Date: Wed, 13 Aug 2008 18:25:40 +0000 From: Steve Thomas Subject: Growing up Joshua - Ch. 5 Growing up Joshua This is a work of pure fiction, but based on the author's feelings,beliefs, and in some cases, experience. Come to think of it -- it mightnot be all that pure! There may be graphic sexual encounters at timesbetween males, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If youare too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kindif story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - -ENJOY! Cast of characters: Joshua Alan Black II Barbie Warfield -- my mother Dennis Warfield -- my stepfather Wilma Warfield -- Dennis's mother ("Missy" to me) Francis Warfield -- Dennis's father -- ("Sir" to me.) Alva Benson -- my Gram (Grandma) Iver Benson -- my Pop (Grandpa) Richard -- My favorite Cousin Ray and Raul -- Richards' older brothers. Nate Willows -- My first roomie. Rudy Chanbers -- Friend across the hall. Randy "Rascal" Ringstrom. Tutor Wayne "Bulge" Andrews -- Rudy's room mate Roger Schwimmer -- a football player. >From Chapter 4: "Yeah, that way he could sleep in my bed - - or wait a minute --there are already two empty beds in our cell! I wonder - Why would you want your favorite brother gone?" "That's something you'll have to figure out for yourself." "Okay, I'll tell Roger yes." "That's my brother!" Said my brother. "And I want a full report on what happens at Roger's!" "Yeah -- right after your full report of what you and Ryan did!" "We can skip over some of the boring parts." Said Nate. "Yeah -- okay! Oh -- and did I tell you? He patted my ass when we left each other." "Now that's one thing I KNOW the footballers do!" Said Nate. "Uh huh! And do they squeeze a little and then let go?" "Um -- never been a footballer -- I can't say." He said. "But I'd say your chances of a fun weekend just got exponentially better -- at least in my head!" Chapter 5 I woke up to moaning. About the time I noticed I was doing it, my brother was at my side, kneeling by my bed. "What's wrong, Josh?" "Bad dream, I guess." "Dennis again?" "Yeah. Will they ever stop?" I said. "I dunno." Said my sweet brother. "If I ever see that fucker, I'll - " "What's screwed up is -- when we have our sleeping pill," (our "sleeping pill" is what we called out nightly wank -- in the dark -- together) I often think about him -- fucking me." "Why?!! Why would you do that? Think about Roger!" "I've tried that -- but it always goes back to being under Dennis -- and him telling me that he loves me. I miss that so much!" I said. It was dark and he couldn't see my tears, but he could hear it in my voice. "Oh, Baby brother! I wish I could do something to -- to help. Is there anything -- I can -- do?" "N -- no." It came out more like a question. "What is it, Babe? What do you want?" "I can't ask you to do anything -- I mean -- you and Ryan -- it wouldn't be right. I don't -- I mean I try not to even think about -- um -- you know -- with you. I know that you are in love with Ryan." "Move over, big Josh!" I turned over and he climbed under the covers with me and spooned me. Just his warm soft body next to mine made me feel 100 percent better. He sighed and said, "Josh, I -- I have not -- I mean -- I've tried not to think in those terms." "Huh?" I said, forgetting what I had just said. "I'm a little -- erm -- I mean -- it's scary to think in the terms of being -- in love -- with Ryan. He's only 16. Hell, I'M only 17! `In love' sounds so permanent. I like him -- a lot -- and all, but - " "Is it okay with you, Nate -- if I sometimes fantasize about you -- I mean -- about us?" "It'd be kinda hard for me to tell you -- or anyone -- what they can't fantasize about. If it makes you feel better -- I've thought about you many times when I was wanking -- and sometimes when I`m not!" "You -- you -- have? And -- it -- doesn't make you feel -- guilty?" "Maybe a little. Not because of Ryan. He knows I love you. He has asked if we do anything. And he doesn't seem to care if we do. He says he and his brother sometimes -- play together -- before they go to sleep. Sometimes in the middle of the night. "I told him that it makes me feel funny -- to think about him and his brother together." I pulled his arm -- and then his body -- closer. "What -- I mean -- yeah -- um -- did he tell you what they do?" "Um -- yeah -- um -- well -- pretty much everything. His brother is 10 months older than he is and -- they learned everything -- together." "Oh. Well -- if they do that -- why don't they -- I mean -- why do they -- see -- other guys?" "They don't do it as a love thing. Ryan says they only do it to get off." "And you don't mind?" I asked. "What if -- I mean -- I just can't imagine doing -- well -- everything -- with a guy and not -- wanting him to be all mine." "Oh! Well, Ryan says he at first wanted that. But -- his brother isn't gay." "Huh?!!" "No -- they just -- do stuff -- and they both say that it doesn`t mean anything." "You've talked to his brother about it?" I asked. "No. But Ryan told me what his brother said." "That's so interesting. They do stuff and SAY it doesn't mean anything -- and Dennis fucks me -- or used to -- and tells me he loves me. These things are too confusing! But -- they probably grew up doing things and -- so -- it just happened naturally. But you and I -- we -- didn't grow up that way . so -- what I feel for you is -- a lot different than -- what they feel -- I guess." Nate pulled me closer again and I couldn't miss the thrust while he did it. Of course talking about such things -- we were both woodied up. He grabbed mine and said, "I'm seventeen and you're -- well -- close to fifteen. There is s lot of difference in our ages, Bro -- compared to them. I think about you -- like I said -- all the time. But I am afraid that it will hurt you if I let anything happen -- and you think it's more than it is." "You might be right, because right now -- there isn't anyone I love more than you, Nate -- No One!" I unconsciously wiggled back into his hardness as I said that. "What do you want -- I mean -- if we were to do anything -- how would it look to you?" "What do Ryan and his brother do?" I asked again. "He says they've pretty much tried everything -- from hand jobs -- to sucking -- to fucking -- to rimming -- even fisting." "Oh! And -- do you do those things with Ryan?" "No way! I sucked him once. But other than that, - kissing and well, mutual and cross masturbation stuff -- you know." "I guess I do. But it's been so long since I did anything -- with Richard -- I think I've forgotten." "You said you and Richard were close. Do you ever think of him -- when you get off?" "I used to, but it's hard to remember now. Dennis always invades my fantasy." We lay there for about 10 minutes, just him holding me. Finally he said, "What -- what -- do you want me to do, Bro?" I didn't answer for a long time. "Are you awake, Josh?" "Yeah." "Oh. Well, you didn't answer my question." "I'm -- afraid to." I said. He again pulled me closer and I felt his loving thrust on my bum. "What're we talking about here?" "I can't ask you to -- do -- that." "Oh." He said with a finality that made it clear he knew what I was talking about. After another long silence, "You still awake?" "Yes." I said. "Baby brother -- I've never done it." "Done what?" I said, afraid to say it -- almost afraid to think it! "You want me to -- fuck -- I mean -- no -- I could never call it that with you. Do you want me to -- um -- do what -- um -- DAMN, this is hard." He took several gulping sighs, then said, almost sobbing, "Josh, do you want me in you?" Again I lay silent. I didn't know how to answer yes without sounding too -- too -- needy -- or something. "Huh? Josh? You gotta tell me -- if that's what you want. I don't even know how to get it started." "I guess that's the problem, Nate. Dennis always was the one to start it. So was Richard. I know how you feel and -- I'm afraid to tell you - " I stopped again. Without further questions, Nate started to kiss the back of my neck. At the same time, he was humping and thrusting himself against my bum and also slowly jacking the length of my throbbing wood. We were both silently crying. I turned around. "Nate said, I gotta know, Bro. I know why I am crying -- why are YOU crying?" I felt so immature and stupid! I didn't know how to answer his question. I wanted to say, "BECAUSE!" But I knew that was not enough - - any more. "May -- um -- maybe -- maybe since you know why you are -- cr -- crying -- you can tell me first." I managed to say. "I'm crying because I am so overwhelmed with the whole situation. I want you so much, yet I feel somehow like it's wrong. I love you so much that I can feel it in every part of my body. Baby brother -- is this okay? Is what we are talking about -- going to hurt you? I don't want to hurt you -- more than anything, I don't want that. But maybe even more than that, I want to please you. I love you so much -- especially now that I know you are my little brother, and - " "That's how I feel!" I said. "I'm not your big brother, but -- I AM more experienced -- at least at this. I want you in me so bad -- I can't explain it -- it's like my arms, my legs -- all of me is hungry for your -- your -- love - - on me -- all around me - - IN me! Can you even understand that -- that -- feeling?" He said one