each of the companies. Ryan was
offered the best position with a large legal firm in New York City. The
opportunities it represented for him were amazing. His starting salary
would be nearly double his next best offer. There was no question that he
wouldn't take the job. It represented everything he wanted. I too had an
offer from a company in New York City. It wasn't doing exactly what I
envisioned myself doing, but it would be excellent experience. We
accepted the positions and made plans to move to New York. We went
looking for a place to live in New York. Ryan had enlisted his
grandfather's help with information about various areas of the city. That
simple request for information turned into what I can only call an
unbelievable turn of events. We arrived in the city to stay with his
grandfather while we spent the weekend looking at apartments. Instead of
looking at apartments his grandfather hauled us a few miles from his
penthouse to what seemed to be a new building. The lobby was art deco in
style and very beautiful. It already looked far too expensive even with
both incomes. Granddad whisked us us up the elevator to one of the top
floors. With the help of a young woman who met us in the lobby we were
shown into a beautifully furnished apartment. Ryan and I both thought
that it was granddad's idea of a cheap place to live, but it was more
than that we soon found out. Once our tour was complete and we'd seen all
the wonderful features, Ryan's grandfather gave us each a set of keys to
the apartment. It seems he bought it for us and had it decorated when he
heard that we were going to be moving to New York City. The woman, we
assumed a real estate agent, was actually a lawyer with the title to our
place. As we looked at the documents we both noticed at about the same
time that both our names were on the title. It was a done deal. Granddad
wasn't open to any discussion about the fact that the gift of the
apartment was way too much for us to accept. It was ours. I could see
where Ryan got his strong-willed and self-determined way.

Granddad left us to wander around the place on our own. We were to come
to dinner at 7:00 that evening. He said he'd send the car for us. Ryan
and I just couldn't get over the place. It seemed to have everything --
huge rooms and lots of them, ultra modern conveniences (the whole place
was computer controlled it seemed), great views of the city, an
absolutely huge jacuzzi tub, and the most comfortable furniture I'd ever
sat in. I was overwhelmed with the place. It was too much. It was so much
more than a gift -- I mean a gift comes in a box. This one wouldn't fit
in any box I'd ever imagined. The members of Ryan's family still amazed
me with their generosity. Ryan and I talked about his grandfather putting
the apartment in both our names. We both felt that we'd either finally
won him over or worn him down. Either way this was absolutely
unbelievable. When we came back after dinner we brought our bags with us.
There was no need to stay at granddad's now that we had our own place.
Without really thinking I went to the fridge before bed. As I pulled it
open I realized that it would be empty, but was shocked to find that it
was well stocked. Granddad hasn't forgotten anything. I couldn't help but
wonder how much he'd paid for everything. I had a strong feeling the
dollar amount would put me in shock.

The first year in New York was more than I'd imagined it could ever be.
Everything took an effort. We still had Ryan's car, but there was never a
convenient place to park. A taxi was the only way to travel around town.
It took the better part of the year to adjust to the shear volume of
people -- people everywhere at all times of the day and night it seemed.
Shopping wasn't as easy as it had been. There were different little shops
for everything -- breads here, meats there, seafood at another place,
produce at still another. We had taken to spending our Saturday mornings
doing the weekly shopping. Most of the places delivered so it was easiest
to place our orders then have the items delivered later in the day. Work
was ok, but I felt that I wasn't being given the opportunities I wanted
and hoped to find when I took the position. I had started to look for
something that interested me more. After searching for several months I
found a position with the Mayor's office. My position was the in the
communications department -- handling public relations, press releases,
and being a spokes person for the Mayor. Before too long I was helping to
write some of his speeches. Ryan was just beginning to get some actual
courtroom experience. He had been second chair in several cases so far,
but was soon to be lead counsel in a fairly well publicized case. As the
trial date came closer, Ryan was concerned about his opening statement
and asked that I help him with it. He told me all of the important points
he wanted to cover then I wrote the speech for him. I did the
presentation for him in my best imitation of a lawyer. He laughed at my
attempt to impersonate a lawyer, but he liked the opening remarks. He
presented it to me in much the same way I had for him. It seemed to work.
I made a point to be in the courtroom for the opening arguments. I was so
proud of Ryan. If applause was allowed I know he'd have received a
standing ovation. He had such a commanding presence. All eyes were on him
the entire time he spoke. He seemed to be so sure of himself and in such
control of the room and all the people in it. I'm certain the jury
members loved him. I just hoped that he'd win the case. I never asked
what Ryan thought about his client, but I was rooting for Ryan.

By the second year we were both more comfortable. Our work hours had
become more tolerable. We made up for time we lost the year before and
fell in love all over again. Perhaps that isn't the right way to say it.
We were never out of love, perhaps we just fell more in love with each
other. While working with the Mayor's office I was assigned to work with
the Health and Human Services Department because of some recent problems
within the Foster Child Care Program. I was so moved by the experience of
meeting so many children who were for one reason or another in the Foster
Care System. It never occurred to me that so many children were in the
system. I felt so sad and helpless. Without speaking with Ryan, I signed
up to be a foster parent. I explained to the woman who was working with
me that I was gay, but more than capable of taking care of a child of any
age. We made an appointment for the required visit to the home. I asked
to schedule it as soon as possible. When she arrived the next morning
Ryan had already left for work. I didn't mention anything to him last
evening because I thought I should be certain it would actually happen
before I shared my news. Naturally the home inspection was no problem.
She was overwhelmed by the size of the place. It was around 3800 sq. ft.
of living space. We had three unused bedrooms as well as a den and a
library, family room, and six bathrooms.

That evening I mentioned to Ryan what I had done -- making sure to let
him know that if he didn't think it a good idea that I would stop the
process. Ryan was wild about the idea. He couldn't wait for the arrival
of our first foster child. He was so excited that he started talking
about registering with a few adoption agencies so we could have children
of our own. I remembered when Ryan first discussed the prospect of having
kids. It seemed like that conversation was a lifetime ago.



This seems like a good place to stop this section...

Thanks so much for reading my work!

Please share your comments and constructive criticisms with me at:
dselliot28@yahoo.com

other stories by the author posted at Nifty:

"Confusion Rains" in the 'High School' section -- last posted April 23

"Walk in the Park" in the 'Beginnings' section -- last posted April 19


Thanks for reading my submissions!

Peace and Love.

ds elliot