word, "Yes." And he kissed me passionately -- then said, "Joshey, you're gonna have to tell me what to do. This is all new to me." "Tell you how -- mmm -- tell you how?" I mused. "Joshey, why don't you -- um -- do me first, and then I'll know more what to do." I relaxed in his arms a bit. "Are you sure, Nate? I mean -- I don't want to hurt you!" "Yes, I'm sure." "And by the way -- no one said you could call me `Joshey'!" He gave a concerned look. I continued, "Please don't stop! That feels soooo good!" I then started to kiss him again. We both stroked each other's hardness. His wasn't so long as mine, but it may have been thicker. But it wasn't as thick as Dennis. I kissed and sucked my way down past his tits and tummy and when I got to his warm, throbbing wood, I kissed and stroked it for awhile, which made him squirm and giggle. It was then I realized that he was actually going to do me first. I got him all ready -- kissing sucking -- deep throating him a little but he didn't really get that excited about that, so I mostly teased and sucked, and tongued and bobbed until he was begging me to finish him off. Even at fourteen, I knew from experience that once he got off, he would lose interest and then, he would feel bad and guilty and all that -- because I didn't get off too. But I made the conscious decision to get him in me first. He'd KNOW how much I liked it! I'd show him! I took him to the edge several times and he was a mess. Finally, I lubed him up and also put some in my, and then I got on my back, and said, "Put it in me, Nate!" "But -- but - " He started to protest. "Just do it! This is MY Party just now, and -- this is the way I want it!" "How do I - " "Get on top of me." He climbed on top. I swung my legs over his shoulders. He looked at me for more instructions. "Just put it in me." "Won't that hurt? Don't I need to -- um -- somehow -- get you ready?" "I'm used to it. I know what to do. Just do it." He gingerly stuck the head against my anal sphincter and pushed only slightly. I instinctively brought my legs down to his butt and pulled him in. He watched my face with so much loving concern. I pushed out at the same time, which opened up and let him in. Then I pulled him all the way in. "Jeez! That was easy!" he laughed. "Yeah. Now go for it, Big Brother!" He started slow, but I told him to go fast. He followed orders and before long, he was getting a panicky look, saying, "I'm gonna -- I'm gonna - " "Let it go, Bro! Let it go!" I urged. He then closed his eyes and let it go. He laughed and cried and hugged and kissed and hugged some more with each thrusting volley he sprayed deep into me. When he was done, he collapsed on top of me -- as I knew he would. He lay there for several minutes, gasping for air, and telling me how much he loved me and that he would love me forever and that he could never love anyone as much as he loved me. Of course I had heard all that before. When his heart and lungs calmed down considerably, he came to his senses. He looked at me and tears filled his eyes. "And now, I've done it to you -- as all the others did! And you just lay there and let me! Oh, my sweet baby brother, can you ever forgive me?" He rolled off me and to my side and cried like a baby. I actually consoled him! "No, Nate. You're wrong. Not all the others. Only Dennis `did it to me' as you are describing. Richard loved me -- I know it! And I love him. He said all the same things that Dennis said -- about loving me -- and all -- when he was hot and horny. But - " "Omigod! I did the same thing! Oh, Josh!" "Call me `Joshey', please?" I said. "Did you -- did you -- think of Dennis -- when I was -- I mean -- was it like he was fucking you all over again -- Joshey? I am so sorry!" "Nate -- I know that you meant those things -- when you said them. So did Dennis! But the difference is - " "The difference is" he said, "I still mean them!" Tears filled my eyes this time. "You're still feeling the effects of -- of -- it -- Nate. And I know that you love me. You have shown me that -- before we made love. But when you are actually doing it, something else takes over and you feel it much more. I know -- I've felt it too -- with Richard. But what I know is -- I still loved him -- and still DO love him. I have no such feelings for Dennis." "And - - Joshey -- how about -- for -- me?" I hugged him close. "I love you, big brother. And I realized something." "What?" He asked. "You're right. This probably isn't right. It felt right a few minutes ago, but now -- I don't think that -- that -- we can -- do this -- forever." Nate turned his back on me ad said, "I KNEW we shouldn't have done it! I shouldn't have - " "You're WRONG, Nate!" I said, and I snuggled up close again. I never said we shouldn't have done it." "I did!" He said. "I know -- and you're wrong! I may be only fourteen, but I know you're wrong! We had to find out." "But -- but - " He said and almost violently turned on me, facing me nose to nose. "It's not fair! You get screwed again -- literally! And now we're deciding we can't do it again and you didn't even get your turn. That blows!" "In the first place, that was my decision -- I mean to do it that way. If you will remember -- I TOLD you in the beginning -- that I wanted you in me! And besides that -- why do you say we can't ever do it again? If that's the case, it's not MY decision -- but only yours!" "But you said -- we -- we can't -" he started. "I didn't ever say we can't do -- anything. What I said was -- this probably isn't right. It probably won't work out. But I never said we can't do it again -- sometime -- and -- as a matter of fact -- you're right -- it ISN'T Fair. I get to do YOU sometime -- too!" Nate looked at me, peering into one eye, then the other. "You mean -- after that -- you still want to -- to - " "I still love you, Bro. I always will." He grabbed me and pulled me close, both of us again feeling the other's manhood -- him feeling my very hard one and me feeling his soft, mushy, one, still oozing jizz. "Omigosh! You want to do me now! Okay -- I'm ready -- right now!" He said. "No -- your NOT ready!" I disagreed. "I just want you to hold me now." "If that's what you want - " he said and again he pulled me close. I turned around and spooned into him. His arm came over my side and he felt my still hardness. He squeezed it and I felt a bead of stuff ooze out into the inside of my foreskin. He squeezed it again and then started to slowly jerk me off. It didn't take much before I was spewing my cream all over his sheets. "There -- was that good?" he said. "Of course it was good." I said, grinning. "But don't think that relieves you of letting me fuck your brains out another time!" He laughed nervously, then stopped suddenly. "What about Roger?" "What about him?" "What are you gonna tell him?" "Tell him? About what?" I asked. "About us?" "Well -- um -- can I tell him -- sometime -- that we're brothers?" "Probably shouldn't -- unless - - " "Unless?" "Unless you and he -- I mean -- Dammit, Joshey -- I can't even say it. I am already feeling jealous!" An electric bolt sped through me when e said that. "Unless you and he become -- um -- really close -- for some reason." "Well, that's not gonna happen this weekend." I said. "It's not? I mean -- of course it's not." He laughed nervously. "We're not even sure if he's gay! Of COURSE your not gonna fuck him this weekend." "Wo -- wo -- wo -- WO!" I exclaimed. "I never said that! I just said we're not gonna get THAT close -- this weekend. We might screw the lights out of each other. But I promise you that we won't get THAT close -- this weekend!" I said laughing. "Then I definitely want a full report!" We laughed and laughed -- maybe a little too much. Then Nate said, "I don't want you to get hurt, Joshey. Be careful. Let him make the first move." "Huh?" "I don't know him very well. Footballers can be -- violent -- sometimes." "Um -- I'm pretty good at taking care of myself." "Yeah, that's right. Sometimes I forget you're so young and -- sometimes I forget -- your so -- talented. I can't believe you! A brain AND effing buff and strong! I feel like I want to protect you and the reality is -- you may someday protect me!" We kissed and went to sleep, spooning. As I fell asleep, I thought I was holding Richard -- because we always spooned as we went to sleep - - after - - "So, how long have you known Willows?" Said Roger. "I never knew him before I was put in his cell at the beginning of the semester." Roger's home was a short ride from the Academy. He was allowed a car, and so he picked me up from my barrack and when we got to his house, he offered me a beer. I declined -- because as a team, the wrestling team made a vow to not partake any alcohol. I also declined to ask if the football team did the same. He threw me a bottled water from the fridge and led me to the living room, where he sat on a love seat opposite a couch. I chose to sit next to him. "That's about the most bizarre thing I've ever heard." He said. "What?" "That you two should end up as brothers." I gave him a blank stare. "Wha -- at?" I asked. "Where did you hear that?" "It's all over school. But I think that the coach was the one to start it. You mean it's not true? Why would the coach say something like that?" "It doesn't matter." I said. "But why would he even say that. That's a stupid thing to - " "The thing is -- everyone knows now, so -- the damage is done." "Huh? Well -- is it true or not?" he asked. "Sigh! It's true. But please don't tell anyone that you know for sure! The General just thought it would be best if people didn't know he's my dad." "What?!! The General's your dad? I didn't -- oh! Well -- oh! Okay, if Willows is your brother then -- well, duh!" Since he already knew and -- I kind of added to that knowledge -- I told him the whole story -- about how my mom became pregnant and that my real father didn't know and all. "That's heavy. And your name is a total fabrication! How weird is that?" We talked about a lot of things but then he asked what kind of videos I liked. "I dunno -- what do you have?" "Well, I figured we could go and get one from the video store. And we can pick up some burgers at In and Out on the way home." "That'd be okay, I guess." I said. We were ready to walk out the door, when he said, "Hey - um -- have you ever -- um -- seen any -- um -- porn?" "I've been part of porn!" I thought. "No -- never did." I said trying to act non-chalant. "Neither have I but - I know where we can get some. Wanna watch one?" I wondered if he knew how old (or rather how young!) I was. I decided not to say anything -- yet. "Sure." I said. He drove to one of his friend's houses and told me to wait in the car. He went in and came out with a bag with -- obviously -- more than one video. After stopping and eating at the In and Out, we went back to his place. He walked to the TV and I sat down -- on the couch opposite the love seat. He came and sat next to me and grabbed the remote off the table. He gave me an almost apologetic and a little embarrassed look then shrugged his shoulders and pushed the start button. It was straight porn but seeing the guy naked and doing what he was doing was still arousing. Both of us started by pushing down on our growing hard-ons. We saw each other and laughed nervously. By the time the video was half over, we both were half-trying to hide raging boners. Finally Roger said, "This is stupid. We're obviously both friggin' horny seeing that girl get fucked. I'm just gonna let mine go free. You can do as you please! It's not as if we never saw each other in the showers!" "You never saw me this way!" I said as I unzipped and let it spring out -- so that it pushed my boxers way up. He was in the same condition. He kept my gaze and he reached down and slowly -- (was it tantalizingly?) pulled down his boxers, tossing them to his other side. I did the same. When he saw my covered wood, his eyes nearly popped out and he licked his lips and said, "Geez! You didn't tell me you had an anaconda in there!" "Yeah, it sometimes seems that way." I said. "Especially when I don't want it seen!" He was unconsciously stroking his, and I think he forgot about the video, as he gawked at my dick. I forced my gaze from him to the TV. The guy was licking the girls vagina. "Gross!" I said, without thinking. "Oh, I totally agree!" He said, looking, and when I looked at him, he looked like he wanted to vomit. The girl was writhing and making both guttural and high pitched sounds. "Disgusting! He said. We kept wanking and switched to watching each other. We were both jacking pretty slowly, and it was almost the end of the video. And then it was the end of the video. He closed his eyes and went faster, and I saw him open them periodically and look at what I was doing. He jacked harder and faster and then yelled, Omigod! My parents couch! I gotta go to the - " He flew off the couch, but tripped over his shoes and caught himself. He landed right next to me, trying to strangle his dick. I quickly bent down and engulfed it into my mouth and pushed his hand away and bobbed him to completion. He just kept saying, during his entire orgasm, Omigod, omigod, omigod, and making high pitched noises not unlike the girl in the video. When he was done, he looked at me in amazement. "You -- you -- shouldn't have -- I mean -- didn't have to do that! I haven't done that since I was in 6th grade! Why did you do that?" "I didn't want your parents couch to get messed up." I said, calmly. "Was it good for you?" I said with a half smile. "Was it good? Geez! How can you ask? I guess there's no doubt about it now -- you're gay then, aren't you?" My mouth gaped open. "Me?!" I said. "And -- you're not?" "I -- never wanted to -- admit it -- or even think about it. I was trying to deny it -- to myself! But -- Joshua - when I saw you that day at noon mess-- and our eyes met - it's all I could think about. I was about to go insane, trying to tell myself it didn't really happen -- the feeling deep in my tummy -- every time I remembered your eyes. I dreamed about them and - - you! And then when you stayed after your team in the showers -- I just fantasized it was for me - " "Omigosh! Was I that obvious?" I said. "No! I mean -- well -- I wanted it to be true - - so much!" He said then sighed deeply. "I still am so torn! I -- really -- was blown away when you -- um -- took yours out. I instantly felt hungry! But I never thought -- I mean - " his eyes filled with tears. "Please, I'm usually not like this -- you know -- emotional and stuff -- but -- I just never expected -- I mean -- and then when I -- and then -- I mean when you -- um -- took me in -- I mean - you know -- swallowed my dick -- then my jizz!" "Was I moving too fast for you? I'm sorry, I just saw that you were gonna make a mess on your mom's silk couch. It was the quickest thing I could do. I didn't really even think about it. I just - " "No -- no! It's okay -- I mean -- omigosh -- it was so much BETTER than okay!" He gushed. "But now -- now I fell -- um -- like -- I dunno -- dirty -- or something." He saw my immediate expression. "Oh no! I'm not calling YOU dirty. It's just -- I -- I -- I've never done anything like that -- well -- since I was 11, and -- before -- you know -- all this grew!" He indicated his pubic zone." "So you are basically -- a virgin?" I asked. "Yes. Well, I WAS!" I understood that to mean I took it from him. "Should I go -- I mean do you want to take me back to the barrack?" He hesitated a moment and said, "NO!! I mean -- no -- that won't be necess -- I mean -- I don't want you to -- um -- go." "Do you think we can still be friends?" "Friends? Oh shit! How can I NOT be friends with the guy who -- who - " "Um -- accidentally raped you?" I said. "Raped me? Huh!? Oh! I guess it wasn't exactly with my consent, was it?" He giggled. "Hey! I lost my virginity -- by accident! Haha! That's rich!" "Haha!" I laughed. "You're so cute when your not being hot!" Then I thought about what I'd said. "No! I mean -- you're even hotter naked than -- I mean -- when you are with the other guys -- you are hella hot! But I don't think anyone knows how cute you can be -- well, except me -- now!" "Yeah, and no one knows how gay I am, either! And I didn't even know just how gay I am -- until tonight." "And I guess I'm to blame for that!" I said. "Blame? I guess. You have the distinction of being my first!" He said, then musing, "I wonder if a guy will always love his first?" "What? Love? It's a little early for -- Oh! That's another thing I have to warn you about! I've learned -- from experience -- fucking BAD experience -- literally -- that you -- feel like you -- love -- the one who fucks you." "I don't even like to think that's -- I mean you didn't -- do that -- to me, but - " "No -- I mean -- when my body is -- um -- I mean -- um -- well, like -- when my step father -- who I hated -- used to fuck me, I loved him so much while he was doing it -- and he said he loved me at that time too. But otherwise he treated me terrible. And otherwise I hated him. But when we were -- doing -- that -- we both felt like -- we loved each other." "I can see that, Joshua." "My friends call me Josh." "I definitely want to be your friend. I can see that, Josh -- about the love thing. It's exactly how I felt when you -- did -- that -- to me. Don't get me wrong, but -- I mean -- I still like you and think you are cool and everything -- but -- that love feeling? It's not so -- much -- now. I'm glad you told me that. I thought I was going crazy. I guess that's the advantage of being older. I'm only 16 and you are -- what? 17 -- 18?" "Um -- well -- if I was 18, um -- then what I did to you would definitely be called rape and I could go to jail. And if I was 17, then I'd be older than you. But I'm not that old." "Wow! You're only 16 too? You look so much older!" "Actually I'm - - 14." "Now I know you're messin' with me! I KNOW you're in Junior English!" "Do you know Rascal Ringstrom?" "Yeah?" "He's a senior." I said. "Well -- yeah! But he's -- a -- brain!" "And -- I am the same age as he is." I said. "Oh -- oh -- my -- God! I've just been sucked off -- by a 14-year-old brain!" He grinned -- that grin of disbelief. "Most of the time I feel like I'm closer to 20 than 14. But right now -- you're making me feel about 12!" I said. "Maybe you should take me back to the barrack -- before you go and do something even MORE stupid -- with a little kid!" He was looking at space for a moment. "Oh! Yeah. Maybe so." Notes. Boys can be so dynamic in their insecurity! Hope you enjoyed! Comments are welcome to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and -- Love, Steve